Life Uncut - The revenge body workout

Episode Date: May 11, 2020

Revenge body, breakup bod, divorce Glow up...You’ve heard the terms before, and thanks to Adele posting an innocent pic on Instagram and the media jumping all over it like a hot rash after a jog, the term has been thrust back into the spotlight.And we aren’t really here for it. Throw this in your ears and listen to us break down why we don’t like the idea of a ‘revenge body’ and why we believe the only person you should be working on post breakup, is you. If you want to give us a big hug don’t forget to leave a review, subscribe and share the love, because, well, we love love x Thanks to today’s sponsor Marzena. Natural, sustainable, at home wax strips.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello lovely listeners and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura and I'm Brittany and thanks for coming back this week. I don't know if I've actually mentioned this, since we have decided to start recording back together, our recording takes place in my bedroom, so welcome to where the magic happens. Get the prime seat, I get to sit on the bed. Brittany's sitting on the bed, I'm sitting on a chair on a tiny dingy little table in the corner. We really are grassroots.

We have some gooey gooey brownie in front of us and usually we have a red wine but we don't today. Brittany rocked up today and she brought some homemade brownies and normally I would crack myself a bottle by now but you know it's Monday so I just do it every Monday I decided it's time for a tea guys I got my lemongrass and ginger tea here I'm feeling zen Laura messaged me when I was on my way over and she's like babe do you want me to make you a tea she's like are you fucking sick I'm sorry are you dying what is wrong with you I'm trying to be a new person I've decided that drinking every day in isolation is probably not the best thing to do no and especially because

I think we're on our way out of isolation so we probably need to start reining it back in like I need to start pretending like I'm going to speak to people outside in public because the only people I speak to are Brittany and Matt and Marley and Marley that's it Marley's 11 months she's she has great chat so we have reopened the shop for consultation appointments don't worry guys, we're doing all the 1.5, all the rules apply. But we reopened our store and I had a consultation with a customer who came in to get something. And for the first five minutes of talking to him, my mouth was moving and I could hear words coming out of my mouth, but my brain was like, is this how you interact with people? Is this how, is this, am I doing this right?

Someone help. Send me a life jacket. Was he talking back to you? He had also grown a mustache, which just makes me think that everyone's in the same boat well i had a moment today i had a like a moment a laura moment i was doing emails all day i was like what went terribly wrong in your life please tell me that was it i was doing emails all day and i it was a business email and i and i was just typing so quickly and just pressing send onto the next email typing so quickly and i signed tried to sign off warmest regards and i don't know how it did this but it wrote hugging always hugging always Brittany and I was like hugging always at the best of times is bad but in isolation when you're not supposed to be touching people he's probably thinking who is she you're

like I am a rule breaker I'm here for the cuddles so I actually said that I didn't even follow it up with her like didn't mean to say that I just was like maybe you'll make his day leave it I like it embrace it what else has been happening in your world I actually did get to go to Port Macquarie this weekend so i went to see my parents um because finally we're allowed to and i haven't seen them since christmas so nearly five or five months basically so it was really really nice we we just stayed inside we did all the things we're supposed to we had a mother's day brunch we had french toast in the backyard and it was just really nice and um speaking of mother's day happy first mother's day do you know what being a mom is great i highly recommend it yes i really

like it there was a time like only really a few years ago where I guess I just wasn't really sure whether or not I would end up ever having kids at all it seems so hard and everyone always talks about how hard it is everyone talks about how tiring it is and how you're never gonna have a life anymore and how you have to give up everything that you love and it is all those I was gonna say I think it is every single one of them that's exactly what it is no but it's it's the best thing ever. And I think that often people, you kind of forget to tell other potential new mums how great it is. And yesterday was just a reminder of how incredibly lucky I am. And another reason why I was incredibly lucky is because I had a hour and a half bath and I went to bed at 9pm

and I was so, so happy. Channing Tatum could have come in and asked me if I wanted a lap dance and I would have said, you know what Channing, Brittany lives just up the road. I am fine. I'm gonna have a nap thank you you actually would have yep what about Jason Momoa he was your hall pass I think I was still take my take my sleep it was heaven absolute heaven I had a bottle of rosé during the day I really love Mother's Day I think we should do it more often I knew something was going on because I messaged you and never heard back this is why I'm having a tea now guys it was a real raver oh so that's the real reason you're having a tea because you had a bottle of rosé yesterday I get it as you know we are always always talking about too hot to handle

but I really do think that this is going to be the last episode. After this, it's fucking banned. We're done. We keep saying that but then they keep dropping these bombs and we have to mention them. Look, unless Francesca and Harry get married on a Netflix special, this is well and truly the last conversation we're going to have about it. Okay, this is why I want to talk about it.

So catching everybody up to speed, Harry and Francesca apparently got engaged on a Zoom call on their reunion chat a few nights ago and I don't know how I feel about it. I don't know whether to believe it or not. We just, Laura and I just watched the little clip together. What do you think? All the media outlets are reporting on this proposal

as though it's real. But I just want to say, I think we have reached peak isolation when somebody gets down on their knees with a ring pop and proposes over Zoom. When you've known them for four months. From 1,200 kilometers away. We've really, really hit some sort of peak isolation now, guys.

It's time to get out. I hope for them it's real. i hope they're happy i hope it's amazing and they're together forever but part of me just is really questioning the sincerity but straight away he came out and said oh i'd love like you know basically not love netflix to pick this bad boy up it'll be huge if they do sort of thing so for anybody who has followed the whole journey of too hot to handle francesca and harry they got together they broke up as soon as the show finished and then harry dated somebody else from the series for eight months just on and off on and off on and off okay sorry sorry

I just want to make sure we got our facts right. Let's make sure this is completely factual. We don't want to throw anyone under the bus. Francesca and Harry have only been back together for four months and he has now proposed over Zoom on Netflix with a ring pop. Some may say that it is not the most sincere of proposals, but not us. We're here for true love, guys, because we love love. But she didn't look overly thrilled, did she?

She didn't even move her face. He just sort of said, like, should we do this? And then it pans to her and she's looking at him with the most unenthusiastic look on her face. I don't know if I can believe this, but I don't think it's good. Well, look, I also read something else really funny today that I wanted to tell you about. I'm ready.

I read about a woman in the UK who has come up with her own way to defend herself from coronavirus. What is she doing? And actually it's not even just coronavirus. It's all sort of illnesses. This is her vitamin. What she does is three times a week. Is it the vitamin D?

three times a week she has a shot of her partner it doesn't even have to be her partner she says her partner's sperm he sold her into that he's like hey babe i have the antidote for coronavirus come on down to detail because she she will put it in her smoothies or she freezes them into ice cubes because they live apart so she can have them at a later date what are you reading and then she goes on to tell you that it doesn't even have to be your partner's sperm you can donate you can have a friend donate it where are you getting this information from it was on the news it was like buzzfeed or something then you're on this dolly magazine sealed section does that even exist still oh my god no but when i was 16 i frothed that i really think that you

need to question where you're getting your news articles from britney i literally googled weird news because you always make me bring something funny i googled weird news there you go you all know. People don't come here. Thanks for making me say it. People are not coming to this podcast because they want to know what's current in the world of news. That's for sure. Speaking of what else is current though, I do have a recommendation. If you haven't read the book, Michelle Obama's Becoming, there is a Netflix special that's come out. I'm going to say, if you haven't read the book, because I don't think the Netflix special will be as good as the book, but I quite enjoyed it so I'm going to recommend the Netflix special I just thought she's such an incredibly empowering

woman and she talks about her journey from her childhood through being the first lady and living in the White House and how she brought her mum to live in the White House with them and she talks about the campaigns and the hardship that they faced together and also the media scrutiny that they faced and it's just a really really beautiful and compelling documentary about how and what she's doing for other african-american women and young girls in the states she's an incredible woman there's this one part in the netflix series where she talks about um how her and obama they got up and they were doing a like a press they were talking to congress and um just as obama got up to stage she gave him a fist bump and then fox news went and they created cartoons saying that

it was like a terrorist fist bump and oh it's it's insane that during our lifetime that that level of defamation is allowed and it's kind of comes under freedom of speech America and freedom it's crazy and so she talks about all that and she talks about what impact that had on her mental health and how that affected her as a person and I just think it's a really really empowering and beautiful story so that is my recommendation guys becoming on Netflix I have a recommendation also Laura um mine is not as becoming as yours but it's actually from you guys a lot of you guys on the facebook page wrote in um and suggested we watch normal people so i'm a little bit behind the times by the sounds of it though not as much becoming but a lot more coming since apparently

i mean you didn't pay my joke but i'll pay yours also i read that there's something crazy like 41 minutes of sex scenes in 12 episodes i'm a bit late to the party it has been recommended for a while. I just haven't gotten around to watching it because I was so deep into Money Heist. Anyway, watched it. I have loved it. I'm one episode off finishing, but I'm going to be controversial here. Whilst I'm hooked and I have enjoyed the whole show, I'm not going to spoil anything for people that haven't watched it, but there comes a moment about halfway to three quarters of the way through where you're like, okay, recurring theme. I get it. It's frustrating. You like move on. It's so obvious what should be happening and it's they they don't do it and for me it was too much of

a recurring theme and I'm like okay I'm frustrated now so I wonder if anyone else thought that or just me you can't really contribute Laura you're looking at me very perplexed because you haven't seen it but um yeah there is so much sex in it but it's not it's not um in your face crude rough sex it's almost like you don't even notice it's happening it's just like part of it well I have seen okay I haven't watched it yet but I have seen a lot of articles come out about it and a lot of articles talking about how they're the most beautiful delicate delicious sex scenes must have been filmed or directed by a woman that's ever been shown it to be fair the actors are brilliant the sex scenes are done really well they don't make you uncomfortable you know how

sometimes you can watch scenes like that and you're really uncomfortable it's not I can definitely recommend it so if those of you that haven't watched it throw it in it's one series it's not gonna hurt you okay so before we move on to the episode Brit talk me through your face what do you want to know about it why are you so red what's going on over here I had I did like a little at home skin peel I was wondering when you would notice I thought if you look really close it's like little flaking off bits have you ever had a peel have you ever had a peel I've only had one extremely hectic peel where I thought I looked like a burns victim and I was never gonna be had to leave leave the house again I've never done that again yeah I've had one of those I'll

never do it again no actually you should try this Laura there's um it's from a girl that I've always seen skin associate but she sends these pills to your home so all these people that can't go and get their skin looked after and skin pills so she sent it to my house you put it on at home takes you five seconds you leave it on for half an hour and that's it it's just like a skin rejuvenation so that's what you're witnessing you're a caterpillar and soon you're going to become a beautiful butterfly you're just in the chrysalis right now you're not going to recognize me in three days. Who are you? Who is this 14 year old girl sitting across from my bed? Things are getting weird guys. Well, I did have one more thing that happened to me this week before we

get into our accidentally unfiltered. It's definitely not that exciting, but I'm going to tell you anyway. So on Saturday we went and saw my mom. We, we, we did like our mother's day on Saturday with her and we cooked a quiche. We took the quiche down and did you make the quiche? Yeah. It was like Marley's dinner. Like we took quiche down for Marley. Like, you know, so she had something to eat anyway had a really nice day down in Wollongong everyone knows it's been like nice and warm over the weekend lovely and hot hot cars warm spaces remember that so we we left Wollongong we packed everything back up into the car and then this morning Monday I got into the car and Matt had left the quiche sitting on the ground I can see that coming a mile away

quiche just sitting on the floor of my car which smelled like an old man's fart oh my god that's disgusting it was the worst ending to my mother's day weekend i then had to drive to work today in a car that smelled like farts so just like every day every day that matt's in the car yes should we jump into an accidentally unfiltered yes let's let's come on razzle dazzle this and get into show business town okay accidentally unfiltered for those of you that are new it's literally just your most embarrassing stories the stories where you wish you could bury yourself and die and never see anyone in the world again we've all got one of those we've all got them and we love to hear them so you guys write into us and

then we read them out anonymously of course so if you have a good one please send it in to us but this week i know there's a bit of a recurring theme of people sending messages to someone they weren't supposed to go to but i love that because they're the funniest ones and you know that when you press that send button you can't unsend it they're also the most relatable ones as well because we've literally all done it we all do it we've all done it okay so this girl has gone out and had a one-night stand he's come get a girl he's come back to her house pre-isolation this was they have had sex one two times whatever the next morning he wakes up and they swap numbers he leaves she goes to message her friend you know how was last night what you end up doing blah blah

blah her friend writes to her so how was the sex like your night's way more exciting than mine tell me everything she writes quote oh the sex was terrible he couldn't make me come he couldn't do anything his dick was flaccid it was barely hard it was awful oh she presses send and who do you think she sends it to I hope you're not gonna say him but I know you're gonna say him she sends it to this poor guy she literally writes to him saying how bad the sex was and how how he couldn't get hard how he how he couldn't get her off she said all these things then she's realized so she said to a friend oh my god I've just sent that to him what do I do like how do I get out of this so she's like I can't really I'm just gonna pretend I'm joking so she wrote

back haha no just joking he writes I don't think you were oh no r.i.p you I can't even laugh at that because it makes me feel so bad for him like there's a part of my heart that is just like I can't I I feel I feel for him because nobody wants no woman or man no one wants to receive that message but also maybe maybe he can't maybe he like had some sudden performance issues or Maybe that's going to, like, really hurt him in a place where. I mean, I think he was nervous. I also think you're reading too much into this book. Yeah.

We're not going to go into his deep, dark issues. This guy's now in therapy for the next six months of his life. So, of course, she never heard from him again. Sounds like that's a really clear cut and quick way to get rid of a guy. How to lose a guy in one text message and truly alienate him. Yeah, that's it. Oh, my God, that's hideous. Did I ever tell you about the time where, this is really mean.

This is actually so mean. I was pretty young when I sent the text on the toilet. Yeah. Did I tell that? No, you told me, but the audience need to hear. Okay. So I was pretty young and I, and my best friend at the time was a guy and we'd, we'd been like really good friends for a long time. And then out of the blue, I'm, I don't know why I told you I was sitting on the toilet. It's really not imperative to the story, but I'm going to leave it in there. So I'm sitting on the toilet and he texts me and he has professed that he has feelings for me and that he wants to take me on a date and i i then wrote back to my girlfriend who i was also texting at the same time on the toilet and wrote we're

gonna call the guy david because i can't i don't want to say his real name i was like wrote back to my girlfriend and i was like oh my god david just asked me out on a date as if i would ever go out with him and I sent it to David oh insert violin is this horrible it's a horrible thing that happened when you told me that it actually that broke my heart more than the penis one because this is your best friend he was my best friend but also it kind of was a little bit like it wasn't because I don't find him attractive or before it was like you're like my brother yeah my brother just asked to date me and it got real weird real real quick but he obviously doesn't think he's your brother no he doesn't have asked you and then what happened to that friendship I mean we

are from Wollongong you might be brother and sister I got nothing against the gong I bloody love it down there all right I'm actually trying to get Matt to move back there and buy a house with me but he won't you haven't told me that sorry you're welcome do you just breaking up with me now like this houses are a little bit cheaper down there times are tough Sydney is expensive but don't worry if isolation has taught us anything we can do this via zoom I don't want No, I'm going to have to veto this move. Okay. Okay. All right guys. So it's time to get into the episode. Now we did throw it out in the Facebook group earlier this week that in this episode, we're going to be talking about revenge bodies. If you don't know what a revenge body is

or a breakup bod, some people might like to call it. It's when you lose a hell of a lot of weight or get in shape or have a bit of a transformation post breakup. And now we know that breakups can be pretty complex. There are many different reasons as to why a breakup may happen. But the whole concept of this breakup bod or this revenge body comes about as like getting fit in order to make your ex jealous. Like that is the motivating factor. The reason why this conversation has come to light is because Adele posted a photo last week, which garnered so much media attention. it was just insane and it was almost too big to not touch on it in this podcast adele has 36.9 million followers and she posted a pretty innocent photo of herself at her 32nd birthday party

standing in front of a flower arbor just hands out looking happy and the caption below it was also pretty innocent the caption below said thank you for the birthday love i hope you're all staying safe and sane during this crazy time. I'd like to thank all of our first responders and essential workers who are keeping us safe while risking their lives. You are truly our angels 2020. Okay, thanks. Bye. I love the sign. Okay, thanks. Bye. And that was it. But what garnered all the attention around this post? It wasn't about her message. It wasn't even really about the photo. It was about the fact that she has lost a hell of a lot of weight. And I think it's important to mention that the reason why this had become such an interesting topic of conversation is because

Adele has recently gone through a breakup in 2019. She broke up from her husband who she has a son with. There has been a lot of chitter chatter in the media about Adele having a glow up and about this being her revenge body. I hate the term revenge body and I know Britt hates the term revenge body for what it is. So we thought we would talk about whether or not it can be a positive thing to get a revenge body or whether or not it's always a negative thing it really is a term coined by the media I don't think as a population or as a society if it wasn't so in our face in the media about having a revenge body and showing him what he's missing I don't think as individuals it would be on our mind as much but we have people like Khloe Kardashian who for what it's worth had

great intentions but she started a show called revenge body and I mean the Kardashians are followed oh they're the most followed family in the world so all of a sudden we have the whole world jumping on board with this idea that you're going to go through a breakup and the best thing you can do is strip yourself back and get skinny fit and hot to show that's essentially what the show's about to it's like it's a glow up to show your ex what you're missing out on yeah and she does have good intentions she gets people in to dress them and do their hair it's to make them feel good but it definitely has this aspect of look what I can do without you. So this reality tv show that Britt's talking about but it had three seasons it was pretty polarizing there

were a lot of people who loved it and loved the sentiment behind it but then there was also a pretty big movement of people people who in the body positive space were very against the show because of the underlying premise of the show which is you will be happier if you are thinner or fitter or skinnier and and I think that that's what we need to be really careful of getting caught up in when we talk about our bodies post breakup and the way we look post breakup because it's already such a shitty time you already feel so down and so negative about yourself that by making your weight intrinsic to your value as a person and that that becomes your currency it's a very negative headspace to get into after a breakup it is so normal as humans to want your ex-boyfriend

ex-girlfriend ex-partner to see how well you're doing without them like that is so normal we all love the idea that our ex will be stalking us on social media and basically regret ending the relationship we hope that they're going to look on our social media be like oh my god look how hot they are I want them back but there comes a fine line of whether you are doing this for the right reasons for your mental health and your sanity or are you compromising your mental health because you're so obsessed with this idea of I will do whatever it takes to my mental health and my physical health to get this person who doesn't even want me to notice me and like I do understand that sometimes this can roll into a positive and when we put this out to the Facebook group we got

very mixed information back from you guys like some people had said that they had lost weight gotten into shape after a breakup and it had been really really positive for their mental health because they threw themselves into exercise they threw themselves into being productive and and really like focusing on themselves and then we had people who also came from the other end of that spectrum saying that it was a very negative headspace where because they were so stressed, they weren't eating. One girl did write it on the Facebook group and I found this really interesting and something I think is really important to touch on. And she said that she did lose a load of weight after her breakup, but she's made it very clear that that weight loss

was not from a healthy place. She was extremely stressed and a result of that stress was that she wasn't eating. And I think that happens to a lot of people when you're heartbroken. some for some people eating is like the last thing you want to do it's like feels like the one thing you can control and she said that even though she was in such a dark and negative head space she was receiving the most compliments she had ever received everyone was saying how amazing she looked and it made me think you know congratulating someone on weight loss post breakup can really just perpetuate this negative cycle like maybe their weight loss isn't born from a healthy constructive place maybe it is born from stress so by reinforcing and telling someone

how good they look and how better they look now or prettier they look now just really reinforces that their value as a person is inherently tied to weight and the way they look i think what's happening now is and i think what the world is starting to notice is that women it's like the media owns women's bodies whatever the article is about they mention something about their body so whether that's a post breakup whether that's just um they're out at an event whether it's after or before a wedding or whatever it is yeah it's always brought back to the woman's body but the men nothing's ever said there's never there's never an article on look at this man's revenge body after a breakup with a woman there's never anything like that and I think so for me

I'm really lucky in the sense of I've been through some horrific breakups and really stressful times in my life but I haven't ever been one of those people that stops eating as a result of that or I've never felt the need to to get skinnier I've definitely had issues with my body confidence but I'm lucky that I can talk myself out of that before I get to a place physically that that makes me ill but in relation to what I just said I remember um after the bachelor finished so what I do is I throw myself into fitness and exercise and it's not to get skinny it's because everyone knows I love it mentally it's what helps me get through any situation helps me deal with stress so I just started getting back into exercise I'd spent three months in the batch mansion

doing nothing and eating and now I've got all this time so I started exercising every day and it was getting me through my stress and I felt great my body definitely really really toned up I got fit but I didn't lose weight as such yeah but every article that came out about me was and this is months down the track and it's like britney showing honey badger what he's missing britney's revenge body britney's post breakup body and i was like what like this person isn't even on my radar or my mind in this situation i'm literally just exercising in my life in my normal day i don't even think about nick the photo i've just posted has nothing to do with nick but the media that's all they think about when they look at a woman's body well i think that's another reason why the

concept of revenge body literally as a label and as a as a word it has such negative commentations for two reasons one of them is because it means that like your inherent worth is is all tied up in how much you weigh but secondly if you have lost weight as a really positive outlet because you have thrown yourself into exercise and that's been great for your mental health and you're taking time and caring about yourself someone referring to it as a revenge body means the only reason why you're doing it is to get back at someone. So it takes away something that could be positive and makes it about the man again, which I find so frustrating. And just going back on what you said about how no one talks about a man's revenge body. One of the things that like

we kind of touched on was that a guy can get so jacked post breakup. He can get super fit, look delicious. And the only thing that you'll ever see in the media as well, or like in conversations doesn't have to just be in the media, but it's, it's always a conversation, which is like look how hot he got it's never look at how he's tried to seek revenge on his ex look how he's trying to make his ex jealous we don't we don't talk about it like that we only talk about women trying to get back at a man or trying to like enact revenge on a man and the way we look post-breakup seems to still be tied into the ex look there are some issues with this whole idea of revenge body as well there's this possibility that the photos that you're taking so much time

and effort to a shred your body b go and do your photo shoot c to post your photo in hopes that just maybe your ex is going to stumble across it we all get stuck into this idea of I just hope he sees this somehow so he sees how happy I am how successful I am how much weight I've lost how toned I look we've all been there and I don't think I know anyone in my life that hasn't posted a photo or or you know put I guess I don't want to say thirst trap because they're not thirst traps but someone that hasn't done something purely with the intention of hoping their ex sees it. I mean, like I've talked about on this podcast before

how I used to post quotes. I didn't have a revenge body, but I had an aspirational quote for you. I'm living my most aspirational life. Hang on. Was the quote the photo or was the quote in the caption that accompanied a photo of you looking hot? No, it was usually a quote in the photo and then I'd put an emoji. of like a heart or sparkles maybe it was a moon because it was a full moon who knows i'm very

cryptic very deep would they still be on your page if i went back to god no no no i'm a whole new person now okay you did you went through your quote phase we'll forgive you did you ever post a photo purely of you thinking you looked really hot for the intention that your ex might see it and regret what he has done or i'm sure i have like i can't think of it i can't think of a an example right now but one of the things I have done so me post breakup my my first my first like real heartbreak like proper heartbreak we were together for six years and I did not cope with the breakup very well I was very much in love with this man and I thought that we were gonna get married and spend our lives together but he broke up with me and all the guys really went

arrive. Um, but I, I did this, like I had very disordered eating as a result of that breakup. And I, I, and I did it as a way of controlling, um, controlling something in my life when my life felt very out of control. I started exercising heaps, not because it was a healthy outlet for me, but because I could see that I was losing weight. And then I was only eating one meal a day. I was really not taking care of myself in that respect but but I felt so good that I was so skinny and that made me feel better about myself it made me feel better that even though he didn't want me I thought I looked so banging and then when I did run into him eventually he was he was like you look sick like you you're like damn it but I almost got off on that a little bit at the time

as well because because I I liked that he then knew that I needed him I felt like look what you've done to me. Yeah. Like I felt like it made him responsible for it. And it just, I think it really now, like looking back, I was very young at the time. I don't have those issues with my body or with the way that I eat or the way that I deal with problems anymore. I don't deal with stress in the same way, but I think now when I look back on it, like, I feel really sorry for that girl. My whole worth was based on what I thought I looked like. And if I was skinnier, if I was prettier than maybe he would want to be with me. And I think it's really important to drive that part of the conversation home which is like your worth is not based in what you look like

your worth is based on who you are as a person and if someone only wants to be with you or get back with you because you've gotten skinnier or hotter or you've changed something about yourself then that is not somebody who you should be investing any of your time your love or your energy into I'm sorry you went through that stage and I don't think it's uncommon at all I think a lot of people listening right now would have gone through that exact thing and they might be going through that right now thinking that someone will want them back and love them more if they're thinner if they look better if they're more toned I remember I was dating this guy for a while who we we got along really well he was um foreign so there was some barriers there but I remember he

told me I don't know if I've told you before I remember he told me I'd be hotter if I lost five kilos he told me I'd be hotter if I lost five kilos and I literally walked out of that house and got a pizza yes I'm so lucky that I'm like it stung and I was and there was part of me that was like maybe I would be maybe I should but then I I'm lucky that I can click myself back out of that and say no I know my self-worth is not on how skinny I am but you're so lucky that you have that mindset whereas I don't think I think I have to work for it it doesn't come I I have a lot of issues with my body I'm I as you know I will speak really negatively about myself but I'll pull myself out of that really quickly. There are a lot of people who don't have that ability necessarily

and somebody's saying you'd be hotter if you lost five kilos. Some people might have the self-confidence to be like screw you pal and I hope that we can empower women who are listening to this to have that confidence but I know that there are also women who would hear that and it would make them think and believe I will be better if I lose weight and that's happened to so many people it's it's it's things like that which is what sets people off into disordered eating for sure and that's why I want to talk about it now and that's why I want to highlight the fact that somebody telling you you need to change your body to be more worthy of them or for them to be more attracted to you that's not the sort of person you want to be with you want to be with

somebody that sees who you are for your character and your ambition and your drive because you're a sassy badass bitch exactly and I I do want you guys to know that nothing your self-worth and what you are able to do and achieve in your life absolutely has no correlation to the number on a scale. I really love this quote this lady whose name is Michelle Ellman who is a body positive coach she has said if you are changing your body for someone else you are the one that loses in the end because you are still letting that person dictate your life and your body and you are doing it for their approval. She's also then gone on to say what happens when you don't get that approval which like you said maybe they've you put up that photo on instagram hoping to not thirst trap but

you know thirst trap him into seeing how how great you look how much fun you're having what happens when you don't get that approval they have still remained the focus of your life and it also sends an implicit message that the reason why they should have stayed with you is for your appearance also i want to highlight something that it's not really spoken about but the people that you see that have bulging six packs and like no fat on them and they're so so lean the bodybuilders the people that are competing in physique competitions those people I can tell you are really unhealthy they have cut their calories in half they are probably standing on stage fatigued they're dehydrated because they can't drink water for three days all those things that you are seeing

they're not real life and it's not maintainable we are trained as a society to look at somebody that has a six pack and say, oh, they must be so fit. When chances are to get that, they're sacrificing a lot in their life. Well, I think that also comes down to something that we talk about a lot on this podcast, which is this comparison culture. Social media, you constantly see so many beautiful, fit, skinny, and I hate that word, but I'm going to use it, skinny girls. And then they are held up as the benchmark of what is beautiful. But I guarantee a lot of people who are on social media preference the way they look over their actual physical health so I think using that benchmark of comparison is very very dangerous because we know that that body is not

it's not aspirational it's not attainable for most people and a lot of the bodies on Instagram are not even freaking real yeah they're not because they've been face tuned and I see it every day there are girls on there who I know I'm friends with I follow and they face tune their photos to make themselves look slimmer and it kills me when I see that because I'm like I know that that's not real you know because I know you I know you I know you and and I think who are you doing this for I'm all for going through a breakup and getting the fittest you've ever been I'm all for that I'm all for changing your diet and getting the healthiest you've ever been as long as you were doing that purely for yourself to feel better in yourself for your mental health to make yourself

happier, to give yourself more energy, I'm the biggest advocate for that. It's only crossing the line when you're doing it purely to get back at somebody else. If you're not doing it for your own personal gains, you're doing it for the wrong reason. I fully recommend embracing exercise post breakup. I fully recommend going for long walks and keeping active, doing anything to distract your brain away from how upset you feel. Exactly like Britt said, what becomes really detrimental is when you're trying to do it and the motivating factor behind it is because you think you'll be better

when you're something else, which you never will be. You're already amazing exactly the way you are. There actually was a really interesting quote that I found from a dating coach, Jonathan Bennett. He was an American dating coach. And he says, in my personal and professional life,

I have never seen the revenge body achieve its primary goal of winning back the ex or creating jealousy, never. It totally trivializes whatever the issues were in the relationship to start with like you didn't get broken up with or the relationship didn't end because of the way one of you looked like that wasn't the reasoning behind it and it's hard because especially in Australia we do have a bit of a history of reality tv stars for example going through breakups and losing drastic amounts of weight

and then all of a sudden that's all the media's talking about post-breakup body revenge body and all of a sudden it's all we're seeing it's all our youth are seeing or it's even I all I'm looking at is oh my god this girl's lost so much weight um she's getting all these amazing like affirmations and everyone everyone's saying she's doing an incredible job and all of a sudden even subconsciously it's being drilled into our minds that that's what we need to do to get any applause just to bring it back around to Adele for like a quick second this woman she has the voice of an angel she's an immensely talented and successful person whose accomplishments are big enough without the backhanded compliment of like,

oh, you look so amazing now that you've lost weight. But I guess it just comes back to, why is it something that we feel the need to constantly talk about? And I know that we're talking about on this podcast, so maybe that's a redundant and ironic thing to even say, but as someone that used to be a personal trainer, my sister's a nutritionist,

she coaches people to lose weight. We know how hard a lot of people do have to work to make healthy changes in their life. And I think those people should be applauded if they have actually worked so hard to change their life, to be healthier and be happier and have more energy then I think we should be saying well done you look great because they feel great and they've worked hard for it so there has to be a fine line we can't just say as a whole community no we it's fat shaming to congratulate someone on weight loss

I disagree with that because I don't think it is if someone's worked hard for that we should be celebrating that with them the issue comes with the the words of saying like you've had a glow up or you look so amazing now and it's like well she looked amazing before and she was pretty blown up a year ago when she was winning all the grammys but I totally appreciate the same thing like I appreciate that if somebody has worked so hard and in a healthy way to to be at their goal way or to look a certain way because it's what they want for themselves then we should absolutely be able to appreciate and applaud someone in that I think I just want to wrap this up by really reiterating that your body should not be the deciding factor in whether or not someone wants

to be in a committed relationship with you and anybody that is worth dating will believe character is more important amen amen an adult for president all right guys if you've been with us for a while then you would know that we never finish an episode without our suck and our sweet and our suck and our sweet is just our highlights and our lowlights of the week Brittany's doing a weird dance right now and I'm kind of into it I'm kind of weirded out it's getting late all right Brittany give me your suck so I told you guys before I went to Port Macquarie to see my family and we had this amazing brunch my sister made french toast with like a berry compote and maple syrup and the whole kinkaboodle so we have

this family dog that sounds like a sweet I'm here oh yeah it was the sweet but my family dog we have a Rhodesian Ridgeback Lily and she is a solid 60 kilos like Rhodesian Ridgebacks they're actually bred to hunt lions I don't know if you know that I do know that I used to have one yeah lion hunters so they're big for a bit of trivia from Britain Laura they're big dogs anyway but my Lily is the biggest of this breed I have ever seen so she just I turned away for like two seconds turned back and her head is at kitchen table she just took the pancakes in her mouth and wandered off she didn't even have to jump up she did a drive by she did the smoothest drive by she just walked past went head off to the side and kept walking I didn't even know it's like a ninja she's like

a ninja pancake ceiling dog she's a 60 kilo humongous Rhodesia Ridgeback ninja oh put a photo of my story of her she's the cutest thing so that was my suck for sure I used to date a guy who had a Great Dane and this one time he brought home a barbecue chicken and the Great Dane just ate the whole barbecue chicken on the table lily it's not lily's first kitchen attack we got a whole kilo of bacon out it was frozen one night we're gonna obviously put in a pasta or something i don't know she didn't drive by bacon think the kilo of frozen bacon that's good for a dog it's great for them unstoppable i bet she smelled amazing a few hours later as good as my car smelt after the quiche all right what is your sweet my sweet would have to be the fact that

I just did go to Port Macquarie and I spent some time with my family after five months and we just had some really nice quality time and I forgot how much I needed it and missed it. So wholesome isn't it? It was the most wholesome two days. It really feels like things are shifting well they are shifting obviously we're like coming out of phase one we're going to be in phase two soon so is it phase two is that what it's called I don't know things things are shifting. Phasey phase I don't even know what's happening in the world anymore it's just too it's been too wild guys. I feel like we're going to be back into normal life really, really soon. And I feel like we're going to forget this ever happened. No one is going to forget this ever happened. I actually

am not ready. I really love isolation. I've got to shave my legs. Mazina. How long have you not shaved your legs for? I have not shaved for quite some time. That's as the kids would say, TMI Laura. Well, anyway, guys, if you've made it to the end of the episode, you got that bit of bonus information for free um my suck is oh okay so my suck is that now that it's gotten cold matt has started to do something at night time which i'm really not okay i'm really not okay with so matt likes to put his feet like his toes into my feet into my the soles of my feet like he kind of like Yeah, kind of like scratches his feet into my feet. Oh, my God, he just snuck into the bedroom.

Matt, what do you have to say about this? Matt, would you like to chime in and comment on the fact that you like to scratch my feet with your feet in the middle of the night? Here he comes. I did it like once. I was very, very annoyed. And I do it because it's a sign of affection. Oh.

No, it's just like a loving pat. You know what it depends on? Do you have Jurassic Park toenails? No, they're very well kept. Are they? They're still very scratchy on the soles of my feet. And aren't you ticklish? Being woken up at 2am by the feeling of a big toenail running down the sole of your foot.

Mate, you could be woken up by something else. That's the foot of the bachelor. Do you know how many people would kill to be woken up by my toenails? Toenails and a scratchy moustache, guys. It's better than a honey badger. You're welcome. Thank you. You're welcome.

thank you for that thank you for that little um cameo appearance there Maddie J how long was he waiting outside the door for to come in at just the right moment literally he's probably wanting to go to bed we've been doing this for a while okay and my sweet for the week I mean it was Mother's Day Mother's Day was pretty sweet I got my first Mother's Day present what'd you get Matt printed out one of the photos of when I gave birth to Marley not one of the photos but a nice afterbirth photo not even that a photo of me and Marley after I had her it wasn't a photo of the afterbirth that would be gross so it was a black and white photo of me and Marley and um he got me a bunch of flowers and he got me a massage oh a massage for this big toe

Maddie J special guys we are out we are out come back and join us on Thursday where we are answering all your deep dark and dirty questions and if you have a question for us i'm i'm not finished and britney's already trying to chime in like her mouth is going every time so if you have a question for ask uncut please jump onto the facebook page if you're not already following it it's life uncut podcast send us your question you can also send it via instagram also surprisingly that is life uncut podcast as well easy to find consistency is key we'll see you guys in a few days and please you know the drill hit five stars leave a review tell your friends and share the love because we love

Brittany. We love love. Because. No, I'm leaving it with that one. We're leaving it. Brittany's family said we needed to try new NDS and that's going to stay. I asked for some constructive criticism from my family. They're like, we've been trying

to get a sign off. And I was like, oh, I'm going to take that feedback back to Laura. You're welcome To the Hockleys, you're welcome.