Life Uncut - The Shift In Identity After Having A Baby. Uncut with Holly Nicholson

Episode Date: March 6, 2025

Quite a while ago now we put a call out for who you’d like to hear on the podcast and the name that came through the MOST was the woman sitting in front of us Holly Kingston/Nicholson!We initially got to know Holly when she found love with Jimmy on the bachelor and they’ve gone on to get married and break the bachelor girl baby spell with their son Lenny! “Once you have a baby, your relationship will never be the same” seems to be a tale told to a lot of expecting mums. And it’s true, but there are a few parts left out of that narrative. Holly and Laura ran into each other not long before Holly had Lenny and she told her ‘no one tells you how much fun it’s going to be’. We speak about: Life before bach How her and Jimmy decided to pivot careers What the first year of their relationship was like Maintaining friendships after the bachelor Their challenging pregnancy journey Being both very grateful that you’re pregnant but really not liking pregnancy What the baby blues can feel like The counter narrative of motherhood being all doom and gloom The shift in identity that becoming a mum gives you How their relationship has changed since becoming parents Timestamps:0:00 Intro 6:17 Accidentally Unfiltered 13:23 Post Bach Relationship 17:37 Road to Pregnancy 24:44 Positive Test 25:50 Pregnancy and Postpartum 32:25 C-Section Birth 36:50 How Babies Change Relationships 43:45 Unsolicited Parenting Advice 51:13 Strange Pregnancy Symptoms You can find more from Holly on her instagram You can watch us on Youtube Find us on Instagram Join us on tiktok Or join the Facebook Discussion Group Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! XxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This episode was recorded on Camaragal land. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. And we have such a special episode for you today. It feels like sitting down with an old friend. One of our own alumni. Yeah, it is. Within the Bachelor Illuminati. We did a call out quite a while ago and said like, Who do you guys want on the podcast? And one of the most requested names that came in was not Holly,

but we couldn't get Michelle Obama. It is Bachelor's very own Holly Kingston. And, I mean, we've talked about Holly and Jimmy, who's also sitting in the room hiding in the corner with their baby Lenny at the moment. But we've spoken about Holly so much over the years on the pod. We did Batch Uncut and we literally updated you all in real time on them falling in love.

and now we get to update you all on a very different phase of life that Holly and Jimmy have found themselves in and that is being brand spanking new parents Holly welcome to the pod thank you I do feel like a little bit of pressure and I feel like it's really I think you stitched me up a bit because I feel like I've been on a bender for about two months I'm not the best version of myself a baby bender I wasn't drunk for two months just so everyone's imagine could you imagine that's the headline? Holy on baby bender. To be fair though, like it is a wild bit of gear those first sort of couple of months after having a baby. It is, but I think we were talking about it just before we, you know, started recording, but it's a fine line, isn't it? Because

people really do. I do feel like I went in thinking it was going to be all doom and gloom and it has been so much fun. It actually has. I've been a bit tired, but it's been so much fun. It's so nice to hear because Laura and I have spoken about this like multiple times, never in detail, but always in passing comments on the podcast in private. But all you hear the narrative about childbirth and the first year of motherhood, not even the first year, but it's just how taxing it is, how exhausting it is, how you'll never sleep again, how your social life changes, your relationship changes. Everybody highlights the bad stuff. So it's really, I'm trying to ignore Lenny in the background. If anyone can hear, he's like moaning. We haven't left him on his own.

Jimmy does have him. But it's really nice to hear straight off the bat as well. you say like, it's been great and not as bad as everyone made it out to sound. Yeah. I mean, it's quite ironic timing as well as my child screaming in the background, but no, it has been, it's been so much fun. And I feel like I actually ran into Laura at an event when I was heavily pregnant. And I thought about what you said to me so much, which was no one tells you about how fun it is. And that's something that I was underprepared for. I was very prepared for having no sleep and how much it's going to change your relationship with your husband and

all of these things and you don't get prepared for how fun it is yeah it's an interesting one because I remember when I had Marley and I was so ready for my life to be ruined because I'd been told so many times that it would never be the same and don't get me wrong like yeah of course it changes your relationship and you know there's one hurdle after another it's a forever changing beast being a parent but I think that it was important for the conversations of women who have found becoming mothers really hard to have its time in the spotlight I think it's so important for us to have those conversations so that when motherhood does feel really hard you're not sitting in a silo going am I the only one suffering but I do think that that pendulum swung so far into

one direction that for people who have actually had great experiences or maybe even if you've had a traumatic birth experience but you don't feel ongoing trauma from it it's as though we walk into motherhood with a lot of fear now that it's going to just absolutely fucking destroy your life you're not going to have a career and you're not going to have any sort of sense of social life and your relationship's going to go down the drain. And not all of those things happen all at once for every single person, I think is important to show that side as well. Yeah. I think every day is so different. Obviously you're going to have your shit days and you do, but I've actually really thoroughly enjoyed motherhood. There are

certain things, the hardest thing for me was the hormones. No, like I feel like that's under talked about. I think that's something those first few weeks, it was genuinely like there was just black. I was just, Jimmy would be trying to talk to me and I'd be looking out the window and just like, what have I done? And that is, you don't really want to talk about that because it sounds like you're ungrateful for this journey. But one day that all just kind of lifted and that was a really tough part. The other tough part is that you kind of feel like you've lost your old identity a little bit you're now someone's mum and your body's changed everything you know so much has changed and we didn't help that because we moved house within like two weeks

of me giving birth so I'm in this whole new place I'm you know an hour away from where we used to be and I'm you know I don't lactating yeah I'm lactating all over myself but yeah there was definitely I think now we're really in the fun stage I feel like you start to kind of think okay I kind of know what I'm doing now, kind of, and things are getting a lot more funny, starting to smile at us and all of those things. It's starting to feel more rewarding at the first, you know, the first, those first few weeks you genuinely just, for me, I just felt like a vessel. I felt like I had udders and that was, you know.

Well, I think that's essentially it, right? Like they're just in the nicest way possible. They're little blobs that just poo and need to eat and that, and that's all they do. And that's all you have to do all day. And I think it's really important what you just said. And I definitely want to get into that a little bit later about that, that idea of the cloud that people feel or the weight that people feel on them in those first few weeks. Like, what have I done?

That it's not necessarily a true reflection of how you feel. It's because we don't talk enough about the hormone change. But before we do get into that, we do want to kickstart with your accidentally unfiltered, your most embarrassing story. I actually, do you know what, you know, when someone asks you about your most embarrassing moment you just can't think about it because there's just been I mean it's not like I haven't had many but I just can't think about it on the spot or it depends on type of person because some people don't embarrass easily and you're like I know that this would be embarrassing for someone

but like this is just a normal day in the life Holly Kingston here we are again basically no I think most recently I'm just really coming to terms with the lactating situation I'm still kind of coming to terms with the fact that these are really they're milking you know and I mean only probably this is the most recent thing I can think of the most embarrassing thing that's happened is I was at chemist's warehouse just getting some nappies I think I was getting Jimmy some protein or something for his that checks out for his yeah exactly you're looking good Jimmy well done for the guns yeah yeah I'm glad one of us is going to the gym you look after yourself um no and I was I was at the chemist's warehouse counter and there was just this like it was just

a teenage boy serving me and he just was looking at me like he was I was looking at the boobs I've never had boobs in my life so this is also a really exciting time for me in that sense I mean without a bra on they don't they don't look like you know they're not great but but with a bra with a bra let me tell you does wonders no and he was serving me and I actually texted Jimmy at the time and I was like I think I've kind of got my mojo back a little bit because he was looking down at my boobs and I was like, ooh, I've got boobs for the first time in my life. He's fully checking you out. Yeah, and I just was like, I'm killing it today.

And it wasn't until about, I don't know, 10 minutes later that I looked down and I just had milk dripping, dripping from the nips. So that's my new life. I mean, it's just every day really, isn't it? You still have it. Literally milk, you've got it all. Well, so he was checking you out but just not for the reason you thought. Shame because you could have picked up some breast pads in there

at the same time. I could have made it all around the shop. It's a double whammy. I was just telling you about this before, but I had a situation where I was in mid serving a customer at Tony May and we just had a new air con installed right above where I was standing and I felt wet, like a drip on me. And I look at the customer and I go, oh, I'm so sorry,

the air con is leaking. And I looked up at the air con and I'm like looking up trying to find this leak and at the same time I was full squirting on the customer and she was too embarrassed to tell me that I, it was like it was beyond just like lactating it was when it does that full letdown and just squirts out of my top it was terrifying yeah yeah how did it squirt out of your top very good for her skin though great very good for her skin you should be grateful rub that on yourself exactly then did you charge her for it we're like that's essentially a facial that's terrible don't worry

i feel like any mom or new mom listening to this will be like we've all been there we've all had those moments we put the questions out because you were so requested we were like hey let's just really lean into this what did you want to know from Holly like you guys have wanted this information and let's try and start in chronological order but there were quite a lot of questions surrounding your life before the bachelor were you already into like interior styling and fashion styling and because that's what people look at you for now it's really become your mold of your Instagram presence yeah I mean so I was in fashion marketing for 10 years so before ironically I was one of my main thing was influence outreach and basically getting influencers to do campaigns

and things like that. So I worked for a company called Retail Apparel Group. And to be completely honest, when I went on the show, Jimmy and I were both asked to be, well, both asked to be on The Bachelor, but when casting was basically saying to me, cause I was like, I'm absolutely not doing it. It's just not something that I feel like is the right thing for me. And when casting reached out, they basically said, look, we're trialing something different this year. Basically no one has any sort of form of Instagram following. He doesn't want to be, he doesn't want to be an influencer. He's got a real job, all of that stuff. And I was like, okay, great. That sounds good to me because I don't want to be in that whole scene. And then, I mean, fast forward

afterwards. And it just kind of, it's just something that we, we started doing. It is something that just happens. Yeah, it happens. Jimmy and I had a big chat about it after the show had aired and we were like, well, if we are going to do this, what do like, how do we do it? What do we want to do? And a big thing for us, we made a pledge to each other was if we are going to do this, we have to always make sure that if we're ever going to do brand partnerships, they always have to feel authentic to us. We have to know and love the product or we have to trial the product and genuinely love it and that's something that for us over the years has been incredibly important it's not something that we I remember at the start you know getting you get so many

requests yeah well so many requests no but from my mate I did a soup in COVID I needed money and I was like I'll do it nothing against soup but sorry take out I did a soup promo whilst we're in COVID I remember looking at Brit at that point and I was like that's a real low point when you're pocket soup on Instagram. And I was like, sorry, I need to support my entire family in COVID. Yes, I'll sell the soup. I loved the soup to be fair. It was authentic. It's authentic. I also do think that when you come from the side of life where you don't have an Instagram presence, when you're not an influencer, I do think that we look at influencers with a dirty lens. I think that we can kind of have a perception around what we think that is. And then doing a reality TV show

like The Bachelor means you're thrust into a situation where you do have a following and people are paying attention to what it is that you're saying, whether that's a value or not a value. And you have a choice to choose what type of business quote unquote you want to be. And I think that I kind of had the same feeling around it. Like I didn't have a personal Instagram when I did The Bachelor. I only had my business one, Tony May. And then all of a sudden I had this random one called Lady and a Cat that had a lot of people following it. And I was like, well, what do I want to do with this? It would almost be a missed opportunity to say that you're going to do nothing with it. So I think that your perception around it changes as you become

more familiar with what it means to have that responsibility. Yeah. And I think for Jimmy and I as well, I mean, that first year was, I mean, you go from being on a reality show to then being in a new relationship and then you're basically working together and we had no shortage of arguments, we decided we really wanted to focus on travel. He's a pilot and, you know, I really wanted to do all of the travel stuff. And so we were reaching out to, you know, all these different little Airbnbs, like we'd love to come and, you know, and we'd bring the mics and we'd do all of these things. And we worked really, really hard with, I mean, Jimmy learned how to fly the drone. He tried to teach me and I crushed it. So I don't touch that anymore, but we worked really hard,

particularly with the travel stuff to make something of it. And that took about a year and a half. And now we're doing a lot more of that and whatnot, but it does take work and you've got to be incredibly authentic. Otherwise people can see through it now. What was that? You said the first year of your life, you know, you go from being on the show to having a relationship to working together. What was that like for your relationship? Because I think everybody has a different experience when they get spat out of that bachelor machine. And there's not a lot of, there's not a lot of support. You kind of just go from being on the show to being like, cool, make it or break it you know and then I mean it's very evident that some couples thrive in that or

it's galvanizing for them and other couples really just it's a pressure cooker that they can't survive yeah we were very lucky that we had each other and we kind of we did thrive in that whole environment and I think it was just because it felt a little bit like it was us against us against the world it does feel like that I mean I got dumped but I still felt like me against the world but it does feel like that yeah and you know we put our foot in it a few times I'm sure you could probably remember one of those times you know that's when it's really tricky is when you say something that you know gets taken out of context or something and then it's genuinely you feel like the world is against you and you have that opportunity to either go well we can

do this together or we can let you know let it break us and we thankfully didn't let those things break us you've maintained a really close friendship with Carly from batch from the season that you guys did is there anyone else from the season that you've been friends with or like what was that experience like for you when you came out of the show and then still had to engage with some of the girls and, you know, yeah, it's a weird one. Yeah. Well, I mean, I didn't have a heap of friends on that show. I've tried to think about it a few times. I think it's because I have a personality, which I was probably considered to be a little bit blunt, a bit sarcastic with some of the girls. And I think there was also that element of, I mean, it's just a very bizarre

environment to make friends. Carly and I are still very close. It's actually her wedding in a few weeks and I am bridesmaid which is really fun um and I'm also still really close with Tani and Lily so I kind of came out I was really lucky to come out with a couple of friends I haven't spoken to the the others it's one of those things where and I always describe it as like if you win it you come out with a partner and if you lose it you come out with friends and it's not very common to come out with both because at the end of the day you're in competition with women for affection and and there's like this hierarchy system that starts to happen and it is just not an environment that is conducive for breeding friendships when you're pitted against each other at every point it's

funny because i came out with friendly with everyone like not on bad terms with anyone like you'll support each other on instagram but i didn't come out with any like proper friends from the show still not to this day do i have any my two friends closest friends from the bachelor are you laura from a different season and the stylist kim who's become one of my best friends Like they're the relationships that I ended up taking from The Bachelor because it is, it's not a normal environment. And when you leave, sometimes when you're in it, you have these amazing connections. Like I had really good friends on the show, but then when you leave, you realize that

maybe it's the pressure cooker environment that forces you to have similarities. And then when you leave, you're like, oh, it's not quite what it was in there. It's funny. I think back to those bunk beds. I don't know. I actually think it's hilarious because the bunk beds, they're all engraved by past seasons. And some of the engravings were like, leave, get out. And you're like, where am I?

I don't know. I don't think I had anything of you. I remember, yeah, someone from the previous season, I remember reading hers and it was like love so-and-so and it was like get out right now while you can. And I was like, oh, my God, what have I done? It was probably me, wasn't it? It's hilarious.

Yeah. But you would go to bed, these bunk beds all crammed in this room. And I remember even with Carly, she would come home from a date at like 11pm or something and she'd crawl up into the squeaky bunk bed on top of me and I'd be like how was it did you give him a kiss and it's like how bizarre is that relationship and you can either yeah I think it's like what you said Brit is you either realize you don't have that much in common and what you have in common is bitching about production bitching about the situation or you know you're both dating the same guy and you talk about his kissing

technique and then you get off the show and you're like actually we don't have that much in common and thankfully for the girls that I was close with and still am close with is that we realized that we did have quite a lot in common which was nice you guys obviously have baby lady now and we're like as we've established we're like in the early throes of what motherhood looks like it means to you but I kind of want to take you back to when you were trying and also you spoke about a little bit on Instagram after you did share that you were pregnant that it wasn't an easy road to pregnancy what was that period like and from when you guys decided to start trying until when you actually found out that you're pregnant with Lenny? Yeah. Well, first of all, I turned into an

absolute nutter in that time. And I think it's really, it's really easy to get completely swept up in this whole thing because you spend your whole life trying not to get pregnant. And then when you start trying, you realize, hold on a second, it's actually not as easy as just putting the P in the V and it's all done. You can say penis and vagina on the podcast if you want. I feel so naughty no it was actually a really really challenging time I think that was probably one of the hardest times in my relationship with Jimmy because I think it's kind of like you you are going through the ovulation stage and then you have to wait two weeks or however long and you may get your period and it's those two weeks that you're just riddled with anxiety and

also with a bit of hope and then it doesn't happen and I was just a wreck for that whole week while I had my period. And then you start over again. And I'm also very cautious talking about this stuff because I know that so many people have it so much worse. And that's why I don't delve too much about it on social media, because I think it is really, you know, it can be quite triggering for people. It's a very sensitive topic. But for us, I mean, we got to the stage where we were checking sperm and doing those procedures and whatnot. Ironically, it was actually Jimmy had gone to get his sperm checked the day before I did the pregnancy test which I'm so glad he did that because that was quite a funny experience oh yeah it is I've done it too

it's just like I can't remember what he said he just made the whole situation so awkward like I think as we left he said to the receptionist like record timing or something and I was like why did you say that like why do you feel the need to feel that silence I offered to go in with Ben When Ben did it, because we froze embryos, when Ben did it, they were like, Ben, it's your time, come in. So he got up to get the cup and go into this little room and I was following behind him. He's like, what are you doing?

I was like, I don't know, don't you want me in there? He's like, no. He's like, I was going to go in and play. I don't know what I was going to do. I was like, don't you need me? He's like, get out. Have you seen the room though? Yes.

With the TV? It's like so gross. It's so gross. Plastic chair and like a TV to watch porn. Yeah, and I think Jimmy actually went to play the TV, which was like one of those old school like thick TVs and it was like resume from resume from where you're at it was like 17 minutes in and he was like oh god okay so he just got his phone out I think but yeah it was a challenging time for us

and we fought a lot in that time mainly because I was just not the best version of myself at all I think you have this vision I've always wanted to be a mum and when you have this thought that maybe it might not happen or maybe you might have to go down a more difficult route to get there I found it really really hard and Jimmy tried his best to understand where I was at whilst also coping with the fact that he actually might not you know have him it might not be as easy for him either you know the journey to becoming a dad so it was a trying time but yeah we're just very grateful I think that we didn't have to go down more of a difficult route to get there we were lucky to get pregnant and conceive naturally yeah and it's a hard space to talk about because

hard and difficult is subjective because somebody else's journey is harder than yours doesn't mean yours wasn't hard and I understand why it's difficult to talk about because there's no matter what happens to you or anyone listening there will be someone else that has had it easier and there will always be someone else that has had it harder yeah and it's difficult because you don't want to take away from your experience and you don't want to add to someone else's but it's still your story to tell so it's still okay for you to say it wasn't the easiest thing for you yeah it's something that and that's something that I kind of overthink a lot with social media and I'm sure you're both quite similar as well is you've just got to be so aware when it comes

to sharing these things yeah but I also think it's important to show the spectrum of how people feel along this journey and there are a lot of women who maybe try naturally for a year and then they've created a narrative for themselves that it's like every month is a disappointment and a sadness and And like those women as well feel like, well, I can't talk about this because it's not as bad as someone who's currently going through IVF, but there's still a deep sense of like not having the thing that you want. And I mean, the only thing that I can compare it to from my perspective is I've had two miscarriages.

Both of those were as in I had a miscarriage before Marley and then I had a miscarriage before Lola. And I was very lucky to get pregnant quite quickly after each miscarriage. and I felt that having a successful pregnancy after each miscarriage kind of like voided my ability to be sad about the miscarriages because I was like well at least I got pregnant like negated the fact that it happened because you fell straight away totally so it was like I was like well I kind of want to tell this story but also I need to make sure that people know that like I know that other people's version of this is worse than mine and I guess like there's space

for all of those discussions in the spectrum of what it is to you know have a journey towards motherhood. And everyone is very, very sensitive to the fact that there are women out there who have it incredibly, incredibly hard. And it's so important that those stories are shared. But I think every other story along that spectrum is equally as important to share because there are other people who are going through the exact same thing. Yeah. And I remember when we were trying, I remember thinking, well, I've only ever heard of like my close friends getting pregnant first try or having to go down IVF routes, having to, you know, try for many years before anything. I never, ever heard of the people in the middle.

And, you know, when we went to go see a GP and speak about what our next options were, she said, look, like what's normal, I know, but generally it would be six to 12 months that people are trying and that's kind of what we would consider normal. And I was like, even I didn't even know that. I thought that, you know, most people got pregnant first go or it's a full on journey. So you can't, a lot of people might not even know this, but with IVF, they won't even see you unless you've been trying for 12 months. Like 12 months is definitely the, okay, 12 months, we might start to think there's a problem. It really isn't as easy as people think. But we do hear the people that are like, oh my God, I fell first try. Like I wasn't even trying. And that's great. That's amazing. But it definitely isn't the normal thing. And I think people need to understand that to make themselves feel better. Also, the fact that you're an educated woman in your 30s trying for a baby and you weren't even aware of that. No, and I was so unaware of so many different things. I didn't even know that you could only get pregnant a few days in the month

when we first started trying. I was like, I don't remember this. Did Jimmy tell you that just so you could have sex every day in the month? He's like, I'm pretty sure I read somewhere. The fertility window is three weeks. I had no idea. What was it like for you when you got that positive pregnancy test? I was in shock and if I'm completely honest,

I feel like I was in shock for many, many months. and I think after trying for a while I was so terrified something was going to happen and at the time I was filming Luxury Escapes TV so I was I was on like cruise ships and things which is not where you want to be when you're in your first trimester and I was just kind of around the world and I was actually in a really bad place mentally because I was hating first trimester but mostly I was mentally not in a great place because I was terrified constantly that something was going to happen. And I was constantly going, you know, oh, I don't know, did I eat something that may, you just, you go into all of these mindsets that just, I don't know, I was, I struggled a

little bit. Actually, I struggled my whole pregnancy. I'm going to say it right here. I hated being pregnant. And I think two things can be true. I think you can be so grateful that you are having a baby and you're pregnant but you can also not really enjoy the experience and I didn't love being pregnant. What else did you not like about being pregnant? I felt quite self-conscious a lot like I felt like my body was changing so rapidly and it was one of those things where all of a sudden this doesn't happen in life where if you gain a few kilos someone will be like oh you're looking you know you're looking a little on the curvier side and the second that you become pregnant or you announce that you're pregnant, people feel it's actually completely okay to go,

wow, are you sure you're not having twins? I got that constantly. Or wow, you're looking very healthy. It's like, but it was said in a way that didn't seem like a compliment. I was really self-conscious. And I think in this world as well, in the social media world, that's a little bit more exacerbated because you are getting those comments and those DMs quite frequently about your body. Yeah. Like daily. I also just, I genuinely, the hormones did not, did not agree with me. I was just anxious a lot and I wasn't myself. And I was causing a lot of arguments with Jimmy and I, cause I was just constantly angry about something. I was just an angry pregnant lady. I mean, I know that's kind of fast forwarding a bit and I want to know about the birth and

everything else, but you've mentioned hormones a couple of times. And I think it's so important to talk about that period afterwards and so many women experience it where there isn't this instant gratitude or connection or happiness there's this feeling of like what the fuck have we done and it lifts but it's very real feeling and it kind of exists alongside lots of other feelings of motherhood at the same time what was that like for you that was without a doubt the worst that that first part of the fourth trimester was the worst part of this whole time for me with pregnancy, with trying to conceive, with everything. And I've never spoken about it because I truly feel like such an element of guilt. I have everything I ever wanted. We moved into a beautiful new house.

Jimmy was amazing. He was on paternity leave and he was there constantly and being an amazing father. And he was just so positive all the time, which also led to resentment because I was like, nothing's changed for you and everything's changed for me, which obviously things have changed for him. But I felt such an element of guilt, particularly in that first month, because genuinely I just felt fog. I felt like I was looking out the window and I was like, I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. And I think it was just a little bit of baby blues. And I think a lot of people experience this, but when I had the C-section and when he came out, I didn't feel this instant. Like they showed me the baby and I was like,

it's kind of like this moment where you're like I know there was a baby in there that whole time but that's a baby yeah you know like what am I supposed to do with that yeah and I remember when I was wheeled back up after the theater and the midwife came in and she was this older midwife who had done this for 30 years and she was like okay were you guys all good now Jimmy and I looked at each other and we were like but oh sorry but what do we do now and she was like just keep doing what you're doing. And I remember her leaving the room like in slow motion and just being like, don't go. Yeah. What do we do with this little thing? And yeah, I think just it was probably almost at the four week mark postpartum where all of a sudden I woke up and I was just

like, wow, this is actually quite fun. And maybe we should start planning a holiday this year and maybe, you know, I could start thinking about getting back into Pilates. And like all of a thinking about the future and before I was just every day just trying to it sounds quite traumatic but trying to survive I was just going you know I feel like I should be so grateful for this perfect little baby and it led to guilt because everything was so great and I was like you're the problem and we also had Lenny leading up to Christmas so there were so many people wanting to come over and visit and I said to Jimmy at one point I think it was about three weeks in and I said I think I've lost my ability to talk to people yeah I don't want any more people yeah I don't know how to

keep conversation and sustain conversation anymore because I felt like everyone was so excited for us and I wanted to be the life of the party and I wanted to be excited but I just wasn't you were dead inside yeah I think that there will be so many mums who listen to this and maybe you know I don't know how many like every pregnancy and every birthing experience is different but I think that there will be mums out there who listen to this and go oh my god I had that with my first or my second or you know I have a girlfriend at the moment who's just recently had a baby and she's going through the exact same thing this like feeling as though the connection that you're expected to have just isn't there and I think my pregnancy with Lola was such a surprise because

I felt that instant connection with Marley but Lola I remember sitting on the side of the bed like three days after she was born and staring at her thinking what the fuck have I done and I did not feel what I thought I was supposed to feel, especially in comparison to first pregnancy, but it lifts, you know, and it changes. And like the way that you feel, especially in that like postpartum phase where your body is absolutely destroyed and then everyone's over and you're like having cups of tea. Like it's this surreal experience where you're like, I just ran a marathon and almost died. And now I'm sitting here fucking keeping this thing alive and talking to you about it and I'm so tired I just want to go to bed yeah there's nothing that you can compare it

to so it's as close to a near-death experience you're gonna have yeah I mean I just remember and I think the other thing with the c-section as well is you are so paralyzed from like the ribs down and I remember it was actually so bizarre they moved me over on the sheet I remember thinking my legs were over to my left and then I looked up and my toes are up the top of the top of me and I was like, well, what is going on? Did you feel nothing? Yeah. And I remember when you're so physically unable to do anything, I remember the midwife putting Lenny on my chest. And first of all, she like put him straight on my nipple and said, oh, by the way, sorry, did you want to breastfeed? And I was like, that's probably something you should ask people, but it should

put him straight on there. And I just remember going like, I could hardly move my arms. And it was just this moment where it was, wait, I have to parent now. I've just been through the biggest operation I was awake for of my life and I now have to be a mum how does that work you know and I think that it's just an interest it's a very interesting start to becoming a parent because yeah how did you end up with the c-section like what was your birth plan and then what when how why did it change I didn't have a birth plan I think our obstetrician of course used aviation analogies when we came in. The whole time. Yeah, exactly. It was like, okay, can we drop the aviation analogies now? Yeah. And she said something to Jimmy like, look, you know. It's

like being on a plane. Yeah. Well, basically she said, you know, I wouldn't go as a passenger. I wouldn't go in. I actually don't really remember it was something like this. I wasn't listening half the time, but it was like, you know, I wouldn't go into the cockpit and tell the pilot there's not going to be any turbulence and it's going to be a smooth flight and blah, blah, blah. The whole goal is to get those passengers on the ground safely. It's actually not a bad analogy, to be fair. Yeah. And I think for me, I was just like, look, my main thing is I had like little things,

you know, that I wanted to make sure, like I wanted to see if I could have music on and I wanted to, you know, there were just little things, but I didn't, I never thought, you know, I need to have a vaginal birth and I need this to, you know, feel satisfied or whatever. and Lenny was Frank Breach and I had marginal cord insertion so the umbilical cord attached to the outside of the placenta so it's just made it a bit more of a high-risk pregnancy but he was Frank Breach he was up the right way around the whole pregnancy and then the little monster decided no I actually want to turn upside down now so he turned upside down and was

feet first for anyone who doesn't know yeah like they're in a pike almost yeah so he's like we never got any cute ultrasound photos of him because his feet were in front of his face the whole time. I was born like that with my legs over my head, butt first. I think you told me about this and didn't, it was a vaginal birth, wasn't it? Yeah. That your mum had. Yeah.

My poor mum and also my hips to this day dislocate. Like I could pop them out right now. You should see them on Dancing with the Stars. They pop out all the time. Because if you have a vaginal birth like that, you, as a baby, you should be put into a hip brace for like six months. Hip dysplasia. Yeah.

So I just wasn't because back in the day that I didn't give a fuck, I was still smoking in the hospital so like off you go like but um yeah so I can absolutely understand why you had a c-section yeah I don't even think they would allow you to do no your mum's lips with that yeah she's thriving a little bit broken but she's thriving yeah so he was he was Frank Breach and basically I tried all the things to I tried all the things to turn him I think heaps of people on social media said you know try mock Sebastian and I was like oh interesting it's basically like I think you turn into you just do things that you didn't think that you would do when you become pregnant you're prefacing it what is it Holly it's a little woo-woo but basically and I came

home Holly's like out in the field drinking urine like what are you doing on social media so basically you get it looks like a joint it's like it looks like a it looks like and it smells like a joint and I remember Jimmy and I'm looking at him now because I remember having the biggest fight with him because I came home and he started pissing himself laughing being like what are you going to do with that yeah so basically you hold it above your pinky toe like I think it's like 10 centimeters above your pinky toe or something and you hold it there for 20 minutes and it like burns the crap out of your toe so I don't like it's hot it's hot on the toe I thought you're gonna say you hold it you just put it down I thought you're gonna say you like smoked him out like smoked

Lenny out of the vagina I was like I'm gonna gas him out yeah basically yeah so and Jimmy was like we're not doing that this is stupid he tried to hold it and he was like this is ridiculous and I was like we are doing it we're going to turn this baby and so I ended up sitting out on the balcony in the freezing cold with this like joint over my toe and Jimmy's just looking at me like what is like what has she become but tried all the things acupuncture all of those things and I was like look I'm sure there's a reason he's not turning I just feel like you've got to kind of trust the process a little bit so I agreed to do a C-section I agreed like it was it wasn't a choice and when he came out actually they they said to jimmy do you want to see the placenta and he was like

absolutely not and they still came over with the dish and like he's like oh you know and it was actually pretty much all calcified which is it was measuring a 43 week placenta and i was 38 weeks at the time we were so lucky to have gotten about so it's basically even in that in within a couple of hours i was heading into preeclampsia my placenta was shutting down it was just it wasn't going to be, I wasn't going to be able to have a vaginal birth anyway. And I think sometimes you've got to just go, I trust the process. Yeah. I mean, like we spoke about a little bit and maybe it's even too early to know how things have shifted, but what do you think having a baby or how has having a baby changed the relationship between the two of you? This is one of those things that

I feel like I really, I was very anxious about because you hear so much about how much your relationship is going to change. And truthfully, I think our relationship has actually changed for the better. We've definitely had our moments. I think it's so fun seeing your partner become a parent, like how they just, how they change. And Jimmy has just been the most phenomenal dad. But we just, we actually went for quite a few date nights when I was pregnant and we made this a real focus. We were like, we need to make sure to prioritize each other. Another aviation analogy, but Jimmy was always like you've got to fit your oxygen mask before you fit the babies and it actually is a really good way to think about it because you know we make sure that we are happy

first and foremost because that way we're going to be good parents you know whether that's Jimmy still going to the gym or him giving me some time to go to Pilates or us booking holidays and booking trips and doing the things that we always did before and there have definitely been times I'm not going to lie where I'm like are we ever going to be like you know that hot and spicy like is it is the sex ever going to be the same is all because I remember the first time that we were intimate it's so weird the first time like you're just kind of like oh I guess we'll get this out of the way yeah but I remember I had a dummy in my ear and Lenny was like I was leaning on the bed I had a dummy in my ear and I was looking at his dirty nappy and I could hear Lenny

just like having a great old time in the next room. He wasn't quite asleep. He was just stirring and I was just like this is, you know, is it ever going to be back to what it was? And it's obviously still too early to tell. I think I'm eight weeks in. I've been saying Lenny's like six weeks old for a long time. You guys have done a fucking cracking job because like a lot

of people even six, seven, eight weeks in, I know they kind of say you've got to wait until six weeks but I would say most people or a lot of people can't get back into it at the six-week mark. Like that's like put in there from like a health and safety perspective. But then there's like your mental health around getting back into being intimate. That's a whole secondary thing. Well, there's also the C-section recovery too.

Yeah, but that's why there's six weeks. That might have been. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, and I said this to Jimmy the other day. I said, I think a big thing, we actually had this conversation. We said, is it ever going to be like what it was? And he, of course, said, yeah, of course it will.

You know, you just need to give it some time. But I said to him, I said, a big thing for me is feeling attractive again and feeling sexy. And I don't, I do not feel like that at all at the moment. And that's just the reality. You know, I think I've also built a career on beautiful clothes and styling things and doing whatnot. I can't wear the same clothes as I used to wear because my body is so different.

But there are also so many new people now that are in the same phase that are following you and looking at you for advice of this phase. Do you know what I mean? Like there will always be people on the journey with you no matter where you are. Yeah, no, I agree. and I think it's just one of those things you've just got to come to terms with this is the me at the moment and I don't think yeah I feel like I'm surrounded by a lot of people as well who bounce back really quickly and I hate that term bounce back but you know I was at Pilates the other day

and there's mirrors all around and I was just looking at my stomach and I had like this little pouch that I've never had before and I was like it made me not even want to do the class because I felt so I just didn't feel like myself anymore and I think it's just about coming to terms with those things not everything is going to be influencers who come back from things very quickly and all of that there is this stage where you've just got to try and deal with the new you I also think that there's an evolution that happens like I don't and for me personally like I never was the same version before like I don't think you can go back this idea of bouncing back to the person that you were before you had kids there are things that change that never are the

same and for me part of that was I never felt as though the clothes that I used to wear pre-pregnancy pre-having a baby suited me or fit me right anymore like I had a complete change in the way that I and it was it was really hard for a while because I was like what do I wear now what does look good on me I don't know and it took me a really long time to kind of figure out what my style was but that changed and I would say I look at I have like plastic tubs worth of clothes that I look at every so often that I'm like oh my god I would have worn all like it was all my clothes pre-pregnancy I'll take them and none and none of it would I ever dream of wearing now and it's not that I don't necessarily fit it it just doesn't feel right on me if that makes sense I

think there's also an argument for the fact that you shouldn't go back to who you were because that's not what life is life is forever evolving and you are not who you were before and that doesn't have to be a bad thing like we become a different person in a different part of life I think the thing though is that there's never another time where it happens so rapidly as it does with motherhood you know like we all age we know that but it is like overnight your physical identity shifts and that can be a really hard thing to process I think for most people yeah there's no other thing in life really that every every single part of you changes within those nine months it's like and that's what I really struggled with it's like mentally you change emotionally you

change your relationship changes your body changes and it's just about coming to terms with those things and now I'm just going I do still feel that loss of identity a little bit and I also struggle with the you know all of a sudden everyone just wants to talk about your baby and you know and how everything which is ironic because that's what we're talking about today no we're talking about you yeah but I think yeah it's just it's just going to be a bit of a journey of figuring out who the new me is. How do you go solo parenting now? Because Jimmy's job obviously as a pilot takes him away.

What's the longest period you've been on your own for and how has it been so far? It's actually been all right because Jimmy took quite an extensive paternity leave. Well, he was home for about a month but he did his ankle before, I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, we've all seen that.

That was interesting that time. Also, sorry, Lenny has the hiccups. It's the cutest thing. he's just over there going yeah it's actually been it's a struggle the main thing is that feeling of not being able to be hands-free I think you just it's a full-time job it's not a full-time job actually it's 24 hours and it's really challenging but to some degree I actually quite enjoy having Jimmy gone I realize the house is actually a lot easier to keep neat and there are there are things like he can't do a lot of the things that I can you know like I have to get up and and feed him

and if you are breastfeeding it is one of those things the men can kind of be a little bit useless yeah a little bit especially during this period how do you deal with the unsolicited parenting advice that comes in because one of the joys of having a following is that there's people who are like interested in what you say but one of the burdens is that people have a lot of things to say to you as well yeah look that's definitely been one of the biggest hurdles for me I think you've obviously got family and friends usually that will give you unsolicited advice you'll have you know maybe your in-law saying you know you should do it in a certain way but when you have social media on top of that it is incredibly daunting particularly in those first few months

because you don't know what you're doing and there is such an over consumption of just things on social media when it comes to pregnancy when it comes to parenthood every second thing on my algorithm at the moment is, you know, this is my bath time routine with my three week old. And it's like, who has a bath time routine? I was like, I barely washed her when she was three weeks old. I think I washed her once in that time. But the advice also contradicts constantly. So like you'll see one thing and then someone else will pop up and they're saying the exact opposite thing. Yeah. I think for me, it was when we got back from hospital, I think I realized I went on back on the social media way too soon. I think I almost had this idea that if I just keep going with

social media it's like it won't become this burden in a couple of weeks time that I have to then update people on our life and that there is that element but I remember five days after being in hospital we got back and I remember posting this video of Jimmy and he was I thought it was just this really lovely video of him holding Lenny and he'd fallen asleep holding Lenny and I was there obviously unpacking the hospital bag watching him and I just remember there was just this one comment that basically said you shouldn't be holding him that way there's the risk of SIDS and it just blew up like I had hundreds of people arguing with each other you know you shouldn't talk to them they're a new parent like new parents and blah blah blah and then all these other people

going well no she actually makes a solid point you know I had this traumatizing experience which I don't want to repeat but and I'm reading all of these things five days into becoming a mom and just going, oh, my God, am I doing this right? Is my kid at risk of SIDS? Like and you start, I don't know, I was just a wreck and I said to Jimmy, I said, should I delete the post? And he was like, no, absolutely not. Stop reading the comments and just move on.

Just let them sort it out for themselves and move on. The ridiculous thing is is that people on social media do love to give their advice based on a snapshot in time and the thing is is from that photo people don't have the context that you're standing there. I mean the context is in the photo. you're standing there taking the photo. So although one person's asleep, the other parent is right there. And I think that people make a lot of assumptions around a second and then

therefore like give their advice. And it's the same when you talk about being a pregnant woman and the unsolicited like comments on your body when you're a new parent or any parent, I don't think you have to just be a new parent. It's like you are open slather for people telling you that you're not doing it right or that you should do something differently. And often that advice comes from women I would say it comes from like older women who have maybe the second generation who think that the way that they did it was the right way of doing it yeah and that's the the irony as well I think through the whole time that Jimmy and I've been doing the social media thing Jimmy very rarely cops anything it seems to be always women against women which really really sucks but

I think like yeah I don't know I just feel like it comes naturally I think to some people as well Even for me the other day, I saw someone going like, pack my hospital bag with me. And I remember thinking in my head, oh, she's not going to use that. And I was like, I just did the thing. I did the thing where it's like, you don't need that. This is how you do it. Every child is so different. I did the same thing recently.

An influencer was posting all the cute baby outfits they bought for their newborn. And I was like, haha, buttons. You're never going to use any of those. Fucking cute. But I bet you all of those have tags on when that baby's four months old. Yeah, exactly. Buttons are the worst. Yeah, I know, right?

But also, like, people have to learn for themselves and, like, there is no, nothing good comes from telling someone that the thing they're excited about isn't going to happen because maybe they will be that parent who has the energy or the capacity to put the buttons on their kid. Maybe they will be. Good for them. Like, I found that Bon Zippies were, like, my fucking one and only.

My kid would go to, like, we'd go to events and they'd be wearing Bon Zippies. I've never seen your kid in a button in their fives. Literally. Marley and Lola, until they were literally one years old, just lived in sleep suits because I was like it's all I have the capacity for yeah I mean to be fair Lenny is dressed to impress today he's got overalls on today Holly it was my first thought when I saw Lenny I was like wow that's ambitious yeah exactly well he was making his big podcast

debut today exactly exactly yeah I mean I can only imagine how hard that period is and you guys are so in the thick of it like I mean eight weeks six weeks who knows how old Lenny is but like 12 months give or take but it really is it's like this is ground zero for like everyone critiquing how you're doing it but i mean anyone who can get up get themselves dressed and come in to do a podcast record with their husband and their baby is doing a fucking amazing job and i also i think we scooted over it but i do just want to say because we should have commented on it but you just saying you went to a pilates class and looked and saw your pouch and you were really down about it can I just say a pouch what's what you called it you said you looked down for a pouch didn't

I say that I probably did well maybe I called it a pouch maybe it's a pocket is it a pouch but that's what women call it right because you get this you get this pouch that stays little bum bag but yeah you've got a bum bag but can I just say firstly you look incredible you're doing incredibly well no there is no normal there is no bounce back there is no normal recovery for any woman eight weeks in your hormones aren't even back to normal so even for you to look at yourself in another month you'll feel differently and that's going to be forever evolving so I just felt like we should have sat in that for a second because whilst you don't feel quote-unquote sexy you're fucking hot like you I'm looking at you now and you're a fire flame so you are I feel like

that's the nicest you've ever been to me it's like I'm quite good it's a hard one isn't it when like the benchmark on social media is hot pregnancies. I mean, there's lots, like there's the full spectrum of it. But like I even recently, I only use this as an example because she is so beautiful and like being pregnant, she's like literally the icon of fitness. Steph Claire Smith, like I was watching her kind of like, you know, she's quite heavily pregnant now and she just looks amazing.

Yeah, pregnancy suits her. And like, you know, she's also, her brand is fitness. So like she's always going to be like the fittest version of a pregnant person. and I looked at it recently and I was like I just I just so hardcore can't relate because I'm so sick when I'm pregnant that I can't exercise so for me it's like I look at people who are able to maintain that part of their life and who go to Pilates in first trimester and they maintain their shape and I'm like I am literally a dead person yeah can't get off the couch can't stop

vomiting yeah pregnancy doesn't love you it doesn't love you you don't thrive at the start You come into your own. Yeah, I figure it out midway. But it's a rough start. But also, like, by then I've just done 17 weeks of literally nothing. So not only am I behind the eight ball and trying to exercise again, I'm also midway pregnant. Like, it's so hard.

So, you know, I understand this, like, reference point that we have sometimes for what pregnancy looks like and it's just so different for every single person. I do think, though, I just I fail to believe that there aren't women who are gassy and they've got swollen hands and everything goes, like the amount of symptoms that you have. I remember asking ChatGPT the whole time I was pregnant, like is this symptom normal?

I've got a blocked nose. Is this symptom normal? It's like every symptom. What was the weirdest thing that happened to you? God. Like did you grow hair somewhere you shouldn't have? Well, yeah, if you are a laser person, like I've had laser for 12 years on the V.

On the vag, where the P goes. Yeah. and it just all of a sudden it started growing back in these patchy ways and I remember as well for the c-section I was like I need to you know sort this out I can't see it but I need to so funny because they're literally cutting you open to pull a baby out and you're like oh I better I know you gotta yeah you gotta make sure that it's all in order and I remember looking at it do you know like the Deadpool Wolverine dog that's like it's got like all the the tufts of hair I remember when my stomach started to go down and I could see my vagina again I was like

what did I do it was just like there's just like it was just yeah it was not good yeah so the hair situation that was and I think as well just it's this isn't a funny one but it was just the hands like everything just started blowing up I was like Violet Beauregard from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory when she turns into the giant blueberry I remember going to the gym for the last time and I just went in my third trimester and I was like nah I picked up some weights and I couldn't actually even class the weights and I started just I was so pregnant and Jimmy was sitting next to me and I just he's like just crying with these dumbbells in my hand he was like I think we need to go and I think it's time yeah so yeah it all just happens it really does

didn't something weird didn't you grow chest hair or something or did I make that up wasn't this I got a really fat vagina that's it like my fucking vulva I was like are we are we kidding like I was like I can't even wear a fucking swimsuit I look like I'm packing like it was so confusing smuggling and then it deflated afterwards but I just like the third trimester had the fattest vulva that you've ever seen wait which is that which part is the vulva the whole outside the whole outside both labias everything that's like on the outside rather than like except mine hasn't changed mine is still the same as when I was pregnant and it's been no well no it's just it my whole vagina has actually changed I don't know if this is a

thing like my labia sucked in really most people go out well but I didn't have to push I didn't push the thing out so it's still stuck up they're waiting they're waiting you got a vagina tuck you got like a reconstruction I got varicose veins as well like that was another fun symptom that just came out of nowhere I still have them haven't done anything about them but like so many things like my hair stopped falling out and then it fell out in tufts afterwards like it just it really does do a fucking doozy on your body and so it's no wonder that for those like few weeks afterwards or longer for some people your body's like what just happened well yeah it's fair isn't it it's like when you're really nutted out you're like yeah this checks out

yeah I mean we've spoken a lot about like the hard bits but what's been like your favorite thing so far oh I mean I went into this being like I want to make sure that I don't talk about the doom and gloom and I hope that I haven't touched on that too much I just want to make sure that everyone knows that this has been the most incredible thing I have ever done in my life. It definitely comes with its lows, but just seeing him now, we are at such a fun age where it's like he's now starting to respond. He's no longer just this potato who just, you know, poos on you and vomits on you. He is now like, he smiles at us and like, I'll go to get him out of his little bassinet in the morning. And he's just like smiling at me. And I think just seeing how much

they change every day Jimmy and I have like these just really nice mornings together they're just slow mornings we get up and we just lie in bed with a coffee and we just have the nicest you know Jimmy will sing to him and yeah I mean he doesn't have the greatest voice but it's just all a really exciting time seeing him grow yeah it's so beautiful honey Holly thank you so much for coming in and sharing your story you actually are such a dreamboat you've always been such a a giving and kind and generous person. You've never, you've not changed an ounce since we saw you on The Bachelor the whole way.

And I think that that is a really, we don't see it often. It's a really rare thing to be truly who you are and authentic from go to woe. Like it's been like, what, six, seven years now? No, no, it's been like, yeah, maybe four. Seven for me. It's been a while. Fuck, fuck.

Is you eight, seven now? Yeah, I was 30. I'm turning 38 this year. So I'm eight years. Well, yeah, I'm nearly eight years. You're going on nine years. Wow. Well, it's on to us.

Yeah. So maybe it is longer than you think. But thank you so much for being so generous with sharing your story with us today. Thanks, guys. I'm not good with compliments, but thank you. Thank you. That's the end of it.