Life Uncut - The ups, the downs and the Kanyes - Talking Bipolar disorder with Anastasia McLean!

Episode Date: November 1, 2021

Living with Bipolar - the upsides, the downsides and the Kanyes with Anastasia McLean!In today's episode we are chatting with the hilarious Ana from 'The Bipolar Diaries,' who openly shares her experiences of living with Bipolar II.Ana is an open book and speaks about:-what it's like living with Bipolar II, from life pre diagnosis to life now, -how it affects her relationships with her family, friends and romantic interests,-her sex life such as  the hyper sexuality people with Bipolar experience during their manic stages and the negative judgement many women receive for their sexual desires and behaviours-the misconceptions and stigmas associated with Bipolar *cough* Kanye has a few of them!You can check out The Bipolar Diaries here: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/the-bipolar-diaries/id1571542239*Content warning* This episode touches on mental health issues and mentions suicide. This episode also contains Ana's personal account of living with Bipolar II and should not be considered medical advice. If you are not in the right headspace to listen to this episode right now, please give it a miss or listen to it another time. Life line is available on 13 11 14. If you enjoyed the episode, share it with someone you like, chuck us a review (5 stars would be lovely) & share the love because WE LOVE LOVE!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura and I am Brittany and we have a killer episode for you guys today. Killer? Well, yeah, I think it was killer. I loved it. Did you not? That's just the word. I know.

It's like I'm stuck. It's too killer, man. I'm not cool anymore. Like, I'm stuck in a different generation. I am definitely not. I haven't been cool for a while, though. I like how I said I'm not cool anymore. I don't think I was ever cool.

If you ask Jordan or my sister or anyone in my life, even you, you'll say that I'm probably the most uncool person you've ever met. Did you? No, I wouldn't say that. I wouldn't say it. Do you think I'm cool? The most uncool.

No. what is the barometer for cool anyway? I don't think anyone's really cool. Everyone just pretends and they were all a bit dorky in our real personal lives. Anyway, this actually, this is a good segue. I have a story. I want to know, did you do anything for Halloween? Are you serious? I slept for five hours. I had a migraine. I literally sat on this lounge. I was so unwell. And I know that's not exciting for anyone to hear, but I could not do anything. Well, you look great today. Look at you all sprightly here behind the microphone. Did you do anything? No, I feel like Marley and Lola are far too young also I don't want to go through the process of trying to mediate regulation when

it comes to chocolates with a two-year-old like that's just a whole argument and debate that I don't want to deal with and I have a second thing that I have a problem with when it comes to Halloween let's unpack this this was unexpected I'm trying to teach Marley about stranger danger so the whole idea of just carting her from one person's house to another person's house and taking chocolate from literal strangers kind of makes me feel weird it seems like conflicting messaging that I'm giving her okay so I actually have never celebrated Halloween my entire life because for that it's an American holiday and we shouldn't be celebrating it here because it means nothing to us exactly and from a young age my mum was exactly the same when we were kids I mean it

wasn't that big in Australia I feel like over the last sort of 10 years it's really started to take off a little bit more but it is an American holiday growing up my mum was like are you kidding there's no way you're going to knock on strangers doors that we don't know to get chocolate exactly that they were like I mean we were a safety house do you remember safety houses yeah for anyone okay so for anyone who's young and doesn't know what a safety house is you used to have a little sticker that had like little three little neighbors and it was a safety house it was like a yellow plastic plaque and you had to go through this organization to sign up so that they knew you were legit and then you would put the little plaque on your letterbox so that any

kids know that if they saw that and they needed help or they're in trouble they could go to that house because it was a safe house and it's bloody brilliant actually okay I think that it's not brilliant because I think it's if you're not a safe house if you're a house that's actually a little bit dubious that's the perfect thing to put on your house it's obviously not a foolproof system because obviously someone can go and take it off your letterbox and put it on someone else's but that was my childhood we were a safety house we were not allowed to go and knock on doors and get chocolate and I'm probably going to be a grinch if I'm a mum my kids aren't doing Halloween they're not and people can at me people can at me people can think I'm horrible I will give them

the chocolate maybe I'll take them to a party that a friend's party but I'm not letting my kids go knock on strangers I'm just not gonna do it yeah I find the whole thing weird if you are a parent who took your kid trick-or-treating I mean good for you guys I feel sorry for you dealing with like the sugar hangover right now it's fun don't get me wrong my sister did it with my nephew the whole of Paddington was alive with people taking their kids out trick-or-treating I think maybe by the time Marley's four I probably will change my mind on this but right now we have at least one more year before she's going to be asking I think three maybe at four she'll start well so yesterday in my little deathly set in the lounge I needed to go get some air so I went out

the front and I just sat on my little piece of grass out the front of my house I was just sitting there I thought I'll just get 20 minutes of fresh air maybe it'll make me feel better and this group of people they walked past probably about four people there were three dogs they were carrying all these presents that were wrapped beautifully and the dog stopped right in front of me to do a wee so I just struck up a conversation because that's what I do and I was like oh cute dogs blah blah and I was like where you guys off to you off to a Halloween party they're like yeah we've got a party on just down the road talking about their dogs etc etc and now I'm talking these gifts were beautiful these people were really done up and dressed to the nines and I

was like professional rapping David Jones special yeah and I was like would have loved that present that's great and I was like oh is it Halloween or someone's birthday and they're like they all their looks on their faces all went a bit funny and like oh well it is a birthday and I was like okay I was like what this is is there something you guys aren't telling me and I'm like cool they're like it's just that it's at Mark's Park when now Mark's Park in Bondi is a really big dog park with beautiful views but people often go there for picnics and I'm like oh nice that will be hard with all your food and like all the dogs running around they're like oh it's actually a dog's birthday we're going to oh that is the most Bondi thing I have ever heard I literally

lost it and I was like what they're like yeah and I could tell they're almost embarrassed they're like yeah well it's a dog's birthday it's a celebration I was like so these presents that are done up better than any present I've ever given anyone is for a dog. And they were like, yes, that's correct. And I was like, this is the most Bond I think that I have ever experienced. But my question to you is, is it me that just thinks this is a strange thing to do? Or like, would you throw a celebration for your dog? What do you think?

And I'm talking like, I don't know what was in the presents. I wish I wanted to ask, but I think they're offended that I was laughing at them. I have definitely had a small birthday party for Buster before. There was 150 people invited. it was fully catered I don't know I mean so many people these days this isn't just a bond I think so many people treat their animals like they are their children because they're such an important part of your life you know they and then it's until you actually have children and then the animals get neglected you're like what who are you not neglected but they just go down the pecking

order you've already got a birthday just to like organize kids parties the dog parties kind of go down the rank but so many people have like pet instagrams how do you feel about a pet instagram I look I'm I think pet instagrams are fine probably when I get a pet I'll do one one day I'm not opposed to that and for me in the past I have celebrated my dog's birthday by being like hey you were born here's a bone like I'm not inviting 50 people to an organized event and expecting them to bring presents like I think that's extravagant but then what I was thinking I was trying to reason with this also wait don't dogs have like multiple birthdays a year wouldn't they have like 17 are we doing this in dog years well yeah they I mean they don't have multiple

birthdays but they age seven years in a year but I don't think well that's almost like once a month it's like okay you've been a bit greedy but then I was trying to reason with this in my head and I thought maybe it's just an excuse because of the shit fire of a year that the last two years have been maybe people are like any excuse to get our friends together and have a party hey it's Bobby's birthday Bobby my dog let's all go and have a party so whatever floats your boat I just thought for me it's not my cup of tea 100% that is exactly what it is at the moment I think especially if you're from New South Wales or Melbourne anything to celebrate hey if you bought a plant this weekend and kept it alive you should have a party well my plants are thriving

let's do it my kids getting toilet trained maybe we'll have a toilet training party the day that Marley stops doing poos in the garden will be the day that we have a little celebration party well I can't say that my weekend was anywhere near as exciting actually that doesn't sound like your weekend dude that was the most exciting part of my weekend like this I think you're misunderstanding the story was not exciting we are in the depths of potty training Marley like we are we're in the throes and she was so good to start with I'm not sure if any other parents have been through this or if you had a similar experience with your children Marley was awesome for like the first month she got it she loved it she was like yes I'm gonna use the potty I'm a big kid

and now she's had some wild toilet training regression like nothing has changed we haven't changed anything she's just decided she doesn't want to go to a potty anymore she doesn't want to go to the toilet. She wants to only go to the toilet outside in the same area that Buster does his business. Well, I mean, this is how she learns. She's probably watching Buster just go into the garden and thinks, what a brilliant idea. Do you know how confronting it is to watch a two-year-old pop a poo next to a dog poo? Like just sitting in the garden. She's like, mommy, I need to go to the toilet. And before there's even a second to stop her, she's running out the door, pulling her pants up and squatting in the garden so does she always give you warning that she's going to

go and do it or do you just go to pick up Buster's poo and there's a human poo next to it like is it just like surprise here are a couple of poops around the garden the problem is is I literally can't tell the difference maybe she's eating too many solid foods if she's pooing the size of Buster she's two she's good yeah anyway it's wild it's it's it's a really confronting and challenging time toilet training so now when you take Buster and Miley for a walk you have to take extra poo bags literally she does one in the park bus it does one in the park and there's one thing like you can do a bush wee that's fine bush wheeze are fine bush poos are a whole other that's a kettle of fish i mean i grew up and like don't don't at me straight away let me finish the story but i

grew up doing poos and wheeze in the bush okay we don't need to get some that's enough we're gonna get into what this episode's about that has gone far enough otherwise that grab will be taken purely because we were in a full drive club we were brought up camping like it was normal when you need to go to the toilet dad was like oh well grab the shovel grab it he dug us a hole we pooped in the hole and he covered the hole back up and that was our childhood camping it's different if you're camping we are in Bondi in a two-bedroom unit and she's doing it literally on the one little patch of grass that we have that's about two meters by one no one's digging holes this is not a bush situation Laura let her live her best life yeah anyway I'll worry about tomorrow's

problems tomorrow let us tell you what today's episode is about before we unpack a couple other things and then come full circle back into what the episode is about. We are talking to Anastasia McLean today and Anastasia is the owner. She's the host. She is the person behind the bipolar diaries. We're talking about the stigma that surrounds bipolar in order to normalize these conversations. But this story, this conversation, this isn't for people who have bipolar because people who have bipolar know exactly what living with it is like. This is for anybody who's ever come in contact with someone who has bipolar, for anybody who will do in the future to really understand and have a better grasp about what is involved and what are some of the daily struggles

by someone who does have bipolar and also what is the outward perception what's the social perception that people have Anastasia is such a barrel of laughs I cannot recommend this episode enough and if you're interested go and find her we're going to put everything in the show notes but she just speaks really openly about it I learned so much about bipolar disorder from the chat with Anastasia she has bipolar 2 there are four types of bipolar so she speaks all about that what the diagnosis was like what life was like before that the challenges she faces the challenges she faces in her love life and dating and how she's gone on a date with someone before she's gone on four or five dates and the second she drops her their bipolar they're out of there so she thought fuck

this I need to normalize this I want to speak about it so people realize this isn't the end of the world so she started this podcast she speaks so openly on her Instagram she's actually so funny we were in hysterics the whole time but we'll get into that shortly now Laura you told me today you had something you want to ask me oh it's not very exciting look it's a it's a would you rather I've been I thought this was gonna be like a really serious question no I have been asked the same would you rather three times this week by three separate people which makes me think that maybe this is trending honestly three separate people in my life have come to me and asked me this would you rather it's got to be trending then people don't just think of this

on their own no but I need to know Britt what would your answer be would you rather have sex every day for the rest of your life but when you have sex you have to give a blow job so you have to give a blow every single time you have sex every time every time and it's every single day without fail or never ever ever have sex or masturbate ever again well i mean like that's easy i don't think this is easy i think this is very hard well no i would 100 have sex and give a blowjob every day of my life 100 you would give a blowjob every single day for the rest of your life would you give up sex for the rest you'll be 89 years old with a penis in your mouth you're gonna gobby no because he's not gonna be getting hard at 89 years old every day it's for the rest

of your life even if it's not who said it has to be hard even if it's flaccid are you so messed up why did you even ask me this i would not be giving it up no i'm shook that you're giving it up actually you're only giving up because you've got two kids i'm tired i'm so tired i feel like most other mums actually i won't say most i feel like some other mums out there will get these i'm too tired to give a blow job every day i'm too tired to have sex every day okay but i'm gonna add this in and you can't change it now because you've already said you can't change the rules you didn't specify if it was like the whole lot to completion to completion no you didn't it's too late i've already i've already committed it's not like two seconds so you're

not like licking a lollipop and then getting on with it it's the whole thing it could be 20 minutes could be half an hour well you'd be good at it after a while if you're doing it every day for the rest of your life you wouldn't be doing a half an hour okay I'm just gonna throw one back at you that I've just thought of now for no other reason than you've just brought me one would you rather never have sex again with your partner or anyone or never kiss and have that intimacy again so you could still have sex but you can never kiss you would never kiss your partner ever again like no hellos no i love you kisses no even if you get married you're not allowed to kiss at the altar you're not allowed imagine the sexual tension if you could only kiss but never have sex ever like

you could never say it would be painful or horrible it'd be so like you would explode but kissing is such a nice thing as well yeah and i'm pretty tired still so i think i'd go for kissing Matt I'm so sorry for your future I'm sure it won't be like this forever I'm sure we'll get out of the haze of having a two-year-old and eight-month-old one day all right I want to talk about something else quickly before we get into I want to talk about dating hinge has started a new feature on their online dating and it is voice memos so you can now do your voice recording and voice memos know that this isn't groundbreaking so bumble and a few other apps have done this but it just when I read it I just got me thinking about my dating life when I was online because

I've done all of the apps I think personally this is amazing I think that dating should be 100% voice memos because before that it was what it was some boring texts I don't even know at the start if you could send a photo what do you think about voice memos because I've had some pretty bad experiences well I love a voice memo in general like on text messages on whatsapp like I'll use a voice memo if I'm busy and I don't have the hands free like for me it's a very convenient thing but I think when it comes to dating it's a whole other element because you want to hear the sound of someone's voice like you want to know what they say I've definitely dated someone before where the texting was amazing and then when we had our first phone call I was like oh you don't

sound like I like sound is important I was like you don't sound the way I expected you to sound it was this real contrast between the way he looked the way he sounded and the words that were coming through. It just, I don't know. There was a mismatch for me. Also though, why not just a phone call? My only question around this is why voice memos on a dating app? Why not just give the person a call and just get it done with quickly so that you can kind of wham, bam, thank you, ma'am. Yes. No. Do I want to date you? Don't I want to date you? Move it into the real world faster. Nah, I'm actually on this and I've thought about it carefully. There is still this, and I don't know if it's a generational thing. Like there are still people, you see all the

funny memes like you'll be texting I used to be like this you'll be texting someone and then all of a sudden they start to call you you throw your phone across the room you're like whoa I don't want to actually speak to you on the phone like I just want to text you I think that voice memos are a happy medium I agree with you that you need to hear somebody and I guess for me when I look back at my dating I am very we all know that I use humor for everything and I text like that and I don't have a filter so as soon as I would meet someone online I wouldn't beat around the bush I would just be me straight away like a hundred percent me and a lot of people didn't get that because messages can be lost in messages like what you're trying to say there's no tone of voice

they don't get the joke even when I met Jordan and we were texting at the start because we met on an app he said that to me when we started dating he was like there are a few things you said and some pictures that you sent because I sent like a dress-up picture of me playing tennis and I was taking the piss like I was completely taking the piss but he didn't get it it was all lost on him he's like there was a moment there that I thought this girl's just really weird he's like as soon as I met you in person and I could tell everything he said I could put it into perspective so I think that would happen to a lot of people I think that the tone of voice is everything and I remember going on a date once I had went on this date with this guy and we had the best banter on text for

like two three weeks we just couldn't meet up for whatever reason the second I met up with him within three minutes I was like what the fuck have I done and I had committed to dinner I was like how do I get out of this there was no banter in real life it did not translate I don't know if he was just like googling jokes and he spent time to text them to me but there was nothing no chemistry no banter and I feel like I would have picked that up if there were voice memos or phone calls a hundred percent would have picked that up before I made it to that point well I think as well having a voice memo the one positive thing about that is that it does take out a little bit of the pressure or the social anxiety that can come with having that first phone call because

having the first phone call can almost be as stressful for some people as meeting in real life and I guess having the voice memo gives you a moment to prepare your answer like it gives you a moment to think about what you want to reply with but you've come full circle yes I know I have I've thought about it I'm on I'm on the dark side but I do think like the only thing about a voice memo is that there can be too much preparation that goes into it in the same way that texting can have so much preparation the problem with the whole like having such great chemistry and great banter across text is that some people do their best work via text form right or maybe they're in their house with their housemates and they're getting friends to help so it's actually

their friends who are super funny who and that's their friends who maybe you should be dating i used to text on my friend's behalf on dating apps all the time totally so you never really know exactly what you're getting so i do understand that this voice memo thing kind of adds that element it's like a little bit more it's a little bit more invested but it's not so far as going and having a phone call honestly though i just think after a very short period of time you need to move it to IRL because the longer that you stay in the whole dating app ambiguity phase the longer you get invested in someone and we had this conversation with Logan Urie recently the more you become invested in someone the more that you put all your time and energy into someone

and they may be completely not for you like you might meet them in real life have zero chemistry you might not like that sound of their voice you just wasted two years with this catfish don't let it get to that point anyways let's get into our favorite part of every episode and that is accidentally unfiltered slash confessional do you have a confessional or an accidentally unfiltered today I'm going rogue today I've actually got two but I've got and I can't believe they said that I'm bringing that back in and I also have a confessional oh and I have an accidentally unfiltered I love the trifecta that we've got going on here what do you want first since you have two you can hit me with number one okay I'm gonna go with the I can't believe

they said that because it's been a while and it's actually brought back some PTSD from something that happened to me in the early stages with jordan i can't believe they said that i was standing in the shower with my partner who i'd been dating for around four years he looked down at my boobs and i could see that he was thinking here's me thinking he's admiring them and then we're probably about to get frisky when he says you need a special comb don't you and i responded confused huh a comb for what and he proceeds to say in all seriousness but very casually a special comb for your nipple hairs what I literally didn't have words I just stared at him like what the actual fuck he then tried to take it back and say oh no I mean in a cute way they're cute but

surely you'd have to comb them what the actual do you know what you grow nipple hairs when you're pregnant not everyone but some people do I feel I feel for your girlfriend don't worry happens to the best of us like why would he think that you would have to comb them no he was being an ass he doesn't actually think he was just being a smart ass no she said it was four years the concern was generally there he was actually considering being like well i guess if you have hair on your nipples you probably need to maintain them like your head like she doesn't say it was in an ass way i do not believe that for one second you're trying to tell me that men need to comb the chest hair like men out there combing their chest this guy was being an ass he and then

he tried to play it off as a joke like he was trying to be like oh i didn't know sorry because you realize what he said i think so i think it's the same way jordan asked me if i had had a serious accident with my stretch marks no way there is no guy out there i do not believe this for one second majority of guys have hair on their chest tell me one guy that's out there combing their maybe there is someone but like it's not that's not a thing that people have to do they don't have to comb your chest hair if this was your accidentally unfiltered write into us to tell us if you actually think your partner has been a bit of a dick or if you think he genuinely was perplexed By your nipple hair.

I want to know because I'm on his side a little bit. I don't think he's being a dick. I think you are being so kind and naive to him. That's also what I do. Also, maybe you think your partner was being just completely ignorant to how the female body works or is, but I actually think maybe he was playing that off after he could have gotten in trouble.

I think he knows better. Anyway, bring me on. And you should know better too. And Brittany, you should definitely know better. I give everyone the benefit of the doubt. You know that. Okay, all right. And I'm just like this old jaded hag that has a kid pooing in the backyard.

You're like, fire him, throw him outside. he's done thank you nick in the bin okay here it is so i am a nurse and i had to give one of my patients a suppository for anybody who doesn't know what a suppository is it goes up your backside and it helps you either poo when you're constipated or it can also help with pain relief disclaimer this was an older lady and gravity had started to take place so she was there laying on her side and here i am putting the suppository in to what i thought was her rectum and then the patient turns around and says ah i'm sorry love that's my vagina i put a fucking suppository in this woman's vagina i'm sure i don't know if i can laugh i mean obviously a very very innocent mistake on her

behalf and she was probably beside herself but like i feel like you need to know which exit you're putting that into she wrote wow what a nurse i am i honestly i also love that just when you get old you're like oh love that's not the right one what are you doing all my patients all my older patients like anything could happen and they don't care like they'll be nude and i'll be like oh you can put this gown on they're like oh please they're like and i'm like no put on for my sake i was like for me but they're like i don't care i'm 80 years old i've lived my life and i'm like you live your best life can i say this this is for any mums out there who have small children i'm just gonna talk about suppositories for a second things are getting weird if you're a mum

and you have small babies or toddlers who won't take Panadol. Like I struggled so badly with Lola with Panadol. Every time I try and give it to her, she just vomits it up. Marley was exactly the same. And it's really traumatic trying to get a syringe into their little mouths and get them to swallow what is like four mils. They hate it, especially when they're sick. Then they have this plastic thing being shoved in their mouth.

I took Lola to the doctors and I was like, I don't know what to do. I need to give her Nurofen or Panadol for her teething. She's screaming. I was like, but she won't take it. and then she vomits and it's this big thing. And he was like, go to the chemist. You have a suppository. Buy Panadol suppository for toddlers and babies. And I was like, I'm sorry, what? So you have to stick your finger up their butt. No, you don't stick your finger in their backside. You just put the little, it's like a little cream tablet and you pop it in their backside. Honestly,

she doesn't know. She doesn't even know what's happening. It is the calm and then there is no storm. It is so fine. I know that for some parents, they're going to be like, that is weird. And I don't want to do it. And I felt exactly the same way, but it's much better than having a kid screaming and then throwing up. That's just my, that's my, there you go. It's my life hack. There's your hot tip. Yes. Make sure you put it in the right hole. That's your hot tip for the day. Okay. I'm going to give you one confessional before we get into the chat with Anastasia. Okay. Surely I'm not the only one who does this. When I'm on the toilet and I know people are going to hear the splash, example, if I'm in a public toilet or a toilet that's close to other

people I get toilet paper in my actual hand and I cup the poo as it comes out I guide it into the toilet in my hand so that no one can hear my splash and I personally think I'm a genius am I the only one because my sister-in-law tells me I'm completely alone in this I'm asking you guys yes you're alone no one cups their poo and guides it out of their butthole into the toilet I don't have that much anxiety around the splash i'm fine with it she definitely is i don't care i think that when you're in a toilet like every single human and i get why you've done this because everyone especially if you're on a date you're in a house i'm like laura's got some funny stories no one wants anyone else to know they're doing a poo i don't know why because every single human

does it like i get that you don't want to do the splash but i think the older you get you realize that it's such a normal thing no one knows what cubicle you're in unless there's like a lineup of 50 people waiting to get in your toilet and you're letting loose but i think there's got to be other ways around this. I just think there are better ways than making a cup. And yes, my answer to you is I think you're alone. I think you're alone. And I definitely don't think we need to do a poll for this one. I'm pretty sure. Can I just say, I love confessionals and I love accidentally unfilters. And the reason for that is we all do weird stuff. Like we all have something that we've done or we've said, or, and at the time we were like, well, that's

embarrassing, but it's very galvanizing that we all have these same lived experiences that we're all actually a little bit weird and extremely uncool in our own homes. That is what I love about Accidentally Unfiltered and confessionals. And also, I can't believe they said that. So keep them all coming in. You know where to send them to the Instagram Life Uncut podcast. You can, if you want to throw them up and just have a laugh at yourself in the Facebook discussion group, you can do that too. Let's get into our chat with Anastasia. But before we do, we just want to say that this conversation does mention suicide and mental health. So if you are struggling with this or you think this is going to be triggering, this might not be the

episode for you so you can give it a miss or you can come back to it at a later date lifeline is always available 13 11 14 it's also really important just to note that everything we talk about in this are anastasia's own experiences and they are her own opinion so please if you actually need medical advice go and see a health professional now let's chat to anastasia we have anna from the bipolar diaries with us anna welcome to life uncut thank you so much i'm so excited to be talking to both of you before we get into the whole stigma around bipolar unpacking what it is like living with bipolar we have something that we need to ask you it's what we ask every single guest that we have on the podcast I know that you are fully prepped for

this we need to know what is your accidentally unfiltered oh god I have so many but there's one that just comes to mind every time and I mean it's a bit rogue but basically I I backstory is I was seeing this guy and he kind of mentioned a few days before we ended that I didn't give him enough blow jobs I mean standard response yeah I know I was like okay so I went out you know I'm the type of person that like to get over someone I have to get under someone that's just how I work and I went out I went back home with this guy and it'd been a long night having sex and then I was like going down doing my thing and he accidentally came on my face or sorry ejaculated on my face I don't know what's more appropriate it's okay you can say okay it's fine yeah I was like okay well

you know shit happens and so he gave me a towel I was like wiped it off but I was quite drunk so I just kind of went to bed we both did and we woke up in the morning we were like talking and like it was daylight both looking at each other oh god and then I was like okay I have to get the fuck out of here I can't stay here any longer I get in the uber and I was like oh I wonder what I look like just you know and I sat there looking at myself in my camera being like did I go in the sun yesterday like why is my face peeling his cum had dried and was peeling off my face like flaking off my face like you had an allergic reaction oh my god you're just sitting there with semen on your face legit yeah he had a full conversation with me looking at my face

while I had like flaky shit coming off my face and didn't say anything the whole morning maybe you just thought you'd woken up and like you were dry like maybe he didn't clock it but at the same time there's a lot of things that are wrong with this conversation did anybody say anything to you did you manage to get from the bedroom to the uber into the uber and that's that was the revelation oh yeah this is like i did not see anyone i just literally got i mean the uber driver obviously saw it but he probably just thought i was you know peeling from i thought i was peeling and i was trying to think back to yesterday but then it was like it was august and i was like there's no fucking way. I've burnt my face. It was just, and I had to pick it off. And so, yeah, I had to

sit there in the cab, just like slowly trying to take it off my face. I put it like RIP, put a fork in me. I'm done. And can I ask, did it work just for, just for the listeners out there, not did the peel work? Don't try this instead of going to a beautician. Did you get over the person you were seeing by getting under someone else? Yes, but that's just how I operate. I honestly, I tend to date guys though that I don't like that much because I get scared of getting hurt so I and then I become like attached to them and then when it ends I'm like oh I didn't really like you that much anyway you're talking my language I did that for about 10 years yeah so tell us a little bit about you Anna because you are coming to us from London yeah so I'm from Australia I'm from Sydney

and about two years ago I just decided or a year and a half I really wanted to move my sister lives year and I was meant to move in March of 2020 but the pandemic hit and the day before my flight they closed the border oh and I like quit my job and everything so I was at home with my parents in lockdown just us three and you know I was unemployed so I just chilled out and then as soon as I got to the chance to try and get over here in August of last year I just went because I knew that then I would never do it and yeah I got over here and I've been I mean I've been through so many lockdowns now, but I absolutely love it here. It's amazing. We wanted to get into like talking about bipolar, but for anybody who thinks they know what it is, but doesn't

necessarily have a great grasp on it. Cause I think even for us, I was like, yeah, I guess, I guess I know, but I don't, I don't think I really know. Can you explain to us like what is bipolar? I feel like people have this idea of it, but basically bipolar people always think it's just like, you know, obviously it's a mood disorder and it's just like, you're up and down, but it's so much more than that. There's like four different types of bipolar. Bipolar one and bipolar two are kind of the main ones that most people know about. I'm bipolar two, which is a, they don't like to say a mild version of bipolar one, but that kind of is what it is. So bipolar one, I would kind of more look at like Kanye West as bipolar one. Is he actually? Yeah,

he's bipolar. I mean, you can tell he's like, thinks he's God. Well, I just thought the fame got to his head. I didn't actually know he was bipolar. Or part of his creative genius maybe. No. Okay. This will make so much fucking sense once I explain this and you'll make you see him in like a different, you'll understand now why he is the way he is, I think. But basically you have hypomanic for me, but then that's called manic for bipolar one. So bipolar two is hypomanic, which is like your highs. And then you have your, you know, lows, depressive moods, which can vary between bipolar one, bipolar two. So bipolar one's usually like the extreme opposite ends and bipolar two are just a bit less than that so in those moods like there's just the list is

endless of shit that goes on like you your speech is fast your thoughts are rapid you spent one of the ways you can tell if you're in a hyper manic episode is that you spend a lot of money you have a lot of sex because you're high yeah i know like i go on fucking spending sprees i have one night stands and i'm just like maybe i'm a bit like in an episode i don't know so there's so many different ways to tell that you're in one than people realize and then obviously you have the down part is kind of a lot more like depression that everyone kind of from time to time can experience but just way more extreme you know suicidal and can't get out of bed and all of that but yeah there's so many more elements to it than people think there are this is why we got you on

there excuse my ignorance but like laura said this is this is something that like you think you know about but you actually don't we've never had a guest on to talk about it yeah so your childhood looking back is this something that you were born with is this something that can come on due to like traumatic or stressful situations and I guess what was it like growing up when did you realize you had it when you realized you had it did it all make sense just give us like a wrap up of your childhood yeah I mean fuck childhood was like oh I hated it I wish I was born at like 24 I always say that to people I'm like I should have come out as an adult because my life just is on the up and up but childhood was I definitely was born with this like people don't believe in

chemical imbalances. I know, I just know I have a chemical imbalance and, you know, obviously psychiatrists and stuff say that, but bipolar doesn't usually hit in until you're going through puberty. So it's always weird. It's like, what did I have before that? I was just a really anxious child. Even ever since I was born, my mom, she's always like, you know, you had your first anxiety attack when you were, when I was breastfeeding you, cause you wouldn't take my milk. And I'm like, okay, maybe that was that. Childhood was just hard. Like it was just, everything was just more difficult for me. I was just super, I was fucking having temper tantrums all the time and just crying and anxious about everything. I couldn't do any, my sister would speak for me.

I was super shy. And then I went through puberty and suddenly something changed. Like I got really confused with my thoughts. When I was a child, I was super smart. I was like a genius. And then that all changed. I was like a low key genius. I literally tell people, I'm like, I was a prodigy. and then I went through puberty and like shit didn't make sense and I was obviously obsessed with boys but like at school I just didn't understand anything and I became like that dumb girl and yeah like high school was fuck I mean high school's rough on everyone girls can be bitches like including myself I can be a fucking bitch but like it's rough right and people at that age aren't educated on I didn't know what bipolar was no one understands it so

you're left alone a lot people don't really want to be around you all the time and it was just hard I didn't understand anything that's the best way to describe is I just didn't understand I knew something was wrong with me I just didn't know what it was until I got diagnosed I just didn't I didn't know what was going on in my brain and then finally leading up to the diagnosis I kind of like had I got to like 20 20 years old so I'd been in and out of psychiatrists psychologists since I was 10 I said to my mom was like this is my final one I can't go to any more people for some reason that one diagnosed me with bipolar 2 and it changed my life from that day on and it was the best thing that ever happened to me I just got goosebumps when you when you said that

it must have just been such a relief yeah oh my gosh it was like reading about it was amazing you said it was a relief when you found out like was it an instantaneous relief or was it something that you know once you've been diagnosed with something that maybe at that point did you know what bipolar was I feel like that in itself and being told oh you you are bipolar this is something you'll have to deal with for the rest of your life was that a scary moment or were you like at least I now have a name for this I mean it was okay you know when you go to the doctors and I mean personally I still get my mom to come with me to the doctors right like I just can't I don't know what it is I don't know if other people do that that are my age but like my mom's

like do you want me to come with in with you and I'm like yes why the fuck would you I definitely am not like that neither oh my god is that just me although my my mother-in-law was there when I gave birth so maybe I am like that I was on the phone to you basically giving birth that is so different I mean that's understandable but mine my mom couldn't come to the appointment for this final psychiatrist so my sister came with me and I around my sister would kind of sometimes become a bit like shy they just took me through a few questions and it kind of was like a quiz and by the end of it she was just like you know why do you think I'm doing this she took like a whole family background and I just I don't know my sister kind of pieced it together and was like

you're trying to diagnose her with something from this and you've got a diagnosis. And she just told me straight out, I think you have bipolar two disorder. And I immediately, I mean, I laughed and then I started crying. Which is like the bipolar response. Exactly. And all I'd heard my whole life is that people with bipolar are fucking insane. But I was like, I'm not associated with that. That is not me. And I was in denial, but it literally lasted five minutes until I got in the car and she told me to research it and just reading everything it was like you know when sometimes I don't know I'm not super into astrology but when I read about a Gemini which is what I am I'm like yes this is me that's what it was like reading bipolar I was like this is me to a tee

I totally get it I'm and I just from that day onwards it was like this all makes sense I'm finally belonging to a weird community of bipolar people but it felt good so when you said just like this is going back a second because I'm just interested in the diagnosis and what it actually how it affects your life when you said you got to high school and you couldn't you didn't understand anything more and you couldn't learn what do you mean you couldn't learn does that just mean like something was going in your head and something different was coming out you couldn't comprehend or was it more like a focus issue where you couldn't pay enough attention or give enough time and energy to learn it how did that look the best way I can describe it and I told this to my

psychiatrist and she said it was really impressive so I always say it to people is basically I always feel like and this is how I felt in high school is that I have a filing cabinet in my brain I'm pretty sure like every woman feels like they have a filing cabinet in my in their brains but every single cabinet is open at the same time and every file is coming out at the same time so I'm focusing on so many different things I have so many rapid thoughts that what you're telling me or what isn't necessarily at that time important to me, it's not, I'm not receiving it. I'm not understanding it.

And also I just interpret things differently to people. And I think a lot of people with bipolar do. And, you know, I just wasn't in the right environment. I had like somewhat bitchy friends. I was somewhat of a bitchy friend. Like it just was a recipe for disaster. And my focus was on something completely different. And then having bipolar did not help that either.

So I think that's where the learning comes into play because I just couldn't take anything in, couldn't take anything in what people were saying. I just didn't get it. When you did sit down with the psychiatrist and you got your diagnosis, what were the next steps after that? And I mean, in regards to medication and how you responded to that, just talk me through that period of your life. Basically after she told me to go away and read through everything first, which was great, but she didn't put pressure on me to be like, this is what you have. She said, you know, I think you have this. And she's been wrong in the past about diagnosis. So she was very much like, I take this really, you know, I've really thought

about this, obviously. I mean, that's her job, but I think she'd had issues in the past with the diagnosis. So she really doesn't try to miss, especially bipolar two, because it's so hard to diagnose. So I went home, I read about it and I came back and we were starting medication and medication for bipolar. A lot of people obviously go on antidepressants, but they're completely different I think with antidepressants they're a lot harder to start and I'm also on antidepressants for PTSD so that was a whole nother story yeah so she put my medication I went up on my medication every couple of weeks and I was monitored heavily on it and just like I didn't change overnight but there was one day where I just realized that oh my god I feel normal like I feel balanced I feel

I'm still myself nothing had changed in the fact of like my personality my creativity nothing like that I know that's a really big misconception is people feel like they can't be creative on medication I'm creative as fuck so that's not true but it was more just like I thought so much more logically and like I was rational and I could make decisions better and I didn't fly off the handle at certain things and that still sometimes happens but just not as frequent and I can understand when my bipolar was like affecting me if that makes sense it was like I was outside of my body and I was oh okay that's why I'm feeling that way that makes sense now and things just went into play and they just made sense and yeah and so then yeah when I noticed that you stopped

going up on your medication because I just felt right and then that was it and I've been on it since then I'll be on it for the rest of my life what was the period like when you started to have those conversations with your family and with your friends was that difficult did you feel like there was stigma around the conversation or was it this real moment of like hey does this make sense to you like did they already know that there was something going on I think everyone around me knew something was wrong with me obviously my family they'd put me into psychiatrists and psychologists since I was 10 or even earlier I think like it was a reoccurring theme in my family that something was wrong and they all like my family are so supportive but what they went through

with me was pretty traumatic friends definitely knew something was wrong with me a lot of them aren't friends anymore because they suck and you know but like also to be fair at that age you don't like I didn't understand and I think that's what's lacking at the moment in education is like that understanding of not just anxiety not just depression there's so many more mental health issues out there so they didn't know how to deal with me either but my family were my rock like they're the ones I could really talk to we're so fucking patient because like you have to be that's the one thing my sister says is like whenever she gives advice to people she's like you have to have so much patience with people with bipolar unfortunately what do the episodes

actually look like and and how often do they happen so when you say like you know I would go through a real a really big high or a really big low are we talking once a day multiple times a day once a week once a month like and I know that that is going to be different across the board for each individual but what did it look like for you how frequently was it happening it's hard to tell especially now that yeah i'm on medication and honestly i've blocked out so much of growing up because i look back on it very negatively like i can't face it whenever i talk about it i mean not right now i'm not gonna cry but usually i cry because i'm just like i can't talk about it i don't know i think everyone's super different and i think people

read things about bipolar online but a lot of people bipolar that i speak to don't feel like they fit into the box necessarily so my bipolar typically you know bipolar 2 disorder you're meant to have only a few episodes maybe where I feel like I have them quite not regularly but I would say at least every three months I would go into something like just recently I moved houses and I started a new job and I could feel myself getting like hyper and then I could feel myself getting depressed and I had to like get control of it but that's what medication does it helped me realize that I think on that as well what are some of the triggers you just mentioned moving house but are there actually triggers in your life that you can identify that bring on these

sorts of episodes oh my god there's so fucking many and I feel so bad someone chewing someone coming on my face trigger that one's a big one but yeah no there's so many I mean there's obviously ones for yourself like I have ones for me like if someone calls me selfish I'm so triggered but that's more because I am selfish so I'm just like fuck you how do you know that how are you calling me out on this? Like, how dare you? But more the triggers that you actually, a lot of bipolar people have. So something that people don't realize is that, so by people with bipolar, you have to be in routine. If you're not in routine, you're probably going to go into an episode. So like right now, a lot of my friends are out. It's Thursday. Not for me. I can't do

that shit. I'm like maybe once in a while, but no, I have to, it's a school night. I have to be at home and then exercise regularly obviously try to avoid alcohol i'm really working on it it's failing but working but just also down to like people don't realize that things like how much sugar you intake can affect you know obviously things like weight gain and things like that but how much if you gain weight then that can affect your medication and if you if you're on lithium if you have too high of a salt intake that can affect your medication so dehydration like it's also to do with how you affect your medication so people just think it's like oh that person said something mean that's going to trigger them no it can be literally down to how much salt you eat

kind of thing so you kind of have to be not strict I'm definitely not strict but you have to watch your diet not in terms of like to lose weight just literally so you're not eating like fried food but they're the things that you really should try and avoid and I try I'm just a work in progress I try on a daily basis. But what does it look, what does an episode look like? Like tell us the characteristics of when you're having a manic episode or a low episode. Is it like, I don't want to say a standard depression, but is it like, is it the characteristics of, I don't want to get out of bed. I don't want to talk to anyone. I can't work. Are you crying? Are you having really negative thoughts? Do you binge eat? And then again on the high, what does a high look like?

For me, the depressive episodes. Yes. I feel like they're quite standard, like classic. I need to be in bed I don't want to talk to anyone and all of that the highs I think what's really maybe throws people yes you're hyper aggression can be a really like a lot of people bipolar have we I've spoken about it with people like I'm quite an aggressive person I'm not like I don't hit people or anything like that I don't verbally abuse people I'm just angry you know I just like if I'm crying I'm not crying sad I'm crying like fuck this I'm pissed off kind of thing I have a lot of anger built up inside me and then just as I said like spending money you I I drop so much money on shit and I'm like fuck I'm not well and having so much sex like I masturbated for like 12 days in a row the other

day and I wore out my oh my god how exhausting I couldn't I bought okay so like I'm just gonna be real I haven't had sex since Sunday the 30th of May and it's like troubling me not that you kept a diary and I'm like okay why the fuck haven't I but and then you go into these episodes and you're so sexual and I'm like okay no one's here fucking me and I just have my dildo and you know that's all I'm doing on my vibrator and so they're things that I once stayed home on a Saturday night just to do that like that's tragic you're living no it's I feel like your best life I don't actually think that there's a lot of people who would stay home just to do that also So like you don't have to then make the small talk, try and go on a date.

You're like, we know it's going to be a success. Exactly. On this whole conversation about, I mean, not just having like a crazy high sex drive. No, I want to get into that. I want to know more, like how does having bipolar affect your dating life? What's it been like and how do you navigate relationships with bipolar? It's, I mean, okay, London's just a fucking different game. Like I did not slay here.

I feel like I slayed in Sydney. I moved to London because I dated everyone in Sydney like failures but I was like I need not slay London is different London's really different like I lived there for a few years yeah and I came over here thinking I'm gonna meet an English guy I like repel English guys they did not want a bar of me and I always find myself attracted to Aussie guys I'm like no I'm trying something different but like for example I'm obviously on hinge I pour I mean I delete it like every second day but I'm on Hinge and people talk to me on Hinge and they're like what's your Instagram I'm like here we fucking go like you're like oh god you need a catfish Instagram I know I'm

literally like my Instagram literally has yeah bipolar everywhere and it's just like it shouldn't be funny I'm sorry but it's so funny because you're like fuck no it's fucking they follow me and then they within five minutes because I have two Instagrams and I give you them obviously like the Anastasia McLean one and it's like it looks standard it's like it's a beaut gram but it's the bipolar diaries podcast host like in the thing and then they click on that I would click on that and within five minutes unfollowed unmatched didn't even give me a chance and yeah it's just it's harder and then going on dates especially like you go on a date and I don't know whether to mention it I don't know whether to wait like what do you say and going on a first day I'm

I'm so fucking good on first dates like you're just because bipolar people are so charming when you first meet them like everyone loves them when you first meet them I love that yeah when you first meet them and then it's like the second third fourth and you're like oh something's wrong and so that's when I'm like this is me and you know they run so no successful dating right now especially well with that I mean when you say that people see your bipolar diaries Instagram and then they're like I am checking out what is or what are the misconceptions that people have around bipolar like what is it that people have got wrong or you just wish that someone would know actually do you know what this is what it's really like yeah I think the misconceptions are

like I mean it's hard because there are so many misconceptions but then there are so many truths like I'm super selfish as a person my life revolves around me and I think that other like I think sometimes my sister I'm like surely she's thinking what I'm doing right now you know she's not she doesn't care but that's how my thought process works I think everyone's thinking about me all the time you're super narcissistic you know is this a byproduct of bipolar or is this just like you I don't know what is her because she's bipolar no I mean like is it is it a cause or effect you know I mean like is this something that everyone who has bipolar experiences okay narcissism yes everyone with bipolar feels like that because you feel like bipolar one people like Kanye

feel like they're god they feel like they're the most amazing thing to walk this earth and they feel like they're a genius and they you know rapidly talk at you and all that I'm like a lower level of that I'm like I'm pretty awesome not god but I'm like I'm sick you know I'm cool but I'm up there yeah but I'm close it's actually so frustrating to like I mean I know we just had to laugh because it's funny when you go and stalk someone on Instagram you see one little thing and I used to be bad for it too like I'd go and stalk a potential date everyone does it you go on their gram and I'd be like oh he wore socks with sandals in 2010 I'm not going to date him so I think as a society and it's I don't know how we're going to ever get out of it because our world is online

it's what we do we all put these fake profiles and our best foot forward and it's so easy to judge a book by its cover and it must be so frustrating for you to know who you are and know well know how fucking awesome you are but to know who you are and to know how there's nothing wrong with you and I'm putting wrong in inverted commas but someone goes on your page sees one word bipolar and has no idea what it is and doesn't even take the time to get to know you and I think that's why it's so great to do your podcast like a whole podcast explaining it to come on podcasts like ours just to help normalize it and be like hey guys there's nothing actually wrong with me no yeah and I think everyone has their shit you know what I mean everyone has something

to deal with and I I've said this before I don't know if your parents ever told you this or if just people tell you this they're like oh my gosh like you don't want to date someone with baggage and stuff and I'm like I have bipolar I have so many fucking bags what am I not going to be dateable am I not going to ever have someone to be with me so I think it makes you feel like for even now I still feel if someone is going to be with me they're a saint they are putting up with me they're so amazing to be dealing with my shit but like everyone has their shit and also this is how I was born and it also has amazing sides to me that you wouldn't get if I didn't have bipolar so you know you can't have your cake and eat it too. Do you feel like so we did an episode on autism

love on the spectrum and it was so amazing and speaking to some of the contestants that were on the show they said that when they go on a date their first thing the first meeting they're like hey just want you to know I'm on the spectrum I'm autistic and let's continue the date they just felt the need to say it have you ever felt the need to do that or are you like well I'm just a normal person so I don't need to disclose anything to you before the podcast not really no I didn't really and then now with the podcast I mean I just plug it like crazy but like no mainly on dates I obviously wouldn't plug it you're like hey subscribe if I start but I think like with dates I think because I mean I'm not old or anything but I'm 27 I don't really want to just

like constantly be having one night stands not that I'm having any but you know I don't want to keep doing that I do want to date and I think that I've just been starting to say it a lot more but really casually like past the bread I've got bipolar you know what I mean like I'm just trying to be chill about it super cash yeah but one guy really pissed me off because he was talking about this girl something like that that had mental health struggles and was like oh my god she was trying to date me and all this stuff and I was like oh my god please let me drop this bomb like I cannot wait and I did and then he still tried to kiss me at the end of the day and I was like oh my lips are really dry sorry so no and you're an asshole so I can't I know I should have just

been like fuck you but also you mentioned earlier that and I don't mean this in an ironic way but obviously it's double-sided like if you know there's negatives to it but there's also some really great positives that make you the person who you are yeah talk me through what that is and what those positives are and how bipolar affects your personality in a good way I mean I struggle a lot with like is this my personality or is this my bipolar I don't know and I get really confused if maybe I've just adopted my bipolar like to be my personality I can't tell and I don't think I'm ever gonna know there's very few people that I think know my personality but yeah I'm just I have no idea I can't even bother to think about it because it exhausts me yeah I mean

positives is like one it's given me so much confidence which is great sometimes a blessing sometimes a curse a lot of people bipolar are super creative I like to think I am too I mean there's so many celebrities out there that have bipolar like actors you know singers and artists and everything like that they all there's so many of them and just down to like people with bipolar can be so smart why do you think Kanye thinks he's a genius I mean he probably is because there's just something different about the brain I don't know I don't know how to explain it that's not my forte but there definitely is very special things you can be really charming and really warming you do have a great personality at times but there definitely is I mean I think I'm pretty

fucking funny that's also another thing and I reckon that comes from partially my bipolar you're super organized well I'm super organized you can be super you know you have to be in routine so you're so consistent like you have to be it's hard to think about it because a lot of people also there's a thing at the moment that a lot of people with bipolar don't want to take medication because they don't want to not have that manic episode because they think they are amazing in their manic episode but when you're in a manic episode like I have gone 48 hours without sleeping you know you just don't need to sleep that's not healthy and you are so wired that you your relationships with everyone around you can crumble because and you're so focused on yourself

you as I said you can get quite aggressive so I don't want people to think that oh my gosh mania is amazing I want to be like that all the time yeah it has some perks to it definitely you can be creative and all of that but no I wouldn't want to be like that all the time definitely has perks but at the end of the day it still is a mental health issue I think why I don't find it such a big deal to me is because I view it more as like a something I was born with it's a chemical imbalance it's like being born with an allergy being born with asthma that's how I was born that's my genetic makeup it's really I take a pill a day and that helps me and that's what I'll do for the rest of my life and then if I want to live the best life I can if that's what I have to

do then I'll do it I want to go back to the sex life because we love sex here we love love we love sex me too so doesn't everyone so I want to talk about how it affects your sex life and you said before that when you're in an episode you just want to have so much sex is that a standardized response to bipolar? Is that actually something that occurs because of the chemical imbalance that makes you hornier or just what is that and what does it look like and how has it affected your sex life? I don't know if it's like because chemical imbalances aren't technically proven or anything like that but I don't know if it's I don't know like it's just a common thing in I guess you know when people with symptoms that is just one of them when you're manic or hypermanic

for my case a lot of people with bipolar experience hypersexuality so it's really common for people with bipolar to go off for a week and just not return and just be sleeping around and I mean as a woman especially growing up at a time you know when sex still wasn't I mean we're still progressing in that way but like you know I still get called a slut I still feel like a slut like I'm trying to come out of that I'm trying to look at not like being a slut not a bad thing but you know I grew up in a family I you guys probably did too that sex is for someone you love sex is for marriage masturbating is not spoken about or anything like that so whenever when I was really young and I started masturbating at like the age of 11 I thought I was sinning and I'm not religious but

at the time you know you believe what your parents believe they I believed in God so I was like oh my god I'm sinning I can't be doing this I can never do this again but it felt so fucking good so I was like of course I'm gonna do it again and every time I did it I was like fuck I hate myself why would I ever stop doing this like I'm never going out on a Saturday ever again and so yeah as getting older and it now being accepted it still is really hard because I mean let's be real you we say that we can sleep with whoever we want and all that but there's still that little part in my brain that's like people are going to judge me that guy's not going to want me because I gave it up too easily even though I really wanted to have sex with him on my first date because I've done it in

my brain I'm like oh he's never going to talk to me again which is fucked way of thinking but I feel like that's what we've grown up with and so I feel like for people with bipolar especially women it can be really hard because you just feel like growing up I just felt like the biggest slut ever and it's the same problem isn't it it's like I mean we speak about it a lot more openly now as women and in 2021 we speak about the fact that women like sex yeah why is it okay for men to like sex and not for women to have sex why is it okay for the man to sleep with a guy on the first date but it's not okay for the woman to sleep with someone on the first date and I know you said I feel like a slut you're absolutely not sex is sex everyone out there is having just as

much sex as you if you're enjoying it and it's consensual and it's safe for you then it's not a problem and I hope we all get to the point where we stop judging ourselves and other people also like my flat my old flatmate who I'm friends with but he was talking about this girl that he was dating and you know he really want to have sex with her it was their third date and I was like oh do you reckon you'll have sex tonight and he's like no she's she's a nice girl I'm like what a nice girl am I not a fucking nice girl I'm a sweetheart like if I want to have sex on a first date why can I not like you know so that stuff just pisses me off and it's the social perception and like female sexuality is having a real moment at the moment like it really is

kind of front and center and I mean just from seeing on Instagram everyone sharing their vibrators and talking about masturbation and talking about female sexuality this shoot did not fly 10 years ago no one was talking about this stuff 10 years ago so it is changing and is shifting but I think you're so right and that so much of that pressure also comes from self-guilt and the feelings of what has been projected on us as to what is and isn't acceptable I also want to ask you as well just like getting I mean moving away from the sex thing a little bit for a second what we'll come back yeah we probably will come back what are some of the big questions like when you meet or get into new relationships meet new friends and you have people who are

curious about what is bipolar in your life what are some of the big questions that you get asked a lot of the time it's when they first find out they don't ask questions it's very much like they're trying to be really accepting which is like oh my god you're being so sweet they're just kind of like oh cool you know trying to be like not phased by i'll google that later yeah yeah they're trying to be like yeah i'm down like you know i'm woke or whatever the fuck you want to say they're just like yeah that's great and then later you know I have a lot of people when they've been drinking who I've told come up to me and be like let's chat and then just go through you know so do you feel uncomfortable around me like do you get upset around me do you feel like you're in an

episode around me I don't know people do tend to sometimes focus a bit on themselves but then I'm doing that too so maybe that's why it's time for them to talk but like I think the main one is just about how comfortable I am talking about it surprisingly so people always ask are you okay and then also so how come you're so comfortable like it's great that you're comfortable but what made you so so comfortable I had a girl the other day I went for drinks with friends and I met her for the first time and she was asking us what our star signs were and I told her I was a Gemini and then someone was like yeah but Anna's a true Gemini she's bipolar and I was like haha yeah and she just burst into tears because her dad's bipolar and she had never seen anyone talk like

that about it and normalize it so much and just make it like yeah I've got bipolar and she was you know in tears about it and I was like that's so sad that we can't just talk about it so openly and normally and that made her react so strongly so yeah questions vary but definitely mostly just about why I'm so comfortable to talk about it. And why are you so comfortable talking about it? Um, I don't know. I think it's honestly because I worked on myself since first I can remember and I've never wanted to be like, I will be depressed, but I always want to get better. I really, I mean, of course I've been suicidal and you know, I've had some really bad times, but I'm always trying to better myself. And so getting on medication and trying to stick to

routine and everything I think just made me more confident and more secure in who I was with bipolar I'm like I'm definitely still fucking insecure about so much shit but with my bipolar I know I'm not insecure with it I'm really happy to be bipolar I'm fine with it and I think having my family also I think just being bipolar like I have this thing that I noticed that I do that when I'm nervous to do something I'm just like oh my god I'm just gonna do it and then the rest will follow so I just have to take that initial leap of just doing that and then so starting like a podcast or talking about it with people saying on a date half shitting myself and then until I say it and I'm like okay what's the worst that can happen another thing with people bipolar sorry

going off track you don't understand consequences and you're very impulsive so I've got into a lot of trouble and same with your mouth like your filter you say shit before you can understand what might happen. So you just go, I'll say something, I'll do something and then everything will follow. But I haven't even thought that far ahead because I'm just like, whatever, I'm just going to do it. This makes me think of Kanye. And when he came out and was talking about Kim wanting to have an abortion and just how wild that is as a conversation to media and how everyone was like, what is he doing? But then when Kim came out and they had that conversation quite publicly around, well, you know, he has bipolar and this is part of why he said the

things he said. It truly does make more sense when you put it in that way. And how he came out about Taylor Swift. Remember how Taylor Swift won the award and he was like, nah, Beyonce was better. That's what something I would do. Like I would do that. And that was the first time in my life that I was super pissed off about how the world saw, like looked at bipolar or looked at Kanye. I don't know him but like I get really different like I don't know who he is I don't like Kev I get really defensive because he has bipolar when people were making memes about him and saying he's crazy I was like he needs to be in hospital he's in an episode and I was getting so mad at people I know on Instagram laughing and it was just like that could have been me that could have been

someone I know like with bipolar but fun fact a lot of people bipolar that I know whenever I talk to them, like, do you understand what Kanye is saying? They're like, yes. I'm like, I feel like I just get him. And then no one else does. And I'm like, am I crazy? I'm like, yeah, I've got bipolar. Everyone else is stupid. Kanye and I are soulmates. I know I'm like one day. He just doesn't know it. Well, thank you so much for coming on today and speaking so openly about this. I have, well, I've laughed a lot. I've learned a lot. I think it was, it exceeded my expectations I absolutely love this chat where can people find you what are your handles do you want to give a different handle out to men different handle out to women so men at Anastasia

McLean I am single so basically my the bipolar diaries podcast is at the bipolar diaries underscore and then I obviously have a podcast which is on Spotify Apple Google and everything Anastasia thank you so much for coming and doing the podcast we have loved chatting with you and just laughing through the whole thing honestly we've like we've really really appreciated the time and it means so much to be able to just have these conversations destigmatize what people who are experiencing bipolar what people who live with bipolar are going through so that for everybody else who doesn't understand it and these conversations obviously aren't for people who have bipolar these conversations are for people who don't have it so that the next time you come

in contact with someone it doesn't kind of carry the same stigma and you can feel a little bit more comfortable and confident in how you you know have relationships because everyone is so fucking normal it's just that normal is different for everyone and it's been five months Anastasia since you have had sex so I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors I hope you go out there and get laid and I hope it's amazing the 31st of May it was a long night I will keep you updated please do you know that we never finish an episode without our suck and our sweet our highlight and our low light of each and every week and britney what is your suck okay so my suck and i'm just gonna like this probably isn't really a suck it's almost a sweet but i'm gonna try and turn it into

a suck anyway okay i had to okay that is like the most negative thing i've ever heard this is actually a really great thing that happened to me but i'm gonna be super down about it and turn it into a suck besides my migraine like i had a pretty good week all i had the migraine but that's like a boring suck so I was trying to think outside the box my suck slash sweet was that I've only just discovered the air fryer and my life has completely changed so I'm like my suck is that how have I never known about the air fryer I don't know if you've used an air fryer Laura I've never used one oh my god I think that this is a sweet I don't think this is a suck well this is why it's both so now it's turning into the sweet so my suck is like I spent my whole life

because I'm not a great cook I don't love cooking I've always just cooked for one person which is always a mission the air fryer is a game changer and my sister's gonna be here now being like i've bloody told you so because she's used one forever and she keeps saying just get it it's so easy but it's this big contraption and i thought it was really difficult it is like the best invention that i have ever had in my kitchen so that is definitely a sweet i recommend anyone trying it laura please this episode is brought to you by air fryers if we could get an air fry sponsor that'd be great but one other sweet that i'm going to throw in was on my walk yesterday i had four different girls come up to me just for two seconds like they had their headphones in they ran up and

threw their phone in my face and they're like oh my god I'm listening to you right now and that was it and that was my and then they didn't even want to stop and talk they were just like this is so cool I'm listening to you and I was like that is so cool like I love that I'm here talking to you now on my walk and you're frothing over our episode and I just I really love that so to everyone that always comes up and says hello thank you very much it does make our day we cannot tell you how much honestly it means to us when you tell us that like something has resonated with you from the podcast that it's helped you through a difficult period in your life or you know you've gotten through a breakup by listening back on some of the episodes it is the only reason why we do

this podcast like I don't even like Laura like we just do it we just do it for you guys it's tough it's tough it's tough hanging out with your best friend but it's one of these things where like we started this podcast and for over a year and a half we didn't make a cent from it we worked our asses off it probably cost us it cost us it did but we loved doing it and and the main motivator for that was the fact that like you guys were so invested and every time that someone would come up to us and tell us that they love the podcast or that it had helped them in some way it truly just means the world to us and I don't think that we can say that enough to you just how much like your feedback your experiences having this life on cart community has really just changed our lives that

was nice Laura thank you my suck for the week is child related Marley has figured out how to climb out of her cot I love that for you I mean she is like seven and we still have her in a cot so that's probably she's going to uni it's time she gets out she's two and a half we're keeping her in a cot just because the whole transition thing's so hard and I don't I can't I just wanted to keep her in a little bed jail but she's figured out how to get out and she's been climbing out like which is fine she's been climbing out of a morning when she wakes up but she climbed out in the middle of the night the other night and she fell and she hurt herself she's okay she just she fell and she really really scared herself. Got a shock. And then that meant that I was awake for three hours

trying to console her because she was like just petrified about getting back into her cot and falling. So that's my sock. We need to get a new bed. That's a whole other thing. We can talk about my home decor another time. My sweet for the week is that on Friday I got to go out for a really nice lunch with a girlfriend and it just feels like things here are getting back to normal now. I do feel like the social anxieties that we talked about a couple of weeks back about how everything was opening up and this real fear about going out and enjoying yourself I feel like for a lot of people that has started to subside and things are starting to feel really normal again and just reconnecting with people who I love has been the best part of this past two weeks that's a great

sweet and also we got nominated for the Australian podcast award oh yes how did we forget this week we got nominated for a really great award uh which is exciting so that's I guess that's happening over the next four weeks or so, Laura? Yeah, the Australian Podcast Awards are back around. It's that time of year again. And we've just been shortlisted in one category, which was the Spotlight Award. Yes, it's so exciting.

It just happened this week. We got this nomination for the Australian Podcast Award. And I just feel like, how has it already been a year? Where has this year gone? The fact that last year, because we won a great award last year and we were so chuffed, but where has the year gone? How are we back at this point?

How is Christmas like eight weeks away? No, far out, it's less. Oh, don't lie. We don't want to talk about it. It makes me scared. anyway guys that is it from us if you love the episode please jump on leave a review if you want to join the discussion we have the instagram which is life uncut podcast we also have the facebook discussion group and that is life uncut discussion group and you know the drill tell your mom tell

your dad tell your dog tell your friends and share the love because we love love .