Life Uncut - THERAPY THURSDAY - Answering your deep dark and burning questions

Episode Date: September 24, 2020

Therapy Thursday! Haiiiii guys! We hope you are having a killer week! We love bringing you these short, sharp and sexy ask Uncut episodes!First up, You’ll never believe what happened to one of our poor listeners this week! If you thought you were having a bad day this will make you feel better! Then we are talking ghosting, closure from ghosting, vagina pet names and what to do when your long term partner just absolutely annoys the shit out of you. Enjoy and see you next week lifers!Share the love, because, well, we love love xSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. This is our second episode of the week. This is our Ask Uncut edition, where we answer your deep, dark and burning questions. I'm Brittany. And I'm Laura. And Laura is mixed up on what show she's on. You feeling a little sexy today, darl? You know what, I feel a little sexy every day.

Okay, I've got a question. How do you feel now that we've done the episode where you've added your pregnancy, you talked about your hairy belly and your fat vagina and your nipples, do you just feel like you're living your best life now and there's no more secrets? Oh, well, now that you've talked about my fat vagina again, yeah, I'm really embracing my best life. Actually, I just want to say for every single pregnant or woman who has a baby out there who has messaged me over the last couple of days, after we recorded that episode and released

it, I was feeling really nervous and really self-conscious at the fact that I had spoken so candidly about the weird stuff that happens during pregnancy. But you guys are the freaking best. And everyone was so supportive and everyone had a good laugh at my misfortune. and so actually so many women that wrote in saying thanks so much for just being honest because they are heavily pregnant they're like I thought my vagina was the only one that was getting chubby so I think that that was really nice a lot of people got some help from that look nobody else came forward and said that they've been shaving their stomach so I think I might be alone on that

one dude actually I had to just have a thought why don't you just wax it that sounds horrible yeah but then it's a lot it stays away from longer and it's not prickly right I'm not gonna wax my stomach Brittany. Okay just keep shaving it. You say it like it's the most offensive thing I just suggested to you. Maybe I'll just start bleaching it so it can be long luxurious blonde hair. Yeah you can plait it. So guys this week is Bachelor finale week. It is finally coming to an end and maybe because it's the last episode we get to see some love. I am so excited. I know that this has been a really tumultuous random season and we've had a lot to say on it. We've also had a lot to say on like the editing and the way that it's kind of come together because of the whole lockdown

thing. But surely, surely in the final two episodes, they're going to stop focusing on the cattiness, the drama, the girls, the bitching, and there has to be some love story that prevails otherwise no one's going to believe it. It was actually, I mean, I thought my season was bad for like prolonging the love story just for putting drama, but this is next level. We're literally at the last two episodes and we're still just seeing the cat fights. I actually read, You know how at the end of every single season, all these crazy rumors start to come out about what people think happens. Have you read what they've said they think happens?

Well, I read another rumor today, which was that Channel 10 had paid or signed a secret contract with Bella that she would stay on the show to final two. And I call absolute bullshit. I just, the rumors that come out are so ridiculous. ridiculous well there was one today that said that he gets he says no to Bella he says he gets to Arena and says yes Arena then says no because then he goes back yeah because like yeah because you fucked me over too many times so she says no because she still loves Bella so then he goes back to Bella and asks Bella for the love and she says no because you love Arena as well and I'm not

second best that's what I read today it's not there's no way that happens like bullshit but I just love hearing the stories. Well, we're going to find out. We're going to find out tonight, guys. If you've been following The Bachelor all along, then you should also jump on the Facebook group because we will have a Bachelor finale thread happening there where you can get deep down and dirty in the comment section

and tell us your actual thoughts about the whole thing and how it's unveiling. But, yeah, like we've said from the beginning, Britt and I don't know what happens. I mean, we've always speculated that Bella and Irina were going to be the final two, but we shall see. We think we know what happens. no we don't know what happens we have our ideas on what we think like every other person but

it doesn't come from anywhere um but we're not even going to tell you anyway because it'll just it'll just fucking go viral and it'll just end up in daily mail and i'll be like because they have insight that aside brit what's been happening i saw you two days ago give me some new stuff there's so much pressure to have an active life in two days to bring a story i don't really have any exciting stories i uh did a yoga class today that was great still training for my marathon that's not great that's it i'm boring as batshit today i had my 20 week scan yesterday well that's a big deal yeah apparently this kid so 20 week scan it was already a bit late we're past the 20 weeks anyway but apparently this kid's head is measuring two weeks bigger than it should be

the lady who said it in a really nice way and she was like yeah your baby's got lots of brains its head is two weeks ahead of where it should be and i was like my vagina is really sad well Well, isn't it lucky that you have a puffy vagina for padding? Oh, stop. Too far. You gave me, oh, oh, me too far. Too far, Brittany. We don't have to keep talking about it.

Let's just get into the questions. I actually have a story I want to read you from a listener today. It just came in this afternoon and it is too funny not to read. And I don't want to laugh at her, but I am. We don't laugh at any of you. We laugh with you. Guys, and I'm going to read this word for word. Laura, Brit, I need to share a public service announcement.

I'm in Melbourne. Yesterday I went for a run. I decided to go to the local oval. I began my run. Everything was going fab. And then swoosh, swoosh, swoosh. I am being swooped by a magpie. It's so close I can hear it flapping.

So I try to run away. Of course I would run. I'm running, I'm weaving, and I'm ducking. I run off the oval and through the car park that just so happens to be blocked by a low hanging chain i jump the chain except somehow i forgot to actually jump and i fell i fell really hard six hours later i had left the hospital with a cast from my hand to my shoulder and a broken elbow from the impact the pain is insane please be safe around magpies guys i love that you sent this as a public service announcement but also this is really sad that

this has happened in melbourne this is like enough bad things are happening there right now we don't need to add to it I'm only laughing because of the way a the way she wrote it but b she sent me a photo as well and it's her looking hella depresso with this cast that literally is her whole arm it's from her head to her hand and it was all because she wanted to go for one run in her one hour lockdown that is miserable if you thought you were having a bad 2020 guys well somebody just trumped you don't worry she signed off love always a girl with a bruised ego and a very sore arm i love that all right let's get into the questions all right question number one okay so i've been seeing this guy for a month or so we both like each other but it's not really

anything serious yet he's in the army and he's offshore until the end of november so we have been sexting a lot as it's the only real way to communicate my issue is that he keeps calling my vagina his dessert the first time it was kind of in context but he literally won't call it anything else now it doesn't really bother me that much but every time he messages saying hey babe can i see can i see my dessert now i get the ick help i'm getting the ick what kind of dessert does he think it is that's what i want to know like a crumb like is it a souffle or a pudding i don't know how I tried to like put myself in this position and try to think how I would feel if someone was like bring me that dessert I was like okay cool maybe once I would be like yeah just

role-playing and roll with it maybe like whipped cream whatevs but I think if it was an ongoing thing in the only way he could refer to sex or my vagina was dessert I think I would get the ick as well I just what if you start calling his dick a banana split just see how that goes down I don't even something no what are those little lolly tiny mini bananas call it that I can understand completely why you have the ick. It's pretty icky. I think this is a pretty easy one. Like I do think you just have to hit the nail on the head and say, Hey babe, please don't call my vagina a dessert. How about, and maybe, maybe refer to it as something else. Maybe give him another word that he can refer to it as, because maybe he doesn't want to use the word vagina,

but calling it dessert just does sound a little bit childish. So I'm all with you on why you're getting the ick, but I really think you need to put a stop to things before the ick becomes so strong that you're like repulsed by the guy that you want to have sex with i also completely can see why you're getting the ick it's not sexy i think that it doesn't have to be a big deal either i if this was me next i'm just thinking next time he says it literally just be like babe look we need to talk this whole dessert thing is not working for me it really doesn't sound sexy i don't feel sexy we need to come up with something else i think just make a joke of it put it out there and be like, let's just do some brainstorming

and come up with some other adjectives. What's the weirdest thing someone's called your vagina, Britt? No one's ever named it. It's like that line of How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days where she keeps referring to his penises. Princess Sophia. Does Princess Sophia want to come out to play? Wait till we demasculate the poor guy.

Now that is How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. I feel like I've been in this position before a guy has called my vagina a really strange thing, but I can't remember. Look, I've suppressed the trauma. I'm with Brit. I think just make a joke about it. Let him know in a lighthearted way that you don't want him to be calling it that. And I think you really do need to address this before you catch some serious ick. Guys, go back and listen to that episode if you haven't already. And yeah, you want to enjoy sex. You don't want to be thinking about dessert. I'm going to put a little poll up on our Insta stories and I want you guys to write in

the weirdest funniest best things that someone your partner or lover or one-nighter or whoever has written to you and called your vajayjay so i want names and i'm gonna read them out next it's not it's not so i know what to call mine it's just because i want to laugh and read them the suspense and also if your partner has a really good name for your vagina maybe throw that into the ring as well so we can let this listener know like give her a bit of feedback like one that's a little bit sexy but also like like a spy like you can have the conversation about your vagina in public in front of people like maybe it's Sally and you're like hey should we should we get home Sally might be waiting you know like you could make it so people don't know

you're having sex talk I thought you meant like give it a name like I don't know pussy spy or something and I was like what are you talking about anyway let's go on to the next question okay question number two I reckon we've covered that one I need some advice about a situation that has happened recently I was speaking to a guy for around three and a half months and we went on about five or so dates. I felt like he was really interested because we messaged every day. He was always keen. He was always asking me questions, but he did take hours to respond sometimes, which frustrated me. About a month ago, I asked him what he was looking for and he said he hadn't really thought about it and he asked what I was looking for. I wasn't really keen to do

casual for ages, so I just told him that straight up. He said he was happy to see where things were going. He messaged me the next day after our date and we continued talking every day. I assumed this was a good sign as if he was freaked out, he wouldn't have messaged back, right? Three weeks later, I asked to see him because we hadn't seen each other since he said he was too busy. A couple of days later, he didn't reply to my last message and he still hasn't since. Have I been ghosted? I want to answer this already. Have I been ghosted? Should I message him again I want an explanation but I don't want to chase him if he's not keen oh just leave it girl you've been ghosted just leave it no like straight up this is this is the definition of

ghosted he's he sounds like a person that has pretty weak character that's like this is a big generalized statement obviously I don't know the guy but I'm only going off what you've written in it sounds like he's someone who's very conflict avoidant and when you have brought up the conversation of something more serious he's gone oh I don't know I hadn't really thought about it I don't think you date someone for three and a half months without thinking about it either either end of the spectrum and without him saying oh I don't want something more serious he was able to say what he thought you wanted to hear and then just fade away into the distance and take zero responsibility for you being upset he didn't have to deal with the conflict

that could arise from having an honest conversation with you face to face so I think that he's approached this in a really really cowardly way is it an uncommon way no loads of guys and girls do this but I think it's pretty clear cut that you've been ghosted and I think that after you know three and a half months but in that three and a half months only having five physical dates I don't think that you'll necessarily get the sort of closure or conversation from him even if you reach out to him again that you deserve and that you want I have been in this situation recently you know that um a few weeks ago we made the joke if you listen if you're a long-time listener I was like yeah I've seen this guy five days he ghosted me

I was like Brittany's got a boyfriend and then the next episode I was like what the fuck did he go Casper his name was Casper we put up those missing person posters guys and we could not find him okay so just to update that story he did end up messaging me like a few days later and in his eyes he hadn't ghosted me he just wanted some time with the boys and I was like well that is that is not how we work and that's not how our relationship progresses and you didn't actually tell me that so of course I'm gonna think he ghosted me anyway I think that that's a cheap cop-out though as well I think for a guy, if you've been texting every single day and then all of a sudden they don't text you at all for a week, no notice, they can call it whatever the hell

they want to under the sun and say, oh, I didn't realize that you'd be offended. They're not stupid. They're avoiding conflict. They're not taking responsibility for their actions. They know it's ghosting. Well, then he started gaslighting me. He was like, you're overreacting. You're imagining this.

And I was like, hang on. I have a podcast on this, buddy. I know a red flag when I see one, pal. I know exactly what you're doing. Laura told me. you're learning this makes this fills me with joy guys no but um it look it sucks to hear it but we're not here to sugarcoat it you definitely have been ghosted i don't think you're going to gain anything from reaching out to him again you've already reached out and he hasn't written

back to you and the thing that you need to realize here is you spent months with him messaging you every day you know he's capable of it you know he's got your number you know he knows where you live he knows everything about you he has access to you he has now chosen not to so in this situation it's pretty early still I don't think it matters why he's doing that the fact is he's treating you like that he's made a decision to a he doesn't want to be with you and b he doesn't want to respectfully tell you that he's taking a cheap way a nasty way and hurtful way out and that's what you need to realize in this situation you're better than that you deserve more than that and even if he does respond to you and tell you the reason he doesn't want to be with you that's

not going to make you feel better yeah I totally agree what is your opinion on on like the part of that question where where the listener had said that he would sometimes take hours to write back and that would really annoy her like how do you feel about that because I know I've had really conflicted feelings when I've been seeing or dating a guy and sometimes he's taken like a really prolonged time to write back but yet we're still in quite constant conversation I don't think you can weigh too heavily on that to be honest because I know sometimes even if I really like someone sometimes I'm so caught up at work I'm like flat out that I physically cannot get back to my phone to message until hours later or that night when I finally sit down and I might still

really really like them I don't think you can weigh too heavily on that it's a different thing if um maybe you're seeing that he's online on whatsapp and instagram posting doing other stuff and he hasn't written back to a question or something like that that's different but if he's literally in his nine to five finance job and you know, he messages you four hours later at five 30 when he knocks off. I think that's okay. Yeah, I totally agree. I do think that there's this unrealistic expectation that people are online and in contact all the time. I think that we need to have some perspective that people do work, people do have busy lives. So there are times when people are legitimately too busy to be on text all day, having like a running

conversation of what are they doing? The only thing that I think, which you've already highlighted, but it is if they are on whatsapp you can see they're online you can tell that they're talking to other people and being super socially active but they're choosing not to talk to you i do think that that's a really clear indication of where someone's priority lies and i think if those red flags are displaying themselves early on in a relationship when you should be a priority of conversation then that's a big like abort mission yeah and it might just be me laura i don't know how you feel about this it might just be the way I look at things in my perspective but to me if somebody doesn't want to be with me if they're not choosing me it just doesn't matter and I don't feel

the need to sit down and say well tell me what's wrong with me tell me what you didn't like about me because what are you going to do then go and change those things to suit that person that it's not going to work anyway six months later when the real authentic you comes out because that's who you are you're going to be back in the same situation so for me I don't really feel it's different in a long-term relationship justification closure that's different five dates in if he fucks off fuck him off amen that's my I don't know I just think if someone is so I just met a point in my life where I have had every type of relationship every type of dating every type of incident lolcano loladerbies heartbreaks I had it all I've experienced the whole spectrum so like

I feel like this comes from a place of experience but if this if this early on he's making you feel this shitty which you obviously are forget him move on there's gonna be someone better he'll probably contact you down the track he'll probably slide back in in a few months and I hope you're strong enough to be like hey I got myself a new boy and also for as long as you're putting time and energy into someone who's only half invested in your relationship like after three and a half months you know and you can make a decision as to whether you want something that's more serious and you obviously did that and he hasn't stepped up to the plate, but don't waste any more time because you will end up being in a situation ship that doesn't eventuate anywhere. That doesn't

make you happy and makes you feel crazy. Like that's, that's where this is going to end up heading. So I feel like we've covered this and I hope that we've given you a little bit of the closure that you're looking for. Maybe it's not in as nice of terms or as nice. I mean, I'd love to be able to say, yeah, it's going to be fine. It's all going to work out. I think you deserve better. And I think you definitely deserve to have been treated better at the ending of this relationship as well and I do one more thing I guess I am trying to wrap it up I know but I get so passionate about these I don't want you to think that I'm not being sympathetic or anything because I am and I know how much it sucks I don't know how much it hurts

and the feeling of rejection whether that's two weeks in one date in whether they don't even respond once on like bumble or whatever the feeling of rejection really really hurts but you need to close that chapter and open another one and the second i promise you the second you meet someone else and start chatting and vibing and having a good time again with with a new connection and realizing that someone else is making you a priority i promise you will feel better about this situation you always feel shitty in a situation until something else makes you feel good or until you make yourself feel good well i mean not someone else something else so anything in your life that's going to bring you up go for surf go for a run meet a new friend go kiss a boy

on the dance floor that is not possible because of COVID. I was like what 2020 are you living in Brittany? My bad. Poor magpie girl over here is just like hearing this going I'm sorry what are you doing in New South Wales? Poor magpie girl. All right question number three then this is our last question guys you know this is our short sharp episode. Yeah question number three I'm in a loving relationship he's by far the most supportive fun loving guy I have ever been with however i have heard slash been told i wonder if she's talking about us multiple times that the warning signs in the beginning of a relationship is what ends and affects the relationship down the track in the beginning i found him so annoying which initially made me question the relationship

and it was a very slow burn let me tell you he is aware of this it's now been almost two years and some days he's so annoying and gets so frustrated and so mad at him and then that cause tiffs all throughout the day. Is this an orange flag? I'm not calling it a red flag as he's not doing anything nearly as bad as cheating, for example. So is this an orange flag or am I just being silly? This is such a good question because I don't think that there's, well, I mean, maybe there is, but I feel like anyone in long-term relationships get annoyed by their partners. Like, I mean, I think that being annoyed is a very normal thing from time to time, finding your partner annoying. However, the fact that you felt him very annoying from the get-go and you

told him that and he's very aware of it I find that very funny and also it's two years deep and you're still very annoyed with him it's really hard to know like and to give you advice on this without knowing what he's doing that's annoying you know maybe part of his personality is that he behaves in a really childlike way but also maybe one of the things that you like about him and the fact that your relationship is so fun and the fact that you find him so funny is also the fact that he is a bit childish and so I think that there are some situations in life where you have to take the good with the bad and you have to love the person that you're with for all their weird ass quirks I don't think it's a red flag I don't think it's an orange flag I just think it's one

of those things that you can work on in your relationship and also patience is something that you can work on in yourself okay so I'm not sure I agree but having said that I haven't been in a long-term relationship in a very long time I find that annoying all the time I think in a good way though like I mean I love him to death I wouldn't change a thing I love that he's such a fool but also sometimes when I'm not in a mood for it I'm like why are you behaving like you're seven you are 33 what level you have a child what level of annoyance do you think you have with Matt I in a weekly basis and be on a daily basis it depends on the day 23 hours no like I don't think it's normal to be irritated by your partner constantly I think if there is this constant

state of irritation then something is wrong but I do think that you know it is normal to go through periods where you find your partner being irritating to you, or maybe you're not in the mood to have such a jovial or lighthearted or whatever it is. I mean, it's really hard without knowing the exact specifics around what it is that she finds annoying. But I do think that there is also like a level of patience that comes to play as well. Like, I mean, I know that when I'm finding Matt annoying, it's because my patience levels are really low and I'm irritated by things more easily. So maybe if this is just isolated to him and you know that it's, you are a stable and constant, then maybe there is more of a problem, but I still think that it doesn't have to be an

orange flag. So my only sort of question query here is that I think in a long-term relationship, like Laura just said, it is normal to start to get annoyed by things. And that's, that's for a multitude of reasons. You're tired, you're stressed, your patience is thin. Yeah. And you often just like, you often just like take your daily irritations and annoyances out on your partner because they're the closest to you. I mean, it's not fair and you love them the most, but I know when I'm irritated I kind of end up taking it out on Matt and you know I find the things about him that I normally absolutely love which is the fact that he's so silly I find it annoying but my only worry here is that she starts by saying it's literally been since day one

she's like I he annoyed me from day one and she's like that that's why I'm a bit perplexed I'm like well why I don't know why is this relationship continued for two years she even said it was like a slow burn and she queried whether she should even be with him it's a bit of a it's like a little like I don't know why don't we call it like a beige flag maybe we can call it a salmon colored flag like like salmon why did you get over that in the first place like if you found him a little bit irritating in the first place what was it that changed your mind what is it that made you want to get into a relationship with him what were the great things that you you found in his personality that made you go actually I want to be with this man for two and a half years I also

think that before you just chuck in your relationship and blame everything on the other person, I think that sometimes we need to check our annoyances and why we're annoyed by something and what it is that that person's doing. Is it actually big in the grand scheme of things? Is it actually affecting our day? Are we trying to be too controlling of the situation? Are we projecting what the way we want that person to behave onto them? Like there are a lot of other questions that come into play here. And I do honestly think that sometimes we can check our own behavior and check our own internal annoyances before we project that onto someone else it's a good point I think you can go back to the start and think about like Laura just said if he annoyed

you so much why did you get into a relationship with him and I say this because I want you to go back and think did you settle for that relationship and try to make it work when you didn't think it was ideal because you were at a point in your life where you really wanted a relationship and you wanted company you might have felt down or did you decide to put the annoyance aside and date him because he's so fucking funny. He's so kind. He treats you well. What were the other reasons? If you can go back and think that you think you were just in a really bad place and you just wanted company, then you need to probably have a little reconsider of if this is still the right thing for you. If you think he's an amazing person in every other aspect and that's why you're

dating him, then just chat to him. If his annoyance is because he's a child or if his annoyance is because you don't think it cleans or helps or does anything else. That's pretty easy to just sit down and have a chat about like, look, babe, this really fucking frustrates me. When I come home, you've been home all day and there's shit everywhere or there's no dinner. So I think you just need to nail down what the frustration is. And that's why it's hard for Laura and I to answer this properly, but nail down what the annoyance is, what the frustration is. And that's, that's how you're going to decide what path you're going to take. I think I just want to add one more thing to this as well our wrap-ups are terrible I just want to add one more thing in that if you are

feeling a little bit annoyed by something that he's done and then that is transpiring into bickering that happens throughout the day and you being angry I think communication is a really big part of this and like like Brit has said like you need to have a conversation sit down explain how you're feeling you've said that he's was aware early on in the relationship that there were things that annoyed you maybe he's kind of forgotten and just gotten back into like an old habit or something but you have also said at the beginning of this and something I want to like really reiterate that's really important and one of the most important things is that you've said that you're in a loving relationship he's supportive and fun and one of the most fun

loving guys that you've ever been with so there are obviously aspects of his personality that you adore that you love being with and nobody out there in the whole wide world is going to be completely perfect and not piss you off at any point in time except me she lauren just saw me leaning to the mic she was like i know i know what this joke is i know where it's coming from you cheap thrill the end full stop guys thanks for coming to my ted talk today yeah you might have to work on that wrap up guys that is ask uncut therapy thursday thank you for tuning in thanks for lending us your ears and putting up with us we love bringing you this every single week so quick housekeeping i mean we do every week subscribe leave a review five

six five stars but also if you have a question for next week's ask uncut you can send it through to our instagram page or you can send it through at life uncut podcast on facebook group they are your two options and don't forget we want to hear about what your partner or lover or whoever has named your vagina perfect what a lovely way to finish the episode and share the love because Because we love love!