Life Uncut - Therapy Thursday three way with Matty J

Episode Date: April 7, 2021

Therapy Thursday is here lifers and we’ve got a surprise little addition today in the form of Matty J! Matt’s joining us both to bring you a spicy little ep and to give a males perspective! First up, what is a more powerful text response; complete silence, the old “I’m disappointed” line or hitting them with some real honest thoughts aka abuse.My friend is struggling with her mental health. I’ve tried to be there for her but she won’t even help herself. Is it ok for me to pull away from her? And if so when and how?The old break up get back together cycle. How many times is too many times? When do you pull the pin for good and move on with life!?Please keep your questions rolling in to our insta @lifeuncutpodcast guys, we love answering them! If you love the ep and can find the time please leave us a review on Apple, we will love you long time! And please, tell you mum, tell you dad tell your dog, tell your friends and please share the love, because, well, we love love x See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. This is Ask Uncut and this is a very, very, very, very special edition because not only is it presented by Laura and myself, but we have a very special guest. Well, this first very, very special guest is someone who is quite close to me. It is someone who I cohabitate with. It is someone who fathered two of my children. It is also the man that I won on a reality TV show. Welcome to the podcast, Matty J.

Is this my third or fourth episode I've been in? Oh, don't act like you don't know. You've been keeping tallies. Is it my fifth? What happens when I get to ten episodes? You get played. You get a gold star. You might get a blowy.

But not by me. Who knows by who? okay guys daily mail this is a rough start we do have maddie j as a guest host on today's episode he's going to be answering some questions we're going to have a little bit of a laugh i love how you guys have really teased this like everyone's like we get it it's matt like put them on also like who else comes on here and does ask uncut with you but this is the first time that the three of us a sexy menage a trois has done ask uncut together it's the first threesome brit has dreamed of this moment since you guys

first started doing the podcast. Dreamt or dreamed? Oh, that got awkward. Nobody likes a grammar queen, Britt. That was mean. I'm sorry, you guys are roasting me and then I roast you back. It doesn't work. In our own bedroom you would say such things to us. I actually don't even know

if it was correct anyway. It is nice that we could, I mean, we could gang up on Britt. I mean, you guys could gang up on me. I don't know how I feel about this threesome. No, we're not gang up on Britt. If anything it's going to be Britt and I gang up on you today, Matthew Johnson. Perfect. Sorry, didn't mean that to get weird.

Sorry, sorry, sorry. Before we get into it, I just want to tell you something I just read that I think is really funny. I think Kevin Rudd, big call, I think Kevin Rudd needs to be prime minister. Did you hear what he did today? Funny, if you guys haven't read it, long story short, he dropped his daughter off in Noosa at a restaurant and then there must have been some people that were a bit intoxicated

that thought that was their Uber. So they went in and piled in into Kevin Rudd's car and told him where they were going and he was like, you know what, cool, I'm just going to roll with this. I will take these random drunk people to their destination. Surely it's Kevin Rudd. Everybody knows what he looks like. Surely you jump in the car, you're going to look in the rearview mirror

and you're going to look at the fact that it's Kevin Rudd driving and you're going to go, wow, are times really that tough for you, Kev? What's going on? What a good guy, though. Like, you know, maybe they thought he'd just taken up a new occupation. Well, I think he is out of work. He's been out of work for a while, hasn't he? But I don't know.

Correct me if I'm wrong. I thought once you were prime minister or president, once you finish, no, you don't stop getting an income. That was my impression. You continue to be paid for like X amount of years after. Do you know what? Even if that's not true, let's just start that rumour. It's true in America.

You heard it first on Laugh Uncut. It's true in America. I just don't know what we do here. I don't know how well we look after our people here. I mean, Brick, don't look at me. I don't know anything about politics. All I know is about funny Uber drivers and Kevin Rudd. So you guys come here for us to answer your deep, dark and burning questions.

But you know what? It sounds like we don't know what we're talking about. I just thought, good on him. Matthew, we have you here from a man's perspective today to answer all of the questions and give an extra little spin on how you think things should go down. Yes. But before we get into all that, tell us what's been happening in your life. I mean, I know, but tell everybody else.

I know too. I have an accidentally unfiltered story. Oh, literally of you? That happened to me. I've never told you this. Oh my God. And I saw someone posted in the Life Uncut Facebook group that they, I think it was like a pink dildo they left on the sink when a plumber came to the house yes okay i didn't leave a dildo

out okay so this happened this happened and i like wait i like that you said you didn't leave it out like you have one anyway like yeah i put it away i washed my dildo but i put it away nothing wrong with guys owning a dildo not for me just just to clarify he's lying we've got like a whole stack of them that are all his under the bed okay so what happened i want to say a few weeks ago this is maybe just after Lola was born when it comes to masturbating I don't use any lubricant I just never have I've never needed to except I saw in one of the top drawers in the bathroom there's a tube there I don't know I'm sure it's yours from before we got together it's literally moved with us from your old apartment it's a lube that you've used with somebody else

because we've never used it I don't know whose it is it's five-year-old lube we were living in a share house we packed up somehow I ended up with someone throw the lube out straight after we finish this record I'm going to put the lube in the bin I need to check the use by date on that lube it's done it's five years old I'm telling you it's done okay so obviously you know you had given birth we weren't in a position where we were about to have sex so I went and I was using the trimmer it was in the bottom drawer as I got it out I looked at the end of the drawer and I was like, oh, there's that lubricant. And I was like, maybe I should give that a try just to mix things up

and see what it's like, see what I'm missing out on. Anyway, I did that and I brought it into the main bathroom. We have two bathrooms in our house. I brought it from the en suite into the main bathroom. So you travelled with the lube. Travelled with the lube. You had your friends over and then they were using the bathroom and it wasn't until like midway through that night

when they came over for dinner that I realised that I still left the lube in the bathroom next to the hand wash. Next to a pile of tissues. Okay, hang on. This is okay because I thought where this was going was that you went to jack off while Laura had a friend's over and I was like, yeah, it's just a bit weird. Well, I actually thought it was going to be that he accidentally

used the lube as toothpaste. So, like, all of this was okay in comparison to where I thought the story was going. Well, it wasn't until I went to the bathroom to do a wee that I went to wash my hands and I was like, what's that weird tube doing there? And I was like, oh! And three of the girls had gone to the bathroom and they would have known that.

How did it feel using expired lube on your penis? Quite good. Perfect. I'm glad that that, like, I wasn't prepared for that. But I'm glad we got there. I can follow on from that. It's not me, though. I've been holding on to that story for weeks now

and it feels so good to get that off my chest. I think that's funny, but people would have just thought that you were getting lucky with Laura. Your friends would have just been like, damn, Laura, how are you going back to that after a week? Laura, three weeks after giving birth. is just our house is just covered in lubricant anyway uh brit where have you been tell us a story that has nothing to do with my sex life well we had someone else right in that was just

remind me of that we had someone else right in and she had just renovated her house um particularly the two new bathrooms so her family brothers dad and stepdad all were coming over to check out the new tiles and the house and everything so she takes them she was really proud she's like she took them into the first bathroom she was showing them everything and they were like getting really into it and looking really intricately at the tiles that they've used and the grout and complimenting them then they took them into the next bathroom she's like go on in this one's the this one's my favorite her dad walks in a stepdad walks in and then they both walk out really quickly and she was like that was weird because they were really into the other bathroom and she

was like oh so she walks in there and she accidentally left a very very very full and bloody pad on the bench and she's like and she she's like i had rolled it up and i meant to put in the bathroom but it hit it somehow throughout the morning unrolled itself so that it was a full so they both just stuck it to the wall so they walked out they're like very nice you're very nice we better hit the road now she's like what do you mean come back in let me show you around she's like you didn't look at the tiles anyway that's enough of that okay well before there is nothing scarier for a guy than seeing a used pad or tampon and it's very natural there's nothing wrong with it that will send

shivers down any man's spine okay guys well before we get into answering your deep dark and burning questions matthew johnson why don't you tell us all where you've been the last eight weeks it's lovely to see you again it's nice to have you home feel like we're in a relationship This is my fiancé, everyone. I've missed him terribly since our child was born. Is it weird having me around the house so much now? Yeah, I thought I was a single mum. Nah, she said to me today,

oh, I need to sign Matt up for another reality show. He's around too much. Well, hey, there's Celebrity Big Brother. Maybe I could do that. Please don't. So what Matt is talking about is that Lola was a week old. Matt started Dancing With The Stars. Which is like six days a week, 10, 12-hour days.

He was non-existent. Well, I thought maybe I would train like two, maybe three days at the most because I thought you know how hard can it be it's just dancing it's effectively just walking briskly to music famous last words how hard can it be why don't you tell us how hard it is and I mean Matt has done a few TikTok videos so he's pretty well versed in the world of dancing like I mean it's surprising if anything that if he doesn't win this actually do you know what's funny though is there was a point where I was training heaps because I really felt like I was struggling dance didn't come naturally to me uh surprisingly and then

It's crazy because you're such an athlete. And Laura was like, thank you. Thank you, Britt. We all remember your swimming story, Matt. I told you it would end up being you and me piling up on Matt. I knew that this is how this was going to go. This is workplace bullying. I'd like to speak to HR, please.

We are HR. So I was training maybe six days a week and you were saying, hey, like surely everybody else isn't training as much as you are. And then you watched one of my dances and you were like, you need to train more. It was like a Sunday and I was like, my feet hurt and my knees are really achy. And you were like, keep training. It was actually, it's been a really full on eight weeks.

So Lola is now eight weeks old. Matt started training. No, she's nine weeks, I think. I mean, who's counting? Matt started when she was one week old and it was like, like normally Matt and I, we were very, very 50, 50 when it comes to parenting. But then going from. I'd say it's 98 to 2% at the moment.

Going from having like that much support to having two kids and no support was a really full on. It's been hard. But anyway. One of the hardest things I think I've ever done in this part of my life. Were you more nervous for Dancing with the Stars than you were when you were about to meet all the girls on the red carpet for The Bachelor? Oh, very good question.

I think, look, actually, I think I was more nervous on Dancing with the Stars. Really? The question I want to know is, were you more nervous at the finale of The Bachelor when you were going to tell me that you loved me? Oh, I feel like still Dancing with the Stars. Dancing with the Stars, I was more nervous. I think it was, yeah, it was one of the most nerve-wracking things I've ever done.

I was so far out of my comfort zone to the point where I didn't want to go and perform. My first dance was such a difficult one and I'd never done it before and everybody else was so much more experienced than I was. I was like, I need to fake an injury. I need to have some excuse that will mean I don't have to perform in front of everybody because I was – Need to shit myself.

I thought about shitting myself. I really did. I was like, is that what I'm going to have to do? Is that my out? Okay, you know that things are really bad if your only option to get out of something is shitting yourself. Like, if shitting yourself is the less worse option, you know you're in a really bad state. Yeah, but it's an out, though. People will give that to you.

They'll be like, oh, go quick. They'll allow it. I was seriously considering it. I was like, should I do it? What options do I have? Thankfully, I didn't shit myself. I do want to just say, though, over the last eight weeks, like, Matt has been training so hard and he has dedicated so much time to this show. Which is why it's so surprising how bad he was.

no what i was gonna say is the opposite you're really good it's actually amazing how much better you've gotten and i'm so proud of you and it's been really yeah yeah it's been so exciting hang on can i can i ask is it slightly arousing in any way watching me dance is it slightly arousing watching you dance with a really hot 24 year old no actually i would prefer not funny that but okay what about the moves when i had some like in my routines i had a couple of little solo moments yeah yeah come on look you can do a good lift and a good spin and you look great in a pair of cuban heels boy i know i do laura and i did get to go to the opening night we did go and watch matt's first dance and as much as i pay you out matt you know that if it was true i wouldn't

pay you out it was brilliant to watch you your facials were everything like everything i don't want to watch it back your facials were the best part but we could see laura and i were in the audience feeling your nerves like they were penetrating us we could you were the most nervous Your nerves were penetrating us. That's how I felt. I felt. Did you have to have a cigarette afterwards? I was chain smoking out the back.

But I really felt for you because I have never seen you like that. Usually you're so confident in everything you do and I could physically see it on your face that you were like, shit, now is the time to either shit myself or shine. Shit or shine. It's weird how dancing is just such a nerve-wracking experience for guys. I was always trying to avoid the dance floor, But now the best part is, Laura, I think we have to think about the wedding

and the fact that we are going to have one hell of a first dance now. Actually, on this, so before Matt and I met, like I used to do salsa dancing lessons, I was really into it. And when we met on the show, Matt kind of scoffed at me and was like, you do salsa dancing. He's like, if anything, that was like a notch on the belt. He was like, no, you know, all these other girls have other interests that are more aligned with my interests.

And I was like, salsa dancing is so much fun. and now I don't do salsa dancing anymore. And when it came to talking about our wedding dance just the other night, Matt was like, I think we should do a Viennese waltz. It's a medley, Britt. So it'll be a Viennese waltz to begin with and then it'll transition into something more fun like a samba. Or a cha-cha.

So what Matt was trying to say, if you guys don't know what a Viennese waltz is, which why would you? No one knows what a Viennese waltz is. It's very similar to like a very stiff ballroom dance where the man has to have very stiff frame and his elbow goes out in like a 90 degree angle. and Matt was talking about that being our wedding dance

and I was like, are you on crack? Beautiful, I love it. It would be beautiful but it would be hysterical. Like it's not you, Laura, no way. I'm vetoing this right now. I'm just going to get up and wall twerk. That's what I'm all about for my wedding dance. You do you.

You do your wall twerking and I'm going to be doing the solo Viennese waltz which is not normally done by one person on his own but that's what I'm going to do because I love it. All right, well, I'm going to put my guesses in now. I've got tickets on Beck Hewitt to take out the crown. I know she's done it the first time years and years and years ago. I just feel like she's a natural. She's very athletic.

She's quick. She was always a cool girl on Summer Bay. And she grew up dancing. Well, what a lot of people don't know about this season as well is that this is actually an all-star season. So this season of Dancing with the Stars, everybody who's on the show has been on a Dancing with the Stars before. They've either won it or they've come very close to winning it.

And then there's three wild cards. And someone who I want to know about who is one of the wild cards is Chappelle Corby. how did she go she's actually quite good i was surprised at her dancing ability but i was also really surprised at just how nice and genuine she is i met her we're doing a publicity shoot and we were sitting next to each other whilst we're getting makeup and she was just so lovely she was really warm and genuine and i i really liked hanging out with her she was probably one of my favorite celebrities that i i mean i know a lot of people like you can't call her a celebrity

and I know that she's not really a celebrity but she's a really big part of pop culture in Australia. Well, she has that notoriety. I mean, it's been very controversial. I think there's been lots of articles that have come out and there's been a lot of conversation and chatter around Chappelle doing Dancing With The Stars. Which I understand.

But every single person in Australia knows who she is. I'm all for people rewriting their story and I have heard nothing but good things about Chappelle. So it's funny you say that because anyone that has spoken about it has said really, really great things. But I get why there are some people that are up in arms when they're putting Chappelle on a show the title says stars purely for the fact that if your kids are at home

and they're looking up, these are the people that essentially we want our kids to look up to. Totally. People are like, Mummy, who's that? And you're like, well, that's Tom Williams. He was on Better Homes and Gardens as a carpenter. And then if they go, and who's that? And you go, well, that's Chappelle Corby and she was found guilty of.

Putting some marijuana in a boogie bag. Yeah, it's a tricky conversation to have. But I really do think that a lot of people's perception of Chappelle will change after they watch her on Dancing with the Stars. And I think people's perception of her had already started to change after SAS, which, you know, we got to see her humanised as a person and not just as this person who's been in articles and in prison and, you know, she gets to rewrite her own story.

And to put it into perspective, there's a lot of catering on site. At the end of the day, a lot of it just ends up in the bin. Chappelle would actually gather up that food and then she would dish it out to the homeless. Yeah, wow. I would do the same thing. But you ate it. No, no, no, no.

I would come home and open the fridge and there was like 18 containers of food in the fridge, which, mind you, I was breastfeeding so I'm quite happy to eat it all, but knowing that one person was taking it to the homeless and the other person was stockpiling. See, that's pretty amazing to hear. These are things you don't hear about. Thank you. I was looking after Laura.

No, not you, you idiot, Chappelle. I was worried about her welfare. We didn't have time to cook. The things you don't hear about, yes, Matt, you bring Laura home food, but Chappelle bringing the leftover food to the homeless, like no one else did that. So I think that's hats off to her and I'm glad that we've got a platform to voice this.

We're both just lovely people. Well, guys, Dancing with the Star actually starts this Sunday. So if you do want to see Matt in a pair of Cuban heels doing a beautiful cha-cha, that is on Sunday night on Channel 7. Well, Matt, we're looking forward to watching whatever goes down on Sunday night. I can't wait to watch you shake that tush. That sounded weird, Laura. I'm sorry.

I don't want to watch him shake his tush. Shake my tush. I can't wait to watch him dance. Can I just say, can you stop looking at my tush, please? I know I'm in good shape right now. I've been training a lot, but this is just ridiculous. You're making me feel very uncomfortable. It was a really bad way for me to say I can't wait to watch you dance.

Anyway, guys, let's get into the episode, what you have come here to listen for. And this is the first time that we have all done an Ask Uncut episode together, the three of us. It's always just like Matt moonlighting with Brit or we have done an episode together, the two of us before. But never the three of us. A menage a trois of Ask Uncut. I'm going to hit the ground running and start this off. I'm going to summarize this one, guys, because it was a long one. But essentially, we had a female write-in that says, I have been fighting really badly with my partner.

It is very, very toxic. He has done something wrong by me. He's cheated on me in the past. Now we're having a texting fight. What I want to know is what is more powerful, writing something abusive and quippy back or radio silence and not responding at all? Okay, it depends on what the outcome is. I mean, obviously, she wants to break up with him completely. Like, is it over now?

she's like i want to know what is better in a fight what is more powerful like as a male matt what is going to hurt you more are you hanging on the line waiting to see someone writes back and they never get it or would you rather something that's really nasty come through okay i think i feel bad that i'm trying to encourage someone to inflict more emotional pain into their partner but they have they have done the wrong thing i think in that situation there's nothing that's gonna be more effective than someone saying that they're just really disappointed and like them being upset like a dad quote like i'm disappointed yeah i think if you're just really aggressive and abusive i think it almost makes them like it's easier i think it's

easy for them to react in that way than someone crying and saying i'm just so hurt and you know i can't believe you've done this to me i think that's gonna that is gonna be worse than anything else any any kind of swearing or name calling is not going to be as effective as that well i agree with you in saying that like i think and we say this a lot in this podcast that there's power and vulnerability in that like it really softens someone and allows them to see what they've done wrong matt and i are both so stubborn that when we fight with each other neither one wants to back down it's like world war three i have to like take the kids and run i have to keep a tally of like who was the last person to apologize because we take it in turns but we always talk it out and

we don't do the silent treatment like that for me the silent treatment is pure torture i think the longest I've gone is being in bed with you for about 45 minutes without backs facing each other before eventually I was like I get my hand came crawling across the bed and like tapped on the shoulder and I was like hey okay so back on track sorry now that we're having a therapy session for Matt and Laura we'll get back to answering your question we love each other I think that honestly I think what Matt has said is true that it's way more powerful to say I'm disappointed than you bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep so 100% go the disappointment card if you're going to respond but again I think silence if this is over and you know you're not going back to him you know

you don't want to repair anything and you want to inflict the most pain possible there's nothing worse than someone that won't respond to you especially when they're you know they're waiting for it they're on the other end of the line and they'll often message you please please answer me please respond if you give them silence that's what's going to hurt the most but you know here at Life Uncut, we don't encourage ghosting. I still think that you should end it amicably. I still think you should explain the situation. And if you don't want to talk to him, I would just say, look, I've said what I want to say. I'm done now. I don't think there's anything else to continue in this conversation. Yeah. And I think it is very situational dependent. Like you can't just silence

treatment someone that you want to continue to have a relationship with. That is really shitty behavior. And it ends up meaning that sometimes the silent treatment is worse punishment than what the crime is to start with maybe not in the case of cheating but if someone's cheated on you I think you'd really have to want to take some time out to assess whether or not you even want to be with them anyway like that's the bigger question right there but if you've decided you don't want to be with the person anymore what they've done is too big it's too damaging and you're not going to reconcile things then yeah don't think that you need to talk something to death there does come a point where the conversation ends and you're allowed to go

silent on them. And no answer is an answer that speaks for itself. Being silent can sometimes be the biggest way of punishing someone as well. But what Laura just said is really the drive home here. If you do want to continue a relationship with him, then you can't do the silent treatment. It's just toxic. It's not healthy. It's not compatible with a long-term healthy relationship. So just define in your head first, what you want. Do you want to continue this relationship? Maybe it's even with a friend or a partner or a family member. If you know the relationship is going to continue or you want it to continue, you have the adult conversation and at least just text them to say you don't want to speak give them that at a minimum okay do you know what i think would be a

really great idea and this is really simple here but you could just key his car i think and that is matt's last episode with life uncut you could also just like cut all his clothes up as well and put everything in a bag on the front lawn that that works perfectly too if you want to really escalate the silent treatment but one more thing i want to say about silent treatment though is expanding on what you just said, Britt. It's okay to say to someone, I need some time out. Like, I don't want to continue this conversation. This needs to stop. And I need to go away for a couple of hours to clear my head and come back and have it. That's not necessarily giving someone the silent treatment. That's like walking away in order to give yourself a little bit of space

and a little bit of clarity. And sometimes that's really needed in a fight to be able to come back and go, cool, I've calmed down now. And I'm not going to say things that I don't mean. And that And, Agnes, you're looking at me with the biggest smirk on your face because we may have had a fight that entailed this a couple of weeks ago. I mean, obviously, I've been training a lot, Britt. I've been going a lot. And Laura has been really incredible. You've done so much and you've done it with me being not in the house

and you've done it whilst I have been in the household. So I've got to commend you on that. I did come home. I was tired. You'd had a tricky day. we got into an argument and and credit to you laura you walked away and didn't tell me where you were going i didn't walk away i drove to my sister's house and had some wine and came back a few hours later i don't know if i'm supposed to be shocked and act like i don't know that this

happened i was like she'll be back and then after 10 minutes i was like i hope she'll be back but then and then i knew it was fine like i think the breaking point is when after we have a little bit of time apart we then see each other and then you have a smirk on your face and I'm like okay we're good here but I also think that that's like an important thing like fights are normal in a relationship so long as that they're always resolved and resolves respectfully and like for us this has totally turned into therapy session I know guys it kills questions for us like we resolve every disagreement or argument that we have before we go to sleep we never go to sleep angry at each other I think that going back to this very specific question which is

is it better to give someone the silent treatment or is it better to antagonize someone i think the answer to this is no it's not better to antagonize someone the silent treatment in this example is better because by you being angry and aggressive aggression is only ever met with aggression and you guys are going to escalate this and it's going to mean that the person who's cheated on you is no longer remorseful for the cheating it's just driven home the fact that they're they're hating on you as well and they've you've given them a reason to be angry at you so silent treatment i think wins out in this situation so just to clarify no keying of the car okay guys so i've got question number two this one does come with a little bit of a trigger warning

because we are talking about mental health but i'm going to paraphrase this because it was a little bit of a long one and it's also a really hard one i think to tackle so i've thought about this a lot today the person who's written in their best friend is really struggling with depression and has been for the past couple of years over the last year it has been a constant theme of the friendship and it has been really really difficult for her to be able to support her friend her friend who has depression is refusing to go and seek help for it and the person who wrote in the question is asked at what point can I walk away from this friendship or at what point can I put some distance between our friendship and does that make me an arsehole by wanting to

put some distance in our friendship? This is a tricky one. I mean, it's tricky and it's not tricky for me. It's tricky because 100% you need to be there to support your friends and your family. Everyone's going to go through a hard time and everyone's going to need that support person at some point in their life. The problem with this is that's okay when the person with the problem is reaching out for help and wanting to help themselves. If they're refusing help, you can't constantly be the person that carries the weight of all of their problems. If you're working through it with them and you know they are actively seeking treatment then if possible yeah continue on that journey as much as you can and support them if it's getting to the point where

it's affecting your mental health there's a reason that they say on a plane in emergency that you take your oxygen mask first so that you can help others there's a point where you need to look after yourself first so you can look after other people if it's 100 affecting your mental health then you need to take a step back to get make sure you're back on track then you can either go back in again and help try to get them treatment again say you'll go with them do whatever you can but for sure there comes to a point where if they are not willing to do anything at all from themselves and it's bringing you down to a level that it's bad for your mental health 100 you can walk away from that but i think if you are going to walk away you need to speak to

family and friends as well i think it can't just be all on you as one person to try and help this other friend through a situation because you know if you're going to step away which you're able to do you want to make sure this person still isn't left in a position of being really vulnerable so I think I would hope that there is enough support network where somebody can if you want to tap out somebody else can tap in yeah whether that's like you go to their family maybe and say look she's really struggling and I'm not enough for her like I can't be there as much as she needs and I need someone else to take it on I think that's a really good point to make Matt that don't just run away from it and leave your friend high and dry with absolutely no one

yeah and I guess the last thing that I want to add to this is like you have to take care of yourself at some point there does come a point where your own mental health and what toll that's taking on you has to take priority but you can have that conversation with the person as well I think having a really honest and open conversation before just tapping out where they're going to feel abandoned sitting down and saying you know I feel like we're having these same conversations on repeat I feel like you're not making any progress in how you feel and I really really want you to go see someone because I don't have the skills or the qualifications to keep having these conversations with you so either we can't keep having this conversation or you go and seek help and I think

that that at least they then understand where you're at and they're not going to feel like you've just pulled the rug underneath them which is really important as well such a serious question it is but it's important because I think it's something a lot of people struggle with and I know we get a lot of questions based on what do I do when my friend has a mental health problem like we do receive a lot of those and we will do a proper episode on it with a psychologist guys like that is in the works but for now i think that this is important look after yourself but also make sure you're looking after your friend all right maddie j bring us home with the third question question number three and this was actually a conversation i was having with a

friend of mine recently and i thought it was quite interesting because i don't know if i know the answer to this question but he was saying is there a limit to the number of times you can break up with someone before you need to call it quits so he moved out here from overseas with his partner and when they first arrived in the country it was a really tricky time where he couldn't get a job he didn't have many friends she had landed the dream job and so there's this real big disconnect with how they were both settling into the country he always resented her for the fact that everything was falling into place whereas he was like really stuck in a rut with his professional career and you know, when you're not working, you're not meeting new people. So it's really hard when

you're in a brand new country and you don't have your normal network of friends. So they broke up because of that, got back together. Then there was other issues where there was jealousy. They broke up because of that. Then got back together, broke up a third time. And he's now in a position where he really wants to get back together with her, but he's wondering, hey, do you think enough's enough? After three times of breaking up and getting back together, should I just call it quits or do you think there's still a chance for us to be happy together I mean how many times you can break up before it's over for good it's it's pretty open-ended for me very situational I think it's dependent on the reason you're breaking up if you were breaking up for the same reason over

and over again like if one of you is cheating or being unfaithful over and over and over again then I mean for me I would probably say two was the limit if it's something like that I don't think cheating and infidelity has to be over it's very dependent on the situation but for me if it's something like infidelity i would be like two times and i'm out but if you two really love each other and the reason you're breaking up is because at that point of time one of you can't get to the other side of the country or okay what about if it's squabbling let's say yeah you love each other but it's just those little tiffs and little fights that continuously pop up no one wants to squabble no one wants the life of squabbling so if you're a squabbler and that's the reason tap out that

you don't a lifetime's a bloody long time to squabble i 100 agree and i think that there's kind of a limit like what you said brit if it's because it's situational or there's something that has been keeping you apart and there's a physical reason as to why it hasn't worked then sure give it another shot but if it's because of your personalities or just over time there's this nigglingness or something unless something fundamentally changes in who you are as people like that change needs to be clear as day like they've stopped drinking alcohol or they're not doing drugs anymore they're not part whatever it is that's like adding to the causality of why you're fighting but if nothing has actually changed and it's just that you're going to work

on it yourselves together i think three times come on guys you've worked on it you've tried it doesn't fucking work yes you love each other but sometimes and we talked about this in the podcast before love is not enough it's not enough you need to have so many other things that make the relationship great and nobody wants to spend a fucking lifetime bickering i've got some friends that break up a lot they love each other to death none of them have been unfaithful but they annoy each other to the point that they're like i can't do this i need space and they're constantly going on these breaks and if this reason i'm like end it end it you're gonna spend a lifetime of annoying each other some people do need that i think though some people kind of thrive off that environment

where it is like tumultuous and you know there's constant drama and there's this push and pull between the two people well i think they mistake that for passion i think people mistake that for a passion in a relationship and we fight for each other and i'm not a believer of that i think that like passion should be like you want to rip each other's clothes off in the bedroom not that like you need to hate each other so that you can make up 100 and i think that like when you do have that sort of volatility to a relationship that's when you're erring into this is actually toxic it's not good for either of us you shouldn't be in a constant flux between like hating the person you're with and then loving the person so much that it's overwhelming. There should be some

constant in a relationship. And if you want to get, if you really want to be with someone like Matt, your friend, he probably shouldn't be questioning, do you reckon I should get back with her? If he wants to get back with her, he should be like, I fucking miss her. I want to get back with her. I want to make it work. Not asking friends like, I just think that that means like maybe you, maybe you miss them. Maybe you're a bit bored, but that's what. But also I think as well, when you start asking friends, it's because there's a part of that, which is like embarrassment. Like it's a bit embarrassing to constantly be breaking up and getting back with the same person.

You kind of think, well, what are my friends going to think? What is my family going to think that we can't seem to make it work? And I guess like maybe sometimes it is great to get an outsider's perspective and speak to your friends and speak to your family because sometimes they can see things that you can't see about your relationship and they might say, hey, you might think you're really in love with this person, but you treat them like shit when you're together. And I don't think that it's a good idea that you get back together. because there's nothing more awkward than having wine with a friend and absolutely hating on your

partner and then the week later being like by the way jim is coming to dinner we're back together yeah we spoke about that recently actually you should just never bad mouth your friend's ex because it was so bad when they're like hey you got back with bobby and you're like fuck great yeah you know i hate him please don't tell him but guys that's it three quick questions matt thanks for coming on the pod today i feel like three's not enough i just want more like i'm just getting warmed up it's because you want to get that blowjob right yeah we'll give you guys an update let's keep going if we do a two-hour episode that's pretty much the equivalent of 10 eps let's do it all right guys you know the drill if you have an ask uncut question for us

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