Life Uncut - UNCUT with Bella Stokes, life as a transgender woman and finding her community

Episode Date: January 12, 2022

BONUS episode with Bella! Her story of being transgender, finding love and living with a chronic illness.Happy New Year Lifers! We're like the clingy little sibling that can't stay away from you so today we are bringing you a special bonus episode with one of our OG Lifers!It's an interview that has been requested by quite literally hundreds of you!Meet Bella, a founding member of the life uncut discussion group and a ray of sunshine in your facebook feeds! Over the past two years Bella has been so open and vulnerable with her transition journey, and also about finding love and living with chronic kidney disease. In this episode we sit down with Bella to speak about what her experiences were like realising her identity, sharing that knowledge with her friends and family and some of the challenges that the trans community face at the moment. We speak about how she navigated dating, how she chose her name and what is involved in gender reassignment. A big thing from this conversation is that gender reassignment surgery costs are extravagant (around the $30k mark) and not supported through medicare so there is a gofundme organised to help Bella with these costs. You can check it out here: https://bit.ly/3HDNhMKIf y'all want some savings use code LIFEUNCUT for a $10 sign up bonus! https://app.shopback.com/aus/partner/LIFEUNCUTIf you have missed the pod over the new year break, please let us know by leaving us a review. You can also leave reviews on spotify now so that would be cool!Share it with someone you love because, well, we love love! x xSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi guys and welcome back to another episode, which is most definitely not an episode, it's a bonus episode, of Life Uncut. I feel like it is still an episode, Laura, as much as you can say. This is not an episode. This is, yes, it's our first episode back, but it's not our real episode. It's not the same structure. It is a bonus episode. It is a bonus episode that was supposed to come to you a few weeks ago,

but one of us, I won't name names, one of us got COVID. Oh, look. It's going around. It pushed the schedule back a couple of weeks. Me and everybody else in New South Wales has got COVID. I don't have it anymore, guys, which is why Britt and I are in the same room recording. I will tell you all about that journey on next week's episode,

which is actually a real episode because it's when we're back from holidays, and that's what I mean. Right now we're supposed to still be on holidays, but we just love it so much. We're here and in your ears. I hope you guys missed us because we missed you. I feel like we were really committed to taking a holiday and we didn't even really do it.

You got thrown under a bus big time, Laura. We were still working away. We were still like we've got some really good episodes in the works for you guys. I mean, Britt says this, but we did just come off the beach to come here and record this so we've had a little bit of a holiday we did we were both down at the beach next to each other and we didn't know we were there together we were there together but apart but anyway guys firstly we just want to say a huge and happy new year to everybody it's the

what is it we're recording this 2022 it's 2022 it already feels like this year has been a year long like we're heading into christmas of 2022 i have a question for you oh yeah when do you stop saying happy new year to people like how deep into the new year do you go because i'm still saying it people and we're what we're a bit over a week in I think we do it till like March no I think just like you stop saying Merry Christmas to people when New Year rolls around and then now you've got to stop saying I think you stop I'm throwing out emails left right and center Happy New Year I feel like it's already deep like we could very well be in March already I would like if someone said to me it's March I'd be like yeah feels like it yeah I would too I wouldn't have said New Year's

was eight days ago no so I think we've passed it but anyway we'll say it to you guys because we haven't seen you happy new year happy new year welcome back we miss you had a very healthy and safe and happy time but anyway we want to tell you a little bit about what we have coming up so that you can really just have this as a little taste test wet your palate get excited about the weeks to come next tuesday we are dropping a huge episode we sat down with britney's new best friend rebel wilson it's a long time coming our first step back and we do finally have rebel on the podcast. You guys have been sliding into my dams for a very, very long time. She's made it. She's made it. Also, I sat there like a third wheel in the room whilst

Brittany interviewed Rebel Wilson. We went to Rebel's house, actually. It was a really nice day. We sat around the table. We had a great little interview. We had a laugh and it's a really great episode. I think you guys are really going to love it. I think you're going to be probably just as surprised by what Rebel is really like as I was when I first met Rebel. She's definitely not the same as her TV persona. That's what I think. What did you think, Laura? I think if I had seen her on TV and tried to just guess who she's like, I would have thought that she would be a very loud and like big personality, but she's very considered and she's a little bit more quiet in the way that she comes across in real life. So I wouldn't, I feel like her TV

persona and her real life persona are a little bit chalk and cheese. She does tell some epic accidentally unfilters that probably haven't been spoken about before. So you'll have to tune in for that one. But we do have a really special episode for you today. We are interviewing one of our own one of our own community members and we're going to tell you all about her and that episode in just a hot second but first we want to say a very big thank you to the sponsor of today the reason we can bring you guys these episodes and today's sponsor is shop back now a lot of you in the community i know you use shop back because you speak about it and you post about it in the discussion group and if you're not in the discussion group this is another reason you

should be but if you don't know what shop back is it's literally an app that you purchase whatever you want through, there's over 2000 stores and they give you commission back. So they give you money back. The brand pays commission to shop back and shop back puts it back in your account. It's actually that easy. There are so many different brands that you can shop. You can shop the iconic, you can shop adult beauty, Lululemon. You can do your travel on there through booking.com. It's so good. JB Hi-Fi. Honestly, there is over 2000 brands. And like Britt said, if you're someone who likes savings, I mean, we all like savings, don't we? And if you're somebody who does a lot of online shopping, please download and try the Shopback app. You

will literally start saving money the minute that you do it. We will put all the details for the Shopback app in the show notes. But now let's get into what this episode is. And it's a really special one because like Britt said, we are interviewing one of our own, one of the Life Uncut community members. And if you are somebody who is part of our Facebook group, the Life Uncut Facebook group, there's 55,000 people in that group. You would probably be familiar with the woman that we are interviewing today. If you aren't part of the Facebook group, then this person is probably going to be new to you. And why are you not part of the Facebook group yet? That's the bigger and more important question. But we are interviewing Isabella Stokes. Now,

Isabella also goes by the name Bella in the Facebook community, and she has such an interesting story. Now, one of the things that makes her story so special is that over the past two and a half years that she's been a member of the Facebook community, she has been so vulnerable in sharing who she is and also her journey. Bella is a very proud trans woman and so many of you will be familiar with parts of her story but today we sit down to find out a little bit more about what her life has been like since she officially changed her name and also what are some of the challenges that she faces as a trans woman. Bella did join, she's literally an OG member Laura. I don't know if you remember back at the start but Bella was one of the first people in the group but then we

knew her as david she joined life uncut as david and the really beautiful thing is she has just felt so comfortable and vulnerable over the last two years within our space within our group because of all of you guys and she's come on today at your request you guys wanted to hear from her you slid into the dms over the last six months pretty much begging to hear from bella because we hear from bella a lot but we don't get to hear her whole story we hear little bits and pieces so laura and i were so excited today to bring one of our very very important community members to you guys you can completely hear her story and it's a really really beautiful touching story so with that all said let's get into the chat with Bella and we'll be seeing you next week back to our regular

schedule welcome to life on cart oh it's so good to be here thank you guys it's so funny Bella because I mean people say this to us a lot on the streets I had someone say this morning at coffee I was getting a coffee and somebody came up to me and they're like hey how are you and I'm like oh my god I just realized you don't know me but I feel like I know you we get that a lot but I feel like that with you I feel like because you've been such a founding member I'm pretty sure when we started the life uncut Facebook discussion group there were three members it was like Laura myself and you but I feel like because you have been such an active member I feel like I know you even though obviously I don't actually know you but you've been so open about your journey and you have been

requested for the podcast for a very very long time and I know so many people are going to want to hear about you and anybody that doesn't know who we're talking about that's because you're not on the Facebook discussion group so you need to get amongst it but Bella you know how this works do you have an accidentally unfiltered for us because you know we always start with an accidentally unfiltered it's funny you should say that we were actually recording this very episode a few days ago don't tell everyone Bella we had almost finished it was going all good something happened with the wi-fi and you guys asked oh hey that's okay send through the recording from your phone

i looked at it and realized i never actually push record so the way this works for anyone listening is we do this obviously bella is not in bondi beach with us so we do these records when we have to over we have a program online so we'd recorded an amazing episode for about an hour and we'd ask Bella to record the backup on her phone and I Bella I'm throwing you under a bus here before we started I said are you definitely recording and you're like yes yes Brittany like shut up I'm recording we get to the end and you were like whoops accidentally unfiltered here we are recording the whole thing again but we are here for it we love it also we can't hold this against you because we are supposed to be the

seasoned professionals and the amount of times that we have actually not hit record is like wildly embarrassing. But Bella, I want to start all the way back at the beginning. Can you tell us a little bit about your childhood, who you are growing up, what school was like, just those early years in your life? Sure. So I grew up in a small country town in regional New South Wales. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm this overly optimistic, positive, caring person. Pretty much who I've always been you know I was relatively happy however I never really felt like I fit in anywhere looking back I always had a smile on my face it was kind of just fake so everyone thought that I was okay because that's who I was meant to be when you say you feel like you didn't

fit in anywhere what do you mean by that do you mean you found it hard to make friends or do you mean on the inside you felt like something different to what the outside world saw definitely on the inside it never matched the outside so I was always questioning who I was and where I fit into the world I had a chronic illness which not your typical thing to go up with you know I was born a male that was all good but I never felt that way yet I never really understood what was going on what age were you when you kind of started to understand what it would mean to be transgender or what it would mean to you know not identify as the gender that you were born as I remember having a questioning that as early as seven or eight years old it probably wasn't until

I was 13 or 14 that I kind of understood a bit more what being transgender was but like I said there was this really big scary sort of thing so I just suppressed it for years. And how did you go about bringing that up with your family or when you decided hey there's something about this like I'm not happy I don't want to be this version that everybody knows me as how did you go about having that conversation and what was that like for you? So that conversation initially happened when I was around 17. I had gone through a lot through depression, anxiety, just a lot of different things. I was with my first boyfriend I believe back then and we kind of had a discussion you know the clothes I was wearing wasn't your typical male clothes if you will and he sort of

brought it up one day and I was like well maybe there's something more here. So I sat down with mum basically I asked her what her views on transgender people were she didn't really have an opinion that she voiced to me she's like oh I'm not really sure why I said look I think that's maybe who I am it caused a lot of tension I tried to sort of come out as transgender at 17 but after a few weeks it got to the point where it was either I stopped doing what I was doing or I would be kicked out of home and at 17 years old I mean I had nowhere else to go I wasn't working so it was kind of like okay do I risk being who I am or do I just remain you know in this bubble of safety and just go back to being David I do have some questions

just like backtracking a bit and then we'll get back to this back to when you were seven years old seven eight and you said you had your first memories of feeling different I just want to know because I think a lot of people and a lot of people we speak to and a lot of people that write to us say that when they're younger they do have these different feelings and I think hearing from you will help a lot of people but what did you actually feel inside and how did you discover it did you battle with that daily did you get to speak to people because I imagine there wasn't a lot of information around at that time for you to learn from there weren't a lot of people that were speaking loud and proud about it like there are now i think it would have been a really difficult

time yeah so it started with simple things like playing with barbie dolls wanting to go to like the girls slumber parties stuff like that i was never interested in boys clothes but that's kind of what i had to wear but i would always see pictures on tv of like these really pretty girls in these pretty dresses and I'm like oh they look like a princess that's who I want to be but I'm like well I can't be that because I'm a boy and yeah it was just a feeling I had inside like even looking at my body I was like this doesn't feel quite right to me you just didn't feel like you could relate to who you were inside to the body that you had been given exactly what have been some of the biggest challenges that you've faced since you've made the decision and

Since you, I mean, we have seen so much of your change over the past two years on the Life Uncut Facebook group in that community. But for you personally, now that you are Bella, what has been some of the challenges that you have faced as a transgender woman? Our society is definitely progressing in a good way, but there is still a lot of people who don't accept or understand who I am. I have faced a lot of discrimination over the past couple of years I do worry about my safety that's probably the biggest thing because you know I don't know if you meet someone who doesn't get

who you are there's always that chance of like physical assault or just verbal assault and anyone who knows me knows that I'm so sensitive I take everything very personally so I'm constantly struggling with my mental health like I'm who I am because it's the best thing for me but it's really difficult when I just want to make everyone else happy at the same time when you say you I mean sometimes you're scared for your safety which is appalling because nobody should ever have to feel like that you said you were from a small country town what has the response been like and how have you felt at home in the town do you feel safe there and do you feel like the community has been really supportive of you look I have my people who support me I have a few close friends

who you know stick up for me and defend me which is really nice because not everyone has that I've got my family I've got my boyfriend who very protective but of course you still have a lot of people who I don't know want to be stuck in this 1950s sort of mentality yeah and I was gonna to say I mean I know that you have been so vulnerable in our community and shared your story but I have also seen you on TikTok and I follow your TikTok and it's not a closed community TikTok a lot of these social media platforms they're very open and you don't know who your content is going to be served to and you don't know what their views are and I have seen that on TikTok some of the comments that you have received are not the positive comments that you

have received in say a safer community how do you respond to that sort of negativity online or when you are faced with you know it's the really hideous side of the world look I struggle with it still daily it's very tough to take but the thing that helps me push through is that I know that I'm helping at least one person I help a lot more than that but if I can help at least one person I can make people feel less alone have a safe space for them to come it makes it all worth it for me can I ask what was it about the life on cart community what was it about being part of I mean it's a Facebook group where you don't actually know people in real life you know but obviously you make these connections online and those online connections can be as strong as some

connections in real life what was it about the life on cart community that made you want to be vulnerable share your story and also share your progress over the years okay well like i said i've been part of it from the very beginning i was listening to the podcast long before the facebook group and i started listening to it because i loved youtube and like the vibe that you gave off on the bachelor and it was a little while i saw the group starting to build and it was just really supportive and I'm like okay this seems nice and I just decided hey I'm gonna open up see what kind of vibe I get from everyone and it was so supportive I'm like yep this is my group these are my people this is my family oh that gives me all the feels I want to ask you something

you a bit more serious again we'll go back to when you said you're about 17 and you decided to come out properly to your family and air your thoughts tell them how you felt inside and gain their opinion obviously that didn't go well the first time you said that you know when push came to shove you either had to suppress who you are or move out yeah was that literally a conversation that was had with your family what like what was their response was it like we are not going to accept you was it as harsh and straight down the line as we're not going to accept you if you want to be that person you don't have a place here or was it more implied that you know you need to probably go and live your life elsewhere how did it look yep so basically after a couple of weeks

the tension was not dying down I got into another fight with mum about it I'm like look don't you want me just to be happy and healthy she said well can't you just be that as the person who you are we got into a fight i'm like that's not who i am etc etc and she said look i can't deal with this so either you be david or you move out pack your stuff and we want you gone by the end of the week and i went to bed that night and i was so conflicted i'm like well what do i do like do i keep just being David and be depressed or do I risk not having anywhere to go not having money and being who it is that I'm meant to be that just must have been so hard and I think there'd be many people unfortunately in your position but you just must want to scream like but this

isn't who I am like when your mum says to you can't you just be who you are like this isn't who I am who I am on the inside you've never known because I've never felt like I can say it Exactly. Yes. Just quickly interrupting the episode to say a very big thank you to our sponsor Shopback. Now, I know there are already a bunch of you using Shopback because you post about it in the Facebook discussion group. A lot of you have made some pretty serious savings in there.

So that's so good to see. But if you don't know what Shopback is, you can literally shop 2000 brands on an app and they will give you money back into your account. Now, I know that sounds too good to be true, but it is legit. Some of these brands are brands like The Iconic, Adore Beauty, Lululemon, or you can even get money back on your travel bookings via booking.com. You can also make purchases for gift cards such as Kmart, JB Hi-Fi, and more. So the way that this works is that the brands actually pay Shopback a commission.

And when you shop through the app, some of that commission gets paid back to you, which basically just equates into a whole lot of savings. So if you're somebody who loves a bargain, who loves a saving, Don't we all? Shopback app is something that you have to try. I recently got myself some new denim pieces from The Iconic. So I'm a huge, huge fan. I've been using Shopback for a very long time.

We also have a code for you guys. It is Life Uncut and that is a $10 sign-up bonus. So we're going to put that link in the show notes as well. So Life Uncut for a $10 sign-up bonus. Get saving and get shopping. Now let's get back into the episode. How old are you now, Bella? I am 26.

26. So it's been a little bit of time since you were 17, since you had those first conversations with your mum what is the relationship they're like now how has your family responded to your choice well it was probably six months ago that I officially come out as Bella and the Facebook group was the first place that I did it surprisingly yay we love that so much look I got the same reaction from my mum and I said right from the beginning six months ago I don't care who you are if you cannot accept me I don't want you in my life and then after that I reconnected with my biological dad and that side of the family who

had not been in my life for close to two decades I'm like hey dad it's David I'm actually Bella now I understand if you don't want me in your life but I thought I just reached out and he was like yeah we accept you you're still my child I don't care and things have been great ever since I'm daddy's little princess and things are going great I'm just trying to put myself in your position for a second you haven't had a relationship with your biological dad for 20 years so that in itself reaching out you must have like you must have felt nervous excited anxious but then on top of that you're not only saying hey like I'm your son but psych spoiler I'm actually your daughter now what did that feel like to track him down and go and have a relationship with him and and say

this is me look I almost didn't do it I just lost my mum so I was really scared of rejection from like the only family I had left essentially but I'm like if I don't do it I'm gonna regret that for the rest of my life I did it and when I got that first reply back basically saying that dad was supportive I'm like oh my god like this is amazing but yeah it was terrifying I remember you put and anyone that's part of the group will know you put a photo up in the discussion group of it was your birthday and it was with your dad and you just said daddy's little princess and I just remember I got all the feels from that because I you just looked so happy and so in your element and I think everyone felt that, yeah.

Absolutely. One of the things you did right in the Facebook group a little while back, it was when you had officially changed your name and you had the name change certificate. You wrote, I'm officially Isabella Taylor Stokes in the eyes of the law. I feel amazing, but I'm still grieving David, if you will.

What was it like making that huge change and that having a brand new name, having that officially changed in the eyes of the law, but then being able to sort of sit there and go wow this is a real turning point in my life this is a cornerstone and the person that I was before I'm no longer in a lot of ways it was difficult kind of letting go of the person who everyone thought that I was but at the same time I felt really empowered it was kind of like a new chapter and I could rebuild my life the way that I wanted most people have been so supportive and accepting it was difficult for most people though like you

said it was kind of like they've known David and then all of a sudden I'm Bella and people still call me David like from time to time accidentally which you know I'm totally fine with because it does take quite a while to get your head around but the biggest thing for me I'm just trying to show everyone I'm still the same person on the inside my name and my identity may have changed but I'm still the same caring loving person who's always there for everyone Bella one thing you also wrote on the Facebook group was that the reason why you had put off becoming Bella for so long and fully embracing who you are is because of the challenges that posed in the dating world can you talk to me a little bit about what it's like dating as a

transgender woman and how that's changed over the last couple of years the complications you've faced with that and what it's like now for you it was really difficult because obviously I haven't had the gender realignment surgery so it's kind of like well do I date gay men do I go for straight guys each posing their own difficulties because I'm a woman so not really a gay man but a lot of straight guys find it difficult to be like look I don't care I'll date a transgender woman it doesn't make me any less of a man and also you don't know how people will react so my safety was a very big issue luckily I found my penguin yay we love a love story here we love penguins and a lot of people have opinions on you know being transgender is the first thing that needs

to come out of your mouth when you're on a date and it's not as simple as that I mean you guys if you went on a date you wouldn't be like oh hey I'm a natural born woman like it doesn't make sense you know what I mean totally I think you need for me I built a connection and when I felt comfortable with the person I was like oh hey just to let you know I'm transgender if you can't accept that that's fine maybe it's one of those things though that the longer you put it off maybe the harder it is to have as a conversation at what point in dating someone do you openly say this is who I am look it's different for everyone I guess you can look at it it's the same as if you've got a mental illness or something that's quite personal for you

so for me I might have gone on one date two dates three dates and I'm like okay this guy won't hurt me like I feel safe I kind of have a little bit of a conversation just to see what his values are and try to gauge what his opinions on kind of sensitive topics like that are and if I felt safe then I would bring it up and if there wasn't the vibe then I'm just going to be like oh yeah I don't think we should see each other again and that's the end of that so talk us through your new love your new relationship you very I mean it was a beautiful post you put it up recently and You said, you know, I've been a bit quiet on Facebook because I've been living my real life and I'm in love and I've met someone.

Talk to me about your new relationship, about your partner, but also just, you know, what it's like being in a new relationship. Absolutely. Okay. So I messaged him initially a little over two months ago. I read his bio and he just seemed open-minded and understanding. So I'm like, oh, what's the worst that can happen? sent a message and he replied luckily and yeah we just started talking and the connection was

so strong right from the beginning we were speaking online for probably two weeks and i'm like hey did you want to meet up in person we did we went to like this really cute little party in my house spent like the whole day together and yeah we ended up being official at the end of the day date one yeah I love this I have not met any men who after one day is like I want to date you but that's only because I only prior to Matt had dated players and they always wanted to keep their options open yeah I mean it was quite a shock for me but I'm like you know what the connections here why play these games why wait around you know I'm getting older I want to get married like let's get this show started what dropped the album yeah where are you at yes we have dropped the album

who dropped it first that was me yeah I just felt it and I'm like you know what I'm gonna go for it and he said it back so I'm like good that's good things are great like he's amazing accepting he really is prince charming so watch this space there might be an engagement ring in the next couple of years oh bella we're so happy for you but one thing i wanted to talk to you about is something you touched on just a little bit earlier you shared it a couple of times in the facebook group but the conversation around gender reassignment and i know that this is a huge conversation what are some of the challenges around gender reassignment and what does that look like for

you is it a necessity is it something that you're working towards for me it's definitely a necessity i'm working towards it it is quite a big thing it's an operation so you know that has its own complications you need to have really good mental and physical health for that money is a really big issue it's starting at 30 grand not covered by medicare or anything else so that's out of pocket which is insane, but you know. It's actually crazy. And also nobody's doing it. Nobody is going and having gender reassignment surgery because it's a cosmetic thing. You know, like I understand why cosmetic surgeries aren't covered by Medicare, but like people are choosing this because it is a necessity for them to live an authentic life. And I'm so sorry that you have

to face that challenge as well. We did say that you have a GoFundMe page as well. We're going to put all the details in the show notes guys if anyone wants to donate to Bella's gender reassignment GoFundMe the link will be in the show notes but we understand that for so many people the huge amount of money that the surgery costs makes it not an option and not something that they're able to work towards absolutely and that was always a fear of mine I started my GoFundMe just somebody suggested it on TikTok and I'm like no no no I can't do that like I can't accept money for something that's my problem and then it came up in the Facebook group and one of the lovely members shared it and I've got so much money from it already I'm gonna start crying if I keep talking

about this again but I'm just so grateful to everyone in the group like it's not necessary but this is just why I love this community which is I feel like I could cry it's like I'm always so proud of the community too but Bella what does for people playing at home that don't know including myself to be honest what does reassignment surgery look like so I guess is it different to each individual do you choose whether you want breast implants is it just purely genitalia that gets changed do you end up with like a functioning vagina what does it actually look like? Yeah, so it's completely different for everyone. For me, it would look like getting a vagina, obviously, and I want to get boobs. And yeah, I mean, obviously, I still won't be able

to get pregnant or any of that. That's just something that I have to accept. But that's the path that i'm taking but there's no right or wrong way to be transgender and then do you have to take medication that uh helps with your hormones for a couple of years or what does that side look like yes so before the surgery you start hormone replacement therapy which i'm hoping to do very soon COVID put things really behind so yeah that's my goal for this year and what sort of period does it take usually for the average person from when they start like the hormones to when they get the surgery to when they're recovered and just living their best life is it like a whole year process or longer for the hormones to really start taking an effect and for people to notice

it can take up to two years so I'm hoping within five to ten years I will be fully transitioned on top of that you do and have spoken a little bit about your health battles and that you do suffer with a chronic illness in fact when we tried to interview Bella earlier when we had the little mishap with the recording equipment accidentally unfiltered Bella was actually in hospital doing her dialysis which is something that she has done weekly can you talk to us a little bit about what living with a chronic illness is like what is your illness and how you manage it sure so i was born with a condition called chronic kidney disease basically in its most basic form my kidneys weren't working all that good so for me personally they held out enough

until five years ago which is when i started dialysis that's a machine that takes all your blood out filters it and puts it back into your body so for me that's three days a week four hours each session so it's a long time I mean I guess being born with it I'm just used to it it's part of my everyday life but for a lot of people they sort of get it later in life which would be a lot more difficult to kind of have to accept and make part of your everyday life on top of that I've spoke about this in the facebook group i've also got an eating disorder which i have got so much support the last time i was in hospital for that so again thank you to the community i love you all so three days a week for four hours at a time for forever until you get a kidney transplant

does that that's a lot of time does that make it hard for you to live a normal life in terms of getting a job or like what what do you do for work or how do you navigate that look it's not an option to work at the moment which it's really difficult even studying it just gets a bit too much I can't go out and socialize like other people my age I can't go on holidays you know there's a lot of limitations that I've got and it's really difficult watching everyone else my age, like graduate and get houses and get married and all this stuff. And I'm like, well, why can't that be me? Like, I'm just always on the outside, it feels like. I guess also with this time, you know, and living through COVID, what has that been like for you? Everybody has felt some level of

stress and anxiety, but when you're somebody who does have chronic illness, you're more susceptible and the risk of the situation is higher. Have you been more greatly affected during this last period? Look, everybody has struggled, like you said. My immunity is lower than the average person, so it has been really stressful for me. I've had quite a few mental breakdowns, just been so worried that I'm going to get sick. Luckily, I have not had COVID, so let's just hope it stays that way.

I haven't either, but we all know that Laura got it over Christmas. It is not fun. I don't recommend running out and trying it at home, people. Bella, talk to us a little bit about some of the positives and where your life is at now. Look, it's just amazing to wake up and not think about who I have to be, what do I have to say, how do I have to act. I'm just me.

If people don't like it, then there's the door. Goodbye. That was polite. I was about to say if people don't like it, you can fuck off. I was going to say that too, but I'm like, oh, probably not appropriate. it yours was more girlfriend you have heard this podcast everything is appropriate and you know with that my mental health my physical health everything is just so much more stable I think I'm just in the best place that I have been in years really really really deep serious question

coming in hot here how did you pick your name Bella because I guess that this is something you've you've waited your whole life for this moment to be who you really you are and who you want to be how did you pick the name that's going to be you for the rest of your life because i feel like that is like a lot of pressure okay here's the story so from as young as i can remember i've loved disney princesses cinderella has always been who i aspired to be i couldn't really make cinderella way so it's a long one you could have gone for cindy so then i'm like oh beauty and the beast that's my second favorite bell bella and it just seemed to fit so i'm like okay yep let's go with it also means beautiful in italian it does yes a nice added touch i love that that's how you got

to your name i absolutely love that i think just before we let you go if there's anybody out there listening now that is struggling with their identity, with who they are. They don't feel like they fit in. They don't feel like they can come out. They don't feel like they can tell their family and friends. Some people, I know there are a lot of people that don't feel like there is an out for them. What can you say to them right now? I'm not going to lie. It is really scary and difficult. My advice, maybe go into Google. See what information you can find. There's a lot of helpful websites out there talk to someone that you trust so whether that be a family member a friend see a therapist a doctor just somebody and as I always say my inbox is open so

if anybody is struggling connect with me and I'm more than happy to be a safe space Bella thank you for being vulnerable over the last couple of years over sharing your journey with the Facebook community and just for being that positive and absolute ray of sunshine in the Facebook group. So many people, like we said, had asked to know more about your story, to understand who you are and why you felt like you wanted to share so much of your life and why you felt like it was a safe place to do so.

So we are so grateful for having you as part of the Life Uncut community and thank you so much for making time today to tell us more about Bella. Thank you so much for having me. this has been the highlight of my year well you got to do it twice Bella keep being a shining light and keep helping all those wonderful people that you're helping okay thank you so much guys .