Life Uncut - UNCUT WITH MATTY J - A mans perspective!

Episode Date: October 19, 2020

Happy Tuesday Lifers! This week because Laura has been severely unwell and hasn’t been able to get out of bed we’ve had to mix it up a little and do the old switcheroo! So today we are bringing you ‘ask uncut’ and on Thursday you’ll get your juicy episode (hopefully Laura can talk again by then!)Not only that but we have a special guest joining Britt today to answer your deepest, darkest questions... (drum roll please) it’s Laura’s other half Matt! About time we got a males perspective right?! We thought we’d really take advantage of his ‘expertise’ so we chat all things ghosting - why guys do it and also how to let them down easy, we chat jealousy and uncertainty in relationships, and how to know the difference between ‘grass is always greener’ or if you actually want to end the relationship.You don’t want to miss this one!If you enjoy the episode guys please hit subscribe, 5 stars and share the love, because, well, we love love xSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut, I'm Brittany and I'm Laura. This is our Ask Uncut episode, our little quick and down and dirty where we answer your biggest problems, your deepest secrets and the things you just really need some help with. This is my favourite episode. I love it. It's the one I look forward to all week because I just love giving you my opinion. Okay.

Am I right, Brit? Brit? You guys might have clued on. Laura's been a bit sick this week. That is actually not Laura. We didn't want to not bring you guys an episode. so I've gone rogue and I've tried I thought what's the next best thing I could possibly get to Laura. Buster was unavailable. Marley hasn't been speaking much so we have got Matt in the

studio doing his very first Ask Uncut. Welcome. Hello. G'day guys, lifers. You know what's weird for so long I've been secretly reading through the questions that get submitted to the Facebook group and I thought to myself do you know what I think I'd be pretty damn good at answering some of these questions and I didn't want to ask Laura but I secretly infected her with an illness that knocked her down for a week so there was no other choice but for me to get the call up and can I just say it's good to be here I feel comfortable Laura you've been replaced well you know how I feel I feel a little bit like I'm cheating on Laura yeah you are I feel like okay even though I just want everyone to know Laura is in the room she is watching us like a hawk

trying to make sure we perform she's making sure we articulate she's making sure we don't move back from the mic because she has to edit this well she proposed it in a way that was well i was wondering what is she gonna ask she came into the room i was sitting down on the couch and laura's like look she actually said i don't know if you're gonna hate this but i have an idea and i was thinking oh hang on did you take this idea as yours laura oh yeah she did you were just slippery little sucker and she was like how would you feel about doing an episode of life uncut and you're like where do i sign oh no oh you know i've got my own podcast uh the babble which does hang on that was oh two minutes you got that in there i love that laura said

you can say the babble but just make sure it's at the very end and i was like of course not a problem totally fine the babble podcast one of the best pop culture podcasts out there i think uh you know if you want to get your fix of news and reality tv it's it's at the babble podcast on instagram as well if you want to give us a follow how come you haven't got me on there if it's the best you've been on there oh oh that's right r.i.p me sorry you had a full episode to yourself no I actually performed really well continue I'm glad you remember it is that serious I had a mind blank we are we are stoked to have you here but guys Laura actually we told you guys she's been sick she has been sick is an understatement she has been deathly

she sent me a photo of herself and I almost sent an ambulance to the house she sent me a photo in bed horizontal her face looked like she'd been stung by a bee no offense laura but you were really really unwell but can you testify that can i just say i think she looked great i think she looked beautiful he's trying to get laid as soon as laura gets better so no it's been i reckon it has been the week from hell laura has just been struck down with like the mother of all viruses since monday last week she's been super unwell and it's kind of been this weird roller coaster to where one day she was feeling better and she's like, I think I'm getting over it.

And then the next day she was back to being like, you know, rock bottom. And then obviously we thought either me or Marley is going to get sick next. And then Marley got sick and then she got conjunctivitis. And so, you know, I'm just this absolute hero. I am the rock of this family. Nothing is going to stop me from making sure that they're looked after, they're well fed. but i'm actually i'm quite fragile normally normally the slightest change in temperature

and i'm like help help i'm struck down is this where i'm supposed to start calling you the whole i'm quite weak i'm i'm a fragile i'm a fragile human being brit i'm i can i can testify to that i also think you're fragile and the last few months it's always laura who is the one helping me and i'm there in bed you know in the fetal position and to the point where it was on the weekend where she was feeling really really sick and then she took some antibiotics that were recommended by the gp she took them and then maybe an hour later i just heard that she was vomiting in the bathroom just non-stop vomiting like violently ill for half an hour it was really really scary and i called the midwife and i was thinking jesus do we have to go to hospital

i you know i can just imagine that for the baby this is you know a nightmare so uh so it was pretty scary for a little while there but i think now she is getting better still not well enough to be on the podcast so uh i think in the next few days she will be back so this is this is one time only so if you're listening save it every second because i might not be back for a little while i reckon you'll come back but basically what we've done guys the reason we've given you this short ask uncut today is because i don't trust matt enough to have him on a full hour episode so he was never going to fill in for the proper tuesday's ep so we did a switcheroonie we got him in for some quick answers and laura will be back later in the week for the full episode

on thursday thing is guys we we often get questions laura and i and we do run them by matt anyway because we do want a guy's perspective when we bring them to you so this is actually brilliant and some of the questions we've picked today i have purposely picked them because i want more of a male skew a male skew yeah and you all i could find so before we jump in i just want to tell you a funny story that happened to me today i went to a cafe this morning with my sister and in bondi today guys it was really windy so we're sitting outside doing some work uh because we're trying to get outside of the house because it was just you know you get stuck in this damn dark house you're like i need some air sitting down doing our work and i there's this

really really hot guy at the table behind me oh in front of me and i've been ironing him off and i'm like hot damn this guy's spicy trying to make some eye contact and stuff you know anything in return or was he playing hard to get i got a few like some glances up and some like holding the eye contact for a few seconds you know those ones question when you're trying to flirt is it just do you just want to lock eyes and give a little smirk or what are you trying to do there yeah i think the trick is to hold that eye contact for that little bit longer than you normally would if you caught someone's eye because normally you'd catch their eye and look away that's very creepy do you want me to show you now and i'll do this ready the little uh the little breathe out laugh

like so i i locked eyes and then i did a smirk and look away laugh yeah great although hasn't very successful guys so it wasn't working so no we'll just we'll just i wasn't actually trying to get him to talk to me i just clocked him i was like clock clocked hottie 12 o'clock that was it i knocked my bag over next to the table and some rubbish flies out so i get up to run after it because you don't want to let rubbish go down the street and the rubbish stopped right next to him at the table with perfect right because then you can lock the eyes perfect except it was my empty tampon box that got caught in the wind and blew down the road and purpose like perfectly landed next to his table i was like you are fucking kidding me so i was like pick that one 10 bucks

and i was like that's it i'm i'm may as well we may as well get divorced like there's never going to go anywhere what did he say nothing he just like got awkward and got flushed and i was like yep i bleed out of my vagina that's what happens like every like every other i didn't say that guys that was my internal monologue scurried back to my table and that was it packed up went home wow so would you with that what would you think if that happened would that be like a little like oh not that it should be a turn off guys obviously it's not but it's pretty funny that my tampon box and you know what it's obvious that the tampon box had been in there for a little bit because it's a bit crumbled it wasn't even a cute so it wasn't a fresh one it was an

old tampon box i reckon i'd probably i'd have a laugh and be like heavy flow huh hey you know what would have been better if he picked up the tampon box wrote his number on and gave it back oh boom opportunity lost anyway that's the most eventful thing that has happened to me okay i'm gonna jump into the questions and i'm gonna go straight to the one that i think comes in most often from you guys and it's on ghosting matt why do guys ghost i felt like we had a few really great dates it felt like we got along and it was going somewhere and then all of a sudden i just never hear from him again why the fuck do guys do this and she yelled that she was she was angry why the fuck do guys do this and do i message for closure and to ask why or do i accept that

they've ghosted me look it's a good question and i think there are many different ways to look at this but when you boil it down and you and you look at men as a whole and obviously i'm very conscious here not to generalize but at the same time guys are cowards really amen when you look at it we're also just very pathetic i think as well i'm so glad you're saying this and not me bless us bless our cotton socks we don't want to hurt people's feelings nobody wants to be the bad guy right which is okay for the most part except sometimes you really do just need to be honest and sometimes you need to deliver bad news to people even though you know it's going to hurt their feelings.

But guys are just, we're also very lazy as well. So you think men just can't be fucked? Yeah, when it comes down to it. I reckon that these days ghosting happens more because of the dating apps like Tinder, like Bumble, Plenty of Fish, et cetera, et cetera. I think it's so easy now that if you have someone who you maybe don't have a great relationship with

Or maybe, you know, it's a little bit harder to try and get that spark. You can just pick your phone up and find someone new. And it's so easy just to like discard that current person who you've seen for a week or two, throw them to the side and just move on. Yeah, I think it's a little bit of a mix. I mean, everyone's ghosted everyone. I don't do it anymore. I'm always up front and I'll always just say, hey, didn't feel it.

But I had a conversation with my friend yesterday, which was very similar to this. she is online dating and she i was asking her straight up and i'm like okay so how's it going she's like all duds all duds and i said okay so how do you do you find that awkward when they want to see you again and you don't and she's like well not really and i was like well what do you say to them she's oh i just don't oh and she ghosts she ghosted that and i and i said to her you can't do that she's like i don't want to she's like it's too hard i don't know them it's only been one or two dates and i'm like yeah but imagine if that was you and they just weren't writing back to you exactly you need to think of it from both sides you treat people how

you like to be treated and i think it's hard because if you haven't had sex with the person do you even offer someone an explanation or or you know do you does it seem out of place if you step up and say hey look brit i'm really sorry i'm just not feeling things at the moment and you're like hey buddy relax it's been two dates no see this is the other question do you have to have had sex or like some form of intimacy to for it to validate an answer as to why they don't want to see you anymore well i don't i don't agree with that i go on first dates and if they write to me and say they want to see me again i will always write back and say the truth you have been ghosting guys in the past though years and years and years ago yeah and you stopped you're a non

ghoster i have been sober from ghosting for probably four or five years now wow yeah that's a long time I just never felt better well I think it comes with maturity though as well right now that you're a bit older thanks man and you also you know what it feels like to be ghosted you now don't want to inflict that same pain on somebody else because there's nothing more annoying when you're in a position and you think you've had a really good date like you walk away from that date going hey I think I've really found someone special here and then you message them and you back and forth and you try and set up a date and then it just all of a sudden fades out and then you're there racking your brain going like is it just me are they are they okay maybe maybe they

missed the message do i message again so people really need to have that closure i think the best thing to do is just be honest but the second part of her question is here she's like okay so fuck he's ghosted me but do i message and follow up do i ask why do i try and get an answer do i pretend like i don't know he's ghosted me and be like hey just checking in like that message might not have gone through i think as much as you would like some closure because obviously that's going to allow you to to move on and get over it i do think it's just going to boil down to the they just there was nothing there if he's ghosting you he's that kind of person where he's not going to be really honest he's going to avoid confrontation so if you then reach out to him and say hey obviously

it's not working out can you please give me some reason for why it didn't work out he's not going to answer that in an honest way i don't think he's just going to give you some fluff to try and just you know not offend you and let you down lightly i agree ultimately guys it means that they're not interested whether it's the girl ghosting or the guy they're not interested and they're not respectful enough to give you an answer so i would never if someone goes to me i would never chase it never follow it up and i will never write something angry like fuck you you go to me because it's a real what are you going to get from that that's what you've got to think what are you going to get from that even if they say to you imagine if they were imagine if you said what

went wrong and they were really honest they write back and say i didn't like the way you spoke about this i didn't like what you wore i didn't like your hobbies you were like you're not going to go and change yourself so why fucking no why have someone put you down like that yeah 100 brit and you know it's funny there's um there's been so many cases where i've had mates of mine who have been ghosted before and and they had the exact same question of hey should you know i messaged her twice now I gave the follow-up message she didn't write back should I ask you know what went wrong I think it's interesting that both guys and girls get ghosted you know very often it's so easy to think that it's just a male thing but it's it's both parties no again and I had a conversation

with my girlfriend I was like you can't do that anymore and I want you to try and be better and she's like I'm gonna do it she's like I will from now on just say and this is my message guys this is what i say hey i had a really great time with you too to be honest i just don't feel like there was anything more there happy to be friends with you though perfect perfect there are many signs that you become an adult when you get a mortgage when you buy a car and when you stop ghosting yeah that's when you become an adult well the next question matt is still on the ghosting train but it's as a guy and that's because what my friend was saying she's like i don't know what to say to let them down is it they she said do guys actually want to hear the truth or would a guy

rather be ghosted because for women we don't want to be ghosted i would rather the truth but is it the same for a guy and what would you want to hear what is the best response because all these girls out there they get very awkward about how to let someone down because women don't want to hurt people's feelings especially if the date's been great they don't know what to say so that's why they say nothing I'm sure that everybody out there both guys and girls would rather have the other person be really honest as opposed to being ghosted because it just it just means you can move on quicker and and not still get hung up on that person wondering like what could have been I think in terms of being honest as cliche as it is I think just the answer of you know I just didn't

see it there wasn't a spark there because like you said you don't want to be really honest and be specific towards someone's personality or, or say, I kind of thought you were a bit arrogant really. Cause that's not going to do anything that's going to benefit that person. It's just going to make them feel more shit about themselves. If you go on two dates and then you say, let's catch up again. And the woman says to you, look, I've had a really great time with you, but I don't feel anything. They're happy to be friends though. It's not going to hurt your feelings. Is it? Totally. Totally. Yeah. You're going to get a bruised ego, but then you'll move on so much quicker yeah okay so there you go guys that's it just be honest um next question are you ready

is this question two or three well that was like a mix that was like two 1.5 because i mixed i blended two into one is this um just quick quick uh little time out this is you happy with this is this are you missing laura oh i thought you were actually asking me off air but you're actually asking me i'm missing laura except she's in my line of view so i can see her right now. This is fun. It's something different. I'm enjoying it. I'm having a good time. Are you? This is great. How does this compare to yours? We should do this again. Oh, look at that. He's really trying to sell himself, guys. We might put a poll out and see if we want Matt back on. No, please don't. Please don't. If you don't enjoy it, just ghost me. Don't give me the feedback.

You just literally said don't ghost. When it comes to podcasts, ghosting is the way to go. all right next question so i seem to have this problem where guys only see me as good mates good friends i have always been the type of person who has naturally gotten along better with guys because i'm really down to earth and i cannot deal with bitchy girls but that has seemed to follow me into the dating world when i go on dates with guys and we see each other for a couple of weeks it just turns into a really great friendship and nothing more and i'm still great friends with all the guys that i have kind of dated my only long-term relationship was with my best friend but the whole time we dated we never had sex because we were super close but not on a relationship

level is there something i'm doing wrong when it comes to dating because guys either only want to be fuck buddies friends with benefits or just friends help oh wow wow so she's just constantly friend zoned what's she doing do you think oh that's a tricky one that's a tricky one and i've had i've had friends who have come to me with a similar situation and i think of it as you are such a rare breed thank you the question the question from the from the listener um because i think the dream is to find someone who you're best friends with right someone who you have similar interests guy guys really want that they want someone who is going to be their best mate someone who they can have a relationship with that's more than just a sexual connection but

do you think the problem is and i totally agree with that i think you want to marry your best friend and you want to be with your best friend but do you think that that best friend part should come down the track is this do you think that she's jumping into that too quickly so they don't these guys aren't seeing the romance develop and that maybe that best friend part comes down the track because I also have friends that are like this I've got a few friends that are constantly friend-zoned I'm actually friend-zoned a lot too that hurt my heart but you call yourself a bit of a tomboy don't you not I grew up as a tomboy 100% all my friends were guys every weekend was with the boys surfing question if you meet someone who you're really

vibing with would you ever tone down those tomboy elements in your personality try and seem a bit more girly so you're not just seen as a mate when i'm on a date i'm very girly i wear girly things i'm i'm just myself but i i'm probably a slightly watered down version myself because we all know exactly what i'm like i'm gonna bring them in slowly i don't let the laugh out day one like that's a day too okay i have two opinions here i am of the opinion that you can have this beautiful friendship with someone for a long time and then realize that oh my god you're my human and i never knew it because all of a sudden you know each other inside out and i think that that is wonderful but i think that there can be an element sometimes of when you go on a first date or a second date

if you jump in too soon and i think you're too much you can definitely give off too many friend vibes straight up like if you're grabbing him in a headlock and giving him you know 100 if you're at the pub with the boys and you're having your boys jokes and you're drinking your beers and you're talking about the football all these things are fine and I just want you to be hyper aware that all of a sudden the guy's like this is what I'm in he's thinking this is what I do with my friends every weekend and now I'm doing this here with you and he might subconsciously be like cool she's gonna be cool to hang out with us and they lose that romantic touch I think you've got to sort of build to that sometimes and i don't mean hide who you are i just mean let there be

that this is different to the boys this is it's beautiful women i'm on a really nice dinner date with like what guys go out and have romantic dinner dates with each other you know they go to the pub and they drink me and my mates would go out for like a beautiful lobster dinner candlelit beautiful view of the harbor i actually i actually get 100 believe that but you know what i'm saying i think you can jump in too quickly sometimes to being one of the boys initially when you started saying that i was like what i disagree brit because i think you know you should just be yourself you know there's nothing wrong with you shouldn't shouldn't have to water down your personality to try and make yourself seem more appealing to the

other person i do think you need to have some separation between being someone who's going to be categorized as a friend versus being someone who you're going to form a romantic connection with and I think you know like especially in the early stages of of dating someone you know you do want to be a bit more flirty as opposed to being more more matey and I think especially you know when the person's trying to figure out like what is this is there a spark there is there not for that spark to develop quicker I think yeah you may maybe you do have to be more flirty there is also the chance guys just gonna throw this out there that you just haven't met the one yet and that's why you're not in a relationship same reason i've been single so long well i think

that's the reason i've been single for so long because i just haven't met my person yet and that is why i agree and i think it's credit to this girl who's put the question in that she's obviously an absolute legend and normally when you don't have a spark with someone and you've gone on a date you would just move on and not see that person again because she's such a legend they're like hey let's well you know we don't have a romantic connection but let's be friends also just so you guys know because i think there'll be a lot of people that listen to this being like i feel the same thing that's exactly me i feel that incomplete transparency matt how many times have i come over here to you and laura and been really down and said what's wrong with me twice a day

for the last three months but really sometimes you get so defeated because you do get in that mindset where you're like wow what's wrong with me what's wrong with me something's wrong with me because everyone wants to be my friend everyone says i'm great but no one wants to actually have this relationship but and you're you guys are always saying to me you know it's it's not that there's nothing wrong with you it's just that you haven't met the one so and you should never change for anyone I don't want this girl to be like oh well I need to hide who I am for six months in a relationship that's absolutely not what we're saying and no one should ever do that yeah exactly you know I think about Laura and and my relationship and in the early days

you know we were definitely ourselves in front of each other but you know there were certain things that we didn't do because we were really trying to impress the other person like if Laura farted back in the day as much as she did now I don't think we would have ended up together like Laura wasn't letting it rip day one was she she definitely didn't and and thank goodness that she held back all right that's enough she farts like a champion Brit she really does I know that but I wouldn't throw her under the bus like you do every every day it's all right let's go on to the next question hey ladies slash matt i would really appreciate your advice how did that person know that i was gonna fill in i'm just improving man sorry continue continue brick good good improv

i'm good on my toes so i've been with my boyfriend for eight months now and we have a beautiful relationship he's caring loving and emotionally mature well that is rare however i've recently been getting the feeling that he and my housemate slash friend are kind of into each other it's great that they get along so well but I've been noticing a bit of a flirty vibe for example lots of eye contact my housemate getting close to him or it feeling like they're trying to impress each other now I don't know if I'm just reading into things and they're just friends my boyfriend has said on multiple occasions that he loves that they're all real friends now it has been making me feel quite uncomfortable do you think my insecurities are getting the better of me and I'm just

overthinking this or is there actually something more there that I should be worried about do I bring it up with him or her please help it's hard to answer this one without knowing exactly what is happening you know if I would love to know if it is just a cheeky little eye and like a little shoulder tap here and there or if it's something a little bit more sinister but I'm gonna I'll I'll interpret this one and think it's exactly as she stated in her question I think she is being a little bit insecure here I think she she is letting it get the better of her and I I think what she's got is something that's quite rare. And I think it is really hard to find someone, a partner who gets along with your friends really well. And that's what she's got. Like this is, she's got

what so many people want and the fact that they can all get, get along together. She should really try and embrace that. Although I think if it is giving her issues at the moment, she does need to raise it because what you don't want to have happen is that frustration with the potential flirting with her housemate that could so easily eat away at her inside and if something else happens outside of flirting like let's say he's done something wrong it will be so easy for that frustration to then be vented through other things and then he'll be going well why is she so annoyed and i did such a tiny little thing wrong and all of a sudden she's blowing it way out of proportion he doesn't realize that behind the scenes there's this internal frustration insecurity that's been

eating away at her so i think i think the most important thing here is is making sure that you have strong communication with your partner so i think she does need to sit down and talk to him and not do it in a way where she's blaming him and putting it on him because because really maybe he's not doing anything wrong so she can't do it in a way which is attacking towards her partner otherwise he's just gonna arc up and it'll turn into a huge argument i think she needs to be honest and say hey sometimes i'm feeling a little bit insecure about how you're acting with you know so and so so by having that conversation with him by bringing by bringing it out into the open she's really allowing him to put her mind at ease i have a few feels here again like matt said it's

really hard for us to give really honest advice when we don't know the extent of the flirting and the situation and she said they get close what is close is she massaging his neck is she I mean touching him and she's talking if okay do you is massaging of the neck is that wrong well I mean yes it is it is wrong that's what I'm saying yeah you were holding back I was like come on if you came home and your partner's massaging your no that's what I was trying to picture me massaging your neck and I'm like yes it's wrong I was like you just wouldn't do it so it's what's the closeness is it like a hit on the shoulder when you've made a funny joke or you're laughing at him is it like are they just sitting next to each other on the couch too close or are they

touching and massaging each other's neck like what is closeness and otherwise the only other thing you've really said is eye contact i hope they're having eye contact surely right because i'm they're getting along they're friends eye contact doesn't doesn't justify either one of them pushing past that line of of that you know the boundary of friendship what more would you want than your friends to get along with your partner it's like it's everybody's dream no one wants their friends to hate their partner and their partner to hate their friends and there's always an awkwardness so first up it sounds like you've got a pretty good situation secondly you've been with him for eight months now I hope by this point you're at a point where you either trust him

or you don't that's what I would like to think I would be at after eight months of a relationship I'd like to know that I'm comfortable in my relationship that I trust my partner so that's a little bit of like a red flag for me the fact that you're unsure another point is this is your friend and your housemate I feel like you two should have a relationship where you know that you can trust your friend like deep down you really think that your friend and your partner have something going on that's 100% a flag that you need to sit down and have a conversation because if you are feeling like that even if they're not doing something wrong there's something that needs to be spoken about because there's an insecurity and an unsettling feeling festering

within you and if you let that fester like you said matt you're going to implode everything that wouldn't have normally been an issue is going to become an issue so i think probably nothing is going on i think you're just at a point where you're still a little bit nervous about the relationship and maybe not completely comfortable with him yet so sit down and have the conversation and also don't accuse him of anything be like babe tell me i'm crazy but do you ever feel like i don't know is sarah flirting with you sometimes or am i not you could you could say it like that and he's gonna be like babe you're not don't be ridiculous there's nothing there yeah and then because what you want to avoid is in worst case scenario here would be having a fight

with your housemate and making your environment at home be one that you don't want to live in anymore or then you know potentially having an argument with your boyfriend and pushing him away you know you don't want it to be awkward for him to come up to your place because i think you really need to jump on this really quickly before it grows into being anything more severe the other thing is well i think this happens to me a lot too because obviously as i'm single all of my friends are in relationships a lot of them are married engaged kids i find myself often in these weird friendships they're not it's not that i'm not i don't mean it's weird but all my friends are couples now none none of those friends would ever ever question whether something was going on with

me and their partner i hang out with you guys all the time i would text matt like i text matt today about today i don't tell laura i don't message laura and say i've just text matt about this so we can have a relationship like that because our friendship is trust there ultimately comes down to trust we all trust each other everyone in my life trusts each other otherwise there's no point the friendship's not going to happen the relationship's not going to happen it's going to be disaster totally so at the end of the day the person who submitted this question they really need to figure out if this thought, this fear that she's having at the moment with her partner and housemate, is that coming from a deep-seated insecurity that's maybe coming from a previous

relationship or is her partner or housemate actually doing the wrong thing? And by the sounds of it, I don't think either one of them has crossed the line. Rightio, Matt. We're going to throw in one extra question just because we've got you as such a special guest and we really want to utilize your wisdom. What are we talking about? How to get abs or? Flattery gets you everywhere, doesn't it no not how to get out you don't have any abs I used to have abs before I was a dad okay I have a dilemma for ask uncut right here guys I've been with my boyfriend for a year before we became official we were fuck buddies for about six months we got into the relationship mainly because it just seems like the next thing to do even though neither of us really wanted it

he is the best guy and I absolutely adore him however I go through these periods where I doubt if I want to be in a relationship as I'm only 20 years old and we kind of have always just been in a relationship I have this restless feeling like I want to be by myself my question is is this a situation of the grass is greener or is this doubting a sign that he's just not for me oh p.s we broke up for six weeks mid-year we got back together because I asked him over when I was drunk and we've been back to normal ever since please help the old drunk text come over it'll get you it does get you gets everyone look how old is she she's only 20 she's very young yes very but i think when you're young you sometimes don't appreciate how good you have it

like i think i think back to 20 year old matt and i was an idiot but i was an idiot i had no idea what was going on yes but i don't know who you were with when you were 20 maybe you had a good But imagine if you're still with them now. When I was younger, I knew that I wasn't in love. But it sounds like she's got this guy who they get along with really well. She adores him. He's amazing. He's a great guy.

So I think there is a tendency when you're young to want to always try and find someone better. The grass is greener. Like I think everyone's trying to find that perfect partner when I don't think they exist. All right. I controversially am going to disagree with you. not disagree with you but I'm coming with a different opinion I agree with you that you could argue that having a different opinion is disagreeing no because I agree with what you're saying to a sense I do because I remember being like that I remember I was in a relationship for

eight years from 16 I remember hitting that age and having those feelings is this it is this me for the rest of my life am I really never going to experience anyone else any other flirting dating one night stands am I just going to be with this person and he was amazing but I had those feelings I did stay for a few more years because I buried those feelings and thought no I do have a great partner I do adore him I will never find someone that loves me as much so I stayed the thing is you are only 20 you haven't probably had another serious relationship and I don't think within one year so I had those thoughts after four to five years I don't think after one year you should be having these doubts about your partner, I think that's still like a honeymoon phase, especially

when you're young. I think you should be obsessed with your partner and you still want to spend all your time with them. They broke up after six months. They only got back together because she booty called him. I reckon if you are actually having all these doubts, I think you probably need to go and explore them. This isn't you having doubts when you're 35 married with kids and you're like, eh, this is like you're 20 years old. You've broken up with him already. My advice would be don't rush out and end it but really you need to sit within yourself you don't need to have the conversation with him yet you need to sit in yourself and say why am I having these doubts what is it is it because I just want to have sex with someone else or is it because he and I fight

all the time what is the reason that's pushing you in that direction okay totally because I think when she talks about saying she wants to just be by herself you know is that her saying that well I really just want to you know see other guys or is it a case of I really want to go traveling And I can't go traveling because I've got my partner. He doesn't want to travel. So he's really holding me back from doing the things that I really want to do. I think sometimes when you're younger, you do see a relationship as being, you know, almost like the shackles, you know, it's like, I think growing up in Bondi, I remember summer,

everybody would be like, well, you don't want a relationship for summer because, you know, that's when you want to, that's when you want to have fun. The girls are like, oh, I'm so glad I get to have a summer love. Guys are like, don't be in a relationship because I want to fuck around. and then it comes to winter and everyone's like well gotta find a partner now exactly shack up for winter look i think it totally depends on on what her motivation is for wanting to be single is it because she just wants to be free and footloose or is it because he's really holding it back from doing things that are going to allow her to grow as a person yeah 100 all i can really

suggest you're doing this is figure out the reason on your own is it because you actually just want to go and date and experience other people or is it because you just fight non-stop he annoys you all day you don't agree with anything he says um and you're together just because it felt like what you should do because you did say that you did say ah I felt like the next thing we should do which is which brings me to a point that I feel very passionate about society putting us on this path of oh this is what I should do next society says we've been seeing each other for six months now we better be in a relationship we've been together for four years now we better get engaged and I think this is actually ironically a really good tie-in because this is the episode that Laura

and I are going to be talking about this week and that is society's pressures timelines why we feel the need to do things a certain way because society says we need to own the house by 30 and society says we we need to be married we need to be in this relationship we need to have a a baby after we get married um so i think that this girl's in this place of feeling like oh well i've been within six months i better i better just go and get on with this timeline can i can ask you a question when you were younger did you think that you were sometimes in love and then in hindsight you look back and you realize that you weren't actually in love oh my god absolutely all the time but you don't know that until you experience another relationship and then you're

like this is how it should be this is love this is how i should be treated i think all those things come with experience it's like anything in life how do you know unless you've got anything to compare it to it's like when i fell in love with laura i then thought to myself well this this is what love is this is what i've been searching for for so long bless your soul if only i'd met laura when i was a younger guy if you met when you were younger 100 you wouldn't be together now you would have fucked it and you would have been too nice laura liked bad guys with red flags i would have been too too sweet innocent and fragile to to be you would have fucked her over in summer anyway you just admitted that we often laura and i often often ask the question

to each other like would we have fallen in love if we met each other when we were in our early 20s well laura always tells me no well she goes oh man i never would have worked if i met him before the badge what did she tell you oh my gosh not as blunt as that well guys that's it thanks so much for coming in and filling in for laura how do you feel that went i i don't want to sound arrogant but i think that was perfect i think you know i think laura's laura's a strong nine maybe on a good day nine and a half out of ten and you know i think and i i'm sure i'm not alone here that that was a 10 out of 10 effort guys i hope wait was it was it as good for you as it was for me i can't

tell you that while laura's here give it just one one wink for yes two winks for no oh i enjoyed it was good fun thank you everyone for letting me join you for one episode with dr matt laura will be back it's only for one episode so don't panic um also can i can i just say if you were a fan hey maybe leave a review maybe in the facebook group patch my ego on are you talking about live uncut's facebook group oh oh hang on that's what i thought laura said laura said i can give another plug in here but i you know i'm not i'm not going to take it it's you know the fact that i do another podcast called the babble you know i i could promote it but i'm not going to be that desperate you know it's guys every thursday every monday brit you can listen to it if you want guys it's

great pop culture podcast we have interviews with some really amazing guests guys if you did love that and you do feel like you want to give matt a listen he does have his podcast the babble here you go matt there's your plug i have been on it go listen to that episode i did i forgot for a minute i had done it can i just say that was a best rating episode ever brit guys thank you so much for listening don't forget we've got our facebook discussion group there are so many good chats going on in there so jump on in and you can ask any questions you want in there we there's absolutely no way we can get to all of your questions on here we do read them all but physically we cannot answer them so if you don't want to be anonymous throw them in the group

everyone is so amazing at supporting and giving their answers and there are some guys on there that give their opinions too matt you need to give your opinion more oh i will be there i promise i'll stop being anonymous and just reading them and not writing anything i will now respond to those questions in the facebook group okay great and guys please if you like this hit five stars subscribe and tell your mom tell your dog tell your friends tell your cat tell everyone and share the love because we love love no matt we practice share the love because we love love all right We'll be right back.