Life Uncut - Walk down memory lane - Single Pringle, the pros and cons of being single

Episode Date: July 21, 2021

The girls are on break, but it is producer Keeshia and we are taking a walk down memory lane with this episode from 2020 - The pros and cons of being single.For some reason society has made ‘30’ the magic number for women to have gotten their life together, fallen in love, bought property and have kids on the way. And that if you haven’t you’re a failure and you’re being left behind.Well, we are here to tell you, they are wrong and everyone is on a different path and why being single at any age can be amazing.It’s you friendly reminder that you don’t need to give up, buy 10 dogs and move to Alaska to live out your days alone.Join the convo as we talk pros and cons of  being single in your 30s.If you love listening as much as we love recording then hit 5 stars, leave a sneaky review, subscribe and share the love, because, well, we love love xSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

hey guys it is producer keisha here with you i hope you're all having a pretty good week your girls laura and brit are still on break and we're still calling it kind of like a fake break because COVID had other plans. Right now half of us here in Australia are in lockdown so it's probably been a bit of a shitty week for a lot of people and if you need a bit of a laugh I would really recommend going back and listening to Tuesday's episode. It was an Ask Brit and Laura anything episode. Some unheard content. It was a brand newbie. We recorded it just before the girls went on break and my gosh some of the messages we have been getting to Instagram kind of about sex lists and about your hall passes being pretty funny. And I wasn't the only person who found

it funny because yesterday the Daily Mail decided to publish an article. And I'm just going to read out the name of that article for you. The bachelor's Laura Byrne makes a taboo sex confession as she opens up about her bedroom antics with fiance Maddie Johnson during a tell-all podcast. Now for the OG listeners, you would kind of be like, that wasn't a tell-all episode. They are that open all the time but it did give me a bit of a laugh so if you need that right now go back and listen to Tuesday's episode. But for today we are taking a trip down memory lane which means that we are revisiting some of our favourite episodes from the past and we've gone back into the archives for this one. This one was an episode that the girls did a little while ago and it was

pre-Brit being in a relationship. So it's all about being single, the pros and cons of being single and kind of how we hate the question of how are you still single so that is what you're about to hear tomorrow dropping in your podcast libraries is going to be the very first batch recap from Laura and Maddie J and I am so looking forward to it I'm actually recording this the night before so I'm about to watch The Bachelor and I'm so keen to see what happens we hope you really enjoyed this episode and we'll catch you back here tomorrow Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura and I'm Brittany. Hi Brittany! Do you realise that we do the same, you do the same intro every week?

yep we say hi and then you go hi Brittany and I'm like hi I just I'm hi I already said hello we've already said hello we've already been talking to each other for the last hour I just think consistency is important so that the people know what they're getting what I reckon reliable safe secure Laura over here and then whenever Britt does an intro she's like oh hey guys we're here just go on road I always go wild because I you know I just think it's it's important to be spontaneous in all aspects of life dating relationships podcasting I have a lot of missionary sex, which I'm okay with. Okay. That, no, actually this is a record. Never have you dropped that in the first two minutes. I liked how to do myself. So actually on that, I have a

kind of a funny story. If you listen to the last week's Tuesday episode, where I talked about how I almost had sex. Oh, I remember well. Britt said it was a bit of an overshare, which clearly it was. So the other day I was at the petrol station and I walked into pay and there were these two girls standing in front of me and one of them was like hi oh my god Laura I feel like we're friends I listen to your podcast I love your podcast have you had sex yet and I in the in the petrol station was like yes yes I have just this morning and then I realized that I was still sharing too much about my life to a complete stranger in a petrol station high five if you're listening yeah things have just spiraled out of control for me Brit I love this for so many reasons I love that I had

sex I love that you had sex yes I love that you had sex I love that Daily Mail is gonna have a field day with the first four minutes of this episode I just love that um like that people running to us a I love that they feel like we're friends and they often forget that we don't know each other in real life I love that they feel this really close bond that they can say to you like oh my god did you have sex yet and that you feel the bond back to be like well yes I did well it was halfway through after saying that I realized I was like I don't know you this is I'm being inappropriate right now I don't feel like you should know if I've just had sex but also and this is one for all of the mums out there who are in relationships and maybe they're in the same boat

as me and every time because like I get a lot of mums who message me and they're like Laura don't worry you're not alone we're all we're all going through the same thing however I've realized that the greatest aphrodisiac the greatest one for a married boring couple it's not oysters is it what is it it's not oysters it's not perfume it's not foreplay it's not seduction it's cleaning the fucking house it's cleaning it's cleaning matt cleaned the house and i have never been more turned on in my life that was all it took and i was like talk to me dirty talk and he was like i'm gonna clean the bathroom next and i was like yeah boy i can't wait for this anyway so on that note you guys all know that we record in Laura's bedroom we always chat Matt Laura and I for like

an hour or so in the lounge room and we run through the episode we ask Matt's opinions on things because he's a guy just just a general catch-up you know because we usually haven't seen each other for like 12 hours it's important to debrief on the day so you often hear us talk about like that we'll come into the studio aka the bedroom and Laura would have like a pile of clothes here that Matt's dumped somewhere or whatever we always have to wade through something but what Brittany's getting at is that my house is not particularly clean but that is because we have a one-year-old and we live in constant chaos no what I'm getting at too that doesn't bother me in the slightest today tonight right before this episode we're sitting in the lounge room Laura's

like oh Britt just wait here one second I'm just going to go and quickly clean all the stuff off the bed in the studio the bedroom she comes in to clean it all off because she's like there is shit everywhere then she comes back out and she's like oh Matt's got this smug look on his face and She's like, Matt, you angel. I love you. You put all the stuff away. You've never done that. Thank you so much.

And he's like all smug being like, yeah, I'm amazing. They kiss. Laura praises him. Laura walks back in and she's like, I'll meet you in the studio. Now, Laura, I hate to be the one to break this to you. But Matt, as soon as she walked out of the room, looked at me and goes, oh, yeah, I just got lazy. It's all shoved behind the mirror.

It's all behind the mirror. That little prick. And I'm throwing him under the bus. It is. You can see it coming out the side of the mirror that's against the wall. Oh, he's not getting nothing tonight. And I was like, I knew you wouldn't have done it. He's like, don't tell her.

I really feel victimized here. I feel like I'm the one that's being left out. And this is cruel. Hey, I told you. I could have not told you. You would have had to have given him cleaning sympathy sex. But now you don't have to do that. Thank God I can go to bed.

Oh, God. Thank God, Brittany, you've saved me. Anyway, normally, let's just get off that topic. completely because i feel like that's five minutes too much of me talking about my sex life um brit normally i ask you what you have done this week however i know exactly what you did this week because we just went away for your birthday i can't believe that you're so old i don't tell anyone my real age i still say 28 you look 28 no i feel 40 which there's nothing wrong with being 40 but there is when you're only 34 laura and i basically for the first so laura

and i see each other every week so many times we have never in a lot in the last year i don't think we've ever done anything that wasn't work related we've never like gone out for dinner together we've never gone like i mean if we go for a walk it's because we have to talk about podcast topics so we kind of do like a walking meeting but we've never we keep saying we're going to go out and celebrate when we hit two million and guys next week we're going to hit three million downloads and we still haven't even been out for dinner to celebrate like it's ridiculous so this weekend was actually really special because one it was britney's birthday we got to go away and we had a beautiful little weekend and two because it was my very first night that i was away from marley

oh so we guys went down to shoal bay actually that's a funny story went to shoal bay penthouse wait this is the problem because you keep saying we went down to shoal bay so don't blame me start the story okay so brit told me that we were going to we're going down the coast we're going to go down the coast for her birthday. And then she said Shoal Bay, blah, blah, blah, country club, a few other things. I said exactly where we're going. Shoal Bay country club. I said Shoal Bay country club. Down the coast. So I get into my car. I was driving by myself. I was like, I know where Shoal Haven is. Like, I mean, it must be around there. It's down the coast. Like what else is down the coast? So I start driving. I drive for an hour before I decided to put it

into my maps no turns out that shoal bay is not down the coast it is three hours north of sydney and i had just driven an hour in the wrong direction had to turn around so round trip to get there for your birthday was a five hour trip i feel like you're putting a lot of this responsibility on me yes to be fair in my defense i okay yes something it is something i would say I often do say, when I just say I'm going away in general, I'm like, hey, I'm just going to duck down the coast. It doesn't matter what direction I'm going. I just say it like, but I say like.

What about when you go to Queensland? You say I'm just going down to Queensland. It's like when I say I'm going to duck down to the shops. The shop might be up the hill, but the expression is duck down. But you can't duck anywhere for three hours. Yeah, but I can. So I said to Laura, we're just going to go down the coast to shoal bay country club and i'm pretty sure like i am pretty sure you're gonna disagree

that i said it's just like near newcastle it's nelson bay absolutely incorrect i know exactly where newcastle is i was born there you do often ignore me though like you tune out when i'm talking not time for a sister fight britney not on air tone it down all right tell me about your birthday so hang on the moral of the story is we were supposed to just be like two and a half hours north Laura drove an hour south realized it was the wrong way an hour back and then the three hours so she drove five hours to get there but you were in high spirits and it was worth it guys it was my first night away from Mali and I tell you I'll drive five hours for that okay how was your birthday I know I was there but I get to usually ask you how your

week is so how was your weekend yeah so it was really amazing I I've said it before on the podcast I hate my birthday every year I hate my birthday I'm never one of those people that looks forward to it I never plan anything actually most of the time I don't even tell people I've hung out with my friends on my birthday and haven't told them and they haven't known it's I'm not one of those people that's like let's make this a birthday month do you want to share why you hate your birthday because it kind of leads into the podcast topic for today and I think it's a really important yeah it's important because I think a lot of people would feel like that yeah I'm yes Laura oh well I'm happy to share that I'm happy to share my most tormented feelings

please share your trauma with everybody unleash your soul so I think and I really did have to I think about it and if I'm really honest I the last relationship I was in that we know that it was toxic so I was it was almost like my birthday when it ended I had a really really bad birthday with him um where long story short he just manipulated me into feeling really bad the whole day. I had to act like it was his birthday. I had to take him out. I had to do all this stuff for him. I was apologizing to him constantly. And I just had, we had this huge fight and I just had a really, really bad birthday. Then we broke up not long after. Fast forward and every year my birthday came, the first year that went past, I just felt like it was a reminder that I had this

really bad, that time of my life was really bad. Then I remember saying to myself, and this was my mistake I remember saying all right well next year I won't be alone on my birthday I'll be with someone amazing and I'll be really happy and I'll be sharing the moment with someone then the next year would come and it wouldn't happen I wouldn't even be close so the next year then the next year and fast forward and this has been I think like the eighth or ninth year and I just started to get really really depressed every year seeing that my friends were like had all their partners doing these amazing things for them surprising them sharing them with love just spending this quality time with them and every year I just felt lonelier and lonelier and lonelier and that is

just being completely honest because I feel like there have got to be people out there listening right now that are like fuck like me too I have felt that finally this year you think I would have learned it took me eight or nine years but I realized it's probably not gonna happen I can't keep saying next year I'll be with someone before I just make my own happiness so I finally decided to go away with some of the girls we had an amazing time down at Shell Bay Country Club which was beautiful we went hiking um much the girls dismay I made the girls go hiking we ate so much food oh my god the food was ridiculous and it was with like it was with all of your closest friends which even if you don't have a guy there we didn't need any guys there well

this is actually so all of these things are what got us to this episode today basically the girls and I there were five or six of us I was the only single person there all the rest of my friends have babies are married or engaged yeah literally all of them I was the only one that was single but we were having these deep and meaningful conversations and it came up that you know this feeling of uh a lot of people feel failure and they feel so lonely and if they hit 30 and it also appears to be that 30 is the magic number 30 is the number where people feel lonely and I don't know why as a society we've set the number the benchmark to be like oh you better have got your shit together by 30 like it's the be all and end all of our whole life and then

what I realized is the five other girls there including yourself Laura everyone was so stoked to be having a weekend away from their partners and the stress and and kids and and just general alive not because they want to be away from their partner but because they're like oh my god this I get some time to myself I get to do whatever I want to do I get to eat whatever I want to eat I can go to bed when I want to go to bed and it just made me think they are so stoked to be here and sometimes it's like the grass isn't always greener and I think it's really important that we touch on both sides of being single and being in relationships the pros and the cons of both and just make you guys realize that if you hit 30 and you're not where you thought you would be,

that's okay. You can run your own race and you can be on your own timeline. Right? You're like looking at me like I'm just going on the set. No, I was like preach sister. I really got on a tangent. I was like, is that us? Have we just done the whole topic? Okay. That was my intro. Okay. Britt's already used it. She's already done the intro. So we can just skip right to the content. No, but it's so true. And then like, so basically this episode is all going to be about being single in your 30s the social stigma that's attached to that the cultural expectations around especially women getting into relationships and us having this like biological clock but also just having this expiration date almost and that our value as a

person and our worth is kind of tied up in are you in a relationship or not and how we want to kind of break that down and redefine this and you know one if you are in a relationship you'll definitely sympathize with some of the parts of it that aren't great or that you might miss about your single life. And if you are single at the moment, then maybe this podcast will help you to really embrace it and enjoy those years because it's not going to be that forever. I also had an, I can't believe they said that. One of our listeners was laying in bed with a guy who she'd been seeing him for a little while and she knew or had the feeling that maybe he was seeing some other people, but they were not exclusive. So she was like, whatever, I'm just going to see

with his goes not put any pressure on it he'd already said to her that he wasn't ready to be in a relationship so anyway he came over they got to town they had a good night in between the sheets and they were lying in bed cuddling and he rolled over and said to her you know what I really didn't think that I wanted to be with anyone but tonight's made me realize I really want to be with the other girl that I've been sleeping with that moment you realize you make someone want a relationship but it's just not with you this episode is going to be so great for you don't worry life is great when you're single I reckon I have made so many guys the perfect partner like I have been that person so many

times where I've dated people just that few times helped them see what they want help them be a better person and then they're like I'm ready for love now but it's just not with me like I've just I'm always the one for the one you're like the husband maker you're like come to me I'll make you a husband and then go on your merry way and live a happy happy life yeah that's me so although I think a lot of people who go through breakups there's often this fear that they're going to then go into the next relationship and find the perfect person and be perfectly happy but I do also think we need to keep perspective that often people yeah sure they go into new relationships and yes they may end up being with that person for forever but they're still the same person

people very rarely will enact all this change and become this totally different person and and live this perfectly happy life if they were not very good to you in the first place. No, it's more just that you're just, I guess, the sounding board. Like everyone treats someone's shit at some point in their life before they treat someone like a queen. Everyone makes mistakes. I'm just the one that they always make the mistakes on.

No, but what I'm saying is like you're assuming that they then go and treat someone like a queen. There's a lot of people out there who get into relationships who continue to be douchebags. Yeah, that's true. That stuff doesn't always change. That's true. Let's keep perspective, people.

But I'm like, you know. Stay woke, ladies. I'm looking at that fairytale ending. I'm thinking the best. It's coming. It's coming. All right, guys, let's jump in to single and 30. Why are you single?

This is the most commonly asked and honestly the most hated question of any single person at any age. I can absolutely guarantee it. It's sort of up there with, don't worry, hun, it's just around the corner. Or, hello, do you know you've got a body clock? Like, yes, yes, I know. but also I think it's it's like feigned as a compliment you know this whole like oh but how are you single it's meant to be a compliment but actually it's like the most backhanded like constantly reminding oh because I'm single there's nothing wrong with me I'm just single

no so how are you single is different to why are you single people that say why you think how are you single can be really cute and positive like how on earth you single you're such a cash why are you single he's like what's wrong with you no see I disagree because I still think how are you single means that people who are single must be defective so it's like well how did you end up being single because you seem normal so I still think that they both play into a negative if someone says to me how are you single I'm like okay that's more cute I'm like cute okay I'm gonna fight you on this one because it's the same as people being like you're different to other girls no like that's not cute stop saying the girls are psychos we're not like it's the same

kind of it's meant to be a compliment but I think it's a backhanded compliment without realizing And Brittany's like, I love compliments. No, I just said I'm not the same as other girls. I'm not the same. She's like, this guy said that to me last night. It was really cute. Look, I think it's not the end of the world if someone said that to me. But these are the sort of questions that you do need to reconsider.

If you've got a single friend or anyone that you meet in your life, you have to reconsider asking them these questions. My mum, she doesn't say it anymore because I had to say something to her, But she used to say it to me without meaning anything bad by it. But she used to say things to me like I would be dating all the time. And I was so open with my mum. So I used to tell her everything like going on a second date with this guy, going on a third date with this guy.

She'd call me. She's like, how's that guy? I'm like, I'm not seeing him anymore. Why not? He didn't want to see me anymore. He didn't feel anything. And she would say things like, what do you think is wrong with you? Or what do you think you did?

Things like that. but she would not she didn't mean that in any way that was her way of just trying to say like what went wrong and I had to eventually say to her I was like mom you can't phrase it like that because I just feel like something's wrong with me and she's like oh I didn't mean like that but it's just really I think this really reiterates how important it is to choose the right wording when you when you're addressing people like this yeah totally and I think you know the reason why we wanted to do this episode is because like we've talked loads about being single we've talked loads about relationships if you listen and you've been listening to this podcast for a while you might

feel like that we've covered this but we've done it in such a sporadic way over so many different episodes that we really wanted to have an episode that's dedicated to being single in your 30s because you know there's so many people who are out there so many women so many men who are out there who are single and there really is this cultural expectation and this societal pressure that you should be in a relationship by the time you're in your 30s and you know that the older that you get in your thirties, the more that you're wasting time or that, you know, maybe your expectations are too high. Maybe you should settle. So we really wanted to address what that looks like. And for anyone who, who listened to the episode that we did, which was free Britney,

where Brit was talking all about her experience, well, her experience with, you know, Tim and then how she felt like, you know, no one's going to love me. One of the most common messages we had as a result of that episode was when you spoke really vulnerably about how how it felt to be single and how you felt like that there was a part of you that was unlovable and so many people resonated with that and and that's kind of what made us realize okay we really need to talk about this because there are so many great aspects of being single but that doesn't mean that you can't feel the full spectrum of emotions as well and we do really want to drive home that this this whilst we are going to delve into single and 30 these messages go for anyone single at any age any

feelings that you're feeling what we're going to talk about pros and cons are going to relate to you as well the only reason we're sort of driving home the number 30 is because it does seem to be this magic number in society where we're supposed to have our shit together you're supposed to have been married supposed to have your job sorted you're supposed to know where you're going you're supposed to have done all this shit you're supposed to have kids and all of a sudden for some reason there's this stigma attached that if you hit 30 or you are newly single at 32 33 34 there's a stigma attached that you're a failure that you're unlovable that you've done something wrong that no one wants you that it's not going to happen for you that you're not going to have

your kids in time and it can be this really negative all-consuming drowning feeling that a lot of people feel so I want to talk about that a lot and I'm going to be really honest with you because I am someone that has been in long-term relationships for about 10 years total and I'm someone coming up to nine years single so I have done both both ends of the spectrum and all my single years have been in my older years and I have just turned 33 this week so I feel like it's relevant I also was very infamously dumped on the bachelor on my 30th birthday so I was literally talking about being 30 and single, I was sitting at home turning 30 whilst the nation watched me be dumped. So I can say that all of this comes from a place of experience. We often say, Laura

and I, Laura always says it. She's like, we are unqualified to be given this advice, but I feel like I am an expert in this field. I should have a bachelor. Oh, that was no pun intended. I meant like a bachelor degree but I should have a bachelor too. Okay guys gonna take a real quick break to say thanks to our sponsor. Also I really want to reiterate and just drive this point home this this episode is not just for people who are single this episode is also for people who are in their 30s and they are in relationships where they're not happy but they're so fearful about breaking a relationship or leaving someone who's not good for them or they've settled for something that's like you know they're dating down basically if you acknowledge that there's a part of you that

feels like you're settling and the reason why you're doing that is because you're like well it's too hard now I don't want to go out there and find someone new biological clock all these different things then you know we just want you to to have another perspective on that to think about life is long you don't want to spend it with the wrong person and you sure as shit would rather be single than to be in an unhappy relationship so this this topic and this episode is also for you actually I just want to start by saying I did a lot of research in this obviously I'm going to give you my personal opinions and my personal thoughts but research showed that most people real happiness begins for them at age 33 you get to a certain age where you just don't suffer

bullshit anymore right like your your relationships you have this like level of confidence that comes out in your 30s I think that you know when they say like youth is wasted on the young it's it's there's truth to it and I think that the older that you get the more that you realize it really is the case because since I have been you know in my 30s I just care less about the things that I used to care so much about like I I care not that I don't care about the way I look but I care my my self-worth isn't dependent on the way I look now and I don't feel so insecure in social settings and I don't feel or worry about what other people think of me like I used to and I think that there's this real liberation that comes when you reach you know the ripe old age of 30 35 36 37 38 40

and I think that that really just gets better and better with this self-acceptance that happens as you get older. Yeah and I just think there's a multitude of reasons the more I thought about it and the more I read about it so you hit 30 and all of a sudden you're in a better place usually financially so you're starting to settle into your job you've made some progression in your career you've put some money behind you you might have savings so you feel comfortable in that sense you hopefully have gotten all the red flags out of the way you have dated you've made mistakes you you've seen the bullshit you've seen the assholes you've had your heartbreak and you've learned a lot of lessons from it also like you just said you get to this place of confidence

where you just don't care anymore you know the value of time and you know what you want and you know what you're looking for and you don't put up with anything less so I feel like it all sort of molds into one you hit 30 to 35 and you're like wow like and this is good for me because I turned 33 four days ago so this is my year of happiness well I even say like I reckon my like the best year I've ever had was 31 32 31 32 33 I had Marley in 33 so the bachelor was 31 I was I turned 31 when I was on the show like when we were actually filming the show and my life in my 20s was just really complicated I mean I think back on my dating life from my 20s and my dating life was so complicated and I've spoken about it loads before and I'm not going to go into it into too

much detail but like that was when I was making all the mistakes in my relationships like I was dating the wrong type of guys the same type of guys I was getting into toxic relationships I didn't value myself I didn't think that I was worth anybody better than the people that I was dating and I know that that sounds really um self-entitled but like you know I was being treated like shit I was being cheated on and I still was going back for more and for more and for more and I didn't have any standards and it wasn't until after my 30th birthday when I went through a really cataclysmic breakup on my 30th birthday as well it wasn't on national tv but it was pretty bad that I realized I wanted something more for myself and then things obviously I got

really lucky I'm I mean I know that there was a huge amount of luck that played into my circumstances with meeting Matt but my life has only gotten better since being in my 30s and there's you know we want to kind of go into like the good bits about being single but one thing I do want to touch on is you can get into this real negative self-talk when you're not happy with the current situation that you're in. So if you are single and you want to have a boyfriend, it's very easy to think that it's going to be like this forever. And you're trying to project what the future is going to be like. And I just think it's so important to not speak to yourself in a way where you're saying like, well, I'm going to be single next year or I'm going to be single forever.

No one's going to love me because you literally don't know what's around the corner. You literally don't know what decisions you're going to make or who you're going to meet and how your life could change in an instant I just think that's a really important thing to throw out there to start with to say like this negative self-talk because you're unhappy with the situation right now this is not going to be your life forever life is so dynamic shit changes so quickly three and a half years ago I was single now I have a kid like it's wild that is wild but you know it only takes nine months and maybe seven minutes who knows nine months and seven minutes no and i'm i'm guys i'm gonna be really real with you throughout this episode i don't want

to sugarcoat things because i think it's important that we do take the bad with the good i guess um and i will be really honest and tell you that i have had really really really tough times and i have been so horrible to myself and to be around um I've locked myself in my house for weeks and just not wanting to go out and it's all because I it stemmed from this feeling of not being good enough no one wants you you'll never be loved you're never going to meet anyone I genuinely would tell myself I would look in the mirror and I can't believe I would say this I would look in the mirror and say to myself I would be like you are so disgusting I couldn't even look at myself and I would cancel my night out it all came from this feeling of not being good enough um in a

relationship that's where it stemmed from and I was the sort of person that I shouldn't have let it grow but I did um I couldn't stand the side of myself and I would tell myself every day no one's ever going to love you like you will be alone forever and that is half the battle because we talk about this all the time this really negative self-talk if you tell yourself that every day you're going to believe it that's the energy you're going to put out into the world and you're never going to receive anything back because you're not giving anything good out and I can't stress that enough that I know I'm not disgusting now like literally everyone listening to this is like oh god if Brittany feels like that there's no help for me but that's why and

I mean we touched on it with the body dysmorphia episode and I think it's I think it's really important for people I hope there's someone I hope that you guys are listening out there now and I'm not saying this for any sort of attention I'm not saying it for any reason other than I want to be honest and say that you don't know what anyone is feeling or what they're going through or how a relationship in the past whether that's a family relationship a romantic relationship how that has affected someone and what they actually believe about themselves so I just want to say I'm only telling you this so that you guys know that if this is hitting home with you in any way that a it's normal to feel like that at some point but it's really really important to pull yourself out

of that and see the positives. I want to start by saying being single can be bloody awesome. I want to start by talking and discussing the good, positive, fun, amazing aspects of being single and what it can do and why it's really important to see how great life can be. When we talk about relationships and we see and relationships are held up as like the beacon of what everyone should want, there is a lot of pressure to be that and to have that. But that is also, and we talk about Instagram as well a lot but that is also because you only ever see the highlight reel right like when Britt and I were talking about this conversation I was like you never see the shit parts of a relationship and like I love Matt with all my heart and I would not want anything

different for my life now and I love Marley but that's not to say that there aren't times where I feel really jealous that you're able to just go to the gym whenever you want to that you're able to live your life in whatever way make whatever decisions you want whenever you want them if you clean your house you come home to a clean house if I clean my house I come home to a shit storm and my headphones are in the bin like honestly it's it's chaos it's absolute chaos and like you have to have this level of acceptance once you have kids and you're in a relationship that like your life is never going to be just your life again and it's actually taking me a really long time in the last year to be okay with that because there are days where I personally

feel really jealous that I don't get to just be me anymore and I feel like I've lost myself in that so I think it's very easy to look at what somebody else has and to think that your life will be better when you have it but in saying that life can be great when you're single life can be great when you're in a relationship there's shades of gray to both of them you know but people who are in relationships are only taking photos and sharing photos during the positive times I'm not taking photos when Marley vomits on my chest I'm like hey honey go get the camera up yeah and similarly I'm not taking photos when I'm at home living alone on my own eating a can of tuna for dinner watching a sad rom-com like I'm not showing you guys those parts I'm showing you like me being

unhappy you're showing you the best highlights of your life so it's really important that people remember that and there are loads of people who are single and who are happy and there are loads of people who are in relationships who feel completely isolated and unloved. So having a relationship is not a determining factor for your happiness. Happiness comes from doing the hard yards when you're single and like really working on your own personal and self-development so that your happiness is already there. Somebody else can just add to your life, a bit of flavor, a bit more love, a bit more stability. But the number one point I want to say is if you're single mate you've got all the time in the world you can do what you want you can go where you want

when you want you can travel alone you don't have to make plans you can sit at home and eat cereal for dinner if you don't want it every day well no but like if you could you could because you don't have to worry about anyone else I mean you can do that in a relationship too just shit gets weird after a while but it sounds selfish but it's not when I say the only person you need to think about is you and that is a really really nice place to be in because you won't be in it forever so this is the time where you get your creative juices flowing you find out who you are and what it is you want to do when you go and do it it's actually proven that people that are single or living on their own are more driven and can be generally more successful because they have more

time to focus they have more time to sit at home and be like you know what I've always had this idea I'm gonna do it they don't have a kid they don't have a husband to look after and I'm not saying you have to look after them but they've just got nothing else taking their energy and their time so it's known that these people are more likely to go and pursue their dreams well you actually just said something which is I think I think something this is something that a lot of mothers specifically will deal with and women who are in relationships and they have only newly kind of like gotten into this parental role or actually I take the back maybe definitely not new parents people who have toddlers small children we're kind of sold on this idea of a happy family and like

the happy family dynamic but what I was unaware of and I mean I definitely can't fault Matt on it because he's stepped up to the table massively now but what I wasn't aware of is that women in relationships who have children even if they're the breadwinners even if they're working we still more often than not and I see this with my friends I see this in other relationships more often than not that the women still does the lion's share of the work in the house. There is still this patriarchal expectation that the women do the housework. I just see so many mums who are exhausted, exasperated, like don't feel like they understand or know themselves anymore. Don't even feel like they feel like they're a shell of their old self because they're working all day. Then

they're coming home, they're taking care of children, they're cooking, they're cleaning, nothing like I said nothing stays clean and it's this like perpetual never-ending absolutely exhausting cycle that you get into and I just think it's so easy to be sold on this dream that life is going to be better once you have all those things but but there are there are a lot of people who are in relationships who aren't happy or there are a lot of people who are in relationships who as much as they love their family and as much as they love their husband they can't recognize themselves they're unhappy for other reasons. Yeah and this is just you've just really driven home my first point. Single people, you have the time and luxury. So use it wisely and take

advantage of that. You need to tell yourself every day, today I can do whatever I want. Today I can be whoever I want. Today I can get anything done. And I think that's really, really important thing. And I'm really good with that. I feel, if anyone that knows me knows, I feel my days from 6am till midnight. I'm like nonstop. I'm doing a thousand things. I'm trying, I'm always thinking up new ideas and I'm really I often think to myself do I always want to start these new businesses and do I always want to climb these mountains and do these holidays and work so much because I don't have a partner and I actually think I do I think it's because I'm like okay I have the time so why wouldn't I just feel it why wouldn't I utilize it now I do think that

so much personal growth and development comes when you are single because that is a time when you're able to work on yourself and for yourself and you actually really get to understand who you are as a person and what you want in in a relationship so I think it's very hard especially for people who jump from one relationship to another relationship they never stay single there's no self-development that happens there because you didn't really sit with who you are you haven't really taken the time to figure out what you want in a relationship whereas when you're single there's so much time to really understand who you are and what you want one of the things I think is like really important and something that I know when I was single it was what filled

my life with meaning is this idea that you really need to invest in your friendships as people we're hardwired to want connection and so if you're lacking in having a romantic connection then really investing in your friends who are around you and the people who love you can really fill that hole and fill that void and being that you know you have people to go out for dinner with you have people to call when something goes wrong and having really strong friendships is the savior for being single I do think and that's where a lot of happiness comes from and I also believe strongly that that should be any age of life 20s 30s 40s 50s I think it's really important to never ever neglect friendships completely a lot of people do get sucked into that hole where they're

in this all-consuming relationship they're in love and like all they want to spend every second with them and they start to ignore their friends and I really think it's important that you do have a group of people that you can always go to I have friends that have friends that they're not my friends but they'll say to me things like haven't heard from her in three years all of a sudden she's broken up and she wants to be my best friend kind of thing and she's like and they're all still friend they're friendly but there's this like bitterness to be like well does she actually really want to be my friend like she wasn't there when I needed her it's now it's just suiting her so I think it's really important to not neglect that part of your life yeah and I

guess like it makes sense though that there's this resentfulness when you get ditched as soon as your friend finds a partner like that's you know and and the reality is is like we brit and i were talking about this earlier but it's an unfair expectation to have on your romantic partner that your partner is going to be everything for you like they can't be your soulmate your best friend the comedian the person that you go out with to vent about the dramas in your life because sometimes they're going to be the dramas in your life like you need to have other people in your life that satisfy a whole variety of different things and that's why friendships are so important to maintain through relationships because it just puts this unrealistic expectation that one person

can be your sole provider of every single source of happiness in your life next point how bloody quick efficient and easy dating in your 30s is because you know what you want so you just call it straight away you go on dates you can have fun it's easy but you don't have to worry about oh how do I say no to him how do I cancel that date oh I don't want to see him again oh is he going to ghost me that shit doesn't really happen in your 30s because people are more confident and honest and open and i know it because i'm like this dating now and i think i even said last week on the podcast you know how i said i was really honest with that guy i was like hey didn't feel anything with you straight up um i think i wouldn't have said that a few years ago

in my 20s i just wouldn't have done it i would have been uncomfortable wouldn't want to host feelings don't want any confrontation i probably would have just like freaked out and not said anything but now in your 30s and it's the same usually usually men are equally as good at reciprocating that at saying like to be honest I don't feel anything and I love that I love the ease of knowing where you stand in your 30s well I also think there's a lot more respect that comes not with everyone like there's still a hell of a lot of f boys around and f girls heaps of dickheads so many man I see them all the time but I do think that there is a a greater level of respect like when you're in your early 20s dating is like musical chairs like you a roundabout swinging

doors rotation like you there is ample amount of people to date but when you're in your 30s the pool of people to date does decline and like you have to be a little bit more considered respectful thoughtful and I and I really like for people who are wanting to get into a relationship I really like this idea of like intentional dating where like you treat dating in the same way that you would treat I'm not this that makes it sound so clinical but like you you're intentional with your job, you're intentional with your friends, be intentional with your dating as well in that, you know, you don't waste your time with people who don't make you feel happy. You don't like settle for someone who don't date down just because you feel lonely. Because while you're

wasting time with someone who is feeling a lonely hole, but isn't the guy, then you're stopping yourself from either one, enjoying time with people who love you or two, being able to find somebody else who's way better suited to you and could actually be a life partner or a partner for whatever length of time because nothing's a guarantee these days nothing nothing's a guarantee very easy to feel this like this weight on your shoulders when you have been dating a long time hello me and I have been through this process it's very easy to be overwhelmed to be disinterested to be weighed down especially when it's date after date after date that hasn't gone well it's easy to throw in the towel and be like I don't want to do it anymore I don't have the energy to do it

anymore i can't be bothered i'm sick of telling my story i can't tell you how sick of telling my story i am think of nine years worth of being like my name's britney this is my job i i go traveling and do this oh yep that was me i got dumped yep that was me again got dumped again you know what i think would be bloody brilliant if we could all get to a point where we just like make a powerpoint presentation on ourself on the basics bumble and tinder no proper one proper one you send it to them everyone looks at it and if they want to go on the date with you you go and it's like going straight to a second date it's like you bypass the shit on the first date but what I'm getting at is I have been there I have thrown in the towel for weeks or months on end

and I've been like don't have the energy but it's really important that you don't give up on dating because it's not going to come into your apartment onto the lounge push the ice cream out of your lap and literally fall into your lap it's not going to happen you need to be proactive and you need to look at it like it's fun. You can have so much fun. You get to meet new people. You get to go to new restaurants. You get to go to new bars. You might even make friends. I'm just thinking now that someone out there needs to start like Uber for dating where you just like call someone a rotation. They get dropped to your apartment. Maybe that is just Tinder with Uber attached to it. I think it's just Saturday night on the cross, isn't it? I think it's very normal to get

dating burnout. Like it's okay to go through these periods where you are exhausted by the dating game. And then I think it's normal that people then delete all their apps and delete all their dating apps. And then a couple of weeks later, they're like, okay, I'm back on. I'm going to do it again. Don't be hard on yourself if you go through dating burnout, because I think it's a very normal process because it is exhausting. No one wants to say their story 10 or 20 or 30 or indefinite amounts of time. But something else that I think is really important is that, and I've spoken about it before briefly, but I kind of want to touch on it again, is this idea that like, especially as women that we need to be proactive in choosing the type of men that we want to bring

into our lives and choosing the type of partners that are suitable for you not just sitting back and being reactive to whatever walks in the door or whoever chooses you because if you're only able to pick a partner from the people who physically have chosen you then your pool is so limited and there's a good chance that you end up going to settle for someone who's not not right for you um and what I mean by this is like be the first person to make a move be the person to flirt when you go out be really proactive and show people that you're interested if you are interested because that will open up your potential for meeting new people Mr Wright is maybe a little bit lost and needs a bit of help mate fuck he hasn't even got his passport god knows where he

is that also comes with I think in your 30s again you get more confidence and you don't care as much well I don't care as much if someone doesn't like me back or if I hit on someone and it doesn't go well I laugh I laugh and I genuinely laugh it off I'm like lol that was funny like hit on that guy whatever it comes with being confident in your 30s and not caring as much what other people think so I 100% agree I think go out and get them if there's someone you're interested in right now if there's someone you've been thinking about messaging right now I want you to message them what do you think has changed so like your perception when we started this podcast and I know like for the majority of the time you very much like I'm a badass single bitch and I love my

life but then there are periods where you're you feel vulnerable and you go through periods where you're like actually do you know what I really want someone there and I think that both of those things are very normal to experience and to feel but what has kind of shifted in your perception recently where you're very happily single but ready to like open your life up if the right person comes along but not desperate to like find someone to fill a hole yeah that's an interesting question I definitely still am I always have been and I still am I like to think badass independent woman I'm so okay on my own I think what it is now is you you cannot avoid feelings in yourself changing as you age and that is because of reasons like all of a sudden when you're in your 20s maybe

one maybe one or two of your friends got married or had a baby young maybe so you're not surrounded and buy it as much the older you get and single people out there in their 30s now you'll be like a bloody man all of your friends basically now are married or engaged or having babies or pregnant or trying or buying and building houses and then all of a sudden there's this feeling of being like okay I feel like I'm the only one that's not progressing in life in that way now that's a strange thing to say because I'm progressing in life in every other way in my careers in my travels in who I am as a person everything's non-stop growing but you can't help but when you are surrounded by it by being like okay I wish I had someone to share my life with and there's

been a few pivotal moments where I've really really felt that in the last year or two one was starting this podcast I remember I remember clearly when we debuted at number one we we released the podcast we went to number one we were ecstatic like we were beyond excited and I remember just crying not of happiness I was so sad because all I wanted to do was I feel sad thinking about now like I could cry I just wanted to go back to like I don't know I'm emotional right out don't cry you made me cry all I wanted to do was like have someone to say look what I've done like look what I've worked so hard to do and I had not one person and I remember being like oh my god I've got no one to share the moments of my life with I went home to an empty house just on my own

and was like okay this is the first time I've first time and it was the first time I've really been like fuck I no one cares about me like I don't know what cares about what I've just worked so hard to do um the second one was just like when I had to move recently it was fucked moving on your own you don't need a man you just need removalists it's a very different thing but like I'm so like I'm so independent and I don't like to ask for help but when I realized again I was like I don't even have someone to help me move my fridge from the hallway into my house I was eight months pregnant and Matt was overseas and I moved a house by ourself you do not need a man okay you just need to pay someone to help you it's just those moments and and they sound funny

you'll be listening you'll be like britney's a head case like she couldn't move on her own it's not that it's just the pivotal moments where you're like right in this second i've realized i just didn't have anyone to call not at all i don't think anyone's going to listen to this and think that you're a head case but i also think it's so important to keep perspective in that you know you see people who are in relationships and you see people who are who are seemingly killing it at life but there are so many people who are in relationships who like I said earlier who still feel isolated who still don't have that incredibly supportive person because they're not in the right relationship so you know as much as you want to have someone by your side you need

and you want that to be the right person someone who loves and supports you but I just feel like you have changed so much in the last year not just in the last year but also in like the last couple of months that like I feel like that there's been this like shift in confidence and shift in happiness where you are you know if it comes and when it comes because it will like that's great but right now you're really enjoying life and it's been awesome to watch that change happen as well yeah I do and I genuinely love being single I actually really love it and we'll get into some more things why you know the moment is that it can be hard in a minute but I love meeting new people I love going on dates I love having an empty house for me to do what I want I love not

having responsibility like another human's responsibility and I think one of the greatest things for me that being single has taught me and one of the greatest things I think anyone can take from being single is independence becoming an independent person is so pivotal in who you are and creating a life that is going to be a lot more smooth going for you and you're going to feel like you can take on the world a lot more I've said it before no one's going to come in and hand you something on a platter like I just remember something used to go wrong in the house like my bloody toilet remember when I moved in to my house and I had a toilet problem do you remember oh my god two days in and my toilet broke normally I would have like that's the dad's

job FaceTime me to try and help and I was like girlfriend you're the wrong person right now she had a one arm down the dunny I was like um I think you should FaceTime somebody else well it just made me really think that normally I'd be like dad the toilet or your boyfriend or your partner I feel like that's straight away it shouldn't be but it's straight away like the husband's job or the man's job but I remember sitting there being like well if I want to use the toilet I'm gonna have to go and fix it now because I was in my head I was like what are my options fix the toilet or I run across to Bondi Beach public toilet I was like that's not gonna happen so I think it's really important that like you learn to be so capable and so in control of

your own life and I think it's a really really beautiful quality to have I just have one more thing that I want to add to this which is kind of like ties into the very beginning of this episode which is like around the stigma that's associated with like being single. And I think anybody who is the single girlfriend in a group of friends who has, they're all partners. And that used to be me. So I, I used to be the one with the crazy dating stories. Now it's you, Brittany. But like, I remember what it's like to be the one where all your coupled friends expect you to entertain them. Like you feel like a bit of the clown because you're, you come to dinner and they're like, tell me your dating stories. Tell me what crazy shit's happening in your life now. And that's

literally me on this podcast that's that's your job exactly that is also what adds to the stigma around it that's also what adds to the fact that like your life is a bit crazy and everyone's life is normal and boring and as much as the stories are interesting and great and I fucking love them never stop giving them to us because I need them um but I get it I get that there is this feeling of being like a performing monkey and that there are times in relationships where actually it didn't work out you're probably a little bit sad about it and humor is a coping mechanism and you make a joke but at the very bottom of that joke there's this feeling of like here we go again let's make a joke about it because it makes it easier to cope with it makes it easier to process

I mean I never I never minded telling these stories because I think for even me it was a coping mechanism but I really used to be the ridiculous friend in the friendship group that had all these crazy crazy stories about my shit dating life and how terrible I was at relationships and I think playing into that narrative constantly and being that performing monkey isn't necessarily a good for your self-esteem in the long term. I agree and I totally get that.

I definitely, I've said it before, I use humor as a coping mechanism but I actually love telling you guys my stories. They're so messed up and funny. And we actually love them, please never stop. I like, I know that you want to find love but as much as you want to find love, I don't know if I'll cope with you coming to this podcast

and talking about the shit I talk about. I don't think anyone's going to cope. from what everyone's constantly messaging me they're like love like i want you to be in love but also like low-key don't like even if a situation has made me feel sad what makes me feel better is turning it into a funny story and that everyone can laugh at you and share i want yes i want you guys to be able to laugh at the ridiculousness that is my life and i want you to be aware of how many crazy fucked up things are out there but i also think that the ridiculousness of your life is not that people aren't laughing at that they're laughing at the relatability of

it like so and that's what I came to realize about me telling my single stories was like it's it's the relatable fact that like we've all lived this we've all done it just at different points in our lives and like some people settle down earlier than others but you know I think another important thing to touch on is this idea of a biological clock especially for women that is why I think there is way more pressure on women in their 30s to be in a relationship especially because when you go to a pregnancy appointment when you're 35 after 35 you're considered a geriatric pregnancy like that it's I heard that term the other day and I was like that's crazy to me like I didn't understand that that is the terminology that's used around

pregnancy and so you know you can be single and be kicking it in all aspects of your life but there is a very real aspect of being single in your thirties that I think puts a hell of a lot of pressure on people. And that makes people feel like they're falling behind. Obviously it's not for everyone, but for those people who want it and who aren't in a relationship, it is something to think about. And so we thought for this episode as well, you know, we've never heard anyone really talk about freezing their eggs. I mean, it's one of those things that's kind of branded around and, you know, especially for single people, if they're not in a relationship yet, you might hear like, oh, I'll just freeze my eggs. But I was like, what does that mean? What is that? What's freezing

your eggs? Like, how do you do it? So I thought it'd be really interesting just to have a little look into it, have a look at what the costs are and kind of give that information for anybody who's interested in it. Because I certainly was. Basically in Australia, I found one clinic who had their prices very openly up online and it's $4,490 to do the freezing of the eggs, like to actually book it in and to have it done. The medication that you need to take, which is like a hormone therapy, is $1,500 that they charge that at it. You get the first six months of storage for free, $250 or $500 per every 12 months, depending on what, I don't know, there's different, obviously different options for storage. So $250 to $500 per year after the fact.

So depending on how long you end up storing your eggs for, it's a pretty costly thing. However, I think it's an amazing thing that gives women the opportunity to be able to stretch out that biological lifespan and to feel like there's less pressure on themselves to make decisions i used to have this idea in my head that oh yeah freezing your eggs great idea but like twenty thousand dollars i used it used to be the stigma that like freezing your eggs was super expensive and it was going to be super hard to do and it wasn't accessible to everyone but to hear that you can do it now for four thousand four hundred ninety dollars means that basically anyone can do that because even if you don't have $5,000 cash you would have access to $5,000 in a

small loan in a credit card so I think it's really nice for women to know that you do have options and and it's not the end of the world if you hit 35 and you aren't with the person you're going to be with or you're not pregnant or you don't have a baby there are so so many other options for you totally and you can have a baby without being with someone like we would live in a day and age now where if you want a single parent that's totally an option you can happily single parent and I'm sure there are a lot of divorced mums out there who are like just single parents easier basically like that is something I found was really interesting because I had the same preconceived ideas that it was going to cost this obscene amount of money that like nobody only the wealthiest the

wealthy could afford to do it and I think that that gives people a bit of reassurance and a bit of closure that there are other options out there if that's a route that you want to pursue as well and that you know as much as we do have a biological clock and it's something that is something that's very real and that women need to think about not every woman wants to have kids not every woman wants to have kids by the time they're 35 not everyone wants to have kids by the time they're 38 39 40 and so these there are other options out there and there are other life choices out there that don't have to be defined by what society expects of you I reckon if I hit 35 and I wasn't didn't feel like I was anywhere near having a baby like either ready to have it on my

own in a relationship whatever it is I always thought that if I hit 35 that's when I would freeze my eggs it's just not it's not that's not for everyone that's just something I've always said to myself and it's security it's a security it's a comfort it's comfort it's knowing that you have the option you're giving yourself the option whether you ever use it doesn't matter well we're not going to go into this in full detail now because we're just thinking actually we're just like looking at each other and going like oh this is epic there's an episode but um We're going to do an episode around fertility. So we'll save that and put it in the bag for a future episode so we can really get into

it properly and all of the ins and outs and what that entails. One thing that I did want to add to this before we kind of wrap up this conversation around being single in your 30s is, and it kind of flows on from last week's episode around attachment theories, is this idea that, you know, obviously we discussed last episode about how your upbringing and your relationships with your parents can have a really formative impact in the way that you attach yourself to your romantic partner and to the people that you choose to be your romantic partners. And I thought it was really interesting, this whole idea of, of you can't choose your family, but you can choose your friends. And I think that that's

like a saying that gets branded around a lot. And we, we kind of use that when we maybe have a family that's slightly dysfunctional, or, you know, you have a bit of a complicated relationship with your parents, you know, you can't choose your family, but you can choose your friends. if you're in a relationship with somebody who isn't treating you right or in a complicated relationship, the people that you date become your family because you might marry that person, you will have kids with that person. In reality, you do choose your family and I think it's really important to think about that and to choose your family wisely because, you know, that then has an impact on the rest of your life. It has an impact on your children and has a full impact on your

happiness. So if you're single and you're worried about being lonely or alone and you just feel your time and fill that singleton with whoever comes your way just keep that in the back of your head because you know you really do choose your family in the long run and you can have a really great and wonderful life with somebody who you choose or you can have a really freaking miserable life with someone who doesn't treat you right the main message I wanted to portray here is that being in a relationship doesn't define who you are being single does not define who you are it doesn't mean you're a failure if you are on your own and you're doing life on your own right now it's so important to remember that you are in control of your happiness with how you

perceive yourself with how you perceive life with the way you're out there chasing dreams with the way you're living your life day to day stop thinking about the future stop thinking about what if? What if I never meet anyone? What if my partner leaves me? The most important thing you can do is live your life day to day and stop worrying about things that may or may not ever happen because that is the stuff that will steal your happiness. She got deep. She got real deep. We'll be right back.