Life Uncut - WE ARE BACK BABY! Did he put a ring on it? And taking swipes at your ex

Episode Date: January 22, 2024

Hey Lifers, It's so nice to be back in your ear holes!! We are coming to you cross hemispherically (but you're not to trust Laura with geography).  First up today, we have a big catch up about what's happened over the break! This catch up included Britt frolicking to the nicest destinations on the planet and Laura being hospitalised with pneumonia. So, you know, same same!We have a big chat about asking your friend when they're going to going to get engaged/proposed to. Do we all need to stop doing this? We also talk about whether you should, if given the chance, take a swipe at an ex. Chelsea Handler hosted the critic's choice awards the week after her ex boyfriend Jo Koy hosted the Golden globes and the two monologues were like chalk and cheese. The audience's laughter and acknowledgement of joke writers really showed who came out on top. We also discussed whether gendered jokes are okay in one direction and not the other. You can watch Chelsea Handler's whole monologue here.It's so nice to be back and we're really excited about what is planned for this year! If you have an question please send it on it to life uncut podcast on Instagram hereJoin us on tiktok Or join the facebook group here Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! xx  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never ceded. We pay our respects to their elders past and present. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. This episode was recorded on Darug Walamutta land. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany and this feels a little bit weird. I feel like you swear to God you have like three or four weeks of maths and you feel like you've got your learning plates back on.

Well, I mean, the reason why we feel like that is because you're not in the fucking country. Britt and I are always in studio together. We can always touch each other. I can rub my feet on her. I can see you. You always put gangrenous toes all over me and it's disgusting. That's why I had to move to the other side of the world temporarily, Laura, to get away from your rank feet.

Is that the only reason? gangrenous toes oh no I fell in love too but also your feet like bit of a bit of a Brit is still in Scotland she's staying over there for a couple more weeks I think you're coming back on like the 9th of February isn't it yeah I've got like two weeks left I mean are we in different hemispheres I don't even know yes we are everyone's smiling because I'm an idiot he should keep that in Laura are we in different countries what language do they speak over in Scotland would you believe that i didn't do very well in geography at school would you believe that shock horror i know no no i'm shocked do you know what's funny my family came over to scotland for

christmas and ben's family came and we all met it was wonderful it was beautiful but his family is swiss my family's obviously all australian and everyone could understand everyone except no one could understand my dad everyone thought my dad was speaking another language not even your own family can understand your dad so I understand why that he gets really relaxed he has a drink and he goes full like he's so Aussie ocker is that what you call it like a real because he's not bogan that's not the word he's not bogan at all but he's real ocker so everyone was like what language are you speaking dad's like what are you talking about it's it's English it's Australian nothing no no he's like I'm talking central Coffs Harbour that's what this is Port Macquarie you

always say I told you geography not my strong point we've been doing this now for four and a half years 500 episodes we see each other every day speak every day and you always forget where I'm from yeah not gonna try and defend myself because it's kind of true this is our very first episode back we've had four weeks off if you haven't listened to them over the last couple of weeks we were posting some of our live show conversations so we had Michael Hing we had Elodie Pullen. We had Flex Mommy Drop. All of that was new content from and recorded at the live shows that we did. These were some of our favorite ones. So if you haven't had a chance to go back and listen to those, please do. But we are back and resuming normal scheduling now. Well, we did try

at the end of last year for a month. We decided to try splitting up our episodes a little bit so that Tuesday was now just the catch up. Wednesday was the interview. Thursday was Ask Uncut. And then Sunday was our radio episode. And it was like a month long, two month long trial. See how we felt, see how you felt. And we've decided to keep it. We love it. We asked you for your feedback. You love it a lot as well. And I think it's easier to have the interview separated so that if you just feel like an interview one day, you can go to it. If you just feel like having a little laugh and some bants with us, you can go straight there. I'm really vibing the new setup. The thing that we were experiencing with having the Tuesday episodes being so big and doing like the life

and the conversation and the whatever's happening in the world catch up at the start and then going into a topic, what that often meant is that if you guys were sharing an episode with your friends, because maybe we're talking about boundaries, maybe we were talking about cheating, whatever the conversation was in that episode, people had to listen to 25 minutes first to try and get to that content. And we understand that that's not for everyone. So that was the main reason why we decided to break down these episodes. So Tuesday, this is it. This is just us and we'll unpack something that's happening in the world or something that has spiked interest for us and it's just going to be brit and i on these episodes and then we're going to get into it with the

wednesdays being just the interviews so that way if there is something that you think you need to share with your friends you don't have to they don't have to listen to us kind of babble on for 25 minutes at the start yeah and also now on the thursday we've decided to keep thursday pretty much purely ask uncut because you guys seem to really love that episode and we're going to keep all the babble and the shit talk on the Tuesday and Thursdays, we're going to add some more questions and make them a bit more juicy bit media. So I'm looking forward to it. Yeah. All right. Well, okay. A bit of a catch up in terms of what has been happening over the past four weeks because Brit, I, well, I mean, I spent most of my holiday in bed, but we'll get into that

in a second. I feel like I have been kept up to speed with your life via social media. So I do feel like I know everything that has happened and obviously like we've spoken heaps, but as we do most recordings. We try and keep things a secret so that we can talk about it for the first time on the podcast. But you took that to the extreme. So Laura and I were texting, we follow each other on socials, but I hadn't logged on for a little while to socials whilst I was on holiday. Anyway, long story short, Laura and I texting. And then I think I said to you, like, have you been going out much? How was your Christmas? Blah, blah, blah, blah. And you said, oh no, I'm dying of pneumonia. I've been in hospital. And I'm like, what? You're like, oh, I'm almost on the mend.

it's two weeks of like my deathbed and I was like how have you this is you keeping secrets to the extreme like if you're gonna pass away and I'm gonna be left solo hosting this podcast I probably need to be informed producer Keisha is in the winds and she's like I'm here don't worry if someone dies I'm ready to go roll me out she said I wouldn't do that to you you would you absolutely would I to be fair did not keep this your funeral podcast episode while we bury Laura would get good hits though if I died that would be a pretty well downloaded episode I reckon if one of us passes away I give you permission to do an episode at my funeral if you want do we do it before or do we do it after probably after so that we can recap it before I die

before the funeral no the whole thing I think a live stream I'm glad that we've established that the reason why I didn't tell you guys wasn't not because I was trying to keep content for the podcast I was so so sick that I didn't get out of bed for about maybe 12 13 days I just I didn't even really wake up I just kind of stayed in bed Matt was Matt was even in a coma self-induced coma Matt was incredible he did everything he took the kids he just managed the house he got them out of the house so that I didn't have to like so that I could sleep but it was just this unrelenting cough And then it must've been maybe two weeks ago now on a Sunday, I woke up this one and I'd been getting progressively worse every day. Couldn't stop coughing, thought I had really bad asthma

and like maybe the flu. And then I woke up this one day and I could not breathe. Like I just couldn't get any air in my lungs. I couldn't stop coughing. Then I was feeling all panicky because I couldn't breathe. And I was like, maybe I'm having a panic attack. I ended up at the hospital and had chest x-ray done and all that sort of stuff. And they gave me some hectic antibiotics. But also, so I had this moment, like when I say Matt really stepped up to the plate, like I think that when you're sick, it's a real indicator as to how good your partner is because some partners really step up. They care for you. They do the work. Other partners, they start off good and then they trail off real quick. And I think it's an indicator of having a great partner.

There was this one moment where I realized I was like, oh, Matt is a keeper. This man loves me. And let me tell you, it wasn't getting married or having children that made me realise this. You would have thought I would have been there. But one day I was coughing and then I started throwing up and then I threw up in the bathroom and I threw up in the sink. And if you've ever thrown up in the sink, it's kind of gross because then you've got to fish out all the bits. And it's like, is it the skinny drain, the big hole drain?

We have like the tiny drain that's got like the plug over the top of it. So only water goes down to protect the plumbing. And here it was a sink full of spaghetti arrabbiata. he walked in and he looked at me and you could see on his face he was like why the sink the toilet is right there and he didn't say anything and he went and he got a cup and he just patted my back and then he stood there with a cup and a bucket and he fished it out of the sink and I know this is very graphic and I'm very sorry if you're someone who is vomit squeamish but I was on the floor of the bathroom that day and I was like this man he loves me that is 100% without doubt love

but I also know that level of illness where you don't even care. Like when you're laying on the ground, like correct me if you've never done this. I have a night that happened to a friend when you're laying on the ground and you're just like, when you have hectic gastro, when you're that sick, you don't care where it comes out. You're like, I could not care less. Like that's future me problem. I think you're on your own. I think I would care regardless. Actually, no, I take that back because like 90% of women who have given birth have done a poo in front of their partner and like, you don't care. You think you will. Every single person who goes into pregnancy and birthing thinks, oh my God, what if I poo in front of my partner? God, that's

embarrassing. And then as it's happening, you're like, whatever, deal with it. Speaking of, I did try and like keep up to date with what was happening in your life. Like I did a few Google searches every now and again, see if there are any pap photos of you at the beach, just seeing like what you and the family were doing. I thought you're cute. I'll just follow them from the paparazzi. I'm sorry. If you want to keep up to date with what's happening in my life, you don't have to look at the news believe it or not well I didn't um I decided look the time difference was too hard I wasn't going to call you wake you up it was just like a fleeting moment of I'll give you a google and the first thing that comes up which I'm so honored to know was that you Laura

Byrne did a 4.5 kilo shit and told Matt about it that was the headline of the Daily Mail article and I was like what the fuck have I missed explain that Keisha's looking shocked as though she hasn't You didn't know this? So Matt and I created a skit video. The skit video was very much satire, but I think some people don't understand what satire is and that's okay. You know, I don't know geography. Some people don't know satire. The satirical skit was around how when you first get into a relationship and you're dating, you are on absolute best behavior, right? So if you need to go to the toilet and you're only just in that initial stages of dating, you walk into the bathroom and you put music on or you put the tap on so that they can't hear

any toilet noises. You'll pad down the toilet. Like I once dated this guy who lived in a studio apartment. So his toilet was pretty much in the bedroom. There was nowhere to hide. It was nothing. I used to have to ask him to go out in the balcony and I would pad that toilet down. You go to the extreme lengths so that you don't let them hear your toilet noises. And then when you, not for everyone, I appreciate this. There's two types of people. We've established that in the past, but for some of us, you get into a comfy relationship, things change, you let yourself go and no longer do you put music on or put the tap on or whatever. You'll walk out and you'll describe like what a cathartic experience it was. Anyway, that was the skit. It was very funny.

Ha ha ha. Also got like something crazy, like 5 million views on Instagram. So it did really well. People love shit, Laura. People love the bowel movement. If there's one thing that we can all relate to, everybody shits. So we did this skit, very funny. And then I wake up the next day to an article that my mum has sent me because my mum has not seen the skit yet. So my mum sends me an article and it says this. Laura Byrne shocks her fans as she reveals she did the biggest poo of her entire life and lost four kilos. This entire article. Now, once again, the publisher of this, the journalist who wrote this has done me dirty a few times. Her name's Marta J. Marta J, no Marta Jari. She's written

a couple of articles and it seems like she misses satire and humour a bit, or she doesn't like me. it could be the second, I think. No, he gets it. Yeah. She's written a few articles that have truly done me dirty over the years. But anyway, this one, it was written as though the skit was completely truth and verbatim. So it outlined me coming out saying like, you know, do you want to come see it? Me talking about poo to Matt. And the whole article was written as though I had just gotten onto Instagram and done like stories and be like, Hey everyone, I did a poo, which clearly didn't happen, but the internet now thinks that that did happen and that will live in perpetuity on the Daily Mail for the rest of my life. No, my mum sent it and she sent this message and she said,

Laura, I know that you're okay with sharing things, but some things should be kept a secret. Anyway, you could print that out and put it on the wall right next to the urine shower. You've had some banger articles, to be fair. I'm pretty sure Marta wrote that one too, to be honest. No, I think she did. I think she did. Marta hates it. Marta, what did I ever do to you hey what did I do to you oh and Marta you haven't done a four kilo shit come on we've all done one no no no I thought it was very funny and Ben's bathroom he's only got one and it's one of those three-way bathrooms you know where like the bedroom goes it's an en suite but it's not non-suite it also services the rest of the house like there's

multiple ways in and it was really hard at the start because I was like you know new I don't want to poo in front of you I don't want you here but you can literally literally lay in bed and hear me it's gotten a bit better now I will be like yo going to do a poop hold the line but I still don't fart in front of him right like I just refuse to do it anyway last night I was like I was just feeling unwell and I was like like I knew it was not going to be a good one so I walked out of the bedroom into the kitchen and then my plan was to come back but I didn't know Ben followed me so Ben was following me to the kitchen to get a drink and I walked to the far end of the kitchen turned around and he was there and I was like what are you doing and I could

it was a bomb like this I was like what are you doing go back to bed I can bring you what you on. He's like, I'm just going to get a drink of water. And he's like, what, what's that smell? And I'm like, I don't smell anything. And he's like, yeah, what is that? And I was like, oh, what is that? And then I pretended to find chicken wing thing, like a leftover chicken wing. I was like, oh my God, it's this leftover chicken wing. And then threw it out. And that's how I covered my fart. I'm still so far from telling him the truth. He'll probably listen to this now and he'll know. So anyway, it's out in the open. I dropped a bomb. Sorry, Ben. You guys just need to like live more liberally you need to get to a point of comfort and relaxation with your partner

it's better for the relationship it brings you closer it makes you love each other more you understand each other I know Matthew Johnson inside and out I can say that outside and in I know well while you were in bed dying and writing your will in last testament I had a very important meeting so I was meeting Ben's family for the very first time and my family had obviously flown over from Australia they were meeting Ben's family for the first time but it was the first time in person I actually have unfortunately met Ben's family before I told this at the live show so some of you might have heard it but I die a little inside every time I think about it Ben and I are on different sides of the world so every time we FaceTime which is

twice a day minimum so morning and night for both of us one of our morning one of our night and it's always when I'm getting ready in the morning. So I will put the iPad up and I'll go and have a shower. We'll have breakfast, we'll have coffee. We'll get ready for work. All of that. Just like normal life while the other person's on the iPad. Anyway, one morning I've stripped off and I'm just about to get into the shower and the iPad starts ringing and it's bent. So I'm like, perfect timing. Like my titties are out. They're looking full. It was probably that time of the month. I had great lighting. It wasn't too overhead. It was just like really choice, like for a nudie FaceTime. So I put the iPad down on the bathroom sink and I lean out of the frame to turn the shower on as

I've pressed pick up. So it's loading as I'm out of frame, turning the shower on. And as I lean back into frame, just like really vibing myself, I look at the screen and there's Ben and he's staring back at me. And right next to Ben is Ben's mum and Ben's dad and Ben's sister. And Ben had decided without any prior acknowledgement to do a family face time at my shower time so I'm standing there looking them in the eyes my titties are looking them in the eyes they're looking me in the eyes I panic roll to the ground and I'm like this is how I am like bury me right now I'm completely dead and I just sat there in silence and I'm and I yelled out from the bottom and they were like don't worry Brit we didn't see anything and I'm like oh please like who says that you only

say that unless you saw something yeah like no one's like oh you don't have anything in your teeth you know you have something in your teeth do you know the funny okay the part about this that i think is great the reason why they were in such confined space because it's not normal no one's ever like huddling around a phone with their entire family being like let's facetime they're in a car together they were all driving and so ben had just like picked up and put up facetime and put the phone into the car holder yes and then up brit pops and so do the rest of brit the reason they were all in the car together was because they were going to like his grandparents grave it was like a it was like a grave visit oh my god I feel bad even saying that bury me now I'm

going to hell anyway no so do you know what it was such a wholesome Christmas for us like a wholesome family meet so my family were here for two weeks and his family came over for about five days we all just hung out got along like a house on fire it was really nice because you always hope that you like your in-laws and that your families get along and like that's the goal right like there's nothing worse than if somebody doesn't want someone else in the family. When I was dying in bed, I was like looking at your Instagram and normally I would look at it and be jealous. Look at this beautiful time you're having. But I was looking at it and living vicariously through the fact that you actually look like you were enjoying yourself. You did then go to the Maldives. I'm

going to say it wrong. Maldives. Maldives. No one cares. Okay. No, no. Actually, a lot of people care I found that out it's um it is Maldives not Maldives not Maldives Maldives Maldives to be sure yeah and I know because that kicked up a big stink on Instagram no it was the Maldives oh see I can't I'm gonna call it the Maldives because that's how Australians say it the Maldives for me were a place that had been on my bucket list since as long as I can remember and I always wondered if things were photoshopped there or it almost seems too postcard and too good to be true but hands down it has to be the most spectacular place I've ever seen it was wildly beautiful there is nowhere that you could look that was not like a postcard like a picture like you could just

pull your phone out take a picture and it looks like someone has photoshopped the most magical island so we had an incredible time but it was just like the holiday of a lifetime it's always the place you want to go with someone like a romantic special friend like it's not the sort of place you want to go as a backpacker or with friends for me like I always was like I am not going to go to the Maldives until I'm gone with a lover. Like it was just on my, it was on my checklist. It was on my mood board, my internal mood board. I've never had an actual mood board. So I waited all this time until I could go there with a lover. And it was the most romantic place you've ever seen. Okay. Well, there was something that I wanted to talk to you about because I

think this is something that's very, well, one, I mean, obviously you've just experienced it, but it's very relatable because I think that this is something that a lot of us do to our friends who have been in long-term or seemingly happy relationships. Before you left, we had a bit of a conversation where I said, you know, do you think potentially Ben could propose on this trip? And you said, I don't think so, but like, maybe who fucking knows, you know? So there was this one evening you were going to an underwater restaurant. You were dressed in a little white dress. You had your nails perfectly done with white trim. I had this moment where I had excitement for you. Like I genuinely felt like, oh my gosh, maybe

Ben's going to propose. And I sent you a message at that time, which was like, ring, ring, emoji, emoji, like, are you engaged yet? Question mark. And I sent it. And then I very quickly after sending it realized and had this moment where I was like, I should not have sent that. And we haven't really discussed this yet. I had a moment where I thought like that was not the right thing to do. And I would love to unpack this a little bit because I know you have some feelings about it. And I think that this is something that so many people have experienced in their long-term happy relationships where well-meaning friends weigh in on when or if an engagement is going to happen. And then like, I'd love to talk about the impact that has on your ability to enjoy

yourself. Yeah. It's an interesting one because I got it so much right, left, right, and center. I was getting it from just the comments from whomever. And the thing is, it's not just the, are you engaged yet? But it's that when are you going to get engaged? It's at Ben propose already at Brittany when is he going to propose as if I know that answer and then the best friends like you literally while I'm in the white dress on the date has he proposed yet and I'm like okay motherfucker now I'm on a date in a white dress he hasn't yet proposed thank you gonna propose can I eat my second clam chowder meal that's about to come out or should I push it to the side I don't want to have clam chowder breath if he's about to propose oh my god set me into a

downward spiral. Thank you so much for ruining my evening, Laura, is really what you wanted to write back to me. No, and it didn't ruin my evening, but it does. It's an interesting conversation because flat out, I want to say to everybody listening right now, don't message your friend and say, are you engaged yet? Or when are you going to get engaged? Just don't do it. And the reason I say that is if it is about to happen, you don't want it spoiled, right? You don't want someone messaging you that, oh my God, I've got so much anxiety now. Is it going to happen? Do they know something that I don't. It adds like this, it's really hard to describe. It adds this weird pressure to not only you, like me, but to the relationship as well, because Ben was reading

all those messages and I was reading all those messages. And before we went away, Laura, you had said to me, do you think he's going to propose? And I had said, look, I don't think so. I don't think this is the time. I'm going to say no, but we are going to be together for a while in some pretty romantic places so I guess anything is possible so I had had like the whole time I'd always had this one little that white dress I was like this will be my backup engagement dress if I feel like it's going to happen you're like I don't think it's going to happen but it doesn't hurt to be prepared fail to prepare is preparing to fail I love that put that on your 2024 quote calendar everybody that's what that is put that on your mood board a hundred percent and then what

it does was because it wasn't just me and it was public and Ben was seeing it. And I'm lucky that Ben and I are very open with our communication. One thing we're very good at is being really honest. And, you know, I was getting flooded with the questions and we had a really honest conversation about it. He had said, look, I've seen all the comments and I've seen your DMs. And I said, yeah, like I just brushed it off as a joke. I was like, yeah, like so many people asking if I'm going to get engaged. Isn't that crazy? Like I'm fine. Everything's fine. I'm like so silly, but everyone's saying it. And then he was just like, well, do you feel like that? Like, did you think that? And as soon as he said that, I was like, oh, it's definitely not happening

because he wouldn't be bringing up the conversation. And I was really honest. And I said, look, no, but we're in the Maldives and it's the most romantic relationship, like trip we've ever been on and we're having a blast so like it wouldn't have shocked me if you did it but it wasn't expected and we just had this conversation that he felt really bad he felt like a lot of pressure put on him from everybody else that maybe I had read these comments and dms and gotten my hopes up and then he wasn't going to do it he wasn't planning on doing it so then every day he felt like he was letting me down it was this it's a really weird feeling and I tried to communicate that I tried to say look you're not letting me down like we can't let other people's opinions

pressure us into something and also I don't want to let these other questions put a dampener on our holiday but truth be told you can't help but feel this added level of pressure and it just makes me think about like we've only been together 14 months makes me think about my friends that have been together like I have friends that were together seven years and constantly everyone is asking her, when's he going to propose? Why don't you guys just get married? And it's really the bane of her existence, right? Because she's like, I really want him to propose. I'm beside myself waiting. And it just gave her so much anxiety every time somebody said, why don't you just get married? As if like, you know, she can just pull a rabbit out of a hat. And it made me think

back to all these people in these like really long-term relationships. It's not a positive thing to do to a friend. Like you mean to be really good willing, but it's not. Well, I think, and that was my thought about this. It's almost like this conversation is like the precursor to the, when are you having kids conversation? And we've spoken about this loads in the past. We all know now that that is not an okay thing to speak about or to talk to, you know, unless someone brings it up specifically, you don't ask someone when they're having children. I don't think that when are you getting engaged is as bad because obviously there's many reasons why people can't and don't want to have children. But I do think this conversation around

engagement. When you ask the question, all it does, especially when your friends like gone away on a beautiful holiday, all it's going to do is either add pressure. It's going to change their ability to enjoy it. It's going to have them on the lookout. And I even say this from my own experience because when Matt proposed, I was seven and a half months pregnant and we'd gone to Fiji on a holiday. Like if there was ever going to be a time, it was probably then. And everybody had said the same to me. And I think I woke up every day on that holiday thinking, is this the day? you know, and I guess I had definitely had expectations and had hopes. Had I left that holiday and Matt hadn't proposed, I would have felt really disappointed. And I guess that was

what I reflected on when I asked you the question, Britt, because I realized that I was adding to the exact same thing that I felt when I was in that situation. Totally. One thing that was funny that I will say is that there was this one night we're having this really romantic dinner. Like it could have been the place of a proposal right it was just the two of us on a private beach with private chefs it's like this added extra that you buy when I say private beach like the resorts have sections you know that are private candles everywhere like candles coming out of the it was insanely romantic right on the water the water was lapping up and it was seafood and there was wine it was beautiful and these people walked past us on the wharf and they started going

and clapping because ben and i had started to cry and we're hugging and hugged each other so from the outside you'd look at us like a few tears running down our face hugging romantic so they thought we got engaged but we were talking about our dead grandparents and it was so funny like the moment couldn't have been any different or any funnier because they thought we were getting engaged because we're they thought they were happy tears but we were talking about our dead grandparents. The moral of the story is, you never know. Britt, something I wanted to talk to you about that has happened, I mean, in the past couple of weeks, whilst we've been away, we all know the Golden Globes has had so much airtime over

the past few weeks. I feel like every time I open up Instagram, it's Golden Globes chat. Is anyone actually still watching this shit? People only watch it on recap through social media and then they read the articles and then we look at like all the cool dresses. Best and worst dress. It's like those stupid lists that you see pop up everywhere. Who's hot and who's not? Golden Globes. Do you know what? I say this. I would love to know if anyone actually sat down with a cup of tea and watched the whole thing. Like I would love to know if those people still exist, but maybe they do. They must exist. But anyway, I don't want to talk about the Golden Globes. I want to talk about the sequel to the Golden Globes. The thing that not enough people

are talking about. And that is the Critics' Choice Awards. Now, the reason for this is because if you've seen this, so Chelsea Handler was the presenter. She was the main host for the Critics' Choice Awards. And what you might not know is that Chelsea Handler is actually the ex of Joe Coy. Now, Joe Coy is the guy who was hosting the Golden Globes, the one who flopped so sensationally, who made terrible jokes about Barbie, about Oppenheimer. From the minute he stepped on stage to 11 minutes when his terrible monologue finished, it was a flop. And Chelsea Handler did the exact opposite and also kind of threw her ex under the bus at the same time. It was hard to watch, wasn't it?

Wait, which one? Jo, I feel awkward thinking about it, like thinking about the silence and the flop and how offensive he was on the stage and how much he would have wanted to crawl into a hole. Like, when I think back, I feel gross. So, I mean, to give you guys a little bit of recap, if you haven't and you aren't across his speech from the golden globes basically it started off and it was very gender stereotyped he really took aim at barbie and this was one of the things he said oppenheimer and barbie are competing for cinematic box office achievement oppenheimer is based on a

721 page pulitzer prize winning book about the manhattan project and barbie is on a plastic doll with big boobies. Any grown man using the word boobies is an instant ick. But also what's an even bigger ick is the fact that Barbie was such an incredible, as we all know, huge blockbuster. It revolutionized the movie industry last year and it also elevated beyond the movie. It was like a social experiment. People were having Barbie parties. Mattel sales absolutely boomed. it completely reinvented this empowerment of women around a doll that once upon a time was the stereotype of women. And I think that his speech so undervalued that and it was so disregarding of everything that was achieved last year. The thing that I wanted to talk about with

the Critics' Choice Award and the reason why I think it should be getting more airtime is because of all the things that Chelsea Handler did that were in the complete opposite to the way that Joe handled his speech. Now, from the moment that she stepped on stage, she spoke about the incredible successes of women throughout 2023 within the industry. She spoke about Greta Gerwig being one of the most successful directors of all time and also around the achievements of people like Oprah, of Taylor Swift. 2023 was the year of women is how she framed it. Now, the thing that really also stood out in this is you guys might remember there was this one part where when Joe was on stage, he was absolutely flailing with his jokes. They weren't landing. And instead of

being self-deprecating when you're a comedian, I feel like that that's the way to best handle a situation where maybe jokes aren't landing well. Instead of him doing that, he threw his writers under the bus. Some I wrote, some other people wrote. Yo, I got the gig 10 days ago. You want a perfect monologue? Yo, shut up. You're kidding me, right? right? Slow down. I wrote some of these and they're the ones you're laughing at. Chelsea, on the other hand, when her jokes were succeeding and she was getting such a laugh from her audience, instead of throwing her writers under a bus, what she did was she thanked her writers. Thank you for laughing at that. My writers wrote it.

Now, I think the reason why this is so pointed and I truly loved it so much, and there's been a lot of chatter about this on TikTok at the moment too, is simply because the fact that they once upon a time dated. So Joe and Chelsea, they dated for only one year, but prior to that, they were friends for 20 years. It does make you question like, is it okay to throw your ex under the bus and to use them in a way that makes them the butt of the joke when you have seen that they have failed so monumentally at something within a public space? I mean, there's no more of a public space and like a throw down for your ex than if you're hosting the critics choice and a week before they flopped at the golden globes like it doesn't get bigger

and better and more of a slam down than that I think the difference is Joe whether it was him or his writers he was just punching down a lot at really low hanging fruit and I feel like Chelsea still took her swings at people but I think she did it quite cleverly like one thing I loved that she said was this is the year of women Barbie at the box office Taylor Swift and Beyonce with their to is Gwyneth Paltrow and her ski trial. And I just thought that was so funny. I thought that was so funny because Gwyneth Paltrow had a real moment at her ski trial, but I don't think she'd be offended by that, by what Chelsea said. I think it was clever, funny, and a bit more top line. But there were some people on TikTok and it does make you question. There are people on TikTok

saying, what happens if a man was saying some of the things that Chelsea was saying? And I say that because she was talking about how good looking the older men in the room were. She was talking about Harrison Ford and how much of a smoke show he was. She was talking about wanting to roll men around like little meatballs because they were delicious. Like it's funny and you sit there and you laugh and it's not until you think about, okay, what if a man did say that? Does that land? Is it still as funny? Is it okay? Because it's in the context of throwing all this stuff back in another man's face from his speech a week ago. Like there are so many moving parts to this. Just for some context, if you haven't listened to the speech, we'll link it in the show notes

so that you can listen to the whole thing. But there was one part where she made a joke about Leonardo and his tendency to date very young women. And what she said was, and this is where most comedians would make a joke about Leonardo's dating preferences, but I'm not going to do that because I have the same affliction as Leo does, but in the opposite direction. I prefer my men old and hot, men who have been around since the railways were invented. Speaking of which, Robert De Niro and Harrison Ford are here in the room. And then she went to town on Robert De Niro and Harrison Ford about how hot they are for very, very old men. And look, the question has been asked, what if a man was to say the things and objectify in the way that Chelsea Handler

has objectifying Robert De Niro and Harrison Ford? And to that, I say, boohoo. I do not feel that sorry for incredibly successful middle-aged white men. Are they middle-aged? Are they beyond middle-aged? I think that they're like in their sixties now, who knows? But I don't feel sorry for them and the reason why is because everyone's like imagine if a man said these things we don't need to imagine that's why she's flipping the script because these things have been said in many ways about women for so many years but then does that make it right two wrongs don't make a right i don't care if we are fighting for people not to say this do you think the right thing is to be saying this and i'm just you know i think it was funny i laughed at the whole thing but

when someone pointed out that if a man did say that, I was like, you know what? Imagine if a man was up there and said, oh, I would love to throw Margot Robbie around like a meatball. She's so hot. It would be up in arms. I guess the reason why I disagree with it so deeply, and I know that there will be people who feel the same, who go, oh, well, a woman shouldn't be making sexist jokes in the same way that a man can't. The reason why I don't care as much is because it comes down to this idea of punching up or punching down in a joke. And we've spoken about this loads in the podcast in the past, but someone like Chelsea Handler making a joke at Harrison Ford or Robert De Niro's expense is not her punching down on them. She is still punching up because I think

arguably they are very, very, I mean, not even arguably, it's a fact. They are very successful, well-established men within an industry that has always favored men and women are still working for the same equality. That exact sentiment was reflected in Chelsea Handler's speech where she talked about Greta Gerwig. With Barbie, Greta became the highest grossing female director of all time, pulling in over $1.4 billion at the box office. So while David Zaslav was wearing a zip up vests and sailing off to San Tropez, one very talented woman swooped in with a movie about female empowerment and saved the entire movie industry, which can only mean one thing. Hollywood executives are currently debating whether Greta's worth taking a second chance on.

I think that was very funny from Chelsea Handler and it was hands down my favorite line of the night. Yeah. And I guess that it comes back to this idea that it's flipping the script. It was a moment of really celebrating what women have achieved but it was flipping the script and the narrative on men within the room as well and I think it was done in a very tongue-in-cheek way I don't think that anyone has fallen victim to Chelsea Handler's speech and I know that it has caused a little bit of debate around what is and isn't acceptable but there's been many conversations around women attending award ceremonies and only being asked about what they're wearing or who they're wearing instead of being asked about anything to do with their

accolades from the actual shows in which they've been a part of and this just I think really unpacks the issues of the industry and she's making fun of that throughout her entire speech I mean it does come back to the question you asked at the beginning Laura if you had the opportunity to take such a public swipe at your ex would you take it because I mean we have those opportunities and I don't feel like we've ever taken a public swipe are you living in fantasy land I think all I ever I reckon this whole entire podcast was a swipe at our exes to start with I mean we grew we grew as people and we we evolved I'm pretty sure episode three was so I dated a sociopath yeah but no one knows who he is what job he did or anything that's not a

public swipe Chelsea Handler the whole world was watching like it doesn't get more public that is true that is true I do feel like I've taken quite a few public swipes of my ex but you know what I don't feel bad because I do sometimes feel like he deserved it. But I have grown as a person. We've been doing this podcast for a very long time now, and I'm much more sort of sensitive in how I go about it. But look, I think when it comes to that sort of industry, when you work in entertainment, when you work in comedy, especially, you have to be as good at taking it as what you are giving it. So if you are going to host the Golden Globes on such a public scale and your ex is going to host the Critics' Choice a week later, if you flop, I don't think that you are

off the table for fair game. I think that it's almost like it is such good comedy material. It is such comedy gold that of course she's going to go there and of course she's going to take the opportunity. And the thing that I keep coming back to about Chelsea Handler and the reason why I enjoyed the speech so much was because of the ways in which she created the comedy. She didn't punch down on anyone. Even the times where she, yes, made people feel uncomfortable. It was still like, I mean, look at this guy, he's a hottie. And she was still punching down on herself because she was talking about how she finds an old man really attractive. Not a nice thing to say to the old man in the room, but she still was at the butt of that joke at the same time. And I guess like,

I would be so interested to know how everybody else feels about it and whether sexist jokes in the flip, like in the reverse, when a female is being sexist about a male, whether it is less bad, whether it is a little bit more okay than when it happens in the stereotype, which is men being sexist towards women. Because that is how I feel. And sometimes I struggle to articulate the reason why. And I know that there shouldn't be two different sets of standards, but I do think it comes down to this punching up, punching down. I also think it comes down to the very real victimization. Like women have been victims of, as we know, sexual violence, sexual assault, physical assault, women at the hands of male violence is a very, very real issue. And so

any type of sexist joke kind of leans in and perpetuates that. Whereas men are not the victim of women. And so when women make jokes, it sits within the world of being a joke because it's not real because it doesn't happen on a day to day. So I guess that's why I feel differently about the two, but I'd love to know how everyone else feels. So feel free to jump on socials because I know that this will probably stir up some mixed feelings for some people. Well, from the dawn of time, from the very first episode of Life Uncut, we have done accidentally unfiltered our most embarrassing stories, your most embarrassing stories, because we low key get off on it. But we do want to ask you, if you're new to the podcast and you have had one of those

moments where you're like, I want to die right now, crawl into a hole, be buried, whatever it is, that moment where you feel like you want to be anywhere other than the place you are, we want to hear about it. So please write in your accidentally unfiltered to Life Uncut Podcast Instagram, or you could email us, hello at Life Uncut Podcast. Either way, we want to hear your stories and I have a killer one for you today. I wanted to be at the point where as embarrassing shit is happening to you, you're not even thinking about the fact that you're embarrassed, the first thing you're thinking is I need to send

this to Laura and Britt. I want real time embarrassing shit. People like I've locked myself in the bathroom right now. This is happening every week. Like they're live streaming it to us. Which is what I'm here for. This is what I want. This is the point in the relationship that we have with you guys that we want. Yeah. When you are having sex and queefing, we want you to be thinking about us. That's the moment. Okay. I was lying in my bed, my butt hanging out because I had been wearing a dress. So it had sort of flipped up my back, you know, where you're just kicking your legs, enjoying your day. My partner walks past and goes, oh, you have some fluff. Hang on a minute. I'll get it. Leans down and proceeds to yank my tampon string out of my undies.

How do we live in a day and age where a man sees a string coming out of a pair of undies and thinks it is a bit of fluff now it's 2024. I've told this story many years ago and I think you've forgotten it when we very very first started this podcast when I was 17 my first boyfriend he was so lovely he was so nice genuinely I think I peaked with niceness in my relationships at 17 then it went rapidly downhill and then I got mad and he was nice again but he was nice but he was so unaware about the female body and that was because he'd never been exposed to one prior to me and there was this one day we were at the beach I was wearing a black bikini black bikini didn't have white stitching there was nothing white on the bikini at all but I got out of the

water after going for a swim and he was sitting down and I was standing up with there with a group of friends and I walked up to him and I had my towel wrapped around my shoulders and my bikini bottoms and my legs were like hanging out the bottom of this little towel and he goes oh babe you've got a string, reaches between my legs and yanks it and pulls out my tampon, but into my swimmers. So it didn't come out. Thank God. Cause I think I would have had to have died. We would have been doing the podcast from the cemetery, but honestly it was just floating in my swimmers and he knew what he had done and I knew what he had done. Oh yeah. He felt that tug. He felt that but also been in water for a long time. So it was quite buoyant, slipped out a bit easier than it

should have. Anyway, I just remember having intense eye contact with him because I didn't want to make a deal. And I was like, in my eyes, I was like, what the fuck have you done? And then I went to the bathroom, fixed myself up, came back and we pretended like it never happened. We never spoke about it because that's what you do when you're 17. You ignore anything that's uncomfortable forever. I would have had to open up at 17. Like that's, that's relationship ending at that age, I reckon. Yeah. Anyway, fucking humiliating. You know, I reckon, well, I reckon that happens all the time. I reckon there are so many people listening to this podcast right now that have had someone try and pull a thread out of their vagina. I would like to say, I think that

this is an uncommon, an uncommon circumstance. If you guys do have an axel unfiltered, if you do have an embarrassing story, if something wild has happened to you in your life, slide on into the DMs, put axel unfiltered at the top, and maybe we will read it out next week. But we are coming to the end of the episode. And before we do, we wanted to tell you what is happening on tomorrow's ep. So like we said, Wednesday is going to be our interview eps moving forward. And we have such a freaking awesome guest on tomorrow's episode. It's someone who we've interviewed in the past. And at the time it was one of our most downloaded episodes of the year. So Mark Manson, he is the author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck. It has been maybe three years

since we last spoke to him. And on this week's episode, he is making a comeback and we are unpacking all the things that are life related, relationship related, cheating related. We cover so much in this episode, but the thing I love the most about Mark is I would describe him as a bit of a modern day philosopher. He is the self-help guru for people who absolutely hate self-help and the way in which he speaks, the way in which he gives life advice, it's very relatable and it's not condescending. And I think it's in a way that really takes into account the fact that we all have our own junk and we all show up to the world and to life very differently. Yeah, but I think he also calls a spade a spade. And I like the fact that Mark doesn't just say

things that are expected. I just find it so refreshing. I find him so insightful and I absolutely love this chat. I love this chat more than the original chat. So that is dropping in your ears tomorrow. All right, let's get into Suck and Sweet. Now we never finish a Tuesday episode without our Suck and Sweet, our highlight and our low light of the week that's passed. It's been four and a half weeks since we've seen you guys or heard you guys or been inside your ears so I feel like there's been lots that's been happening for me not so much because my suck is that I spend all day every day in bed actually I would say my biggest suck would have been I've actually do you know what I've got two because it happens simultaneously it's the sickness which

you guys already know, but it's also the fact that would suck. But my other suck for the week is now, if you guys listened pre-break, you might remember that I took Lola off the dummy. The whole plan was, and I remember saying, I am going to break her like a Brumby. That were my words. So I took her off the dummy. The plan was she was going to come off the dummy. We're going to like go through that period. We're going to move her into her sister's room. And then Marley and Lola were going to share a bedroom. And that was my grand plan because I have these, I have these beautiful ideas that my two daughters are going to wake up in the morning and play with each other and love each other and love sharing a room. Anyway, so we took her off the dummy.

That was a bit hairy for a while, but we kind of, things kind of panned out okay. And we thought that we were at a point where we could move her into the same room. So we did it. The first week, it was fine. The last two weeks, however, shits really hit the fan. So they are in the same room now, but they're also in the same bed. They're the size of like a football. They are, but they kick each other. They're kicking football. So they wake each other up all through the night. Put one in the kennel. Yeah. So my suck is, is that I thought I was going to break my child like a Brumby, but she broke me. And that's how it always works with parenting. And so now they just sleep in your bed. You completely give it up. Yeah. Okay. And my sweet for the week. Firstly,

my biggest sweet is that we are back. I have enjoyed having time off, but I have missed you guys. I have missed the pod. I have missed you, Britt, even though I'm only seeing you through a screen. I can't fucking wait for you to get back here. I'm so happy that we're back and that we're back to normal programming and let's see what 2024 has in store. Well, wow. That was like a speech you've signed off on Martin Luther King. And let's see what 2024 has in store. Because let me tell you, it is not the year of health. That's what I've established. 2024 is not the year of health. Low start. It is the year of health because I've, I mean, we're going to talk about this on another episode, but I have dedicated this year to the year of health. Let's

talk about it maybe on Thursday. My suck would be, I guess this is the stuff, right? When people post only the highlights on their social media and migraines have been next level. They've never been so bad in my life. And you know, in the Maldives, they're actually really bad. And there was one night, one night I was up the whole night vomiting my feet in the hot bath. I was trying to do everything. I'd taken painkillers and Ben stayed up the whole night with me, keeping my hair out of the toilet and like rubbing my neck while I was in the bath and he was really great but my migraines have been out of control and maybe it's hormonal with like aging or post all my egg freezing I don't know but my suck has been my migraines and I'm going to get that sorted as

soon as I get back to Australia my sweet probably the same Laura like I'm just frothing being back with you guys I think that this is when our life is so long three times a week for four years that when you go on holiday and you have a little break you miss your routine and you miss every day you miss speaking to each other like I miss seeing you Laura and Keisha and I miss talking to you guys so it's really nice to be back and seeing you and having a laugh again and I feel like I haven't seen friends in a long time because I've been over here just with Ben and the neighbors like the psychic neighbors next door Alex and Eugene they're my only friends here obviously Sheridan's in Edinburgh an hour away but it's nice to have that connection again even

even though it's through the screen. So I'm just pumped to be back. And also I'm excited to see what 2024 brings. The year of health. Anyway, guys, that is it from us. If you've loved the episode, please go and subscribe. If you haven't subscribed to Life Uncut, but you listen every week or you want to know when a new episode's coming out, wherever you're listening, whether it's Spotify, whether it is Apple Podcasts, whether it's one of those rogue random little ones that people listen to, just go and hit the plus sign in the corner. When I say subscribe, It doesn't cost any money, but what it does mean is that the podcast will go into your feed every single episode that drops, and it also means it helps us grow. So if you love the content and you

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