Life Uncut - What It Actually Feels Like to Leave a Marriage When You Have Kids - Uncut with Tara Pavlovic

Episode Date: June 4, 2026

Today’s episode is with one of our very favourite Bach alums Tara Pavlovic. Tara was on Laura's season of The Bachelor back in 2017, and despite the slightly unusual premise of competing for the same man, she's one of the people Laura has genuinely stayed close with ever since. Tara is currently going through a separation. Not in the past tense, not with the benefit of two years of hindsight. She’s currently in the thick of it, while co-parenting two young kids and figuring out what life looks like on the other side. And she wanted to come and talk about it, because she knows there are women out there sitting exactly where she was sitting a few months ago, wondering if it's okay to make the decision to leave. We chat: The post-Bachelor world: fake attention, disingenuous people, and why it made trusting anyone so hard Years of couples counselling, trying everything, and the moment the penny finally dropped What it physically felt like in her body when the relationship was no longer working Why "staying for the kids" isn't always the best thing Separation and equal parenting  The judgment that comes when you're the one who leaves Discovering she can kill spiders, mow lawns, and do everything she thought she needed someone else for "Do I believe in love anymore? Absolutely not"  and what she actually means Life now: calm, present, peaceful, and genuinely happy Tara also teases an upcoming podcast she's launching with Bachelor alum David Lloyd! Watch this space. You can follow Tara on Instagram  Timestamps 0:00 — Introducing our sister wife: Tara Pavlovic 9:45 — Tara's love of kids, starting in childcare at 18, and becoming a mum 11:10 — What the post-Bachelor world was really like 16:00 — Dating again after BiP and why she went back to someone she already knew and trusted 17:15 — Getting into the separation: years of trying, couples counselling, and going quiet 19:45 — The cruise that changed everything — feeling peace for the first time in years 22:20 — How couples counselling helped, and when the counsellor finally said "staying for the kids isn't enough" 24:55 — Why staying together isn't always the answer for kids 28:25 — Did she feel guilty? Honestly, no — here's why 29:00 — The mental load she didn't know she was carrying  33:15 — Navigating what to share (and not share) on social media during a separation 37:30 — The surprising things: friendships shifting, being seen as the one who "broke the family" 38:30 — All the things she's discovered she can do by herself: spiders, lawns, everything 47:00 — Dating with kids: what she would and wouldn't introduce into her children's lives 46:45 — "I'm living the fairytale right now" You can watch us on Youtube Find us on Instagram Join us on tiktok Or join the Facebook Discussion Group Hosted by  Laura Byrne & Keeshia Pettit  Produced by Keeshia Pettit Video Produced by Vanessa Beckford & Lachy Pugsley Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! Xx  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura and I'm Keisha and look today's episode is actually surprisingly something that we really haven't done a kind of a deep dive in nor have we really unpacked I guess what it's like to make the decision to go through a separation And in particular, to choose to go through a separation when you have kids and other people to think about in the mix. Now, the person who we have here, this is weird, is also my sister-in-law, who once upon a time used to make out with my husband. But now, you know, we're not even talking about that.

It is Tara Pavlovich. Tara, I am so, so excited that you are here. I'm excited to be here. And we haven't actually seen each other in the flesh in probably like five years. Ages. Five years. Was it when we did that weird game show? No, it was at Kobe's baby shower.

And I was in a state. Yeah, look, I mean, that's another separation we can talk about. That was wild. Who gets that drunk at a baby shower? I can't even remember it. Look, if you guys haven't followed Tara, and just to give you the context, Tara was obviously on my season of The Bachelor. We did it together, 2017.

Maddie J's girls, here we are. and you're like the only person from the show that I've actually stayed in contact with over the years like we still we'll still slide into each other's dms on instagram and I mean it's such a weird thing going through that experience together because like it's not designed for people to make friends like it's not designed for you to come out of it and be like actually do you know what you are great you were a great girl even though we were all making out with the same guy like the parameters around the bachelor is kind of a really unique experience but I would say that coming off the back of it, there were definitely a few people from that season that I was like,

regardless of anything, I adore you. And you are by far one of them. Thank you. Likewise, Laura. Likewise. Look, let's get into Excellent Unfiltered. What is your most embarrassing story to kick this off? We were talking before about me going on Bachelor in Paradise. And coming out engaged. And coming out engaged. That's pretty, that's pretty damn embarrassing. um that's probably the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to me in my whole life and it was on tv oh it makes me like die anyway let's do another one that no one actually knows

about there's two do we want the one where i tried to jump the fence when i was 20 or do we want the one where i shit myself go both okay let's say really stack them all right let's go back in time okay so i've gone back to my hometown i've gone out to the wood port in if you've been to the central coast you know the wood porting it's a loose time you cooked at the wood porting anyway it's the end of the night I thought it was a good idea to walk from one of my friends to my other friends where I was staying right all my stuff was at my other friends and I ended up with my other friends anyway I was like just gonna walk I'm gonna cut through the high school which I know off the back of my head because I went to that high school I know the shortcut I'm gonna cut

through the high school and then we've got another three Ks until I'm at my friend's. What I didn't realise is that they put a huge fence up. So I got to the end of the shortcut. School has changed in the last 15 years, hey? Yeah. Weird. Is it one of those fences that has like kind of the spiky bits on the top?

Yes, it is. They're black? Yes, it is. Yes, it is. If you know Terrigal High School, you will know these fence. Anyway, I'm still very drunk at this point. And I just look at the fence. I'm the most unathletic person and uncoordinated person you will ever meet in your life as well,

ever. So I looked at the fence and I thought, instead of walking all the way back, just going to jump it. I had this tiny one teaspoon mini dress on, which was like, you could a hundred percent see my vagina while I was dancing. A hundred percent it was out. I know those one teaspoon dress. Yeah. Was it the long singlet top one? No, it was like a boob treat. I had like a ruffle around it was actually really cute shame I know anyways I climbed up mind you I still have three kilometers to get home right there's people running past me at this point jogging for their morning walks it's like 6 a.m it's like you're climbing up a fence so I'm inside into a school yeah out of the school I was already in the school I'm going out of the school and I went to jump

i went to jump down and i was like i can't get down i'm caught on something and my dress and underwear were hooked on the top spike and i've just gone okay like i'm hanging there like i'm just this fence is so tall i don't even know how i got up it with my shit climbing skills and i'm just like okay this is it i'm just gonna have to tear myself off it i tore myself off it I get down my undies I've ripped in half on the floor and there's this huge rip in my dress from like up where my boobs are down I've got zero undies on this dress was skanky enough as is and I've had to walk home past all of the fit people like 5 6 a.m all the way back to like we're going from Terrigal to Erina like the bit in between Erina and Terrigal which is like

kilometers and I've had to do this whole walk pretty much naked it's also main road vibes It's main road. It's so main road. It's main road. I mean, luckily we're on the Central Coast. I've probably seen it before. I was about to say. It's a little sunny coast.

It's Tokyo. I wasn't staying at my dad's in Mossman. Wait, I need to know. Is this pre-batch or post-batch? I was 20. How did this story not come out? Like how did of all the times we laid around the pool and embarrassing shit was shared, how did this story never get shared?

I don't know. I don't know. Did you make it to the friend's house? Yeah. I went and knocked on the door and her mum answered and just goes. go home oh god and I was like hi Michelle she's like hi and I was like can I go up see Brie and she's like yes and I just like went thank you and just went up and my friend was just like what the fuck has happened to you and I was like oh you don't want to know you don't want to know anyway

that was so traumatic okay well now that we've done that one I need to know when you shit yourself as well this is more recent this is this killed me a okay I recently went on a cruise with my kids right the night before it was like 80s night and I got carried away it was a vibe it was vibe we had a big night the kids and I yeah my sister was on that my kids had a great time my sister was on the cruise too so she was still in the room we went and got breakfast she went back to the room and I was like, I'm going to take the kids up for a play. So we were on level one. We went up to like, I think it was like level 12 right up the top of the ship, right,

because there's games up there. Probably not a good idea to have a hangover and coffee with breakfast. That was my first mistake, okay, because. You're also on a boat. Like, I mean, if you've never been on a cruise, like the constant like subtle feeling of seasickness that's just always kind of there. It just like permeates below everything else. Yeah, it is a bit, yeah.

It's just there. It's just the wind of it. Yeah, there's something there, especially when you're full after breakfast, hungover, and you've had coffee. It's just not a good idea for the bowels. Anyway, so kids are playing putt-putt. I'm FaceTiming my ex. We were still together at this point. FaceTime my ex.

The kids are like, hey. And I was on FaceTime. I'm like, yeah, we're having a good time, blah, blah, blah. And then I just felt like this sensation in my underwear. And I was like, oh, my God. And I was on FaceTime. And I was like, I've just shit myself. I've just shit myself.

And my ex is like, you've what? I'm like, fuck, I've just shit myself. I'm literally like on like outside level 12. And it was the day we got off. So everyone's out of their rooms and I've had to walk. Everything's packed. The kids are like, what's wrong? And I was like, we've got to go back to the room.

They're like, no, we're playing golf. I'm like, no, we have to go back to the room. They're like, why are you rushing? Why are you rushing? I'm like, quick guys. And they're like, what's wrong, mum? What's going on? And I'm like, just quickly come with me.

And they're like, no, we want to play golf. I'm like, please, just listen. Please just listen today. Just listen today. I've got to go down every fucking level past these people and I've got a white mini skirt on as well. Oh, fuck, again. It's the same one.

Always done in mini dresses. White, snow white mini dress and I'm like, please let there be no shit on this skirt. Like, please, please. I don't even care if they can smell me. I can blame it on the kids and be like, oh, she shit herself. But it was me. And then we finally, like, I'm walking past all of these people

on this cruise and they're like, hey, how are you? I'm like, good. Great. Having a great time. Good, good, good. I'm just imagining every level, the doors opening, people getting on and off out of the elevator and they're all slow because they've got their kids too.

Yes, yes, yes. It was so bad. And so I've had to go down every single level with just shit in my, I was, we're swimmers actually. thank you and then I open the door my sister's in there and I'm like I've just shit myself and she goes you've what and I said I pooed my pants and the kids are like mommy why you pooed your pants and I'm like yeah and I'm like everyone has accidents sweetie anyway that was mortifying have you seen the documentary the poop cruise yes thank god I wasn't on that

you made your own babe documentary scared the absolute christ out of me hey it's it's truly like if you've never done a cruise you're certainly not doing it after you watch that that's for sure i was just horrified by that documentary oh my god guys that's you've sent me in town that's it that's the entire episode thank you i was nice to talk to you bye look you know what something i didn't set up when i was telling like for anyone who doesn't follow you now who might not necessarily know who you are or kind of like what you've been sharing over the last was like nine years since we did the bachelor why are we so old why are we so old when did this happen I don't know you have shared so much around like your parenting and I remember when we were in

the house and you were like I just want to have kids you were nannying at the time and you were like I love kids so much you're like I cannot wait to have children and for me at the time I was like but why I know what do you mean and you were like the thing that's different around I guess like you're talking about different educators and stuff at the time and I remember this conversation you were like, the difference is you can tell when someone genuinely loves being around children and just loves spending time with them. And I think that that's the reason why so much of the content that you share now resonates so much with people because it's so obvious how much you love being a mom and how much you have prioritized being a mom over the past few years.

100%. 100%. I've always wanted to be a mom. I've just loved being around kids. Like I started in childcare when I was 18, like fresh out of school. And I've always just loved being around kids. They bring me so much happiness and joy. And to have your own, it's just the most incredible, incredible feeling ever. I guess like when you first came out of the batch, I want to kind of go back to then because obviously it's like such a fucking wild experience. You started dating again. What did that look like for you? That was a weird time post-batch. I feel like it was a lot of fake people like it wasn't like genuine the attention I would get from guys it was because I was off a show do you know what I mean and it was really hard to trust people I just feel like it

wasn't like real life and real people after that I was caught up in that whirlwind of like being at events and like it didn't seem like a genuine thing for me like the people weren't genuine it's so funny because I feel like when you go on this show it's like you do get sucked up in that whirlwind and you think like everyone just wants to be like someone who's like done a tv show or like you got the followers and everything and like you think that's such a fun life but it's actually not I just don't think it's a very authentic real life totally and it's also a situation where and and no disrespect to anyone who does and goes on the shows at all but like even when you come out you kind of have to try and figure out who are the people that you

met in that house that are actually still real friends do you know what I mean and aren't just using you to set up paparazzi photos it was like a very weird time post kind of figuring out what was real and what wasn't real do you feel in terms of dating and this is even a strange question to ask but like knowing that you go through the experience and then you're like well that fucking didn't work out and you lied like did it make you question even more like relationships post date like I guess like getting back into dating and trusting what someone says and how they I'm blaming Matt I'm blaming my husband right now it's a hard question Matt you ruined everyone I know seriously I don't think I realized that I couldn't trust people until I did Bachelor in

Paradise and I feel like it was with the people that had already had their own like because it was like kind of the most popular people from all of the franchises in that one show and they were definitely very ingenuine like that is that a word disingenuous genuine like I really feel like it was after that show where I started to realize people were like using me a little bit and like taking advantage of me and I've got the most trusting nature ever like I don't second guess anyone so it was like from that point I was like oh I I think I need to be more careful with like who I trust and like who I let in. How did you deal with that at the time because like I mean for anyone who doesn't remember you did come off Bachelor in Paradise you were engaged and it was

like this I don't even know from an optics perspective whether or not like people kind of know how that unfolded but it was really toxic that was worse than anyone knows I wasn't able to speak about any of that because it was like legal like it was really bad I had there's so much stuff that happened and I ended up getting so much awful backlash from that because this person tried to just ruin me pretty much but there was so much that no one knew about it was probably one of the hardest things I've ever gone through I couldn't even sleep after that like I was oh god I had to do all of this therapy I ended up getting vaginismus have you ever heard of that where you're like the muscles in your vagina like fully close up my body was that tense I thought I had

like cervical cancer or something I had to go and get this like operation to see if there was like anything going on down there like it was the physical effects from that whole ordeal and that relationship were so bad so bad like it was proper proper abusive that it's also so scary because like it's not doesn't come down to the duty of care of like the tv show it does though it does I think it does I think it does because I spoke to other people who worked on that show and they're like we wanted to tell you but the storyline was so good and you just you seemed happy and we know that's not okay we wanted to tell you that this was a bad idea and that he was actually bad and then no one told me and I just trust everyone I always think the best of

people so I mean it's my lesson I should have been a bit more aware but yeah no that completely changes the storyline because like in my yeah I guess like if I was to think of how it had played out I would have thought that he was just very good at masking it and so no one was aware but if you can say that like oh no producers were very aware of how bad he was and didn't give you the heads up like that is inconscionable yeah well it was a beautiful love story wasn't it so why would you stop it that's awful I think it's pretty smart if you're hated on your series and then you go in there and you find someone who's well liked to be with like that's a pretty clever plan right do you know what I mean yeah it's all very calculated how did you go from that

and then that experience going through a separation and you know you didn't get married but like there was this very public proposal that happened how do you go from that to then dating again and trusting and what does it look like dating the second time around I think because that's when I got with my ex that I married and I knew him for years so I felt comfort in knowing that he wasn't connected to any part of that and I kind of knew him yeah we're not together now but like he wasn't you know meeting you for fame or for clout you know you guys already knew each other we knew each other yeah and I remember you posting at the time and you were like I do remember when you guys met and it's kind of one of the weird things about sharing on social media

right and especially as someone who knows you but also watches your life on social media I remember when you first shared and you were like this is someone who's from my past we've known each other for so many years and there is a level of trust there that feels like a safety that you didn't know yeah you guys now have two beautiful children together and you are currently going through a separation yeah and one of the things that I really wanted to talk to you about because it is such a huge decision to make and I think when you have kids yourself that is amplified tenfold as to whether or not separating is the best decision for yourself is the best decision for your family can you talk us through a little bit around what has been your I guess your head

space and what has led you to deciding that this is the right decision for you yeah so I think on the outside it can seem like people just end it you know and it's like oh they're done like it's that's just happened but it's there's a huge lead up to anyone ending a relationship so this was like years of us trying to make it work I think I would spoke to you guys about couples counseling like a while back and everything and we did try really really really hard but it got to a point where I just stayed quiet for so long and so I guess you never want your wife to be quiet and not and not bring the things up but I guess I kind of stopped bringing the things up because nothing was kind of working and I just felt like well I can't control anything

I'm just gonna try and do me and then I remember saying to him like I said I'm worried I'm so disconnected like I don't even care if we fight or anything like I don't care if you go away I don't care about anything and he was like oh god okay so I went back to therapy and then you know stuff kind of happened and I kept trying and trying and trying I was trying for the kids I was trying for the kids it got to the point where I was like I've got like nothing left to give the relationship but I'm just gonna try because I don't want a broken family for the kids and it just got to the point where the penny dropped and I was like it's just not gonna work like there was something that kind of happened that I just couldn't move past as well and I just thought

like this isn't gonna work and for me my thing in life is to live in alignment like I'm very much someone who needs to live an authentic life and I was in this marriage like a marriage is where you're meant to like just be so connected and like just adore that person and you're meant to work as a team and I felt like it was so fake from my end because I was like I'm trying so hard and I just feel so empty and like numb in here and I just can't do it anymore I was having starting to have panic attacks and there would be days where I just could not leave the house and I I went to my doctor three times and I'm like, I can't, like I've got depression or something, like I can't do it.

And I was always panicked. And I went on the cruise with the kids and my sister. This was like towards when it ended. And I felt this like sense of like peace and I felt like I could breathe again and I was like, oh, God, this is bad. Like it was eight nights. And then the moment I got home, we had an argument and that's when it clicked and I was like we're done like we're done and it just clicked after

having that time away by myself and then getting back to it and my whole body was just like in fight or flight mode again and it's so funny because it's literally like backed from my garment like my totally my nervous system like the stress levels that I was feeling soon as I knew we were done there's no more tense nervous system like I'm literally cured like I'm cured just to feel that sense of you know when things are bad in the house you're so careful of what you say of what you know you don't want to start a fight you're just really careful and I just felt like I was like like just so careful with everything at the end of it like I didn't want to fight I didn't want to upset anyone you also said something that

there's like this you get to this point where you're like I don't want to say anything because like I can't be bothered to fight but I actually feel nothing and like I think you've described something that a lot of people who have gone through a separation probably can identify with and it's that whole adage of like the fighting sometimes stops it's because there's nothing left to fight for now it's like I've done all the speaking yes I've said all the things and I just have nothing left to say to save this relationship oh if your wife or husband goes quiet and doesn't want to bring anything up and isn't bringing anything up that's done it's done something else that you said though that I think is so common particularly for women is that you you

were like I went to my doctor because I thought there was something wrong with me like I must have had depression you know when your body's giving you these physical signs that something's not right in your relationship I think a lot of women first turn inwards and they go well what's wrong with me is it my hormones do I have depression do I have anxiety like you want to find any other reason than your marriage you do not want your marriage to end like no one wants a marriage and when you have kids you do not want it to end I did not I tried everything I went on back on antidepressants for a little while I thought I had PMDD like since I have not even known my periods coming since I've left like every period I get it just comes I would pick it

the two weeks before my like two weeks just after ovulation I was a mess I couldn't function and now i'm like where's my pmdd gone it's so interesting you also mentioned something and we did talk to you about it i remember this you shared about going to couples counseling and the impact it had and at the time it was a positive impact yeah you spoke about it being something that had helped you guys work through some stuff yeah what and i guess like what did that look like for you when you decided and made the decision earlier on to go to couples counseling why did it work and when did it stop working? So I did a lot of work on myself after my second pregnancy. I got like, I was really bad while I was pregnant with Edie Ray. It was really scary. I felt like I didn't

want to be here anymore. And I was really codependent at that stage as well. So I based a lot of my self-worth on him. And so he felt really smothered by me. So a lot of it was dealing with that. And then I went and did all of this work on myself. Like we went into counseling and spoke about that. He was like, you know, I feel like this, I need a bit more space. And I was like okay cool and then I was like I think I need to work on myself and it all stemmed down you know there was all reasons for it like childhood stuff you know insecurities validation yeah and so I went and did a lot of work on myself so that was kind of why we started it but then it got to the point where I was feeling really like my mental load was a lot and I just don't think that we were

evening out the responsibilities of the household and stuff enough and so we dealt with that which definitely helped like it really helped open his eyes and he was really good like he was really responsive and stuff in that and it really really really helped us in terms of like the juggle of the house and the kids so there were things that 100% helped with a lot gaining a better understanding of like communication and how things might sound and what an attack might sound like and everything like that so yeah we went to couples counseling like I didn't actually fully separate with him until we spoke to the couples counselor about it and then she had some questions and she kind of was just like yeah I don't I just you know she's like why do you want to stay and I

was like for the kids and she's like it's not enough like it's just not enough so having that third party was so helpful in keeping our conversation calm and not reactive which we really struggled to do in the house yeah it would always just get to the point of a fight and I'm like I need like we need a mediator we're both a bit both a bit spicy you know doing good company something that I and I don't want to make this about myself but I've shared this with friends of mine who have separated before about my parents divorce and I was a bit older I was a young teenager but I really remember this specific experience after my parents went through years of basically not talking to each other unless it was an argument it was a very very tense household

things were not good also we were involved in the church so there was very much a dichotomy of like what it looked like versus what it was and I remember when they finally made the decision to separate so many people around us kept on coming to me and being like oh you know this is such a hard time for you are you okay we're here for you and even as a teenager I remember being like what this is the easiest it's been in seven years walking into a home knowing that your parents don't love each other in the way that you are told other people do like feeling the tension having to kind of learn to read the room as a child because there's tension and there's like really just awful emotions within your household I just remember being like that was

loads harder like this I know there's a lot of change going on and I guess I was older but in my experience and the reason I've told that to some of my friends who have either contemplated a separation or have actually gone through with a divorce and they've got kids I'm like kids can tell when parents don't love each other and they don't want to be there and so the whole like I'm just staying in this relationship for the kids it's not always the best thing even for the children because you know kids they pick up on everything like they they feel it they notice it and I can only imagine that that was something that you were I guess questioning whether you were going to I don't know impart that onto them like yours are a lot younger but was that the main

thing that you were thinking about well I think for me they weren't getting the best version of me and then on the cruise I had this amazing version of me and I'm like they deserve that they don't deserve a mum who's dosed up on valium in bed like because she can't cope with life like that's not that's not okay like you know a lot of women turn to alcohol to cope and I don't I don't want to get to that point where I'm like relying on stuff to actually get through the day and I'm not there present they need a mum who's stable and I was completely unstable so I feel like it was my only option it was the last option like I exhausted every other option and then that was the last option so for me there was no even like comparison like staying together for the kids

would have been terrible that would I was continuing to go down down down and none of us were happy no yeah and they pick up like they notice it yeah and like you said they're getting a version of you as a mom that is not the best version that they could experience so the only reason I bring that up is because I know that it's something that so many people really really struggle with because all that they want and they are willing to put their children way before they put their own priorities in my experience separation was the best thing that ever could have happened and and so I just want to provide that other side of the coin yeah because it is there you know it's every separation isn't going to cause kids trauma and then be devastated their

family's not a one whole family unit but like even contemplating it coming to the decision like separation is so hard like you said tyron i think it's probably one of the most important points there isn't a family out there especially when there's kids involved where anyone is taking the idea of divorce completely lightly like where you're just like do you know what i've had enough like you can be frivolous in other relationships you don't get to make that sort of transient decision when you're married and you've got kids like it just doesn't work like that how did you and i guess maybe i don't want to put words in your mouth but did you feel any guilt around this at the time did you feel guilty about how you were going to talk to the kids about it how you're

going to go about unraveling your lives or was it more so that you'd come to a place where you were like this is the best decision for me it's a really uncomfortable feeling I don't know if I felt guilt because I know I tried to do everything I can so I don't think I felt guilty at all but it was a hard like it was it's never easy to kind of explain it to the kids but I know I've done them a favor like I strongly believe that and like since the separation it's just proven to me that I have done the right thing because I'm such a better mom and I'm present for them and I enjoy my time with them more I'm not like psycho busy anymore with them and like trying to trying to just do all the things like I have my time with them and it's just me and I just focus

on them and it's just so much nicer and I'm calm like I'm a calm mom now are you surprised by the version of the person that you are now compared to where you were six or seven months ago oh yeah yeah it's been there's been a lot of realizations I didn't realize how much of the load I was actually carrying of like everyone and I can see how mums how they get so overwhelmed and resentful because mums do tend to carry most of the mental load for the whole household so now I've gone from like 100% parent to like 100% everyday parent as well like doing everything to splitting the kids and an adult you know yes and and the adult and now to split the load evenly between the mum and the dad because that's what we're doing it's an even split between us

I can't even tell you how much of that meant I don't even have a mental load because it's evenly split because now I'm finally supported in raising the kids which it wasn't like that before and I didn't realize how much of that I was taking on as that main person in the house so yeah it's crazy what you realize once you walk away it's also crazy to think that it takes a separation to impart the necessity of someone taking up the responsibility of 50 you know like that is the really sad part of I think sometimes separations where you're like well now we have this and now you're stepping up to the plate because you've been forced to and you're not the buffer there to kind of I guess pick up all the pieces yeah I always wonder if that was

implemented at the start of relationships like that 50 50 actually sharing the load of the parenting and the responsibilities how many marriages would be saved I think that is a huge factor and women feel so unseen and unheard in how much they do because it's it's invisible labor it is and then they just get resentment and they're not heard and then they just they're just there's nothing left you know did you guys ever have a conversation around what that split would look like when you had kids or was it just kind of like a natural role that you fell into I think it was like a natural role that I fell into it's really hard with my work because I don't go have a nine-to-five job I just film at home and whatever whereas he's got like you know

he goes to work so even though I was working I was at home yeah so it just fell into that where it's like oh I'm here I'll just do it I guess that's another part of this though like your work is online making content but for a lot of people it's kind of a different version of work but I think it would be the same feeling when you're going through this and you're contemplating like what could life look like am I going to separate are we going to stay together like can we fix this you have to turn up as a person who can do a job and you have to kind of be normal in every other aspect and you are I mean Laura would know a lot more you strike me as someone who calls a spade a spade like you're very authentic and you you just are how you are

but how did you go kind of I guess you have to fake it to a certain extent to turn up online because you're like I can't share the details of this because I haven't even worked it out myself yet oh it was so hard and people pick up on everything like they just like where where is he yeah well that's your husband I'm like fuck even when you're alone when you i don't know i don't know can you find out where's your husband you tell me that's so funny do you know what though people can pick up on it and i'll tell you something matt said to me a couple of weeks before you announced that you guys had split he goes i think tara might have split from her husband really and i was like what a stalker

Fuck, leave me alone. It was nine years ago, mate. Jesus. That's so nice. Obviously, you guys still follow each other. And he was like, he goes, I just, I think you must have posted something. And he was like. No, exes know.

They can feel it. Married ones with three kids even, they sniff it. They're like. Make sense. Wait, Tara, is that single I smell in the wind? No, but he was like, he's like, I think they might've split. And I was like, nah, no, look, they're like on a plane together.

Yeah. And then two weeks later you were like, sorry, sad to announce. Oh yeah, our Fiji holiday where everyone's like, oh no, they are together. That was me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I loved that holiday with him actually. That was like the nicest send off ever. Had you already made the decision at that point?

Yeah, but we already had Fiji. Let's go. No, he didn't want to go, but I was like, we're fucking going. and oh I actually like love like we were just like drinking cocktails we're actually really good if we're partying together we're the best like if I'm drinking with him you're having a great time oh so good we're just an awkward sober it's kind of problematic no because it's like you can have a really good time with someone and enjoy their company and who they are as a person and really struggle at managing the day-to-day with someone and managing the entwined lives

and the admin and the things that like you have to stand up and take responsibility all the unfun stuff about life is the stuff that's the really hard stuff that gets in the way you know with that though how do you draw a line or how do you choose what it is that you share on social media you are an open book you share so much yeah but they're obviously even for open books there's limits and there's things that you have to decide this is for me and this is stuff I feel comfortable with sharing with the community I've built yeah if it's about me like you know I just told you I shit myself on the cruise like I don't care but if there's someone else involved you really have to be careful even like coming to do this podcast I'm like I don't want to say too much about you know

anyone else involved like I don't want to say too much about my kids or my ex because I don't want anyone to like think ill of him and also you have to co-parent together for the foreseeable next 15 years of your life like why would you want to have that be something that's hard yeah but then again it's like it's a pretty you know it's my journey at the moment and I think I do want to share like elements of it to help other women get through it and just to know that the you know the grass everyone says oh the grass isn't always greener but it like definitely is for me and I think it can be a lot greener and you cannot work with someone who's a decent person you know like it's not no one's a bad person here we just didn't work I also think it's such an important message and

sometimes people want to get down into the details of like the why but the why kind of doesn't feel like it's the most relevant part it's the choosing yeah and I really think that from like a listener perspective if anyone is finding themselves in a situation where they've been contemplating leaving a relationship it's having someone be like it's okay to make that decision and sometimes you have to make that decision for yourself yeah if anyone's like in this position where they're not sure I would highly recommend doing like a trial separation where you just have some time apart I feel like the time apart is what really helped me gauge what I wanted how long did you have a so we kind of had the discussion and I was like I'm done and then we didn't fully move out we

just kind of hopped in and out of the house for a while so I'd go stay somewhere and then he'd stay somewhere and and the cruise for the eight nights was kind of that wasn't a trial separation but I just know that that block of time was really helpful yeah in me just having that time away so I could see how I felt and like also feel lighter by the sounds of things having that little bit of separation was the moment where you're like hold on that feeling of doom has gone the feeling of dread the anxiety the heaviness the thing that makes me feel constantly anxious yeah you know the cloud has lifted a little bit yeah apart from shitting yourself apart from shitting myself other than that the anxiety was gone yeah yeah what do you think has been the

most surprising thing for you post separation um I think friendships have been an interesting one kind of you know when you're all connected to the same people and just seeing people's behavior and like what gets back to you and what people have said about you and all of this stuff like what surprises me is that I seem to be the one who's broken the family because I've left do you know what I mean like it's like my fault like I've the one I'm the one who's done this and just hearing what some people say about you behind closed doors that you thought were your friends is really interesting do you feel like there's been judgment a hundred percent yeah yeah I feel like that's people who don't understand what it can be like to live with parents who hate each other

yeah anyone who's like my close friends know that they've been with me for the whole time like they've been with me from day dot and they've had the phone calls of when things aren't good and how I'm feeling and what's and things that have happened and you know what's actually happened they know and I know like I know what I've done and I know how hard I've tried and you just have to really block out everything and just know and just have so much faith in your decision that you've done the right thing it's also been surprising like I think for me I always thought I needed a man relationship yeah not even like I've always thought that there was things that I'm not capable of but literally like everything that's gone wrong like I've killed a spider

mowed the lawn i've seen you with a makita babe yeah i'd still can't maybe i do need a man for the whippersnapper i had to get my friend's husband over to teach me how to do the whippersnapper i'm not gonna lie now if you can do winged eyeliner you can do a whippersnapper it's fine 100 oh the whippersnapper's fucked it's an interesting one though isn't it because like for so long and it depends on how you raise but there's kind of jobs that have been attributed to like what the guy does in the household and then there's jobs that you kind of just seem to by default or socially fall to you and so if you've always been with someone or you've always had a partner there's always been a guy around to do the jobs that are stereotypically manly and here you are you know

in your 30s being like I've never mowed the fucking lawn yes because it's just like we're taught that a man will do that yeah but I'm like oh I am the man now like there's been nothing that I can't do so I've got this like new confidence that literally I can do anything do I like doing it no I do I do want a man to come and mow my lawn I've met a guy at the pub on the weekend I think he's gonna come mow my lawns next week is that a euphemism no you're like just no actually just mow my lawns nothing else I was like can you whiff a sniff Tara you you recently shared you wrote do I believe in love anymore absolutely not was something you shared on socials yeah okay you can give me the explain if that do you mean that or is it just the version now I think I

believe in falling in love 100% but I'm still very apprehensive whether a long-term relationship can work I just don't know maybe it is something that you will take time on now for yourself in terms of figuring out not so much whether a long-term relationship can work but whether you trust the choices you make with the person that you choose to have that long-term relationship with yeah because that was the biggest differentiator for me like I've had long-term relationships and I would probably have said this to you in the past I used to think everyone cheats I was like everyone cheat it is an absolute fucking stock standard if you're in a relationship at some point in the relationship someone cheats and you just either choose to stay together or

you don't yeah and now 10 years in I'm like I and I know that there'll be people out there who were like Laura you live with blindfolds I would genuinely drop dead of a heart attack if Matt cheated like I would just be so sure I would laugh yeah like I'd be so still keeping tabs on Tara Tara is that you he's getting roses from the florist that would be a story in a half daily mail no but I mean it though it's like my perception around it has changed because the type of relationship can exist that I was like oh I didn't know it could be like this I didn't know you could have parody in a relationship I didn't know you could have someone who would actually like show up enthusiastically to parenting I thought I'd get

dumped with at all you know like I have been surprised and I now realize that a lot of and I'm not there's no part of me that's like you're responsible for the outcome of the relationships you have but I realized that I was responsible for the people I chose to be in relationships with and they were never going to give me what I wanted yeah I don't know if I trust my judgment yet I was talking to my therapist about this because I've spoken to guys since the split I've met people out and the ones that I am like oh I like you they're fucking naughty boys they're very bad boys they're not the good ones I can't I just like John down the road who's like an accountant or something it's like no no I like the one with the four Harley Davidsons and

cocaine addiction bad boy the drug dealer why do I like the bad boys all the time but then I spoke to my therapist about and she's like are you ready to change that and I was like no because I just still want to have some fun for a minute okay so is she like okay recognize that it's fun just don't fall in love with these like what is their response to that difference to this is the difference now is that i'm so aware of it but they are quite thrilling to me so i think at this point in time i fucking love you get a buzz i know i'm not gonna marry them but i'll hang out with you do you know what's so so ages ago give me a whippersnapper and we'll be good to go we're interviewing a woman named terry cole

she's like a relationship expert she does a lot of work around it was trying cheating wasn't it we interviewed her with cheating honestly she's amazing she's been on the podcast three times she talks about everything she's written a few books around boundary setting but like we did a big unpack on an episode around cheating with her and I remember talking about like this kind of thing about my terrible choices in relationships and how like I seem to have this like real pattern and then all of a sudden like I found myself spontaneous in a relationship that actually was okay and she was like you realize the pattern right and I was like no and she's like you got so much drama from all your exes and she's like and then you met this new person Matt and she's

like but you got all the drama from the fact that he was literally making out with 24 other women like the drama was there you had it all he just wasn't the drama like when you took the show away from it she's like but the actual relationship drama it was all there yeah and if he'd been normal from the get-go you never would have dated him no because like you needed that fucking crazy You needed him to date 24 women at the same time. I needed the crazy, yeah. And I needed probably, like, the full year of crazy that followed, which wasn't so much about the relationship,

but it was just, like, the media, the people being mean. Like, I needed, like, the trolls. Tell me what you really think. Be mean to me, trolls. I actually like it. You can pull my hair. Pull my nails. But I mean, it, like, it satiated my need for drama,

which I didn't realize that I had, you know. And that was, like, a real mirror that was held up to me. And I was like, oh, I am the fucking problem. oh I'm 100% the problem I got medicated and had the same thing I was like right it was always about dopamine yeah it's still about me it's it is we all want that perfect guy and we want that amazing guy who's going to support you and be like emotionally available but then we also want the thrill and it's like a hard one to it's like is there someone with both a little bit but I don't know like we've spoken about this before actually because I don't know if I'm the type of person who

can have someone in the gray I do tend to have a bit more black and white where it comes to like the last versus stability and I actually wonder if it's not about finding someone who has both it might be for some people I haven't really been able to find it for myself but I think it's more about the stage of life that I'm in and what I need more of like in my 20s I actually needed more of the like the fun and the thrill and the experience and the adventure yeah and now I'm in my 30s and I'm like no I actually prefer the stability yeah so it might not be that you are able to find it all in the one person perfectly halfway in the middle it might just be a bit more reflective of like what else is going on in your life at that time and what's more suited 100%

yeah and right now it's the fun but also yeah in that how do you consider like I mean the concept of dating I'm sure we're getting ahead of ourselves and like you're obviously still working through very big life things now but like the thought of in the future dating whilst having kids and also knowing that maybe you quite like a bad boy like how do you kind of protect yourself in that and go like I need to do what's best for the kids best for myself but also still live and and you know be able to enjoy yourself and be able to meet people like have you thought through what that looks like for you I'm pretty like I never think long term like if I meet someone like they're not in my intimate like world it's very separate to I feel like I have

two lives at the moment like I honestly it's so weird flipping between I just go to this like innocent mom and then I'm just like wild child like it's crazy like the flipping it's I literally am living it but they don't overlap they don't overlap no it's like completely separate I would never introduce someone to my kids I would never settle down with a bad boy now I would never do that I'll see him yeah like out or whatever hang out or whatever but I wouldn't ever settle down I'm so aware if you're a bad boy now and like now that I have kids like I wouldn't ever introduce that into my life as a long-term thing because like my kids come first so if I was ever to settle down again and find something long-term which I have no need or want to do at the moment they

would be a very decent human and it would be a long long time before I ever introduce them to my children there is one thing that like I mean anyone who follows you knows this and like it stands out in everything that you speak about you are such a good mom like it is no you really are you are such a good mom it is so evident how how much you put your kids first and also how much you seem to enjoy being a mom you know thank you it's really it's really beautiful thank you that's really nice to hear I adore them it's fun when I have my time without them but I just I always just want them like it's been hard to adapt to not having them in the house like all of the time but like my days with them are just the best like that's what brings me the most joy and I

am finally like thoroughly enjoying that now that it's just me and them it's it's it's peaceful it's beautiful like I'm free to parent how I want and I'm not worried about anything we just have the most beautiful time and they're so well looked after and it's just like a beautiful home like you know people think fairy tales is like you know you find the love of your life you get married you have kids like to me I'm living the fairy tale right now like it's like amazing it's I'm gonna cry no it's like honestly I feel like I'm living like the dream life right now like Like I feel just to have this home where I can be in with my children and it's like just this ultimate feeling of safety.

Like we're just safe. We're just together. We're just safe. So, yeah, yeah. You should be really proud of that. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Yeah.

And I think that there will be a day that, you know, they grow up and they're so grateful that you made the decision because they're now getting the best version of you and likely from their dad as well. Yeah, they are. I know they're getting a really good version of him as well. I think it's like definitely as hard as it was to make the decision and like as like a god that was it's literally the hardest decision I've ever had to make in my life it's been amazing and I think

it's gonna benefit us all so much and yeah I just want them to be really happy in their homes and I want them to grow up just having like beautiful memories I don't want them to grow up remembering me as someone who like couldn't get out of bed and who was just completely unstable like they've got like a stable mom now and yeah Tara I also like I really want to say thank you so much for sharing because I know when you're in it when you're in it it's very hard to share what it is that you're currently going through I think a lot of people tell their stories retrospectively and they're like oh you know I separated two years ago and then this is what it looks like now but you're still in the thick of it and you're still working through what this life looks like

oh yeah there's there's a lot to still work yeah but even like with everything I know that I've made the right decision and I think that that's why this like episode in this conversation felt very important and one that I think has so much weight to have because there's going to be people who listen to this who are where you were several months ago and they need to be told that it's okay to leave yeah even when you have kids if you find yourself in a place where there is nothing left and you've tried it's okay to try and look at what a life would look like if you build it on your own. It's hard because society really looks down upon divorces. Like it's this terrible thing, but you know, sometimes you're just not meant to be with that person and it sucks. And

like, it really does suck. I think having kids with someone really does change things. Like you can be perfect with someone and then have kids with someone and it's not so good. And it's just the way it is. And I don't want anyone to feel shame for doing this. Like I don't feel any shame for it it's just something that has happened and that's it you know and the grass has been greener for me so but not mowed but no it doesn't have very straight edges the edges are a bit ragged very ragged edges you can follow tara on instagram if you aren't already and also watch this space because tara has a podcast coming out very soon with none other than bachelor star davy lloyd you guys might remember i mean this is like og batch times davey lloyd was on georgia loves

was was he on that season as well no yeah matt was on georgia love no he wasn't then he was on sam frost was he sam frost yeah okay matched on hinge with him a couple years back so davey lloyd's had like such an interesting journey himself you know like back when we were doing bachelor he was just a bit of a party boy and like i don't think anyone really knew the depths of what he was going through at that time and and actually he's come out now and he's completely sober but talks about his addiction journey yeah and it's pretty remarkable it's incredible I can't wait to dive in with that with him because his story is like it gets me so teary thinking about what he was and then where he's at now he's such a beautiful human like he's a

gorgeous gorgeous soul so I think he has the ability to help so many men I think like around and women but it's not often men admit it it's also not often that men can recognize that actually the party addiction is an addiction you know I think we've especially at a certain age we're very good at kind of trying to just explain it away as like they're the fun guy they're the guy that like you know brings the party brings a life yeah sure they do drugs on the weekend whatever but I've seen a lot of the content that he's putting out recently and I think changing that conversation around sobriety is something that's really powerful so when you have those details that will all be put in the show notes but for now you can follow tara on instagram we adore you

thank you for coming and being part of this