Life Uncut - When their sex noises make you cringe - ASK UNCUT

Episode Date: December 14, 2020

Happy Tuesday lifers! We are doing another switcheroo this week and bringing you Ask uncut today, but we have good reason! You’ll have to listen to find out though. Some things just can’t be avoided!We have a great one for you with some very relatable questions and some good solid lols. But before we get into that, some jerk had the nerve to put a girls face through a “how pretty are you?” app before deciding if her would date her... then proceeded to give her her feedback before they had even met and WTF JERRY THERES A REASON YOU’RE SINGLE JERK OFF. As you can tell, we are not ok with this. Okies, into the episode;Firstly, what do you do if you can’t stand the noises your partner makes when he’s having sex!? Can you tell him? Do you just put up with it and hope for the best? What if your partner never told you he loved you. But showed you in other ways. Is that enough? This one related back to the good old love languages and we both have different ideas on it.Lastly, but definitely not least,  we have one listener who’s bf keeps getting sent nudes in a group chat and she ain’t ok with it. How do you navigate that one!? We will be back with our big juicey episode on Thursday guys!Thanks for all your love recently, so many of you taking the time to leave reviews and have great meaningful discussions on the Facebook group! If you aren’t a member, where you at!?@lifeuncutpodcastHit 5 stars, leave a review and share the love, because, well, we love love xSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura and I'm Brittany. She's laughing because I just did this intro and completely forgot what the name of our podcast was i was about to say it's ask uncut she literally goes hey guys and welcome to life i was like life uncut laura this is also just so you know this is going to be our six million download episode yep six million baby that escalated quickly it really did i think that's a lot of you people who are listening to us talk trash but anyway welcome to the party you know what the messed up part is guys and we have said this at every milestone we said it at one million we said it two three four five we said it when we won the award we said that would go to a

celebratory dinner and we and we still have not done that I know it's ridiculous we did try to book it once remember we were booked into a restaurant we're good to go and then Marley was really ill we had to cancel it we ended up getting take one coming back here and I'm just not counting that guys think that Britt and I like we're besties we do everything together we literally only get to do the podcast because everything else is just too chaos but eventually we're going to go out for dinner it's going to be great i don't even know what this chick looks like when she's all dolled up looking amazing on instagram yeah so the other day we actually did try to catch up once in the wild without podcasting no meetings nothing it was one of

those scorcher days was like 40 degrees and laura and i'd been on the phone talking about the podcast and i said you know what i'm gonna go for a swim and you said oh i actually have an hour free i've got no kids I've got nothing I need to get out of the house let's go to the beach together we'd had this big plan and I was like this is gonna be amazing and then I get to the beach and I'm like where you at she's like okay I'm like a fat pregnant whale there is no way I can walk down the hill it is 42 degrees outside I cannot leave the house I have to sit here inside my fridge and that's what I did for the entire like heat wave of a long weekend but to be fair I was like absolutely do not come here it was way too hot for anyone that wasn't pregnant let alone somebody of

your pregnancy situation. Brit says this because like my my morning sickness has come back in third trimester so for anyone who's been pregnant and knows what this is like like for some people you get really bad sickness at the start of the pregnancy and then all of a sudden it just comes back towards the end of the pregnancy so like even this morning I woke up thought I was fine had a great old vomit and then spent three quarters of the day in bed so it's just been a wild ride so far I did learn something interesting about you today Laura oh inadvertently in some conversations with Matt what happened well that you can't brush your teeth without gagging ever well how are you brushing your teeth how is this a podcast conversation because it's so

like does the toothbrush go to the back of your throat well I always brush my tongue when I brush my teeth and that's what makes me gag so I brush like my full tongue is that not what you do I don't brush my tongue no but i use weird that's where the bad breath comes from no so what i do is i have one of those um i'm sure you guys are riveted i have one of those the you know the high pressure water flosses guys i can't recommend them enough i love them they're like this episode is definitely not sponsored by a high pressure water hose that you're gonna stick in your mouth but it's so good so i use that as the high pressure floss and then i just high pressure my tongue it's an interesting conversation because every time matt ever brings it up and says oh laura always gags when she

brushes her teeth it always straight away goes to oh laura must gag whenever she's giving her head well i wasn't gonna say that's exactly what you said as soon as the conversation came up and i was like i wasn't gonna tell the podcast people that just because i know you're all curious it only happens with the toothbrush guys everything else is fine well i mean it's been a while i might have acquired this new gag reflex but i can tell you it's only with the toothbrush but anyway i was like yakking up in the bathroom this morning with morning sickness and matt was like give it a good nudge, honey, thinking I was brushing my teeth. And then he realized actually I was throwing up. So that's, that's great. But anyway, guys, podcast, let's like get on track.

So, okay. We have a little thing to tell you. And that is that today's episode is our Ask Uncut episode. And I know we've done this a couple of times in the last few weeks, but the reason why today's episode is Ask Uncut and not the big, meaty, juicy Tuesday episode that you come for. what happened was we fully prepped for a very interesting episode we guarantee that for you brit had done like the flow for the topics we'd been talking about it for a couple of weeks now but then another podcast came out just a couple of days ago with the exact same topic and they were unpacking that and they're like you know they're a podcast that you guys would probably listen to too so i want to know how they bugged our studio so we never ever want to bring you

double ups like we're brit and i are really passionate about the fact that like we want to keep the content that we're bringing out on this podcast different and informative and we really want you to get something out of it i think often you see it with podcasts that like one will do a topic and then a couple weeks later it'll be the exact same topic that's regurgitated and we're really trying to not do that so that is why we've decided to switch it up and we're going to go with a whole different topic for thursday's episode so but we needed a few extra days to get that shit together yeah we were ready to rumble for this ep and then we're like holy shit we can't do that now what we're going to be talking about in Thursday's episode is something that we touched

on or Matt and I touched on in the last episode that we did when we did our little ask uncut segment and that's all around conflict resolution and what is your fighting style you know we've done love languages we've done attachment styles but one of the really important aspects of like how you relate to your partner and actually how you have a fulfilling and long-term relationship is around how you deal with conflict resolution and we're going to unpack that on Thursday but before we get into that episode let's do our this episode we have this episode to do now before we do get any further into the questions I want to talk about something I want to talk about something that I saw on our Facebook discussion group come at me brah one of our female listeners posted a

screenshot of a conversation that she had with someone that she matched with online this guy I don't know what came over him but he straight up said to her like hey how are you so I just want you know that I've put your selfies through a how good looking are you test like there's an app I just wanted to check how good looking where you were and made sure I just want to make sure that I'm not making any mistakes thinking that you're good looking and you're not so I went on your page took some screenshots of your photos and ran it through this app that tells you if you're good looking or not not only does it tell you if you're good looking or not it's called pretty test and basically what it does what it does pretty test is like it gives you a rating

so it gives you like a percentage rating and then it tells you all the things that are wrong with you and you have to do it guys you have to like get a photo of your face then you have to make an alignment like make your eyes match up to like perfect scientific mathematic measurements and then you got to plot in like where your forehead is and all these different markers on your face and then it does some crude scientific calculation and it tells you how pretty you are on a scale of one to from zero to 100 it's absolutely bullshit could you imagine just even if you did that even if you wanted to see how attractive this person is that you clearly find attractive because you swipe right on them could you imagine then telling them that you have put their face into pretty face

or pretty test just to check and make sure that it's valid that they're actually pretty that other people might think they're pretty long story short the the person who posted this in the facebook group did not go out for a date but brit and i went and did that pretty test anyway but he said to her like hey heads up i've done this i don't know what he thought he was going to achieve by saying that and she literally wrote why did you do that and then why did you do that and tell me and he was like i just needed to make sure but anyway it came back that you're hot and you got good chat so how's about next week it's just like i i just thought the height of him the level and lack of awareness like he clearly thought he was giving her a compliment like he was like oh well

this test says you're pretty so you would want to know that it's all just a bit messed up stay anyway laura's mouth was too small i have a wide nose and a tiny mouth and a big forehead also it's not true because look at the size of my forehead you have a tiny forehead and it said i had a big for it don't do the test guys it's terrible it like feeds on your insecurities and there's nothing there's nothing there's no science behind it there's no part of it that's accurate or real it's literally just someone making money off women's insecurities and some weirdo men online dating with that under wraps how about we get into some of the questions okay hit me question number one this is a great one to kick off uh can i tell my partner that i find his sex noises a real turn

off i also don't really like some of the things he says to me during sex as it's pretty cringe that's that's the whole message that's the whole question okay have you ever had sex with someone and what they have verbalized during sex has been a turn off no not the during sex but the end the coming to the finish line what did he say it wasn't what he was saying because there wasn't much of that it was just more coming to the finish line it was some questionable noises in the room can you demonstrate I'm not no I'm not gonna be a nice try but it was very high pitch a soft high pitch if you can imagine that like a jet yeah like yeah like a gentle and I and it didn't go with who he was he was really sexy and like it just nothing matched he was super fit

quite manly otherwise and it just ruined the whole thing for me you were ruined by his orgasm noise I mean it wasn't ruined like worse things have happened to me but like yeah i'm definitely not gonna write home about it i you i definitely dated a guy we ended up having to have lots of conversations about it because he just like would go straight into really really aggressive dirty chat it's not that i'm not down for a bit of dirty talk like i'm okay with a little bit of it but it was really early on and it was like really too far you know you're a little slut type talk and i was just how did he know you that well if it was only it was only the early days um no i yeah look i mean i wouldn't like that from someone who i've

known for a long time let alone from a guy who i didn't know that well at the time either so i had to have a conversation with him was like look i don't like that that's too far i like this though and kind of massaged him into the direction of the things i do like people when you bring me breakfast in bed massage my back rub my feet i like it when you tell me i'm pretty just tell me I'm pretty love me tell me I'm pretty have have missionary sex with me and tell me I'm pretty that's what I want no so I think that that was probably the most like cringe because I feel like he'd just been watching a lot of porn and it felt the whole everything about it felt really really porny but in saying that we did end up dating for a really long time and he definitely you always say

this you're like he was a psychopath so we only dated for four years we did it with six but he never did it again so we had a conversation about it the very first time he did it and I was like whoa whoa this isn't for me there were definitely times where he did bust it out and I was okay with it because we were in like a we're in like a committed and like safer relationship and environment then where I didn't feel I guess the thing was is like we didn't know each other that well and so him calling me that made me feel like that's what he thought I was like I felt like he thought that of me and therefore there was nothing about that sexual experience that was attractive I didn't feel empowered I felt really used and put down whereas like when he used that language

later on in the relationship I was okay with it because I realized that was just his kink and he got off on it he didn't actually think that of me so my perception of it changed do you think that you can critique someone's sex noise I do the end no I do I mean within reason if you're in a relationship like you really love someone and you literally can't stand the noises that they're making it's turning you off you don't want to sleep with them anymore then yeah I think it's like any other aspect of a relationship I don't think you need to be like oh it's it's too personal it's too this is too that if you had a problem with any other part of your relationship that makes you uncomfortable you would you would voice it and if it's going to come down to the point of

you either saying something correcting it and being in love and continuing on a really healthy relationship or breaking up because you can't stand having sex with him or having any intimate moment with him then of course i think you put it out there you either put it out there and make him uncomfortable and he runs out the door or you don't put it out there and you're gonna run out the door like it's pretty aggressive to think that you're gonna break up with someone because you don't like their sex noises however i i can imagine a situation where you might get the ick and then that might lead and kind of like creep into other aspects of your life if you were really really turned off by someone's sex noises i just think it's an incredibly uncomfortable conversation

to have I think it's one thing to have a conversation with someone about not liking the words that they're using or saying like that language isn't that doesn't get me off but I think it's a whole other story to say hey I don't like the the tone in which you moan that's a whole other thing volume you can critique like I think if someone's screaming and you're worried that the neighbors you're gonna wake up the baby completely different but I I would find it really challenging to say to someone your the noises that you make which are like your animalistic reaction to an enjoyable situation are offensive to me and you need to stop doing that. I think that I would be so offended if a guy said that to me. I am by no means saying that this is an

easy conversation. This is fucked. Like I would hate to have to sit down and I would hate to have to sit down and do it. It's literally fucked. But I can picture that feeling and like you just said this is when the ick starts to creep in because if it's making you that uncomfortable your skin will start to crawl every time and you'll be like oh don't touch me I don't want to do this. it's definitely going to cause a wedge if it's that problematic i think you need to ask yourself how problematic it is is it making you not want to have sex with him or is it just you're like oh i don't love it if you just don't love it it's probably not worth causing the rift and making him uncomfortable i mean you could change your perception on how you feel about it like i mean

if it's just a noise yeah you can be like well he's making that noise because he's having such a good time or she's making that noise because she's having such a good time and she's enjoying what I'm doing so much that like, that's an uncontrollable noise. Yes. It's a bit strange, but like, go for it. If you're having, you know, I don't know. I just didn't hear me. I know what to do. Okay. What? If you just start to make really weird noises too, that makes him uncomfortable, he might have to bring it up to you. And then you'd be like, look, whilst we're on the topic, your noises may be uncomfortable too. I do not think that that is the solution. This is, if you're in this situation, what would you actually do? And how would you approach the

conversation I would ask myself is it detrimental to the relationship actually like is it actually that you're not going to sleep with him anymore you're going to get the ick and you want to leave like you don't want to physically touch him anymore that's when you need to sit down and talk to him if it's not that bad you just don't love it I wouldn't bring it up if you do have to sit down and talk to him I think honesty and communication is everything and if you guys are a long-term couple and you're in love it's going to be a hard conversation but I can guarantee hear you you are going to have harder conversations you literally just need to say I want to talk to you about something I don't know why I think maybe it brings back a bad memory or it makes me a bit

uncomfortable but I don't love it when you do this I love everything else but put put compliments either side do a compliment sandwich we always love a compliment sandwich I love having sex with you I don't love it when you do that thing though because it makes me feel uncomfortable but i can't get enough you know like a compliment sandwich but i think i think it's a shit sandwich no it's a compliment the shit is the filling otherwise would just be a bread sandwich bread then filling bread no i think compliment then shit then compliment mate potato potato that's not what we need to be talking about in this conversation i guess my only fear is like when you start to critique someone in that respect like obviously like they're not doing anything

that's physically not what you like but it's them enjoying that situation i think that you could really offend someone. And then they may be constantly thinking about their performance and then they will get performance anxiety. I think that like, it's a very sensitive topic that needs to be approached in a very sensitive way. I definitely don't think that you can make a joke about it. Like Britt said, if it's something where you're so far past the point of being able to enjoy sex because their noises are so offensive, then yeah, of course you have to talk about it because the relationship's probably not going to progress anyway. But if it is something that you can live with and you can like maybe change your perspective on

because I don't know I think that like everybody makes very different and vastly different noises and like majority of them should be okay in the bedroom if it's just an expression of you enjoying yourself then I would try and be okay with it first before you go down the road of like we need to talk about your moaning but I'm talking specifically animalistic noises I'm not talking about words I'm not talking about dirty talk like I think all of those things you absolutely have a right to pull up someone if they say something that you don't like but I think and like where she says that you know he sometimes he says things that are cringy 100% the the verbal words that are said you can absolutely have a conversation around because I think that's really important

but I do think that this is a bit of a tricky one when it just comes to the noises that he makes well see what it comes down to for me is I don't think anyone should ever have to be uncomfortable especially in a long-term loving relationship I don't think there should ever be anything that is off limits if it's making you that uncomfortable that you feel like you need to write in for advice then I think you need to have the conversation it's going to drive a wedge between you if you don't how you go about that you know him better than we do you know how he'll approach it I think like Laura said you don't make a joke about it you sit down and have a conversation about how it makes you feel maybe it makes maybe it takes you back to another place what it comes down to is

there's no other part of a relationship where if they were doing something you were uncomfortable with you would always tell them if they were coming up and hitting you on the ass and be like hey babe my ex used to call me babe all the time and I don't know why but I hated it I hated being called babe so I said to him I was like you know what really turned off every time you call me babe you're gonna have to think of another name and I know that this is more intimate but I just don't think that there is ever a reason that you have to do anything in a relationship new or old that you are uncomfortable with okay so what happened to high pitch moan high pitch soft moan what happened to him yeah that was the last time i saw him because you couldn't have sex with him again

you didn't want to have the conversation well it was just like left me i would taste you by now and i was like it's like or you could just not have the conversation never have sex and ghost the guy i was like i was like um the guy had a bridesmaids where it's like so i don't know how to ask this and I don't want to be an asshole but I really want you to leave and this is who you're taking advice from ladies and gentlemen anyway all right I think we've wrapped that question number two question number two I have a boyfriend who never says I love you I'm a very affectionate person and words of affirmation is my love language it hurts a little when he doesn't say it to me we're four years into a relationship and it's pretty great but when it comes to talking

about feelings he isn't great I say I love you most of the time and it's starting to feel a little deflating when he never says it first am I crazy or is this warranted this is such a hard one because I think I would struggle so badly because I'm also words of affirmation and words of affirmation and acts of kindness I would struggle so greatly if I didn't have someone tell me that they love me you know and there's only so many times where you can have that conversation about what you need in a relationship and then feel like you're not that person's not trying or they're not like you know even trying to meet you halfway on this you guys have probably listened to our love languages episode if you haven't highly recommend going back and having

listened to that because it's a really important way of figuring out what you need from your partner and also how you communicate love to your partner and sometimes you'll have mismatched love languages with you with the person that you're with and being able to at least know and acknowledge what your partner's love language is helps you be able to be a little bit more just kind and a little bit more thoughtful and actually really try and implement the ways that make them feel loved even if it's not the way that you normally show love I absolutely agree with everything Laura said 100% listen to the episode there definitely is only so many times that you can ask for something in a relationship but I do think with love languages there has to be a little bit of

leniency there has to be you have there has to be some understanding that this is how this person operates and this is just how they are he might be doing everything for you we don't know does is he good in every other part is he affectionate with you or does he do things for you and give you his time does he buy you gifts does he do surprises is he romantic in every other way because some people do just have a lot of trouble saying those three words and they would rather to show you in a different way I understand it can be hurtful but from an outside looking in if he's doing everything else for you and he's really amazing partner in every other way he's ticking all the other boxes unfortunately maybe you need to settle for the fact that that is just how he's

going to show you he loves you but I do think you can I don't know if you've done this but I think you can sit down and say I know that you don't understand why it means so much to me but I'm telling you it means so much to me and it would change the way I feel the way I go through my day the energy in the relationship it'll make us closer if you can tell me first sometimes and apart from sitting down and having a really honest conversation with him there's not a lot you could do the reason why I find this question so hard is because like I don't there's a part of me that thinks you I don't think you should settle like I don't think that you should settle in a relationship where when you have said over and over and over I need this from you I need you to verbalize that

you love me for me to feel more secure and then them absolutely ignore that and never do it like I think that that's that's not them meeting you halfway either and that's the problem so like if you're saying like this is what's lacking in the relationship and then they're like oh but I took the rubbish out today you're like I don't fucking care about the rubbish I want you to tell me you love me I want to hear that you love me and like you do end up feeling unloved like I know that I have been in past relationships where my love languages have been completely mismatched and it's it's easy to say oh like just focus on all the things that they do do and like don't worry about the things that you need but at the end of the day if this is something that's fundamental

to what you need then a very serious conversation has to be had about how you don't feel loved regardless of everything else that's going on around you like you're like this is the area that you need to work on yeah you do these other areas great I'm not kind of saying that they don't count of course they count but this area we're not good in and like we can always be better see I disagree I think that of course like of course there are some things in a relationship where you shouldn't have to settle like you said but I don't think this is one of them if he's doing everything else for you and it's not that he's not telling you he loves you he is telling you he just doesn't say it first it's like I love you too baby it's a it's a saying it back if he does everything else

and he's saying it back and he's been open with you and just said I have trouble saying it first or I'm not I'm not overly vocal like that I don't think that's a reason to leave absolutely not I think I know how many fucking shit guys are out there and I wouldn't believe something like this but you need to have the conversation for sure I don't think that that is enough because he loves you he tells you all the time he's said that you've said that he just doesn't say it first I think it sounds like your relationship is pretty pretty good if this is the thing that's bothering you I understand 100% why it bothers you I'm not taking away from that at all but I don't think you should let this get inside your head too much if you're feeling the love in every

other way and he's saying to you you know I love you I just I don't throw the word around some people just don't throw it around all the time it's interesting how much pressure and energy we put into the words I love you I think that like this is actually a really interesting conversation that maybe we'll unpack on a bigger episode around like why is it that we put so much energy into those three little words like and to the point where sometimes people have like performance anxiety around even saying the words I love you because we we wait for so long we want them to say it first like it becomes a bit of a game you know I just I find it very very interesting that three words can be loaded with so much intensity and I understand why like for example I mean like

look at the backlash that Lockie received when he told multiple people that he loved them in the one sitting I understand the ramifications of what that those words mean when they're used neglectfully or when they're used recklessly it can cause a lot of hurt but I do think it's really interesting that we can almost put too much emphasis on them that people become scared to use them even when they do feel it you know you recognize that you feel love you know that you love that person but you're too scared to say it because of what of what it all means of what the future could possibly be I might my parents might kill me but I'm going to use this as an example my parents you guys know all the new listeners my parents have been married 45 years now and they're super in love still

they're super cute my dad is so highly emotional and like expressive with his feelings he will tell everyone in his life who he loves every day that he loves them he'll call me he'll be like possum so proud of you I'm like what did I do he's like oh you know nothing I just heard the new podcast whatever he's just like so expressive and my mum is the polar opposite she has never been an emotional person her whole life like expressive she's very emotional but it's in private and she doesn't she doesn't offer it up freely but she does things for everyone in her life and that's how she like she looks after my dad so well she does a lot for him she will never walk up to him first and say I love you but she loves him fiercely and he will always be like love you and she's like

love you sweetheart always always always it's a prime example of the fact that like they have this beautiful relationship but they're just two people that have different love languages and they know that they've had the conversation they know how each other works and they love each other regardless it's like something as little as not saying it first when you know they love you I just think you're letting it get inside your head a little bit too much it's funny like Matt is so he's also love languages but he's like even more than me like I would say that I'm more I'm more acts of service and then love languages would be second and when Matt is like he is 100% like words of affirmation and touch like that's him to a tee and every day he always is like I'm

so proud of you and he'll like tell me why he's proud of me or he'll be like you know what I'm so happy that I get to spend my life with like the love of my life and Brittany and Brittany and there's actually sometimes where I'm like I don't feel deserving of the amount of accolades and praise and love that you're sharing on me with what you're saying I almost feel a little bit like but also you like you love it I of course I love it because I am like words of affirmation means a lot to me, but I, I sometimes feel like undeserving of that level of compliments because I also deal like, it's really bad being someone who is words of affirmation, but also doesn't deal with compliments very well. Like I'm that person who, when someone gives me a compliment,

I'm like, ah, thank you. What do I do with my hands now? I'm just going to sink onto the ground. Hey, compliment. I agree with what you've just said, Brie. I don't think that you should be throwing away the relationship, but I do think it's important to have these conversations that you don't become resentful in a relationship and you don't feel like you are unloved when there is so much love there Britt has her hand in the air like I'm just a wait for a turn to talk um I just thought of something else continue I actually really love unpacking this and as we're talking about it like more things are coming into my head which I love that how good is it sometimes where we both start off with something like an opinion and then we talk and we come full circle and then

at the end we're like yeah you're right I've changed my opinion I reckon there's so many people who listen to this as well and they're like I think this and then they're like oh no I think this now we're all there together which shoulder are we on no I think another thing from being in that relationship with you know my crazy ex for years who was so love bombing me and so obsessed with me and he told me he loved me not kidding like 50 times a day via text via email calling me verbally like to our face to my face there's all kinds of love and it turns out it didn't mean anything because it wasn't real and it was they're just at the end of the day their words there are so many other ways you can let someone know that you love them then i have been

with other people that have done so much for me gone so out of their way to surprise me to do things for me to make my day a little bit easier and they haven't been the people that have been telling me they love me but i know how much they care about me purely because of the things they do at the end of the day if i had to pick between those two people i'm not picking the person that tells me they love me 50 times a day because they're a sociopath but i'm making them but i Because they're also engaged to another person, have a whole double life. Yeah, minor technicality. But I just think it's really important to step back

and think of all of these things. And maybe you haven't looked at the greater picture yet and realised that I love you is powerful, but there are so many other ways to show it and say it. Mic drop. Okay, all right. I reckon we've got there on that question. So this is question number three.

This is going to be – is it three or four? This is question three, but it's been a pretty long Ask Uncut, so I reckon this is it, hey? Are we sure it's three? who knows let's just wait to the edit and find out this is the last question guys all right last question me and my partner have been together for 3.5 years and our relationship is amazing and it's perfect but there's always a but he is on a group chat with his mates just guys one guy on this group chat is married but he puts up a lot of videos and pictures of naked girls my partner

is not the one putting the photos and videos up but it still makes me really uncomfortable I told him I was not comfortable with it and he removed himself from the chat but then the same person who put the photos up just keeps on adding him back in what should I do am I letting my jealousy get the better of me is this just normal for guys thanks heaps love the podcast okay wow I've got a few thoughts on this one and I don't know which way I'm going to go yet I'm going to unpack it as we go I love it when you come fully prepared for the questions no because I'm I'm actually on the fence with it that's why it is I'm not strong either way and I'm going to talk you through both of those so firstly boys I know group chats my brother-in-law's in group chats all these

guys have group chats and whether you know it or not this stuff is always going to be shared because they're lads and they want to act like they're lads and they think that this is like laddy okay but i hate this mentality of like oh well boys will be boys so it should be fine so do i i'm just saying it's pretty common does that mean it's okay no he's done the right thing you've done the right thing firstly by saying hey i'm uncomfortable with it i don't like it the fact that you knew they were there means he's not hiding it from you he's obviously shown you or said he always sends nudes or whatever you know what's there you've said you're uncomfortable he's done the right thing by removing himself from the chat so it's obvious that like your relationship there's

a lot of trust in that and it's in the right place and it's in a really positive place the fact that the friend keeps adding him back in that's something that your partner is going to have to deal with either you have to be okay with the fact that there's going to be he's going to be looking at nudes occasionally which to be honest for me personally it wouldn't bother me if I knew that I was in a loving relationship it's no different to you know three keystrokes and you're on Pornhub I'm not saying he does that but a lot of men look at this stuff here like now and again there's a lot of like girls in bikinis and very sexy photos on Instagram on the internet on all of social media still I'm not saying it's okay but you need to determine

whether it's actually making you that uncomfortable that you don't want your boyfriend in the chat if so you just say it and it's on your boyfriend to tell the friend that hey like I'm not comfortable with I don't want to look at nudes I'm in a loving relationship my partner doesn't want me looking at them so I'm going to ruin myself from the chat please don't add me back in there's definitely a few parts to this but I think like the most important thing to keep in mind is like you have had the conversation with your partner and your partner has done the right thing by like removing himself by trying to like distance himself from the group chat it's not his fault that his friends keep on adding him back in and you may like I think like one thing to keep perspective on is

that he may be being added back in because I'm sure that this group chat is not just a constant stream of nudes if it is a constant stream of nudes then your friend should your boyfriend should just continuously remove himself or block the group chat like those things are a possibility as well but if they're using it as like organizing drinks on Saturday or it's how their mates will stay you know connected and there's multiple people in this group chat it's just one person who's being a real douche then like I don't think that that's a reflection on your boyfriend and I don't think that you should be channeling that anger at him I think it's a reflection of like one of his friends who clearly he you know doesn't have the same feelings as what your boyfriend has

him and his partner have a different type of relationship maybe she's cool with porn maybe she's so fine with sharing of the images maybe she has no idea who fucking knows right but I think all you can do is express to your partner that it makes you uncomfortable and hope that he acts in a way that tries to reassure you i.e by removing himself from the group chat but I don't think that it's something that you can continuously police especially if it's like one of the only ways that he's staying in contact with his friends I think it just comes down to your partner to eventually have a conversation with his mate and say dude don't send me those photos like that's where it's gonna have to be but unfortunately you're probably not

gonna want your partner to have that conversation with his friend and say hey you can't send me those photos anymore because my girlfriend doesn't like it because then you're gonna become the wedge in that friendship would it bother you if matt was in a group that like sometimes they shared sex sexy photos like would that bother you this is this is going back ages ago guys this is like a little story on our relationship pre Logies it was the night before the Logies and we'd taken loads of photos and so I was going through Matt's photo album and I had deleted some photos but I'd accidentally deleted a photo that I wanted to keep so I went into his deleted photos yeah I went into his deleted photos and and to like you know rescue this photo that I deleted and he hadn't emptied the

bin and he hadn't emptied the trash take the trash out Maddie J and there was a photo of a girl in there and like it was a pretty unassuming photo like big boobs nothing like too overly I mean it was sexy and sexual it was obvious that she had sent it to someone me assuming it was Matt straight away and I was like I was like what the fuck why is this blonde chick sending you photos like this and my instant thought was like that it had saved automatically from whatsapp but I didn't realize it had saved automatically from the boys group chat on whatsapp and basically like one of his mates had hooked up with this chick on the weekend and he was like hey look at this chick who's I'm talking to and Matt was like I don't want that stuff stored in my camera roll like you know

that's not what I want to look at so he deleted it from his camera roll but the photo was still there in whatsapp so basically what happened was I sat him down and I was like I've seen a photo in your deleted items and it's made me feel really uncomfortable and I want to know the origin of where this photo has come from what's your address I'm going over there now and he and he showed me the group chat between him and the boys and like, yeah, there was some things. He didn't show me all of it by any means. He just showed me like that specific section. So he could be like that photo actually came through from that person. And I was like, oh yeah, okay. I feel a bit silly now for like jumping to conclusions that he had done something wrong because he hadn't. But at the

same time, I was a little bit like, oh, why does he have to send you photos like that? Like that makes me annoyed. So I guess I have been in a similar situation. It wasn't full porn or anything like that but it was definitely something that I think was inappropriate but I wasn't angry at Matt like I don't think that Matt had agency there like he wasn't like hey send me the photos it's something that he's been the unwilling recipient of you know and I do think that you can let your anger or your jealousy get a little bit of the better of you when you blame somebody else's behavior on your partner like your partner can't control his friend there's nothing you can do in this situation other than decide within yourself if you're that unhappy with him doing it because

you can't go and speak to the friends you're not going to make it uncomfortable between them you decide how uncomfortable this makes you feel how okay with it you are or aren't then it's on your partner 100 that's it so I don't think he's doing anything wrong I get why you're uncomfortable but I don't think it would bother me that much I'd be like meh you know I like my groups of friends whoa you should see what we send each other sometimes like you and I even Laura have sent each other some pretty you have sent me a dick pic of your friend's photoshop penis yeah but that was i don't even want this on my phone britney has literally sent me a porno nude and i was like okay that's a lot and then i went and showed matt the picture and that was like that's a really

aggressive penis it was photoshopped but no my point is like there are a lot of girl groups that send things like that too if one person's dating someone they'll send a hot topless photo and i get it that it's not the same thing but it's the same equivalent it's just like wanting to share a part of your life the last thing that i want to sort of say here and touch on is it depends who these girls are are these normal random girls that they've screenshot from the internet because they're hot or are these girls that are accessible to all of these boys are these girls down the street at the ice cream shop is this someone that is in your realm and in your world and in your life and actually accessible to these people because then that's that's a big fat no yeah i

totally agree I actually think that that's such an important point of this conversation is like if it's just like this ambivalent ambiguous person or a celebrity or someone and it's a fantasy it's fine if it's someone who's actually attainable or if it's someone that they're dating or if it's someone that they've hooked up with like all of those things I think put this into a very different type of category I mean I totally also agree with what you said where I think it just comes down to your partner having to have that conversation with his friend which he may not want to do because it may be really uncomfortable for him and he has already done that in a very like passive aggressive or passive way by removing himself from the group chat if he receives another photo like that and he

removes himself from the group chat again I think that speaks volumes that he's not approving of being sent photos of this and also yeah he's a sensitive new age guy what a snag yeah but I do hate how we have this like boys will be boys mentality or like a guy can do that like that's just how lads behave they just send you know titty photos all day every day like yeah sure maybe they do but that doesn't make it acceptable and like why is it necessary and i do think that those conversations are absolutely valid within a relationship i would hate it if matt was constantly receiving nude photos of other chicks i would be like for what purpose yeah once in a blue moon is fine yeah everyday constant stream not okay also why on earth did he leave the conversation and

his friends didn't ask why he left if anyone in my group ever left a conversation I'd be straight on that I'd be like hey what's up like did something bother you in the chat or I think they probably realized and then they're like get over it like it's a that's such a lad thing like a lad reaction well that's his chance to just be like you know what I don't want to see this shit every day so or he could be like I don't want to get in trouble with the missus nah it's blaming you blaming the girl well but I feel like that that's what's gonna happen right well that's what he would say for sure yeah guys that is it that is it for our ask uncut please keep your questions rolling into our instagram life uncut podcast just put ask uncut at the top we also want to

hear accidentally unfiltered we want to hear your we need them i want your most embarrassing stories there's got to be a few of you out there who have been hiding a perfect little gem of an accidentally unfiltered story just waiting for the day that you're going to share it with us we have had a couple of bangers come through in the last week but I want more okay well they're going to be shared with you on Thursday's episode but once again sorry for the little switcheroo this week but like like we said we never want to give you double up content we never want to give you something that we think that you've already heard in the same week on another podcast it's really like this is something that Britt and I have put so much time and energy into is trying

to make sure that the quality of the content that we're bringing you and the quality of the conversations especially on our Tuesday chat is well researched and it's new and it's something that like is going to actually benefit you and you guys are going to really love and enjoy and we'll always prioritize that so that is the reason why today's episode is Ask Uncut but we'll be back on Thursday bye bishops no I'm joking we're not we're not finished yet if you love the episode guys tell your mom tell your dad tell your friends tell your cat tell your dog and share the love because we love love We'll be right back.