Life Uncut - Your best ever dating disaster stories!

Episode Date: July 4, 2022

Hey Lifers!Today's episode is a big ol' dose of laughs!We've got a whole episode of your most cooked dating stories and MY GOD WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU GUYS FIND THESE PEOPLE?!?We were in stitches recording this episode!We kick this ep off by talking about how Kendall Jenner did the ultimate post breakup thirst trap. We also have suuuuuuch an exciting announcement; we wrote a book!!!All of the details are here for you to pre order it: https://www.penguin.com.au/books/we-love-love-9781761044960This book has been the most exciting and challenging and wonderful and great thing we've ever created and we can't wait for you to have it in your hands!If you've loved the ep, please share it with someone who might need a laugh right now, and leave a review on apple podcasts or a star rating on spotify.Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because we love love!!! xxxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders, past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode is recorded on Gadigal land of the Aurora Nation. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. And I'm Brittany.

How's how we just tried to record this intro and I forgot my name. You just went silent. Hi guys, I'm Laura. And it was like, I literally looked at you and I was like, what, what's my name again? I think I've still got that COVID fog. What's my name, bitch? What's that off? You know how I said when I make any mistake for the foreseeable future,

maybe a year, maybe two years, I'm going to blame it on like that COVID brain fog. That's what that was. I don't know how long you get the COVID card for. I'm not going to put a time limit on things. Yeah, just keep running with it. It's cute, babe. Everyone recovers at a different rate, Laura. Do you know what I think it actually is?

I think that you forgetting is an indication that we are going on holidays. It's an indication that we need a break. This is our very last episode of Life Uncut before we take a mini break. We're going away for the majority of July and we thought instead of doing our normal traditional Tuesday episode, what we wanted to leave you with was a solid fucking laugh. We wanted to finish on a high. And do you know what I love, Laura? I love that we're like, it's our last episode for a while.

We're finishing on a high. We're dropping a bonus episode in two weeks. Oh yeah, we've got an aftermath coming, but we are actually taking a break. We're not going to be recording. We're going to be in Bali. I'm going to be sipping on a green juice, sucking it down on dry July. You're doing Dry July. I am going to encourage you.

I'm going to support you. I'm going to hold your hand through it as I drink a margarita. You're doing, yes, Brittany's doing Margarita July. It's going to be a very different experience. I also think Matt is going to be doing Margarita July. So I picked a terrible time. But you know what? It's all for good cause.

Can I tell you something? Please. Now's the time. I throw the word margarita around. You don't even like them. I hate margaritas. I throw it around when you want to make a, when you're making a joke about going for a drink.

for some reason a margarita rolls off your tongue you're like let's go have a muggy like i'm gonna whatever i hate margaritas i will not drink them my sister goes to town on them so we can't ever do those two for one you you say it just to fit in i personally you love i love a margarita i love a bit of tequila feels good for me for some people it makes them real crazy and for me it makes me a bit of fun times it just i have an association back to like my teenage years and i can't shake it and i'm a lot older than those teenage years a lot of time has passed but it's not for me i'm more of a i'm an amaretto sour or a little or a lychee martini like i'm fancy like if i'm gonna have a cocktail they're my two go-tos but anyway that was a very relevant piece of information

i wonder out of curiosity what a poll would be like for who's pro margarita and who's not because i feel like a margarita is a drink everyone thinks everyone likes no i think that you're on the outer I think everyone does like a margarita. Yeah, everyone. Maybe we'll throw that up. But before we get in, we do have this episode that is going to be very, very funny. We've got some crazy dating stories. We put a call out.

We wanted to know what are your most cooked, most hilarious, what are just the dating fuck ups that have happened to you recently? Because we did this call out a couple of years ago and my God, some of the stories we got last time were very funny. And this time you did not disappoint us. You have not let us down. you really made us feel better about our past. Before we get into those stories we do want to just say thank you this episode is brought to you by Mermaid Hair. Now I if you've been following me

for a long time you know that I have a lot of waves in my hair. I have been using Mermaid Hair for a very very long time and they have just released a brand new product called the Style Wand which is like the ultimate mermaid hair tool. It is a three-in-one so it's just one tool but you can change the tops to three different attachments. So you can have like big curls, smaller curls, or the waves. So it depends on if you want to be fancy or not, but this is brilliant. You take one wand away with you now, you have one wand at home with the three tops. Oh my God, perfect if you're going on holidays, but also very, very convenient.

But guys, we have some, I am so excited, Laura. Settle down. No, don't settle down. It's too exciting. We have some absolutely huge news. now you might have heard us over the last couple of months maybe sometimes on social sometimes on the podcast we've been alluding to the fact that we had an announcement coming that we had been working really hard on a little project together a little baby for a very very long time well

the time has come the time has finally come that we are allowed to tell you i mean if you follow us on instagram you already know but if you don't then this could be news to you we wrote a book and we had to write it together and we had to say it together because we wrote it together. I can't believe it. We are, as of a couple of days ago, we are authors. We have written a book. Well, I mean, we're not yet, it's not published, but it is coming out. And so we got to announce on Friday last week, we got to announce that we've written this book. It is called We Love Love. Which I think is, I'm sorry, let's just talk about the name for a second. That is so aptly named. When we were thinking about what we could call it, it just nothing

else made sense like it had for us it had to be we love love it's such a big part of life uncut from day one we all do love love so I just I'm obsessed with the title we love love just so you guys know it's available for pre-purchase we can put all the links in the show notes and everything it was written as kind of a summation of the podcast and now there are very very different topics and conversations that we have which vary from the podcast it's not a regurgitation we do cover some of the same concepts but at the same time there's lots of new stories that we haven't shared and it was a really personal and very vulnerable experience putting all of these things down onto and into the written word how do you feel now that it is all done and like the

process of it is finished and it is coming out in October for everybody I mean it's been such a long time coming Laura and I've been working on this this idea it must be nearly 18 months now do you aura it's been it's been a fair while coming we signed the contract for this book and this is a secret that we've been keeping since Lola was two weeks old that's when it all kind of went down I remember we went to the meeting and I had newborn Lola like strapped to my chest and originally we thought we could get it done in the first six months and that definitely was not the case and it's taken us a little bit longer than what we expected but it was it's been a real process it's been a real journey there's been some ups and some downs there's been a lot of tears there's

been laughter there's been it's been some really beautiful moments we've shared it feels very like a weight off our shoulder now that we're at the end and we're at a really fun part now because we can look back at what we've put down and the reason we wanted to do this like Laura said this is going to be like an encyclopedia of life we wanted to make a one-stop shop of all the things we have thought are important enough to bring to you over the years and it has been over three years now and over 300 episodes we were like how can we try and pick out these parts that have really meant something to us the parts that are important the parts that you guys have resonated with and how can we try and make it this one-stop shop that you guys can go to whenever you want you

can flick through to any chapter at a time you don't have to read it from front to back if you don't want to and this is what we've created and it's something that we're really really proud of And we're really, really excited to bring this to you. And we hope you guys love it. And also like what on what Britt said in terms of that, in terms of like not having to read it from back to front. So the way that the book is structured is it's an A to Z. Of life.

We cover of life. It's an A to Z handbook on life. Now we, as we've always said, do not pretend to have the answers. We do not pretend to be the experts. But we have interviewed so many people and we have had so many conversations around really big life topics and some of the conversations that have truly changed our lives are the ones that have made it into the book but then also just there are things in there and there are stories that we haven't shared yet and I think that that's really the big part some of them

are stories that are almost too personal to share on a podcast for fear of them being re-regurgitated by the media and we all know that sometimes when you speak or say a certain thing and then it's re-regurgitated into print and it loses inflection it loses the tone in which it was said it can have a very different meaning and I guess there's been some stories that we haven't shared yet because for us we were like the fear of them being regurgitated by the media were just too great so that's the home for those stories as well now and it feels like a really safe space and I love that you can go all right I'm going through a breakup I want to read a chapter on that hey I want to read a really fucking funny chapter about nudes I want to read

a lighthearted chapter about kinks there are so many different topics that are covered in this book and each one is a mini essay and I think that every single one of you are going to get something out of it yeah and because we wrote it over such a long time a lot has happened in that time for us like a lot of transitioning and a lot of you know Lola was just born for me it was very hard because I'm I'm like about to cry talking about but like I started the book in love like I started the book in a really great place and it was beautiful to write about that. And I wrote about that. And then halfway through the book, things took a turn and I had to change a lot of what I wrote and I had to really reassess my feelings. And I put a lot of that down. So I put

a lot of that in there. And so that journey's in there for me. And some things I haven't spoken about in that sense, it was a wild ride for the last, and I'm literally trying to pull my eyes out thinking about it but it was like to be going through something really horrific and trying to put that down on paper and trying to get a job done as well and Laura I know that like you've gone through so much in the last 18 months too and I think for both of us to be able to be jotting those down as we go was it was something really special and I think it's something that we're both really proud of I guess like in in terms of your story Brit like there's so much between like falling in love and love and relationships has been such a big cornerstone

know what this podcast is but so has navigating heartbreak and so has like navigating breakups and a lot of the conversations that you have brought to the table in the book are in real time and I really do like I said I feel like you guys are going to get so much I hope that you love it I hope that you go and we'll put the links like we said to the pre-order we hope that you go and buy it it'll be available for you in October but the pre-order will give us an understanding of how many books that we actually have to make so it's not a situation like the jumpers where we all sell out in the space of a couple of days no it would mean a lot to us if you guys if you if you know that you will read the book or that you want to buy the book it would mean a lot if you

did pre-order it with the link here instead of waiting for it to come out because that way we can ensure that we do have what we need out we'll print you one and Delilah won't eat it because that certainly happened to our one oh my god but we're gonna do and like when we come back from break we just wanted to make you aware of this like I said it's it's a project that we're both super proud of. But when we come back from break and we have our first episode back after our time out, we're going to kind of spend a bit more time going through what is and how did the book work and the process and all of that will be the conversation we'll have on our first episode back. And we're going to have some exciting things around the book release too, but we'll talk about

that at a later date. Live shows. Potentially. I mean like, yeah, let's not put that out there yet, but it could be a surprise, but I mean, big dreams, big dreams. All right. Now there is something and there is a reason why we wanted to do this episode around dating disaster stories there is an article that has come out about kendall jenna hats off to kendall jenna okay kendall jenna if you're following the news i really like kendall because she's always a bit quiet because you know her personally no but i mean like out of the i never was a kardashian show watcher keeping up with the kardashians i never really got into it sporadically watched a few episodes but i mean kendall is beautiful but she's quite reserved and shy she often speaks

about issues except for that time that she showed up at a friend's wedding like wearing a handkerchief tied by a piece of elastic very reserved and shy yeah super shy such an introvert cute but Laura I want to show you because I know you haven't seen this yet Kendall recently unfortunately this isn't the good part but she did break up with her partner she's been with a partner for a couple years he's a basketball player his name's Devin they're pretty quiet but they do share photos together and they do show that they're in love and they were happy and I think she's the only one that didn't really have the happy ending out of her family so everyone was like rooting for them to get married and have kids they broke up very unfortunately if there is ever a breakup post

that screams like I've broken up when I'm single Kendall just nailed it so her I'm going to show you her first post post breakup to her 245 million followers is this Laura describe what you're seeing oh it's a full nude oh it's a nude oh Kendall Jenner is single ladies and gentlemen and she wants you to know about it she is okay I'm going to describe this to you I mean I'm here for it she is uh sunbaking completely nude laying front down so you can't see like you can't see the front bit it's a beautiful nude you can't see any nipples but you can see a bit of side boob you can see her whole bottom i say bottom because i'm a mom you can see her bottom you can see her bottom and she is sunbaking this is the first track this is the type of post you

put up times 100 when you're trying to tell everyone i am single and i want someone to suffer I'm back on the market now the best thing no I don't even think this is an I'm back on the market this is uh fuck you fuck you ex look at what you just gave up that's what this is okay now what I want to note in this the funniest part is this is a carousel there's like seven photos can you just swipe and look at what else she posted okay I don't understand okay the photo is her nude with a smiley face smiley open hand face so the first photo is her nude the second photo is of a blurry horse jumping over it's like completely blurry it's i think it's her it's a horse jumping over like the jumps that horses jump over then it's a video at sunset of inside a car

then it's uh looks like some dried herbs like it's the most random then it looks like someone's hacked her instagram her instagram's been hacked it looks like an instagram hack but it's not it's her being like boom this is me nude I'm single and then it's like I'm just gonna put the last five photos in my phone in a carousel it's the strangest thing but it worked she was then seen back with her ex-boyfriend so I reckon he's seen this he's got straight on the blower and he's like yo I made a big mistake so I mean we don't know rumor has it they're back together and it's 100% from you always know and I like look I just did a quick scroll back through her other photos you always know when someone's single you just know the Instagram changes oh yeah when you're in a

relationship changes you're in the turtlenecks you're in the coat the mua I'm taken I'm a virgin again I'm born again then as soon as you go through a breakup you're like I'm fucking back baby it is hot girl summer and I'm here for it okay well we have for today's episode we have that was it was a lot of an intro we have collated some of just some of the weirdest funniest most messed up dating stories that you guys sent in and i really think i'm gonna kick it off with this one all right i met a guy on plenty of fish we were making out in the back of his car and it was getting really steamy now next minute he gets up and says that he's really hungry and he needs food asap like literally in the middle of making out in the back of his car he's like i need food hard work

yeah he's hungry all right so we're about 20 minutes away from anywhere and he insists that he follows me in his car so not only does the makeout stop she has to get out of his car get back into her car and he says I'm gonna follow you to this place where I'm gonna pick some food up so she's driving and he is behind her okay halfway there I notice he turns down a side street I pull over to call him he had blocked me and I never ever heard from him again oh my god so he was making out with her got a hunger pain or did he we'll never know he didn't it was a made-up hunger pain what an elaborate story to try and go someone why wouldn't you just say i'm not feeling this i'm not vibing this what happened in that exact moment if a few minutes ago

you were into the makeout what has she done that has turned you off so much that you were like i need to abort this mission and it's like a it's like an fbi chase like he's like i'm gonna turn down the street and lose her and then block her also they're completely uncomfortable because if you've gotten if you're in someone's car in the back of their car and it is getting hot and steamy but you want it to stop and you want the person to get out of your car it's kind of an awkward situation to be like hey i'm not vibing this can you please go i fucking love that i'm a bit hungry let's i'm gonna smoke bomb it's like on bridesmaids you know when they're in bed in with the she's in bed with a dickhead and he's like so I really want you to leave but I don't

want to seem like an asshole it's like exactly that maybe she's like okay I'll just go and he's like yeah I just love that no like he obviously when he was driving he'd obviously it was so premeditated that he was blocking her on things whilst he was following her in the car he was doing an illegal maneuver he was on his phone whilst driving and then he was like now I can make my grand getaway what would you do what's your excuse you're making out in the back seat would you just be like i'm done or would you say i'm so hungry or would you say i've got diarrhea i'd just be like i'd be like my bowels are loose i think i just no i'm not gonna say excuse me my bowels are loose what is wrong yeah imagine how turned off you'd be this if there's one way to

lose someone is to tell them you've got loose bowels i think i would just have to say i'm not vibing it i don't think i'm i'm just not that creative that's like a level of creativity that i don't have in my being okay next one i think we go tit for tat on this yeah same okay i really vibed this one because this is a walking date we all know how much i love my walking day brit loves a walking day i went on a walking date with an environment conservationist who insisted that we stop so he could inspect what looked like a dog turd on the path he insisted this was so fascinating and perhaps it belonged to the local fox or some other type of wildlife he spent a good three to four minutes inspecting the poo poking and prodding it dissecting it fuck off

whilst i tried to encourage him to keep walking what obviously like he'd gotten a stick and was trying to no the date was cut short i suddenly had an urgent call from my housemate who needed me home immediately my interest stops when their interest is poo okay look it makes sense if you're in africa on safari fine you can poke at an elephant shit i'm fine with that you cannot One night at Bronte. You cannot be going for a walk and come across a poo on a sidewalk. No. I also have a poo story.

You know what? Hats off to him if he's got an interest in the environment and a particular type of fox poop, but that's not for me. Also time and place. Just clock that spot, clock that poop in your head and come back for it after the date. Drop a pin on Google Map. You can return.

Come full circle. Okay. this one is actually surprisingly or unsurprisingly about poo as well i had a date i had a date take a huge shit in my wardrobe what best part is i didn't find it until the next day when the smell had become literally unbearable i pray to god it was because he was blind drunk but i don't know for sure but i wasn't impressed having to clean up a grown man's poo from the bottom of my wardrobe the best part and there's the best part the best part oh no it gets better it gets better the best part was that he used my clean white hand towel as toilet

paper i am deceased i think he's done it on purpose what an asshole imagine having that as a fetish that you look i'm not gonna yuck anyone's yum but fetishes have to be mutually agreed upon you can't just take a shit around someone's house or is it because he's so drunk that he thought it was a toilet you this is where i'm getting to right i don't think you can be that drunk oh i think some men can be that you poop in a wardrobe how do you like i'm sorry i just think he couldn't be bothered i think he couldn't he was so drunk he couldn't be bothered he couldn't care it came on quickly i have a friend who's ex they were having a fight he doesn't he's an ex for a reason they were having a fight and he farted mid-fight and they were like in the kitchen yelling at each

other because he was so drunk and he farted and she was like I don't think you farted I think you just pooed yourself and he was like no I didn't anyway he went to the bathroom she went into the bathroom after he put himself to bed and there was his board shorts with poo in them so she picked up his board shorts and she put them in the bin the next day he was like where are my board shorts and she said well you did a shit in them so i put them in the bin then he accused her of lying that she had put a poo in his board shorts as a setup what like she went and did her own poo he thought that she did it and put it in to show oh yeah he thought that she had set him up and that she'd done a poop in his board shorts and there is a real reason why they are not together

anymore i wonder i wonder why that didn't work yeah it's surprising isn't it okay this one is pretty funny i was going on a first date we decided to go to a cafe for a coffee and brunch how much can go wrong as my date is arriving at the table i can see him walking up he pulls out his nokia phone now i get very awkward at the best of times but especially on first dates so he whips out this brick of a nokia and honestly who has a nokia these days who has a nokia trying to make lighthearted joke i say man that has got to be the oldest phone i have seen this decade i really dug into this about why he would be using such an old brick i'm trying to break that friendly wall you know i even went so far as to say that phone just took you from an eight to a six

i think i'm really funny turns out people don't use nokias anymore it was his insulin pup oh bless but we're gonna make him feel self-conscious about something that he can't control her saving grace they've been together two years okay right so I think that this is I think this is a cute time but the worst part like did you really have to throw in there that the phone took you from an eight to a six like that was the real because like everyone pumps on you your that is part of you but also like everyone likes a little bit of not everyone but a lot of people enjoy a bit of riffing bit of riffing early on in a relationship not not like you know straight up insulting each other but a bit of a riff she thought she was hilarious she's like

I'm locking this down. I'm funny. I'm going to make this really lighthearted. And then the poor guy. But they've been dating two years, so this is great. This is a great outcome. Do you know what nobody likes in a relationship? I'm going to – or on a first date.

Can I have time for a list? Here's one. So a guy I was seeing, I started to kiss him, and he kept making really loud moaning noises when we kissed. But, like, it wasn't a passionate kiss at all. Now I'm talking, like, really, ah, ah, noises. and then all of a sudden he just stuck his nose into my mouth. What?

I don't understand. Imagine kissing someone and then being like, hmm. Why was his nose in her mouth? And then pulling away from the mid not passionate but very moany kiss just to insert, insert your nose into their mouth. I'd be out. The date's over. Yeah, she didn't stick around.

I would be saying that I'm really hungry and ask to follow me to the shop. wait okay this is another quick one i'm gonna jump in i'm breaking the rules i was mid-fucked with a guy i'd been seeing and he stopped to message a girl on tinder what where are you guys meeting these people in the middle of the sex in the middle of the sex the sex he was like messages another girl yeah mid-pump rolled over pump pump text pump pump yeah lighting up the next one and she saw it yeah what did she finish that surely not surely you get up and you leave right how I have so many funny ones I got another one hang on hang on on the back of that I get I know I don't get it I shouldn't say that I can understand if that was

to happen like you'd had sex and then you were in bed and you rolled over and then maybe he went and checked his tinder like not cool but I understand that more than like doing like one handed doggy or something and then on your phone checking tinder at the same time like how could you possibly be that do you know what it really it really shows you the dire straits of the dating world you know how people always say that you've got one on the go like he literally had one on the go at the same time okay can I do another short one okay all right all right yeah you don't have to ask permission a boy started kissing my feet then my boobs nothing else then he asked if we were in a relationship yes don't you know kissing someone's feet makes you official like

that is a guaranteed go-to fuck i'm dying okay go yours do you know what that's something that that's like someone you would date someone that would sex the back of your leg and kiss your face yeah and then they would say did he ever did the leg sex guy for you ever knee sex behind the knee sex yeah he also had sex with under my arms and your elbow and the side of my neck anything that you could turn into a crease you want to know what the funniest part is guys when laura originally told this story if you haven't heard it she very quickly i dated a guy who had no bed base it was a mattress on the floor and he used to have sex with the back of my knee it's not a big deal everyone it's my favorite story of my whole existence but the funniest part about this is

that was probably six months ago or a year ago laura originally told that story it was like it was on a bonus set but every time we bring it up and i'm not kidding you just did it again now every time we bring it up you add an extra crease that he used to fuck you at the start it was just like the back of the leg and then like six months later we had a joke and you were like he's like fucking between my toes yeah you were like oh he did under my arm too then I'm deceased again and then it's like oh now all of a sudden he used to make you kink your neck to the side and have sex with your neck crease no wonder you've got a bad back you're like kinked to the side while he puts his did he ever have penetrative normal sex yeah yeah it was but he wanted to have sex with all of

me I can't wait I'm gonna bring up in a couple of months and find out the other creases he used please yeah okay like where else is there between my fingers between my toes yeah if you put your mind to it you bet you like bend over the crease of my belly there's so much all right I've got a really short one when I was sucking a guy's dick he yelled suck my dick bitch I was so shocked that I stopped but this is so funny because like she was doing it like why did she was already why did you give her why did you yell instructions to her when she was already doing this it's so aggressive though like I would stop too I would just be like I'm sorry is that not what I'm doing no I'm literally in the middle of it thank you thank you for interrupting me like why do people do that

nobody yeah no look I think he was trying to talk dirty but he just took it a bit far got a bit overexcited what's like if you were having sex and someone's like yeah fuck me like yeah I am and you're like yeah but keep doing it you're like yeah that's I'm doing it like it's so stupid i got another one a guy took me to his house for a threesome which i was actually super down for until i got there and found out that the threesome was with his brother no yes no yes no he wanted to have a threesome with his brother you nobody wants to have that i mean i mean that's obviously also not a threesome because there's no way that those two people would be engaging they just wanted to have sex with the one girl but they wouldn't have

been it wouldn't have been a three-way threesome well you would hope that they're not going to have sex with each other well it would have been three people involved but i mean like i could be wrong you could be wrong and that's the very alarming part about it because she ran and she didn't do it which i would suggest if anyone suggests to have a threesome with their brother probably it's a probably firm no do what you want but our advice here is it's a no it's a no all right this just came in and I am I am shooketh it's very long I'm gonna try and wow wow there's a lot that happens here okay replying to your cooked dating stories story so when my current partner they're two they're still together that's good and I first started

dating we have now been together for four years there was one particular day where we were having a good old sesh butt play but butt play and a 69er so I was on top of him doing a 69er as I got there as in as she came she squirted all of a sudden he stopped and was like oh no and then I turned around was like what's wrong I turned around to see that there was a mini poop on his forehead obviously from the butt play like a little kangaroo nugget like a pellet of poop smack in the middle of his forehead obviously from the butt play and then when I'd gotten there I'd pushed from squirting I was absolutely mortified especially because it was so early on in our relationship he said to himself he asked should I just wipe it off and

keep going or should I tell her safe to say it didn't turn him off as we are still together four years later he wasn't going to tell her he was just gonna wipe it away and keep going what a trooper good man what a legend you were just committed to the cause if you can just like I mean it depends if it was a little hard pellet and you can if it was just like didn't actually leave a mark and stick and smudge if it just like plopped on you can flick it off like if you're in the moment imagine getting a pellet shot into your forehead of poop mid-sex it could be really dangerous in the eye pink eye yes i mean that's how people get pink eye i don't think that that is how people get pink eye it's from farting on pillows i okay pink eye expert i am deceased what

would you have done i reckon i would have just called it quits i reckon i would have got up and said sorry i understand that this is over and just walked out i'll be like i'll take one for the team i'll just let myself out can i read you one more okay a guy i was dating was kissing me and during said kiss he intentionally passed something foreign from his mouth to mine i can't be 100 sure although i'm fairly certain it was snot he put a snot ball from his mouth into her oh my I think I just vomited in my mouth. Oh, my God. And the very last one I want to tell you is extremely short.

I went on a date. Turns out the guy I was seeing took me to a wake. That's not funny. That's not funny. Someone died. Someone died. Why would you do that? Maybe he wanted company.

No, I think maybe he was going for the sympathy card. Maybe he was like, I'll probably get a bang because she'll feel sorry for me. Yeah. There'll probably be tears. And there's free sandwiches. There's free food. I don't have to pay for it, you know. Cheap date.

Cheap date. Guys, I absolutely love these, but not for you. For us. I don't love it for you. We love them for us. I love them for us. Can you please keep sending us your, these ones, especially dating ones. I know we get a whole range of accidentally unfiltered stories, but this is truly, we

wanted to leave you with something lighthearted, a fun. we cannot tell you honestly we've been doing accidentally unfiltered stories now for almost three years but it is just one of my favorite parts and they never are not funny they never stop being funny so if you have one of these dating stories and like I said we get accidentally unfiltered stories about so many things but I think dating embarrassing dating stories like fucked up dating stories is something that is just so relatable because we have all everybody has that one thing that happened to them on a date where they just go you are mortified remembering it I just don't think you've really lived until you've had one of those moments where you're like

I want the ground to swallow me up right now until I mean we don't need a poop on someone's forehead moment like you don't need to go that extreme but you need those moments where you like swallow me not the poop not the poop but like the ground swallow me suck my dick bitch okay I'm doing it that's it guys please keep them all coming in we are going to see you again on the 19th for a bonus episode so mid-break we're going to bring you some little life uncut goodness just a little spicy sprinkling because you know we can't take a holiday we're breadcrumbing you yeah but then we're back in august we're having like a proper holiday this time and i can't wait i truly you were speechless i'm excited it's going to be a good time

if you love the episode jump on leave us a review on apple podcast you can also take this opportunity to go back and listen to some of the episodes that maybe you have missed throughout the time there are 300 episodes now there are so many incredible interviews with people who just i mean maybe we should drop some of them into our stories as well so we can remind you guys and kind of give you the highlights of stories and conversations that we think you should go back and listen to if you haven't already if you want a little bit of guidance on episode recommendations go and follow us at Life Uncut Podcast on Instagram because we'll be dropping those into our stories.

And that is it from us. Don't forget, tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friends and share the love because we love love. Thank you.