Life Wide Open with CboysTV - Evan On His Dream of Starting an OnlyFans, His Bad First Date, and Micah Becoming Amish

Episode Date: May 9, 2023

In today's podcast we have wild conspiracy theories, Micah's new lifestyle, Evan's Girlfriend (Nikki) tells us what she thinks of Evan's potential OnlyFans Career, and much more. Thanks to our sponsors! Use code WIDEOPEN for $20 off your first SeatGeek order. https://seatgeek.onelink.me/RrnK/WIDEOPEN Follow us on Instagram @cboystv and @lifewideopenpodcast To watch the podcast on YouTube: https://bit.ly/LifeWideOpenYT Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you're listening or by using this link: https://bit.ly/LifeWideOpenWithCboysTV If you like the show, telling a friend about it would be amazing! You can text, email, Tweet, or send this link to a friend: https://bit.ly/LifeWideOpenWithCboysTV You can also check out our main YouTube channel CboysTV: https://www.youtube.com/c/CboysTV Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Dude, I love Saturdays. I actually, for the first time in my life, I've kind of gotten into this. I kind of get sad when it's Sunday night because I love now that it's nice all of our friends come back around. We got Mark and Tent. We got some of the girlfriends here. We got different people texting you asking them all through. It's just, it's nice.

It feels good. Yeah, it's a full crowd today. I think that too all the time on Thursday is when I'm grinding, grinding out editing the video. I'm like, as soon as this is done. like I'm actually working for the weekend now I'm like we're the weekend's gonna come around we're gonna do some fun stuff we'll film we'll have our friends come out

you know whatever Mike what's going on though we're dropping you off at colony after this or yeah yeah the Amish I was gonna say are we gonna address the Amish in the room can you imagine if I was just like no this is just actually how I would address before we had a YouTube channel before I met you guys can you get a can you stand up so we can get like a full body

you gotta see his shoes and everything I mean, you won't be able to do it. Go stand in front of me. Go stand in front of me, and I'll take a video. This is all the more reason to watch on YouTube, guys. My God. God. Damn, dude.

You know, it's amazing, too, because you have this outfit in your closet. I think, yeah. Besides, it was the hat that was the cherry on top. So before this, I'd been called Amish Mike before, and it's mostly the beard, but probably some mannerisms and maybe the way I dress at some points. But Peter, who came to our snowmobile meetup, who used to be Amish and now he... What's his subscriber?

What's his last name? Yodel or something like that? He stopped by and he was just like, yeah, I'm on my way to Staples and I'm headed to work. And he's just, he's a big fan. He came and chad with us and gave us this hat that you guys actually signed. I didn't get a chance to sign. Oh, that's the sign back at that. So we met Peter two years ago at one of our snowmobile rideouts.

He pulled up and he basically just kind of started chatting to us. And he's like, yeah, I just left my colony. Like a couple months or three, four months, I don't know, a while ago. And he, you know, was just now becoming aware of the entire world and started watching YouTube videos and came across our videos and he really liked them. And he came to our, you know, meetup, basically. And it was just very fascinating. I was asking him so many questions. He's probably getting annoyed.

But it was just very interesting. So fast forward a year and a half later, he just pulled up on us at the shop one day. I was just like, hey, what's going on? Just pulled up, started chatting, hung for an hour, and then he left. But right before he left, he gave Mike that hat because he said... Well, he didn't give it personally to me. He said, Mike, you have a little bit of Amish in you. I can see it, and you need to have this hat.

Yeah. Dude, can you imagine the first time you get on the internet and you go on YouTube and we pop up, you watch a couple of our videos, and you find out that we're pretty much your neighbor. You're like, holy shit, this is what? what's been going on outside of a community. So much stuff you would be like, it'd be like traveling to the future. Yeah,

essentially, you would not know. It's honestly got to be the closest thing to time travel. You got AC, you got phones, internet, you call people. Like,

there's so much information you would have to see. Do they not? They definitely don't have any kind of electricity. Some do, some don't. Mike, you shouldn't have your watch on though for this if you're going to be Jammish.

You got a digital watch on. I feel like you should have a pocket watch. So, yeah, now I'm Amish. You look good. It fits you. That's why I got excited. Everyone's like, why did you put that on? I'm like, I don't, things happened, and now we're here.

I think next time I go to Vegas, you should walk around like that. I'm able to convince people. You look Amish. Dude, that's what I was saying. If we went somewhere not here, like, we could just, you could just tell people that I'm Amish and, like, in a sense, I could act however I want. Your beard's a little too groomed, though. Yeah.

Yeah, you have to get scruffy. I could do that. I could do that. Tint, didn't the Amish try getting you to? to come in and do some things with their women to get your jeans? I don't know anything. Was that Mark? He points to Mark did it.

They're not at their point. Mark did it. Yeah, apparently, so in some of these colonies. It was you though, wasn't it? No. Didn't they pay you? They paid you $5,000. Why do you think I got those wheels on my truck?

So apparently, sometimes in those Amish colonies, they get to interbred, you know? So they will pay outsiders like tint. to come in and knock up one of their women or their daughter or whatever and then tint leaves and buys new wheels for his truck yeah he goes and buys new wheels for his truck and I think the one thing that gets a lot of Amish kids running around the one thing that gets twisted about that is that it like it seemed to some people it might sound like a fun experience but I'm pretty sure it's probably one of the worst things ever got it'd be pretty awkward I guess they watch you do it yeah I don't stuff like that that's just

I mean, it's like, it's very cut and dry to a tea. I feel like it's kind of got to be. Yeah. You can't be like picking her up and taking her out to Applebee's and stuff like that. I feel like everyone would do it without getting paid. He goes, hold on, Tink got paid. That's where Evan goes. We're like Tint.

Which ones are your kids? We show up in the whole Amish community. And then there's just one shop that's a tint shop. There's Tint horse and buggies. And we're like, it's got to be it. Can you imagine? Like his profession is just in his jeans. It's in his name, dude.

His bloodline. The tint is. I'm not going to lie. I love the idea of tinting the windows on a buggy, though. I don't think they have them, but. No, some of them are. Yeah, I love that. That would be sweet.

Are they tinted? Yeah. They're like murdered out. And you got a big black horse running down the road and then a blacked out buggy. That's pretty sick. Well, yeah, it gets hot as shit in there. So obviously, they're in the summer. They're trying to keep the sun out.

I guess. They got American forces on it. Crave. 206s. Yeah, enough about that. Other than that, I don't know a whole lot about it. My grandpa used to take me there to buy meat to the Amish community. Oh, really?

Oh, dude. Grandpa Ron loves the Amish. We actually should have gotten them going on. He likes the Hutterites. Yeah, the Hutterites. And that's a little different. They're Amish, but they use electricity, which I don't know how that works. Yeah, he goes over there and, you know, like sit with them and they treat them very well,

at least the way he tells us. Yeah, you imagine Grandpa Ron. He rolls in there. He says that they have the strongest wine. You got to be careful. Really? He can't offend them and not drink it. That's true.

So he just goes up there and gets Larry. He said he's had some wild nights. Yeah, at the on, yeah. And then he drives or then he gets taken home. Grandma brings him home. Dude, actually speaking of a grandpa on, it's made me think of it. Okay, so a couple weekends ago,

me and CJ took our grandparents to my sister's graduation. She was graduating from chiropractic school. So we're sitting through the whole, the whole ceremony and everything. And there was this lady that was, asked to be like the speaker that was graduating as well and she was blind and she was graduating from acupuncture school she was blind and they started they started telling her acupuncture hold up now yeah just who's laughing i promise you guys just just wait ken would vouch for it because

he was there he was there he was there he was there he drove okay so this this blind lady was graduating as an acupuncture back you laughing what is so funny about this going wild right now What? Just wait. Just wait. It gets even crazier, right? And they start, like, saying, you know, everything that she's done. This lady has ran, I want to say eight marathons.

Wow. Yeah. Like, doesn't even see shapes. Like, doesn't see any shadows or anything. Completely blind. She's ran marathons. She has gotten, I want to say her master's in accounting. Yeah.

I swear to God. I swear to God. God. I'm lying or she's lying. She's lying. No, I don't think she's lying. The school went up and talked about it. I bet we could look her up.

What do you think the school said when she walked in the doors with her blindness? She's accomplished. Hey, I want to work with needles. I want to stab people with needles. Well, they maybe said, are you sure this is the best idea? But, no, I mean, dude, if she's running marathons. Yes. Well, she has help, I think, with people.

I don't know. Yeah, what she's doing just like based on memory? or she's got someone who runs with her. I don't know, but okay, she came up and spoke. She came up and spoke and then she had this full speech. I was just talking about the blind lady that was graduating with my sister. Yeah. Okay, it was real.

Yeah. They don't crazy, right? I was amazed. There was like all the accomplishments she had. Okay, so she had ran like eight marathons. I think even like a triathlon or something. A master's in accounting and now, now she is an acupuncturist. There's one other thing.

Yeah, there's one other thing that's wild. Doctorate another thing, yeah. Yeah, doctorate in something. It was like, she just like kept, I was like, okay, that's great. Like, okay, you know, you're 40, you've done a lot of stuff. And then she just kept listing it off. It was like, holy crap. And the announcer had like a straight face.

And I was like, is this real? Did she say that she was blind to? It was insane, right? So we were obviously all of us were mind blown after it. And it was also kind of, it was a little weird. I'm going to be honest because we had just told Grandpa Ron about the prank that we were going to do. We're going to do this blind prank. We're all laughing about it.

Look at these glasses, all this, and then we pull up. And that this starts going on stage. I'm not kidding. We were at different. We were all three separate. And we just looked down at each other, like, we just shake our head. That lady really took the prank far. She's like, I'm spending the next 40 years.

I was amazed how she got around that place. Because there's like a stage, like, a five-foot drop-off. And she's just, like, confidently walking across it. She's not light. Bro, I don't think she was faking it. But afterwards, I went up to Grandpa Ron and I was like, how crazy is that? And he was like, that is absolutely amazing. And I go, you think we're going to hell if we do this prank?

And he goes, 100%. Oh, don't say that. And he goes, well, let's go and talk to this lady. And I'm like, Grandpa, of course. I'm like, okay, yeah, sure. And we go up there and Grandpa Ron just goes straight up to her. And she must have, like, sensed his presence because she, like, puts her hand out. I sure sense his presence when he's around

She puts her hand out And Grandpa Ron is like Your story is amazing Like all your accomplishments I'm an aspiring fake blind person too I'm not gonna lie I was looking for you guys I look through the crowd

And I just see Grandpa Ron Just holding her hand Just shaking Hey hey hey I was going Just talking her ear off I was like come on guys It is pretty funny What do you mean come on guy

It's like it's one thing for us to do this blind prank But then you guys got to go and talk I don't know It was fine It's just, it's very funny that Grandpa on did that because how many people are graduating? To me, it's like quite a bit. Let's say, like, what, 400 people or something? Oh, like 30.

Oh, it is really that prestigious. Very tough. Never mind then. Chiropractic school is way more prestigious than I thought because I was thinking there's like a whole bunch of people and I'm like, he went and found like essentially the valedictorian to go chat. She actually had her like a crowd around. I think everyone was just like in shock.

Yeah, it was crazy. And then, and then Grandpa gets done talking to her. And I thought we were going to just walk away. And you go, oh, Betty, Benny, Benny, you got to introduce yourself too. And so I, like, put my hand out. And she, like, sensed I was there, too. What? Wow.

Evan is like, no. And then I, like, shook her hand. And I was like, your story is absolutely amazing. Like, I hope your journey continues to be incredible. And she was like, oh, thank you so much. And then, like, just a line of people. Wow. Like, waiting to me.

Damn. Yeah, it was crazy. Did you try to get her to flinch? Evan was there Everyone's like What is this guy doing? He's like checks and balances Just making sure

He just cropped us to this over there And then he walked up to the blind person Acting he's gonna hit him Oh she had cancer three times Oh that was the other one That's how she lost her blinds Nope no I think she was born blind She was born blind

When she was two or three years old Oh, oh, oh, oh, I forgot this one. She was an Olympian. Like, she won gold medals at the Olympics. Yeah, she went to the Olympics, special Olympics and won. Yeah, she won gold at the Olympics. For running? For, yeah, I want to say, running.

No, I thought it was like something gymnastics. I don't know. Now we're getting to. Oh, it actually might have been gymnasium. It was crazy. Yeah, we don't need to go anymore in on this. From what I can tell, she is a superior blind person. Superior to even.

She was a better person than any of you guys. That's what I mean. Superior to like most people in general. Yeah, she was, yeah, it doesn't take much. My grandpa had a, or has, a blind friend. He's actually, he's in politics, I don't know, in Minnesota. But anyway, we would drive the parade route, you know, because that was how you marketed yourself in the early 2000s.

And he had a baby monitor that he put on the top of the vehicle. And then my grandpa would drive. And then he would say, like, oh, Sharon Osborne is over on your right, wave to her. And he would, hey, Sharon, good to see you. And then he'd go, all right. Chris is over on the left. Say hi to Chris. And then he'd do that.

And everybody was mind-blood. How's he doing? Yeah, it was awesome. But he was pretty good too. Evans in the crowd. He's faking. He's faking. Just his whole goal is to just ruin his entire campaign.

Does no one see the baby monitor? No, like he's faking in that. No, like he's faking being blind. Oh, yeah. I think, I don't think people do that.

What do you think? I don't know. I thought Evan was just outing him for not like, he's just like, he can't do that. It's not fair. He has someone helping him. Goodness. Do you have a light subject to go into? Otherwise, I got a heavy one.

Oh, gosh. It's not heavy, but it's just. Oh, yeah, yeah. All right. So I ran into tint on a day. Oh, I have he's so chicked. No. Okay.

I need everybody to put on their imaginary tinfoil hats because I have a conspiracy theory. It's against my religion to remove this hat, actually. We'll put it on on top of it. It's dangerous. Got it. I think, and hear me out, Hasbullah is a Russian spy. Before you laugh, think about it. He comes, yeah, he comes from Russia, Dagestan, comes over here and wins over the world.

Everybody loves him, but he's hanging out with fighters. He's got, like, armed security around him. He doesn't really do much, but I think he's a Russian spy. He's coming in to all these big media groups, taking him over, spreading his ideology. One thing I have heard about him is that he's definitely, like, he's pretty religious with, I don't know what religion he is, but he's very to the point with that. He makes it pretty clear. Like, I don't, I mean, I'm not sure if he'd be safe for him to drink or not, but he doesn't do that. No, he can't. He's very to the point.

He doesn't eat certain foods. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so he's here on business. He's disciplined, he's disciplined. So that's how I could see him acting that out. So you think he's actually got that disease, or do you think he's just a baby? That's the best question ever.

No, I think he actually is small. Okay. You see when Mike Tyson kissed him? I thought he was a baby, dude. On the lips? Do you imagine? Oh, is that what it was up? Hey.

He was trying to bite his ear off. Oh, classic Mike Tyson. Can you imagine, though? He actually is a Russian spy. And he's like, I got all these Americans in my pocket. And then he meets Mike Tyson. He's getting kids and shit.

He's like, yo, I'm done. I'm done. Yeah, he's like, screw this. Went back. You ever think he gets sick of being treated like he's little? Like a kid? He's got a. Evan does?

Man, I don't know. I mean, people, people that. It's working out pretty good fun. Yeah, people that are with him say that he's, like, the most famous person they've ever seen. Yeah. Everyone wants a picture or get punched in the face by him. You can't, like, not mistake him. You know, like, when you see him, that is probably true.

But, like, you could, I'm even trying to think, like, you could probably see, like, the guy in, I just saw a Marvel movie ad, like, Chris Pratt. You could probably see him in an airport, but, like, with a hat, sunglasses and maybe, like, a hoodie. You wouldn't notice. But you see he as Bula running around, you're going to notice him. You might just mistake him for a little kid, though. You might? That's true.

You ever see when he got in trouble for hitting his cat? I did see that. Yeah, he hit his cat. Don't mess with him. I put it on Instagram, because I guess his cat was being bad. I'd say that's a pretty fair fight. Yeah, so he hit him. He was like a lion compared to him.

And then the best part was that his apology. He didn't apologize. He just made a statement. He said, the cat was being bad. he didn't apologize for hitting it his only statement was just like it was something along those the cat deserved as bullies like that's a bad kitty yeah carman um yeah so he they like tried to cancel him for that and i was like good luck can't be canceled when you're that's american government they were trying to shut them down but they're just too stupid can't beat hasbula i like the idea ryan

anyway take our tinfoil hats off now i went to hot yoga this morning oh yeah i guess my response also like for real well last night we were we were all out at getting dinner and the girls were talking about how they were going to go to hot yoga and all this and Ryan was like yeah I'm gonna go too well I'm coming I said I was gonna go yeah as the way it was I must have been more larried up than I thought yeah so anyways I'm I set my alarm and everything wake up buzz over there turns out this guy doesn't even show up mm-mm screw that it was just he didn't even know he was supposed to apparently oh it was like yeah it was just me no Of course, I was like,

well, you didn't say it out. I was like, so you just went with Ryan's girlfriend? No, I was sweating, though, like a whore in church. Really? Oh, yeah.

It's really smart. Was it hard? Yeah, was it hard? Very hard. I couldn't breathe. I can't breathe all my nose. I kept saying,

breathe through your nose and let it out your mouth. I couldn't breathe. I'm surprised by that. So you two specifically like really like sanas and I struggle in them. Like, I sit there and I feel I'm getting too hot.

I can't breathe. That air is so thin. So I'm surprised that. it was like that but obviously you're adding a workout i sweat so much i sweat every little drop of booze i had in my body out it's good it's good for you yeah yeah i don't think it'll go back was it busy studio yeah like was there actually a lot of people there yeah yeah did you wear leggings no i was in there just in in my just shorts was there other guys a couple a couple i don't think they were the same sexuality as me not that that matters but

yo i i i've actually got a couple good ideas for yoga one we can do good Goat yoga. Goat yoga? Where you do yoga and then goat stand on you pretty much? That seems painful? It just seems like yoga with more steps to me. Dude, it's hard. I didn't realize I had such bad balance until I showed up over there.

People are like standing on their feet. Oh, he's shit, dude, no way. Like one foot, sorry, one foot. And they're like sitting on their head and shit is. The instructor is standing upright and he's like, I don't have to do that, dude. Do I? No, I agree with you there.

I agree with you. I remember being like... I thought I had pretty decent balance. Like, I can ride a pretty decent wheelie. Yeah, I'm coordinated and whatnot. And then they start doing poses and then you're like... So what else can you do that would justify pretty decent balance? I mean, I can surf.

I can ride a wheelie on a dirt bike. I can... I don't know. Like, what else? I can ride a skateboard. Like, what else is there? You know? Yeah, I guess. I don't know.

I was just curious what your, like, justification for that was. Can you walk on a balance beam? Yeah, we had to at Slab City, remember? Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah, goat yoga would be good or paddleboard yoga. I was going to say, I want to do paddleboard yoga when the lake warms up. Bro, you guys... You have no idea.

You would be swimming the whole time. That's all you'd be doing. Honestly. All right, something funny that I noticed that when the snow melts is around here, at least, you know how everyone's aware the roads are terrible in the winter. dude driving on the interstate you know how they have they usually put it on one side or the other there's a middle ditch in the interstate and there's like those cables there's like you know pole like a cable fence and there's three cables and all the poles holy shit are those things mangled after every winter everybody just hit them yeah and they're kind of meant to fall apart like they're you know the cables are meant to catch you i don't even want to know what the cars look like after that but i'm talking like i'm talking every hundred yards the cables are just mangled i'm like that there's a total car there's a total car like i'm saying if you go in the ditch you're fine you get pulled out if you maybe a bumper if you hit the cables in the middle you're so it's got to be

toasted like for this 10 mile stretch there was probably 30 mangled sections of cable i'm like geez you guys ever went in the ditch many times my i forgot like oh mike voluntarily involuntarily i've never i've never put it in the ditch i've parked it in the ditch a couple times but that's my parking spot can you imagine someone comes up let's say not the police someone comes up and asks you what you're doing you go i'm parking i just parked you here what you mean it's my parking spot we've i've gone in the dish probably two or three times this year this winter this winter with my raptor one time for instance we were on ryan's road and uh i don't know if i was trying we were filming i was backing up fell off that you know there's like

little things like or or you're just driving too fast around a corner and you slide you're just barrel in, whatever. No big deal. I'm pulling my raptor into Alex's sister's driveway in town, in the city. And keep in mind, my raptor is completely fine. You could literally run in through the ditch, do whatever. I'm pulling in their driveway and I rip off my whole mudflap. I was like, man.

In town. Yeah, that's terrible. Sorry. I got, I guess, I got it like. Man, you hit me on the edge of my seat. I was like, I don't know what I was expected. I just thought to myself. I'm like, God.

damn like i've put this thing in the dish this many times and i ripped my i actually caused damage my truck just driving into their driveway no that is that is pretty funny i got it's crazy actually how strong those trucks are those ford raptors are the toughest man they are dude they're i swear to god they should be the best truck you can get as long as you don't need it like the haul anything oh my god i think i like my ford raptor better than my gtr it's a very different pretty heavy statement i almost feel bad like i how much I like my Ford Raptor more than my GTR to the point where, like, I'll be like, God, I really should just drive the GTR, like, if I'm going somewhere.

Does he know he doesn't have to say Ford before it? Well, you know, it's a Ford Raptor. Dude, I have a quick story about that. Like one time way back, I was like 17 delivering pizzas, go in the ditch. One of the, you know, come around the corner, just, I had a pretty shitty car, stove it in the ditch, and then I'm like kind of figuring out what to do. And, you know, like, this has happened to other people, I swear. Very dumb.

Leave it in drive. Leave the car and drive because it's not going anywhere and my wheels were stuck. I don't know. I didn't notice. Get out. Kind of digging through my backseat. I got a snowboard. So I started using that as a shovel.

Shut the doors. The doors lock because it's in drive. Oh, shit. Your phone is in there? Phones in there. Oh, no. More importantly, the hot pizzas are in there getting cold. I mean, they're in a hot bag.

The pizzas are in there. Oh, you were on a delivery. Yeah, what am I going to do? I'm in the ditch. It'd be one thing if I was like, I'm on my way back. I'm in the ditch. Then they'd just be like, oh, shoot. But, like, people are like,

oh, where they're their pink thund bread stinks. You know, you know, you know that Mike's subs were on full blown, too. No, luckily they weren't. That would have been so bad. So I just, like, walked to the nearest person's house, and I'm like, I need help. You're like, I messed up.

And they helped me, and they, like, pulled me out. But, like, my, like, my boss came. And he was just, so what you do? How did you get back? Then I mean I the worst part was it was one of those vibes where you call the share the cop Oh you know and they put the thing in the door and pump it up you either call a lot company so I think No these wheels weren't spinning but yeah dude my boss was there and he he was like he wanted to call me like an effing idiot like you want it you could tell he wanted to it and I'm like I'm like I'm sorry yeah like chain of events and he's just like you know I don't even know he's just like you couldn't deliver the pizzas first or you know I'm just like dude I don't

It was, it was so embarrassing because I guess we had to give the people like free pizza. I'm like, well, it's not the end of the world, but also I was out for like an hour and a half. So, yeah, they knew you were slow. They were like, man, he's really slow to day. I feel like if someone came to me, the mic walks up to the door, I just, I went in the ditch, I'm sorry. I just had a really funny idea. You know how you're like Uber says like what you drive obviously, but also your name? People start to catch on and they're like, dude, it says nine minutes.

but I got Micah as a driver. Like, you know it's going to be 20. It's going to be so slow. He isn't even left yet. That's what we were saying earlier before we started filming. You were like, just about to leave. About 45 minutes later, I was like, all right. Mike said he was just about to leave 45 minutes ago.

So he should be here in three hours. Not that long. That's what we said. Valid, valid, valid. Yeah. I'm just glad, like, so we were going to, I won't even say it. We were going to do something today that didn't end up working out. I'm glad that you didn't necessarily like hold the whole show up for me

to get there and then it didn't work. Mike, we've been friends for a long time. We don't wait. I personally texted Evan. I said, if you do it without me being there, best of luck. I really wanted to go well. Rip it, boy. I thought you were going to say,

it was really nice you guys to get going and figure out it wasn't going to work before I got there so I could just show up and go back inside. Yo, should we pull some people from the audience? Yeah, we've got a pretty good crowd here. I think we should bring in Evan and Nikki. Ooh. All right. I'll let you guys take in these spots.

Nikki Joel, what's going on? All right, so we got Evan and his wonderful girlfriend, Nikki. So we got a few questions for you guys. Oh, boy. I'm just going to cut straight to the chase, quite frankly. Nikki, how do you put up with Evan and his gas?

You can pull that closer to if you need. Hey, she stinks too. Hey, no. You know what says? Girls don't, too. Dude, because I've been around Evan. I can't imagine sleeping in the same room as him. It's pretty bad.

Really? I'm going to lie. Yep. God damn. There's been times where I have gagged. I need to leave the room. Really? Yeah, she's definitely had to leave the room many times.

And like, I feel bad because sometimes she thinks it's funny and she'll be like, bah, you're so gross and kind of laugh. But then there's other times where she's just, blah. And she just storms off, like, silently. That's when I know that I made a mistake. Evan's just living You know, I'm not surprised But I can't believe the first time having Nikki on the pod

You ask him about how bad Evan's fart stinks Well, I genuinely wonder that Because I spend a lot of time with him And I can't imagine being in an enclosed room with him It's brutal I can't imagine The RV trip Yeah

That wasn't that stinky Have you ever thought about trying to like change his diet No Regardless if he changes his diet He still stinks and that's the thing sometimes eating all those vegetables and stuff that would be healthy that stuff makes you rotten throws you off because you're not used to it yeah like stick to the hot pockets tequitos your body doesn't know what to do stuff like that safe or bet for me

how long have you two been dating do you know you're better with i mean a couple years but you probably like know the exact date yeah it was um st patrick's day two years ago So what do you think about this idea, Nicky? So, you know, Cole and Squirrel is buddies, you know, just good old boys. They like wrenching on stuff. Good kids. Yep. So they've come and fixed Ev Chevy a couple times now.

And I was thinking a way we could repay them is we're going to surprise them with an LLC. Then they can start paying taxes and stuff. I don't think they'd like it. Oh, good. They prefer. Scratch that. I was thinking that would be a good idea. I think they kind of look at taxes the same way Ken does.

Doesn't pay them. Just avoid them at all costs. There's avoiding and when there's not paying, those are separate. Separate crimes that you're charged for? How is that not the same thing? I'm avoiding paying them, so you're not paying them. So, Nikki, being that you are a mom, did you know that Evan actively was searching out? No.

Moms at the time? No. He slid into the DMs. Did he really? So hold on. What was your first, I guess, impression of Evan? What do you say when he slid into your DMs? I can't even remember.

It was emojis on a picture. Really? Comment or a story response? Story response. But then she replied to it, which started the conversation. So depending how you look at it, I feel like she said the first words. I just tossed some emojis out there. A little feeler.

aloe feeler exactly what was your first date uh we went uh we went snowmobiling really that's a good way to steal the deal nicky dude this is actually funny we uh we had a really bad winter up there it was super cold so the the the trails were just ice i'm running my snow pro that would uh burn slides off constantly so i throw her on the back we're gonna go on our first little day like i'm nervous and as soon as we pull out like on the trail we got to go probably five, six miles on, I can tell my, like, my slides are gone. I'm just running rails on the clips and we just sent it. I tried to play it off cool.

She can hear it. She's like, what's that noise? She's just metal on metal. She was scared for her life. It sounds bad. I'm like, there's not much snow. You were riding on the back with him? Oh, my.

Yeah. And then, you know, kind of another classic situation pulling up to the bar and it's all plowed out. So, like, trying to drive on like a quarter mile of asphalt and, like, adjusting the skis. So I was kind of embarrassed, you know, kind of wrecked my sled and was driving like an idiot. Uh-huh.

Were you thinking the same? Were you like, what's wrong with this guy? But then we got some beers and everything was good. It all buffed out. It all buffed out. Good deal. Oh, my God. What?

What are you got? What are you going to say? I don't know if it's appropriate. Well, it probably isn't. It probably isn't. Okay. So, and then, so we had, you know, had a few beers, whatever, having a good time, head back to my house, have a few more beers. She decides she's going to stay the night.

We're, it's relatively late, probably like 8 or 9 o'clock, and we're just schmoozing. And all of a sudden, my dad, out of the blue, just shows up, which he doesn't just show up that often. So, and he's, like, aggressively banging on the door. So I, I joke up. What were you thinking? I walked around the corner, just standing there. I was like, who's here? This guy owes someone monies, bro.

Yeah, she didn't know who was showing up, but I remember, like, she just threw, like, real quick on, like, my sweatpants and a sweatshirt. It was, like, the C-boys, like, trippy whatever. So she's wearing, like, the little matching sweatsuit, just pokes around the corner thinking it's anybody, and then it's my dad. So I was, they got to, like, meet. Awkward. Did you think it was, like, another girl or something?

Yes. Okay. Really? What were you going to do? I don't know We're gonna beat her ass How much ground did you really have to stand on it? It was your first time even being there

That's true If anything you would have had someone Trying to beat your ass Yeah that's true Yeah were you gonna hold it You knew me for like three hours She was ready to fight for you dude She was gonna throw down

It sounds like at least I like that Were you like dad Come on I'm kind of working something here I literally did I'm like What did you do He was Ah

Well you know he was pretty good about just getting out of there. Played it cool. I can't remember. He was like dropping something off or maybe he was storing his boat at my house. I don't even know. It was something irrelevant.

He just popped in for it. I'm like, yeah, you got to go busy. All right, Nikki. Last question for you. I'll let you go. Is it true, the rumors? Or is it all false rumors about, you know, the hog? Is it true or is it not?

Because there's a lot of people at home wondering. It's a tough situation I'm putting you in. I know. It's the size of a 12 year old. No. I think the picture you saw was a little. Embellished? You know how?

But I'm still giving you credit. He's average? That is possible. Was the picture? He's got a hog. In wide angle. I had the angle perfect. It was Snapchat.

You can't even wide angle that. I'll defend myself there. Can you? Given the angle I took it at and everything, made it appear a little more bigger than... Well, then explain this. Evan's hog reveal. No, only fans dropping 2025.

Stay tuned. Would you? I could see you. that he begs me to all the time really really okay i don't think beg you too but i've definitely had the conversation about it yeah i feel like make a bag it's a no-brainer in my head and it's you know dude it's all a hustle it's not like you just got to like put out the most hardcore porn it's just a fucking game no self-fiction you just tease you know nutscapes and nicky turns it down then or you don't want a nicky obviously if you have rather sell pictures of my feet right

Oh, that Evan's feet ain't worth nothing. What if Ev did a solo? Yeah, he's just solo on. Would you be fine if I, I mean, I feel like it's probably more dudes would be on their buying content than women anyways, which I don't know how I feel about that. How do you feel about that? Not those girls in the escalade that were rolling their windows down today. That was really funny.

What happened? Hold on. What happened? We were at a stoplight, and these girls pull up next to us. So they roll their window down and they're looking over and trying to. to look at Evan i think they seen me and rolled the window up and she's making a big commotion and i think they were trying to haul her and then they saw nicky and then started giggling rolled up the window the other way were you ready to ready to go were you in fight mode she got feisty real quick really i did he's like is this what it's like for you i was like what did you

have done if i wasn't here like you would have rolled your window down and waved no waved at him No, I would have just ignored them. So the only fans, it's not happening. Sorry. Or what? No way. No way? No way?

No way. But I can have one. No? What are you going to do? Sit there and jerk off and... Let me get my lotion real quick. I'll fucking jerk off with Cheez-Bers, if that's what the people want. A Brit and Vite Waffle.

We'll get weird. Do a collab with the vacuum cleaner. I have been curious about that. Many of you guys stuck your dick in a vacuum? Mike has. He's raised in his hand. Yeah, actually, did it hurt? Why is Sidney acting like she knows about this already?

She was like, yeah. She was the one holding the vacuum. Allegedly, there's a video of Jake putting a vacuum cleaner on my penis. Oh, watching you say what you just said wearing that is a lot for me to comprehend right now. Did you finish? It was soft and it did hurt. Can I see this video when we're done? Man, people got to think we're really messed up.

Nicky's showing videos of Evans Hogg. little hog lit and it's it's average yeah it's a yeah after today let's say the only fan stuff so I mean the last question I'm sorry I hate to do this but you know this would be a great promotion if you were to decide to launch your only fans at this moment we'll see what the future holds it's keeping it open yeah keep it open you can't shut it down are you going to do pay per view or monthly subscription pay probably a low monthly subscription and then yeah really for the great stuff really ramp it up on the pay-per-view good yeah yeah the best way to do it yeah do it yeah uh do you guys do you guys know the ticotker two-turned tony yeah so he he's one with the face mask check right

yeah yeah yeah but she uh she's not face she left yeah yeah he has an only fans oh yeah and i don't I'm not subscribed to it, so I don't know what all that he does on it, but I know he just sells, like, dick picks and makes a shitload of money. Really? Yeah. I mean, you could be a rich motherfucker. I think it's, dude. Why sit?

Why would? I look across the room and say, he's like, I don't, I see more dudes buying $100 a month. Than chicks spending their harder money. How do you know this? I just think that there's not a lot of girls out there buying content. You buy content? Nick? You're raising your hand.

No, I was just going to say, I don't think a dick pick does much justice for a girl, so I don't. Well, I mean, especially when we're underselling it now, and I mean, we just crush the rumors. For you, you're going to have a hard time now. I would love to see the analytics of that. I think it would be more males active on there. Evan doesn't give a fuck about analytics until it comes to only fans of dickpicks. He's like, I'd love to study the data. You definitely, it definitely crossed your mind when at first was like, oh, I don't care if I sell some dick picks.

They're like, fuck, it's just a bunch of dudes running around with my dickpicks. It's like, it's a little different. What if they paid $25 for your dick. Oh, yeah, I don't care. I'll send him to my butt too for that price. Man, now you're really hitting a niche audience. Evan starts selling his dirty riding trousers. I'll start selling my ethic because I'll ride one motto and sell those puppies, 100 bucks.

Yo, instead of people buying it to, like, pleasure themselves, they would buy it and send it to their enemy. it would be like that uh that that scam tywin where was that in the india like mark rober pranked like an indian call center oh yeah the call center and uh they sent like glitter bombs stink bombs and shit oh my god that'd be hilarious yeah we send a call center in india a pair of evans dungaroos oh my fuck i've worn these trousers once Next week there's a news story like Poisonous gas is released from Indian

Call Center They melt through the packaging Go in the back of the mail chuckers They'd probably have to get rid of the Yeah, it wouldn't even make it though There's just something wrong with this package It's toxic The drug dogs that are sniffing it

Have to take a vacation Because you burn their sniffers They were never the same after they smelt that package So timid Something was wrong with them They wouldn't smell anything that might be good for the drug cartel. They could just mix in a pair of my socks with their shipments

and the dogs would be thrown off. You know, that's who I need to target. There's so many different ways you could monetize off of your gifts. I should say you're stanched and you know, you know, whatever else. I love that you look at those as gifts. Gift. Your special.

Special, yeah. I didn't want to call them. I don't want to offend you. You know what's amazing, though, is you've been a part of the crew for about a, about a year now. I've never seen you shower. Oh. I was going to ask Nikki about that too now.

I had some questions. What do you got against showering, honestly? Do you, of course you do truly feel that way. How do you think that I go weeks at a time without showering? Like I... Did you shower today? No. Yep, there we go.

No, no way. Okay. How the fuck do you wake up in the morning and just go, I'm going to go about my day, not shower? Listen. And I showered yesterday, and I thought that first thing I was doing this morning was going to end up with me sunk in a swamp that I would clearly shower directly after that. I understand that, but also at the same time, I don't know. I just... You would shower before you do that?

I guess this is maybe one instant where you can say that. All the other times, what's your excuse? I mean, honestly, it's just like if I'm going to be no, like, oh, Tuesday morning and I'm going to get dirty by the end of the day, so why shower? And then it's like, that night, you're like, well, why would I shower? I'd rather shower before bed. I'd rather shower at night, then shower at night and then shower first thing in the morning. To be fair, showering here isn't a luxurious experience. You know, the floor's dirty.

That has nothing to do with it. I was trying to help. I was going to say, Ryan, what are you going for here? I don't like shower in there. No, it's just like if I shower before I go to bed, I just don't feel the need to shower immediately when I wake up in the morning. I agree. that i probably don't do that either if i'm going to something like fancy special whatever then yeah like get cleaned up before it but if i just wake up and i'm going to go wrench does don't need a shower for that

save the water her septic backs up enough as it is you should be thanking me yeah so we're sitting in a truck with you yeah this is a really touchy subject but i think a long day without showering ryan smells twice as bad as i'm i genuinely will admit right now that that that's was mean to even say you like were stretching before that one i was scared i was scared i think ryan uh this is after a day of let's let's say wrenching working loading shit unloading shit the dude smells worse than evan man man he is on his showers i don't want to pile along but i think i've noticed that before you know i think it's just twice as offensive coming from mike everything well ryan what do you got again showering

no I just Ryan's over here defending Evan he's not that bad I don't have anything against showering apparently I just get stinky through all my hard work around here you know I'm pretty sure I remember your

I remember a laundry one day like we were out at dinner and she's like did you put cologne on today yeah because you bought me new cologne she wanted me to wear it more but it's like that's a sign that you smell yeah probably when people are buying you cologne

deodorant it's hard to buy gift for it's not even my birthday what's this for it oh I just want to give you a present crape you should wear it is that why Greta gave me a treadmill for my birthday makes so much sense

still in the box isn't it no it's not she actually got you a treadmill that's a pretty good gift your birthday is like a month to go yeah it's nice wow that's a really nice gift treadmills are expensive

she must Penn returned it and got a gift card. Isn't like that one of the things that you aren't supposed to get, like in gift giving, like you don't get your wife, like a vacuum or a treadmill. Yeah, it's not a two-way street. I think Nikki would like both those things, though. I don't know if that applies. Like for your birthday, instead of like a nice weekend trip to Thumper Pond.

Would you prefer to get a new vacuum? Not even a Dyson. Just a new Hoover. No, we're atop. top of the line vacuum here i wouldn't go buy her walmart special for a gift for a birthday no i wouldn't fly how about an exercise bike really i i think it could be taken the wrong way if you had a very overweight gal and they didn't even ask for uh you buy her for a fucking gym membership yeah they didn't ask for a treadmill or a gym membership they were just hoping for

a nice normal maybe like a box of donuts yeah box of donuts you give them a treadmill and why can't CJ say treadmill. Treadmill. Treadmiel. And I'm still wondering why you can't say treadmill. Treadmill. Treadmill. Treadmills.

No, treadmills are expensive, dude. I think you need to set that up and I think you need to get running on asap. What's going on? Are you guys doing this 30-day challenge or what? Yeah. I'd love to. Now you're backing out. I didn't back out.

I think there's got to be something on the line, though, to not, like, to hold yourself accountable. Yep. But then they're also, what would actually show the winner? Like, you know, like what? Loser gets like the other person's name tattooed on them or something? Well, hold on now. Let's let's say what is the, what's the 30-day challenge? Like, whoever can lose the most weight or get that Kevin and I were talking about both of us getting in shape and we have, we're going to weigh each other in at the first, first day, obviously, before it starts. And then 30 days later, we'll weigh in again, see our progress, but then we have to do some kind of head-to-head

physical challenge. I don't know if it's a triathlon or whatever because realistically how much you lose or gain or whatever, it's hard to determine. It should be a physical endurance test. It might be a triathlon. Like we got to fucking run ride a bike. Nope.

Heddle bike. Yeah, swim, run, swim. I think that's a great idea. Run jumping. And we do it all in one video. So it would be like a 30-day filming process, but it just gets sped up to be condensed into one video. You guys want to do a full, like, triathlon or a Seaboy's triathlon? We better have an ambulance nearby if both of us are going to do that.

I think we do the activities in a triathlon on a much smaller scale. Yeah. It's time-based, like whoever accomplished. What do we put on the line? To be clear, do tattoo. You could start the, you could do the challenge, and it's like, ultimately, it doesn't matter if you train for 30 days or not. It just matters how good you show up that day.

Yeah. You could sabotage, though. Evan is going to just keep, hey, let's go out to the bar. I'll buy. I was going to say a little laxative in his drink the night before or something like that. Wow. That'd be dirty. Yeah, like trousers would be.

At first I thought it would be like, you know, because you can't, yeah, who loses weight? That doesn't really apply. I don't know. It's not really a good way to judge. I'm down to do the tattoo, honestly. A tattoo. Yeah, I'd get dude Evanborough tattooed on me. Where?

Somewhere not visible. To be fair, getting dude Evanbrough is cooler than getting CJ tattooed on you. That's only two letters. CJ Lotzer. I want to get C.J. Lotzer. It's got to be my full name. Okay, how about this? How about this?

How about this? You have to get the other person's name tattooed on you, but they get to choose, or you get to choose where it goes. On the hinder, I think. No, no, no. Like, you're getting the tattoo, so you get to choose where it goes. I think if I'm going to have dude ever on me, I just put it right on my cheek. Okay.

If that is where you want to do it And then you can It's a little hidden And like you can choose to I don't know if I can pollute this ass I don't know I don't know if they want tattoo it They're going to need a nice hinder

He's going to need a full on Hazmat suit The tattoo artist is going to need it Yeah I mean I hate to commit to this fully Tattoo is for life Nipple piercings are just Well you can get them taken That's what I was thinking CJ I could burn that off my skin

If I had to Bro everything we've done is for life It's on the internet now. So what's a tattoo? Yeah, it'd be kind of cool, I guess, whatever. And you don't really look at your own butt that. I always said that I was going to, I was going to do Ken, no can do, or like a portrait of him on my body if I was going to get my tattoo, like a tattoo.

Well, leave some room open. I'll have dude Evanborough, largely. Maybe I'll do it for everyone. I'll figure out a way to commemorate everyone by getting them tattooed on my body. I'll have Mark, I'll have Nikki, everybody. Oh, CJ. You're such a giver. Yeah.

I'm just worried when Nikki's eating my ass. She'd see her name and she'd be thinking about you. Well, she'd probably be hoping that. It'd probably make it easier. I'm going to take her mind off of it. She starts calling me CJ in the sack. Fuck. Oh, my.

Wouldn't be surprised. Please tell me Nikki doesn't actually eat your ass. No, I do not get anywhere near about behind her. Okay. All right. I was going to say she'd maybe actually be blind. Yeah. No, I think it's a great.

great idea though and um i mean whether we do the tattoo or not but i feel like the tattoo is like quite a bit riding on it where you're going to want to perform yeah it's got to be something good i'd redo the nipple piercings but it's just so lame it's like he's already done no i'm over that we can't do that yeah and like a new season yeah i feel you got to step it up uh we could you guys could wear like apple watches or something and it could like track like calories burned or something right i'm not a pussy i'm not wearing an apple watch yeah don't want a fucking apple That was aggressive, but I agree everything he just said. Yeah, fuck that.

Oh, my God. All those things do is make lazy people feel like they did something. They justify their day. Oh, I walk 1,200 steps. It's like, that's a normal fucking day. You shouldn't get to reward yourself for it. I didn't look down and see if he was wearing his Apple Watch for a second ago. Ain't no Apple Watch.

But like, I swear most people wear those. Can't be your Apple Watch. He's tucking it. But it's like they're not even working out. They just use like their normal day. daily life stats to justify like who they hit all the look at i i i did a thousand steps today it was going off every time they reached in the cheeto bag i think the idea of apple watch is is pretty solid but maybe it's just the clientele of the people that wear them i think it's a bad rap you ever

seen someone wearing an apple watch when we're like nice that's sick no no i i think that uh honestly I would never buy one, not because I care about being a part of that group. It's because I don't need another reason to be getting notified or checking another screen. It's like, if I got to go on my phone, I'll go on my phone and do whatever I need to do. I don't need to be going.

That's true. You know, Ken, every single time Ken does it. Okay, I'm on my way. Okay, Hyundai. Where do you want to go? No, no, no. I am on my way. Okay, routing you to the nearest Ponday store.

Every time. That's good. The only thing that might be nice is then you don't look at your phone to see if you have notifications. But you're looking at a while. I mean, it's the same exact thing to me, at least. Maybe if you're in church or somewhere, you got to be real. Oh, Ev, you ain't going to church. No, of course.

I'm trying to justify a reason where it might be more acceptable to use a watch than a phone. No, I'm not even saying, like, use it. Like, you're driving. driving down the road and you get that little like brain thing you're like i should look at my phone right now like or i want to see if i have any if i'm missing any text or anything like that you go like that and you go nope i didn't or yep miss something from thomas but it's pointless you got a 20 inch screen right between the two front seats that tells you all that information that is true except for when you're driving the homer yeah right you should keep both hands on the wheel and your eyes straight

Well, you're driving the Hummer, bro. Your only focus should be just getting there without killing someone along the way. Cripes. Ryan, seriously, we need to have an intervention. Why? If that driver, if that Hummer is going to leave the driveway, you need brakes. It doesn't leave the driveway. Sitting in the junkyard.

Fair enough. Is there no breaks? No, it's got breaks. They're very minimal. Very minimal. Very minimal. I'm so confused, Evan, as to what your taste is. Yeah, you are a confusing man.

Dude, we get you this. raptor you hate it and i love it you don't love it you don't love it talks shit on it all the time what is one negative thing i've said about it was one positive thing you've said about it you're like i say anything negative i say all the time i'm like oh these things aren't even made for towing it toes my camper like a dream like i always say it's not that good in the field that's why you like the suburban yeah so then we go out and we buy the five hundred dollar suburban and it's like first love we just bought you a Lamborghini well did you look at it thing was a piece of art Did you look at it?

This is where I'm lost. Evan, would you... I was thinking about that. If we ever surprise you with, like, another vehicle, I'm just going to go back to, like, 2004, because I know you'll appreciate it much better. I don't know what the Raptor cost, but we could have got, like,

probably 70 Suburbans for that price. See, this is what you're saying. Like, you sit here and downplay the Raptor, you're like, oh, look, the Suburbans. It'd be like going in someone's shoe collection. They have all these shoes. It's like, I got all these bourbons. You could have got me.

We could have gotten 80. We got 80. 80 bourbons. It would have been a lot better reaction. Getting Evan

100 Suburban. Can you actually imagine and our goal is to just finish all of them off? What did you say about finishing him off? In the back of a bourbon?

The hinder finder? You imagine how confused the neighbors would be When our whole field is full of white Suburbans I don't want all white ones I want all the colors I think all white would be something really funny about that Different color wheels You can do that yourself

You can paint them I think that thing was kind of a special find though Yeah until the transmission fell out in the driveway last night Whose fault was that? Probably bends because I was trying to keep up with the Raptor out on the track and it did a pretty good job. I'll give it to the Raptor.

Well, the Spurban did a really good job. I'll give it that. It survived the day, but it limped itself home and then died. So it like, it didn't die on the spot, but it took all the life out of it. Okay.

Well, stay tuned for the boys's triathlon. We'll probably, we'll start filming that probably this week and then it'll be out in like a month. We're getting in shape, Ev. You know, one of us, have a tattoo at the end of this but either way we're both winners because we'll be in shape maybe unless i quit right away except the tattoo and just hit the tease i do feel pretty confident

about taking you on in a physical endurance challenge because after that hot dog eating competition you didn't even run a step you just threw your hands up and just said i'm gonna run five hot dogs i'm gonna run anywhere some of the toilet i've never seen you run so i'm short and legs got to move quick i got four steps to year one it's hard the whole challenge isn't going to be running though so it'll be fine we're going to do pull-ups pull-ups are going to be in this challenge i know i can hold my own there i've been just good at pull-ups not yeah maybe maybe like a maybe like a strength test a cardio test and then i mean shit maybe do like a like a who's smarter test on iq we'll have to start reading books and i'd say just for shits and

gigs like a body percentage lost test yeah might as well yeah yeah i like that all right well stay tuned, guys. Thanks for listening, and we'll see you next week. All right, I'm going to put on some deodorant.