Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - A Doggy-Dog World with Samantha Bee

Episode Date: March 17, 2022

Samantha Bee joins Chelsea this week to talk about finding your person, magic mushrooms, and losing yourself in career and parenting so much you forget that you should come first. Then: A partygoer struggles with how to handle her social anxiety. A girlfriend fears her partner will fall out of love with her.  And a superfan is embarrassed when her drunk co-worker heckles Chelsea. * Executive Producer Nick Stumpf Produced by Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home.

Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the Internet and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators and plenty of overthought opinions. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Did you hear the new episode of the Hey Jonas podcast? We are at D23, so we'll see who stops by. The cast of Frozen stopped by. Kristen Bell, Josh Gad, and Idina Menzel.

I auditioned for Frozen. What? For Kristoff. They said, okay, what are you going to be singing today? I said, I don't know. That must have been why you didn't get in. Well, you probably won. Plus, John Stamos, Hayden Christensen from Star Wars, and more.

And I guess I can share that, uh... No way. Listen to the latest episode of Hey Jonas on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first.

I'm on a mission to reclaim the word Solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I mean, I don't know. I'm from Chicago, so there's a lot going on on St. Paddy's Day usually there. There's Dying the River Green. There's all kinds of just white girls drunk from the suburbs all over. It's a lot. It's a lot. Dying the River Green. Is that possible? They really do it. I always thought it was just like a euphemism when I was growing up. But then when I moved to the city, like later on into Chicago, they like fully put dye into the river and dye it. It's kind of always a little green, but they dye it bright green. Supposedly it doesn't kill all the fish, but you know. Yeah. That sounds very suspect.

Well, hopefully you're all wearing green today because it is St. Paddy's Day. But if you need something to wear, you might check out our merch. Yeah, everybody, we have new merch. We have Dear Chelsea merch, which you can order on my website, chelseahandler.com. And we have cute t-shirts and cute hats. And yeah, go and get some. Yay. We've added some second shows in areas. I'm filming my next standup special at the Ryman in Nashville. So tickets are now on sale for that. And we've added second shows in dc and at the wiltern in los angeles and oh san francisco yeah we're adding a second show in san francisco at the masonic and that weekend i perform at the masonic two shows and then joe coy performs the next night and the next night and at some arena in san francisco so

we're going to be both performing in the same city the same weekend so how fun oh my goodness Yes. Just a couple descending on a city and just doing wonderful things. Yeah. Descending on our hot air balloon. That's how we like to enter cities. That's really fun. That's really fun. So are you making a point to sort of try and tour together so you can actually see each other or how does that work in your life? Yeah. I mean, I think the set, well, his tours and his tour kind of wraps itself up in April and then cause he's shooting his special. So then he's done. And then I think he'll probably just come on the road with me like as a plus one and then you know obviously we're gonna want to he'll

you know come and make surprise guest appearances at my shows and like i like to do when i'm with him but i think yeah we want to work towards a thing where we're we're going to be performing together so that the next tour we're we're in it together you know yeah so we'll have to figure out our lucy and desi act but uh i don't think it'll be a problem no i mean you seem to get along very well and like people are psyched to see you both together it's just really fun well I know Joe's not with you but I hear somebody's going to be with you soon oh I am taking my dogs alone to Whistler I just I don't want to be away from them any longer yeah and I wasn't so great at taking them out to go to the bathroom last year like I put these pee pads on my balcony and I would just

leave the door open and by the time I came home there would just be like pee pads on my balcony he filled with urine and I was like oh my god I'm turning into courtly love but now with Joe coming back and forth I'm feeling like he's going to contribute a little bit more he's more of the get up and take the dogs for a walk kind of guy than I am so I'm just kind of pawning that off on him and using him like a bitch is basically what I'm doing I'm like you know what Joe you can take care of the dogs because he is their stepfather and they love him they're starting to love him and I don't want to be away from them anymore are they calling him dad yet No, they're not going to say that.

I don't even think they speak English, quite frankly. So they're never going to say that. Papa Bear, maybe. That's all I can. But yeah, so I'm going to take them with me. That means I'm taking them to like my stand-up shows. And then we're flying into Whistler. And then they'll be there with me for a couple of months.

Are they like pretty good flyers? Yeah, they're pretty good wherever. Like yesterday, Joe and I took Bernice to Starbucks with us. And Joe has one of these ridiculous cars. It's a convertible. I don't know what kind it is because it's just so loud. you can hear him coming from like three blocks away I'm like honey we get it you're successful like cool it with the fucking cars anyway we brought Bernice to Starbucks and she sat in my

lap and had her arms or paws around me and albeit it was a forced situation because there was nowhere else for her to go because it's like a two-seater sports car so she was forced to have to hug me but I'll take it and it was adorable and I was like you know what I'm not willing to go another month without them no you just like need that cuddly buddy that you can embrace yeah yeah and they're gonna be upset when they're not around my bell my housekeeper but you know what fuck that because they've been with her for months they she took them last night for her own she's like i need a sleepover if they're going and then felix my dog walker who's there works at the house every day said the same thing he had a sleepover with them on saturday i was like oh my god it's like

we're ride sharing these it's like a group on with these dogs everyone loves them our guest today is the host of Full Frontal with Samantha Bee, which is in its seventh season and it airs on Thursdays at 10 on TBS. And she also has a podcast, which I was just on called Full Release. And that's wherever you get your podcast. Please welcome Samantha Bee. Hi. Oh my God. I'm so excited. Thank you for having me. Oh my God. I'm excited to be here. Okay. This is strange because we were just, we just recorded your podcast. Yes. and we are now recording my podcast but this is the actual first time that we have ever spoken

which doesn't really make a lot of sense it doesn't make any sense and like i feel also like i've said your name in so many contexts because as we talked about in my pocket like people are always like well you're the only woman doing a show and you're like no i'm not because there's chelsea there's this person there's like there's like a lot of so i feel like i've said your name I've tried to manifest you many times and anyway now we're here so I'm very grateful thank you I'm I'm excited to talk to you I want to talk to you first I want to ask you about your in your seventh season of Full Frontal with Samantha Bee that's it and I want to know how that has been what this experience has been like and what the most kind of challenging thing

that you face because I think we we think oh you get a tv show it's going to be great you get to express your creative, whatever you want to put out there, you get to do. And then it comes with such a whole other plethora of baggage that you're just like, there are so many challenges you come across. And for every person that's different because some people thrive in different situations. So I'm curious to know what your biggest challenges have been and like really what you've learned about yourself through doing all of this. Well, I think at the beginning it was I like put my whole self on hold I feel like I don't even really remember the first year and a half because it's so much busy making and you're just trying to like it feels like every every show

that you complete you're like scrambling to complete the next one you're like always you're just like churning and churning and the wheels are constantly turning so you're never at rest never at rest and then you have a little bit more time to kind of like take a step back and think But it's not that much more time. And now kind of seven seasons in, I'm like, okay, now I can think a little bit. But for me, the most challenging thing is actually managing, I think, managing people, like managing a business, like being honest about the fact that it's like a business with real people who have real lives and worries and concerns and complaints. and you kind of have to like be a part of that and fix problems and fix your work culture and like that I found really challenging because I'm not like a business person I don't know how to do I'm not trained this is like a a gift this is like a present and an opportunity and you're trying to like be very creative but you also I think balancing like the creative part and the

performing part which is the part that you like get into it for with actually being a caretaker of people and trying to make a work environment that works for other people, that was the part that I found so unexpected and extremely challenging. And I still find it challenging to this day. Yeah, I agree with that. It's very hard to manage people, especially when that's not what you're setting out to do, you know, as a comedic voice or as, you know, as a journalistic voice, like however you want to frame it, you're sitting there trying to just share your opinion and you're kind of POV. And then you realize, oh, there's so much more involved than that. totally like people go to school like people go to college to learn how to manage and learn

there's like techniques and there's philosophies and there's ways to approach things and ways to like phrase things that are better than others and it's like I'm sure it was probably hard for you too like you're a performer and you're you're so independent and you're like you're doing your own thing and then all of a sudden there's like people working for you and it's hard to grapple with that it's a really sharp learning curve it was for me for sure i want to say thank you for saying all of a sudden instead of all of the sudden because i have been saying all of the sudden for many years and somebody very kindly and appropriately corrected me and said it's not all of the sudden you fucking idiot for somebody who likes to correct other people's grammar you

should figure out that you're saying all of the sudden and i was so horrified so now i listen to make sure everyone's saying all of a sudden. Oh my God. Oh no. You know what? For most of my entire life, I thought it was doggy dog world. You know what? It's a doggy dog world out there, guys. And if you say it fast enough, it makes sense. You're like, yeah, it is a doggy dog world. So how did you manage when in the beginning of your show, like you obviously have more responsibilities than I do because you have a family. So how did that work out for you? Because I know you're with the love of your life. You're with your partner. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yeah. We've been married now for, we've been together since 1997. Whatever that means. I can't, I don't count.

I don't know. I don't know how many years that is. And I don't remember those things. But it was 1997. And we have three kids. So we have like a 16, we have a 16 year old, a 13 year old and an 11 year old. And so I think I did like a medium job at a lot of things. And I definitely lost myself. So I went like, there's three big pieces of this. There's the work, and then there's my children and then there's me as a human being and I just focused on the other two things and I probably didn't pay any attention to myself for many years I think I actually like was like I just give over I just kind of gave over for years and yeah the irony that you're doing a show with your name on it but you're not paying any attention to yourself no not at all no it was

it's not it's not possible and I do think a lot of people experience that it's not unusual it's not like special I definitely stopped like having my period like I stopped all these things were just like everything stop everything like shove all your personal feelings out the door for a while we'll get back to you later and so and and I I did I'm like more a more fully realized human being now than I was at the beginning get bell pure fiber internet with crave netflix and disney Plus, from $94 a month, price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto-pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell. Connection is everything.

When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced.

silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club part group chat for thought daughters pop culture obsessives and anyone who thinks pride and prejudice and love island deserve the same level of discourse i'm eli rallo and every week we're connecting the dots between books the internet and the conversations everyone can't stop having i'm gonna have to look up this story i'm obsessed i'm obsessed from best-selling authors

and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments nothing is off the table it's Like, if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B.

I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself.

So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network. Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners. Each week, we talk to someone in show business, a.k.a. the biz,

and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time, and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman. Not that great. actually can you help me can you help me shape this how about we flip it on its head right how about we flip the script okay what if the surprise woman who actually you think is the straight man is actually the one who's acting weird adam scott this entire time you've been expecting adam sandler to come to visit the show i i would never let go of that i have i would never set

expectations for something like that to happen. If the universe allows for something like that to happen, I'm open to it. I'm always going to accept. You know, Danny McBride, fine. Yeah, it's all this fragile masculinity exuding. I could smell it walking down the hallway

to be honest with you. I was like, is that weed? Nope, it's fragile masculinity. Ben Stiller, no. Because a lot of times, out of context, people don't get it or even know what a circle is, you know what I mean? Like, they're like, everyone's so dumb except for you fake right fake and and also not interested or just like

oh i've got my life i don't care about your life and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us oh and by the way will ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode but he's just so busy listen to hollywood handbook on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts do you go to therapy i don't don't oh god look at you i probably should well i tried to and then i was like i don't know how i'm gonna do this how do i add this to my schedule it feels very yeah in the beginning of therapy i would say it felt very self-absorbed you know you're like oh god now i have to be one of these people that just sits here in addition to having my whole life be about me i have to go now and

talk to somebody about myself for two hours and it feels it is good in the long run but in the beginning when especially when you have your own show and you have all of these things you just it is kind of a breath of fresh air to not think about yourself how do you know when you found the right person like how do you actually find I feel like that's the secret which is that you don't necessarily have to go with the first therapist you meet like you probably could have bad ones along the way right oh yeah that's what everybody talks about you know because people find one and it's not a match and then they're like oh you know forget it you know what's the point. But I mean, I would argue always that there's always somebody that's going to be a

match. It's just a matter of going through the trial and error. But you know, it's not that everybody has to go to therapy. I mean, let's be realistic. Some people are fine without it. And some people really need to unpack their shit. So right, right, right. There's a lot of therapy talk on this podcast. We got we started this podcast trying to give advice, you know, like, I wanted people to call in, like, where should I go on vacation? And then all of a sudden, And all of a sudden it got serious and I was like, Ooh, big responsibilities, but I love it. I love kind of helping people, you know, just be a better version of themselves because I think that's it. The thing that I got so much from therapy was calming the fuck down, not being so reactive and

just calming down and sitting still instead of having a million things going on. I had an inability to do that so once I was able to kind of start understanding that it's not like a you're ever fully cooked obviously because what would be the point if we were but I liked all that stuff when I was seeing like concrete improvements then it became addictive I was like okay wait I can get better at this I can do this in a more mindful way I really would love someone to teach me how to calm the fuck down because I actually don't like I feel now I'm 52 and I stand doing everything like I never I it's really I never sit down like my feet are in pain at the end of the day from just like the amount of like back and forth like zip zip zip zip I'm constantly walking and I have

like live in an apartment where am I going maybe you're on your walking treadmill who knows I You know, I just never sit. What have you learned about yourself doing this show that you were surprised to learn in a good way? Like, what good qualities at managing people did you find out about yourself? Well, I did find out it's certainly not possible to make everyone who works for you happy. I learned that I care about people being happy. I truly, meaningfully would rather know what someone's problem is and try to help fix the

problem than to just stick my head in the sand and pretend that there's no problem and that it's going to go away on its own. I did learn that I'm generally unwilling to leave. It takes me a long time to solve problems sometimes, but I'm always game to try. And that's actually a pretty painful proposition. It's much easier to not care what's going on in anybody's life or to not care and kind of turn away from that. I just sort of understood that it was better to have a more difficult experience. If people were truly unhappy, I did want to know it. And that sometimes came back to me, like it was sometimes my doing that people were unhappy.

so being willing to be responsible for that was both a good thing to know about myself but also very hard kind of like made life pretty hard you know it's been a long learning journey how about your relationship with your husband how has that been affected by seven years of you doing this show well he's really I mean he had his show he had a scripted show at the same time that I was launching this show so we were just like full pistons like both of us firing in our separate in our distinct categories like he's you know he's an executive producer of my show I was an executive producer of his show so we were just like firing on all cylinders for four solid years and somehow we understood each other's issues we had like a separate we had like a language

of our work and then a language of our family we were both very very good at making a separation though like we're very good at compartmentalizing our two worlds so like when work was over we were on the kids we're like very into parenting our kids we love them we sacrifice a tremendous amount of like we don't really party we don't we separated all that stuff out like we don't we'll never go out we don't have like networks of like people we met at parties because we never because we're always like let's do some school essays so we and we were sort of like both went on that journey and we're really like homebodies so we were just like work and kids and nothing in between and we were we did that together so our relationship is very solid sometimes we get frustrated sometimes

we would get frustrated with each other like I definitely tune out sometimes I space out if I'm in work mode I'm so spaced everyone can tell that I'm physically present but completely mentally disengaged and now instead of like arguing about it they all just kind of go oh she's gone like I hear them saying she's gone and I'm physically there and I'm like yep I'm gone I can't deal with this right now everybody's been very patient and do you have a lot of close girlfriends no i have a like really small group of girlfriends and that is great and i have my husband i have my kids it's like a pretty tight i have a really small family too i'm an only child the only child of an only child which is interesting that you have three children i think it's probably

because of it's probably because of that actually what size family does your husband come from he's one of two so we both come from relatively small families we don't have like a big network of we're very much i think we're very much about creating an island that we would want to live on that's cute yeah it's pretty great it's pretty great we travel well together we're just like we're just like a little unit and we just bounce around all together yeah on your podcast we were talking about my relationship and you were saying that you've met your person too and it's uh you i think you could always tell when someone's with their person right there's a total calm equanimity is a good word for it that's a really good word for it it is a very it is very grounding to be like

okay I'm very grateful for it so so grateful but also I don't think about it all that much because I don't have to think about it all that much it's not really dramatic it's not a place of conflict which is not to say that we don't disagree for sure we do but it's not a place of conflict in my life like it's not something I have to resolve we argue well together and smooth it out quickly disagree about small things but generally speaking it's it's there for both of us because when we got together we were doing children's theater as stated and sailor moon sailor moon yep sailor moon everybody what download goddamn trip well i was the star of the show i did play sailor moon just in case anyone was wondering but like you know we went

through like such phases of life where like he was working and i was not working and then i was working and he was not working so we were always like when we had nothing filling in the blanks for each other and that has like continued smoothly into like higher stakes and bigger jobs and we're still filling in the blanks when I'm really busy he'll take over this he's away I take over this and it's not easy but that's how we do it you mentioned it's not dramatic but you don't see you strike me as somebody who has a very dramatic personality. Do you? I have in the past. Very dramatic, super dramatic. So this was like, I would say that Jason, my husband is the first person who he settled me down as a person. He is actually the person who brought me to earth,

which I needed and didn't like before I met Jason, when we were on our first date, actually, which i didn't even know for him it was a date for me i was like i'm just going out to dinner with this my friend jason and were you guys friends for a long time before you went on a date we were co-workers so we worked on this children's theater show and we were like let's go out for dinner and he was like we're going on a date and i was like we are at dinner and the whole dinner i just talked to him about how i was ruined and i would never be in a relationship i was like well that's it for me folks I never I don't need it I don't need it I don't want it no more relationships thank you very much I'm closing up shop and let's go to a movie should

we go see Waiting for Guffman and he was like I might kiss you and I was like no thank you and then I drove away and then we went on another date and then we did no thanks not and now here Well, I think it's 25 years later, right? 1997 plus 2022, something like 25. We're literally this, I think this month, approximately 25 years together. Oh, well, that's a pretty big anniversary. That's called the silver anniversary, I believe. Is it? You might want to get your ducks in a row. I'm sure I'm wrong about that. Every anniversary is like, it's paper. And this is the yarn anniversary. Like it doesn't start

to get really good until you're like 50 years in and then they're like pewter or something like that and do you feel like do you feel like the last seven years of your life with the show like do you feel like life has gone by so quickly so quickly like so quickly I do feel a really only market in like Jason and I are just getting old together but I see it in the kids because like when we started this enterprise they were little i mean they were like kids we had a whole other life we had a whole other life like a different physical circumstances and i don't exactly know what happened but i definitely looked up and i was like you guys are all teenagers wait a minute hold on that's primarily how i think of children just as a reflection of aging as a reflection of

myself yeah which is well which is why i never had them because i'm like listen i don't need to be reminded that life is moving too quickly. How did you deal with the Trump years? Since you were, you know, constantly talking about that, that how did that affect your psyche and kind of emotional well being? I think when people spoke about Trump derangement syndrome, that was that's what I felt. I had that like, full derangement where I couldn't, sometimes I just couldn't communicate how angry I was, like I would just get up. It was so disgusted and horrified on a really daily basis. And it coincided with perimenopause, which is a trip on its own, to the point where I didn't really sleep. I was always kind of eating properly. I'm never a person

who would like skip a meal from stress. I love meals. But I would wake up like clockwork at 2.30 in the morning and be like, all right, what's going on in the world? And then I would get really enraged by reading the news. Just a constant immersion in the news cycle. It was hard to get my sleeping back on track. And it was tough. I don't know. It was hard. It was not as hard for me. I mean, I was still doing a comedy show. That's still a fun job. I still enjoyed my work. And I had fun at work. And it was great. But it was like sifting through all that anger to get to the kernels of comedy was quite an undertaking. And it was a real undertaking for my whole team at the show like we were all every day we're like oh fuck 10 new things that we have

to that are going to ruin the world and tangibly destroy people's lives and set conditions for terrible things to happen in the future to vulnerable people and you could just see it happening and you're like what the oh my god why isn't anybody doing anything about this I did learn that there are no heroes and no white knights coming to save you you have to save yourself. And that is really hard to do. You have to save yourself. And you also have to find we were talking about this last night at dinner with some friends and I were discussing, you know, actively being hopeful and positive and knowing that you're putting something out that is going to counter all of the negativity and all of the destruction that we see every day and not getting

so wrapped up in that because I also had that experience when Trump was elected. I got so immersed and so wrapped up. The only thing that would calm me down was talking to other people who also were as pissed as I was, you know, it's like the lowest common denominator of human interaction is like, what do you think is going to happen? Where's this going to go? What about what he said here? You know, and then I think coming out of it and understanding like getting stuck in that cog is so unhelpful for spreading joy or light or hope or whatever your game is, or your currency is that you want to spread out there. It's nice to remind yourself, even when all terrible things are happening like good things can happen at the same time and there are ways to

inform educate and motivate people to get involved in the right way instead of allowing all of that to you know weigh so heavily on you which i was so guilty of doing during that time i just let it just engulf me you know instead of moving towards a place of okay how do we work towards something better it's a real practice and it really does help to be off of social media that's actually a very like to take breaks from that and to give yourself time away from that is because it is a constant it's like an I mean it is just an onslaught and it's so easy it's so so easy to get caught up in things that aren't really all that important or to believe that it's real life when it's it's not controversies that bubble up on social media aren't necessarily things that

people are talking thinking about in real life and there is a real life to be lived away from that Yeah. And that's what we do on this show. This is about real life. Social media comes up all the time as you would expect, but I find that to be so true for me too. I try so hard to have a life outside of my professional life, outside of competitiveness, outside of looking around to see what other people are doing and not focusing on what you're doing, you know, and actually having real experiences with real people that are independent of a profession or of social media or of an impression or any of that. So what we're going to do with Catherine, our co-host,

I know you're excited about this, Samantha. I am. I can see the fervor in your eyes. I have it. We are, people are going to call in. Some of them will be on Zoom so you can see them and some of them will write. Catherine, what do we have in store for us today

in terms of advice giving? Oh my goodness, so many things. We have some baby talk. We have bad behavior at one of your shows, Chelsea. fear of your partner falling out of love with you some some wild stuff did you fear that samantha ever that your husband would fall out of love with you 100 i think that's normal i think that's normal too i'm in a brand new relationship and i'm like at some point he is gonna find out how disgusting i am and be disgusted by me you know and i and we're still in the honeymoon phase

ish ish we're phasing into we're phasing into the other phase but yeah i have that fear that's a very very normal i think everyday human fear of course but you know you have to know that they're having that fear about you as well and so i would imagine you feel that way about your children too like what if my children grow up to hate me right that would be a natural fear for any parent natural fear natural fear great something else to be afraid of yeah great okay let's add more fear Yeah. Well, we'll take a quick break for an ad and we'll be right back. how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files.

I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them.

They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought

daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments nothing is off the table it's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters and that is a trojan horse whether you're looking for literary deep dives smart pop culture conversations or a community of readers who love to think a little too much you're in the right place listen to pro society on the iheart

radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts see you between the pages on the new podcast solita we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman i can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle i chose option b i'm julie pinero and i travel by myself because it's a rare space where i can say yes without asking anyone else first i'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita trading the pity for possibility Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is

and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements.

We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network. Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners. Each week, we talk to someone in show business, a.k.a. the biz, and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time, and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman. Not that great.

Actually, can you help me shape this? How about we flip it on its head? How about we flip the script? What if the surprise woman, who actually you think is the straight man, is actually the one who's acting weird? Adam Scott. This entire time, you've been expecting Adam Sandler to come to visit the show. I would never expect. Let go of that.

I would never set expectations for something like that. if the universe allows for something like that to happen i'm open to it i'm always going to accept you know danny mcbride fine yeah it's all this fragile masculinity exuding i could smell it walking down the hallway to be honest with you i was like is that weed nope it's fragile masculinity ben stiller no because a lot of times in out of context people don't get it or even know what a circle is you know what i mean like you're like oh what's the state everyone's so dumb and fake right fake and and also not interested or just like oh i've got my life i don't care about your life and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us oh and by the way

will ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode but he's just so busy listen to hollywood handbook on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts and we're back with samantha b and katherine all right yay well let's jump right into our first question our first question comes from char she says dear chelsea my future sister-in-law has been in a relationship for about a year now i recently spent some time with her and her boyfriend and noticed reed couldn't stop cringing that they use their baby talk voice in public and it was driving me crazy how do i tell them that the baby talk is something for the privacy of their own home and not for public consumption thank you char

oh my god i want to hear them talk yeah do you though do you really want to hear the talk i do what's my whoopsie doing where is he going to go get me an enchilada i don't know what does that sound like? What do adults do that? It's exciting. They're both doing it. I love it. We actually do have a clip from her. And so here is a little bit of what that baby talk sounds like. I really want some Mexican food. Oh, you do? Oh, you want to get a margarita at a Mexican place? Yeah. Should I have one margarita

or two margaritas? Mmm. Last time you had two, I had to drive you home. Ooh. You're probably right. I should have one. I would say, honestly,

I would say shoot her an email and be direct as possible and say, listen, baby talk is not for public consumption. No one is interested in listening to that. I love you. And that's all you have to write. Wait, but she's your sister. Wait.

Hold on. What is the relationship? I had to do the math on this one. It's her future sister-in-law. So I think that means her boyfriend's or fiance's sister. Fiance's sister. That's what I, yes. That's the relationship.

So it's like not her sibling, but someone she's going to spend a lot of time with. Mm-hmm. Yep. Yeah. That's a bit awkward. Do you think you can be that direct with your future sister-in-law? I think that in terms of baby talk, when it's such a ridiculous behavior, you have to just hit the nail on the head and be direct about how absurd it is to think that that's acceptable. No one is interested in hearing that.

no one's interested in seeing people tongue kiss openly like if there are pornographs pornographic videos there are pornographs there are pornographic videos you can watch for that for that kind of stimulation like it's just i think the short sweet to the point and i love you the idea of a porn where they're baby talking ad and i love you so much i love you so much yeah i love you so much i love you so much and i'm worried that you're being taken the wrong way when you guys talk baby talk oh yeah that's nicer yeah you know maybe i don't know that's a tough one i don't know right now all i'm thinking about is how many times i've done that in public with joe and i'm just like fuck i hope that i don't do that but i don't think i do it sometimes

i call him buddha buddha buddha in front of people but they all are in on that and they call him buddha too but that's as far as it goes in public we used to have friends who called each other babe and i really hated it i was like oh my god and now my husband and i we started doing it ironically this is the danger of doing something ironically in your own life because now we're like deb deb deb and we just we've done it now for 10 to 15 years unironically i used to make a joke about the word pussy because it was such a vile word that i would be like oh how's your pussy doing today you know to try and normalize it and then as a joke my sisters and i like i would go in and like say hi to my sister. I'd be like, hi, pussy face, pussy. And then it became a regular like

nickname. And it's like, my sister's like, that's not funny. You cannot be using it normally because it turned in from a joke into now you're doing it normally. I'm like, oh yeah, that's right. You can't do that either. But babe, I mean, I don't know. I don't find babe annoying. Baby talk is for the bedroom on it's pillow talk. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So I don't know. I mean, I, I think, yeah i think be firm and hopefully make the first time the last time i accept your advice i'm making a mental note to myself jason we should stop doing baby talk like i'm gonna learn a lot well especially your baby talk because your baby talk was come here whoopsie i got a pickle or whatever i hope no one ever catches me talking to my cat i don't think

Oh, well, yeah, that's exactly what it is, the way I talk to my dogs. You have to have a special voice for your dogs, like you just do. Yeah, yeah, that's expected. That's needed. Yeah, you have to have a special voice for your dogs because they don't have a voice. So you have to supply them with one. You do. And it has to be very high frequency and very weird.

Yes. My mother-in-law, when we were home visiting for the holidays, she actually pointed out, She's like, oh, you guys baby talk your dog a lot, like kind of constantly. And I was like, it's not baby talk, though. It's like a Mimsy speak. Her name is Mimsy. It's like it's her own language. It's for her.

Yeah. It's not like I'm going to talk to Bert like he's an adult. Like, hey, Bert, come here. It's like that doesn't work. Well, nothing works because he can't fucking hear anything I say. But whatever. Well, our next email comes from Carrie. She's in her 20s.

She says, I recently attended your show in Minneapolis, Chelsea. It was amazing and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I had purchased two tickets for the third row a few months ago while I was heavily intoxicated, not just because I'm a huge fan of yours, but also to spite one of my close friends who got tickets for your show with some other girls and didn't invite me, even though I can guarantee that I'm a larger fan of you than they are. They were up in the nosebleeds, so I found great joy from having awesome seats knowing they were probably jealous AF. Given that I splurged on third row seat tickets, it took me a little bit to conduct an investigation on who I knew that loved you and would be willing to spend that much. I found a co-worker who was like,

hell yes, I love Chelsea Handler. About a year ago, I hung out with her outside of work and got drinks. Long story short, that night got real weird and I made a vow that I would never hang out with her outside of work ever again. Despite my promise to myself, I took her up on her offer to come with. When she arrived at my house at 6 p.m., she was already blackout drunk. We missed dinner, and long story short, she took more shots during your opener, which perpetuated her intoxication level. I don't think you said one single sentence during the show without her screaming at you, and I was completely horrified and embarrassed. People around us were also clearly annoyed, and despite my attempts at telling her to shut the fuck up, she kept doing it. I just

wanted to sincerely apologize for her stupidity and obnoxious actions during your show. I also feel bad that she negatively affected the people around us from enjoying the show at its fullest. She spent the entire day after puking in my basement, and I will most likely be getting some sort of contract notarized that says I'm never to see her face outside of work again. How can I get over my anger and embarrassment at what she did, especially when I have to see her at work? Carrie. Oh, that's tricky. Yeah.

Well, first of all, I would think, listen, don't worry about that. I don't even remember that. There are sometimes hecklers, but that's not ruining. It's a disturbance. It's not welcome, but it happens and people get wasted. The bigger issue is your friend's drinking, which sounds like she's a hot mess. And so you should have a little bit more empathy for why she's in that situation instead of so much judgment towards her, because that's not helpful either. And you're holding on to anger, which I don't know your face. I don't know her face. It's okay. You didn't affect my life in a negative way. You know, probably some people around you, but they're not still thinking about that either. Your friend sounds like she's just a hot mess, and there's a reason why she's a hot mess.

There's a reason why she's blacking out, drinking the two times you've hung out with her. So, I mean, that's a pattern of behavior. So if you can find it in your heart to be a little bit more open-minded about maybe helping her figure out what her issues are, because that isn't normal behavior. You know, you don't want to be out doing that. If that happens to somebody once, fine. But if it happens to somebody 100% of the time, which is the two times you've hung out with her, that's not a good indicator. So she could probably use more of a friend than somebody who's judging her. And if you could find it in your heart to be that for her, that would be great. It's not your responsibility, but it would be a nice exercise in human kindness. Samantha, what do you think? I agree with you. I feel like if she was carrying shame for that event, I feel like you have absolved her of that and she shouldn't carry that with her. It happened. It's over. She already wasn't responsible for her friend's condition. And it is unfortunate, but it didn't affect anyone's lives. It didn't affect, if you don't remember, if it doesn't stand out to you, it was unfortunate, but it's not something she should really carry. she shouldn't carry any guilt forward. She really only has to have a functioning work

relationship with this person. I feel like what you're suggesting is great. If this person needs a friend, or they just need someone to say, you know, 100% of our social interactions have been really awkward and weird, and they're kind of centered on drinking. So if you ever want to talk about that, I'm right here. Otherwise, we're co-workers. We don't have to interact outside of this place it's up to you I don't want to do that again but I feel like you might be hurting and if that's the case maybe I could be helpful and that's it like you're not responsible but you're friendly enough to go out sometimes so it feels like there's more than just a work relationship but you don't have to like overstep and empathy is good empathy for this person takes you outside

of your own anger it can like it can alleviate that for you and also think about the things that adding to your anger, like your other friends getting tickets and not inviting you like that all that all worked itself into that situation for you. So you know, you were kind of probably in a slightly aggravated state because of all of that trying to kind of with the gamesmanship of getting better tickets and doing your own thing. So just take all those factors into it. But definitely holding on to anger is it doesn't do anyone any good. And it certainly doesn't do you any good i totally agree with that yeah yeah the jonas brothers are running it back we live the burning up tour and celebrate the biggest jonas brother hits that have defined a generation

one incredible celebration one unforgettable night see the jonas brothers live at rbc amphitheater september 28th get tickets now at ticketmaster.ca jonas brothers the burning up tour all over again when i was 14 years old i was kidnapped and held captive for nine months i survived and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart And these are the survivor files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me.

I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home.

This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table it's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters

and that is the trojan horse whether you're looking for literary deep dives smart pop culture conversations or a community of readers who love to think a little too much you're in the right place listen to pro society on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts See you between the pages. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network. Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners.

Each week, we talk to someone in show business, a.k.a. the biz, and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time, and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman. Not that great. Actually, can you help me shape this? how about we flip it on its head

how about we flip the script what if the surprise woman who actually you think is the straight man is actually the one who's acting weird Adam Scott this entire time you've been expecting Adam Sandler to come

to visit the show I would never expect I would never set expectations for something like that to happen if the universe allows for something like that to happen I am open to it. I'm always going to accept.

You know, Danny McBride, fine. Yeah, it's all this fragile masculinity exuding. I could smell it walking down the hallway, to be honest with you. I was like, is that weed? Nope, it's fragile masculinity. Ben Stiller, no. Because a lot of times, out of context, people don't get it or even know what a circle is.

You know what I mean? Like, they're like, oh, what's a circle? Everyone's so dumb except for you. And fake. Right, fake. And also not interested or just like, oh, I've got my life. I don't care about your life. And a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us.

Oh, and by the way, Will Ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode, but he's just so busy. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B.

I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

well our next question comes from Charlotte she says dear Chelsea I wanted to write in to ask about mental health social anxiety in particular every time I have a get together with close friends or family I worry afterward about what people think of me I continue to ruminate about things I said or did and I worry I'm being judged or seen in a bad light I don't have the best confidence and was wondering how you stay so sure of yourself and so comfortable with who you are as a person. Charlotte, and she is here with us to chat. Hi, Charlotte. Hi, Charlotte. How are you? Hi. We have Samantha Bee here today as my guest. Hi, how are you? Hello, Ontarian. Oh, nice. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. So you are overthinking. You're a little bit self-conscious,

right? Yeah, big time. Like I'll go out with people, you know, have a good time and then I'll get home and I'll just ruminate. And even if it's about like nothing, you know, and I don't know why and just want to kind of get those intrusive thoughts kind of out of my head after having like a social interaction, you know, even with people that I know really well. So I don't know why that's happening. And are you do you find yourself when you're in this situation that you're already thinking about what you're going to say instead of maybe listening? Or are you present when you're in those moments? Kind of both. I'm kind of guilty too of like just thinking about what I want to say sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe I need to be a little bit like what

you just said, maybe listen a little bit more. I always find that when I feel self-conscious, the best exercise is to listen because then it takes you out of your own headspace. You know what I mean? Instead of thinking, because we've all been there, you're not by yourself. I've experienced bouts of self-consciousness after bouts of huge misplaced self-confidence where I was like, wait a second, I thought I was that person. And now I'm sitting here wondering what I'm going to say when there's a lull. And the best antidote to the noise in your brain is to listen and being in that moment so that you could hear what somebody's saying, because there is no wrong way to be present, you know, unless you're a complete asshole lunatic who's going off on

people, like you're not doing anything offensive. I can tell by talking to you for two minutes that you're a totally easygoing, nice person, you know, you're not, you're not going to be pissing people off left and right. So the over-analysation that are over-analysis, I should say that a lot of us experience is a temporary thing. And it's just usually it's derivative of what's going on in your life at the time, if you're feeling other forms of not being completely settled, but it's not a permanent state of mind. So first, understand that. Don't think, oh, this is how things are going to be. Nothing stays. There's no permanence with any of this. And that's something we all know just from life experience. But it's not uncommon to go through a bout of self-consciousness.

And I think it's just about getting your head out of that. There's books you can read on mindfulness or present moment awareness or any of that stuff, which kind of, they all say the same thing, but it's just about really being present gives you the gift of not being so self-conscious and, you know, really being in the moment and noticing when your thoughts get derailed to take yourself back to the moment that you're in, whether it's eating a sandwich and being completely focused on that, or if you're doing your emails, being completely focused on that, not doing it while you're watching a show, while you're reading the paper. You know, I used to work out and read the paper and have the news on and then listen to a podcast. Like,

obviously that wasn't working. So like really just being present, overly present right now in this moment, because you are feeling this way, but overly present, you know, when you're walking, literally walk and enjoy the leaves on the trees and what you're looking at and noticing the people, you just have to get yourself a little bit outside of yourself and like over-exercise that kind of pattern of behavior. Yeah, that makes sense. It's like I was worrying today too. I'm like, oh, am I going to think about this conversation and worry about, oh, did I say the wrong thing? And I have a pretty dry sense of humor too, and some people don't get it. So I worry about that as well. So I think that makes sense about just paying attention more. You could walk away from

this conversation knowing that you did not say anything wrong or weird and that we're all like sitting here going, I want the best. I literally want the best for you. I feel like this is so familiar. Like, I totally understand where you're coming from. I feel like I've been in this position too, where I'm like, Oh, did I? What did I do? Like, let me just like go back over every conversation and go like, Oh, did I? Are they thinking about me right now? And I'll tell you what, one of the only gifts of being 52 is that you really start to get a clear picture of how much people are not thinking about you like how much they are actually not going through the conversation and thinking like oh what a fuck up what a weird thing that she said they're actually just like living their

lives and going like that was really fun right we went out for we had brunch that was really fun I really enjoyed that we should do that again they're probably having like a really positive take on it and if I can say one more thing and this is probably not like I don't know if this is healthy or if this is bad so I'm gonna just say what I'm gonna say and like take it or leave it but when um years ago when I was like starting this show my husband always seems like really confident he's got this like I don't know if it's a masculine quality or whatever it's just maybe it's a Jason quality that he never really seems to worry about what other people think of him he never seems to worry about it and like it never would occur to him in a million years

to be like, was he, did he think that I was too loud that time? Never. And I remember asking him, I like cornered him in the bathroom once because I was like, please help me release myself. Like I literally articulated this. I was like, help me release myself from worrying what other people are thinking about me all the time. I was like, how do you do it? Literally what do you do? Is it like a man quality? Is this a masculine quality? Is this adjacent thing? Like how do you push out thoughts of what other people think of you? And he was like, oh, he was like, it's so easy. And I was like, what do you do? Because I was like, just embroiled in all this stuff. He was like, oh, if one of those thoughts pokes into my head, I just physically push it out. I was just

like, not now, Satan. And he just almost in his brain goes, get out. I'm not doing this right now. And I started doing that. If I felt like insecurity creeping in, I started going like, I don't have time for this right now. This is not helping. And then I would do another hobby or something like do something else, an activity that was like really physical. And it just got me out of that plane of thinking. I don't know if that's helpful in any way. No, I think that is helpful. My husband's the exact same way. He does not care. He just like lives his life. And I'm like, Oh my God, like, do they think I'm weird? I know. It's like, it's so funny. Like as you're saying this samantha i'm like god i was just thinking in my mind how many men have

ever been like god i hope i didn't say the wrong thing it's like it's a total male female dynamic like that we've created from probably from them questioning our thoughts and feelings i will say my husband is actually like this so he i hope this is okay to share as he's here in the room with me but he does have the same sort of social anxiety where like the day after a party he ruminates on it. And he's like, oh, my God, I hope I didn't sound stupid. I hope they liked me. And I'm like, what are you talking about? They were charmed by you. You were cracking jokes. You were fun. Like you were conversing. He's so much fun at a party and he's everyone loves him. He's tall and handsome and well-spoken and smart and generally great. But I think Chelsea's right. Like it is

one of those things that has to come from inside. And Sam as well. It's like it has to come from inside of you, either pushing it out or being present in the moment and experiencing what's really going on. No amount of my reassuring him that he was great at the party convinces him he was great at the party. It sort of has to come from inside. That's a great point. It does have to come from whatever technique you use. But I do find busyness is a cure for a lot of that. Getting outside of your own body in a way and being very busy with something is helpful in terms of just not ruminating on things. And also there's a couple of good books that just remind you and give you like, there's one called Finding Peace in a Frantic World. It's written by

Mark Williams. It's like a beginner's guide for mindfulness. Like it just gives you the basic steps when you're too much in your head to just remember that acts of service, helping someone else, focusing on someone else's issues, being like a good friend to somebody else or whoever's in your life, that will always take you out of yourself, you know. And then also The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle just it all espouses the entire practice of just always knowing that those thoughts are your ego, those thoughts are your negative voice trying to drag you in. So saying no, get out is exactly the way to treat those thoughts, you know, like there's no room for you here. And once you start implementing those things, you'll get out of this much quicker than

you think and also to be forgiving of yourself like this is normal like I want you to be kind to yourself and know that like every human person feels these thoughts you know what I mean and I think that the struggle I think everybody has this struggle to to great some extent like maybe for some people it's not a big struggle but everybody has those feelings of like afterwards going like judging yourself and I want for you that you forgive yourself yeah you know we all feel it sucks yeah the thought of people being unhappy with me is like the worst thing I don't know why I don't know why I don't know how to be kind to myself and know that nothing happened but if somebody is unhappy with me how to like kind of get past that if that makes any

sense like just being like well that's what I said and I said what I said you know obviously me not being offensive. But yeah, but also think about like, you know, think of yourself as a little girl, or you think of yourself as your daughter, would you ever want your daughter to feel that way to feel like she has to please everybody in this world? You know, that's a fake construct that has been built up for women to behave in a certain way that is people pleasing. And do you want to be that kind of girl? Who fucking wants to be that, you know, somebody who's making everybody happy, you know, then you're just a product of your society instead of being an original so focus on that and think about yourself as a little girl like what would

you do if it was your daughter you wouldn't allow you would be horrified for her to feel this way right yeah it's not your job to please everybody it's your job a to please yourself and make yourself and the people you love happy and make them feel safe and secure in your relationship but beyond that you don't have an obligation to the world you know and you should start try some you know try headspace headspace has all these like beginning courses about that about the voices in your head about that dialogue and about focusing you know and if you just even put in five minutes a day of that you just start to create a different narrative in your head in a different way that you're speaking to yourself and that has a domino effect yeah you're a

three-dimensional person you're a human person too and you have a right to exist in this world and believe certain things and say whatever you want. Yeah. And if people don't like you because you said one thing the night before, then they're not really worth knowing if they don't like you for the three-dimensional self that you are.

Like if they really are so affected by that, then holy shit. And I would also like to go on the record and say that I am in Canada four months out of the year and no Canadian has ever offended me. So you also have that on your side. Yeah. Thank you.

So, well, and I just wanted to thank you, Chelsea, too. Besides my mom, you're like a huge inspiration for just being like an outspoken woman and still being mindful of other people. But when somebody's trying to bring you down, just telling them to get lost and just to be a strong woman. And I just wanted to thank you for that.

Well, you're welcome. But you're a strong woman too. You know, we just have to tap into our reservoir of strength and sometimes we don't feel strong, but you're strong. Thank you. Appreciate that. Oh, well, good luck with everything. and please pick up those books okay those two books I wrote them down great great I'm sure you

can google them and find them right away yeah thank you so much I appreciate it thanks take care to you okay speak to you soon bye oh my god I know I know but you know something when I experienced my first adult self-doubt or insecure phase because I went for so long without ever even thinking about what people thought about me, just like, you know, who cares? Like that arrogant attitude almost. And then going through my first bout of like, oh, self-examination and then the self-flagellation that goes with that, where you go, oh, wait a second. And then the self-consciousness that is coupled with that. It's such an unpleasant and unwelcome feeling to be in. It is. To be worried all the time about something that other people are not worrying about is not

a great feeling it can be really debilitating like just to get caught in that and to like live to be just like so steeped in worry yeah second guessing yourself is not a fun environment to be in really not fun not fun at all no and I think also post-pandemic I kind of after my first few interactions after that I was like oh we're all just gonna be a little weird for a little while because I felt like I don't usually feel that way that afterward like was I weird was I weird And I had an engagement party for one of my cousins and I felt like as I was talking to her sister, my other cousin, I'm like, I just keep laughing at all her stories. I don't know what to say back to her. Like, thank God she's telling so many funny stories.

And then the next day she texted me and she's like, I'm sorry if I was talking too much. Like, I was like, oh, wait, we're all just going to feel like we're acting really strange for a while. It does feel strange. Yeah. And I'm like really quick to anger like little things. I'm like, oh, I'm so angry about this. It's nothing. It is a bit of a roller coaster.

I've seen the lower part of people's faces. Yeah, it is. And I definitely can relate to post-pandemic socializing where I was like, shit, what am I going to say now? Okay, someone said something and now it's my turn to return the tennis ball. And I was like, ah. I mean, even my sister goes, what is wrong with you? I go, I don't know what to say to people anymore. And I've never been short for words, so I could only imagine what somebody who's more shy or less sure of themselves must be feeling.

But yeah, for sure, the pandemic made us all a bit of a hot mess. Oh, yeah. Oh, definitely. Well, our next question comes from Beck. She's 28. She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm in a pickle. I have an intense fear that my partner of two years will ultimately lose interest in me and fall out of love eventually. My opinion of men isn't exactly high. I seem to box my partner into the same category that most men have fallen into in my life, ultimately fickle, selfish, and ignorant.

My self-esteem isn't the highest, and I'm riddled with anxiety that he will find me less attractive as I get older or, God forbid, bear his children. I'm constantly thinking of self-sabotaging the relationship as the fear of rejection is so intense. How do I stay confident and address these fears without projecting needy girlfriend vibes onto him. Love, Beck. Well, I would say that when you are living in fear and based out of fear,

you are going to perpetuate that feeling and it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. So you have to really work hard on getting yourself out of that mindset because it's a waste of your time and it's a waste of your energy and you're almost working against yourself. So you've been with somebody for two years

And you have to start thinking, you know, every negative thought comes with a positive counterpart. That's physics. Every action has a reaction. And if you can start changing that dialogue in your head, that's what you have to do first. You have to get in control of the fact that you don't have control over the future. You have control over how you behave. You can't control what's going to happen with your partner, if he's going to stay in love with you, if he's going to remain in love with you. You can only control how you conduct yourself. So even if you don't believe it right now that you're worthy of all of that, you have to start acting like it. You have to start believing that you do have all of the things that you have that you offer the relationship.

You can't worry about aging. Everyone's aging. These are things that are happening to everybody. So getting so hyper-focused on this relationship and it falling apart is a dangerous pattern of thought for you. So there is a book that my friend told me about once when she was feeling similar. It's called Rejection Proof, Rejection of Proof or Rejection Proof or something. I know there's an umbrella on the cover because I have it at my house. Of course, I haven't read that one yet, but I'll get to it. But you have to really just start working on having a positive dialogue with yourself immediately. Pick up as many books as you can until you read something that strikes a chord within you that you can turn into a manifestation for yourself. Because all of

our wasted time and energy is spent on fear. And when you come from a place of hope and positivity instead of fear, and you build yourself up to courage and bravery, then the fear is eliminated and it's down below and it's something that you don't even recognize in yourself. But it's not going to happen overnight. You have to be an active participant in getting yourself healthier. oh this is great advice this is great advice because it is hard to operate from a place of fear and you can't control the future you have no say in how the future unfolds i also do think like if you're in a positive if you really take a step back and you look at your relationship and you go actually it's he's never given me any indication that he's falling out of like we're

we have a very state he would be very surprised to hear that i am very worried about the future and these kind of irrational thoughts, it's okay to have those conversations with your partner. Not dwell on them, but just to honestly say, I'm having like irrational thoughts. Can I just tell you what they are and then I can maybe put them to rest? If your partner loves you,

which it sounds like you are in a really solid relationship, as long as you're not living and acting from a place of fear all the time, if you're able to talk about things that like you should be able to talk about weird fears that you're having about the future like you should be able to say that I think just before we got married my husband was like I am worried that you're gonna that you're gonna like have children and split because like I have some weird family history and stuff and he was like I'm worried that that's just like in your genes maybe and I was like I don't think it is but I also don't know

But I don't think so. I think it's okay. And I do think that if you're in a supportive relationship, it's okay to like, give voice to irrational fear once in a while. And it's not, it shouldn't be scary for the other person. Because you do have to be true to yourself. I think if you're like living in that place all the time, then that's a different matter entirely. But having a healthy dialogue with yourself is very important. As Chelsea is saying, I think that's really, really great advice. Yeah. And I like what you're saying. That's good advice. Also talking about it, voicing your fear. I remember my girlfriend was going through a rough patch with her boyfriend and he wanted a child and she didn't. And that's why we're friends. She goes, is it a deal breaker? But they'd been together for three or four years already. And he was like, I don't know. I have to think about it. I didn't realize this was so important to me. And she's like, well, I need an answer. You need to tell me. She's like, you have six weeks to figure it out. And I was like, no, no, you cannot give someone six weeks to figure this

out. Like when you need a definitive answer on something, you're giving something no space to breathe. You're not giving it any room for it to be okay, you know, because you can't control the outcome. You can never control the outcome. All you can control is how you conduct yourself and your response to things. So I would definitely bring it up with your partner. I'm sure he'll probably say something to you that will make you feel better and better. I mean, that will make you feel better about the situation. But beyond that, it's your job to not look to him to make you feel better all the time. It's something you can bring up, but it's not a burden for you to place on him because it's an inside conversation that you're having with yourself. And that needs to get

stronger. Your sense of self needs to get stronger. So hopefully you will be able to have more open conversations because nobody wants their partner to feel like that. Who wants to see their partner suffering like that or worried? Yeah. When you're two years into a relationship, you don't have to pretend that you love boxing or whatever it is like whatever their hobby is that you really can't stand but you think that you like you pretend to like it so much that you actually think that you like it and then the moment that your relationship is over you're like oh I find you really hated that actually that wasn't really fun at all but like you're so deep into the relationship now you should be able to like be your true self and part of that is allowing letting

that person know that you're going to like, that you're also trying to create a better dialogue inside yourself and that you're aware that it might seem irrational, but it's okay to say it out loud occasionally. Sometimes when I, this is something that I do if I, you know, sometimes like in this business, and this is so weird, but I am going to say it. You know, you're like, you're always reading stories about like opportunities all around you and everybody's like, what's he getting what's she doing what's this like you sold what oh my god and you get jealous you get you have like these eruptions of jealousy and even though you're doing really well and this seems so crazy like why would you be jealous why would you be thinking about opportunities that

someone else is getting like how is that relevant to you but it happens it erupts and I personally like to give it a voice I like will take my husband and I'll go oh I feel so jealous today and here's why and he's like oh my god what is wrong with you and i'm like i have to just say it out loud in order for me to disperse it yeah the more i hold it the more real it gets and that's very unhealthy sometimes i need to say it out loud because i need to hear what it sounds like in real life and the moment i hear myself say it i go oh okay and it just like erases so i don't know if that's i like that i like that especially with somebody that you can trust I remember once telling my sister years ago, a friend of mine got a huge opportunity and I was the one who had, you know, brought her into stand up and introduced her to stand up and encouraged her to do it. And then she got a big break before I did. And I had all these feelings of envy and jealousy. And I was in my 20s and I called my sister and I told her, I go, I feel so terrible. I'm so jealous, but she's my friend. And she's like, it's totally fine. She's like, just tell some, you tell me that's okay.

As long as you don't act on the jealousy, you're almost expunging it by giving it a voice. And I think that's great to remember. You have somebody in your life that you can trust and always confide in, and that should be your person, that you can say the things that you're embarrassed to say. And sometimes when you do hear them out loud, just like Samantha just said, you're like, okay, I can't do something I'm operating on. You're like, that's just too stupid. I was holding on to that for too long. Okay, let's move forward. Yeah.

Give yourself the room to be vulnerable. right well we'll take a quick break and we'll be back to wrap up with samantha b and chelsea okay get bell pure fiber internet with crave netflix and disney plus from 94 a month price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit visit bell.ca for details and to check availability bell connection is everything when i was 14 years old i was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them.

I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them.

They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed.

From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B.

I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your

podcasts. hey this is Hayes Davenport and Sean Clements we host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners each week we talk to someone in show business aka the biz and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show we've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman not that great actually can Can you help me shape this? How about we flip it on its head?

How about we flip this around? What if the surprise woman, who actually you think is the straight man, is actually the one who's acting weird? Adam Scott. This entire time, you've been expecting Adam Sandler to come to visit the show. I would never set expectations for something like that to happen. It seems like you did. universe allows for something like that to happen i'm open to it i'm always going to accept you know danny mcbride fine yeah it's all this fragile masculinity exuding i could smell it walking

down the hallway to be honest with you i was like is that weed nope it's fragile masculinity ben stiller no because a lot of times in out of context people don't get it or even know what a circle is you know what i mean like you're like oh what's this david everyone's so dumb and fake right fake and and also not interested or just like oh i've got my life i don't care about your life and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us oh and by the way will ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode but he's just so busy listen to hollywood handbook on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts and we're back great okay this is fun yeah well thanks yeah good advice

giving samantha awesome high stakes i love it these are real these are real lives these are like very relatable issues yep very relatable well speaking of relatable issues sam do you have any advice you'd like to ask from chelsea here's a question and this is like okay okay this is gonna sound like a anyone who knows me and anyone who works with me will think that this question is insane because it's very unlike me i don't you're very open about drug use very open about drug use very open about all of that pharmaceuticals all of that and no one ever offers me drugs of any kind and I don't know what it is about me I'm obviously like such a nerd and well I think it's because you're from Canada look Canada whatever one thing that I would like to try after watching

the whole documentary about fungi on Netflix which I loved and I was like this I feel like that documentary about fungi like fantastic fungi was so was almost like a spiritual experience for me watching that should i try magic mushrooms i think you have to because it is so because it's so i took yesterday i take a little chocolate square of magic mushrooms almost every day almost every day i haven't taken it today i wish i had now that we're talking about it so i could just but there is there is a mental clarity that you can reach you don't have to go bonkers and go dose yourself but right now there's so many in canada everyone has mushrooms they have microdose 50 milligrams, 250 milligrams. It's whatever you want. I like it in chocolate because it gives me

a better upper. But there is a mental clarity that isn't naturally available to me. It is an upper in a way where you don't feel like you're on a drug. Like mushrooms, if you take psilocybin, you want to do a proper dose or you want to do a guided dose for healing purposes, that's a different situation. And I would encourage that for people who are dealing with trauma or anything that they want to you know kind of tackle but I think there is really nothing to lose you kind of just see everything from a little bit more it taps into a part of your brain where you are able to be up you're clear-minded you're not you know off your rocker and you're able to be productive and sound so it kind of adds to whatever you've already got going on naturally do you think that

because I've never done them before that I'll have a really because I've had like I've taken i've taken stuff in the past and had such bad experiences do you think that i would be at risk for having a really bad experience just from the stress of like just from being kind of tense about it but really wanting but really i feel like it could be really beneficial to me but i'm also terrified like do you think that the terror will cause me to have a bad experience i i honestly think if you have that kind of fear you should just have the most minimal possible amount you can have like a half of a microdose to allay your fear. Because once you do that, you're going to understand, oh, I'm not going to be overwhelmed by this. And then your fear will abate. And then

by the time it does, you can introduce whatever minuscule amount. And it's almost an imperceptible feeling when it's done right, when you don't have too much, like 50 milligrams of psilocybin is not going to affect you in any deleterious. You're not going to lose it. You're not going to get overwhelmed, you're just going to have a little bit of a feeling of like, oh, oh, everything's brighter and clearer. And I am, my mind is clear. And it adds to whatever you're already working with, you know, on a brain mechanical level. And there are so many parts of our brain that we're not accessing. And when you do something like that, you are accessing a part of your brain and you feel it. You're like, oh gosh. So I just, yeah, the fear is definitely something to be

considered but you just even take it easier because you just have to remember this isn't a drug you're not trying to get fucked up you're just you're just trying to like enhance it's an enhancer we talked about it at dinner last night and we're talking just about the effects of it and how people don't understand how it enhances almost every experience a work experience a play experience or even a family experience oh great because i don't like i'm not up for seeing like elves running under the sofa like i don't i don't not really that's not the experience i'm looking for i was just like what does this mean like what could this unlock inside yes that's a great way to look at it and yeah like is that is that a possibility and how long will it last and will

i be normal in front of my children so maybe i'll do it like by myself yeah it doesn't last forever don't worry it's like a couple hours maybe and you know and again it's not like you're gonna have to be like tripping in a room in the dark like right it's not like that you just go about your business like you would any other day you know try it on a day where you don't have to do a lot so that you're not like worried about that but just to create the confidence in your psyche that you're okay and you're not going to freak out is to do it as minimally as possible and so that you could kind of understand it better oh i love this this is good advice okay i needed to talk that through Okay. Talk to me next week when I'm playing the mandolin at a Renaissance fair. I'm like,

I gave it all up. I'll probably just mail you some magic mushrooms from some other name to another name, but they'll get to you somehow. We'll find our way just like Magellan. Okay. You calmed me down. I really do. I think it would be so... I feel like it would be good for me because I am pretty uptight and kind of a control freak in my own home, like in walking around sorting laundry. It's boring. I would like to try a new version of myself in a minor way. It would be nice to let go a little bit. Oh, awesome. I'm a love drug question. So yeah. Okay. And plus, by the way, everyone is doing it. You know what I mean? And everyone's loving it. It's getting rave reviews. So this is the moment. This is my time.

So Chelsea, one question about that. I am also a person who has never done magic mushrooms, but people often recommend doing them in nature do you think like even from my curdos would you say like head out doors or do you think like always okay yeah i mean you know i i could do it inside too but like no it enhances everything and the colors of the leaves on the trees the nature that you're seeing yeah it enhance it's just an enhancer so to understand it better is to be in nature you know because then you really have a connection and you realize like oh okay this is this is you you understand how kind of small you are and how amazing everything is like that we're all sitting here you know functioning it's just kind of like it's got that vibe to it

too where you're just really happy and grateful that you get to be like here doing your thing i love this okay all right that's great that's cool well sam we'll do mushrooms together okay we will okay perfect awesome well where can everyone find you she's gonna be in the woods doing mushrooms with her podcast. Full Release is the podcast, which I'm going to be a guest on as well. Probably the very same week that you're a guest on mine. We release on Tuesdays. When do you release? Thursdays. We release on Thursdays. Thursdays, Tuesday, Thursday. We do a full release on Thursday. Nice. And then Full Frontal with Samantha Bee is in its seventh season. Yep. Thursdays at 7 p.m. on TBS. Oh, God. Thank you so much, Samantha. I had a wonderful morning with

you. I mean, we've spent more time together, probably than I've spent with anyone other than my boyfriend this year. And we just met. So we're off to a really great start. I loved it. Thank you so much for talking me through this. And for Oh, my God, for bringing me on. That was like emotional. I know it can get emotional. Yeah, I loved it. I want all the people who ask questions to like take your advice and run with it. Anyway, thank you so much. It was great. Have a great day. You too. Bye bye. Bye. and if you'd like to get advice from chelsea and one of her guests please write in to dear chelsea project at gmail.com

i survived nine months in captivity and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse.

each week we're connecting the dots between books the internet and pop culture with your favorite writers book talk creators and plenty of overthought opinions listen to pro society on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts did you hear the new episode of the hey jonas podcast we are at d23 so we'll see who stops by the cast of frozen stopped by Kristen Bell, Josh Gad, and Adina Menzel. I auditioned for Frozen. What? For Kristoff.

They said, okay, what are you going to be singing today? I said, I don't know. That must have been why you didn't get it. Oh, you probably won. Plus, John Stamos, Hayden Christensen from Star Wars, and more. And I guess I can share that, uh... No way. Listen to the latest episode of Hey Jonas on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast, Hollywood Handbook. Each week, we talk to someone in show business and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, Adam Scott, Danny McBride, Ben Stiller, and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us.

Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word Solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart Podcast.

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