Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - A Pretty Sleepy Bitch with Blair Socci

Episode Date: April 11, 2024

Blair Socci joins Chelsea to talk about secret ayahuasca trips, why she’s happy she’s single, and her experience being an 0nlyfans mogul for exactly one day. Then: A sister thinks weed should be legalized - especially within her own family.  A girlfriend treads too lightly when her boyfriend can’t keep it up.  And a polyamorous experiment leaves a twenty-something newly divorced. *  Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human. There's no shortcut for saving time, but saving money is simple. Just combine your car and home insurance with Bel Air Direct and save. Get a quote at BelAirDirect.com. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive.

Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, Katherine.

Oh, hi, Chelsea. Welcome back to LA. Oh, hello. Shabbat shalom. Chelsea, I have an update from one of our callers. This is from Emily. She called in on our Joel Kim Booster episode a while back. She was having some difficulty getting her writing done, and we gave her some advice. Emily says, Hi, Katherine and Chelsea. Update about my no nonsense writing habits that I've been improving in the last few months since I talked to you guys. I actually ended up quitting my job and going back to school for graduate studies, and not surprisingly, that has really helped put me back into the writing headspace I was first in when I

started this series back in my undergrad. I took Chelsea's suggestion, and I now dedicate the first hour or two of my day to writing, and you were right. Not only does it feel less like a chore, but the quality of what I'm putting out is a lot better. I'm now proud to report that the first three books in my series are done, and the first two will be ready for beta readers in the next four to six weeks. There we go! Yes! There we go! My sister and I are trying to budget coming to see you soon, so I'm looking forward to seeing you live again. Thank you both so much. I really love the advice, and continue to admire and religiously listen to the show. Emily. That's incredible. I know. Love it. Well, our guest today is already on the line,

but she's been named one of Variety's 10 comics to watch. And you can watch her first hour-long special on the streamer Veeps, V-E-E-P-S. And it's hysterical. So should we let her on the line? Hi, Blair. Sucky, sucky, sucky. Hi, Chelsea. How are you? Oh, cute. You're so cute. You are. Well, we're happy to have you. Rosebud Baker texted me. She said, you have to have this girl, Blair Saki on. I thought it was Sochi. So it's Saki, Saki, Saki.

And she was like, you're going to love her. And she loves you. And I was like, oh, my God, I love a young comedian that I'm not familiar with. So that's so nice. Yeah, of course. So it's so nice to meet you. It's so nice. I've been such a fan for so long. I was like, this is just a thrill for me. So what's your story? Tell me about yourself. I well, first, I was reading that you got certified in a lot of different kind of wellness genres over COVID. So you are certified. Are you a mindfulness instructor? What are you? How do you identify, Blair? Tell us. I guess I identify as comedian, but when we were in lockdown in LA, like just things got so weird. I just started taking online courses compulsively. I took two levels of breath work. I did TM. I did

tapping you know EFT tapping uh-huh I did Reiki I still not sure what Reiki is but no one is sure what Reiki is I've also done Reiki and left more confused than when I arrived uh yeah but I just started taking courses so it got really Rosebud was like we're gonna have to um tie you to the ground so you don't float away so which what what was your favorite thing that you got what that you took a course in or got certified in over COVID? I guess breathwork was the first one that I did that sort of started it all because I didn't know that breathwork that you could just your body could feel like that just from breathing. It was really, really bizarre. Who did you do it with? I did it with these people called Revelation Breathwork. They have a lot of classes. But

yeah, I remember just being so shocked because we have DMT in our spinal fluid. So I don't know. I know you've done psychedelics I've dabbled myself and I was pretty shocked about how your body felt you know how did it feel oh I mean it just feels like you're your whole body's vibrating like you're high it's it's bizarre oh yeah have you ever tried it no I'm not good at breathing so I'm always a little put off like when I ski I always notice I hold my breath when I ever get I have to get like a chiropractic adjustment. They're like, you're not breathing. You're not breathing in your diaphragm. You're not. And I'm like, yeah, I know. I, I don't, I'm not a good breather. So breath work always like, well, even meditation when I have to do like four breaths in

and then four holds and then inhale for four, exhale for four, even that for me is challenging. So I probably need breath work more than the average person. I have to say I'm exactly the same way. And I still resist doing breath work. And every other like person is always like, are you breathing? And I resisted because it's almost more laborious to me at this point than going to the gym. You really have to be in the mood to do it. It's so physical. Yes, it is. It is physical. Is this breath work different than what you would do typically when you're meditating? Is it more intense? What's the experience like? Well, meditating is just sort of regular breathing. And then breath work is this

really physical breathing technique where you're blowing in and out right huge inhales and huge exhales so in meditation like you don't yeah you're just supposed to breathe regularly unless they'll be like okay it's like sometimes guided meditations will go through a different form of breathing exercises i wouldn't even call it breath work but it's almost just to calm you you know it calms your whatever that section of your brain is that i can't think of right now because mine isn't on yet um yeah you know what's sick i feel like a lot of it is from just like this lifelong unconscious sucking in your stomach. And I'm like, I think that's why I just don't breathe that much without realizing it. Or I noticed sometimes if I'm in an uncomfortable

situation that I hold my breath, which is actually very funny because I obviously don't hold very much back. But I find when I'm in an awkward or uncomfortable, I'm like, my breathing is off too, because I've started to become a little bit more aware of my breathing in the hopes that I can improve upon it. Yet I'm not really willing to do any of the exercises that would help me. I know me too. Honestly, I, I, I don't do it enough. I need to, I need to do it also. What about, when did you do ayahuasca? Well, I did it most recently, two months ago. And how many times have you done it?

I've done it three times. Oh, okay. How about you? Just one time. I did it. Yeah. Well, I did it twice actually, but it was a first special. I was shooting for Netflix. Oh yeah. And I did it there. We went to Peru and I had one night with my friends and then I did the next night alone so you said three like how different was each experience I've done it three

weekends so however I guess yeah that's six nights yeah I don't know how like I they say it finds you but someone I guess everyone would always say like don't ever do it in LA with white people you know and I was like okay I guess I'm not doing it till I make it to you know Peru and then someone a friend of a friend just like had a good experience and I went and uh yeah it's funny that people always are like whoa you're like some druggie and I'm like uh there's nothing recreational about it it is like the most hardcore it's work it feels like and did you were each of the three experiences vastly different yeah every single one was different but uh all of them I was you know shot into a different universe tell me about the last one what was it about like what was the thesis

I would say well this is gonna get really deep and it sounds whenever you're trying to distill it down people are like okay but what I would say is like I was like oh nothing's wrong with me that's what I learned and it's like it's not even like I'm thinking every day something's wrong with me it's probably like an unconscious thing but then I was like oh there's so much love like that's really what I felt yeah yeah you're having this overwhelming feeling of love and positivity for sure. Yeah. And I swear, like I walked out of there with a different worldview that I think I had trying, was trying to grasp for a while. Yeah. It's not even positivity. It's peacefulness that ayahuasca gives you. You're like, you have a sense of peace about

the world that you didn't have before, I would say. Yeah. Cause there's a lot of just letting go and sort of acceptance. I think that happens because you go into these dark crevices and sort of, I feel like aspirate those wounds and then you leave and you're like, oh, I'm good. Yeah. Please don't use words like aspirate on this podcast. Okay. I'm a medical professional and I'm the only one who can throw around that kind of vernacular. It's an accident. Forgive me. Did you have any, like in a previous two sessions with ayahuasca, I'm trying to avoid saying journey because that's another word that I don't want to hear. Did you have any like

mind bending, like epiphanies? Yeah, I mean, there was crazy things. Like one, aliens came in my head and talked to me. One, I went in my parents' bodies and felt how they felt about me. That was wild. That's cool. Yeah, and I was like, whoa, they love me so much, you know? Because sometimes you just have a disconnect with those things.

And then to be able to feel someone's perspective was crazy. Did you tell them that? Did you talk to them about it? No, no. they do not know that I have done ayahuasca. And so hopefully no one tells them. But you know, well, they'll find out now. So that's what happens when you talk about it publicly. It gets back to the people that you are hiding it from. So congrats on that. And welcome to my life. I think they're used to it. You know, with comedy. Yeah.

Yeah. So tell me about are you single? I'm single. Yeah. Yeah, you seem single. How can you tell the hat? happy, you know, buoyant. I mean, people, yeah, people don't, single people don't get enough credit for how fun and happy they are. Like they're fun. Oh, thanks. I think, I mean, a lot of married people are fun too, but it's a very distinguishable quality for a single person because they're just up for more fun adventure, like that kind of vibe. I catch that from single

people. Yeah. Well, I feel the same about you. I mean, I do hope I meet the right person, but I have just so far been like, I don't need anyone. I'm like, I'm not going to do it unless they're really like, really, really, really good. So unless they add a whole part of your life that you don't already have an addition. Yeah, which hasn't yet been. I can't say that has totally been my experience. But you know, what hasn't been your experience? A guy adding to your to your life or yeah which I have to take responsibility for you know people that I've chose but now I'm just like oh I just yeah I just want someone who's like brings peace fun you know ads yeah and no drama yeah I've been around a lot of drama lately and I'm pretty

wiped out from it isn't it so hard in this business because like for me I'm always like I want to date a regular person and then I'm like but when am I going to find a regular person when and I'm doing comedy every night. They're everywhere. That's why you have to get out of Hollywood. That's where you meet regular people is away. Yeah, it's just like doing stand-up all the time, you know? I know, I know.

And fucking male comedians is just not on my bucket list. No, it's not going to work for me. No, no, no, no. That is not hot or alluring at all. Yeah, if you find the one who doesn't have gout, I mean, I still don't think it's worth it. Well, they either have gout or they're sober. So two things that don't interest me.

I don't want anyone with gout, which would indicate that you do drink. And I don't want anyone sober. Yeah, 75% of comedians are sober now, I would say. I really, I think that's my estimation. And I also, I'm like, I want to put out like a PSA, like, hey guys, I've gotten away with using drugs and alcohol all this time and I didn't have to get sober. So why are you such a pussy? Yeah, you quitters.

Yeah, quitters. It's like, if you just don't ever let anything, if you never ever abuse anything too much, you never have to give it up. So just remember that in your alcohol and drug use journey, like you have to temper yourself. Sometimes you can't party. Sometimes you can't drink for periods of time, or sometimes you have to tone it back, but always just be open to that and be like, yeah, okay, I'll take it easy so that I don't ever have to quit. But you know what? That's irresponsible to some degree. Cause I know a lot of our listeners are, are, are sober. And so a lot of people do have an addiction and a disease.

And so, you know, I want to respect that and also remind people that I don't have that. Yeah, it's been interesting. I know when you're in your early 20s, you're like, oh, my God, like I can never be friends with sober people. And now I'm like, literally all my friends are sober, you know? Yeah, I know. It's the world of comedy. So do you have you dated any comics? You don't have to mention names.

Yeah, I have dated comics. Those are sort of my few long term relationships in the since I started, but not for a while. I've been off that train for a while. And is it hard for you? I mean, I guess it is hard for you to meet regular guys. Well, I would say I'm a little shy. I'm also like a pretty sleepy bitch. And, you know, just being on the road all the time.

It's like whenever I have a day off, I'm not really feeling like horny. I'm not really being like, wow, I can't wait to go meet a stranger and ask him how many siblings he has, you know, and then they find out I do comedy. And then they asked me if I've ever heard of Bill Burr. Oh, tell me about it. I mean, someone just invited me to go see Bill Burr at the Rogers Arena in Vancouver, because I'm in Whistler. And I'm like, no, me less. I mean, I love Bill Burr, but it's like they immediately start educating you on your own job. and you're like okay thank you but no I'm trying to date now and I've actually been because I'm trying to change my attitude about it and I'm trying to enjoy it and like put on

an outfit it's been fine it's been fun nice guys I guess so I was reading that you get trolled a lot on TikTok that the people on TikTok you claim are very mean which makes sense because they're all kids aren't they yeah I mean I just sort of enjoy it now like what people say about my voice. Them saying I sound like all the Rugrats at once. But no, I wouldn't say I get trolled any more than anyone else. But I do have fun with it. Any more than any regular white girl comedian. Yeah, exactly. So you started an OnlyFans account or is that a joke? Oh, no, that's real. It started as I can't wait to subscribe. I only had it for 24 hours because my reps made me take it down because i auditioned for a lot of children's you know stuff but it started as a

joke i wrote on twitter one day i was just like hi or something i don't know what and i said like on this was two years ago before everyone had an only fans and i was like do you have to hey on only fans you have to uh can you just do feet or do you have to show whole you know innocent just having a good time and then it and then it somehow got like 50,000 retweets so I was like oh yeah I got just I had no idea there was a market I'm starting one immediately and I got one within 45 minutes and these people are freaks for feet I always thought that was sort of a joke yeah there's a lot of stuff that goes on on OnlyFans that I didn't even know was a commodity or a fetish so you could basically have it without showing your Pikachu or your asshole you can just show

I guess you know this your side boob like it can be as as as niche simple as that or as niche as that yes thank you I say this in the bit but like I made the title of my only fans Blair Saki ankles down no hole so literally everything was below my ankles and it was doing quite well but then all my dreams and hopes got crashed down when I had to take it down after 24 hours a shame I know. Are you fucking kidding me? Who gives a shit what anyone is doing on OnlyFans? What are we, the church?

I know. Yeah, it's boring. America is getting really, really embarrassing and hard to deal with, quite frankly. I know. Are you seeing these young kids now that say, like, they don't want sex scenes in movies? I was like, God, you guys are dorks. I've heard about that. They want to see, like, scenes with friendships and stuff because that's what they don't have.

Like, that's their porn. It's like they don't, you know, they're online. So you think they want to see scenes with kids because they don't have their own friendship? Wait, what? Yeah, they're like, we don't care about sex scenes because they can see it all online. So they're like, we don't really, that's boring. And they really want to see like deep and meaningful friendships. Like that's what they really want to see in movies now.

Oh, wow. It's so weird. Maybe that's headed, maybe that is headed in a good direction then. Maybe that's very wholesome. If that's what they're craving, maybe that is a good thing. Maybe all the social media is good because it's taking us back to where we need to go, which is not where we are yeah I don't know where did you grow up I grew up in Orange County oh well sorry about that and then I started comedy in New York which I didn't know I was gonna start

comedy I moved there uh to become a novelist in grad school and then just like accidentally started comedy who are you friends with in the comedy world that I know besides Rosebud well yeah me and Rosebud started together at the exact same time we've been best friends ever since but Oh, you know who else I had up here this weekend were Sidney, Marie and Amina. Do you know them? Amina, Amani? Those are all my girls. I started with Sid and Marie, too. Oh, OK. Oh, perfect. Yeah. They were the only black people on the mountain yesterday. We got them a ski lesson and then we took them to Apres. And Amina was like, I think I could ski with you. She's like, look, showing me her video of her skiing. I'm like, no, no, Amina, you have to fucking turn, OK? Just because you skied straight for 30 seconds.

that doesn't mean you can ski on the terrain that we're skiing on but we had them they came on my Saturday night and they spent two nights here and yeah they're ridiculous. Oh my god that's so cool Yeah Catherine we have to put them on I'm going to do a counseling session for them and their relationship because they have a lot of beef between each other

so let's book them as well I just really only should have comedians on because they provide the most joy and happiness. Those girls are so much fun. They're the best Oh yeah they're so funny Okay, so we're going to take a break and we'll be right back. Okay.

There's no shortcut for saving time, but saving money is simple. Just combine your car and home insurance with Bel Air Direct and save. Get a quote at BelAirDirect.com. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything.

Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app,

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Okay, so we're going to take callers. Catherine has people that are calling in for advice. And, you know, we're just changing lives one life at a time here. That's what we're doing. And it's pretty serious business. I love it. Blair, you're going to maybe help us hook some people up, break up some marriages. You know, we'll see what happens.

Perfect. So our first caller is Sarah. She is from New Jersey. She says, Dear Chelsea, After a series of dumpster fire relationships and a lot of therapy to figure out how to break unhealthy dating patterns, I finally found an amazing guy. He's communicative, empathetic, considerate, and loves making me happy. He has a great career, owns his home, and is financially stable. He has a big circle of great friends, and his family is so sweet.

It's only been five months together, but I could really see myself marrying him one day. There's just one problem. Our sex life is horrible. Our attempts at intimacy have been awkward, unsuccessful, and leave much to be desired. I want this relationship to work, but his lack of experience and failure to launch make me think we're just not sexually compatible. Is it possible to turn things around? Sarah.

Oh, yeah. That's really difficult. There's a lot of guys that can't get it up. What's going on? What is this? I think a lot of it's porn, but also could be depression. Yeah. Hi, Sarah.

We're just talking about your lack of sex life. Hi. welcome to the podcast. Hi, thanks for having me. This is our special guest today, Blair Saki. Hi, Sarah. So no sex at all? Did I hear that correctly? Limited, limited sex. So penetration? So it seems like he's able to keep it up if we if he's laying down. So we're limited to me being on top, which it's a lot of, it's a lot of work for me. How interesting. Yeah.

What does that mean that you can only keep it up while lying down? It's strange. So I don't know. I mean, it's been like a long process. How long? Well, so we've been together for like six months. We've been having sex or trying to have sex for like four, but he was like slow in the beginning.

Like he was a slow mover. It took a long time for him to kiss me. It took a long time for us to have sex for the first time. And then, I don't know, I thought at first, like, he was just nervous. And there was always, like, an excuse or a reason. He was stressed out from work or it was a long week or it's been a long time since he had sex or whatever it was. So it's been a lot of attempts. We just can't – he can't keep it up.

I've had a lot of experience with this, but I usually just press on immediately after that infraction because I don't have time for that. But I'm so curious as to what is going on in society that men are having this issue. So it's funny that you say that, though, because I've never had this issue with any of my boyfriends before. But I've also dated some, like, real assholes

that they have nothing to offer in my life romantically, but they're great in bed. And now I have the exact opposite. Like, I found my perfect unicorn and he can't have sex with me. Well, is there any scenario where you can have him as your boyfriend and just fuck other guys on the side.

I mean, that seems like the best solution. Yeah, I know. It's a tough one. Also, I mean, if this is really the only issue, what about the pills? Like, just go to the doctor, guy. Right. So that's something that we've talked about.

Like, maybe go see a doctor and make sure everything's going on. Like, everything's fine down there. He's very nervous around doctors and he hates doctors. Um, he's like insistent that he thinks it's in his head. So he did offer to like, go see a therapist, which is fine. It's just, it's less of an immediate solution to the problem.

Yeah. He could do both also, you know? So the other issue though, is that he has high blood pressure. So he's on medication for that. So I think there are some pills that you can't take when you are. Cialis, Cialis, Cialis, I think. Cialis and then Viagra. And one of them is you can't take with a heart condition.

And I believe one of them you can. I don't know that for sure. Obviously, ask someone else. Yeah. You know for men that they made a pill that can go along with their heart condition, their serious heart condition. No problem. We'll make another one for that. Yeah.

You ladies wait forever on everything. I wonder if there's something herbal that he could take, though. I mean, I'm sure you have tried some Googling as far as herbal stuff goes. What about Earl Grey tea? Have you tried that? And that's kind of why I want to have him go see like a doctor so that he knows what is safe to try and to take. But he's really insisting on he wants to see a therapist and go down that route before he goes to see a doctor. I just don't know how hard I should push because, you know, it's like it's his body.

So I feel awkward about it. Well, Sarah, did you mention when we talked, does he have some like body dysmorphia stuff or self-consciousness around his own body that maybe therapy would help unravel? Yeah, he's been overweight for most of his life and he doesn't have a ton of experience with women. I know he's only been with like a handful of women. So I think that's part of it is he just gets in his own head because he wants to be great at it. Like, I feel like he's sabotaging himself almost a little bit, but I don't know how we get him out of that loop. Maybe you guys should do mushrooms together.

I mean, they're all good suggestions, but I think like you're clearly into him. You've been with him for six months, right? You care about him. I mean, you can still go the distance a little bit further to try and find out like exactly what it is, but I think he should be more willing to see a doctor in conjunction with a therapist so that you can get the ball rolling because six months is a long time to be with someone and not having like a healthy sex life with them. Yeah, I would agree. And don't diminish your needs because of his, like you're meeting him more than halfway by, by being on top all the

time, by being okay with this whole thing. Right. A lot of people wouldn't have stayed. They would have been like, Oh wait, you're not having, we're not having sex. All right, I'm out. And it's been six months, and it's not been as successful as you would want it, I think he should be willing to like go, go the distance a little bit, you know, deeper, not just say, I'm going to see a doctor. I mean, a therapist, because you're right, that isn't a quick solution. That's a long term solution. Yeah. You know, taking it step by step ruling out like, okay, is it an emotional issue? Is it a physical issue? And like going step by step down the line? The other thing I want to ask too, is are you guys thinking like kids in the future? Because, you know, in addition to being

a lack of pleasure. This could be really problematic for that if he doesn't get this figured out. Right. And that's he actually really wants kids. I'm sort of undecided on it, but he really wants to have at least one kid. And that's sort of something that I've brought up to him is like we should kind of like maybe that's another reason why we should get this checked out now so that we know if that's possible for our future or not. Right. Right. Sometimes it takes a little try in over a period of time rather than just a one and done. Yeah, I think I don't think you take off right now. I think you give it, you know, a little bit more time.

And I like what Catherine said, you know, just like issue by issue, like, OK, rule out this, rule out that. But you can you don't have to do that literally one set of time. You know, you can do that in a succession. Exactly, exactly. You don't have to wait until he's in therapy for six months to be like, OK, now we're going to try the doctor. Exactly.

You should be like a little bit more adamant that he try that more, you know, sooner than later. Yeah. Yeah, it sounds like there's several different layers to it. But I think the most important thing is that he's working on it and taking initiative to work on it. Yeah, he is. And that's he did go ahead and schedule a therapy appointment. It was like a bunch of things that sort of happened that the therapist said she wasn't a good fit for him the first time.

And then he had like a work trip come up that he had to like a meeting that he had to be part of that conflicted with the second time he was supposed to go see the therapist. And then he just recently had somebody really close in his family pass away. So it's sort of all on the back burner right now. So I also don't know, like, how long I should sort of wait before pushing the issue again, because I definitely want to be sensitive to the fact that he just lost somebody and he's dealing with grief. But I don't know. Do you have any advice on that?

Well, I mean, you can be sensitive to that. But I mean, no, I don't. I honestly I wish I did because you can be sensitive to that. but like it just seems like a world of excuses like you know people can have sex and grief people can you know it's like anything he can use to make an excuse for him and his inability to perform I think at this point he's going to take yeah so I kind of would say no that's not a great excuse you know I mean unless he's sitting every day in grief is he sitting there mourning every single day? No. Right. So no, I don't think so. And, and listen, we talked about this on our

podcast, like grief is something to always be respected, but it's not something that takes up your entire day. Like it comes in bursts, it comes in waves, you know, yes, the first few weeks and months after someone very close to you died, it is, it is something where you could be almost handicapped in terms of being yourself and being able to physically be out there in the world. But as far as losing someone you love, that comes in waves and it's not an excuse really for anything. You know, it's a temporary kind of pause you can put on things. But no, I don't think so.

And seeing a therapist during this time is probably something that's going to be beneficial anyway. Yes. Yeah. So, I mean, I'm excited for him to do that. You know, I'm in therapy. I hope he gets all the help he needs to feel better about himself. But I don't know that I'm convinced that that's what the issue is.

I don't know that it's a mental thing. I don't know. I mean, I feel like I should just kind of push a little bit more for him to go see a doctor. I think so. I think so. Because it's about respecting your relationship. You know, he needs to respect your relationship, too. It's not just about him and his problems.

It's also about you because you're in the relationship. Yeah. Yeah. Pleasure aside, like, I just there's like an intimacy factor that I feel like is missing from the relationship that I know we both want. and he's very generous like in the bedroom so don't get me wrong like it's not he better be what's he gonna be selfish and not able to perform I mean yeah I mean otherwise you're just friends and also it's like that's pretty early on to be dealing with that you know so yeah yeah okay well do you feel like you have like what you're gonna do do you know what you're

gonna do now I feel like I definitely have to bring it up again about him seeing a doctor in conjunction with going to therapy. But I guess my concern is that at this point, like I'm so afraid of like making it worse or saying something like insensitively that I don't even know how to handle the situation. And when we're like in this situation, I sort of just shut down. So like, do it like, I guess, do I address it when we're not in this situation? Yeah, don't address it in bed. No, I agree with that. Don't address it in bed. But I think it listen, it's very good that you are thinking about this because a lot of people would be like, this is enough. I don't need the

sex. It's very good that you know what you need and that you're asking for it. So that's positive already. And I think you don't say it in the bedroom. You say it to him in a loving conversation when you're talking about therapy, hopefully, you know, bring up the topic of therapy, bring up the topic of your therapist and what you've been thinking about. And that in order for you, you know, not like in an ultimatum way to phrase it or frame it, but like you want to be sexual with him you like him so much you want to have a deeper intimacy with him the possibilities are endless for how close you guys can become once you have that kind of sexual intimacy and like fun play time I hate when people talk about sex as play but I said that and you know like all of

those things but also like I actually need more of an effort on your behalf to try and figure this out I'm here and I'm waiting and I'm totally willing to figure it out with you but I actually need you to be a little bit more proactive saying you're going to see a therapist isn't an immediate solution and what if there is an immediate solution you know we need you to see a doctor maybe we can figure it out in the meantime and then find out you know you can get Viagra you can get Cialis or whatever pairing is best for his medication that he's on and just say you know you need just him to demonstrate a little bit more initiative yeah for in order for you to feel secure about where you're headed yeah it's time to move from like hey do you think maybe you should

see a therapist or a doctor or this to like this is an issue and it has a solution and let's take the steps to find that solution. I like that. That's a good point. I could phrase it that way. Yeah. And the front wheel of this conversation is your desire to be with him in a relationship long term. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. And I think it'll make both of us feel more comfortable. It's like every time we have this awkward interaction, you don't know where to go after that. No, I know. It's so awkward. I get it. I have been there. Believe me. And not with someone I really cared about, but with plenty of people, I didn't. Exactly. I feel like you have so much good stuff going on here. I don't just want to give up on it. I want to work on it.

No, I love it. Female empowerment all the way. You're asking for what you need and you're being firm about it and you're already getting a lot, but you're not getting everything you need and you should get everything you need, especially in the dynamic of this relationship. And he needs to meet your effort because you're, you know, being extremely compassionate and understanding and everything. Yeah. Yeah. Trying to be. And he needs to go down on you a lot.

All right, Sarah. Yeah. Thank you so much for calling in. Thank you. Bye, Sarah. Good luck. Thanks for calling in. Bye.

that reminds me of a time when I was I was in New Zealand performing and I had met this guy on a boat and and I invited him to New Zealand to see my show and then I saw him off the boat out of context and I was like whoa whoa whoa in Auckland and he showed up and I was like I can't fuck this guy like I just can't do it and I had never had sex with him we just like fooled around he was like one of the crew on this boat that's my friend or i thought yeah he was a crewman and then when he was out of his crew outfit it was not hot i was like they were like cavarici jeans or something and i i just remember looking at his body and being like or no his outfit and i was like oh god like no and so i brought him he had come to auckland to see me and i was like i have

to get out of here like i can't sleep with this guy and so we went up to my hotel room i'm like oh and he just went down on me like five times exactly and i was like uh that's a wrap like i can't even let you do that again it's too much and then i checked out of my own suite i checked out of my own hotel suite gave him the suite so i could just get out of his hair and pretended i had to go home to la for an emergency rehearsal for like the vma awards or whatever the fuck i was doing i was i mean it was and then yeah so yeah guys i love when they were like well he's very generous like that's like saying someone's like of course he's generous in bed can't fuck you oh she was patient she's a good person yeah no i know well women aren't patient yeah it took

me a long time to not think it was me or that i was too intimidating men do get nervous they have to perform we don't have to get an erection we just have to sit there and take it you know what i mean we we don't we don't really have to perform if we don't feel like it so they do have an added pressure it is interesting that it seems to be an issue more in recent years for all men um than it has been so something's going on societally and i'm sure it has to do with social media or sex or porn or whatever right like blair was saying with porn yeah and just like a lower overall quality of health. I feel like we're all like sedentary sitting inside at screens. It's not like outside like chopping wood, developing, you know, healthy muscle in the sun. Well, speak for yourself,

Blair. No, I saw you on I saw you in your bikini. I was like, this is incredible. This woman is out in the air just enjoying life. Oh, my God. That's right. Well, our next caller is Hayden, and she is 26. It's a bit of a, for lack of a better term, a journey. So I'm going to summarize. But Hayden is 26. She was with her husband since she was 14. She was a bit unsure about her sexuality, and so they decided to bring other women into the bedroom. Her husband cheated and then convinced her they could work it all out. But then an opportunity arose, she says, with one of her closest friends, and they did start having threesomes. Well, as we can assume, the husband and best friend wound up kind of running off together. He moved in with her

the night she confronted him about sleeping with her best friend without her. And so she feels like none of this should have happened. She's angry and heartbroken. And meanwhile, they're now going on trips and doing things that were originally planned for the two of them and just openly enjoying their life together. So she says, how do I move forward? How do I trust anyone ever again? I want to be my best self and get healthy before starting to date again, but I'm a human and I'm lonely and I miss the companionship so much. I liked being married, but even just being someone's girlfriend seems so far away. I've done a lot of hookups, but I'm not satisfied in that realm. Hayden. Hi, Hayden. Hi. Nice to meet you. Hi. Hi, Hayden. That's Blair. Hi, Blair.

I'm so sorry that that happened to you. Thank you. It's been a rough ride. When did this happen? This happened at the very end of June is when we separated. And they're still together. And are you divorced or what? Yeah, we're legally divorced now.

And yes, they are still together. Yeah, that hurts a lot. Yeah. And are you in therapy? I am. Yes, thankfully. And how is that helping you? therapy is helping a lot just realizing there was a lot of other unhealthy things throughout

the relationship and being so young and getting together definitely created a dynamic that as an adult I don't think I want yeah those are all good things to recognize it's funny when things like this happen you realize like it's not that that's not the only incident it's always something deeper and that there was already a lack of connection or trust or you know something wasn't right to begin with. But I think it's these things that happen to us in our lives are big tests for us to see if we can level up and we can meet the moment. And it's always interesting to see how different people handle these kind of emotional takedowns that we experience. And you're in therapy, you now have some distance and time from it, not as much as you're going to get and as much

as you want, I'm sure. But you have enough distance to even recognize that the relationship wasn't what you thought it may have been. You're divorced, your kind of side of the street is pretty clean. You didn't cause any of this disruption, you kind of participated in something that ended your marriage. And I think that you learned a lot. And that moving forward, you're going to have all this whole new kind of toolkit, especially with all the things you're picking up from therapy, which I'm sure are vast, right? All of the different ways to deal with stress or the ways to deal with sadness and the aloneness because right now you're missing something that you really didn't have to begin with you know you thought you had and you can have with

someone else now that you're more aware and more tuned into what you need in a relationship like how do you now feel about moving forward in a relationship opening up the relationship and having threesomes would you do that again no right never again right so you know I mean this is a very common thing that happens. It's not the, it's not the reason why your relationship had its demise, but it's a very common thing that happens. And I think you, you have to like, look at this time as like, okay, I'm like, it's almost like an armor, but it's not a defensive armor. It's like a protective or like you're filling yourself up with all the tools and all like the energetic vibrations you need to move forward into your life in a more positive, healthy, and more joyful

direction like that's done and that's over and thank god it's over because now you can open up to the possibilities of everything else and i would really encourage you to try to start meditating in order to stay in the moment that you're in instead of thinking about all of the stuff that happened in the past or what's possible in the future because as present as you can be is going to be the biggest kind of therapeutic aid in moving forward as present as you can be whether you're upset one day, or you're happy the next day, or you have a bad date, or you have a good date, be present with all of those emotions, because that takes you in to the moment you're in and then it be the past and the future kind of become irrelevant. That's such good advice.

Yeah, so I think I think download a meditation app if you don't have one already. That is really about mindfulness and being present. Because I have to I was just writing about this in my book, like the most blissful moments I've experienced in my life were because I was paying attention to what was happening. Good and bad. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And I think when you have a big betrayal like that, it's really sometimes, uh, it's, it's much more difficult not to be like, they did this to me. And then I think like whenever I've been really, really hurt after a breakup, I, I go into sort of like Avengers mode where I'm just like, okay, how can I make myself happy? What, what have I been wanting to do that I haven't gotten to? What trip have I been wanting to do? What

goal have I been wanting to what have I been wanting to write and just like try and fill up that vacuum to have like, you know, make it reminding myself what makes me happy trying new stuff like trying to bring newness into my own life. Like even though you're sad, find find things that can bring you joy and make and make you happy. And having been with your husband since you were what 14 14 yeah you grew up in this way where you were like figuring out who you were with him you know it was always in the context of this other person now you get to figure out what you like what does bring you joy without another person like what's just like you're straight up like this is kind of fun you know discovering that on a day-to-day basis I think

it's going to be really a revelation if you pay attention as as Blair and Chelsea were saying Yeah, definitely. I mean, it's been hard, but I have learned a lot. And I do think in a lot of realms, I'm happier on this side than than I was looking back. But and you're only going to get happier, like you're getting happy. And now you're going to get happier and enjoy this singledom. You're not going to be single forever. It's rare that anybody is. So enjoy this time getting to know yourself and invest in yourself with everything that Blair said, you know, books and exercise and finding out what interests you. and you know whatever that is art or culture or fucking women's volleyball whatever you're into just get into it you know what I mean and pour yourself into that because you're going to get so much back from actually like finding out who you are now that you don't have this person that is like making up half of your personality so to speak yeah you're still so young like you can fully reinvent yourself if you feel like it you know you can make it whatever you want it to be Yeah, that's very true. I'm just trying to figure out what that looks like, what exactly I want, but I just have to give it time.

Give it time, give it space and be very gentle with yourself. But it's like, you know, start this meditation practice and just do this every morning just to ground yourself for the day and be like, okay, today's another day where I'm going to find out something new about myself. Like set that kind of intention for yourself. and if you practice you know like I promise you after two weeks you're going to start to feel differently there's going to be a shift in you it's impossible not to feel it when you really dedicate yourself to something and I think that's just what you need okay after this I will download one for sure okay I love it keep us posted okay I will thank you guys so much bye Hayden thanks for calling in bye Hayden bye guys my brother's name is Hayden and I really had a heart attack for a second when he said, hey, I was like, oh, we're doing an intervention. He's going to confront you about your ayahuasca use. He thinks you've done it too many times.

I was like, wow, this trail is bad. I know. Wait till you wait till your parents hear this. They're calling in next. Well, our next caller is Jane. And Blair, are you somebody who smokes weed at all? Since we just want to tell your parents everything. Yeah. I'm a gummy girl sometimes. Blair, have you ever done anal? I think that's also something we want to make sure your parents know about. Yes. I haven't. I don't think I'm going to get there, but who knows?

You don't think you'd like that? Okay, perfect. Okay, great. Jane says, Dear Chelsea, My sister-in-law is the worst. My brother and this nightmare have been married for seven years now, and they have three beautiful children whom I adore. My mom, sister, brother, and I have always been very close. My sister-in-law seems to resent this aspect of our family as she grew up in a very different situation, leaving her with some serious attachment issues. She's very, very attached to my brother. Although, to be fair, my brother is a fucking catch.

He had his years of overdoing it when he was drinking and a bit of a temper, but he's a really great guy that any girl would be lucky to have. In the last year or two, my brother has stopped drinking, which has been great for him and for their relationship. He has, however, started up a new habit of using marijuana. I'm the youngest in my family and have always been a big fan of the weed and was looked down upon because of it. He says he's much calmer and present with his family, three little kids, and doesn't fly off the handle when he's frustrated. He and his co-worker will enjoy an end-of-day joint on the way home to unwind and relax before they both have to go home to kids and questions, responsibilities, and all the things.

His outwardly liberal wife is now giving him an ultimatum. Family or the weed? My brother has obviously said he would pick his family every time, but how can we help educate her on marijuana's benefits? He's not coming home hammered drunk and pissed off. He's floating on a cloud of happiness. Please help. I'd love for them to call it quits, but for the sake of their family, I'd like for her

to get some education and open her mind to the ways it's benefiting their relationship. Hi, how are you? I'm good. How are you? I'm good. Thank you. This is Blair, our special guest today. Hello.

Yeah, she does need to get educated on marijuana. What's the best education for marijuana, Catherine? I mean, there are a lot of documentaries on this. There is Clearing the Smoke on YouTube, The Cannabis Question, and The Grass is Greener on Netflix, Weed the People, which I think is also on YouTube, and the CBC, which is great, of course. They have a series called The Nature of Things, and they have an awesome episode called Science and Cannabis.

You know, I would encourage her to kind of take a look at some of these things and reach her own conclusions. I mean, it's kind of everywhere. It is kind of everywhere. I would even say How to Change Your Mind by Michael Pollan is a great book. It's more about psychedelics, but he does address weed and how it affects your brain specifically. That would be a good resource.

Yeah. She needs like some sort of wake up call. Like her husband quit drinking to smoke weed is so much better. Yeah. It's better for you in every way. what's her problem relax yeah that's the biggest thing with her like she just needs to relax she's so uptight and she's so like worried about what other people think and we are from a pretty small town so it's like you don't know what anyone else's lives are like their husband your friend's

husbands that you see on social media having these great lives and whatever like your husband's not doing anything terrible. And she just needs to relax. Yeah, I mean, refer to Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey. Like, do they seem like threatening people? They're both stoners. I mean, start with that. And I mean, everyone smokes weed now. It's just so lame to have to even educate somebody about the benefits of marijuana. Whatever. I mean, is she happy that he quit drinking? Oh, yeah. Yep. Because I think that was one thing that she also did the whole ultimatum thing like quit this or me and the kids are gone and it's like that's just not the way to have a relationship that's not healthy to constantly be like do this or i'm gone or

like they just need to go to like therapy yeah they do they do need to go to therapy do they go to therapy no she used to and they just really need you yeah they should go to couples counseling to discuss it because it's not like he's smoking five joints a night right right yeah and he's even cut down since i wrote in but she's so rigid and everything sounds like she needs to smoke a little weed actually yeah yes yeah i do wonder if there is this may be something that she changes her mind about over time it may not be but i wonder if it's something that you can kind of drop into conversations about like some of the benefits i mean people use this as medicine it is something it reduces anxiety for a lot of people. And I wonder maybe if it's about educating yourself

on some of the specific studies that have been done that you can kind of drop into conversation here and there about like, oh, here are some of the benefits. Yeah. My mom was diagnosed with lung cancer a few years ago, and she's gone through chemo and radiation and used medical marijuana. She used RSO oil for a while. And so it's like, how is this judgment coming to my brother? Can you have a conversation with her or no? Will that not go well? I'm not usually the one that brings it up. It's my older sister. She will bring it up. And I guess we've been avoidant of that because they have kind of butted heads this entire time. Yeah, I have older brothers and you know they're married and everything and and what i've learned is that

it never goes well like the more you stay out of their relationship like the better it is because if anyone feels ganged up on you know if she's feeling ganged up on because you know you can feel those things sometimes so i i don't know if that's helpful but maybe maybe you're just like c'est la vie you know like they'll they'll work it out yeah yeah yeah it doesn't sound like you have the relationship to have the conversation with her excuse me i would love to educate you incredible benefits about marijuana so you can let my brother just pop that j on his way home is there anything specific that she objects to or does she she just doesn't like the whole idea that's what makes it even weirder it's like this kind of just popped up

when he started. It seems like a control thing. And she's never outwardly said anything that she disagrees about it with. It's just like the minute he did it, it's wrong. How about next time she comes over, you just have like platters full of joints everywhere. I like that idea. Awesome. Well, thank you for calling in, Jane. Thank you. Okay. Take care. Good luck, Jane. Thanks, Kelsey. Okay. We're going to take a break and we'll be right back. There's no shortcut for saving time, but saving money is simple. Just combine your car and home insurance with Bel Air Direct and save. Get a quote at BelAirDirect.com.

When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced.

but these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home.

This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed.

From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. And we're back. Wrapping it up with Blair Saki. Blair, thank you for coming on today.

It was such a pleasure to meet you. I hope I see you again in person. Oh my gosh. This was just a thrill. I'm so happy I got to hang out with you. I love you. Yeah, me too. I love you too, honey. Thank you so much. Thank you. Bye. Okay. Thank you. Okay, guys. So for standup, I'm coming to Maricopa, Arizona, April 12th. And then Brooks, California is April 13th. And we added a second show in Sydney. And we added a second show in Prior Lake, Minnesota, which is now going to be May 24th. We added the Santa Barbara Bowl, which is so fun. I performed there last year. That's

August 17th, the Santa Barbara Bowl. We ended a second show at Santa Rosa on August 2nd. And we added two dates in Hawaii, guys. I'm coming to Hawaii on July 19th to Kahului. I'm going to be at Kahului and then I'm coming on July 20th to Honolulu. And oh, I just added another date on August 1st, Auburn, Washington. So, and all my Australia and New Zealand dates are up and I will be announcing a European tour shortly. So I will be coming there and I'm coming to Oklahoma. I have two dates in Oklahoma, May 3rd, which is my mother's birthday, Norman, Oklahoma, and May 4th, I'll be in Thackerville, Oklahoma. So Oklahomans, Oklahomans, Oglomes, come.

Bye. If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at DearChelseaPodcast at gmail.com. And be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert, executive producer, Catherine Law. And be sure to check out our merch at ChelseaHandler.com. i survived nine months in captivity and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable abducted stalked controlled and

nearly silenced these are stories about what it takes to make it out alive listen to the Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport and Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook. Each week, we talk to someone in show business and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our

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part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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