Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - An Indecent Proposal with Chelsea + Catherine

Episode Date: April 4, 2024

Chelsea and Catherine get together to gab about the books they loved as kids, why you should indulge in things that bring you joy, and deciding that you don’t need to control the outcome of things.�� Then: A newly-sober New Yorker struggles with guilt over her past mistakes.  A trans woman wonders if she should reignite a relationship with her sister who wasn’t always there for her.  And a boss targets an employee with an indecent proposal. *  Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human. There's no shortcut for saving time, but saving money is simple. Just combine your car and home insurance with Bel Air Direct and save. Get a quote at BelAirDirect.com. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive.

Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, Adam Scott, Danny McBride, Ben Stiller, and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us.

Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello, Catherine. It's Chelsea Hammer. Hi, Chelsea. Hi, hi, hi. What's happening? Oh man, just got back from a weekend in Phoenix

with all of my in-laws and my folks and it was really fun oh well good it was also peaceful because I like gave myself time away I like let Brad and his family have their time and I gave you know myself some decompression time and it was peaceful and lovely good for you for going to Phoenix I'm yeah congratulations it was actually the weather was incredible it was like sunny Sunny, sunny, beautiful, like not a hot day in sight. It was perfection. I have a show in Maricopa, Arizona. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, so I will be in Arizona at some point soon. Hopefully before the hot weather comes. You can buy those tickets at ChelseaHandler.com. This isn't exactly an update, but this is just a sweet letter that we got from a listener that I thought was really great. Because we've been getting a lot of emails about book lists and book recommendations and all that good stuff. So Crystal says, Dear Chelsea, not needing advice today, but just wanted to write and say that you inspired me to start reading. I've never been a big reader, but because I knew it was important, I've always read to my children every day from the day they were born. My daughter is now nine and reads books on her own before bed each night.

I always wanted them to love reading because I always wished that I did. But you and Catherine are always talking about different books and how wonderful they are and how people aren't doing it as much anymore. All of that, coupled with the fact that I basically trained my daughter to love reading, inspired me to try again. One of my first books was one of Chelsea's about a year ago, and from there, I just haven't stopped. Ah, I know! I'm really enjoying it and actually feeling that it has enriched my life in ways I wasn't

expecting. I get so much joy out of such little effort. I'm a stay-at-home mom of 10 years, and these four walls get so small after a while. It's a gift to be able to escape in a healthy way. So all this is to say thank you. thank you for sharing the books you're reading sharing your passion about it and reminding us just how important it is with love crystal oh that's great i love that i love it i love it reading is a gift we're so lucky to be able to like get free entertainment i mean they're not

free books but it's cheap entertainment at the library they are yeah right yeah you can check them out at the library i used to check out books at the library with my mom we'd go to the library and martha's vineyard and i would get six books and she would get six books and we would just always like i would read six books at a time and she would and they were all like choose your own adventures you know like stupid shit when i was young but i just loved the the putting down a book going to the next one and now the girls katie and jesse my two 16 year old bopsy twins they are reading like crazy like katie spent the weekend and she was up to like two in the morning reading her book and i'm like and when i met them she they didn't even read books they were like

what we're not reading and then yeah so it's so cute i love that yeah it's so it makes your vocabulary bigger it makes you smarter it helps your spelling speaking of staying up late reading I once was watching my nieces and my one niece was probably like 11 or 12 and she had gotten into the Harry Potter books and it was just me with my two nieces my new this is a school day and my niece knows that I love reading she goes I woke up at one in the morning and started reading my book and I never stopped I've been awake since one in the morning reading and I was like oh how cute is God. So cute. But I was like, you're about to have the most miserable day ever because you're going to fall asleep in class. So she was pretty crabby. And we had a little early bedtime that

night. But I was like, that's very sweet. But maybe maybe we don't do that. That's cute. Was there a specific book? I know you said choose your own adventure books. But was there a specific book that you really like got you into reading as a kid? No, all the books. I read everything. I mean, I read serious books when I was little. My dad forced me. And then when I had my own, like, you know, I could read what I wanted. It was Beverly Cleary and, like, you know, Judy Blume and all that. And then Sweet Valley High.

I loved that stuff. Oh, Sweet Valley High was amazing. Oh, that was my favorite. And then a lot of choose-your-own-adventures. I would just go through them like any kid and go to the – first go to page 20. Then I would go back and go to page 35. You know, I just love that. There is nothing more fun than those.

I know. They are the absolute best. I guess they have them for adults. Do they? I think they do, but I don't think that I'm that interested in that anymore. Should we jump into some questions, Chelsea? Absolutely. Let's do it.

We have a one-on-one episode today. We sure do. Okay, so this one is a little bit of a complicated one. Sarah says, Dear Chelsea, my family and I moved to a new neighborhood about six months ago. It's quiet, clean, and has lots of families with young children, including my own. Shortly after moving in, we discovered that our next-door neighbor has an adult daughter who does not live at the house but is likely living out of her beat-up car, which she likes to park in front of her mom's house.

She shows up for a few days at a time, leaves for a few days, and then comes back. She often gets loaded and then passes out in her car for hours in broad daylight. Sometimes she's just in her car by herself or with others doing tweaker things like looking for things on the ground. Whenever her daughter is brought up in conversation, the neighbor dismisses it and says she just comes around from time to time to use my swimming pool and the neighbor doesn't really seem interested in talking about what's going on. My neighbor's boyfriend shared a little more once and said the daughter is cut off and not allowed to enter their home. However, it's

apparent that they aren't doing anything about their doing drugs and passing out in the car in front of their house. I feel for my neighbor. Mother to mother, it makes me wonder if she feels more comfortable knowing where her daughter is and having her parked out front rather than, quote, on the streets. Here's my dilemma. I couldn't care less what her daughter does with her life or her relationship with her mother, but I don't want my children seeing her doing drugs or being passed out in her car for hours while they play in the front yard. It's also quite an eyesore to have a tweaker hanging out in her beat-up car with broken windows every time I look out while doing my dishes. Should I try and have another conversation with her mom? How do I approach this

with her? Deep down, I really want to just call the cops or knock on her car window and tell her to leave, but she's technically not on my property and I don't want to negatively impact my relationship with my neighbor your advice on how to handle this would be greatly appreciated sarah well i mean honestly it's none of your fucking business like it's not it you're she's not on your property i mean as a parent obviously her mother isn't psyched about that either and i think you can relate that you would rather have your daughter in front of your house doing drugs than god knows where and it's not your property so you have no you have nothing to say about the matter and sorry that it's an eyesore but there's nothing for you to do yeah that's not your business and I honestly

think like your kids are small so you know if you tell them like oh she's taking a nap like I think that's probably all the explanation that they need at this time and like when they're 25 they'll remember you know remember this lady and figure out what was going on or they won't remember anything about it you know right or they won't and it's not yeah and your kids aren't gonna like that's like saying oh I don't want my children exposed to trans transgender kids because they're going to become trans just because there's some woman tweaking out in a car at least she's not on your property she's not talking to your children yeah you're really reaching to think that you have a say in it yeah and I know people get really bent out of shape about like oh someone's

parked in front of my house whatever I can see it from my house but I think this is a family across the street that has a really complicated thing going on and I think this is a moment where you need to dig deep and reach out with kindness yes you know maybe it's even like make a sandwich and like if she's asleep leave it on her car or like knock on the window if she's awake and like hand her a sandwich or bring her lunch like when you see her out there because she's obviously going through a really tough time you know calling the cops is not a solution for drug addiction no it's not and that is actually nice it's like take your contempt and turn it upside down into kindness yeah I think try and find ways where you can meet this with kindness and giving and understand that

like this is more complicated than just like having a shitty view out your window so and also like things do come to an end so this will this will go one way or another and obviously we hope that she gets help but you know the family is doing the best they can it sounds like right now and um also calling the police is definitely going to fracture your relationship with your neighbor So you can say goodbye to that if you do that. And it will also probably not be a solution. I grew up, well, this isn't exactly the same, but it's slightly analogous where I grew up with my dad, had all these used cars in our driveway all the time. And it looked like, you know, the parking lot, it looked like Sanford and Son in our neighborhood.

And we were like in a nice middle class, upper middle class neighborhood in New Jersey. And our neighbors always called the police on my dad because of the cars. and it just made me even to this day not like my neighbors you know because they we we became like the eyesore of the neighborhood and i didn't like my house either i wasn't happy about it either but seeing my father like seeing us kind of like my father attacked and people it's just embarrassing and it's like yeah it's that's not we're putting out love that's just putting out disdain especially Especially because you don't like something in your view, like your eyeline. It's just, it's silly.

Yeah, yeah. So I think let's try and meet this with a little love and a little understanding. And give us an update if there is a change or if you do decide to try that and let us know kind of how that goes. Okay, we're going to take a quick break and we'll be right back. There's no shortcut for saving time, but saving money is simple. Just combine your car and home insurance with Bel Air Direct and save. Get a quote at fellerdirect.com. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months.

I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, Shut up. Don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced.

But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed.

From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. And we're back. So let's talk to our first caller. We've got some cuties today. Okay, let's go. Vicky is calling in and she's got a bit of a doozy here. So Vicky says,

Dear Chelsea, It's 1 a.m. I have to get up for work in five hours. I can't sleep. I'm so angry and I need your advice. A couple days ago, one of the owners of my company offered to pay me $2,000 to have sex with him. I work for a roofing company doing admin.

I've been there for seven months. I was determined to show this new group of blue-collar guys just how organized, detail-oriented, and smart a girl like me could be. And I did. I got two raises in the first six months and a Christmas bonus. I attended the company Christmas party alone. I rented a dress and felt like a million bucks. It was fun.

That night, I noticed one of the owners sent me a message on LinkedIn at 1.40 that seemed like a typo. Then he started testing the waters. Maybe I was flattered that my boss was paying attention to me. Who knows? Anyway, he said he wanted to ask me something and wanted to switch to text, so I gave him my cell number. He started by saying how good I looked at the party, but pretty quickly explained that he was interested in paying me $2,000 a pop to bang me. I told him, thanks, eye roll. My first reaction was to be grateful, ugh, but no thanks.

He then offered to pay me for my silence. I assured him I would never tell and didn't want any money. He asked me to delete the text, but I kept them. I was scared there would be retaliation because I turned him down. Nothing has happened since then. now that i've had time to process the severity of what happened i'm just mad i want to make a scene in front of everyone at the company and call this bastard out and leave what should i do my heart is broken i thought i'd found a new family and a new job sincerely vicky and vicky

i know some stuff has sort of like come out a little bit since you wrote in as well right with like other yeah i've got some updates hi vicky hi so i did go forward with my information to the COO. And the disciplinary action that happened was that this man was told that he can only work remotely now. You know, everything is documented. They said they were shocked. They couldn't believe it, which I don't believe that they're shocked at all. Anyway, I thought, you know, maybe this would happen to somebody else. But they made me sign this paper that said that I wouldn't talk about it to preserve the culture, which is obviously amazing at the company I work for so I'm not supposed to talk about it with other people or the disciplinary action or why

this guy doesn't come into the office anymore so I did talk to somebody and I asked them I thought maybe she had a similar experience and she had she's 24 she was young and he actually grabbed her butt and told her he would pay her twice as much as she was making to be his beck and call girl you know and like meet him wherever for sex um and she said no she still works for the company and she was crying when she told me and I was just like furious because you know I think it's probably a lot of women that have dealt with this and stayed silent because she was scared she wouldn't you know they wouldn't believe her and you know who is she to make these accusations so she never came forward and would she be willing to come forward now I didn't ask her but she did

thank me for coming forward and that's kind of where we left it but I think she would listen you signed something. I don't really know how binding all of that shit is because also there's new information now. You're not just talking about yourself. You're talking about that it's happened to other women. And he's an owner of this company. What kind of company is it? It's a construction company. So there's two original owners, but they've been bought out by a private equity group. So they have some ownership still. And it's like a midsize company. So like not something tiny, not something some giant corporation. So yeah. And so your human resources department that's part of the private equity human resources right we don't have a human

resource department that i'm aware of okay well that's the first problem yeah i would i would go back and go i'm sorry but i've learned that there are more than one person without mentioning anyone's names without their permission but that there's more than one person that this happened to and now this is a different set of circumstances so i want to know what you're going to do because being working him working remotely is unacceptable like this is now a pattern of behavior and these women are we're talking about all coming forward so what are you going to do to prevent this from happening because he needs to be removed this is not something that you work around and I just don't think you could ever sit around and I mean he's just going to do it again to someone else

right and definitely has been if you are worried at all you could say like she came to me that's how I found out about this I'm not going to reveal who it is but like this seems to me like something they know is happening and is a pattern of behavior like they already I would imagine knew about this before you because this doesn't sound like his first if he immediately was like oh can I pay you to be silent like he he knows how this goes he knows what is gonna happen next and I know you need the job and everything but the fact that they didn't even offer you anything for your silence they just were like hey sign this that honestly makes me kind of pissed yeah I don't think it's that legally binding like no yeah and it's just about not talking to co-workers right

doesn't it's not yeah they also had told me in a verbal conversation that I was getting a fat raise this year and then after that was before this happened and then after it happened my fat raise was three thousand dollars so it came out to ten dollars a week um on a paycheck after my taxes. So not that bad. I mean, that's not what I don't think they would consider it fat. No. I will also say I talked to an attorney and they said she needs to talk to a lawyer. So keep documents of everything, keep records of everything, but you should probably go see an attorney as well. Yeah, I'm definitely going to. I think it's just, I think it's my responsibility as a woman raised by Chelsea to, you know, to speak up for other women. And I think, you know,

we've all had it. Like it's enough. I mean, they've been getting away with this behavior and enough. I'm not going to just, I'm not going to live in a world where I don't have a voice, you know, and I have a lot to offer and I want to be rewarded for that in the workplace. And I want to have a safe work environment for myself and for everybody. Good for you. Good for you. I love everything you're saying. And you're right. You know, some people are not as strong as you. And sometimes like, I feel very responsible for being a strong, strong woman for the, all the other women that aren't going to be strong like I'm standing up for them so I know and I think you're the same so I think that you just take that with you in every step you take in this arena because

they need to get rid of him he doesn't get to be an owner and offer people two thousand first of all two thousand dollars for sex is insulting like I know excuse me I know and Demi Demi Moore got a million and Robert Redford you know right right right does this guy look like Robert Redford because hell no i think the thing i would have been more also offended by is like wait you're talking to other people about this too you're trying to do this with other people yeah yeah just be a warrior for women you know just keep that in your mind and please don't don't like let this go no i'm not i'm i'm on it give us updates please do we would like to hear take care thank you yeah i talked to a lawyer and she was like sue the shit out of them like she needs to

through them that's insane it's unbelievable I just love the psychology of thinking about how men in this day and age still are thinking that they can get away with shit like that because they can they can in all walks of life they still get away with it and you're like excuse me you cannot offer to have sex pay money to have sex with me as an employee at your workplace go do that with someone on the street or some woman you meet somewhere else. Who is a sex worker? It's so stupid. My favorite part

though is like, who is trying to hit on their co-workers through LinkedIn? Like, what a total lame-o. I just thought that was so ridiculous. Well, I think that goes hand-in-hand with offering someone $2,000 to have sex. Right. Step it up. Hitting on someone on LinkedIn, using that as a raya, and then...

Yes. Okay. Well, our next caller, Stephanie. has gotten sober and has some questions about dealing with past mistakes. Dear Chelsea, I've been personally struggling with grieving the past and honoring my sobriety. In January, I recently hit a year, but the emotions make me feel like I'm still on month four. A few years ago, I was a real jerk to loved ones and friends around me and didn't realize I was inflicting pain on others due to my trauma responses. I've been in emotionally abusive

relationships and haven't fully dealt with a sexual assault when I was 14, which I've discovered in therapy led me to drinking pretty young, unfortunately. I guess in this area, I struggle with self-forgiveness. Looking back, being on medication and quitting drinking alcohol a year ago has led me to uncork the bottled up feelings, pun very much intended. For context, I was so hammered once at a friend's engagement party that the hangover lasted three whole days and I have never even wanted to smell alcohol, wine specifically, since then. I find it hard to push past how heavy these emotions are no matter how much time has passed. In terms of grieving all of the past, do you have any tips that don't require me sitting down and meditating with the

thoughts? I am insanely hyperactive and have a difficult time sitting still, but find hands-on and movement type of activities can be helpful. Yes, I have ADHD. I lost certain friendships when i decided to get sober as well to throw even more of a curveball i stopped smoking weed and taking edibles for the time being because i was also using that as a major coping mechanism how do you experience the stages of grief and do you have any tips for getting through them all the best stuff hi staff hi staff hello good for you for getting sober and for quitting weed and using all of taking away all of your AIDS. Thanks. That's tough. It's been one of those journeys where I'll just be like really deep and thought about something. And I'm like, well,

I could go back to that, whatever I was doing prior, but then in the moment I'm like, okay, well let's, let's get this all focused and focus on the breathing and all that. So it's been pretty cool. Oh, that's great. I mean, listen, your vehemence against a meditation leads me to believe that you would probably benefit the most from it. Anyone who really doesn't want to do something like that, that is always beneficial, that is scientifically proven to work, I think would be a great tool for you because of your adamance against it. So let's, that is one thing. But like the fact that you're already kind of on your way to that and, and, and, you know, we talk about meditation a lot on this podcast, but it really is about centering yourself,

setting yourself up for success each day. Each day you're like, this is great. I'm going to crush it. I'm going to be balanced, centered, non-reactive, and I'm going to use the tools that I have, whether they be breathing, like positive affirmations in the morning, waking up and being like, I wake up every morning and I look in the mirror and I'm like, look at you, you're a cutie pie and look what you're going to do today. Like I literally talk to myself like that because I want to be in playful mode as much as possible. You know what I mean? I don't want to be stressed or reactive or get upset. I don't want to be angry. I don't want to lose my temper. So we all have our kind of shortcomings that we're working against, right? Like whatever

our personality attributes are or defaults are. And I think that you're already like, you've done so much stuff to better yourself. There's really no stopping you now. So it's kind of whatever you decide is going to set you up each day. And to understand like one of the greatest things about about meditation is sitting still and just letting emotions move through you. And you don't necessarily have to do a mantra or something like I do a mantra every day with, with whatever guided meditation I do. And I don't do it every day, you know, every single day, but you can do that without, without the guided meditation. You could just sit and be like, this is me today. This is what I'm going to do. I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to smoke. I'm going to be in my body.

I'm going to experience my grief and I, but nothing is going to consume me, you know? So it's kind of just like writing a love letter to yourself and then honoring that each day when you wake up and being like, okay, this is who I am and this is who I want to be. And this is where I'm going. You know, the past is the past. Don't worry about that because you're correcting so many things and moving into your future with such love and light. Just add to that.

Anything you choose to do, whether it's a mantra, whether it's positive affirmations, whether it's writing down, making a gratitude journal each day, or whether it's silent meditation, group meditation, you know, whatever it is that you click with, you should try and exhaust all of those things, like try something for two weeks. And then if you're like, it's not working, okay, fine. But you'll be surprised what will work for you when you're of present mind and you're open. Yeah, that's definitely helpful. And are you doing any kind of like 12 step anything, anything like that? Or do you were just like, I never want to drink again? Yeah, so I kind of made that decision. I had my friend's engagement party, and I got so hammered.

It lasted three days, my hangover, it was terrible. I think it was also bad wine. But I digress. And I kind of just woke up like, after that weekend and being like, I never even want to smell this ever again. I don't even want to I don't even want to look at it. So I'm not in any program. However, a friend of mine who both of our one year dates are kind of around the same time. She actually co-founded this organization called AP Sober Socials. They're based in Asbury Park, New Jersey, but they have a bunch of, you know, activities for for people who are looking to have a community and, you know, support poetry readings. They did karaoke a few times at one of the vegan spots over there oh vegan karaoke oh it's such a blast I can imagine vegan sober

karaoke yes what Chelsea was saying as far as like meditation and having a mantra I love that and if you are finding you can't you know still still can't focus you might try adding some movement in with that so adding in some yoga which is very meditative um but like having a mantra while you're doing that I think can help get some of it out of your like the guilt feelings out of your body. And then also I was just thinking, this feels like maybe something to journal about too. I don't know if you do any journaling, but just being curious with yourself about why do I have these sort of cyclical thoughts about guilt around this or any other specific times and doing some journaling around that. And then once you've sort of examined that for yourself, maybe writing

a letter just so you can be like, hey, I messed up. I love you. Getting it out to them. And even if you get no response you'll know like your side of the street is clean and just like finding ways to get that sort of outside of you but it sounds like you're doing some a lot of active things and putting community around you which is amazing yeah I also um I do the aerial arts so like pole and stuff and that's become like such a stable ground for me just kind of like you know working on new moves and like challenging myself there's a whole like neurological thing about it where like you know it can open up different uh neural pathways and like your brain and stuff and just like putting yourself in situations that you normally wouldn't good that's awesome

yeah i also like to think in terms of like self-help and betterment i like to think of it as like a positive pyramid scheme like you're you're piling in like okay you go to therapy you quit drinking you go to you know you quit just smoking weed and you do all these good things for yourself you're doing this kind of exercise and like kind of spiritual exercise and in your explanation of it and you're piling all these things on to like think of a blanket and you're just piling them all on you're basically like building this kind of like protective coating around yourself you know so like the more that you can add to that pile like okay this brings me joy this brings me calm this brings me comfort and clarity like the more that you are

protecting your like kind of soul and your and your person and instead of thinking of it as like a defense, I think of it as like just armor, you know, like very protective armor so that you are always protected by yourself. And so whenever I think of like, oh, okay, I'm going to add this to my repertoire or I'm going to do this journaling for a month or whatever I decide to do. I always think of like this blanket where I'm just putting more and more goodness on it, you know, so that that is my comfort zone. And I'm in that blanket surrounded by all of the tools that I've learned. So I think if you kind of like picture that and whatever that means for you, you know, but just think of that like self-preservation self-protection in the in a positive way not in

a defensive way yeah do you find that um because i know some people you know will post those like 30 day like journaling challenges and it's on a specific prompt and then you know each time you're like diving deeper do you find those to be helpful or do you kind of just go based off of how you're feeling and kind of go from there because i feel like for me there's like so many different thoughts going at once so like in order to like focus on one specific area I feel like I would need a prompt but was just curious well I mean I think whatever I think it doesn't matter you know what I mean as long as you're putting effort toward yourself and healing yourself and like it doesn't matter what it is yes for you with ADHD a prompt would be good and I I think you'll be very

surprised from meditating I had bad ADD before I meditated I don't think I have ADHD I have ADD but i don't i can focus so easily now like the benefits you reap from it you are not even like you don't even know what they are yet so i just wouldn't ever say like dismiss something you know like yes go journal and get a prompt if that's going to help you focus but all of these exercises are going to help in your focus in general they're going to make you be able to pay more attention for longer periods of time and it's just they're all training exercises for the brain and it's an act of self-love it all all of it is yeah yeah I found that as well is when I'm meditating really regularly my attention span just like gets a lot longer and it really helps with my ADHD as well

yeah yeah I think try those prompts I think that'd be amazing and also when you are meditating you know have a mantra or do like breath counts for me it helps keep my mind from wandering off it's just being able you know doing one to ten doing box breathing you know there's a ton of different ways to do breath counts so all right is that helpful yes absolutely okay great well congrats on everything you've accomplished I'm proud of you even though I don't know you thank you all right thanks Steph keep us posted check in with us in 30 days okay all righty thank you so much bye take care bye cutie I think that's so interesting with like how you were saying your attention span gets gets longer or it's like help to your add it's weird

how how that can help yeah because you think add yeah no you have control over your add i didn't learn that until i started meditating and it's such a relief i even like you know even being here is meditative for me because i have so much other stuff going on i'm skiing i'm not on my phone i'm not on socials nearly as much i barely check anything and like i saw my screen time last week was like down 47%. Each week, it's down another, you know, and I'm like, awesome, awesome, awesome. You know, I don't want to be someone who's sitting here tied to my phone. I don't want to. I mean, it's different because I'm in Whistler. So I have skiing and I have guests all the time. It's different than being at home in LA where I'm, you know, more prone to be like,

looking at my phone. But you're busy. So you're like, okay, got to turn my brain off. Yeah, yeah. But it's, it's nice to not be so reliant on your phone. It's nice to not check it or be obsessed or look at your you know be obsessed with how many how you're posted you know it's nice to like let all that go not controlling the outcome of things is like my my thing this this season just don't try to control the outcome of things let everything happen the way it's supposed to happen instead of inserting myself and being like no I'm gonna make this happen it's like no no I don't need to make anything happen I've made enough happen Now I want to sit back and enjoy the show.

My thing that I've been sort of focusing on lately is just, like, taking a beat before making a decision on something or even responding. Sometimes I realize, like, if I just, like, give it a couple of days, I find I realize new things about the situation. And I also find, like, I'm not as activated by it. So I can sort of think more clearly about it. And oftentimes I find like, I actually don't need to have any drama around that or even confront something or, you know, and it's usually little stuff, but yeah. And finding that to be really helpful is just being like, what if I just don't try to fix this right now?

Yeah. And also not reacting to things like sometimes something will happen and I'm like, I don't like that. And then it's like, who cares? It doesn't matter if I don't like it. It doesn't matter. Just move on. Like, don't focus.

I don't have to address every single thing I don't like. Yes. And it just is like, it's nice to let yourself off the hook, that you don't have to fix everything. You don't have to deal with everything. And I don't know, it's more relaxing. Our last question comes from Melina. She's 28. Dear Chelsea, my name is Melina. I'm 28, indigenous Navajo, trans feminine, bisexual, single, and I love a Long Island iced tea. Lately, I've been having an issue with one of my two older sisters. I'm the youngest. She's always been a bit troubled.

She's matured and has come to find herself in a place of healing from alcoholism and is now staying in the same city as me. Although I'm very happy for her, we were never very close growing up, and we'd have moments where it felt like we would bond, but something would uproot it. I became independent and found success in my own way. I live alone. I work. I've found friends.

I have a chosen family. and despite having a bit of a problem with alcohol, I'm overall very happy. My issue is this. My middle sister is starting to come around and trying to care about me. I know it's genuinely coming from a place of love and trying to patch up our past, and while I'm not against that, I really don't feel that I need it. I know how to take care of myself. She wants me to spill all my feelings and lean on her any chance I can, and it annoys me because in the back of my head I want to tell her I don't need an older sister now. I needed one back then. She and I don't have bad blood, and I don't harbor resentment for any of the past

things besides when she tries to do this. I appreciate it, but at times it feels pushy and intrusive. Am I inconsiderate for not wanting to let her in? I express myself emotionally to a lot of people, but for some reason, she feels more like a stranger than most. Please let me know your thoughts. I love you, your mindset, your comedy, your work ethic, and your overall attitude on life thanks so much for any advice melina yeah i think melina i honestly what i'm hearing from you is that you're holding a grudge against your sister and listen she might be overstepping but she at least she's she's trying to be your sister now and you can't change the past so she didn't show up for you when you wanted her to the most but she's here now and that kind

of like grudge holding isn't helpful even if you don't think you're holding a grudge i'm telling you that's what you're doing I needed her then I don't need her now is a grudge so I think that you could be a little bit more open-hearted with her and you don't have to let her be your confidant but you can meet her halfway and allow her to be in your life in a loving way like give back the love that she's showing you even if it's pushy to you just accept it more than than reject it you know just just open it like yourself to it and and and you don't know how nice and helpful it can be at any time like you might be going through something down the road in two years and you're going to be so grateful that you have your sister and that you have formed this relationship and

that she's there for you or vice versa she may go through something and you're going to be there for her and like I just I'm always very adamant that you should be as close to your sisters as possible they're a gift having sisters is a gift and yes they're all fucking annoying on a certain level but bigger than that is like the love and the history and the memories that you share you are the only people that were raised by the same people you are the only people who understand what it was like growing up in your household and like it that is a very very special bond and so i would say you know forget about the past just focus on what's happening right now and she's trying to show up for you, give her a break a little bit. Yeah, we talk a big game on this show specifically

about, you know, if you're having trouble with a family member and you might need to cut them out of your life for a time, but like people can and do change and we hope they will in the future. And I think this is a moment where someone is trying to show you that they've changed and is trying to be more open. And, you know, in a way that feels safe with you, I think you absolutely should try to have a relationship with her it doesn't have to be spilling all your guts you know keep it light keep it surface especially in the beginning until you find out you know what works for you you she doesn't have to be your best friend but if she's someone that you go to coffee with a couple of times a month or once a month I think that that can be really enriching to both

of your lives and I would say give it a shot yeah agreed with that all right thanks Melina keep us posted okay so we'll take a break to wrap up and we'll be right back there's no shortcut for saving time but saving money is simple just combine your car and home insurance with bel-air direct and save get a quote at bel-air direct.com when i was 14 years old i was kidnapped and held captive for nine months i survived and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files i just remember this low taunting voice next to my ear saying shut up don't say anything every week i'm with survivors who lived through the unthinkable i knew if he woke up without a doubt he was going

to hurt me i started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed and i just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo and every

week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm gonna have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments nothing is off the table it's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters and that is a trojan horse whether you're looking for literary deep dives smart pop culture conversations or a community of readers who love to think a little too much you're in the right place listen to pro society on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts see you between the pages

and we're back okay yeah with chelsea handler and katherine la hi okay so i'll give you a choice do you want to do bad finances or sexual harassment bartender i'll take sexual harassment for 500 please okay rachel is a bartender in the midwest dear chelsea i'm a 33 year old bartender in Ohio. I live in a small city and most of my patrons are men. They range from early afternoon retirees to midday happy hour guys, varying anywhere between blue-collar workers to white-collar lawyers and bankers. Our evening crowd is younger than me and most definitely upbeat. They are culturally opposite from the daytime usuals in most aspects, from what they drink to how they tip and what songs they play on the jukebox. But one thing remains pretty common. These Midwest

men think that telling women to smile and commenting on boobs, body clothing is friendly and flirty or worse, flattering. They're commonly explicitly sexist, and that makes my feminist blood boil. Me too. Yeah. I love my coworkers and bosses, so leaving isn't ideal. And I also assume like anywhere else she goes, it's going to be the same thing. I have thick skin and can brush a lot off. Don't get me wrong. I speak my mind sometimes to a fault. My problem is about income. My pay is almost totally tip based. So how do I balance my inner go fuck yourself and otherwise stand up for myself with the reality that I'm relying on mostly sexist men for the majority of my income? How do I play nice enough to make money and still keep my dignity? Most of

my attempts have left me with gaslighting or misplaced anger, which I can handle. But the $0 tip on the line, that's hard to handle. Seeking your input, Rachel. We talked about this a little bit, a couple episodes ago about framing the way that you talk to people who are disrespecting you or treating you in a sexist manner. And I think this is, I was talking with my girlfriends on the chairlift yesterday about it too, because there is a way to talk to men without making them defensive about what they're saying. There's a way to be jocular about it. Like to say, oh God, can you, can you imagine the situation I'm in? I'm sitting here behind a bar working for you, relying on the money that you're going to give me. And then you just get to talk to me the way,

whatever way you want can you imagine what it's like to be a woman like there are playful ways to address what's happening to you without it becoming a problem now not every man is going to be open to that conversation or enlightened by that tone but there are men and I think you can discern which men those are going to be where it's worth it and where it's not worth it because it's not worth it for you to kind of bite your tongue every single time you get sexually harassed dismissed as being like, you know, just being objectified or whatever. But I think it is worth it to go at men a little bit in a way that they can swallow, which is playful, kind of like, you know, not so serious, not strident, not screaming, not yelling, but just like, oh,

God, I wish you guys could feel what it's like to be me for a day. Can you, you know, like, really just playing with the idea. And that's not the only way to do it. There are probably 50 other ways to do it. But so that you don't feel like you didn't say anything. And you also don't feel like it was fall, it fell on deaf ears, you want to feel like you said something, it mattered, and you stood up for yourself. And you can't control the outcome of that either. But at least you're not rolling over. If there's somebody who is being an ongoing problem. I do love taking it from a perspective that's like, not just God, you're horrible, you know, I think also, you know, waiting to say something until after you close out their tip and get the tip I heard something

the other day and this was from someone who I believe is like a stripper but she said and I don't know if this is something that you can pull off at your bar like talk to management talk to the the bouncers and things but basically telling them like hey we have an extra fee anytime there's a comment like that and it actually gets added to your bill so like keep them coming and like anytime they make a comment like that, a $15, you know, 15 bucks gets added to their tab. Yeah, maybe that's a good idea, too. Like, basically, there's a penalty for like talking like that. And like, feel free, go ahead. But every time you make a comment, or, you know, talk about my boobs or whatever, 15 bucks is getting

added to your tab or whatever price you decide. Could be a fun way to handle it. And then you're sort of like reclaiming the power and they can stop or they can keep going. And then you just make a bunch of money. Okay, cool. Good luck, Rachel. Well, Chelsea. Yes. Yes, Catherine. We really did it today.

We really did. Lots of men behaving badly. Very unusual. Very unusual. Such a shock. Okay. Have a great day. Thanks, guys.

Okay, guys. So for stand-up, I'm coming to Salt Lake City on April 4th, and I'm coming to Denver, Colorado on April 5th. Tickets are still available for those two. Maricopa, Arizona is April 12th, And then Brooks, California is April 13th. And we added a second show in Sydney. And we added a second show in Prior Lake, Minnesota, which is now going to be May 24th.

We added the Santa Barbara Bowl, which is so fun. I performed there last year. That's August 17th, the Santa Barbara Bowl. We added a second show at Santa Rosa on August 2nd. And we added two dates in Hawaii, guys. I'm coming to Hawaii on July 19th to Kahului. I'm going to be at Kahului. And then I'm coming on July 20th to Honolulu. And oh, I just added another date on August 1st, Auburn, Washington. So and all my Australia and New Zealand dates are up and I will be announcing a European tour

shortly. So I will be coming there and I'm coming to Oklahoma. I have two dates in Oklahoma, May 3rd, which is my mother's birthday Norman, Oklahoma And May 4th, I'll be in Thackerville, Oklahoma So, Oklahomians, Oklahomans, Oglomes Come, bye If you'd like advice from Chelsea Shoot us an email at dearchelseapodcast at gmail.com

And be sure to include your phone number Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert Executive producer, Catherine Law And be sure to check out our merch at chelseahandler.com i survived nine months in captivity and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced these are stories about what it takes to make it out alive listen to the survivor

files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first i'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita trading the pity for possibility listen to solita on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts hey this is hayes davenport and sean clements we host the podcast hollywood handbook each week we talk to someone in show business and try to help them with their careers

and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, Adam Scott, Danny McBride, Ben Stiller, and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.