Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - Autism & Abortion with Amy Schumer

Episode Date: March 3, 2022

Amy Schumer joins Chelsea this week to talk about life with an autistic husband, leaning on your therapist, and the difficulty of going through IVF. Then: A thirty-something wrestles with her emotions around an abortion. A wife wonders if her husband might be autistic, and how to ask him to get tested.  And a sister wonders whether to cut her only sibling off for good.*Executive Producer Nick StumpfProduced by Catherine LawEdited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert*****The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human. Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus from $94 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell. Connection is everything. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors

who lived through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality,

welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the Internet and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators and plenty of overthought opinions. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Did you hear the new episode of the Hey Jonas podcast? We are at D23, so we'll see who stops by. The cast of Frozen stopped by.

Kristen Bell, Josh Gad, and Idina Menzel. I auditioned for Frozen. What? For Kristoff. They said, okay, what are you going to be singing today? I said, I don't know. That must have been why you didn't get in. Well, you probably won.

Plus, John Stamos, Hayden Christensen from Star Wars, and more. And I guess I can share that, uh... No way. Listen to the latest episode of Hey Jonas on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B.

I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word Solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I think Eventide just means evening. Weirdly, my phone is no longer working. Lots of things are not working. Oh, no. It's not even Mercury retrograde right now.

When is it Mercury retrograde, though? It's all the time. I thought it was like once a year. Turns out it's like five times a year. Yeah. I don't know. Do you believe in that stuff, Chelsea? I mean, yeah.

I don't spend, yeah, the time of evening. So Eventide means the time of evening. Great. So just evening. So you can just use that whenever you want. I mean, we should go over some other words. Pulchritudinous means beauty and grace. Oh, that's a good word.

What else? I mean, if we're talking about times of day, I love the word madrugada, which is like it's a Spanish word and it means like the dawn of the day or merienda, which is snack time. Oh, well, that's nice. Is that happy hour? I think it should be. Good pronunciation, by the way. Yeah. OK, that's happy hour.

And that's why I know that word. excellent yeah i'm actually a secret spanish speaker oh you are i am yeah i lived in uruguay for several months in high school and then went back and visited so i've spent about a year there lived in mexico for a little while as well and studied spanish and yeah so i have a a very shushy accent in spanish oh that's good to know well if you ever want to go to mallorca you know i have a place there well excellent that's great yeah and you could practice your espanol it's a beautiful beautiful place I was thinking about selling it and then because I hadn't been in two years I was like what's the point of this after COVID and then we went back and I was like oh no no no I'm never

selling like I will sell everything I own before I sell this so yeah it's it's so beautiful and I Spanish people it's so funny I was saying to my girlfriends this year I took all of my girlfriends from my ski girlfriends met me in Mallorca yes so there were like eight of us or seven of us I was like going on and on about how Spanish are so relaxed and just laid back you know even they're like three-star Michelin restaurants like it's not a big deal when you go to Spain and you go to a Michelin restaurant it's not like the rest of the world where everybody has like an attitude or you know they're even casual about that yeah and they're super casual but when I grew up my girlfriends came to Mallorca this year my friend like we were there alone for a couple of days my

friend and I and she's like I don't know but it's they feel the Spanish here Mallorcans are very unwelcoming and I I went oh yeah you're right she's like you haven't picked up on that I'm like well no because I have that same attitude like fucking don't talk to me you know like I'm fucking happy they're not fucking trying to shoot the shit with me right but I was like oh that's interesting and then everywhere we went I was like oh they are assholes like they are and I was like is it because we're Americans because usually that's the reason and I don't you know you can't argue that right I mean we kind of deserve it but then we were like proving ourselves through town and like like we're good customers we're good tippers which you know they don't care about

anyway over there but you'd think anyway by the end of the trip I realized that my kids are not friendly we would go in and like order a drink and they'd be like we don't have that I'm like you don't have the drink I can see the bar right now they'd be like no thank you like they were basically rejecting our us being customers that happened on more than one occasion and forget about renting bikes we rented bikes at this bike shop and this woman was on such a tear that i i just walked away because i was like okay i can't deal with this woman she was so rude and so obnoxious my friend said to her she goes honey are do you she to the woman she goes do you hate what you're doing because it's coming across that you hate what you're doing do you hate what

you're doing because you're being so aggressive and she had all this attitude she goes no no listen to me i'm asking like woman to woman you should find something that makes you happy so that you can spread happiness instead of hatred and i was like oh wow way to go after but then after that the woman was like peaches and cream every time we saw her so obviously it made a dent sometimes you gotta just meet people where they are i guess huh yeah i was like do i just get out my german and prove to you that i'm german because she's german the woman she was But I don't know any of my German because obviously that's a heritage that, you know, I'm embarrassed about because of my Nazi roots. It's a conflicting message.

My Nazi, my grandfather who served in the war, and then my father and being raised Jewish. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. So, I mean, I don't think of him as a Nazi, but he did serve in the war on the German side. You're like, well, the timing checks out. Yeah, so I do consider him slightly to be a Nazi. But he's dead now anyway, so we don't have to worry about that. Yeah, he was a prisoner of war in America for like three years.

So he kind of got out of the—a lot of—per him, a lot of the soldiers on the German side did not want anything to do with that war, but had nothing to say about it because your children— Well, yeah, because you'd be strung up in the streets, yeah, if you were saying no. Yeah, I'd like to think that I'm the type of person that even if my family was going to be murdered, I would say okay on principle. But that's also probably why I don't have a family Because I would easily murder them Or allow them to be murdered Or you already got them murdered Yeah, I'm like the opposite of a matriarch

I'm a martyr Oh my goodness Okay, well, we have a lot to get down to I mean, we have a lot to get up to today Or down to It really depends how you look at it It does Up, down, reach around

I don't know What do you prefer? Right into Yeah Dive right in Well, let's get up to something Because it sounds more mischievous Let's get up to something.

Speaking of getting up to something, our guest today is always up to something. She is. Yeah. She is a dear friend of mine, and she is a supermodel, and that is how she would like to be introduced from here, from henceforth. She would like to be introduced as a supermodel. So please welcome number one supermodel of the century, Amy Schumer. Well, thank you.

I don't know how to thank you. Well, you don't have to thank me yet. Okay, good. We'll save that for the end. We'll thank each other. This is Catherine. Amy, this is my producer on our podcast. Hello.

Hi. Nice to meet you. Likewise. And welcome to Dear Chelsea. It's an honor. It's a blessing. It's a curse. It's mostly a curse.

No, I'm excited to do this. Well, I'm always excited to do anything with you because we have very similar sensibilities and annoyances. so we have a lot we have a lot of similar character traits amy and i do so one of the things that i wanted to talk to you about today first of all i saw your movie the humans last night on hulu which was awesome awesome acting job amy awesome acting job thank you for the compliment on my acting job thank you so much and i hope that this is going to come out right before my my hulu show life and beth which i wrote and started and directed but it's not a big deal and on about that it's about just people and relationships and being present but yes thank

you for watching the humans and i hope that people watch life and beth on who lou michael sarah plays that my romantic love interest oh wow yeah and to prepare we had actual sex that's excellent believable you know he has he's married i'm married but we both have kids but we wanted hulu to have the best show they could so tell us about the show amy for those of us who aren't familiar with life and bath tell us what it's about and based on okay well it comes out on hulu on march 18th and it is about a woman who beth me whose life is like seems pretty great on paper. Good job. Hot boyfriend. New York City. You know, everything's good. But she's completely dead inside and complacent in her life. And so then there's like a big event that

sort of makes her kind of look at her choices in her life. That's perfect for this show because we get a lot of emails from people who are in that exact same position, like just wanting to Live their best life. Yes, but like not sure how to make a change. Or feeling dead inside, listless, like desultory, where you just feel like there are so many different words to describe that feeling, but it is the worst feeling when you just feel hopeless and like rudderless.

That is the way to express it. Yeah, stuck and just find yourself. At first, you're like, what am I going to do with my life? You're so full of hope. And then you like get into this life. And then at a certain point, you kind of wake up and you're like, is this the life I want, you know? And so that's kind of what the basis of the show is.

And it was really fun to make. And I'm excited for people to see it. I really am. Yeah, I'm excited to see it as well. I've heard very good things about it. And also, I think it's a very relatable topic for anybody. People may look at Amy and myself as people who are living their best lives because of success or because of fame or because of money

or whatever you want to relate that to looks, looks, exactly looks bodies. But I think that is applicable to anybody in any business. You know, there has definitely been times in my life where I'm like, is this it? This is everything I'm contributing. Like, is this all I've got? Is this as good as it gets? So it's not an unrelatable topic at all. It's something that everybody kind of feels, you know, if you're doing well in life all the time, then you're probably not learning much and if you're feeling good all the time about life you're probably clueless so i don't have anyone in my life my oh darn this the the notifications is supposed to be off did you get an amazon delivery i wish we actually live at an amazon facility so we don't

have to wait perfect yeah and you're someone who i feel like you and i you know we relate on a million things but we first really became friends like i feel like when when you meet someone else who's like really interested in having fun and having experiences that's more rare than you think you know you would think so it's like when you know when we got together or when when you find someone like that you're like oh cool this person sort of has the same philosophy as i do and is trying also to better themselves in the world around them which is funny like you you're friends with someone and because you like hanging out and then you kind of get to learn about them you know like i i don't think i knew what an activist you were or you know just all the

things you were working on in that way so it's kind of fun to be friends with someone and then realize how aligned you are in the you know topics you want to give your time and energy to yeah yeah amy did this awesome thing on martha's vineyard where i've been going to martha's vineyard since i was born amy's been going there for a really long time and chris Her husband is from Martha's Vineyard. My first husband. His first husband. Her, what is it called?

What did somebody once say to me? My current husband. Her current husband is from Martha's Vineyard. And her current baby has also spent his summers on the vineyard. But Amy did this awesome thing where she, every morning last summer, every morning she had a group of people meet in Vineyard Haven or West Tisbury, was it? I'm not sure, that kneeled for eight minutes and 46 seconds for George Floyd. And she puts it that orchestrated that with some members of the community.

And then she had this kind of like group think after where everybody could sit down and talk about their feelings about the issues, the feelings about everything that's going on politically in this world. And just, you know, the difference between men and women and why men are a little bit having a little bit harder time understanding the equality conversation. that's such a nice way of putting it yeah we would honor a different black person who was murdered by law enforcement every day like somebody would come in and speak about them and that was so meaningful to get to do that with you and it was it was really like an amazing education i know i love that about you that you're always trying to educate yourself more and you're never done and i feel the same way and just you know when it comes to being an ally or an advocate

It's like you just have to be like, just tell me when I fuck up and just try your best to help. And and no one cares about anybody's white guilt. So just save that for yourself. Exactly. And just help. Yeah. So that was really meaningful. Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix and Disney Plus from $94 a month.

Price guaranteed for two years on Internet with a two year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. bell connection is everything when i was 14 years old i was kidnapped and held captive for nine months i survived and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files i just remember this low taunting voice next to my ear saying shut up don't say anything every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable i knew if he woke up without a doubt he was going to hurt me i started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed and i just started screaming they are abducted

stalked controlled and nearly silenced but these aren't stories about what's taken from them they're stories about what it takes to make it out alive listen to the survivor files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet,

and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations,

or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network.

Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners. Each week, we talk to someone in show business, a.k.a. the biz, and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show we've had a lot of great guests like sarah sherman not that great actually can you help me can can you help me shape this yeah how about we flip it on his head right how about we flip this around okay what is the surprise woman who actually you think is the straight man is actually the one who's acting weird adam scott this entire time you've been expecting adam sandler to come

to visit the show i i would never let go of that i have i would never set expectations for something like that if the universe allows for something like that to happen i'm open to it i'm always going to accept you know danny mcbride fine yeah it's all this fragile masculinity exuding i could smell it walking down the hallway to be honest with you i was like is that weed nope it's fragile masculinity yeah ben stiller no because a lot of times in out of context people don't get it or even know what a circle is you know what i mean like you're like oh what's this everyone's so dumb except for you fake right fake and and also not interested or just like oh i've got my life i don't care about your life and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where

they are without us oh and by the way will ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode, but he's just so busy. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like,

you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What I wanted to talk to you about first, I think what I found to be very inspiring about you is your kind of understanding that your husband Chris was on the spectrum or your suspicion that he was on the spectrum. Can you talk a little

bit about that and like how you how you deduce that yeah so there were you know a couple times where like when I talked about my special where I one time I fell like we were walking down the street and I fell and just I feel like everybody would have just like nine out of ten people would just be like oh my god are you okay and like go to pick you up but he just kind of like stood there frozen you know and it was like I was like that that's just that's an interesting reaction and If we were walking, if there was like three people kind of walking together, he would, without thinking about it, kind of go straight, you know, and sort of disrupt the traffic walking the other way. You know, like just these little things where I was just kind of like, huh. And but really, I think the repetition him him repeating himself when we would have some sort of a disagreement, like he would get kind of stuck on a thought and wouldn't be able to hear what I was saying in a way that was so frustrating.

And I didn't understand. And then I just kind of looked at a quiz online. You know, they have these like like, you know, and if you have whatever, 15 of these 30 things here on the spectrum, I just looked at it and it was like, oh, OK. So I just said to him, if you have any interest in being tested or learning more about this, I'm totally into it. But if you don't, then don't worry about it. And he was interested and went to a couple different psychologists. And then the one who tested him, Dr. Gilbert, who is amazing, we went in together. And this is in our documentary, Expecting Amy on HBO Max.

She was like, you showed enough signs. I am diagnosing you with autism spectrum disorder, ASD. It used to be called Asperger's, but turns out Asperger had like Nazi ties. Asperger's sounds like it would have Nazi ties. I know. It's not like that shocking. You're like, I think we know which side you were on, Dr. Asperger. And it was really helpful and like for us communicating and working with this doctor and understanding the sort of different brain chemistry and we really you know he has his own experience of it but he felt a lot better and under just to understand your brain more and have things make sense from your whole life and people you know being sort of i mean he's really

gifted you know he's a james beard award-winning chef and uh he's an amazing cookbook the beetle bung farm cookbook which is about the farm he grew up on in martha's vineyard but it was it really helped him. And I think other people that he grew up around, you know, make sense and it helps us communicate. And then we wanted to share it because just to get rid of not get rid of the stigma, but just help be like, I'm married to this beautiful, amazing person. And he's on the spectrum. And so many people are on the spectrum. So many people, friends of mine, they're kids that, you know, they don't get diagnosed because they're afraid of that stigma, I think. And it's a shame. So I really we both wanted to encourage people to get tested and just find out because

the tools that you're given are really helpful. Yeah. And also identifying the problem. One thing another thing Amy and I have in common is that we're both doctors, medical doctors, obviously, because we're able to make diagnoses like this quite frequently. And I doctor and I was and I take a lot of pride in that. And I was very, really impressed that you were able to spot that and that also impressed by Chris's inclination to actually explore it because there is this you know I can't tell you how many friends of mine have children who don't want to go get tested because they don't want to find out the truth or people with medical conditions that are not spectrum related that don't want to get tested because they don't want to find out the truth and the

truth is it'll make your life better yes the truth is such power it's a tool then you have tools to use to understand not only you but how you relate to people and helps the people around you understand how to relate to you it's so important my mom is a speech and hearing therapist for the deaf and you know there are these there's this invention the cochlear implant where they can get some hearing and you know she signs with them and whatever but some parents didn't want to get that for their kids and they didn't want them to speak sign they would rather their children this is not even that long ago they would rather their children try and lip read and speak and not sort of admit to being deaf. And I think of it as the same way. It's just don't you want your

child to have all the tools possible to feel the best and succeed? So, yeah, I feel really strongly about it. So does he. But amazingly, people who watched our documentary have reached out and were like that encouraged me and I got diagnosed and I am so grateful and and things have been a lot better in my relationships. And that was like the best outcome. Yeah, that is a good outcome. It's nice. It's nice to be able to do that. And now I know you posted once and I don't know if we've talked about this personally, but you were talking about Jean preternaturally having the same kind of diagnosis. Is that what are what are the percentages of that? Like, what's the deal with that? I think the statistics are pretty strong toward he will most likely have autism. Parents have different journeys with this. You know, having a child with severe autism is beyond my imagination difficult. But if Gene, if he does wind up having ASD, I'm not looking for the signs in a way that I that are upsetting it. I I'm not hoping either way. It's like most of my favorite people are on the spectrum. but yeah he's two and a half and I think they don't diagnose children until like maybe six you know like the earliest I think you know you could see some signs but

diagnosis doesn't come to later and I can say honestly I don't have a preference either way you know everybody you just want your kid to be happy and healthy I think that's one of the most important things that you guys are doing and raising awareness about this is like showing people that it's not the end of the world I have a family member who's somewhere on the spectrum And a friend of mine the other day was saying, you know, she was really worried because her nephew, they're thinking he might be on the spectrum and she was really concerned. And I said, you know what? It's not a guarantee that they won't be able to live a normal, functional life.

I mean, this family member of mine, he's married. He's got a great job. He owns his own business. Like he is extremely creative and interesting and like goes to dance parties and, you know, frolics in the woods. but like it's not something that necessarily has to be super scary i don't think it's scary as all oh i'm sorry your child might be gifted yeah right you know maybe super smart most people not everybody's like some you know incredible genius with autism but most most people like they

do have a real talent and for something so and they're beautiful loving kind people and good partners. And I'm sorry that they're not going to be able to do a good job active listening to you at a party. But I think that's OK. And that is one of my favorite things about Chris is that like once he was diagnosed, it's like you just have a full license to just if someone's in the middle of a long, boring story, he will just straight up walk away, you know, and I'm just and everyone's like, oh, there goes Chris, you know, and I still have to stand there and listen, even though I'm dying. I want to do chime in and say one of the cutest things that Chris said about Amy when I I asked him why he fell in love with her as he said, I knew that she would be an amazing mother.

Pretty cute. That was pretty. That is so cute because I didn't even think I wanted kids when we met. I actually told him I didn't want kids when we met. And he said, we are going to have kids and and they're going to be great. And I was like, oh, OK. It was pretty easy to convince me. And, you know, about that, I don't know if I told you this yet, but there's a lot I want to talk about on this as well but and one of the things is that we I did IVF we made embryos and I went went through the IVF process and which is so hard and so many people go through it and it's just these women I am my heart goes out because you know people do it so many times I did it one time and I was like I'm gonna die this is awful and I got like 31 eggs and I just felt so I was like

I'm fertile myrtle I just like felt very hot and then boom like the drop off after like you know fertilization and blah blah we only got one normal embryo and we tried and it didn't work so and now I don't have a uterus so we're gonna have just one child and we're just enjoying our little family and I'm just focusing on that and I think that you know there's so much pressure like once you have a kid, another one, you're just like, but I'm excited about it. And, but it, I was sad, you know? And, and it's like, it's not really something you get sympathy for because it's like, you already have one bitch, like shut up. But you know, that's a real struggle people go through as well. And so I just wanted to share that, that we, we tried and we're just going to have the one

perfect little, little adorable angel. And there you have it, everybody. Those are, Those are your words of inspiration today from Amy Schumer. I have other I have other words of inspiration. Here's something else I wanted to talk about on here, if it's OK, if it's OK. Yeah, go ahead. I just wanted to say I think I may have told you this. So I got lipo. I got liposuction.

I never thought I was going to do anything like that. Like when I would hear liposuction, I was just like, that's so crazy to me. And I would say I'm not ever going to do anything. cut to turning 40 after having a c-section and being like hi I can't feel my fupa anymore like and it just is out there and endometriosis and these and my endometriosis surgery I was like I healed well so I was like can I get lipo and I I got lipo and I'm feeling really good and I just wanted to say that because if anybody sees me in in pictures or anything and they're like she's looking she looks thinner and whatever it's like it's because I had I had a surgery I just

it's it's too hard and i just want to be real about it so i just wanted to share that on here well i appreciate your truth it's always good to be honest with the world and women especially women need our honesty more than ever now and i'm glad that you're healing well and i'm glad that i know you honey i'm glad i know you honey we're gonna take some callers because we have real people that call in for advice and we try to curate the episode towards you and your kind of areas of experience. So, Catherine, we'll start, but we have like two or three callers, and we give our advice

real-life stuff, so that's what Dear Chelsea is. Yeah, very high-end. And before we do that, we have to take a small break for some ads. Okay, perfect time for a shadoobie. Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet

with Crave, Netflix, and Disney+. From $94 a month, price guaranteed for two years on Internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit visit bell.ca for details and to check availability bell connection is everything when i was 14 years old i was kidnapped and held captive for nine months i survived and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files i just remember this low taunting voice next to my ear saying shut up don't say anything every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable

i knew if he woke up without a doubt he was going to hurt me i started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed and i just started screaming they are abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced but these aren't stories about what's taken from them they're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page

are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse.

I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations,

or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus

or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people

and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network. Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners. each week we talk to someone in show business aka the biz and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show we've had a lot of great guests like sarah sherman not that great actually can you help me can you help me shape this how about we flip it on his head right how

about we flip this around okay what is the surprise woman who actually you think is the straight man is actually the one who's acting weird adam scott this entire time you've been expecting adam sandler to come to visit the show i i would never let go of that i have i would never set expectations for something like that it seems like if the universe allows for something like that to happen i'm open to it i'm always going to accept you know danny mcbride fine yeah it's all this fragile masculinity exuding i could smell it walking down the hallway to be honest i was like is that weed nope it's fragile masculinity ben stiller no because a lot of times in out of context people don't get it or even know what a circle is you know what i mean

like you're like oh what's this state everyone's so dumb except for you fake right fake and and also not interested or just like oh i've got my life i don't care about your life and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us oh and by the way will ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode but he's just so busy listen to hollywood handbook on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts and we're back and we're back oh welcome back that was so quick whenever i go to the bathroom joe says to me god that was quick i'm like women do not hang out on the toilet like men do with car magazines or men whatever the fuck they're up to phone I find it really gross when I go

into somebody's bathroom and there is just a pile of magazines it's like oh god it's like excuse me people still do that are you inviting me to take a shadoobie and then also read while I'm sitting on your toilet it's I may be guilty on it is that I may be guilty of a magazine and like all the pages are you like you know and you're just like this is so gross but you know what do you do you still i pick it up and i fucking read it yeah whatever it is and i'm just i'm just like i guess i need to read this do the crossword no i mean oh yeah to be fair no one's been in our house for two years so you know exactly so yeah you might want to move those magazines to the master bathroom sorry the primary bathroom we're not saying that anymore

yeah just leave the toilet in the front and the foyer well our first call comes from claire Claire says, Dear Chelsea, I suspect my husband is on the autism spectrum. This is right up your alley, Amy. Whoa. It's wild to me that you figured that out after you were together. I figured it was just something I always knew about him, but I think that's great. Diagnosed at 39. Oh, that's wild.

I love that. It's come up before in social situations, more as a joke about how incredible he is at math and solving problems accurately in his head. not to mention his recall of sports stats, but is that every man? I hadn't really considered that he might be on the spectrum until we reached out to a psychiatrist about our daughter and some behaviors we were struggling to understand. He recommended some resources about autism in girls since it's not easily identified and immediately, intuitively, I felt like it was true for my husband as well. Since then, I've been in turmoil. I've been struggling with depression and anxiety since having kids and now I'm realizing we've been living in this pattern of me feeling like

I'm asking for help, but he doesn't, quote, pick up on what I'm saying. I know you have a good friend, Amy Schumer. This is actually like before anybody even knew you were coming on, which she even wrote in the subject like this is for Amy Schumer if she gets. Is that how I got booked? Yeah. Yeah. We reached out. Fan request. Thanks to Claire. Thank you, Claire. Yeah. She says, I know you have a good friend, Amy Schumer, that is successfully married to a man who is on the autism spectrum. How do I encourage him to reach out for more resources without pushing him? I also need him to take on more of the lead parent, but his view can be very black and white that he's the breadwinner and needs to be available to his job 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. Monday through Friday. At the same time, he often tells me that he has flexibility.

I'd love to hear from someone living this reality. Help, Claire. Wow. Oh, wow, Claire. I so feel you. I just so feel you. And, you know, to say successful, it's like it's still really hard. It's not.

It's marriage. Yeah. It's marriage. And he is my friend, you know, like we love hanging out. He's who I want to hang out with. He's who I want to watch TV with. And then there are some moments that are really hard and we lean on our therapist a ton in those times.

We get a phone session and she really helps us. And so I think the thing is the initial thing of wanting him to get tested, the way I approached it was just you know it was in like a really friendly way you know it wasn't like it wasn't in the heat of a fight or something like that it was just proposing it to him and I think everybody's family's different and I don't know her husband he might be resistant to that but I would just say like I know it's so hard so I'm sorry because I know it's it is really hard and yeah and sometimes you're even like saying exactly what you need but the black and white is a real thing you know like actually we had a fight the other day i was taking gene to gymnastics

and he's amazing at gymnastics obviously and i was hustling to get there you know and i'm like and it's hard like it's physically hard you know people i'm 40 like it's not i don't have like a toddler this toddler is like 40 pounds and it's hard to get him places you know so i get there rushed there and we get in and you know and the mask and the whole thing and there's you know like 30 little Hasidic girls doing tumbling. And I realized that we were a half hour early because Chris told me it was a half hour. And so I text him, I'm going to kill you. Like you do. That's what you text your husband in that situation. And he got really upset. Like he didn't think I was going to kill him, but he just thought that meant like they were really

angry, furious or whatever. And yeah. And he kind of when we spoke later was like really fired up because it's so black and white. And I'm like, no, you know, if I also there are some times I would send like a heart or like a smiley face to someone and he'd be like I think that's like inappropriate you know and I'm like no you don't understand like text culture whatever but my point is I think broaching it like I looked at this online questionnaire and I think that it would be really helpful to me and our kids and it would mean a lot if you would if you could look into getting tested and maybe they'll find nothing or maybe they'll help us and give us the tools that's what I would say yeah and I think educating yourself also in the interim like there was a book

that I know that I sent you Amy that Chris had read that he and I had talked about I think what was it called how to be autistic how to live a happy how to be happy with autism or I will find out the table what was that book it was really amazing it's like so but that is such a good perspective yes because it really breaks down that all different you know any diagnosis is not similar to the next diagnosis that everyone with autism is experiencing something differently but it gives you an idea of how language and simple cues are different for people who are on the spectrum versus people who aren't. And that we live in a world that is built for people that are not on the spectrum. And there are all these gifts, even though that sometimes it can feel like

shortcomings when your partner doesn't react or interact in the way that you would, it feels like it's in a side or an affront maybe. But when you understand where they're coming from, you realize that they're making a contribution that you're not making. They have something to offer that you don't have to offer. So really recognizing and understanding what those things and those gifts are really helps you elevate that person in your mind instead of to be annoyed at their lack of.

That's such a good point. And yeah, it's like, that is my one criticism about therapy. It's like, why are we trying to teach them to do it our way? you know it's like why is our way the right way and so some of those things like for younger people i think it's easier they if they get helped socially they get there's also a book called something about best practices being like oh and you can watch they recommended like watch letterman or listen to stern interviews to hear how people react and you know just like to see what sort of normal social cues look like what's normalized and yeah and it's a little bit like

well is my way the right way and you're exactly right where if i were a single mom and i was raising gene alone i would feel so bad for him with what i have like chris and i need we need each other and parenting because we have such different instincts and you know i'm just like want to carry gene around on a satin pillow and chris is like i'll let him like ride his bike down that hill and i'm just you know so yeah gosh claire i really feel for you and and and i think having a plan if you come up with like sort of a schedule like the you know because you said he has some flexibility at work so it's like how about monday wednesday friday these hours you are present and do these things with the kid you know so coming up with a schedule that he

can like think about and look forward to and then making sure that you broach the subject to say the way that Amy said you know not in the heat of a fight always in a calm loving way like it's you guys finding out this together as a team for the sake of your family it's a whole unit involved it's not you being accusatory and saying this is what's wrong with you this this and this and this it has to come from a very loving place I really I I'm proud of how I've the job I've done with never weaponizing his diagnosis you know like i never like because there are times where i just feel totally sure that it's because of the difference in our brain chemistry but it's just never good to bring i just would never bring it up and like you know well you're doing this

because of right yeah yeah it's just and i that's why i just i lean on our trusted therapist okay So those books are The Journal of Best Practices by David Finch and How to Be Autistic by Amelia Poe. Have you seen that show Love on the Spectrum, either of you? Hell yeah. Oh my gosh. I love it. It is.

I want more. I know. I was so bummed when the first season like pretty clearly ended because the pandemic started like a mid-season, but it's just delightful. The only thing about that show is I wish that they showed different, you know, it's Love on the spectrum but the people are all kind of in a similar place on the spectrum yeah if i if i may yeah you know it's like i wouldn't say severe you know they're all functioning lovely people but i think that's why people when something's about the spectrum they go all the way in one direction

yes and there is a spectrum there's so you know there's so many people who would would never know Chris is on the spectrum but I mean that show just makes me think for Claire like some of the frustrations in her marriage may come from him potentially being on the spectrum but also some of the real joys in her marriage may come from that maybe he's like really funny and blunt like maybe he has an incredible creative side you know whatever it is some of the joys of her marriage may be coming from that as well I'm sure they are I'm sure they are yeah that I mean that's the thing. And I'm, there's no one I would rather be with, you know, it's just, I don't even mean that in like a sweet way, but you know, the grass is always greener, but it's just like, if I'm not

with Chris, I'm alone, you know? Cause I was like ready to be alone. And then not this guy. I was like partnering up with this guy and that's that. And there you have it. Yeah. And he can cook. So So, I mean, we love that. That's reason number one. We have a prenup. We don't need it. We don't need it. Yeah.

Well, our next caller is Sarah. She says, Dear Chelsea, first of all, I admire you so much and have been a fan of yours for years. Long story short, I had an abortion almost two years ago. My partner was an absolute asshole and was secretly in a relationship with the mother of his other child the entire time we were seeing each other. He made my abortion experience an absolute nightmare. I've since grown a lot. I even went to work for Planned Parenthood and recently became a volunteer counselor for an abortion support text line. However, I still struggle and feel a sense of emotional and sexual trauma, and I have major trust issues and just think everyone is out to hurt me.

I've been debating whether or not to email you, but if there's one person who can knock some sense into me, I know it's Chelsea. I look forward to hopefully talking with you one day. Thanks so much, Sarah. hi sarah hi chelsea hi katherine hi hi and amy's here hi sarah hi oh my gosh hi surprise surprise yeah you've got lots of strong women here today to help you a lot of support here today oh my gosh i can't thank you yeah that's such a great question thank you for that question i mean it's not for me but you know that's really it is very cool yeah first of all good for you for having the strength to go through with getting an abortion when you're in a toxic

relationship and knowing that that wasn't going to fit having a baby it wasn't going to fix it when you're with somebody that can't participate in that way so first of all you made a really strong decision on your own and you should give yourself a lot of credit for that thank you and I think I'll go first Amy I think that we all go through all of these kinds of feelings you know men have a way or whomever you're sexually attracted to, you know, they have a way of screwing us up. But you don't ever have to think of that as a permanent state of being. I've been in toxic relationships with friends or with lovers or whatever. And that is never a permanent thing. It's a period of time that you go through and then it's your job to dig

yourself out of it. And the first you're already out of the relationship. So the hard part and the most difficult thing is is doing that is getting rid of somebody that you you know that you have feelings for and not going through with having a baby with that person is another strong move so I think you've already set yourself up for a lot of success and it's just about now getting yourself mentally equipped and fit enough to know that you're not going to allow that like you've said these are my standards they're not down here they're up here and now the world has a way of meeting you in the moments that you are in you know when you lift yourself up things come to you in that way and when you don't think highly of yourself lower things come to you lower quality

things come to you so I think you're like already on your way to like great stuff and goodness and you should enjoy this time of growth because that's what it is thank you that is I just like really just appreciate that question so much and I just heard this and I don't know it might not resonate but somebody said to me that grief is unexpressed love and so i think i think that grief will probably always be with you and so to try and not like shoo it away but um sit with it and i just think that you made such a great decision thank you because you wouldn't have been welcoming that child into a good situation and i think that's that is exactly and so i think that is like the most extreme act of of real love and when you do become a mother if you do you know

if that's something you want then i think that decision will be even stronger to you because i just all of my friends i really don't have anyone in my phone who hasn't had an abortion i mean really like truly but that doesn't make it any less like sort of painful or traumatic but and most of my friends have all had miscarriages so like these these insanely traumatic things even though they are more normalized it's just like you have every right to have that trauma i would say and i think it's really cool to share that and because i'm sure it'll make so many people feel better? I hope so. Especially right now. Yeah. Yeah. I really hope so. And I think it's the craziest thing. Thank you both for all that you just said. Cause for me, it's like,

this is very validating because like when it happened, I felt so alone because I didn't know anybody else that had had an abortion. It wasn't something I ever really talked about with my friends and family. Cause why would you, you know what I mean? So when it happened, I just didn't really know what to do or who, like I was in a city, I was in Chicago by myself. I didn't have any friends or family there. So my sister flew to be with me. Thank goodness. So she came to be with me and she's been my like rock ever since she always has been. But one of the first things she said to me when she came to Chicago, she was like, I was crying. I was a mess. And she was like, Sarah, it's going to be okay. Like didn't Chelsea Handler have an

abortion? And that's the first time I smiled. That was the first time I laughed. That was the first time I felt any sense of like, I'm not alone because there is someone else out there that I connect with in some way that has been through it. So I, and then from that point forward, I just started researching, you know, like reading people's stories on different websites and stuff like that. And then that really helped me to grow and to know that there are so many other people that have had similar situations or, but now it's like, I'm just kind of like cleaning up the mess that this person made in my life. And every time I think I'm over it, or like I'm healed and something happens where I'm like, Oh no, I still have a lot to work on

and a lot to do. So do you think people can heal Charles? Do you think people can fully heal? Like, is that a realistic goal? I think, you know, I, I mean, I don't know if you fully heal, but I know from my own personal experience, like I went to therapy, I don't know how many years ago it was. Like it was five years ago. I went, I went for two years and the after effects of it didn't really start to sprinkle throughout my life until like this year so it's like it's a long duration and if someone had told me like oh you're gonna go to therapy and then five years later you're gonna meet the love of your life or five years later you're gonna have all these great career highs or or whatever I would have been like fuck that's too fucking long I don't have

five years you know what I mean like I I invested in therapy for two years and then I let I and I just kind of went away from that because I wanted to apply it to my own life without leaning on my therapist. Right. I think a lot of people don't want to start therapy because they think you need to be in it forever. And some people do. But I think a lot of therapists would say that most people get to a point where they can kind of graduate and use the tools they've learned on their own. So I think that you just have to be patient with yourself about the duration of time, because now everything in my life is better than I could have ever expected it at this age I thought oh fuck you know like I thought at this age I'd be retired living in Spain now I'm

like having the best time of my life I'm in love I have so many great things going on and I'm in a place where I can really be grateful for it and be present for it instead of being an asshole or thinking I deserve it or being kind of like too cool for school you know what I mean so I think that you just have to really be patient with yourself and understand that these times in between relationships, especially when you're cleaning up the emotional mess that a relationship has kind of unleashed. These are growth, huge growth spurts for us. And be patient with yourself during that time. Allow yourself to grow and allow yourself to heal because healing does happen. I don't know if we're ever really healed. I feel really healed about my brother dying. I feel like

I got that out in such a big way that now I feel healed. I don't feel like something was taken away for me anymore. I understand. So I just know that you're emotional right now and you have every right to be, and you should sit with your pain. Like Amy said, I'm, you know, I totally believe that. And I think you're going to be fine. I think you're going to be just fine. And you're strong and you're a badass. You're a badass. You're the shit. Oh my God. Stop. Stop. Thank you. I live in Portland now, Portland, Oregon. Oh, cool. Okay. So there are good people around you. Yeah. And I live with my sister now. So we have, she is like, it's like a live-in therapist almost. It's, it's the best thing ever. And I've, I've told my, you know, ever since that happened,

like I've, I've opened up to my family. So my parents know now that's why I'm like putting it out here on a podcast. Cause I'm like my parents, everyone that I love and cherish in my life, they all know and they all support me. So. And you'll have so many people tell you me too, me too, me too, me too, me too. It's like HPV, like in college, you know, I opened up at like one party and all the girls, you know, it's like, yeah, it's true. It's true. Like the more people I told, the more I heard from people that I have been friends with for years, they'd be like, well, can I tell you something? Like I did too, a few years ago. And then it just kind of opened the floodgates in my life of just being like, you know what, now I feel like it's my purpose

and like my mission in life to open up to people and talk about it and be like, I don't know, not an example but you know what I mean just someone that can be relatable and that you know if I tell you it's a beautiful brave choice yeah it is it's scary of course but it's also like I feel like if I don't talk about it then I'm contributing to the like stigma around it of not talking about it and not exactly yeah that's why it's so helpful right now too and honestly if like you know if anybody in your life had judgments about it wouldn't you want to get them out of your life anyway. Cause like, yeah. One of the things that I wanted to mention to Chelsea was that like, I feel like that's something I really struggle with, with in terms

of relationships is that I don't know whether or not to tell people sometimes. And I, I do kind of want to weed them out at this point. Like if you're not going to support that decision that I made, then like, I, I don't think you have a spot in my life anymore because this is a huge part of who i am in terms of like a relationship like i don't know if i can be with someone that is against it it's just really weird for me and it feels like it's now part of my identity but you also don't need to tell anybody you know it's like i don't think on a first date you know you gotta be like uh should we start with a drink i had an abortion you know you can tell anybody when you're comfortable yeah some i know i know some women who are married who never never say

anything and i would also argue that you know in the moment we're in in this period of time the louder that we can be about abortion the better so if you are comfortable with it i think you should be talking about it you know like it's obviously your personal choice but like people really need seem to be really mistaken about how essential this is in life so it's very important that if you are you willing to use your voice that you do thank you yeah and keep us posted okay let us know how your life goes i will i'm coming to your show in january so i'll uh oh great i'll see you there then thank you so much chelsea and amy and katherine thank you take care thank you bye get bell pure fiber internet with crave netflix and disney plus from 94 a month price guaranteed

for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell. Connection is everything. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files.

I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable i knew if he woke up without a doubt he was going to hurt me i started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed and i just started screaming they are abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced but these aren't stories about what's taken from them they're stories about what it takes to make it out alive Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home.

This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse.

Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements.

We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network. Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners. Each week, we talk to someone in show business, a.k.a. the biz, and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, not that great. Actually, can you help me shape this? How about we flip it on its head?

How about we flip this around? What if the surprise woman, who actually you think is the straight man, is actually the one who's acting weird? Adam Scott. this entire time you've been expecting adam sandler to come to visit the show i i would never let go of that i have i would never set expectations for something like that it seems like if the universe allows for something like that to happen i'm open to it i'm always going to accept you know danny mcbride fine yeah it's all this fragile masculinity exuding i could smell it walking down the hallway to be honest with you i was like is that weed nope it's fragile

masculinity yeah ben stiller no because a lot of times in out of context people don't get it or even know what a circle is you know what i mean like they're like oh what's this everyone's so dumb and fake right fake and and also not interested or just like oh i've got my life i don't care about your life and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us oh and by the way will ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode but he's just so busy listen to hollywood handbook on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts on the new podcast solita we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman i can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude

is offering me a ride on his motorcycle i chose option b i'm julie pinero and i travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here.

It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind or wake up to a new version of yourself so whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip i hope you listen to solita on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts wow that was a perfect caller for this for this episode with amy i love her yeah do we have time for the last quick one um yes we do we have tiffany on the line tiffany haddish no

different tiffany oh i mean she's wonderful too uh dear chelsea she says i'm so envious of the relationship you have with your siblings how do you do it i have one sister who is seven years younger than me with our age difference we weren't close growing up but the relationship hasn't improved with age. We've both been divorced and remarried. We both now have blended families. I'm 41. She's 34. She lives about an hour and a half from me, and we never talk because she hates my husband. According to her, he reminds her of her ex-husband. Ever since marrying him four years ago, she's barely spoken with me. She's invited me and my son to holidays at her home, but required I not bring my husband or his kids, which I'm not going to do. I've invited her entire family to our

home for many holidays, but she never attends. I've called her several times, but she doesn't answer or does and gets off the phone within five minutes. I send Christmas gifts for her kids, but they're criticized. I don't know what to do at this point. I'd love to have a relationship with my sister, but it is seemingly impossible at this point. Do I keep trying to reach out to her or light the match on this bridge? Tiffany. Wow. Hi, Tiffany. Hey, Chelsea. It's so good to visit with you and amy's here today as our special guest tiffany oh oh my gosh hey amy it's so good to see you you too i really appreciate that question i really feel you it's so tough and this is catherine tiffany this is my producer co-host catherine yes we've chatted we've chatted okay

yeah okay of course we're besties yes of course so that sounds like a very very difficult situation and really frustrating for you, huh? Yeah. And since I sent that, we've had Thanksgiving come up and Christmas planning. And so again, you know, I invite everyone over for the holidays to our house and she never comes. She doesn't bring her family. It's just like, here we go again with this game of, oh, well, you can come and your son can come, but your husband and his kids can't. And we're all one big happy family. I mean, our kids are all, they're 11, 13, and 15. So it's really odd to say, oh, I'm going to ditch half of my family to go to your house. It's just odd.

And I keep trying to reach out, like, can we do lunch? Can we talk about this? And she's just not having it. So I'm just wondering, when do I just say, hey, look me up when you can be civil with my family? On the one hand, I do. I mean, I fully identify with this from like a sister perspective. And sisters can be so difficult. and I think some of it may be because she's a little younger, but kind of thinking about it

from this perspective of your husband reminds her of her ex-husband. I went through an abusive relationship in college and for years afterward, if I was walking down the street and even saw someone who looked vaguely like this person, my body would tense up. I felt like I wanted to punch this random stranger. It was a visceral reaction. So my thought is it may have something to do with that but that's also sort of her thing that she needs to process because your husband is a different person you know she needs to get to know him and make a judgment call based on him can i ask does your sister have any sort of a possible personality disorder i'm serious like did she struggle like in any way growing up that you think that there could

be some instability there just totally like not meaning to project but just curious i mean no I don't. I actually what Catherine was saying may make sense. I mean, her previous relationship was an abusive relationship. So that could that could very well be the case. But I, I guess my confusion is like, even the kids, like the kids can't even associate with your kids. I mean, it's tricky. That is so brutal. I just want to say, I really, really feel this. And I just think the narratives that people create, they're almost none of our business. Everybody just writes their own story about every person, no matter how close you've been or anything. And to try and chase it and correct it and whatever is an impossible task, I would say. And if I were you, I would just say the door is open anytime and then I would back off because probably each of those invitations isn't landing well with her. That's what I would say. But it's really painful and I'm really sorry, especially the kids. That's horrendous.

Yeah, I appreciate that. Well, and I, you know, the reason I wanted to write in is because, you know, Chelsea is, is well now one of five and y'all vacation together. I mean, it seems like with that many siblings, there would be some things that come up and that Chelsea's obviously worked through. And I'm thinking, God, I have one sibling and I can't make it work with just the one and I'm trying everything I can do. And I hate to just cut her off.

But it's not your fault at all. I'm open to having a relationship with you, but you can't just keep saying, OK, well, you can't talk about your husband or you can't bring your other kids here. I mean, that's a lot. That's a lot. And have you attempted to just have like a lunch with her one-on-one so that you guys can talk about it like adults? Yeah.

So, um, the closest we've gotten to that is a couple of years ago, right before COVID hit, I actually made lunch plans with her and drove an hour and a half to her house. And then I was like, Hey, I'm having, I called her, Hey, I'm having trouble finding exactly where your house is. Cause she had moved and she's like, Oh, I totally forgot about that. Yeah. That won't work for me. And she canceled on me after I had already driven out there.

I've tried calling her and she doesn't answer. She is like, oh, the kids are bothering, you know, the kids are bothering me. I got to go. The conversations are just a couple of minutes and then she wants to get off the phone. Well, I would just, I would probably have one last effort. And in that effort, whether it's an email, sometimes that lands better because people have time to digest it and reread it or a phone call or an in-person meeting, if you prefer, whatever your preference is with one last effort to just say, hey, listen, we're

sisters. You're the only sister I have. I'm the only sister you have. I understand that you have some issues, but you have to kind of take it from my perspective. This is my family. This is not your ex-husband. This is my husband. These are my children. These are his children. These are the people I love the most in my world. As my sister, I would love for you to have open arms to my whole family and not try to segment our family to your liking. That doesn't really work for us but my door is always open because I love you I'm always happy to see you one-on-one it's when she starts to bifurcate the family that that's not kosher you know like I'm always happy unless your husband has done something to hurt her that you haven't mentioned or has been awful to

her in any way right so so it's just a reasonable rational email explaining like that you will always love her, that you always desire a relationship with her, and that it seems really unreasonable, the demands that she makes in order to see her and leaving the door open, like Amy said, you know, for future whatever. And then make peace with that with yourself, because you have to be the one that's okay with that. Somebody just said that to me, they said the most important relationship you'll ever have is with yourself. So it's obviously like really painful for you. so I would do whatever you have to do to take care of yourself. I really appreciate that. I think that's what I needed. I, I, to hear that saying that to her is

okay. You know, putting that line in place is okay. And I, Chelsea, I like how you phrased it that, you know, Hey, one-on-one, if you want to meet up, that's great. But once you start segmenting my family, that's where it becomes a problem. I think that phrasing is really good. So, yeah. And I like the idea of an email, too, so that I'm not as quick to say something over the phone. I like that a lot. Yeah. And make sure it's loving from the beginning and the end. Shouldn't be fiery. It should be loving. Because when you read loving words, it's like they have a way of resonating more so than I think sometimes even hearing them. You know what I mean? Yeah. I like that a lot. Thank you. But let us know what happens, OK? Keep us posted.

I will. Thank you all. thank you so nice to see you tiffany so good to see you chelsea if you ever decide to come to you know conservative hell oklahoma then let us know we're ready to to have your your stand i watch your stand up on netflix but you know you don't come to oklahoma very often because it's like republican like crazy yeah yeah i think i cross good people there too i think i crossed oklahoma off my list at some point but i will revisit it okay okay maybe we should come to Canada. But take care and good luck with your sister. Thank you. Thanks, Tiffany. We are going to take a quick break so you can hear an ad and then we'll be right back.

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I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable i knew if he woke up without a doubt he was going to hurt me i started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed and i just started screaming they are abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced but these aren't stories about what's taken from them they're stories about what it takes to make it out alive Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters,

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we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita,

trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself.

So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network. Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners. Each week, we talk to someone in show business, a.k.a. the biz, and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time, and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show.

We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, not that great. Actually, can you help me shape this? How about we flip it on its head? How about we flip the script? What if the surprise woman, who actually you think is the straight man, is actually the one who's acting weird? Adam Scott, this entire time, you've been expecting Adam Sandler to come to visit the show. I would never let go of that. I have never set expectations for something like that.

It seems like if the universe allows for something like that to happen, I'm open to it. I'm always going to accept, you know, Danny McBride. Fine. Yeah. It's all this fragile masculinity exuding. exuding i could smell it walking down the hallway to be honest with you i was like is that weed nope it's fragile masculinity yeah ben stiller no because a lot of times in out of context people don't get it or even know what a circle is you know what i

mean like you're like oh what's the state everyone's so dumb except for you fake right fake and and also not interested or just like oh i've got my life i don't care about your life and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us oh and by the way will ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode but he's just so busy listen to hollywood handbook on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts ah so sad i know family family shit is always so fucking annoying annoying do you get in stuff with any of your siblings at holiday times yeah i mean my brother Yeah. Yeah. It's a constant negotiation. It's a lifelong, you know, it is really painful. But I do think I do believe what I said to her where you have to like at a certain point, if it's hurting you, like she's in a lot of pain. Yeah. And if it's hurting you, like do what you need to do so that you're not in pain. So if something has this dynamic, you know, and at a certain point, if you need to step away, then I think you just have to do that.

And just to know that she doesn't have to keep chasing her, that she can just allow her sister to come to her when she's ready. But, yeah, I think, Chelsea, what you said about it has to, like, start and end with compassion and, like, really hammer home the compassion rather than stop doing this. Yeah, because that's what I learned in therapy. Like, I would always just be like, this is what you fucking did. La, la, la, la, la, la. And people were like. No, you can't. That's the thing.

You really, whatever narrative her sister has made up, it's not just that her husband triggers her. Like, she has created a story, you know. and in that email you're talking about if she were like he's never done anything it's like not helpful it's like they are gonna believe you know whatever they've written in their mind anyway Life and Beth

is on Hulu March 18th oh fabulous and I had lipo don't forget Amy had lipo and Life and Death is on Hulu Life and Beth I'm confusing my own book with her show

Life and Beth will be on not hello hulu fabulous march 18th it premieres and everything amy does is awesome so make sure you fucking check it out i mean that's accurate amy thank you did you have any advice that you wanted to ask chelsea for oh oh oh i didn't know it was supposed to be advice oh that's okay no it doesn't have to be it doesn't have to whatever it is it'll be interesting okay i have two questions I have two questions. Okay. One is, what do you think my reputation is with people in our industry? Well, that's a good question. What do I think your reputation is? I think that you are considered to be a badass, I would say. I think that you're in control of your own decision-making

and I would say that people know that you're tough. And right back at you, what do you think your reputation is the same it within the business yeah i would say that too i mean you know what we really like each other so and you know what i say if no one thinks you're a cunt you're not doing it right there we go and on that note cunts out cunts out y'all um thank you amy i love you so much i love you so much all right really nice meeting you katherine all right bye okay stand updates i have Winnipeg coming up March 10th and March 11th there are still tickets to the second show which I believe the second show was added on the 10th yes we have two shows coming up in Toronto March 12th you can get tickets to the late show still for that and then I'm going to Ottawa and then I pick

back up in Cedar Rapids Des Moines and Omaha April 14th 15th 16th and then every weekend and through july so pick your tickets up go buy them at chelseahandler.com and you'll see me on my people's choice award winning comedy tour the best tour of 2021 and even though it's 2022 i consider it to be the best tour of 2022 as well thank you and if you'd like to get advice from chelsea and one of her guests please write in to dear chelsea project at gmail.com i survived nine months in captivity and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable abducted stalked controlled and

nearly silenced these are stories about what it takes to make it out alive listen to the Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers book talk creators and plenty of overthought opinions listen to pro society on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts did you hear the new episode

of the hey jonas podcast we are at d23 so we'll see who stops by the cast of frozen stopped by kristin bell josh gad and adina menzel i auditioned for frozen what for kristoff they said okay what are you going to be singing today i said i don't know that must have been why you didn't get it Plus, John Stamos, Hayden Christensen from Star Wars, and more. And I guess I can share that, uh... No way. Listen to the latest episode of Hey Jonas on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast, Hollywood Handbook. Each week, we talk to someone in show business and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, Adam Scott, Danny McBride, Ben Stiller, and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.