Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - Back by Popular Demand: Julianna Margulies

Episode Date: October 13, 2022

Chelsea is joined this week by one of our favorites: Julianna Margulies.  They discuss good vacations and bad flights, the best books they’re reading right now, and why you should never have a tv in the bedroom.  Then: A dog groomer dreams of escaping a job where he works with his ex - and their new love interest.  A sister-in-law finds herself in a Single White Female situation. And a nurse who cares for everyone else struggles to accept that she must also take care of herself. * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Nick Stumpf Produced by Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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See the Jonas Brothers live at RBC Amphitheater September 28th. get tickets now at ticketmaster.ca jonas brothers the burning up tour all over again i survived nine months in captivity and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to the Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever

you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle, I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home pro society is a weekly podcast that's part book club part group chat for anyone

who thinks pride and prejudice and love island deserve the same level of discourse each week we're connecting the dots between books the internet and pop culture with your favorite writers book talk creators and plenty of overthought opinions listen to pro society on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts hey this is Hayes Davenport and Sean Clements we host the podcast Hollywood Handbook each week we talk to someone in show business and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show we've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman Adam Scott Danny McBride Ben Stiller and

a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, so my stand-up dates, I have some dates coming up in California. In Long Beach, I'm performing on Friday, October 14th. And then I'm in Bakersfield, October 15th. And then October 21st, I'm in Paso Robles.

And then I'm in Vegas at the Mirage, Saturday, October 22nd. And then Wheatland, California, October 29th. And then you can go to chelseahandler.com for more dates when I'll be performing. And yeah, that's pretty much what's happening right now. Hi, Katherine. Hello, Chelsea.

Oh, good afternoon. Good afternoon. Good afternoon. I have such a funny story. So, well, it's not that funny, but Juliana Margulies, who any avid listeners to this podcast know that when she was on, she was so great. And I was texting with her after telling her

how great she was and the response I had gotten. And then she was like, if anyone ever falls out, will you please let me know? I would like to come on again. And then someone fell out this week. And I was like, you know what? Let me text Juliana. Then she was like, yes, I'm down. So how cute is that?

That's our guest today, you guys. And that's how it transpired. Juliana Margulies is our special guest, backed by popular, popular demand. Yes, by her demand also. Yeah, by her demand. We're open. And she's also going to be in the third season of The Morning Show, reprising her role. So you can look forward to that.

If you missed The Good Wife, ER, and everything else that she's ever been in, you can tune in to The Morning Show on Apple TV. She also has a great book out that I've read, which I'm going to read again, Sunshine Girl. Yeah, Sunshine Girl and Brandi Carlile's book. Those are two great books that I read, autobiographies. Please welcome Juliana Margulies. Hi. Hi.

Hi, kids. Hi. Without any further ado, we're going to hop right into it. Back by popular demand, Juliana Margulies is back with us today because we had such fierce responses, right? Yes, we did. I got so many emails about that episode. You did?

Really? Yes. Oh my goodness. Oh, that makes me so happy. I got so many, Juliana. So many people are like, oh my God, Juliana Margulies, you guys are so connected. I said that to Juliana. I go, I feel very connected to you, especially after the podcast.

I just felt like your openness, it was just so infectious and people really responded to it. And I think you really were able to help so many people. Oh, that makes me happy. I love it. I love it. I really do. I'm sorry I'm on Zoom and a mess, but I've been out in the depths of the woods all day today with contractors. Trying to get Lyme disease?

What were you up to? I stay away from that. No, we're trying to build something in our house and I have to meet with contractors. And here's my problem. I know you're in the middle of a renovation. I'm always in the middle of a renovation. Me too. Always in the middle of a renovation.

I'm always homeless. I kind of love it because I love the creative process of it. But like meeting contractors, I love them all. I don't want to say no to one because I feel bad. And that's my problem. And I literally looked at the architect and I was like, I don't know what to do. He was like, wait till the bids come in, blah, blah, blah. But so my problem, these are champagne problems, I know.

But my problem is always saying no to people. Yeah. I have that problem too. Whenever I'm like, I remember hiring directors, meeting with directors. I was doing a documentary series for Netflix and I was meeting with all these directors and I was just like, okay, let's hire that woman. And then the next guy, I was like, oh, I like him too. Right. Very good too. Yeah. And my cousin Molly's like, you have no discernment like between people. And I was like, what? That doesn't seem like it goes with my personality, but it does for some reason. You know, after reading your last book, I've read all your books, but after reading the last one, I feel this tremendous connection to

you. I feel like you are that person. You're the person that worries about, you do, you worry about everybody. I see how you take care of your family and how you do. That's sweet. How has your summer been going, Juliana? My summer's been going very well. My son came off the bus from camp an inch taller and his voice is now done. Oh, that's so bittersweet. And that was weird. You know, my whole, his whole life, I've looked down at him when I tell him to do something. And now I'm like, um, and that's just the beginning. So he's 14 and a half. So it's been, it's been nice having him back home and it's been good. Gentle, a gentle summer. Yeah. Yeah. Pretty good.

We are going to take a quick break so you can hear an ad and then we'll be right back. Behind every night spent making the kids lunches, there's a lot of suspense. Will they finally eat the veggies? Will the pesto survive the first bite? Will the lunchbox come home empty, half full, or come home at all? And will you finish episode eight before you're done slicing the cucumbers? Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus from $94 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit.

Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell. Connection is everything. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me.

I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books,

the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much,

you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle.

I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us.

Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. If you know me, you know I'm always

searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. So this podcast lets us uncover those things together through meaningful conversations with fascinating people. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. You have something in your guts. You go with it. And Shawn Johnson recalled the moment she realized her now husband, Andrew, was the one. He was just so unapologetically himself and knew nothing of Hollywood.

He hadn't been on a plane before without his family. It was so pure. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. How was your vacation? How was your? Oh my God, I had so many vacations. They've been so great and like healing and friends and family and strangers and people. I have new people. I love meeting new people. I always love meeting new people, especially British people. I have an affinity for British people. So in Greece, it was my friend's sister's getaway. She and all of her

British friends and their couples and their kids all go to this island, Lefkada. And I had never been to Lafcada. I had also never flown on easy jet. I don't know if you guys are familiar with that, but it is something to avoid for the entire world. Really? Easy jet sounds like a cheap ticket. It's yes. It's like being airlifted in a, I don't even know why they have seats. You should just be standing. Cause that's how uncomfortable it is. And my friend was like, it's a three and a half hour flight back to London. And I had my own plane ticket booked, but they were leaving a day early and they had gotten their tickets confused. And she goes, okay, I have some bad news.

You're going to have to fly with us. That's the good news. The bad news is we're going to uneasy jet and you're not going to like that. And I was like, okay. I go, you know what? Just give me an edible. I can handle anything, you know?

And we got on it. I read an entire book, Daisy Jones and the Six. By the way, Juliana, if you're looking for a good quick fiction read, that's a really, really good. I love when I finish a book, you know, in a couple of days. And then I get sad. I miss them.

Yeah. I have always had a rule in my house not to have a TV in the bedroom because I'll just watch it rather than read before I go to sleep. Yeah. I mean, of course. It's also better for a relationship, but nothing makes me more depressed than someone falling asleep to the TV in their own bed and then waking up at three in the morning and the TV's on.

But when you have a book, you like read, your dreams are better. There's no, none of that. The rays of the television going into your head. I always say to my kid, the best gift we ever gave you was your love for reading. oh yeah because you have a friend no matter where you are in the world a book is a friend a book is a happy safe place yeah yeah and you know what i've realized recently is that i'm reading too much serious shit like i love to be like analytical and think about things and have things that provoke my thinking but at the same time i'm like no it's an escape also and i deserve to read fun things

that's why this book daisy jones and the six was like a departure from what i normally read and it was such a welcome reprieve because I was like, oh, this is like being in a fun, different world, you know? Right. No, it's so important. Disappearing into a novel is my favorite thing to do. Yeah. Yeah. The idea is to go into someone else's world and not have to be in your own. I love a memoir and I love, but it's hard because whatever you read, when you're reading really tough stuff, I'm reading a memoir right now called Unraveling, which is actually fascinating. It's not out yet. I'm reading it to give her a blurb, but it's by Peggy Orenstein and it's called unraveling. And it's about, she's a huge author, New York times, bestselling author who

writes about sex for girls and sex for boys. She, she talks about gender in children and she was a journalist, but in the pandemic, she's a knitter. And I think, I guess she said, I don't know how people know shit, but I knit, I've always knitted. I don't have a knit in a while, but I used to be a big knitter. Anyway, she decided she wanted, if she was going to knit, she has to learn how to shear a sheep go to the store and the whole store and I thought are you fucking kidding me I said yes to this and I'm going to be on a farm like shearing sheep it is so fascinating the rabbit holes because she's a journalist and because she's an an author and a great writer it's all about her experience sharing the sheep is unbelievably difficult and also she goes into

what we're doing to our planet with all this bad, all the cheap, easy clothing that's like the landfills. And then she said, once I saw it, I couldn't unsee it. I think that's what's hard about reading really realistic books is that once you go there, you have to change because now I literally was like, oh, I'm just going to run into this store and buy it. And I thought, is that going to be landfill? I'll just buy vintage then. Oh my God. And the way I used to joke about sheep, actually, if you're ever looking for a different job, we're in need of sheep shearers and sheep need to be sheared and they actually can help global warming. Like I didn't know any of this stuff. Oh, I didn't know. Yeah. It's fascinating. Everyone says sheep are stupid.

They're not. They're some of this, they're so smart. The reason their eyes are slanted is so they can see behind them. And you always think like, oh, they have such little funny eyes. You know, they're just stupid little sheep. I'm learning so much that I want to know and that I don't want to know because now I have to change the way I live. So I think reading is, I don't read that book before I go to sleep. I read a novel. Well, I think that's probably so true for so many things, right? That we don't even know about in our environment that are actually helping us live and breathe clean air and helping put oxygen out into the atmosphere. Like we are constantly surrounded by these things. But until you read a book like that, you don't even know

you're like, Oh, wait, this is a contribution to the environment that we could be using in a much more mindful way. Exactly. Like, I never knew that a lot of clothes are made with plastics in them. All the stretchy stuff. It's all all of it. And and by the way, and and you know, and then I go, but we send all the used clothes to Africa. I was saying we don't wear them. We don't want them stop sending. Like it is, anyway, I digress. But literally, I do think that reading is important to educate, but it's also really important to disappear and go into someone else's world and think outside of yourself. Yeah, there is no comfort like a good book. What are some of, if you could think of one or some of your favorite books to recommend to listeners?

Did you ever read that book Circe by Madeline Miller? No. Oh, that's a beautiful book. And it's like fantasy. I mean, it's about Greek mythology, but it's so beautifully written. I mean, I had to read that. That was one of those books where you read at, you read a paragraph and you put the book down and just think about how she wrote that. It's so impressive. But yeah, that was one of my favorite books. Did you ever read The Red Tent? Did you guys read that? Yes. Oh my God, I loved it. Anita Diamante, right? Yeah. Yeah. That was a great book. You know what's interesting about that book? That book, I was in Ireland doing a film and it was right after nine 11 and someone had told me to read that book. And I started it and

there were so many, you know, it's, it's biblical, right? So there were so many names and I was like, I always give a book 50 pages before I say I'm out. I remember turning page 50. Like I was getting frustrated with it because there were so many characters and I couldn't keep track of everyone. Page 50 turned it. I never put the book down. I couldn't wait till they were like, we have 10 minutes for lighting. I'd run back to my dressing room, read the book. Those are the kinds of things there's a, there's another book. Oh, this is why I write things down in my notes on my phone. That's no offense, Julia. That's why everybody writes things down in their notes. You're not the only, you're not the only one. Oh, in that realm of the

red tent, there's a book called Pope Joan. Did you ever read it? No. What's that? Oh my God. So Pope Joan, let me just write that down in my notes section. One second. Yeah. Pope Joan is about a lot of people feel that it's complete falsehood. You just go in for the story, but it's basically the first Pope that was elected. That was actually a woman. And there's historical evidence showing, for example, did you know that when someone is elected Pope, now, because of Pope Joan, when they found out she was a woman and they killed her, she was masquerading as a man in 13 whatever it was, they have basically a ball throne where the elected Pope has to sit on it and someone goes under his robes to make sure he has testicles. Oh, wonderful. Wow. And that's because of Pope Joan. It is such a fascinating read. And some producer sent it to me when I was on The Good Wife and said, we want to make this into a movie and we think you'd be a great Pope Joan. And it was like, you know, 800 pages. And I went, guys, I'm on set 14 hours a

day. You're insane if you think I'm going to read this in two weeks to give you my answer. So, and they said, take all the time you want. I read it in a week. I could not put the book down. it was absolutely fascinating I love those kind of because you also learn about history and you learn about you know anyway so you didn't end up doing the project oh so so I said yes I was like I'm in this is an unbelievable character and they couldn't get it greenlit anywhere oh so fucking yeah you know I mean I've been attached to so many of those but yeah right you keep throwing shit at the wall and whatever sticks it sticks you know you gotta make lemonade Exactly. But anyway, it's a great read. I just read The Latecomer. I'm going down a

Jean Honf Corlett's sort of rabbit hole because I've always loved her writing. And then she had read my memoir and actually asked, she has all these book events. And she said, my name, I knew who she was because I'd read her books before, but she just came out with a book called The Latecomer. And that was so much fun because while it's very New York story, but it's about these triplets who came into existence from a petri dish because their mother couldn't get pregnant. And it is a fascinating, fabulous, fun read. And I was really sad. I love triplets. I like anything where there's twins, triplets or sisters. Those are my three. Have you ever seen that show? The split? Do you have you ever? Oh, my God. I love it. Oh, my God. It's my favorite.

Wait, I haven't seen it. Oh, show for you. OK, so here's what happened last night. I drove up I'm upstate and I, for the first time by myself, no dog, no kid, no husband. Like I walked into my house, there's no food. I'm like, okay, I'll figure it out. There's some eggs. Like what can I do? Like you, Chelsea, I am 100% technically challenged. Like the fact that I'm on the Zoom with you and no one's going to help me is shocking. And I've never actually turned my television on up here because my kid or my husband are always here and they know how to do it. And it's got like, I'm like, what is HM1? So I don't watch TV. I just like wait till they're here. So I had just finished watching Catastrophe. Have you seen Catastrophe?

Yeah. It's awesome. Love it. And I love her. Sharon Horgan. I'm obsessed with this actress. The way I was with Nicola Walker in The Split. She's a genius. Oh, that show's awesome. Awesome. Just like, in fact, when I watched that show, I emailed Robert Michelle King, who created the good wife. And I was like, um, do you think maybe this was born out of the good wife? Cause there's way too many similarities, right? She's having the affair with the guy at the law firm, blah, blah, blah. And they said, oh, we heard about it. And the Washington post said, if you're missing the good wife, watch the split. So anyway, this show, so after I watched

catastrophe, I heard that Sharon Horgan, I'm sure I'm saying her name wrong, but she writes, directs produces and acts and i i just love women who do that i don't know if i could ever i can produce an act but i don't know if i could do any of the other things she has a new show called bad sisters and i immediately thought of you chelsea you have to watch this oh my god i saw it you know what i saw it and i was about to no no i was about to watch it and then my assistant said oh you should watch severance i think because they're both on apple right and yeah severance is on Apple with Adam Scott, who I love. I love that show. Oh yeah. You watched that show Severance? Oh yeah. Yeah. I mean, I have to say at one point, like by episode three, I was getting so angst.

I was watching with my husband. I said, you know, by the next episode, if it doesn't get a little bit lighter, I don't know if I can handle it anymore because we watch it together before we go to bed. And then in walks, I mean, I loved all of it, but, but the characters were so sad and brutal and also frightening uh Patricia Arquette is a genius but she scared the shit out of me and then in walks Christopher Walken with John Turturro and I just died I like I was like oh my god it's the sweetest thing I've ever seen I know Christopher Walken anytime he walks into a room you're like first of all Patricia Arquette is the fucking best she's unbelievable oh my god every time you see her you're like you feel dehydrated from missing her you're like hey

i need her in more shit she is one of those actresses i've always admired because she is unapologetically that character yeah you know what i mean like she just goes in there and you're like wait wait seriously this is and you believe everything like she's crazy in in severance yeah well she's crazy bad sisters okay i definitely will i love sharon horgan i'm gonna watch bad sisters we should have sharon on the podcast also she's really should i think she is truly talented on every level she's funny she's funny catastrophe was so good i started watching severance i'm not to the end because i also found it slightly depressing i'm just like this is dark i i'm not good at like television analysis like when there's a bigger kind of

metaphorical thing going on it's not always easy for me to identify you know like even in in the bear did you watch that juliana i've watched three episodes of it yeah i still have yeah that's a great show. And that I watched it. And then I read a review of it. And in the New York Times, I'm sure because those reviews are like, I might as well be talking to somebody who speaks French. And I'm like, wait, what? I was like toxic masculinity. Okay, I could see that. But then they listed like all of the things that the show was about. And I'm like, wow, I'm a real dummy. Like I didn't pick up on that. I'm late to the game on a lot of things. But I just finished watching the entire four seasons of Ozark, which was brilliant.

Laura Linney is another, she just deserves it on another level. I know. But in the beginning I was like, I don't understand money washing. Wait, what? And I'm a fairly educated person with, you know, a medium sized brain, but literally as the show went, I went, thank you for not, you didn't talk down to your audience. I love a show that allows me to learn what they're talking about through time, because writing a pilot is really difficult. And any network, you want to set up everything within that first show to keep the audience coming back. But it's like, no, if you really believe in the work you're doing, then let the audience learn with you.

yeah so like by the end I felt like oh I understand cartel and I understand money laundering but the one show I couldn't keep watching because I just they talked too fast and I was on it was Billions because I would look over to my husband be like I don't understand what does that mean what are they trading in I don't get I didn't it was a lingo that went over my head well Billions is like Red Bull like that's Red Bull television you know what I mean Billions is like two it's high octane and that's like it's it's like at a pace where there's yeah i know exactly what you mean by that ozark is one of the best shows ever that and jason bateman is so good and so is so good julia garner yeah uh she's a badass yeah it was fantastic so it's been fun

catching up i know it was on like years ago but well i think a lot of people are going to be surprised to hear that you are not money washing in upstate new york juliana because that's what this podcast is supposed to be about. I'm washing other things all the time, but not money. Okay. Well, now that we've done our television roundup. Television and books. Book and television review. Entertainment corner. Yeah. We're going to have, this is going to be a regular thing. The next time we have to call on Juliana. Okay. Catherine. Awesome. Well, I'm going to make us take a little bit of a break, and then we'll be back with some colors.

Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell. Connection is everything. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, Shut up. Don't say anything. every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable i knew if he woke up without a doubt

he was going to hurt me i started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed and i just started screaming they are abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced but these aren't stories about what's taken from them they're stories about what it takes to make it out alive Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having.

I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place.

Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B.

I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here.

It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. If you know me, you know I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. So this podcast lets us uncover

those things together through meaningful conversations with fascinating people. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. You have something in your guts. You go with it. And Shawn Johnson recalled the moment she realized her now husband, Andrew, was the one. He was just so unapologetically himself and knew nothing of Hollywood. He hadn't been on a plane before without his family.

It was so pure. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. and we're back. What do we got going on today, Catherine? Oh my goodness. So many things. Well, our first question is a sister question, or rather a sister-in-law question. This comes from Les. Dear Chelsea, I'm not sure what to do about my sister-in-law. The problem is that she's been purchasing things that I own to an extent that is extremely uncomfortable for me, and I feel like I'm being stripped of my identity when I'm with her. I don't even like to wear things that are

special to me around her in fear that she'll ask where it's from and buy it multiple pairs of shoes jewelry coats sweaters pants art etc it may be partially my fault because sometimes i share links with her when she asks where did you get those pants i'm getting increasingly upset when i see her wearing things i own and she dresses almost exactly like me now i'm extremely close with my brother her husband and i'm afraid confronting her will cause us to get in a fight please help less oh boy i have so many you go first juliana i have so many well my first reaction when hearing that is imitation is the best form of flattery and agreed chelsea you know i think she's your agent but my best friend blair cohan from college is truly one of the most fashion

forward people i've ever met like everything she puts on i'm like oh my god yeah she's got style up the bejesus you're just like what the fuck is this you're like are those shoes are they milk cartons and somehow they're sexy gorgeous stylish person and and i am not ashamed to tell you that i now have half her wardrobe and she takes it as a compliment she really does like she was in town a couple weeks ago and i was wearing these nilly low ten pants that i had seen on her first. And she was like, Oh girl, you look great. Like I understand with family, it might be different because you have suddenly you're both showing up. But if you could look at it from a different angle, which is that you're inspiring somebody, your taste. I mean,

nothing makes me happier than when someone comes into my home and says, Oh my God, where did you get that lamp? I have to have it. And I think, Oh, I did good. Yeah. I look at it as a compliment, unless it's that single white female thing where she's trying to become you. I wouldn't look at it as anything except she likes your style and take it as a compliment. That's my feeling. Yeah. What do you think, Catherine? I think she should start sending her affiliate links so she can make a little money on the side when she clicks on the link and buys the thing.

A little commission. I mean, you could do the old, oh, this old thing and tell her you don't remember or tell her it's vintage. I mean, I do agree. It's flattering. Yeah, I think it's flattering and I think you need to adjust your mindset and perspective on it. It's a compliment. And you should take it as such. Like, she's never going to steal your identity.

If it's really crossing a line and she's acting like you and mimicking you, then that's a separate issue. Then that would call for attention. But somebody who's just dressing like you is a huge compliment. And, again, Juliana, like when people come over to my house and say, oh, my God, this or that, I'm like, oh, yeah, right on. Nailed it. You know, I always take it as a compliment. I take it as a compliment when people show up at my shows wearing jumpsuits like I wear. I started wearing jumpsuits because of Chelsea.

i i did and then i did her first the first podcast i did with her i was wearing a jumpsuit homage to chelsea it was a compliment thank you that's sweet i would feel complimented if someone showed up wearing something you know it's it's about your identity yeah so i say stay who you are if you start feeling like she's talking like you or it's different when there's trying to she's married to your brother so it's not like she's going to try and date the same person as you or right there you go I just whenever someone is like oh what do you eat because I love the way you look what I'm like oh let me I'm so happy to share and also remember this I'm a child of the 80s like that was when I was could afford fashion or or cared we all were the same thing right when

you're in middle school and high school you're you're wearing this you you wear what each other wears because you're around each other and you like each other you know and you want to be cool So you're probably really cool to her and she wants to be like you because a, your brother is married to her and she probably knows you're really close with your brother. And maybe, you know what I mean? Like it could be so many different psychological things. If it gets creepy, you can say, Hey babe, I love that you love what I'm wearing and I love that you buy this stuff, but can we just talk?

Are you okay? Cause I feel like you're a little bit coming into my orbit too much and you can say it sweetly if you're feeling creeped out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you could even suggest, say you're wearing something in yellow and she loves it, be like, you know what would look great on you is the blue one. You know, so it's not exactly the same. Actually, that's perfect. You're absolutely right. Yeah. These aren't big problems. You just

have to be a little bit more gracious about it. And just remember that that's cool. That's a compliment, period. That's a compliment. Turn it around. Well, our next question comes from Chandra. Dear Chelsea, I'm a 24-year-old trans man and recently started living alone in my two-bedroom apartment. My partner of three and a half years ended things with me back in March. This was an incredibly difficult adjustment as I had just moved to Pennsylvania and left my family to be with them to find work out there. I ended up working under my partner in our grooming salon. Since then, I've moved up to co-managing the salon with my now ex-partner. Less than two months after they broke up with me, they started dating our friend-slash-coworker.

I will admit this is hard to witness, and I had a lot of friends tell me to get up and leave my job to get away from that hurt. It's been an overwhelming loss, but my ex and I still maintain a distanced but respectful friendship. Here's the deal. I'm now reaching a pivotal moment in my life, and I'm stuck, frozen in fear of which choice to make. I've always dreamt of living in Germany, but I'm too afraid to make that leap, and my German needs a lot of work. I've also had friends offer to have me stay with them in Chicago until I figure things out. I don't know what I want to do or where to go, but I do know I want to start learning to listen and trust myself to make decisions. Any advice? Chandra. Hey, Chandra. Hi. Hi, Chandra. How are

you? This is Juliana. And of course, you've spoken to Catherine already. Hi. We're here to help you, Chandra. We're here. Thank you. I need it right now at this point. Okay. So how long have you been working together with your ex? We broke up in March. And so I've been working with all of them together for the last six months. And I've been working with my ex for the last three years. And you obviously feel like you need a change, right? Yeah. I mean, I've given it a lot of thought and I'm 24 and basically every major life choice I've made has been around a partner. I left Michigan and went to college for somebody who was going to the same university. That didn't end out well. And then I moved to Pennsylvania for my ex and

that didn't work out well. I mean, I really thought this last relationship was going to be it for me. I mean, I thought I met my life partner because I've never been in such a supportive, nonjudgmental relationship. I mean, we were open the whole time and it was because like My partner believed that I should experiment with men and because my partner, my ex, is female, but non-binary. So it's still a trans for trans relationship. What was the last word you used? Trans for trans relationship. Trans for trans.

Okay, good. I need to make sure I'm up on all the lingo. Okay. It doesn't matter, but what sex is this person that she's having a relationship with? Is it the same sex or is it another non-binary or male? They took a huge leap. He's a cishet conservative male. Oh, okay.

Wow. Well, first and foremost, I want to say that you're 24 years old and I am here to tell you that you are probably going to fall in love and have your heart broken multiple times from now on. And that is part of the way of the world. And the sooner that you can get on that train and accepting of it, the more emboldened and empowered you're going to feel because relationships do not define you. The way you handle relationships defines you. You know what I mean? so like you saying I thought I met the love of my life of course we all want to meet that person and we all want to feel that way but the the chances of that happening at your age are just not you know what I mean the time your age is not on your side you're here to explore and to learn and to have multitude a multitude of experiences not just one not just two not just three you want to be a full person right so I really don't want you to even think about I know it's easier said than done. But don't think about something as it has to be forever. There is no forever. All of that is hogwash anyway. Just think about you right now. Just think about what is going to make you

the most productive, happiest version of yourself. And when you think of that, what comes up? That's the hard part is I have to basically retrain my brain to make me the person I'm taking care of instead of a partner or a family member. You feel your worth is more valuable to you when you're taking care of someone else other than yourself? A hundred percent. I've always felt like I'm valuable when I'm useful. And yet you're not useful to yourself. Not at this moment in time. No, I got back into therapy. So a lot of this past six months have been like basically creating who I am from the ground up and trying to figure out what I like. And I bought a bike and trying to find out hobbies so I can be around other people that aren't connected to my ex and

stuff like that. Here's what I want to say to you right now. You're exactly where you're supposed to be. You're at the age where you're exactly where you're supposed to be, but you don't realize that the world is your oyster because when you're 24, you don't see that. When you said something that really struck me in your letter was that you want to go to Germany. I can tell you as someone who went there once for 24 hours and fell so in love with Berlin. And I really like, I can say three words in German. You go to the country to learn the language. You don't learn the language and then go to the country. Yeah. My biggest thing when I hear what you're saying is you've already said, I went to college for someone. Then I moved here for someone. What are, where are you

going to move for you? And when you say, I would love to go to Germany and I would love to speak German. You're opening up a whole new world, like the whole point. And by the way, when you get there, because you will, after Chelsea and I are done with you, you are totally going to Germany. I can say this. There's, I bet you dollars to donuts. You are going to write into Chelsea and say, had I not gone through those experiences where I was in so much pain, I would not have found the path I'm on now. And that's just life, right? So instead of looking at it like an obstacle, look at it like a challenge. And an opportunity. And an opportunity, right. My challenge to myself is, can I take care of me first? When, you know,

it's putting the mask on the plane, the parent has to put it on before they do the kid, otherwise they die, right? And then they're no good to the kid. So you have to put your own oxygen mask on before you can be in a relationship with anybody because you'll lose yourself again. Yeah, i've been there i've lost myself and then spent years going. Why did I do that and therapy and blah blah blah It's all good. And i'm so grateful. I had that terrible relationship because I definitely wouldn't have what I have now And I wouldn't know who I am now. Don't live your life regretting live your life Full of an open road because you never know what's behind each door or a left instead of a right

Where is that going to take you? you know I remember a friend of mine was we were both moving back from LA to New York and he was really wanting to drive cross-country because he wanted his car in New York he didn't have a lot of money and he was nervous about it because he's gay and he was like I don't know the Midwest you know when you're from either LA or New York you think like nobody's going to accept you anywhere else in the world and he was nervous about it and I said you'll never know unless you do it and to this day he says it was the best experience of his life and it gave him so like he was more confident when he came home. When he came back to New York, he was like, I did that. I did that by

myself. And then he could conquer the world. And he did. And he's been married now 12 years to an amazing guy. And he has an incredible career. Like you can create your own path. Don't wait for someone else to create your path. And by the way, if you can get the hell out of that job, because I don't think it's healthy to have to walk into that every day. Why, why would you want to put yourself through that? It's the best job I've ever had. And if I'm having a crappy day, I can grab a dog and feel better. And the departments are separate enough and we're respectable enough and I can find 50 million reasons to talk myself out of it, you know? But it hurts you, right? I mean, that's what I heard in the letter that you're working

with them hurts you. It does because it's at this point, they have just completely shut off the emotional understanding of the situation and just seen it from a logical choice, I guess. I'm a very emotional, hopeless, romantic person. They're a very clinical and logical person. So it's easy for them to just move on. Or they're just cut off from their feelings. Oh, trust me. That's the hardest part is knowing that they need way more help than I do because at least I know my feelings. Yes. But here's something that I can just tell by looking at you, your aura and your energy is a little defeated. And you've been a little depleted by this experience. While it was honorable to continue to do the job and show up and kind of face that,

that would be hard for a lot of people and be a deal breaker. I know I would probably be like out the door and be like, there's no way I'm going to face my ex with their new person every day. Why would I put myself through that hell? Even if there are physical, like you're not on top of each other all day you're away departments whatever I don't know I've never worked inside a building so I don't know even know what I'm talking about but what I do want to say is you are a little bit your energy sad and that is a result of putting yourself in a situation that is going to make you sad and it is up to you to get yourself out of that situation the idea that you're even thinking about Germany is the only answer you need go you need to go to Germany

don't worry about learning the language exactly what Juliana said you go there to learn the language. Do you know how empowering and the build of self-esteem that you will acquire by actually being immersed in a culture that is foreign to you? By learning the language, learning the idiosyncrasies of a completely different culture and vibe and the energy that comes with Germany. People love Berlin. People love, what's the other city that everybody loves in Germany? Munich. Munich. Yeah. People love Munich too. I mean, and West Germany. I've visited, I mean, it's beautiful. All of it is beautiful. And you have people that are very open, incredible energy

there. You need different energy around you. Well, I mean, that's, that was the first time I ever felt connected to myself was when I was 19 and I lived in Berlin for four months straight. Like I literally did something on my own, pushed myself to that and did a program that let me live there on my own for the first time in my entire life. And I just, there's always been something keeping me like going back to it as an option. And I don't know, I think I just staying here is just playing it safe. And I'm really tired of doing the same thing that makes me feel like shit, but it's comfortable. It's actually more damaging. It's not playing it safe, staying there. Yeah. Yeah. I have to say just hearing you and Chelsea, you're right. You're,

you're very deflated. You're very, there's a sadness, right? But there's such a sweetness. And so when I hear you say, first of all, when you say this is the best job I've ever had, you're 24. How many jobs have you had? Um, four or five. Yeah, please. You don't know the best job you bet you'll ever have. Like you're fine. So don't live to work, work to live. Right. Did I say that right? Yes. Yeah. You don't, you don't want to be a slave to something that isn't bringing you joy. And, and also it's, it's like you're inside this box when, even when the way you described the building, like you're inside this box and they, and they're there. That's energy, whether you communicate with them or not, they're there. And so you're feeling it. And I, just from

someone who, who once had a horrible breakup with someone I'd only really dated, like, I don't know, six months, but I was crazy about him and he broke it off with me. I would go everywhere I knew he'd be just so I could see. And what would, I was torturing myself. It was ridiculous. But of course i was i just wanted him i wanted to see him i wanted to be in his around him even though he was a fucking asshole you know i look back now and i'm like oh my god what was i thinking go find someone else go go let yourself be loved by other people love other people berlin is the perfect place for it and you already are familiar with it it's not like you're gonna need a map you just need a plane ticket and and the inspiration to go yeah yeah

a good push don't regret your life do you know you're going to germany or do you have a place do you have a place to live or do you have somebody to live with what's the situation on that front the family that i live with they said that i'm welcome back anytime if i'm there again i might actually have a couple classmates in berlin basically everybody that i know that's gone to berlin has gotten drunk on berlin and needed to go back yeah sorry can i just say this one thing because i don't want it to feel like like if you say i'm moving to berlin that that almost sounds too much like it's too much of a challenge that can be really disorienting right but if you say why don't you just go for a month go for a month and and take your family that family

up on it you know and don't overstay your welcome but feel it out seek it out look at it as a journey and then if you love it you stay and if you don't you find something else but you don't have a mortgage do you no you don't have children no and you don't have a partner no go. Nothing's tying you down. You're 24. If you didn't go in 10 years, you would sit there and go, I fuck, I wish I had gone when I was 24 when I was thinking about it. So you called us for a reason. This is the universe telling you, you need to go. You need to go explore the world. And you are going to forget about all of this in a very short period of time. I promise you that if you change your surroundings, you will change. This is the time in your life for big moves,

make big moves. Yeah. You're not going to have the energy to do it when you're 54. So don't do it when you're 24. Yeah. I mean, that's my biggest fear is waking up a little too late, realizing I could have done this. I could have done that. And it's cool. It's also cool because you're going to look back and be like, you know what I did when I was 24? I went to Berlin. I was in a situation that was pathetic and that I had to get myself out of. You have to extract yourself from this situation. You have nothing keeping you here. So go have a thirst for the world and i guarantee you you're going to find exactly what you're looking for and there are dogs in berlin as well yeah they're really nice with their dogs they have laws where like

if it's a good dog and it passes a class it can be in public off leash and you can be in a cafe and some dog will go up into your lap i'm telling well you're supposed to be there taking care of those dogs well it's now or never i guess at this point you have nothing to lose right you have nothing to lose. No, I mean, I did just give myself a year here. I have to move out and re-up a lease with a roommate. So I have a year here, but I am definitely going to be planning a trip to Germany at least to go. Okay. Good. Okay. We'll do that and plan and plan on going for a longer than a trip. You know what I mean? Like do a month or do three months or whatever sounds good to you, but start planning it. You have that on your side too. And then you have

the anticipation of going and the excitement of going, and you're going to have something to look forward to. I really, yeah. And you can outreach, you know, on social media to people that are in Berlin and start cultivating friendships. It's a good preparation for you, but I want you to get that ticket and then send us a picture of it, please. You got it. Yeah. You'll get your little receipt. Okay. Good. And also don't be fooled that you need to like finish out a lease, find somebody to take over your lease. If you're ready to go in two months or a month or a week, you will figure it out okay yeah okay so chandra what's the plan i'm gonna hang up and then probably look at plane tickets to germany and plan the trip for next summer because that gives me enough time to

plan and get my passport updated because it still says female and send you guys a picture of the ticket and just fuck around in berlin for a while yeah absolutely absolutely do it you won't regret it. Yeah. I deserve some fun, I think. Yeah. We're sending you lots of love, Chandra. And have your own little mantra every morning. Just wake up and say, today I'm going to take care of me. I think it helps to have a mantra about you come first. It was always really hard for me. But then I realized no one wants to be around a martyr. And if I don't take care of me, then no one else actually gets taken care of. So have a mantra for you. Start meditating on that. Yeah, I've started to like basically tell myself that I am my partner.

Like everything that I missed out on my last relationship, I'm guaranteeing that I'm making it happen for myself. Yeah, and you're a man now, so you should be putting yourself first. I got to get used to that. That's the norm, dude. I know. What an adjustment that must be. It's like, well, you know what?

I actually am right, and I'm going to tell you why. Yeah, actually, I need you guys more around when I get questions from my co-workers because I really just back down all the time. Yeah, well, just start with your mantra. Don't forget it. It's really important. That stuff is really important.

It's very subliminal and it seeps into your brain and it permeates throughout your whole life. So you have to value yourself more, okay? The next time I see you, I want to see a big, bright, shining light coming out of your head because you've made such great decisions. Okay, you got it.

Okay. Awesome. Good luck. Thanks, Chandra. Bye. bye oh what a sweetie pie I love him oh yeah I'm so glad I'm not 24 I feel I I I could feel his angst I know but it's like 24 oh my god I don't even remember what I mean I knew I would end up like this because everyone's like oh youth is wasted on the young and it is so true it's so

true and i hate i used to hate hearing that when i was younger and now i'm like god i just i didn't know because i didn't know you know what the thing is is the suffering you put yourself through so much suffering that is so unnecessary we care so much about other people and their perception of us and all of that and we care we're just it's like the struggle is so unnecessary the pain so unnecessary but we don't know that we have to learn it everyone has to learn it at their own time. And for me, it was always like the idea of being alone was just horrific. And so I could feel in his, like, I knew that he was going to that job every day because he wanted to be at least somewhere in their orbit. I just could see that. And it's so toxic. You can feel it through

a cement wall. Like it's, you know, even though we're in separate floors, whatever, no, they're in the building. Yeah. There's nothing good. That's going to come from that. Yeah. behind every night spent making the kids lunches there's a lot of suspense will they finally eat the veggies will the pesto survive the first bite will the lunchbox come home empty half full or come home at all and will you finish episode eight before you're done slicing the cucumbers get bell pure fiber internet with crave netflix and disney plus from 94 a month price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit visit bell.ca for details and to check availability.

Bell. Connection is everything. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything.

Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home.

This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse.

Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman.

I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility.

Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita

on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. If you know me, you know I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. So this podcast lets us uncover those things together through meaningful conversations with fascinating people. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. You have something in your guts, you go with it. And Shawn Johnson recalled the moment she realized her now-husband, Andrew, was the one.

He was just so unapologetically himself and knew nothing of Hollywood. He hadn't been on a plane before without his family. It was so pure. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, our next question is from Heidi. Heidi runs an animal rescue, I believe, but also has another job. She says, Dear Chelsea, I've had depression my whole adult life, started antidepressants at 21. I suspect I've actually suffered from it since childhood, but was undiagnosed. I'm tired

of the way I always feel and the lows that make me want to hide away in my home. I started fostering dogs to help me get through the stress of the pandemic as I was an ICU nurse. I also changed my career and left bedside nursing to see if that would help my depression. My anxiety improved but it's a constant struggle every day. I recently started online therapy but my brain then told me this is self-indulgent. I'm single without children but I do have several dogs and a cat. My brain says what's the point? You don't matter. Your struggles only affect you so get over them and shut up. Other people have real problems and have people who depend on them. Any advice to help me get back into therapy, it's hard to fight your own self. Thanks, Heidi. Hi. Hi. We have Juliana

here today as our special guest because she gives great advice. And you know, Catherine. Oh, hi. Yes. How are you? Okay. So talk to us. So you are, did you say you're on medication or you're not on medication? Yeah, I've been on medication off and on since my mid-20s. I'm 34 now. I always have to think about it. We all do. Don't worry. And these are, you're talking about antidepressants. Yeah. Yeah. I've been on Lexapro. I increased my dose recently. I know a lot of people on Lexapro. It helped my mom tremendously. And she's a, she would never take a drug in her life. And she's like, Oh my God, why didn't I know? Yeah. Changed her life. Yeah. And you're on it now or you're not on it now?

No, I am on it. And yeah, it was a life changer for me. I've always had, I think a little bit of depression. It runs in my family. My mom was diagnosed when actually I was the first one to be diagnosed. And then by me kind of working on it, my mom decided to see a therapist and psychiatrist. And she also was diagnosed and she actually has a little bit of social anxiety disorder. So she's on some different medications. And then my sister has also started going to therapy and she was diagnosed with depression in her early twenties as well. So I don't know if it's familial or we're just sad people or I don't know. Well, it's pretty, it's pretty genetic by the way. First of all, it's pretty common. I mean, I think one in three people are on

antidepressants, just like one in three people have herpes, but don't, don't connect. That's a personal story, but everyone's on something. So don't even judge yourself about that. You know what I mean? My question is, why do you go on and off of it? Well, insurance, because recently is when you've been able to get antidepressants sent to you from home. But I was a travel nurse for a while. And when you're not working for the company or the hospital, you get kicked off the insurance and you know you're in your 20s and you're young and you're I at least didn't take my health too seriously in my 20s it wasn't until I kind of settled like when 28 29 and I realized okay we gotta stop messing around and that's when I started seeing a regular doctor and started

taking care of myself and but yeah there's really no reason it was just I think a little bit of shame And I felt like, let's try to fix this just with courage, with working out, with this and that. But then I slowly came to realize like, no, it's just chemistry. It's brain chemistry. It's nothing to be ashamed of, which all makes sense up here. But it's hard for me to do the therapy part of it because so many things I've read have said like the medicine will help but the therapy helps you realize how it can be exacerbated and

whatnot and so I recently went through kind of a bad spell of my depression and it was really bad it was like I didn't want to get out of bed I didn't want to clean myself I and I listened to a lot of podcasts and everyone's always talking about like better help and all those online ones. So I started it. And then after a couple of sessions, I just, I felt like, who are you to complain about anything? And again, it's probably the chemistry stuff, but it's hard for me to justify the expense and the talking about myself. And that's the biggest issue I have is I don't like to talk about myself right okay well first of all you have to stop judging yourself that's you're judging yourself saying therapy is self-indulgent is a judgment it's not self-indulgent

it's self-help you're helping yourself you know um i had a friend who always be like it's navel gazing it's navel gazing and then guess who ended up in therapy for three years because she needed to be navel gazing so we always have these two voices in our head we have the real us And then we have our shadow, right? Who kind of says, Oh, don't eat that. Or you're stupid. Or you're not funny. Or did you do that? Right? Or did it? That's poking us on the shoulder. And as soon as you give that little person power, then that person has power over the real us. And that's not the way it goes. It goes the other way around. We have power over that voice of when to say shut up voice. You don't know what you're talking about. You want to be a healthy person.

You want to feel good about yourself. And the best way to do that is, you know, when you have clinical depression is a to be taking medication and b to supplement that medication with information about your condition and why you feel this way and how to actually articulately grasp what is happening with you so you have a language you know what i mean with yourself that you can say oh i'm feeling like this right now because of what happened to me over here or this brings up this triggers me because of something that happened when I was eight that I'm not even cognizant of, but my body might remember. There's so many interfaces that are going on in our bodies between our brain and our stomach and our heart. We all have, we have brains throughout our body

that are communicating with each other. And if you don't have the toolkit to understand that messaging, then you're basically just jumping into the water with no raft. You know what I mean? you want to set yourself up for success and therapy leads to success and if you didn't have the right person then maybe you need to find another person and try better help again with another person if you can afford to go to a therapist on your own whatever you can afford in your lifestyle but you have to make the effort to get yourself to a healthy spot you have to I'm always so amazed when someone says I don't deserve to go to therapy it's too self-indulgent especially someone, I mean, anyone who's suffering through any kind of depression.

If you had a broken leg, you'd go to the doctor, right? It's that simple. And as human beings, we're all slightly broken inside. Without therapy, I definitely would not be where I am today, which is a very calm place. And I thought, I remember being judgmental and thinking, oh my God, this is so self-indulgent. Really, Juliana, you had a shitty relationship now twice a week. You know, this is ridiculous, but you know what? I had to do it. And it was hard and it's hard to go in there. It is hard to go in there and figure it out. But just what Chelsea said is like, once you have the tools, when you have that feeling coming on, you know exactly what tool to take out of the box to stop the feeling. And it's not actually just about you.

It's about the people around you too, right? When you are fully in a good mental, healthy state, you're paying it forward to other people that you let out an energy that other people can take in too i always thought you know it was just about me it's not it's about everyone you and i think you need to think of it more because you're an rn you take care of people right like that's what you do yeah and yet and yet you're having a hard time taking care of yourself because you feel it's self-indulgent if you look at it more in just layman's terms rather than you know, sort of like trying to understand the pseudo psycho, whatever. If you just look at it, like one thing I always say to myself is why would you treat any of your friends or your child or

your husband this way? Why are you treating yourself this way? It's a mantra I play all the time because I'm so hard on myself. And it has become so normal now for me that I almost don't do it anymore to myself, but it took therapy. It took tools. It took work. And now I'm a lot nicer to be around, to be honest. I know my kid and my husband appreciate it because I'm not, I'm not always taking on the world. I'm like, I can't do that guys. So let's order in. It's that easy. Yeah. No, that's a good perspective. I didn't think about, you're right. I mean, sorry. It's good to cry. Let it out. For me, the reason I felt in my mind, why it's self-indulgent is because I don't have a partner. I don't have a family. I have my

pets and everything, but, but, you know, I do have my sister, my nieces, my family. I see them often. I have friends and you're right. My behavior affects them and my moods. And I think I almost, the first two sessions of therapy were so eyeopening that I almost think that I got scared you know I bet you did of course and um that's gonna be good for me to remember but you know even though I don't have people in my home I still have people in my life so thank you what you need is yourself in your home right yeah ultimately it's yourself that you owe it to yeah sorry your tears are welcome here and also you're talking about being a nurse you're you're taking care of others. It's just what Juliana was saying about the mask, you know, that you put on

a plane, you have to take care of yourself in order to be a value to other people. You have to be a value to yourself. And that is the most important part of growth and learning about yourself is to know to take care of yourself and get yourself in a healthy place. And there's just there's nothing that is ever going to top that. Can I ask you something, Heidi? Was that the first time you'd ever done therapy? No, I had a medical malpractice with my eye revision and it left me with a lot of anger. And so I had therapy for that three or four years ago, but then I purchased a home and as a single person, I didn't have the economics to continue or I felt like I didn't. And then COVID happened and I worked ICU. I don't remember if I put in

the letter and that was very difficult, very isolating. So it's almost been like a slow build since my previous therapy, you know, with a lot of accelerants. And then I think it's weird, but like, since my life has calmed down, you know, I left bedside, which has helped a lot with my anxiety and I'm doing things I enjoy. I'm fostering animals. I'm trying to take better care of myself. It's almost like there was this one part of everything that was lacking that I guess I had been ignoring for so long that it's almost like it shot. I don't know if I can describe like it's a yelling in my brain, like a shout in my brain. That's like you're skipping something like, you know what you need to do. And and so that's why I finally tried to face it again,

because i did that therapy and it helped me get over the anger of you know all the medical stuff but there's issues from childhood and just anxiety and there's probably issues you don't even know yet yeah i found out so it's a long road nothing's gonna fix it in two sessions you know and it's hard but you deserve yeah like i said i think i i scared myself because i you know my grandmother recently passed and i think that was a precipitous she was a big cheerleader for me and she had dementia and alzheimer's uh sorry i'm telling you guys my whole life story but uh she had dementia during all of covid and we couldn't visit her because you know the lockdown and everything and she was always a cheerleader of mine and i think losing her presence

my brain was just like now you have to be your own cheerleader yeah right so and i don't know if I know how to do that. It sounds so silly. Well, here's an exercise for you. Your grandmother is still with you. Remember that her energy can never be, you know, eradicated or erased or anything. Your grandmother's around you and she doesn't have dementia anymore because she's not here anymore. So she's your cheerleader. And when you're talking to yourself, you can pretend you're your grandmother telling yourself that you deserve to go to therapy, that you deserve to figure out all of your shit. As difficult as it may be, it is the most rewarding endeavor that you'll ever encounter in life is to have the gift of self-awareness and self-understanding and self-love.

Thank you. You are worthy. Yes. Yes. And I want you to remember that. Think about your grandmother every single day because she would want this for you. And you can do it in her honor. Yeah.

You have such a beautiful energy too. You are so, just the fact that you're asking these questions, you know, and that, and you're so gentle. You have this beautiful speaking voice, the way you're speaking. And I feel like you're already halfway there because you're obviously asking those questions. Your brain is way up to those questions. Right. So we're so hard on ourselves.

Just give yourself a break and, and, and, and think like if your sister was going through this, what would you say to her? Yeah. I always think about that. Like, what would someone tell me to do? Because I know I'm going to be too hard to tell myself to do the right thing or the thing that'll help me the most. What did they say?

Your, your own worst enemy type deal. Yeah, a little bit. I mean, until you get the tools to recognize it, you know, but you're not going to learn that in two sessions of therapy or quite frankly, maybe a year. You might need two years. I mean, I've had friends whose therapists have been like, it's been 10 years. You're good. You can go. What are you going to do though, Heidi? What's your next move going to be? well we're going on a family trip next week for labor day so i'm hoping to i'm gonna set my appointment for therapy before i go away right yes that's smart it's something that i know i needed i think i just i appreciate you kind of giving me the push it's almost so silly but i feel like i needed an approval i yeah i don't know no that makes sense sure and do me another favor also download a meditation app like headspace or chopra or sam harris or sam harris

yeah 10 happier any of those and just give yourself five or ten minutes each morning starting out with there's all these little classes and series they all have different 10 sessions of something find one that speaks to you and that resonates with you just by the title it could be happiness it could be calmness it could be sleeping better whatever it is just find that and start that practice because you need to get into a practice of taking care of yourself. And it doesn't matter whether you're doing it right or not. It just matters that you're giving yourself that amount of time each day to say, I care about my day and I care about myself and practice self-love. And so add that with your therapy session and just start doing that. And I bet you, you're going to feel

the effects of that in no time because you seem very open. Yeah, I'm trying. You're going to be okay. Just say that you're already asking the right questions. It's when you can't ask the right questions. That's when I really worry about people. I'm like, boy, they're so closed down, but you're already asking the questions, right? Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. It was nice to meet you all. Such a pleasure to meet you. You're wonderful. Love you. Have a great vacation. enjoy let go oh I'm so excited a little getaway I've even told my family I was like I'm going with you guys but I need my own time as well yeah for you yeah it's amazing I'm gonna try that with my family thanks Heidi

take care bye that's like the opposite when I go away with my family they're like you're going to need a timeout. They send you to your room. Oh, that was so sweet and meaningful. What a meaningful episode we had today. Absolutely. Oh my God. Oh, I love it. I don't think she's alone though. I think so many people after COVID are going through what she's going through too. Yeah. It's been so isolating. They had depression before or not. I just, I talked to so many people who are like, I cannot move forward. I think there was a lot of that going on. She's gorgeous. Anyway, this was so fun. Thank you so much for joining us again.

Yeah, I told Juliana she doesn't have to ask me the exit question because that's too much pressure. She's already been on the podcast. So we're going to skip that part. Although I did have one. Oh, OK. Well, hold on. Let's do our break, right?

We're going to take a break and we'll be right back to close out this episode with Juliana and Catherine. I like the way that I say Juliana in a different way each time. Sometimes it's Juliana, sometimes it's Juliana. Which one do you prefer? Whatever you're feeling. it's just juliana i mean honestly i love hearing someone say juliana or juliana whatever you want but it's almost never that i hear that because everyone calls me jules oh okay everyone like

and and sometimes keith will be like me and jules feel i'm like keith that's your business like i don't know him you put my nickname in an email jules but but yeah but either but juliana is the name. Doesn't matter to me. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, Shut up. Don't say anything.

every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable i knew if he woke up without a doubt he was going to hurt me i started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed and i just started screaming they are abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced but these aren't stories about what's taken from them they're stories about what it takes to make it out alive Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books,

the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much,

you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle.

I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us.

Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. If you know me, you know I'm always

searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. So this podcast lets us uncover those things together through meaningful conversations with fascinating people. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. You have something in your guts, you go with it. And Shawn Johnson recalled the moment she realized her now-husband, Andrew, was the one. He was just so unapologetically himself and knew nothing of Hollywood. He hadn't been on a plane before without his family.

It was so pure. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay. And we're back. Yeah. Yes. Right. Okay. That was a little bit heavy. That was a heavy episode today. Um, and I really hope it helped a lot of people. So I'm going to ask the lighter question. Okay. Okay. Even though I told Juliana that she does not have to ask me a question, she is insisting upon it. I am because I like, I really appreciate your advice and I like how your brain works, Chelsea. I find it, it stimulates my mind. So here's my question to you.

So what do you do, Chelsea, when you go to see a play or a performance or a stand up, whatever it is, of a friend of yours and you have to go backstage? But it really was awful. So as someone who has been on stage and then heard all of it, I've heard all of it. I've heard, I'm going to tell everyone about this, which means they hated it. and that's their way of, or how do you feel? How do you feel about your before? I want to kill them. I want to shoot them dead. I want to be that supportive friend. And I was once in an acting class where the teacher would let us comment on the scene study we were seeing, but it could only be positive. Even if the scene was awful, you'd be like, I love how you dressed and I loved your voice in it, but you know, and that's how you would give a compliment. What do you do, Chelsea, when you go backstage? I do that.

I just lie. That is not obviously the time, to be honest, when somebody is- Right, because they can't change the performance. No, no. I just think of something positive that I saw or a character that I loved or wasn't that girl amazing or your performance. I loved it when you do this. I find that being specific with things to deflect from an actual review, people are

really drawn to that. They want to hear about their performance as a performer more than anything else. and if you can just give them a couple of like kernels of that that's just the best way to go about it there's no reason to tell the truth in those situations there isn't right no no that's that's what i thought you'd say and i'm glad i'm glad i heard it from you from your mouth i've definitely been in that situation all right guys thank you thank you love you have a great day i'll be in touch about the other time you need a filler let me know we love it well thank you so if you'd like advice from chelsea just send us an email at dear chelsea project at gmail.com

dear chelsea is a production of iheart radio executive produced by nick stump produced by katherine law and edited and engineered by brad dickert i survived nine months in captivity and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive.

Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the Internet and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators and plenty of overthought opinions.

Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

McBride, Ben Stiller, and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Nick Turturro. You probably know me from NYPD Blue, The Longest Yard, or Spike Lee's Black Klansman. And on my new podcast, Delivering Happiness with Nick Turturro, I deliver pizza to a new guest. I've shared a slice with everyone from Seth Rollins. What are you doing with my belt? To Bill Burr. I don't think I've ever met somebody so exactly out of their mind as I am. And now, we even have more great guests

coming up, including the great John Turturro. It's called Happiness. Delivering Happiness. And many, many more. Open your free iHeartRadio app, search Delivering Happiness with Nick Turturro, and listen now. This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.