Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - Breadwinner with Heather McMahan

Episode Date: October 17, 2024

Heather McMahan joins Chelsea in studio to talk about why she needs a pied à terre to not be a c*nt, keeping a baby girl on ice, and how she burst onto the scene out of nowhere (or rather, Atlanta).�� Then: Tummy trouble and nosy co-workers trigger a listener.  A mom deals with a playground clique. And a 20-something sees red flags when her bestie’s boyfriend wants her barefoot and pregnant.    * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle.

I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. McBride, Ben Stiller, and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, Catherine. Hi, Chelsea. Hello, hello, hello. What a week. What a world. I mean, honestly. Where have you been? Well, I've been spending a lot of time in my hyperbaric chamber

last week. I had some healing to do, so I was in there getting after it. And so I read about four books i reread that book letting go the one i love to talk about yes and it couldn't have come at a better time i should have read it about two months ago yeah and i want anyone who is going through any sort of turmoil stress negative patterns of thoughts or any of those things anyone who needs to put a little extra pep in your step this is a very deep book about metaphysics so it's kind of i've started to read this book before and put it down about 10 pages in going this is too much. But I promise you, if you can get past that window and you don't give up, you will change your vibes within 24 hours. It sounds like it comes back into your life

when you need it. Well, it should have come a lot sooner. OK, Catherine, because, you know, I was getting stressed out about all the nonsense going on around my house. You know, finally, we're seeing my house come together and progress and everything. But again, you know, letting negativity get you is up to you. You don't have to go into that. And like I know people are dealing with much more, much more serious problems and much less serious problems. But like when you actually change your outlook and your vibration, you change everything that's coming your way. All of a sudden when nothing seems to be going right and you can get in there and actually understand what letting go means, things start to go right. And then you start to get all these

opportunities start to come your way and then fixes come your way and nicer people come your way and people want to help and it's been it's really transformed I mean I'm still reading it I read it I'm in the middle of it now but I won't go that long without rereading it again yeah yeah that's awesome it's by David Hawkins for anyone listening he is no longer with us oh is he dead he's dead oh we tried to get him for the show but we did I was gonna say we should book him he was not alive he was not alive unfortunately I just finished my reading goal for the year I'm very excited. What was the goal? 32 books and I finished last night. 32 for the year? For the year. How did you come up with that number? I just sort of guessed. I was like, well, not quite three a

month and not quite two. So, you know, somewhere in the middle. That's great. Good for you. Reading is really the biggest gift we can give ourselves. Truly. And you know what? I have been using Good Reads, which it like keeps track of everything. And it really sort of gamifies reading. So you're like, oh, now I'm at 10 percent instead of yes. Oh, nice. Have you read the book The Island of see women I gave you the copy actually oh you did I was gonna ask have you read it oh my god yeah well I started reading it and I had to read another book for another guest we have we're having on but I'm in it and then I saw that it's a show on Apple oh my gosh it's a show on Apple TV called I was like wait well I didn't want to watch it because I want to read the book first yeah yeah

I was like if I watch it I'm not gonna read the book it's fascinating it is fascinating that's a cool book it's a really cool book I tried to get my friend and I were like oh what should we read from Abraham Verghese, you know, like the guy who wrote Covenant of Water. And Cutting for Stone was recommended to me by like three people. So I gave it to my friend and he was like, nothing has happened in this book in 200 pages. And I go, oh, I was going to let you read it by yourself because after 15 pages, I was like, I can't go down this road. It's just his writing is so dense. It's dense and it's a faraway land. Like Island of Seawomen is obviously in a faraway land literally but this is really this is another faraway land and i'm like i i don't i don't know

what you're talking about and i don't i don't want to read hard right now like i mean letting go is something i am familiar with you know you just have to get back in the practice yeah so that's easier even though that is deep i kept thinking of you when i was reading this last book that i just finished it's called night bitch have you read it no but that's right i'm a date bitch it's a movie or it's going to be a movie with amy adams and it's by a mennonite author which is what made me first get interested in it it's kind of a horror kind of little magical realism but it's about a woman who is a new mom and she believes she's like turning into a dog at night oh so it's a little wild okay but also it's an incredible meditation on motherhood on being a

woman on the responsibilities that we face on not asking for what we need so there's a lot of there seems to be a lot of that going around i can't wait until after the election and hopefully in success. It'll just be all positive female vibes. You know what I mean? If we can make this happen. I'm already pretending it did happen. I campaigned earlier this week for the first time, actually, in this election, which, you know, I've been doing other things, but more quiet because, you know, people don't like when I love to bang on and bang on. With Jane Fonda, actually, my girlfriend Connie Britton this week in Albuquerque. Yes, we went earlier this week. So that was fun. Oh, also, I'm coming. Where am I coming? Kansas City, St. Louis, and Indianapolis.

Tickets are still available. I always ask my agents, I'm like, why are tickets still available? And they said, because this is your third time returning to the market in two years. And I'm like, well, isn't that your job? Come on, let's show up, people. Anyway, and then I'm going back to Vegas November 2nd and November 30th. So that's fun. Oh, yeah.

Our guest today, I watched her new special that just came out, which is really funny, called Breadwinner. And her name is Heather McMahon. So please welcome Heather McMahon. the good thing about chows is is that they're one person dog like they're not interested in others and i never really noticed that but i i don't mind it anyway like my friends would come over and walk into the room and the dogs wouldn't move yeah and i was like well that's here you're insecure if you care about that you know what i mean like who cares i don't want a dog jumping

all over me but this dog is so he distributes his love so evenly to men and women oh that's nice it is such a joy like equal opportunist yeah and he's so sweet and he cuddles up to people and and then the joy that that elicits yeah is is joyful for me so he's really bringing i didn't know how much joy i was missing out on yeah so that's my story and i'm sticking to it you should stick to that i am a frenchie mom so i get it i mean they like growl they scream they're you know breathing deeply in your face and i'm obsessed i look at my dogs like i breastfed them i carried them for nine months the whole thing those are my children i'm craving breast milk it's weird that you bring that up i'm sitting with heather mcmahon hi honey how are you i'm just so happy

that i know who you are oh thank you no and i don't i don't mean that the way it sounded i love it but i didn't know you uh-huh and then jamie somehow which is why i wanted to talk to you because i'm like how could we not know each other because you're a very accomplished stand-up comedian thank you and the only reason and this sounds terrible but whatever i the only reason you came to my attention is because Jamie Greenberg yeah our mutual friend my makeup artist and your makeup artist I'm presuming was like oh my god you have to meet Heather McMahon you're gonna love her and I was like how do I not know who Heather McMahon is and then I started seeing your name everywhere and then I saw you were doing the Pantages like yeah right before I was doing

and I was like oh you're a really successful comedian how the fuck have we not met I well it's because I'm not in LA I used to be in LA and I owe a lot to Jamie shout out to Jamie Greenberg she not too many shout outs you know what to that can i tell you that cunt's been very busy yeah a little too busy she's like we haven't booked me in a minute i go jamie you're always fucking oh that's the funny thing she says that because jamie i hope you're listening and she is because she listens to every podcast she said the same thing to me she goes are you sure i'm still number one on your call sheet and i said i'm pretty sure not number one on my call sheet but number one right yeah and i go yeah i'm sure i yes you're never available and then so i made

sure again that she was and guess who was not available the next 16 fucking times I needed hair and makeup. So Jamie, this is your intervention. Jamie, we know you have three children who have a lot of after school activities. One of them is like a professional softball player already and she's only

fucking, she's not even 14 years old. They just came back from Italy. She was playing softball in Italy. In Italy? Your life has gotten away from you. Oh my gosh. Yeah. This is extreme. I'm telling you right now, I don't have kids yet, but when I do, they're not doing the travel sports. No travel baseball. I hope I have indoor kitties

I hope that they just want to If they want to play Halo all day That's great I'm not doing You don't strike me as somebody Who would want children Really? I mean you just

Your personality doesn't seem Do you want children? Do I seem selfish? People tell me all the time They're like Are you an only child? I'm like I don't know what that says

But no I am not No I do want kids It's I don't know how I guess I just wanted you To not want kids Yeah I know I thought maybe we could be closer

Here's the thing I want kids I don't want a baby though I want like a 10 year old well those are easy to get by the way yeah i really want like a kid who can kind of talk back i want that like parent-child relationship but there is nothing inside of me that craves the baby that craves the any of that and i think it's just because i see all my friends like i'm in my late 30s like they're all going through the toddler phase and they're all fucking miserable

and they it really when you're the only friend i mean you get this but like when you're the only girlfriend in a group that doesn't have kids and then you come over and you're the fun aunt and they trauma dump all their shit on you you're like and then in the same breath they're like so when are you getting pregnant you're like what the fuck do you expect from me you know well what what is your game plan if you're in your late 30s i don't know do you have you tried to have a baby yes i tried to have a baby i have one baby girl embryo on ice oh it's crazy they can tell you the sex oh yeah i have a daughter oh yeah yeah yeah yeah so i did that a couple years ago but then i've gotta um probably do another round i don't i don't want to get pregnant my mom can't you just

have someone else have the baby i can but the problem is the statistics of when you have usually people have multiple embryos because I only have one the stats are really low for it to stick in a surrogate so I have to do another round of IVF just to even get a couple more on us it's a bitch and then after IVF you basically feel like you had a baby so you go to like through postpartum blues all your hair falls out you put on the weight your hormones are all fucking crazy and then you have like nothing to show for it it's fucking awful so I don't know I it's funny the other day I was literally like okay I definitely want to have a kid I got to think about this next year but I'm trying to get these other you know projects off the road and all this shit and it's

like it's different when you're a woman like if I'm starring in my own show or some shit guess what I can't be pregnant for the show no no exactly so I need to find a you know a small Swedish woman who wants to carry my enormous baby is it better to have a smaller woman carry your baby than a larger woman less room for maneuver like what no I definitely think I need a large woman my husband's like six three he's a large Italian guy I mean I'm a 16 you know it's gonna be a big baby it's gonna be right okay copy that yeah yeah but I would if somebody just has a 10 year old that they're sick of that you want to drop off at my house I think I'd rather that I feel like you could easily adopt a 10 year old I mean probably from a different country but or no

in the foster system there's 10 year olds I mean if you can yeah do you know that's such a new that's probably a much easier age to adopt or foster a baby yeah even though that sounds like a whole saga in and of itself anyway let's get back to why you don't think I should have kids yeah I'm against you having children okay let's just be honest yeah that's great I love it I love But let's get back to why I didn't know you. Okay. Because I can't get my mind around that. Because I saw you at the Netflix is a Joke festival.

And you came up to me and were like, hi. I was like, oh, my God. Right. Came to experience. Yes. Hello. What's happening? And then you said to me, you're like, I don't know any of these people.

I don't know anyone. So then I realized, oh, okay. You must have come up somewhere else other than L.A. So I was in L.A. And then I had to kind of pick up my life, move back home to Atlanta. My dad had died all of a sudden very quickly from cancer. so of course my family was like oh you're just gonna come back and like deal with it so I I'd been doing like UCB and improv and sketch and all that in LA and stand up but then I just kind of

picked up moved home and then it wasn't until I went back to Atlanta that all of a sudden like then the career took off so I wasn't in the real stand-up scene here I was doing more like improv and sketch and then it just kind of took off from Instagram and being online and then I just hit the ground running and was on the road so I was more like New York and Atlanta based but I was out here doing the, I thought I was going to do SNL and putting on the wigs, doing the characters, doing the sketches, and they never called. So I was like, we're going back to stand-up.

Well, from everything I can gather about SNL, it doesn't sound like the most exciting environment. It might be exciting, but it doesn't sound like the most positive environment. It seems a bit soul-crushing. Yeah, and everyone's just on cocaine the whole time, and I'm tired. It also feels like the abuse

of the situation, like the amount that they work all of the writers and all of the performers, it hasn't caught up to where we are in modern day society like it's almost like the women's gymnastics team like you're not allowed to do that anymore you know what I mean like you can't be working all fucking night yeah and it is still like the holy grail as like a comedy

writer to like get that gig but now I said you know I reworked the vision board I'm like well now I just want to host like I just want to be able to say you know we got a great show stick around you know pitbulls are musical artists that's like that's a new goal okay so do you have a vision board I do I feel like a fucking loser I want to know about vision boards

okay so here's my thing i started it because i like to do arts and crafts stuff right i like tactile things with my hands that keep me away from scrolling on tiktok and like letting my brain ooze out of my ears and i like to get really high when i do a vision board so on like new year's day i'll take a couple gummies my husband's watching you know sports in the background and i'm just chilling and i and i make my little creative vision board and then i made it like four or five years ago and then all the shit started to come true really no like freakishly and i said it's weird i think i'm on to something so then i just make them every year and i keep checking things off the list do you have a vision board Catherine I mean I have done them before and it is weird you

go back and look and you're like no it's all right there I do more of a written one I'm more of a words person so I've written my stuff out but you go back and look and you're like that that this that that it's weird yeah and you're not mad at the things that didn't happen you're just focusing on the things that did yeah because they could also happen in like 10 years like I had this giant villa that I want to like raise my you know kids that I probably won't have in Italy and that's on there i want to raise my embryos there and um you know it'll happen eventually so yeah it's just wild i think it's also like a different way of goal setting and especially you know if you're you know a little high and you just start to visually put it together but i mean i literally

put like radio city and all these things and then they just started to check them off the list it's fucking crazy wow yeah i'm into that stuff to a degree but i've never written like i've never done a vision board and i really don't see myself ever doing that it doesn't matter how many edibles The more edibles I take, the less inclined I will be to write a vision board or create one. I also do that. I also am anti-crafts. I fucking hate crafts. She doesn't have a single glue stick.

I don't have a glue stick. Yesterday, my cousin and I were traveling back from the road, and she said she has a young daughter. And she was like, oh, plus I have this huge crafts box. Because she was saying some days we don't leave the house at all. And I was saying one of the most annoying things about having children is having to create activities for them all the time. like i have enough trouble keeping myself entertained i don't need to be fucking entertaining other people you know what i mean 100 like yesterday i came home the other day i had performed on a friday and saturday night on the east coast i flew home and i took a xanax

at 3 p.m and slept for i think 14 hours see that's that's the dream and that to me is like a vision board yeah my vision board is me in the turks and caicos without my husband with no one bothering me yeah that's the thing when you come home from the road and you still have the responsibility as a family like I don't get a I don't get a Sunday like the day you're traveling home is actually the worst day of the week at least Thursday when you're flying to the gig you're like amped up you're working on new shit you've got excitement that Sunday you were it is literally fight or flight there is nothing left in the tank and then I gotta go home and like do sex or I gotta like be entertaining for my family or like try and show up for someone else I thought

about getting I think I'm gonna just do it getting another like condo in Atlanta where that's my night when I come back from the road and I don't see anybody so that way I don't show up to my house as a huge cunt on sunday evening are you based in atlanta oh yeah yeah yeah that's a good idea yeah and just have my little pied-a-terre and like nobody knows about it i mean everyone will know about it and i you know and i have like an assistant like drop off my dogs so that they're there with me but i don't have to speak to another human being i know that's yeah that's so great that dogs can't talk right whenever anybody says oh i wish i could i wish my dog could talk i wish i knew what my dog was thinking i just think that i don't want to know what they're thinking it's

all going to be judgment you know what i mean they're not going to approve of my lifestyle they're going to be like what is your fucking problem you come home after being gone for three days and sleep for 14 hours what are you like a high level prostitute and basically it's like i think i am you know i'm already in comedy people tell me they fucking hate my face every other day i don't also need my dogs to be like you look weathered this is this is another interesting conversation i had that i keep repeating lately you know how sometimes you get on a thing and you repeat the same shit my friend was telling me I had a friend who used to always tell me that I needed to find somebody who would put me in my place like in terms of a partner you need someone

who's going to put you in your place and then I was at my friend Leah's house the other day and I was talking about that she goes you're in your place what do you need someone to put you in your place with she's like all you do is fight with men all day long as your career like I mean not literally but kind of theoretically I do I'm like you're fucking right I don't need someone I'm not looking for another challenge you know what i mean i don't need to come home and argue with that person it's like every day is a fight almost yeah every day i i wake up i put on my you know dress from anthropology that barely buttons and i'm like i'm good i'm already fighting the fucking man i'm fighting the system yes we're already in entertainment we fucking hate ourselves like i

don't need that gonna kiss my ass and just tell me that i'm a wonderful that i'm beautiful and i want you to fuck me a lot you know what i mean that's all i want amen and don't be a douchebag Be a good person and don't interject during conversations where you don't know what you're talking about to make yourself heard. Just sit back and enjoy the show, you know, and be hot, be hot, just be fucking hot. This is for my husband, Jeff, just be hot. I told him the other day, he plays a ton of golf, which is fine. Do your thing.

That's not hot to me. Yeah, exactly. I said, you have to, if you wear the golf suit to the course and then you come home and we're doing like a date night, you have, he's like, he'll put on a clean golf shirt with a nice pair of jeans and like his Gucci lovers are like, no, no, no,

a different fucking shirt, Jeff. Like, help me the fuck out here. Are you seriously? The golf shirt? No, no, no, no. They are for golf. They're for golf. We live in the South

and everybody wears golf attire to fucking everything. Golf shirts are for golf is the title of this episode. Golf shirts are for golf. Seriously, because that message needs to get out there.

It does. And it's going to get out there from the women that listen to this podcast because I don't know a ton of straight men that are listening to this podcast. Yeah.

And if they are, they're not going to be straight for long. No. My whole new special is about I try to explain to like Because I consider myself a golf widow Because I never see him I mean my husband could be fucking dead

You don't hear from him for hours It's always the excuse they're on the back nine You could be blowing ten dudes in a clubhouse somewhere And I don't know You could be gay for pay I don't know what you're doing But I try to go and explain to my audiences Guys this is why your wife is fucking bitchy on a Saturday

Because she's stuck at home with the three kids Will you disappear for 18 hours as women we don't get that fucking luxury you know what I mean I escape to like get my nails done like I get 90 minutes to get my nails done well if you're Jamie Greenberg you actually go get your nails done for four hours have you seen her fucking nails I know

I'm like you know that you are not in a you're not a rapper first of all right yeah you don't work in Magic City what is she up to I know and she's got the lashes she's just it's a lot the b-boy pants on she's very cool and hip and I don't know what the fuck's happening

at these softball tournaments cool and hip or hanging on tightly. You know what I mean? To a decade that she's not part of. That's how I like to frame it. Jamie, please do not fuck up my face tomorrow. I have a very important thing to be on camera for. Please don't make me ugly. I'm going to see her for dinner tonight. I'm going to tell her that we dragged her.

She's fine with it. So wait, when is your new special coming out? Sometime in October. I'm waiting. It's Netflix. It's Hulu. It's Hulu. We're on Hulu this time. You went to Hulu because Hulu was offering the big bucks. Yeah. I guess. I don't know if I saw the big bucks, but they're offering it to some of the men. A lot of comics have

gone over to hulu yeah a lot of comments have gone over to hulu yeah okay so it's coming out sometime in october it's coming out sometime in october i should we know what the name of it is uh yeah it's called breadwinner breadwinner yeah oh nice one yeah it's all about making more money yeah yeah leaning in so tell us what's on your visual are you okay telling us what's on your vision board for this year speaking into existence well like i really want to play mass in square garden um that's like the dream i want to do the arena there's not a lot of women doing arenas and I think we could do the arenas. We all might have to like band together,

but we need like a women's show at Madison Square Garden. I mean, I want to have my own TV show. I really- Like a talk show? No, I would love a talk show, but I'm trying to do scripted right now and I've sold like three shows and like I can never get anything picked up.

So I'm trying to like get it, you know, get it picked up. Yeah. I'm a little sick of myself. Like I love standup obviously because that's like storytelling and I love, that's like a given, right? So when you get on the road, it's like as long as I can put asses in seats,

I can do whatever the fuck I want. I think the development side of like television I mean you've been in this business forever at least with scripted it's like you're not in control of anything you could have the best fucking idea in the world you get the best script but it's up to some like guy in a suit who has never met you and that's what's making me fucking nuts I just want to get my show across the finish line I see that's what I want to do well I mean it sounds like it'll probably happen for you let's hope let's hope I mean it seems like you're somebody who gets shit done I try to yeah but like today you know I'm sitting in my office with my agents and I'm like all the things that are

happening is because we were talking about this earlier because we're still hustling yeah like i would i can't wait chelsea i'm not in the position yet i can't wait till i they're they're offering me shit i'm like no no you know what i mean or it's just i don't i'm still in the audition phase i'm making self tapes in my basement with my mom you know what i mean that's where we're still at we're still grinding yeah yeah that's the thing it's like at a certain point aren't things supposed to get easier i'm 49 years old and i'm like why am i fucking i'm flying to parts of the country where i'm like wait shouldn't i have crossed this place didn't i cross this city off my list like six years ago what am I doing back here yeah I 100% agree but it's like you know the road life

you're just like all right we're going back to Vermont let's just buckle up get in the van we're going and then those people are so happy to see you and then there's a nice silver lining to almost everything because it's like my lifestyle is so nice I'm sure yours is too I get to provide and support so many people in my life including myself and and so it's like I don't want to be seen as complaining i would just like a little bit a little bit of a fucking strategy that's what it is it's like i'm like am i supposed to do this until i'm 70 what am i supposed to do i know my strategy but i just need y'all to get the strategy yeah let's get some synergy going yeah synergy yeah can i ask you a personal question about your sex life with your husband absolutely okay it

seems like i can yes of course um since you because i don't get a lot of people that are married without children okay so what is the sex life how long have you been married we've been married three years we've been together like 13 years okay so that's a long time long time so what is your sex life not having children not having children well we do have two french bulldogs in the bed so there are moments where we have to like physically remove them but our sex life is still great you know i feel like there's kind of this idea that people like don't want to have sex with their spouse anymore i'm still very hot and horny for my husband but i think the reason people don't want to have sex with their spouses anymore is when they have children because that fucking ruins it

Well, and I will say I've had this conversation with my husband. I'm like, listen, I love you. But watching you play golf all the time, like I need to know that you're going to step up and he'll be an amazing father. But there is that little tiny bit of me that's like is like, will I be resentful? You know, because I see my other girlfriends who can get resentful, just like the men not caring enough of their weight. But when it comes to sex, we still have a really great sex life. But it's tough. I actually think one of the reasons why it's good is because I am on the road.

You know, it's almost like we're long distance. That's well, that's what I was going to say. I'm out, I do my thing, and then I come home and I still want to see you. If I was home all the time, I'd probably fucking kill them. Well, my best friend, she has a big job and her partner are always away. And I think, I don't know anything about their sex life because she's British and she would never talk to me about that. But I think that the reason why they have such a healthy relationship is because they don't spend so much time together. And I do want to say, like, I do have some friends who have kids who have a sexy, great health, sexy, healthy sex life is what I was trying to say.

like my friend christine she and her husband have sex all the time and they have girls but it's definitely i noticed that people without children have the best sex lives and then people who are on their second marriages have the best sex life because they didn't have the kids with that person yeah there's something about children and obviously there are exceptions to this rule to people who are listening if you have crazy sex with your husband call us write us in because i'm sure we'll have an episode about that at some point or how to keep your sex life going because it's just a matter of having like I only want long

distance relationships I don't want someone in my house I know I will get tired of fucking you I know it and we also I mean we don't have kids but we do have like a 76 year old toddler because my mom lives with us we live with her however you want to splice it so there are times where I'm like meet me at the St. Regis in Buckhead

and we're just gonna have our moment because there is still you can hear Robin making her cup of tea you know on the other wing of the house and you're just like Jesus okay yeah you know Robin's yelling at that that did you set the alarm i'm like mom if it's fucking red in the kitchen on the keypad the alarm's on so where did you grow up atlanta but my mom's from boston where's this accent oh okay yeah i was just in boston so i was like i was in maine actually and i kept saying to my cousin oh

this is a boston accent and i go i love these accents on women only i'm a man it's a little bit you know it's like oh but when women talk like that i fucking makes me i just love it reminds me that I it makes me know that I'm getting fresh clams soon you know what I mean because I'm an east coaster I grew up in Martha's Vineyard in the summer so I'm a total like when I hear a Boston accent I feel at home yeah you get the tingles it's like the ASMR tingles my mom's so funny she's lived in the south for like 30 almost 40 years and she'll be at her country club and she's like thinks that she is so southern but she's like pack in the can have it yet have they get me a you know a red wine that pinot noir like she's screaming across the bar in her country club

She's a tiny little redhead, looks like Judge Judy, and everyone just leans in. They're like, that's Robin, Boston Robin. She runs Atlanta, though, and she runs in these circles with these super southern women, and it's just Robin running the show. So you grew up in Atlanta, so you spent your time there. My brothers and sisters went to Emory University. Oh, great school. So I grew up going.

There was a bar there called PJ's. Yeah. It's no longer there, but that was the first time I went and was served alcohol. Well, the first time I went to a bar, I was 10 years old, and my sister was oh starting young yeah well no i wasn't drinking okay but i went with my sister because that was her local haunt and she was 18 and my sister got carded and i did it and that's when i knew i was gonna have some problems it's honestly the same for me my sister to georgia tech and i was like a freshman in high school and i would show up and i had braces on and

i would show up to like the ato house like these fraternity houses and my sister would be like looking for me i'm like making out with some guy named morgan who's like the president of the fraternity with my braces on and I just ran shit because I had double d's young you know I'm just running the fucking show did you didn't you hate your boobies when you were young well they kind of came out of nowhere I didn't have them and then when I had them no I felt powerful what age were you I think I got real tits at like 14 they really came in overnight after a man put his arm around me in a movie theater I was 13 no I was 12 I was 12 and I woke up and I had my period and I had boobs oh fuck so I did not like that at all yeah because a I was like nobody had

talk to me about my period of course because my family was you know not on the on the level right and i didn't like my boobs i would tape them down because they were too big and too and they were bigger than they are now for some reason when they come out they're like big and so i was ashamed of them no i leaned in because i remember the day that my mom took me to victoria's secret because she's like you really need like a real bra and i was like you know a 36d and my mom was screaming in victoria's secret and i she was like this is because my mom is for 76 listen she's single if is anybody out there and you've got like a hot dad or a hot uncle please robin has the perkiest tits you've ever seen in your life i mean this my mom has a banging mom wow and she was just like

her yeah she's very very sexy and she was like i don't know where you got these tits from but like everybody just show them and i was just like always just very overly confident but now i'm like they're down to my ankles and i'd like to get them snatched up to my neck well that's not good if you haven't had a child yet no shit with the bra i sleep with a bra on every day my tits are perky you do i sleep with a bra on every night if i don't if i have a lover staying over and I don't sleep with a bra, the more I wake up in the middle of the night and I have to put a bra on.

It's so uncomfortable for me to be freestyle. Oh my goodness. I like to be loose. You two have really perky tits. Thank you. A great judge. But at this point, I'm ready to get the neck done and the tits done.

Just do it all at once, you know, just. Yeah, the neck and the tits at the same time. Can you turn my tits into my neck actually? Okay, so on this podcast, Heather, we take callers and like we give them advice. So it's awesome. I love unsolicited advice. I know, I know.

So we're going to take a break. Heather and I are going to take our tits out and rub them together and see what we come up with. No, we're not going to do that. But we might. Anyway, we'll be right back. I got great nips. There's no shortcut for saving time. But saving money is simple.

Just combine your car and home insurance with Bel Air Direct and save. Get a quote at BelAirDirect.com. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them I'm Elizabeth Smart and these are the Survivor Files I just remember this low taunting voice next to my ear saying shut up don't say anything Every week I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable I knew if he woke up without a doubt he was going to hurt me

I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought

daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place.

Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility.

Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people, and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran

or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network. Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners. Each week, we talk to someone in show business, a.k.a. the biz,

and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show we've had a lot of great guests like sarah sherman not that great actually can you help me can you help me shape this yeah how about we flip it on his head okay how about we flip the script okay what if the surprise woman who actually you think is the straight man is actually the one who's acting weird adam scott this entire time you've been expecting adam sandler to come to visit the show i i would never let go of that i have i would never set expectations for something like that seems like if the universe allows for something like that to happen i'm open to it i'm

always going to accept you know danny mcbride fine yeah it's all this fragile masculinity exuding i could smell it walking down the hallway to be honest with you i was like is that weed nope it's fragile masculinity yeah ben stiller no because a lot of times in out of context people don't get it or even know what a circle is you know what i mean like you're like oh what's the state everyone's so dumb and fake right fake and and also not interested or just like oh i've got my life i don't care about your life and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us oh and by the way will ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode but he's just so busy

listen to hollywood handbook on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts okay we're back we're back and we both still have our nipples on great are you ready to give some advice yeah i love giving advice it's my favorite thing in the world i love it too and i also want to say i love about this podcast i just love talking to real regular people and you'll see my callers they're all so nice and sweet and real and cute yeah yeah and it's not that we only accept cute callers you don't have to be cute but you are cute when you call in just so you know it's true it's true we actually had someone write in once that was like do you only take cute people you always talk about no they're like emotionally cute i also

want to say we don't screen you we don't know what you look like everyone just i screen everyone on my podcast. If you're ugly, you're not fucking calling in. Absolutely not. Well, our first question comes from Ricky and Ricky needs some help from women who will tell people to shut the fuck up or clap back. So I think she's in the right place. Ricky says, help. I listen into the podcast weekly and you have given me so much to work with. Thank you. Oh, good, Ricky. Hi, Ricky. I have had body issues since as far back as five years old. Same. I've always been thin and athletic built, but I have a gut. Even at my thinnest, I had a small chub that I would feel insecure about. Now that I'm a little thicker, I have been mistaken as pregnant over 10 times in

my workplace by co-workers and other people in our building. It makes me want to curl up and cry, but I usually laugh it off and say, oh, it's a food baby. Now that I've been asked for what feels like the hundredth time, I'm writing to ask what the F do I say to these people? I used to say, oh no, it's a food baby. His name is Chipotle. But unfortunately, the idiots who ask dumb questions like, how many months are you to a stranger, do not have the comedic mind to understand my food baby jokes. I am all around angry, frustrated, and feel so sad because even though I'm doing everything right, I still have this gut. How do I confront the totally awkward question about my non-existent pregnancy? Oh, and I also used to have a

restrictive eating disorder from 2017 to 2020. I was 100 pounds and all bones, so I'm very sensitive to comments that make me not want to eat, and being asked if I'm pregnant is definitely a trigger for my ed please help ricky first of all i cannot believe that people still ask other people if they're pregnant without knowing for sure unless the baby's crowning i'm not saying shit and if the baby's crowning i won't be in that room so don't even worry about it like we are not supposed to be asking people if they're pregnant at all or like commenting on their bodies at all yeah also this is what's wrong with like corporate america you know some guy I mean, Mark, who's, you know, in finance, who's just like, hey, Ricky, when's the baby due?

Like, I already see this scenario. I really like to fuck with people. I would double down immediately. Like, it's a giant cancerous tumor. Like, I don't know. I would lean in and make them feel really fucking shitty. Start some sort of rumor. Maybe then you'll get some paid time off, you know, just to go relax.

Yeah, I mean, there's two issues here. First of all, it's so frustrating to have a part of your body that you're not happy with, especially when you're dieting and you had an eating disorder. Like, I understand your frustration because we can hyper focus on our imperfections or what we perceive to be our imperfections. But when other people are also confirming your feelings about yourself that you don't like, that is hurtful. And like, yes. So what does she say to these people? I mean, I don't even know how to attack this. Like, yeah, I like that idea.

I like saying, yes, I have a tumor that is growing. I like really turning it on its head. Yeah. Like, like, I've got three days to live. I just want you to know it has been such a pleasure working with you at Bank of America. And then just walk away. Walk away and go to lunch. Like, fuck with them.

And tell everybody something different. Something different. Exactly. Really stir the pot at work. Yeah, you should really. So you get attention for being funny and crazy rather than being having a little extra weight around your belly. But I also want to help her with her belly weight. There's got to be a way for you to deal with this without dieting and living in a healthy way.

first of all I want to just provide this because this is two different things because one is actually addressing her body issue I don't know if you've done this but if you haven't and you want to and if you're interested in dieting which you obviously don't have to do there is a system that I use whenever I want to lean out and that I've given to my friends that I got from my nutritionist named Mark McDonald and when you eat every three to four hours and you do four ounces of protein four ounces of carbs and like a scoop of peanut butter or a tablespoon of salad dressing like wherever you hold your fat it will come off you have to be really diligent about this and you can do it for up to like two three months and you don't do it forever because hormonally as women we

hold on to it in the weirdest places that's the thing it's the hormones 90 of the time it's like get your hormones checked yes because that was me after ivf dude i was a completely different fucking person i got up to like 240 and i mean i'm not a small girl i have always been like i my healthy range is like 200 but i was like i was like want to crawl out of my skin and it was my hormones were through the fucking roof my cortisol was off my adrenals they were my hair was falling out like 90 of the time when you can feel it though and she clearly said she was like a petite person get the hormones checked you're stressed out about something in your life you gotta like not sleeping something's happening yeah yeah so so do all of that yeah and then okay on top of that

lie to all your co-workers yes and make it very clear to people make sure that whatever they're saying to you they is going to be the last time they ever say to another person make them feel As awkward as it makes you feel. Yeah. So are you asking me if I'm pregnant because I have a little belly and you have absolutely no idea about my history, about my personal life, about anything that's happened? About my fertility issues, about any of that. Is that what you're asking me?

Have you considered getting hair plugs, Mark? Yes, yes. What are we going to do about that receding hairline? And I've realized, too, when people say really fucked up, like shitty stuff, they're so projecting on their own insecurities. Seriously. That's why, Ricky, don't let any, of course this hurts your feelings. Listen, we're both on the internet.

the shit that i see that is written about me sometimes is just like holy fuck how did somebody have time to write about and it's always about my physical appearance and you're like get a fucking life people are especially like and i'm not just dogging on men but sometimes like when i go on like some other like male comedian podcast like the shit that their fans oh yeah it's always about my body and i'm like give me a fucking break but if you if i stopped at the one thing that somebody said about me physically then i wouldn't have ever been able to like live my life So just tell her to fuck off. And I guarantee this is mostly coming from men, what she's talking about.

It's like men have no idea how to even interact with women. And they also, you need to like go right back at them about whatever their shortcomings are. Because they, can you ever imagine being online and writing about someone's, a male person's body? Never. Can you imagine ever having the desire to go, actually. You've got a lazy eye. Yeah, yeah. You have a wall eye.

And I wouldn't fuck you with my dead mother's vagina. I would never. I would never take the time it is insane yeah I think you double down you tell every co-worker something different they need to get more obscure like actually I'm a part of a government experiment they've been doing this thing

they're trying to see if I can get pregnant with a dog you should say that you know really freak people out it's a shih tzu you know this is I don't know I needed extra cash so I decided to sign up for this experiment and just freak people the fuck out at work I love doing that you really want to make everyone's first time the last

time yeah you want to make their mistake on your watch the last time they make that mistake for anyone coming forward after that for anyone that crosses their path after yeah yeah I feel like me giving weight advice is the bad is was totally off but I just I just that I needed that because I honestly like my friend had this had that body type and she went to him and it changed her life he's actually out of Atlanta too but you don't even have to go to him you just go online and look at his thing and it's like this great system like it it shreds your fat for you that's what i also be like bloating go to a gastroenterologist get shit checked out you know what i mean if it's just in that one area like you know yeah check out i had a friend who held all of her weight

right underneath her arms and she was so frustrated because in in pictures she would look like she was way heavier than she was when the doctor said she ended up doing mark mcdonald's program okay well mark call me because i'm in atlanta i'll have you cook for me whatever you do because that's me i have a very like I mean my whole like catchphrase in life is like I have a thick neck and thin ankles I have the tiniest legs growing up I was always considered tight chubby like I'm I have a really tight like muscular body but it's also I cannot get off that top like baby fat layer and I'm pushing 40 you know what I mean like we gotta figure it out yeah yeah I mean I've done every diet I have done all of the things and you know it's a lot so I'm calling Mark Mark McDonald

I'll put you in touch with him absolutely yeah yeah I love him yeah so Carly is our first caller today. Carly says, Dear Chelsea, long-time fan, first-time writer. My best friend from high school has a toxic boyfriend, and I'm not sure what my place is in the situation. My best friend is the type to never be single. She's 23 now and has had one boyfriend or another since seventh grade. She typically jumps from one boyfriend to the next and is automatically head over heels for whoever the new guy is. I have yet to meet her current boyfriend as he's living in Alabama for law school and i live in boston my friend currently lives in nashville working her dream job in music marketing a job she worked her ass off for and i couldn't be more proud she's always telling me

how great he is they talk about future kids etc but i recently learned from a mutual friend that things aren't as great as she makes them out to be she got drunk and opened up to this friend saying that he says a woman's happiness should come from their kids and their family so they don't need hobbies. He doesn't believe in IVF abortion under any circumstances and said that feminists are stupid. He wants her to quit her job and move to Alabama with him since it's quote pointless for her to have a career since she's going to be a stay at home mom. He even went as far as finding a job at his law firm for her and said my parents and I want you to apply for this psychotic. He's already told her that when they get married he wants their prenup to have a clause

saying that whoever files for divorce would owe the other one a $100,000 penalty, which she wouldn't be able to pay as she wouldn't have a job. He has strongly encouraged her to break her lease and move immediately to Alabama with him. What? So stupid.

Yeah. Which she's on board to do in the near future. It kills me she would leave behind an incredible dream job and dream life that she's built for herself in Nashville to live with this piece of shit. I'm mostly scared that he'll isolate her and keep her from her friends and family.

How do I talk her out of moving and potentially even leaving this guy before she moves and before it's too late. She's sensitive, so I don't know how to approach the topic. Thanks so much, Carly. Hi, Carly. Hi, how are you? Hi, this is our special guest, Heather McMahon.

How are you? Hi, I'm a big fan. I'm good. How are you? I'm great. Okay, so what's her name? Well, we're using a pseudonym, right, for friend? H.

H. Okay, because I was just going to say we can just talk to her directly and we can just send her this video. Yeah. Get as far away from this fucking person as possible. Any man who is deterring you from having a career that does not have your best interest, does not care about you.

Any man who does not support reproductive rights for women, does not care about women and does not care about you. Those are two blanket issues that have no wiggle room. Just those two issues alone. Forget about everything else that you said. That is fucking crazy. your poor i mean she needs to hear this from two strong women three strong women four strong women sorry four of us allegedly you could also just run them over with your car you know but then

you're on the hook for murder and that's not right in alabama my mom tells me to goodbye earl him yes yes what is goodbye earl it's a dixie chick song and basically one of the girls was in an abusive relationship and her best friend was like i'm just gonna fucking kill him and they killed and they hid the body. But I think you just got to sit her down. I think you maybe kidnap the friend and you sit her down. You're like, this is some bullshit.

Well, I mean, this is not even, I thought that was like almost like a prank email. Right, right. Because surely he wouldn't say all of these things. Yeah. And I think there's some questions to ask her too. Have a girls weekend if it's just you two or you and some other girls.

Do you have any other friends that you can enlist to have like some sort of like- Intervention. It has to be of the tone of an intervention. It can't be a casual conversation because she has to understand how, you know, when you get in a relationship and you get this kind of tunnel vision and you don't realize how weird it gets and you're so far in that you can't. She needs to understand how heightened this is and that it's an emergency situation to get her

away from him. Yeah, I agree. But the issue is she's so far away. So plan a weekend. Can't you guys plan a weekend to go somewhere? Where are you? Mass. Oh, doesn't matter. Get down to Nashville. Nashville's a fun place to go for a weekend anyway. Yeah. And do you have other friends that can go with you yeah for sure a lot of us are worried okay so you have to plan an intervention yeah yeah like tomorrow like get off with us get on the horn call the girls and we need a full intervention anybody who's talking about a divorce okay so for the first two primary issues are reproductive rights and not supporting a woman's career yeah yeah talking about a divorce before you're even engaged is fucking crazy are they engaged no not yet thank god yeah okay that's

crazy that is absolutely crazy and and he's basically talking about a punitive dance like he's gonna charge her a hundred thousand dollars when she doesn't have a job which is also stupid because assuming it's community property in alabama it comes out of the same pot there's never gonna we're never gonna get that far you have to and i know that she didn't she this is this information as you said in the letter came from another girlfriend right she didn't give you this information directly so you have to go to her and say we're all sharing information we've all spoken about you because we are very very concerned and we know that you're not looking at this situation clearly as your friends who are removed from the situation and not in it every day

we can see it very clearly we are very concerned about you yeah and i think there's power in numbers in the sense that if she just hears it from one girlfriend she might be like well you just have an issue with them but if it's all y'all sitting down and being like we're not gonna allow you to continue this relationship because this is fucking toxic and we're not gonna allow you to do this like i think it'll be a much more powerful message yeah that's a great idea you got this girl so are you ready to do that though i am i think i've got enough of us four or five of us yes you can do it and i think it has to be in person she's gonna be embarrassed she's gonna be upset and give her 24 hours but then you know yeah but allow the time like you go down to nashville say you guys go

down on a thursday night give yourself more than 24 hours you need like time because if there's going to be like a period of you know what I mean shock crying and she'll probably agree with you and then you have to stick with her while she goes through all the emotions of what just happened and that she actually has to break up with him and you have to impress upon her how much you guys love her that you took the time out to do that you know for her because she could be defensive and all of those things and what it really comes down to is that you guys are taking time out of your life because you care so much about her and her well-being and it's just one big red flag after another it is it is yeah and interventions typically go well i've only had one go awry

i mean seriously and it wasn't even a drug intervention it was a friend intervention but for some reason she saw it completely differently and just thought we were attacking her which was not the case at all we were really trying to help her but typically they go very well i would actually also suggest you guys like get together and talk to like if one of you has a good therapist or get together and rehearse all the points you're going to bring up because it shouldn't be an attack it should be a conversation of love and caring it's actually what my therapist says yeah there you go right yeah i'm disgusted with her i mean in the future she can be happy with someone else and that's what you want for her you're not doing it because you don't want

her to be happy with this guy i also suspect since she got drunk and told this other friend tearfully about all this information that she may be relieved if you guys are stepping in i agree you know so wow even my dog is walking out of the room he's so disgusted by this like no I don't blame mom. And if you need to, you know, play this conversation, do it. You know what I mean? We're behind you 100%. We just heard about the situation and it's absolutely ridiculous,

archaic, antiquated, and unacceptable. What would you both say to H? Would you say you deserve better? What would you say if you were talking directly to her? Don't ever let any man dim your light. And if you're with the right guy, he's going to put you up on a pedestal and tell you to reach for the stars. Anybody who's already telling you no

and trying to control what you can and can't do, is not the partner for you yeah period and you want someone who is part of the future not living in the past his ideals and his way of thinking is the past and you don't need to go back no woman needs to go back to when things were great for us when the fuck was that yeah yeah all right you got this thanks carly thanks thank you thank you guys it was nice to meet you you too listening to some guy from alabama talking shut up that gave me acid reflux like i need an acid i have really bad acid reflux what do you take do you take pilosec you know what works actually the best baking soda oh dude like in water yep uh-huh i take a little bit of baking

soda like a half a teaspoon put it in water and immediately knocks it out i was on nexium forever and meprazole like i had voice nodules a la ashley simpson growing up i used to do like musical theater can't sing anymore and i was on all the drugs and apparently like nexium and shit gives you alzheimer's so i was like i'm not messing with that so i just do baking soda and water and it fucking works like when i travel abroad because i i like to you know party hard in italy and i'm drinking all the red wine your place italy's my place it's my place it's my joyful very happy place oh that's nice because your place is you got married there yeah yeah i got married in italy oh yeah yeah we'll have to we'll have to uh connoiter together let's do it over there yeah

let's do it yeah i'm in spain a lot let's go okay i love it what part what part of italy are you like my home base is florence but i hit everywhere oh my niece has just went overseas she was just went to Florence. Did you study abroad? She's there for a semester. Oh, God. Good luck. When I tell you... I feel like my sister goes, it's going to be like Girls Gone Wild for the next four months. No, it was. One of my favorite memories of study abroad is

I was making out with this guy outside of a nightclub and then my friend tapped me on the shoulder and was like, Heather, take a step back. He has no teeth. And the man had no teeth. I just thought it was like a nice, smooth... I thought the gums were an outer lip. That's how fucked up I was. He had no teeth. You know, what an allegory for H and Carly. You know,

you take a step back, you realize the guy has no teeth. He has no teeth. Well, he could probably give an incredible blowjob. On that note, do you want to take a break and we'll take our last caller? Sure. We'll take a break and we'll be right back. There's no shortcut for saving time, but saving money is simple. Just combine your car and home insurance with Bel Air Direct and save.

Get a quote at BelAirDirect.com. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, Shut up. Don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me.

I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island

deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people,

and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip,

I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network. Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners. Each week, we talk to someone in show business, a.k.a. the biz, and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us.

everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show we've had a lot of great guests like sarah sherman not that great actually can you help me can you help me shape this yeah how about we flip it on his head okay how about we flip the script okay what if the surprise woman who actually you think is the straight man is actually the one who's acting weird adam scott love this entire time you've been expecting adam sandler to come to visit the show i i would never let go of that i have i would never set expectations for something like that seems like if the universe allows for something like that to happen i'm open to it i'm always going to accept you know danny mcbride fine yeah it's all this fragile masculinity

exuding i could smell it walking down the hallway to be honest with you i was like is that weed nope it's fragile masculinity ben stiller no because a lot of times in out of context people don't get it or even know what a circle is you know what i mean like you're like oh what's the state everyone's so dumb except for you fake right fake and and also not interested or just like oh i've got my life i don't care about your life and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us oh and by the way will ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode but he's just so busy listen to hollywood handbook on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts

okay we're back we're all fully clothed everything's fine so our next caller is lynn lynn says dear chelsea i have a kindergartner and the moms in the class are super clingy clicky and nasty and exclude me from everything and you were a sorority girl right so you know about nasty and freaky women. I did not have a negative experience, but continue. Oh, okay, all right. I blocked and muted these women on socials, but I'm still hearing from other parents

about every social event that I'm not being invited to. I want to tell them all where to shove it, but my daughter will be with these kids for the next seven to eight years, and I can't ruin her social life because of my ego. Tell me how to tell them to fuck themselves politely without ruining my daughter's social future. Lynn.

Oh, hi, Lynn. Hi. Hi. okay so what was it like when you met these women were they like this from the outset no at the beginning it was pretty normal and then things just quickly changed and we had first day of school last week which was super awkward and i was telling catherine that we tried one play date over the summer because i felt bad for my daughter like i shouldn't restrict her time with her friend but the whole time they just pretended like i wasn't there and like literally didn't

acknowledge me and like my first reaction is like kind of to set boundaries and cut off people like that but it just feels awkward because you know my daughter it's our friend so so does your daughter have play dates with these people's kids a lot we did before this all went down we saw them once over the whole summer but like tonight they have soccer practice and they're on girl scouts together so we're gonna see each other and there's only one grade per class so she's always going to be in her class until eighth grade oh this is so disappointing that grown women act like this yeah like high school ended for a fucking reason and is it multiple moms or just one yes okay there's about four of them and so like first day of school no one even looked me in the face

it was just really what did something happen was there ever like some sort of altercation or disagreement about something it wasn't so much an altercation it was just they just started like not including me in things so like for example they all went on a bunch of vacations together for like weekend trips locally and and then I confronted the one mom and she was like oh sorry we just didn't think you'd be available and I'm like well it's just hurtful that I'm finding out online and not in person like you could have like I don't have to go on every trip I'm not a child like I can be mature enough to be okay with that but it was just that it was like oh there's all these moms that are all my daughter's really good friend

on vacation and no one told me here's the thing I think that that is all they have and Lynn you seem like you're doing a lot like I know that you have other things outside of your your kids social group this is probably all these women have you know feel sorry for them and those kind of aspects you don't even want to hang out with them fuck them you know what I mean that's how I feel too yeah that's very much how my personality is it's just how do I go forward through the next many years and it's just awkward you know it's like being fake and I don't like yeah it is like being fake, but there also is like, you need to rise above their behavior because it's so low. It's just so silly to be clicky like that at this age, especially when they're not even the ones in

kindergarten. It's like the parents. So it's just, you have to like rise above it. And I do think there is going to involve a little bit of like fraudulent behavior on your behalf in order to get to the place where I want you to get, which is you don't give a shit at all. You're happy when your daughter hangs out with their kids and you're fine if they don't, there's got to be other mothers there that you can hang out with and that you can talk to and be real with. And you really cannot act like it bothers you at all because that's what they will get off on. If people are that small, then they like the idea about excluding another person. And as long as it doesn't affect you in a way that's visible to them, it's like taking the air out of the balloon. There's nowhere

for the balloon to float if there's nothing happening. So you have to really just suck it up, be as friendly as you can be. Not like kissing their ass or anything, but like, hey, how are you today? If they're ignoring you, that's not your problem. Great, bye. You know, like you're in a good mood no matter what they do.

When you're around them, you're just going to be like that. You're just going to be like, okay, great. Oh, are we invited? We're not, okay, no problem. Have a great time. It can't bother you at all. Yeah, stay completely unbothered.

And maybe every time you drop your kid off for these playdates, show up in a new like power track suit. You know, like also, maybe it's just like a full cheetah print suit the next time it's gold lame something I think you just start slowly fucking with them just a little bit maybe it's like a like a cowboy hat or something the next time and just like hey I dropped some brownies off for the girls have y'all have a good time and just bounce and then kind of be like a little mysterious yeah yeah be a little

mysterious and also get off don't follow these people on social media yeah no they're all blocked we're not i'm not engaging okay so and like that's what i've been doing is like basically pretending everything's fine but blocking them isn't pretending everything's fine that's aggressive a like and a heart hey you know you don't need to block them you just mute them you don't need to follow them like you don't need to block them you don't need to follow them or look at what they're doing but you don't need to block them from following you because that is an act of aggression like what is that that that's as immature as they are you know what i mean yeah But when you show up to the next play date in a power suit,

they're going to be like, what's she been up to? You know, what's her side gig? Yeah, agreed. I don't know. I really just think you should play, like, be smarter than them. And this, you have a job. Yes. What do you do?

I'm in real estate. Okay. So you have plenty of, you have your own shit going on anyway. Very busy. Yes, exactly. So you don't, like, you just have to treat that as such. Like, these are these minions that are beneath you that are acting like little children that belong in school,

that are not in school, that are living vicariously, probably through their kindergarten children. So go about your business. They are not your problem. There is no problem. So like if they ask for a play date, do you think I should engage or just? Yeah, just engage.

Sure, I can't make it, but I would love, my daughter has a great time. In fact, I was thinking maybe the kids go to a movie. Just kill them with fucking kindness. Make it till you make it. And don't, it's not worth your kid, you know, feeling any type of way about it. Any type of way.

Yeah, just always remember you're doing this for your kid. Just be above it all. and yeah don't if they want to play it great great you can play with my kids just but be a little bit like you know like avoid hanging out with them one-on-one or in a group just avoid that it's not good for you it's like poison almost you know it's just it's not a good scene so your kid if everything is for your kid having a healthy relationship with the other girls and that's it yeah because they're all probably miserable at home too it's projection when you're a bitch like that you're projecting because you're you've got your own shit you're

doing on yeah yeah so it's not it's really don't think about it as you they're just miserable in their own shit I have a couple kids so I have plenty of other mom friends that are normal healthy people so great yeah so it's not like this is my only child and like my whole world is just this class so there's lots of other opportunities there it's just it's just awkward and I want to just say go f yourself no don't living well is the best revenge yeah seriously don't do that don't let your temper get the best of you i speak from experience i have a big temper i've learned how to modulate it and it's worked in my favor immensely so just save that and just treat these women like they deserve to be treated which is like they're basically like butterflies

but less attractive they're just flying around and it's not your problem yeah and get your velour tracksuit ready to go yeah yeah get your velour tracksuit yeah we'll get go to jamiegreenberg makeup.com and you can order one there. You got this girl. Have a good day. And please do not let these people take up more than like 30 seconds of your day every single day. Focus on where the light is shining with the friends and the parents of the friends of your kids, friends, whatever the fuck I'm trying to say. Focus on the people that you get along with that are normal. Yes. Awesome. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. Yeah, no problem. Thank you. Have a good one. Ciao. Now i say ciao too because of heather mcmahon yeah i just say ciao everywhere yeah every doctor's

office every every place i go ciao so do you want to live in italy eventually is that your game it is it is my happy place yeah i would like to spend at least half the year there oh yeah have a place down in amalfi yeah you know just really be by the ocean i need at least twice a year to dip my toes in the mediterranean or i start to get itchy yeah i'm not interested in these oceans anymore no absolutely united states oh what am i gonna do go to florida i know i know well i mean you're close enough you live in atlanta so be careful okay yeah i'm more of a charleston gal but be careful because if florida falls into the ocean like i predict it will one day you're gonna be on the coast literally yeah okay heather mcmahon that was just really you're a home run of a person

listen i adore you thank you for having so much fun yeah and i gotta say chelsea when i saw you at the the netflix brunch you were so kind and i've really looked up to you in this business and i'm not kissing your eyes i really mean this like you've just fucking done it and you did it your own way. And so I, you know, we need to go have drinks and I'll just, I'll really spill the tea with you. And you can tell me, don't do this, do that. Tell everybody that you suck your dick. Absolutely. Absolutely. Well, I'm going to have dinner with Jamie Greenberg tonight. Do you want to join us? I'm free. Oh, great. Okay. We'll set it up. Okay. Awesome. Love you, Heather. Love you. Okay. See you next week. Okay. So upcoming shows that I have, you guys,

I'm coming to Texas. I'm coming to St. Louis and Kansas city. And then I will be in Las Vegas performing at the Chelsea Theater inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel. I'm coming to Brooklyn, New York at the King's Theater on November 8th. And I have tickets on sale throughout the end of the year

in December. So if you're in a city like Philadelphia or Bethlehem or San Diego or New Orleans or Omaha, check ChelseaHandler.com for tickets. Okay. If you'd like advice from Chelsea,

shoot us an email at DearChelseaPodcast at gmail.com and be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert, executive producer, Catherine Law. And be sure to check out our merch at chelseahandler.com. I survived nine months in captivity

and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart and these are The Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable, Abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, Adam Scott, Danny McBride, Ben Stiller, and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture

with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes

without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Nick Turturro. You probably know me from NYPD Blue, The Longest Yard, or Spike Lee's Black Klansman.

And on my new podcast, Delivering Happiness with Nick Turturro, I deliver pizza to a new guest. I've shared a slice with everyone, from Seth Rollins. What are you doing with my belt? To Bill Burr. I don't think I've ever met somebody so exactly out of their mind as I am. And now, we even have more great guests coming up, including the great John Turturro. It's called happiness. Delivering happiness.

And many, many more. Open your free iHeartRadio app, search Delivering Happiness with Nick Turturro, and listen now. This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.