Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - Broke D is Good D with Dulcé Sloan

Episode Date: July 11, 2024

This week, Dulcé Sloan joins Chelsea to talk about how to get a miscreant out of your hosue, guest hosting on the Daily Show, and why confidence matters in a predominantly-white workplace. Then: A dog lover also happens to love a man without a job. An areola problem may not be a problem at all.  And a cocktail waitress regrets bringing a friend into the bedroom with her husband.   * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human. Behind every night spent making the kids' lunches, there's a lot of suspense. Will they finally eat the veggies? Will the pesto survive the first bite? Will the lunchbox come home empty, half full, or come home at all?

And will you finish episode eight before you're done slicing the cucumbers? Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus from $94 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability.

Bell. Connection is everything. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who lived through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, Katherine. Hi, Chelsea.

Hi, greetings from down under. I'm currently in Australia, so it was very hard to find a good time for us to do an intro for this week's episode. I know. For you, it is very early morning. And for me, it's late afternoon. You know, it's funny, though. No matter where I travel, I wake up at 6 a.m. every day. So it's almost like time zones don't exist.

Although I do go for the first three days in New Zealand. I went to bed at 6.30. And then luckily, I had a show. So I had to fucking stay up because I had to perform. So you had a show and it got you up and at them, huh? Yeah. We were in New Zealand for three days, Auckland, which was gorgeous. I'm with my cousin, Molly, who you know.

Yes. And she and I went to beaches, black sand beaches. We did a bunch of touristy stuff. And then we went to Wellington, New Zealand, which was really cute and like kind of an artsy kind of city. I'd never been there. And then that was home to Lord of the Rings. And even though we told my driver, our driver, several times that we had absolutely no interest in Lord of the Rings, nor had we ever seen the movie, he took us to the Lord of the Rings Museum. And before we knew it, we were holding swords and standing with those giant.

I don't know what those people are called. Are they Tobey Maguire? I don't even, wizards, I don't understand what. You don't love a hobbit, Chelsea? Well, I do. Of course, I love the shape of a hobbit, but I don't love the backstory of a hobbit, no. You know, I like things rooted in reality.

So we did that and then we went to Melbourne and the shows have been so much fun. They've been so fun. The audiences have been great and the openers are fun because it's all new people, I don't know. And then I did a little radio and TV. I assaulted some television personality already. He made a bad joke and I had to ream him without,

I mean, I didn't have a chance. He didn't have a chance actually, but I couldn't even, he tried to interview me. I'm like, let's just back up to your personality and discuss that for a second. I mean, listen, if there's one way to go viral down under, then you've figured it out. Well, you know me, I'm always trying to go viral

or get a virus. I mean, you can't even catch one of those in New Zealand because they locked it all down. No, you can't. You can't get sick in New Zealand. However, somehow my cousin has an eye infection and she thinks that I'm a... Yeah, she has caught some sort of eye infection

which she's convinced she caught from me. I'm like, I don't have an eye infection. She was wearing a mask around me for the first 48 hours. She wouldn't take her mask off. And then she got it right in the eye. Yeah, and then she got it right in the eye. So I was like, now look who's got an infection. Oh my goodness.

Yeah, I saw your very cute love letter on Instagram to Molly. Oh, yes, yes, yes. And then I did a video with all my supplements that I take on the road, and I got a lot of feedback about the different supplements I take and people thinking that I have an opioid addiction because I take low-dose naltrexone. So apparently I'm addicted to heroin on top of everything.

I mean, what am I going to do next? I always knew you were the type. I know. I know. It was bound to happen at some point. Yeah. Well, Chelsea, we are very excited that you're coming home to us soon, But I hope that you have an awesome time in Australia for the next couple of weeks.

But Chelsea, I know you've got some really big shows coming up. Yes, I have a huge show. It's the Santa Barbara Bowl, which is August 17th that I want to promote. And then I have a big show at the Brooklyn Theater, the King's Theater, which is awesome. I'm doing that in, where am I doing that? Brooklyn. Oh, November 8th, I'm coming to Brooklyn. And then I want to promote, I mean, I'm doing all sorts of cities in between that.

I'm coming to Hawaii for July 19th and 20th, and then also my Vegas dates, which starts September 1st in Vegas, and then I have November 2nd, and I have November 30th, and then three more dates, so in Vegas. But, yes, check ChelseaHandler.com. Get your tickets now because I'm going to be shooting my special in December, and then this tour is O-V-E-R. Fabulous. I'm so excited. It's like always nice when people go to Vegas to perform because, you know, it's like sort of weirdly a central location that everybody goes to. So you just get to. I know the excitement around Vegas is very surprising.

I'm very excited. I'm just going to turn every show into a party and a good luck party because when I'm in the casino, people win money. This has been proven time and time again. Whenever I see those ads of you in the top hat, I start like lightly sweating. They're very hot. They're very, very hot. Thank you, Catherine. Thank you.

Okay. So our guest today, you know her from reporting and hosting on The Daily Show and as Honeybee on The Great North. And she's got a new book of essays called Hello, Friends, Stories of Dating, Destiny and Day Jobs. Please welcome Dulce Sloan. What's up, Mama? Hi, ladies.

Do you know Catherine? This is my co-host, Catherine. Hi. Hi, Catherine. Nice to meet you. Likewise. I saw you at The Daily Show when I was hosting guest hosting for a week and I've been watching you guest host, which you're fucking awesome.

Congratulations. Thank you. That's a great gig now because you guys all get to host, right? Yeah, they let us all guest host. We all take turns guest hosting. And so I'm like, yeah, OK, I got to pay my mortgage. So come on, let's go. Yeah, we all have to pay our mortgages.

That's a very good point. I'll say thank you for reminding our listeners. Pay your mortgages, please. OK, it's very important. How is it having Jon Stewart back? I can say I'm not there for the everyday day to day. But I do know that it is interesting because like I probably shouldn't say this, but who cares? There were some guys in the crew who never wore, like every year they would give

us new merch that say, because I started with Trevor in 2017, and there were crew guys who would never put on Trevor's merch. They would only wear John's old merch to the point where just like there was letter, so it was like A-L-E-O with on Uart, and they would still be rocking it so copy that copy that okay so that's that's the major difference with john being back and okay copy that they can get new jackets with all the letters on it basically but i can say that everything feels more settled because when we had the guest hosts it was like i don't know we don't know and you're just like my check came this week and that's what it was and it was a year and some change of that and then a strike so with john being there even him just

being there on Mondays, everyone just seems a lot calmer in the building, I guess is the best way to describe it. Good, good. That's fucking awesome. And congratulations on your new book. Thank you. It's called Hello Friends, Stories of Dating Destiny and Day Jobs. You've had a lot of fucked up jobs. I mean, if you survived all that shit, you're kind of really, well, A, you're resilient, but you're almost indestructible. Well, here's the thing. If you speak spanish they'll let you answer anybody's phone so i fresh out of college i worked at some shady car lots and then i managed an auto body shop and then i worked for a car insurance company and i worked for a trash company a power company i used to house manage for theater because i have

a theater degree of acting degree what don't you have don't say a husband name one thing you don't have besides a husband name one thing that you need that you don't have oh a vacay a plane i want a plane. I don't like the fact that we're not allowed to say that. I am tired of giving Delta my coins. I want to be able to hop on my own and go wherever I want. But no, I'm in a good place. I said to one of my friends one day, when I made less money, I always knew what I wanted to eat for dinner. And now I'm just like, I can do whatever I want. And it's a very interesting place to be in. But I just spend most of my time feeding my mom and my brother because they live with me so is that why you know Spanish because of Miami growing up in Miami I started when we

moved back to Miami when I was nine you had to take Spanish every day in school and I picked it up super quick I studied it from like 9 to 11 and I picked it up real fast and I didn't take another Spanish class until I was 15 because in Georgia you don't have to take Spanish classes the way you have to take them in Miami but I just picked it up so fast I was just able to keep it so the time I was an adult I was fully bilingual I mean there's a lot of words I don't know but there's lot of english words i don't know a estudiado para cinco años and i still can't fucking speak spanish i had a i had a lesson this morning and i get so fucking scared every time someone starts speaking spanish to me all i i know so many words and so many and i can only write them or say them

to myself as soon as my housekeeper starts talking i'm like stop it stop i can't fucking keep up it depends on where the person's from sometimes like i grew up listening to either like cuban spanish or like mexico or el salvador so my ear is more tuned to mexican spanish because that's who i grew up with that's who i grew up around when we moved back to atlanta and so it's interesting because like like i was in puerto rico for three weeks filming a movie and i was like i don't know what these folks are talking about um but puerto rico spanish is different because they take english words and conjugate them like spanish yeah and it's like totally different dialects it's a totally different dialect but every like in the same way just like people like i don't get it i'm

like in georgia if you want if you ask somebody if they want something to drink it's like you want a coke and i could be meaning any carbonated beverage but i'm just asking if you want a coke while other places it's a pop other places it's soda it's the same concept it's just the different usage of words but yeah that's how i learned to speak spanish was when um when we lived in miami and have you had a lot of spanish-speaking boyfriends my first boyfriend was from el Salvador. His grandma didn't hate me because I spoke Spanish. So it's just like, oh, my grandson's dating a Black girl. You're like, hola, abuelita. I was like, I'm not Latin. But you know, when your name is Dulce, and I would be so disappointed to people if I didn't speak Spanish. So, but yeah,

there's always some boy you can talk to. And then I grew up, like I have a whole Mexican family. One of my friends' family basically adopted me. So, you know, I have sisters and brothers and a thousand cousins and their kids and all of that so I have a whole a whole network of people that I rely on as family because my family's not close since you've been a little kid they haven't been close listen when you have a lot of uncles you can't be cool with all of them so like my mom has four older brothers and my uncle stevie's great but my other uncles well one of them just passed away but who cares we have his dog and that's fine uh I don't know why a black man who went through Jim Crow owns a German Shepherd, but. Oh, God. Oh, yeah. Tell me about your dating

life. What's happening in your life now? I've heard you talk about dating. You have an affinity towards broke men. No, they like me. And that's why I'm trying so hard to get from underneath them, literally, because they really think I'm the bee's knees, the cat's pajamas, their way to have a three square meals a day. Yeah. Broke men love me and I'm a target for them because they have a tendency to think that I don't have high self-esteem and I'm not a confident person, which I think is very amusing because Google me, sir. So you don't like, you don't like them in return. They just like you. They love me because they want to eat today and they know that I'm going to do that. So broke men love me and they have the best dick because they have to, they

have nothing else to offer you so if you're trying to get dicked down which i usually am like a lady does as much as i'm trying to get them out of my out of my scope i mean i've been doing very well for the past two years and really getting away from these jokers because uh i said on cnn that my new year's resolution was no more broke dick and them dudes got very mad the broke dick dudes got mad yes if you reject a man in any way he's gonna get upset so there were a lot of dude bother borrowing their friends phones to be mad at me on twitter and it was the same i should be glad that even men are even trying to talk to me and because we keep having this narrative that men don't have sex with plus size women which is stupid my boobs are huge you sound dumb i have

dated so many men that do not appreciate big breasts when i have big breasts i don't fucking get that or they're the most recent guy well that's okay he was like an ass man and he was all over my ass and i was like i don't really have that much of an ass so it's like there's not much to get after but i i'm so surprised that men aren't boob men like i i'm not a lesbian but i think boobs are fun boobs are great i would want to get in on that or get after it yeah we as a society regardless of your preference or orientation we all appreciate a nice set of boobs we all do we don't look at i've seen a girl i'm like i am not queer at all but i haven't seen a girl and be like girls got nice boobs totally and i think everyone i know you're a fan of drag race

as well i think everyone is obsessed with boobs i mean you see the drag queens on there like they're also obsessed with boobs not just to wear them but they like play with that i mean it's a whole thing everyone is obsessed with boobs well of course why wouldn't you be they're just like two fun little jugs or big jugs depending on who's who's who's the owner i used to have a joke about like gay men grabbing my boobs and being like sir we're both not this helps neither one of us what are we doing right now this is crazy and so i just have this joke about like a gay man grabbing my boobs like putting a car in a Lamborghini and starting a car and getting out. It's just like, why are we why are we going through this song and dance? I like your strength and your confidence. Where

is that from your childhood? Is that because you had to move around a lot during your childhood and be that? I mean, I noticed that when I was at The Daily Show, actually, you're very upfront and not afraid of confrontation. What's so funny that I hate confrontation, but I'm very really i don't like it but i also have a certain way that people have to treat me and so when you grow up and you're accustomed to grown adults being disrespectful and rude to you and you know why it's because you're a black child and when you become an adult and you get into a workplace that is filled with white people white people have a tendency in a workplace to do passive aggressive bitch made things. And I'm fucking grown because I'm not trying to have a confrontation

with you. What I'm trying to have is a conversation with you. And anytime I have a conversation, it's going to be seen as confrontation because you're trying to do fuck shit and I'm not letting you do it. So you can't disrespect me and then smile in my face. And so it's going to be seen as we're also, it's, we don't have time. We have to make a show. I don't have time for your feelings because you didn't have time for mine. So when you told me that I couldn't do this or that I couldn't do that, no one tiptoed around me to make me feel better

and to go, well, Dulce, we're not sure. No, bitch, hurry up. Because you had no problem in trying to make me feel insecure and lacking in this job when you knew I could do it. So now that I have the opportunity to go, this needs to be fixed, I'm not gonna hold your hand because you didn't hold mine.

Also, we're all grown. Why am I holding your hand? You know this is wrong. what's the problem? And that's what I don't like when you're with white people at a job. It's a fake sense of community. It's a fake sense of camaraderie. It's a fake sense of caring. You couldn't give a fuck about me. If I did not walk in this building again, it affects nobody in any way. Because as long as y'all are getting a check, as long as Comedy Central's still cutting checks, as long as this office is cutting checks, who gives a shit? So y'all can't treat me any kind

away I'm fucking 40 who are you talking to and so that's all it is it's just you hit a certain point as a black woman where you're just like no because I you finally realize there are no consequences for me sticking up for myself because in these times where I'm appearing to be confident it's because I am sticking up for myself I always have to defend me because no one's showing up for me but it's always going to see well well don't say what's being mean to me no bitch you were being disrespectful. And I said, hey, you can't talk to me like that. This reminds me of America Ferreira's speech in Barbie. Oh, I didn't see that movie because I knew it was white woman propaganda. So I didn't go watch it. I know they put Issa Rae in it, but I know the campaign.

I saw who was excited about it. And I was like, I'm gonna stay home. All right. Well, on that note, we'll take a break and we'll be right back with Dulce Sloan. behind every night spent making the kids lunches there's a lot of suspense will they finally eat the veggies will the pesto survive the first bite will the lunchbox come home empty half full or come home at all and will you finish episode eight before you're done slicing the cucumbers get bell pure fiber internet with crave netflix and disney plus from 94 a month price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit visit bell.ca for details and to check availability.

Bell. Connection is everything. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying,

shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who lived through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming.

They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality,

welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors

and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations,

or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. This week, we'd love for you to write in about family secrets. If there's advice you need about something you're trying to uncover or wondering whether to tell somebody the information that you know, write in to DearChelseaPodcast at gmail.com. And we're back with Dulce.

Dulce. Hey. Hi. Hi. Thank you for being on the podcast. We're going to take some callers. Yes. We're going to give advice to people.

Okay. Are you good at that, Dulce? Sometimes. When are the times that you're good at giving advice? When people want to listen to it. Well, perfect. These people need help. So here we go.

Okay. They need to listen to it. Well, since we've already talked about boobs, let's take a question about boobs. Yeah. This is just a write-in. She's not joining us, but B says, Dear Chelsea, I know you love your boobs and you have amazing ones, so you might not be able to help me so much, but I wanted to reach out to you because I love your point of view. I've always hated my areolas because they are what most

would consider quote-unquote large. I started to realize that when I would see women in movies, TV, topless, or in Playboy magazines when I was younger and now with porn, it seems like all women's areolas are small except for mine. I don't have very large boobs and they take up half or more of them. My husband tells me all the time how much he loves my boobs and wants me topless all the time and I shouldn't hate on them, but I'm really considering areola reduction surgery. I feel like if they were smaller, I'd have more confidence and actually want to be topless for my husband more. Do you have thoughts on this? Thank you and love your podcast, B. Do you have thoughts on this, Dulce? What do you think? Ma'am, listen, as someone whose

areolas are an A cup, I understand the desire to want to look a certain way. Here is my question. why are you taking any cues from porn or pornographic material those women are manufactured to look a certain way so they're looking for women that have built a certain way it's not real most women don't look like those women so you can't use that as what do you honestly what do your friends areolas look like that's what you should be gauging them from well not necessarily because I once had a vaginal situation and I asked my sisters, I'm like, show me your Pikachu's because I have something that is wrong, I think with mine. And then they showed me theirs and I, and they didn't have what I had.

I was like, so fucks. Exactly. You know, but even if somebody does have nice areolas, like when you hyper-focus also, A, everything Dulce said, yes, it's not fucking real. That is not real. You're talking, but additionally, when you focus on a body part of yours that you don't like, it exasperates the issue and it becomes bigger and bigger and bigger. Find another party part to fucking focus on and take your attention off your tits. There's nothing wrong

with them. Your husband loves them. Like how many opportunities are you going to get to be topless other than the bedroom? And in the bedroom, you're with somebody that already loves them. Like I really don't think areola reduction, areola reduction, asshole brightening. All of that is just like, it's not, that's not the problem. I think you just have to try to get over it yeah what's the real problem right what's the real problem are you not comfortable being topless are you not comfortable with your body around your husband i go to korean saunas and i can tell you the women that i see because like when you're in the wet area it's women only and you have to be naked you can't have on a bathing suit or anything because your clothes can

infect the pools or what because they don't know if your clothes your bathing suit's clean or whatever and so you have to take a shower before you get into these pools and the women that I see that are the most self-conscious about their bodies are the women that are quote-unquote good shape the women who are quote-unquote thin and if their boobs done it's also the women that are built like me or bigger than first of all the towels are so small you can't cover up anybody right but the women that I see that are hiding the most and being the most self-conscious and paying attention to who looks at them are the women who are quote-unquote in shape and so i know for me i think what she needs to do is to go to a korean sauna or a place like that where you

can see real women's bodies because sometimes you think that you're the only one that looks like you and going to the korean sauna and seeing other women built like me that have you know the roles where I have roles and all this other I was just like it's not just me it's not just you and also lean into your shortcomings like it's good to lean into the stuff that you don't like about yourself I have cellulite on my legs I've decided to not give a fuck about that about 10 years ago like I used to cover my legs up or be worried that somebody would see this little who gives a shit like at a certain point it's about self-love and it's about you actually giving a shit about yourself and I'm not saying that you don't this woman that wrote in what's her name again I was

going to say Aritzia. And then I'm like, whose name is Aritzia? Okay, Aritzia, lean into your shortcomings. This is a good lesson for any woman listening. You know, none of us are perfect. And you shouldn't be trying to be perfect. Everything that we're both saying is like, it's about I love myself. I'm I'm into myself. I respect myself and I'm self assured. So whatever work it takes you to get to that place is the work that you should be focusing on. You know, not surgically reducing your nipples. It's like because I work every day to be nice to myself and I'm in therapy to be nice and talk nicer to myself. And so I'm not saying that I'm so to a point where I'm just like I'm completely evolved. But also here's the other thing that people don't think about. You could

try to get that areola reduction surgery and they fuck around. And now all of a sudden your areola is a cockeyed. Your nipples are facing. Be careful what you fuck with. Exactly. Exactly. You're going end up with a nipple on your asshole exactly go to the korean spa and then watch some botched and then that's hilarious that's great there you go watch botched problem solved thank you for calling in or thank you thank you yeah gracias well our next caller is cheyenne aka cinnamon she is 32 in wisconsin she says she says dear chelsea first of all i'd just like to say thank you for all you've contributed to womankind my question is a bit obscure but absolutely something you might be able to help me with i have a friend let's call her sue who i've been friends with for

a year or so when we met i was waitress at a strip club well this friend turned into more than a friend for my husband and i it was my first experience in that situation i and and i ended up more irritated and uncomfortable than i expected so i wanted to cut it off after an extended talk through well so wait wait wait i just want to make sure i'm following so she's She's the one working at the strip club or they met there? She was. She was. And they met another girl that they brought into the bedroom.

Yes. Okay. So flash forward to recently when my husband and I had some serious issues to the point of marriage counseling or possibly being done. And she decides to play both sides of us, saying one thing to me and the opposite to him. I'd plan on just dropping the bitch as a friend, but here's the catch. Our daughters are best friends and I don't want to ruin that for them.

What should I do? Cheyenne, a.k.a. Cinnamon. Oh, wow. What a sticky situation you found yourself in. Juicy. What's up with the nickname? Cinnamon?

It's not applicable at all. She just told us her name was Cinnamon. I don't know why I'm stuck on that. She's here. Let's say hi to her. She's joining us. Hi. Hi.

Hi, Cinnamon. Okay, so you worked in a strip club and you met this. This woman is just a friend of yours. She wasn't in the strip club, right? Yeah, she was just a friend. I was a cocktail waitress. And she came into your place of work. And that's how you guys started hooking up?

Well, that's how we started kind of like hanging out and being like oh you got kids too let's hang out and then it just kind of blossomed from there look at dulce's face i'm listening there were some red flags considering she just was very attached from the start to both of you or just to you to me and like i resonate with you very much because i fucking hate people a lot interesting a cocktail waitress would that was like oofta, I'm going to not hang out with you every single day because I can't do that. Okay. So you guys, so you had, you had a bunch of dalliances, sorry to use that word, with her and with your husband, and now you've broken up and your husband,

what's the status with you and your husband? Me and my husband are great. We have no issues. I introduced her into our relationship to spice things up. If she was already clingy, why would you? She wasn't clingy in a weird way, I guess. And because I had never experienced being with another woman, she felt someone I was comfortable enough to try that with. So when the red flags came, were they before or after you brought her into the marriage? The red flags in the sense of the friendship was like she immediately attached to me and that was like a little overwhelming at first, but then it was chilled out.

And then when I brought her into the marriage, it was okay for like two times and then it became weird. She was getting mad at my husband for not giving her enough attention. Yeah, no, that's not going to work out for a threesome. So what's the status now? Just your daughters are friends. How old are your daughters? So it's my oldest daughter. She's six.

And her, she has twin girls who are seven. Six! Girl! They don't remember three days ago. No. I mean, but they do. She breaks my heart because she talks about these girls all the time. She goes, remember when I was friends with so-and-so?

and you know and it really but who cares that doesn't matter i know but it's she's six i mean i had a million best friends before she's gonna she might for this moment she misses them but this just sounds like a bad situation for you to be immersed in like i would try to divorce yourself from the whole situation it's just too sticky it's like too many things are happening and you need to clean up your side of the street a little bit more and your six-year-old can take the hit she can't my family there was a falling out in my family and i didn't see cousins for years like over 10 maybe 15 years and i had to get over it because what i don't know what happened and i still don't know because i was a child and it's none of my business so like did my little cousin

know that we weren't actually related no but that wasn't her problem that wasn't her she was nine so if you said 16 i'd have been like okay that is because now they have autonomy now they know what's happening she's so little i don't think you i know you're worried about like hurting the baby and like taking a friend away from her but you and your husband are good you have to continue to be in a place where your family your unit is good she's little because think about it she could have a friend at school think of a friend of school that she was talking about in kindergarten Is she still friends with that kid today? Yeah.

So the only issue I'm concerned is I do live in a small town. Okay. They see each other. We see each other in public. That's fine. That's fine. Just take the high road and just be normal. It doesn't have to be like a confrontation.

Just be friendly. And that's it. Don't be anything more than that. Right. And that's how I've been. She's been the one who's had an attitude about it. But who cares? She is.

But who cares about her? Don't matter. You're just living your life, doing your thing. It doesn't matter what attitude she has because she's not your friend anymore. So you don't care about that. I have the coldest shoulder than anybody. When I'm not speaking to someone, it's very loud. Right.

Sometimes when you are speaking to them, you're giving them the cold shoulder, too, Dulce. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. You could never speak to someone and give the cold shoulder at the same time as Handler. Really? I disagree. I disagree. It could be very much like a hello, and that's it. Because if Miss Thing wants to give attitude, we could give attitude.

It don't have to be I'm ignoring you, but you need to know we're not speaking. So it's a my child can speak. I say, say hi to the half a daughter. Thank you. Now we leave it. It can be we see each other in public. Good day, ma'am. Good day, ma'am.

And then you go on about your good business. If she wants to call them because that's what's going to happen. People always see the person that is acting a donkey. So you can't bring yourself to her level or bring yourself down to her level. But if she want to have an attitude, let her have all the attitudes she want. But at the end of the day, you have to walk into your house and know that your family is good. And if this is a person who's going to bring chaos into your house, her feelings are not—it doesn't matter what her feelings are. It doesn't.

Because what she did is she came in and she caused a problem. If she wanted to act right, then everybody could be getting fucked on a Friday. But this bitch wanted to cause a problem. This is her own fault. Yeah, now she's not going to get fucked on Fridays. No, no. Or Tuesday or whatever day of the week it is. It wasn't even—

He the one who ended it. It doesn't matter. Listen, we're telling you what to do. It doesn't matter. These problems are irrelevant. You just have to keep it very distant with her, but friendly. And that's it. No more getting in.

No more inroads. If you're going to see if the issue is seeing her in public, because I feel like that's your main issue is seeing her in public. We own a bar and a restaurant in our town. Does she come in it? She used to, but she don't now. He has now put a review, a bad review. And that's just going to happen.

you just don't worry yelp can fix that yelp can fix it yeah don't say it's a hookup at yelp anyway cinnamon cheyenne both of you good luck and just you started this problem now finish it okay no i appreciate it thank you guys okay good luck to you thanks wait was she drinking a cocktail right then probably she seemed very loosey-goosey she's a fan she's probably nervous she had a of juice i don't know if it was a cocktail i'm not trying i don't i can't speculate there's no situations where you say to somebody this is what to do but no this is what to do tell you you are you already you did the hardest part already was getting her out of your bedroom right and so if the problem is seeing this bitch in public just look the hoe up and down and go

about your good life like that can't be there's something she was i think she wanted to tell us a lot more yeah exactly yeah okay well we'll move on to ty is it my ex-boyfriend ty sean very hot uh ty is 31 and says dear chelsea i'm a gay male and i've been seeing a handsome guy since july we hit it off really fast and have been inseparable ever since he has however been unemployed for five years since i met him no no no no he's been working as an uber driver but his mom has mainly been supporting him he came from a great medical job that gave him him an abundance of money i now find myself having to having him living with me while i front all the bills he only pays for food and weed how do i tell this man to get up and fight for a real job

get rid of him what are you doing he's applied for numerous jobs but still unable to contribute to the homestead ty and ty is joining us what sorry i have to take my medication after that The last caller reminded me that I needed to take my medication. Hi, Ty. Say hi to Dulce Sloan. She's our special guest today. Hello, Dulce Sloan. How are you?

I'm good, friend. How are you? I hear you have a miscreant in your home. I got something like that. Yeah, you do. This is before we give you any advice. Okay. What do you think you need to do?

Great question, Dulce. That is a great question. That's why I'm calling into you. No, no, no, no. You're not looking for information. You're looking for confirmation. That's what you want. You have something you want to do, but you don't want to do what you have to do. So you asking Chelsea Marie Handler to tell you to do what you know you need to do and what all your friends have told you that you need to do. So Ty, what do you know you need to do? And you're just waiting for us to give you the green flag to do it what i don't want to do is the issue at hand i really like this guy and i feel like i need to help him through no no no no no he hasn't

worked in five years wait what'd he say what do you not want to do ty you can break it off you said it out loud you said it out loud now you ain't got to get yelled at by me and chelsea handling for the next three and a half minutes you already know what you need to do let's still absolutely so look you already know what needs to be done it already had had hers you know exactly what you need to do is get this raggedy man out your house now you have the confirmation from three strong women to do what you did not want to do because everybody including his mama probably told you to put him out and break up with him am i right maybe a sister what do you can i just ask you something what do you like about him dick everybody knows you keep a broke man in your

house with some dick we already know the answer to this chelsea ann but go ahead ty say it i mean you're not wrong okay well i mean you have to have higher standards than just getting dick like you have no it's more than that okay fine artist girl i can't as someone whose ministry is no more broke dick i already know what the campaign is you want to be supportive of this person because they're not doing well. But if their mother is supportive and their boyfriend is supportive, this human being has no initiative to get out on his own and do anything. I know you love this person, but you can't love somebody to your detriment. And you know, that's what happened. That's why, you know, if somebody's sister's going, please break up with this man.

He ain't shit. You know, he's not shit because he could be a perfectly good human being. And that's probably the hardest part because if he was a bad person, it would be easy to go, sir, pack up your thongs and get out of my home but that's not what it is you love them they're a good person that's great but what he is is using you and his mama so that he can stay indoors and good dick knows that they can stay indoors if they say dick and somebody with a good job down look at this art you have in your home you're doing well get your titty out this man's mouth and send him packing we already chelsea ann i have no other words how long has he been living with you kind of started off just like how lesbian couple does he just moved in like the first

month he just came in are you a lesbian no since july yeah pretty much like the same month he just started staying here one night and hasn't left okay and and the fact that he doesn't have a job is about is irksome to you correct yeah i mean he does uber and that and support no no no listen listen, I know, but listen, obviously we just, we told you what needs to happen. You, this isn't respectful to yourself. Nevermind to him. You're enabling him and he's spending his money on weed, which leads me to believe like when you don't have a job, how do you get to smoke weed? That's what the Uber's for. I haven't started selling weed from the Uber. You better to get your shit together buddy okay my mother said more than once weed is a motivation killer

yes okay you don't see you don't see a lot of very successful people who do drugs anyway because it's either going to kill you or take your motivation or take your money so this person has already showed you what their priorities are well wait wait wait no no no i spoke i spoke a ton of weed okay and that's what i'm saying but that's what i'm saying i just said it doesn't happen for everybody because you are a self-starter this person has already showed you are motivated enough you use the weed to relax you see what I'm saying you use the weed to help you but what I'm saying is I have a lot to show for my weed this guy has nothing to show because he's not being productive I know but I'm saying it in a different way I'll say so he's not this isn't a great like it would

be great if he was super productive and he was high all the time great that's that's fun but he's homeless jobless and smoking weed on your sofa like you have to look at that view from not being in the situation and realize how absurd it is yeah yeah i think i'm just holding out and hoping that he gets back into the field that he used to be in well let him go get back into the field and then he can come and you guys can revisit and he can fuck you then what's the field medical device sales so like money yeah good like very good money yes did he have like a nervous breakdown or something something like that yeah oh that's what it is because medical device sales is very commission driven it's very difficult to do and make a living at it oh yeah so you caught

a man in a bad place that's what's happening so does that change your advice don't say no he's still a bum who has to get out of his house but now we just don't understand why he's a bum and why you feel bad and you want to like take care of him and nurture him Yeah, because I was like, where is this nurturing coming from? Because a bum-ass dude is a bum-ass dude. But if you're seeing someone, okay, that makes sense. Listen, I'm all about giving people, like, room for them to grow and correct bad behavior. But this has been too long.

Five years is too long for him not to be able to get himself back together. And you're not helping him. Is he in therapy? Oh, no. He could use that money that he's using on weed for a therapist. And he would get a lot more results. Yes. Exactly.

Yeah, it's coming up on a year. I mean, since it's coming up on a year, I think that's where you have to say, like, either you're contributing to half the bills or bye. And you have to go to therapy. That's a perfectly appropriate boundary to set. Yeah, but you don't seem like you're ready to have that conversation. It's coming to that time. OK, well, you heard it here from us and we couldn't be louder about it. So let us know.

Report back when you've done something about your situation. And you should think of this as not a matter of it's a matter of respecting him as much as it is a matter of respecting yourself. Yeah, that is true. All right. Awesome. Well, I appreciate all your guys' advice. Go get that dick suck now, okay? Thanks, Ty.

He owes you that at least. Yeah, before he leaves, have him suck your dick. Well, that's daily, so that works. Okay, well, obviously. That man's earning his keep dick. Wow, Dulce really is very insightful. Dulce, you really know how to nail it down right away. You're like, I know exactly what's going on.

I feel like I'm looking for more complexity and nuance. And Dulce's like, no, he's getting his dick sucked. Dulce says, no, I got it right now. Yeah, she nailed it. Listen. Dear Dulce, coming out in July. Dear Dulce. Listen, if I know anything, it is the tactics and tricks and shenanigans of a poor man, of a broke man trying to stay indoors.

He knows what he needs to do. He's going to suck a dick and he's going to eat all your meats and cheeses while you're over here at your good job. Now we know what the campaign is. Get that man some therapy and send him to his mammy house. That's where he needed to go. Or just get some peanut butter and a dog. Chelsea. Sorry.

Sorry, you guys. That slipped out. Thanks, Ty. Okay. Oh. Is there already a dog? Yeah. Yep.

There ain't going to be no peanut butter, though. Okay. Well, no. We're not advising that. It's a good, wholesome household. All right. Well, goodbye. Take care and keep us posted.

Thanks, Ty. Thank you. Take care. Okay. We're going to take a break and we're going to be right back to wrap up with Dulce Sloan. Behind every night spent making the kids' lunches, there's a lot of suspense. Will they finally eat the veggies? Will the pesto survive the first bite?

Will the lunchbox come home empty, half full, or come home at all? And will you finish episode eight before you're done slicing the cucumbers? Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus from $94 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell. Connection is everything. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them.

I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, Shut up. Don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them.

They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments,

nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

See you between the pages. And we're back from our break. Dulce, I was very impressed. I mean, you're really good at this. Thank you. Listen, as I've always said, I don't know how to pick a good man, but I know an ancient man from 50 paces. Well, you're also very good at listening to people.

That is a very good quality. Thank you. Thank you. As someone who's been a plus size black woman my entire life, people love to tell me their problems because America loves a black woman coming to help them with their problems. But also I think it's, I would want someone to listen. If I'm writing into somebody or listen, it's, I'm always someone that people come to when they have problems and I'm not always a person that gets to go to people. so if someone is taking the time to really share what's going on with them with me i at least owe them enough to listen but then you have to realize that sometimes people want to abuse that you're like because i had a homegirl tell me one time you've been whining to me about this man for five years you ain't going nowhere i'm not listening no more and that's what made me go if my best friend won't listen to me complain about this man again because i talk about the mechanic in the book that's who i was complaining about all the time because you know

the first person you love you don't always know how to get unentangled with but it's all right now he's married to a lady who's built like a can of soup so that's fine so she sounds beautiful um gorgeous dulce's new book of essays it's called hello friends stories of dating destiny and day jobs is available now so order on amazon and what else they'll say what else do you want to promote Anything else? I have a lip gloss line with comedian Lace Larrabee called Giggle Gloss. Giggle Gloss. Yes, Giggle Gloss.

We pack all the orders at my house. I am the distribution center. Me and Lace came up with Giggle Gloss as a way to have merch to sell on the road. It was my mom's idea. And so we have six signature colors. No More Broke Dick, my ministry. Future Wife, my manifestation. And Amos Ladies, what the men used to say hollering at me.

And Lace's colors are Purse Vodka, Lafayette Majora, and I'll Show You Crazy. And so we're partnering with other comics. We partnered with Catherine Blanford for her color Horse Girl. Because selling merch on the road is hard. And keeping up with T-shirts and all that other stuff was a lot. And so me and Lace wanted to find a way to have merch for us to sell and merch for other comics to sell. And so, yeah, gigglegoss.com. You can play us a little bit.

All right, Dulce, thanks for your time. Thank you for having me. And I hope Ty can get that raggedy man out of his house. Dolce's invested. Goodbye. Thank you. Bye. Okay, so upcoming shows that I have, you guys.

Auckland, New Zealand. Wellington, New Zealand. Melbourne, Australia. Brisbane, Australia. Sydney, Australia. We've added second shows to places that have sold out the first. And then I'm going to be in Hawaii on Maui, Kahului, and Honolulu. I will be there in July.

Also in July, I'm coming to Niagara Falls on July 27th. I'm coming to Hollywood, Florida for my only show in Florida on July 28th. I'll be in Auburn, Washington on August 1st. And then Santa Rosa, California for my second show, August 2nd. August 17th is the Santa Barbara Bowl. You do not want to miss that. And then I will be all over Maine, Charlotte, North Carolina, Charleston, South Carolina. I'm coming to Texas.

I'm coming to St. Louis and Kansas City. And then I will be in Las Vegas performing at the Chelsea Theater inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel. My first three dates in Vegas are September 1st, Labor Day weekend, and then November 2nd and November 30th. I'm coming to Brooklyn, New York at the King's Theater on November 8th. And I have tickets on sale throughout the end of the year in December. So if you're in a city like Philadelphia or Bethlehem or San Diego or New Orleans or Omaha, check ChelseaHandler.com for tickets. Okay. if you'd like advice from chelsea shoot us an email at dear chelsea podcast at gmail.com and

be sure to include your phone number dear chelsea is edited and engineered by brad dickert executive producer katherine law and be sure to check out our merch at chelsea handler.com i survived nine months in captivity and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files Every week, I'm with survivors who lived through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally

important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club part group chat for anyone who thinks pride and prejudice and love island deserve the same level of discourse each week we're connecting the dots between books the internet and pop culture with your favorite writers book talk creators and plenty of overthought opinions listen to pro society on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts on the new podcast solita we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman i can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can

say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.