Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - Changing Your Frequency with Ron Funches

Episode Date: August 1, 2024

Comedian Ron Funches joins Chelsea to talk about how fatherhood changed him, overcoming negative self-talk, and how a tarot reading led him to comedy.  Then: A stay-at-home-mom struggles to put herself first.  A single mom wonders if TikTok could become an income stream. And a gamer’s nightly ritual has his girlfriend on edge. * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Bell. Connection is everything. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who lived through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello. Hello, listeners. It's Chelsea Handjob and Catherine. Hi.

How are you, Chelsea? We're sitting in my new house, actually. With a new setup. With a new setup. We're trying to make a new setup. Everything's a work in progress. here. It's true. I'm here in town. I've been here for two days. It's crazy. Was the same place for two whole days? Two whole days. Tomorrow, I'm going to Auburn, Washington to the Muckleshoot Casino to perform. And then Friday night, I have a show in Santa Rosa at the Luther Burbank Center for the Arts. There's still tickets for that show.

And then Santa Barbara Bowls, August 17th. There are still tickets for that show. And then my Vegas residency starts on September 1st. How exciting. Oh, September 1st, November 2nd, and November 30th are my first three dates. Excellent. So yeah, all my friends are trying to turn it into a big party. All best. So that's fun. My friend Karen, who runs my life, was like, they want to know if you're bringing Doug to Vegas.

I'm like, I don't really see that happening. He might be a little hot. Why would Doug want to go to Vegas? Just to urinate inside the hotel room, maybe. But he's not interested in going to Vegas. So, I mean, he's interested in me, so that's good enough. But yeah, I'm not going to put him in that heat. That would be abusive.

And everyone knows how professional I am as a dog owner. They may take drugs accidentally once in a while, but I do not abuse these dogs, okay? It's not intentional. No, nothing is intentional. Chelsea, we have a really exciting guest today. I know, he's really funny, and he has a very, very funny delivery. We've been having a lot of comedians on because it's more fun, I think. Yeah.

But we still keep it mixed up. We have a really cool doctor coming up that I'm excited about whose book I want to read. But today, our guest has a podcast called Getting Better. And he is always on a constant journey to better himself. So I love when male comics are up to that. And his TV show Loot is in its second season, which now streams on Apple TV+. So please welcome actor and stand-up Ron Funches. Okay, we're here with Mr. Funches himself.

Mr. Ron Funches is sitting right next to me in my studio, face-to-face in Sherman Oaks. Is that where we are? We are in Sherman Oaks. Are you familiar with the area? I used to live in this area. I'm very familiar with this area. Did you help build up this community? I love this community.

I love going to St. Romano's Castle Park. If you're looking for a good way to spend the day playing mini golf. Oh, are you good at mini golf? I'm getting way better. Way better than, hey, Catherine, I can hear those pages turning very loudly for some reason in my ear. It's like E-M-S-A-R. What's it called? A-M-S-R?

A-S-M-R? What is A-M-S-R? A-S-M-R? Automatic Psycho Sucky Sucky Sucky. Do you like that? A-M-S-R? A-S-M-R? No, I think it's gross.

I don't like it. Isn't it so weird what everyone's into these days? Like, when people want to hear the sound of food being chewed and certain types of food being cooked, you're like, what? Yeah. A lot of kinks. A lot of weird kinks.

Right. Who has time to come up with kinks like that? Not me. Sitting around like, what the fuck can I think about next? And it's like, oh, I want to hear eggs hitting a frying pan. I'm going to stick to butts and boobs. I'm going to go with that. How are butts and boobs working out for you?

You know. It depends on the day. Yeah, I hear what you're saying. Sometimes you're happy with them. Sometimes you're like, they're going to be the death of me. Have you been in a long-term relationship? I have. I've been married twice.

How long was each marriage? One marriage was seven years, and the other marriage was two years. Okay, so seven years and two years. And would you get married for a third time? I don't think so. I don't think so either, quite frankly. I think you might need to put a pin in it. Like, if you can't figure it out twice, don't try the third time, right?

It's embarrassing when people have more than two ex-wives. I think so. I mean, two ex-wives isn't not embarrassing. No, I'm not. If anything, it makes me feel like old school wealthy. Oh, right, right. Yeah, I can see that. That's exactly what I thought when you said that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like an oil bear. What a mellifluous sounding voice you have. Thank you. Yes, very. You should do goodnight stories like on Calm. I would like that. That meditation app?

Yeah. Do you meditate? Yes. Oh, really? When I can. I have a room for it. I don't use it. You have a whole meditation room that you don't use?

Yeah, I'm doing well. I have two XYs. Oh, yeah. Well, that meditation is paying off, right? It does. They're both meditating, I bet. Yeah. So you do meditate?

Mm-hmm. Oh, okay. I thought you were against meditation for some reason. Did you see the tassels on my shirt? Oh, I know. I thought that meant you were a rabbi. If you see these tassels, I'm going to meditate. Oh, okay.

So at any time it could happen. Yeah. Now, how did you get in touch with yourself to start meditating? Okay, like my spiritual side, where did this come from? Probably living in Oregon. I moved around Oregon a bunch. And if you do that, you're going to meet a lot of hippie women, Wiccan women, and people who do tarot and crystals.

And if you want to sleep with them, you're going to be open and listen. Yeah. Yeah, you have to be open for sure if you want to sleep with people. You can't be closed off because that doesn't work. Or maybe once. Yeah. Yeah. But I'm not, you know, I'm not the like one night stand. I'm a charmer. I get you in and then you never want to leave. It takes time, though, to get the girl to come in. Right. How long do you think it takes you to get a woman to start to understand that it's going to be better with you?

About probably two weeks, maybe three dates, four dates. If I get you on a fourth date. Yeah. You'll know. rico suave i love it very confident in your own abilities well i just know i'm a good person and self-aware yeah i'm you could do a lot worse than me yeah so that's how you got in touch with your spirituality by hanging out with those women yeah that's cool absolutely i mean um a tarot reading is why i got started in comedy i had always wanted to do it i did a tarot reading on a on a halloween party and the reader was just like you want to work in entertainment you're waiting for it to come to you. You need to put in the work. And it really like shook me. And I, you know, didn't listen for about another year, but then I did. Oh, wow. Yeah. I think that stuff, I got an

energy clearing yesterday. And when I left there, I was like, yeah, you know, some of the stuff was like, I didn't feel any sort of overwhelming feeling. Like I didn't feel like energy was being released or moving around my body. So I was disappointed on that aspect, but she had done an energy clearing in my house, my new house, and it needed one. So I thought she could do an energy clearing on me too. And I was like, I think all of that matters is that you have to believe what you're doing, right? Like in order for it to have an effect on you in a positive way, you need to believe that it's true. Yeah, I'm a big believer in the power of your thoughts. And that's why I don't really subscribe to negative self-talk. I think our minds are much more powerful than we

give them credit for and if you you can create your reality with your with your mind and so if you believe in certain things i think that they are more likely to happen for you to be true right so you don't believe in negativity right i do believe in negativity yeah i'm practicing it i don't like it you don't yeah but it's there i've seen it but you don't believe in practicing negativity like you're not into negative patterns of behavior what would you say to people because people listen to this podcast for like kind of spiritual advice and regular life advice and like an outside perspective but one of the most common things is like how to get that negative voice out of your own head not about other people about yourself yeah and what what

would you say to that how what has been your experience with your negative voice oh you just have to be very on top of it and just immediately self-correct is what i tried to do um for me it mostly comes up with eating and overeating or um doing something that i like oh i shouldn't have eaten that and i'll find myself being like oh you fat idiot and then i'll stop myself and be like that's not gonna make me feel better you're working hard you're tired you're beautiful and you're worth the effort to not have those things and you're worth the effort to go work out so that's why you need to do it not because you're a big fat dummy because you're a beautiful chubby stallion yes i love that that's so cute thank you that's great that's great advice for everybody

because you kind of have to start like a love affair with yourself truly you really have to fall in love with yourself and be like oh my god these are the best things about me and when you feel like you're at your best and you're pumping high and like the vibes are flowing you're like oh there's no better more grounded feeling than being like at your best yeah so many people i think especially ladies that I know afraid to be selfish and I think that it's always given such a negative connotation but I think taking care of yourself working out putting your whatever quality things of life that you need like for me I like getting my nails done getting my feet done and if you don't do that you don't have those selfish things for yourself you're not like

able to do more for other people and so I just believe you have to be selfish in this world And sometimes we just put a negative connotation on words that are actually good for us. Right. I agree with that. Why do you think that women are particularly have such a hard time being selfish? Because I think that's culturally just always taught to give, always taught to be a giver, always taught to be a caretaker, look out for others before yourself. Yeah. You get confused. You're like, is that a maternal instinct or is that just societal standards that have been established over millennia? because there is a maternal instinct but there has got to be a paternal instinct as well which some men seem to have and some men don't seem to have oh for sure do you have a paternal instinct oh yeah i mean i've spent most of my life being a dad i've been a dad for 20 years

so and i have a 21 year old and a two-year-old now and i my best part of my life is being a dad because it's nice to have someone who cares about the base level of what i do they care more about making sure i take care of him that i spend time with him that i push him on the swing he doesn't care about like specials or shows that I'm on or things like that. I think that having that base level of love and also responsibility has been a big balance for me. And I appreciate that. And did it come naturally to you being paternal? Was that a natural instinct of yours when you had both of your children? I don't know if I would call it natural. I just think it was out of necessity, especially

with my older son I had him so young and it just kind of shifted before I met him I was just kind of taking gravity bong hits and laying on floors and not having any type of focus and just cruising him through life and he gave me focus and then eventually I had to get sole custody of him when he was an early teenager and that I don't think was as natural where I had to kind of freak out and figure out how I was going to balance both trying to I mean at that time I just started getting in acting roles and stuff and figuring out how i was going to do that and have him full time and enroll him in school out here in la and stuff was very um difficult but i got a lot of help from my mom and people wow yeah that's tough stuff because you're doing like you're parenting for

two people yeah yeah it is and it's always fun because i think it's one of the most unassumed things when it comes to male parenting whenever people know i have kids they're always like well where where is your older son like he's at home with me because he lives with me and i get it's not the normal but it always seems so dismissive when they're like just when you are like oh no i'm gonna love being a dad and they just assume that means that i see my son every two weeks or something uh-huh interesting yeah and so what was your first big like what do you remember your first big break in comedy being uh conan o'brien show just being on conan grew up watching conan and loving his show and just did my first set on that

and hearing him laugh, hearing Andy laugh. It was the first time I was like, oh, this is like my career. I could do this for a career. It's a pretty awesome career. Yeah, I love it. Well, stand-up alone, like if you can make a living doing stand-up, it's amazing. Yeah, I like it.

I don't like the club stuff so far. I'm currently just because of getting my two sons. but so I'm trying to hopefully get into doing less work for more money oh yeah who the fuck is it I want to do less work for more money I feel like I'm doing more work for less money it's how it seems to be going what's going on I don't know I don't like it I'm hustling yeah me too it's a lot of hustle yeah it doesn't really seem there's no end in sight no you would Do you feel like you're headed towards something? I thought I'd be retired when I turned 40.

I'm 49 and I'm now hustling as much as I ever was. Wow. Yeah. You just made me sad because I was like, you're not retired. So there's no hope for me. Apparently, if you had a big old show, Iconic, and now you're still working. I guess I gotta just give up that. Yeah, I know.

I want to just sit on a boat and let my skin fry. Yes. Yes, that's what I'm interested in doing with just a bunch of with my dog and some maybe a couple of other people. OK, I know we're going to take a break and we'll be right back with Ron Funches. Behind every night spent making the kids lunches, there is a lot of suspense. Will they finally eat the veggies? Will the pesto survive the first bite? Will the lunchbox come home empty, half full or come home at all? And will you finish episode eight before you're done slicing the cucumbers?

Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus from $94 a month, price guaranteed for two years on Internet with a two-year term and auto-pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell. Connection is everything. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them.

I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced.

But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters,

pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table it's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters and that is a trojan horse whether you're looking for literary deep dives smart pop culture conversations or a community of readers who love to think a little too much you're in the right

place listen to pro society on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts See you between the pages. Do you have what it takes to go through a therapy session with Chelsea? We're looking for duos who would like to join us for mini-sodes. That could be you and a friend, your spouse, a co-worker, a family member, even your ex. We're looking for duos who have real and occasionally lighthearted issues that they need to work out in a therapy session with Dr. Handler. Additionally, this week, write in if you have questions about fitness. It could be something specific you're dealing with in your fitness routine, how to maintain your motivation or get started with a new routine, or questions you have on a deeper level about your physical health and fitness.

Write in to DearChelseaPodcast at gmail.com. And we're back with Ron Funches. Oh, quick break. Yeah, that was a real quick break. Ready to take some questions? We are ready to take some questions. Ron, do you remember meeting me? I mean, I felt like it was just on your show was the first time I met you.

Oh, on Chelsea Lately? Yeah. Oh, OK, because I don't remember us meeting. So I was going to ask you. I just know you and I don't know how we met. No, I don't. I mean, I could. I know that because I see you sometimes around and you look at me like you've never seen me in your life. Yeah. I saw you at the Netflix brunch and you came out of the car with Sarah Silverman. And then I hugged Sarah and then you turned and you looked at me and then you just turned and walked away. That sounds about right. It was right. It was highly accurate. it that's how i say hello and goodbye speaking of making more money while doing less that should be

the name of this episode our first question comes from sarah looking for a swift kick in the ass and i figured you were just the bitch to do it after 20 years together i recently discovered my husband has had a snapchat girlfriend for 20 months 20 months 20 months like a toddler i love affairs I just love to hear about him. Come on in. Get in the frame. I'm listening. I'm on board.

He communicated with her daily via text or snap, and although I asked him about it often, many red flags were present, I just found out. Emotionally, it's nice to finally get the truth, and we are moving toward a divorce. Financially, though, I'm freaking out. I'm not afraid to sacrifice or work hard. I just need some decent financial advice. I'm so annoyed with getting myself into this situation in the first place. I have a great lawyer, and I know I'll get child support and a portion of his retirement.

I just want to get my power back by earning more money. I'll be a third grade teacher next year and will be increasing my salary, but I want to be more financially independent. Do any of those TikTok trends work? I'm looking to make good money as I don't get paid in the summer. Jesus. Oh, my God. I have three daughters that are watching. It's important I get this right. Sarah.

Fuck. Oh, wow. It sounds like she wants to go on OnlyFans and is looking for someone to give her the permission. Yeah, which I don't recommend. I feel like the bottom has fallen out on the OnlyFans economy. If anything, I think she wants to be just a true independent high-end escort that you can make good money away from your home while having fun. Fun is for funches.

It's the root word of funches is fun. Okay. Also, I would just invest some of her money. You know, I'm going through the same thing, going through my divorce, and I've tried to just hustle and work hard and make as much money as possible. And then also, since I work in our business, I'm investing in AI and things that are trying to kill our business to hedge my bets. Oh, that's smart. I think so.

I know. I should be better about investing. I'm just going to bite me in the ass. I'm going to get somebody to help me. Yeah, you're going through a very difficult divorce. You talk about it a lot on your podcast, right? So are you allowed to talk about a divorce while it's happening? Currently, yeah, until they tell me otherwise.

And as long as I say things that I have text, I can back up. What is the problem? Just acrimonious divorce? It just, you sometimes, you know, you were like, okay, I love this person. I'm jumping in. And then you were like, oh, wait a minute. Not what I thought this was. And we got to just fully men in black, neuralyzer, this whole thing,

and act like I never met you in my life. Oh, that's rough. Yeah. Yeah, that sounds like it will be a long legal issue, especially if you continue talking about it. Probably. There's got to be some rule about not talking about current legal cases. Or no, maybe not until they tell you to stop. They have to give you a gag order, I guess.

Trust me, it's going to go long no matter what I say. Yeah, yeah, right. So I'm sorry to hear that. You seem to be in good spirits, though. You don't let those things really get you down, do you? On occasion, I do. yeah i fight a depression off of it from it for sure it feels weird to i was talking about this recently with andy richter i think for everyone you have this thing you build up like okay i know

what my next day is going to be like i know what my next month is going to be like and for me i was like oh hopefully i know what my next 15 to 15 years is going to look like and i'm going to come home and see my son and my wife and i'm going to go out and do shows and be a fun dad and then you come home and you realize like oh this is not sustainable or possible to maintain and it's um you know it's like a death so it's been very difficult and then you throw in being like oh did i even maybe i was an idiot and i didn't do enough research on this person and just believe the words that they said instead of like i guess but it feels weird to be like maybe i need to google everybody before you talk to them i don't know does google tell you that these people are

like their personalities aren't going to mesh with yours. Not really. That's actually what AI is going to hopefully be good for. It can be a bigger, a better predictor of the future, you know, based on past events, because that's what we're really missing. We need to know, be able to tell the future. That's what we're missing in society. And that would calm a lot of people down or rile a lot of people up. Yeah. An even split, I would say. Would you want to know what's about to happen? Would you want to know that? I mean, I guess that's why I do tarot readings. So sure. Yeah. But you want a hint, you know what I mean? That's more of like not foreboding, but that's like a carrot, you know, like a little carrot stick saying like, oh, good things could be coming down the pike.

It's not definite, but it's a possibility. Yeah, but it also tells you bad things are coming. Does it? I never get anything bad. They never tell me anything bad. Well, I don't know if you're using a good person. Maybe I just don't have any bad vibes. I know the person that you use gave very bad news to one of my friends. Okay. He told her she's going to break both of her ankles during her lifetime.

That's a really nice. Oh, during her lifetime? I know. At the same time. That's too long to know. It's too long. It's too long. Yeah.

So she feels like she can't do anything fun or risky. I'm like, I would do everything fun and risky. I would do it and go get it over with. Yeah. Go break those ankles right away. And then like, yeah. So get it. Yeah.

Then she breaks her wrist and she's like, oh, shit. I'm still got this. But so for Sarah, I feel like, you know, she said she doesn't work during the summers because she's a teacher. I feel like the obvious answer is go get a summer job. But Ron, I wonder if you have some wisdom around like balancing spending some of that time with her kids versus making a little extra cash during the summer if she like goes and gets a job. What should she prioritize? Well, I think you got to, first of all, slow down and then realize what you're going to get accurately from your lawyers, you know, So you can plan a little bit financially knowing what you're going to get.

And then I think especially I don't know how old those kids are, but they sound at least that they would be able to know what's going on. So I think they certainly would need some time together and maybe a little bit more of a focus on them as opposed to there's more ways to take care of your kids besides just making sure that they have everything that they need financially. You also need to be there for them mentally and make sure that they know through this transition that they're taken care of and that they're the priorities for both of you. So, yeah, I mean, the same thing. I would say that like this is kind of a sensitive time in your life that you want to be there for your kids in a transitional period. So while you are excited about making more money, like just hold on a second, slow down, like Ron said, you know, and make sure your kids are OK. And then once you know that they are and that they feel safe and secure, then you can go off and get another job. But how I think she was asking what that job is going to be.

Yeah, I feel like waiting tables is a good way to like she can work a couple of days a week and like make some bank. Just go wait tables at like the most expensive restaurant you can find in your town. Also, I feel like we got we got we nobody even taking any time for actual grief here. and that's one thing that i know i fell into that trap because i was the same thing i'm like oh i'm not gonna get my standard of living lowered i'm gonna work and work and fill these things up and then that grief hits you like a ton of bricks and you're in a hotel eating two foot long subway sandwiches crying and you can you don't want to be there i mean it's not it's fun now that i said it it kind of sounds delicious yeah it doesn't sound too bad but be you know you're not a robot so you

gotta have some time for yourself as well and be okay with the grief process yeah so okay good luck well tell her to fill us in with whatever happened whatever does happen i want to know we'd like an update i love updates because you know when people it's nice when people write back in and say they did whatever we told them to do or they do whatever. It's so nice when people change their lives. I love, yeah, I love that. People get stuck, don't you think?

Yeah, my podcast, we do that a lot. People were like, oh, I started therapy or got out of a toxic relationship or a guy told me he didn't kill himself. And I was like, that's nice. Yeah. Changing lives. We had one of those where, you know,

Chelsea Reckman's gratitude journaling a lot and this person was like, I was at my lowest. Things were really terrible. And I like started gratitude journaling that weekend and it basically saved me. Oh, I've been doing it. Yeah. Before bed and in the morning when I stress out wondering about my own stuff, I just be like, wait, what am I thankful for?

What am I grateful for? Do these five things. And then it calms me down. It works. Do you write the full sentence? I am grateful for a grapefruit. Or do you write, like, make a list? I'm a list guy.

Okay. I'm going to start doing the list because I am grateful writing it 50 times in the morning is fucking annoying. Yeah. I want to write it once and then write everything, get excited about what I'm grateful for. But it does change your frequency for sure, gratitude journaling, which is a sentence I never thought would come out of my mouth. What's next, Catherine?

Our next question comes from Sam. Sam J? Not Sam J, although we're going to be seeing Sam J soon. Oh, good. Sam says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a 26-year-old man, gay, but I realize that's a given since I'm writing into the fucking Chelsea Handler podcast. My boyfriend, 32, and I have been together over a year now, and for about the first seven months, our sex life was everything. We had great physical chemistry, had similar sex drives, mine was probably more, and we

couldn't get enough of each other. I understand that sex lives can fade over time naturally, but I don't think that's the case here. I recently started a new anxiety medication that has been a total life changer, except for the fact that I have no sex drive. Sex feels like a burden recently. I barely want to engage at all. Obviously, this is impacting my boyfriend. His sex drive has remained the same, and now I'm leaving him completely unsatisfied. Is my sex life doomed simply because I needed to get my anxiety under control? Is my boyfriend going to end up resenting me? Should I just suck it up and have sex more often? My doctor thinks I should stay on the medication for now, so I'm just unsure how to save this

relationship. Thanks, Sam. Ooh, Sam's got a cocktail. She's a margarita during the day. I was like, is that a margarita? It fucking sure looks like one. Yeah, yeah. It's during the work day too for me. Hi, Sam. This is our special guest, Ron Funches, today.

So say hello to Ron. Hi, it's so nice to meet you guys. Sorry to hear about your most recent sex drive diminishment. Yeah, yep. Isn't there anything you can take to offset the medication that you're taking for your sex drive? like a testosterone type of something or other? Yeah, I haven't looked into testosterone. I guess the other thing is like I I also have ADHD, so I feel like I'm like like popping pills every day, like so many pills a day that it's kind of like at what point do I you know, how many is too much?

That's kind of the dilemma I have. But I guess testosterone would be would be fine and something that I could look into. Yeah, I would say so. Unless you what's the deal with your boyfriend and you are you able to like you're not having as much sex yeah it was dwindling already because just like long-term relationships to like three times a week but now it's like once a month and it's it's because of me like i i just am always kind of pushing him off and he get like it's not like i haven't told him why and and i'm very transparent he's been great but it's just kind of like i know this is an important part of relationships so i i've been eager to to fix it But also I just got some bad anxiety under control.

So it's not really like I want to switch the medication. I see. OK, so are you in love with your boyfriend? Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. I would ask about then some testosterone because it's it's totally cool for somebody to have to like acclimate and go into a new medication and the partner to have to be compassionate

and understanding about that. But I would be working towards a goal where you're going to be having sex more than once a month because you're talking about two gay men. and that's not sustainable right so somebody's gonna have to get fucked sooner than later yeah yeah agreed don't you think right yeah somebody gotta get fucked for sure but also um how what is your partner's actual thoughts about this ben have you guys communicated about this a lot yeah we've communicated about it a ton i mean he's been really patient uh it's frustrating i think it's frustrating for both of us it's frustrating for him because he is not on

medication so he's extremely horny and i am on i am previously horny so i get it but i'm also just like not in the mood and it's been frustrating because i i feel bad i feel like i'm just like constantly pushing him off and i don't want him to like gain resentment from that well yeah exactly i think anyone would gain resentment from constant rejection from your partner because that's how it comes across at some point whether he can get you know it'll come through as that so yeah find out about the testosterone, I'm sure you're not the only person, you know, there's not enough, gay men are not going to settle with not being able to have sex. Like that's not going to stand. There's got to be a medicine out there that will help you, you know, that will cooperate with

whatever antidepressants you're on or anti-anxiety meds and your ADHD meds. And, and you'll figure out a way, but definitely work towards that goal so that you can, you know, get back on track. I just wonder about in the meantime, is there other forms of intimacy that you can practice or surprises that you can give or ways to know to offset that rejection to make them know that your partner know although you know i mean you're verbally saying it's not you and they and they know right to still foster a thing of intimacy you know to other love languages so that they're just still this while you're working through it that that love is still being shown oh yeah yeah for sure i i have been i mean we're super cuddly we've been doing all the the romantic things i'm trying

to pick up more around the apartment so just little things like that and um is that romantic uh to him not to me i i learned that the hard way he was getting resentful for that what's going on here he's like you don't do the dishes i'm like okay let me pick up well you could tell that the love is there for sure so i and i know that the anxiety is the big reason for all of this so i think most of all don't don't stress yourself out about this This is a temporary problem and that can be a big part of your love story if you guys working through this. Yeah, no, it's a good point. And testosterone. That's a that's also another good point. I don't really know if that's just like that's what they gave you to make you hornier.

Testosterone. I've been prescribed that before. It's basically for muscle mass and sex drive testosterone. Well, that'll be great for my muscle mass and hopefully some extra chest hair. Yeah, exactly. All right. Well, you can get a prescription for that. Okay. Thank you. I'm not a real doctor, even though I want to be. Yeah. I'll tell my doctor you said that. Yeah. Tell your doctor I say hello. Okay. I will. That sounds great. Thank you guys so much. Take care. Thanks, Sam. Bye. Thank you. I love how sensitive you are.

Thank you. You have a nice sensibility about you. You know, you have a lot of qualities and characteristics that I find so attractive in gay men. Oh, thank you. You know, like you like to listen. I find gay men to be very good listeners. Yeah, I could see that. Sometimes very mean. They could be catty, very bitchy. Bitchy, bitchy, bitchy.

You're not bitchy, though. You don't have that. No. Or do you? Are you bitch on the side? No, I don't think so. I don't think so. Yeah.

No, I don't think so. Very chill. Yeah, it wouldn't go well with that voice. Yeah. Bitchiness. What's next, Catherine? Well, next we have an email. This email comes from Ashley, and this is kind of about gaming.

Gaming? Who the fuck knows about gaming? Do you game? I game every day. Oh, okay. Great. Perfect. I'm like, great.

You can feel this. Happy to. So Ashley is 31, and she says, Dear Chelsea, my boyfriend is in his early 40s. He loves Japanese culture and is devoted to a video game where you play as Japanese high school girls who fight. I'm kind of creeped out by the fact that they're high schoolers dressed in a sexy schoolgirl uniform, even if they're just cartoons. He says it's just a game, but I feel like there's a provocative nature to the design of the characters. He spends money on the game, too. Not a ton, but it's a good chunk of change for us.

It just feels childish to be playing video games at all at his age, but I can get over it because it's his hobby. Am I overreacting about this teenage fantasy, or is a game just a game? Ashley. Oh, it's right in the middle for this one, for sure. There's a lot to unpack. There's a fair amount to unpack. I'll start globally. if he's a 41 playing games that's a okay that's me he's grew up in the 80 during the gaming time

people who are always like oh real men don't play games it's like yeah because you're 50 and 60 they didn't have games so you would not have been able to play but now we're the people who grew up with those games and it's not a thing that you just like put away do i feel like perhaps his tastes in games should be a little different probably probably a little bit bold to feel that you could play that game in front of your wife and not have any issues so i would just be like maybe he needs to play that game while she's in bed or asleep or play a different game that doesn't have uh japanese school girls there's plenty of great fighting games that do i can't actually think of the one that does so to me it is very sexual yeah i mean on the one hand it's

sort of like they're cartoon characters i don't know but at the same time it's a little it's a little on the creepy edge as soon as i hear about gaming my mind shuts off i just can't even hear anything about it i don't care i can't answer the question obviously that was for ron i'm happy to hell i'm glad that you're here for this because i don't fucking know what to do about that i don't care i don't think i could date a man that played video games wow i during you just talking to me about being open i don't think i could i really don't because when are they playing them like every night yeah nighttime sarah plays a lot of video games yeah you play with her call of duty yeah i play

Yes. I play games all the time. And still, we'll fucking make you cum so hard. Should we move on to our next caller? Yes. I just climaxed. Mallory says, Dear Chelsea, Hi, I'm writing to you on how to get my shit together. I'm currently a married 39-year-old mom of three, so naturally I'm coming to you for advice. I have two biological children that are seven and five, and my husband and I just finished the adoption process for our first foster child, a two-year-old. That process alone took a lot out of us. I love being a mom, and although it has never come naturally to me, I truly feel proud

of myself so far for doing a decent job raising them. In the process, however, I feel like I've lost myself a little bit. I suffer from anxiety and finally took care of it a year and a half ago by starting therapy, followed by an anti-anxiety medicine that truly changed my life in such a positive way. A lot of medicine on the show today. A lot of medicine. Yeah, yeah. But one thing I have completely lost motivation for is to exercise, take care of myself, eat well, and just fucking relax. Chelsea, I know you work out religiously, have a bang and bod because of it, and I figure you have got your life, routines, and rituals totally together. I plan to work out. I mean well. Then when that blissful two-hour nap time comes around, I find myself bone-ass tired and

end up scrolling on the couch or doing household chores I've put off instead. I'm a procrastinator to the extreme. I want to end my 30s in the best shape of my life, but how do I get started? How do I put my mental exhaustion aside and focus on me when I want to take a big old nap instead? How can I change my mentality? And FYI, the one ritual I do every evening when my husband gets home is taking a long hot shower, smoking a joint, and listening to the Dear Chelsea podcast before bedtime. Heaven. Mallory, and she's joining us here. Hi, Mallory. Hi, I'm so happy to be here. This is so exciting. I love you guys. This is our special guest who's going to make you come, Ron Funches. Great. That sounds wonderful. He just made both of us come. So actually,

I can't speak for Catherine. That's not professional. What a nice morning. I'm so sorry. Workplace, Chelsea. Okay, so you want to get in shape. That's basically what you're saying. You want to just get your shit together.

Well, get your fucking shit together then. I know. I don't know what my problem is. I have no motivation. And then when I have time, I just want to take a nap. I'm tired. Well, yeah, welcome to the rest of the fucking... This guy's playing video games every time he wants to take a nap.

Or do you take a nap and play video games? I nap almost every day. sounds like it with your video game schedule you have 20 minutes to set aside start with 20 minutes a day and fucking do some stupid peloton class or some aerobics class what are you into like pilates yoga yoga and i really would like to get stronger so i wanted to die i have i have everything i need i do have time like there's times when my kids are napping i have a lot of kids but we'll stop having kids also and i just don't know what my problem is and even my husband is so sweet and he's always like, I'll watch the kids. I'll be like, well, I'm not feeling that

good. Or like, I need to eat or like, I need to sleep. I don't know what my problem is. Is there a secret? No, there isn't a secret. You just have to fucking get over yourself and do it. There's no secret. You have to say to yourself, I'm stronger than my emotions and I'm going to work out for 20 minutes today. And the more you work out after you do it for three days, you're going to want to do it on day number four and day number five. You're going to want to start getting stronger and feeling better about yourself because it's going to give you energy. You're not going to is tired during the day, as long as you exercise for 20 minutes and don't take it out of your nap time, get up 20 minutes earlier, or you can take a nap after you work out for 20 minutes. You're

not going to want to take a nap after you work out for 20 minutes. You're right. That's so true. I just need someone to kick my butt into doing it. And that's you. Yeah. Okay. That's okay. Obviously now we're done already. This is already problem solved. This is amazing. Wow. This is the quickest remedy ever. Thank you for this opportunity. I feel like I was very in this position and for me it just took like if you can afford it like getting a trainer I go early in the morning which I never thought I was going to be a morning person working out but like we only do strength I do my cardio elsewhere but it's like 30 minutes it's like the laziest possible thing 30 minutes I started with twice a week I do three times a week now and it's like if I didn't

have that other person waiting for me and knowing I was going to like burn you know however much money on that trainer that session I would never go I just will never know that's a really good idea yeah that's a really good point i don't like disappointing people so that's a good that's perfect that's what i would recommend a hundred percent especially if you got the husband who wants to watch the kids while you go out take advantage and go do a class you're right that's going to be good for the whole family you're going to be in a much better yeah such a nicer person when i get exercise so you're right it will be good for everybody okay goodbye bye thank you i love you guys okay bye that sounded like she really wanted to talk to me yeah you i like how

you got annoyed by it i was like excuse me this isn't a problem yeah and you're also like you're you seem pretty fit i was gonna say i was gonna say get up and show us your body but then i was like i can't i don't think i could say that because she looked great yeah i'm like let's see what condition your body's in yeah she looked fine she's gonna tone up good husband's gonna be happy it's gonna be good time exactly and I think she won't get as tired as well like in the late afternoon if she does that in the morning but let's take a quick break and we'll come back to wrap up but I would love for Ron for you to tell us a little bit about your like jiu-jitsu journey that you have been on and how that's helped your mental health and physical health and all that

nice absolutely okay we'll take a break and we'll be right back the jonas brothers are running it back we live the burning up tour and celebrate the biggest jonas brother hits that have defined a generation one incredible celebration one unforgettable night see the jonas brothers live at rbc amphitheater september 28th get tickets now at ticketmaster.ca Jonas Brothers, the Burn It Up Tour, all over again. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files.

I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, Shut up. Don't say anything. every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable i knew if he woke up without a doubt he was going to hurt me i started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed and i just started screaming they are abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced but these aren't stories about what's taken from them they're stories about what it takes to make it out alive Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home.

This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse.

Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. And we're back with Ron Funches. Hi.

Hi. I read that. You speak jujitsu? You landed that plane very well. Thank you. i do speak jujitsu yes i've been taking jujitsu for about 16 months or so once i another separation divorce a spurred thing where i wanted to take control of my health and also had some anger issues and was like i should be i need to be able to choke someone in a positive area

and so then i started it and felt very scared and just drug myself every day and just sweated a bunch and did not know what i was doing at all but now i love it it's so spiritual it's so fun i added pilates this year i just try to add a new thing every year to my health goals and that's and so who got you into jiu-jitsu freddie prince jr got me in the jiu-jitsu oh i think he lives behind me freddie prince and sarah michelle geller i keep hearing about them in my neighborhood but i don't see them so he got you into jiu-jitsu yeah because everybody else i knew did jiu-jitsu were like super like type of dudes and comedians that i was like all right whatever i don't want to like get into ufc yeah yeah although joe's actually he was a big part of the school that i go to they

love him there so uh he's done a lot for for that school but i never had heard the spiritual aspects of it or the parts about just building confidence and and now um i i love that like i'll never plan to compete or get into a cage but i like i like going two three times a week yeah well i'm glad that doesn't conflict with your gaming schedule no it makes me a full-rounded person i can beat you in mortal combat and if you get mad at me i'll put you in an arm bar or choke the shit out of you what other spiritual components of jujitsu are there oh so many i mean one just lessons that i learned from talking to my professor like one time he had me in this hole and he was like there's two ways you can get out of this is like you can disengage or you have to go through me and you're

going to get probably some rug burn you're going to get your ear scuffed up but you're going to make it through and again while i'm going through all this stuff it's just nice to have someone be like well the only way you lose is if you stop moving and like as long as you keep moving as long as you you might get a little rug burn you might get your cheek scraped up but you're going to get out of this and those are the type of things that i need to hear and make me feel good And so it's just a lot of stuff just about balance, about movement, about not about some of our human natural human reactions to stress or to fear only cause us more harm and to be able to stay calm, lean into things, just go through things. And, you know, again, I need that. It must be easy to do as or when especially when you have children, it must be you have more motivation to really have your act together in terms of reactive behavior and reacting to different situations.

Right. Because there's such a sense of responsibility to demonstrate how to handle those kinds of situations. Yeah. And just my overall health with having sons 20 years apart. I'm like, I want to be an active dad for both my kids. And so I have to be, you know, I'm going to need to be in shape when I'm 50. I'm going to need to be in shape when I'm 60. So I have to start now. Can't, you know, just turn it on. Well, plus it's hard because you're busy making so many women come all the time.

So it's like one right now. Just one. Just me. Yeah. Just dear Chelsea. Power couple. Thank you, Ron Funches. What a delightful early afternoon soiree.

I enjoyed it. It was really fun. An interlude. Yeah. Yes. Yes, thank you for being here. I have to change my underwear now. All the gaming talk.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like soaker. Okay, so upcoming shows that I have, you guys, I'll be in Auburn, Washington on August 1st, and then Santa Rosa, California for my second show, August 2nd. August 17th is the Santa Barbara Bowl. You do not want to miss that. And then I will be all over Maine, Charlotte, North Carolina,

Charleston, South Carolina. I'm coming to Texas. I'm coming to St. Louis and Kansas City. And then I will be in Las Vegas performing at the Chelsea Theater inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel. My first three dates in Vegas are September 1st, Labor Day weekend,

and then November 2nd and November 30th. I'm coming to Brooklyn, New York at the King's Theater on November 8th. And I have tickets on sale throughout the end of the year in December. so if you're in a city like philadelphia or bethlehem or san diego or new orleans or omaha check chelsea handler.com for tickets okay if you'd like advice from chelsea shoot us an email at dear chelsea podcast at gmail.com and be sure to include your phone number dear

chelsea is edited and engineered by brad dickert executive producer katherine law and be sure to check out our merch at chelsea handler.com i survived nine months in captivity and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced these are stories about what it takes to make it out alive listen to the survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman.

I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page

are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture

with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.