Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - Comics Dating Comics with Taylor Tomlinson

Episode Date: January 20, 2022

Taylor Tomlinson joins Chelsea to talk about what it’s like to date another comedian, how it felt to grow up in a deeply religious family, the backhanded compliments some people give women in comedy. Then: A lawyer is hurt when her best friend drags her boyfriend for his lack of career ambition.  Student loans get the best of a 29-year-old in the midst of a quarter-life crisis.  And a mom wonders how to smooth things over after her daughter overhears her entertaining a gentleman caller. *Executive Producer Nick StumpfProduced by Catherine LawEdited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert*****The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.   Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human. Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus from $94 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell. Connection is everything. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable,

abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home.

Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the Internet and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators and plenty of overthought opinions. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Did you hear the new episode of the Hey Jonas podcast? We are at D23, so we'll see who stops by. The cast of Frozen stopped by. Kristen Bell, Josh Gad, and Idina Menzel.

I auditioned for Frozen. What? For Kristoff. They said, okay, what are you going to be singing today? I said, I don't know. That must have been why you didn't get in. Well, you probably won. Plus, John Stamos, Hayden Christensen from Star Wars, and more.

And I guess I can share that, uh... No way. Listen to the latest episode of Hey Jonas on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first.

I'm on a mission to reclaim the word Solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. because my girlfriend Wendy Grillo is in it and everyone in Whistler watches the show Yellowstone so I am on season two or three and I think there's four are you liking it very very soap operatic a lot of soap opera stuff is happening on that show okay and I'm down with it awesome I know I've been thinking about watching it my parents really like it but like my dad's really into western stuff anyway I mean I like western stuff too but yeah everyone is talking about I'm not as into western stuff like my friends here was like i just love the landscape i'm like really

it just seems like so fucking boring living on a ranch and what just drinking i mean i the drinking part obviously i could get down with but the cattle and then the horse breaking horses i'm just like oh but speaking of breaking horses joe is impossibly bringing burton bernice back for a 10-day sabbatical up here in whistler because last year i had them the whole season and they were not down with it. They did not like being stuck in like a house without access to the outdoors. They're used to their luxurious, leisurely lifestyle in Los Angeles. And so we're thinking about bringing them up for like 10 days just so I could see them and maybe give them a second shot at snow. I feel like with Joe's co-parenting, I could really hit it out of the

park because he's been really helpful like with the laundry, with the cleaning. I don't know what I did last year but he's and if I had to take the dogs for a walk he would definitely be really helpful in that department too so I just feel like I'm a two I'm a member of a two-person team now instead of a one-person team isn't that lovely oh that's just great and Bert has already started calling him dad I was gonna say you guys aren't married but like he's your house spouse he's like the guy yeah and he's much better at things like domestic stuff than I am so it really works although I did make him I make him scrambled eggs a lot in the morning and that's the one thing I can hit out of the park but every time I make them he's like I can't believe it you can do

something and I'm like stop it you know I can make a scrambled eggs well hold on a second what are you looking for honey go for it oh you don't have it I'd like to go on the record and say that Joe is the only person that would look for his passport 20 minutes before he's leaving for something. If I was leaving, I would have my passport the night before. Well, somebody would have it. Let's be honest. I wouldn't find it. But I mean, he is unbelievable. He probably doesn't even know he's going to the airport in 20 minutes. Do you know you're going to the airport, honey? And where are you going when you get to the airport? Sorry. Yeah, I feel like I'm desperately more powerful as part of a couple than I am by myself in the parenting department,

the domesticity and parenting department. That's great. And it'll be just nice to have the dogs there. And Chelsea, I actually have an update. A few weeks ago, we had an email from someone whose child had kissed their friend without consent, and it created a huge rift between her and her best friend, the mom and her best friend, and between the children as well. But a dad wrote in who has had similar experience. And he says, Dear Chelsea, I just listened to your episode where you gave advice to the mom with the son who was sexually inappropriate with one of his friends. As a parent with a child with behavioral issues, there is help out there. The mom should find a therapist that specializes in family therapy and problem sexual behavior. Even though the young boy

has committed the offense, her whole family is affected and needs help not only working on the specifics of consent, but also with helping to set boundaries and finding what the underlying issues are that led to this situation. We used some great workbooks specifically geared toward children. A quick Google or Amazon search on consent for kids shows quite a few resources. I would suggest the therapist has some go-to tools as well. Additionally, many therapists also use something called restorative justice, which could include writing an apology letter to the victim. This may help the mom with mending her relationship with her friend if she shares and includes her in the plan and the outcome of therapy.

Lastly, the mom may be concerned about what this means for her son as he develops into a teen and adult. There was a study done in 2012 by the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Abusers that found that adolescents who offended once and found treatment were highly unlikely to repeat their offense. It's just so important for her to get professional help for her son and her family so this doesn't become a repeat behavior. Hope this is helpful. Don.

Oh, wow. Well, that's good to know. That's a good resource. Thank you, Dawn, for writing in. And thanks. Yeah. Thanks for paying attention. I would never want to be.

I mean, that must be so hard to be a mother that has to deal with that. And when it's your own child doing that, you know. And I'm sure you just feel from Dawn that he felt that isolating situation when he went through it and wanted to reach out. So I just wanted to share that with everybody. Oh, well, thank you for sharing. Should we introduce our guest for today? So our guest today is another stand-up comedian.

in. You may know her from her Netflix special, which is called Quarter Life Crisis. Her name is Taylor Tomlinson. She has an Instagram series called New Couple Gets Quarantined with her boyfriend, Sam Burrell. And she also has a podcast called Sad in the City and a new Netflix special that is coming out soon. So please welcome Taylor Tomlinson. Hi, Taylor. Hello. It's nice to finally meet you. Nice to meet you. Thank you for having me. I know. I can't believe we've never met. We have met so briefly when I was much younger that you would not remember for any reason. As my boyfriend, Joe Coy, likes to remind me, I don't have a memory past six weeks or six months, depending on the topic and the person. So I wouldn't remember anyway. But it's nice to see

you. I know you. And I loved your special Quarter Life Crisis on Netflix. I loved that special. and I've been loving your series with your boyfriend, Sam Morrill about, am I saying that right? Morrill? Morrill? Morrills. I'm just going to call him Sam Morrills. Sam Morrill, yeah. Which is called New Couple Gets Quarantined. So you were in a new relationship, I know, during quarantine, which has now gone on for, I don't know, almost two years? Yeah, that was a little web series we did during lockdown. That kept us busy during those first few months of terror for sure because we're both workaholics so we couldn't just stop and go oh look a break right well that's probably what a lot of couples should have done is just started

recording themselves right so that there was an eyewitness account to everyone's behavior i think it's a really solid idea it is it really is uh and i mean we did a podcast too during that time i saw you had rosebud baker on and she and her husband andy haynes started one and they're still doing it and i was like man we crapped out as soon as the world opened back up again we were like that was just a coping mechanism for us they've really they've really built something blasting yeah they've really sunken into it because also i think her husband just got covid right and so she had to quarantine with him again oh wow yeah yeah so they're just they just keep quarantining and quarantine and with every new variant they have another they have another 10 days together

yeah we we have not gotten covid that we know of i guess did you get covid i have not gotten covid yet no isn't that crazy are you surprised we're like we don't know how we haven't gotten it at this point normally i would consider myself to be some sort of super spreader so i am very surprised by the fact that i haven't caught it or given it to several people because especially in the beginning and now i've lost interest in even trying to protect myself you know what I mean? Like, I just want to get it and get it over with so that I have some higher level of immunity. But I got to, I'm in Whistler, Canada right now. And I got here and my girlfriend was just recuperating from COVID. And I was like, you know what? I'm coming

over. I don't care. She's like, she goes, I might still be infectious. And I was like, okay, I have a test kit. We'll, we'll test you. And we get over there and Joe tests her and he looks at me, he goes, Chelsea, she's positive. You're like, I know, lick my face. I know. I'm like, who cares and we're in her garage I'm like I'm triple vax I've got my booster I'm like whatever let's just get it already and we're in her garage and so we're all you know she's wearing a mask we're standing like far apart the door is open it was so stupid and then finally I was like it's cold you know because it's snowy and everything and she put on a space heater and then she shut the garage door and shows like hey this is getting a little bit much like now we're just trying it's

just like a culture swab of us all trying to get sick but we still didn't get it so i don't know if there's blood types that are not getting it like i think you know oh blood type doesn't isn't as susceptible yeah that's what they've said i think that's the only thing that i've been like is that a thing because i think i'm oh yeah i think most people are oh so i that doesn't really add up either but who fucking cares i normally i'm i consider myself to be some sort of medical doctor so I should have more information on these things but I've my passion for COVID has lapsed I don't I don't have the same passion for it as I used to yeah I don't feel like actual doctors go around going I'm a medical doctor yeah they don't have to introduce themselves the way that I do to

get people to take me seriously in the medical field so I want to talk to you about well let's talk first about your stand-up experience coming up because you're from LA right I'm from California yeah yeah not LA proper but I'm from California where I grew up up by like Sacramento until I was like 10 and then I was in Riverside County from the time I was like 10 till college if you know where Temecula is oh I've unfortunately I do I've performed there in Temecula I believe at the casino yes of course all casinos all the time yeah they've got a big they got a big beautiful theater there you've performed there too i'm sure right not the theater i have not performed in the theater i think i did the club there which i don't even know if that's still open i i mean i will

never perform in temecula if i can help it there are a lot of places where i performed once and said i'll never perform there again and then found myself there either this last year or the year before going wait i thought i crossed this off the fucking list you know and then you get there and you're like you feel you like because the audiences are so appreciative when people come through the kind of like less inviting cities the audiences are awesome so you leave there with the feeling of like yeah i want to show up for these people like yeah and then a month goes by and you're like i really can't go back there right right but temecula is so funny because it's an hour drive from san diego and it's like two hours from la and i'm kind of like guys drive to

a cooler place yeah to see a thing like Baja yeah yeah just go you know it's it's not that far but I think Temecula is like it's like a great place to have a family I guess but if you're like 20s I'm like what are you doing here guys right so you came from a really like conservative background is that how you grew up religious yeah I grew up super religious very Christian oh so how does that how did that all work out for you as you came into your own and your standup career? When did you kind of, um, well, no, you tell me, did you break ties with religion? Absolutely. Yeah. It's,

it's weird because the way I started doing standup is I started when I was a junior in high school and I actually started by taking a class from like a Christian church comic. And so I was like performing in churches before I could perform in clubs because i wasn't 18 yet and then even once i started performing in clubs i did last comic standing and they kind of like painted me as like a church comic because it was a new thing they could do and so then i was doing churches a little bit longer up until i was probably 21 22 is when i did like the last couple and the last church gig i had was like opening for some huge church comedian

and they fired me for a tweet and I was like, I'm never doing this again. I like, I don't care what the offer is. I don't care what the money is. Cause there's a lot of money in church comedy. And I was like, I can't, I can't pretend to be this person because church comedy, they want you to be a Christian. Like they want you to be that thing all the time. There's no like, here's my church set and here's my club set. Like you gotta be that always. And I just wasn't, I just didn't think i was a christian and i was dealing with how i grew up and and my relationship with my parents and whatnot so that was kind of the moment i think i cut ties with all of it at once yeah i would think performing comedy in a church is very limiting yeah yes you can't do that joke

about how your dad didn't want to fuck you right right exactly that was not super church friendly and that's why I left I wanted to talk about my dad not wanting to fuck me and they just weren't cool about it yeah and I said this is the last straw for me well yeah exactly I mean you're not the only one I mean that's where I think that's where all comedians start somebody in the family wanted to fuck you and we weren't down with it and that's where our humor comes from so what's your relationship now like with your parents because they're still religious right they're still religious I uh my mom died when I was a kid and my dad and my stepmom I don't speak to them anymore oh really but they're still very religious yeah they're still very religious and

do you not speak to them because of this because of your career and because of you leaving the church no that's it that's definitely an aspect of it i mean you know it's it's hard to to go into because you know you never want to like put people on blast in your life no matter what they've done because they're not in this world and they're not in this public space and they're not public figures like we are but yeah there were there are things beyond that that were issues that i was finally like oh i have to cut ties with this person but yeah it all comes from a place of like this is a person who grew up with religion is sort of a slave to that belief system in a way that is not healthy i think a lot of people a lot of people in my family are religious and are like

incredible loving forgiving amazing people who use religion in a way that is beautiful and they they love other people in the way that i think christianity at its best is is meant to encourage but then there are other people who don't use religion in that way and they use it to intimidate and scare people and quite frankly abuse people so i would never want it to sound like i'm painting with this broad brush about anybody who is religious because i know it it is such a lifeline for so many people and and something that makes a lot of people better human beings but that was not the case with my specific parental situation understood understood well it's bold move to cut ties with any family members it's not an easy thing to do and we

discuss it on this show all the time because people are always calling in like and i'm always like, yeah, fuck your family. You know, they don't deserve you. I mean, and that's coming from somebody who has really close ties with my whole family. I've never been in a situation where my family judged me in that way. You know, I would have been out the door a long time ago had that been the case. So I think it is it's it's got to be a painful thing and it's got to be it's a strong decision. So I respect it. Let's talk about your because when I came up as a female, this is the question that I always got asked, which was so annoying at the time. But upon reflection, and now that I'm older, I'm in my 40s, I get it. Because people would always ask me how difficult

it was to be a woman, you know, in a male-dominated field, which is basically every field. And I always just thought, I didn't see it that way. You know, I saw it as an advantage. It was sparser for women, so it was easier to stand out, especially if you were cute and if you were, you know, outspoken and you were loud and you kind of had all of that going for you. It was easy to get recognized and it was easy to get noticed and I always I didn't have any regard for what the male comics were doing or what they thought of me or any of that you know and I I did feel that there was a lot more competition or kind of doors shut from other women rather than from the men you know women in powerful positions women in booking positions or an executive positions so

I'm curious to know since you're a lot younger than me what your experience was like coming up after you left doing church comedy how did you see it it's interesting because i feel the same way you do i felt like being a female was something that helped you stand out i was also clean for like the first five years or something so that helped me stand out as well i want to say amy schumer said this i might be misquoting her but somebody said this where somebody asked is it harder to be a female comic and she was like it's just harder to be female like it's it's not that it's harder to be a female comedian it's just harder to be a female and i think the hardest parts about being a female comedian just came from like being on the road and it being unsafe

like having people try to like break into your hotel rooms because they see that you're 21 and you're in this hotel that's like in the middle of nowhere and you checked in alone like those were the hardest parts is just like constantly trying not to get murdered on the road but as far as like the industry it's funny you say that about having doors closed by other women i do think that there are male comics not all male comics but i do think there are male comics male bookers who do this thing where they will compliment the female comic in front of them in a way that makes us feel like we are in competition with each other where they go you're the best one like you're the good one like who can touch you of female comics like

even now like i get male comics saying like you're the best female comic in this class of whatever and you're like why can't you just say you're a really good comic like why can't you just say like you're killing it you're doing really well like they're always comparing us and not all male comics on all male bookers whatever but there are certain certain people who do that and women too frankly in this business and i do think because we're this smaller pool within this male dominated field it just makes sense for them to go you are doing better than this person or you're doing as well as this person or you're going to be the next this person as opposed to just seeing us as a comedian without the added context. Yeah. Well, I think, I mean, when we do it to ourselves,

I remember coming up and when I had doors that were shut by other women, I was like, wait a second, this doesn't make any sense because all I wanted to do, it actually lit a fire under my ass. When I had an opportunity to help other women, it was the first thing I wanted to do because I was like, oh, wait, this is a shit show out there. Our mindset has been structured in the same way. It's like, oh, it's there's only room for a certain amount of us. But now I just feel like there are so many female comics that are crushing it. The conversation must have shifted and must be changing. And do you think it is? I think so. I mean, there are just so many more female comics. And I mean, people like you who have been so successful and did kind of come up

in a time where there may be less female comics that has made a huge difference. And so, yeah, I think it's definitely far easier and far better to come up in this business right now as a female comic. And it is still an advantage, I think, in my mind. I think that's the only aspect of it that still makes my skin crawl a little bit when people talk to me like, you're one of the good ones. You know, like it's it's there's still some of that. And I think it's left over. I don't think it's I don't think it's the norm anymore. I think it's just left over. And how did you get together with your boyfriend, Sam? Just doing comedy. I mean, I don't do anything else. So this is what happens. I think he had sent me a couple DMs just about like my late night sets. Like, hey, you're

very good. And obviously he's an incredible joke writer and everyone respects him so much. So getting messages from comics you respect is always very nice. And we just started talking and became friends and started dating a number of months before quarantine hit. And I feel like we have been together for a very long time because of that I think if you were together during quarantine you feel like you have a much longer history than maybe you do yeah exactly I mean it's an extended period of time on top of a period of time it feels like twice the duration of what it was I had never dated a comic before I started dating Joe Coy never once I think I was gonna ask you yeah I think I slept with Tom Rhodes he's a comic that was the only comedian I slept

with or maybe was there another one anyway I didn't have a lot of experience with male comics because I just found them to be gross quite frankly so funny my cousin just sent me a text she goes I read this word today and it reminded me of you and it said it's misandrist somebody who despises men and I go oh my god it's so terrible and she's like I go well you know I don't despise men but I just can't stop fucking banging on about how much shit they've gotten away with you know and so and and the way that they've treated women and you know forced like I hate that they've it's not even their fault it's society's fault you know this whole construct is now nobody's fault but I just want people when you wake up to know the truth you know what I mean

wake up to the reality of what's happening don't resist what's happening now and saying this isn't true for women that they haven't been subjugated or treated unfairly it is true it's undeniable it's indisputable so shut up and say you're sorry but I've never dated a comic and people are always like oh my god you and joe coy must just laugh your asses off laugh your asses off i'm like not quite i go we do laugh our asses off but like when you're two comedians it's like my comedies for when i'm on stage like at this point in my life like i'm not sitting around being funny all fucking day long by myself you know you're just playing chess in the dark to unwind together pantsless always i'm always playing chess by myself and yeah i've become much more serious

as I've aged about like wanting my thirst for knowledge or reading the right books and making sure I know what's going on with that. I just read a book about the German war that was like 800 pages. And I was like, fuck, I should have read this a lot sooner. But I have a much greater sense of responsibility to like my fountain of knowledge. Like I need to know more and I'm pursuing that always. But when people say like, oh, you guys must just laugh your asses off all the time. I just want to be like, no, it's not like you're sitting here writing jokes for each other all day long is it like that for you guys or how do you feel about that kind of comment we work on jokes together i mean i think we make each other laugh a lot but we're also very intense

people so we also complain a lot and bicker a lot and yeah when we're we're making fun of stuff and running jokes by each other i think we probably laugh the least when we're running jokes by each other you know where you're like is this funny you're like yeah that's good that's really good you should write that down and then when we are just hanging out or watching movies or watching tv shows or or whatever that's when we laugh the hardest when we're just being stupid but when we're actually working on jokes it's not funny at all it's just like that will work that's good yeah and what do you like about being on the road because i know are you on tour right now i am on tour right now yeah we had to reschedule my uh new york shows this weekend

unfortunately because of all the covid stuff so we i was supposed to be doing town hall in the Beacon this weekend and we had to move them to April but I'm back on tour after a few weeks off this weekend so I'm gonna be in Portland and Seattle and then like I go to Michigan and I think like Omaha and all these other places so I'm on tour until like May and then I need a break because my next Netflix special is coming out in the next couple months here so I'm like I need a minute after that. Cause I've also been on tour kind of nonstop since last year. I mean, before I was vaccinated, I was doing clubs that were like very spread out, like 40% full. And then once I was vaccinated, I was just back on the road and I was doing it every weekend. I

wasn't doing the self-care stuff I had been doing before the pandemic where I was like, I'll do two or three weekends a month. Cause I need to keep my sanity. I was like, put me on the road as much as humanly possible so I have not had a ton of time off in the last nine ten months yeah and I think being on the road it's like it doesn't matter at what level you're doing it you know I've been on tour for the last four or five months too and just have this one month off and it doesn't matter if you're flying privately if you have a tour bus it just wears on you because you are exhausted every morning you feel hungover whether you've had a drink or not that is how I feel on tour it's like it is a wellness game and then you just give up on the wellness right yes

you're just getting through it like I kept thinking I had COVID every time I came back from a weekend and I'd get tests and they'd be negative and then I realized it was because I was just living in survival mode for like three days where I got home and I took a minute to like unclench all my muscles and I was like oh you're not drinking four cups of coffee a day anymore just to get by like you didn't wake up to get on a plane at 6 a.m after three hours of sleep like you are recovering monday and tuesday and then wednesday or thursday you have to go back out and start the cycle over again yeah totally it's just it is and then what do you do during the day when you're on the road do you go out and about or do you just hunker down in your hotel room

it depends i try to get out i've been trying to be better about it it depends where you are obviously like if you're going back to one of those cities that you're like i swore i'd never then you're like, I'm going to stay in the hotel. But if you're in a cool place, like if you're in Chicago or wherever else, you're like, I want to go to the restaurant I like, or I want to go see something. My buddy, Dustin Nickerson, who goes on tour with me, that's made a huge difference having like one of my best friends with me on the road. Cause before it was just me by myself. And that's very isolating and draining. And it's hard to motivate yourself to go out and do anything. It's hard to motivate yourself to go find a cute coffee shop or a place to get breakfast.

Like before I was just finding a grocery store and like bringing like bags of spinach and hummus back to my hotel room with a mini fridge. Like it was so sad. So now that I have like a buddy with me, it's much easier to motivate myself to get out and try to experience where I'm at in the country because you know, it's, this is so much of our lives. Like for a while I was like, okay, the road is my job and then i'm gonna come home and have my life and now i try to treat the road with as much importance as i do my life at home because it's 50 of my time if not more yeah i like that you're right about that i need to be better about that too i used to be a lot better and now i just i'm like oh i have to conserve my energy you know i have this idea that it's like

i have all i have is what i'm going to put on the show that night you know and i want to yeah but it It is good for the soul to be out and about in these places and have a little bit of culture. It's good to get out there and like meet people and see what's going on in those cities. Even if it does, if you do find it depressing or whatever, it all kind of adds up. And it is a huge part of our lives. So there's really no disputing that. So on this podcast, we take callers. They could Zoom in and we give them our advice.

So we're going to go ahead, Catherine, right? And take our first call or Zoom. I still don't know how this podcast works, Taylor. Every week it's a new adventure. I'm like, wait, what? Is someone coming in live? I'm going to make us take a quick break for ads, and then we'll come back with an email and a caller. Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus from $94 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on Internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit.

Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell. Connection is everything. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me.

I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having.

I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport.

And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network. Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners. Each week, we talk to someone in show business, a.k.a. the biz, and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time, and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman. Not that great.

Actually, can you help me shape this? how about we flip it on its head how about we flip the script what if the surprise woman who actually you think is the straight man is actually the one who's acting weird Adam Scott

this entire time you've been expecting Adam Sandler to come to visit the show I would never expect I would never set expectations for something like that to happen if the universe allows for something like that to happen

I am open to it. I'm always going to accept. You know, Danny McBride, fine. Yeah, it's all this fragile masculinity exuding. I could smell it walking down the hallway, to be honest with you. I was like, is that weed? Nope, it's fragile masculinity. Ben Stiller, no.

Because a lot of times, out of context, people don't get it or even know what a circle is. You know what I mean? Like, they're like, oh, what's a circle? Everyone's so dumb except for you. And fake. Right, fake. And also not interested or just like, oh, I've got my wife.

I don't care about your life. And a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Oh, and by the way, Will Ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode, but he's just so busy. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman.

I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself.

So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we are back. i actually have something i wanted to tell taylor i'm sure we're not related but my last name is law but i'm actually a tomlinson oh are you yeah my dad's biological father's last name is tomlinson so i've got lots of tomlinson cousins and aunts and uncles and according to the person who did our ancestry.com it's illinois farmers back as far as the eye can see on that side oh wow yeah sometimes i get messages from people like are any relation to tomlinson's over here and

I'm like, not that I know of, but who knows? Yeah, you never really know. I mean, how would we know who we're related to? Yeah. I guess you put your spit in a vial and you mail it somewhere. I've never done like 23andMe, but that's what it is, right? Yeah. I have some uncles who I'm sort of like, hmm, should you be worried?

Part of me is like, if I did do that and like caught a bad guy, even if I was related to said bad guy, what a thrill. I think it would be thrilling. so our first question comes from just initial p and taylor because of your background with religion and all that stuff i thought this would be a good question for you guys to tackle together p says dear chelsea i'm writing to ask for help and explaining to my girlfriend why it's not the best idea for her to get baptized just because her grandmother wants her to her grandma believes she won't see her in the afterlife unless she's baptized neither my partner nor i grew up in

religious households. We believe in higher powers, but certainly not the sweet baby Jesus her grandma believes in. My girlfriend feels that getting baptized will make her grandma happy, but doesn't fully understand why folks get baptized, the personal choice behind it, the religious beliefs behind it. I'm no scholar in the subject, and I don't think you are either. However, I do believe you may have some great insight on why my girlfriend shouldn't get baptized just to appease grandma p well taylor why don't you start and then i'll follow up i mean i don't know if this is a dumb answer but i'm kind of like how much do you love your grandma like does it matter really like if you get dunked in some water if you don't believe in it then it really just comes down to do

you want to do your grandma a favor and make her feel good because i don't think you should do anything that you're not comfortable with and you don't want to do. Cause like, I don't know that I could personally do something like that. Like I know that I've told my grandma who I love more than anything in the world. Like I'm not a Christian and I'm scared I won't be a part of this family. And she was like, Oh my God, of course not. You'll always be a part of this family. And I'm like, yeah, but you do think I'm going to hell. And she's like, well, you know, I don't know what to say to that. And so it's comforting. Yeah. It's, it's just, it is what it is. Like if you don't believe that being baptized means anything, then it's up to you if you feel

comfortable doing that just to make your grandma happy, or if that feels not authentic to you and you don't want to lie. It's such a personal decision. I can't even say like, this is what you should absolutely do. But yeah, I mean, if my grandma wanted me to get baptized and I wasn't Christian, I would probably say like, you know, I don't actually believe what you believe. And I understand that that's hard for you. I maybe would go, I could get baptized if you want, but know that if I don't believe it, then it's probably not going to do anything, right? Like if you want me to get baptized, but you know, I don't believe in Jesus, i don't think it's gonna matter it sounds like your grandma just wants you to be something you're

not it sounds like she just wants you to be religious and if you're not it's not gonna work yeah i would say i'm gonna say something surprising and i would say first of all if you really don't believe in it then who gives a shit then do it for like if you just want to make your grandmother happy so she can die peacefully knowing that she's having her believe she's gonna see you in the afterlife go get baptized like yeah if you don't believe in it it's not it's no harm no foul Like if somebody in my life that I really cared about or respected wanted me to do that, I probably would just because it doesn't make a difference to me because I don't believe in that. So I have no problem getting dunked in water by a priest and eating that cookie or whatever happens afterward. It's not a big deal.

And I feel like I do have a soft spot for older people, like religious older people. They do believe they're not going to see their family again. And I almost have more compassion for that than being obstinate in your own belief system. Yeah. Yeah. that's that's kind of how I felt too it's more so just like if you're gonna do it and feel bad about it don't do it but yeah if you don't care then just do it yeah peace so there you go I mean you could do it or you cannot do it but let us know what happens fantastic problem solved we

have a huge we have a great track record on this show Taylor so just watch out we solve them all just about. Okay, our next question, and we have this caller on the line, comes from Shannon. I thought this would also be a great question for you, Taylor, because she's sort of having a quarter-life crisis. Shannon says, Dear Chelsea, I'm turning 30 next month, and looking back on my 20s, I wish I'd let myself have more fun. Money's been tight since graduating college, as my husband and I both have large amounts of student debt. Stress around money has been a big factor in our lives, affecting each of our personal happiness and sense of self-worth and causing a lot of strain on our marriage. I think we also let money challenges stop us from having fun.

What advice do you have for me going into my 30s? What are some ways that you put your stress aside and have fun, particularly that don't involve spending money? Shannon. Hi, Shannon. Hi. Hi, this is Taylor. Hi, Shannon. Hi. Okay, so you're stressed about money all the time. That must be really, that must take up a lot of your energy, right? It does. Yeah. And so how do you guys manage the stress? Do you spend a lot of time budgeting? Do you spend a lot of time saying no to things? I, I think that my husband and I have different methods. Like I think for him, it's hard to even look at it. So I spend a lot of time, I feel like almost just staring at it, I guess, budgeting, but almost feeling like, how do I move things around? You know, like, oh, great. I can

balance transfer this and do this here or whatever, like trying to be strategic. And my husband, I think he just kind of shuts down. And for him, it's intimidating. He's just like, well, we don't have enough money to do anything. So whatever. And I'm trying to be more solution oriented. So that becomes challenging. Yeah, I bet that is challenging. But I mean, I think there are so many things you can do without spending money and without taxing it. A, you probably have to open up a little better line of communication with your husband so that you guys can kind of handle it together because for you to be spearheading it must be really stressful also yeah i know my boyfriend doesn't like to talk about anything negative like if

anything bad in the world happens he's just like like the news politics anything like that he shuts down and i'm like so i'm supposed to just fucking deal with all of this myself you know so i could understand that there's that imbalance kind of creates a lot of stress but there are so many things that you can do that not only you can do for free but that will add to your like quality of life to add to your de-stressing, you know, just being outside in nature, going for hikes, going for long walks through the woods, you know, finding the areas around where you live, where you can experience like nature in a nice, fun, cool way. And that it's like a double dose because it's free and it's going to lend to your happiness and level

of happiness. And I think once you, you just have to make a real effort each day to relieve that part of your day where you're where you're so hyper focused on the finances you're gonna be okay you've been okay this far you have a track record to prove to yourself that you're going to be okay moving forward even if finances are tight so what kind of stuff do you guys do together mostly watch tv i mean we in non-covid times we like to go to the movies definitely lately we've been a little bit less active so and I think too it's like another another struggle where my husband he does like to go hiking and stuff but not as much and even something as simple as like oh let's go walk the dogs like he's he's just not always up for it and sometimes that's frustrating but I

also have to remind myself well like I can go do that myself too I'm still going to get value out of doing that on my own, rather than just not doing anything. Yeah, absolutely. And I think it's really important for you to do that on your own. Because sometimes the way to attract another person is just to enjoy yourself on your own, you know, by you going out and doing those things, coming back in a brighter mood and a happier kind of state of mind and him being like, Oh, I miss that. I mean, when I met Joe, he never worked out a day in his life. And I would just get up every morning. And I'm serious about working out and being like healthy. And after a week, he's like, I'm not doing this anymore. I'm not sitting here sleeping while you work out. I'm

going to level up. And I was like, oh, I didn't even ask him to do that. I never expected him to work out. I didn't know. Meanwhile, now he's ripped after two weeks of it. And I'm like, this is a little bit uneven. But Taylor, what do you what do you have to say about that when you're struggling with finances? Because we've all been there. Everyone's experienced that. Well, not everybody, but most people. Yeah, I had a question. Where do you live? I live in Las Vegas. Oh, so there's a lot of nature-y things you can do. Oh my God. That's, I mean, the people watching in Vegas alone is, cause I'm not, when I go to Vegas to perform, I'm not like a big, I don't gamble or drink or anything. So I do a lot of just like people

watching, which is very entertaining to me. Do you have kids? No. Oh, so that's great. So it's really just you and your husband. It sounds like the fact that you guys handle this stuff so differently I so relate to that because I also have a partner who like doesn't like to plan ahead and if something's stressful just kind of like doesn't want to deal with it right away and it sounds like hearing you talk it just sounds like you are feeling like it's kind of all on you right now is he bringing this stuff up as well like everything you wrote in like is he communicating that he's feeling that too or is it just kind of you feeling it on your own and wondering if he does too no I mean we like kind of talked recently I generally would say that our communication isn't

great but we did talk pretty recently and had like a more serious conversation than we've had in a long time and so I know it's both on our minds and we're both trying to kind of figure out together but also for ourselves how do we we're definitely in like a slump just in general and how do we kind of like pull ourselves out of that because I mean we are actually doing exciting things. We're buying a house right now. And, you know, we didn't think that that was going to probably be possible for another several years. And so it's like, we even have these positive things happening and it's like, we're so nervous, something's going to happen and our loan's not going to go through or, or whatever. So it's like just finding that way to like pull ourselves

out of that and not being the greatest at communicating along the way. Yeah. And I know you mentioned when we had our pre-interview call as well, you just started a new job so that's very exciting and congratulations on that but I wonder if there are any free counselors in the area that you guys could go see just to talk through some of these things because you know it shouldn't all just fall to you I know like in my household I manage most of the money but it's not necessarily because my husband isn't there to talk about it he would be happy to but I don't know maybe it's a little bit more that I'm like okay I want to be the boss of and make the decisions. And he kind of just goes with the flow, which is great. But it sounds like

you need a little bit more support in that area. And I also wonder if, you know, I know you said it's a lot of college debt. And that can kind of feel like you're looking down the barrel of years and years of the same. And it can feel really overwhelming. But I wonder if there's anybody that you can see who can help consolidate some of that or if there's any changes that can be made to like how long you're paying it off, just to give you guys a little more breathing room. Yeah, I actually look at that constantly. I've refinanced already.

Right now we're waiting to close on the house and then we're gonna try to look again at some of those options too. Go ahead, go. Yeah, and a good way to like, you know, bring a little bit of like bright and lightness into your life. Like you have a new job, right?

You have new people you're working with. Like you can do things that cost nothing. You can have, not that like this is something I've ever done, but I've heard about it. You know, you can have like group cooking classes with people from your work or friends. You can have a book club. You can just have these little kind of, you could join a volleyball league. You could do any of these things that are going to add to your mental fitness and health

and alleviate some of the stress. Because whenever we're stressed, we're lacking endorphins. That's what we're lacking. You know, always it's their serotonin and it's our endorphins and getting outside and being social with other people and taking your attention off of yourself. A lot of the time, you're already paying enough attention to yourself and your finances. and your, you know, your situation. So a lot of time our stress gets alleviated when we put our focus elsewhere, you know, and you can find ways to integrate your, you know, your social life with

your work life or have a night of the week where everybody comes over and you have like a potluck dinner and you're socializing with people. That's always going to bring everybody up or you're, you join a softball league or whatever sport you find interesting or a book club, you know, there's something for everybody and it's just about when you said pulling myself out of this that's exactly right you're in charge of pulling yourself out of this you're in charge of making your mood a little bit brighter and you don't necessarily need him to do that sometimes when you lead other people will follow start with yourself and then you know hopefully it will be a natural progression in addition to finding a counselor you know we do ads for better help all

the time that's like online cheap counseling where you can talk to somebody and bounce stuff off of them. But it's not a hopeless situation by any stretch of the imagination. And you're not alone. I mean, everybody is struggling with college debt. Luckily, I didn't get into college. So that's not an issue for me. But everybody is struggling with this kind of stuff. And so you should take some solace also knowing that you're not alone. It's not unique to you. And remember that you got yourself this far, you're going to get yourself through the next phase of your life and enjoy that you're about to buy a house like that's huge right instead of stressing about what could go wrong and operating out of fear operating out of like abundance like this

is wonderful what else are we going to be able to do try and take the negative lines of thinking and turn them into positives like what if our loan doesn't go through what if our loan does go through and then this is such a success that we go get another house and then we start flipping houses whatever the dialogue is, that's going to get you excited about it, I think is integral to like getting your mind into a happier state of being. Yeah. Yeah, I super relate to that feeling of like, oh, I'm so excited to be taking this next big step. But like, what if something horrible happens? I just constantly live in that place. And something that my therapist always says to me is like, don't freak out about something until it's actually happening. Because if it actually happens,

it's not going to have served you to have been miserable up until the point it happened. You either can be positive until something bad happens and then deal with it once it's here, or you can be positive and maybe nothing ever happens that you're worried about. And so I just wanted to say I completely get how you feel in that regard. And I know how hard it is to like stay present and stay excited and stay positive about what's going on in your life. But just know that like if something bad happens you can be upset about it then you know like don't get don't get ahead of the bad thing in this way of thinking of like well if I am afraid of it it won't happen because it's going to happen if it's going to happen and you deserve to feel happy and excited

about something great that's happening for you you're so right because I spend so much time doing that now that you say it like a hundred percent I live like that all the time yeah same it's brutal Yeah. And it's the power of your thoughts, right? It's the power of positive thinking, that old book where it talks about your thoughts have an impact on the way you live your life and it becomes a cycle. So the great news is it's easy to change your habits. It's easy to like change your negative thinking over time into positive thinking. And then that brings in a little bit more positivity. And then it turns into a lot of positivity and you realize how strong your mind is. So you're in charge of getting yourself kind of out of this little rut that

you're in, which is not the end of the world. You recognize it. You're calling in talking to us today about it. So I think you're going to be all fine. You just have to switch your script a little bit. Flip it. Thank you. Yeah. And Chelsea, I liked what you said, too, about doing stuff in groups because it is you that has to get you out of it, but not alone. Like you don't have to be doing it alone. I mean, a lot of what Chelsea suggested was group activities. And I think that's really helpful. Yeah. And I think that makes sense, too, for I didn't mention that my new job is also working with my husband and we work very well together which is actually that's great no problem we've worked together before and it's great but it is definitely something that I

want to focus on moving into this job just finding ways to like like you said find a book club or find other ways that I can make new friends spend time with friends I already have and I haven't seen in forever because my day today is definitely not going to be there just won't be as many people in the picture as some of my previous jobs. Last ski season, I remember I was up here. I'm in Canada and I love to ski. And one day I just was in this terrible mood and I just I was supposed to ski with four of my friends and I just blew them all off. And I said, no, I'm not skiing today. I lied. But I went out by myself and I ran into them and I was like, oh, shit, I just got caught, you know, totally redheaded. But the way that my mood elevated just by being around other

people that I was going to shut myself away from. I was going to shut myself down from that. And then it just came at me. And by the end of the day, I was in a completely different spirit. So you really have to pay attention to being around other people and the benefit that that has on your mental space. Does that sound good, Shannon? Do you feel like you got some decent advice? I do. I have a lot of things to think about for sure. Yeah. And also start instilling like the positivity into your conversations with your husband because it's infectious and when people are upbeat and fun like it's catchy yeah thank you thank you okay thanks for calling thanks shannon yeah thank you so much for having me

bye bye bye well our next call comes from christina she's 25 she's an attorney in miami oh well shit uh yeah she's got her shit together she absolutely does she's quite a winner. She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm writing about a very close friend of mine who I love dearly, but sometimes oversteps her boundaries by subtly opinionating on my relationship. For context, I recently became a lawyer. I'm a first generation college student and the first person ever in my family to go to law school. I worked my ass off until I graduated at the top of my class and passed the bar exam with flying colors. My boyfriend of three years works a respectable but mundane job, doesn't really have any passion for work or career goals,

and really enjoys playing video games and watching sports. Nonetheless, he loves me deeply. He is and has always been incredibly supportive and he devotes himself to my happiness. He's a good man and I love him more than I've ever loved anything. My friend, who I met in law school, knows how hard I've worked and has told me many times how much she admires me as a person and I too admire her. My boyfriend, on the other hand, she does not approve of. I know deep down she's probably just protective of me and thinks I can do better. Probably another lawyer or a banker or something. That's fine.

She's entitled to her opinion, but I really dislike when she makes passive-aggressive comments about my relationship. For example, she sends me memes about lazy boyfriends with overachieving girlfriends and makes jokes about him to me. It really hurts me, and it hurts to know she thinks I'm settling. and in all fairness she's never had a relationship in her entire life so it also seems very hypocritical to judge mine how do i tell her to back off without causing a rift in our friendship or coming off as condescending love christina hi christina hi hi this is taylor hi okay so well

first of all congratulations on being such a badass and having your law degree at 25 years old, practicing in Miami. That's fucking cool. First generation college student. I love all of it. So congrats on all of that. Thank you so much. I like that you recognize that your boyfriend likes to play video games and has no ambition and has no drive. That's also really sweet because you know what? You're not judgmental at all. You're not judging him. And not a lot of people are capable of not judging people. I know that I'm not. So have you spoken to your friend about this yet well first of all I want to say I recognize that I've known I wanted to be a lawyer since I was 12 years old and so I've worked for it but that's a gift and to him a job is just

a means to an end and I think that that's totally fine I mean he's still working you know I'm not like picking up the slack or anything like that so it's fine I haven't said anything to her for a couple reasons I know for a fact that it's nothing personal you know she doesn't dislike him as a person it's just that she really wants the best of the best for me and so I guess in her mind these few character traits that she doesn't like takes him out of the running but I do know that it's coming from a good place and then I have to remind myself that she hasn't ever been in a serious relationship so she just kind of still has this idea that you know love is like the movies and you know somebody sweeps you off their feet and then they never disappoint you

again and I mean I through my relationship learned that that's not what it is relationships are work and nobody's perfect but when you really love someone you love them for their flaws and as long as they're a good person and they treat you well then you work through the rest and so I've never really wanted to tell her well you know you've never been in a relationship so how would you know what the gives and takes are because it comes off really condescending and she can be a little bit fragile so I don't want to hurt her either so now I haven't ever talked to her about it I kind of just like laugh it off I think there's a really easy nice like solution to just you can either send her an email and then follow up with a conversation but a loving one just

saying listen I love you so much I cherish our friendship but it really hurts my feelings when you are passively aggressive about my boyfriend or you're making judgments or sending me memes like we both know who you're talking about. This is my relationship, not yours. No friend has ever decided their girlfriend's relationship for them. So that's a huge. She should learn that lesson early on anyway, because you can't do that. You can't control who your sisters, your brothers or your friends are going to date. They're going to date who they want, just like you're going to date who you want. And you're going to love who you love. You can say this in a very tender way. Like you both are so important to me. You know, he's never once said anything about you or I don't

know if that's true or not, but it's not true. Right. Of course not. He's probably like, fuck her. But you just have to really just map it out because you're not giving her enough credit or respect by not addressing it. I've never thought of it that way. It's true. If someone's disappointing you and they're not loving somebody that you love, you have to show her the amount of respect that you're going to show that you show your boyfriend right the amount of respect that you show yourself you want to be respectful to her in your relationship and say this isn't cool with me I'm so sorry but it hurts my feelings every time you mention his lack of ambition or drive like those might be important things to you but what's

important to me is my ambition my drive I'm not looking for that necessarily in this relationship or with my boyfriend I supply that for myself and you know you don't have to mention that she's never been in a relationship because that's a little judgmental, I think. Taylor, what do you think? I mean, if she wants you to date another lawyer, when would you see another lawyer? Like, I'm sure your workload is insane. Like, I know a few people who have gone through law school and I just like didn't see them for years. And then they had like a couple months off and now they work very demanding jobs. Like, I think that a lot of relationships, if one person is in a field that's like very demanding and high stress, it works very well to have somebody else

who is like, yeah, I have a job. I like it. But like, I like a job. I can leave at work and come home and relax and play video games and love my partner. Like, I think it sounds like you're in a great relationship with someone who balances you out. And I think it's really beautiful and actually pretty empathetic that you're like i haven't talked to her about it yet because she's ever been in a relationship and i understand that from her perspective it probably looks like this like i think you are an incredibly impressive mature person but yeah i totally agree with chelsea like you know trust your friend enough that she will be able to handle you saying very directly hey i love you so much i'm sure you don't mean anything by this but it really hurts my

feelings this is my partner it's okay if you don't understand but i i just can't keep acting like i'm okay with these comments because i i know i laugh them off but i'm really not and they're also you know because she hasn't ever had a relationship like that there also may be a fair amount of jealousy there so I think you know like they both said coming at this from a place of kindness and a place of love and just like considering that she might be hating on him because she sees how happy you actually are and like that's her place to nitpick when she's never really had that in her life might be might be pretty big I also think Taylor made a salient point like yeah what if you were to date another lawyer when the hell would you guys be getting together like that would be

such an two like people who are working their asses off that doesn't make necessarily for a good match you need somebody who's going to be there when you get home that's going to like support you and and have stuff waiting for you for dinner when you get home and be there to snuggle with and all of the things that you want to make yourself feel better so that's a great point to bring up too like that's what her idea of you is not what your idea of what you want is yeah I mean I I actually went to law school with the idea that I would meet you know my future husband there but I actually started dating him right before I got to law school so that didn't work out but it really was for the best because now I definitely don't ever want to date another

lawyer after I'm done working I don't even want to talk to other lawyers anymore um and he has always been the one you know to tell me basically you're doing too much like you're fine you've got this. You've studied hard, you know, for the last three and a half, you know, almost four years. And that to me is just way more important than, you know, introducing him at cocktail parties and saying what he does. Yeah, no, it sounds like you know yourself and you're pretty secure and self-assured. And those are really the most important qualities you can have. So, yeah, it'll be an easier conversation than you think. And just remember when you're having it or you're writing an email, however you decide to, you know, approach it, just remember like

you're doing this out of love and respect. Yeah, that's, that's true. I definitely should give her some more credit. And I'm sure she knows deep down that it is hurtful, because sometimes she does backtrack. And she'll be like, sorry, not to, you know, do exactly what I'm doing, but not to dig at him. But and also, when you do have these conversations with your friends, like I want to remind everybody that more often than not, you become closer to them. Yeah, that's true. I'm just non confrontational with her. Because she does tend to take things a little personally, but she's also pretty self aware. So I think that she would be able to recognize and as long as I, like you guys said, like tell her not mentioning that she hasn't been in a relationship, but just that this is somebody that I love, and you're somebody that I love. And it will be really awkward if I do marry this guy and you're a bridesmaid. so yeah I think I am going to have that conversation with her good and are you thinking about marrying your boyfriend is that a real thing you know we have definitely talked

about it I have no plans of not being with him forever like there's no reason I wouldn't want to marry him but just that we're young and I just got out of school and this is my first year working and I kind of want to see you know where my career takes me and and all this stuff I feel like I'm not really running to walk down the aisle. Yeah. Yeah. Don't get married at 25. Just wait. That's just good advice from anybody and for anybody. Yeah. It's been a long time, but, um, I think that we'll both continue to grow and I want to accomplish some more

personal goals to me before I get married. And that requires some like, you know, splitting up my attention, but we're good. Well, awesome. Well, good. It sounds like the problem's solved. So let us know what happens after you talk to your friend, okay? I will.

All right. Thanks for calling in, Christina. Thanks. Bye. Bye. We had such genuine, sweet women calling in today, Catherine. Yeah. Like, really earnest.

Oh, yeah. I wish I was that nice when I was 25. I was such a cunt. Like, they're so, so sweet and real. This generation is just, I mean, not this generation. that generation after mine is just feels like much more earnest, you know, in a good way. Yeah. And just like trying to look out for her friends feelings, even while her feelings are getting hurt. Yeah. Yeah. The other thing that that makes me think of, too, is just like

our job being our whole life or having to make our passion our job, I feel like is a very not just American concept, but it is very cultural. Like not every culture has the ideal that your job has to be everything to you and like give you spiritual fulfillment and all this stuff. Like it's actually OK if someone's job is just a means to an end and they're pulling their weight and being good to someone in a relationship. Well, it was interesting because what Taylor was saying that earlier, you know, like more than 50 percent of your time is on the road and you want to incorporate your life into your work and your work into your life. Like I when I was younger, I was like I worked, worked, worked, worked, worked, worked, worked. And I was just like,

no, I'm not going to do this my whole life, you know? And now that I take time and I take set time aside for long breaks and I treat myself to like the vacations that I always dreamt about going on, you know, I am able to give so much more to my work life when I'm doing it and to be so laser focused because I reward myself in these other ways, which is like, you know, personal growth and being able to become a great skier, which was important to me and whatever's important to you know whoever you are whatever's important to you but it is a very americana thing to be like my work is my life and my life is my work and when you're in the entertainment industry it does bleed together because it's all about what you're doing when you're not working you know it becomes the

same thing so i think a lot of us can relate to that too yeah do you find that as well taylor oh absolutely i think it's really beautiful that she has somebody in her life that is able to say hey slow down appreciate how hard you've worked and recognize that you can take time for yourself now and it doesn't need to be this endless race to the future like you did it you're a lawyer it's it's amazing like I think that for high achieving people like her it is so important to have people like that in your life to remind you to take care of yourself so you don't just become this slave to your career yeah and like i know she's not thinking about marriage yet but if they were to have kids in the future it's like if she has to work late nights he's there you know he's

there holding down the fort like i think chelsea said he's got dinner ready when you come home yeah that's the way of the world that's the way it's going men are going to stay at home raise children until we can force them to birth them and then the tables are going to be reversed so everybody just get ready okay and a lot of men are signing up for this a lot of my friends are dating men that are stay-at-home dads that are killing it that are great fathers you know and that have no problem with their women or their wives their women their women being more successful you know and being the breadwinners like that's hot I see men doing that I'm like fuck that's sexy yeah yeah well our last email comes from Jenny she says dear Chelsea my 21 year old daughter

and I are both big fans I'm writing because my daughter is really angry with me due to the fact that she heard me having sex with a 27-year-old rando. I have apologized, but she will not forgive me. She called me disgusting, perverted, slutty, and all kinds of terrible things, and now she won't speak to me. She seems most upset by the age difference. I'm 46.

I want to be a role model and teach her how to own her sexuality, be sexually positive, et cetera, so it's hard for me to acknowledge and validate her anger because I kind of feel like a badass. The man is not someone I will ever see again or ever ask her to meet. After being married and a mom for the past 25 years,

I'm ready to live my life on my own terms, but I feel super shitty about my adult daughter's vitriol. Have I traumatized her? Am I a monster for choosing myself? When is it okay for me to live? Most importantly, how can I get her to forgive me? Can you get her to forgive me? I think she'll listen to you.

I miss her. I love her. Hugs and kisses. We both love you so, Jenny. Yes, absolutely. I want you to forgive your mother, Jenny. listen to me you do not want to be sitting there angry at your mom just get over that part i understand hearing your mother have sex is not ideal so that's a separate issue but you don't

want to spend your time being mad at your mother she loves you you love her it's unsettling what happened but you can get past that as for the mother yeah you want to live your best life but you want to be respectful of your children and their feelings too this is coming from a parent and you want to make sure that you know you know that there are boundaries and letting your daughter hear you have sex is not ideal so you know that you made a mistake or a misjudgment and you've apologized I would just say apologize again mean it and then give her her space for her to come back when she's okay to talk to you again and don't push it anymore just let her come back and to the daughter when you are ready to do that do that I think it's a really tricky situation

when women are coming into their own and going through divorces and they have children and how do you balance your sex life and because that's no one who wants to hear their parents having sex I mean I'm still scarred from walking in on my parents when I was eight you know I haven't gotten that image out of my mind so I can only imagine what it's like as an adult to hear that but these aren't life or death issues you know this is nothing to be serious that serious about seriously angry about taylor yeah i i guess i'm just confused i'd like more details on the situation like why did she hear you like did you have somebody oh does your daughter live at home with you does she go to college like does she not live with you did she come home when you thought she

wasn't going to be home did you have somebody over knowing she was home because if if you like had somebody over knowing she was home that i could seize a little bit of like have some boundaries you know your kids home but if you didn't know yeah i did email back and forth a little bit with her and it it was unintentional and they do live together so i don't know if if she came back home like while it was in progress but that was kind of the vibe i got that she didn't think her daughter was coming right yeah okay yeah i mean if if she did her best to make sure that you weren't going to interact with her sex life then why why are you really mad at your mom like i would i would challenge you if you're listening to this if

you're not i would tell your mom to ask you why are you really angry about this because it's not cool to like call your mom slutty and perverted for having sex with someone younger than her i understand it making you uncomfortable i like fully get that but i'm just curious why you're so angry if if it is like how could you do that in the house while i'm there i understand that but if that was unintentional then you might need to just process those feelings on your own and figure out what's underneath it for you and it might just be that you're uncomfortable with it but there's not anything technically wrong happening you know because there's plenty of things that i react to in a judgmental way that i know is not fair so you know i i don't want to

presume to know everything about the situation in your relationship with your mom but it sounds like based on little information that i have that you are just sort of like grossed out by what you heard by accident and it's making you angry that you have to even see your mom that way when she's your mom yeah and a small sense of betrayal as like a child you know it's kind of a child yeah it's a childlike reaction it's and that's okay but again you know it's not cool to call your mom a slut or you know she's not cheating on your dad she's she's living her life she thought you weren't home like that you guys both just have to get past it except that it wasn't ideal nobody liked this situation hers her included and move on you know there are more

important issues you're going to have to face in life than this so the way you react to difficult situations is like you know character building so remember that yeah and also these days like it's not okay to call anybody slutty especially your mom and like good for you jenny like i think it's great she's experiencing some new things having some fun i mean have some fun quietly when your kid is home or maybe when they're out of town but i mean good for jenny yeah her daughter definitely doesn't want to hear that we'll put in a little disclaimer like mute it just like she didn't make you sit down and have breakfast with the guy she banged like you accidentally hurt her it's you know it sucks as chelsea said it's not ideal but and it's okay if you have to be like

mom i can't talk to you for a little bit like i'm not mad at you you didn't do anything wrong i know that logically my skin is just crawling a little bit because i don't want to think of my mother having sex with someone i would also be trying to date in my age group like it's fine to just be self-aware and be like this is why it weirds me out i know that technically you did nothing wrong and i have no right to be angry with you but i just need to like put some space in between me and the noises you were making ditto yeah and get a white noise machine maybe also that's actually great advice yeah that's great advice just for all the time anytime yeah maybe something with like seagulls yeah seagulls or sirens either one yeah well we'll take a quick break right now and

And we'll be back to wrap up with Taylor. Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus from $94 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell. Connection is everything. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files.

I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, Shut up. Don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive.

Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse.

Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility.

Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport.

And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network. Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners. Each week, we talk to someone in show business, a.k.a. the biz, and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time, and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. we've had a lot of great guests like sarah sherman not that great actually can you help me can you

help me shape this yeah how about we flip it on his head okay how about we flip the script okay what is the surprise woman who actually you think is the straight man is actually the one who's acting weird adam scott this entire time you've been expecting adam sandler to come to visit the show i i would never let go of that i have i would never set expectations for something like that it seems like if the universe allows for something like that to happen i'm open to it i'm always going to accept you know danny mcbride fine yeah it's all this fragile masculinity exuding i could smell it walking down the hallway to be honest with you i was like is that weed nope it's fragile masculinity ben stiller no because a lot of times in out of context people don't get it

or even know what a circle is you know what i mean like you're like oh what's this everyone's so dumb and fake right fake and and also not interested or just like oh i've got my life i don't care about your life and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us oh and by the way will ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a on every episode, but he's just so busy. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, Taylor, first of all,

thank you for being a contributor to today's podcast because I like your, you're very strong-minded and you have solid advice and you're sure of yourself, which I think is just the best quality any woman could have. Oh, thank you. I was very nervous about giving advice, but I knew you'd be here. So I'm like, well, if I don't have any good advice,

chelsea can just take it yeah exactly whether it's good or bad at least at least you give it with like with the intention that it's crushing you know you're like yeah this is fucking awesome yeah it's like when you're bombing a tv taping and you're like they'll sweeten it it's okay i know it's like when i would interview people that were like duds on my shows whenever i would interview duds i'd be like okay how do i punctuate this with positivity so that not everybody knows how bored I was during that interview. And then I was like, wait, there's no way to do that. There's no way to fake an interview after you've already had it by saying goodbye with a big smile on your face. Totally. Well, Taylor, do you have any

advice that you'd like from Chelsea? Oh my gosh. I mean, so many questions. I guess the question that I would ask you as somebody who's been very successful in this business is how do you separate? We've touched on this a little bit in this episode, but how do you separate your self-worth from your career so that it's not all just tied up in how your career is going? Was that something that you ever had to struggle with? Have you always been good about keeping who you are separate from what you do? Because I think my identity is wrapped up in my job and part of it is that I've been doing it since I was a teenager and part of it is just that I'm probably not as well-rounded as I want to be but that was something that I found during

quarantine is that outside of stand-up I didn't feel like I knew who I was or if I felt like I had much worth if I wasn't working all the time so my question is did you struggle with that do you struggle with that and if you have how do you combat that yeah absolutely I mean that's one of the reasons I quit my East show. I was like, this is all I am. Everyone just, I didn't have a family. I didn't have children. I wasn't married. So I realized I'm like, is this who I, everything like my career? Because for me, that, that wasn't enough. I wanted to have a personal like life that was separate. And I wanted to like get more well-rounded. Like you said, I've had this exact conversation with myself many times. And anytime I've been there, I have just said no to things

to make myself go to the places that I'm uncomfortable with going and existing where, oh, you're no longer the host of a TV show. Okay, well, what are you now? It's like, well, I'm me now. This is what I'm doing now. And having the confidence in yourself to kind of explore that because we don't know all parts of ourselves yet. You know, I still don't. You certainly don't. We're always growing. We're always learning. And it's basically like how high you set the standard for yourself, I think, when you can say no to things. And there's a period of time to do that. And there's a building period, right? You're building your career. You want to lay the foundation so that when you do feel confident enough to take some time off or go in a different

direction, you've already laid the groundwork that any major hiccup or retreat isn't going to have a deleterious impact on your all over career so i would say that it's just a constant process of you know being really honest with yourself which is really hard especially in this industry because half the time i feel like when i start to lose myself and i i don't know myself well or i start to have self-doubt that's the time that i need to retreat and go do my own thing and like fill up my gas tank with other shit so okay that's so comforting to hear because sometimes you feel like nobody else feels that way do you know what I mean where you're like well nobody else who has reached the level of success I'd like to reach feels that way they're just more balanced

than I am or they're okay with it being that way so it is so helpful to hear from someone like you that you have gone through periods of that and just have to be constantly reassessing where you are at and how you feel about yourself and your identity. Absolutely, we all feel that way. You know, nothing that's going through any of our brains is going through one person's brain.

We're all in this, like we all have the same thing. So yeah, definitely always remember that for sure, that everybody goes through periods of self-doubt, insecurity, self-worth. And then when you're successful, it's addictive. you want more and more and more and more and so you just have to be mindful of that and you're already in therapy so that's always going to be your best kind of gift to yourself right absolutely so where can everybody find you taylor i am at taylor tomlinson on twitter and

instagram taylor tomlinson comedy on tiktok my website's t-tom comedy.com you can go there for all of my tour dates. I am fully on tour right now. And my Netflix special quarter life crisis that came out in 2020 is streaming on Netflix. Awesome. Awesome. I had such a good time with you today. Me too. Thank you so much for having me. This was lovely. Sometimes you do podcasts and you're like, Oh, no, what did I? What did I agree to? And this was like, so nice. And I was so excited to do it. Oh, awesome. Awesome. Well, I'm glad we finally spoke and hung out. I hope I see you again soon me too thank you so nice to meet you as well Catherine likewise nice to meet you Taylor bye-bye and of course we can't forget show dates so what do you have coming up okay yes

I have added more second shows to my stand-up tour we have two shows in Winnipeg two shows in Toronto two shows in Kansas City Missouri two shows in Santa Rosa California we've added a second show in Los Angeles at the Wiltern, which is May 5th. I'm doing a late show in LA. We added a second show to Montclair, New Jersey, to Huntington, New York, to Port Chester, New York. I'm going to be in Portland, Oregon, February 4th. Two shows. There are tickets available for the second show. Then I'll be in Eugene, Oregon on February 5th. And then I'm coming to all these fun little cities like Las Vegas, Springfield, Mass, Honolulu, and Maui. So Maui's not a city, it's an island. And when I learn how to pronounce the city I'm performing in, I'll get back to you.

Hey, do you have a question you want to ask Chelsea? To get some advice, write into DearChelseaProject at gmail.com. Bye! people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced these are stories about what it takes to make it out alive listen to the survivor files with elizabeth smart on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse.

Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Did you hear the new episode of the Hey Jonas podcast? We are at D23, so we'll see who stops by. The cast of Frozen stopped by. Kristen Bell, Josh Gad, and Idina Menzel. I auditioned for Frozen.

What? For Kristoff. They said, okay, what are you going to be singing today? I said, I don't know. That must have been why you didn't get it. Oh, you probably won. Plus, John Stamos, Hayden Christensen from Star Wars, and more. And I guess I can share that, uh...

No way. Listen to the latest episode of Hey Jonas on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B.

I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. McBride, Ben Stiller, and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.