Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - Dad's New Girlfriend with Tiffani Thiessen

Episode Date: December 14, 2023

Tiffani Thiessen joins Chelsea this week to chat about the time she kicked her co-star off set, the mean girls of her past, and how a blind date turned into the man of her dreams. Then: A daughter is distraught when her dad starts dating too soon after the loss of her mother.  A botched blocking on Instagram blows up a friendship.  And a hairdresser’s dreams of becoming a writer may be slowly coming true. * Level Up Your Leftovers by Tiffani Thiessen * Books mentioned on today’s episode: Leave the World Behind * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the Internet and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators and plenty of overthought opinions. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. You know, I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy.

Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, Katherine. Hi, Chelsea.

How are you? I'm good. I'm good. I'm here. I'm queer. Get used to it. You are heading to Whistler very shortly, aren't you? I am.

I'm about to go on a road trip with the dogs, and I'm scared a little bit. But I'm also looking forward to it. I'm going to listen to a book on tape. I just have to figure out which book. Do you have any suggestions? You know what? I do. So I just watched the movie of this.

Leave the World Behind is a new movie that came out on Netflix. It's got like Julia Roberts and stuff, and it's about not post-apocalyptic, but like the apocalypse basically starting there's some like race elements in it it's very interesting called leave the world behind oh yeah i've heard about this somebody else mentioned that yes i read the book a couple years ago and i loved it it's really good and i loved the movie too so yeah that's what i would recommend leave the world behind leave the world behind okay chelsea you've got some new dates in in australia yes yes we just announced dates in australia and New Zealand. So I'm coming in July to Australia. So yes, get your dates there, chelseahandler.com.

And I still have all my Canadian dates this winter and more dates coming in the fall for North America, Chelsea Handler America, which is the lower 48, even though I'm half Canadian at this point. I mean, your tour goes right on through the rest of next year, right? Yes. There's no end in sight as of now. So I don't know. Honestly, I feel like it's a really good holiday gift because they can get themselves a ticket and their best friend a ticket or spouse or whatever but then they also get to go see you yeah it is a good holiday ticket and this show is so fun yeah i mean it's always fun but this is one is really stupid you know this one is so stupid because it's so not political because we're so all exhausted from politics and all that so this

one is really there's nothing quite like getting to masturbate on stage in front of thousands of people to show people what i was up to when i was nine years old excellent should we welcome our guest oh yes today we have one of my childhood idols Tiffany Amber Thiessen even though we were the same age probably I was obsessed with her growing up because I was always wanted to be a brunette even though I was dying my hair yes she's on today so I ran into her the other night I was like oh yeah you should come on the podcast she came to one of my shows so let's yes let's say hello okay I'm here with Tiffany Thiessen didn't it used to first of all Tiffany hello hi welcome welcome to the show what happened to Amber where is she so it's still there legally like on my

driver's license it says Tiffany Amber Smith now because I did take my husband's name but it's just my middle name it was hyphenated when I started this crazy business because I thought it was cool I guess it was kind of it was popular back then to have a hyphenated name they call that in you know in the UK they call that like a double barrel name when you have like well yeah I mean it's two last names but they use like right it's like a last name for your middle name right so it sounds a little bit more pretentious. But they hyphenated, which it wasn't legally hyphenated.

It was never legally hyphenated. You have to get something legally hyphenated? I don't know if they did, but on my resume and on all my headshots, they hyphenated it to make it Tiffany Amber,

which was weird. I don't know. Yeah. Some agent told me to do it and I was like, okay. Yeah. You know what a guy told me he wants to do?

He told me to put a bird on my fucking shoulder to do stand-up because he thought I wouldn't. This is Jamie Masada from the Laugh Factory once told me, put a bird on your shoulder

so you can separate yourself from the other girls he goes because you're too pretty I was like and he goes distracting that people wouldn't be able to pay attention to what I'm saying so he said a bird would help yeah and I was like well obviously I'm never gonna fucking do that and I still tell him the story anytime I pop into the laugh factory which is very seldom is he still working there yeah he still owns it yeah what was it like for you when you started out in this business because that was before anybody had any rules about how to treat women that's true right it's very true I have to say I think I was pretty lucky.

I had moments. One specific one I do remember when I was shooting 90210, which is nice. We actually can talk about this shit now. Yeah, yeah, for sure. I know, isn't that crazy? But yeah, no, I was actually pretty lucky to not have a lot of horrible stories. I've had a couple, but not for as long as I've been doing this business, you would think I would have a shit ton of them, but I don't, I don't actually.

You know, it's funny when you hear how prevalent and, you know, rampant it is. He had an actor totally grab me in the middle of a scene, and he thought it was okay because he was in character. And I was like, fuck you. This has nothing to do with being in character. He grabbed you in the Pikachu? Oh, completely. Stopped production.

I was pissed. I was mad. I was really mad, and I embarrassed the shit out of him in front of my whole— Good. Because it was my show. I was on 90210. It was my show. He was a guest star, like a reoccurring older gentleman.

Piece of shit. Total piece of shit. And I stopped production and everything. We were shooting in Mexico, too. Oh, good for you. I'm sure someone will figure out who it was. I gave a lot of clues. Yeah, yeah.

How was it working with the girls on 90210? That was probably, because my experience, my experience, I was, I had more trouble with women in powerful positions, not, because you guys were all kind of. I think women, I have a teenage daughter. I think women are 10 times harder. I know. They're total little you know what's. I know.

I think because they're just so emotional and they get insecure. Of course. You know, like my husband always says, guys would just beat it out. They'd hit each other and you'd move on. Like, girls are, like, manipulative. It's all mental, you know? So I think it's sort of the same. Yeah, they were cruel.

They were horrible. I've been very open about it. I talked about it on Howard Stern. Like, I'm very open about it. They all know it was terrible. They made me feel like shit. Well, because you were a newcomer on the show. I was a newcomer.

I was coming on replacing Shannon Doherty on the show. Oh, right, right. So that must have been it. And they didn't get along before that. They were having, I guess, issues with her in the beginning. And then I was coming on. But I was coming from another popular show. who knows what the reason was.

But yeah, it was bad at the beginning and then I think they finally realized I was kind of a nice girl. I wasn't mean or anything. And then they came around. Yeah. So I saw you recently. You were at my show at the Fantagious in LA. Thank you. It was such a nice surprise to see you there. Yeah, it was fun. It was awesome.

Yeah. So tell me about your life now. Tell me about your marriage. Tell me about being a mother. I want to know how... Do you really want to know? I do. I'm curious because I'm never going to do it so i'm always fascinated by it um i have quite a few friends who are very adamant and very sure that they do not want to have kids and i appreciate that because i appreciate people who know what they want for whatever reason career life choice marriage not marriage kids or whatever

i appreciate people who know what they want and i also appreciate we have a lot of people in this planet like for people who not who don't want to procreate good for you thank you i know exactly I mean, it's like a gift for the climate. So thank you. Yeah, you're welcome. I appreciate it. Tiffany, you're welcome. It's true, though.

I wanted to have a couple. I had one of each. I was lucky. And then I'm done. You know, I'm done. That's a lot of fucking work. And what is the best part about it? I think a little bit of the, like, when they do something good, you're like, ooh, that's me.

You know, like a little braggy. A little braggy. A little braggy at times, you know, in a good way, I guess. The unconditional love is quite nice. you know you don't have to work at it as hard like marriage is hard I feel like the unconditional part of having a child is a little easier because it's a piece of you maybe I don't know I don't know why you're not trying to cultivate a friend a relationship with them it's a very natural relationship yeah it's a natural thing as much as you know there's moments where I want to kill them

because I was reading this book and I it really got me thinking about you know how when you're a child you're so consumed as a being with being a child right you're not considering your parents existence even. You're not considering your dad's or your mom's job or the stress that they may be under. No, no, no, no. It's certainly not their history. You're not thinking like, oh, I wonder what my mom, what your child was like. I didn't, I didn't wonder. I was like, ah, I'm here and I need attention. It wasn't, it wasn't until later. It's so funny because you, you know, you're a child and you think you're the most important thing in the universe and your parents are the most important things in the universe as well, but you're not as interested in their like complexity

or nuance and then or story and then you become a parent and the role's completely flipped because all you care about is your child but it's not all you care about because but then you also have the other flip side so now I have aging parents too right so I have taking care of my children because I started a little later and then I have the taking care of my parents so it's it's this really interesting sort of dual other side yeah of taking care of people that you really care about right Right. The sandwich generation. That's the same. Right. Yeah. And that's kind of where I am right now. It's like both sides. And are your parents still together?

They are. They're still together, still married. My dad's a lot older than my mom by seven years. So we see the age difference now as they're getting older. My mom's still doing awesome. And my dad's, you know, definitely aging a little faster. Right. Yeah. So speak to me about that aspect of things like because I find it curious and compelling. Like, I'm very interested in how do you shift from what your own needs are to what your child's needs are? Like, when do you know that you, like, that has to be a priority, you know?

Regardless of being, like, sick or in the hospital or an emergency situation, how do you know how to balance what you want to do with your life? I think it's an everyday thing. There is no rhyme or reason. I do believe now that my children are a little bit older, I feel like I can have a little more selfish moments, you know? And I've talked about this pretty openly. I'm going to be 50. And I'm like, you know, I feel pretty good where I've been able to kind of almost breathe a little bit more with my kids now that they're older. Cause they're not babies. They're not infants where that is like 24 fucking seven. Yeah. I mean, they can do nothing. They

can't even sit up when they're born. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Like, so like I feel a little bit better, but now it's a different, it's a, it's a different difficult, right? It's, it's there. I have a teenager now, so I'm dealing with making sure like boys stay away from her. And she understands like you could ruin your life if you know if you do anything like that you know right now at 13 and like trying to get her to understand how bad social media is and not have that right now does she not have no she does not have it oh is she pissed about that oh yeah of course she's yeah she's she's she's asked for so long the last like year and a half that I think she's tired of asking so she's gotten a little bit better about it and she'll just kind of come over and check

mine out every now and then but yeah I mean it's I feel like this might be the moment in time where we all just, I know I'm not on social media nearly as much as I was before this whole thing started in the Middle East. I can't even look because it's so ugly and so nasty that I had to set a timer. I had my girlfriend, cause I'm technologically not equipped. I had my girlfriend set a timer, a time limit on my Instagram. They can do it. I'll shut it down for you. And show, but, but it gives you the option. Do you want to, your 45 minutes are up. Do you want to stay on or would you like to ignore this for an hour or do you want to ignore this for the day? And I'm like, uh, but that timer hasn't come up once in the last six.

This whole thing started. I know. Back in the day, we weren't meant to see all that kind of stuff. As much as I know we should and we should be aware of what's happening in our world, but it's a lot for the psyche. A lot. Yeah, it can really bring you down. And I think for a 13-year-old girl, I was like, uh-uh, no way.

No. Not happening. Like, they're not dealing with enough. I mean, I remember getting— They're already dealing with shit at school. I remember getting left out of stuff in, like, elementary school. Like, my girlfriends would all get together. And the reason I found out was because, like, one of the mean girls would say, we're all getting together without you.

And it would just, like, destroy me. Can you imagine if the evidence is just all in front of you? That instant. Yeah. That instant. And then they all talk about it. And then they share photos and this whole Snapchat thing. And, like, ugh.

And does your daughter have a pretty healthy attitude? Like, how would you describe her state of being with regards to social media? I think she's pretty good. But she's also 13. She's in middle school. And middle school sucks. I mean, I don't know anybody who said middle school was the best years of their life. wasn't mine, that's for sure.

I mean, certainly not high school. High school was brutal. Middle school was brutal, too. I think middle school was more brutal for me. High school, I just checked out. I had an older boyfriend and I was like, fuck this show. Me, too. I had an older boyfriend, too. I was like, I don't need you. I mean, it was illegal, for sure, what I was doing. I don't think I was, too.

Whatever. But we don't talk about that, Chelsea, because I have a 13-year-old daughter and she knows nothing about that. That's right. And I don't know what the statute of limitations is on that, so we'll just keep everybody protected here. and you're into food and you're into like i know you're into cooking because i love to cook i love food there's a new cookbook out what's the name of it uh here we go again okay it's called here we go again i need a fucking cookbook because i have a brand new house with this gorgeous kitchen

and i don't know what i'm gonna do i'll come over and i'll help you i would love that i'm also really good organizing too so i can help you put your kitchen away and also you're like very into clean food right and like you recycle like we're not wasting yes wasting yes yes yes yes yes i was to say clean food. No, I'll have a good mayo sandwich with some meat and bacon and all that. Yeah, no, no, no. I'm not Gwyneth Paltrow. I understand it. And I try to eat as clean as possible during the week. And then I have a little fun on the weekends. But no, I love food. I love all types of food. No, the book that I, this is my second cookbook. My first one was called Pull Up a Chair. And this one's called Here We Go Again. And I really wanted to do a book this time

around about food waste, because I believe it truly is one of the biggest contributors to climate change. Now, granted, you know, corporations are really the biggest issue, right, we have right now, but it really can start at least a little bit at home. And so I've been trying to teach my kids about, you know, recycling food in a way where I'm like, don't throw that out. We'll make them into like, you know, enchiladas tomorrow or whatever, like that kind of thing started. And then it got me thinking, I was raised that way. I was raised in a house where, you know, my dad worked two jobs to allow my mom to stay home and raise kids. And we didn't have a ton of money. So my mom was kind of doing this as I grew up. And I was like, my mom's really like the queen of

leftovers, really. Like that was how I learned how to like upcycle food. So I was like, I've never seen a cookbook like that. So that's what I did during COVID. I was like, oh, this sounds like a good idea. Let's try this one. I like upcycle food. I like that. That's good. Yeah. So anyways, and it's really trying to like, you know, teach my kids to be better. Because the kids are the worst. I feel like the kids are the worst about wasting. I know. It's like they need To have a class in school about climate change, like, totally dedicated to that. Well, I feel like they're starting to. Are they?

These kids are getting a little more—I think they're also, like, high in anxiety. I know. Like, really, like, having some anxiety issues, understanding, like, the issues that we're having in our world about climate change and all that. But I do believe—I think they are teaching. At least in my kids' school, they're starting to teach it. So, I don't know. We'll see. Let's hope.

So, tell me about your husband. How did you guys hook up? We are together 20 years, married 18, which in Hollywood is a fucking lifetime. We were set up on a blind date. Really? Isn't that crazy? And were you nervous to go on a blind date? No, I had been on a couple before.

Uh-huh. And he was supposedly a serial dater, too. So I think we were okay. Like, we were... But he was, like, a Texas boy. I didn't know anything about him. He had never seen any show that I had been on, so that was kind of fun.

Yeah. I had no clue. Right. You know, sort of had a clue, but, like, his college buddies knew who I was, but he wasn't really, like, I didn't watch any of those shows. So, and completely hit it off.

Like, first date, five hours long, and here we are. Oh, my God. Whoever sent you out must be fucking celebrating. They must think they are the shit. I mean, yes, I guess so. She probably feels that way. We don't talk anymore.

There were some issues with that, too. Don't worry. I have plenty of those. I hear you. Loud and clear. Loud and clear. I think she wasn't happy in her life. Yeah, that's usually how it goes.

Yeah. Absolutely. But you've been together for 20 years. For 20 years. And you see he's not in the business. He is in the business. That's what I'm saying. It's crazy.

So he's an actor. He's kind of made a shift, and he's mostly now, he's an artist as well, a painter, a graphic artist. And so now he's doing kids' books and graphic novels. And does he do the artwork for your illustration or any artwork for your books? No, actually he doesn't. I should make him do it. Yeah, it seems like that would be a nice collab. He would think so.

We did one children's book together, but now he does them all on his own because, I mean, I don't draw. And do you like being married? I do like being married. I mean, you know, let's be honest. There's days where I'm like, I could do this by myself so much easier. But, no, it's nice having someone to help, right, to parent together, not to have to make all the decisions, even though I feel like I make a lot of them. But, no, I'm being totally—I'm kidding. But you're not.

But, I mean, there's times. But I'm not. I mean, it's a very typical female-male dynamic. It is. I mean, I look at my parents, and they're kind of the same way. His parents are still married, who I'm very close to my in-laws. We come from very similar stocks. So it was an easy relationship from the beginning.

It really was. That's nice. I know it's not always like that. I know. I mean, you sound like you have a pretty cushy life and everything is pretty cool. Yeah. I mean, like, I'm pretty fortunate. He's not, you know, he's like a pretty normal guy.

I like it. Well, you seem pretty normal too. Yeah, I feel like I'm pretty normal. You don't feel like you've got any major issues that are jumping out. At least not now. Maybe later. I'm going to, by the end of the episode, I'll do a full analysis. Would you? Would you let me know where I sit?

No problem. We're going to take a quick break and we will be right back. There's no shortcut for saving time, but saving money is simple. Just combine your car and home insurance with Bel Air Direct and save. Get a quote at BelAirDirect.com. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files.

I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, Shut up. Don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive.

Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse.

Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility.

Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. We're back.

Sorry, I have never worn a hat while we're doing this podcast. I forgot to take it off. Yeah, but it still works. You still see your eyes. It's my Bruce Springsteen hat that he signed for me. Oh, I didn't even see that. That's so frack. My friends are like, you have to put that in a collector's whatever, a glass.

I'm like, no, I don't. I'm going to wear the shit out of this fucking hat. Are you kidding me? Bruce Springsteen? Oh, my God. That's awesome. Tiffany, you might not have any major issues, but hopefully you can help some folks that have major issues. Hey, I'm always up to discussing anything.

Yeah. So, confusingly, we have two Kylies today. Oh. Is one of them Jenner? Both of them are, actually. Both of them. It's one set of lips and then the other set of lips. Back to back.

Our first caller, Kylie, is calling in from Las Vegas. She says, Dear Chelsea, One of my closest friends got married a few years ago, and I showed the fuck up in every way, bridesmaids, bachelorette party, etc. When she had a baby a few years later, same thing. Basically, I've been there for every major life event for her, and of course I would be because I love her.

So when I got engaged and was planning a wedding, obviously I invited her. Then she told me she was pregnant with her second child, due a few months before my wedding. Our wedding was in Italy, which is a humongous ask, and I kept reassuring her if she couldn't come, it's totally okay. Weeks before the wedding and well after the RSVP date, she finally said she couldn't make it, which is completely valid. The weekend before my wedding, however, I'm in bed with my then-fiancé and he showed me his Instagram.

Said friend was at another wedding in a different state. I then went to my Instagram and she had blocked me so I wouldn't see. She explained she blocked me because she was, quote, protecting me and, quote, didn't want to hurt my feelings. I feel at a total loss here. My 20s are defined by this girl and the friendship we had, and never once have I had bad blood with her. But the fact that she can't even put pen to paper and write me a note or call me I found so incredibly disappointing. I feel sick over this, but I also don't know if I can forgive her.

This was all so messy and so unnecessary, and it kills me that someone I thought was a real one could act this way. Again, this has zero to do with her not physically being at my nuptials, but has everything to do with showing me the same love I've given her over the years. What should I do, Kylie? Hi, Kylie. You're cute. All the callers are cute. Are they?

They are. They're so cute. Sort of the prerequisite. Yeah. You have to be cute to call in. She's super cute. Hello. This is Tiffany Thiessen, our special guest today.

Hi, Kylie. How are you? I'm good. How are you guys? We're good. We just heard your letter about your wedding. When is your wedding? Has it happened yet? No. Yes, it was in September. You know, we both lived in the same area in New York City. We were like thick as thieves for years. She got married. I was

everywhere for her bachelorette party, weddings, baby showers, the whole nine yards. And then you consider her your best friend. Was she your best friend? Oh, for years. Yeah. For years. And you know, I get you know, I moved to Las Vegas. I met my now husband when I came out here to party for a weekend and now i live here that's a whole nother story yeah oh it's great um and i know you know she moved to atlanta and i knew we were never going to be as close but there was no reason for us to have a falling out yeah we used to say that it was destiny that we met each other and for her to act like this and just completely i can tell you're really hurt yeah oh my god i've been and I feel like a child. I'm 33 years old and I feel like I keep waking up in the middle of the night

and then rereading our text messages. And I'm like, I did tell her a hundred times if she couldn't make the wedding. It's fine. It's totally cool. I do not. I don't care. I mean, I know you got another life. You got kids. You got babies. I get it. I'm not going to hold it against you. Do you think she felt guilty? Is that where you think this comes from? Is that she felt guilty about telling you or being honest? I don't know. I really don't know. But what I'm struggling with now is moving forward. I just don't know how to move forward. What was the where where did she go from what state to what state to the wedding? The other wedding that she didn't tell you about. She said it was close by. So she lives in Atlanta

because you said it was another state that she went to. Yes. Right. Because I was thinking like, oh, Italy, obviously too far or whatever. But this was an out of state wedding. So I'm like, not exactly the same thing, but it depends. It could have been a dry. I mean, right. She could have driven. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I think it's just more probably what hurts you the most is the dishonesty, which that would bother me the most as well, because I don't believe in dishonesty. I don't care how hard it is to swallow it or not, especially if you're that close. Exactly. Yeah. What was your last exchange with her when you saw that she did go to this other wedding? So I messaged her. I was like, are you kidding me? Like you completely blocked me on

Instagram my husband sees it and all my other friends who know her see it as well and I go why did I don't understand why you had why I had to get this bad this messy for no reason and she kind of turned it around on me and was like you know this is who I am and if you have a problem with that this is who I am I that I'm not honest yeah she's like I don't know how many more times I can apologize you know I but did she apologize she kind of apologized but after the fact because she wasn't honest she apologized when she didn't rsvp after months and months and months and like only texted me she sent me like an ungrown plant that was supposed to grow into an olive tree i'm like whatever and then you should put that in your bathtub and see what happens ungrown plant

so annoying when people send shit like that i'm like an ungrown plant i'm like what am i supposed to do with a twig in it in you know a twig whatever so yeah and i was just you know i was getting excited for my wedding i'm moving on it's fine it is what it is and then you know i'm packing and i see that this is happening she blocked me i was like i was ready to kind of move on i was ready to just like put this in the past and then you block me so when i called her out for that she she kind of turned it around to me she's like this is my life like this is how i am you know if you have a problem then like have a great wedding and blah blah blah she got defensive yeah That's the wrong move.

That's usually what happens. Well, that's usually what happens when you know you're wrong. Yep, that's exactly right. Because it's like if the need to be right is so fierce, you're wrong. If you're really right, you don't have to be defensive about anything. You also don't need to lie. That's the thing. I've always said that.

And here's the thing. I'm going to say this. This is going to be a really simple thing because I've had a couple of relationships, and I had one that was best friend, long-time relationship. We had an issue, had a falling out. and another friend of mine said, you know, not all relationships last. Sometimes relationships and friendships last for a period of time in your lifetime for that period of time that you need them. You may not need her anymore. I know, but that like I, you know, when your phone,

you know, you wake up in the morning and your phone will show you pictures that you have on your reel and it will remind you of memories. I have so many pictures of her that it will just make a video montage of her face. I know. So did I. I mean, I didn't have this was a while ago, so I didn't have that phone that could do that. But I'm just saying, like, yes, I have those memories and they're great memories, but they're memories. Right. And so you take that part of your section of your life that you had with her and appreciate what she brought to your life during that time. Apparently, she can't give that to you right now. Wish her well. Thank her for what she gave you and know that it'll open the door for somebody else hopefully to come in and give you

what you need at that moment in the next chunk in your life i like that and another analogy let's use a plant because you have one and i'm sure it hasn't grown yet like think about a plant being watered every day right and think about the duration of a plant's life like however long that a lifespan is for a plant for six years say you got watered by one person and then after that someone else started watering you. You're still healthy because of it. You still have memories. You're still lively. You still have vibrancy because someone was watering you. It's just going to be a different person that's doing the watering from now on. I agree completely with what Tiffany said. Like you can't hold on to anger. The biggest thing you could do is be like,

okay, you know, if you want to write her one last thing, then that would be fine too, to be like, listen, I don't think that's what you need, you know, for closure. Like it was really upsetting for you to respond like that. Blocking me on Instagram was childish. There's just really no other way around it than that. That was childish. I've never put pressure on you to come to my wedding. In fact, I gave you out many, many times. So if you're mad at me, like you should really question about who you're upset with and why, because it shouldn't be me. I haven't done anything except called you out when you blocked me on Instagram, when you went to another wedding. Of course you're allowed to go to weddings, you know, but make it short and

sweet and loving and be like, you know, it's really sad that this feels like our relationship's over. And, you know, I just want to let you know, thanks for all the good memories. They pop up on my phone all the time and blah, blah, blah. I don't think you should try to, there's no reason in matching her level of anger, defensiveness, or like not being forthright. You know, I think you could kind of like, I think when someone demonstrates that behavior to you, it's an opportunity for you to demonstrate the opposite behavior because whether or not it heals now, or she's open to hearing it now, it's just good to put that vibe out there in terms of your energy and the people that you're going to want to attract moving forward that to keep your head

high and be generous of spirit and be like, okay, I got it. You know, I just want to let you know, like, I I'll think fondly of you. Yeah. I think what just, what struggled for me, because I didn't move far away from all the people that I've known and loved my whole life. And I just feel like I've just had to like slowly trim the fat off because my time when I'm home is very precious. And I really want to spend time with people that really bring me joy. And I just feel like through the years since I've moved here, I've now lived here for five years, like each year, like someone kind of is trimmed off. Yeah. And it's going to get trimmer and trimmer as you get older, I promise you. But that's kind of a good thing. Because honestly, your time is so

precious. And as you get older, that it's okay. Like because having 40 billion friends doesn't cut it you're too fucking tired first of all as you get older i agree i agree with that i'm tired but this one just felt like i hadn't been realizing it this one just this one just sucks yeah no that's okay i've been through one of those too long long-term girlfriend and for it was like our break our relationship was fracturing for like three years before we made a break three years i was like oh let me try and do this let me try and do this let me include her in this let me do And just every time I was reminded that we no longer had the friendship that we used to have. But we have different paths.

I mean, you have to remember, like, we really, as people, we're all so different. And sometimes when we come together, like you guys did, was an awesome time. You learned from each other. You supported each other, whatever you guys needed. But that doesn't mean you're going to continue doing that. So it sounds like you're at a place right now where that relationship has kind of run its course. And that's okay. Yeah, I get it.

It's just such a mourning for me because the other ones that I have, like, I saw the ones that were running their course. I was like, you know what? Let's leave those in the past. It's just like it's waking me up at night. I had one that did the same thing. I did. I did. You need to really just send good vibes her way as a way to, like, release your holding onto it because you need to move into the idea of you need to move into acceptance rather than resistance.

Because, you know, right now you're resisting it. You're like, I can't believe you're still upset. you're holding on to the hurt and it's okay to grieve but you have to understand this is just not the time in your life that she's going to be in it you know and unless she comes to you and she just like does a whole 180 or 360 or whatever the fucking degree circle term it is and comes and says i'm so sorry i'm so sorry then you would forgive her because you're being reasonable about all of this but also don't expect it no please don't expect i know and you know word on the street through you know my other friends is that she's apparently written me a letter but apparently

that letter was written like during my wedding weekend but that's but now it's November 13th there's still no letter you may never see it and that's okay too that's okay too you know what I mean truly I know it's hard because I can tell like you you've been through a lot of big moments with her and I feel like you were waiting for her to do that for you but that's part of friendship So you want to be able to share kind of similar things, right? And that's exactly how it happened. My best friend had gone, you know, she was actually her second marriage, but then, you know, had babies and all that, you know, and I was there for all of it.

And I hadn't done any of that yet. You know what I mean? So by the time it came around for me, it just, she wasn't the person that needed to be there for me for that. And it was hard, but it's okay. Do you have some other friends that you hang out with now? Vegas. I live in Vegas.

It is a really tough place to meet people. you know I moved here five years we were long distance for almost two years and my job at the time let me move out here it was like it was just a great you know situation but yeah I mean in New York I would just walk out my door and just meet that's a very different place yeah yeah yeah is Vegas gonna be it like is that where you guys are gonna stay you think or no no I mean I told him I wouldn't marry him unless we were getting out of here yeah that's a rough spot yeah I don't think that's helping the backdrop of Vegas is not an uplifting you know spirited kind of place yeah so you don't seem like a Vegas girl either and I don't know you well but

you know I found my weird little places here you know there is some great things about this place but you just really got to find them. It's like such a dig. But I think that's also heightened why I feel so sensitive about this topic is because I don't really have like a friend outlet as much here. I think you're right. Yes. And I think that's very smart to recognize that because that's going to help you move on, too. Oh, yeah. My poor husband, he's like, I don't want to hear about this anymore. Do you have a therapist? I do. Well, that's the outlet for it. You know what I mean? Because at a certain point, you don't want to keep belaboring it either. Not to your husband. You're just putting out that energy when you're constantly talking about it. When you're in the thing with like the therapist, and obviously this is a good place to talk about it because that's why you called in. But when you're in under the umbrella of therapy with another professional, then that's the place to really get into it. I know that was really helpful for me when I was dealing with this girlfriend that I was talking about because he was like, this doesn't sound like your friend.

And I'm like, I know, but she wasn't like this before. I'm like, she's never been like this. And he's like, well, you know, you're changing and that she probably doesn't like that. She's not on board with that. And that's exactly what was true. And it was a very, very hard pill to swallow. But you have to understand, like, everything does pass. You know what I mean?

This, too, will pass. Like, everything just needs a little bit of time. and then it doesn't feel as acute as you're feeling right now and you should really just start like just start a meditation practice where you are sending her it's like called loving kindness meditation and you send her and then people you know you go down a whole list of people we've talked about it on this podcast many times but you can look it up loving kindness meditation and then there's a bunch of other ones just to get yourself like in a like a higher vibrancy so that that doesn't kind of take you down like a gift to yourself you know like this

is what I want to attract. I want to attract people I want to hang out with. I want to attract whatever your hobbies or if you want to add hobbies or interesting books to read, like anytime you can take yourself out of yourself, you're reminded that it's one person in this mass universe of billions of people. And she's not going to define how you think about yourself or feel about yourself. Yeah, you're right. I think also it's interesting now in the world that we live in that you kind of are able to hold on to things a little longer because the social media like back in the day you were just like okay I'm done with this person like whatever goodbye I don't need to see your face so I'm friends with all her friends she's friends with

all my friends you know it's like it's so intertwined the worlds and I'm not there and it's just I just see it and I just don't yeah that's what makes it harder to let go and I've been taking serious social media breaks because of this yeah that's a good thing because I'm like I can't see it. That's not a bad thing. That's not a bad thing. I don't hate her, but I'm just so disappointed. And I think I need to start taking the step of, it just, it hurts.

I just feel hurt. And I hate that it stems from a wedding. It like, that makes me want to die. I hear you. I hear you. Yeah. But just start giving yourself medicine in different ways. Meditation, things that are just going to like lift your spirit a little bit more,

because that's what it does. You know, meditating every single day, even for five minutes, it gives you a little boost. And then you're like, oh, my God, why was I worried about that? And why was I worried about this? And, yeah, I would stay off social media as much as you possibly can. You're not fucking missing anything. No, you're not. Exactly.

And you may find, like, as the sting sort of dissipates, you find yourself able to throw a heart on her posts or send her, like, good vibes and be like, oh, those are, like, her cute kids in their whatever, Halloween costumes. I have a friend a situation just like this where it's like I still love her but at the same time like she's not the person I prioritize when I'm visiting home because she showed me that's not where she's at with me you know what I mean I don't hurt mine so just so you know you don't have to you know you wish them well I still wish but it's always good to just put good output out there it's good it's good to be the bigger person I wrote my exit letter but I wrote it knowing that I was not going to give it to her. And that helped me because I put it, you know, like thought to pen, right? And I wrote it and maybe that's what she did to you and she's not going to give it to

you, but whatever. This is about you. So I did that and I folded it up and I just literally put it in my drawer and I never gave it to her, but it was helpful to just get all my thoughts out. Again, not giving it to my, at that time, fiance, now husband, because it was too much. It was getting, I was just like, I was so upset. I was hurt. I was pissed. And it helped me move on a little bit. And there is something about writing it down that like you get out of rumination mode because your brain is constantly trying to think of like the ideas and remember the things that you would say. But if you get it physically out of your body, that's really helpful. Yeah. Well, that's what I originally did. I do that in my notes section. And then I was like

in my car, just marinating. I parked in my garage, just like sitting there. And I was like, you know what? I'm going to send this to dear Chelsea. And then I just edited it for you guys. And I was like, okay. And then I was, it's out in the world. I'm going to send it. And here we are. Okay. Kylie. Well, do a loving kindness meditation. And I think maybe like in 30 days will you check in with us and tell us where you're at with it? Yeah. Cause you have to take some steps actively between now and then to start filling yourself back up and getting rid of the like kind of pain that you're holding on to because it's not good for you yeah so that's you're going to do it in the effort like you're giving yourself medicine

okay you got it yeah and get back to us in 30 days and tell us how your mood is okay okay i will thank you guys so much and when you're feeling inclined to go on you know in moments of weakness to like look at the friends instagram or do that stuff like scroll i think you should really go try to read a book or a treat, do something else so that you're just giving yourself a little bit more space away from it. Especially if you're looking at it feeling a little weak, don't ever look at it when you're feeling like you're searching for that specific thing. Don't go on it. And don't comment snarky things. No snark. No. No. You wouldn't do that. No. All right, Kylie. Thank you for calling in. It was nice talking with you guys. Thank you for having me

on. Bye, Kylie. Good luck. Bye. I mean, living in Vegas was the worst part about that story. I just can't. Poor thing. She so doesn't look like someone that you would like. I mean, from New York to Vegas? That's crazy. Oh, it's brutal. I had

a boyfriend that lived in Vegas, and I was like, what are you doing with this house? Get rid of it immediately. We didn't really live there, but he had a house there, and I'm like, no. For what? Who knows? I'm like, Vegas is not for living. It's for visiting. Just to throw a loving kindness meditation in there for anybody who is listening.

I found this one actually a couple weeks ago and I made a note of it because I knew it would come up again. May you be comfortable. May you be nourished. May you be appreciated. May you be loved. And you can think that about like maybe someone who you're really close with and then someone you're less close with and then this person you're having an issue with. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a good one.

I use that. Right? Isn't that nice? I like it. Yeah, I used it for like 60 days after, I don't remember, after I broke up with someone. Yeah. My SUV is worth more than ever. Time to upgrade?

There's never been a better time. At Plaza Auto Group, locations get top value for your trade and shop hundreds of new and pre-owned vehicles across 11 locations. And if you can't come to us, we'll come to you. With best-in-class pricing, unbeatable trade values, and 70 years of trust, it's easy to see why families choose the plaza auto group plaza auto group celebrating 70 years family owned and operated visit plazaautogroup.com when i was 14 years old i was kidnapped and held captive for nine months i survived and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files i just remember

this low taunting voice next to my ear saying shut up don't say anything every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable i knew if he woke up without a doubt he was going to hurt me i started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed and i just started screaming they are abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced but these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to the Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club,

part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters,

then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first.

I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people, and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Are you ready for Kylie number two?

Yeah. Is she in Vegas too? Where is she from? She's in Pacific Northwest. She's up north. So Kylie number two says, Dear Chelsea, the holidays are quickly approaching, and I'm in a predicament. My mom passed away in January, and it was indeed one of the hardest moments we faced as a family. About five months after her passing, my dad let us know he was seeing someone. My parents had been married almost 30 years, so to hear of a partner so soon was gut-wrenching.

Men, and then she did the eye roll emoji. Since then, he's asked me and my sisters if we'd be willing to meet with her. Both of my sisters are against it and totally refuse, and I simply told them I'm not ready. He was understanding, but you could see it crushed him. He mentions her from time to time and even asked if he could take my three- and one-year-old to see her. Again, my response is, not yet. Now it's time for the holidays, and my grandma, my dad's mom, wants my dad and his girlfriend to host. My heart is broken to think that not only will I be grieving the first holidays without my mom, but I also won't be spending it with my family.

I'm fortunate to have an amazing support system and my husband's family during this time, and maybe it will just be a pill I eventually have to swallow, but I'm just not ready yet, and I'm afraid I'll spend the holiday crying and make everyone feel uncomfortable. How do I handle this? Kylie. Hi. Hi, Kylie. This is Tiffany Thiessen, our special guest today.

She's here. Hi. I'm so sorry about your loss. Thank you so much. When did your mom die? January of this year. And you cared for her for a little while before she passed, correct? Oh, yes.

Yeah. She came and lived with us. Yeah. Yeah. So I think it's completely reasonable. And you said it in your letter, like it's too soon for you to have, not yet is a very gracious way to say, I'm getting there, but I'm not there yet, you know, or I know I have to get here, but I'm not there yet.

And it's totally reasonable for you to tell your father what it is. Like, I know this is, you know, disappointing to you, but I have to honor my feelings and I'm not ready. I'm not ready to meet your new girlfriend. I'm not done mourning my mother. And it's hard for me to even think of you with someone else. So I really need you to respect my wishes during this time. I love you. I understand that you don't want to be alone and that you found someone, but that's not part of what I'm ready to deal with yet. It's not like it's been five years. It's been not even a full year. Yeah. Yeah. So I think it's totally fine. And you can put,

I would put that in a letter. I love that idea. I'm not very good verbally talking about it with him, so a letter sounds like a really good idea. Yeah, and you can CC your other sisters and make sure everyone has eyes on it, you know? Yeah, yeah. And your sisters feel the same way?

My sisters are more passionate about never meeting the person. Oh, okay. Are they younger? Are they younger than you? I'm the middle. The middle. I was the middle, yes. Okay.

Is there any particular reason that they don't want to meet her ever? like is it someone that you guys knew already or just relationship wise there are whole lives it's been rocky with our parents but uh i think i chose to forgive and they're still in their healing process okay so there's some backstory then i feel like so your parents relationship was rocky or your relationship with your parents was rocky both all of it yeah yeah yeah yeah okay so I think I uh feel like I want him to be happy and us not meeting him is stopping that happiness or meeting her I should say it's not it's kind of stopping that happiness but no it's not stopping his happiness he's he's probably happy when he's with her but he he's

just not getting a full he's not getting everything he wants that doesn't mean he's not happy not everybody gets that you know can you elaborate a little bit on the rockiness like what was the dynamic that made it rocky their relationship yeah their relationship for sure I mean they loved each other so much but one two um I don't want to like say narcissist but very self-absorbed people create humans it causes a lot of disruption yeah yeah you might want to leave that part out of the letter but um I get it I get it I'm like which is but what's better one narcissist as a parent or two I don't know two don't seem to cancel each other out so it's like shit no I think you can write it in your very sweet way that you are you can tell that

I can tell the how sweet you are and and just be honest and that's it you don't owe him anything and I think it sounds like you have too already like you've had a little bit of this conversation with him right yeah yeah I can shut it down though because I'm very emotional when I speak brilliant things. I just didn't want that to come across. Right. Yes. Yeah. And so a letter is perfect. So write a letter and just say it all. And you don't have to cc your girl, your sisters or do whatever you think is right. Well, because this is about you. They they can handle themselves. And this is really your relationship with your dad and what you feel right now. Not about them. Now, does the girlfriend have like adult kids or anything or family nearby?

She unfortunately has lost both of her kids. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, at young ages. Okay. Yeah. Oh, they've died? Yeah. That's a lot of loss.

No. A lot of trauma bonding, I feel, in that relationship. And you know what? That's very common, actually. It's very common in a lot of relationships. Men are just so disappointing. It's like, they should be alone for a year. No, honestly.

They really can't. It's just so pathetic. No, they can't. I'm sorry. and I'm so glad you have somewhere else wonderful to go for the holidays with your husband or your boyfriend and his family that's awesome like thankfully you have something you have that you know yeah you have kids don't you you said you had kids yes yeah so just trying to keep it special for them I guess absolutely put all your energy into those I'm telling you that's where

that's where you put your energy babe one thing you could do sort of to honor her would be you know, if there was a special tradition that she loved to do or a special dish she loved to make, you could make that and bring it to your husband's holiday party. And I think if that doesn't feel right, another option is to just do something that feels completely unlike anything you've done before. For example, a friend of mine after her divorce for Mother's Day, you know, instead of doing the thing at home with the gifts and the breakfast and all of that, she took her kids to six flags and you know they just ride roller coasters together and like have a great time and eat churros um so yeah i think there are a couple ways you can honor your mom and make sure

you carve out a special moment for her do you normally go to your parents house to my grandparents but my grandma's really pushing my dad doing it with his new partner so yeah do your grandparents understand where you're coming from no old school yeah yeah well i just don't know how you could say anything like that and have anybody like keep going with an argument I would be like I got it you got it yeah you're coming from such an honest place you can you can hear it and see it in your face yeah yeah yeah I think if you're just honest with him this hurts too much at this point but I love you all the good things and give your kids and your husband an extra squeeze too we'll look at next year maybe we'll see yeah yeah right I mean there's always next year dad maybe

yeah yeah well thank you ladies so much it was so great to talk nice to meet you lots of love sweetheart lots of love thank you bye i remember when my mom passed away my father i wrote this story in one of my books my brother roy was at my dad's house he walked in and my his housekeeper was in the kitchen naked cleaning with no pants or top on and my father was on the couch watching in his boxer shorts this was a week after my mother's funeral and roy sent our whole brother and sister thread a text being like i have an update for everybody who's wondering what dad's been up to this is it yeah and we were like oh my god men are funny something is wrong with everyone men are funny i have a very good friend who found out his dad has been spending their life savings

going to those massage places every day. Oh, my. Racking up major bills when his wife was at home. How many massages can you get in one day? Well, I think he was doing, like, four a day. Oh, wow. I didn't even know that was legal. And he was not a spring chicken.

That's your retirement fund. But, like, all the money, like, gone. Yeah, because at a certain age, men probably can't perform, right? So they'd rather just watch a woman. I don't even want to think about what's going on. Me neither. Okay, we'll take a quick break,

and then we'll come back and wrap it up with Tiffany Thiessen. There's no shortcut for saving time, but saving money is simple. Just combine your car and home insurance with Bel Air Direct and save. Get a quote at BelAirDirect.com. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files.

I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. but these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart

on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters,

pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters,

then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first.

I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people, and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. We're back, Catherine.

We are back. Well, our last caller today, or all callers today, is Rob. He's finally not a Kylie, and he is in New York City. And he's got a bit of a career transition question, so I thought both of you would be great to help answer that. Dear Chelsea, first off, I have to tell you how much I love and appreciate the podcast. I listen to every single episode and feel like I learn a little bit more about myself with each story that's shared.

Recently, I've been feeling super trapped in life and in my career choice. I'm a hairstylist and have just never been super passionate about it. I thought it would be a super easy job and the money would just roll in, but it's fucking hard and people are exhausting. I have been brainstorming for years on what to do with my life, and I haven't really figured out what would make me happy. I even tried college three times and have no degree to show for it. As a child, I dreamed of being a writer, but never had the confidence to just go for it. I never thought that people would want to hear what I have to say, and I've felt for a long time that most of my clients come to me to hear stories about my hot

mess of a dating life. I also feel like I have a pretty wild imagination, so why not write a book about my shenanigans? I find that sometimes I'm super confident in this becoming a great book that will give people a laugh, and then I go to a negative place and think my writing is shit and no one will care, that I'm not smart enough to write. Any advice on how to get past this? I dream that one day I'll be done and I'll be a guest on your show and not just asking for advice, just trying to manifest here. Rob. And he's going to join. Hi, Rob. Hi, how are you? I'm good. How are you? Hi, Rob. Good. Oh, my God. It's Tiffany Thiessen. Hi. Hi. I have a thought a little bit about thinking of it as like I have to write a book or have to like have a compendium of all my

experiences. And I wonder if there is like a smaller piece that you can break this down into, whether it's like I'm going to write an essay about this funny thing that happened or like I'm going to do a TikTok. Like, I don't know, funny dating stories like that feels TikTok to me. And like doing something that feels a little more manageable and a little bit easier and or a blog like soon enough you'll have several things that like maybe can become a book have you actually started writing at all because it sounded like you started oh okay yes i've started writing um i had about like a good 100 pages going on wow i've been on the go well that's good i just get too much in my head sometimes and then i don't even know who could read this for me to give me

a little bit more advice? Or if I wanted to publish it someday, how would I even go about that? But why would he, in my opinion, why think of that right now? Exactly. I know. I'm like thinking like way too far. So far, right? Like I think what she was kind of saying, Catherine is saying like, maybe take it smaller. Take it, take it a little bit smaller instead of looking at like who knows how far in the future. Take it where you are right now and say, let's finish this chapter or this many pages or whatever, you know, sometimes biting off something you can chew a little bit easier than like a huge meal or a huge banquet is a lot easier. I try to give myself like I say, oh, I'm going to get up in the morning and maybe I'll sit for

like a half hour or an hour. And then if I go past that rate and if I don't, it's OK, we could put it down for a little bit and just step away. You should pick up this book called Daily Rituals. It's about all these artists and philosophers and like painters and writers, basically like what their work ethic is and like what their hours of productivity are. And you'll see a very common theme, which is like, you know, first thing in the morning, I know this is true for myself when I write and I'm writing a book right now too. And it's completely overwhelming and I know where it's going and I know when it's going to be published and I, everything that has, that you're talking about, you know, is still

applicable to anyone who even has a plan so like you do have to take it one day at a time but what's cool about this book is it says like the early morning hours are your most you know where you're the most clear of mind and you have the most hours of productivity and then a lot of people take breaks in the afternoon and then they'll do something physical or many of them just start drinking and then then they come back for like an afternoon session and and do that but I know for me, like I write, I write an hour, two hours, sometimes three hours if I'm really, really feeling it in the morning. And, you know, you're coming back and you're editing and you're losing stuff and you're adding stuff all the time. That is the process of writing. So it's not important

that what you write is perfect. It's like, okay, sometimes I take fragments of a sentence and put it in a completely different chapter because I'm like, wait, this applies to that. And so it's constantly reorganizing constantly editing and you have to get into that rhythm where you're just doing it all the time like you have to give yourself one hour every morning let's make it one hour not a half hour one hour every morning and if you go beyond that great but then you're on like you know then you start to feel like you you have a pattern and you have kind of almost a system in place so because that will breed more and more creativity and the more you write the more you write you know what I mean the more you sit down and say I have to write the more you're just going

to start writing and some of it may be crap and some of it you may throw out the window but there's going to be slivers of greatness in there like we all have important things to say and you don't have to worry about anyone seeing it until you're at a place where you think this is ready to show another person and it's usually not when you think it is and I know from experience I send in chapters way too early then and I'm like wait I'm not even done with those I'm just trying to show them I'm doing something so the longer you can have without anyone looking at it the better off it's going to be anyway. Yeah. I figured I shouldn't always be looking for other people's feedback to validate myself. Yeah. So take the pressure off and also just write a list of the way you want to be every

day. Like you write, say every day I write from, you know, nine to 10 or whatever your hour is after that, you know, you don't have to make a whole list of things, but like however you're going to fit your writing in throughout the day, you know, I'm always writing notes in my notes section and then I go through that and I implement them into the chapters and stuff, but don't start worrying about shit that doesn't apply to your situation. It's just a waste of your energy and a waste of your time. And that energy can be put into your writing. And every time you, yeah, every time you do start worrying about it, go back to writing. Anytime you're like, who am I going to show this to? How am I going to get this sold? Just go back to writing. Go and be like,

oh, I have to go right now for 40 minutes for letting those thoughts, you know, control me. It's a punishment. You know, like it's a good way to just like get back in the game. And the more productive you are, the better and more confident you're going to feel about it as as time goes on so just consistency is key with anything like this yeah yeah i just have to be more disciplined without beating myself up about it yeah then then use this call as your wake-up call to become more disciplined yeah i won't just write a big like put a piece of paper next to your desk next to your computer that says chelsea and tiffany say these and then the following things every morning i write for one hour yeah put your phone down put the alarm on so you know when an

hours up and you are not allowed to look at your phone yeah no looking at phone absolutely yeah the worst distraction yeah i would like leave my phone in my bedroom or something i like throw it to the side it's yeah and i live alone so it's a lot easier to have quiet time yeah for sure yeah and then give yourself a reward you can now go masturbate or go take a walk whatever you're into i always masturbate after i write that's not a bad idea actually i recently felt like i was abusing smoking a little too much so i've given it up it's probably been about three weeks now and i definitely feel like i'm thinking clearer oh yeah for sure good for you yeah don't fucking smoke i am terrible everyone a couple months i'm like i could have

a cigarette and then i'm like no i can't why can i have a cigarette oh smoking weed oh yeah no that'll fuck your mind up too yeah yeah I can't I can't write when I'm smoking weed only when I'm polishing then I could go when something's almost done then I go back and I'm like use it as a polisher yeah I use it as like you know put in some more humor thank you so much and then when it does get published I would like to have a little bit of a you know little blurb yeah just a little just a tiny little one okay or yeah or our names could be in the title you decide I'm okay with that. Awesome.

Thanks, Rob. Good luck. Thank you. Bye, guys. Bye. Okay, so anybody, you can pick up Tiffany's new cookbook. Don't forget, she's the host of MTV's Deliciousness. And you can pick up her newest cookbook, which is called Here We Go Again, Recipes and Inspiration to Level Up Your Leftovers.

Leftovers. And her previous cookbook is called Pull Up a Chair. So you can get both. You can get both. Holiday gifts. Yes. Thank you, Tiffany. Thank you. So nice to see you. Yes. Thank you. Chelsea, do you have some new dates for us?

Oh, you know, I do. You know, I do. I have a lot of, we added lots of Canadian cities, Canadians. I'm coming. We added about 15 new tour dates. I'm coming to Denver again, Salt Lake City, Vancouver, Richmond, Virginia, Santa Rosa, California, Gary, Indiana, Baltimore, Verona, New York, and about seven dates in Canada. So go to ChelseaHandler.com. I am performing everywhere. I will be on tour all for the rest of the year through December. And then next year, I'm going to be touring all year. So come and get it, you guys. It's good times and it's a very much needed reprieve from all the fucking madness that's going on in this world. So I'm here to bring joy and sunshine.

If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at dearchelseapodcast at gmail.com and be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert, executive producer, Catherine Law. And be sure to check out our merch at chelseahandler.com. i survived nine months in captivity and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced these are stories about what it takes to make it out alive listen to the Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever

you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. You know, I'm always searching for

inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. a podcast about what happens when a small town becomes the site of a social experiment and fights back. Guess you didn't move in on a bunch of dumb hillbillies now, did you?

Listen to Our Town on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.