Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - Everyone’s a Little Bit Bi with Bretman Rock

Episode Date: March 10, 2022

Chelsea is joined by multi-hyphenate Bretman Rock to talk about sugar daddies, why everyone’s a little bit bisexual, and how to know if your grandma is looking out for you from beyond the grave.... Then: A 20-something wonders if she should stick with a guy who can’t get it up.… or ghost him for good. An ex attempts to get back with his boyfriend without ruining their friendship.  And a girlfriend wants to get engaged ASAP - or else.   * Executive Producer Nick Stumpf Produced by Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human. Okay, hi. Oh, hi, everybody. It's us. It's Katherine and Chelsea. Hi. And it's called Dear Chelsea is what you're listening to in case somebody tricked your phone. Yes. I found mushrooms in my place in Whistler. I had these chocolate mushrooms that I supplied the entire mountain, probably BC, British Columbia, with last year when I was in Whistler. And then when I left, I left everything there.
Starting point is 00:00:28 And so this year when I was going through my things, I found them and I have been taking like the tiniest, like a half of a half a square every day. Because now that I know more about micro dosing, like I don't like the rush of the feeling, but I like the up of the feeling. I have to say, like I found a perfect dose. Is this the chocolate mushrooms? These are chocolate mushrooms. Now in Whistler, everyone has capsules. They give you 50 milligrams or 100 milligrams or 250 milligrams, which are also just like they don't make you hallucinate. They just give you an up and it's almost imperceptible and it's nice and it's great if you're outside in nature.
Starting point is 00:01:06 These, though, I took a little one a few days ago just to see because I was like, oh, you know, when you're not acclimated, you know, you can have bigger reactions. And I don't like that whoosh feeling that sometimes comes on with mushrooms where you're like yawning and it's very overwhelming and you almost nauseated slightly. Anyway, I think I found the perfect dosage. And I gave some to Joe Coy, who's never done mushrooms, but somebody had given to him. Well, he doesn't need an upper. You know what I mean? Yeah. Somebody gave them to him in Canada and we were falling asleep.
Starting point is 00:01:37 We had played pickleball and we were falling asleep that night. And he's like, honey, you're just so funny. Everything you say is so funny. and I was like uh-huh uh-huh and he goes I just can't stop smiling every time I think of you I'm like oh my god honey those are mushrooms that's what you're feeling that was not a microdose that's a dose and he's like is that what it is I go yes going to bed with a smile on your face is mushrooms so I just want everyone to know that you also can go to bed with a smile on your face if you get yourself some mushrooms too I I've never done mushrooms that's very hard for me to
Starting point is 00:02:09 believe. Really? Do I seem like a person who's like out in the world? Yeah, I would think that you've experimented with drugs. I have. Well, let me tell you, I am also like not a very good weed smoker. The first time I ever smoked weed, it was great. I had a fun time. The second time I ever smoked weed, I had the worst time ever. It was in Indiana. It was like maybe laced with something like hallucinations, voices. It was terrible. That definitely sounds like it was laced with something yeah so I didn't touch it for the longest time and I can really only do it when like my set and setting are very specific like I feel very safe but I also just find like I don't love the feeling of being high I don't love the feeling of like the time distortion but I do just like and
Starting point is 00:02:54 this is advice I got from you from working on this show but just doing tiny tiny doses like I find And even one or two and a half milligrams is like my sweet spot, where it's just a little twinkle. Yes. Like you don't feel high. Yes. That's good that you found that out about yourself and that you didn't shy away from it because there is a right amount for everybody.
Starting point is 00:03:15 And some people's, sometimes like yesterday, I had a day off unexpectedly. I thought I was working all day and I had the day off. And so I had a fun day and I took two edibles at around three o'clock, got into bed and watched a bunch of TV, which is basically my favorite thing to do in the whole world is to lie in bed and watch TV, especially if there's something good. I love it. I love it. I got that from my mom. My mom used to lie in bed all the time. And then when I was seeing my therapist, he's like, your mom sounds like she was depressed. I'm like, well, then I'm fucking depressed, too, because I've got the same sleeping gene. I just want to be snuggling all the time.
Starting point is 00:03:51 And you're on the go so much. I'm sure that it's like, yeah, but I haven't. I have an inordinate or disproportionate desire to to be in bed like it's just too it's outweighs everything else I'd like to be doing so yes I can have a very busy life but I have no problem chilling the fuck out good very good well I have a follow-up from someone who has taken your advice Chelsea this is from Christina and she joined us on our episode with Taylor Tomlinson comics dating comics She was the one with the boyfriend who her friend thought he was a deadbeat, but she's a lawyer, and she needed to talk to her friend about how she's really into this guy. She says, Dear Chelsea, I have a little update. I talked to my friend, and we had a really honest conversation.
Starting point is 00:04:38 She admitted that she did want me to break up with my boyfriend, but mostly it was because she feared I wasn't just settling for him. I was settling in life. Side story, in law school, I interned at the ACLU and my school's environmental law clinic. I wrote a published piece on racial discrimination post-9-11. Like, this woman does everything. She's wonderful. Suffice it to say, I really care about social justice and have much bigger dreams than my current corporate job. I'd love to take a job doing something I care about, but those are scarce in Miami.
Starting point is 00:05:09 My boyfriend has always said he'd never leave Miami. She said she really believes in me and thinks I can do so much more than just live in Miami with my boyfriend forever. And I explained to her I understand I have my own fears about waking up in 20 years with regret. But for now, I have no idea what life has in store and I'm still hopeful I won't have to compromise my dreams or my relationship. Maybe it's cocky, but I'm really shooting to have it all. So I made it clear we're not breaking up anytime soon and asked that she please respect my decision. She seemed a little disappointed, but understanding, and so far our friendship is as strong as ever, minus the verbal subtweets. Thanks so much for your advice, and I cannot wait to see you on your vaccinated and horny tour.
Starting point is 00:05:50 Oh, well, good. That's good. Good. Great. Good for her. Yeah, yeah. I'm excited for her. Uncomfortable conversations are worth having. Yeah, and especially if, you know, the friend is somebody who can handle that conversation, then, you know, they're there to stick around. Yeah, and also the truth brings you together. Like, saying that she wanted you to break up with him is truthful, and that's not easy to say either. So, like, it's good that she was honest, and it's good that you were honest.
Starting point is 00:06:16 Yeah, absolutely. Well, we have a really exciting guest today. Oh, yeah. He's an internet sensation, you guys. Oh, my God. And he's Filipino, so you know that I love Filipinos. You guys, if you don't follow this guy on Instagram or TikTok, he is an Asian-American digital superstar known for his unique sense of comedy, gender bending fashion and creating the new standard of male beauty that is followed by over 45 million fans globally he is comedy fashion and beauty sensation bretman rock he has his own
Starting point is 00:06:48 tv series on mtv it's called bretman rock and his youtube originals limited series 30 days with bretman rock which showcases him digging deeper into his spirituality while alone and off the grid in the jungle. Please welcome this little nugget, Bretman Rock. Bretman! Oh, my God. Let me see that hot little body. Why are you hiding it from us? This is Catherine. Catherine's my producer. Hi. Hi, Miss Catherine. I love the purple hair. Thank you. It's nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. Bretman, the last time that you and I spoke, are you good? Are you ready? Yes, I needed some lighting, you know? Oh, honey, of course you need it.
Starting point is 00:07:32 By the way, Bretman's pronouns are he, she, and they. So you can just call him, her, they, whatever, right? Whatever you see, honestly. That's what I say. Whatever you see is what you can call me. Well, what I see is a phantasmagoria of light and energy. That's what I see when I look at you. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:07:51 I am a divine creature. I get that a lot. Thank you. First of all, I'm Panay now. Did you know that? I know. I was like, we have so much things in common now. You're like Filipina these days.
Starting point is 00:08:02 Thanks to the power of semen, honestly. Oh, tell me about it. Also, I did not know you guys were dating for the longest. I thought you guys were just like besties for a while because you guys were just like making videos. And I was like, Miss Jokwe and Miss Chelsea's really hanging out. And Hawaii loves Jokwe, by the way. I was there.
Starting point is 00:08:20 I don't know if he's told you, but he had like nine sold out shows back to back to back. I didn't even get a ticket. but um my mom wanted to go well we're gonna hang out with you when we come in july i'm there july 3rd and 4th in maui and then oahu aren't you on oahu i'm on oahu wait did you name his book mixed plate because of his experience in hawaii or what because i have a theory that is because he ate at zippy's i ate at zippy's yes and like all of the food and zippy's are like all mixed plate food so i was like hmm he probably ate at zippy's well we came we came the last time he was
Starting point is 00:08:56 playing the blazedale arena with the last time we were here we came for thanksgiving and so i was there for like literally two and a half days otherwise we would have been looking for you but in those two and a half days i ate more mayonnaise than i've eaten in 45 years because in hawaii they put mayonnaise on everything everything mayonnaise and sometimes we do the mayonnaise ketchup mix you know like the cute little hot pink color we put that on everything too. Is there a name for that? Is that Russian dressing mayonnaise and ketchup? I don't know what we call it. But I am the mayonnaise that I think you're like, do you like the mayonnaise here? Well, I just don't need that much mayonnaise really on anything. Because I think we use like
Starting point is 00:09:36 more of the Japanese mayonnaise instead of like the Yeah, it's like an aioli, isn't it? Like an aioli sauce kind of thing like calamari. Yeah, it comes like a soup more so than a dish. But whatever, you know, if I'm going to transition into being a Filipina and being Hawaiian, I'm just going to have to accept all of these things and let my body just do its thing. Yeah. Also, we're both like Playboy models now, Miss Chelsea. I don't know if you saw that. I saw that. I saw that. That was a dream come true for you recently, right? It truly was. And then I saw your Christmas one that you posted like a while back. And I was like, she's really coming for my gig. First she's Pupil, now she wants to be a Playboy model.
Starting point is 00:10:14 I've always been coming for you, Bretman. Bretman and I first met. We did this makeup collaboration for something a few years ago. And Bretman showed up to the set and was one hot mess. And this is from the queen of hot messes, okay? Okay, first of all, let me explain myself. When my first manager told me about that deal, I was like, what is me and Chelsea going to talk about?
Starting point is 00:10:35 So she was like, oh, you know, you guys have so many things in common. You guys are both funny and you guys smoke weed. So I was like, I'm going to go high. so i took a fat rip before i came and that was that so i was i yes i was a mess miss chelsea and i'm so sorry no i don't it wasn't it wasn't a shoot that required us to be anything less than a mess to be honest with you we had to be a mess but cover it up yeah exactly he did my makeup i think i tried to do his anyway no remember you were like mad at me because i think like last minute i was like i don't think i could do her makeup today so i ended up like having to teach
Starting point is 00:11:10 you how to do it oh yeah you couldn't apply it yourself why was that because i low-key don't know how to do other people's makeup like i know how to do my face but like i feel like if i did your makeup you would have just looked like me which i mean there's not really a problem with that but um i didn't want you to look like a brevin rock so that i i think it's because i know how my face is shaped and like we obviously have different face shapes and we do look like an egg what's going on with you these days how's your love life is there anything happening in that department let me motherfucking tell you tell me why miss chelsea i went to go see a spiritual healer and i know you believe in that shit and she was telling me all these things about
Starting point is 00:11:57 like my grandma because she was kind of like my spiritual guide growing up i grew up very spiritual and i was feeling off so i went to go see a native american woman who does like all these practices and at the end she was like are you seeing anybody right now and I was like no sis and she goes I think there's somebody that like hexed you and when she said that it clicked to me it was my ex because he practiced that stuff and he would always joke around and be like if you ever leave me I'll make sure you never find anybody again and at the time I was just like oh my god that's so funny like you're so goofy but that bitch really hexed me and now I have a hard time like connecting with men and like every time like men flirt with me like it's hard for me
Starting point is 00:12:39 to like distinguish now like my assistant literally has to be like right he was hitting on you it's hard for me like see that now every time I get close to somebody I always feel like I'm cheating on somebody so I always like ghost boys just for an odd reason and I and when she said that I was hexed I was like oh my god it's him doing that so yeah that's the update on my love life so was that person able to remove the hex I asked her I was like um how do we get rid of this what the fuck and then she was like I think your grandma is strong enough and I really feel like your grandma let it happen and when she said that it also clicked in my head that like after I got dumped Miss Chelsea my life turned upside down like I grew out my hair I look like more like Bretman
Starting point is 00:13:23 Roth more than I've ever did in my whole entire life and I feel like I needed that shit to happen to finally step into who i was meant to be and like ever since that i had like my mtv show my playboy like back-to-back covers like oh my gosh i'm so sorry i don't mean to be like bragging about myself but like brag away brag but really like i went through all that shit i've been to go for a whole year just so that i could focus myself and she said that your grandma if your grandma did not want you to go through it she would have like blocked it off and she said that i had to go through it. And I think I had to because I found who I really was, I think. And I'm more confident than of who myself in my career than ever before. So yeah, that's a great feeling, isn't it to feel
Starting point is 00:14:07 self assured and confident in who you are? Yeah, I think I really at the end of the day, I really just had to fall in love with myself. And I think that's what happened. I fell in love with Reverend Rock. Yeah, yeah, that's interesting. You say that because a lot of people think that you have to fall in love with yourself physically you know they're not looking at the internal and like you actually have to fall in love with your personality and your emotionality like you have to fall in love with you who you are not just the way you look and especially in the world that we're in or in the social media and everything everyone kind of gets reduced down to the way they look and how good they look for how old they are or whatever well more for me than for you since
Starting point is 00:14:47 you're like eight months old but I like that that you took a break and you kind of stepped into your own power. Because I think that's a typical situational circumstance. When you get out of a relationship, you start to look at yourself in a different way. And it's a huge growth experience, right? When you break up and you're on your own. Yes. And he was like my first love. I swore I was going to marry him. He broke up with me eight times. I ran back eight. It got to a point where like literally the seventh time he broke up with me that one month, I literally was, I don't even pray miss chelsea i don't pray and i was like please god like please leave me already because i could not i don't know why but i could not have the willpower to like break up with somebody after
Starting point is 00:15:28 like chasing them eight times so it got to a point where i was like please whoever is listening out there please tell him to leave me uh-huh yeah seven seven or eight times of going back i call that recidivism where you are performing the same wrong thing you've done so many times then yeah i think after you break up with somebody twice and you get back together that's a wrap we should have like term limits on all of these things just for younger people coming into it because it's like there's no healthy relationship where you're breaking up five or six times and getting back together no one's ever going to be like this is going to work out what about therapy bretman do you go to any therapists i go to like physical therapy because i injured my shoulder the other
Starting point is 00:16:07 month yeah that's not the same fucking thing i know i know i struggle finding the courage to go see a therapist miss chelsea i do i genuinely do and i think it's because i was traumatized from like early years when i did see like a therapist like that didn't know how to like deal with like kids and especially like growing up with like an asian mom who joke i probably said something similar to this like some asian moms truly do not believe in mental health like not even asian moms like foreign moms like they think that we're just like being dramatic like even when i told my mom like i was telling her about my anxiety and then how i have social anxiety and she was like girl you're just being dramatic like you're like she didn't say that but in my language she did so i
Starting point is 00:16:52 think for like a while i also like didn't take my mental health seriously because my mom convinced me that it was like all in my head and that's what it is it is all in my head but um yeah i am i am i really am building the courage to go see a therapist i texted my manager like last month i was like i think this is the year that I need to see a therapist because even if it if even if it isn't for Bretman I need to see a therapist for Bretman Rock because fame is not fun so tell let's talk about your fame let's how are you handling fame being famous I think I don't like to call myself a child star but it kind of is because like I started this journey when I was in high school was a sophomore and so a lot of like my audience like grew up with me and so i also grew up with
Starting point is 00:17:42 fame and like handling fame but also at the same time i lived in hawaii and so you know population of four people so like it's hard for me to like feel famous in hawaii when like really like everyone that wants to meet you here i've already met you when you were like in high school everyone here has met me like three four five times already it's like oh it's just bretman but I truly only feel fame when I'm in L.A. And that's why I think I hate L.A. is because L.A. reminds me of work. And that's why I thrive in Hawaii
Starting point is 00:18:09 because it doesn't have the pressure of like fame. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Well, Joe and I are spending like our winters in Whistler. And I love to get out of L.A. to go to Whistler because it's just a completely, it's all about nature. It's all about skiing. It's all about being outside.
Starting point is 00:18:25 If you're not skiing, you're doing something else physical. No one gives a shit about Hollywood. No one's talking about that. no one's stopping me to say I need a picture. They just all know that I'm there. And that's the way it's going to be. But is Whistler in Canada? Yes, it is. Bitch, I have a story about getting into Canada, but continue. But I think that yeah, a lot of artists and creators like to be away from the hustle of it. Like being in LA all the time is just not a healthy situation. I know for me, I need a timeout all the time. And I like being on the road because one of the reasons
Starting point is 00:18:58 I love being on the road and being on tour is to be out of L.A. because you just I don't like to be competitive and I don't like to look around too much. And when I'm in L.A., I notice that about myself more. Exactly. So, yeah, that's kind of like me, too. And what's up with your sister? How's she doing? Girl, how is she not doing? Honestly, my sister is something. She's also on her focusing on myself era right now because she just got out of a relationship. We're raising our two kids. And yeah, we're getting back to our regular scheduling with like YouTube videos and stuff like that. I actually wanted to ask you about like podcasts. That's something that we wanted to do. Like, is this fun? Oh, yeah. First of all, you can do it wherever the fuck you want
Starting point is 00:19:42 to. So that's a number one. You can do that right there where you're sitting. And you could do it with somebody you love to talk to. All you have to do is shoot the shit. That's so easy, right? Yeah, it is. I feel like it's more simpler than a YouTube video. I feel like even just now I feel Like, I didn't even know we started when we started, but like, but with YouTube, it's like, oh my gosh, you have to kind of follow like a story. Like, okay, let's talk about this now. Let's talk about this now. Or I mean, a lot of people don't even have guests on their podcast.
Starting point is 00:20:09 Like you and your sister could just hang out and talk and have guests when you feel like it. Cause that way you're just shooting the shit and you don't have to have like an A, B and C cut it up in any way. Cause people do love to hear you talk. It's just more of you to give people. So it's an easy thing to deliver. And I would say, yeah, go for a podcast. It's another way to just gain more people listening to you, talking to you. And it all feeds the other things like it feeds the YouTube, the YouTube feeds the podcast. And I also am so tired of getting ready for YouTube. I got ready today and I just and half when I was like halfway done doing my makeup, I was like, wait, isn't it just our voice? Like, why am I getting ready? So yeah, I feel like with podcasts, I don't have to get ready anymore. I could just show up, right?
Starting point is 00:20:52 Yeah. Well, everything now is online. So it doesn't matter. Even though a podcast, it's like I thought fucking podcasts weren't makeup and hair. And now podcasters, they post them. They're on YouTube. You can have them. So it's like it's basically a television all over again. It is a podcast. Yeah. You look beautiful, by the way. Your makeup is amazing. Like you do have a really great knack for not for white women, obviously, because he tried that on me. But you do have a great hands at makeup. I mean, look how beautiful he looks. you thank you so much that's so sweet I just grew up with too many women in my life I feel and I grew up watching our version of Super Bowl which is Miss Universe in the Philippines we treat that shit like a Super Bowl and I just grew up like in awe of hair and makeup and like watching these women and their heels and like bikinis and gowns and I just grew up watching that and I wanted to be those women and like the third world country girls are always winning Miss Universe because we got the face yeah you know yes the bone structure yeah why don't we get you're not kidding why don't we get you into mrs universe that was actually my first gig and that was
Starting point is 00:22:03 actually when i realized i need to i i'm not an interviewer um my first gig ever was i was 16 years old they did miss universe in the philippines and i hosted the red carpet thing and that's when i realized i cannot host i truly do not give a fuck about other people like i cannot sit there and pretend like I care what you're wearing. So, yeah, I did Miss Universe, but I need to be a contestant, honestly, or like a judge. No, that's what I'm talking about.
Starting point is 00:22:30 Not the red carpet. You need to be competing. Or a judge. Well, no, I still, you need to, maybe after you win, but you need to be in the Miss Universe's pageant. Why not? Right.
Starting point is 00:22:41 I feel like I'd be really good at the Q&A portion and the bikini portion. Yeah, yeah. For sure. Well, that's, yeah. Well, we'll see about that. I have some. Is that the thing that Donald Trump runs or is that Miss America?
Starting point is 00:22:54 Not anymore. He's Miss America. Trust me. I looked it up. I made sure I made sure that bitch was not running it when I posted the red carpet because I'm not having that bitch sign my check. No, don't worry. He wouldn't sign it anyway.
Starting point is 00:23:08 He'd sue you, sue you for hosting. And somehow you're like, how do I owe fucking money for doing this? So, Bretman, on this podcast, we have callers and people who write in for advice about life. And so, yeah, so we're going to take some callers and Catherine's going to read us some emails and we're just going to give off advice of what we think, how they should handle the situation. Okay, I feel like my first advice
Starting point is 00:23:28 would probably be don't take my advice. Okay, well, noted. We'll keep that in there so that everyone is aware not to take Bretman's advice. Thank you. I will say an advice though. Okay, good. Well, we'll take a quick break
Starting point is 00:23:42 and we'll be back with some emails and calls. Cue the commercial. and we're back from break brettman just took a quick shower you took a shower right thank you guys i actually needed an outfit change so thank you for letting me change mr chelsea okay well it looks like you're wearing the same exact thing so it's all very suspicious well our first email comes from b subject line is a little slash big problem dear chelsea i recently went on a few dates with this guy who checks all the boxes except for one thing he told me he has a problem getting it up he's 30 i asked if he takes anything for it and he said nothing works it's a huge
Starting point is 00:24:24 problem because a healthy sex life is a very important part of a relationship to me i don't want to be the one to quote help him fix it because i think i'm way too young to have to deal with this issue i'm 27 i think there are so many other men in this world that it's maybe just on to the next one but i really like him thoughts b hmm i have so many questions miss chelsea would you like to go first no why don't you go first brettman ladies first well that kind of like honestly when you were reading it it kind of just brought me back to honestly i had a whole flashback like whole raven simone moment when i i used to have a daddy at one point once upon a time and he was also like in his 30s and i wouldn't say he had a hard time like getting it up
Starting point is 00:25:11 but he would always be like you have to squeeze it so i would say have you tried squeezing it really hard that's okay well there you go uh so squeeze his dick as hard as you can and see what happens and if nothing happens then you have your answer and you can stop dating him yeah Yeah, but also do you believe in like those like aphrodisiacs and stuff like that? I'm very Filipino and we have a lot of those shit. There's this one shot where like it's like an alcohol shot and there's like a rattlesnake inside. And I guess they believe that it has like aphrodisiac components or whatever the fuck. So if you struggle like getting it up, I recommend getting a shot of the Cobra liquor. Yeah, okay. So those are two great options for solutions. The other thing you can do is, like, you can make a small amount of effort to try and help him with his problem, like, you know, finding a sex therapist. I'm sure that he hasn't really sat down and run through all the options of what might, because there's something for everybody.
Starting point is 00:26:11 There's an antidote for everything. And you already said you're not going to marry the guy, so it's okay for you to walk away. But you can put in a little effort towards trying to figure out what might help his situation. and then I would agree with you like only if you really like him I would agree that there are too many men out there if that is such an important thing to you which it is to me like I need to get fucked too I like sex yes all the time whenever I want it I want it so like I get that if this won't work for you it won't work for you but if you want to try and make a little bit more of an effort sit with a sex therapist see if she has anything interesting to say to him that he has
Starting point is 00:26:46 never heard before or he can go on his own whatever and then if that doesn't work because it could be something that he hasn't tried that he hasn't even thought about there's so much shame behind people when they can't perform sexually shame on both ends you know it's like it's shameful for a girl when I've been with around so many guys who can't get it up you know due to my personality and I always blame myself like there was a period where I thought something was seriously wrong with my vagina like I had my friends look at it I had them smell it I was like is something off here because i need to know and no it had nothing to do with you which you you're not you know struggling with but yeah if that's important to you then you know that doesn't
Starting point is 00:27:24 sound like your guy so end of story there yeah and if all things fail try men you know tell him try a man oh tell him to try a man yeah i mean yeah well if all things fail we can give him brettman's uh give him brettman's direct line yeah and so he could just get in touch with him right away yeah i'll squeeze it would you like to get your dick squeezed in hawaii because we have the perfect candidate yes thank you thanks b yes well our next question comes from d and i didn't put those next to each other on purpose but this is d she's on the phone with us as well she says dear chelsea my boyfriend of seven years will not propose to me we've had many conversations about it. We've both said out loud that we want to get married. He treats me
Starting point is 00:28:13 incredibly well and we're best friends and very much in love. However, I feel like I'm watching him prioritize other pleasures before our future together. For example, he has a monthly marijuana bill that he won't give up and recently bought a PS5. Understandable. He's always been able to be present despite these indulgences and I never want to criticize his lifestyle, especially when I thought there was room for an engagement too. I thought that the proposal process might be intimidating to him, so I tried to take the pressure off and suggested we get engaged as a team, pick out rings together, and celebrate. He insisted that isn't the way it's supposed to be. He told me to email him styles of rings I like, so I did. The first time I thought he might pop
Starting point is 00:28:53 the question was in October when we took an overnight trip to a comedy show in Detroit. It didn't happen. I didn't realize how much a proposal disappointment would fuck with my head. It was brutal, but I kept my cool. Then, when we exchanged Christmas gifts, the big gift I received was a speaker system for our TV, and I don't know why he thought a sound bar and subwoofer was a gift I would ever want or need. How do I stay calm and centered about this, and what the hell more can I say to convey how I'm feeling about this to him? One more dashed proposal may take a serious toll on my mental health. D. Hi, D. Hi, D. Hi. Hi, D. This is Bretman and Catherine. we're all here for you today. Hello. It's so great to be speaking with you all.
Starting point is 00:29:37 Hi. Okay. So you want to get married? Yes. So yeah, I was very angry when I wrote in, but somehow I did not completely go off on him. We got through the holidays together and I sat down with him and I just said really blatantly, I am ready to be engaged. I don't see why we can't be engaged at this point and I did suggest once again to just do it together like it doesn't have to all fall on his shoulders his response was he just had some car troubles and he didn't want to propose over the holidays because we're really busy and his words where it will happen soon enough to which I replied soon enough is not going to work for me so um oh no it's it's okay so I said that wasn't going to work for me I really need to know that
Starting point is 00:30:43 it's like a priority for you as much as it is for me so he said no seriously like it's a priority now. It's going to happen soon. I promise. And after talking to him, like he's never said that much information about this topic before. So I did feel a lot better at that point. Okay. And how are you feeling now? Now I'm feeling good. I think I just need him to know. And I did say this when you think a a proposal is coming up and then like special dates happen and you go on a trip or something like you think it's going to happen. And so I just it's a real mindfuck. Like I was stunned by how much it impacted like my mental state. Right. OK, so is there a timeline where if he doesn't
Starting point is 00:31:36 propose, you're done? No, I didn't make it like an ultimatum thing. Like I was really scared to bring it up, to be honest, because I don't want to sound like some kind of pressuring nag. Yeah, no, I mean, it sounds like he's going to propose to you. I mean, and he hasn't said that much yet. Right. Thus far, that was the most he said about it. Right. The most committed he's been about it. Yes. Like we've talked about marriage, of course, like it wasn't really a question of whether it would happen or not. But he always like laughed it off before if it was brought up Like that was the first time that we had a serious conversation about it. I don't know if it's like because of the element of surprise that we never talked about it more in a less ambiguous way.
Starting point is 00:32:22 But if I brought it up before, it was like kind of laughed off by him or just subject change. So that there's progress right in that conversation. It sounds like there is or has been. Yes, that was the best conversation we've probably had about it so far. And when was that? That was right around the holidays. Okay, well, I think it sounds like it's going in the direction you want. I just think you need to, like, relax a little bit. Your timeline isn't his timeline. You're not, and you don't have, you don't need to be on a timeline. You're young, you know, like, it's a matter of months, I think we're talking about at this point. you know if six months goes by and he doesn't propose then yeah then you need to give him an
Starting point is 00:33:03 ultimatum but i think what you said was perfect the way you put it like this is a priority for me and not giving him an ultimatum is really good you know that was strong you made yourself be heard he understands i don't think him buying a ps what is it called brettman a ps47 ps6 is going to interfere that much five i think five i'm sorry i'm not straight so he doesn't know he doesn't know what are your thoughts on this topic of marriage I'm kind of just like thinking about where how he values marriage because for me I come from like a very traumatizing marriage of like parents and so the way I see marriage is different from other people I'm also at the age where like all of my friends are getting like engaged and they're so excited about it and it's
Starting point is 00:33:50 like everything they ever like think of and I'm just like oh my gosh if I ever got engaged I I feel like I I would say no like I don't know I marriage to me kind of scares me sometimes so it's so cool to see like that you're so excited for it because I think my parents ruined marriage for me so I almost want to ask you like if he had bad experiences like with marriage and if that's why he's kind of like scared to get engaged or even the idea of getting engaged like probably scares him I don't I don't know we don't know where his mind's at I think that's a really good point. I mean, we both come from divorced parents, so that definitely could be impacting him. I also wonder too, if again, the conversation was so ambiguous before, I wonder if
Starting point is 00:34:37 I was more straightforward, like earlier on, like maybe we would be engaged right now, but I totally hear what you're saying. I think though that you were, listen, it doesn't matter what you did before like don't blame yourself for this like you're playing in reverse and future instead of playing in the present you put it out there with integrity you said what you did without whining or you said it like okay this is what's important to me and you've got to level up and that is really dignified so enjoy the moment that you're in let him come to you and have it just a time period in your mind that is that's not going to be work for you anymore you know if it gets past say six months and you want to say, listen, I told you what I needed, you didn't listen. And now we have to
Starting point is 00:35:20 talk about like, what what we're doing? Are we breaking up? Are we going to stay together? Because my future? This is what I want. I mean, are you willing to break up with him if he doesn't want to marry you? Is that something? I mean, in the grand scheme of things, it's a really good relationship. I wouldn't go so far as to say that right now. But it feels like I know him really well so now that we talked like it it feels like I know that it's coming whereas before I could tell that it wasn't coming and yeah I mean again it's a good relationship so I don't I don't think I would go so far as to say that now okay okay well you've got all the you've done everything you can possibly do you just have to let it go and let it happen let him come to you I bet you he's going to
Starting point is 00:36:06 do something really really special for your engagement and I bet you you're going to look back at all of the times where you were upset who wants to get proposed to in fucking Detroit I mean what are you talking about you know a comedy club in Detroit that's not the right time for him to propose to you maybe he's also waiting to take you on Chelsea's comedy tour that's where you get proposed yeah that's where you get engaged let's be real here oh my goodness that would be such a through and it'd be such a full circle thing and i'm i only let gay people get engaged at my shows so we're very discriminatory at my show but you know what i mean like your ideas and his ideas you're two separate personalities i tell joe this all the time because joe has a completely different
Starting point is 00:36:51 person and he doesn't understand why like i don't get excited about anything he'll be like he gets excited to wake up in the morning and i'm like pipe down you know and he doesn't and i always has to go, Joe, I'm not you. I don't fucking think like about, you know, I could say at two o'clock in the morning, let's go. I want to go ice skating. He'll be like, let's go. Like I will never have that reaction for him. If he says, let's go ice skating at two in the morning, I'll say, fuck you. Like I'm not going ice skating, but you have to remind yourself you're two different people. You have two different like outlooks. You know, your outlook is not his, your imprint is not his and your life experiences are not his. So let him come to this. You've made yourself very
Starting point is 00:37:27 clear it's gonna happen everything's gonna work out and just be proud of the way that you conducted yourself and don't stop around and don't do anything else until it does happen you know don't have the expectations even if you go away for a night don't put that in there just remember what you just told me this is a really good relationship enjoy being in it because so many people don't have that yeah and also I would say communicate about stuff before it's like oh my god I'm going out of my mind about this like bring it up early get it out there start talking about it and also tell him that a subwoofer is not what you would have wanted tell him he needs to get you gifts for you not gifts that he wants himself yeah men are so fucking stupid with gifts I mean
Starting point is 00:38:07 honestly I mean my driver bought his wife a blender for their 50th anniversary I had to take it away from him yeah I had to go in I had to get jewelry out of my jewelry and say give this to her this is ridiculous you're gonna give her a fucking blender oh my god yeah was it a blend tech at least no it wasn't okay even a blend tech if i i wouldn't know a blend tech if i hopped inside it and spun around myself but i'm assuming it wasn't because billy just doesn't know what he's doing but d you also just have to remember one other thing this is a great thing to remember to like use this experience moving forward when you guys do get married and you start a family or whatever your dreams are remember this because you had expectations you weren't sharing with him
Starting point is 00:38:50 and then you did and you feel a lot differently now so yeah use this as a guide for your further communication in the future of this relationship absolutely that makes a lot of sense yeah and let us know what happens keep us posted okay yeah oh yes i will definitely let you know when it happens I'll send the cliche. I said, yes, Instagram. Please do. And then we could have Bretman officiate the wedding. It'll be like a slam dunk.
Starting point is 00:39:20 No, you said finally, not yes. I love that. Thanks so much, Dee. We wish you a big surprise when it finally happens. Thank you so much for having me on. I really admire your work, Chelsea. You're welcome, Dee. Nice to speak with you.
Starting point is 00:39:38 Nice to speak with you. Bye. Bye. Miss Chelsea, you are so good at these advices. Oh, my God. The way I would have been like, then propose to him. Oh, yeah. Well, most people are just calling in because they just need comfort, right?
Starting point is 00:39:59 Don't you think? Yeah. I think so. They just want someone to tell them that it's going to happen. Do you know how many times when something went wrong with a guy that I was dating or someone didn't call me or I hooked up with a guy and didn't hear from him,
Starting point is 00:40:10 I would go around the world until I got every answer that I wanted, which, from people who had nothing to do with my experience. You know,
Starting point is 00:40:19 like those experiences where you'd give somebody your number and then you're talking to your girlfriend and she's like, maybe he lost it. Maybe he died
Starting point is 00:40:25 on a bicycle accident on the way home from our date. Maybe he's dead. It's like, no, no, he's not fucking calling you because he's not interested.
Starting point is 00:40:31 Stop creating bullshit around basic fundamentals. Yeah. And then you just pick the answer that you like. yeah right yeah exactly well our next question comes from sarah sarah says dear chelsea i'm 30 years old and have been with my boyfriend for four years we met working at a restaurant when we were in our teens ran it
Starting point is 00:40:55 together along with our friends until 25 we've had our ups and downs just like any other couple but i know he's my person and we both feel that on a soul level i recently went back to school for massage therapy and started working at a local coffee shop for a flexible easy job to get me through. It's been great so far but I'm the oldest employee. All the other girls are late teens or early 20s. The other day a co-worker asked if I was bi. I wasn't offended or anything as I know I give off that vibe but I nonchalantly said no. She stared at me a while asked if I was sure because her and another employee's gaydar went off when I first started and they wanted to ask me about it. They think that I have unlocked potential. I told them I don't consider myself
Starting point is 00:41:40 anything but straight. It's not like I've never been attracted to women, but I've never experimented before, and it's not something I could fathom inside my current relationship. My boyfriend and I have talked about it in the past, but we're both uncomfortable inviting another person into our sex life. I'd be super jealous, and so would he. We both have anxiety, and I think I'd be excited but freak out when it came time to get down to business. Neither of us want to share each other. Even in the situation he gave me a hall pass of sorts to experiment on my own, I'd feel as if I was cheating. I do watch girl-on-girl porn sometimes, but it's always when he's not around. He knows and doesn't seem bothered by it. My question is this. Are these
Starting point is 00:42:19 young whippersnappers right? Even though I don't feel I identify at all with being bi, there is something there it's just not something i can explore while in my current relationship and while we aren't married we plan to be together for the long haul i can't imagine my life with anyone else what do i do if anything sarah well first i would say don't let two girls in a coffee shop convince you that you're interested in fucking them when you're in a perfectly happy relationship just because they may be interested in fucking you uh that's the first honestly i mean if someone comes up to you and says i think you might be attracted even if it were a man and said i think you love me and you don't know it yet what what's your response to that exactly and listen
Starting point is 00:43:04 first of all i watch girl on girl porn too i love girl on girl porn like that is where i'm not a lesbian but i've also been with women not in a relationship but i've experimented with women sexually and everyone's a little bi of course you're a little bi honestly even i am trust even I am I had girlfriends yeah exactly even Bretman is bi okay so there you have it everyone's a little bit bi but it's more of like you're you call this person your soulmate like that's then that's your answer that's your guy and these aren't feelings that were born in your mind right they were feelings that were brought to you by two people that you work with and that therefore I declare them invalid Bretman also like Gen Z just loves calling everybody gay so honestly it's
Starting point is 00:43:52 It's just probably like the Gen Z-ness that's telling you that you're gay because everyone that's in Gen Z like swears everyone's gay, honestly. So, yeah, don't listen to them. Yeah, I feel like Gen Z is the first generation that gets that it's just sexuality is a full spectrum. Like it's just, you know, you can be in a straight man and woman relationship, but like that doesn't necessarily mean that you're not queer. It just means like for somebody who does have those feelings, it just means that like you did find your person. but also like how do you look bi like you know what i mean beanies i think crocs crocs for sure like what is because like i feel like there's a gay look a lesbian look and everything between but what is a bi look you know well there's not going to be a look for bi in a 20 more years
Starting point is 00:44:41 because everyone is going to be bi and it's going to be like you know like i could easily be turned on by a woman i could definitely be sexually turned on by a woman i don't want to be in a relationship with a woman I want to be in a relationship with Joe so like yeah you could fuck around and have sex with a bunch of people but that doesn't sound like it's going to be good for your relationship especially if you aren't bi yet if you're straight and you start fucking around it doesn't work well with straight people they have to acclimate to that mindset yeah and that's an open door policy wide open yes so I think Sarah like keep watching girl on girl porn and yeah watch your girl on girl porn and think about those two baristas at your coffee place if
Starting point is 00:45:18 you need to but don't let it go any further than that perfect yeah don't you feel like everybody's bisexual oh I absolutely do this okay so this is a very interesting thing so there's a young woman in my life who is like middle teens sort of exploring the dating world and her dad who is in his 40s like mid 40s he was sort of like yeah you know she has a little girlfriend but Like, it's just a phase. And and it felt so outdated to me to think about it as a phase when it's like, no, like she likes girls and, you know, we'll see where she winds up. But it just was interesting to me. Yeah, well, I think anybody over 50, you know, any male over 50 that's white is usually doesn't understand what's happening. Like they don't women are a little bit more understanding of like, OK, things need to change, whereas men are like, they just don't want to be a part of it.
Starting point is 00:46:13 They don't even necessarily have a problem with it, but they don't want to be involved actively. Right. Sort of writing it off. Yeah. And that's like, as soon as you think like, oh, this is too much for me to understand, you kind of have to be like, okay, listen,
Starting point is 00:46:26 if you want to be a full person, especially if you have a child like that. I know they say it's hard for men to accept their daughters being lesbians. It's like, fuck off. Fuck the fuck off. It's hard for you. Why? Are you fucking your daughter?
Starting point is 00:46:40 Who gives a shit? Exactly. Why do you have a problem? Like, it's harder for men. Everything's so hard for men all the time. Yeah. And it's also like being a lesbian is like the safest relationship your daughter could be in. Like, exactly. What about you, Bretman? When you came out? Did you come out to your parents? Or did they know? I actually don't have a coming out story. My mom always knew I was gay. I feel like when I came out, they're like, it's the gay. But yeah, my mom always knew I was gay. My dad always knew I was gay but also like my grandma going back to her she explained to my dad that I was
Starting point is 00:47:16 like going to be gay like when I was super young and so like she was like if you mess with him like you mess with me type of energy so I have always been supported like my first time going to church my grandma put blush on me and I swear I was like the cuntiest angel in there and so to be honest I've always been supported and it kind of transferred to like my family members my cousin daughter who is gay now she just came out and she came up to me she's like uncle I love that I had a gay uncle growing up because it was so much easier for me to like express myself because we also like her mom is like very religious and so she had a hard time with that but like now she's fine like she's out and proud and she is out and proud like younger than I was so that's cool also I a lot of
Starting point is 00:48:04 like my family members are like gay men so it's cute to have like a lesbian around finally everyone needs a lesbian around exactly yeah but also like i have a trans cousin that i grew up with growing up and so i just grew up surrounded by like such loving accepting people and people myself how cool is your grandmother saying like yeah you see you fuck with him you're fucking with me like that's great energy to bring in i have reasons to believe that she like put a spell on her pussy because she has seven kids and each one of them has a gay has a gay each one of them so my dad has me my dad's twin has a gay and then like so on like all her kids has a gay daughter or a son wow it's it's so weird and so she has like seven gay cousins i have seven gay cousins
Starting point is 00:48:56 from my data it was so from the moment you said i think something was there was a hex put on her pussy or something it was like deja vu it was like i've had this conversation with you before and you've told me that before but you never have i knew you were gonna say that your brother your father his brother twin brother you said right yeah i even knew you were gonna say twin brother it was so deja vu it was like oh yeah i don't think i told you that no you haven't told me that But yeah, I just grew up with too many of me. So I was just like... Grandma's here.
Starting point is 00:49:29 Grandma's here telling us about it. Yeah. Well, our next email comes from Alex. And by the way, Alex is 28 and the other person he's talking about here is 21. Alex says, I have a large problem. Like a large one. Oh, I thought he was going to say a large penis. I was like, let's go.
Starting point is 00:49:45 I know it seems like that's what he's saying. A large problem. Like a large one. I've been dating my ex on and off for about three years. We've been together more than we've been apart. I've been struggling so much with possibly getting back together. Wait, hold on, hold on. Yes.
Starting point is 00:49:58 Wait, what? You're dating your ex? Oh, this one, there's so many reveals. Are you dating or is that your ex? Like, bitch, are you dating or is that your ex? Pick one. The fuck? That is the crux of the issue here, Bretman.
Starting point is 00:50:11 So I'm really hoping that you can help. We always say that we love each other. We just never worked because we're different people. Lately, through therapy, I learned that I have so much guilt about being gay and having a relationship that this was the reason I broke up with him each time. We have both been dating other people, but at the same time having a friends with benefits relationship as well. We have said that we'll stop when someone starts dating someone seriously, but I'm not really actively pursuing anyone because I want to get back together with him. We're being very couple-y with our hangouts, like going on friend dates and sleeping in the same bed together, buying each other dinners, kissing, etc. We've had so many good conversations that we would never have had before when we were dating.
Starting point is 00:50:51 I think it's because of the work I've done in therapy. I've been thinking about making a grand gesture, like rose petals, getting him a cat that he's always wanted. I'm allergic, by the way. Renting a suit. I mean the whole nine yards. At the same time, though, I don't want to mess up our friendship or make it weird, because we do live together.
Starting point is 00:51:08 Oh, wait, I'm not sure I said that. We live together. What? He moved in in November. I love him so much, but I just don't want to hurt him. And I don't want to try this again if it's going to end the same way. What the fuck? What?
Starting point is 00:51:20 They moved in together after they broke up? I'm just having such a hard time knowing what to do. Please help. Alex. Is this a same-sex couple? Yes. Okay, too mad. I was going to say, that's the gayest shit I've ever heard.
Starting point is 00:51:32 Oh, my God. Kissing? The kissing is it. Once you're kissing somebody, aren't you together? And living together, I'm like... with somebody. What is that? Oh my God. I sound like I'm judging you. It's low-key. I'm jealous, but also what is that? Low-key, I am judging you. You need to get your shit together and fucking confront the situation. This is like dilly-dallying and keeping everything in a gray
Starting point is 00:52:02 area. Somebody needs to move out. Or somebody needs to have a conversation and then you could maybe stay together and live together if they want to be together. Alex wants to be with him. yeah so we just have to find out if the partner the ex-boyfriend who is the partner that i could not get over that well yeah yeah they need to just you have to nip this in the bud and i don't under when people behave this way and don't face a situation head on i get frustrated because you are what i'm saying you are postponing your reality yes you are postponing your future you are postponing your reality in the hopes that this person is going to come around maybe they've already come around just put it out there have the conversation and also be ready to
Starting point is 00:52:46 accept that it might not go your way and then you have to find a new roommate jesus yeah it sounds like they kind of already are that couple that he wants yeah it sounds like they're completely in a relationship that they're living together like are they living in separate rooms i don't know the answer to that but you know what i noticed too that there's actually like people out there who loves and thrive off like toxic relationships i don't know if you guys watch euphoria but it's giving like maddie and nate vibes like they know they're not good for each other but they love the toxicness of it like that's what that's what the relationship thrives off i don't just i don't get it personally but if that works for you miss alex like he says he
Starting point is 00:53:30 doesn't get it personally this is someone who got back together with his ex seven or eight times i I don't get it anymore, personally. So straight up. Yeah, straight up. I used to get it. You need to get your shit together, Alex. Get your shit together, okay? And treat this situation with dignity.
Starting point is 00:53:49 And it deserves to be treated with dignity. And skating around the issue is undignified. Just have a face-to-face conversation. Be prepared for the news that you don't want to hear, even though it sounds like you're already in a relationship with this person. I'm more confused than I was before you read that letter. So fuck it. Also, don't put the cat in that situation.
Starting point is 00:54:09 Don't get a cat. Like, oh my God, that is my biggest advice. Yeah, if you want to be with this person, like don't get a cat that you're allergic to. Exactly. Like bitch, you're allergic to the person already. You're going to get another thing you're allergic to, girl. Yeah, my prediction is if you don't say anything
Starting point is 00:54:24 and you get this cat, you're going to be the one looking for a new place because you're going to have a bad reaction to that cat. And then nothing's going to go your way. So definitely don't make any grand gestures until you get the answer that you guys are going to continue being in a relationship and it's official. Because then you'll be alone with a cat. And nobody wants that. Nobody wants that.
Starting point is 00:54:46 Well, let's take a quick break and we'll be back with Bretman and Chelsea. I need a fucking break after that convoluted email. I do. That shit got me. and we're back we're back brettman had a peepee break he had a shower break do you have to do any pottery or anything no i just had to walk my dogs real quick as well so yeah i have two new dogs oh do you have them can we see them i have four dogs now i don't have them they're out right now but i have like all the bulldog family i have a pit bull terrier i have a shorty
Starting point is 00:55:21 I have a pocket people and a French bulldog. You know, French bulldogs are like all the rage right now in San Francisco. Well, not in a good way. People are stealing French bulldogs off of people in San Francisco because so many people have French bulldogs that people will go out and their dogs are being kidnapped and then sold on the black market for 10 or $15,000. People are buying French bulldogs, French bulldogs. Yeah, that's I think.
Starting point is 00:55:46 Well, to be fair, I would probably dog nap Bert and Bernice as well. So I do see where they're coming from. Well, by the way, you would have to because they have as little inclination to move as a vegetable. So you would have to kidnap them, just like I have to kidnap them. I would just dress up as your housekeeper, honestly, because they go to her. Well, those are some big shoes to fill. So we'll get you the right outfit. Yeah, they're pretty fucking cute, though, my dogs.
Starting point is 00:56:12 They are so fluffy. i could i could never get like hairy dogs i i don't know how do you like have to like clean everything all the time well even with like my short hair dogs their hair's everywhere already i can only imagine well that's the thing some long hair dogs don't shed they shed like twice a year so these dogs actually don't shed that badly it's short hair dogs shed more in some instances but my dogs no i don't brush their fucking hair let's be honest i'm not doing any of that stuff, but they are getting that stuff done to them. But last night, Bert took a Shadoobie in the kitchen. And I know that was a sign that was saying, fuck you, because he doesn't
Starting point is 00:56:50 ever go Shadoobie at night. It's only in the morning and the daytime. But he went in the kitchen, like left it in there because Joe came home late last night and I was already asleep. And that was his way of saying there's too much commotion going on. Fuck this shit. He usually sleeps in the bed with me. But when Joe's there, I don't have him in the bed because Joe doesn't understand why dogs are in the bed. He said, you can have it, whatever makes you happy. And I was like, well, Bert makes me happy. And he's like, yeah. So why don't you go fucking sleep upstairs and Bert can sleep down here. All I wanted to do is wake up with Bert's soft fur. You know, I want to put my hand down and feel that soft fur. That's how I want to wake up every single day.
Starting point is 00:57:28 Yeah. Honestly, I slept with my dog for the first time in like a couple of months because the girl, she was always like doing stuff in the middle of the night. But like Last night, she did so good. Like we actually cuddled. I don't sleep with all of my dogs. I also don't want to wake up smelling like a dog every day. But yeah, love my dogs. I'm such a dog person. Did you always have like dogs growing up, Miss Chelsea? I always I yeah, we always had dogs, always mutts and rescues, you know, like weird dogs that were just like half wolf, half German shepherd or some mixture. But I always loved chows because they look like teddy bears. And they are they look like real live bears that are just hanging around your house. They're so fucking cute. And I've had these dogs for I don't know how many long how many years but I just cannot they never become less cute. You know what I mean? they stay cute a dog has to have such a shitty personality to become less cute and i've met dogs like that that dog oh yeah it's always the ankle biters it's always the ankle bite and the pomeranians like they're adorable when they're groomed and they have and then their personality sucks it's like you don't like anyone but your owner then i you i have nothing for you
Starting point is 00:58:38 so and they they they get really old and they really look like they're decaying sometimes like Like, have you seen, like, really old, like, small dogs before? Not to talk shit about them, but I'm just like, girl, put this girl out of her misery. Like, her eyes are popping out. Like, her tongue is, like, coming out of her nostril. Like, oh, my God. Yeah, sometimes you can put dogs down a little bit earlier, especially if they start to look bad. Yeah, my neighbor had a dog like that.
Starting point is 00:59:03 And it was exactly, like you said, like, I think its eyes were gone. Like, it couldn't walk. It was, like, I think he said it was 19 years old. Something crazy. and i like i just was like this this dog is not having fun being alive like it's just not there's no way the vet you go to the vet and they're like he's totally healthy yeah well bretman did you have a piece of advice you'd like to ask for from chelsea yes actually i have i need to ask for two advice actually because um i really admire
Starting point is 00:59:34 miss chelsea's work i really do and right now i am i'm wanting to like write a book and i know we have like six bestsellers or who really is counting these days. So I would say like, how do you not run out of things to write about Ms. Chelsea? Because I feel like, I feel like I don't even have anything to write about anymore. Oh, well you,
Starting point is 00:59:54 well, if you're in the process of writing or getting close to finishing something, that's how you always feel like you'll never be able to write another thing or write anything, but just trust your life experience is what's going to give you the material to always have something to talk about everything that's going on with you.
Starting point is 01:00:09 You know what I mean? You're never going to run out of that. So just don't even put that in your head. Just know like there's more coming down the pike. You have like this huge busy life. It's material every single day. And when you get to a place where you're ready to go do it again, you start to draw from all that. And even when something great or a funny story happens to you or a funny experience or something outlandish or crazy, just make sure you're like, make it like have a note section in your phone to write things down because you'll be surprised. All I need is one sentence and I can write a chapter about it. And when you're a creative, that's almost everyone can do it. It's just that so many people don't try to do it. So writing a book is a very, I think, natural thing for anyone, especially anyone with a big personality who likes to share and likes to talk about themselves. It's no problem. What is your favorite book that you wrote? Like out of all the books you've written, like what is like the one? Yeah. My most recent book would be Life Will Be the Death of Me, but it's always my most recent
Starting point is 01:01:08 book. That's my favorite. That felt like it had my humor, but it also was deep and profound and it helped people. And it showed a side of me that I've grown up with my whole life, but I didn't know no one else had seen. So it was really kind of nice to share that with my fans and people and have the reaction. So that's definitely my best, my best work, I think. love that oh my gosh wait my my second advice actually I kind of already hinted it earlier but I want to do a podcast with my sister like do you have any tips for like future podcasters you know yeah I'm not the only one well you got to do it with your sister I mean who else would you do it with first of all you guys I need me a Catherine I need me a Catherine I mean just you have to
Starting point is 01:01:52 look at it like this people want more than what they're getting from you right they want to hear more between you and your sister and you guys can get someone like Catherine to kind of oversee it so that there's somebody moving the ship forward or you could that role can be played by your sister certainly not by you as you've demonstrated today that you can't run a podcast but just keep in mind like people want more right they want to listen to more they love the way you talk they love the way you converse they love the dynamics between the two of you so don't put a lot of pressure on yourself just go and have fun conversations with her you can pick any topics you want or not pick any topics at all and just shoot the shit and then when you feel like you
Starting point is 01:02:29 want to add another layer add another layer but yeah just be like do what people love from you which is talking i can't wait to build my set i was thinking yellow velvet curtains oh how interesting we can just send you these okay you need you need a new set of curtains anyway so oh well brettman you're just a delight as always oh i'm gonna hit you up when we come back to hawaii okay oh my gosh i'm bored yeah no we'll hang out yeah you me and joe boy we're gonna have a whole we're bringing a whole gaggle of people there don't say gaggle oh god that slipped oh i saw i saw your new tour date you better give me a ticket when you get here i'm not fighting for the tickets no you'll get your own ticket you'll get your own vip box even though there
Starting point is 01:03:13 aren't any of those i'd like a green room please i'm kidding bretman we love you thank you so much much. Love you guys. Continued success in everything that you do and good luck with your new doggies. Thank you. I need it. Aloha. Aloha. Mahal kita. Everybody, we have new merch. We have Dear Chelsea merch, which you can order on my website, chelseahandler.com. And we have cute t-shirts and cute hats and yeah, go and get some. And if you'd like to get advice from Chelsea and one of her guests, please write in to DearChelseaProject at gmail.com. I survived nine months in captivity
Starting point is 01:03:56 and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart and these are The Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who lived through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app,
Starting point is 01:04:21 Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app,
Starting point is 01:04:51 Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Did you hear the new episode of the Hey Jonas podcast? We are at D23, so we'll see who stops by. The cast of Frozen stopped by. Kristen Bell, Josh Gad, and Idina Menzel. I auditioned for Frozen. What? For Kristoff.
Starting point is 01:05:07 They said, okay, what are you going to be singing today? I said, I don't know. That must have been why you didn't get it. Oh, you probably won. Plus, John Stamos, Hayden Christensen from Star Wars, and more. And I guess I can share that, uh... No way. Listen to the latest episode of Hey Jonas on the iHeartRadio app,
Starting point is 01:05:23 Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility.
Starting point is 01:05:52 Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast, Hollywood Handbook. Each week, we talk to someone in show business and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time, and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, Adam Scott, Danny McBride, Ben Stiller, and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us.
Starting point is 01:06:27 Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.

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