Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - Expansion with Sarah Paulson

Episode Date: August 31, 2023

Sarah Paulson joins Chelsea in-studio to talk about what happens when you’re not sure if dinner is a date, why she’s scared of holes but not snakes, and how she leads an unconventional life.  Then: A cheating wife pays the price at home… and at work.  A chef can’t seem to turn up the heat on her dating life. And the passing of a best friend has one hairdresser thinking she may be alone forever. * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * This episode was recorded prior to the SAG-AFTRA strike.   * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Did you hear the new episode of the Hey Jonas podcast? We are at D23, so we'll see who stops by.

The cast of Frozen stopped by. Kristen Bell, Josh Gad, and Idina Menzel. I auditioned for Frozen. What? For Kristoff. They said, okay, what are you going to be singing today? I said, I don't know. That must have been why you didn't get in.

Oh, you probably won. Plus, John Stamos, Hayden Christensen from Star Wars, and more. And I guess I can share that, uh... No way. Listen to the latest episode of Hey Jonas on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, Catherine. Hi, Chelsea.

how are you? Well, I'm in New York. I'm stopping down in New York. I have such a very, very hectic travel schedule this summer. I mean, I just can't keep up with myself. So I don't know which way is up or what time I'm sleeping. I was in Martha's Vineyard for six days or five days with my annual family trip. I've had a lot of family time. You have. I don't know if everyone's been watching my Instagram or if everybody hasn't been watching my Instagram, but I have been with my family and people nonstop. I don't think I've been alone in something like 45 days. So I flew in yesterday from the Vineyard because I went to Dave Chappelle's birthday celebration, one of his birthday celebrations last night. And then tonight I'm going to perform at Madison Square Garden for

his birthday. I'm going to go do a guest set, a pop-up set for his birthday. And so that was really fun. There were a lot of fun people there last night. I lasted till about, I smoked a joint with this girl, Linnell. I haven't smoked weed since I've been gone because I don't travel with those kinds of drugs. I have to bring my other kinds of drugs. And that's illegal, by the way. And I smoked a joint with her and was out of my tree. So I lasted till about like 945. And then I got in the car and had my driver go get us two pieces of pizza. Well, actually, I went and got us two pieces of pizza. He stayed in the car and I got one for him and I got one for myself. You're full service.

And then I seasoned his like I seasoned my own. And he's like, that's a lot of garlic. I'm like, Well, I'm single. So tonight I have that. And then tomorrow night I have this little pop-up show in East Hampton. And then I go to Mallorca for a month. Oh, that's going to be so nice. You're just having a getaway from your getaway. I'm pleased about that.

I have five days alone in Mallorca. Five days before my guests start to arrive. Each week I have a different set of ten people coming. So I have five days to myself. I'm going to bang out some serious writing for my new book. Good. And, yeah, I'm just going to keep the party going. I mean, I've just had so much action this summer and been around the world.

Africa. We went to three countries in Africa. We went to Zimbabwe, Kenya, and Tanzania. Then we went to Cape Town. My sister and I got rid of the kids. And I could not have been more excited to be alone with just my sister in adulthood and not dealing with any sort of teenage melodrama. I didn't sleep alone for the first six nights of safari. because someone was in my bed every night, not a man.

A snuggle buddy? A child. And so, yeah, so I am like ready. Every night that I get into bed alone, I'm like, you can starfish. Yeah. But I have had a lot of action this summer. I've had a lot of boys, a lot of fluttering around.

Oh, that kind of action. A lot of, yeah. Good. So I'm happy. It's exactly the kind of summer I was hoping for. I'm so glad. Just like getting out there, you know finding something fresh I've been seeing concerts I saw two Bruce Springsteen concerts which

were fucking incredible incredible I saw one in Oslo Norway we went for three days which is I'm gonna go buy a house in Oslo next that's where the place I think to be is for climate change yeah everyone's going to Oslo or going to Norway this summer I have like three friends going to Norway like oh yeah it's fucking gorgeous the air is clean the people are cool it's like they get it They had a huge gay pride event. I loved it. I saw two Bruce Springsteen concerts. I saw The Weeknd last week in London.

I swung through London again. Swang? Can you say swang? No, I swung through London. I swang. I think that refers to actual swinging with other couples. I was going to say, were you swinging in London? You can say swang.

So, yeah. Chelsea, I have a question for you. How have you changed in the last year? Have I changed in the last year? My patience has definitely changed in the last year. My tolerance for undesirable circumstances has grown. I've found myself in a couple of situations or hotel rooms that normally I would just walk right out of. And I'm like, you know what?

Just suck it up. Just suck it up. You stay at enough nice places. And my reading has grown. I've been reading so much this year. So I've been using my time wisely. Instead of watching mindless TV and scrolling on my phone, I've made a real effort to read, pay attention, and spend less time on my phone.

And it's not always a home run, but for the most part it is. It helps when I'm on vacation, I'm not on my phone a lot. You know, there's a time like when we go to bed, I'm in bed with my sister because I sleep with my sister, everybody. Her name is Simone Handler Hutchinson. I don't know why. She's supposed to be divorced, so it should be Simone Handler. But anyway, she and I are always bunkmates when we travel,

and we've been spending the entire summer together. So we've had a lot of one-on-one time. And I sexually harass her in the bed before we're going to bed. She doesn't like that. She says, but like any sexual harasser, I can't control myself. She, yeah, she loves it. She loves it. That's good.

Are you guys cuddlers? No, no, no, no. We don't do that. I mean, no, we don't cuddle as sisters. No. No, my cousins do that, though. They're all gross. They all sleep in the same bed without underwear.

I'm like, what? Wait, wait, no. Yeah, yeah. My cousins will sleep together with Gabby in the same bed and they'll be topless or bottomless. I'm like, guys, this is so disgusting. And my family would never do anything. I would never.

I don't even think I've ever. My sister's ever seen my. Oh, yes, she has. I'm I'm in my family. I'm the free bird. Obviously, were you a naked family or not? No, no, no. I never saw my mother naked until she was dying.

And like she was, you know, she we needed to take her to the bathroom and stuff. But my mom was very shy and she didn't. And I'm not shy, but I don't walk around topless or naked in front of my brothers or sisters. But I also don't care. Yeah. Like, if they see me, my sisters care. They don't want to, they don't want, my sister Shoshana won't even wear a bathing suit. She wears shorts over her bathing suit because she's so self-conscious.

And I'm like, oh, who cares? Like, we all have cellulite. Who gives a shit anymore? Just bodies. I was in a very naked family. We were just a very naked family. Yeah. That also doesn't appeal to me, quite frankly.

I don't, because of the way I grew up, I'm just like, oh. Like when I see people, my friend, I remember being at my friend's house and she just stripped right in front of me, went to the bathroom and then walked through her bedroom and her three boys were in the bed. And I was like, ew, what is this? And then I was like, actually, that's probably the way it should be. But it's not what I'm accustomed to. And now we have one of my most favorite people on the podcast today. She's, I think, pretty much everyone's favorite person. One of everybody's.

She's in the top 10 of everybody's favorite person list. She is an Emmy and Golden Globe winner, and her name is Sarah Paulson. Sarah Paulson is here, everybody. And as usual, she's already pulling her shenanigans. That's correct. She thinks we're in Simi Valley, which I've never been to. Actually, no, I did. I was once there accidentally.

And she's already had to go to the bathroom four times. She's been here for 30 seconds. Sarah, we have a lot to discuss. First of all, I have to ask you a question. Hit me. You're in a very long-term successful relationship. Sure. That I didn't realize you had met on Twitter.

You two connected on Twitter? That's a little bit of a compressed. Okay, can you clarify? I don't know that it's that interesting. Oh, I bet it is. I think people are interested in your relationship, yes. Okay, why? Because people think it's weird.

Well, people, it's not traditional. It's very untraditional. But, I mean, I think people are into it. Yeah, I'm into it, which is all that matters. I think a lot of people, I mean, all of our people are into it. Which is all we care about. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not why we're in relationships anyway, right?

For the public's approval. Yeah, exactly. Can you imagine? I was on a date the other night with a guy, and all I could think to myself was, how will everyone react to this? And then I was like, what are you doing? And I was like, I wonder how this will be seen. Because it was a non-traditional date, I will say. Well, you're not going to say more about that?

No, because I'm not going to see that person again. Oh, that's over. I wasn't interested. But I thought while we were on the date, I was like, what if this develops into something? How is this going to be? How will we break it down? Yes, yes.

I'm like, oh, will I have a private relationship or will it be a public relationship? So essentially, Holland Taylor and I met at a dinner party that was thrown by a friend. That's from Holland. That our friend Lee Rose threw for Buck Henry, the incredible screenwriter Buck Henry, who's no longer with us.

And it was a huge dinner party that I was invited to. I was 30 years old, I guess. dating someone else. I was with Cherry Jones at the time. And there was one seat left at the table of this dinner party and somebody arrived late and it was Miss Holland Taylor. And she came in this sort of very, what I now know, I'm very familiar with the coat she wears that she was wearing then that of course I didn't know then, but now to me is a very specific coat. And this kind of drum, like, like hair muscled and late and, and like, I can't describe it. The wind blew her in. The wind blew her in and she was like, Oh God, the part, you know, it's this whole thing.

Like Mae West, a little bit. Yes, just like that. Sure. Is that what my impression is? Less racist than Mae West. Yes, she's not really, yeah. Colin's not racist. She's not racist.

So, okay. A lot of things. Copy that over now. Copy that over. Not racist. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. And there was one seat next to me, and I thought, oh, God, please don't let, I found her to be very terrifying to me.

Because you had admired her work? I had admired her before. I remembered sitting in the movie theater in New York City watching One Fine Day, and I remember her coming on screen. she played Michelle Pfeiffer's mother. This is a joke we make whenever she feels unattractive. I'm like, you know, you have played some of the most beautiful women. It's not even up for debate. Michelle Pfeiffer is one of the most beautiful women to ever walk the planet. You played her mother. We believe that she came out of your body, that you grew her. And I was like, that's

something that I think tells everybody you're a beauty. She doesn't think that. But anyway, I turned and I looked up and I thought, that's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life. I hope she doesn't sit next to me. There's not a chair to be had for anywhere else. There's nowhere else for her to go and uh she sat next to me proceeded to make fun of me all night long make fun of you like that i was 30 years old and i was on studio 60 and it was a show that she loved and wanted to be on and of course nobody was watching it and i just felt like a loser idiot and you know i was so it doesn't sound like she was making fun of you it sounds like she was complimenting at me like okay how old are you she kept saying yeah i'm 30 and she's like 30

what kind of more you know like what kind of idiot is 30 you know she just She just was like, what kind of idiot is 30? And then, you know, and then the craziest part was at the end of the night, we walked out of that restaurant. I think it's called Luke's on Beverly Boulevard. There was this. I'm sure it's been shut down. No, it's there. It's still there.

Shout out to Luke. Shout out to Luke. Everybody go. It's great. There was some kind of very, very fancy sports car parked out in front of the restaurant. And Allison Janney, who's a good friend of mine, was at this dinner. Everyone loves Allison Janney. Everybody loves Allison Janney.

And so it was me, Allison Janney, and Holland. And when we were leaving the restaurant, Buck Henry was like, let me take this photo. And all three of us piled on top of this car that was not ours. And we like, you know, I was like, meh. Like, my picture, it's really, I'm leaning all the way back. Such a 30-year-old move. A 30-year-old move like this. And Holland's doing something very respectful, and so is Allison.

And I'm like, meh, hang 10 or something like that I was doing. And Buck then sent us these pictures. And that picture was on my refrigerator for a decade before Holland and I got together. So her picture was in my house, on my refrigerator. I saw it every day. So this was the first time I met Holland. Ten years later, we met again. Did she slide into your DMs, though?

There was that, but it was post doing a benefit for an organization called AS4. AS4 is an abortion rights organization that Martha Plimpton started. And we're both friends with her. And so she asked us to make these little, you know, ads or something to support the organization. And we were doing it one after another. and we re-met each other then and then followed each other on Twitter and that's when the DM slide happened.

And then like a year later, we went to dinner. I thought it was a date. She did not think it was a date. So she thought she was just going to dinner with another human being? Right. Yeah. And I was like, I had called my friends

just being like, can I, you know, I was having that thing of like, can I, what will this look like? What will people say if I go out? At that point, Holland was, I had just turned 40 and Holland was 72. Oh, I didn't realize it was so 32 years. 32 years, yeah.

Wow. Holland's 80. Wow. I know. It is fascinating. It is pretty fascinating. Yeah. Because it would, you would, it would, you know, I've always dated older people than

myself, typically in relationships, but I would think it would be hard to sustain over a long period of time. To date with an older person. Yeah. I think it would, there's always an attraction with somebody, but for it to make it last, and I guess that's applicable to anybody your own age. It's, I guess, what's sustainable, you know? I think the truth of the matter is the things that are our troubles have less to do with age and more to do with just the things that bother you about another person when you're dating them, which are a myriad of things.

It's actually not the age stuff, funnily enough. It's more like she's not a big communicator and I'm a big communicator. I want to talk about everything. And she's like, I'm good. We don't need to talk about it. I'm like, well, I think we do. Yeah, right. Holland.

And what do you attribute to having such a successful relationship? relationship? Like, what is it about this person with you that makes it so successful and keeps you happy, engaged, and wanting to be there every day? I think she's the smartest, wisest, funniest, most extraordinary person I've ever met. So I can't imagine not being with her. I just can't. I just feel very, very lucky to be around someone so incredibly witty and funny and smart and I think incredibly sexy I find her to be the most beautiful woman I tell her all the time like she's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen and she always will be and what does she bring out in yourself so I mean this is a sort of anecdotal thing that is sort of meaningless to anyone who

isn't me probably but I'm the kind of person when something let's say I set my alarm off accidentally my house alarm my first response is to go and I say out loud I don't know what to do I don't know what to do I don't know what to do I don't know what I'm doing I don't know what I'm doing and she's always like, you do, you do know what you're doing. You do know what you're doing. And then I'm like, I do, I do know what I'm doing. And then I remember my code and I'm able to, so that's a sort of silly, but a kind of very specific example of a way in which she sort of pulls me out of my tendency to be anxious or sort of hysterical and doubting my own capabilities. And she's sort of constantly reminding me about how capable I am.

I love that. And that is a really kind of... Because a lot of times in dynamics in relationships that are unhealthy is a person trying to remind you that you need them. No. And that you need to be. She's constantly saying to me, why are you with me? Why are you with me? Why are you doing this?

What are you doing? You're a very strange person. She says to me all the time. It's very strange that you're doing this. And I'm like, really? Is it? I don't know. My mom tells me a story sometimes about a psychic that she saw when I was very young who said, your eldest daughter is going to live a wildly unconventional life.

Wow. And I was like, do you have her number? I got some new questions for her, this psychic, because it's true. I have lived a kind of unconventional life. Are you into psychic readings? Have you ever had one? I do like them, but then I get really nervous about what they're going to say. And then I try to sort of like mentally will them to say what I want them to say as if

I have that kind of power. I find this to be very common. People are scared of psychics. It's like psychics don't tell you bad things. Like that's not their business. I know if I have a friend who's psychic, told them something to tell me that was going on with me that was not great what yeah that's not it's true your name specifically like well like she showed her my picture this russian psychic who like reads the bottom of coffee grounds and

things and she's this friend of mine has been going to her forever and she's like she's always right she predicted all the stuff about the pandemic before it happened she was like 2020 is going to be the year of mass death and it's going to be this wild thing and we were all like what? What are you talking about? I better keep smoking. I like to smoke whenever I am trying to communicate. Or pretend you're driving an 18-wheeler like you did when you came in with your steering wheels. I was like, when I was driving here. So ridiculous. Now, when you're on set, are you somebody who second guesses your performance? Oh my God, yes. Yeah, because you strike me as someone who's constantly second guessing herself. I do. And you don't really

understand your own gravitas. What is it that makes you think that? I've just been around you and I'm like like you're a little in a great way I like it I'm a little what you're just like a little bit wacky I remember this is the first time I met Sarah this is the first time I met Sarah I was doing my very first talk show Chelsea Lately and I got a letter a note from Sarah saying who do I have to fuck to get on this show and I was like oh god oh no you sent me a video I sent you a video. Yes. And we played it on the show. And then of course we had you on the show and that actually another very, very moving thing you did. Thank goodness. I just remembered this is I was in the hospital for something a couple of years ago and you sent me the sweetest DM saying

I had that heart thing that I've talked about. And she was like, you know, you sent me a very sweet DM and said, you know, I'm very concerned about you. Are you okay? I want to make sure you're okay. Cause I don't talk to you that often. Um, even though I always admire you from afar, always. I adore you. And everybody does. Just so you know, in case you were wondering, everybody loves you. Well, that's nice. So on set, what is your story? I think I'm very doubtful. I don't have a lot of confidence in my abilities. It's changing as I've gotten older. Do I have Kris Jenner hair? Is it like? No, no. Actually, yes. There's a striking similarity between you and Kris Jenner, and there always has been.

That's exactly what I was thinking when you walked in. Well, sometimes I'm like, is it Justin Bieber? It's more like Justin Bieber. Yeah, more like Ellen, actually. You kind of have, you're giving off Ellen hair vibes. I mean, it's a different color, but, you know. I love Ellen. I mean, you're both lesbians, so there you go.

All right. I guess that's all you need to have in common. I guess that's right. Sorry, I'm sorry about our guest. I didn't know she was going to be such a live wire. Two hot messes sitting right here. I was telling Chelsea, I was like, I just know you from your roles, which are all very serious, including, by the way, Studio

60. I was the person that watched it. You were the one person. I was the one person. I watched Studio 60. Thank you for watching. But I, you know, in doing research for this episode, I was like, wow, you are like a tremendous, wonderful goofball.

And I was delighted. And I'm so glad it's paying off. I guess I'm wacky. Yeah, you are wacky. Totally. But like wacky like your wacky aunt. Who gives a shit? Wacky's great.

That's a high compliment. Well, you want to be regular? You want to be nice? You know what I hate? When people say, oh, she was really nice or he was nice, I go, what does that fucking mean? Yeah, it doesn't mean anything. Nice is not a descriptor. That's just a saying that they're boring or that there's nothing more compelling to say, you know?

Wacky's fun. That's positive. It's upbeat. But back to your acting. Yes, I get nervous. With Ryan Murphy. You do tons of stuff with Ryan, right? So how does he deal with you, I guess is the question.

I think he found a way to just throw shit at me that I would find challenging just to kind of keep me from combusting, I guess. The harder it is and the more I don't know how to do it, the more excited I get. Like the Linda Tripp thing was the thing I'm the most proud of that I've ever done. Nobody really watched it. Nobody really cared, which was fine. But it's the greatest work I've ever done. Okay. I did not watch that one.

What was the Linda Tripp thing? I'll watch it now. You don't have to. I know I don't have to, but I want to see you play Linda Tripp. I want to see that physical transformation, because you didn't go out there with your own face doing that. No, I didn't. And it was so crazy.

I did all this wild, wild, wacky shit with my body. Did you get to spend time with Monica Lewinsky? I did. She produced it. She's a pleasure. Oh, yeah. People don't say that enough about Monica Lewinsky, so I'd like to make sure. We're on record saying it right now.

Yeah, she's a great girl. She's fucking cool. She's fun. And she's a great girl whose life could have been a disaster. That's right. And it was probably for a little bit of time, but now she's... She also has extraordinarily good hair. Have you seen that hair?

Yeah, well, she's Jewish. A lot of Jewish girls have good hair. I'm only half Jewish, so that's why I'm constantly balding. You're balding? No, not anymore because I do this hair treatment called Hark Lincoln. Have you heard of this? No. So, yeah, if you can see, I have like – it lowers your hairline.

So now I have more hair than I know what to do with because I put this treatment in twice a night and it makes – because I'm very fair. So, you know, fair hair, I guess, gets the hair. Yeah, fair hair. Fair hair do care. She did care. But what do you mean you lower it? A lot of people have electrolysis to get that. Nobody wants it to start here.

Like, it has new growth that comes in lower. How do I know that's new growth? Because women, their hair, you, because I'm fucking telling you. Yeah, but I don't know. Now look at me. Are you a... Look at me now. I'm Linda Tripp.

Monica. Monica. This is how I talked when I did it, like this. I talked like that. That's how I talked. I did a different voice and everything. With Linda? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. No, you're very talented. I know that for sure. I was reading in your bio that you're scared of clowns, sharks, bees, and many holes in the same place. What does that mean? That's called trypophobia or trypophobia. So, for example. What's that game called where you throw those fucking weighted sacks into holes?

Yeah, like a ski ball. Cornhole. Exactly. I knew it was a name I don't like. I don't enjoy cornhole either, but that doesn't bother me because there's space between the holes. I don't like when the holes are like. What about Connect Four? Is that a problem for you?

That's fine because they're all the same shape. So think about like a natural coral reef makes me want to vomit. Oh, I see what you're saying. All of them together like. Wow, that is a weird thing to be. Or like if I think about it, it gives me the heavies. I really don't like it. What about snakes?

I don't mind them. I like them. Really? Oh, yeah. I've done a lot of snake work. I have a picture of me with an albino boa constrictor around my neck. It was like one of the great days. Oh, yeah, yeah.

I love it. I don't. I'm really. I have a phobia. Oh, really? You don't like this? I don't like the. Slither.

The movement. I don't like that they're jumping now. Oh, I don't know about the jumping. Oh, yeah. They're jumping. It's not a jumping snake. Oh, there was a snake that slid across a lake and then jumped onto someone's paddle board. Nope.

That I don't like. They jump and they climb up things that you don't think that they can climb up. No, I don't like that part. That is true. But I have done some acting with some snakes and I've liked it. But you're scared of clowns? I don't like a clown. You don't?

Meaning like a poltergeist. Was poltergeist the one where there was a clown under the bed? Where was the one where there was a clown in the corner? It was like under the bed. Like a bad clown or a good clown? I don't like a bad clown. I think they're creepy. I understand the clown thing.

I don't like it. I could see you playing a clown. Do you feel like that's something that could happen? I do, actually, but I just don't know why that really makes me laugh. I could see you, like, the great compliment of the day. I could see you playing a clown. What are you working on now, by the way? You're not doing anything right now, are you?

No, I took a break after the Linda Tripp thing. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Was it? Yeah, I gained a lot of weight, and that was an interesting experience. My body didn't respond well to that hormonally. Really? Yeah, it sort of put me into pre-pair. It was just wild.

From gaining the weight? From gaining and losing. So who's calling? Who cares? I don't know. I hate this fucking Apple Watch. You know why? Because I don't need these alerts.

All it has is, I can't figure out how to put it on a regular. There we go. I can't figure out how to put it on a regular time frame either so that I can just see the time. All it shows me is in the middle of a workout that I haven't been in for like three days. And then it has a compass. Somebody's got to figure this out for you. Well, of course. I mean, of course somebody does.

And I just haven't gotten around to it yet. But I'm walking around Manhattan yesterday, walking along, walking along. And it just tells me north by northeast. I'm like, you think I give a shit about my directionals? You're in New York. I want to know what fucking time it is. What were you doing in New York? I was on tour.

So, yeah, you guys have to come to my show in October. I'm doing two nights at the Pantages. I'll invite you. I would love that. Okay, back to you. I'm interested in what happens to the body. I find that interesting on the exterior and interior. So how much weight did you put on?

30 pounds. And how did you do that? I just ate a shit ton of food. Bad food. Bad food. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then? And I had gained it all.

And then we were supposed to start shooting March of 2020. Then the pandemic happened. We didn't shoot for eight months. So then I lost some of it. And then we didn't know when we were shooting. And then we're like, now we're going. you need to gain it back. And so it was a little bit of that. And then we shot for almost 11 months. So it was like, I had to maintain that for a long, so it was almost two years. Um, and my body was

like, what are we, what are we doing? Is this the new normal? Cool. But then it wasn't. And you know, it just, it was, I think very hard on your, on my hormone story. I do want to jump in really quick. We have a caller who is on her way to therapy in a few minutes. So, oh, oh, oh, all right. So forget about Sarah. Forget about my perimenopausal weight. We're going to get back to that. Or we won't. I'll tell you later.

We're going to take a quick break and we'll be right back to get to our first caller. I'm very sorry about this interview so far. Yeah, me too. Okay. There's no shortcut for saving time. But saving money is simple. Just combine your car and home insurance with Bel Air Direct and save. Get a quote at BelAirDirect.com.

when i was 14 years old i was kidnapped and held captive for nine months i survived and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files i just remember this low taunting voice next to my ear saying Shut up. Don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced.

But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. There's stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives,

and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island to deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite BookTok creators

to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle, I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be

a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. We are back. We're pausing perimenopause and we're going to talk really quickly to Anne. She's 38. Dear Chelsea, I'm living a successful, fulfilling, and happy life, except for the fact that I'm single and haven't been in a long-term relationship for over 10 years for a plethora of reasons. Last year, I moved to a small town in the Midwest to be close to my family and got an epic job as an executive chef at a nonprofit. I love my job. I just bought a

place in the city that I absolutely adore, and I'm making wonderful friends here. Of course, I'm on the apps and I swipe daily. I flirt with guys in public and have told all my people here that I'm in search of a man who will exceed my expectations. But I've been told that I have high standards and I'm very picky by my friends. However, I just think I deserve the best and won't settle for someone who does not fit my life. I need advice from two strong, independent women. Help. Cheers, Anne. Hi, Anne. Hi, Anne. Hi. This is our special guest, Sarah. Hi. Hi, Sarah. How are you? I'm very well. Thank you. How are you? Very nice to meet you. Nice to meet you as well. Well, first of all, I love having high standards. I think that is a good thing to have in life. But

sometimes you can have high standards that preclude you from being open minded and enough to let the right people in. Right? Yes. I've been on the apps forever. And those are just not a fun experience. They're good for one nighters, you know, like when you want to get something fun. but I like that I mean you want to get something fun and dating here in the area is it's pretty conservative and I am not there's not very many people like me here I mean I've traveled the world I've been to seven continents 30 countries I've seen the world and I'm looking for someone that has the same quality of life as me are you at all willing to open up beyond the area where you're living? So I have thought about that, but I recently took a job about a year ago and bought

a condo. So I'd like to stay here for a little bit longer. I'm happy to look outside, even out of the country, but I need to stay here for at least five more years. But you can still date somebody long distance, I think is what Sarah's saying. That's sort of what I'm wondering is like if you widen the pool, if you know that where you live, there's a sort of contained, like a limited in terms of the possibility of meeting someone that shares your values or is interested in the things that you're interested in. I wonder if like widening the pool a little bit, it doesn't, I mean, you, I know many people who have started relationships long distance that then you make a change later when the time, when it becomes clear that you don't want to live without one another,

you, you become more willing to do that. But I think sometimes you might have to, you might have to expand a little beyond what's, what's right in a little radius for you there. Okay. Yeah. So I've looked into Chicago, which has much more of my style of gentlemen. My style of gentlemen. Where do you live? In the Quad Cities. So Illinois, Iowa, near Davenport. I don't know what that means. Quad Cities. I've never heard that expression before. I've heard of the Twin Cities, but never the Quad Cities.

Illinois and Iowa, about two hours west of Chicago. Okay. Okay. So listen, you definitely need to open up your pool because two hours is not even long distance. I mean, that's like mini distance. I've dated guys overseas. That's kind of the relationship I prefer, quite frankly. I think I will too. Yeah. And also when you are dating somebody, I think you need to, if you have very high standards,

I have very high standards for myself as well. And sometimes our standards, not that they shouldn't be high, they absolutely should. But sometimes you have judgments about people that you need to pare down because it limits who you're allowing yourself to let in. And sometimes being on one date or one interaction with a person is not enough. Right. I agree with this completely. And I also wonder, is there some part of you that is keeping it narrow in terms of what you're willing or interested in because you're scared to maybe have the relationship in the first place? Do you know what I mean? And sometimes we create these stories of like, it has to look like this. And this is why, I mean, you just said, I have to be here for the next five years.

And it's like, you've got all this stuff kind of planned and figured out, which doesn't leave a lot of elasticity or room for anyone to sort of come inside that, even mentally for yourself. It seems like you've got a plan about how you want it to be. And that means somebody, anyone's got to come into it in an exact right way, or you're not interested. And I feel like sometimes taking a, you know, it's like a horse with blinders on, you got to kind of take them off and just, you might notice somebody near you, closer to you than

you may imagine, or even further away, but that you kind of need to sometimes question why you're making it so rigid in the first place, because there may be a deeper reason why doing that, that might make it a little clearer to you, you know? Yeah. That's super helpful. Yeah. I have always had very limited standards. Like, oh, I can't do that.

I can't date because of X, Y, Z. I can't date. Like, give us some examples. Yes. What are the things that are deal breakers in your mind? Republican. I support, I support completely. I'm with you on that one as well. So I really like a foodie. I'm a chef. So having to explain what different ingredients or cuisines

are, it's very frustrating. But I guess I could open myself up to that. So like a foodie would be nice, but I don't have many deal breakers. That's... Okay, fine. Then let's go in the opposite direction. What are the things that you're looking for? Trustworthy, kind, a foodie, someone who's traveled the world and seen not maybe as many countries as me, but like it's curious and open to new cultural experiences. I prefer a person of color and that's hard to find here. In Davenport, Iowa. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like that's going to be a tall order for Iowa. Right. So that's why I'm like, I have looked out in Chicago. But yeah, it's just not. What can I ask you? What's your work schedule like? Do you work

during the week? Or do you work on the weekends? What's your situation? So I work during the week and I have Sunday Mondays off. Okay, that's a tricky night to go out to bars, I guess on a Sunday night in Chicago, I was going to say to a lot some of your time to like commit to spending a certain amount of time in a city where you're going to meet someone of color that meets these requirements. I have no doubt there's somebody for you in Chicago, right? Like that is a huge city filled with tons of different types of people. So I think that if there's a way you could kind of commit your time to actually actively going to these cities and apps are good, you know, you can definitely cast a wider net in terms of like your geographical location,

but you should also spend more time in these places. Two hours is not a big deal. You can go spend the night there, get a cheap hotel room, you know, and like go out and experience the nightlife there and like go out to different restaurants, go to the places that you would be attracted to or sign up for some sort of like group activity, like make it a two day adventure that you have Sunday and Mondays off. So you're doing like something outdoorsy, you're going to a nice restaurant, you know, just start cultivating different things that that aren't available in your city, because you have a huge advantage that a big city like that is so close to you. Right. Okay. And also maybe instead of a person who has done all the traveling,

what about a person who's just incredibly interested in doing it? A person that you could actually show some of you know the things you've learned and you know discovered and places that are your favorite places in the world people that might be really interested in doing it who don't necessarily have to meet you know it's a pretty rare wonderful thing to be able to have traveled as much as you have and maybe taking a little bit of of the curiosity component and the willingness and desire to do it or willingness desire to learn about food and you know it seems to me like it could be more about a desire to do so rather than a person who already checks all of the boxes that's super helpful thank you what about anyone in your restaurant do you work in

a restaurant i do what about any of the people you work with so there's a team of four of us and we're all women oh okay listen baby let me tell you something man we have a lesbian here and we have probably a potential lesbian here so i mean come on everybody's a lesbian i hate to break it to all of you i mean i if i could i absolutely would like my front of house manager she's sexy as hell but we both like the d so well why don't but if you both like the d hey get it get a d you can share and why not why not why not experiment with her if you're both like if that that's it you never know you could she doesn't want it but you know and doesn't look that interested she says no with a little stinky face you can get the d by the way without the

woman exactly you know that's right that weight of a ban on you i know i know i know what you're talking about but that's like a physical i don't care have you been with men yes yeah oh yeah no wonder all lesbians have been with men and then they come they're like forget it i was gonna get married i had a great man yeah yeah yeah great man anyway cast a wider net yeah wider are there any other big cities within two hours of you besides chicago does the u.s map look like it's just so fun it's so fun to like move what happens if you go left left or right or down or up I can cast a whiter net. That is absolutely frustrating to do.

And also give people the benefit of a doubt. If you go on a date and somebody's really gross and they turn you off, fine. But if you go on a date and it was just eh, and there's really nothing there that repulsed you or you just found it kind of boring, I think you should give those dates a second chance. Because a lot of people are very nervous on their first interaction with somebody. So I think you should really just also give yourself a break. You know what I mean? I think you should think about all of this moving forward as expansion. Don't say no.

Open up. Yes. Got it. Widener net. It goes with everything. The widening of the net. The widening of the legs. All of it.

It comes together. I'm so sorry to be so crass, but we're all friends here. Yeah. But, I mean, just do that. Practice it. And make an event out of it. Like, seriously, go to Chicago on your days off for like a couple times a month. Go get a hotel room.

Go there and spend time there so that you can actually get FaceTime with people. You never know what the fuck's going to happen or how you're going to meet somebody. Got it. Okay. Okay. Report back when you do get penetration. Yes. And go to therapy.

Go, go. I'm headed to therapy. Thank you. And we'll talk about that. Okay. Sorry. Tell your therapist I said what up. Okay.

I will. Okay. Thank you. It was so nice to meet you, ladies. Bye, thanks, Anne. So nice to meet you, too. My friend once said to me, she's like, your standards are so high. And I go, I think they can.

be aren't they allowed to be I said why would they be low and she was like well I just think your expectations I'm like but I'm I'm not desperate so if I don't have someone to meet my expectations then I'll be by myself yeah to me now I have a question about being with a woman do you you're like that's fascinating well no no it's about I feel like being with a woman I'm reading this book and there's this big lesbian hot scene in this book right and they're describing this third lovemaking and I'm like oh this is totally hot like you know it wasn't like I wasn't a gay person you know like I remember being younger and reading about things that I wasn't comfortable with and almost kind of like rebuffing it being like oh and I and I realized my own

reaction I was like oh this is hot and I go I think I understand I feel like being with another woman would make you a lot less self-conscious about your body issues uh from for me not so much i still i still because at the end of the day it's still the the fundamental truth is that you're still attracted to the person you still have those normal you know human desire to be wanted and to have everybody find you appealing in those moments and just because they have what you have doesn't mean that they're not or that you're you know what i mean that you're not like is mine weird you know what i mean right i always wonder if mine is weird right i think everyone wonders if theirs is weird yeah but i'm thinking in terms of like oh cellulite and like arm flaps

and stuff like that like with a man I do find myself making sure my body's in check like I want and I was thinking about that when I was reading this book I was thinking oh I wonder if that is like something that I would feel with another woman because I've been with women sexually and I've never felt self-conscious yeah but in like you know menage a trois or something not like one on one right and you didn't feel self-conscious no I liked the liberation of it because it was another woman's body it's like you have this I have this there was something very liberating about it. Yeah, I understand that. It just, for me, I think psychologically it was my body issues were just bigger than that. Yeah, I think your issues are bigger, right? In general. In general.

In general, yes. In general. In general, I have bigger issues. It's true. Okay, well, moving on from that topic, Catherine, what do we have next? Well, next we're going to talk to Alyssa. And Alyssa has a pretty tough question. Try and act serious, okay? For this, focus. There's no shortcut for saving time, but saving money is simple. Just combine your car and home insurance

with Bel Air Direct and save. Get a quote at belairdirect.com. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, Shut up. Don't say anything.

Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home.

This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations,

or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita,

trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people, and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself.

So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Subject line is, my best friend died. Bummer, I know. Alyssa says, dear Chelsea, I'm 31 and I live in Little Rock, Arkansas.

I'm a hairstylist and spent the last seven years working in a salon with my best friend, my hetero life partner, my soulmate. However, almost a year ago, she died tragically in a car accident. I'm not someone who makes friends easily or keeps friends for very long, but Allie was the exception to that. She was truly my person. I'm struggling not only with just missing her, but miss having that female friendship. I don't have many friends, and I'm terrified to try and make new ones.

Any advice on how to make new friends and maybe some advice on dealing with the loss of your very favorite person on Earth? Thanks so much, Alyssa. Hi, Alyssa. Hi, Alyssa. Hi. Hi, we have Sarah Paulson today as our special guest. Oh my gosh. Hi, Sarah. Hi, how are you? I'm doing good. I'm so, so sorry to hear about what you're struggling with. That sounds really hard. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah, it sucks. When did this happen? So Allie died in November of 2021. So it'll be two years in November.

Okay. And what's your situation with your work, your life? Break it down for us. Tell us a little bit about yourself. So I work in a private studio now. So it's just me by myself. I just didn't really feel like I could go back to working in a salon again with other stylists. And work has been really crazy hard just because so much of our friendship was intertwined in doing hair because we were both hairstylists and so like I'm doing okay but it's just I literally thought oh we're gonna like grow old together like oh we're gonna outlive our spouses and be golden girls you know retired and live together one day and now I'm like oh that's not happening like none of that that I had in my head is happening and then I'm like oh I have to find a new friend

like I have to find a new best friend I don't want to do that so it's just a lot like literally my entire trajectory of my life has changed yeah do you have a spouse long time boyfriend we're not married okay well that's good you have somebody right yes yeah he's super super wonderful and supportive and great and I have like a really good support system it's just I've just never been good at making friends and keeping friends and I just felt like with Allie it was like oh this is my person. Like I found my person. This is like the one person I can say the gnarliest, craziest shit to and her not think it's like weird or crazy or anything. And it's just really difficult to imagine my life without that. And then also I'm so terrified to try to find another best friend

like that. And I know like no one's ever going to replace Allie, but I don't know. When you say it's hard for you to keep friends, how so? Meaning? You know, I don't know if it's my, I don't know if my picker is broken. You know, some people pick really bad partners. And I think that I, I don't know if I just picked really shitty friends in the past, or if it's just life circumstances. I just feel like every like really good close friend that I've ever had has like moved away you know in childhood or something like that or I just never got those core friendships that a lot of my friends have you know like not close with anyone that I grew up with or anything like that anymore so I think

I just have a lot of anxiety about forming new friendships and so that kind of keeps me from reaching out to people and I'm like the most I joke with everyone all the time that I'm the most like introverted hairstylist on earth I'm so good at work you know I can talk all day and then if I see my clients at the grocery store I'm like uh that's a lot of people a lot of people feel that way even extroverted people feel that way yeah it's just I don't know when you're out of that like controlled environment. It's like, wait, what? I don't know how to do this. So I've just never been very good at it. Okay. Well, let me say one thing. You have a long-term successful romantic relationship. So you are good at relationships. You had a best friend

forever that passed away, unfortunately, which is horrifying and terrible. And you will feel that grief for a very long time, but that is representative of another successful relationship that you have so this narrative that you have in your head about not being good at making friends isn't true it's your past and it's your childhood like it's not even true you weren't even who you are today then so it's actually not applicable yeah like you have this idea the story that you're telling yourself and it's like you have a long-term romantic relationship who's a wonderful guy like that says it right there that you're good at relationships you're probably a one-on-one person. You're not a group friend, group person, right? Is that how you would describe yourself?

So I think you have to really, you have a lot of work to do about changing that narrative for yourself because the whole world is filled with possibilities. You sequestering yourself and working alone is not necessarily the right move because how did you meet your old best friend? I got a job at her hair salon. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I really think it's important to get yourself back in an environment that at least is bringing new people in and out of your life, you know, on a professional level. I think it is important to be in a hair salon with other stylists, with people, customers coming in and out all day and setting yourself up for success in that way, for sure. I think working alone isn't going to be the answer. That's not how

you're going to meet somebody. You know what I mean? Because it was happenstance that you walked into that salon anyway, and that that person happened to be your person. So the odds of something like that happening again are significantly higher if you're allowing those things to happen, you know? Right. Yeah. And also being in an environment like a salon where you are sort of forced to be around the same people every day, you can form relationships that are more casual and you might find someone who you have, obviously maybe not the same bond that you had with Allie, but a different and, you know, successful bond with. Right. And there's ways to honor your, like, are you in therapy? Have you been to a therapist? Okay. There are ways to honor

that friendship too. You know what I mean? Like you can kind of use that friendship as a motivating factor. You can have her up, you know, a picture of her up at your, what's it called? Your little station, right? Is that what it's called? A station at a salon? Right. Like as a motivating factor to remind you what a beautiful friendship that was and what you were capable of having. Yeah. And what you're looking for again. Yeah. You don't have to replicate that friendship. There are so many people in this world that are have value and lend value to our lives and when we kind of get narrow because of something that's happened to us we don't expand we just start to shut down and we're like oh I trust this person and that person and I'm not good at this I'm not good at that and

the reality is you could be great at all of these things it's just your mindset and I think you have to get into a different headspace you know like there's a time for grieving there's a time for reaping and sowing like there's a time for you to start investing in yourself again because that's what your best friend would want for you. Yeah, I think you have to make a new relationship with yourself too in terms of being a friend to yourself and doing some of this work that

Chelsea's talking about in terms of recalibrating that narrative and don't feed that story anymore because it's actually not true. You have real proof in your life of being capable of having deep, rich, fulfilling relationships, both romantic and otherwise. So that is out

there for you again too, but I don't think it can happen in a little sliver of your society you know does it sound like something that you can do is go and you know seek out a job at a salon honestly I don't know I don't know I just hairstylist I'm gonna be brutally honest most hairstylists are like my least favorite type of people I know but think about what you're saying you met your best friend as a hairstylist and you're judging the rest of them. Like they're not going to, I know it's so stupid, but they're not all like that. They're not all like that. But I think a lot of it also has to do with, you know, I live in a predominantly

conservative state, lots of conservative hairstylist girlies out there. And so I love my little space and my vibe of my studio. Cause I have my own little studio and it's like perfectly representative of me. And I love it there. So it'd be really hard for me to step away from that into a salon. But I do think what you're saying is absolutely the thing that I need to do. I just don't know if I need to do it like in a work setting. Okay, well, great. Then think of other ways that you can get out there. There's other like minded people in Little Rock, Arkansas. I know it's a conservative place, but you will find your people you can find your people. Yes. What about couple relationships? Do you guys have couples you hang out with at all? Not really.

My boyfriend is a 35 year old skateboarder. I mean, he has a job. Okay. What about in your space, in your salon space? Do you have room to hire another stylist or anything like that? Or do you have any employees? Probably. I have been doing hair for like 10 years. So I have thought about taking on like an assistant or something like that and try to teach someone else kind of just the things that I've learned. So that could be an option. Yeah. Or hiring another stylist. And that way you get to choose like if there are some conservative person you don't want around then you can choose who's gonna come in I mean that's a nice way to meet somebody but there are millions of other

ways you can join a rock climbing group you can like what are you into what do you do do you go hiking do you like to what else happens in Little Rock is there a body of water there there is there are lots of bodies of water okay great do you like to sail do you like to go river rafting like there's plenty of shit where you can join clubs and i know it sounds like oh oh i don't need to join a club to meet people yeah you fucking do you literally you do you're calling us figuring out how to get a friend you know what i mean and you have to put yourself out there in ways that don't seem natural to you in order to attract something different and attract something new because you're capable of having a great friend you're just grieving the one that you

lost and you think she's irreplaceable which she probably is but that doesn't mean there's not another great friend out there or even more than one great friend out there how great would it be to find a group of girls that you actually vibe with that believe in the same stuff you know and it's two or three girls like that's a possibility too I had a therapist one time say to me when I was thinking about dating and I wasn't sure if I wanted to date a man I wasn't sure if I wanted to date a woman I wasn't sure what I wanted to do and she said to me you know you can't figure this out hypothetically you can't figure it out in your living room you have to go out into the world and have some experiences and those experiences are going to like direct you you know and you're

going to get more information that's going to concretize something that you may be feeling you know you need concretize good usage i like that finally finally the clown comes up with a good word um or like a book club are you reading like make it cerebral club yeah book clubs are cool at least they're going to be smart and fucking reading you know yeah book club's good that's a good thought should think about things that move you that you get excited by and seeing if seeing if there's some or you can try you know if you're into like are you you said you don't like to be around conservative people are you into politics you could join like a political group that like gets out the vote or something like that and you'll automatically meet people

who have more of a sensibility okay okay i can do these things i can do that yeah i think bottom line you gotta treat friendship when you're looking for a friend a little bit like dating It's a numbers game. You know, the more you put yourself out there, the more individual situations you put yourself in, the more people you meet, the more likely you are to find sort of the one or the two or three. There's a way for you to localize people on your Instagram. Don't ask me how, because I don't know.

But it's a possibility to localize people, to find people in Little Rock. And that way, like when you're looking at people's Instagram profiles, I think that's a great way to reach out to somebody or to date somebody because you're getting a kind of a full spectrum of what they're into and what they're not. And that's a totally normal thing to reach out via Instagram. I have tons of friends that reach out to me via Instagram, strangers and friends, you know, that I, yeah, we did. I mean, that's how I booked Sarah on the podcast. So like, just think outside of your comfort zone and make some actionable, like take some actionable steps where you're actually doing things that you wouldn't normally do to meet

some friends that are like-minded. Okay. Okay. You got to do things and talk to people. You got a great voice and a great accent. And also, listen, I want you to just get up every day for the next like 21 days and write down, I'm good at making friends. I'm so grateful to have found new friends. Write it down like it's already happened. I'm so grateful for these new relationships in my life. I'm grateful for this new relationship I'm grateful to have met this new these all these new people just write that down for 21 days and there will be a shift within you and you will be more open so okay will it into your life very good very good yeah I'll do that sister just kidding I was gonna I was like wait

you seem like you changed midway through I was like what's happening sorry that you have to witness our chicanery but we're both not complete I'm thoroughly enjoying it but anyway Alyssa you're gonna be fine and i'm so sorry about your friend i know that's devastating and grief is you know i'm so glad you're seeing somebody to talk to about that but just remember your bestie would want you to be happy and making friends you know yeah for sure you're right just like anyone who loves you they want to see you succeed yeah yeah okay i can do that okay let us know when you make some friends okay all right thanks alissa bye alissa thanks bye it is true though sometimes you have really good advice oh thanks honey isn't it true though sometimes you get such a narrative

in your head about your things you've done in the past which who hasn't done things that they've regretted and and you define the future by that or your present moment by the past behavior and it's like everyone is capable of change and shifting i also think the thing that sometimes helped you survive as a young person, they become the real thing that's a hindrance to you as a grownup. It's like, and you hold onto it because you're afraid you only know how to function with these sort of things in order and sort of holding on really tightly to the way things used to work for yourself. That when new things start happening, you either dig a little bit deeper and you refuse to let it go, or you find a way to trust that you can make different choices. But I do

think the very thing that kept you safe or made you know how to function in the world ends up being something that can be constraining. Yeah, Brene Brown says that, that like it's your Teflon. It's like your cover. That's why it's called midlife crisis because at a certain age, it stops working for you. And usually around 40, you're like, wait, the very thing that made me so successful

is the thing that's now making me back or causing trouble. Exactly. So that is, I think, a salient piece of advice as well. But I also think when we lose someone, there's a guilt in letting go of and moving on. And like people get so guilty, like, God, if I fall in love or if I'm happy again, this is what does this mean to her? Like, well, I was reading this book yesterday about PTSD and, you know, Vietnam vets and how they can wake up with terrible nightmares. And it was in that body keeps the score.

Oh, Catherine. Yeah. And one patient was saying, oh, I can't be present for my family and children because that means I've deserted all of my people that I was in war with and all the soldiers who fell. like I can't disappoint them and they're gone so instead of valuing the people who are in front of you they're still hooked on that and so I think that's also something to remember to know that people want you to move on with your life I know I when I was rereading that email after the first time I read I realized it was Allie and Alyssa and I'm like I'm sure they were just like two peas in a pod but yeah I think that was very good advice for her should we take a little break and wrap up Okay, we'll take a break, and then I'm going to kick Sarah Paulson out of here.

Do you keep going? Do you do, like, others? No, no. I'm wrapped for the day. This is it. Oh, wow. Nice gig. Okay, like I said, we're going to take a break.

The Jonas Brothers are running it back. We live the burning up tour and celebrate the biggest Jonas Brothers hits that have defined a generation. one incredible celebration one unforgettable night see the jonas brothers live at rbc amphitheater september 28th get tickets now at ticketmaster.ca jonas brothers the burning up tour all over again when i was 14 years old i was kidnapped and held captive for nine months i survived and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low taunting voice next to my ear saying

shut up, don't say anything. Every week I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up without a doubt he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives,

and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. from best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments nothing is off the table it's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters and that is the trojan horse whether you're looking for literary deep dives smart pop culture conversations or a community of readers who love to think a little too much you're in the right

place listen to pro society on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here.

It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, and we're back. We're back. We're back with Chelsea and Sarah.

It's already over. I don't want it to be over. It's already over. Do you have one more question to throw at us? I actually do. I actually have a pretty juicy one. Oh. Well, why didn't you say that?

How about how you were going to let us go with a juicy one on the line? How dare you, Kevin? Well, we like to wrap things up in an hour to be respectful of our guests when they're on time. Well, this question comes from Ashley. Dear Chelsea. It's all A's. That's a lot of alliteration today. Yes, it's a lot of alliteration today.

They're all A's. And Alyssa and Ashley. Ashley spells with an L-E-I-G-H, just so you know. That's the only ones we take it from. Dear Chelsea, love your podcast, and boy, do I have a doozy of a problem for you. I work in entertainment and run my own company. I'm 40 years old and over the years have built a niche but profitable client list for myself. 15 years ago, when I was still very young and starting out, I had a flirtation with one of my first clients, which turned into a full-fledged

affair that went on for years. He was and still is married, and so was I at the time. This went on for so long that we both had children with our respective partners, all while carrying on this affair. A few years ago, I left my husband. There was no love there for a long time, no surprise given what I was doing, and I just couldn't do it anymore. But after that situation resolved, I realized I no longer wanted or needed the affair I was having. It's as if the cloud of my toxic marriage was obscuring the fact that I had long ago fallen out of love with this other man as well and just hadn't realized it. So I broke it off. Here's the problem.

He's still my biggest client, and for obvious reasons, it's gotten weird professionally. He swore he would never fire me or go to another company because of our situation, but over the months, he's become colder, unresponsive to calls, and very critical of my work. I'm almost certain he's meeting with other companies. While I have other clients, the loss of this revenue, were he to fire me, would impact my future. I'm fully aware that I've gotten myself into this situation, and this is the definition of don't shit where you eat but now i'm in it and i'm losing sleep help thanks ashley

i don't know i mean i don't think i think if your motivation is i listen i understand it's financial and it's your career and your job and but i think him leaving wouldn't be the worst thing in the world i think that is a bigger burden to carry than replacing him financially which will happen, you will get other clients. And if the writing's on the wall, I would probably get ahead of it if you can. If you want to, I mean, get ahead of it. But it's not a bad thing. It's kind of a toxic thing in your life. Yeah. It sounds like adding so much complication to your daily life and not sleeping and all that over something like this. It's like, I don't know. Waiting to be fired is probably the worst feeling in the world.

And not only that, it feels like closing the door on a chapter in a real complete way to maybe end anything where there's still a tie that is sort of connected to how you're making a living that's got so much sort of toxic, I don't know. Did they say they were still sleeping together? No, that's been broken off. Okay, yeah, for sure. I mean, I don't know what the ins and outs of are like for references and stuff like that, but I wouldn't rely on him for any of that anyway, because you already have such a history. The healthiest thing for you would definitely would be to cut ties.

Agreed. Whatever that means financially, I think you have to have faith in the fact that you will get other clients that will supplement that, you know, and replace his whatever income he's bringing into your company. But yeah, it's bad juju. I think it's bad juju. Yeah, and I think sometimes when you get rid of that bad juju, you make space for the good things to come in and you get space for good clients. Yeah, absolutely.

Because also it's a fear-based response to want to hold on to it anyway because she's afraid that nothing's going to come forward. But I think cutting that, you'd be surprised to see what lands. You smell like baby powder. I do. Do you know that? Yeah, like a little baby. And I usually don't like to smell babies, to be honest with you, because they're annoying. They're annoying.

But you smell like an adult baby. I do? Yeah. It's fresh. Clean. Yeah. I bathe. It's my perfume.

Don't ask me what it is. Sarah, Catherine, Paulson, we were so blasted. Were we? Were we? Were we? She was late. She's a wacky clown. Oh, no.

We were happy to have you today. And we love you. Thank you for coming in, baby. I love you right back. Thanks for having me. Okay. Shalom. Shalom.

Shabbat. Shalom. Okay, guys. We have added more shows to my Little Big Bitch tour. I added another second show in Toronto. So I have two shows in Toronto now. December 7th, December 8th, December 9th, I'm in Ottawa. And two new shows December 15th on a Friday.

We're doing a 7.30 and 10 p.m. show with Kevin Hart and Friends. That's in Thackerville, Oklahoma. And all my other shows, you can buy tickets at ChelseaHandler.com. I'm starting my tour back up on September 29th in New York City at The Beacon, which is sold out. But the next night, there are tickets available September 30th at The Beacon. So for all fall dates, you can go to ChelseaHandler.com for tickets, and you'll see me. If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at DearChelseaPodcast at gmail.com. And be sure to include your phone number.

Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert, executive producer Catherine Law. And be sure to check out our merch at ChelseaHandler.com. i survived nine months in captivity and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced these are stories about what it takes to make it out alive listen to the survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality,

welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers book talk creators and plenty of overthought opinions listen to pro society on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts did you hear the new episode of the hey jonas podcast we are at d23 so we'll see who stops by the cast of frozen stopped by kristin bell josh gad and adina menzel i auditioned for frozen what for kristoff they said okay what are you going to be singing today i said i don't know that must have been why you didn't get it

Plus, John Stamos, Hayden Christensen from Star Wars, and more. And I guess I can share that, uh... No way. Listen to the latest episode of Hey Jonas on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus,

or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita trading the pity for possibility listen to solita on the iHeartRadio app

Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts this is an iHeart Podcast guaranteed human