Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - Going to Bed Early with Diane Kruger

Episode Date: November 3, 2022

This week, Diane Kruger joins Chelsea to talk about going to bed too early, relocating to Paris, and how motherhood has changed her.  Then: A couple wrestles with wanting more than just their small patch of land in Oregon.  An overworked mom can’t get rid of her guilt around self-care.  And a stepmom is ready to give her stepkids the boot.  Tap here to buy Diane’s new book, A Name From The Sky.  * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Nick Stumpf Produced by Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Bell. Connection is everything. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who lived through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Dillard, and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with

your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita,

trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What is happening? Hello. Hi, Chelsea. Hi. How are you doing?

You're fresh as a daisy today, actually. I know, I know. I feel so fresh. Good. Showering is so annoying. You know what I mean? Like, I'm just so sick of it. I know it's necessary, and of course I do it, but I don't like it. Yeah. And I don't like blowing out my hair. I don't like the act of showering.

It's like you kind of get uncomfortable while you're getting in and you're getting out, but you have to, like, do it so you can go be warm and also clean. I know. I mean, I'm just basically washing my Pikachu, my butt, and my, like, underarms. And it doesn't really take that long, but it's just annoying. No one takes quicker showers than I do. I do not give a fuck about that. You're like taking a 30-second army shower. I remember Tiffany Haddish, I once did a show of hers, and she was like, why don't white girls wash their legs? And I was like, I don't know, but I don't. No. I don't wash my legs. And she's like, why? She's like, you have to wash everything. I go, I don't. I just feel like the soap goes down from my shampoo and my hair. Everything falls down.

So if I've been out in public and used a public restroom, I will wash the back of my thighs. However. Yeah, I guess so. I wash my butt. You're not getting dirty, your legs. I wash my butt cheeks and my butthole because my butt cheeks, because I don't want to get any pimples on my butt. You know what I mean?

And that's disgusting. I mean, it's not disgusting. It happens. And it's painful. But it is. It's not pleasant. I don't like when I look at my butt in the mirror and there's like a little red dot. I'm like, oh God, what is that?

Yeah. See, I try to use the natural deodorant. I'm wearing the real stuff today, but I'm trying to not get Alzheimer's. But, like, I find that my pits are stinky the second I get out of the shower. I'm like, why did I even bother? They're just always stinky. Oh, are they? Yes.

I find that I only get BO. Well, no, my BO has definitely gotten worse as I've aged, but it's still not that bad. But I definitely get it when I drink coffee. I start sweating immediately when I drink coffee. So I just feel like it's too much of a stimulant for me. You're just all amped up. Yeah, I am amped up. I'm pretty, yeah, I have a lot to be amped up about.

namely Ozempic. Ozempic, for those of you who have been living under a rock, everyone is on Ozempic. All the celebs are real skinny. Everyone is on this weight loss drug. I was taking semaglutide and I had no idea that is Ozempic. And I was wondering why I was nauseated for two weeks straight, but I've been giving a lot of people, I've been giving it to a lot of people. I'm like running a whole thing out of my house because people are, it's like a miracle. I mean, people are sick, but they're losing weight. But it's like it's a diabetes drug, right? Yeah. And the side effect is it kills your appetite. But the thing is, it's just so unpleasant to be nauseous. I guess you have to find the sweet spot that doesn't make

you nauseous and then slowly build it up over time incrementally. But I can't pretend that I have enough weight to lose to be on some sort of weight loss drug. So, I mean, I'm just abusing my body if I take that. I mean, you're like ripped. You've got your Ben Bruno, like you got your muscles. I know. But imagine if this Ozempic just makes me muscular. Like if it's a fat burning, I have to look up and see if it actually burns fat or if it just kills your appetite. Because it does make you feel full faster. Like I definitely, when I took it, I had more control over myself. And then I lowered my dosage because I want to have an appetite. I just don't want to go nuts, you know? Right. And then my cousin's on it, but she's taking such a small, small amount

that she doesn't even feel the effects of it. And so she's like, my doctor's an endocrinologist. He wants me to be very safe, and we have to go very slowly. And I was like, come over to my house, and I'll give you the proper dosage. So for everyone out there, talk to your doctor. Or come to my place, and I'll inject you with semaglutide. Excellent. I have an update, Chelsea, from one of our callers. Oh, wait.

Does everybody know that Ben Bruno, my trainer, has gotten engaged? Oh, yes. I saw that. He got engaged to his girlfriend, Nicole, who's called No Bread. At No Bread. But anybody who's gluten-free or has celiac disease or any of that, you should follow her because she has, like, a lot of great tips on how to eat without ever having anything bad. Yes, and, like, recipes and stuff. She's a cutie.

And she also has the flattest stomach I think I've ever seen on any woman. I guess that's what happens when you don't have gluten that bloats you, right? Yeah, yeah. Because even when my body's banging, I don't have that stomach. I mean, I feel like everybody these days, and it feels like all the celebs, Kim Kardashian, all those people, sorry I mentioned her name, but everyone's ribs forward. Like, everything is about the ribs, and everyone's got these very flat stomachs right now. Have you noticed this trend? Well, it's ozempic, asshole.

I told you. It's ozempic. Totally is. That's the trend. I think that's what it is. Chelsea, I have an update from a caller. This is from A, who wrote in on our Dan Savage episode about she and her husband had just gotten married, and they were, like, not having sex hardly at all.

Yeah, yeah, I remember. So she says, hi again. My initial letter probably lacked a lot of key details. At the time, my husband and I weren't living together, and we were working completely different schedules. He's a bartender, and I work 9 to 5. Not living together? Yeah, that is a big— That'll kill your sex life. So we really never saw each other to have sex.

When we did see each other, for the one night a week we could, there was a lot of pressure on us to have sex, and pressure isn't really that sexy. Which, like, I hear that. He was also going through a tough depression. I did take Chelsea and Dan's advice in just letting go of things and letting things happen more naturally. It was harder than I thought it would be. I had to sit with the idea that his attraction to me isn't only based on looks, but also on his mood and the larger context. That seems obvious, but in order to truly let things go and happen naturally, I had to really wrestle with the idea that his not wanting sex doesn't mean there's something

wrong with me or that he doesn't love me. It is, of course, still a work in progress, and I'm healing from dealing with neglect in childhood. We're having significantly more sex now that we're living together, not quite as much as I would like since we still work opposite schedules, but I'm realizing that we go through cycles in life and especially in marriage

where we're having more sex or less sex and that's normal. I'm also realizing in talking to friends that not having that much sex in a marriage is actually quite common. I feel like we hear about husbands badgering their wives for sex all the time, but we don't hear much about wives who want more sex in their marriage.

I'm sure that there are plenty of wives who are in the same position, so I hope this helps someone else, too. Thank you for following up. Sincerely, A. I mean, I totally agree. I, for one, usually in our marriage, or at least for the first decade, I was the one who wanted more sex than he did. And it changes. It changes from month to month. It changes from year to year.

Sometimes you're going to have, like, tons of sex, or maybe more sporadic sex, but it might be even better sex. But why weren't they fucking living together as a married couple? I don't understand that. My guess is probably like work-related situation. Work-related? I don't know. What does that mean?

She left that information out. Yeah, that's a pretty crucial piece of information. So please include all the details when you're writing it to Dear Chelsea. Okay, we take this shit really seriously. Yes, but also make your emails brief, please. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Be succinct and yeah, with all of the details. Listen, I love bullet points.

If you send me something with bullet points. I'm just trying to think about all the sex I've had in my life and when there was ever, like, a deficit of sex. Like a dry spell. Yeah. Well, I mean, when I was in a relationship, I guess because I've never been married, you know? But some men become unfuckable within the relationship.

Like, they do something that is a turnoff. You know? Like, I remember a relationship a long time ago that I was in, and we lived together. There was, like, a period towards the end where he just was so needy, so needy, which is that it was not sexy. And then I would just pretend that I had a yeast infection like almost every week to get out of fucking him. And I would just be like, I have another yeast

infection. I have this. I mean, I would have used COVID had it been before that was before COVID, but that's another great way to get out of sex in the beginning. It's always great. It's always fun. And obviously that honeymoon period doesn't last, I guess. I don't know how long it lasts for. I think it's like a year. Yeah. Okay. But it's going to be different for everybody. Yeah. And when people do stuff like I just wish men were aware of the behavior and women of the behavior that makes us not want to have sex with you. Yeah. You know, like really jealous behavior is a turnoff, really needy behavior. Like, I don't know. Does anyone like a needy guy?

I don't think so. And it's just it's so obvious when you see it. You see the end of the relationship when someone starts becoming needy and like, oh, like, don't go somewhere without me or don't do this or don't do that. It's like you see the end in sight just because it just drives someone away. You just have to like, even if you don't feel it inside, you just got to be like, cocksure. Like, I'll be here. You do your thing. I'm great. Yeah.

I think when you hold on to something too tight, you're always going to lose it. Yes. So that's the lesson of the day. Yes. Catherine, I've been meaning to tell you that you're going to have to get rid of your social media accounts because we're going to combine ours because you're not allowed to have your own anymore. Send me at Catherine and Brad. I've been meaning to tell you. Yes.

I've been meaning to let you know what I'm about to do. Yeah, that's a death knell. When you see somebody who's like, the couple's name is the Facebook account or Instagram account, you're like, ooh, controlling. Chelsea, I have a question from one of our listeners that's kind of about voting. And I know you've been posting a ton about that lately. Yes, guys, voting. You can vote early.

And the last day of voting is November 8th. If you are not registered to vote, you can still register to vote. It is really, really important to be voting, guys. It's complicated, and it's a pain in the ass, and it's worth it. Awesome. So specifically, Tom says, Dear Chelsea, I just want to start out by saying I love your podcast. I listen to it every week during my six-hour drive to Berkeley from Fort Irwin, California, to visit my husband. I'm a 28-year-old white gay guy in the Army, finishing up almost seven years, and I'm trying to be a more responsible voter.

I've gotten my past two ballots like most military people, absentee. Coming from a conservative household, I was definitely brainwashed in my younger years into that mentality, which obviously goes against my liberal and progressive ideals. I'm trying to vote more responsibly, but I find it difficult to find information on local candidates and smaller races, so I know who to vote for. Do you know of any good tools to find out more about people up for election? Ballotpedia seems to be the biggest one, but it doesn't tell me anything on that person's voting history and stuff like that. Thank you. Very respectfully, Tom.

Well, hi, Tom. Good questions, because, yeah, there are a lot of cheat sheets you can use. Like, for instance, I used the L.A. Times cheat sheet. There were a couple of votes I didn't agree with that the L.A. Times had, so I used a progressive cheat sheet, too. There's some progressive outlet. But if you go to that candidate, if you're deciding between two candidates, you can go to that candidate's website, and they should have a history of everything that they voted on. If they do not have a history of what they voted on, it's public information. You just have to dig a little deeper and like probably go to the state legislation

for California and find out which candidates, you know, voted for what. But for anyone in the country, you have to find your progressive liberal cheat sheet. Who are the candidates that support, yeah, like a voter's guide. And those are easily attained because when I looked it up, like five came up and I was like, oh, I picked the top two that I know about because there's just too many measures on every ballot and the wording can be very confusing. So they can kind of like,

depending on which state you live in, they can trick you into voting for something that you really don't want to be voting for. Yeah, another recommendation that a friend of mine actually gave me was to go to a local chapter of an organization that you share beliefs with. Maybe it's like White People for Black Lives

or whatever it is and ask them specifically about people in your area and for those local elections. Yeah. And for this election specifically, it would probably be any candidate that is pro, you know, rights, abortion rights. I think that is probably the most important issue on the ballot right now. Yeah. And go vote.

Yeah. Fucking vote, people. You can look if someone votes. If I ever meet a man that wants to have sex with me again that doesn't vote, it's not happening. Just know that because I know there's a ton of straight men listening. Oh, you guys, I'm performing this weekend in Tucson on Saturday night and Colorado Springs, Colorado Sunday night. Yes. Tickets are still available for both shows.

So buy some. OK, bye. I'm excited about our guest today because I haven't spoken to her in a long time and she's a great actress. She's beautiful. I love watching her and her lover and their baby. You could see how much motherhood has changed her if you follow her on Instagram. She has a new book coming out, a baby book called A Name from the Sky. And she has a new movie called Marlo that's also coming out. So say hello to Diane Kruger.

Hi. Hi. Hi, baby cakes. Hi, how are you? Oh, my God. I love you. I'm so happy to see that beautiful face. Aw, me too.

It's been so long. I know. I haven't seen you since when it was the last time I saw you. Let me think. Let me jog my memory. I feel like I always see you at Vanity Fair every year. Or at the Chateau Marmont. I think we were once having a conversation at the Chateau Marmont bitching about our

respective boyfriends at the time. It's possible. It sounds like it. Where are you? I am in New York right now. I want to tell you that I follow you on Instagram and I have been so moved by you having a baby and your reaction and just how I can feel the love that you have for being a mother and being in like a great, healthy relationship and watching you with your daughter. It's just so sweet. It's

really heartwarming and I don't really appreciate children. So that's saying a lot. Well, coming from you then. Yeah. You know, Chelsea, it's like, it's, I never thought I wanted kids to be honest for a long time. I didn't think so. And Nova was a surprise. And it's just so amazing how life can be. She came at the least expected, but yet most wanted time in my life. Really changed my life in the best possible way. That's sweet. So you weren't planning on having a baby. I didn't know that. Yeah, no. I mean, you know, it crossed my mind. And then, you know, I was like, oh, it's done. I'm too old. You know, it's not going to happen. and it did. Well, good. I'm glad that it happened for you. Cause I, you, you also just wrote a

children's book based on probably becoming a mother, I would presume, right? Well, the book is a little bit about my childhood. So what happened was I was in LA working and my mom from Germany was in town to help me with Nova and she was about one and you know, the world shut down and weeks turned into months. And I hadn't spent as much time with my mom since I was probably 16 cause I moved out so young. And so we, you know, started talking about my childhood and stuff I'd forgotten and remembered fondly with her. I remember that she told me the meaning of my name because I was really teased for my name, which seems incredible because it's Diane. It's not that unusual, but where I'm from, it was. She really did change my life because she made me feel

special. I'm named after Diane, the goddess of hunt. I was a very odd kid. I didn't have many friends. My best friend was my pet bunny, Benny, who was a real bunny who would come to school with me on a leash every day. And so kids thought I was crazy and I love to read and my best friends were the characters in my books. So I felt very unseen and she changed my life that way. By explaining to you the meaning of your name? Yeah. I just felt like what could be so special about me, you know, a little poor me, could I ever become as powerful as this God is? And could my life have a destiny in a way that was different and special? And so when Nova was born, I remember we were thinking so hard about

how to name her and I just started writing it down. And that's kind of how it happened. I found an editor and I mean, it's been two years in the making. Wow. So how has your relationship changed with your own mom since you've had a child? Has it changed? It's changed a lot. I finally understand unconditional love. You know, I think I moved out very young. I had a very complicated situation, family situation at home. So my mom kind of lost out of all the good years, I guess you get with your daughter, you know, when you become friends and things are not so hard anymore. And, you know, I never really came home after I moved out. And so my daughter brought us back together because I didn't know that my mom would step up as such a great grandparent.

You know, she really is here when I need her. It makes me feel so much better about going to work, you know, not having her be raised by nannies when I'm away. And just seeing her kindness, it's just really been a watershed moment for me. You know, we still have our differences, of course, but I find myself to be much kinder these days. Yeah, yeah. So when you moved at 16, where did you go? Paris. To start modeling? Acting? Exactly. Modeling, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then New York at 18 and, you know, back and forth.

So you speak French, German, English, anything else? No, that's it. And are you teaching your daughter? Do you speak to her in French and German as well? Not so much in French, even though, you know, we live in Paris right now for a year as a family, just for work reasons. And she's going to school there as well, French, English, bilingual school, and she's going to a German school once a week. So hopefully she'll get it. Oh, cute. I love that. Yeah, I know. I've been trying to learn Spanish for about seven years. So I mean, the real key ingredient to everybody is to fucking learn it as a baby. So you don't

have to learn it as an adult because we should all know multiple languages. And I'm sick of my, I have my first Spanish class tomorrow, by the way. I'm really nice. Yeah, that's pretty well. I came back from Spain. We were in Mallorca for a month and I came back. I told my housekeeper, I'm like, listen, don't speak anything but Spanish. We're only speaking Spanish from now on. I need to level up. And I mean, it's really limiting. Yeah. I don't understand a word she's fucking said since I returned. So it's really limiting our conversation, but also talk to me about you and Norman. You're not married, right? No, not yet. We got engaged. Oh, you did. Congratulations. Thank you. It's been a year. He's a cutie patootie. I love Norman. Yeah. I

met him once I did an interview with him and I liked him a lot so I was very happy to find out about you guys getting together because you seem like a great pair and I know that you've been in you had a lot a couple of relationships prior to that and longer ones so talk to us a little bit about how your life has changed by being in this relationship and how you know you've grown you know I think that I'm much more my own person I don't tend to I mean that might sound really dark But, you know, I hope things will work out with Norman. We'll always be together. But I've kind of grown into being more independent, you know, being hopefully actually a better partner, you know, where I let him do his thing, support him and what he wants to do, but reserve the rights that I want the same for myself. And I'm trying to really live the life of a good family where we model to our child that it's okay to be absent, it's okay to work, but it's the most important thing is to be a family and uphold those traditions. And I really want to show up and I need him to show up, you know. Yeah, I feel like as we get, how old are you, Diane?

I'm 46. Oh, you are? Okay. We're almost the same age. I'm 47. I feel like as we get into our 40s, you hear that a lot that you come into your own and stuff, but it's like very true about the maturity level. That used to be a dirty word to me.

Like when people said, you know, you have to be more mature, grow up. I'd be like, I don't ever want to grow up. I always want to be like this. You know, I want to be like crazy and spontaneous. And I kind of confused what mature is, you know? And now that I'm at this age, it's so nice to handle things with a level of maturation, sometimes in many instances for the first time. Even ending relationships or having difficult conversations are just so much more mature and less dramatic. Dramatic, yeah.

Yes, yes. Like the drama and the thirst for drama that I experienced when I was younger, I always regretted it. I always regretted the way I would handle things or end things, whether it be a romantic relationship or a friendship. And there is a very calm knowingness that comes after 40, especially after 45. And I can't wait to see what happens because I don't really want to get any more mature than this. You know what I mean? I feel like I'm in my sweet spot and that I have accountability and I can listen to differing opinions and then actually be like, oh, instead of being fixed on my opinion whereas I was like that in my 30s I thought I knew everything and you couldn't tell

me differently I like the idea of being able to change your opinions now I agree 100% I mean there are things I don't know about you but I accepted a lot of things in previous relationships that I just wouldn't anymore not because they they were bad people or whatever they made me do things that I didn't want to do but I just know I'm not going to be happy when certain criteria are not met you know what I'm saying so I won't settle for less if that makes sense yeah absolutely that's how I feel too it's like there's a level of standard you know like there's a standard now that you have to be above that line and it's nice to to know that about yourself without questioning it like I remember being in my 30s always asking everybody about their opinion about everything

and now I just ask fewer and fewer people because I don't care what everybody thinks it's like you know what you think and you know what your opinions are. You ask yourself. Yeah. And there's a nice. That's true. That's a great feeling as a woman to be like, no, I know what the right thing to do here is. Exactly. And not relying on other people for their interference. Anyway. OK, so we're going to we're taking calls. People zoom in. They ask us really fucking serious questions. So get ready, Diane. OK. OK. Giving them life advice. Oh, oh, God. All right. Before we do that, we're going to take a really quick break. We're going to take a quick break. Yeah. And we're going to be right back behind every night spent making the kids lunches there's a lot of suspense will

they finally eat the veggies will the pesto survive the first bite will the lunchbox come home empty half full or come home at all and will you finish episode 8 before you're done slicing the cucumbers get bell pure fiber internet with crave netflix and disney plus from 94 a month price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit visit bell.ca for details and to check availability bell connection is everything when i was 14 years old i was kidnapped and held captive for nine months i survived and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files i just remember this low taunting voice next to my ear saying shut up don't say

anything. Every week I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives,

and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse.

Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman.

I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility.

Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita

on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. If you know me, you know I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. So this podcast lets us uncover those things together through meaningful conversations with fascinating people. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. You have something in your guts. You go with it.

And Shawn Johnson recalled the moment she realized her now-husband, Andrew, was the one. He was just so unapologetically himself and knew nothing of Hollywood. He hadn't been on a plane before without his family. It was so pure. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. Fantastic. Well, we're back with Chelsea and Diane Kruger. This first email actually fits right in with what you were talking about just now. So this first email comes from Tired Mama. Dear Chelsea, I'm a mom of two young boys and also work a full-time job as a heavy equipment operator. I'm a shift worker, which means I work days and nights, 12-hour shifts, and often work overtime.

I'm trying to get ahead financially and contribute to providing for my family. My husband works full-time as well, the same schedule, and also has done his fair share of overtime while I was on maternity leave. My issue is, I often feel guilty taking time for myself in regards to self-care, massage, chiropractic, acupuncture, and yoga, because I'm working so much. So in doing any of those things, I have less time available to spend with my kids. After every shift, my body aches. I'm so sore, yet I force myself to work more overtime.

My husband has made comments in the past about me, quote, not making my kids a priority when I had a babysitter lined up so I could play softball. I was only able to make it three games last summer. I'm not allowed to mention anything about my hobbies or passions because I just don't have time to pursue them. I can't even say anything negative about my husband, as he's a great dad and rarely takes any time for himself either. He believes that work is the only time he can handle being away from his kids and wants to spend all of his free time with them. It's one of the things that I love most about him, but it's also causing tension and resentment in our relationship. How do I go about creating a healthy work-life balance that won't give me major mom guilt? Signed, another tired, guilty mama.

Oh, it's so hard to be a parent. It's so much work. Well, that sounds tough. I mean, it is tough in the best of times, and that sounds like a really tough situation. Yeah, I would say, first of all, just because he wants to be with his kids all the time, that's great. Obviously, that's a great quality, but you're not the same person and you have different brains and different genetic makeups and different needs and different wants. And if you sit down and explain to him that, and that this will help you be a better

parent at home, it's like putting that oxygen mask on yourself before you put it on anyone else. It's like, you have to take care of yourself, especially when you're working at like, you know, manual labor. Yeah, absolutely. Like that's not easy on your body. So it's not even just for that. It's for your own health and longevity and ability to work those extra hours. And I know that you said that you need the money and it's a financial situation, but if there's any chance that you don't have to work extra hard, like, please don't. I understand if you need to do it, you've got to do it. But if you don't, it's like, that's giving yourself the gift of time as well. Everybody needs to recuperate and rest from whatever they do. So I would really advise sitting down with your

husband and just laying it all out. Please don't make me feel guilty for taking care of myself and explain, you know, in the sweetest way, like what this job does to you physically and figure out a solution between the two of you that it feels like a compromise because it can't just be black or white. Like you've got to have a little bit, you know, he's got to give you something that you can do in your spare time to kind of recoup, whether it's a massage or you go and play softball or whatever. Yeah. I think in this case, it would come down to having a conversation with your husband about this is what I need from this relationship and this family, and this is what you need and want from this relationship. So as partners, how can we decide, okay,

this X amount of time per week, you allot for my self-care, whatever I want to do in that time, doesn't matter if I want to go softball or I want to go take a massage, but these two hours per week or three hours per week are for me and then decide which ones are for him so that he doesn't feel guilty. Right. So, and then stick to that, but there's really, I totally get where she's coming from that guilt. I mean, I feel it when I'm making a movie and it's, you know, 14 hour days and I don't see her, you know, and I'm double shifting and she's crying. It's, it's, it's tough, but partnership is really, maybe she has family, maybe a family to help out every once in a while. Yeah, I love that you said that you have your mom come and help with Nova and that she's a resource for you. And having her have that extra time with her grandma is probably amazing. And the other thing I would say is, if there's not family in the area and you can't afford a babysitter, find a friend who's got kids around the same age and do that for each other.

So, you know, Tuesdays, we'll watch your kids for a few hours. Thursdays, you watch our kids for a few hours. So you have that time. And the other thing, too, is you do need time to reconnect with your husband. Like if you guys are going to have a partnership that can withstand raising kids and long hours and all that stuff, you have to set aside a little bit of time for each other as well, even if it's just a little bit each week or, you know, a small amount of time every night. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, this isn't a huge problem. It's just something that you should it's actually a good way to like practice problem solving within your marriage when things come up, because your husband sounds awesome. And there's no way when you talk to him in a real way about how you're feeling that he won't be responsive to that. You know, he just has to hear it more specifically from you in a more measured kind of way without the children around without any distractions. So yes, have that conversation. And yes, and we wish you well. And please keep us posted. Yes. Our next question comes from Paulette. She says, Dear Chelsea, I met my husband almost nine years ago at a work conference. We met, fell in love, and I moved to Quebec to become a stepmom, and we married all in under two years. Now we have 18-year-old twins and a 20-year-old, all living at home, two weeks on, two weeks off, and not pulling their weight.

The oldest is working and going to school. The twins are working but not going to school. Their bond with their dad is tight, and they prefer to be at our house all the time. I understand because we live on the water with all the water sports toys available to them, but I'm a 53-year-old woman who was raised apart from my siblings, have never had a roommate, and lived most of my adult life alone in my own house. Moving to Quebec, I was thrust into disorder and immediately put on the hat of a stepmom, a short-order chef, cleaning lady, laundress, taxi driver, etc.

At first, it was new and I had the energy for it. But now as a step-parent of adult kids, I want my clean, orderly alone time at least a couple of days a week. My husband doesn't understand or agree. Am I being unreasonable? Thank you for your time, Paulette. I think the theme today is women need to be alone. We need alone time. What don't you guys fucking get about this?

And when we were having our pre-interview call, poor Paulette, like she was outside taking some time to have this conversation with me. And literally in the span of five minutes, she got interrupted like three times. I was like, you're not kidding. It's so true. Hi, Paulette. Hi. Hi there. Hi.

Thanks for having me. Oh, yeah. Our pleasure. Diane is our special guest today. So we will wait. She's actually a mother. Actually, Diane, you go first, being that you are the only mother in this room besides Paulette. Well, listen, I don't consider myself a stepmom, but my better half has a 23-year-old.

He doesn't live with us. But I would say, and this is just me, so call me mean-spirited, but I 100% agree with you. It is your house. It is your rules. I think if you do suck it up and you are an excellent mom to these kids, I mean, a stepmom, taking them to work or whatever they're doing they 100 the 18 and 20 they need to clean their shit up are you kidding me i'm teaching my four-year-old to clean up 100 yeah i don't think that it it gets any easier i think that with my husband's kids they were a lot better when they

were younger like listening and cleaning up and stuff and they've kind of gotten to the point where they know everything you know and so even though they want to be treated like adults they don't necessarily want to like you know pay for their own home house pay for their clothes you know stuff like that so it's kind of what's your husband's take on the situation my husband he's very giving he's a very very he's a giver he would just keep on giving giving giving I believe But I think that he pulls back because he sees how it affects me. So he is being a little bit respectful. There's a lot of times where he's like, what's the big deal?

You know, but it's a big deal because it affects me inside. It affects me how my, you know, how my days go. And so I guess I kind of feel a little bit, I'm a little bit deserving of the children and their development because I do need that alone time. So I don't know how it affects them. and I'm kind of concerned with that too. Well, you, have you had a conversation with your husband about this? I have, but there goes a long period of time where he's very understanding and then something happens. Like the most recent thing is my husband, he, his oldest son wanted to have his girlfriend spending the night. They've been dating together for a couple months. And I said, you know,

I wasn't really ready for that. He hasn't really been participating in the house. You know, let's have a game plan let's not do that let's not agree to this now and then the son helps him out with a couple of things around the house and then all of a sudden you know it just changes and he's like oh yeah so by the way the girlfriend is spending a night tonight i'm like what oh yeah yeah he's got to talk to you about that stuff that's almost like inviting another roommate to live in your yeah yeah and yeah and that's not gonna happen no but also that's not a good partner right he can't make those decisions without you I think you can only be in a partnership if you get from it what you need right and yeah I understand that he wants to be a good dad and he's you know he's

the father of these children so I'm sure there's guilt of having a divorce and whatever else is going on in his head and being wanting to be a fun dad and all that stuff I would suggest writing down your needs and an ideal world what needs to happen and then even if you want to write it down because sometimes they feel like emails or like a written thing is is easier to digest than talking face to face at first right because you don't have an emotion you don't have a reaction to it with the other person and then one solution i could already see is that you say to him okay like one day a week two days a week i really need my alone time so i need you i need you to schedule time with your children take them to the park take them to i don't know movies in the city movies

whatever but i need the house for myself from eight to six i don't want to see any of you and then you know he needs to do that to make you happy because otherwise i mean that's not fair on you that's not a partnership yeah yeah yeah i agree paulette you had also mentioned And there's a bit of a language barrier because the kids are French speaking and you're in Quebec. Yeah, right. Yeah. So their English is a lot better now since, you know, I've known them for like eight years. But my French is not as good.

But there is still that. So I think that kind of affected the beginning or the forming of the relationship because they wouldn't come to me for a lot of things, you know. They would come to me, where's my dad? But that was kind of like about it. So, yeah, that's definitely. Well, that's a perfect. You can use that as a scapegoat. Like, obviously, we've got our signals crossed here.

I agree with Diane. I always think it's better to write something down before you say it. But I think a good family meeting is in order because people respect boundaries. They don't like it hearing it at first. But ultimately, it's proven that people understand once you've set a boundary, people understand that they need to respect that. You know what I mean? And then that instills more respect in them. And you can say it like, you know, that it was a language barrier and maybe you didn't make yourself clear.

but there's no reason they shouldn't be cleaning up after themselves in your house. There's no reason. I had a situation like that with my family and all my nieces and nephews one summer. And I had to write the whole family a letter about what the normal things to do and respectful things to do as teenagers. Like you don't get to leave your dishes out. You don't get to leave your laundry out. You're not their cleaning lady. You're their stepmother and you're a human being who needs her own space. And you know, you didn't have children. You're happy to have these people in your life And you love them, I'm sure. But this was a situation that you came into. So to have them think about that and understand that a little bit better and that you're an individual who

needs your own private situation going on and your alone time. Thank you. I also think like there might be a conversation about what age is the right age to start paying rent. And maybe that rent just goes toward a cleaning lady who comes once a week and can clean up after their messes. But I also find if moving out is kind of the goal at some point, eventually charging a 20 something rent is a good way to help them move that direction. Yeah, it's hard. And then, you know, one of the one of the sons will send us like a picture of a bike that he wants to buy. And I'm like, three months rent right there. What are you doing yeah so did you say the 20 year old lives with you too all three of them oh yeah yeah they

should trans start transitioning out of that but that's something you could talk to with your husband before you bring that up because let's ease into this conversation so that you get good results right so that they're responsive because who can argue with a conversation about cleaning up after yourself it's not a really arguable vantage point you know right and I love the idea of, you know, as Diane said, like writing down those dates and times, like this is when I have the house to myself, you guys go out and like, that's a non-negotiable. Yeah. I like that because it gives me a control back too. I think that that's a lot of what I'm missing is like some kind of control in my life. And to be able to expect when you're going to have the house to

yourself, you know, setting that expectation of like, okay, this is my time. Exactly. Well, thank you. Yeah. Thanks for calling in, Paulette. Good luck with everything. Thanks, I appreciate it. Have a great one. Take care. Bye. Thanks, Diane. Bye.

I wouldn't be down with any 18-year-olds living with me under any circumstance. They can visit and that's it. And even visiting can't go on forever. You know what I mean? I'm not down with that. Like ongoing. I love being alone.

I can't even tell you. I mean, I can. I could go on and on about it. It's just so nice. I just love sleeping alone, you know? I mean, not that I would- You do. I do.

I do. i mean only just because i'm fresh out of a relationship where i slept with somebody every night and i i like my dogs in my bed and i like to like i just like i like to be alone in bed you're a good sleeper too and i love sleeping i fucking love to sleep i mean i could sleep for like 10 hours so yeah so do i yeah that is a problem it is definitely the ongoing dispute in our family too because i like to go to bed early because i have to get up early and my better half does not so he's a night owl yeah what time yeah and he doesn't get up to take her to school I do you know what time do you like to go to bed Diane oh my god if I could

9 30 I'm not kidding you know she's in bed by 9 I'm fucking exhausted I've like I'd like one down half a bottle of wine and just pass out oh yeah yeah yeah I'm with you and I don't have a baby so I can't even imagine how exhausting it must be I mean if I could go to bed at 8 and feel like I could tell that to people, I would be doing that. Sometimes I say I'm just in case somebody asked me what time I went to bed and I don't want to sound like an asshole that I went to bed at eight o'clock. Last night we were at dinner. I totally get it. I know. I was at dinner with two girlfriends and I was like, okay, we had dinner at seven 30 at nine 30 properly. I'm like, okay, I have to get home. I have to be in bed by 10. And they're like, oh my God,

you're so ridiculous. And I'm like, no, I'm not. I fucking love it. I love sleeping. But that's, I mean, it's a good thing to know about yourself. So you can just be like, okay, I'm going to peace out now. Bye. Yeah, especially when I'm in a great hotel. I also love that, that coziness. The best. With the nice sheets and the nice pillows.

Yeah. Now they have this new thing where you can, I forget what it's called. Ben Bruno was telling me about it this morning at my workout, like a temperature mattress where you can adjust the temperature. Oh, wow. Yeah, I need to get one of those. Is it a sleep number bed? No, you can either get the mattress or you can get the top of a mattress.

It's called something. I'll find out the name of it. Okay. Do you like to sleep in a freezing bedroom? Yes, 65 degrees is what I, my preference. And, which is difficult because most men don't, I once had a boyfriend who wore a scarf every night because he was like, it's so fucking cold in here, I'm going to catch pneumonia. And I love sleeping in an icebox. Dude, you and Norman are the same. I fucking hate it. I'm sorry. Well, you're European. Europeans don't like the cold at night. No, that's not, yeah, it's in your blood. No, but there's cold in there, 65 ice block, like, you know, your nose is cold while you're under the covers.

no that's crazy did you guys just move to la or no we've sold our house now we are actually in new york we live in new york but we're in paris for a year oh i thought i read something that you went to a table read and norman bought you guys a house without you know he did he did which was fun so we were there we were there during the during the pandemic which was great with a kid and everything but then uh yeah we're just not la people i think i hear you i'm i would like a real good excuse to move to new york because i'm over la as well are you no that's katherine that's that's all right we'll have to do remote yeah i'm over la i find la to be whenever i'm gone i mean i'm not here a lot because i'm usually on tour i travel a lot i spend my winter skiing in whistler

but when i come back after being home for like two weeks i'm just like i gotta get the fuck out of here it's just too much it's too stupid this town it's it's too ridiculous yeah are you in the city or where are you? What part of town? Yeah, well, right now, unfortunately, I'm in Beverly Hills because I'm in a rental and I'm building a house in Brentwood,

which will be done in the wintertime. And that'll be nice because that's more private. I just don't like the pressure of going out all the time in LA when people know you're around. You kind of feel obligated to show up to things.

I hate that. I want to do what I want to do. You know, I'm a little bit selfish that way. That's why I leave town for months at a time. behind every night spent making the kids lunches there's a lot of suspense will they finally eat the veggies will the pesto survive the first bite will the lunchbox come home empty half full or come home at all and will you finish episode 8 before you're done slicing the cucumbers

get bell pure fiber internet with crave netflix and disney plus from 94 a month price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell. Connection is everything. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them.

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If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters,

then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita,

we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita,

trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel

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on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, who do we have next? Well, our next caller is Rachel. She says, Dear Chelsea, I've lived my entire life in a 10-hour segment of I-5 between California and Oregon, and I find myself dreaming daily about life beyond such a small bit of the world. My husband loves where we live. What's a 10-hour segment?

What does that mean? Like within a 10-hour drive of each other. Oh, okay. I know. It's just sort of an artful way of describing it. My husband loves where we live, surrounded by friends and family, good reliable work, the perfect home, but I want to create more experiences for us. He says he's interested too, but I also hear him saying regularly how much he loves living where we do, having weekly game

nights, pickleball games, and more. It hurts my heart to think about taking him away from all that, but my heart also aches for a life beyond Southern Oregon. I want to experience several different lives, study abroad by getting my PhD, and plan last-minute weekend train trips to new countries. That said, I struggle with high anxiety, so I'm quite understanding that this dream of mine might be short-lived. We might go abroad, and then I decide that's not what I thought it would be and hate it, and we're back within six months. I'm so torn. I don't know what to do or where to start. Any ideas are greatly welcomed. Rachel. And Nathan. Oh my god, we have our first couple I love this I've been wanting to do couples counseling for years hi oh fabulous hi thank you

for having us oh my gosh I'm so excited yeah Diane Kruger's our special guest today and you know Catherine already how are you all Catherine likewise well so you know you mentioned also Rachel that like you have a little bit of anxiety of like if you do go abroad or you do go study somewhere else, then, you know, Nathan's going to have a lot of free time and be going to make friends and everything. And tell us a little bit about that. Yes, I am quite a little bundle of anxiety. And when we talk about the potential of going abroad and moving abroad, Nathan's brought up. I'm an introvert. I'm happy every night at home reading. That's what I want to do. And he's like, oh, I can just find friends. I'll find places to go play board games and people hang

out with and as he says that and I say absolutely my anxiety is like but will I be comfortable with that and I don't know if I will feel safe if I'm home alone and you're out in the world and it's a world I don't know I'm not comfortable with and I just worry that like if I can't do that for him would that version of us being abroad be okay with him and be enough for him if it's just me at home and not like with me not letting him be out and then I feel bad about that too if that's the reality of it so is the only that's okay is the only option moving abroad like what about moving somewhere within the country so it's not such a big leap is that an option yeah i think so yes i want to do it all so something happened i had this moment where i realized i've only lived

in a 10-hour window of i-5 my entire life and he's only lived in like a four-hour window and so i'm like the world's too big i need to experience it all i want to know what it's like to live on the east coast but then also abroad and I see pictures of all these different countries and I don't just get this feeling of like oh how fun it would be I'm I have a guttural like I need to be there I need to experience it but why why like pack up and leave your old life behind can you not go for a month that in an Airbnb in Italy and just live there for a month do you feel like it I would love to try that yeah I mean I wouldn't give up my house before I knew I really like Rome. That seems, you know what I mean? Yeah, I totally agree. I like having

something to fall back on and feel more comfortable. I think we have a good, a good life here in Oregon. And yeah, that's, I think where some of the anxiety for me is coming from is if we just like packed up and moved away without knowing what reality would really look like. Yeah. I think that's reasonable to have anxiety about that. Do you have a place in mind? Are you obsessed with going to live in a certain part of the world or is it just anywhere? I like the idea of getting my PhD abroad and then we're stable and we're in one space and then we could wake up on the weekend and be like, let's take a train trip into who knows where.

And then the other part of me loves kind of the nomadic lifestyle of being three weeks in one town or country and then just picking up and going to another one. And I don't want to sell the home because I want to have a place to come back to. want to anchor knowing if it doesn't work out. Nathan's really analytical. He likes to ask the why and I'm like, why not? And so we're kind of in a different area, I think, with meeting in the middle. And I think the other thing that worries me is at the end of the day, he says, I would do anything for you, whatever brings you joy in life. I want to do that and make that happen for you. But then I also worry if I'm affecting his happiness. I don't want to do that. And I don't

want to be selfish and i don't know where that line is for both of us to be happy but you don't you don't know until you go there that's like that's like saying what if the world ends next week and i haven't packed up my pictures i mean it's just like it's like you don't know until you do it you just gotta jump the ship don't sell your house go for a month-long vacation see what it's like look at the universities i don't know whatever you want to do come home go to paris on Christmas for two weeks and see if you guys love it. I feel like it's a waste of time to talk about what could be if you're not doing it. You're living in your anxiety, I think a little bit too much. Like you're worried about all of these things that you'll never know unless you take a

leap of faith. And as long as you guys who seem really solid, like you have a solid relationship and a solid foundation, as long as you guys commit to each other that you're going to do this as an experiment and you're going to go look at schools and you're going to spend a month in some part of Italy or France or England or whatever floats your boat. Just do it and commit to doing it together and seeing and having an open communication about it the whole time. When you find some place that you love and that you feel like you belong, you're going to know immediately. You're both going to feel it. You know what I mean? So it's like you can't answer that question before you take that leap of faith. You have to trust the process, trust the unknown,

and trust the universe is going to show up for you in a way where you're going to be somewhere and you're going to go, oh my God, it could be Amsterdam. You guys could be like, holy shit, this is where we belong. This is where I see myself living for the next five years. And then you can come back and sell your house and take care of that. But yeah, you definitely want to go experiment.

You know, are you financially able to do that, you guys? Yeah. Yeah, we're very blessed. Oh, you're lucky. The tough thing is work. We are financially. It's just getting that time off from work can be tricky. We both have jobs and they've been fine with us taking a week or two, but if it was

a little bit longer, it'd be a little bit more of a conversation. Yeah. And I think that's a conversation that's worth having. My younger brother, this is pre-pandemic, he and his wife got married and they wanted to go travel. So they set up a time that was like six months that they want to travel South America. And his work initially was like, nope, we don't do work from home we don't do remote no way and he kind of kept after it and they were like all right if you create a proposal about what that would look like what your you know hours would look like what the relationship to the business looks like he did he created this whole proposal and it then became the work from home manual for the entire company so and of course there's so many things you can do

from anywhere these days maybe that's maybe not the line of work that you're in but there might be other options as well. But yeah, if you can't afford to like just have your house empty, you could always think about Airbnb-ing it. You could rent it out. And, you know, even if that is for a month, like Diane said, or when you find the right place for six months or for a year. So you sort of always know there's that place to come home to if and when you need it. That would be a great idea. Yeah. And if you can work from Italy or wherever you guys decide, we've already decided you're going to Italy apparently, but if you can work from somewhere, you know, even if it's like, okay, we're going to take two weeks off and the other two weeks I'm going to be

available. You know, obviously it's a different time zone and different and there's a big time difference, but still like, I'm sure there's ways around it. If you guys are intent on doing this, which you seem to be and be honest with them, you know, this is your wife's desires to go look at master programs or whatever, and, and just be available for whatever compromise you can make work-wise. Yeah. I also think I'm working on getting Italian citizenship through bloodline cool and that won't happen for a couple years so Nathan's like great whenever it happens we can talk about this like no let's go now like what I promised tomorrow let's do some version of this now and I think I'm very like well start dipping your toe in that water yeah absolutely I agree

I just got my German citizenship because my mother's German and it took me two and a half years to get it FYI but she's been traveling I've been I mean but and I was like paying somebody to do this for me. And it took a long time. So don't wait for that. You know what I mean? Yeah. The other thing I think you have to look at is, you know, obviously, Rachel, you've got this amazing guy. He's like, whatever you want to do, whatever makes you happy, let's go do it. He loves you. So I think one thing you need to examine is what's coming up for you and makes you feel so scared and emotional about like, if you want to stay home with a book and he wants to go to a cafe and meet people and, you know, go to a meetup group,

it doesn't mean that you're not enough for him. He loves you exactly the way you are. He loves that you're staying home to read a book and, like, have a cozy time. But he is also going to need, you know, that outside stimulation. Outlets. We all need our own outlets.

And they're not always, we don't share outlets. Just like you can't use the same outlet in France that you use in America. We all don't have the same outlets. What I need to do is different than what my partner's going to want to do, you know? And it's also nice to be like, cool, go do that. I'll be here.

Yeah, it's very liberating. Like Diane was just talking about that earlier, like getting to the level in your relationship and a maturity level where you're not threatened by somebody going and doing their own thing because there's a trust and a foundation that has been built. And it's good for people to go and do their own thing. It's good for people to have hobbies.

If you didn't want to go play pickleball or join these things, that would be weird. Like it's more dynamic for you both to have individual aspects of yourself that you don't necessarily share all the time. I, I a hundred percent agree. My concern is more if I'm going to be too scared to have him out in the world, like that anxiety piece is my, my huge anxiety is about safety. And I worry, like even like last night he was out playing soccer and I was like, Oh no, it's raining. Why don't you go out in a car crash? And so that's something I've been working on for 10 years. So if I'm

worried about him going out. And then I don't want him to go out. Yeah. What if I take away that little joy? Like, I don't know. I just, well, I think once you practice, have you made any progress? Yeah. Therapy is good for everyone. Just neck way. Yeah. So I would just add that Rachel doesn't stop me from going out. She just has these feelings. She sort of deals with while I'm out and some anxiety there, but she's not like hampering my life and like locking me in a cage where I'm stuck at home all the time. And do you check in with her a lot to ameliorate any of her fears? Yes. Yeah. Except for when I forget to, and then that's been an issue. But yes, we try, we have a whole texting routine when I'm out and not at home. I have a girlfriend like that. She

freaks out when her husband goes on bike rides. He goes every Sunday morning and she, every Sunday morning she's like what if something happened what if something happened and i'm like what what is this i had never seen i'm like what do you mean what he's on a fucking bike ride when he goes every sunday she's like and but every sunday it happens so it's like this pathology that exists so i know that what you're talking about is prevalent or exists but yeah the more you let him go out does that help you with dealing with it yeah and i think it's the idea whereas i i know once i'm there i can see like oh the world feels normal and safe yeah i don't know what i was scared about, but I just need to get there, you know, to that point and to like physically be in

that space and recognize like, this is a very normal space. Have fun, Nathan. I'm going to not join you and do my own thing. And I'm not going to worry about it, but that's also in theory. So we'll see what happens. Yeah. You have to stop. You have to stop projecting all of your fears. I mean, a good exercise is just to stop. Like when you're going to say it out loud, don't, you have to say the opposite and internalize it to yourself. Like this is not a real fear. This is something that I have going on in my narrative that's speaking to me. It's that voice in the back of my head. That's not the real you.

And you have to separate those two things. We have the real us, and then we have that voice. And that voice is just always trying to get into us, you know? So you can exert control and power over this situation by knowing that you're stronger than that voice. Yeah, that was a real game changer for me recently was your thoughts, just because they pop into your head, are not always true. and sometimes you can have that like overarching like all right my brain wants to tell me that

this is a scary frightening thing that my husband's like going out and having a good time with you know with our friends or with whoever he might be unsafe maybe he meets somebody he likes better than me whatever but also then reminding yourself like that's just a thought that's popping into my head it doesn't make it true yeah i really like to see the word use narrative i think like that's the narrative I'm telling myself. And that's like, that's so easily skewed. And like, I can rewrite that narrative and take control of it or. Yeah. And when he's out, you can switch the flip the dialogue. Like Nathan's safe right now. Nathan's having a good time right now. Nathan's playing pickleball right now. And you keep repeating that. And like the vibe will change

eventually. It will take time, but you've already been in therapy about it. So it's just a matter of really just shifting your thinking, you know, and remembering that you are in charge of your thoughts and your emotions and your actions. Sorry, I shouldn't say you're in charge of your thoughts because what you just said is true. We have thoughts that pop into our head all the time. It's like when my mom, my sister had her baby, she goes, all I can think about is dropping my baby. All I can think about is dropping my baby. And it's like, she can't control that coming into her head, but she had to understand she's not going to drop her baby. Like she's not going to do that. You know, it's like irrational thoughts. So yeah, as long as you can try to frame them,

I think you'll be fine. And yeah, go on that vacation. You guys have a great marriage. Go like experience it take a bunch of risks and see where you land you may go and be like i don't want to live anywhere other than oregon you never know yeah i would be so upset if i let my fears about what or my what-ifs take away the possibility of living abroad and or other states and just having that adventure together so well i want your next email to us to be from italy i would love that we went in 2018 and i can't stop thinking about it still so okay well have fun you guys keep us posted yeah thank you so much diana it was a pleasure with you chelsea catherine thank you so much bye guys thank you both for joining us

a lot of domestic issues today girls yeah yeah well let's take a quick break and we'll be right back to wrap up with diana and chelsea okay behind every night spent making the kids lunches there's a lot of suspense will they finally eat the veggies will the pesto survive the first bite will the lunchbox come home empty half full or come home at all and will you finish episode eight before you're done slicing the cucumbers get bell pure fiber internet with crave netflix and disney plus from 94 a month price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell, connection is everything. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months.

I survived and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low taunting voice next to my ear saying shut up don't say anything every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable i knew if he woke up without a doubt he was going to hurt me i started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed and i just started screaming they are abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced but these aren't stories about what's taken from them There's stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart

on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters,

pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island to deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed, I'm obsessed.

From best-selling authors and your favorite BookTok creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle, I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be

a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. If you know me, you know I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. So this podcast lets us uncover those things together through meaningful conversations with fascinating people. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you.

You have something in your guts, you go with it. And Shawn Johnson recalled the moment she realized her now-husband, Andrew, was the one. He was just so unapologetically himself and knew nothing of Hollywood. He hadn't been on a plane before without his family. It was so pure. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back with Diane Kruger.

We're going to wrap up our episode. Yes. And Diane, do you have any advice you'd like from Chelsea? Oh my God, Chelsea, just tell me how to live. I follow you on Instagram and your life seems like a rock star. I just want to be you. Well, you had a baby, so party's over. The party's over.

Thanks. You made your bed and now you have to lie in it for 18 years. or if you're those kids from that other marriage until they're 20, 24. But I'm sure as a mother, I'm sure as a mother, you probably, even the thought of your leaving, especially a daughter,

is so terrifying to even think about there's a day that she's going to want to go to college or leave home. Terrifying. I want her to be changed. I make her say, I'm going to stay with you. Do you know that book, I Love You Forever? Like it's a children's book. Yeah.

And it's about this kid growing up, right? And it's about the mother coming into the room every night and when the kid's asleep and she holds him and she sings him the song saying, I love you forever, I like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be. And I like make her repeat it all the time so that she won't, at one point the mother grows old

and the kid moves across town and basically she then dies. And I make her say to me that she will never move across town. That's funny. Diane's new book is called A Name From The Sky, by the way, it's a great children's book, great Christmas gift for everybody who needs to get little kids some presents. I'm going to get

a bunch for my friends that all have babies too, Diane. And congratulations on that. And congratulations on being a happy camper these days, sister. Thank you. Thank you so much. It was so lovely to talk to you guys. You too. Likewise. Nice to meet you. Have a great day. Bye. Bye-bye. So I'm winding up my stand-up tour. Vaccinated and Horny is coming to a screeching halt at the end of the year I have my last dates coming up and these are the last opportunities you have to also buy merch from the website chelseahandler.com if you want vaccinated and horny merch or captain's hats that say we're the captains now for women only our t-shirts for men in your family that say I'm sorry because they should be I only have a few dates left I'm going to Tucson Arizona

November 5th is Tucson, November 6th is Colorado Springs, and then Rockford, Illinois, Minneapolis, Rosemont, Illinois, two shows in Tampa, a show in Fort Myers, Florida, Daytona Beach, Hollywood, Florida, Concord, New Hampshire, Worcester, Mass., Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania, Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania. There, I said it. And then San Diego and Riverside, California, and then Baltimore, Maryland. And then my very last date is December 16th in Redding, Pennsylvania. So this will be the last of me performing.

Listeners, if you are enjoying what you're hearing, you can subscribe to Dear Chelsea. That is our podcast. And you can rate us if you want. Yeah, that's a great idea. It actually makes a huge difference for this podcast, for any podcast that you like. Subscribing, giving it a rating,

actually make a huge difference in who all it gets served to and helping spread the word. okay yeah yeah subscribe and and and and comment yeah and follow i'm trying to find what our rating is so if you'd like advice from chelsea just send us an email at dear chelsea podcast at gmail.com dear chelsea is a production of iheart radio executive produced by nick stump produced by katherine law and edited and engineered by brad dickert i survived nine months in captivity and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive

what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport and Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook. Each week we talk to someone in show business and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show.

We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, Adam Scott, Danny McBride, Ben Stiller, and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman.

I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse.

Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Nick Turturro. You probably know me from NYPD Blue, The Longest Yard, or Spike Lee's Black Klansman. And on my new podcast, Delivering Happiness with Nick Turturro, I deliver pizza to a new guest. I've shared a slice with everyone, from Seth Rollins. What are you doing with my belt?

To Bill Burr. I don't think I've ever met somebody so exactly out of their mind as I am. And now, we even have more great guests coming up, including the great John Turturro. It's called happiness. Delivering happiness. And many, many more. Open your free iHeartRadio app, search Delivering Happiness with Nick Turturro, and listen now. This is an iHeart Podcast.

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