Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - Got the Ick with Denis Leary

Episode Date: March 5, 2026

Denis Leary is here to chat with Chelsea about a Kardashian/Jenner flight fiasco, the nun that kicked him out of class, and how he got the ick from smoking after 50+ years. Then: A sister is unsure about spilling the DNA tea she has on her sibling.  A budding comic struggles to get more stage time.  And RFK Jr. terrorizes a listener while working out in jeans.  * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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March 13th, Cleveland, Ohio. March 14th, Columbus, Ohio. March 15th, Cincinnati, Ohio. and then March 20th is Denver, Colorado. March 27th, Portland, Maine. March 28th, Providence, Rhode Island. March 29th, Springfield, Massachusetts. April 10th is Chicago.

I'll be at the Chicago Theater. April 11th, Indianapolis, Indiana. April 12th, Louisville, Kentucky. April 16th is Albuquerque, New Mexico. April 17th is Mesa, Arizona. April 23rd is Kansas City, Missouri. April 24th is St. Louis, Missouri. April 25th is Minneapolis, Minnesota.

April 30th, Nashville, Tennessee. May 1st is Charlotte, North Carolina. May 2nd is Durham, North Carolina. May 6th, I'm doing Netflix is a Joke Festival. I will be in Los Angeles. That is a new announcement along with Atlantic City. May 15th, Saratoga, California. May 16th, Monterey, California.

May 17th, Modesto, California. And then June 4th, Port Chester, New York. June 5th is Boston, Mass. And June 12th is Portland, Oregon. And then Seattle is June 13th. So suck on that, everybody. Go to ChelseaHandler.com for tickets. Hi, Catherine.

Hi, Chelsea. Where in the world are you right now? I'm in Helsinki, actually. It's funny you mentioned that. I'm in Helsinki, and I feel like I am in Russia. It is a very gloomy day. Not to confuse the Finnish people with Russians, because that's probably not welcome.

We won't be problematic today. It won't be problematic. But it is a very, very gloomy day in Helsinki. We came here for the night on our way to another place, and it is something like all people do here is sauna and karaoke. I mean, that sounds like a good time. I mean, if they put the karaoke in the sauna, I think that would be a better time.

Absolutely. Well, our guest today is very exciting. Oh, yeah. I love him. He's one of my boyfriends. You know him from Rescue Me, his longtime stand-up career, and his new series now in its second season on Hulu, which is called Going Dutch, something that I never want to happen.

Please welcome actor, producer, and comedian Dennis Leary. How are you, Chelsea? I'm good. Where are you? Are you in a hotel room? I am in a hotel room in downtown New York because I'm shooting a bunch of stuff today. So this is the... So you're doing a podcast before you shoot your show?

No, I shot something this morning, and then I'm doing a round of press for my show. Okay, for your show, which is called Going Dutch. Going Dutch on Fox and streaming on Hulu. Season two, people. Season two. It's a half-hour comedy. It's really funny.

It's a great cast. The girl who plays my daughter is amazing, Taylor Michiak. Danny Pudi from Community is also one of my co-stars. and my girlfriend this year in this season is played by Kristen Johnston who's brilliant. Yes, she is.

So that's it. Everything about the show is out of the way. Okay, great. Now we can just talk about whatever the fuck you want to talk about. Well, I just want to make mention

as part of the plot line in this show, you play a colonel who gets, well, deported basically. Yes. So very timely. Very, very timely.

It's very timely. I get deported and I get sent to Amsterdam because it's the most, it's actually based on a real base that got shut down uh based in the netherlands that literally was built to supply to do the laundry for the other 32 nato bases in europe and to supply cheese and wine to those other bases

where do i know you don't drink anymore with so what do you think is more important out of those two responsibilities the cheese and the wine or the laundry okay here's the fucking thing even when I drank, because I'm Irish, I hated fucking wine. Listen, listen, I still drink because I'm not Irish, but I also hate fucking wine. I am so sick of it. Wine sucks.

Wine is a boring drink, and when people drink too much wine, especially red wine, you look like a fucking jackass. You look like a jackass, number one. Number two, when you start explaining to me all the things of the flavors and the sipping, I don't want to fucking sip it.

That's not what I'm there for. I want to gulp it. i'm not there for the fucking the historical information about how it was fucking bottled fuck you you know what i mean i once went on a date with a guy it was it wasn't a date well i guess it was a date it was a blind date i went to go meet him at some bar in santa monica or hotel bar in santa monica and i walked in and he had a glass of chardonnay at night and he was also wearing a leather bomber jacket and so i had to leave and then after the first i would i have i had a gin and soda he had his chardonnay and after he goes should we get another round i said

no this is it i said you should no i said you should get another one because i'm leaving yeah and get rid of the bomber jacket and start drinking real booze what was your drink of choice when you were off the wagon oh i'm so i'm so fucking irish i'm so whiskey i literally i drank whiskey and beer and mostly whiskey and i drank my whiskey straight and i fucking loved it and sometimes i would veer up and like in the summer i would have vodka maybe everywhere but I was like, I wasn't so fucking Irish and I had fucking two hollow legs so I could drink like a fucking fish and nobody ever saw me drunk. Cause I'm fucking, I'm so a hundred percent. My parents are both from the same village in Ireland. So it's, and you know, my, my family, I'm from

Massachusetts on top of that. So it's like, we still drink up there. Like it's 1954. You know what I mean? Like Jack Kennedy is in the Senate. That's what like, there's no, people are still drinking like my family is beer is not alcohol beer is like water right so you're just drinking beer all day a lot of beer in the defense of beer a lot of beer does taste like water specifically like Coors Light or Michelob Light like those light beers taste like water I don't even know what the appeal is but the other thing is like even with Guinness my mother god rest her soul she just passed away this year 98 um wow she was like Guinness was protein Guinness was like if you were sick the other whiskey was nyquil when i was growing up they didn't they get

if you got sick they gave you whiskey i think you go to bed when you're eight i still take whiskey when i have a little cough because i somebody told me that that works and or a fireball i'll take a shot of fireball or a shot of whiskey what do you normally drink what's your number right now i have my own alcoholic drink it's called chelsea handler's vodka lemonade so i drink a lot of that and those are nice and light but when i'm out at dinner and i have to order a cocktail i get a gin with a splash of soda and in canada which is where i live in the winter time you have to get a double well you don't have to but i have to get a double because the shots are here are like you know one little jigger and i like two i want an american serving so i get to always get a double and then

a splash of soda so mostly gin but it's something to cut the gin a little bit but not too much well that's the you know that's something and during the karen reed trial when people were so shocked that she was in a bar with her friends and they would order drinks and then order two extra double shots of vodka on the side to pour into the race because that you don't put in they're not putting enough booze in i remember that right you know from drinking yeah like in a bar you almost need to bring your own backup bottle so that you can fill right it's called a flask basically right that's what we're talking about i never i never carried a fly you look great dennis I mean, you do. Yeah, you do. You look good. You look fresh. I mean, you're crazy. You're almost I don't know if you're gonna have a problem with me saying this on the air, but you're you're gonna be 70 years old soon. I know. It's unbelievable. And then what happens? And I smoked like five packs a day until like five years ago. It's crazy. I can't believe you were able to quit smoking on top of it. That is very impressive. Do you want to hear? I'm gonna make you very angry now. And a lot of my friends are already angry. And I'm just telling you, it's not bragging. It's just the truth. I never fucking intended to quit smoking.

I loved fucking smoke. I fucking loved it. And then my kids asked me, my wife asked me, my mother asked. I was like, I'm just never going to do it. And I was outside like in the summertime, like five years ago. And I went outside to smoke a cigarette. And I smoked a cigarette. And literally at the end of that cigarette, I went, eh, I think I'm done.

And I was like, ah, that's bullshit. So I got up the next morning. I had a full pack. I went three days. And finally, my wife said, hey, what's going on? Are you not smoking? And I was like, yeah, I think I quit. And I fucking quit.

What? You just got the ick. I know. It's so fucking stupid. You just got the ick. Like Catherine said, I like that. You got the ick from cigarettes. It's unbelievable.

And I've never gone back. That is crazy. I mean. It's crazy. I have no explanation for it. I've had similar experiences with things where I'm just like, oh, I'm done now. But for most people. Like what?

People. Men. Mostly meth. Cigarettes, I quit for 10 years. I got hypnotized and I quit, but I was never very a crazy smoker. I smoked when I drank, but then I drank all the time. So then I smoked all the time, but then I just curtailed my behavior. I just had a revamp. I was like, all right, listen, I don't want to have to quit either one of these things ever. So just dial it all back and just regroup and recalibrate. And I'm pretty good at that in my life. So I went through a period of like 10 years where I drank but I did not smoke one cigarette and I just didn't drink

as much as I that would get me into trouble and I didn't do any drugs that would make me want to smoke because that was usually the gateway for me what was the gateway like weed no just like you know tripping or anything any any substance makes you want to just take it up a notch so I quit drink I quit smoking and then I was in Europe and people were smoking there like it was just you know had just been invented and I was like oh are people smoking in Europe is are you on and then I was like, well, I guess you can't get cancer over here. And then I had a couple of cigarettes on vacation in Europe. And I remember coming back and being disgusted with myself. I'm like, who do you think you are? You're in your forties. At the time I was in my forties, I'm now 50.

And I was like, you just can't smoke like that. Like your skin, everything, you're looking old, like it's a vanity thing more than anything. You know, of course it's a health thing, but first and foremost, for me, it was a vanity thing. So I dabble once in a while, but I don't really smoke cigarettes. You know what I mean? If I'm in Vegas and we're gambling and somebody has a cigarette and i'm lit enough i will have a cigarette but as soon as i take a puff i'm like why did i do that it's disgusting yeah well i mean i fucking love them but i mean i liked your i liked your your hero story it's i don't think of it as a hero or champion story because i can't i can't i'm not it's not that i'm proud i'm glad i quit smoking you don't feel victorious i yeah i just

felt like i literally i'm such a fucking addictive personality that i just was like oh my brain without even telling me was like all right so that we're done now this was this was the last one and you know colin quinn and and all these friends of mine that quit smoking over and over i had a great friend of mine he was adam roth was my guitar player in my show band but he was a famous guitar player he was in the jim carroll band and he was in the del fuegos he was every at one point in his life he was everything when he was in the jim carroll band they were all speedball junkies they smoked they drank they shot speedballs that's what they did and that's coke and heroin right yeah okay um so he was addicted to everything and then pills and then he quit everything and

he said the hardest thing for me to quit was the cigarettes and he he did throughout his life he kept going back to the cigarettes so i just thought like based on his experience i'm never gonna quit it's too hard to quit not gonna quit and so i think i can't take any credit for it some part of my brain went, you're done. I wonder how common that is, that people actually just quit doing something because they have just reached the end of their rope. And it's not even, it really doesn't sound like a rope.

It's just like, I'm no longer interested in doing this. Yeah. And I, listen, I did a lot of it. So it's not like- I believe you, Dennis. I believe you. I jerk off a lot. I believe that too.

And I haven't quit that. I believe that too. You've been married for 44 years. So I'm sure there's a lot of masturbating happening because I'm sure your wife is so sick of your shit. My wife was sick of my shit two years into the relationship. Yeah, I believe that too. And here we are 40-something years later.

44 years you've been married, Dennis Leary. 44 years. That's amazing. Well, we've only been married, we would live together for seven years before we got married. So I don't know what the math is because that's not what I majored in. Oh, 44 minus seven? Neither one of us is a math mate. 37?

How many did you bet out? I'm pretty sure seven plus four is 11. so I guess that 44 minus seven would be 37 37 37 so I've been married for 37 years yeah but you know what I want to say something about your age first of all because being married for that long is a feat and yeah your wife is probably she's probably got a lot to say about it but I also want to say about men your age you know sometimes when men get older not sometimes a lot of times, when men get older, they start to transition into a woman. They start to look a little bit softer around the edges and they turn into sort of, you know, a femme bot, if you will.

Yes. And I've seen a lot of older men, I guess it's the testosterone, you lose the testosterone. And I guess, I don't know, are men taking estrogen because it looks like it, but you don't look like you're turning into a full-blown woman. I just want to say that. Well, listen, I just want to say this i think men do tend to start to look like aging lesbians at a certain point i was just hanging out with conan recently and do you think conan is starting to look like an aging lesbian conan self-proclaimed looks like an age conan has been a proclaimed lesbian for since i've met him since i've known him and i'm sure you've known him longer i've known him well you know he's my cousin right i which is weird maybe i did know that yeah yeah it's like he's my fourth cousin

But listen, the thing about, there's nothing you can do about it unless you're going to have some kind of plastic surgery or start shooting testosterone into your face. Have you had plastic surgery, Dennis? No. Fuck no. Okay, because you look really good for 70 years old. I can't, I'm not fucking doing it. I know, but you never really know, listen, you never know what man.

I don't have the patience. For plastic surgery? Yeah, you're going to fucking go and get surgery and then you got to recover. I don't have time for that shit. Yeah, okay, okay, copy that. Also, I don't like, here's my thing. almost every guy and you know you've probably had this experience with men where you go you're like you know you you're working with an actor and you go like this is weird this guy looks different

from the last time i saw him right and a lot of them don't own up to it but if you know the guy long enough he said hey did you do something to your face it's like oh yeah i had a little bit of the like you don't you look you start to look like you do look like a lesbian at that point you look like you know you're not looking like a man anymore your face is not aging i think for an actor and a comedian like you know male comedian getting what are you doing right right and most men when I see a man get plastic surgery that you don't detect you're like you're supposed to just look refreshed you're not supposed to look like a woman or I mean it's some plastic surgeries if you're transitioning I can't speak for anybody except myself but yeah you can't speak for anyone

that's transitioning and Dennis I tend to disagree I can't speak I can't speak to for a lot of people I can't speak for anybody except me. Okay, great. Great answer. Great straight male answer. Let's go. But I will say this. If you're a fucking character actor, right,

or you're a fucking comedian, and in my case, I consider myself both, like, why would you not want to look whatever the way is you're looking as you age? Because that's part of your truth that you're telling, right? So it's weird. It's fucking weird. And how's your hair doing?

Your hair looks beautiful and bountiful. I know. I get it. It's genetic. I mean, you really do have good genes. Well, here's the thing. I don't think I've ever been more attracted to you. You see?

And it's all Zoom. But I'm always a little attracted to you because I've told you that. My sister has a huge crush on you. And by osmosis, she's always pushed me in your direction. Have Dennis Leary on. Talk to Dennis Leary. I love Dennis Leary. Your sister is so fucking smart.

And she has such great taste in men. I always said that about her. Here's my next question. I thought you moved to New York. Why are you in a hotel room? oh it's it's a long story but i i bet i know the answer your wife doesn't want you around when you're doing press because you're too annoying talking about yourself all day probably my wife has right she's a writer so she's working on her book she does not want me around even if i'm in

the same place with her she doesn't want to see me until in except in the morning and when she's done writing in the afternoon and that's basically it maybe we watch something together it's that we have the we have the relationship to pick it up no i'm just i'm doing such crazy amount of press these last three days that i'm in this is very convenient because it's it's between two places i have to be and it's also great for your sleepwalking because if you sleepwalk in a hotel room like you're only you're only going to injure yourself or you know hopefully no one else and the windows don't open up here what happens with you when you sleepwalk at home what how often does this happen did we talk about this on your on the talk show one time um i don't remember do we you're

the sober one you would remember i don't remember if we talked about this but i like it i like the subject of sleepwalking. I haven't remembered a sleepwalking experience in a few years now. So that means you're in the clear. Maybe you just got icked out by sleepwalking too. And we're like, forget it. I'm done with you too. Maybe the smoking was causing it. Yeah. Oh, that would be a fascinating medical correlation. If you quit smoking and that ended your sleepwalking. Wow. Wow. I'd have to, I have to find out from Mike Birbiglia if that can happen for him. he wrote an entire show about it yeah it's crazy man and i haven't oh my god it's like uh i still don't sleep on airplanes anymore because you know that kardashian story right

uh no have you been traveling with the kardashians recently i did this is years ago now this is like almost probably it's got to be at least 15 years ago this happened what okay okay so i thought i sleepwalk i've always loved to walk so here's my worst thing i ever did when sleepwalking i was taking a flight new york to los angeles to publicize rescue me so it was during rescue me and i was doing conan was the first show i was going to do the the day that i landed because he's your first because he's your fourth cousin removed well he was this is how long ago it was it was when i think it was when he was doing the tonight show okay so that would have been whatever the fuck that was a highlight of his career i'm sure yeah nine months which is still

hard to remember anyways he's he's never gotten over that so i i'm taking this flight that i always take from new york to la which leaves first thing in the morning six o'clock in the morning so when you get to the airport at like 4 30 or 5 you know there's nobody there and first class is usually empty so i get there it's me dave franco okay or jane which one was the one that was sexually had... I think it was... Was it James? James is the one we don't talk about anymore.

Oh, it was James Franco, sorry. He's the more sexual one, the publicly sexual one, I think. Some cancellation situation. Which one was the more publicly sexual Franco? There's always a very publicly sexual celebrity on the first class flight from LAX to JFK or vice versa.

There's usually a person on that first class flight in show business who's teaching an acting class and molesting students. so i think i think in this case it was allegedly anyways so it's me james franco and the kardashians show up on the flight the first in the first class lounge okay right so and again this is me i'm so judgmental that i'm like all right look at the kardashians in my head like look at them and they again to my credit they did start bitching about the first class lounge food which was all really fresh like just put out eggs whatever so i'm totally judgmental about them and

this is when she was still bruce jenner and it was bruce jenner the mom and a bunch of the girls except not kim and not um chloe okay and and it was a bunch of girls and one boy so i don't know all the kardashians but there was a bunch of the boys rob rob kardashian yeah i guess so he's like He's like the Roy of our family. That's how I know his name. He definitely is. So we go, we get on the plane. And again, like I do have, I'm aware of the fact at this point in my life that I have a sleepwalking problem.

But up to this point in my life, I had never sleptwalk or did anything on a plane, right? Now, here's the other side thing. Because of Rescue Me, when there's an air marshal on a flight, they always kind of let me know. Like, hey, you know, I'm a fan of Rescue Me. and they usually give me a little pin, you know, or something connected to their job. To remind our listeners who aren't familiar with Rescue Me, that was a phenomenal show about firefighters.

A show about firefighters. Yeah, that he starred in for many years. It won a lot of Emmys. It was a very, very well-received and a very great show. Yeah, and it was at that time still on. That's when I was publicizing, I think. So anyways, this guy comes up to me. Again, I could spot him.

I knew he was an air marshal before he told me. He's like, I'm an air marshal, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, oh, great. Nice to meet you. I'm on your flight. great. Get on the plane. Kardashians are over on that one side. I'm on the other side. There's nobody else. The Kardashians, James Franco is the only person in the middle. And then me, I'm the only, it's basically an empty first class. So the air marshal goes, hey, you mind if I sit

next to you and just talk to you? And I was like, no, not at all. Do you typically like that kind of activity when you're on a plane talking to strangers? Or did you make the exception because it was an air marshal? Because it's an air marshal. And, you know, he's got an interesting job he's probably got some great stories right so now we sit down and the plane takes off and we're talking for a little

while and then he can't fall asleep but he's you know the conversation is dying down before I know it I wake up because I have him trapped in the chair I'm standing over him I have his legs clenched in between my legs and I'm fucking

hitting him in the head and in the chest with a water bomb that has exploded, there's just water everywhere. And somebody is grabbing me from behind. And Bruce Jenner is on the aisle, in my aisle, on the floor in a karate stance, like he's about to attack me, like, making karate noises.

And the entire, the Kardashian family over there, everybody's going, scared. And I'm like, and the air marshal's going, trying to grab my arms and screaming, like, what the fuck, man, what the? And I immediately know that I've been asleep in a dream, like sleepwalking. But nobody else knows that. So I stop and I'm like, oh, my God, oh, my God, I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry. I sleepwalk. I sleepwalk. Like yelling it. And everybody's like, oh, my God. Everybody settles down. I'm like, I'm so sorry. I sleepwalk.

I should have told you guys. Now they take us into the little, you know, pantry thing. Yeah. Not the cockpit, but the fucking, the galley. and because his pants are fucking the crotch of his pants are completely soaked he's completely soaked he's ripped shit by the way as you can imagine and so are the stewardesses and i'm like i'm so sorry so i go in the galley with them and one of them had a blow dryer so they would plug in the blow dryer and try to blow dry his pants and i i feel so bad and he's literally like you

fucking should tell people that you have that problem yeah and i was like i don't i didn't plan on falling asleep i'm so sorry whatever and i'm in my head i'm like the best part about this is i i know i slept like five hours so the flight i have like an hour left in this flight and by the way maybe the reason why you fell into such a deep slumber was because this man was talking to you could be his own fault you know what i mean i mean just why not repoint the finger back at him yeah he didn't have good stories after all i mean why yeah by the way we react that way in your sleep did i punch somebody with a bottle of water unless they were super annoying super boring yeah and by the way we were 20 minutes into the flight there's still like another four oh god and he and

i had to sit by my i went back out and sat by myself with bruce jenner and the whole jenner family like throwing me looks and even james franco was like what the fuck yeah you know i mean this is pre-sexual you know scandal so right right no there were no sexual scandals before this happened none not one so anyways i got to la and i told i told uh brian kiley is one of uh conan's guys who's one of his writers it still is and uh so i told kiley you know what happened he's like you got to tell that story on the show and i'm like i'm not fucking telling that story and then when i got there because it's the same day conan's like if you don't tell the story i'm going to tell this story so i was like so i told it on the air back whenever it was 2010 but now i

do not sleep on planes i'll take a very brief like five minute nap holding like an ipad or something that could fall but i will not fall asleep you know they have those like straight jackets you can get for yourself so that you can put your arms around your own body and it's kind of like it works is two things one to protect you from other people if you're a sleepwalker and two you can kind of hold yourself like a baby. I'm not interested in holding myself like a baby. But maybe that's the kind of soothing you need. What if this goes all the way back to your childhood and you find out you were never held as a baby and that's why you have these outbursts? First of all, the chances of you doing that to anyone other, like the fact that you did it to an air marshal, someone who's

trained to actually deal with this kind of behavior. What are the odds? Well, yeah, exactly. Because if that would have been a real person, you would have been in a lot of trouble. They would have probably pressed charges for assault well on top of which he could have killed me like with one like just with his like thumb and forefinger if he wanted he's like i'm coming up here he's like i'm coming on this flight to find terrorists and what i'm dealing with is just an errant baby dennis miller dennis dennis leary miller dennis miller leary i was on a flight that's what i told people by the way i was like i'm dennis miller for this episode i like to say Well, I would have said, like, if he didn't know I was Dennis Leary,

I could have said, I'm Willem Dafoe and passed off Kevin Bacon. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Jane Lynch. Yeah, you know. Jane Lynch. Anybody. Ellen DeGeneres. I mean, just blame it on anybody.

Jane Lynch is a good comp for you. Jane Lynch. What about, yeah, you get confused with Willem Dafoe a lot, don't you? All the time. Yeah. Who do you think I get confused with a lot? I don't. I would think you're so original that you.

Thank you. Yeah. Elizabeth Banks. I get confused with Elizabeth Banks. Oh, yes. Okay. Interesting. And in my earlier years, Jenny McCarthy and Pam Anderson, when I was really young and

I was just boobies out, then it was really all about that. Okay, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Like you're not boobies out now? No, they're out, but they're not free. I don't have my nipples exposed. I don't do that kind of stuff anymore, really. I have nephews and they were icked out by it.

And I thought- Yeah. And thank God there's no video of you like naked skiing. Yeah, exactly. Drinking and smoking. Thank God that's not out there. Thank God that's not out there for those kids. The Hard Rock Bet Casino app is here, Ontario.

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When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, Shut up. Don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming.

They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having.

I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place.

Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network. Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners. Each week, we talk to someone in show business, a.k.a. the biz,

and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show we've had a lot of great guests like sarah sherman not that great actually can you help me can you help me shape this yeah how about we flip it on his head okay how about we flip the script okay what is the surprise woman who actually you think is the straight man is actually the one who's acting weird adam scott this entire time you've been expecting adam sandler to come to visit the show i i would never let go of that i have i would never set expectations for something like that if the universe allows for something like that to happen i'm open to it i'm always

going to accept you know danny mcbride fine yeah it's all this fragile masculinity exuding i could smell it walking down the hallway to be honest with you i was like is that weed nope it's fragile masculinity ben stiller no because a lot of times in out of context people don't get it or even know what a circle is you know what i mean like you're like oh what's this everyone's so dumb and fake right fake and and also not interested or just like oh i've got my life i don't care about your life and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us oh and by the way will ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode but He's just so busy.

Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I have a sports question for you, Dennis. I recently got into betting on sports just so that I can remain interested in professional basketball, football games. And then I learned that these guys are throwing games. Like there's all this stuff happening, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where they can throw points and stuff. And I'm like, wait, why are we betting on things when we don't even know who's getting bribed? But as somebody who is such a hardcore, you know massive Boston person okay you were indie and now you're living in New York how does that impact your your loyalty to your sports teams because well I don't gamble at all I yeah I'm sure you don't you can't you're an addict no I just can't you know if I when I was a kid my brother

my older brother was he ran a football ticket at one point when we were in high school and I was like I tried it and I was I gave him like 25 bucks which is a lot of fucking money at that time And he was like, yeah, you know, with this parlay, you could do this and this and nothing. I lost everything. I was like, I'm not fucking doing this. I'd rather set my money on fire. So I'm not going to gamble. I have enough invested emotionally in the fucking game.

So who is your team now? Well, I'm all Boston teams. You don't have any affinity towards the Knicks? I have a soft spot for the Knicks because I have so many friends in New York. And I think when the Knicks are good, it's good for all of basketball. Right. But all the New York teams, I have so many friends here and L.A. that I have a sympathy for like those teams need to be good for the all the different sports. Those the it's important to have good teams in L.A. and New York.

New York doesn't make any sense to me. You have so much fucking money. How can you have a bad team? How can the Knicks be bad for now? They're they're good. They need to win now. Right. Because they're they're actually set up for that. I love Brunson. I think he's great. So I don't know. I have a soft spot for the Knicks. I went to the Knicks game a few weeks ago. I bet some money on it. I was with a new guy that I'm dating, and we won. And I believe, like, the energy was in the right spot.

I was like, we're going to the game. It's a home game. Let's bet. I mean, it wasn't my idea, let's be honest. But I'm really into betting because that's the only way I can pay attention to sports. I'm just not interested otherwise. But also, you're not a Knicks fan. No, but I'm a New Yorker, like, you know, at heart.

I'm from New Jersey. Knicks is my team. If I had to choose a team, it would be the New York Knicks. But I wouldn't say yes. I'm not like some avid Knicks fan watching their games all the time. I don't want to falsely represent myself. You're not waking up in the morning and looking at the highlights of the game if you missed it. I wouldn't even know what site that was.

You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Okay. So, I mean, I do that not only with my teams if I miss the games, but like I'm sports. I get up in the morning. I watch Get Up. I watch Stephen A. Oh, okay.

Yeah, yeah. I'm a fanatic. Yeah. And are your kids too? My son is. My daughter got into football. My daughter is a writer. But she got into football because when they started doing the documentaries about the receivers and the quarterbacks,

she got to see behind the scenes, like hard knocks. She got emotionally invested in football. So now she cares about football because of the stories behind the athletes. Okay, we're going to get into the next portion of this show, which is where we give advice to real-life callers. I'm sure you're going to be terrible at this, but I want to ask you a question first. Do you remember? I'm really good at this. Yeah.

No, I bet you are. You've had too much life. If you have this much life experience and you're not good at giving people feedback objectively, then there's bigger problems. And since you got rid of all the main obstacles in your life that were preventing you from really, I guess, sitting still and growing up, then I guess you're, yeah, you're prime. But can you remember a piece of either really good or really bad advice that you've received over the years?

Oh, yeah. Fuck yeah. What's a piece of really bad advice that someone has given you? This nun, Sister Judith Kappenman was her name. She was the fucking Spanish nun. I flunked a lot of things when I was in high school because I could only care about the things I was good at, which was smoking, drinking, girls. That was it. And being funny.

so uh uh she I'd flunked Spanish twice and the second time she said to me I can still remember it she was like Leary I'm gonna pass you just so I can get you out of this building right and I was like oh that's okay great you're like is that a compliment yeah that's what I thought and she goes what are you gonna do with yourself nothing's gonna you can't learn Spanish you can't you don't apply yourself you're never gonna go anywhere and I was like okay she's like you need to learn Spanish. And I was like, man, not really. You don't need to learn Spanish for what you're going to do. That's Spanish. That's for sure. Yeah. I just want you to know that I've been learning Spanish for about 10 years and it's been a slow roll, very slow, but it does feel good to

be able to communicate in a different language. It makes me, I felt like for my life, I don't want to go through this life, not knowing another language. I feel like America is already too stupid. You know what I mean? As like out of respect for others, I need to learn another language. So how far along are you? I'm about 10 years in of light Spanish. You can have a conversation? Yeah, I can have a light conversation. I can't have like a political conversation and I can't, you know, it's not going to be sophisticated, but I can get us from point A to point B. If you and I were dropped somewhere in the Canary Islands and I had to navigate our way back to the port and get us on a plane without you talking to anyone, we would get it done.

Okay, I got it. My wife speaks a little bit of Spanish, so you probably speak it like her. Perhaps, perhaps. Hey, listen, I know some Spanish. Okay, okay, calm down. It's not a competition. Yeah, no. So I asked you what the worst piece of advice is.

That wasn't the worst piece of advice. That was just someone berating you, your teacher, for being terrible at Spanish. That wasn't advice. That was kind of a reaction. Okay, well, here's a great piece of advice that Andrew Dice Clay gave me when I first got famous. Okay. I was doing a photo shoot for some fucking magazine. I had just gotten famous.

He's already famous. He's the Dice. He's been famous long enough that he had the big thing where he hit, and then he did that movie, and the movie bombed, right? Fort Fairland, The Adventures of Fort Fairland. Okay. And by the way, I like Dice. He's a very nice guy.

But I hadn't met Dice at this point. So I was coming into the photo shoot, and he was just leaving, I guess, from having done it for the same magazine. lucky photographer you two back to back i know back to back jesus what a fucking a couple of really fucking uh like uh harvard graduates anyways he goes to me i go hey man it's really nice to meet you but we had some mutual friends and he's like hey it's nice to meet you let me give you this piece of advice and i literally was like okay because he's a he's been he goes forget the fucking movies it's no good the acting is a dead end stick with the comedy

and he goes walking down the stairs and I'm like that's not what the fuck is that what kind of advice is that to give to a young guy starting out yeah

so he would it was just reflective of his experience at the time but that was terrible fucking advice yeah that sounds like he was pissed about what happened to him

and had no exactly okay well let's forget about the bad advice then your mother just passed away what was something that she told you

or that advice that she gave you or something that she had said throughout her life that you listened to she was an amazing woman she came my parents came here by boat right and they came here in 1950 from Ireland that woman yeah from Ireland with very little education big huge families the whole nine-year-olds right and my mother was like on the cutting first of all she was the boss like she really ran the house my dad was always working but this woman literally was on the

cutting as like civil rights uh women's rights gay rights every right down the line she hated fucking trump she fucking hated him she felt like she had lived in this country long enough to see everything happen in terms of equal rights for people and women and everything so she thought saw what was happening with they were pulling the country back to the way it was before she had even come here but her whole thing was like the reason that we came to america so that you kids could be whatever you want you know i mean which is an amazing thing for an immigrant parent to say to kids which is just go you like you want to go to college let's find a way for to get you to college what do you want to be be what you want to be because we didn't come here so you you had to

work and slave and and not enjoy what you did for a living and that's like that i like for me to go to like her and my dad when i was like 17 and go like yeah i think i want to be an actor yeah the easiest thing would be to say what are you nuts but instead they were like okay well let's figure out how we could make that happen which is crazy because they didn't have money to send me to college so that's i always remembered that which is it's such a very stark pure message like i say that to my kids when they were growing up i said your grandparents didn't come here so that you could end up not doing something that you love it's interesting you say that because my mom was an immigrant also she was from germany and she married my dad who was not an immigrant and when

she came over here like when i grew up and i kind of saw their dynamic and like how beholden she was to him financially and like, you know, all the responsibilities and the finances were all taken care of my, by my father. And my mom was for the cooking and the cleaning and the caretaking and everything. I just remember thinking, I don't want to be dependent on a man. And my mom goes, you're so lucky that you have the option to not have to deal with that. Like you're so lucky that you're growing up in a country where you're able to pursue whatever dream you, that is imaginable. And my dream was, I didn't even know what my dream was. I just wanted to be heard and seen. And, you know, it was pretty shallow to start with. I just wanted to get out and to bloom. But what I've realized now after so many years is that I've made a living by being myself, like by just being myself. Nobody ever said that was even an option growing up. Right. And what many of us do as comedians is to make money at being ourselves. We're telling our stories. We're doing our thing. We're not putting on any acts or playing a character. And that is really like unreal to think about. Right.

It really is. Like, for my mom or your mom to see you and how you operate through the world and then my mom, the same thing, watching us come up and actually realize our dreams and pursue our dreams must have been like, wow, you are, you know, this is a different generation. We get to watch them now pursue the things that they care about instead of just surviving. But here's the thing, Chelsea, and it's, again, you can tell this to people, young comedians or young actors, whatever, and they they probably think it sounds empty because they've heard cliched versions of but

it's really true which is i learned that when i was very young as i think i was in acting school when i saw an interview with richard prior who was one of my i think is the greatest comedian who ever lived but he he was one of my heroes as a comedy hero he said um when he made the transition from being on the ed sullivan show a clean-cut version of himself to being the real Richard Pryor he said I wanted to become the guy that was in the my the living room with my friends that Richard Pryor the real Richard Pryor I wanted to get that on on stage and you couldn't do that in the in the 60s you couldn't get on television that way and so anyways I was like oh that's what I want to do like if I do stand-up I want to just be the guy that I am in the living room

with my friends well once you if you just operate that way if that's the truth you want to have that's what you did you just get on stage and you eventually work your way to it's like you're it's like you're having a conversation with chelsea when you're in the audience right because you can feel it's real so so many people i mean you probably knew people like this too i knew so many comedians who were so fucking funny off stage but then their act was like this middle of the road yeah i know that what do you do i don't know what that is i don't know what that i don't know what the fuck it's like it's like you know you're i don't get it i don't i don't get it so i think being authentic is the key and again like our parents said why would you do it any different

you know yeah yeah i mean i guess because we have the freedom or we had the freedom hopefully the next generation will also have the same freedom hey is your mom still alive no she died with your mom actually she died years ago my dad my mom died i have no sense of time so she's been gone a long time probably almost 20 years my mom has been dead how old was she when she died young she was like 63 67 63 i can't remember oh damn man that's young yeah she had cancer and then my dad hung out forever and he was a real we couldn't wait for him to die we were like all right let's wrap it up wrap it up you are we had to get he had so many issues with all these old age homes that he was staying in he was sexually harassing the staff he would grab people's butts we had to move him from

one facility to the next. And then we had to move him to a facility that only had men working, which is very hard to find, you know, in aftercare in those kinds of facilities. Yeah. So he was a hot mess. But my mom told us when she was dying, she's like, listen, watch out for your father because there's a lot of shit you guys don't know. And as soon as I'm gone, he will reveal himself. And it was two weeks, two weeks after my mother died that my brother sent us a family thread. There are five of us on our thread, brothers and sisters, saying, I just walked into our old house, 35 Morningside Drive, Livingston, New Jersey, and I found dad and his housekeeper, Luzette. Luzette was completely nude, cleaning the kitchen counter, and dad had his pants around his ankles and was sitting on the couch masturbating. That was two weeks after my mom passed away.

So, you know. On that note, we're going to take a break, and we're going to be right back. That is so awesome. We're going to be right back with Dennis Leary. My SUV's worth more than ever. Time to upgrade? There's never been a better time. At Plaza Auto Group, locations get top value for your trade

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I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, Shut up. Don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them.

They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments,

nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

See you between the pages. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network. Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners. Each week, we talk to someone in show business, a.k.a. the biz, and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show.

We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, not that great. Actually, can you help me shape this? How about we flip it on its head? How about we flip the script? What if the surprise woman, who actually you think is the straight man, is actually the one who's acting weird? Adam Scott. this entire time you've been expecting adam sandler to come to visit the show i i would never let go of that i have i would never set expectations for something like that it seems

like if the universe allows for something like that to happen i'm open to it i'm always going to accept you know danny mcbride fine yeah it's all this fragile masculinity exuding i could smell it walking down the hallway to be honest with you i was like is that weed nope it's fragile masculinity yeah ben stiller no because a lot of times in out of context people don't get it or even know what a circle is you know what i mean like you're like oh what's this everyone's so dumb and fake right fake and and also not interested or just like oh i've got my life i don't care about your life and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us oh and by the way will ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a

guest on every episode but he's just so busy listen to hollywood handbook on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts and we're back with dennis leary's here to promote my god that is so fucking fun his second season of going dutch which is uh yeah a show where he plays a colonel and he it's a comedy it's on fox it's in its seconds you can also watch it on hulu by the way okay so Dennis this it's am I saying Hulu wrong is it Hulu you can watch it on Hulu okay Dennis we're taking calls from real live people so you need to act you need to fucking pay attention okay okay I'm fucking paying attention I'm ready okay Catherine what's up all right we're gonna start with just an email this is our one drink question and Dennis I like

I was gonna start with an easier question but I think you can handle this one Dennis you can have an OJ for this question. Yes. So this listener, Elsie says, Hey, Chelsea, ancestry tests really know how to spice up a family tree. I recently found out that my half sister who's in her fifties isn't actually related to me. Meaning the dad we thought we shared isn't. Her mom passed and my dad now in his late seventies has no clue. They've had a rocky relationship in the past, but have been solid for the last decade. She doesn't want to tell him because she thinks it would break his heart i get it this was 50 plus years ago his first of three marriages so clearly not his last surprise in life but keeping a secret like this until his death feels icky do i respect her wishes

or spill the dna tea help me wise one elsie dennis listen i'm off i'm one of those people who's like listen you gotta fucking unbury the truth and get it out in the open because that's ultimately the best for everybody but i would i have questions he's in his late 70s as she said yeah she just yeah seven days yeah so we don't know late early oh yeah late 70s she did say late 70s i mean it's if he was late 80s i'd be like i'll leave him alone late 70s he could probably handle it that's my feeling it's like get it out in the open also that does he hate her hate this person or like this person he likes her they have a good relationship now yeah i mean i I don't think it's going to alter the relationship,

but it's not like it's going to kill him. He's young. Listen, I disagree. I don't think there's any reason to bring all that nonsense to the fore. In the time he knew her, he thought this is his father. It's upsetting news. It's not really relevant because at this stage in the game, he is her fucking father.

So just to find out that his dead wife cheated on him, what's the point of that information? I mean, it's important for the daughter to know because if she wants to find her real father, then maybe she can. but I don't think it's important for your dad who thinks she's her father to know at this stage in the game. So I'm all about honesty and making sure you kind of like air your dirty laundry. But in these cases, the world is about to end anyway.

Like let's just, let's not blow up our families on our way out the window. That's my theory. Listen, can I just say this of the two opinions that were just offered? I would probably listen to, I would definitely listen to Chelsea. She's smarter than I am. And she's a woman. so fucking listen to her yeah woman to woman just i'm turning into a woman but i'm not a woman yet so let's show it's a slow it's a slow roll all right well our first caller today is allison she's located in dc and her subject line is help

i'm trapped in the gym with rfk jr oh no and dennis i pulled this for you specifically because i know you're like a jack kennedy democrat or that's what you've always said and you even had a song about the kennedys so this one's for you she says dear chelsea i'm writing because i've been angrier than i'd like to admit this past year and i'm struggling to keep that anger from bleeding into my everyday life since the new administration took office i've felt this constant simmering frustration not explosive just ever present i try to be functional i try to channel it productively and then it shows up in the least therapeutic place possible my gym Robert F. Kennedy Jr. works out at my gym, which means several times a week I am expected to peacefully coexist with the physical embodiment of my political rage while I'm just trying to lift weights and dissociate.

He's quiet. He's confident. Maybe too confident. He works out in blue jeans and those unsettling BDIs. This fucking guy with the working out with the fucking jeans on. Go ahead. Sorry. No, it's okay. And those unsettling beady eyes are always present. It's mind boggling. This is the cheapest gym in the area. So cheap that at one point the air conditioner broke for five weeks and we were all just expected to work out in a semi-dark sauna and accept it. Meanwhile, there's a fully functioning Equinox right next door. I don't say anything. I don't do anything. But inside, I'm seething. So my question is this. How do you contain your anger when it's justified, chronic, and keeps popping up in places you're just trying to live your life? Is the answer maturity, detachment, switching gyms, or is this just the emotional cost of being alive and paying attention right now? Love, Allison. Hi, Allison. Hey, how are you guys? Hey, Allison. Hi, that's Dennis Leary, our special guest today.

I think I'm very qualified to discuss this because I'm an Irish person from Massachusetts, which is where he's from. Obviously, they were rich. We were poor. But we voted for them. So, first of all, I can't fucking – this guy fucking going to the fucking cheapest gym proves that he's cheap, number one. Number two, working out in the fucking jeans fucking thing just drives me so fucking insane. Me too. I can't stand it.

I cannot stand that. Yeah. Fuck you. you want to like first of all why are you in the cheapest gym number one number two is he there with his like security detail are they there too are they outside oh yeah like full perimeter i'd say there's like upwards of like 20 um secret service within this tiny little gym like so i there's no other way to look at this except he he's cheap and he likes showing off and the other thing is you know he fucking goes in gets that's a tan that he gets from tanning beds right yeah

Yeah. Yeah. He tans. This guy tans. The health administrator of our country tans. Yeah. I just, I don't, here's my, here's my thing. I don't know you at all. Obviously my thing would be, I would just walk up, especially the mental state that you're in. I would walk up and fucking have a conversation, a real conversation about how you feel about things. I don't think that I listen, he's been confronted so many times about his ethics and his views and his, I mean, he doesn't give a shit what anyone thinks anyway, so it's not going to make an impact on him. I, first of all, I would, but I would like to, I would just to get my rocks off. I would like to have a go at him. First of all, just some background information. I bought

RFK Jr.'s house in, in Los Angeles five years ago. I did not know I was buying it from him. It was anonymous. It wasn't anonymous, but his is in a trust. Mine was in a trust. It was all private. I bought his house from him and Cheryl Hines. I still have not lived in this house. that's how fucked up this house was the idea that this guy is is in charge of the health of our country when he didn't even have a proper foundation at his house when they unearthed when they opened up the house they were like this house is the most toxic environment you cannot live here for at least two years i'm not exaggerating any of this it is it was a disaster and i didn't know it going in because everything was you know under under wraps so anyway i have my own issues

Oh my God, the money I would pay to see you walking through the gym where he is and have the conversation about the house. That should be a fucking Netflix special. He's one of the worst people that I know of. He really is. I have really thought about it, Chelsea, because I've listened to your podcast for a while now and I know this story and I see him all the time. And I'm like, what did you do to Chelsea's house? Like, what have you done? Yeah.

You put a curse on it. It's cursed. I mean, three people have come in and said, this house is cursed. Hey, you know what we should do, guys? We should start an army. Okay. Beginning with the three of us. We should start an army of people, famous and non-famous people,

who at various points in the country will come up to him and go, what the fuck did you do to Chelsea's fucking house? Yeah, yeah. How could you sell us this house? How could you sell Chelsea Hanna that fucking house? Just in the last week of inspection, they came and I finally, like everything's been redone, redone, redone. They're like, oh, there's a unit.

He has like a little outdoor storage unit that's been there since I bought the property. And they're like, this is illegal. And I'm like, oh my God. So now we have to remove his illegal bullshit from my property. And I'm like, how did they not find this upon the first inspection? But anyway, I would move gyms. I wouldn't want to even be exposed to that kind of negative at like, he's so negative. That whole vibe being in DC is probably really negative, but I would totally move gyms, go to Equinox. Why are you at the cheapest gym? Is it a money issue? I mean, I could swing it. I just prefer, like, that's where I want to go. It's right next to my house. Like, I just have convenience there.

I like it there. I can swing. I can swing. Yeah, I think it's better. I think you should leave him a message or you should let him know that you're leaving the gym because of him and that you're not the only person. Be like, I'm so sorry. I can't believe that I joined a gym and then I had to see you here. Like you are the embodiment of everything that is wrong with this administration and you are sickening. And also what the fuck is wrong with Chelsea handler's house yeah that's right p.s motherfucker what the fuck did you do to chelsea handler's fucking house yeah and they had the audacity to leave me a note cheryl hines left me a note saying let us know if there's anything we can do for you chelsea i'm like yeah how about a fucking

foundation that's something you could do for me anyway uh i'm not angry about it or anything i'm totally over it it's only been five years of your life i'm gonna get you some answers that'll be my swan song but change james take always take yourself out of a situation that's going to make you angry yes better for your blood pressure dr chelsea handler there you go okay all right thank you allison thanks for calling allison so much bye okay we're gonna take a break and come back with another caller the hard rock back casino app is here ontario it's safe secure and crystal clear with fast payouts and 24 7 local support you can play over 3 000 games right here including hard rock bet casino exclusives the hard rock bet casino app is here ontario roll with us

must be 19 years of age or older to play ontario only please play responsibly concerned about your gambling or that of someone close to you visit connectsontario.ca when i was 14 years old i was kidnapped and held captive for nine months i survived and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files i just remember this low taunting voice next to my ear saying shut up don't say anything every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable i knew if he woke up Without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming.

They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story.

I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements.

We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network. Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners. Each week, we talk to someone in show business, a.k.a. the biz, and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time, and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman. Not that great.

Actually, can you help me shape this? how about we flip it on its head how about we flip the script what if the surprise woman who actually you think is the straight man is actually the one who's acting weird Adam Scott this entire time

you've been expecting Adam Sandler to come to visit the show I would never expect I would never set expectations for something like that to happen if the universe allows for something like that to happen

I am open to it. I'm always going to accept. You know, Danny McBride, fine. Yeah, it's all this fragile masculinity exuding. I could smell it walking down the hallway, to be honest with you. I was like, is that weed? Nope, it's fragile masculinity. Ben Stiller, no.

Because a lot of times, out of context, people don't get it or even know what a circle is. You know what I mean? Like, they're like, oh, what's a circle? Everyone's so dumb except for you. And fake. Right, fake. And also not interested or just like, oh, I've got my life.

I don't care about your life. And a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Oh, and by the way, Will Ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode, but he's just so busy. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back with Dennis Leary. I love your breaks. Your breaks are so fast.

Well, yeah, they're so fast because, I mean, I need you to continue to pay attention. You know what I mean? We're already struggling. Katherine, what do we have to close out today's episode? Well, we have Jennifer who is writing in and she's getting into comedy. So Jennifer says, dear Chelsea,

two years ago, I started doing stand-up open mics whenever I could. I absolutely love it. I love making people laugh and I also love telling stories about my family. My partner of 20 years and my boys are supportive. It's hard for them because I'm away from home on some weeknights trying to get stage time.

I haven't headlined anything yet, but I'm still working on a solid 15-minute set. I write jokes every day and I work on delivery, timing, and stage presence. So here are my questions. How do I handle the clicks and egos of other comics so I can get on stage? I'm running up against venues that have their favorites and no matter how talented you are, you aren't getting stage time. I want to be polite but assertive and not burn a bridge at a club either. Do I set up a YouTube channel with sets from my open mics? I would have to have my 12-year-old help me do that since I don't have a clue how to do it? How do I balance the need for laughs every few seconds within storytelling?

Most of the literature states that you need to find something original and do that. It's 2026. Comedy has been around since before the written word. The only thing original I bring to the table is my interpretation of things. I am completely unhinged. How do I exploit that in comedy and still be relatable to the mainstream? Or should I just not care what the mainstream is and just do my thing? And am I too old to even start down this road? You're amazing and I'm trying to get everything arranged so i can see you on tour my kids have a negative review with most sitters so it's a struggle thanks jennifer i like that hi jennifer hi guys oh my god it's dennis leary at the same time yeah it's like a threesome it's just kind of against the law

they don't let us do it very often how old are you i just turned 51 oh listen fuck anybody could do it zarna garg is a great example of somebody later in life who raised her kids and then started doing stand-up comedy well i think when they were teenagers or something oh yeah yeah forget about that that doesn't matter anymore number one number two it sounds like you're actually mentally you're already on the right page which is you know what fuck the mainstream you just got to do what you have like we were just talking about this a few minutes ago me and chelsea about just be yourself that's i mean that's the best comedy wise that's always the best thing writing wise as well so fuck the mainstream who gives a shit about that you should just do what you want yeah

i would say intentionally like you said you're unhinged that's great people like that people like unhinged i would exploit whatever the most outlandish part of your personality is i would take that and just put that you know what i mean that's what separates you from other people is i mean and listen yes comedy has been around since forever but your take on it hasn't been around forever so while while subject matters may overlap and people may discuss the same things like people are always talking about dating and fucking and, and, and people who are cheaper, they're talking about politics or girls are talking about guys who are terrible in bed and terrible at paying and blah, blah, blah. While all those things can like, you know, overlap and be

kind of ongoing sagas, your take on it hasn't been out there, you know? And if you're, if you're unhinged and you want to really like be something original, focus on that. Don't focus on getting as many people, the mainstream aspect of it. That's just kind of a fool's errand. You have to find people that are going to respond to you and you be as much of yourself as you can. And I think that's where the rewards will come in and you'll start to see some gains from your work. Like an original, when somebody, when I see someone original on stage, I'm like, wow, I've never seen that angle before. You know what I mean? So there's always a new angle to be had. Yeah, that's very true.

and being 51 like exploit that talk about the fact that you couldn't you didn't have time to get around to this until you fucking had your kids because you're a woman and you've been put under too much pressure your entire life to be the perfect woman and now you're here you're a little late to the game and you're fucking pissed about it because you should have been doing this all along you know what i mean there's a whole storyline just keep adding on to that aspect of things i you know i like disgruntled i like comics who get up there and are angry and pissed and just want to go off. I always find that very amusing. Regarding the internet question, I would go TikTok, not YouTube. And unhinged plays very well on TikTok. Like kind of the more unhinged you are,

the more attention you get. That's a good point. True. All true. How are you getting stage time if you can't find a sitter for your kids? I have a partner that will stay with them. The youngest is eight. The oldest is 12. So they're almost to the point where they won't set the house on fire so it's close we're getting almost there we're almost there we have a fireman right here we i mean he can help you and we can put him on speed dial and if anything happens to your house dennis will be right over that is i'm really good in a i'm better in a fake fire than i am in a real fire you know he's very good at house calls too but not with regard to fires do you talk about the kids on stage i i do i do and they're they're a little crazy as well they're both

adopted too. So it's a completely different story than having your kids. That's an endless supply of material. Yeah. Adopted. You could return them. Is that an option? You know what I mean? They've asked if they can be. Well, that's good too. That's all material. Everything is material. It's all material. Okay. I thank you so much. I appreciate that. Yeah. And don't think about age as a number. Think about it as like an avenue. You know what I mean? This is my in I'm 51 this is how pissed I am that I have to do stand-up comedy to get my rocks off you know like I you know I could have a nice quiet life but no I don't I want to disrupt the other question that I wanted to to bump back up is like handling the clicks and the egos of the other comics and

getting stage time do you guys have advice on that listen man getting stage oh yeah you just have to really be persistent and consistent to get the stage time and obviously there will be to people that are on your side or people that are not on your side. And those are easy to suss out right away. But as far as other comics go, like it's important to kind of form a little, you know, get some groups going or make some friends because people are always doing small shows and smaller shows that you can get stage time in, you know what I mean? So you want to be friends with comics, but if, if you're feeling like people aren't welcoming of you, I've really just like cut out that noise. I used to go into the comedy store when I was really young and would

and i would just walk in do my set and walk out like no socializing yeah obviously it's a different story now but when i didn't feel like i was welcome or i felt like i was being judged or people were jealous or whatever the feelings were i just didn't expose myself to that all i cared about was doing my set and leaving and by the way the funnier you get just it's human nature especially comedy human nature the funnier you get the more fucking people are going to get jealous comedians of you so don't even fucking worry about that shit find like chelsea's right find your the friends you find that that you get along with in that scene fuck everybody else you know that's a good point i was told by one male comic that said as soon as you get on stage because you're

a female everybody tunes you out and i was like well you're an asshole what fucking year is he living in are you fucking kidding me oh my god yeah welcome to the future douchebag yeah fuck yeah i would and what did you say i just said uh you're an asshole yeah yeah you know basically it was like and i do have a group of guys that i do things with it's just you know finding the time to get out with them as they do they do small shows and stuff like that so right so just do as much as you possibly can with the time that you have. Sweet. Thanks, guys. I appreciate it. Awesome. Thank you, Jennifer.

All right. Thanks for calling in. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, too. Bye-bye. Bye. If she plays her cards right, she, too, will be recording a podcast from Whistler Canada talking to Dennis Leary. Can I ask a question? Yes. Do you live in Whistler

part of the year? Yeah. In the wintertime. I base myself out of Canada in the wintertime because I like to ski. I know you love to ski. I know you know I love to ski. Yeah. Yeah. So basically you're up there, what, from Christmas until?

Probably like April. But I'm about to go on tour. But I'll be coming in and out of Vancouver rather than in and out of L.A., which isn't that big of a difference. But, yeah, I like my little life up here. It's a nice juxtaposition from my life in Los Angeles. And Whistler is fucking beautiful. Yeah, and it's beautiful. The snow isn't really cooperating right now, but that's okay.

I can get by. It's a very homey, you know, I work out a lot in my house here. I read a lot of books. I've got my dog here. I have friends come and visit. I have a lot of sex here. Everything's fine. You know what I mean?

Great. Great. Well, I am so excited about you becoming a woman. I am so excited about the second season of your show. I love you, Dennis. You know that I love you. I have strong affection for you. And I love you and your sister.

And my sister. We both love you as a family. and it shows on hulu or or fox guys shows on fox it's called going dutch it's all the episodes are available on hulu okay season two excellent okay dennis i'll see you i'll see you on the flip side hopefully i'll run into you somewhere very soon i hope i catch you smoking a fucking cigarette can you imagine no i can't after this conversation you better never smoke again i hope i never smoke again i don't think i'm gonna no you're not going to but you never know no you're not going to you're Not going to.

You never know. If my brain can click off of cigarettes like that, I'm afraid, like, tomorrow I'm walking down the street and my brain goes, guess what? We're going to start smoking again. Yeah, well, maybe it'll click off something else. Maybe just think about things you're going to keep getting rid of instead of it going in the reverse direction.

What's left to get rid of? Smoking and drinking are gone, right? Smoking and drinking are gone. I'm sure you have some other bad habits. Maybe you can stop going to the bathroom also. Goodbye, Dennis Leary. Bye, Chelsea. Bye.

Okay, guys. I am officially on my high and mighty tour. March 13th, Cleveland, Ohio. March 14th, Columbus, Ohio. March 15th, Cincinnati, Ohio. And then March 20th is Denver, Colorado. March 27th, Portland, Maine. March 28th, Providence, Rhode Island. March 29th, Springfield, Massachusetts. April 10th is Chicago. I'll be at the Chicago Theater. April 11th, Indianapolis, Indiana. April 12th, Louisville, Kentucky. April 16th is Albuquerque, New Mexico. April 17th is Mesa, Arizona. April 23rd is Kansas City, Missouri.

April 24th is St. Louis, Missouri. April 25th is Minneapolis, Minnesota. April 30th, Nashville, Tennessee. May 1st is Charlotte, North Carolina. May 2nd is Durham, North Carolina. May 6th, I'm doing Netflix is a Joke Festival. I will be in Los Angeles. That is a new announcement, along with Atlantic City.

May 15th, Saratoga, California. May 16th, Monterey, California. May 17th, Modesto, California. And then June 4th, Port Chester, New York. June 5th is Boston, Mass. And June 12th is Portland, Oregon. And then Seattle is June 13th. So suck on that, everybody.

Go to ChelseaHandler.com for tickets. If you want advice from Chelsea, write in to DearChelseaPodcast at gmail.com. Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeartMedia. Follow Chelsea on all socials at Chelsea Handler and find Catherine on TikTok at FlashCadabra. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brandon Dickert, executive producer Catherine Law. Find full video episodes and minisodes now on Netflix and get tickets to see Chelsea live at ChelseaHandler.com. i survived nine months in captivity and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files every

week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced these are stories about what it takes to make it out alive listen to the Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers book talk creators and plenty of overthought opinions listen to pro society on the

iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts did you hear the new episode of the hey jonas podcast we are at d23 so we'll see who stops by the cast of frozen stopped by kristin bell josh gad and adina menzel i auditioned for frozen what for kristoff they said okay what are you going to be singing today i said i don't know that must have been why you didn't get it Plus, John Stamos, Hayden Christensen from Star Wars, and more. And I guess I can share that, uh... No way. Listen to the latest episode of Hey Jonas on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook. Each week, we talk to someone in show business and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time, and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show.

We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, Adam Scott, Danny McBride, Ben Stiller, and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.