Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - Here to Meet Men with Monica Padman

Episode Date: August 18, 2022

Monica Padman of the Armchair Expert podcast is in-studio with Chelsea to discuss babysitting Dax Shepard (and his kids), forgetting how many intimate details of her life she’s shared on podcasts, and having complicated feelings about freezing her eggs.  Then: A relationship is strained by dog-induced anxiety.  A gay orthodox Christian plans to leave home against his parents’ will.  And a college girl has deep regrets about unwanted advances at a party.  * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Nick Stumpf Produced by Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Bell. Connection is everything. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who lived through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook. Each week, we talk to someone in show business and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show.

We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, Adam Scott, Danny McBride, Ben Stiller, and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions.

Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay. I have a beef to pick. Hello, everyone. Are you there? It's me.

God, are you there? God, it's me, Chelsea. And Catherine. Hi, Catherine. Hi. I have a beef to pick with airlines. Tell me. First of all, I am so sick and tired of not being able to get on fucking Wi-Fi on a plane

when I have an account with GoGo in flight, with Delta fuck fuck fuck. Boingo boingo. Bingo joingo boingo shit face. It is so annoying that they just don't have the planes outfitted with Wi-Fi for everybody. Stop making me join and have another password. I have a security thing in my phone with all my passwords. there are over a thousand passwords now i have a thousand passwords for different things and i will never even find the password i'm looking for if i go in there to look for go go in flight and then

it doesn't allow you to stay online it kicks you off the whole flight it kicks you off kicks you off kicks you off and then but somehow i always see other people other people can do it just fine no they're not being kicked off so like i know that i have a disconnect with technology just like i have a new my my assistant casey well that's carla's assistant let's just be clear my assistant has her own assistant excellent and he's like this speaker system at the house doesn't work because nothing ever works at any of my homes music no there's just no chance of anything going smoothly with music and by the time i get it working i can't remember what i like to listen to so he's like oh we're gonna get alexa i was like okay great let's get alexa it's

about time i have alexa right that does even alexa doesn't fucking listen to me she doesn't i can put my speaker on one speaker i can't put the rest of the speakers on so i can only play music in one room so i have to blast it and then stay away from that room where it's blasting because it's too loud in that room this is so complicated it's so annoying i i definitely think i'm a i have a hex like a technology hex on me and and i want to say to airlines You're already fucking losing. You know, you guys suck. Yeah.

You guys suck right now. Not flight attendants. I love my flight attendants and I love pilots, especially when they're sober. But I don't. Flights are being canceled because there's not enough people working. People don't want to work. I get it. I don't get that, actually.

But I get it that that's happening. Planes are so dirty and so gross now. Grosser than they were before COVID. We didn't learn anything about cleaning planes when they say, we're cleaning, we're cleaning, we're cleaning. before. They fogged it with mosquito fog or something. Have you looked over the side of your armrest to see what's in there? No, it's bad. Every flight I look and I'm like horrified because Carla, my assistant, travels with wet wipes all the time. She's always cleaning. She's

responsible. She still wears a mask, you know, wherever she goes. I mean, when I see her wearing a mask, I put my mask on, you know, I'm like, oh shit, what am I doing? She's right. Why am I not wearing, especially on a plane when the germs are where I could see the germs. But this Wi-Fi thing is maddening it is just put wi-fi on every plane so that everyone can get on for free and like make it free so that we're we're all happy and content and like lost in the blue screens yeah we're all online everyone's online stop making a barrier of entry and stop making passcodes that are like w lowercase c uppercase zero lowercase you fuck you who do you think is coming in to break into your fucking Wi-Fi. Who is that? Especially not 30,000 feet in the air. It's so annoying. Chelsea,

I have to tell you about a woman I sat next to on the plane. Thank God she was across the aisle from me and not next to me. But she was an older woman. She chose that day to not wear a bra and wear a very clingy shirt, which, you know, to each their own. But I could tell she had like kooky grandma vibes from the minute she came on there. I was sitting there with a cat in her backpack i would not have doubted it she proceeded to remove her shoes and not only place them on the seat in front of her her feet she placed them on the armrest of the person in front of her she placed them inside the seat back pocket i've done that oh i mean when i was when i was in my 20s and i was fucking hung over on a plane but not today this woman was not hung over she was

fully mainlining straight vodka on the rocks the entire flight and playing video poker out loud with the sound on. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. I fucking hate that. It was a lot. When people have their phones on and not have AirPods in, I have to say something. Yeah. Thankfully, she only did it for like 10 minutes before she passed out. But the real deal breaker for me was she kept reaching over to pet mimsy my dog was with me and you know at first it was fine but it was not fine after she proceeded to massage her feet her bare feet with her hands and then like eat chips and suck on her fingers i after that i was like no no we're done petting the dog but this woman this this was the cardinal sin to me she chose to go to the airport bathroom two times with no shoes on

On the airplane. On the airplane, where you know men are like jiggling around and they can't aim very well and there's pee all over the floor. I just was like, oh, I couldn't handle it. No, that sounds so disgusting. The whole thing is so gross and uncouth. Like, honestly, and this is coming from me, someone who doesn't have any dignity at all. I mean, honestly, that is so gross.

We were on a flight earlier to New York and this woman brought a cat on board. And then she took the cat out and after everyone who walked by her, she'd be like, are you allergic? Are you allergic? And everyone's like, yeah, yeah. Like five people out of the seven she asked that were sitting around our area. I was behind her. We're allergic. Everyone's allergic to cats. And so finally I said to her, I go, I'm sorry, why do you keep asking people if they're allergic, if you're not putting the cat away? And she just looked at me and she goes, I think some people are just allergic to life. I go, and some people are allergic to cats. I'm not because I, I don't, I just don't like cats. I'd prefer not to be hanging out with cats.

You're allergic in that way. But I mean, I'm not going to have an allergic reaction to a cat. But I was like, stop asking people. Like, you're basically using the cat as a conversation starter and then ender. You know? If you don't want to get into the details, don't get into the details. Anyway, airlines, I really hope you guys step your fucking shit up because this is gross already what's happening. I mean, we really need.

Someone's calling you. I don't know if it's someone important. Scam likely. Oh, scam. Scam likely is a good title. I get so many of those. Yeah, I know. It happens all day long.

This is sort of a secret life hack. I get a lot of sort of scammy calls from where I'm from because my zip code, not my zip code, my area code is still from my hometown many states away. So I know if I'm getting a call from like Moline, Illinois, not to pick it up. Yeah. It's pretty great. Wherever you live in the country, if you're getting a call from Moline, Illinois, don't pick it up. Do not pick it up. behind every night spent making the kids lunches there's a lot of suspense will they finally eat the veggies will the pesto survive the first bite will the lunchbox come home empty half full or

come home at all and will you finish episode 8 before you're done slicing the cucumbers get bell pure fiber internet with crave netflix and disney plus from 94 a month price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell. Connection is everything. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring

how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable i knew if he woke up without a doubt he was going to hurt me i started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed and i just started screaming they are abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced but these aren't stories about what's taken from them they're stories about what it takes to make it out alive

Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table.

It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. If you know me, you know I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy.

So this podcast lets us uncover those things together through meaningful conversations with fascinating people. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. You have something in your guts. You go with it. And Shawn Johnson recalled the moment she realized her now-husband, Andrew, was the one. He was just so unapologetically himself and knew nothing of Hollywood.

He hadn't been on a plane before without his family. It was so pure. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Our town is small taters by most standards, right? But to the people who grew up here, it's everything. What happens when a quiet Tennessee town becomes the front line in a battle over the future of America? Developers with right-wing ties have purchased hundreds of acres of land in the area. The first thing you see when it pops up is pioneers in Appalachia.

But they weren't just planning houses. We need cities on a shining hill that exemplify and embody the Christian way of life. Stop right there. Is that normal? A podcast about what happens when a small town becomes the site of a social experiment. God made man to rule. Great. And decides to fight back. Do not use my hard work to sell your bulls**t. They're not just opposing what's being planned for here.

Our hometown is not a test tube. They feel like they're standing in opposition to an entire administration. Guess you didn't move in on a bunch of dumb hillbillies now, did you? Listen to Our Town on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. All right, well, let's get to our guest for today. We have a great guest today. She is a producer and the co-host of Armchair Expert. And she has a new upcoming fertility-related podcast that we can't share the name of yet.

But her name is Monica Padman, and we're happy to have you. Hi, Monica. Hi. Oh, I'm so happy to have you here. I am so flattered to be here. I can't believe I got the email. What do you mean you can't believe it? Especially without Dax.

I'm sick of seeing you with Dax. I know. I mean, listen, you guys have created quite an extraordinary podcast. Thank you. So congratulations on that. Thank you. Because I know you guys just signed a huge deal. Spotify.

Shout out. Sorry, iHeartRadio. Yeah, fuck you, iHeart. Fuck you. But that's well deserved. Thank you. I mean, years and years of really hard work and amazing interviews. across the board whether it be a like celebrity a neurophysicist you me yeah I'm between a

celebrity neurophysicist gynecologist is how I like to classify myself and then you have another podcast that's coming out yeah I mean we have a gajillion podcasts to be fair we just keep doing more and more and more but I do have one coming out that's me and Liz Plank do you know Liz Plank she has a master's in gender she's on CNN all the time talking about stuff she's a bestseller on like copy that how men are wonderful and bad she's perfect and we're doing a podcast we're gonna freeze our eggs at the same time and we're gonna follow that process we're gonna check in every day and like see how we are while also talking to different people with different fertility stories wow everyone has one yeah i know my friend just posted something and i was

reading and i'm like i don't even understand what the hell she was talking about because i'm so not well-versed in fertility. No one is. No one's taught anything. Because it's women-related. Exactly. It's a female issue, so why would anybody have to educate themselves on the matter? Exactly. Did you see that disgusting documentary, Our Father, speaking of infertility? I haven't, but I heard about it. I'm so scared of it. Yeah, it's pretty creepy, you guys. It's the story of a doctor who inseminated his own semen into all of his patients. Not all, but he has like 100 children out there and they all found each other on 23andMe. I'm like, wait a second. I'm like, first of all, I didn't know you could find siblings on 23andMe. I think there's an option

where you put yourself on there to say like, I'm looking or you keep it quiet. Oh, you know, it's hilarious. Sorry to diverge us. But we had Malcolm Gladwell on recently and he did that. And a sibling came up and he was like, oh my, oh my God, I have a twin. It was a twin. I was like, I have a twin that my mom didn't tell me about. And what do I do? And do I confront her about it? I can't confront her. My mom's a twin.

Why would she do this? And turns out it was him again. It was his DNA. It was just like a weird fluke in the system. And it was just him. Oh, that's so stupid. What a waste of time and energy. Right?

I was laughing so hard. Oh, my God. We actually had someone write in to us who was like, i'm a product of one of these creepy doctors so gross so gross yeah and she and her mom are advocates now for like i gotta get these people on the pod yeah yeah you gotta look into it actually that's a great documentary for you to watch for you yeah because there's one girl who spearheads the whole thing and she's the one who contacts each sibling that pops up because a lot of these people you know were married to their husbands but couldn't get pregnant so they thought they

are being inseminated by their husband's sperm, only to find out 20 years later that their child is someone else's child. Imagine the disruption. I mean, that's just like, I mean, and the guy's not in jail. He's not. No, he's from fucking some Republican state. Because it's not technically illegal. There's some weird loophole. Yeah, there's a loophole where a doctor could go jerk off in a room and then come back and put it in someone's vagina. So that's nice. That's cool. Cool loophole, guys. Monica, I want to talk about the story of you meeting Dax and Kristen. Because I didn't know that you were their babysitter.

I was. That's so funny. I know. So you babysat for Dax first? I babysat for them. Well, I did. I was, you know, I came out here to act. So I did an episode of House of Lies in which I played Kristen's assistant.

Okay. Life art. Very simp. And she had just had her first kid. And I was like, well, I also babysit. That's really how I make money. so if you ever need one let me know and then she called a couple weeks later so then I was like sporadically date night babysitting for them while they went to the like foot spa and then they had

their second and they needed a little bit more help so they were like do you want to come on more full time and at first I was like no because I am an actor and I need I need time for my auditions in Santa Monica. So, right. You need time to prepare. So they were like, we'll make that work. Like you can go on your auditions. It's fine. We'll, we'll figure it out. And I was like, okay, why not? But I really was like, I don't, do I want to babysit again? I had already babysat. Then I worked at SoulCycle as a big, as a big departure from babysitting. I was like, but I love these guys. They're so fun and great. And then it just like slowly started happening Once Delta, their second, went to preschool, Kristen was like, well, we still want to keep you around, but we don't need you as much babysitting-wise.

Do you want to do more assistant work? And I was like, sure. So then I did that. And then I started, like, writing stuff for her. And then we kind of partnered up. And then Dax was like, I think I want to do a podcast. And I was like, I'll help. I'll figure it out.

Oh, wow. What a cool story. So it's just like it is. And, I mean, I have to give them so much credit because I don't – most people would just be like, stay in your lane, please. Well, that's actually what Kristen said when she was on this podcast. That's exactly a quote that Kristen was talking about when she becomes invidious of other actresses getting parts or having different kinds of careers than she has that Dax would say, stay in your lane, stay in your lane, which I think is kind of like, I don't like

that phrase, stay in your lane, because I don't want to, as soon as someone tells me to stay in my lane, there is no lane. I'm jumping in all the lanes. Yeah, the lane is gone. But I think he meant more, don't try to be who you're not. Right. But he's problematic phrasing. Yeah, well, that's his whole problem.

That's why he needs you as a co-host. I thought you actually babysat four Dax, not the two kids. No, I do that now. Now I do that. Yeah, and I think that since Delta is named now after a variant, that she should take, Dax should have to take Delta's name, and Delta should take Dax's name. I know.

But I do love their whole friend group, all of you guys. You guys have a nice tight-knit group. It's very special. Like, I kind of know you guys just by watching you guys on Instagram. And you talk a lot about not having had a boyfriend. Tell me about that. It is. So we did Kimmel and he was like, so you've never had a serious boyfriend?

And I was like, like, I was so I could not believe he was saying that out loud on the show. And then he was like, well, you did a show on it. And I was like, oh, yeah, I forgot. I told everyone already. I do that all the time. It's like you forget. You forget. Everyone knows.

But yeah, I mean, no, I haven't. I have so many issues around dating. And also before that, I really was like, I can't get one. When I was in middle school and high school, when I started liking boys, I'm not sure I was picking specifically, but I couldn't get one. And then it taught me, it really implanted a narrative about myself that you won't, you can't, you don't deserve it, or you're not worthy, all those things. And then I morphed more into I would pick people who definitely were unattainable.

And then if they started to become more attainable, if they were like, oh, Monica, then I'd be like, no, something's wrong with you now because you like me. If you like me, there's a problem. Then you're no longer our ventress. You're no longer appealing to me. Yes, exactly. So, you know, it's been that whole thing. And I'm in therapy and I'm working on it. Oh, good.

And our show helped like Monica and Jess, that show helped. But that was like right before the pandemic. And then and then I stopped doing anything. Yeah. I mean, that sounds like it's a definite inside job, but I can relate to starting to believe a narrative about yourself for so long. I also felt like even though I've had loves and boyfriends and stuff like I there have been times where I'm like, oh, I'm not marriage material. Like I'm not going to be that person. I'm not somebody that anyone would even propose to. Right. It must be me. I'm not going to have that or I'm not going to have anything traditional in that sense. I'm not going to have a life partner. I've had all those thoughts. But yeah. So you've never had a boyfriend. Wow. I know. It's really weird to say even still. Yeah. And how old are you. I'm about to be 35. OK. Well good. I hope that this is we're coming upon a big transition in your life. Well if anyone wants to spray my eggs I will have some eggs available. Are you going to implant those eggs. I don't know. You know, I don't know. That's sort of the whole thing. We're just going to freeze. I'm just freezing them. Oh, OK. To see like, you know, some insurance for the future, I guess.

But also like because I don't even I don't know if I want kids. I'm not sure, but I want the option, you know, and it's already been interesting because I had a call with my doctor yesterday. And so I've been on birth control for like ironically, I've been on birth control for since I was 18 or something. I got on it for my skin and then I've just been on it. and she was like, well, it's going to affect your count probably. You should get off of it for a few months before, and I was like, no. It's like I'm not doing that. I'm not changing my daily operations for this thing that I don't even know if I want,

and so I got really in my head about it, and I didn't get off birth control, and then she called me. She was like, okay, so everything looks good. Your count does look a little smaller than it would normally be, And I was like, fuck that birth control. Like, I should have done it. You know, it's like, it's already, and I don't even know, I don't even know if I'm going to use them.

I know, I know. I want them, all of it. Yeah, a lot of conversations going on in your head. Yes. That feel like, I shouldn't be thinking about this. I don't even have a partner. I don't have, like, why, but women are forced to think about it. Where did you grow up?

Georgia. Mm-hmm. What city? Duluth, like, half hour outside Atlanta. Okay. So was it conservative or was that more liberal, Duluth? Now it is more liberal. It's like one of the counties that's blue.

I was going to say, well, you can't get more conservative, but I'm sorry, you can. I forgot. You can get more conservative. Oh, yes. Unfortunately, yes. There were like two blue counties. My family lives in one of them. And it is, I mean, it was suburbs.

It wasn't like down south or anything like that. But yes, there's a conservative undertone, obviously, to that whole state. So it wasn't too bad. I mean, I think once I left is when I really could see the differences. I know. I think that's the whole point of leaving is to actually expand your brain and have your thinking challenged. Right. Exactly.

I mean, just to have your like understanding of the fact that where you live and grow up, like when I meet people or I know people from high school that still live in the town that I grew up in. I'm like, what kind of life experience have you had? What are you doing? You live next door to your fucking mother. I know. I know. Are your parents in Duluth? Yeah. I try. You know, that's my instinct, too, is to be like, yikes. Like with my friends who still live at home and a lot of them are married. We're all still very close. And a lot of them are married to their high school sweethearts. And yet they live near their family. And I'm like, oh, my God, if I had done that, I would have been so different. But then I see them and I'm like, it's working for them. It wouldn't work for me, I don't think, which is why I left.

But for them, I don't I don't know, like their lives seem happy and I'm trying not I'm just trying not to make mass judgments, which I want to do all the time. And I'm trying hard not to. And what are you doing to actively start dating? Are you on any of these websites? I'm going on this podcast so that somebody will reach out. You have a lot of men listening, right? A lot of straight guys listen to this podcast, that's for sure. Yeah, we have one straight guy that works on the podcast and that's Catherine's husband. Okay. Sorry, Monica. Unavailable, which is my type.

We did have a straight man that came on the podcast, right? He called in. He was black, of course, because there would be no straight white male that would listen to this podcast and then stop listening and just fucking blow his brains out and be like, oh my God, why am I such an asshole? But yeah, you have to be actively dating because you're a catch. Thank you. Yeah, and you deserve to be loved and to love.

I know. I mean, I know that intellectually. yeah it's a matter of knowing it emotionally you know like do you have this like you must because you're so smart and successful that like where your your brain is not matching your feelings no but yeah there's dissonance for sure at times with my brain and my but i mean it's an intellectual knowing i feel like emotional knowing is like guttural and an intellectual knowing is more powerful than your gut in some you know so i feel like when you know something in your head you can infuse that into your gut and it's like a self-conversation and you have to keep

implementing that thought inside your brain so that it becomes part of who you are your body so that you know I mean if as long as you're here you deserve that interaction to be able to be lit up by somebody and to light somebody up is a huge gift and look what you're doing and like how many people love what you do and listen to what you say you know like imagine if you could have like a direct impact that's just going to be so special when you do find somebody I think so I mean look I also I I know that that's like what we're supposed to do on earth is like love people and be loved like I know that's the real crux of it and the joy so I do feel like as much as I get so much fulfillment from all these things I'm like I'm missing a thing like I do know it yeah that's how

I feel about children like I'm gonna miss that love I'll never know that love you know did you make an active decision to not i just have never had any desire to do that yeah none zero less than zero you're coming on our podcast well you're actually you have i have less than zero interest it sounds like you have zero plus one interest because your commitment to your fertilization of eggs you're not selling that wait what even giving up birth control you may as well fertilize my eggs. I mean, I know it. And see what kind of frittata comes out of that. Okay, so Monica, we're going to give real life advice to people. They call in and they zoom in. Oh my gosh. Catherine, give us the lowdown of what we can. Well, first we have to take a break, right? We

take a bubble bath at the beginning of the episode. Okay. Right behind that curtain. So just get undressed slowly. I love that. We'll keep the cameras on because this is pro, this is post me too and we want everyone positivity yes absolutely okay we're gonna take a break and we'll be right back the jonas brothers are running it back we live the burning up tour and celebrate the biggest jonas brother hits that have defined a generation one incredible celebration one unforgettable night see the jonas brothers live at rbc amphitheater september 28th get tickets now at ticketmaster.ca jonas brothers the burning up tour all over again when i was 14 years old i was kidnapped and held captive for nine months i survived and i've spent

my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart And these are the survivor files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them.

They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve

the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table it's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters and that is a trojan horse whether you're looking for literary deep dives smart pop culture conversations or a community of readers who love to think a little too much you're in the right place listen to pro society on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your

podcasts. See you between the pages. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. If you know me, you know I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. So this podcast lets us uncover those things together through meaningful conversations with fascinating people. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. You have something in your guts.

You go with it. And Shawn Johnson recalled the moment she realized her now husband, Andrew, was the one. He was just so unapologetically himself and knew nothing of Hollywood. He hadn't been on a plane before without his family. It was so pure. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb

on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Our town is small taters by most standards, right? But to the people who grew up here, it's everything. What happens when a quiet Tennessee town becomes the front line in a battle over the future of America? Developers with right-wing ties have purchased hundreds of acres of land in the area. The first thing you see when it pops up is pioneers in Appalachia. But they weren't just planning houses. We need cities on a shining hill that exemplify and embody the Christian way of life. Stop right there. Is that normal?

A podcast about what happens when a small town becomes the site of a social experiment. God need men to rule. Great. And decides to fight back. Do not use my hard work to sell your bulls**t. They're not just opposing what's being planned for here. Our hometown is not a test tube. They feel like they're standing in opposition to an entire administration. Guess you didn't move in on a bunch of dumb hillbillies now, did you?

Listen to Our Town on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. We're back with Monica Padman and Katherine. Hi. Hi, hi. Well, we have a lot in store for us today. And I love it when it works out that what you guys have talked about is all the same things that we're going to talk about today. We've got people who aren't moving away from home.

We've got love connections. Let's get right into it. We actually, in a break from tradition, have a caller first. We usually have an email first. Have you ever had a caller yet? Never. I've never had a caller. This is Monica's first phone call. Wow. It's exciting. Welcome. Welcome to the wild world of Zoom. This question comes from Nicole. She says, Dear Chelsea, subject line is, my boyfriend is a helicopter dog dad. I've been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year, and I know he's the one. We rarely have conflicts unless it involves our dogs. He is an overly cautious helicopter dog dad, and I am the opposite. He has a 30-pound

spaniel that's softer than baby food, the dog is riddled with anxiety over any loud noise, has terrible vision causing him to run into things, and gets diarrhea from anything that's not his own food. These characteristics have only increased my boyfriend's own unmedicated anxiety and caused him to watch the dog's every move, including carrying him down porch steps in fear he'll fall down them and following him around the yard, not allowing him to nibble on anything. I, on the other hand, have an extremely playful 60-pound husky mix. My boyfriend loves my dog very much, but having the two dogs together causes him a lot of stress. He breaks up playfights almost immediately, gets frustrated when they steal each other's toys,

and is unable to focus on much else because he's constantly watching them. I try to respect this because I agree it's annoying, but sometimes I just want to shout, let them be dogs. We only sleep over at each other's places once a weekend because of their energy. We have our own places, but he recently bought a house with the intention that I will eventually move in. I'm more than ready to take that step, and he is too, if it weren't for the animal chaos. I've offered to hire a trainer. I've regularly suggested that we had just immersed them in more time together in order to get them more acclimated. He's receptive to this, but then his dog woke up a few weeks ago, unable to walk, and he began walking later that day, acting completely

normal. My dog hasn't been allowed around him in over two weeks, meaning we also haven't had any overnights. He also canceled our cooking class that was part of my birthday present, as well as a golf trip he was supposed to take. This is so annoying. I know. Honestly, this is going on for too long. I mean, what the fuck? This is the cut down version. Oh, shit. I'm concerned that his overly cautious parenting is going to cause issues when we raise our own children one day, and I'm beginning to resent the situation for holding back our relationship. So my question for you is, how do I express my concern that he's too overbearing and that it's only causing his dog and me to become more anxious as a result? And how do I get us to the place of being ready to live together without allowing the dogs to dictate that timeline?

Nicole. Hi, Nicole. Hi. This is Monica. She's our special guest today. And you've met Catherine. Hello, Monica. Hi.

Hi. God, your boyfriend sounds so sorry to use this word, but annoying. you know i mean god it's like a this is like serious like his dog has overtaken the entire situation uh-huh he really has i hate yes to say with love it is annoying yes this has been our one point of contention as i was telling catherine i mean everything else in our relationship is just so easy and natural and everything that i've looked for on the boxes to check off. So this is just the one that I'm trying to find my own acceptance of his parenting style. But yeah, just it holding us back. Okay. So has there been any conversation about going

to an actual dog therapist for both him and the dog? Dog therapist? No, we do have a trainer that will start this coming weekend. I do in home sessions with both dogs. So yes, I'm very much looking forward to that. At this stage, he is unapologetic of how he is. I think there's childhood trauma that I pair with it if I try to really dig deep in why he is so overly cautious. But there's a deeper thing happening, I think. And look, I'm not, and you're going to be mad at me for saying this, maybe you already know, but I'm not a dog person. So, you know, take this with a grain of salt a little bit, I guess. But it does seem like he's putting that dog above you, the human. And that's the crux for me of the issue. Yes. And I've brought that up. He doesn't

see it that way. So that's why I'm seeking help of how to just bridge that conversation. Yeah. I think that, first of all, you have a legitimate reason to be discussing this with him. any avoidance of going to therapy is kind of inexcusable at this point in the world and in society it's not cool to not be open to that and if you're talking about having children with him and he's using this behavior with his dog you have every right to be concerned about it like yeah how are you going to have a future with this guy if he can't handle while his dog walking around the yard I mean I understand it's a special situation with the dog but like he's got to learn has some coping mechanisms. And yeah, childhood trauma is going to bite you in the ass. It doesn't

go away. It hurts you. It will come and get you. For all of us. Yes. For all of us. Even her unfertilized eggs, it's going to get. They're going to get the trauma. Yeah. And they're going to get dogs probably. And yeah, you've got to really impress that upon him. I mean, there's also a way, like when I say dog therapist, I mean like for the owner. The trainer's a great start and hopefully that will work but if it doesn't exhaust other possibilities try and get a dog therapist that can actually help a dog owner communicate with their dog help the dog because his anxiety is only leading to more dog anxiety the two are feeding off of each other so clearly and you can raise the concern obviously like you've already said with love about moving forward

in your life like this is actually becoming a concern for you and you want to figure out what to do about it. You have to kind of introduce that in a way like that is a non-negotiable for moving forward because the situation sounds like it's become untenable. It has. Yes. I mean, they've never been left alone together. Again, we've been together for over a year. The dogs have never been left alone in the house together. My parents have only met his dog a handful of times and we're together all of the time. So then it puts a barrier on our social outings because we each have to get back to separate homes with the dogs. At the same time, he could very well be moving for work as soon as six months. And we've already had that discussion that I would

be going with. So, hey, are we going to go from zero to 100 overnight? Like we need to start building this. And I just haven't had that action yet. Okay. Well, that's actually a great first action for you to take. I mean, you're on the right track. You sound pretty sensible, pretty logical yeah yeah yeah yes you should have that conversation with him for sure but i mean i think there are more how old is his dog will he die soon can you put him down when he's at work one day i know that's terrible i was only three guys got a long way to go oh my gosh oh my god and how old's your dog two oh shit okay okay yeah we're in it okay well i mean listen the trainer's gonna to come. If that doesn't work out, then that leads you to the next conversation. You've exhausted

that possibility. If it doesn't work out, hopefully it will. Then you can talk about a dog therapist or a real therapist. And what about a couple's therapist? Yeah. For the two of you, it's always helpful to have like a third party there who can say to his face, hey, this is a little bit unreasonable. And also there's no such thing as this is just who I am. Like people evolve. And if you guys are a couple you're going to have your own thing that you're going to have to figure out and if you have kids oh my god like everyone is forced to evolve he needs to get on board right that's what i said like our kids have to be able to fall down and get a scrape and you know build resiliency and find risk in that like how have your conversations gone thus far when this subject

comes up how deep have you gotten not incredibly deep i turn into a bit of a passive person when it comes into any conflict. And then I start to cry and then things get awkward. And so things come up regularly, but not in depth. No. Okay. Well, you need to work on that. You have to. Yeah. And you can't, it's not fair to cry whenever anything gets, when the conflict comes up because that puts the other person in a really not fair position. You know what I mean? Oh, absolutely. So you have to do that work for yourself as well and focus on that and just difficult conversations help unify people, not take them apart. And that's something to remember. Like when you have a challenging conversation, it's always an opportunity for growth. You don't

have to get scared and look away or avoid and be passive and all of that stuff. It's a good skill to practice and learn, and it's going to come in handy with all of these issues. So please start with this conversation. You know, it is a big concern. You called into us. You're obviously concerned. And the next step is to sit down with him and be like, we need to really address this. this is our first point and now if if the dog trainer works great after that this is the next step this is the plan of attack and we also have to work on communicating better because I feel like this dog is ruling my life and that's just silly and no matter what's going on with that dog it shouldn't be ruling your life exactly yes thank you for that confirmation oh yeah absolutely

yeah let us know what happens Nicole yeah yeah I will I will thank you guys so much bye Thanks, Nicole. All right. Bye. Thank you. How funny that we have the one guest that doesn't like dogs on our first dog question. It's not our first dog question, but we don't often get dog questions. It's like, move.

Get rid of that dog. No. No, no, no. I know. I kind of also was like, this dog sounds sickly. Maybe it will die soon. And that's part of why I wanted to have Monica for that question, because you're not overwhelmed by like, oh, my God, I totally get it.

I love that dog so much. But no, for me, it's like that's just indicative of a much deeper issue of he he's projecting all his anxiety onto this dog. It's going to go somewhere, even if the dog gets trained. Yeah, he's got to. Yeah. And that hypervigilance, you know, it's early days kind of because they've been together for a year. But like that hypervigilance will permeate everything like that's something I've been working on a ton in therapy, not constantly being worried about what's the next terrible thing that can happen. And hopefully, this dog trainer will help with some of that, just being like, hey, this is normal dog stuff. But also, they'll probably have to take a next step and see an actual therapist.

Yeah. I just hate people's resistance to therapy. It's just, it fucking drives me up a wall. That's still a thing? Yes, it's still a thing. Yes, how? I don't, because people are scared to tap into what is dark and ominous underneath them. Like, they don't want to revisit that.

They want to think that nothing in life has anything to do with that. Yep. Oh, my God. Yeah. I mean, just look at what happened to you, Chelsea. You're open and vulnerable and feeling things. Yeah, and I used to be shut off and closed down and angry. And I'm not anymore because I know how to deal with my emotions now.

Some people want to stay angry. Yeah. Well, they don't want to stay angry. They just don't want to go to that dark place and have to unearth it because it's not a pleasant experience. But it's a valuable experience and it will make you a much more well-rounded person. I almost emailed you a few months ago because I was looking for a new therapist. And when you were on our show, you were like raving about yours. And I was like, oh, I should ask Chelsea.

But then I found I found my. Oh, you did. I found an incredible therapist that I'm very happy with. But. Oh, good. Well, that's great. I mean, I had already been in therapy, but I was like, this isn't enough. I need more.

I need different. I went to my therapist yesterday and after we were done, he's like, OK, I'm leaving in 10 days. And I was like, I am, too. I won't be back until September. And he was like, OK, well, let me know if you want to connect before you leave. I'm like, we just fucking saw each other. This is it. This is goodbye for two months.

This is incremental. Like now I only use it for incremental stuff. You know, I'm going through a breakup. I need my therapist. I want to handle these emotions right. I don't want to fucking fast track anything. I want to do it the right way. And now I'm done with you.

So please, I'm not seeing you again. Also, my therapist, this is so great. I go to his house. We sit in his backyard. And there's a construction site inside his backyard. And I was like, wait, are you serious with a chainsaw going the entire time? And I'm like, Dan, are you inviting, like, please, people, customers, are you inviting patients over?

That's what I call my fans, customers, when they're at the show, the live show. I'm like, hello, customers. I'm like, Dan, you can't have therapy sessions when there's a fucking drill happening in your backyard. If I want to go to a construction site, I'll go to my own house and reflect in the reflection pond. Well, our next question, and this is kind of a touchy topic, but this comes from Julia. She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a college student. A couple months ago, I got really drunk and sat on a guy and kissed him. I vaguely also remember asking him if he wanted to have sex, to which he said no, obviously. This guy has since said everything is cool, he doesn't care about what happened.

However, my actions still haunt me, and this has become quite literally all I think about. I don't know why or how that happened. I'm assuming somehow in my drunken state, I thought that I was flirting, and since that point, I've never, ever gotten that drunk. I completely understand what I did was wrong, and I wanted to reach out for advice. I wanted to come to you specifically, Chelsea, because I know you've been caught up in a similar situation to which you inappropriately touched someone and meant no harm but nonetheless it still happened how do i deal with the shame of knowing this will always be part of my record

oh my god hi julia hi hi this is monica and that's katherine hi monica hi okay first of all you need to give yourself a break yeah all you did was i mean you kissed somebody and you were at a party and you were drunk. That is not anything to take to your grave to be shameful about. You made a mistake. That's okay. That's what human beings do. They make mistakes. And what was your interaction with him after the incident? I mean, after it, it kind of just was awkward, I guess. Like, I did apologize to him, which is one thing that I'm really happy that I did. But other than that, for some reason, it just really like sticks with me. I feel like a lot of people have told me like, it's okay, you can let it go. But

it's just, it's for some reason it has really stuck with me. Okay. You have got to give yourself a break. You are going to make mistakes in life. You did not hurt anybody. You did not murder somebody. You were inappropriate. That is not a offense that is unforgivable. And you apologized and took accountability. That's it. That's the end of that story. So you have to get past that because you're beating yourself up here and then this will become a pattern in your life. So you need to disrupt this pattern immediately and know that you just had a good time you're at a party and it's not like you did something that bad you know it was just unwelcome and of course it was awkward that's what being in what are you in your 20s is about awkward fuck-ups I mean come on

did you grow up in a household that made you feel really bad about everything you did I think so I feel like I come from also a very religious background so I think well that's the problem yeah that's the problem you can't you have so much shame that's been ingrained and it's not fair and it's not about you it's just in your body now so it's on you to like shed that because I don't can we even call it a mistake I'm having trouble even accepting this as a mistake yeah I mean I don't think it's that big of a deal it's like that would be hard for me to take seriously as like that's something I would make a joke about you know like it was a silly thing but Yeah, your shame is coming from your family dynamic and from your religious background.

And you have to get to a place where you understand that human beings make mistakes. And all you can do is be accountable for that mistake. And then afterwards, that mistake is over. There's nothing else for you to do. Yeah, and I think right now there is so much conversation around consent. And, of course, that's something that's so important. But there is also hooking up at parties. It's a thing that happens all of the time.

And of course, you have to take what he said, which is, hey, we're cool. It's fine. Don't worry about it. You have to take that at face value, you know, and I think there's some forgiveness of yourself that needs to happen. Yeah, I think for a very long time, I was kind of trying to put words in his mouth like you should feel really bad about this, like you should be mad at me. But I really agree with that.

I feel like I need to take it at face value and just say, like, this is what you told me that it's OK and I need to be OK with that. you also asked him you asked him if if you wanted to have sex and he said no and then that's that like that's i've had girlfriends who have done way more embarrassing things than that okay my girlfriend once had sex with a guy and as soon as they got undressed she said i love you can you imagine how she felt the next day when he told every fucking buddy that she told him she loved him because she was wasted and naked and said I love you and he was like oh my god I can't even fuck you now because what are you talking about and that that's shame okay that's

embarrassing so whenever you're dealing with something think about the more extreme versions of that you know you could have sat on his lap pulled your pants down or pulled your boobs out and really made an ass out of yourself you didn't do that you didn't do that you're sweet and you need to forgive yourself and watch a episode of girls gone wild to make yourself feel better God, exactly. And I think a good thing to remember is you don't want to go through life having no regrets. Like, what would you learn? What would you take away? If you look back and you're like, I did everything absolutely perfectly, exactly the way I wanted to do it. Like, first of all, just not possible. And secondly, like, that's how you grow and learn. You need

those moments. That I also agree with, too, because I think I also from the same background, And like, I feel like this is the first thing that I messed up on. And I think it's like a learning experience. And I feel like I'm going to start looking at it that way. Yes. Yes. Because there's going to be other things that you mess up on and you have to practice forgiveness for yourself.

There is, it's a such wasted time to beat yourself up and berate yourself. You know, you have to let it go. Just let it go. There's a book called Letting Go, but that's a big read. But yeah, use this as your first example and make this first time the last time that you go through this with yourself and your self kind of immolation of it yeah and if you do find that you can't get this out of your head that's when it's time to talk to somebody you know why does this keep being on spin cycle in my mind right well thank you so much for calling in give yourself

a break thank you guys yeah give yourself a break julia go out and have another experience with a guy as soon as you have your next experience that one's going to be forget if you know you're going forget about that anyway oh sweet oh that was like so virginal you know when i talked to her a couple like it was like maybe a month and a half ago when i first talked to her she was like fragile you know she was just absolutely destroyed and i was like you need to come on here and oh yeah you kissed a boy at a party and when he said no you stopped you know one thing i wish we had said i i didn't say oh great monica can we call her back she said in her in her letter he said no obviously and the fact that she wrote obviously means she

just had doesn't have any and I can relate like self-worth she's like obviously he didn't want to have sex with me it was crazy it was crazy that I even did that because oh I missed that part yeah shit maybe she'll listen now oh yeah she's still listening because she'll be on the podcast so yeah no obviously there you go that's your issue right there is that you don't believe that You're worthy of somebody being interested in you. That's why you feel shame, because you were rejected. And by the way, rejection is what makes us all fucking badass and strong. Bring it on is what I say about rejection.

I love that. Not too much. Not too much. Let's not overdose on that. Just like 15%. Yeah, or 10. Between 10 and 15, once a year. Behind every night spent making the kids' lunches, there's a lot of suspense.

Will they finally eat the veggies? Will the pesto survive the first bite? Will the lunchbox come home empty, half full, or come home at all? And will you finish episode eight before you're done slicing the cucumbers? Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus from $94 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell. Connection is everything.

When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced.

But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed.

From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages.

I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. If you know me, you know I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. So this podcast lets us uncover those things together through meaningful conversations with fascinating people. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. You have something in your guts. You go with it.

And Shawn Johnson recalled the moment she realized her now-husband, Andrew, was the one. He was just so unapologetically himself and knew nothing of Hollywood. He hadn't been on a plane before without his family. It was so pure. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Our town is small taters by most standards, right? But to the people who grew up here, it's everything. What happens when a quiet Tennessee town becomes the front line in a battle over the future of America?

Developers with right-wing ties have purchased hundreds of acres of land in the area. The first thing you see when it pops up is pioneers in Appalachia. But they weren't just planning houses. We need cities on a shining hill that exemplify and embody the Christian way of life. Stop right there. Is that normal? A podcast about what happens when a small town becomes the site of a social experiment. God made man to rule. Great. And decides to fight back.

Do not use my hard work to sell your bulls**t. They're not just opposing what's being planned for here. Our hometown is not a test tube. They feel like they're standing in opposition to an entire administration. Guess you didn't move in on a bunch of dumb hillbillies now, did you? Listen to Our Town on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, our next call comes from Marcus. He is one that I was talking about that maybe hasn't gotten away from home quickly enough.

He says, I did. Since then, I completed my master's degree online and have been working in my career since 2021. It's taboo in my family to move out either before marriage or before buying a house. I have two older siblings, 29 and 31, who both live at home as well. Although I work from home, I leave during the day and drive around or work from my office just to get away. I have expressed the desire to move out to my older siblings and family and am met with shame, discontent, and the conversation is shut down altogether my sister tells me to wait until she's married but i'm tired of living life this way i desperately want to go and a room opened up where my friend is

living just 15 minutes away i don't want to lose this opportunity but i know it will enrage my parents to go break their hearts and ultimately lead to a lot of chaos for everyone i'm not religious at all and i've had to suffer a lot from being brought up with such dogmatic people especially since i'm gay which i've not had this conversation with them yet i just want to live my life. So what do I do? Sincerely, Marcus. Hi, Marcus. Hey, thanks for having me. Oh, hi. This is Monica and Catherine. Nice to meet you guys. Hey, I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm always so amazed by people who are so respectful and nice to their parents. I'm just like, bye. I know. I know. I know. I agree. So what religion are you dealing with?

a Coptic Orthodox Christian. Oh, shit. I don't know enough about that. We don't know those words. It's a lot. Okay. So they want you to stay at home for when, until when? It's sort of like indefinite, I would say. It's just the norm to stay until you're either married or you have a house to yourself. But I don't think anyone's going to marry me while I live at home. And I don't see myself buying a house anytime soon. So I'm just floating around. And do you have a plan in place about having this kind of conversation with your parents? Because you definitely should move out. You need to have your own identity.

Yeah. So I've already kind of like broached it with my mom and she hung up on me and we haven't really spoken about it since. That's kind of the norm, I would say, like in my household, we don't really talk about things. So I don't know. I just feel like it's sort of like, don't even bring that conversation. It's not even a discussion. You know what I mean? And I know, Marcus, you mentioned that you feel like you have to be kind of a buffer for some of the family drama as well so that's part of what's keeping you back yeah it's sort of like i feel guilty abandoning them because there is so much like discordance in the house i just feel like no one really has like tools to navigate that except for me because like i'm the

only one that's like in therapy and stuff so i just feel kind of like bad leaving but at the same time it's like i feel like i should leave well i think you should leave too and i think that therapy, you can use that as a reason why you're leaving. Like you understand that the dysfunction in that household is unhealthy for you and that you have to remove yourself from that situation for your mental health. You know what I mean? And you are gay. You have to be true to who that is and true to yourself. And you have to go and live a life for yourself, not for your parents. You cannot live a life for your family or for your parents. And the sooner that you get out of there, the sooner that that's going to break open. And yeah, it might cause a lot of

chaos and a lot of disruption but you know what it's one step in the right direction because there is going to be a time and a place where your parents are going to have to accept that new reality and it's not going to happen while you're still living in their house yeah you're right i feel like i'm just kind of putting a band-aid on like a larger issue well you're prolonging your future like your destiny is waiting for you and you're putting it on hold because if you don't want to upset your parents and if you're going to live your life for your parents then then that's pointless and it's a sinking ship that you have to get off of if there's all kinds of turmoil and stuff there like remove yourself put your face mask on first and leave and then maybe it will

help maybe it will some of the other people in your family will be like wow he did this and maybe I could do something for myself too like you don't know the good it could cause also yeah you're right and you could go from being a buffer to being a safe harbor if you're not in the middle of everything if you become the sibling with a safe space that's outside of the house. Yeah. And I know it takes a lot of guts and courage. Like I know it's scary to make these kinds of moves, but they're life moves. I think in terms of the universe and energy and karma, when you really like stand up for yourself, you don't even know what's out there for you yet. You know what I mean? What, what rewards are out there for you? What relationships are

out there for you? What, what the domino effect will have on your brothers and your other family members. It could take a long time, but you could have a really positive impact on the entire family and their understanding of a broader world and not this kind of dogmatic, small thinking, narrow mindedness that you've grown up with. You know, any Orthodox religion is obviously very, very particular. And you're not just thinking about yourself. You're thinking about your family and then you're thinking about the whole world. Right. And you're going to be doing the world a service by being brave enough to face this situation and leave at whatever cost if your parents don't want to speak to you for a year then that fucking sucks but at least you're

being true to who you are and that is way more valuable than anything else yeah this is an alan on thing but like you can't fix other people we all think we can be the one to fix everyone around us and and we cannot and it can become totally all-consuming and so it is not your job to stay and make sure that the dynamic is is positive like you can't yeah I mean and it's not like I'm really making it positive anyways I'm sort of just like well if I'm here then it can't be terrible but it's not like I'm really helping anything in the first place no you're not you need courage you have to like get that courage it's inside of you take it and harness it and do make a move because what you're doing isn't courageous right now you're just being a

part of somebody's story you have to create your own story yeah because i have um an opportunity to move out with a friend that i have to respond to by this week oh you're going yeah you're going okay yes you're going you need to tell them that you're going today or call him or her today that yeah you're gonna oh it'll be so you gotta make this move you gotta make this move marcus smile yeah look yeah i know you're right now i was literally right before this i was like should I just start packing. Yes, you should. And you should say it's for your mental health that your parents just explain to them that you're in therapy. This is what's going to happen. I'm sorry if this is hurting you. I'm sorry if this is a disruption. But for me to be healthy, I have

to move out. Okay. And if they hang up, they hang up. That's not your job to call back. It's not like, yeah, let that be. Yes. Right. Yeah. And tell them you're a therapist. Dr. Handler. Yeah. I'm sure they're huge fans alright thanks Marcus let us know how it goes okay thank you thank you so much for having me thank you honey oh cutie pie

so cute orthotics ectopic pregnancy religion what is that I even had to look up orthodox christianity right ectopic orthodox christianity And Coptic Orthodox Christianity.

Fuck. That's too much. I mean, can you imagine living with your family and being like in that much of a buzzkill situation? Oh, my God. I mean, that's the definition of a buzzkill is an ectopic Christian Orthodox family. It's illegal in Texas. Well, we have one more question. This is just an email, but this comes from Jenna.

This is Jenna Bush. it's always Jennifer. She always does this. Always. Can't wait to advise her. I'm writing to you today to ask for your advice about how to navigate friendships throughout your 30s. I wish more people spoke about this specific time of life as I'm finding it to be quite challenging. I'm 33 years old, married, and we do not have kids. I'm in graduate studies and I'm just getting started in my new career. We have a cat and a dog that are like our babies and a nephew that we absolutely adore. I've always had a big, tight-knit group of friends, and we've shared so many amazing memories over the years, like camping weekends together, fitness dates,

parties, all that fun stuff. Over the past few years, a lot of my friends have had major life changes. Many are having kids now, and some of our closest friends have moved across or out of the country to chase their dreams. Everything feels like it's changed now. Everyone has different priorities, and many are not available to hang out the way we used to. It really bums me out. The friends who have kids I'm so happy for, but I have to admit that whenever I find out another friend is having a baby, a little part of me is sad because I know the friendship will be different now. I'm aware that this sounds so selfish, but I can't help but feel inadequate in conversations about kids, feel like my friends don't think I'm relatable anymore. As I get older, I feel increasingly uncomfortable in these group settings as everyone just talks about their kids. My husband and I maybe want kids later on.

However, we're both in care professions that are really emotionally heavy and are living with an enormous amount of student debt, so we definitely don't feel like we have the capacity to start a family right now. I can't help but feel so behind everyone else. At the same time, I'm happy and so grateful for what we do have, great health, great career prospects, and a really lovely relationship full of adventure and love. How can I get through all of these conversations about kids this next decade without feeling like an inadequate, unrelatable

asshole. All the best, Jenna. I know this. Yeah. You know, I think the most important, like when she says I'm unrelatable, just give your two cents. When people are talking about their kids, I'm sure

she has an opinion on it. I'm sure just because she doesn't have kids doesn't mean she doesn't know kids or is around them or have her own opinions. You can still share them whether or not you're in that club and I also think you can be the one to initiate conversations that are not about that I mean I feel really lucky in my friend group because everyone's married everyone has kids except me but it doesn't feel like that's the main focus like the kids are around but we talk

about other stuff but you can be the one to be like well how about those dodgers um yeah and also you don't have to look at the kids as an obstacle to a friendship like it doesn't have to be that way you can reframe your thinking and look at kids as an additive like it's a learning experience for you too look at all the stuff you can soak up by being around all your friends kids especially if you're one day maybe thinking about having them you're thinking about it all like in the negative way so it's kind of about just reframing your headspace and like looking at something like oh look this is a learning opportunity or oh look this is an interesting situation that i could get something out of even spending time with children like

whether you're into them or not like spending time with children is like illuminating it's so fun cool to hear their perspectives and see how they think and their unbesperched minds when a kid sees something for the first time or puts two and two together about something you're like oh shit I never looked at it that way you know so there there are a lot of advantages to having friends with kids and like they're probably fucking jealous of you that you don't have to deal with any of those responsibilities you and your husband have careers and I know you said you work in like serious kind of care situation but you still like don't have the responsibility of raising children and like that's also something to be celebrating enjoy your time being single without those

responsibilities enjoy your time together you and your husband your alone time you never know what the hell is going to happen in this world you never know how much time you have with somebody so instead of looking at the things that you don't have please start thinking about the things that you do have and out of gratitude things grow you know what I mean when you look around and you say thank you for all of this, more comes and you get abundance. And so I really just think it's your pattern of thinking that you can just easily switch around by reading, you know, a couple of decent books about spirituality and about recognizing the differences in other people are things that can draw you in, not push you away. You don't have to be like your friends

in order to be with your friends. I love that. Yes. And also like, it sounds like these friends might have babies at this moment even though she says kids it sounds recent they will get more interesting like what Chelsea's talking about like kids get funny you can laugh at them like when they start to get like three four or five they'll be a lot more entertaining to be around and some acceptance that just all relationships evolve so right now it's because of these kids but it would have been something else or it's going to be something else like you have to like be on that ride and just accept that things things change and for the better often yeah absolutely well jenna let us know bush i'm sorry you're going yeah jenna bush stop comparing yourself

to barbara yes comparison actually yeah yeah jenna has babies she has i think three and barbara just had her first one so this is probably barbara calling posing as jenna which is also fucking down on this podcast. These reindeer games. Yeah, yeah. I mean, those two fucking bitches. All right.

Well, we'll take a quick break and we'll be right back with Monica and Chelsea. Behind every night spent making the kids' lunches, there's a lot of suspense. Will they finally

eat the veggies? Will the pesto survive the first bite? Will the lunchbox come home empty, half full, or come home at all? And will you finish

episode eight before you're done slicing the cucumbers? Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus from $94 a month, price guaranteed for two years on Internet with a two-year term and auto-pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell. Connection is everything. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months.

I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed,

and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home.

This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table it's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters

and that is a trojan horse whether you're looking for literary deep dives smart pop culture conversations or a community of readers who love to think a little too much you're in the right place listen to pro society on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. If you know me, you know I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. So this podcast lets us uncover those things together through meaningful conversations with fascinating people. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out.

You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. You have something in your guts. You go with it. And Shawn Johnson recalled the moment she realized her now husband, Andrew, was the one. He was just so unapologetically himself and knew nothing of Hollywood.

He hadn't been on a plane before without his family. It was so pure. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Our town is small taters by most standards, right? But to the people who grew up here, it's everything. What happens when a quiet Tennessee town

becomes the front line in a battle over the future of America? Developers with right-wing ties have purchased hundreds of acres of land in the area. The first thing you see when it pops up is pioneers in Appalachia. But they weren't just planning houses. We need cities on a shining hill that exemplify and embody the Christian way of life.

Stop right there. Is that normal? A podcast about what happens when a small town becomes the site of a social experiment. God need men to rule. Great. And decides to fight back. Do not use my hard work to sell your bulls**t. They're not just opposing what's being planned for here. Our hometown is not a test tube. They feel like they're standing in opposition to an entire administration.

Guess you didn't move in on a bunch of dumb hillbillies now, did you? Listen to Our Town on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. We're back. And Monica, now, is there any advice that you'd like to ask for from Chelsea? So many things. Oh, my God. Everything.

No, I do. I do want to ask you about and I think I'm sure you've covered this a ton on this show, but grief, because you I feel like you've done such a beautiful job of processing yours. And I just wonder, like, when you lose something, somebody, a relationship, a person, does that ever really heal? Does that ever really go away? Or do you have to just feel that for the rest of your life and accept it? And like, no, that's a piece of me forever. I think both things can be true. Who did you lose? There's just been some friendship dynamic changes.

Oh, OK. So people, you're not losing someone to death. No, no. no, no. And I think grief can come in all these different forms and due to all these different things. And it's like, huh, is this is this is something that I'm just going to be like holding for a long time? Yeah, I have a lot of friendships that have ended and it is something that you hold. It depends on the friendship, obviously, to what degree. Yeah. But healing does come into place. You know what I mean? There is an amount of time that makes everything less

acute yeah when your feelings are hurt especially and i think the thing that is the key to healing is to give out love yeah you know what i mean to give out love and forgiveness no matter what the circumstances are whether who is right or wrong just to send love to that person whether you do it through meditation or prayer or whatever the fuck you're into positive vibes like it's important to forgive people because holding on to that is a crusty notion and that can embed itself into yourself and become a very toxic quality to be mad at people. So when things change, you have to just accept that things are changing and it can be very painful. I've had some very painful friendship endings that have taken me years to get past, but yes, it always be a part of you,

but it will run you, you know, the healing and like understanding that people are there at certain parts of your life in certain ways and it's not permanent you know that's the heart for me that's such because i i i need so much safety like i have grown up like that with a lot of fear so i'm just always searching for safety so when there's proof in the world that it's not safe i just like can't handle i have a hard time handling that yeah i get that a lot i get that and but that's also you're trying to guarantee the unknown right and that's a futile exercise what is a sagacious way to be is to be okay with the unknown to have something that like a left you know a curveball come your way that you're not expecting that is gutting and be like okay I don't want to have to

deal with this I don't like this it doesn't make me feel good but I I can deal with this yeah and And to work through it and to feel the feelings, like not to ignore them or pretend they don't exist or posture or anything, but to be real with yourself is a real gift. And, you know, pain does subside, you know, even like if somebody dies, it feels like it'll never go away. And yeah, that person is always, always going to be gone. But it really depends on how you reframe your thinking about that. Yeah.

And over time, you get a healthier relationship with the loss. That's, that's, that's good to hear. I feel like there's so much control. you know there's like such a need for control in general for me anyway and that's such a huge piece of it like all these things you can't control but you're trying to control and every it's all it is all temporary i guess yeah i hope that helps monica yeah it does it does thank you chelsea we loved having you as part of the podcast today thank you so much for coming to the valley thank oh my god i love the valley yeah there's a california chicken cafe right right around the

corner just in case you were wondering i love it i saw that i was like oh i love those pita chips And then I thought about going inside and standing in line. I was like, not that much. I was like, wait, who? Casey? Carla? Someone? Get me a California chicken.

Thank you, Monica. Thank you so much. That was great to have you on. It was really lovely. Thank you, Catherine. And what's your new podcast called? It's called Race to 35. Race to 35.

This is where they are going to fertilize their eggs and give us a day-by-day play. Play-by-play. A day-by-day play-by-play. And then, of course, Armchair Expert, right? Armchair Expert. Yeah. On Spotify. On Spotify.

And thank you, Spotify, for giving us the gift of Monica Padman and to Christina Dux. Yes. Thank you. So if you'd like advice from Chelsea, just send us an email at dearchelseaproject at gmail.com. Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeartRadio. Executive produced by Nick Stumpf. Produced by Catherine Law and edited and engineered by Brad Dickert. i survived nine months in captivity and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive

what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced these are stories about what it takes to make it out alive listen to the Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first.

I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook. Each week, we talk to someone in show business

and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, Adam Scott, Danny McBride, Ben Stiller, and a lot of other big shots

that wouldn't be where they are without us. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat

for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Nick Turturro. You probably know me from NYPD Blue, The Longest Yard, or Spike Lee's Black Klansman. And on my new podcast, Delivering Happiness with Nick Turturro, I deliver pizza to a new guest. I've shared a slice with everyone, from Seth Rollins.

What are you doing with my belt? To Bill Burr. I don't think I've ever met somebody so exactly out of their mind as I am. And now, we even have more great guests coming up, including the great John Turturro. It's called happiness. Delivering happiness. And many, many more. Open your free iHeartRadio app, search Delivering Happiness with Nick Turturro, and listen now.

This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.