Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - Hot Secrets with Ilana Glazer

Episode Date: January 6, 2022

Ilana Glazer is in the studio this week, chatting with Chelsea about real pregnancies coinciding with fictional ones, secretly-swapped sperm, and how the patriarchy influences every facet of our lives. Then: A med student must choose between his best friend and his boyfriend. An adoptive mother struggles to take a compliment.  And a stay-at-home mom hides the way she spends her days from everyone she loves. *Executive Producer Nick StumpfProduced by Catherine LawEdited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert*****The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.  Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human. Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus from $94 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell. Connection is everything. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors

who lived through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality,

welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the Internet and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators and plenty of overthought opinions. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Did you hear the new episode of the Hey Jonas podcast? We are at D23, so we'll see who stops by. The cast of Frozen stopped by.

Kristen Bell, Josh Gad, and Idina Menzel. I auditioned for Frozen. What? For Kristoff. They said, okay, what are you going to be singing today? I said, I don't know. That must have been why you didn't get it. Well, you probably won.

Plus, John Stamos, Hayden Christensen from Star Wars, and more. And I guess I can share that, uh... No way. Listen to the latest episode of Hey Jonas on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport and Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook. Each week, we talk to someone in show business and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us.

Everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, Adam Scott, Danny McBride, Ben Stiller, and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, Happy New Year, Catherine. Happy New Year, Chelsea. It's the new year, you guys. It's the new year.

It is. I mean, are we allowed to like look forward to this new year? I feel like we had a lot of kerfuffle the last couple of years when we were like, it's 2020. It's going to be so exciting. I saw something on Instagram where I saw somebody saying like, walk into 2022 with your eyes open and don't touch anything that you see like you're walking into an antique store. And I was like, oh, that's apropos or apt, I should say.

Yeah. it is a new year and it's an exciting time to be alive it can't be fucking like last year that that much we know for sure right so uh there are vaccines yes there's an omicron variant spreading but there are vaccines people and they're available to you they are non-discriminatory you can get a vaccine so if you can get one do it please that's amazing and are you based in whistler now you're just like hanging out skiing right now yes i am hanging out skiing and i am basing myself out of Whistler so I can catch my breath from performing every weekend and I have a lighter schedule and I am excited. Yeah, I'm excited to get the party started. You know what

I mean? The skiing party that is. Amazing. My guest for today, you know her from Broad City and her standup special, The Planet is Burning, which is available on Amazon and from her voter empowerment work with her organization Generator, which is how she and I really got together actually she is also the star the creator and star of false positive which is a movie on hulu it is a thriller horror about childbirth and they filmed it a couple years ago but this just came out this summer and wow ironically she was pregnant with her first baby so my guest today is alana glazier yay welcome alana i'm going to correct you and say it's glazer oh fuck that's Okay.

Alana Glazer. Glazer is like a sort of somebody who works with glass, and Glazer is this guy. Okay. And I want you to know that my last name is actually Handjob. And everyone's been pronouncing that wrong as well. Alana Glazer. That's it. I'm glad you corrected me.

I do that with Charlize Theron all the time, who's a very close friend of mine, and she gives me shit about mispronouncing her name all the time. Her first or last. I mean, they're both a little nuanced. And I told her. I go, I don't even think you're pronouncing it right. You know what I mean? That's how I feel about Australian accents.

They don't know what the accent is. Exactly. That's how I feel about Australians. They're like, where are we? No. Yeah. No. I was trying to get that Australian no for a long time because I was doing this imitation

of an Australian pilot in my standup. And then I had to toss it because I couldn't get the no. Yeah. Because it's like no, no. It's N-A-U-R is how the youths are spelling it on the internet. Oh, is that it? It's rough. Like, my fucking voice is so great.

Well, yeah, I like your voice. It's soothing. You should do one of those meditation apps. Ooh, I'd love it. Just for Jews only. The last time I saw you, we were at my show in the Beacon. You came so kindly. I loved seeing you there.

That was just lit and so empowering. Of course, I missed the night before Sarah Silverman and Amy Schumer. And Sarah Cooper, you had a damn lineup, girl. Oh, yeah, that was fun. The only person we were missing was you, but you were sick and you were being responsible. That's right. Because it was one of those, every time we get sick,

it's a COVID scare thing, so we have to be. Even just a little flair. I was thinking about an awesome 50th birthday party that I missed recently because I was a little run down, and I was like, fuck. But you got to do it. It's always been gross to show up somewhere a little sick, but now it's disgusting and wrong.

Now it is disgusting and wrong. And we were together on that night. We went out to dinner with Mateo Lane. And yeah, I was on my 30-day alcohol cleanse. So I got to break my 30-day alcohol cleanse with Alana Glazer. And I had an Aperol Spritz. Who knew that sentence would ever come out of my mouth? A, that I was on an alcohol cleanse.

And B, that I broke it with an Aperol Spritz. That's so funny. I mean, I'm basically like a soccer mom at this point. You're a mother, though, at this point. Yeah, I am a, what are you in the city, is a walk-up mom. Just stairs and stairs and stairs in the city. Oh, right. I'm just like, how long can this last?

I don't know, Chelsea. Handjob. I don't know. The good thing is that, like, as long as my form is good, life is a hardcore workout in New York City with a baby. So I'm feeling fit and strong, but I'm also like, it's just insane here. It's just insane. I've been here 16 years and what a crazy, it's just changed.

The city is so insane. And it's like the microcosm of everything. Insanity. Do you think it's wearing you thin or are you saying that you love it? How are you feeling? I mean, both. I love it and I hate it. I mean, like, I love it, but I'm also just like, oh, what?

You know, the high rises, the rats are full citizens in New York City. It's bunkers. In LA, they're crazy. There are rats in L.A. and they are possums in L.A. Yeah, they're large. That is scary shit. Yeah. I was staying in L.A. for like five months last year.

And whenever I'm in L.A., I'm haunted by ghosts. I have like environmental issues and animal issues. And something always is like happening. And the rats were like full woodworking in the walls of the places I was staying. Oh, my God. It was building furniture. It was insane. Wow.

Were you staying at a hostel? I was staying at a totally lovely house in Laurel Canyon. But they were like, oh, yeah, Laurel Canyon, the nicest place. Yeah, infested with rats. I was like, this place is, I mean, L.A. is so itself and its contradictions. But in New York, they're smaller and more cerebral, at least. I can handle them. More cerebral.

That's a good way to put it. Yeah. Yeah. Joe and I went to this morning. We're doing this out of New York City today. Joe and I went to because he had to get his TCA renewed, TSA, to move quicker at the airport. He didn't get his renewed, so you could get pre-check or whatever it is. TSA pre-check, TCA, or the Critics' Choice Association, so that's exactly what I was

talking about. Anyway, we had to go there and get that done, and we went in. Well, we had an appointment, but it was in the Bronx, and I said, let's just walk in. We walk in. From where? Walk-in? Oh, walk-in, walk-in. Like a walk-in, some post office around the corner.

We walk in, we put his name in, and then we go to check and see how long it is, and they say it's going to be two hours and we were waiting in the room and the woman's like okay well you can't wait inside if you're a walk-in and like we had been waiting for 30 minutes I go but we've been here the whole time she goes yeah but appointments only are allowed to wait inside and we were masked up obviously and I said okay so we have to now go outside because I asked you how long it was gonna be and she goes yes so we leave we go get we go get pedicures together one of my favorite activities to do with my boyfriend and we came back and she's like all appointments have been canceled i was like what the fucking kind of customer service is this oh my god it's

like not that i ever have intellectual references but it's like edward albee play you know like waiting for godot and no exit it's the two references i have from college i don't know shit but it's just like you're in a loop and it's like an absurdist play and that's what bureaucracy in new york yeah and the logic behind it is like these people have an appointment so they can wait in the waiting room but you can't because you're a walk-in appointment it's like okay a little uh dr susie yeah the logic is like really anyway okay can i say two things t tcas you just won a critics choice award for evolution right i well thank you no i won one for best comedy to our people's choice award yeah but same thing right congratulations thanks well the people

i mean that's that's even better no offense than the critics oh well for me it's all about the people yeah i can't be performing for critics we know that you know that right yeah but congratulations thank you honey thank you all of your wins is so inspiring i love them uh well i feel the same way about you speaking of which i was a little much i think to joe i was like joe joe coy oh like i'm just so excited about your guys love i love it nothing's too much for him he is the king of enthusiasm so don't even ever get it twisted i want to talk more specifically about your movie false positive oh love it so let's talk a little bit about that and why that was important for you to make because i know that was close to your heart right yeah i mean that was

like a I can't even believe it got made it was such a like fucked up passion project from like my core so I'm actually I'm stoked about it and I'm stoked you want to talk about it yeah so you were involved obviously in the creative process from the outset yeah I wrote that with my writing partner for that film John Lee so we wrote that script and then I started it and he directed it so it was like similar to Broad City in that it was like something that I saw from conception to birth. No pun intended, because it's all about birth and conceiving. So, yeah, it's a very white punk and satirical and weird and unique. And what were the most important themes like when you were very passionate? First of all, how long did it take you from the start of conceptualizing

it to actually executing it? Gosh, what year is it? My brain is so broken. I know. Well, you have mommy brain now. You can blame that and COVID and New York City. I blame Instagram, actually um i just play on instagram my brain is leaking out my ears every time i open instagram it's just brain diarrhea out of my ears what about when you mindlessly go on tiktok and then it plays it at full volume even when you have it down on instagram if you go on tiktok everyone around you knows that you're on tiktok i'm on tiktok oh yeah yeah you're making tiktoks yeah i make them once in a while but i don't have like a social media person i have a coordinator and producer who helps me but it's not like I like have a dedicated social media person if I did

they're fun you know it's fun to make little things and and it's a fun creative outlet but like I can barely handle it on my own so I make just stupid ones randomly I'm not I haven't invested a whole thing in it yeah I have a social media team because I can't be I can't I feel that that way about you I need somebody to get excited for me and then I can produce the content I'm not even produce it I can show up and record it right that's like somewhere I want to get to in 2022 to is just have that because it's fun and it does reach people. You know, it feels good as a fan to like see your stuff and be like, hey, Chelsea, you know, I want to get there. But yeah, my shit's leaking out my ears. So the question was, how long did it take you from the inception of False

Positive to actually seeing it come to fruition? I would say five years from starting to talk about it with John Lee to three years from writing it to the point of putting it out. And it's about the power structures that run the world and how they fuck over women and that happens in medicine that happens of course on a spectrum from black to asian to white to queer you know there's this algorithm in the power structures that fucks people over to different degrees so it's about this white woman in new york city who's trying to get pregnant she and her husband are trying to get pregnant and the medical system specifically the reproductive medical system fucks her over in a scary way that truly happens because the movie is out. I'm going to tell you about it. There is a

phenomenon that is pretty rampant and increasingly being exposed where some fertility doctors put their own sperm in their unwitting patients. And because, yes, Catherine, thank you for that look. I'm like horrified over here. Yes. Because of the way the world works is that the policymakers protect people. And if the policymakers all look like Mitch McConnell, the only people protected are Mitch McConnell. So it's technically legal. So some lawsuits have happened for it, but it's been for other shit. They have to name it as another thing. There's so little research about women and reproductive health, and there's so little legal protection, obviously. So it's like a horror movie that's like a satire about like the whiteness and the New Yorkness. And here in New

York we think we're so progressive but damn are we pretty backwards in a lot of ways you know like income disparity alone tells you how backwards a place is and you know there's the richest people here and the poorest people here so uh New York can be whack in that way too so it's a pretty amazing cast Pierce Brosnan is our villain yeah Pierce Brosnan is awesome in this movie first of all I fucking love Pierce Brosnan isn't he just the sexiest man alive every year fuck Paul Rudd Like, Pierce Brosnan is the sexiest man alive, and he always has been. And always has been because, like, the reason that he remains Pierce Brosnan is because he is a gentleman. You're, like, giggling and blushing.

A gentleman and an artist and just a cool dude. He's, like, gone through a bunch of shit, survived it with immediately visible elegance, and is just awesome to work with. He is awesome to work with. Oh, my gosh. I'm going to tell you this story. So there's this shot. Oh, my goodness. I am giggling and blushing. There's this like any other schoolgirl crush. There's this shot in the film where I'm like, it's this real like stylized shot and I'm covered in blood, buck naked. And I look at myself in the mirror clothed and buck naked and clothed and naked. And I talked to Pierce on the phone to like talk about getting him to do the movie and talking about the movie or whatever. But the first time that I met him in person was covered in blood, fully naked. Oh, really? Excellent. On set? Yes. I was like, bring him in. And that's how I met him. Oh, my God. I was like, I think this will be this is the closest I'll ever get. So here you go. I

was just I was like, this is this is me. I was I was covered in fake blood, which is almost like cherry syrup. So it was a little demure and probably very erotic for him. I hope. I mean, that's all we can do is hope. Now, when you sold this movie based on like the subject matter and everything, was that difficult to sell or did you just sell? It's on Hulu, right? Yeah. We went straight to A24 and they dug it. They're like pretty they're keen. Right. Yeah. Right. They dug it and they were like, OK, let's do this. Yeah. And we shaped the story with them to to it became that style. We always were aiming at that kind of satire and the tone that it evokes. They're great producers. They helped us like shape it, shape this world. And what has it and what has the feedback been? Have you heard from a lot of different women now about watching that movie and their own experiences? Yes, it is really eerie how many people like even just in talking about the movie, how they have had similar experiences, discovered that this has happened to them. So many people have told me that this has happened to them, that that's who their father is, is their doctor. Riffs with their mothers who didn't tell them.

I think I imagine the mothers are like bound in a way where they're like, did I do this? I kind of knew it afterwards. I kind of put the pieces together. You know, it's it's so. So doctors opting to forego the semen that they've been supplied with and instead inseminate their own semen into their own patients. Yeah. So this is a thing that is happening. Yes.

Is it because they like ran out of college student semen or they're just like monsters? It's because they're monsters. Yeah. Since when does a man help when you run out of something? No. since when does college semen run out plenty of that greater point better point and it's free so no it's because they're monsters and i guess the people in this position tend to be white males but i i can't help but it feels connected to white supremacy too they're like believe me

my sperm is primo it's like i don't think so bro i don't think so i think the hardest thing for a lot of people to get around and i'm sure all of our listeners are on the same page because we have such a loyal fan base and I think the hardest thing to get around it's like whenever I mention anything like everything to me is goes right back to white supremacy like everything in society even regular common everyday things that happen you're like oh there's white supremacy at work and Joe's always like oh my god oh my god I'm like you are a victim of white supremacy so you should actually be even more attuned to this the thing is as white people like the wool has been pulled over our eyes the most because we're the ones meant to uphold the whole system so

I find that like as a white person and as a white woman it's like I'm like working on this bit of like I can't unsee the patriarchy I see it everywhere I see it in you know utensils and tips and the way people you know it's like it is everywhere but it's because we haven't been thrust upon the system hasn't been thrust upon us in a particular way to see it as kids right you know what I mean like there's this awesome New York representative Chi Osei in Brooklyn who's third generation Brooklyn. And he's like 23. He is amazing. This young person is filled with light, totally sees the whole system and how to navigate through it, is a politician. He's amazing, an activist turned politician. And I was like, Mr. Osei, how do you see the whole system this way?

And he was like, it's because I'm Black. Because at a young age, I knew as a Black person in a black family in a black community what the system was doing you know but for us to be like and then and then it comes later now it's like uh i i feel a delayed response where it started when i left home basically smithtown phil lives in the town that i grew up in oh cute which is cute connection i mean a real ass authentic connection behind the scenes here at Chelsea Handjob Productions you know but you come up against it everywhere and we do need to be reminding ourselves or else it's harder to stay like fucking willful against it yeah yeah especially I mean it is hard because it becomes such a it's it feels like you're always arguing

you know like you're always cantankerous and you are arguing and it's like and it's a necessary argument to be constantly reminding it's a bummer but it's also necessary to be constantly reminding yourself and others around you to look and see like through this through this lens of like the real reality of things even growing up you know when I look back at the way how bombastic and arrogant I was at a young age everyone just thought I had so much confidence and I was so fearless it was like no I just had grown up in a structure where I knew I could be the loudest and there was we're going to be no repercussions did you grow up with Jews yeah Jews and Italians which are basically interchangeable but it was very Jewish very Italian where I grew up where

in jersey livingston oh gotcha which they called bagel hill for short um on that note we have this podcast is where we give advice we have real people who call in and we're just going to give our advice and hopefully these are areas that you feel comfortable giving advice in which i know you will love it and um yeah so katherine should we start with our callers yes we'll have to take a quick break but after that we'll get to some callers oh yes we always have to take a quick break don't forget about that get bell pure fiber internet with crave netflix and disney plus from 94 a month price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit visit bell.ca for details and to check availability bell connection is everything

when i was 14 years old i was kidnapped and held captive for nine months i survived and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying

shut up, don't say anything. Every week I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that There was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming.

They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home this is prose society the weekly podcast that's part book club part group chat for thought daughters pop culture obsessives and anyone who thinks pride and prejudice and

love island deserve the same level of discourse i'm eli rallo and every week we're connecting the dots between books the internet and the conversations everyone can't stop having i'm gonna have to look up this story i'm obsessed i'm obsessed from best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments nothing is off the table it's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters and that is a trojan horse whether you're looking for literary deep dives smart pop culture conversations or a community of readers who love to think a little too much you're in the right place listen to pro society on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts see you between the pages

On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it.

It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network. Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners.

Each week, we talk to someone in show business, a.k.a. the biz, and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time, and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. we've had a lot of great guests like sarah sherman not that great actually can you help me can you help me shape this yeah how about we flip it on his head okay how about we flip the script okay what is the surprise woman who actually you think is the straight man is actually the one who's acting weird adam scott this entire time you've been expecting adam sandler to come to visit the

show i i would never let go of that i have i would never set expectations for something like that seems like if the universe allows for something like that to happen i'm open to it i'm always going to accept you know danny mcbride fine yeah it's all this fragile masculinity exuding i could smell it walking down the hallway to be honest with you i was like is that weed nope it's fragile masculinity ben stiller no because a lot of times in out of context people don't get it or even know what a circle is you know what i mean like you're like oh what's this everyone's so dumb and fake right fake and and also not interested or just like oh i've got my life i don't care about your life and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are

without us oh and by the way will ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a on every episode, but he's just so busy. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, and we're back. We're back with Alana Glazer, and we're going to take some callers, right, Catherine? Yes, we are.

Our first submission is actually an email, but we actually have two callers today. So our first email comes from Natalie. The subject is secret job. Dear Chelsea, I'm a 46-year-old woman who has a great husband, two amazing, smart, well-rounded kids, and I live a quiet, content life. My problem is before I had kids, I had a very active work life. We're filled with responsibilities and promise. We lived in a large city and I felt like I was going places career

wise. When our first son was born, I never really went back to work because my husband's job was very demanding and unpredictable and we had no easy childcare options. 14 years and a year of COVID later, I realized I wanted to start doing something outside of the house. Pre-COVID, I volunteered, so I decided to get a job as a school bus driver. Here's the thing, Chelsea, I've been doing it for a year and none of my family or friends know I have this job. I really enjoy it. I love the kids. Driving the bus is never boring and it's only three hours a day, but I've kept it a secret because I feel that people will look down on me like I couldn't get anything better or that I'm lazy. All my friends have fast-paced city jobs, but no kids.

I'm an educated woman, and I don't know why I care what people think. I guess I could go on and get a better job, but being out of the job market for so long, I feel I've been left behind. Also, my husband has a six-week holiday every year, and my family's time off together is very important to us. So I guess I want your opinion. Am I being dishonest with myself about keeping this job a secret and pretending to still just be a stay-at-home mom natalie oh god first of all you need to embrace the fact that you're driving a bus and you fucking love it i love natalie i love natalie too yes i am loving this and also how hard how hard to keep it a secret bitch i'm loving it i'm loving it i know and also like her self-awareness i i hate the stigmas and shit

that's like weighing her down but i'm like i get it but oh i'm loving it yeah first of all you need to embrace the fact that you got that job and that you love it and that first of all you're having a great impact on children a you like what you're doing b and then the third thing is you're it's part-time so you're able to do everything else that you feel like you need to do which is parent you know not as much as you were doing when they were younger it's not as intensive and and you're earning a living like this is a home run all of this yeah I'm like yes I'm like you are not keeping this from your family you're keeping this for yourself it is yours take it Natalie yes also dare I say if you'd like use that money for therapy to look at why you have

the shame because therapy is fun that's just I just love therapy yeah and I don't think driving a bus is beneath anybody I think if you look at it first of all you don't even need this job so that it's not like it's the only job you could get you chose this job that's right and you're doing something that is having a positive impact on your community which is a number one the most important thing any of us can do as individuals especially in this fucking country you know where people are all over the map and so divisive and hate each other you know this is a great use of your time and you should own it and embrace it and when you want to share it with everybody do it proudly that's right yes everyone loves a bus driver as a kid like i was obsessed with my bus

driver that's amazing i love that like a brilliant mom is like taking care of these kids and you're like these days a frontline worker really that you're that's so important to get these kids to school oh that's so fun and you also don't know natalie how many people you're going to inspire by telling telling the world how much fun you're having and and owning it instead of being shameful about it flip the script on that just be like yeah i'm cool enough to do this and be confident and secure enough that I don't have to make excuses for having a job that only you in your mind are judging as not good enough or not making enough money. This is a great way to contribute while also making a living. So good on you. And yeah, spread the word when, when you feel

comfortable. I think you should have done it yesterday, but that's my opinion, you know, just spread it, spread the gospel to other people so they can know that like, yeah, it's not all about how much money you're making. And especially when you don't need that kind of income to supplement your household i know i just think it's lovely and a lot of like retirees do bus driving you know it's just fun to get your own kids she's having a great time i think when it's time for you to tell your personal community about it it's interesting that you wanted to keep it from them that's what i mean about the therapy just because it's it doesn't have to be therapy but just looking at that is interesting yeah problem solved it sounds like natalie so i guess

there was no problem to begin with. I mean, we love these kinds of calls. It's just positive affirmations and then skedaddle. Yeah. I could see you driving a bus. That sounds fun. I can't. Sorry. I don't know that I can't operate a vehicle. I don't know that I would trust myself. But I'd be like, whoa, whoa, whoa. I would be like a little too anxious for it. So props to Natalie also on operating an enormous, like what, seven ton piece of machinery. That's important for a woman and a mom to do that's a pretty specific tonnage reference by the way seven tons right off the bat she knows how much a bus weighs pretty interesting it's just just throwing it out there so many talents well our next email comes from bryson and he is calling

in he says dear chelsea i'm a 29 year old medical student from south carolina i've been in a relationship with an amazing man for a year and a half now he's the sweetest most caring person i've ever met and i'm so thankful for him however my boyfriend and best friend of 10 years have become enemies when meeting her for the first time in orlando over new years boyfriend said something negative about her and she overheard it a horrible argument broke out and made the rest of the trip incredibly awkward a couple weeks later i found out that she had uninvited him to her wedding i was supposed to be the man of honor but my boyfriend was not allowed to attend i ended up going to the wedding but since then things have not been the same. We've been through therapy over

this situation and I've not been able to salvage the relationship between the two of them. My boyfriend absolutely wants nothing to do with her and has threatened to end our relationship if she remains a part of my life. My best friend thinks he's controlling and quote horrible. Is it possible to fix this so I can have both my boyfriend and my best friend Bryson? What a love friendship triangle oh that's hard hi Bryson hi hi how are you I'm good so excited to see you guys oh thanks we're happy to be here to help you navigate yes tough okay so tell us what happened so it's your best friend and your boyfriend exactly yeah so we get there and she starts making some like kind of racist comments at the beginning unfortunately and he's biracial so like

really sensitive to any kind of stuff like that so like we're going into a walmart and she talked about how like oh there's always these black people hanging out outside of the walmart and it makes her nervous so like already that's not a great way to start and then like this is new year's eve so like we're all having this party at her house and we're talking about relationships and she says something like well you guys have only been together for like 20 minutes we've been together for almost a year at that point and then like as the night got on he and I were having what we thought was a private conversation he shared with me like I can't believe how rude she is like somebody needs to put her in her place and I'm glad we don't live near her and turns out she was

in the bedroom and heard everything that we said so she comes like storming out of the house and you know blows up at him like I heard everything you said just erupts then they have this like amazing conversation she's crying saying like you know she's not a racist person you know she and him don't have to necessarily be friends but because she loves me and he loves me like they need to get along everything's fine the next like three days of our trip are great a couple weeks later is her bachelorette party and she tells me on the trip he's not invited to the wedding anymore which came like a complete like out of nowhere like why you guys just have this awesome. You know, you made up like, why would you do this? So she blamed it on COVID so that

no one in her bridal party is having their partners or whatever. And it's like, okay, well, fine. I can get that. So we get to the wedding. Of course, everyone in the bridal party has a partner. So she lied to me about that. So I was hurt immediately. I was her man of honor. So like, I had an amazing speech, you know, and I was there standing right next to her throughout the whole wedding. And afterwards, I just kind of cut ties. More and more time went by and like we started therapy over this. And what we decided through therapy was that I need to start pulling away from this relationship. Like I need to cut contact in order to salvage what I have with him. And I have a really hard time with that. I really struggle cutting ties with people. And

and so we went about two months without speaking. And then she finally reached out. And I guess because I had, you know, wanted to talk to her for so long. Like when she reached out, I kind of reverted back. Like it was just like nothing had changed now, but still had him over here who was hurting really badly knowing that I was having these conversations with her because in his eyes, it's like, you know, you're, you don't have my back. So where it stands now, we haven't spoken since September. We've been best friends for 10 years. We used to speaking like every day. And it's been really hard because like, I'm at a really great point in my life. I'm about to graduate medical school. Like I'm interviewing at all these programs and I want to share all

these experiences with her. And she just bought a house and I want to hear about her married life and the survivor finales tonight. And we love that. So that's something we always talk about. So, you know, just not having that in my life has been really hard. So I'm just not sure how to have both of those. Yeah. You're not the only person. A lot of people have a problem cutting off ties, have a problem with conflicts, confrontation. So that's not uncommon, in. But can I just ask you about your relationship with your partner? Would you describe it as a healthy relationship? Does he treat you well? Does he respect you? All of those things. He's the most amazing person I've ever met. Like I've dated some scumbags in the past few years.

And once he came into the picture, everyone's like, finally, my family loves him. You know, everybody in my life loves him except for her. Yeah. So I'll go first. I think that your friend sounds like she's got some, A, jealousy issues about your relationship with him. And then B, She's got her own issues. If she's making comments like that, walking into Walgreens or, you know, commenting about black people like for you to have a tolerance of that is kind of what you have to just that's your baseline, right? Are you going to be tolerant of that kind of behavior? That's the perfect reasoning for you to give somebody the room they need with a nice like email as your last outreach to her saying this is a person in my life that is so important to me. This is the best relationship, the healthiest relationship I've ever been in. I hope that at a certain point in your life that you will come around to recognize how valuable he is to me and how valuable your friendship is, too. But I'm being forced now to make a choice between the two of you because of her behavior.

It doesn't sound like your partner did anything to warrant her acting like this. she threw it in your not only did she make that comment walking in with somebody who's biracial that comment's not acceptable if you're around a bunch of white people never mind if you're around somebody who's not white you know what I mean and then also what she did to you at her wedding by disinviting him and then showing up that's a real fuck you that's a fuck you to you you know and so your hesitancy about having a confrontation or losing someone when somebody like like that is in your life and kind of just attracting so much negativity you're used to that that's a habit for you that you're okay with and you shouldn't be really you should have a higher standard of

operation between your friends and what's acceptable to say and what's not because regardless of whether you're with this guy or not right she shouldn't be talking about black people like that i mean are you okay with that no certainly not you've gotten away with it for so long like saying these off-the-cuff comments and you know I don't think she's a racist person but you know it's not even okay to like say joking things yeah and you can put that in the letter you can write her this email and saying all of the things that you value about your relationship and here's where you've crossed the line and I would be willing to forgive you if you would be able to come to the table and actually say I've done some work on myself I'm ready to actually act like in concert in this

relationship so it's not uneven and one-sided and where she's willing to embrace your partner and also owe him a heartfelt apology she owes him a heartfelt apology not not just saying oh yeah whatever she has to actually say from her heart because i'm sure your partner if he's a well-rounded individual would accept an apology if it were heartfelt the problem is is that it sounded like the initial one wasn't and then her behavior after that negated any apology anyway so i just I'm completely behind everything that Chelsea's saying. And I don't mean to just straight up alienate her, but I'm like, that's nuts. To say that in a group of white people is like, what? But to say that with a biracial person is nuts. That's just wild to me, you know, and not cool.

And the wedding thing is so hurtful. I just, for a second, want to reflect, that is so hurtful, manipulative, and like gaslighting. I'm like, if I were there, I'd be like, am I crazy? That is so gaslighting. So there's a couple levels I'm looking at here where it is so mean to your partner and so mean to you. You're her best friend of 10 years that she's like fighting for. That is so I mean, honestly, low key violent to both of you. That's a lot to process. I'm so excited by the way you're talking about him and that the rest of your community is so into him. look at you smile. I mean, that's like, dude, that's, uh, I have chills. Like there's nothing better. Why I'm obsessed. I just met Joe and I was like, Joe Coy. I mean, it's like, dude, like also you're becoming a doctor. You need support in order to care for all these people that you're about to care for. So as we get older, the different years and decades that we go through our priorities shift. And, you know, I'm thinking maybe she was the type of person who was the

correct best friend for when you were dating scumbags. Maybe she's not the right person for when you're dating a gem. And I really like Chelsea's idea of an email just because it gives written boundaries almost like legally. It's like, but I said this, you know, you can't always hold people to you said this, people change, things change. But I like that in an email. And what I like about it actually is that it provides distance. I don't think that being close to this person is healthy. I don't think that you have to be like, I'll never talk to her again because, you know, if she feels like family or something, we all have racist family. And it's not like, you know, you can never talk to them again and you can also interact with them in a way that is health through exercising healthy boundaries. But I'm like, yeah, I wouldn't want her at my wedding if I were you or your partner, because that's just not chill and relaxing and joyful. There's like something to keep your eye on and mind on there.

Like you don't want any you don't need any stains, you know, like you don't need any stains on the day to day. Yeah. And I would also remind you that, you know, sometimes when you cut off a friendship, I know you're viewing it as a loss, but it can be a gain. You know what I mean? When you set your standards to be higher, you're gaining because you're saying this is no longer acceptable to me. I will not tolerate this behavior from you. I love you. And you can say that with love. you know sometimes friendships do exhaust themselves or they have a expiration date and that can be depressing but you don't have to look at it that way you have to look at it as you're growing you're becoming less tolerant of any kind of that of that behavior also in service to your partner like you respect him and that's showing him respect like I'm not going to allow you to be treated this way you know and that's going to have to make you feel good right you know there's no reason it shouldn't like you're standing up for yourself right and you should

stand up for yourself. Protecting him and protecting your relationship is protecting yourself. Like that just sounds like such a great situation. At first, when you said ultimatum, I was like, hey, but then to hear the actual details, it's like that's that's your partner protecting himself and your relationship. He's he's seeing what's healthy. Yeah. And I don't see it as an ultimatum. I just see it as like a letter, like a missive of saying, hey, I understand we're in different places right now. So we're going to take a time out from our relationship. I'm always here I'm always here for you if you want to come back and you know you feel like you know you've changed or your behavior you know you'll find the right words to describe the

situation for what it's worth don't over like describe the details and the minutiae that's irrelevant it's more broad strokes you know it's like we've been friends for a long time that means a lot to me and I would never disrespect you in this way or I would want to be available for you like if I said something that would ever hurt your partner your husband I would always want to be you know, aware of that. And I would want to amend or change my behavior or become a little bit more clued in to what's acceptable these days. But as a gay man, and as a partner of somebody that you love that it sounds like you're going to be with for quite some time. Yeah, you owe that relationship more respect than you owe your previous relationship. Yeah. And at the end of the day,

you're coming home to him, not to her. You know, it's like you defined these two people. And when you talked about him, it's like lovely, amazing, the thing I've been looking for. And when you talked about her, it was difficult, overreacting, kind of racist. And I think when you look at it in those basic terms, like Alana and Chelsea said, there's a reason we start to outgrow some of those relationships at 27, 28, 29. I do feel like it's definitely a growing experience. Like it's time to grow up and kind of make some of the harder decisions that I've been avoiding for a long time. This relationship is super important to me and definitely one that I see going long term. So yeah, I think it's time to put on the big boy pants and make a decision like that.

Yeah. And it's going to bring you and your partner even closer together because he's going to understand that you're going to step up to the plate for him. And he should know that, you know, that's what a partnership is about, that he's got your back. She doesn't have your back. She's shown you that a few times. So you don't need to find that out again. Yeah, it's definitely, you know, not easy for me, but I'm excited for what the future has with us. Yeah, exactly. And I think once you do that, Bryson, your avoidance of conflict will actually diminish. You know, once you get the ball rolling and you do it once, all of a sudden you're like, oh, wait, this is good. This is empowering. This is what I should be able to do to stand up for

myself, my loved ones, my family, the people that are important. Perfect. Well, Anna, nice to meet I've seen every episode of Broad City. Oh, thank you. Congrats on about to be graduating medical school. That is a huge, difficult accomplishment. Good job. Thank you so much. Take care.

Thanks. Bye, Bryson. I was just about to add, I'm glad that he's going to be graduating medical school without her ruining the graduation. That's right. Not that she would show up for it because she sounds like she's so wrapped up in her own stuff. But imagine doing that.

Like you give, you know, your friend that calms down, you have this whole thing with his friend. I mean, what's your defense? Like she hears them talking about her. But what's her defense? I didn't say those things. She's he's basically talking about what he heard her say. You mean in the bedroom and she overheard you?

I'm like, you're pissed. You're pissed that he's calling you. He's just processing your abuse. Yes. And she's like, sounds like the person that you get super drunk with and she's messy and it's funny. And now he's growing up and it's like, sorry, girl. See ya. Yeah.

And she's going to have a challenging, you know, good luck to her. Yeah. When you're described as abrasive, I mean, I remember times when I was younger that being described as that, and I was like, what? People are totally misreading me. And it's like, no, no, no, you are abrasive. And then you have to come to terms with that and understand your abrasiveness and how that affects, you know, like your intention or what you're saying isn't always how things

are digested. And you have to be self-aware enough to get that. And sometimes people don't want to ever hear that. And actually to that point, it's like, so maybe she can change, but it's not going to happen through repeating the behavior or level of relationship that they've had thus far this change that Bryson is about to invoke will probably help her as well yeah absolutely because showing up to a wedding and finding out that everyone else had their plus one there is such a fuck you that is such a fuck you I would have ended that relationship that day and never spoken to that

person again a hundred percent I'm like I can't stay here COVID I'm like oh no no no yeah gnarly gnarly so rude anyway we wrap that up with a nice little bow yeah this is a tricky one our next email comes from liza she says my son's best friend is an 11 year old girl who is an open and proud lesbian and she's the daughter of my best friend of almost 20 years our children have been friends for their entire lives they both were over for thanksgiving and spent the night as they had done many times before and it was all okay until i got an urgent phone call sunday night on thanksgiving my son had forcefully kissed her daughter with tongue after being told no on a failed attempt her daughter is saying he sexually assaulted her her mom says she is traumatized and never wants

to see him again i have so much guilt my friendship with my best friend is now in a very weird place and I feel like shit. Other than therapy for my son, which he's about to start on Tuesday, signed up initially because of school behavioral issues, I don't know what to do. What do I do to teach my son consent and mend my friendship? Liza. Okay, Liza, that's really difficult. I do. I mean, that is a very difficult situation. I think first, you have to give your friend some space, like and her child some space and not bombard her. Not that that's what you're doing. But make sure you're giving her the amount of space that it takes you to address the situation you know because if you go back you're like let's fix our friendship she's not there yet and she

and she sounds like you guys have been friends for a long time you know this is really unfortunate obviously your son does have some behavioral issues if she had told him no before and he did that to her even if he did that to her without her telling him no that's not acceptable so you're addressing those you should also get yourself into therapy you know what I mean because your parenting obviously can help be helped by any sort of child family like an mfcc will help you understand what you can be doing to better help your son understand the boundaries and the rules what's that like a marriage family child counselor cool um and they can help you you know like or a psychologist or so you know you know a psychiatrist whatever you choose to do mfccs tend to be more

affordable so you can like you know you just have to understand how you're supposed to direct your child because that's the responsibility you have to take putting him in therapy is great but you also need to understand what your role is what your husband or partner's role is in this dynamic as well and then you know once you've learned and gleaned some valid information and valuable information and you've started to see a change in your son and he is as sorry as he's going to get about this then you can reach out to your friend and offer an apology and and you know understand that the little girl may not be interested in seeing him anytime soon, but that you're available if and when she does become ready, that you and your son are available to go there, whether it's

in person, whether it's via email, you know, Zoom, whatever's appropriate in the moment to actually have a conversation when you have information about why he did act like that and why he has started to change. You know, I don't think like apologies have that much merit until somebody's actually done a little bit of work on their side of things? I have very little to add, just like only to underline. That's right. And that's like a, that's a hard situation. It's kind of like I've been thinking of, I just had a baby five and a half months ago, and I've been thinking about families as like onions, where it's like the baby and the mother, I mean, at least in the very beginning, are one. And the next layer is the partner,

you know, around that layer. And then the next layer is whoever the next support layer is. And for your son to get help, you probably need some support also in supporting him. And it is your job to support him first and foremost and then to understand yourself. And I guess that's probably what your best friend is doing with their child, too, is supporting their child. And that's going to take time and space. Yeah. And it might be worth just, you know, just to make yourself feel better, you know, to send her an email saying that these are my points of action and this is what I'm going to do. And I'm going to give you the space that you need. obviously i'm going to try to fix the situation but i'm going to come back to you when i have

something to fix it with so that she knows that you're on the road i'm sure she's devastated as well of course i mean nobody wants their little girl to go through that and nobody wants to lose their best friend you guys have a friendship but remember they are kids these are little kids they're 11 years old right that's what she said their age was yeah so like this isn't the end of the world this isn't define your son this is a great opportunity for learning and growth huge opportunity so that this doesn't happen again and that you raise a son that understands and respects boundaries. That's right. Because also like teaching your son consent is a new concept in the mainstream discourse. Of course, that's always there, but it's like, it's just at a new

level right now. So I love Chelsea's point of it being a great opportunity and they are kids. I think just something that if you can be gentle with yourself. Yeah. Yes. And please keep us posted. Let us know what happens and how it goes with therapy with your son and with your friend when you do reach out to her and hear back from her. It's really like so generous to share this anecdote and let it be in the conversation. Yeah, yeah. We're going to take a break and then we'll be really back.

Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix and Disney Plus from $94 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on Internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell. Connection is everything. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them.

I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive.

Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table.

It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages.

Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network. Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners. Each week, we talk to someone in show business, a.k.a. the biz, and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, not that great.

Actually, can you help me shape this? How about we flip it on its head, right? How about we flip the script, okay? What if the surprise woman, who actually you think is the straight man, is actually the one who's acting weird? Adam Scott, bleh. This entire time, you've been expecting Adam Sandler to come to visit the show. I would never expect.

Let go of that. I would never set expectations for something like that to happen. It seems like you did. If the universe allows for something like that to happen, I'm open to it. I'm always going to accept. You know, Danny McBride, fine. Yeah. It's all this fragile masculinity exuding.

I could smell it walking down the hallway, to be honest with you. mm-hmm i was like is that weed nope it's fragile masculinity yeah ben stiller no because a lot of times in out of context people don't get it or even know what a circle is you know what i mean like you're like oh what's the state everyone's so dumb except for you fake right fake and and also not interested or just like oh i've got my life i don't care about your life and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us oh and by the way will ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode but he's just so busy listen to hollywood handbook on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your

podcasts on the new podcast solita we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman i can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle i chose option b i'm julie pinero and i travel by myself because it's a rare space where i can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself.

So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, our last call of the day is from Sarah. Sarah says, Dear Chelsea, how do you gracefully take compliments? I'm somewhat of a self-conscious person who's always had trouble knowing what to do when someone gives me praise, specifically compliments regarding my son and soon-to-be second son. I adopted my 14-year-old when he was young because his parents were not able to take care of him.

I was with his dad for a time, and that didn't work out, but my kiddo stayed with me. When people find this out, they fall all over themselves giving me praise, and I never know what to say. I want to show I'm thankful, but also that that's not really necessary. I take care of my son because it was a need I could fill and it brings me joy. My fiance and I are now adopting another little one in a similar situation of need and I feel so uncomfortable when people pour on the admiration and I just don't know what to say. As you are someone who helps many more people than me,

I thought you might have some expertise in this area. Sarah. Hi, Sarah. Hi, Chelsea. Hi, how are you? This is Alana. Hi, Sarah. Hi, Alana.

I know who you are. I'm a fan. thank you so much for having me today. Oh, so nice to meet you. Oh, it's nice to see you. Yes. It's very nice to see you. So you just have a problem with people heaping praise on you because you're a great mom. Yeah. When you put it like that. No, I just think sometimes like I want to be really accepting of the admiration, but it feels uncomfortable to just be like, oh, well, thank you. I know I'm so great. Like I really appreciate you noticing. I feel like there's got to be something that's like makes people understand that I really am grateful for

them saying that and maybe more acknowledging that it is something a little bit different and their praise really does mean that extra bit. I feel like there's got to be more something to show how much I care that they're taking the time to show that to me. Yeah. Well, I think this is so easy. First of all, I'm not great at taking compliments either, but I'm getting different kinds of compliments than you're getting. So that's my own issue. But you just have to flip that little narrative in your head. And every time somebody gives you that compliment, it's an opportunity for you to express to them how grateful you are a to be in the position that you are that you're able to do this right, that you're able to be joyful while doing this, that you're able to

have a good time that it's like, this is your purpose, in a sense, you know what I mean? It's one of your purposes for sure. And oh, my gosh, I love that so much. That just in itself is the best answer that I could ask to give when that someone says this to me. That to me sounds so much more than, oh, well, thank you. Like, oh, this is my purpose. That actually feels like when people are coming from this heartfelt place that they would feel heard by me repeating something like that to them. Yeah, it's that simple. And just start saying that, you know, you can write down three different variations and responses you have and just rotate them. Like, it's great to be able to be good at something. You know, it's great to be so good

at being a mother. Like these kids are my life and they're a gift to me. So I'm able to give them the gift back of being a present parent. You bet I'm psyched to do this. Thank you for noticing, you know, all of those things. That's amazing. I love those answers, all of them. And you deserve all of the credit and congratulations on your People's Choice Award. That is so awesome. Oh, thank you so much. You definitely earned it. You are making people smile and making a difference all the time too.

Oh, well, thank you. Thank you for that compliment. Yeah, that means a lot to me, by the way. That's another thing you can say when people compliment you. That means a lot to me. Love that. Yeah, that's true.

That's awesome, actually. Yeah, I try never to say, the one thing I try to always remember is never to say thank you mindlessly. Like, you know, even if like I'm at an event and they're all my fans are there and they're saying something, you know, it's over and over again.

Like, I don't want to project any sort of getting used to that ever. It doesn't matter how long you've been doing this. You want to just be present for each person so you can receive their compliments and look them in the eye and be like, really appreciative, you know? So that's also something just as long as you're connecting with the person who's giving you the compliment and being heartfelt, then it lands. Yeah, I totally agree. I feel like you're completely understanding where I'm coming from when I say that just

saying thank you kind of feels like there's there's something just below the surface more that you can make sure that they're hearing you so do you have that advice do you have trouble accepting compliments yeah totally and I was just thinking Sarah like I mean I I get why people like for you you're so sweet and also like you have such a caring nature about you and I was even just thinking just the like feeling it in your body like really all you need to say is thank you although it helps to have like a stable of things that you do actually mean but it is hard to like feel it it feels like electricity right because it's exciting and you do feel seen and then to be like thank you it it's it it does take um it's kind of a skill actually to hold that

energy of someone else's so uh I I totally get it and you're right though to be like thank you thank you it's like you don't want that either so yeah yeah it's kind of seems like a practice for you in presence that you're looking for. Yeah, you keep practicing that. And then like, you know, after the first three or four weeks, it's going to be second hat to you. And that's when you get into good habits.

It's so easy to rehabituate yourself. Definitely. And I do want to make space for people, just like you're saying, to acknowledge that I really appreciate them taking that minute to be like, hey, what you're doing is kind of different. And so I just love those answers.

And I really appreciate that. Well, thank you so much. I'm practicing. yeah oh there oh there you go you got it I missed it because I was busy saying thank you but thank you for calling in that was a very upbeat way for us to wrap up our episode today so we love that always nice to meet you thank you again nice to meet you keep killing it thanks Sarah thank you okay yeah that was a good that was a good last call Catherine because cutie yeah I know what talk about upbeat I'm calling in to figure out how to say thank you more

more sincerely i like was about to fawn and i was like no no no like stop um i actually like give compliments that's like part of like one issue i have i give compliments a lot i mean them all i really do but it's like it's it's also like i need to hold the thing like i just love you and could i could quell but it's like actually important for me to just hold how much i love you so like i was feeling that about sarah and it's like it's it's funny holding energy is like i don't know we kind of spill over and it's like instagram you like and you like and you know i know i know what you mean i'm like knocking instagram today but um you know just our world is designed for like these like little compulsion check boxes and i get where she's coming from

yeah but i think that makes you unique you know what i mean it's a nice quality like holding back your affection or being effusive about somebody is when it's sincere which it always is with you I think people can also read that and I think that you know you don't want to like monitor your personality in that way you may think you're overdoing it but like even you mentioning Joe I was like I didn't see that at all you know what I mean so that's our own personal thing that's like me always I always had that with inserting myself that's something I should hold back on because it's not necessary all the time but when you're bringing joy and giving somebody props that there's nothing ever wrong with that right well it's like I'm measuring the

balance between I mean it is always sincere but it's like I don't want it to be a compulsion it's a little bit like you know just like coming all over somebody where it's like you know like it also like puts this spotlight on people that as Sarah said it is like there's a balance there yeah yeah it's a little bit for me to let them know how I feel where it's like for me to walk away today and be like oh Chelsea you know there's part there's part of it for me to hold and just enjoy. Oh, well, yeah, I hear what you're saying. Yeah. We're always, I know it's a constant self-examination. That's right. Especially if you're, you know, like to be enlightened or like to think of yourself in the process of being enlightened, because we can't say enlightened

because then we're cooked and then there would be no reason to be here. That's right. At least that's what I keep telling myself. It's true. It's true. It's a climb. Well, one last thing, Alana, do you have a piece of advice you'd like to ask Chelsea about? Yes. You know, these days as stand-up is an amorphous process compared to what it used to be which was so clear you just get out and do it and try yeah i am curious how you are dealing with covid on tour yeah i'm curious how you know are you like you know are you vaxxed all the way such that you're like i did all that i can do i gotta live my life are you you know here i am with this mask what what how are you dealing with it well i have max vaccination requirements at the venues so if they're not

vaccinated then they have to get a pcr test at the venue like in detroit that was a city i remember we had to start an hour and a half late because there were 200 people online getting getting their pcr tests because they were not back because they were not vaccinated and is that can you do that no matter what the state i don't know the rules behind that because my i my tours with live nation so there are a lot of live nation venues all live nation venues it's mandatory vaccination I'm vaxxed boosted and I do a meet and greet though with yeah with people they have to have proof of vaccination to come back there we all wear masks there's no like taking off the masks you know if we say hello we take a picture blah blah blah so you know you have to obviously be a little bit

safer yeah then you would be in your own like home but it's doable and it's worth it for me it's totally worthwhile and once you start getting out there you're going to feel like the energy now you know of the stand-up having live performances and live crowds and you are doing a service for people like you are coming to their city and you are showing up for them and they value that i'm so ready for it i miss i miss everybody i know well i'm ready i can't wait for your next one hour i just can't wait yeah we'll see yeah her last hour is on amazon that's right right called the planet is burning yeah the planet is burning that's a reminder yeah if you if you guys want to tune into that too and don't forget to check out false positive

If you haven't seen that, that's on Hulu, you guys. OK, so check that out, too. And follow Ilana Glazer on Instagram. I can't say it anymore because we've been bad mouthing it all. So I'm just calling it Instagram. Instaglazer. Thanks so much for having me. This was so much fun.

Thank you, Ilana. I always love seeing you. I'm always learning. I'm always learning from you. I'm always learning from you, too. I love you, Chelsea Handjob. I really love you. Bye.

And if you'd like to get advice from Chelsea and one of her guests, please write in to DearChelseaProject at gmail.com. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk

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I auditioned for Frozen. What? For Kristoff. They said, okay, what are you going to be singing today? I said, I don't know. That must have been why you didn't get in. Oh, you probably won. Plus, John Stamos, Hayden Christensen from Star Wars, and more.

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Everyone has a good time, and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, Adam Scott, Danny McBride, Ben Stiller, and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B.

I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.