Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - I Hate Loud with Sam Morril

Episode Date: September 4, 2025

Comic Sam Morril is in the NY studio to discuss the problem with dating younger people, tormenting morning news hosts, and why a rec center is his home away from home.  Then: Soon-Yi confusion ensues as a daughter struggles to accept her dad’s romantic escapades.  * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Bell. Connection is everything. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who lived through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Did you hear the new episode of the Hey Jonas podcast? We are at D23, so we'll see who stops by.

The cast of Frozen stopped by. Kristen Bell, Josh Gad, and Idina Menzel. I auditioned for Frozen. What? For Kristoff. They said, okay, what are you going to be singing today? I said, I don't know. That must have been why you didn't get it.

Oh, you probably won. Plus, John Stamos, Hayden Christensen from Star Wars, and more. And I guess I can share that, uh... No way. Listen to the latest episode of Hey Jonas on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, Chelsea. Hi.

What is this Will Smith story that everyone was talking about? Oh, my gosh. He did a bunch of shows, and there was legitimately a big crowd there. but for some reason his team like put a bunch of AI extra faces to make the crowd like look even bigger and everyone's like calling like why would you do that this is a Donald Trump move it's so stupid and also it's so badly done like have you seen the pictures yes my friend sent it to me it said from West Philly to West Swizzy we love you Willie the thing is why would they do that because the crowd sizes are big it just like when you see the real photos there is obviously

aisles where people can escape. Like, people know aisles exist where there's no people. So he's on to Orwell Smith? I guess so. I blame this on Scientology. I blame everything that's going wrong on Scientology.

Yeah, I agree with you. Either that or the Trumps. One of them, I blame. So choose your poison. Pick your poison. You know what? I think that must be why Burning Man blew away.

Because, like, Ivanka Trump was there. What the fuck happened there? Did you hear what that is? The orgy tent blew away. Well, my friend, And we were all going to my friend's house in the Hamptons last weekend when I was doing shows there.

And she was going to Burning Man. And so I saw one of those videos on Instagram and forwarded to her. I'm like, is this you? I still haven't heard back from her. I don't even know if she's alive. She blew away. What happened at Burning Man? I think they just had like this huge, I know there was a dust storm there.

There was like a big windstorm. And there was a dust storm in Arizona, in Phoenix. Did you see this? It looked like the hand of God coming over. I did see that. I did see that. Very ominous. But Burning Man was like, so Burning Man just got fucking ruined.

I think it got ruined. Yeah, I know the orgy tent that they had spent a week setting up that's been there for 20 years. Is that right? They have an orgy tent? They have an orgy tent. Another thing I'd find disgusting. Orgies. The same orgy tent for 20 years.

I remember watching a porn when I was a little girl and there was a big orgy and I was like, oh, do people really do this? And the answer is no, they don't. Only at Burning Man. Only in very specific circles. Do you have friends that do Burning Man? I do. I have like, I think I have like one or two people.

I once went on a date with a guy in New York. my friend Sophie set me up with this guy. And the minute we sat down, he started going on about Burning Man. And I said, listen, the second time he said it, I go, listen, I'm not a Burning Man person. I don't find that interesting at all. I think it's a bunch of rich people trying to share for the very first time. And I don't want to do LSD on, I don't want to do LSD and get sandblasted. Like that is not my idea of a good time. And then he kept going on and on about it. And then I did get it, go up. We were having dinner in the hotel restaurant of the hotel I was in. My friend showed up and when she got there, I go, he's your problem now. And I went upstairs to my room and I took a

Xanax. Excellent. See, that's the place to be doing drugs, not in the desert. Yeah, exactly. Well, yeah, Xanax. That's what they say. How do you know someone's been to Burning Man? They won't shut up about it. Yeah, it's really annoying when people, it's like pickleball. People are like obsessed with trying to convert you into pickleball, to be obsessed about pickleball and Burning Man. Yes, yes. I put up New Vegas dates, by the way, for next year. This year, I will be there November 1st and November 29th. Those are my last two dates this year. Then I start up again January 31st, March 7th, April 18th, and May 30th, and tickets are now on sale for all of those dates. Our guest today will be at the Chicago Theater and all across Europe in October, as well as

playing Carnegie Hall in December on the Errors Tour. Please welcome Sam Morrell. welcome sam morel i'm saying it doesn't matter no it does matter it's morel but i feel i don't like correcting people so for morel where are you getting the e from my dad said and i just rolled with it i don't know he's wrong listen you have a lot of introductions here i was reading your shit last night and you're okay there's a lot going on with you first of all you you just came out with your sixth stand-up special since 2020 how is that possible no no not that many but how many you have six though right I think so yeah and in what frame of time I it was a period where I was doing way too many because I was just like I had no life so because of COVID

COVID I did a rooftop one because I was losing my mind here and I just started going to people's roofs and and doing stand-up and that turned into a special but uh that wasn't like my best stuff I wasn't like honing that in clubs and stuff that I have I have like you know I did one Amazon did on Netflix. I did a Comedy Central hour. I did a YouTube hour. I did the roof thing and I did like a half hour. So five and a half. Oh, okay. Well, that sounds more reasonable when you say it like that. The way it's presented, it's like you're about to win an Academy Award for stand-up comedy, which I think is pretty impossible. Oh no, we're not respected. No, comedians are not respected. But that's good. If we were respected, we'd be boring. Well, the reason we're funny is

because we're not respected. Exactly. And there's no way to gain respect as a comedian, really. Yeah. I mean, there's comedians that are well-respected, but only in circles outside of comedy, right? Like within comedy, you don't really, nobody really respects each other. It's true, yeah, because we see through it. It's a ruse.

But then you see like a singer, you're like, holy shit, that's incredible. But then they probably look that way at us. Like you were popping like a musician open mic when you start and they're like, this guy's awesome. But then you take the same jokes to a comic open mic and they're like, you fucking, you suck. Or I'll go see someone who's like a musician perform

and be fucking blown away and they'll perform at the Greek or something and then they'll come see me perform and be like, I can't believe you can do that. I'm like, what are you talking about? I can't believe you can. I can go on drunk. What are you talking about?

Yeah, I know, I know. Well, musicians can too. That's their thing. They can. Yeah, I guess they can do like heroin too. I mean, I saw- What they do is way more impressive. And it's also more exhausting

because they're up there for like two and a half, three hours. Like I was at Glastonbury recently and we saw Alanis Morissette and she drank, she went through like these jugs of like, i guess it was like green tea or something she she went through like six or seven of them and it was less than an hour set i've never seen any guy drink any beverages on stage other than red wine or alcohol like a musician wise like i couldn't believe how well she was hydrating i was like wow you must be into crystals and stuff if you're hydrating this green tea is like

that's weird well she's kind of on an she's ethereal she's on another you know she's like on another frequency she's one of those people she probably meditates a lot she's vibrating at a higher level than regular people certainly higher than comedians definitely yeah yeah do you do drugs and drink i drink uh-huh you don't do drugs i i'm scared of drugs i don't like not knowing what's in my bloodstream or what's in your future yeah yeah i can maintain a level of control i don't i like drugs that push your feelings down away yeah you're a man so is it hard for you to be a stand-up comic surrounded by so many female comedians no i love female comedians that was a joke i just always wanted to ask a man and what it feels like to be surrounded

by women since that's the only question we ever get to oh that only question oh they ask you guys they ask us all the time what's it like to be in an industry that's so male dominated and i'm like can you fucking think of a more interesting question i've been doing this for like 25 years it's well the other more more boring question is when you're promoting a tour or you're promoting a special and people ask you what can we expect i fucking hate that question it's hard to describe your own act well also without doing bits like i don't want to be on the phone doing bits you know what i mean if i'm talking to a reporter or a journalist i mean a journalist is a you know yeah you're getting better interviews than me i think i'm talking to a journalist i'm talking to

some guy from like you're like what are you fucking you could expect to laugh and you could expect comedy yeah i can't what can you expect i mean you know i come out in the third act i don't know nothing nothing it's jokes so we were just talking because you dated you've dated a lot of female comedians? Two. Two, only two? Yeah. Megan Gailey, right? I didn't date her. You didn't? You just had sex with her? Sure. Okay. Well, I feel, I feel like you dated her. I don't know why. Okay. You dated Taylor Tomlinson for a few years. Cause I know that because when I had her on my podcast, she was quarantining with you. Yeah. And you guys were together for a few years, right? Probably two years. It's hard to measure because we broke up so many times. Really? Yeah. What was

the problem probably both of us i don't know it must be hard to date a comic i don't think i've ever dated oh yeah i did what am i talking about yeah no i'm aware of that i just forgot i forgot yeah i think the problem is it's funny when people are like what went wrong is i don't know it's us together that's it i don't know do you attribute part of the relationship working out for a duration of time because you were it was during covid and you were the first few weeks were great but no no it was like a sleepover that just went on too long went on and went on but we know we had great times i think you know i look back at some of them and i was like man we're like watching movies and we started a movie podcast it was fun as hell we're just that's right yeah

it was great we had a good time that's cute yeah it's fun to fun to you know you share a movie and then you talk about it i'm trying to think if i dated any other comics it's just such a weird thing because i find it like actors and actresses i find it normal for them to date are you drinking ginger ale it's so uh seltzer i fucking loved canada dry ginger ale oh my god it's my favorite I love Canada Dry. I know, I know. I once called Canada Dry. I'm like, I want to do a commercial for you guys.

I'm so obsessed. You pulled that? Yeah, but then they were like, can you do one for Sprite? Because they're all owned by the same person. And they were like, Canada Dry, nobody drinks that. I'm like, they're like, the only people who drink that are from New Jersey or New York. It's a very East Coast thing, Canada Dry. Like, they don't sell it on the West Coast.

It's not as available. I love it. I know, me too. It's like when you land in Detroit and you're like, I need some Vernors. So you only dated one comic. It's weird to me because it's, you know, you're an attractive lady. You're a funny lady. I'm sure dudes were hitting on you quite a bit.

No, men are scared of me. I can see that. Men are not interested in trying to get, like, shot down by me. That's fair. I mean, even Joe Coy, when we dated, it wasn't even, like, I had to decide that I was going to date him. He would never, ever have made a move. So you made the move.

I think so because we were friends for so many years, and then when we got back to, like, we were hanging out as friends, and he just kept coming around and coming around, and eventually I just capitulated and I was like were you drinking or did that give you the yeah yeah I mean I'm always a little drunk you know I love drinking so like but I mean we I have my own whiskey I almost brought you a bottle oh you should have brought it I remember I read one of your book and you're a vodka person so I was like I don't know some people were like I don't fucking drink whiskey you know I like whiskey whiskey's nice and warm especially in the winter time and

when I'm in like I go to Whistler Canada for winter and in the winter I'll drink whiskey okay yeah it warms your bones I love it what's your whiskey called it's called Bodega Cat oh Oh, cute, cute. It's cool. So you grew up in New York? In the city, yeah. Yeah, here in the city. So you've never strayed too far?

No, I'm useless. Really? I'm fucking useless. Like an Astra Ana motorcycle? Yeah, I'm terrible. Like, what do you think your best qualities are? If you had to pick, you have to pick three. This is like describing your tour.

Shit. My best qualities. Like, come on, you have to think of three good things that make you valuable to the human species. Damn. And if you can't think of three. I think I'm pretty loyal. Okay, that's great.

That's a good one. I can't say, you know, funny-ish. Yeah, I'm a cock sucker. Are you going to say a cock sucker? I'll suck your cock. Okay, great. I'll suck a dick. Somebody's got to do that because I'm not doing that either.

So thank you. No, that's why I was intimidated by you is your cock. Thank you. Loyal. I was going to say good listener, but I'm not. I'm on a bunch of riddling right now to make sure I'm connected with you right now. I would say though, in order to be a comedian and you have to be a good listener because you can't-

I'm observant, but I'm not a great listener. Oh, really? To a point, but then something pops into my head and I start following that. Do you ever do that? It's ADD. ADD. Yeah, absolutely.

But we all have that. Oh my, I'm so bad. As long as you stay medicated. I don't take medication for it, but I've just learned how to, when I used to host talk shows, I would literally be thinking about what the fuck I was going to eat

if I was talking to somebody who didn't hold my interest. I'd be like, what am I going to have when I go upstairs? Are there any gummy bears? I'm like, are there any red ones left? Or did everyone steal them? Yeah, that's ADD right there. Like that was, you know, but I'd never, I don't take any medication for it.

I just eventually just started going, okay, you have to fucking focus on what you're doing. Like, I want to be able to read a book. I want to be able to tune out my phone. I want to be able to put a phone like on another side of the room and not walk over to it every 15 seconds. So it's kind of like training yourself like a fucking dog, you know? Yeah. And if it's a book that interests me, I'm, I can't put it down.

But if it's something that I have to like work at, I'm just like, fuck, I guess I got to pick this up again. Right, right. behind every night spent making the kids lunches there's a lot of suspense will they finally eat the veggies will the pesto survive the first bite will the lunchbox come home empty half full or come home at all and will you finish episode eight before you're done slicing the cucumbers get bell pure fiber internet with crave netflix and disney plus from 94 a month price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit visit bell.ca for details

and to check availability. Bell. Connection is everything. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear

saying, shut up, don't say anything. every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable i knew if he woke up without a doubt he was going to hurt me i started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed and i just started screaming they are abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced but these aren't stories about what's taken from them they're stories about what it takes to make it out alive Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse.

I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations,

or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network.

Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners. Each week, we talk to someone in show business, a.k.a. the biz, and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show we've had a lot of great guests like sarah sherman not that great actually can you help me can can you help me shape this yeah how about we flip it on his head right how about we flip this around okay what is the surprise woman who actually you think is the straight man is actually the one who's acting weird adam scott this entire time you've been expecting adam sandler to come

to visit the show i i would never let go of that i have i would never set expectations for something like that if the universe allows for something like that to happen i'm open to it i'm always going to accept you know danny mcbride fine yeah it's all this fragile masculinity exuding i could smell it walking down the hallway to be honest with you i was like is that weed nope it's fragile masculinity yeah ben stiller no because a lot of times in out of context people don't get it or even know what a circle is you know what i mean like you're like oh what's this everyone's so dumb except for you fake right fake and and also not interested or just like oh i've got my life i don't care about your life and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where

they are without us oh and by the way will ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode, but he's just so busy. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. So what's your family situation in New York? How did you grow up? First couple of years, just me and my mom. And then she married a guy who became my stepdad, who I love. He's a great dad. And then I got a stepbrother and stepsister from his side. And that's my family situation. They have kids now. I don't have kids. Okay.

Is that something that you want to have? I don't know. I think I would like one. I think one is a good number. Why not get a pet though? I was going to say a pet's hard to take care of. I'm thinking that a kid is probably also hard. I don't know.

I think I need a little time still to figure it out. How old are you? I'm 38. Oh, okay. Yeah. So you're not even 40 years old yet. So you haven't even like hit your little crisis zone. Yeah.

That's coming. Especially as a male comedian. I'm always in crisis. Yeah. I feel like a lot of men are like in longstanding male crises, comedians especially. Well, I think women, I mean, you guys have a biological clock, but all we have is if we don't have kids at a certain age is like, what the fuck's wrong with that guy? That's all we get. It's not that bad. But like you, I mean, you get judged for that shit all the time. And I kind of like that you're just like, I don't give a shit. Yeah. No, I don't want a baby. Like that's a

fucking pain in the ass. Do you have a pet? Yeah. And he lives, he's in LA right now. You know what I mean, I see him when I see him. And he says, and take it personally. And if he did, I wouldn't know about it because he can't fucking talk anyway. That's why pets are amazing. They work for you in every situation. I sent him to Canada.

I did a Euro tour. You're going on your European tour soon, right? I am, I am. I love going to Europe. And you're playing, I love performing in Europe. I just got- What's your favorite part? Oh God, Paris was amazing.

Berlin was awesome. I've never been to Berlin. Are you doing that whole run? Yeah. You're going to Copenhagen, Amsterdam, all of those places. I've done Copenhagen. I'm not going this time, but I'm doing it Amsterdam again.

I love. Yeah. So good. It's beautiful there. I mean, and it's really nice to be out of this fucking country. It is good to get a little reset. Yeah. Well, when I was there, I was going on stage.

It was right, not right after the election, but like a couple of months after the election. So I just got on stage and just started apologizing on behalf of our country, you know, and they were there for it. They were happy to hear that. I'm like, listen, we're not all like this. I'm really sorry about our country. I don't know where you stand politically. I'm assuming you're not a bro.

I didn't, I didn't vote for Donald Trump. if that's right okay great great I mean I'm sure you're not a Trumpy I can tell by your outfit that you're not a Trump supporter not a lot of corduroy uh jacket Trumpies out there no I don't think so so you're going you're doing your tour and then you're doing Carnegie Hall too right I am yeah what's the date on that December 4th oh okay and are you going to Europe after that or before no I'm going to Europe in October oh fun should be good yeah and so are you going to go to like Reykjavik are you going to Sweden I'm not going to Reykjavik unfortunately I've done Sweden before I love Stockholm.

That was awesome. But I just couldn't fit everything. And I've never been to Germany, so I wanted to go to Germany and just some place that I hadn't been. Right. You're not Jewish. I am Jewish. Oh, you are.

Well, you better go to Germany while you can because they're ramping back up. They don't like us. I know. No, no, no. My friends just went to Frankfurt. They had a layover and Frankfurt got stuck there. And her son had like a high necklace on. And she's like, the cab driver said, no, we're not taking you.

We don't drive Jews. Oh, nice. That was recently. So yeah, you might want to get over to Germany quickly and then bounce. get in the cab be like don't rub it in dude just fucking you know i get it so you're like so if you're if you're this prolific with your stand-up you're performing all the time all week long how many and as a new yorker because i know you new york comics like to get up like sometimes three or four times a night yeah i've dialed it back a little just for you know there was a point where

i had some older comics i respect be like dude you have to have a life to write about exactly you can't just like you know your audience is living you have to live so you know at a certain point all your jokes are this guy came up to me after my set and he said this and you're like that's not a fucking that's not comedy yeah that's not life right so yeah I try to I try to follow like an adventure every once in a while I'm like I'll just get fucking drunk some nights and be like let's see where this takes me back in the day I'd be doing like four sets tonight I'm just gonna like scour the village and try to have a adventure or something with a friend of mine or something yeah and also go on vacations I'm so bad on vacation why I get

really bored really i'm doing some you know days off on this euro tour so i can just chill but i get really bored do you know how to swim yeah well you should take some swimming classes swimming classes so that you can have so you can improve on your swimming skills and have a great i'm a good enough swimmer do you think so but that doesn't sound convincing how good a swimmer are you that's part of what vacation is for me is swimming like i want to be that's how i would like sweat out booze on the road i would go to like a rec center or something and just swim laughs and then sweat in the pool yeah i don't really think it's sweating from swimming but i get like vacation vibes so you sweat and then it just goes right back into the water and

the chlorine water i think really is that not right you guys what do these guys do over here do they not fact check or something sweat while you're swimming when you're in the water but this is a very interesting conversation maybe i'm dumb i don't know i think maybe you are because could you imagine think about it you're in the water and then you're sweating i understand it's a workout yeah but when you come out of the water from swimming so hard are you sweating no but you feel better she must be losing some of that you're burning calories all right so maybe sweating was the wrong word but it's healthy to swim well it's healthy to go on vacation and swim is what my point is i love vacations i'm all about working so much so the rec center on the road i painted

for you wasn't like a tropical paradise no i never saw the inside of any rec center oh i love those I'm not that kind of Jew. I'm a total rec center Jew. Like a YMCA, basically, is what you're giving. Yeah, yeah. That's how I do the road. We go to the rec center every... Yeah, we did a tour bus, and we do the rec center every day.

Joe Coy had a tour bus, and it smelled like balls. Did you guys do that together on the bus? No, I went on the bus like twice, and that was enough. I mean, we may or may not have had sex on the bus. I don't really remember, but I was disgusted by every part about it. There were so many men. It's not for women. It's not for women.

It should actually just say, these are not available for women in a non-discriminatory way. Yeah, Nikki Glaser called me up and she was like, do you like the tour bus? I was like, yeah, I do, but you're not going to. Nikki doesn't take a bus, does she? No. But I've had a lot of people hit me up and be like, do you like that? And I'm just like, yeah, but that doesn't, it's weird when people ask you if you like something. Yeah, of course.

That doesn't mean you're going to like it. Yeah, that's kind of like, what can we expect from your show? Yeah. So that's what you do on the road. You go on the road, you go to a rec center and you bring your crew there. With my crew, we play some basketball or a swim. That sounds reasonable, basketball in the rec center. Love playing it.

I don't have a problem with that. Love that. And then these new YMCA's are all nice. You go to the Midwest or the South, they have saunas and stuff, so we get in there. Usually there's not a weird dude in there. Sometimes there is. Masturbating. Oh, yeah.

At a Y, that's real tricky. Yeah, that's low fucking end. That's not like an Equinox dude jacking off. At least you're like, all right, I'm not gay, but at least he looks good. Yeah. But most of these gyms in New York, like men know which ones are the gay gyms and which one are the straight gyms. So that if you walk into a sauna and there's three guys jerking off, that's because that's what's supposed to happen. Yeah. I'm like Jack Reacher. I'm just passing through these YMCA. So I don't know which are, you know. Right. Well, I'm glad that you're keeping it, like you have a lifestyle on the road. That's nice. Got it. Yeah.

Because otherwise you're going to go fucking crazy. Totally. Yeah. Flying in and out of cities. Like I like to fly in and out because, and I also don't like to stay in cities where they don't have a nice hotel. yeah i can see that i've already done that a million times i'm over it i don't want any discomfort in my life i think i think being a young female comic doing the road like that is like that's tough i used to do the san francisco punchline all the time great club and once the first time yeah great club right now it's kind of cobs is is another big club there too but that was always there but the first time i ever did the road i did i opened for it was david tell

was headlining. He's my favorite. Of course, the best. I haven't seen him in years. Zach Galifianakis was middling and it was me. And I had to sleep with Zach Galifianakis in his hotel room at the Commodore Hotel because I couldn't- I thought you were going to say just to get the gig. Well, I mean, no. Zach would never do something like that. He's the only male comic that would never do something like that. But he did. Every night we went to sleep and he would whisper in my ear, I will never rape you. Oh, that's great. Yeah. And that was sweet. That's awesome. It was romantic a little bit. Damn. Did he do it while he was playing the piano?

No, no, he didn't have the piano in the room. Damn. But that was my first week on the road. And I just realized, oh, it costs more to even get there than you're going to make in a week. That's when you start selling merch when you're a young comic. As an opener. Oh, yeah, you got it.

But I remember doing gigs with Dave Attell and he was the most fun ever. I mean, we were driving back from a gig at Tarrytown Music Hall once. And he does that thing where he'll bring you on stage and you're like, dude, you're the quickest guy in the world. I'm not going to keep up with you. But he's, you know, he's super supportive.

then of course he murders we're in the car ride back the whole ride he's like I'm a fucking hack I fucking suck and we're like dude you're all of our favorite comics and he's like well I'm better than you guys that's funny I know he kind of does self-hate oh my god yeah but it's kind of refreshing so many people love themselves I mean I don't think he should hate himself but like you know just a hint of self-loathing is kind of good I think for a little bit but not don't get carried away with it because then you're like spending all day talking about what a fucking loser you are that's not good either I mean that's not good especially you seem like you have a good drinker's energy because I think the hangover is good for me because I wake up with like a little bit like

you piece of shit I need like a little bit of like you're a piece of shit well I always have my best shows or like when I was like doing my talk shows I always had my best shows when I had a little alcohol in me from the night before because it's just takes like then you don't give a shit you know you're just kind of like loosey-goosey I don't like to be tightly wound I don't really get like that anymore because now I've been doing this for so many years but I don't like, I don't like nerves before I go out on stage. I understand that they're good for, they're purposeful, you know, it means you give a shit, but I don't like to be nervous. So luckily with enough time under my belt, and I'm sure you probably feel this way too,

after however many years you've been doing standup, which is what, 20 years? About, yeah. 20 years. You, I mean, you don't get nervous, right? No, not really. I mean, I get like bored. That's what, that's where the alcohol comes in. I get, I'll get like disconnected, you know, especially when I do that many shows in a row, I'm just like, all right, I need a drink to, to spice things up, to spice things up. Maybe I'll go down a different road with this bit tonight or something. Or, uh, yeah, I just like first few days, I don't really need a drink.

And then like by day four, I'm like, I need like a Manhattan. I need like a cocktail. I need like a proper cocktail. I need to get a little buzz. Right. Well, that seems like you have a healthy relationship with alcohol. Yeah, I think so. I respect it.

I know that like, I don't want to ever have to quit. Yeah. Yeah. That was good. Um, you said that before. obviously i had a boyfriend once who told me he's like i don't ever want to abuse alcohol because i don't ever want to have to give it a give it up and i was like um let me write that fucking down because i'm with you i sometimes go overboard with drugs and alcohol but i always reel myself

back in because i know i can't i can't act like that you know what i mean i'm like smarter than i than my body i'm not gonna end up in a rehab knock on wood or somebody knock on something I like what you do with morning news shows. Should I say that? Yeah, no, you nailed it. That was great. Morning news shows? That was awesome.

What are they called? Yeah, morning shows. Like local news shows. Yes, yes. Local news shows. I like that you call them up and fuck with these people because these are the people who aren't wearing pants underneath a desk. Yes.

Like when you're in a local, when you're in like, let's say Akron, Ohio. Sure. Okay. And you go on a local news show and you're promoting your show. And these people are basically you could say my penis is out and they would be like, what can we expect from your show tonight? Yeah, there is no change, of course. And Sam does this really funny thing where he brings up really uncomfortable topics, Catherine, while he's being interviewed in the morning. And he'll be like, oh, what was one of the ones that you did?

I liked the human trafficking. Right. Human trafficking. It's funny. That's so funny. What are you talking about? That guy, that guy, I broke him, I think. but the woman kind of got it but don't you think those people are slightly broken anyway I mean no

offense to any newscasters who are watching but seriously you guys need to take a look at yourselves in the mirror yeah I think they're just so scared I think they're just living they have to walk such a tightrope and we just that started because I was forced to do that at like improvs and stuff like you have to you don't if you miss that you can't do the weekend so I'd be like all right so I'd go but I'd be on like two hours sleep hungover and in a bad mood and it started the one that started it was in pittsburgh where someone was like so have you always been funny and you're just sitting there like and i said no but when i was young my uncle he was funny and he molested me and i got his powers like in spider-man and and they were just like okay uh

and i just and i just kind of turned to the camera and smiled and i remembered leaving like can i get that footage that's like a funny clip and they were like get out so it turned into like it turned into like a heist it turned into like a thing where i'm like oh i call the uber before i go on because I know they're going to be fucking pissed. And then I just run out and jump in. So that one, people thought it was funny. So I was like, oh, I can take something I hated and make it fun.

So yeah, the Columbus one, people liked. I don't know. You just go in, you're like, is there something in the news I could fuck with? I don't know. It's just nice to fuck with people who are so serious about nonsense. You know what I mean?

We're talking about the weather. Like unless there's a fucking hurricane coming, it's not that serious. And we're talking about morning news, which is pretty banal. There's nothing really happening there either. It's just so scripted. So when you go on there and you just make it a mess,

it's kind of, it's fun. It's funny, yeah, yeah. I appreciate that. Thanks. So after everything we're speaking about, you like being on the road. Would you say that you prefer that over being at home? I mean, I like both.

I romanticize the road though. I love it. I love that I can like- How do you romanticize the road? I'm just like, holy shit, this is cool. I'm like, you know, it makes me have a deeper appreciation for America. Like you go to these random cities

and you're like, this is great, you know? What are some of your favorite cities that you really like? Or some of the ones that you really will never go back to well people know i hate naples florida i fucking hate that city all together it's just there's parts of florida i love but but overall like yeah naples was like that one took that that one i took a beating there they hated me really yeah that one sucked what was so bad about it i don't know i just couldn't connect i also this opener who was

high energy and hilarious and like he's since passed away this guy carl michael how did he pass away i think he i think it was my guess would be drugs okay so you don't know i don't we weren't super close he just happened to be open for me that weekend but i thought he was funny i thought he was really good and he was a lot of good that does now that he's dead i mean you should have told him then i did tell him then oh great i wasn't resentful that he was burying me i was fine with it oh he did better than you oh totally oh that's funny i was cool i was like no i always feel the same way too i have yamanika open for me a lot and she's fucking hilarious and sometimes i'm like half the time people are like who's your opener i'm like i have no

problem with an opener being funnier than me no problem whatsoever yeah no he was super high energy and i talk like this on stage so i think these old people are looking at me like he's not even trying but i'm like no this is how i perform you know so yeah i just bombed every show they hated me and uh i was like oh i'm never fucking coming back and that became like a big part of my act is how much i hate naples yeah and then but then cities i like i think you know chicago is amazing i love sf i love uh san diego is really cool seattle there's always sleeper cities too that like i would always be hesitant like i don't really like to go to florida in general just because of the politics and i find it to just to be a depressing place i know there are decent

places to perform and there are good venues down there but i try but like you know like alabama i had never gone to and then i went and did a show in montgomery and it was fucking awesome because there is those always those groups of people that really want you to come down there that they don't get you know they don't get everybody passing through those cities so they're even more wildly appreciative of it and I like that I like serving it up for those people yeah and this is look it's a complex country that we live in but there are these pockets that surprise you and you're like this is amazing I had a great time here you know and that's part of the road like I would never go to some of these cities if I wasn't a comic and then you find out you like them it's kind of cool

so that's part of the way I romanticize the road and I think your actress gets better if you're out like that you're just like okay I'm making it I was in Zany's once and they told me you were in the green they were like oh Chelsea Handler was just here and like every show she was just making adjustments I mean that's the road you know right you're tweaking you're trying stuff like that keeps me when I'm excited about stand-up that that makes me love it love the road because I come back and I feel the results of it oh yeah I see what you're saying so you're working on your stuff a lot on the road yeah I was just having this conversation with a friend of mine because i was like oh i started in la doing stand-up even though i'm from jersey originally i started doing

stand-up in la and that the culture there isn't like three or four sets a night you don't do that you know you do like four or five sets a week you get up every night once maybe twice but like those for diehards but once i started doing the road like i don't come back to la and go up at the comedy store or go to the laugh factory like i do my my shows when i since why don't you do Why didn't you ever go up there? I just, I don't have any desire. Like, I want to do my hour set, not a 20-minute set or something. Like, I will if it's a friend's show and somebody asks me,

but typically you're not going to see me at those clubs. I just don't, I feel like I've, I don't want to say I've outgrown it because that sounds like I'm too good for it, which is not the case. I just don't have a, when I'm home, I want to fucking chill and relax. I totally understand that. And recuperate. Because when I'm on the road, it's like Wednesday through Sunday sometimes, or, you know, Thursday through Saturday, and then I'm done,

and I come home and I'm like, chill, chill, chill, go back out. I think one of my fears, and my audience is very forgiving if I take a long time to get to a punchline because I think they know it's coming. Yeah. But like, you know,

I might as well take something to a cellar, the comedy cellar, and they're just like, what the fuck are you doing? So I want to know how the jokes are for people that aren't straight up just there for me. Right. Yes, I understand that.

You know? And I also live like seven minute walk from the cellar. So I feel like I go there more than I should probably. But I love throwing shit at the wall there. It's awesome. Yeah. I mean, that's a good point. You do want to perform in front of people that are not your fans.

Totally. Yeah. I mean, I feel like you stop growing if you don't do that at least a little bit, you know? I'm just waiting for my house to be done so I can fucking sell it and move to New York probably. Are you really going to move to New York? I mean, I hope so. That was my plan about three years ago. That's pretty cool.

I got stuck in this. You seem like a New Yorker. You don't seem like an LA person. I'm Jersey. That's the Jersey in me. I think wherever you start, that's kind of how you feel to me. And I saw you in the city like way back in the day. I wasn't even a comic.

I think you were opening for a tell. I saw you. Oh, maybe at Caroline's probably. And you had like a New York mentality. So you feel New York. You should come here. Yeah. I would like to be here.

I would like to. There's so much more action here. LA is a little bit like really healthy living and everyone's in bed by eight. So I go there to recover, you know, mostly. It's kind of like rehab. I'm healthy when I'm there. Yeah, everyone's healthy. People, you can't get a drink after 10 o'clock at night.

Nothing is open anywhere in LA. Like they have never recovered from COVID. When you guys, when you were living with Taylor, sorry to bring this up again, but were you guys in New York or LA? We, a little bit of both. During COVID, we were in LA. And that was probably the healthiest I've ever been.

Yeah, I would imagine. I mean, she doesn't drink. So, you know, she felt bad I was there. So she's like, let's go to Vons and let's just find a bunch of liquor for you so you don't go crazy. But she doesn't, it's also weird to just drink when the other person is sober.

Isn't drinking, yeah. Not that like I can't, but it's just not as fun. No, it's not as fun. I actually had this, I was dating this guy and I had the shoulder injury last year and I couldn't drink for like 30 days because I had to get this intravenous antibiotics every 24 hours.

And you're asking the doctor for loopholes. You're like, but what if I- Meanwhile, I find out after because you could have been drinking on those antibiotics. They're so strong, they'll kill everything. I'm like, you could have fucking told me that a month ago. but I was like oh good a month of sobriety under my belt like I could use that you know I mean I like to have a drink so but this guy didn't take the cue and he kept drinking while I was unable

to drink and I was like you're out get out of here I'm like are you stupid this is your one opportunity to like band together with your partner who cannot drink this is the moment you don't drink also yeah I was there was a girl I wasn't like dating her but we were kind of hooking up a little bit and she would just happen to be in town and she goes where are you I'd love to see you and she showed up I was just at a bar shit face with my friend and she was disgusted but I didn't know she was coming like I she just hit me up like like 20 minutes before like let's hang out and she was like you're just drunk I'm like hey you met me at a bar that I've been at for like three hours yeah I'm gone yeah it's hard being drunk is pretty is I'm not even a bad drunk

or like any bad drunk as you get older has to quit I'm a pretty please I'm like a go-getter when I'm drunk I talk about like grand ideas I'm like oh I'm gonna do this it's gonna be great I make big promises. I don't follow through on them, but I do in my heart want to do them. Yeah, your intention is there. You have a good, healthy relationship with alcohol. I'm the type of drunk who tells you

how I genuinely feel about you. And it's going to be good. I'm not going to drink with you I don't like. So it's all positive. So that's very high school too. When you get drunk and start telling people how much you like them, that reminds me of 11th grade in high school

where people are like, you're my best friend. You know what I love about you? This is what I love about you. Or like MDMA, people say that. But at a certain age, yeah. Have you ever done MDMA? No, I don't. Drugs, I'm always freaked out.

You don't like that at all. Okay. I'll do like basic. I'll do like if it's a muscle relaxer or something or like Ritalin and stuff like that. But I don't. Do you do a lot of pills and stuff? I mean, I'm familiar with pills. I mean, I'm pretty much like.

I'm familiar with such a classy way to say that. I'm familiar with pills, but I wouldn't say. I've never heard someone use a pill. I wouldn't say I'm a pill popper. Like if I, if I, if I have like, I had surgery on my foot a couple, like I guess two months ago and I had some pain pills for that, but I wasn't, it wasn't like the enjoyment I would have gotten from pills like 10 years ago. Like I'm not interested in that stuff anymore. But I do like, like MDMA. I like LSD. I microdose LSD all the time. I fucking love LSD. I think it's the best like upper. So I'm pretty like open. I'm a, I'm a very drug positive drug. I get along well with drugs. i rarely have a bad time i was just in ibiza for three days and that ended on a sour note but that i don't think had anything to do with drugs that was more that was just like the heat extreme heat and like but you had a bad day from just like sick from like just i was at this party for like

three days it was an ongoing party different people groups of people it wasn't one party but just like too much of and it was hot and i was like i'm out i don't feel good at all and then i slept for like almost 24 hours and missed my flight back fuck yeah i mean i i missed it intentionally you know i was like i'm not making this flight it's not happening i have to sleep it's cool when you make that that choice so yeah it feels good it feels good and then they were like well we have to change your hotel room because you were supposed to check out and i was like well good luck with that because i'm not fucking getting up and i'm like you did squatters law i was like you have to come and remove me you you use your squatters rights in the hotel

that's fucking come and get my luggage and then bring me a wheelchair and wheel me to the next location because that's how this is going down and that's how it worked like it was fine you're super hungover i was just like i was just weak it was more of weak like i wasn't i didn't get sick or anything i just felt like you know sometimes you get zapped and for me i have a climate change is going to be a big problem for me because i can't fucking take the heat yeah i need i want to invest you're a jew you're an east coast jew that's all we do is complain about weather changes anything anything really yeah it doesn't have to be the weather yeah okay We're going to take a break and we're going to be right back with Sam Morrell.

Calling all duos. We're looking for more couples to write in for couples counseling with Chelsea. So whether that's your partner or your mom or your best friend, feel free to write into DearChelseaPodcast at gmail.com. Behind every night spent making the kids lunches, there's a lot of suspense. Will they finally eat the veggies? Will the pesto survive the first bite? Will the lunchbox come home empty, half full, or come home at all? And will you finish episode 8 before you're done slicing the cucumbers?

Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus from $94 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell. Connection is everything. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying,

Shut up. Don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place.

Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us.

Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, and we're back with Sam Morrell. His tour right now, everybody, you can go see him at sammorrell.com. That's M-O-R-R-I-L.

His tour is called The Errors Tour, not to be confused with the other tour that ended last year. I'm not familiar. How did you come up with that name, Sam? I don't know. It just came to me. just hit me and do people get confused it's happened yeah i saw another comedian using it too and i was like i beat him to it though another one how can you do that at the same time i don't know mine was already out there i can't change it i know but didn't that guy do a google check and find out that it's happening he didn't but it's all right your newest special

is called same time tomorrow which no no newest one's called you've changed sorry that one's on amazon same time tomorrow was it was a netflix one but that's on my youtube channel now i got the rights back for that did you for netflix yeah wow nice you're quite a deal maker you are jewish and you've changed is on amazon yeah okay as with all his other specials the hour was immediately a hit with fans and critics alike with the new york times praising him as reliably funny i didn't send this here's a quote from vulture just to make you even more embarrassed a good comedian who has done the work of establishing a clear distinct persona can get as big of a laugh on a pause as they can a punchline oh that's a great compliment nice yeah that's actually what you just said about

yourself kind of is it moments ago you said your audience is forgiving when you lead up to a joke i mean it's not the same as applause but i'm gonna i just meant they're patient with me because i'm sometimes it's it's you know you know how it is when you have the notepad out you're trying to figure shit out yeah yeah do you bring your notepad on stage a lot i try not to i ran into someone who called me out for it recently on this at a bar he was like i was at a show and you just had your fucking notepad out. And I was like, well, you know, I build the show is working out new material. And he's like, still dude at the cellar. No, it was at a, I was at a bar with a friend and he just like, is he talking about a show in Dania beach at the improv there? And I

was doing workout shows. I think if you're at a comedy club, you're allowed to bring your notes on stage. I mean, who gives a shit? It's not like you're doing Madison square garden and looking at your notebook. Yeah. Which by the way, did you just burp on me? Oh my God. Well, I mean, it wasn't great, but it came out involuntarily. It wasn't like it came out more of as an exhale, but i know what a burp is i know i thought i thought i could be sneaky i'm just waiting for it to reach my nostrils but it hasn't yet which is lucky okay so you also did the roast of the year a little bit with um hannah burner yes how was that terrible was it awful why it was just a mess it was like a four-hour shoot and uh people were like they people some of the people that couldn't

read a prompter so they're taking like 30 minutes to do their set and we're just sitting at a table behind him like oh just oh no was it a live audience oh yeah it was like a four hour shoot yeah i felt so bad for the crowd i think jeff asked me to do that and i was like i'm not no i don't do roast first of all i said no and then mark norman said yes because they told him i said yes and he's your buddy right he's my buddy and then he was we kind of were like what if we just did it together so it would take the you know sting out of it take this thing and we had fun actually yeah working it out together was fun because we were like riffing off each other figuring out jokes I liked it are you typically into roast do you like to do those I wouldn't

say it's like my style of humor but I yeah I like them I think they're like they're it's a tradition for a reason it's fun yeah yeah how about you I mean I've never done them just because my personality is so like I'm just roasting people anyway like I don't really need to be I've always looked at it like that's a hat on a hat you know what I mean like it's a little much to be good at I mean you to go off on people all the time yeah now that I'm not on a show where I'm roasting people all the time it would be a different thing but i don't know i i would have to see what they he asked me to do this one but it was at the worst time of the year i was like i just had just gotten to whistler i'm like i'm not leaving there was a period when i think like roast battle and that

stuff got too big and all these new comics could they were great at insulting people but they didn't have five minutes on themselves so to me that i was kind of like ad is becoming too much of a thing yeah but when it's a big i didn't like the idea of roasting the year either because it's like i don't like roasting people who aren't in the room so that's why we were most of our jokes for like Diddy, Luigi. I'm like, all right, they're either on trial or in jail. Like let's shit on people

that actually are not here for a reason. Right. We're going to take callers and get into some advice soon. This is what we do here at Dear Chelsea. You're going to love it. What is your situation now romantically? Do you have a girlfriend?

No, I don't. Are you good at being a boyfriend? It depends on who you ask. This is a very female heavy show. So you're going to have a lot of new female fans. Okay, cool. So if you want to talk- Do you think you're a good girlfriend or no?

I wouldn't date me. I mean, I'm doing my own thing. I don't really have any respect for like anyone. Like I don't like to be in a couple. I like to just do my own thing and have casual encounters. Okay, that's cool. I think if I'm really in it, I'm good. But I was in one for a while and it takes a while for me to,

I like to kind of heal for a while and then just go do my own thing. You need to recover from the relationship for a while. Totally. Right. Well, that's nice to hear from a man because a lot of women feel that way. really yeah like a lot it takes a lot out of you to be in a relationship first of all you fall in love and then you get you can get your heart broken and so then you're vulnerable and you

like you have to like kind of almost kind of lick your wounds regardless of how the relationship ended like you can have your heart broken even if you're the person that ended the relationship yeah no it's uh i'm usually the person who gets dumped i feel like which is kind of great well you're a man so you should be getting dumped yeah i mean you guys have done enough i'm getting punished for every man ever well all men should be punished for every man ever not should be but they are kind of being punished. I think what it is really, I'll tell you what it is

because I was just thinking about this the other day. I was, because I'm just coming back onto men. Like I was kind of grossed out by men for a period of time. Did you ever, do you ever have like a lady phase or no? Yeah, but only with guys, like in threesome situations. Like I'm not hooking up with girls on my own. You know, I'm not like, hey, come over and eat my pussy. But guys, I think what my turnoff was,

was this kind of like political backdrop that we're in. even if men aren't Trump supporters, it's very emblematic right now that the world we're living in, the news every single day is very emblematic of the reason we're here in this situation in the first place is because of men, you know, because of men not standing up for women enough, standing up for the rights of people that are not white, straight males enough. Like men aren't, they don't think that's their job. So they, you don't have to be a Trump supporter to be contributing to that. You know what I mean? So in a certain way, this is from my perspective only in a certain way, like I was like, God, I'm so off of men for like the last six months. And I was talking it out with a friend. I'm like, oh, I know what it is. I'm like, I'm so grossed out by what we're dealing with right now that I want to blame all men for bringing us here. Not just the men who voted for Donald Trump, but all men, all men for not going, oh, gay people need rights.

I'm actually going to actively stand up for their rights. I'm going to actively stand up for women's rights and, you know, equity and all of the things that matter. So but now I'm starting to realize you guys didn't know any better. Yeah. I mean, I feel like if we get blamed for all the bad stuff men have done, we should also get credit for all the great stuff men have done, too. like you know okay name something maybe before i fuck you i'm like this condom a dude came up with that oh that's kind of cool yeah but that's just you guys helping yourselves again do you see because you're protecting yourself from having a child so you have to protect you from my stds but you have to think of the joke i don't have stds yes he does by the way we test all of he doesn't

count this doesn't fucking count we test all of our guests before they come in and you've tested positive for three different human papillomavirus your hiv positive hiv is treatable now though and you have herpes which is also treatable so no problems there the three h's god damn it i bet you didn't realize you were gonna get diagnosed when you came on this podcast i didn't think so but you know what well this is a perfect save me a trip to the doctor you're right i am a doctor actually i like to call refer to myself as a farm to table gynecologist so our callers know that already yeah no i think uh i i understand i understand women are especially when roe v way got overturned i understand that i think that was uh yeah it's just like you're you're insulted

that we don't have enough comrades you know what i mean it's like why are we always the ones screaming and yelling more why aren't guys helping fight for us you know that's that's the the sentiment and i'm not saying that guys don't there are plenty of a lot of women voted red in this election yeah but those women are being controlled by their husbands and you know what i mean like women who listen to their husbands like any woman that voted for donald trump is probably married to somebody who's a trumper and that's a generalization that's probably not true for every single one but i'm sure it's true for a lot and again that's on the fault of men for influencing their wives well i feel terrible about this guys i'm sorry thank you that's all i was looking for it was

an apology i'm just trying to get pussy on this podcast yeah well you will get it you will get it by apologizing that's the first step yeah i'm so sorry okay katherine what do we have on on tap for today for sam all right well our first caller today is morgan the subject line of her email is my dad wants me to meet his soon ye dear chelsea i'm a 37 year old woman who's found herself living in the same town as her father after many years far far away in nyc my dad's dating life is a fiery disaster. He's 65, has done well financially, and has ended two of his marriages by having illicit, highly choreographed affairs. He's been married three times, the first being my mother. His most recently terminated relationship was with a 32-year-old who was in need of financial

help and entirely devoid of personality. He insisted that we meet her, which we did, and I attempted to get to know her, despite being squarely between mine and my brother's age at the time when she met my dad he was more than happy to pay for her bachelor's degree in nursing move her whole family into his home including her brother who was overcoming a gambling addiction and after a few tumultuous years they ultimately married with zero guests in attendance six months later they were separating after having given her the reins to property manage his real estate portfolio she still runs it he pays her handsomely they're in the process of detangling it but it's a fucking mess she'll ultimately gain a property or two from the whole sordid affair oh lucky her

about a week ago i got engaged to the love of my life while on vacation in maui the day i'm returning home my dad asks if we would like to meet quote sammy the 26 year old he's been courting long distance i told him i wouldn't meet her until he met her parents this whole saga is wrote to me now he wants a trophy wife which in his case just looks like a vulnerable young woman who may come from a troubled or super religious upbringing. Sammy, the new girlfriend, is of the latter variety. I'm currently just biding my time before he proposes to yet another young woman, one he barely knows. He intends to be engaged to Sammy first prior to meeting her very religious parents. What an absolute joke. His trust in women is bargain basement vibes sold dirt cheap.

My dad and I are close, but I've learned to keep some distance in order to keep my peace. How do I proceed? Do I just kill with kindness and limit my time with him? I refuse to allow him to bring this new Sunyi to my wedding, and I dread even just meeting this young woman who likes old men. But here I am just trying to, quote, let them. Thanks again, Morgan. Hi, Morgan. This is our special guest, Sam Morrell, today. Hi. How are you? Yeah. He's here to give you some straight heterosexual male advice on this topic.

Perfect. What do you mean by highly choreographed affair? That sounds like John Wick fucking or something. That was crazy. I was wondering the same thing. No, just that he had them at all, you know, or that they were highly secretive, but like intentional, you know, a lot of scheduling involved, a lot of scheduling involved, a lot of ground to cover. You want to limit your exposure to this woman? Yeah, I find it kind of disheartening only because it's now becoming just such a rote pattern. You know, I mean, like, it doesn't really matter who it is. But essentially, he just wants someone young. And it's like, kind of devalues some of my relationship. Like, I love my dad, but his relationship with women is like, embarrassing. yeah I mean like I would just limit your exposure to her at all and just be honest with your dad

like I've already seen you get swindled by this other woman this seems to be a pattern of behavior because there's not there's more than just one right right well yeah there was someone he recently had a brief marriage with who was like between like a brief marriage that's the best kind to have is he like a romantic does he think that is he in this where he's like this is the one is he that yeah he does he kind of has like this very old school kind of romance but there's like a 40 year age gap right yeah that's fucking all i remember reading about sinatra dating mia farrow and he was like 60 and she was 21 and it's like what the fuck do you talk about it doesn't matter my knees hurt she's like what i just i saw seven i was at a dinner the other

night there was a 70 year old very famous 70 year old with a 21 year old he's married first of all And he was there with a 21 year old girlfriend who was in, cause I, and I know she was 21 cause she went to Pepperdine. She was actively a Pepperdine student in her last year. I don't understand. Well, maybe Sam can shed light on this. I think that first of all, men just need a woman. They can't be alone.

The men have an incredibly, older men especially have an incredibly, that's why when men get divorced, they remarry immediately and women get divorced and they're like, I'm never fucking getting married again because women are taking care of them and men want to be taken care of and they want a younger hotter girl so that they feel relevant and that people look at them and go oh my god look at that that look at that man with that young girl he must be so incredible but she must be she's using him as well though clearly obviously yeah i mean they're both using each other so it's actually perfect thing is like i fully resigned myself to the fact that these relationships are transactional in nature you know it's like why do i have to be involved well

why do you have to be involved though is the question well that's the thing is like I've had moments where I just can't deal with the drama of his life but I don't even understand why you are I mean just say like hey it's my wedding you come but I don't want her there that's your wedding that's cool right and then and then and then why else do you have to hang out with her just say it makes me uncomfortable just say I don't I don't like that or you can try dating a black guy and really piss him off is it too late for you to date a black guy because aren't you getting married I'm getting married to somebody whose last name is white. So I need a white guy.

That would be even better if he was black and his last name were white. That would be a double whoopsie doodle. Yeah, that would be great. I know that I won't allow that to happen at my wedding or like she won't be there. I think I know that. I used to live, you know, on the other side of the country. And now we're both living in the same town again after, you know, 17, 18 years. that's perfect because then that's your excuse you don't have to go visit him to visit him

you're in the same town now so that if you want to go to lunch with your father you don't have to hang out with his girlfriend or whatever you know his prostitute slash wife and when when you said soon he that threw me for a loop-de-loop because that implies it was his daughter right right so it's not that bad she's he's just a guy that's dating women that are too young and he's perfectly happy paying for them and being taken advantage of by them. And that's fine, but you can separate the two. You can be like, listen, dad, we're in the same city now.

I've had enough of your drama with these young women. It's obviously a transactional relationship. I don't want anything to do with it. It's embarrassing to me. I love you. You're my father. When I spend time with you, it's going to just be us. And that's it.

And if you have a problem with that, then I'm sorry, but I have to set up some boundaries here because you've been doing whatever you wanted. and this last hot mess impacted all of you. Yeah. Yeah, but also he's not, and you have lunch with him and that's it. He's not going to try to bang any of your friends

because they've aged out probably, so you're safe there. And then, yeah, just hang out with your dad and just your dad. Yeah, and don't have sex with him. No, no, I, yeah, I hope not. This whole Sunni thing put a damper on this conversation. Yeah, you can't just throw out Sunni

when it's not nearly that bad. I will say, Morgan, there is another very important piece to this that you'll want to have a serious conversation with your dad about and that is inheritance stuff you know him being i know you said with his previous wife he had a prenup but that's like not actually enough he needs to go to an elder law or a state planning attorney and basically talk to him about like hey we don't want this to be a thing where like god forbid something happens to you which it will eventually that all of your assets go to this person who's 26 or

whatever, you need to like set it up so it follows the bloodline. And any good elder law or estate planning attorney should be able to help him set up his assets in a way that like she can be provided for if they're still married at the time of his death. But it's not just like, okay, now she gets to go live her life with Biff the pool boy. In fact, I would use that as a bargaining chip. Like I would say, if you do all of those things, she's allowed to be in my life 10% of the time that I see you. I will tolerate her as long as you protect yourself financially from this woman have you met her no i haven't met her but essentially when i got back from maui a couple weeks ago we had just got engaged and my dad was like hey do you mind meeting sammy really briefly

tomorrow he stole your shine that's supposed to be your day and i was like no and i mean no but also have you met her parents yet and he's like no and i'm like well yeah how about you like meet her family or like understand a little bit of context like you've spent a total of what 35 days with her over the course of a somewhat distance you know very new relationship like why do you it's just the financial dominance or like whatever that is or whatever this kink is it's like it's just he just needs to ascribe himself he wants to be in a dedicated romantic relationship He wants to share his romance with everyone else in his life. And really, that's not a lot more than just his family members at this point.

And so it's like it's kind of a sad scenario. But yes, I appreciate what you said, Catherine, because a lot of it is kind of like, oh, is this also going to turn into some mess at the end of his life? I think that's the most important thing. You know, however he spends his time, whoever he wants to fuck, like whatever. But you don't need it in your face all the time. But be reasonable. but also the financial aspect being the most important aspect because you don't want these girls just like taking all of his money i mean he's basically paying for a wife or a girlfriend

anyway so let him go ahead and do that but don't let that be turn into something in his will can i ask a question what's the minimum age going forward that you'd be okay with him fucking and you meeting i mean honestly because we get him to set his tinder to that then maybe we avoid this in the future you know yeah well exactly but i 40 42 it would just be someone who's like in or around my age because i really did give that last girl a chance you know what i mean like around your age that's so gross to think of your father dating someone your own age it's fucking weird right yeah did i ever tell you the story katherine my mother died one week after my mother died my my father seymour handler who now thank god is deceased was in our kitchen

and my brother Roy went over to our house to check on my father on a 35 Morningside Drive in Livingston, New Jersey. And his housekeeper, his Jamaican cleaning lady was nude in the kitchen cleaning for him while he had his pants down on the sofa 20 feet away from her. That was a week after my mother died.

That is what happens to older men when they lose their wives. That's not all older men. I got a good new cleaning lady. i have i would never ever have known how disgusting my father was unless my mother had died that's crazy disgusting wow can you imagine this poor woman i mean is that like her thing is that how she cleans i'm sure he's like hey why don't you take your clothes off and clean and i'll sit here and masturbate and i'll give you an extra 40 bucks i mean i'm sure that it was it was something along

those lines that is but imagine hearing that on your group your family thread like hey i just came over to dad's house and guess who was naked in the kitchen you're like wow this is a real bummer listen old men can be gross and they can have gross desires but it is your father so i think we've sorted this issue out i think you're going to be fine and you just have to be very direct yeah yeah all right thank you so much thanks morgan you're welcome follow up with us okay thank you i will bye sam do you think you'll be one of those men that when you get older you're going to want to date 20 year olds like do you know i mean i i won't go that young now i mean i'm pretty but you're not even 40 yet so i don't think you really know oh until you're in your 50s

as a man if you're gonna go down that road i just think that's too young for me i don't really connect with it like i i'm trying to think of the youngest i would go because at a certain point they're not talking about anything they're just there for you know it's like a vessel for your penis yeah like a fuck doll yeah and it's also to show off i would imagine it's to show i don't think my friends would be impressed with it i think they'd be like what the fuck are you doing right but i would imagine that the men who are doing that believe that people are looking at them with envy like look at me look what i have i don't know i think uh i can't predict i i'm really i'm pretty i don't have a type really i'm pretty unpredictable with who i date so i i don't

think i would do that but i mean my ex was older than me i've dated taylor's the youngest biggest age gap i've ever dated yeah i i don't know i think if the person's hot there if i'm attracted to them i don't give a shit i know but it's just that there's a different thing that happens when there's somebody a man that's over 60 or over 70 with somebody that's 20 to 30 years younger i used to date guys that were like 20 years older than me when i was in my 20s now i wouldn't date someone 20 years older than me because that means they're almost 70 totally like i'm not down for that either what stage of your life are you in what is what is interesting you right now what do you want to do with your life like i i don't want to date someone who's just figuring out who

they are right you know i i'm pretty sure i'm pretty secure in who i am and you date someone super young you're just like what it takes a lot of people to like form an identity i think well it's also interesting what you say about like what stage of life you're in because how many stages are there? You know, like, Oh man, I was,

I was with a girl who was like, just like, I want to say eight years younger than me recently. And she took me to this bar and I was like, this is fucking loud. You get to an age where you're like, this sucks. I don't like this.

That I appreciate. So it's just, I mean, you go to certain bars, you're like, this is for a certain age. And then you, I like,

I always liked older people bars just cause I liked that you could have a conversation because you know soft jazz we'll talk we'll have a few drinks but the loud music i'm getting older like i get it now my mom will be in a restaurant with me and she'll be like this is so fucking loud i'm like it's not that loud that's what the lsd is for to tolerate those situations really yeah totally you can handle any situation on lsd i hate loud i i understand what you mean i i also don't like loud but like if i need to get it up in that environment meaning i need to go and hang in that kind of environment i know i know you don't have a penis i'm gonna i do have a penis damn and i think we all know i have a penis you do but yeah then i'll take

i'll take whatever whatever i i'll take whatever means necessary to get me into the mood to hang out in that situation no i know i know what you mean like i want to be a good sport but i feel the same way as you it's fucking annoying loudness is is annoying i see young people waiting on lines for bars and stuff and i'm like what the fuck yeah that's something i would never over right you don't do that right time is valuable okay let's we'll take a break and we'll be right back with sam morrell the jonas brothers are running it back we live the burning up tour and celebrate the biggest jonas brother hits that have defined a generation one incredible celebration one unforgettable night see the jonas brothers

live at rbc amphitheater september 28th get tickets now at ticketmaster.ca jonas brothers the burning up tour all over again when i was 14 years old i was kidnapped and held captive for nine months i survived and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files you just remember this low taunting voice next to my ear saying shut up don't say anything every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable i knew if he woke up without a doubt he was going to hurt me i started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed and i just started screaming they are abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced but these aren't stories about what's

taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice, and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having.

I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages.

On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people, and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it.

It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back to wrap it up with Sam Morrell. Sam, it was great. We've never met before. No. Right? I've never met you, no.

Because I was like, I always say that. And people are like, oh, yeah, I was on your show. But no, we've never met before. So it's really nice to meet you. Yeah, you too. Yeah, and congrats on all of your success. You too. Yeah, you're a really funny comic.

Ladies, if you're watching and you're looking for a new male comic who's not disgusting and not a rapist, Sam Morrell is your man. His newest special is on Amazon. And then he's got other specials on. That's my next credit. Netflix, not a rapist. Not a rapist. He's not like one of those guys, those male comics that are gross and detestable. he's not like that at all he's normal he's he's he's clean he took a shower the bar is so nice

and low yeah i love that yeah yeah i did shower before i came here you took a shower i could tell he only burped once but that wasn't it was an accident it was a seltzer though yeah yeah okay well you can go catch him on tour guys he's on the errors tour and if you're in europe you can go see him there i'm everywhere in europe almost except a couple of the places she mentioned and you can see him in carnegie hall and chicago theater october 4th chicago theater october 4th carnegie hall december 4th you said yeah yeah okay got vegas coming up too venetian uh september 19th great yeah i got a bunch of fun dates coming up okay love it love it and then go follow him on instagram you guys his stand-up is really fucking funny and you're gonna like those

call-in shows he or call-ins he does too well they're not call-ins so fuck it anyway thanks sam it was great to meet you yeah i put up new vegas dates by the way for next year this year I will be there November 1st and November 29th. Those are my last two dates this year. Then I start up again January 31st, March 7th, April 18th, and May 30th. And tickets are now on sale for all of those dates. Do you want advice from Chelsea? Write into DearChelseaPodcast at gmail.com.

Find full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea Pod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert, executive producer Catherine Law. And be sure to check out our merch at ChelseaHandler.com. it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the

internet and pop culture with your favorite writers book talk creators and plenty of overthought opinions i'm obsessed i'm obsessed listen to pro society on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts did you hear the new episode of the hey jonas podcast we are at d23 so we'll see who stops by the cast of frozen stopped by kristin bell josh gad and adina menzel i auditioned for frozen what for kristoff they said okay what are you going to be singing today I said, I don't know. That must have been why you didn't get it. Oh, you probably won.

Plus, John Stamos, Hayden Christensen from Star Wars, and more. And I guess I can share that, uh... No way. Listen to the latest episode of Hey Jonas on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook.

Each week, we talk to someone in show business and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, Adam Scott, Danny McBride, Ben Stiller, and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.