Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - If You’re Asking The Question, You Have The Answer

Episode Date: June 24, 2021

Chelsea and Brandon chat about Cabo, Chelsea’s mega-high after 30 days without weed, and what happens when you send videos of yourself dancing to the wrong person. Then they take some questions: Fidelity in a long-term relationship is in doubt due to one partner’s new moves in bed. A single woman learns to depend less on other people’s opinions. And a drummer’s girlfriend wonders if she missed out by staying child-free.The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees. This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all. Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human. Behind every night spent making the kids' lunches, there's a lot of suspense. Will they finally eat the veggies? Will the pesto survive the first bite? Will the lunchbox come home empty, half full, or come home at all?

And will you finish episode eight before you're done slicing the cucumbers? Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus from $94 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability.

Bell. Connection is everything. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who lived through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements.

We host the podcast, Hollywood Handbook. Each week, we talk to someone in show business and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, Adam Scott, Danny McBride, Ben Stiller, and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle.

I choose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm just reading an article about myself, Brandon. So you're just gonna have to start this podcast without me because I'm interested in what I have to say here you're busy well I guess we'll have to wait for your update on Cabo then oh oh oh never mind let me get into that okay let's not be silly Cabo can I just say that I don't think of myself as a beach

vacation goer in the way that I like to do it when I was in my 20s and didn't realize that skin cancer was just around the corner so I think taking a beach vacation it sounded so nice when someone brought up cabo and i i don't love going to cabo i'll be honest i mean i love mexican food and i love mexican people and i love mango margaritas frozen so i would say that that that is the main impetus for me when i go to mexico i like the vision or the visual of seeing a mango margarita that is frozen that's headed towards me and that i know is coming in my way yeah and especially when they choose the appropriate glassware to put a frozen margarita it has to be the thick glass well no not necessarily it's the glass shape that i'm

talking about but it doesn't have to be thick it has to be i actually prefer it thin but i like a large volume of it right yeah because then it becomes an issue you have to drink it before it gets slushy see and i like the thick glass because i feel like it retains the cold better I don't know if that's true. I think that it's not. I'll have to do some research on that. Yeah, it's going to end up like the research I did on rice. Well, I haven't done research on rice yet, but I have done research on ice,

which is that if you put a lot of ice in a drink, it maintains the integrity of the coldness of the drink. A lot of people think that if you put a lot of ice in a drink, it dilutes the drink. If you're in the fucking Bahamas, yes. But if you're in a place that can hold ice, the more ice, the colder your drink will remain. If you put two to three ice cubes in a vodka soda in Europe, I don't like that. That's when it's going to get diluted. Yes.

But back to my trip to Cabo, I stayed at a resort that I hadn't stayed at before, which was recommended by my travel agent. She said that I would like it. We went for three nights and two days, which is basically all I can take for a beach vacation. but I was so looking forward to just sitting on this chaise at a pool near a body of water but I also had just gotten fraxel done to my face around my eyes so I looked like Batman when I left and I had to protect myself from the sun which was an exhausting part of being there like a good practice yeah but no no not a good practice because I'll never wear a hat like that again but

I had to wear a safari hat that kind of like covered the back of my neck and then the sides of my faces so I was basically talking out of a hole it was hot to be wearing a contraption like that Jamie my makeup artist who started a company called Bly Lighter which is the only product I use on my cheeks for blush look it up Bly Lighter by Jamie Greenberg she was trying to teach me how a dance in Cabo and I don't I can't really dance so she was trying to teach me how to dance and then when we got home I was dancing for her in my kitchen I made a Marco Polo of me dancing in the kitchen the way she taught me and I sent it to someone else her name is Jamie Greenberg and I sent it to my friends Jackie Greenberg so I got a really funny Marco Polo not a lot she was like

that is they were just laughing laughing hysterically and then I found out that I sent it to the wrong person and then I just realized I do shit like that all the time but yeah so I came back from Cabo we basically had mango margaritas it was Jamie Molly my cousin who for any of you have read my books Molly's always in my books and we had it was just so delightful and it was so nice and it was we got yeah and that was really your first trip post-pandemic Yeah, my first vacation, I would say. Well, I went to San Francisco to see my sissy. But yeah, it would be my first trip like that.

Oh, and we announced the tour, everybody. Vaccinated and horny. That's me. I'm vaccinated and I'm horny. And we just are adding shows to the original shows. We are adding a second show at The Beacon in New York City. We're adding a second show in Denver the same night as the first show. We're adding a late show.

So, yeah, get your tickets at Ticketmaster. I'm doing the Santa Barbara Bowl, and I'm so fucking excited. Anna Humphrey's by the Bay, and it jumps off at the Mirage in Vegas, July 10th. The Mirage. So I'm going to spend the night there in Vegas for the first time in a long time. Another place that I don't typically like to spend too much time in for obvious reasons. Yeah, that's a location where you only go for 24 hours. You get in and out of there.

Or 12. Well, that too. Yeah. It's exciting that you're getting back on the road. Are you excited to be out on the road? Yeah, I am. I did like six shows at the Irvine Improv a couple of weeks ago.

And I put a whole brand new hour up. Like you have to go up with all brand new material. Some stuff I had left over from the last special that I didn't use. So that was great. A little buffer. It's hard to do that. I was so, so nervous.

And then I did it and I was like, yeah, that's tough. Like I like to do tough stuff like that. makes you feel really confident in your ability to like challenge yourself you know and the accomplishment of getting like starting the set from scratch to then cultivating over your next tour dates and really like fine-tuning that yeah yeah so I love it and I'm really glad and people are excited about the tour and that makes me so happy yeah so that's good to get out they need to laugh yeah it's a good time to be doing it exactly all right well speaking of timing you wrapped up

your 30 days of no smoking cannabis. Yes, I did. And what were your takeaways? Okay, that's a good question. I think that I mean, they're obvious takeaways. I don't have to clear my throat as much. What's important when you're smoking weed is to be smoking really organic weed that isn't doesn't have pesticides and chemicals that so many of them do that you buy. So it's like you have to have a friend who like my friend sends me weed. So I just try now to smoke it off of that one hitter. Cause anytime I smoke a pre-roll, it's just like hurting my throat. And obviously I'm not going to be banging on about cannabis and then not getting all the good effects, you know? So I've been using my one hitter, which is great. But my takeaway from quitting is that

it's good to exercise your willpower in life. It's good to, that sounded so annoying. It's good to show yourself what you're capable of. You know, 30 days was nothing, even though it sounded like it was going to be something it wasn't. And it gave me a lot of hope for people who think that it's hard to break habits because it's really not because I have to say, like, I do love smoking joints. But now that I took the 30 days off, it's like, I don't love it as much as I thought I did. I don't care. I'll take an edible. You know, that's a nice feeling, too. Should we see how Shane felt about it? Oh, yeah. Speaking of which, this is why we're talking about this.

For anyone listening, who maybe hasn't listened to that episode, Shane went on a 30 day cannabis detox with Chelsea so they went cold turkey after the initial phone call no smoking for one month and now they have both completed that month so let's see how that went for him yeah hey Shane hey how's it going hi nice to see you again hi nice to see you again how are you we made it we did it we did it high five I'm so proud of us I know I know how was it the first week was kind of rough like I had no appetite at all but it got pretty easy after that okay so for any women who are looking to lose weight um and you're a pothead take a week off and you'll have no appetite you know what's funny you say that I totally felt that too I was like why do I not feel the need to

be living with my head inside of my refrigerator yeah I was not hungry like at all yeah and then what what about it what about cravings i didn't really have cravings the first week was bad and then like it was chill smooth sailing after that other than like slow drivers and irritating people oh right people became a little bit more irritating yeah yeah how did you manage your stress while you weren't smoking i went running a lot oh this is great this is a great trading habits yeah totally i did like 30 plus miles i wanted to do at least one mile for like every day but yeah did you run that much when you were smoking weed i tried to but i think i did it more when i was less stoned yeah well that makes sense probably although i bet you when you're

stoned you can get into a really good groove when you're running right and then just be like you turn into forrest gump before you know it you get that natural running high and the actual high yeah yeah because sometimes i work out and i smoke weed right before i work out and i get in the zone like it helps me yeah totally so how was it with your roommates because they were all still smoking weed right um one of them actually just kept that to their room smoking so i didn't have to see any of it that's nice of them the other one went on a break with me so it was i had a little buddy this is like a huge success story yeah this is great and how are things with work i know you said that you would you would forget things you'd constantly be leaving stuff behind

i forgot absolutely nothing the entire time however as soon as i started smoking again I did forget something. Shane, how old are you? I just turned 31 on Friday. Okay. Happy birthday. Thank you. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Happy birthday. So that's great. And did you at any point think about like, oh, fuck this. I cannot keep up with this. And I'm just going to smoke a joint and pretend and lie about it because I did. So I wanted to wait until like midnight of the actual day

that I could start smoking again. But I hit the pen three hours earlier and I got so paranoid that everyone in my house was gonna know I cheated and know I was high that I like had a little mini panic attack oh oh that's the story I didn't tell the first time I smoked a joint after my 30-day thing I mean my 30-day break did I make it to 30 days though did uh you only you can answer I think I did a full menstrual cycle so let's just say it was 28 days because I think I did do a day early if I'm going to be completely honest, which I have to be. But I was getting my hair done and I smoked a little bit of

a dog walker and I got up. I was so lightheaded and I just was like, oh, my God, I'm a weakling again. But I like it because I like to you know, it's nice to have a low tolerance. I mean, it wasn't nice to be lightheaded and then, you know, fall. But other than that, it was fine. Yeah. I also I was so sober that I told my parents that I'm trans. I didn't do that for like eight years I kept it to myself so that happened all thanks to being sober oh my god my god everyone was pretty chill other than my mom what was her reaction how did you say it what did you say so I was at my parents house and they started talking shit about the like trans athlete man and I was like well now I'm gonna come out out of spite so as soon as I got home I sent a

group text message to like my siblings and my parents and my mom didn't respond for like three days but everybody else was super nice what were their responses i think they support me and they love me but what can you tell us what you wrote oh it was a long ass text message but basically that i've like been transitioning for eight years didn't feel like telling any family because i didn't want to deal with their like negative opinions wow good for you that's so fucking hard and brave how do you feel now relieved yeah a lot of relief i don't have to hide anything or ever shave my face ever again that's what i would do when i would go see them i'd just shave It's very powerful, though, too, that, you know, you've kind of made this like bold decision to get out of your comfort zone and stop smoking, something that you've relied on for a long time.

And out of that came something like totally unexpected. Yeah, I think that I was stoned all the time. And that's what kept me from coming out. Whenever I was uncomfortable, I just smoked. Yeah, I think, well, that's what a lot of people do. instead of thinking about it as something that enhances the goodness you're thinking about something that kind of shoves a feeling away or something you know yeah totally a distractor this is incredible I'm so glad that you called in like when you did and I hope you consider because it

sounds to me that this has had such an impact like look at the ripple effect of you making just like one strong decision about your well-being, look at the ripple effect that it's had. And I hope you can think about that in other ways, like in your life, that you can implement that, you know? Yeah, totally. I'm going to try not to smoke during the week while I'm at work so I don't forget anything. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's good. Let's keep you to that. That's a good one. And then that way, when you have the weekends, it's actually a celebration, not just another day where you're stoned out of your mind, you know? Yeah, totally. Well, keep us posted, Shane. Let us know how it goes if you stick to your weekend regimen of no smoking so it becomes more of a

treat and how things develop with your family and kind of how things turn out with your mom all right and chelsea i'll see you when you come to san jose i got pre-sale tickets well it's san jose civic center right yep i'll be there i'll be there too see you there i hope so yeah see you there bye shane bye shane well i mean if that's not a problem solved oh my god Wow. That's, like, what's our track record here? I don't know, but that was really moving. He has hit his life out of the park in a 30-day period. He has made major changes.

I mean, wow, I'm very, I'm speechless. Good for him. Okay, so, okay, I think we should take a, I think we should, you know what? I'm going to take a shower. Let's take a break. Behind every night spent making the kids' lunches, there's a lot of suspense. Will they finally eat the veggies? Will the pesto survive the first bite? Will the lunchbox come home empty, half full, or come home at all? And will you finish episode eight before you're done slicing the cucumbers?

Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus from $94 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell. Connection is everything. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything.

Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home.

This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse.

Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements.

We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network. Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners. Each week, we talk to someone in show business, a.k.a. the biz, and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show we've had a lot of great guests like sarah sherman not that great actually can you help me can you help me shape this yeah how about we flip it on his head right how about we flip the script okay what is the surprise woman who actually you think is the straight man is actually the one who's

acting weird adam scott this entire time you've been expecting adam sandler to come to visit the show i i would never let go of that i have i would never set expectations for something like that if the universe allows for something like that to happen i'm open to it i'm always going to accept you know danny mcbride fine yeah it's all this fragile masculinity exuding i could smell it walking down the hallway to be honest with you i was like is that weed nope it's fragile masculinity ben stiller no because a lot of times in out of context people don't get it or even know what a circle is you know what i mean like you're like oh what's this everyone's so dumb and fake right fake and and also not interested or just like oh i've got my life i don't care about your

life and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us oh and by the way will ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode but He's just so busy. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first.

I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people, and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits,

change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, I'm back. Are you done chewing, sweetheart? I mean, I'm never going to finish that protein bar.

It's going to sit in my teeth for the next three months. That flavor of that protein bar is a little bit off kilter. I don't like berry protein bars. There's nothing protein about berries. Okay, sweetheart, what were we talking about? Well, our first mission for today. we're gonna get right into it okay let's do that it comes from ready to get to work it comes from a man dear chelsea my boyfriend of 14 years for the past year has not really been interested in

sex at least not the way he used to be he's 42 and i'm 54 when we do have sex i notice that he's quite literally fucking differently there's a whole different energy and vibe like he's learning something from someone and it's not me the sex is great but infrequent i can't stop thinking that while we're having sex where did that come from should i be worried should i just assume he's watching an extra helping of porn and picking up tips is he cheating we're two gay guys and our relationship has been monogamous is it still what do you think no it doesn't sound like it sounds to me like something is definitely going on what do you think sweetheart after that long you know your partner's habits you know their go-to tricks to get things going so if a new trick has been

incorporated they're probably getting it somewhere else yeah yeah do we have this caller on the phone No, this was just probably because it's personal. OK, so what advice can we give them, though, to like what? I mean, I think you need to address it head on. I think that you need to. Yeah, but you know how people are. They're not always honest. Well, they may not be honest, but for your own mental well-being, I would I would say, hey, like you've done this this way.

I was just thinking, is there a way for them to set up getting catching them in the act? That might be a more effective way of getting to the truth faster. I feel like it's tricky in long term relationships. Do you need some help? I don't know, sweetheart. I'm like, it's like I'm wearing a carpenter's outfit. I can't get anything. Oh, your little sleeves got tangled up in there.

Thanks, sweetheart. Is that better? Yeah. There you go. Now you look like Popeye on that side. You have this huge bicep. I wish everyone could see this. That sweater's cute, though.

It's from Aviator Nation. Okay. They're not a sponsor, but they could be. So, yeah, after 14 years, I think trying to set your partner up to catch them doing something or to set yourself up in a way that you catch them doing something, if there's that little trust in the relationship after 14 years,

then you probably shouldn't be in that relationship. That's a good point, but I think it's just quicker with people who are liars. The quickest thing is just to fucking ask. Yeah, but a lot of liars don't tell the truth. They lie again and then they convince you that you're safe or that you're not, you know, you're crazy. They gaslight you.

Yeah, gaslight you, exactly. I had a boyfriend like that once who did that. And I also was, I deserved to be gaslit because I wasn't in a good place at that time, but super jealous and always like looking and thinking something was happening. And it's like, oh my God, that's such an exhausting place to live.

It's so unfair. So yes, obviously asking for the truth straight out is the way to go, but be prepared to have to get creative. Well, this submission makes me think that they probably don't have open communication as it is. Because if he's writing it- If he's asking us why his boyfriend got his new moves

and hasn't asked his boyfriend. Well, and like, you know, do you watch porn together? There are a lot of aspects to this that, without additional context, we can't give thorough advice. But I would say ask him up front. If not, take Chelsea's approach and try and set him up. Or just grab his phone. I mean, isn't that the quickest way to find shit out? Seriously.

I mean, I guess so. Like, everyone should just hand each other their phones and be like, here, here, here. Unless you're hiding something, right? I mean, especially because how many stories do you have to hear about women? And also, that's the other thing. If you're looking for something, you usually find it. But you can also find something that's out of context or that isn't actually framing something in the way that you're finding it. So, again, if you do that, great.

And if you find something, just be aware that that might be the outcome, that what you're seeing is not actually what you're finding. And their boyfriend was 42, right? So he's definitely like in the throes of being horny. Yeah. I mean, I don't think men are ever not horny. Well, right. Women are the ones that are not horny. He's 42.

The boyfriend is 54. So also, who knows? But, like, maybe he's going through a little midlife crisis and he's just trying to incorporate new things to keep it fresh for himself to feel that vibrance again. Who knows? Don't say vibrance like that. Effervescence? I don't know. But not vibrance.

Youth? Yeah, probably. It's hard to be gay. It's the worst. Well, I don't think we really tied a bow on for this one too nicely. Well, sometimes this advice isn't going to be uplifting. I would like to know what happened to this. So if you're listening, please let us know what the result is.

He better be listening. I mean, you can't write into a show and then not listen to see if we address the issue. Unless he doesn't really want the advice. He's like, actually, I've decided against this. Yeah, and then he cuts off contact. Yeah, he unsubscribes to the podcast. Yeah, he's like, no, thank you. Not from these fucking two.

Okay, so our next submission, this is a really common theme that we get. People wanting to know if they should pull the trigger on this decision, moving to another city, going after a big dream. And it always comes down to, should I stay or should I go? and this submission is no different so maybe we can give some overarching advice for anyone who has written in or is thinking about writing in the submission says dear chelsea i'm a 49 year old married woman with no kids who has been in the same career for 28 years dental assisting has been good to me but now i want a complete change i lost my dad in december not to covid but had to say goodbye over the phone since i couldn't see him it's changed me and i don't want to waste

another goddamn day doing something that's killing me mentally i want to become a nail technician yes you heard me right probably the oldest in my class and i know it will take time to build a business costs money and time and i'm scared i have a job now that is steady and reliable i'm at a crossroads stay at this job that's steady or build a business slowly that could give me freedom and a chance to be my own boss i'm terrified that i'll fail and have to rely on my spouse instead of the financial independence i have now okay chelsea give it to me straight what should I do? Erin. Move on from your job and take a chance and build a business and live your life and win. Win. Don't live out of fear. Don't base decisions out of fear. Don't think,

what if this doesn't work? There's only one scenario and the scenario is that it's going to work. So you're perfectly capable of doing this. You've admitted you want to make the change. Do it. No questions asked. That's it. Seems to be thematically that a lot of people are already have already made the decision that they're going to make, but they just need like us to chime in and give them a go ahead. Right. Like a little nudge. And that's good. I want you guys to treat us like your sisters or girlfriends or whatever. Well, you're not a girlfriend, but that's all right. And yeah, most people want to make a decision when I can't make a decision. I like survey it like to my group of like six closest people. And I'm like, what do you think

about this? What do you think about this? What do you think about this? And, you know, actually, the less you do that, the better you are at recognizing your intuition and your gut. Well, that's what you're great with. You go with your gut a lot and it normally doesn't point you in the wrong direction. So when you have that inkling of what you want to do, it's just a matter of. And also the other thing is making the decision, just making a decision, because there's not a wrong or right decision for everything. Most of the times it's just about you making a decision in either direction and then putting your energy towards that decision. And then it will always work out, you know, so you just have to be confident in your decision making and know when to listen to your gut, which is all the time.

And to all listeners, if you're asking the question, you're answering the question, right? Don't you think so? Ditto. Great slogan. Print those up on our t-shirts. Oh, we should have t-shirts. The next one we do have on the line, her name is Katie. She's 37.

She's from Maryland. Katie says, hello, Chelsea. I'm a single, childless, 37-year-old woman who is somewhat successful but constantly feels I'm being judged. How do I help myself feel fulfilled on my own? I'm a rather confident woman, strong and enjoy eating at my favorite restaurants alone. I question whether I'm too independent to find love and then get more mad at myself for thinking archaically. I know there is an increasing population of women and men who could use this advice.

Thanks, Katie. What do you think the bottom line question is? How do I? I mean, I think it's really just learning to be OK with yourself and where you're at. Yes, I think I can relate, though, to that. Like I go through periods where I like you're mad at yourself for having a feeling or you're mad at yourself for doing this or you're mad at yourself. And it's like, oh, she's on the phone.

Katie. Hi, Katie. Hi. How you doing? Good. How are you? Good. We were just saying I was saying like I can relate to the self-loathing and to the like

kind of beating yourself up. Like, you know, why didn't I do this or or being embarrassed of past behavior or like, you know, especially since I've been home from Whistler, like I feel like not an isolationist. What's the person who stays home all the time? a recluse yeah you say recluse I say recluse you do think about your own behavior and stuff and obviously beating yourself up about your own feelings is pointless task and just creates suffering of your own ego all the time so I when I do that I just always try to this is going to sound very corny but this is really true and it works as a practice when I do that and I'm like

thinking about myself too much or being too self-conscious about what I really like and want to do and how I feel. I really, fuck, I already forgot what I was going to say. I had such a strong lead up and then I'm like, wait, what? This is why you don't smoke a joint right before we get here. Brandon, I'm sober by now. I don't have to even feel that joint. I'm sorry that you're bearing the brunt of this, Katie. It's your practice that you do when you're starting to feel like you are critiquing your... Okay. So my practice, Katie, is to really to just shift from from that to the present moment to be mindful of like every moment that you're in, the more present and aware you are leads to the next moment of presence and awareness. And the

more present and aware you practice becoming the less self conscious you are about judging yourself or berating yourself or any sort of self loathing. Because, you know, like, I think of it like this, like, if I start talking to myself in that way, I'm bringing my energy down, I'm bringing my vibe down. I'm not attracting a lot. I'm kind of my eyes are watering a little bit. Are you? Are you crying? I Yeah, I think I'm getting there. Oh, why? It's just a very real thing of like, how do you defeat that and not not feel like beat myself up over things that are out of my control, I guess. Yeah, well, I think it's just that it's like repeating that to you. Like, you know, wasting your time on your self critique. That is suffering. You are suffering, suffering,

suffering. We do it with our bodies. We do it with the way we look. I'm very vain about all of that stuff. I suffer a lot in that regard, but I do practice being present because when you're really present in every moment and you're paying attention, like in this conversation, in this moment, I don't have time to think about anything else. Like, you know what I mean? I'm not thinking about that. And even if you're in your apartment and it's just you and you have your thoughts, It's like, OK, now I can feel like this for a moment and then I'm moving on to the next thing, not denying the feeling, but knowing it's not healthy for you. OK. And practicing just present moment awareness, which is like there's a million books on present moment awareness or mindfulness or whatever you want to call it. Vaginal rejuvenation. I mean, it can be referred to as a lot of things, but it makes you much less filled with self-doubt and less self-conscious.

Well, and I think to your point in that regard, like Katie, you bring up the things that are out of your control is what you feel like you are criticizing yourself over. Yes. And the one thing that you do have control over is how you respond to those things. So again, change that narrative for yourself. Don't worry about what you're not able to control. What you do control is how you feel. You do control your success.

You do control the fact that you are confident enough to go have a solo dinner and be happy. Yeah, that's cool. Like that's confident. And I like that. I like to do stuff like that, too. Do you know how many people can't fucking do that? That they would not have the balls to walk into a restaurant or go see a movie alone. Oh, that's one of my favorite things to do too.

That is something that's like so hot about someone where they don't need anyone like that. Think about that. Don't think about what you don't have. Think about like, I can go do this. Like other people can't. Like I'm a fucking badass woman who does not need someone to fulfill these things for me. Yes. I know it's hard because mainstream media and.

Mainstream media? What are you, a Republican? Well, sorry. Just media, media in general and society continuously sets a standard for what a woman's life should look like. Right, right. Yes. And that's something that you see in every way that you no longer have to apply that

to your life. Like that is a standard they're setting. That's not a standard you have to accept. Yeah, it's so true. It's like, it's just a mindset. Are you taking notes on this call? Because you need to be writing this stuff down. No.

Because that's really good advice too. All right. well, this is going to be in the podcast, so you can always listen to it, but you need to listen back to the podcast, but you need to start implementing this to your life because it is about your confidence, right? It's about your belief in yourself that you are responsible for instilling. You have to believe in yourself. And so if you're constantly reminding yourself about all your good attributes and all your good qualities, which is a theme that's come up on the show now multiple times, it's like, you need to be reminded of the things that you do have,

the things that you are good at, the things that are working for you. You know, it looks like you have a beautiful apartment you have a beautiful blowout like you know things are good yeah exactly you're rocking it like you have a lot of things to offer which I don't even know about but you need to focus on those things to instill your own confidence to build yourself up so that you're not worried about what other people are thinking you know you're worried about what you're thinking what do I think of myself yeah it seems so simple but it is really like resetting my entire narrative of my entire mindset about how I process and think about things and internalize them too. You bring up in your submission about being judged and that that's, you know, a big point

of contention that you feel like people around you are judging either your circumstances or your decisions. But remember, like that's something about them. That's not you. They're projecting what they think on you. So it doesn't matter good, bad or indifferent. Like if you've set yourself up in life to be happy with where you're at, it shouldn't matter what someone else thinks of your current circumstances like that's that has that is theirs they go to bed with that not you luckily because you're you can put yourself in a good space where you don't have that mentality and you get to go to bed peacefully every night not giving a shit about what someone else is doing or how they're living their life because you've created the life that you want

for yourself it's very true so fuck those people yeah why do you say you feel judged all the time is that something from like childhood or is that something that i think it's more so when i when i sent in my submission, it was the day after my 37th birthday. And I think that had a lot to do with it too. It's kind of, I feel like I should have, I should be, you know, with a husband and kids or something at this point. And most of the people that I used to associate with that's their life. So it's almost like breaking away from that and being comfortable. If I don't end up married, if I don't end up with a child, if I end up, you know, maybe on a farm with a woman, who knows being comfortable with that stuff. I also came out more recently as bi. So I think that's a

whole other accepting thing as well. I like that you think being with a woman leads to farming. I mean, it very well could. Yeah. It's another stereotype. But wouldn't you rather be the exception, not the rule? Like those people in those nuclear families, they're fucking miserable. So again, create the life you want for yourself. Like, don't worry about what they have going on, Because they're going to end up divorced. Like you're 37. You've not been through a divorce, which is great. Congratulations on that for starters.

You're on your own. You've built a life without a man. You were able to afford everything that you wanted to take care of yourself. Yeah. And that's the fucking win right there. Like that's what you should be proud of. That I've not needed anyone for this. Yeah.

I would like to say I would like to go on the record and tell you I'm 46 single and do not have a man in my life. And I don't have any regrets about that. I mean, I know we're not the same person, but like, there is a very unique kind of boldness about it that feels pretty powerful to have been able to do this whole life thing on my own and like be strong about it. And not that I'm against men. I mean, it sounds like I am every time I talk about them. I'm not. I'm not. But I'm just I have standards and I'm not willing to compromise who I am at this point. And so that might mean that I'm alone for the rest of my life without a meaningful relationship. So I can relate to you. You know, these are all constructs, societal constructs that are just telling us milestones in people's lives. I obviously respect everyone's decision to live their lives how they want to, to a degree. But you're basically comparing yourself to a race that no one had agreed to. Everybody has to go through all of these milestones at the right amount of time. And it's just a societal construct that we've all allowed to happen. So we think, oh, what's you know, that's the it's a frame of reference. It's like life mile markers that you're supposed to hit. and it's also just like the lameness of people's ability not to have an original conversation when they're like oh what's up with melissa or you know she's not married she's still single or will chelsea ever be with somebody i don't know but it's really not anybody's fucking problem

right but your own and it's only a problem for you if it is a problem for you sounds more to me like you're worried more about what other people think than what you think yeah well and be excited like do you know how many more possibilities you have now that you can date men and women like what yeah what a success i gotta open up that can of worms soon and become a lesbian or become bi actually just become open to the possibility like that i guess i am i will be i guess i will be because you're right yeah again it's not about what you don't have it's about what you do have on the horizon are like you're gonna have some hot lesbian lover possibly so like let's let's be excited about that okay yeah well i really appreciate you guys and i love

your energy too I think that's part of it like fucking positivity and that's the new narrative yeah just a reset that I need to set for myself yeah you just need a quick reset so just like write some things down like some positive things that you can like remember about yourself make sure it's visible just start on your most fundamental level of like telling yourself that you're important and what you think matters more than what others think okay all right nice to talk to you okay nice to talk to you as well it's katie with a c is it katie are we pronouncing that correctly you are yeah it's not catty harry exactly thank you so much you knew exactly what i was getting at it's a mean girls reference oh yeah you wouldn't know all right i'm sorry

let us know if you do find a girlfriend i would like to uh sure like to hear about that please yes all right thank you katie she was cute yeah i liked her liked her enough to date her when that time comes well i mean god i know i just feel like yeah that's just right around the corner from me transitioning into a lesbian or a bisexual person well that's not really trans well it is a transition metaphorically i think it could happen for you i think maybe it should happen because it sounds like me a woman would annoy you less possibly yeah there's just so many different ways to be annoying though is the thing you know that's what i worry about yeah and this would be well we won't get into the specifics of the sexual dynamic but i imagine there would have to be a tap

out for you at a certain point sexually be like okay thank you so much that's it's that that goes for men and women so there's yeah i i need to tap out safe word okay brandon would you like to take a bath i could okay well we're gonna take a quick break so let me run you a bath behind every night spent making the kids lunches there's a lot of suspense will they finally eat the veggies will the pesto survive the first bite will the lunchbox come home empty half full or come home at all and will you finish episode eight before you're done slicing the cucumbers? Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus from $94 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check

availability. Bell, connection is everything. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files i just remember this low taunting voice next to my ear saying shut up don't say anything every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable i knew if he woke up without a doubt he was going to hurt me i started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed and i just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive.

Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table.

It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network. Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners.

Each week, we talk to someone in show business, a.k.a. the biz, and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time, and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman. Not that great. Actually, can you help me shape this? how about we flip it on its head

how about we flip the script what if the surprise woman who actually you think is the straight man is actually the one who's acting weird Adam Scott this entire time you've been expecting

Adam Sandler to come to visit the show I would never expect I would never set expectations for something like that to happen if the universe allows for something like that to happen i am open to it i'm always going to accept you know danny mcbride fine yeah it's all this fragile masculinity exuding i could smell it walking down the hallway to be honest with you i was like is

that weed nope it's fragile masculinity ben stiller no because a lot of times in out of context people don't get it or even know what a circle is you know what i mean like you're like oh what's this Everyone's so dumb except for you. And fake. Right, fake and also not interested or just like, oh, I've got my life. I don't care about your life. And a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Oh, and by the way, Will Ferrell told us personally he loves the show

and he wants to be a guest on every episode, but he's just so busy. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility.

Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app,

apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts our next and last submission comes from initials jk 39 jk oh jk we do not know where she needs some advice she's gotten in a lot of like well this is probably her what is she saying situations lately she says dear hand job i'm 39 i got married in my 20s to a doctor and divorced him for a drummer my parents are very proud i'm sure they are i'm uninterested in marriage and feel fine with that still with the drummer after 10 years we have always lived apart and it's a fun relationship where i have lots of time to focus on my career during the week and then we hang out on the weekends and play in a band together he has kids from a previous marriage

and several years into our relationship he told me he didn't want any more kids understandable but this was initially something that made me feel deep grief even though if given the choice i have trouble visualizing my life with kids because i like my freedom plus i enjoy not being broke and kids would interfere with this. Yet sometimes I see myself as having quote unquote settled, like I should have picked up and left when my boyfriend said he didn't want kids when I am otherwise happy in our relationship. My question is, why do I keep ruminating on the fact that I don't have kids and feeling like a total weirdo for it? Is this a midlife crisis or just an antiquated sexist idea that has gotten stuck in my head about what it means to be a grown

woman? What do you think? I think she should just let go of the idea of kids and stop forcing it. Again, societal pressure, societal standards. You're happy. Everything's good in your life. And you're just going to complicate things by, yeah, you're thinking, what if, what if, what if? You have to go with the fact that you're not having kids and it's going to be a great life. It's sad to see how many of these women feel like they need kids to fulfill something in them. Yeah, I know. It's a real, it's like drinking the Kool-Aid. Like, it's so unfair. This is a conversation I have with all of my sisters really regularly, actually. Oh, really? Yeah, because in the Midwest, your life is on a certain timeline of, you know, you graduate high school, you either go to a trade school or you start working immediately. You have kids by 23 or 25.

That's so icky. You're married. And so I always tell my sisters, like, you can't live for your kids. They have to be incorporated to your life because eventually they're gone. So, you know, people have kids to try and fix a marriage or they have kids because it's what's expected of them. And I'm like, life has so much more to offer than that. And it's also like you're allowing somebody else to dictate what is your true happiness. Yeah.

you know if you really wanted kids that badly you wouldn't be with your boyfriend you would have left him at that moment if you really really if it was like everything to you you would have worked harder to make it happen so you can accept that it's not for you and that you're not going to make it happen and it's so easy and enjoy yourself it's so easily identifiable with some of these women that just had the kids because it was what they thought was expected of them and should not and fucking hate being a mom i'm thinking of one of your friends in particular it's like you were not made to be a mom and that's okay like again that's something that women have to accept that like she knows it that's great because a lot of women don't and

then you see what happens they just get up and leave they disappear they're just like oh i should not have done this well too little too late yeah you have the kids yeah too little too late i've definitely seen a lot of people have kids not a lot but i've had my fair share of friends that have had kids that are like not good at it and not happy about it no and then there are some people that, again, like I think we've talked about this, that you knew that exactly what they wanted, that it didn't have anything to do with anyone else. And they're a great parent.

They love it. That's exactly how they want to spend their time. I can't imagine that. Speaking of kids, there's about 16,000 kids at the border that need foster homes. So if anybody's thinking about fostering, we should give them the resources to register as a foster parent.

Well, that's great to know. And yeah, if you have a house or a bed, these kids have nowhere else to go. So if you do want information on how you can foster a child who is stuck at the border, you can go to the Lutheran Immigration and Refugee Services at L-I-R-S dot org. L-I-R-S dot org. Find out more.

And on that upbeat note, I think we've come to a conclusion. Do you have any parting words of advice for all of our callers? What would you say the theme was of today's episode? Well, really just for the women listening. Well, I guess men too, but just be okay with where you're at. Like, don't let anyone else influence how you feel about what you're going through, what you've been through what you're going to go through inevitably like it's all okay it's all in motion it's all changing yeah it's all cyclical too so like you also something to remember is like you know if you're in a bad frame of mind or if you're feeling down or you're feeling depressed like that's cyclical too it comes in waves and ebbs and flows and like so no mood is permanent so like the

impermanence of everything is a good reminder of like things don't stick around forever you're not going to feel this way forever you're not going to be insecure forever like things move do you have one piece of advice so say someone who's listening is feeling that way right now what is your best advice to get them out of that feeling in this moment like is there something you do is there something you would suggest that they try to do like if they're down and they want to feel happier out of that melodramatic self-loathing space i mean you know i want to say just go outside and take a walk in nature that's exactly what i was going to say yeah go look at the trees and the greenery and just be like oh wow wait you know get out of your own i think half of the

problem is right now especially during this time period is that people are so isolated so like you are thinking about yourself too much and you are having more thoughts than normal because you're stuck so it's about being unstuck and like that is up to you to get yourself out of being stuck and that's like as easy as taking a walk in nature and like going for you know something whatever is going to make you feel good in 30 minutes do it you know and do it now get a peloton And if you or someone you know needs advice, you can write in. We might get you on the phone for additional details or context. And you can do that by submitting your advice request to DearChelseaProject at gmail.com.

Okay. I mean, we really did it today, sweetheart. We really, really knocked it out of the park. I survived nine months in captivity. And I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. Abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced.

These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

hey this is hayes davenport and sean clements we host the podcast hollywood handbook each week we talk to someone in show business and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show we've had a lot of great guests like sarah sherman adam scott danny mcbride ben stiller and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us listen to hollywood handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita,

we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita,

trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Nick Turturro. You probably know me from NYPD Blue, The Longest Yard, or Spike Lee's Black Klansman. And on my new podcast, Delivering Happiness with Nick Turturro, I deliver pizza to a new guest.

I've shared a slice with everyone, from Seth Rollins... What are you doing with my belt? ...to Bill Burr. I don't think I've ever met somebody So exactly out of their mind as I am. And now we even have more great guests coming up, including the great John Turturro. It's called happiness.

Delivering happiness. And many, many more. Open your free iHeartRadio app, search delivering happiness with Nick Turturro, and listen now. This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed human.