Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - In Conclusion

Episode Date: October 3, 2019

Chelsea is joined in studio by her assistant, Brandon for a hilarious last episode.Credits:Host: Chelsea HandlerExecutive Producer: Conal Byrne Producers: Sophie Lichterman, Jack O’Brien Writers: Jamie Loftus, Anna Hossnieh & Sophie Lichterman  Consulting Producers: Nick Stumpf, Miles Gray, & Anna HossniehThis episode was Engineered, Mixed & Edited by: Danl Goodman Music by: KingsburyOrder: "Life Will Be the Death of Me"Available in stores and online now Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human. Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus from $94 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell. Connection is everything. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them.

I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home.

Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Chelsea Handler. Welcome to Life Will Be the Death of Me, a production of iHeartRadio. Okay, good morning, everybody. Hello, Brandon. This is me, Chelsea. Hello, Chelsea. It's me.

Hi, hi. This is going to be our last podcast out of our 20-episode podcast series. This is our conclusion to our podcast. Our exit interview. This is our exit interview. Yes, we're going to reflect, maybe talk about some new things. I think it's very serendipitous that this is the week that Nancy Pelosi has also decided to go ahead and impeach the president. Very exciting thing. Yeah. To start an impeachment inquiry. Would you like to explain to people who are listening who may not know what the impeachment inquiry is? Because last night I had to Marco Polio to get some insight as to what was really

going on. Well, it means that they're going to investigate whether or not to impeach him, was my understanding is. And then the trial itself is the actual impeachment. So whether or not he's found guilty at the end of his impeachment, he will have been impeached if they choose to go to trial. If they choose to hold an impeachment hearing, I think. But I could also be wrong. But I think I'm right. But, you know, that doesn't matter. Anyway, I'm very excited about your participation in the podcast. I think that you probably had no idea you'd be podcasting so fervently. Yeah, people ask all the time if this was a planned thing. And I said, you were literally out the door to go interview mary and said brandon come along and i thought i was just

coming along for the ride not to actually be on the podcast and lo and behold 20 episodes later right 20 episodes later people think you're you're a huge hit people love you they want to know what your instagram handle is and i tell them well i don't really respond to those kinds of questions but i think you can announce that you don't have one because i do not have any social media brandon and i are actually eating wendy's as we do this conclusion exit interview because wendy's was on the way here and we got the spicy nuggets well i have no will powder a powder and brandon is from north dakota right south dakota right like i said one of the dakotas and so he eats this kind of shit all day long and then goes to his spin classes for four hours a day yeah

that's true spend a lot of time with the gym i'll chew off i'll chew off mike um yes we got one order of spicy chicken nuggets one order of regular chicken nuggets mine are the regular I don't even need sauce with them. They're so fucking delicious. They're really good. And we got an order of fries, which neither one of us love their new fries, but it'll do. I grew up with Wendy's, and I would like to say that chicken McNuggets from McDonald's I find repulsive. Yes.

But chicken nuggets from Wendy's I find A++. Because you don't get the weird tendons. God, it's like when you get those frozen ones where they say with rib meat underneath in that small font or print. You're like, excuse me? Why the fuck is rib meat involved in this? You know what's interesting is a lot of places use the small print for things they don't want you to know. But if you eat a bag of pork rinds on the bag in big font, it will say it may cause anal leakage. I don't know if you remember that controversy.

Pork rinds cause anal leakage? I think so. There was like a chip, a snack of sorts that came out that would cause anal leakage. And they didn't hide that from you. They told you in big letters on the bag. Why? How would that cause – and what does it have, like crystal meth in it? I don't make pork rinds. I'm not sure the science behind it.

But this was a thing. Well, I've never eaten pork rinds. That's not my thing. I mean, maybe I've had some like real pork skin at some point, but pork rinds has never been my go-to, you know. It sounds so gross, pork rinds. Well, now you know. People on keto diets love a pork rind because apparently it's on the list. Well, people on keto diets also like to have anal leakage.

I guess so. Bringing it back to shit for the last episode, it makes sense. But that's all I ever talk about is feculence. Feculence and shit. Why don't we talk about our journey, Brandon, our journey together in the past three years. You've been witness to all of my changes and all of my self-discovery and self-awareness, which has prompted you to do some self-discovery. How's your meditation going?

It's good. I've been doing it regularly. Not every day, but maybe every other day, just getting in a better routine. Yeah, the last couple of days, I had a wedding in Taos, New Mexico this weekend, and my friend tried to kill me with alcohol. So I have been recovering for like two days. I felt nauseous for the last 48 hours. Because you don't drink anymore.

I know. I do drink, but this is a real conundrum for me because I can't afford to be that hungover. I mean, I guess I can, but I don't want to be that hungover. So it's like if you drink all the time, you don't get a hangover, which is better, but then you're just inveterately bloated. And if you cut back on your drinking and you only drink once in a while, then you really, really feel it. So I'm at a crossroads. I think you just have to lean into the cannabis and you have to let the drinking go. if you know you're getting to that point no if you know you're getting that point you're like

this is going to be a rough couple of days you rein it in just pop another edible i mean i packed enough no i took a lot of edibles and i drank a lot of alcohol like i did both and so you doubled down and that's why you're feeling like shit yeah i did i think sometimes though you know with the cannabis you don't want to be too high because then you're just like out on cloud nine my friend mary told me she goes you know sometimes the cannabis is cute and everything but sometimes you're just like not even communicative while you're sitting there so that's what i love about it so that's too much unless you're alone like when i go home at night in bed and i like last night i took 20 milligrams and i was like here just wait till you fall asleep sister do you

remember when we were in sun valley we watched that entire series of that show we'd get in bed on an edible every night and we'd have to re-watch and re-watch and we didn't say a word to each other because we didn't remember yeah what show was it i can't remember the name of it see that's what's great about television. You can keep rewatching shows you thought you've already watched. Okay. So in terms of health and self-awareness, I want to just talk about a couple of things. People seem to be very responsive to me sharing all of my therapy stuff. So I want to talk about reaction versus response, because that was my major issue when I went in, was my lack of patience and my reactivity. I didn't think before I responded. And what Dan taught me was

there's a space of awareness between those two things. You know, I talked about this last week a little bit with Laura Lynn Jackson, but there's a reaction and then there's a consideration for your reaction because sometimes we react with our bodies before our minds and we have a physical feeling towards something. There's a space of awareness is where you can identify that and then respond instead of react. And that's something that people have mentioned to me has helped them a lot. So it's really easy to incorporate that into your life if you've tried it. And then eventually it just becomes, you know, your habit and you can kind of rehabituate your bad habits. And that goes back to Dan's in your creation of I am.

I am. I am. Identification, awareness, modification. So like if somebody says something to you that is annoying or that you find annoying or somebody is annoying, it's about, oh, wait, Why am I reacting this way? Why do I not like this person? Is it really because of that person or is it because of something that that person's doing that reminds me of myself? Which usually if somebody's annoying you, it's because you see something in yourself in them that you do not like.

Yeah. You know what I found interesting lately is your vocalization of how you're feeling. Because before, so when you started therapy, I could see you making the adjustments even if you weren't saying anything, like you taking a second before you respond to a dumb question that I'm asking or. We have a lot of people around the house that meander through for different reasons. Brandon loves it because he gets a kickback. Brandon gets a lot of kickbacks on any improvements that I have on the house.

Oh, that's why I have 17 remote controls because I believe he gets 10% of each remote control. And every time there's a new TV installed or there's always audio visual. No amount of money is worth the trouble all those fucking remotes cause. So I can tell you with certainty I don't get any kickback. Some outdoor patio furniture gets stained in odd colors, and then we have to hire outside companies to restain it. I mean, ever since he's worked here, things are a hot mess at my house. I mean, the money's going out, out, out, out, out, and it's not coming in, is it?

I have to say, for the record, I am very frugal and very thoughtful about how and where I spend your money. Look at the house in Spain. We leave it to anyone else, and then there's all these problems. People say, oh, you know, they go there and they said this wasn't right and this wasn't right. And now Brandon has to go for two weeks to vacation in Spain at my house there just to set everything right.

Isn't that right, Brandon? There is some truth to your statement. Are you bringing your lover with you to Spain? You know, I wasn't going to be able to, but he is going. Oh, what a coinkydink. That's so funny. That's such a surprise. And is Mabel going to Spain?

No, Mabel will not be in Spain. Do you and Mabel have a rivalry? No, I think we're on the up and up. You're in good shape with each other? She doesn't listen to this podcast, so you can talk about her if you want. No, everything with me and Mabel is fine. She doesn't like feedback. Mabel is the head honcho at the house, to be completely honest.

Why do you say that? I should really be taking direction from her. She's been there forever. She deserves the respect. She was with me when I broke up with Ted, and I moved into my own apartment, and she was the first woman I saw. I moved into some apartment, and she was the in-house cleaning lady. And I walked in, and this was like 10 years ago, or probably longer, and she was like,

oh, my husband is terrible. He doesn't have a car. And I was like, oh, fuck, here we go. I'm going to have to buy this woman a car. And then that's exactly what happened. And now we're still. My father was a used car dealer, Brandon. OK, I'm just trying to keep the business in the family.

I understand that. Yeah. So you've noticed that now I'm saying I don't feel well. So the other day you and this has happened more than once, but the most recent you had said that you were feeling ornery. And even though you were saying it in jest, you've done that now where you're like, I'm not in a good mood, or you'll tell me before you say something that I might take personally, perhaps. And how does that come across? I think that's much healthier that

you're acknowledging that you're like, I'm in a bad mood right now, just letting you know. Oh, yeah. Because like I've had to say to you, like, I feel wound very tight today. And even though sometimes I feel like that's not professional, I think that because some of the job crosses over between personal and professional telling you this is where I'm at this morning. What part of the job do you think crosses over from professional to personal? You prying on my naked body in the morning when I'm in my bra and underwear or when I'm coming out of the shower and you're in the bathroom. Yeah, I mean, those are a couple of examples of crossover. That's reverse sexual harassment, just so you know.

I guess you're right. And I could press charges if I knew who to talk to about this. I need to take that into consideration. I mean, seriously, you're sexually harassing me. If I get out of the shower and my beaver and my boobies are exposed and you're just, you know, lollygagging around on my nightcovers. I always do seem to cross your path right when you are exposing yourself. Right, as I'm walking out of the shower into my bathroom or into my closet to get dressed, guess who pops up? Let's talk about my relationship with Bert and Bernice because I think that one has improved the most since my therapy.

Well, I'm really interested in all the relationships and how they've changed. Oh, yeah, because I would say that I have less people in my life now socially than I did for a long time. Like I've not thinned the herd because that sounds like – but there are only people really in my life now that I'm really, really close with. I think you're not bringing people in is the difference. So like in the book, you talk about the scorched earth basically where it's like if someone does you wrong, they're donezo. And I don't think that that's been the case at all really in the last 18 months. It's just that you're not as prone to bringing someone in. You're a little bit more reserved with –

Well, I think what the biggest difference is, is that I enjoy my time alone more than I ever have in my life. I used to not be able to hang out alone. I wanted people in my house all the time. I wanted a full house. So the biggest difference is that I like coming home alone and I like spending time with the dogs alone. And I do value like my time alone. I spend more time alone. I sit outside and read more and I don't need noise as much as I used to, which is a nice, it's a relief. and I didn't realize how many times I was leaning on socializing instead of just being alone with myself. It was a kind of a distraction and socializing is good, but I mean, I've done plenty of socializing in my life. Like I'm good if I want to take a little break from it.

Do you ever feel the need to force yourself into those social interactions now? Yeah. Yeah, I do. Sometimes I mean, I can become a little bit of a recluse, but that's only because when I go, I go so hard. And if I'm promoting the book or if I'm on the road or promoting the documentary, it's intense, intense, intense, and then I need to decompress, which is actually something I never used to do. I never spent a day alone, but it's good to be interested in doing that, and it's good to be reading so many books. That's something that I was missing for a few years. I wasn't reading as many books as I used to, and I like that aspect. You're reading more too, Brandon. I'm trying to, yeah. You're finishing more books. Right when I started,

So about three years ago, you would start a lot of books and they would all have a few chapters in. And now you actually finish and pass it on to somebody else. Yeah, that's right. Like I'm reading Tampa because you finished it. You're still reading that fucking book? Yes, I do work a full-time job. Where? Where do you work? Do you think getting all these kickbacks is easy?

I got to meet with these people. I go golfing. It's unbearable. All right. Well, back to kind of the last year, you released the book. You started in conversations. You've gone into stand-up. You just had a documentary.

release. I have this podcast. Yeah, you have the podcast. Has there been one interaction since your growth that has really stood out to you either with a fan or with one of your friends or just like a moment in the last year that has been kind of profound for you? I've been getting a ton of messages that are just so much different than the tone of messages I used to get. I guess being on the road and doing these backstage, we have these meet and greets after the shows. And people will say, oh my gosh, I grew up on Chelsea Lately. I grew up on Chelsea Lately. I didn't realize at the time how popular that show was. Very popular. Yeah, I didn't get that. So I think it's interesting now that I'm in this phase that I'm hearing all of that feedback,

all these girls that are like 20 or 25 that are like, oh my God, we grew up watching you. That was nice because I was ready to hear it. Before when people used to talk about Chelsea Lately, I'd be like, oh God, shut up about that show already. I wasn't as proud of it as maybe I should have been in terms of it being perceived in the way it was and being motivating to girls to be proud of who they are and have a loud voice. So all of those things, there were good things that came out of it as well. I think I poo-pooed it for a long time because it was just such a hard job to leave. And it was like one of those ex-boyfriends that I was trying to break up with and I couldn't. And then I did. And I was like, please don't talk to me again. So that's nice to

hear. And I think the feedback in general from the book and the documentary has been really nice because it feels like I'm finally contributing something instead of just cashing a check for my own purposes. Like, it's nice to be able to say, I want to do a documentary about this subject matter and be able to. You know, that in itself is a privilege. And it's also being around for so many years

and being able to decide what you're going to do creatively is a huge privilege. But I now realize how much privilege I have. So I'm much more careful with it. I feel like in terms of what I'm going to use that advantage for. You can write a book about anything. You know, I wanted to write a book about something meaningful and true. And I wanted to do a documentary about an issue that was going to make people uncomfortable, myself included, and like and get answers and start a conversation. Was it scary to make that choice to leave a hit

show, go into another show that was doing really well and say, like, I don't want to do any of it anymore. I want to focus on myself and helping other people. Yeah, but it's good to be. I mean, it wasn't hard because I'm so impulsive that I didn't really have to think about it. I just had, I knew I had to do it, but it's a little bit destabilizing. But it's, I like that. I like it's a little destabilization because you kind of have to scramble and figure out what you're going to do and how you're going to do it and what your moves are going to be. But everything always works out. Do you think your more successful ventures have been the ones where you've not thought about them or the ones where you've taken a lot of time?

Yeah. I think the ones that are more thoughtful, the ones that are the most authentic, The ones that are true, like the Chelsea Does series on Netflix was really authentic for me, and that was great. And this documentary, I mean, that's what I'm drawn to the most now is having conversations with real people about real issues and real ways to get involved, to do actionable things, to show up for other communities, not just your own. Okay, we're going to take a quick break, and we'll be right back. get bell pure fiber internet with crave netflix and disney plus from 94 a month price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit visit bell.ca for details and to check availability bell connection is everything when i was 14 years old i was kidnapped and held captive for nine months i survived and i've spent my life exploring how other people

survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files i just remember this low taunting voice next to my ear saying shut up don't say anything every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable i knew if he woke up without a doubt he was going to hurt me i started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed and i just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally

important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place.

Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. see you between the pages well back to what's important Bert and Bernice the dogs okay so one night I had this epiphany I was really stoned

and I was in my bed and I was like because you know I assault anybody who is listening to this Bert and Bernice are my dogs and if you don't know

that by now then you don't know me so one night they came over and I was like you know what I'm not going to assault them because that's my problem

I cannot keep my hands off of them I get a little bit of Harvey Weinstein around my dogs, and I know they don't like it, but I don't get to spend as much time with them as I would like because Bert's too fat to travel and Bernice is a bitch. So I sometimes want to grab them and put them in my bed, and I used to take them upstairs with a leash and force them to go. You had to guide them. I had to guide them or lure them with turkey or roast beef or whatever, you know, my bell decides to buy that week because obviously I'm out of those decisions. and I one night I was like oh I was all you know I was going through this phase about learning how to be present and what that meant and and not trying to get them to come to me but just being

aware and being there and as soon as I stopped tackling them they both kind of like meandered over to me and both wanted to like be in bed with me without me pursuing them and I was like oh that's what it's like you just have to be available not be pushing it and of course I haven't been able to follow that because you know you've seen burt walking around the house strutting his stuff it's very hard for me not to pick him up spin him around on his back and rub his belly while his head is in my lap he is just such a meaty little man he's just so such a furball and when i sleep at night and his head is on my chest it's like having the lion king with me bernice won't stay in the bed because she knows that she's gonna go take a piss in the bathroom yeah she likes to piss

in the bathroom well last night i did go to bed fairly early so she was probably holding her bladder but at least they're going in the bathroom now on the hardwood instead of on the rugs or on the hard floors i should say what a success yes but my relationship with them has blossomed for those of you concerned they do love me more than they used to they bernice comes in the car with me whenever i go to ben bruno or can take her and bert is you take her places too that i have to question i'm like are you sure you can take her into the doctor's office well in those instances She doesn't come into a doctor's office. She sits in the car with the windows open.

In the Tesla, they have the air conditioning for dogs. So when you get out, you can leave the AC on. That car has everything. Yeah, it does. I wonder how much money you got for that car. Don't worry about it. Yeah. So you've been seeing Dan now for about two years.

You don't go as frequently as you used to. But has there been an instance where you're like, oh, I need to recalibrate. I better go see Dan. What was the last time you're like, I need to tune up? Well, I try to see him like, you know, I haven't seen him in like probably three weeks right now but I don't seem as much as I used to because I think the important thing about therapy and I maybe read this somewhere but is that you get all this information and then you need to learn how to apply it to your real life without being in a codependent relationship with your therapist like

I don't want to be the type of person that's calling Dan on the phone in a crisis I want to be able to manage my own crisis has there been a time where something happened and you're like Brandon scheduled this appointment. Yes. Yeah. I mean, not recently, but yeah. And while I was in therapy for sure, like I went on a trip with a friend and we got into it and I thought I wasn't doing anything wrong. And he guided me about apologizing. And I was like, no way am I going to apologize. I haven't done anything. And he's like, that's not the point. And he goes, it's not about being right. It's about being empathetic. Like it doesn't matter if you think you did anything wrong. You have to just be a good friend and say, I'm so sorry I made you feel that way.

I'm so sorry, this and that. And it was really hard for me to do that. But I, I am so glad I did, because that was the first step in being able to forgive people, especially when you don't think you've done anything wrong, because it really is about the need to be right is always wrong. So the need to prove your point, you know what, just yesterday, you were trying to prove your point to me because I had fucked up something and you were right about it. Do you remember what that was? No, I tried to not do that or make you feel that way. Well, you did it. And I heard you loud and clear you were right so I hope you're happy I wish I knew what it was and I'd be thrilled I'm sure but the need to be right was a good thing and that's also another thing for people who are

like really into learning about I don't know I guess presence and like Eckhart Tolle and that Oprah Winfrey that 10 episode podcast about a new earth was so helpful to me in terms of understanding about not sweating the small stuff about not getting stressed out about stupid little things trying not to obviously i'm not perfect um and that everything will be okay i used to get so annoyed with people when they said everything's going to be okay because it's like what a pat statement how can you say everything's going to be okay but the bottom line is even if people die even if people get sick you are going to be okay as long as you're breathing you have the chance to be okay and so that in conjunction with dan really let me understand okay there's no reason

to stress anymore there's no reason to get an email and freak out and stomp your fingers and responding to it it's just better to like let everybody be and just chill and have a positive vibration I think that's important to not bring in like you know the negativity and stuff because it's hard when you're like me you know everyone knows what kind of mood I'm in basically by the way I look so it's it's beneficial for me to be able to be in a good mood most of the time and I would say i am pretty most of the time in a good mood on the days that you're not do you have a mantra that you use i think mantras are so stupid but you're just saying that everything's okay because mine is is it really worth being mad over but i think i've said that to you before because

my aunt told me that i would get so angry about everything yeah and one time we were on the phone and i was bitching about something she goes but is it really worth being mad over like start asking yourself that because everything you're saying it's not yeah that's a good point no i don't have a mantra because you know that's a stupid thing no just kidding i know people have them I don't have a mantra. I just kind of just breathe. I'm really into like taking a deep breath and just being present. And it sounds really corny, but it's corny because it's like it works.

It totally works. You know, I never was conscious about my breathing. I was never like if somebody is talking a lot and I feel judgment and like, oh, my God, why won't they shut up? I take a breath. Anytime I feel judgment towards anyone, I'm like, take a deep breath and be in the moment. Like you have no right to be judging other people. And that's nice. I think for a long time, I felt I had a superiority complex because I felt like I just knew a little bit more than everybody.

And that was, you know, Dan kind of took that away from me. Like he made me understand, oh, we're all here together. We're all equal. You're not doing more than another person. You don't have more of a burden than another person. It's just all part of your perspective. And once I got on an even playing field and realized, okay, I'm down with the people, there's nothing special about me, then I started to get real. And then you feel really grounded.

I feel way more in control of my life than I ever have because I know that I've got my head on straight now. So what would you say to the people listening who feel that they are too self-aware or that they're superior to therapy, that they feel like they know too much to need to talk to someone? Well, you know, some people, I don't know that every single person needs therapy. I would say that most people who claim to be self-aware are probably not. You know, I think anytime you claim to be something, it's probably not that true. Are those the people who need therapy most? Maybe. I mean, I don't think everybody needs therapy, but everybody needs the space to like think

and reflect and be calm. So it's like whether that's yoga or meditation or therapy or going for a run, you know, there are different forms of it. but there's great value to me in paying somebody to tell you what your issues are you know i like that transaction i like paying dan to say hey you have an empathy deficit and you have you know like that's really helpful um so much so you know what i watched the other night's um couples therapy on on showtime have you seen that or heard of it it was really good it's like this it's a real therapist and she has like five different couples they rotate in and out and they take this whole

season takes you through all these different couple stories and whether they break up or stay together and then her story with her clinical advisor about how she deals with being a therapist and getting like a second opinion on all of her it's really good i mean i watched the whole series yesterday when i was in bed or sunday but that's a good recommendation on uh on showtime okay well this sounds like a good time to take a break get bell pure fiber internet with crave netflix and disney plus from 94 a month price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit visit bell.ca for details and to check availability bell connection is everything when i was 14 years old i was kidnapped and held captive for nine months i survived and i've spent

my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low taunting voice next to my ear saying shut up, don't say anything. Every week I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up without a doubt he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your

for you page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks pride and prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm I'm so obsessed, so obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table.

It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts see you between the pages there's another disgusting show on showtime about roger ailes called the loudest voice

he gets a blow job from annabelle wallace that is so revolting it is so disgusting and roger ailes just basically went into work every day and thought he was supposed to get his dick sucked by any woman that was working there and a lot of them did it and that was one of the most upsetting series I've ever seen because I just I mean, I literally turned off the TV and just sat in bed thinking about how disgusting he was and how foul how foul men are to assume that women are there to suck dick. I mean, honestly, aren't they doing a movie with Charlize? Yeah, Charlize has a movie with Nicole Kidman and Margot Robbie coming out on the Roger Ailes story. I don't know when that comes out. Probably soon. It's fascinating, though. I also

watched chernobyl last night once we got you logged into hbo go yeah yeah brandon once you got your kickback from hbo go i'll be able to retire soon for anyone listening just oh just no it won't be much longer i thought we were retiring together we are in a nice ski chalet at a ski chalet we're gonna go skiing this winter and we're gonna find a ski chalet and i want to tell all our podcast listeners too that um i will be back with a podcast when i have something interesting to podcast about it's just not something i want to do like ongoing every week i'm about to leave for a month on tour so i'm going to australia i'm going to brisbane sydney and melbourne and auckland to perform and then i'm going to go on vacation i'm going to portugal

and spain my am i meeting up with you in spain brandon we will not cross paths but i will have the house set up for you to be beautiful ready to go we're going to spain for my sister shoshana's 50th birthday which means she's been alive for 50 years which is so fucking weird yeah aging is really tricky and yeah i'm gonna be 45 this year i'll just turn 30 and you just oh brandon i know we're all i can't believe i scored such a young buck i know and i'm here for the long haul what other questions do you have for me brandon uh well do you ever feel like you're plateauing in your personal growth um that's a good question yeah i mean i don't know i think with anything i think my friend once told me this that his his mom was a teacher and she's like there's a period

of learning and then there's a period of growth for all young kids like you absorb you absorb your information and then you enact it like and you and it and it becomes part of your life and then you actually have time to digest it so like going to school you're like all this information is thrown at you and then say you have summer break to actually contemplate it, even though that's not what summer feels like. It's kind of the information and the learning registering in your brain. And that's how I feel about therapy. I feel like I went full throttle for about a year and a half or two years. And then I just decided to pare it down. The thing that I have a real issue with is social media is something that i needed to i need to come like to reconcile with

because i i don't approve of it yet i am part of it you know i feel like it's detrimental for so many reasons and i don't like myself on it like when i'm when i'm scrolling and read like i want to be in in engaging with my fans that's important to me and i do that on social media a lot so it's kind of like i'm it's actually for people who don't know it is actually her who's commenting back and yeah my assistants aren't commenting back on dms i am and and but that you know also i don't need any more dms about cock sucking or you know your paintings like i'm just responding to people who have questions and comments about the work that i'm doing but i definitely find you know like for instance when my book came out and my documentary came out both of those

surrounding days, I was like tied to my screen and checking messages and responding. And while that's good, and I don't let it go on for more than that, it still feels like it's doing me. I'm not doing it. And what are you checking for? Are you checking for... I don't know. I mean, I'm checking for... No, I'm checking to engage with my fans. That's what I'm doing. I try not to scroll around on Instagram for too long because that just leads to silliness. I try and support the people that I love that are on there and leave comments when I can, but I don't like it. It's like anything in life, like the cannabis. I don't want cannabis to do me. I want to do cannabis. I don't want alcohol to do me. I want to do alcohol. I want to be in

control of all of the extracurricular activities I have. And Twitter, I like because it's actually much more informational. But Instagram specifically, there's just like, I have a resistance to it. I think it's so bad for a lot of people's mental health. I know it was for me that you just, it's also just you're staring into a black hole at all times and it's just dumb it's dumb like on vacation when our family's on vacation and you know anyone's on their phone it's annoying it's like are you seriously checking instagram right now i mean i'm guilty of that too but it just feels like it's not a good the best use of anyone's time and like let's all be a little bit more cognizant of that but the therapy has forced you to kind of reassess things and again it i hate

to use the word but in your brand like that's had a big change too because again on Chelsea lately was basically making fun and braiding people all the time and you've really dialed that down yeah I mean I don't even like to do it in my personal life even now and some of my friends are you know that that annoys them it's like oh really now you're not going to do that it's like well is that really how we have to like talk make fun of every single person I don't like that anymore and I'm you know I mean not in a way that obviously if somebody you know I can get down with people but it's just it's just negative negative negative negative complaining complaining even if you're complaining about somebody else you're complaining and do you feel like your

fans response to that or people like when you're on social media and you see that that people have been receptive because i know right when you left netflix and decided to take the time off to help people get elected there were conversations like you're going to lose your base the people who love you for being kind of a bitch. They're not going to like this new you. Yeah. I mean, I don't really care about the fans that I've lost. If you like, you know, it doesn't matter because you're going to have different fans or new fans or those people are going to grow up with you, which is the case with a lot of my fans are like, wow, this is so much better than I used to love you. But now this is great. Like you're teaching me about therapy, about meditation or whatever it is. And, you know,

I think anybody who really is a true fan is going to be around no matter what, because I'm always talking about what's happening in my world and I'm being authentic about it. I'm never faking it. I'm never making up a persona that's not true. And I'm always sharing information about what's working for me in life. So those people know that they can rely on me for the truth, which is, you know, why I feel so passionately about sharing my stories, because that's, I guess, you know, ultimately what I am is a storyteller. And once I accepted that, it was like so much easier to get back into stand-up. But also the quality of work, I would say, is different because you've made that change. And so the people who were saying that people might not

be as interested if you're not making the jokes about somebody, there's been a huge cultural shift now to where if you were still doing that, it may not benefit you at all because now people are more thoughtful about how they're presenting that information. You were ahead of the curve almost. Oh, right. Yeah. Well, I've been ahead of a lot of curves, luckily. Luckily, I know when to leave and when to get out of a situation and when to get into one. Sometimes it takes a little bit longer or sometimes it's a little premature. You could argue both. But yeah, I like where I am. So it's not really my concern if other people don't. And the people that love it, great. Well, now you've gotten back into stand-up, which you said you would not do a couple of years ago.

You're like, absolutely zero interest. What was the catalyst for your desire to do it again? And was it the fact that it was therapeutic being in a room, hearing people laugh at things that you thought were difficult to discuss? Yeah, I think I just missed, I didn't really give enough credit to or credence to how much I enjoyed being in front of a live audience, I think, because I just forgot. And it was so nice to see how excited people were to be on that tour. And I just thought, oh, this is so nice. I don't have anything holding me back from extending this.

And after I did about 10 shows of interviews, I had enough stories from the book that I knew this is a one woman show. This is a stand up show. And and then I just realized, oh, OK, this is what I'm supposed to be doing. Like now I have a message. Now I have a narrative about getting healthy and it's fucking funny. And I can bring people through that. It's not just getting up on stage and telling jokes. and also I'm not shit-faced I mean it's a whole different world being sober on stage when I go out there like I've I always took it for granted and I thought alcohol was my fuel like I needed to I drink to get through two shows or one show and a book signing like I needed it and so now I realize no you don't it's much better to be present and get you know now I'm on stage for an hour and a half whereas before I used to like be waiting for like the earliest possible minute to get off stage. So, so how do you keep that spark going into next year? You know, are you, are you interested in still doing standup? And if so, how are you not going to burn yourself

out again? Are you just going to take more time between things? Yeah, I think I'll do this tour. We just added these 15 dates and I think I'll do this until I, and then I'll shoot a special. I'm not going to go at a breakneck speed for sure. Cause I don't want to burn out and I want to be able to do these other projects. I want to shoot more documentaries and I have some other things, you know, that I have to do. So I'm excited to like, to do this, to shoot a special and to just keep putting out, you know, things throughout the year. It's, it's easy that it feels very lucky that I was able to find what I was looking for so quickly, you know, like fulfilling work and doing stuff that mattered to me as, as it felt like as soon as I did the therapy and was present

and focused and calm, things just started coming to me in a much more easy way. Everything felt much more effortless. Even the stuff that was effortful felt, okay, well, this is the right thing right now. So it's just a level of stress that I don't have anymore. I would say that that was really evident with the stand-up because you weren't looking to do it at all. You just kind of fell back into it. Yeah. I mean, every manager and agent was like, please do stand-up. Please do standup. That's your moneymaker. That's your moneymaker. I'm like, I'm not doing standup. There is no way I'm doing standup. And then cut to 20 dates later. I'm like, I think I want to do some standup shows. But that's me in a nutshell. I mean, you know, I say no, no, no, as long as it's

anybody else's idea. So that's it. The real question, Brandon, is when are you going to start doing standup? Not even an option. I would like to give a shout out to Karen for her wedding. She's on her honeymoon now. Bitch, as many of you know her, just got married this weekend to her a longtime lover, Micah Slay. And they had a very, very beatific wedding in New Mexico this weekend. Is there anyone else we want to say goodbye to from this podcast, Brandon?

I just want to get back to Wendy's for that frosty, man. Is that what you want right now, is it frosty? I mean, we should thank Dan for all of his work on you and the multiple times he came on the podcast. Yeah, we should thank Dan. We should thank Sophie. Thank you very much. We should thank our sound engineer.

Is it Mike? Dan. Great. Well, that's who we meant originally. And Sophie's our producer. Producer. Since I don't think she's been introduced. Okay.

Sophie's our producer. She's been here for every episode. And I want to thank all of you guys for tuning in to us. And you can follow us. Well, yeah, you can follow us on Instagram. Make sure you don't abuse it. And you can keep up with everything I do on Twitter or my Countable page if you're looking for ways to be socially active. I'm saying it again.

Social activism. If you're looking for ways to be social activism, go there and Twitter, Facebook, Emily's List, Emily's List, I'm partnered with Emily's List. I'm still partnered with them to elect pro progressive Democratic women. And I guess I will just say I hope everybody is doing a little bit better than they were when we started our podcast. Adios. get bell pure fiber internet with crave netflix and disney plus from 94 a month price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit visit bell.ca for details and to check availability bell connection is everything when i was 14 years old i was kidnapped

and held captive for nine months i survived and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files i just remember this low taunting voice next to my ear saying shut up don't say anything every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable i knew if he woke up without a doubt he was going to hurt me i started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed and i just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse.

Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. Life Will Be the Death of Me is a production of iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.