Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - It Begins With You with Jillian Turecki

Episode Date: January 23, 2025

Relationship guru Jillian Turecki joins Chelsea to talk about taking ownership over what you bring to a relationship, how you may be giving away your power by expecting someone else to solve your problems, and why finding “the one” is a crock of sh*t.  Then: A newly-sober caller frets when his ex wants to know what’s currently going on in his bedroom.  A new girlfriend worries that her boyfriend has too many female friends.  And the apps are proving difficult when a bit of information has potential matches heading for the door.  * Find Jillian’s new book here * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Bell. Connection is everything. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who lived through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

And I guess I can share that, uh, no way. Listen to the latest episode of Hey Jonas on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Ben Stiller, and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, Katherine.

Hi, Chelsea. How are you? Hi, I'm good. I'm staying at a hotel in Los Angeles while I record my audio book. I've been recording my audio book for the last two days. Today should be the last day. If you haven't pre-ordered my book, I'll have what she's having.

It comes out February 25th, and I didn't smoke any weed or drink alcohol for three days leading up to my audio book recording so that I could sound as crisp as possible because so many of my fans listen to my audio books, especially for my last audio book. So I really wanted to deliver on that. That is real commitment, Chelsea.

That is commitment. I'm professional. Yeah, and you know what? I love listening to a comedy, like a book by a comedian read by the author. Like that's the way to go for those. Right, right. What else is happening?

Updates, updates. I'm moving back into my house tomorrow. Oh, great. The Critics' Choice Awards are now February 7th, Friday night, February 7th. So they've been moved to that date. So I will be hosting those. And the fires are almost contained. I wouldn't say they are fully contained.

Yeah, I think they're mostly contained. It seems like they're not threatening homes much anymore. They're not covering it on the news, at least. So not totally out, but now it's sort of like moving into what do we do now and rebuilding. Yeah. You know, something I heard from several people that I think is really important to remember is that like, you know, we all gave to our GoFundMes and friends and people, you know, and Red Cross and all that good stuff. And I think people are going to be realizing what they need a little bit further down the line, like in a few months when they start the rebuilding process or start to sort of get life figured out, like people may need more help then. So like check in, check in on folks.

Absolutely. Absolutely. Our guest today is a certified relationship coach, author, teacher, and host of the podcast Jillian on Love. Her new book, It Begins With You, The Nine Hard Truths About Love That Will Change Your Life, is out now. Please welcome Jillian Turecki. Jillian, welcome. Welcome to Dear Chelsea. Thank you for having me. I love books, all books, and then I love self-help books, especially when I'm in the right mood, and I'm in the mood for self-help.

So your new book, which is called It Begins With You, the nine hard truths about love that will change your life is out now. So the nine hard truths, I feel like some of them are obvious truths and then some of them aren't so obvious. Would you agree with me on that? Yeah, I absolutely would. And which ones are not the obvious ones in your opinion? It begins with you. I don't think it's that obvious to people. It might be obvious to people who actually maybe do a lot of inner work, but I don't think it's that obvious to people. and I think what's not also not obvious is I don't know it the mind is a battlefield I mean I think people also know that but but don't really understand how that actually directly

impacts the quality of your relationships right that making peace with your parents might not be so obvious what do you what do you think is not so I think making peace with your parents is is not as obvious I don't think everyone realizes that that's necessary even though I do believe it tugs at everybody you know everyone has their biggest problems or their parents yeah whether they know it or not yeah and then the other one that is no one is coming to save you yeah no one is coming to save you which is bad news yeah it's really shitty news yeah it's bad news but it's important news for you to know yeah absolutely yeah no one is no one is coming to save you I mean you know I think that I know for me and everyone who I've worked with it's not necessarily conscious

but a lot of people will say well once I meet that person once I meet the one then then yeah Then I'll feel okay. Then things will be okay. Then my problems will go away. And even if they're not, even on some intellectual level, they know that's not true. There's so much emphasis on stock on like this right person. And when this right person comes into your life, everything's going to fall into place. And it's not true. But where did that begin? Do you think? With romanticism? I mean, it seems pretty obvious, but I'm like, who started it? like you know because whose fault is it you know like centuries ago i don't think there was this we we started as a modern age started to romanticize things because if you were really

like an inca or someone who was like living on the land you're not going to be like i have to meet the love of my life yeah i'm trying to get fucking by every day yeah no by you know peeling potatoes that hopefully you found exactly so i guess it is modern civilization that started to create and monetize it really, romanticism. Because I mean, I've heard from, so we hear so many people, this idea, it's such a silly notion. It's like Disneyland-esque. It's so silly to think that someone's going to come and you're a princess. And then when they see you, you become the princess, but you don't have to evolve, change or grow at all. It's just going to all be okay once they get, once they find you. Absolutely. And then what are they, do you realize how much

power that gives another person also. Yes. Because if you give someone the power to make you, if you think someone else is going to make you happy, they also have the power to make you miserable because you're putting all the emphasis on them. It's all how they make you feel. And fulfillment is an inside job. Like someone who comes into your life, I really believe that the whole point of a relationship is to make life a little bit easier and a little bit better. there's no point in being in a relationship with someone that makes your life more difficult and a lot of people put up with that but the reality is is that you know the real work begins once you're in the relationship and everyone thinks well once i find that person like that's actually you know

they think that the work is really fine but well the work with another person happens once you find the relationship but the work you couldn't be doing the work all the time on yourself to prepare for a relationship in a healthier way. Absolutely. Which is like, you know, because right. So both things are true. Both things are true, but also you can do a lot of work on yourself to prepare yourself for the relationship, which I always think you should be preparing, but you're never going to be fully prepared for what is going to come up in you when you're actually in the relationship. Well, because then why would you even exist on earth if you were here to have no problems? Yeah. That's not a real thing. That's not a real thing. And I think that people don't

really understand. I know I didn't really understand what it means to actually to love, that love is a practice. Love is a verb. Love isn't just a feeling. And I think that what's, what's embedded in this whole notion of the one and romanticism is that it's just this feeling. And so it should be easy. And this person should just make me feel great. And I should feel great when I'm around them. When the reality is to be in a relationship long-term, you have to wake up every day and make a choice to show up, to make a choice, to love this person, to make a choice, to communicate. And the more complicated you are, or the more selfish you are, or the more ill-equipped you are to understand what it is to mean to love someone, the more problems you're

going to have in a relationship. Yes. And I also think that when you are talking about relationship and romanticizing this ideology, because I definitely felt it growing up, like, oh, I'm going to meet the one and we're going to have the greatest love story of all time. And then I started to get older and I'm like wouldn't it be fun to have a lot of love stories yeah instead of just one and putting all of your eggs into one basket yeah and the way that our society specifically America I mean I think it's a global thing but it's very American yeah to be like oh there's so much emphasis on spending your life with another person that's a really long time it's a really longer they say if you can live through the next 12 or 15 years you can live until you're 120 I

already talked about how I don't want that and I can't afford that so I mean and what what am I gonna be doing stand-up when I'm 118 years old like fuck I don't want that yeah but because we're extending lives and everything like it's just of course it's a beautiful idea and concept but it's the reality of it is just so silly it's like yes one in I don't know I don't know what the stats are do you about how many couples make it past 50 years and are happy I don't in love I actually don't know the stats but I think that if you're going to be with someone for a really long time let's say let's just say even over 10 years 20 years 30 years you're going to have many relationships within the same relationship you're going to have many if you're married to someone

it's going to be many marriages so these are not my words but Esther Perel will say you know some people will have many different relationships with different people and some people will have many different relationships with the same person. And I think that if you want to commit to someone long-term, then you have to understand that fundamentally, that, that it is a choice that one thing that is absolutely guaranteed in life is that nothing is permanent, right? The constant, we're in constant flux and there's constant change. So to love someone long-term is to be able to, you have to be able to accept that there's going to be change. and I think fundamentally human beings that we we really struggle with that yeah because change is

change sounds scarier than it sounds like you're losing something yes so many people right change they associate with grief why do you have to change that's a loss change can also like putting putting something away and getting something else in return doesn't mean you're losing anything in fact it can mean quite the opposite that you are gaining absolutely so I we are we have these it's like we've gotten this these almost energies around these terms that have gotten completely out of control. Like the one romanticism, you know, change, change is good. You complete me. Yeah. You complete me. What a load of shit. My dog completes me. My dog completes me too. He's come as close to completing me as anybody else has. So what's your situation? Are you

married? No. So I was married and the, the relation, the marriage was actually really, really painful and how it ended was extremely painful. So let's talk about that story. Yeah, that's pretty, that was hard to read. So I can't imagine. Yeah. I mean, it's a good start to a book for sure. It gets you in. It gets you in and hooks you. Yeah. So when I started seeing him, I thought when we got married, I was 38 and I thought, well, you know, I'm older, I'm wiser. I've been working with people for so many years. I know what I'm doing, but boy, did I not know what I was doing. And so when our relationship leading up to marriage, I always say it was about 90% good

because we were actually very compatible and we got along really well in many different ways, but 10% was very problematic. Now people will say, well, no relationship is perfect. Yes. Although that 10% was extremely significant so that when we got married, then the 10% became the 90% and the 90% then became the 10%. And so people think another thing that people don't understand. They think that, Oh, the, once we get married, everything will be okay. No, no, no, no. Your problems get big, get magnified once you're married. And so,

and then once you have children, they magnify and they magnify again. And this is from someone who's never been married or ever have children. And I know this to be true. And you know, yeah, because I'm sure you have many people in your life who are married with kids. And I'm psychic. I can tell. I can tell when I look at a couple what's going on. Yeah. But no, it's true. It's true. But it's interesting. I've never heard it put this way, the 10 and 90 flip. Yeah. So that was, and it's because of a lot of different things, red flags that I didn't see and didn't understand. Like, we didn't have certain conversations that were incredibly important. There were certain things that I weren't that I wasn't saying because I was so afraid to rock the boat

and about having children Part of it was about having children part of it was just about certain things that upset me in the relationship things that you just Need to talk about, you know, you need to sit down have a conversation about but I You know, there was a very and I write about in the book There was a very significant night that should have been a deal-breaker for me or should have at least been a very serious conversation that I sat down and had with him.

But for me, it was more just like, let me suppress how horrible that felt because I don't want to face the possibility of this not being the one. And that is something that millions of people do. And what was the incident? Can you tell us? Yeah. I mean, I talk about it in the book, but let me share about it a little bit here because it's important. We went to this event in New York City called Sleep No More. I don't know if you've heard of it. I've been there. Yeah, I went there. So you know that when you're there, they give you masks and everyone have the same mask and then they separate you from whomever you went there with. And he was on the way there, he was acting weird. He was shut down.

I had no idea what was going on. That was something that was very familiar from my father. My father would shut down a lot and then you would never know what his mood would be. So I didn't realize because I'd had, you know, my prior to him, I'd had some really beautiful relationships where like, the trauma from my past was not ignited. But this one was right. So there's no, what do you think about that, though? Like, why is it sometimes? I mean, if the whole point of being here is to learn and to grow? Yeah. So when you're in a relationship that isn't bringing something up, what's the point of that? Or maybe you're there for the other person? I don't think that being in a relationship that is constantly triggering your suffering in your past is a good relationship. I don't think it should be constant. I think if that's happening and two people are like, whoa, this is what's happening, and then they can work on it and heal together, that's wonderful. And that's definitely a possibility.

why in the past was I in a relationship that wasn't reminiscent of my relationship my trauma with my father and then later because context matters it matters where you are in your life it matters how old you are what what other stressors are in your life context matters you know it's like you could be anxiously very anxious in one relationship and not anxious in another and part of that has to do with who you're with and it's like oh well why were you attracted to the person who treats you like shit in one stage of your life but not in another but what was going on in that stage of your life yeah yeah yeah right right okay so back to sleep no more so back to sleep no more so he was acting weird I had no idea I went to the familiar thing of just sort

of like what's wrong and then you know he's saying nothing's wrong and so I'm all anxious as opposed to something what I would do today is maybe not in that moment but I would have had a conversation with him. Like something was definitely off. I don't like how it feels. We need to talk about it because my standard is if you can't talk about what's going on inside of you, we're not going to be in a relationship. Maybe, you know, I'm, I'm also sensitive to timing. I'm not going to, it's not going to be all in my timing that we have the conversation, but if you can't have a conversation about something that's bothering you and you're just going to shut down, you don't have a chance with me. Right. But back then,

all i could think was fear so we go to sleep no more and um we're separated but there were many times throughout the course of the night you know you recognize even when the mask you know who your partner is you know what they're wearing you know their body and and i when i would see him i would be like oh yes now we're gonna reunite and he would act like he didn't see me and then i don't know what was going on with him that night. And it just sort of blew over and I never addressed it again. And that was very, very significant because that was mean and it was very rejecting and mean. It was very weird, but it's not about him. It's about me. It's about the fact that I didn't say anything. It's about like, what was going on with me that I was too afraid to bring

this up. So it's really, I really want people to stop blaming the other and to look within and be like, what's my pattern here? What is it? Get curious about yourself. So what, so now, so you do a lot of couples counseling. I, so when I first embarked in on this journey of helping people in their relationships, I worked with hundreds of couples because when we, when he and I went to couples therapy was terrible. And I thought there has to be another way. What was so bad about it? No one was holding anyone accountable. You know, when I work with people and when I consider a good therapist is someone who's holding you accountable and being like, look, this is what's going on and really helping us understand what's underneath it all, but holding accountable. It's not about like, let me hold your hand and let me hold your hand and play. Yeah, I agree. I agree. You know, it can't be like, you have to be compassionate, but you also have to be, you have to tell the truth as a counselor, coach, therapist.

Otherwise it becomes a form of enabling. Yeah. And then no one's getting better. Yeah, I don't understand that approach. And I don't like it. Because Yeah, yeah. So I thought there had to be another way. And so I really wanted to help couples. And then I was like, Well, you know, I really like working with individuals to people who are heartbroken, because I, I was devastated. And I rebuilt my life. So I like helping people rebuild their life after devastation. I liked working with I was like, wow, so much of this is who you pick. It's who you choose. And so many people are choosing terrible partners or try or going out and to dating pool, feeling desperate, choose me, pick me, pick me, pick me. Let me help some individuals. So I like helping people sort of like in every area and journey. In every area. But do you have like a focus on relationships? No, no, not on every area and every stage of where they are in their relationship. Yeah. Okay. And also helping people who are really like looking for love. Oh yeah. I love that. Yeah. I love helping people look for love. Yeah. Well, who wouldn't

love that? I mean, that's spreading love. Yeah, absolutely. That's wonderful. Yeah. Yeah. It's hard to when you're the way you're talking about it just makes me think you know everywhere is every person is in a different place on their quote-unquote journey and some people aren't even on a fucking journey you know what I mean they're just like whatever um so it's like when people kind of cross paths you know I I'm not one of those people who thinks everything happens for a reason but I think many things do yeah and sometimes it really has nothing to do with you like you're not the a character in every in every story just you're not you're the a character in your story and that's it yeah sometimes you're here for other people yeah yeah so i just always

find it interesting where people cross paths because it's like you also like if two people come together and there is no friction and there is just like la la la la la la that sounds suspicious too because you want to be unearthing you like you want to be looking within and improving and without friction there's no reason to do that absolutely and also what causes chemistry what ignites chemistry between two people is like differences and also what ignites chemistry between two people it's like oh you're your own person and so am i let's like rumble a little bit with this but to what degree it should not be chaos it should not be chaos if there's chaos something's wrong okay let me i just want to read a couple more of these just less does not the same

thing as love and also like i think i wrote this in my new book that something about you know don't confused missing somebody, you know, with belonging with someone, right? Like those two things kind of sound familiar. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I think, so when we meet someone and we're attracted, we can lose our minds a little bit, you know, and that's oftentimes when we throw our standards out the window and we think, oh, this person has to be the person. And we think, oh, they are the person. And a lot of people, what they do is they move really fast. They play house with each other, even though they're strangers. And again, it's that feeling of, I would do anything for this person. This person's amazing. And what we, what a lot of

people do is unconsciously they put each other on pedestals. And what happens is once real starts to happen. So once the honeymoon starts to, once the novelty wears off. When is this usually? let's discuss that i think it's anywhere between three to six to three to six months to a year but usually three to six months once the novelty wears off and there might be like you know an argument that's i just want everyone to put on put it on the record that doug just ran into the room when you said three to six to nine months to a year because we are coming up on a year and i Of owning him? Of having him, yes, yes.

I don't consider him to be owned by me. I consider him to be my partner. I get it 100%. My sexual and romantic partner. I get it 100%. Maybe romantic. Let's not be sexual about it. Yeah, yeah.

But yes, okay, because I heard someone say something like two years. I'm like, no one has a two-year honeymoon. That's not a thing, no. Yeah, it's not. I can't think of it that long. But a year maybe, but, you know, changes. So, you know, that's when the masks come off, and we kind of get real. And what happens is, so this ties into the one, we meet someone, we think they're amazing. And what we're doing on an unconscious level is that we're projecting our ideal onto them. Oh, they're the perfect partner, they're perfect for me, they're perfect for me. and then as soon as real comes up you know our flaws come up conflict comes up things that are

not so comfortable then what a lot of people do and i've done this too is like oh wait you're not who i thought you were like you're not perfect again they would never admit to this because it's not so much like conscious but it's like you're not perfect anyone who's on the pedestal ultimately becomes the fallen hero right it's like you're gonna come off because the realness is going to come. So once the novelty wears off, that's when you know if you really have what it takes to make it with someone. Some people, they are so addicted to that lusty high because they don't understand the reality of what it is to love someone. It really is a choice and it's a verb and it's a practice and it's an intentional practice and it means you have to have difficult

conversations and it means you have to have a lot of tolerance. I don't want you to tolerate bullshit, but you have to know where your limits are because no one is perfect. No one is perfect. We are all very complicated, complex creatures with a lot of nuance. And I think a lot of people, myself included, walk this earth not knowing where their limits are for what is taught. They're either expecting perfection or they're tolerating a little too much nonsense. Before we take a break, I just want to ask you one last question back to Sleep No More. Did you ever finally bring that up to him at the end of the relationship? Or is that something you discovered through therapy that night that was a red flag?

I didn't discover it through therapy. I discovered it on my own in my own self-reflection. And no, I never brought it up to him. And I think it was just sort of cathartic writing about it. Yeah. Okay, we're going to take a break and we'll be right back with Jillian Turecki. behind every night spent making the kids lunches there's a lot of suspense will they finally eat the veggies will the pesto survive the first bite will the lunchbox come home empty half full or

come home at all and will you finish episode 8 before you're done slicing the cucumbers get bell pure fiber internet with crave netflix and disney plus from 94 a month price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell. Connection is everything. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring

how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced.

But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed.

From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself

because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive

to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind or wake up to a new version of yourself so whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip i hope you listen to solita on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts and we're back with jillian okay so we have some callers we have some letters what do we have well we'll start with our callers today actually it's always exciting i love taking callers yeah i love it so dusty is an interesting situation because he had written in about an a recent ex

about a year ago and followed up with him recently and he has a question about that ex but he's somebody who's really taking responsibility for himself and his actions and you'll hear a little bit about that in um the email so did we already answer a question from him before no i had just seen his previous question okay so he says dear chelsea to begin i want to tell you how much fun i've had listening to your podcast i followed you chelsea since i first tuned into chelsea lately in junior high i'm newly sober and just celebrated six months of sobriety i left my previous relationship just over a year ago it was hot heavy fast and i was still an absolute mess for the entirety of it things ended up going south for us i've taken accountability for the things i

had done while with him, and as he has done the same in return, he and I have a great relationship now as friends. We've been in communication daily, and he's a major source of support for me since moving halfway across the country and getting sober and working the program. And now I find myself leaps ahead of where I was in terms of confidence, self-awareness, honesty with myself and others, and my ability to put myself out there again. I've started dating again, and this is where things seem to be a little confusing for me. As friends do, we chat about dating. However, he started asking very intimate questions about my sex life and wanting to know what was happening with my dates and when. Look, as a friend, I know what it's like to be curious, supportive,

and excited for friends when they're going out and having fun, hot, horny times after a long hiatus, but it obviously feels different when it's coming from someone you used to wear a ring for. So my question is, how do I find balance in what to share and what not to share? I feel turned off by the level of curiosity he seems to be having, and I can also tell when he's trying too hard to appear unbothered. Help, Dusty. Hi, Dusty. Hi, Dusty. Hi. Hi. This is our special guest today, Jillian Turecki. She just wrote a book about love. How are you? Hi, nice to meet you. So nice to meet you. Congratulations on your six-month sobriety, Mark. That's awesome. Yeah. Dusty, Dusty. Thank you. I said, congratulations on your six-month sobriety, Mark. Sorry, I thought you were saying.

Oh, calling him Mark. Calling him Mark. Oh, no, no, no. I was like, where do I get Mark? Okay, Mark does, yeah. We'll just cut that. No, keep it in, I think. I think that's good.

How are you? Doing well, thank you. Sounds like, do you feel like he still has feelings for you? So that was kind of my thought initially. So I, this whole time, I just started dating again, probably, I don't know, a month and a half ago now. So, and he and I broke up over a year ago now. so I guess like we hadn't talked about that like I said we talk all the time so whenever I did start

seeing someone or I was going on dates and this and that the way he responded it just like his voice got really high-pitched and like he just seemed like overly excited and I just felt like it was right disingenuous so I was like it made me feel awkward because I felt like he felt awkward you know, and he was trying to be supportive and I just was like, oh, maybe this isn't actually that great. So does that make sense? Yeah. I actually have a question for you. So congratulations on sobriety. Thanks. Thank you. Are you, are you, yeah, exactly. Are you in a program? Are you an AA or anything like that? Yes, I am. Yeah. I have a sponsor and I'm working a program. And what does your sponsor say about dating only five to six months into sobriety?

So the group that I'm in is pretty loosey goosey about it. I would say it's kind of just based on, I think like situational individual person by person. Um, there is kind of that blanket rule. Yeah. You probably know this of like, don't date within your first year. Yeah. But with my, with my group, it's not, it's not, it's more individual. It's more individual. Yeah. So, And are you looking for what kind of partnership are you looking for? Are you looking for a long term partnership? Are you looking like what what do you want? So because I am six months over, everything does feel very new. So right now what I'm looking for is just, I think to find myself, figure it out, like in dating, like I'm wanting to feel, I think more comfortable with it. I obviously would like to find somebody that I could develop

a long-term relationship with, but I want to enjoy the process of it. So right now that's, that's like number one is just enjoying who I meet and seeing what happens. That's the attitude everyone should have when they date. That's like perfect. It's like a renewal you get. Absolutely. Yeah. And it feels so new, you know, like doing everything sober, sober dates, you know, blah, blah, blah. Very different. So it's just, it's, I'm figuring it out, you know? Yeah. So what's one thing, I'm sure there's a few things, but if you were to like name one or two things that you really want to do differently as a sober person as it relates to dating?

I realized that my, like, I used to fill up my cup kind of with who I was with solely and kind of lost my own kind of identity in the relationship. And I had so many expectations. I would attach myself, you know, I'd like cling on for dear life to that person. And it was really unhealthy. and so now I think really it's just about finding myself can you ask the question again I'm so sorry yeah no you're doing great great question it's a very good question so it's worth taking the time to like answer it and think about it yeah and I think you're you I think you were really you're

onto something I wanted to know what you wanted to do differently as a sober person as it relates to dating it's kind of like a slogan but I want to have a relationship and not take a hostage I think would be like primary like I want to have my own identity outside of the relationship have healthy attachment style healthy habits and just like it's just my goal to to enjoy it for I think like how how it is in like reality and in truth and instead of like creating a, like, how do I explain? Like I wasn't prepared for follow-up questions. No, I, instead of kind of creating a narrative of what I think it should be in my head, I want to enjoy it for what it is and kind of release control of how I used to try to maintain

control. If that makes sense. It all makes sense. Yeah. I think that's beautiful. What are you doing in your life currently to bolster up your sense of self so that you're not looking for your, for yourself only in another person well I mean I think everything has changed in my life number one would be you know I'm hitting meetings I'm working with my sponsor and I'm working my program and that is really the most important thing for me right now yeah that's unique to me I've learned how to be a better friend to those people I have in my life so I feel like I'm almost like re-getting to know like a couple of these people who have been so close to me for so long and like I realized that there were like some blocks between us that are kind of going away

or like we're kind of redefining our friendship now so I have other things you know yoga is huge for me yeah I started doing yoga every single day I fell in love with it good for you too yeah so just stuff like that is kind of I think what I'm doing for myself but as it relates to the ex, which is the original question, right? Like, what are you supposed to do about his ex? It's the ex, right? It's not a new guy, right? It's the ex. Yeah. So he was very supportive of me this whole past, what, 13, 14 months since we broke up. He's been, he was really supportive for me in the beginning, right after the breakup, because I was so attached to him that it was like, I don't even think I would have been able to go a day without talking to him. It was intense. And

I was having panic attacks all the time wasn't sober yet and with that I do feel like this sense of anytime I kind of want to create a boundary or anything or like have like a conversation where it's just really honest because we had issues with honesty when we were together it's part of the reason why we're not together but as a friend I think he's amazing but I think whenever I try to have like a boundary set in place I struggle with that and I struggle with in my head it's like I want my friendships to to be limitless and like us not have like blocks with each other like have things we can't say to each other I want it to be very open but like with him in this situation it does feel like maybe a temporary boundary or something

but it's like I have guilt whenever I do that I'm kind of rambling a lot you guys no no we're asking you a lot of questions we're asking you a lot of questions this is like an actual it's like almost like we have like one therapy session yeah exactly I'm into it so don't worry about it because you have like you've done so much for yourself and you're so honest and so forthcoming like I'm very I mean I'm sitting watching in admiration of you how much you've done with your life and how self-aware you've become that's really awesome and I think everyone has trouble I'm just gonna jump in here obviously Jillian interrupt me when I when you see fit but everyone has a hard time creating boundaries I totally have a hard time creating boundaries

it's like I never even thought of it it's like a boundary oh I have to create oh I forgot like I never even knew I had to do that but when the opportunity arises to create one that's your opportunity to do it gently and with love and and actually attribute it to your own self-work all this work I'm doing on myself I'm learning that we actually don't have a healthy boundary around this so while this is kind of strange to have to say to you I think for the betterment and the strength of our friendship like we're just not going to talk about dating for a while or, you know, whatever you want to, you know, whatever timeframe you want to build it around. But, but I think if you guys have remained friends for this period of time after that

relationship and went through all that stuff together, he's only going to respect you for creating a boundary. Maybe not right in that moment, but over time he will respect that. Yeah, I would agree with that. And I think it's an opportunity for you to create a new pattern. Like with, with not just him, you know, you may have to create a boundary with the next person you date or another person in your life, but it's very good to understand how that's done and to do it effectively sober and with grace. Yeah. And it's okay that this is very uncomfortable.

Like you're learning something new, you're creating new patterns and it is going to be uncomfortable and it's going to feel awkward and you're going to have a lot of resistance to it. and that's part of the process but it's also as you know is so important right so and you can be really forthcoming about and be like this is really hard for me but you know this i just is this is part of what i'm working on and this is what feels right for me yeah and as you said you know the pitch of his voice went up and he felt a little awkward like it might be a little bit of a relief for him to not have to go there with you and like talk about those things specifically so oh my god the questions he asked i was like why would you ask me that like i was like

that's a lot you know yeah to be curious about anyway okay well i think you got the message right i did i appreciate you guys so much i appreciate you too thank you do we look cozy does this room look cozy i still have to it is very cozy good good i have to figure out we need a different plant this plant blocks the bookcase so anyway send us a plant okay as a thank you please yeah medium size i've got a yucca plant at work that's about it so okay forget it we'll ask the next caller all right well thanks thanks for calling bye dusty dusty otherwise known as mark so our didn't he seem like he was in great shape he did yeah yeah you sound you mean in great shape emotionally yeah like very self-aware very like he's doing the work he is really doing the work

i respect that oh 100 and he was very honest and he had a lot of again awareness about what his pattern was so yeah i'm and he's doing it he's got the sponsor he's in the program so that's great and i'm rooting for him it really seemed like he's somebody who's taking a responsibility for himself even looking at the email he sent a year ago it was a you know he which admittedly he wrote drunk and he was like it was much more like sort of finger pointy whereas this email is all like I ever take I've taken responsibility for my stuff and I just thought he was such a cutie yeah such a cutie yeah well our next caller is Carly she is 32 and this one sort of coincidentally also has a sobriety theme but really just a coincidence there I'd love to talk to her about

some of her online dating stuff as well so she says dear Chelsea I'm 32 female and on the apps unfortunately. I can't drink for some low-key medical reasons, but I truly still enjoy going out to bars, parties, wineries, etc. When a guy on the dating apps asks me out, I always disclose that I can't drink, saying something like, that sounds great, just so you know, I don't really drink, but I still like to do drinks and go out, and I'm totally cool if you drink. Three times in the last month, I've said this, and the guy says, oh yeah, that's totally cool, let's go out on X day. Then X day comes, no confirmation of the date, and they are radio silent when I reach out, and they usually unmatch me the next day. I prefer to disclose this, but many of my friends keep

telling me not to. What do you think? How should I handle this? I feel like it's a lie by omission to just show up on a date without disclosing I can't drink, but these stupid men out here seem incapable of understanding that I truly don't care if they're drinking. Obviously, I'm not going to be hooking up with a drunk man while sober, but can we not even get out on the first date to see if we're compatible at all, Carly. You know what I think? I think, I think, hi Carly. Hi. How are you? Great. Thanks for having me. Yeah. I think you should just remove drinking altogether from the date. I think you should say, look, I don't really drink and we do something else. I would love to like maybe go bowling or do this, or maybe meet for a coffee. I actually

think that it's a problem that so many people go on dates and drink because you know what happens when people drink, they look at someone, they think, yeah, I'm attracted to them because it's alcohol talking. So I think, um, I, I don't, I think you absolutely should say, you know, I don't drink and I kind of prefer to do something else. What do you think? Because that's actually going to any guy who's like not into that or disappears. Great. Let him, because that is exactly not your guy. It's the one who's going to be like, cool. You know, I'm not really a big drinker either. And I, you know, would love to take you whatever, hiking, walking, coffee, breakfast, bowling, whatever the hell it is, dancing, whatever it is. And so, yeah. What are

your two cents? I don't know. I kind of disagree because I feel like you're making it like that. You're only available. Like it almost sounds like you'll, you'll never be open to going out for drinks. And she just said, she's totally happy going out for drinks because if someone says, I don't drink, can we do something else? I would take that to mean, oh, that's what our whole thing is going to be like, what if I want to go have a couple drinks one night? You're not going to sit with me. I understand what you're saying, but I think for the purposes of meeting people, I'm not saying you should lie and say, take out the drinking, but I don't think it's a problem for you to go. Like, it's nice to demonstrate that you can go somewhere, go out for drinks with

somebody and it's not an issue. You know what I mean? Cause then they know that, Oh, she doesn't drink, but that's fine. She's cool. She's fun. We can go to a bar. We can hang out. We can play pool. We can play darts. There's other things that can happen there besides just sitting and drinking you know so I mean I'm the guy that is breaking up with you because you're sober like I'm if I went out with a guy who didn't tell me they didn't drink I would be annoyed yeah because I want to know that yeah of course you got to know that and it doesn't mean that I wouldn't date somebody who didn't drink I mean I don't I don't think I've yeah I have actually leading with it yeah but you don't want to be with a drinker you don't want to be with a big drinker yeah but I

don't know. I think you are reading a lot of people out because they might be like, Oh, she's going to be judgy or she's going to be, you know what I mean? Like she might be sober. I mean, maybe if the, if you want to write even an addendum, like I'm not an AA, I just don't really drink a lot or not a big drinker and that's it. Like, you know, make it less than the blow just because some people are fine as long as they know you're cool. And some people are just don't want to be like, you know, she was telling them, she was saying, I'm cool. She was saying, I don't drink, but I'm totally fine. But then what they do is that they, then they don't show up.

Right. Yeah. And that's what they've been doing recently. And I'm just like, tell me that it's not okay. And I'm cool. I respect it. Unmatch me. Great.

But don't plan a date and then go. What city are you in? I'm right outside Philadelphia in South Jersey. Oh, okay. I thought you were going to say, I was like, if you're in LA, it shouldn't be an issue because everyone's fucking sober here anyway. Yeah, exactly. I mean, I don't know.

maybe they're not, maybe they're not falling through because it's not that. I don't know. Maybe it's because they just, they want to get hammered with you and have a good time. Either way, they're not your guy. What's important to you in terms of a partner and his relationship with alcohol? For me personally, I just had like some, you know, low key medical issues where I tend to like pass out and have a seizure if I have certain medications or alcohol. So I've just, you know i'm 32 now i've lived my whole life college frat parties all school everything not drinking being around people who drink all of my friends drink it's never really been an issue for me except in this like one sphere of data right i'm gonna say i think you're labeling

yourself even though she's saying i'm okay with drinking i think it's so do you think she should not say anything i just don't think you should i don't think you should put such an emphasis on drinking just like you shouldn't put such an emphasis on most things like when you're not before you meet someone like have them have the experience of meeting them take out the drinking thing I think and just and then see if that changes the amount of men that you actually match with and then see if that changes the quality of men that you match with because maybe it will have the effect that Jillian is saying which is you thank god you're rid of all those people anyway I don't know maybe there's a couple people in there that that aren't big drinkers that

just are like, Ooh, I I'm on a first date. I want to have a cocktail. Like that's kind of like a very regular thing for people to do. You know what I mean? And Carly, would you tell us a little bit about, you mentioned some really interesting things to me about your experience on the apps and the kind of guys you're getting hooked up with. Can you tell us a little bit about that? Yeah. Um, on the apps recently, I've been having this issue where like, even when I do go on a few dates with people, I get a lot of feedback about that. I have my together too much and that makes them insecure after the date or before the date after when I do go out on dates like you know two or three dates with someone they're like oh and you know

I'm not in a place in my life right now and they use it as an excuse and they blame it on like oh you own a house you like know what you're doing with your life and I'm still trying to figure my life out at like 39 years old which is fine everyone's in different areas but that's just kind of like something i've been getting a lot recently well that you definitely don't want to diminish the fact that you have your shit together absolutely not there's a lot of shit i could still figure out don't that's something not you don't want to start hiding from men because you know absolutely not exactly i think it's great that you have your shit together at 32 you know it's amazing people until like 35 ish i think to get their shit together yeah 35 to 40 anyway yeah

and beyond but yeah i mean that would be my advice just to remove that don't put such an emphasis on it just you know you're open to whatever you can suggest always going to coffee also or going for a walk in your book you talk about what a co-regulating experience walking is yeah that's the first time i've read that i mean i i know it to be true co-regulating but yeah isn't it right like that's actually an it sounds kind of like a corny thing to do with on a date i mean i wouldn't go for a walk with someone on a date i did it once and that's why I'll never do it again. But, but I, it is actually a really good activity for two people to do together. Yeah. And you know what, something that I'll leave you with is this. Sometimes the people

who do have their quote unquote shit together and are not, you're, they're not hookup material, they're wife material. Like, and I say that meaning like, they're not the person who you're just, you're not, they're not just going to like have a good time with you and get wasted and go to bed together like you're someone actually to be taken seriously for many different reasons sometimes those women they do have to wait a little bit longer for the right person especially around your age group but don't let that discourage you never as Chelsea said never diminish all that you've accomplished and that you have your shit together like you have to that you have to be loud and proud about that okay I'll try okay I love that Jillian yeah yeah you are somebody they bring

home to mom yeah yeah you are and that's a good thing and that's a lovely thing yeah yeah and also enjoy the process of all of this like I know it may seem frustrating right now but like you'll never get this time back again you know you're 32 you're single you're on apps like look at that as fun and adventurous instead of the disappointment that comes with it there's also all these other fun flirty things sometimes you flirt with people that you never even go on a date with yeah and it's fun for like five days or two weeks and it never comes to fruition but like who cares you know what I mean it doesn't fucking matter it's like enjoy all of this that's happening because you're never going to be 32 again and you might not be you might meet somebody get married and

have kids and be like god I wish I went on some more dates you know what I mean well I have been to more countries than dates this year so I guess that's perfect that's great that's a good attitude too I love that yeah so you're a very interesting girl you're a very interesting woman so you need you need an interesting guy and so anyone who's just like going to be like well she won't get wasted with me that's not your guy no but do you have any plants that you can send because we need to put a plant in this area that isn't this tall that just like kind of comes up here and it's a little bit i would keep asking our callers but our last caller he was not helpful he's not i kill all plants i just got flowers on saturday at the farmer's market and they're dead already so i

don't i can keep dogs alive but not plants she does have an enormous black dog just like you Well, I mean, I don't need her to keep my dog alive. So you keep your dog alive and I'll try to keep mine alive. But I guess we can call this episode no plants for us. OK, well, does that help you at all? Are you? It does. Thank you.

OK, cool. Thanks, Carly. Thanks for calling in. Thanks. Bye. Bye. Jillian, do you have advice for people who are on the apps and are just like suffering? I'm so curious.

Well, I think there's a few things. One is that really shouldn't don't depend. It's designed to make you very dependent. don't depend on them entirely like actually go out meet people expand your circle have fun live your life to the fullest don't get so obsessive about it expand your zip code that's important because also if you're in a like in a big city usually that can be more difficult so go like to the periphery maybe you have to drive 30 minutes maybe you have to drive an hour i think it's worth it and don't be having a million different texting exchanging exchanges with lots of different people

like focus on one person at a time honestly and meet the person whether it's like through a facetime or zoom or in person quickly because what i what i've been seeing a lot lately is that oh my god i've been texting with this person it's been like two months but we haven't met and it creates this really weird false sense of intimacy so just like if you are in it because you want a relationship then you have to have discipline not to always be on it you have to have some clear standards and also have some pictures of you where you're like smiling and it's not just like a pose with all this makeup especially for women and yeah those are just my quick tips that's great well maybe let's take a break and we'll come back with a quick question

a quicker question okay we'll take a break and we'll be right back the jonas brothers are running it back we live the burning up tour and celebrate the biggest jonas brother hits that have defined a generation one incredible celebration one unforgettable night see the jonas brothers live at rbc amphitheater september 28th get tickets now at ticketmaster.ca Jonas Brothers, the Burn It Up Tour, all over again. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files.

I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, Shut up. Don't say anything. every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable i knew if he woke up without a doubt he was going to hurt me i started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed and i just started screaming they are abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced but these aren't stories about what's taken from them they're stories about what it takes to make it out alive Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home.

This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse.

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We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network. Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners. Each week, we talk to someone in show business, a.k.a. the biz, and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, not that great. Actually, can you help me shape this?

How about we flip it on its head? How about we flip the script, okay? What if the surprise woman, who actually you think is the straight man, is actually the one who's acting weird? Adam Scott. This entire time, you've been expecting Adam Sandler to come to visit the show i i would never let go of that i have i would never set expectations for something like that if the universe allows for something like that to happen i'm open to it i'm always

going to accept you know danny mcbride fine yeah it's all this fragile masculinity exuding i could smell it walking down the hallway to be honest with you i was like is that weed nope it's fragile masculinity yeah ben stiller no because a lot of times in out of context people don't get it or even know what a circle is you know what i mean like you're like oh what's the state everyone's so dumb and fake right fake and and also not interested or just like oh i've got my life i don't care about your life and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us oh and by the way will ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a on every episode, but he's just so busy.

Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back with Jillian Tarecki. And actually, before we're back, we can lose our headphones. I like my headphones. They make me feel secure. I know. What do you got?

I've got either my boyfriend has a lot of female friends or my ex-lover died. what do you think i think the ex-lover died ex-lover died okay what do you think okay sure i'm open okay so trisha writes dear chelsea i just found out that my former lover with whom i was in an extramarital relationship died a year ago we were lovers undercover for 10 years and i truly loved him i was very close to his wife i know it's gross she found out about us because

of a drunk email I sent years ago when the guilt got the best of me, admitting to our relationship. Another great advertisement for alcohol. Just skewing that way today. I'm since widowed and have only had two exchanges via LinkedIn with him since we broke up, but I started to write her how sorry I was for her loss and, of course, the damage I caused, but now I'm rethinking writing her. Should I reach out? What say you? Thanks, Trisha. No. No.

Do not. No reason to. Leave her alone. Let her grieve. Yeah. Yeah. And you can do your grieving by yourself. And she lost her husband.

So she's like grieving both people. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Don't remind her of that. Yeah. That's a big no.

Okay. I'm glad we're in agreement. Yeah. We do have probably time for that last other quickie if you want to do one more. Sure. Yeah. Okay. Great.

so Susanna says dear Chelsea I'm in a new relationship where I feel secure for the most part my one hang up with him is that he has a lot of female friends that he regularly talks to and hangs out with both single and married alike obviously I know I can't tell him who to be friends with but I just cannot relate at all because I don't have any single straight men that I'm regularly talking to and hanging out with it feels like it could quickly become a slippery slope. I have not brought this up to him yet because I think it could easily be misconstrued as me being the jealous type or acting like the crazy girlfriend. I trust him and I don't want to unnecessarily rock the boat of an otherwise great thing. He's been single for

a long time, over a decade, so perhaps he doesn't even realize that it might make me uncomfortable since he's not used to having to consider someone else's feelings. My question is, is it worth bringing up since it makes me feel uneasy or will it just naturally fade out over time now that he isn't single. Is it totally fine to be in a relationship and have a bunch of single friends of the opposite sex? Basically, is this a valid concern or am I just insecure? Susanna. How long have they been together? I forgot that. Let's see. It's just this new relationship. I don't think we have a timeline. Would you like to answer this first? Would you like to go first? I think that it's important when you're trying to foster a new relationship

certain other relationships might have to change. I also think that if you're going to have a lot of friendships female friendships and you're a straight man you're in a relationship with a woman that she should be introduced to these friends and included somewhat you know it it really just and also depends does he have a history with any of them has he hooked up with any of them did he date any of them those need boundaries around them especially when you're trying to foster like safety and trust in a new relationship what do you think well I think she hasn't even broached the topic with him and right now it doesn't sound like it doesn't sound nefarious it sounds like he has a lot of friends that are girls and I think people should be confident

she said in the letter I don't have I can't relate because I don't have a lot of friends that are guys yeah that's a you problem not a he problem well I have I'm dating somebody who has lots of girlfriends i have no issue with that whatsoever i have lots of guy friends i mean most of them are gay but i have a lot of straight male friends and it's just not an issue because i'm confident and he's confident like it's not a thing i don't think i think if their issues arise because of it in addition to your insecurity that is so far rooted in nothing just her own insecurity if there were issues that were derived from him and some one of these women then yes it becomes an issue but right now it sounds like a her issue not a him issue yeah i mean look the

thing is i agree i think there's nuance it's like does he have these other friendships and is he not is he not communicating with her like when there's a problem absolutely be free to meet all of them and that should be incorporated i think there's always to be integration i think that's really important definitely yeah so i think as long as there's integration and as long as it's not like when there's where it gets messy it's like if they have a problem and he's going to one of his female friends and he's not talking to her but that doesn't seem to be what's happening but i do want to bring that up as something that does potentially happen in couples where it absolutely can be a problem also it can be a problem if one of those friends is someone who like a year ago

you were in a relationship with and there isn't any like clear boundaries but at the same time If it's just I do believe that there can be friendship and that it absolutely could be just her insecurities, to your point. Because I just don't think like when you when you said I think the first thing you said was like, you know, when you're in a relationship, other your other relationships have to change. I actually I don't think that's true unless you have some unhealthy relationships. You know what I mean? Yes. It might mean like so. It might mean also including the girl in your relationship.

Yes. Your girlfriend. Integration is really important. I think where there needs to be change is like if he has a friendship with one of the women who's single and, you know, she's the first person he texts in the morning and they talk about everything and they do their Saturday nights together. When you have a relationship, some of that relationship is going to have to change. But other than that, no. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. All right. Well, thanks for writing in, Susanna. Thank you, Susanna. Thank you, Susanna. Does she have a plant? I will email her an answer. Okay, okay.

I like this one. Okay, well, everybody can order It Begins With You, The Nine Hard Truths About Love That Will Change Your Life. Yes. Thank you so much. Thank you for having me. That was awesome. It was so much fun.

Yeah, good times. Okay, we'll see everybody or hear everybody or listen to everybody or talk to everybody next week. Goodbye. If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at dearchelseapodcast at gmail.com and be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert, executive producer, Catherine Law.

And be sure to check out our merch at ChelseaHandler.com. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced these are stories about what it takes to make it out alive listen to the survivor files with elizabeth smart on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts did you hear the new episode of the hey jonas podcast we are at d23 so we'll see who stops by The cast of Frozen stopped by.

Kristen Bell, Josh Gad, and Idina Menzel. I auditioned for Frozen. What? For Kristoff. They said, okay, what are you going to be singing today? I said, I don't know. That must have been why you didn't get it. Well, you probably won.

Plus, John Stamos, Hayden Christensen from Star Wars, and more. And I guess I can share that, uh... No way. Listen to the latest episode of Hey Jonas on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. and Sean Clements. We host the podcast

Hollywood Handbook. Each week, we talk to someone in show business and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us.

Everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, Adam Scott, Danny McBride,

Ben Stiller, and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get

your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home pro society is a weekly podcast that's part book club part group chat for anyone who thinks pride and prejudice and love island deserve the same level of discourse each week we're connecting the dots between books the internet and pop culture with your favorite

writers book talk creators and plenty of overthought opinions yeah i'm obsessed i'm obsessed listen to pro society on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.