Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - Keeping the Tags On with Atsuko Okatsuka

Episode Date: December 15, 2022

Chelsea is joined this week by Atsuko Okatsuka to talk about growing up with a mentally ill parent, not being afraid to ask for what you need, and the trouble with tampons.  Then: A neurodivergent woman struggles to feel valued and worthy.  A college grad decides to break up with his boyfriend - who’s also financially dependent on him.  And a recovering bulimic wrestles with the shame of a disorder that’s cost her so much for so long.  If you’d like to donate to Anna’s GoFundMe, click here! * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Nick Stumpf Produced by Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Bell. Connection is everything. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who lived through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. You know, I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy.

Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, Katherine. Oh, hey, Chelsea. Oh, hey, hey. I was with my sister in San Francisco caretaking for her because she had that surgical procedure.

How did that go? Oh my God, I was such a good nurse. I was like, okay, she has this huge scar down her back, which was really gnarly. And I was like, listen, I was up there for 10 days over Thanksgiving in between my tour dates. And I was able to like be there for her,

which was very meaningful. But right away I was like, let's get into some physical therapy. Like I brought bands. I had my like Pilates ring. I had like very light weights. She's like, Chelsea, they told me not to do anything for six to eight weeks.

Like you're not a doctor. I'm like, bitch, I am a fucking doctor. And until the physical therapist, because we had to wait to find a PT that could come. She was going to wait a month to go to physical therapy. Finally, I found, you know, through my assistant, she found somebody to come over to her apartment right away, gave her every single exercise that I gave her.

The physical therapist was like, now you do this. And she's looking at me, she goes, oh, my God, you are a doctor. And I was like, I am a doctor, Simone, okay? You need to follow my lead. You need to keep your body moving at all times. That's how you gain strength. That's why they make you, like, get up after, you know, six hours after the worst, most gnarly surgeries.

They make you keep moving. You've got to get up right away. It's not like 40 years ago. You know what I mean? Like you have to build strength. So we'd go for walks each day. We would add a thousand steps. And by the time I left, we walked over the Golden Gate Bridge together.

You guys were shopping. Oh, my God. Yeah. She was in great shape. She's like, wow, you really know what you're talking about. I was like, yeah, I do. She's a medical professional, everyone. And I know you have a cold this week, but we actually recorded most of this episode

with Atsuko a few weeks ago when we were all in the throes of midterm elections. Chelsea, I have a time-sensitive question that I wanted to get your opinion on. So Karen sent us an email. She's 34. She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm the youngest child of a mildly dysfunctional family and have two older sisters, 40 and 45 respectively, and an older brother, 47. All my siblings are married with children, and I'm the lucky auntie to eight nieces and nephews ranging in age from 18 down to two. I'm in need of your perspective and advice. My brother and sister-in-law just sent out an email to myself and my two sisters

stating how that now that their oldest is 18, they don't want us giving presents to her for Christmas or birthdays. They said, we have to stop giving gifts at some point. I disagree and replied stating that I think gift giving is the voluntary choice of the giver. And so if they don't want to give anything, don't. But you can't tell me not to, especially about giving a gift to another adult, even if they are your child. It's been over a week and it's radio silence on the group email. No replies, but I know that she has since started side messages with each of my sisters.

I've come to terms with my place in the family and the fact that I'm given less credibility because I'm unmarried with no children, even though I'm an independently successful woman in a high-powered career, my own mortgage, retirement savings, and have traveled the world. But what do I know? I'm not sure how to go forward with Christmas this year. I love giving a good gift and seeing the joy on someone's face when you nail it. I don't want it to feel like I'm punishing my brother's kids by not giving a gift to them either, since that would only be fair. What should I do, though? Do I give nothing to everyone?

Do I leave one out or three out? Do I give extra presents to spite my sister-in-law? Do I make a donation in their name or buy them therapy sessions to unpack their childhood? Help. As a fellow youngest, what do I do? I'm at a loss. Karen. Oh, Karen, do your thing.

Get your gifts for all of your nieces and nephews. Don't overdo it. Just do what you would normally do. Nobody can control whether or not you give a gift to somebody else. That's their prerogative if they don't want to give the gift to their 18-year-old kid. You're an aunt. That's your specialty. That's what we're here for is gift giving.

So keep continuing to do that. I 100% co-sign. Exactly. Give those gifts. Amen. Yeah. But anyway, this episode is exciting. We taped this episode earlier, you guys.

It's with one of my favorite comedians, Atsuko Okatsuka, whose special is now available to stream on HBO called The Intruder. And she is our guest today. And she's fucking funny. So get ready. Atsuko Okatsuka, everybody. Say it three times. Atsuko Okatsuka. Atsuko Okatsuka.

Atsuko Okatsuka. Thank you, Chelsea. You know what it is? It's actually Chelsea. Chelsea. It is in Mallorca. do you all remember it is it's chelsea that's that's like a they always have to add like a little flair right well my my german grandmother used to call me chelsea and i fucking hated that

pronunciation i mean she sounded like such a nazi every time she said it chelsea chelsea nine yeah nine is no in german how's the spanish going thank you for asking actually yeah i pay attention and you know what it is when you know it's just like so different than than Spanish and I'm like oh maybe she's got Spanish brain well that's a great excuse but no I mean I've been taking Spanish lessons again my Spanish is getting very good actually not very good but like my bell now it speaks to me only in Spanish and I understand 50% of what she's saying rather than it used to be 20% and now I can speak in the past tense which I learned through my tutor so it's developing and I'm just going to keep, I practice in my books every day, like a little

girl. Well, not every day, but like once a week I do my workbook for my homework for my Spanish class. So it feels good. Like I like to learn, you know, and I'm so into language, so it's perfect. And Mabel's like, I was talking to her about like pronunciations and she was like, oh, you know, you don't say that in Mexico. And I'm like, well, no offense, Mabel, but like, I'm using this for Spain. And she's like, well, I just only know it in slang. And I'm like, well, no offense either, but I'm not trying to learn slang. I'm trying to learn proper Spanish that I can speak regionally in all different sorts of regions. Yeah. She's trying to make you relatable to the streets. Yeah. Yeah. Well, exactly. How many languages do you speak, Atsuko?

I speak three, but I feel like all of them not that well. And one of them is the one I'm talking to you in. You know, it's really just like a lot of it's improvisation. What are the languages that you speak? I speak Mandarin, Japanese, and English. And, oh! Oh, no! She's been moistened. Oh, my God.

And it's fruit punch-flavored electrolytes because I'm eight. It's okay. Why? Does that stain? Yeah. That's okay. I'm just going to have a stained shirt. No, no.

It's okay. Don't worry. There's nothing that's going to help it. I'm drinking during this podcast, too, so hopefully I also have a spill. Ooh! I'm so shy! She's just like, oh, no, a little wet by the bosom. Is that a maxi shield? Hold on. I have maxi shields before you go, okay? I give them to

every guest before they leave. What's a maxi shield? I don't know. It's for you putting your Pikachu when you have your period in your underwear. It's like a little pad. Oh, sure. Like a panty liner? Like a liner. Yeah, but I like the word shield because it sounds ridiculous. I was like, I need to know about this new invention. I don't use that because I'm getting what they call an ablation next month before Christmas as my christmas gift to myself which means they go inside your uterus and scorch it blanch it with steaming hot water so that you don't bleed anymore because i'm so sick of getting my period like i'm over it so it just gets so hot that your uterus just goes like no more it just you killing

it you're killing the blood so the blood like one percent of people have a period again after they do this but my sister did it because my period's just like you know i don't i don't want to deal with this anymore i'm too you know i have too much other shit to deal with i don't want to deal with it yeah every three weeks it's like again again again it's supposed to be every four weeks are you getting your period every three weeks you know because i'm a gynecologist oh is it not every oh it's oh my gosh you know mine comes different times we're very different people you're on it you know i see your videos about like this is how you pronounce this word i'm the type of person that's like look you know what I meant you know and you just imagine what I meant but honestly

I thought it was every three weeks because then a week is when I have the period can you make sure the camera's on because her price tag is still on her clothing that's what I'm saying but we're different people you know I used to do this all the time everyone I worked with your price tags are still on your clothes are you gonna return this or should I take can you tell me how much it was before $78. I'm okay. I'll put it back in because I'm still thinking about it. I thought for some reason this was like a sale one. Anyway, let's go always wears the same outfit when I see her. And so I'm convinced that she went and got this outfit just to be like, I have different outfits because she's like, I listen, you've seen all my outfits already. Oh, girl, I'm going to

free people right after this. Yeah. I'll be like, do you take returns after I've been near a spill? maybe you should try and return this as an extra challenge no you've already dried up just like your pussy's gonna do i'm so excited for you just like my pussy's gonna dry up right after that ablation there's really nothing grosser than dry pussy like even when any anyone says anything like that it's such a disgusting thought i know i know that's not what i mean you know what i meant was i'm so stoked for you that that that you're never gonna get your period again it's all I dream about it's all I know that's why I'm doing it for you and I can't you know I don't use tampons because not that it's like oh I'm so small down there but it always uh falls out yeah

that means you're actually big if your tampons are falling out so that is a problem oh right yeah either way yeah so I hate using pads I just feel like a baby once a month I don't like I've never used a pad even the first time I got my period I think it was 13 and my sister came into the bathroom and she was like, okay, you can use this or this. And I was like, I'm going to not going to walk around with blood floating between my legs in like open areas. Like that's gross. Yeah. Free bleeding. It's so gross. But I guess some people really don't like tampons. I swear to God, a tampon, I do not know how to keep it in. That would be the advice I ask you about later. I mean, we can- How to keep a tampon in? I'll show you. We can do some Kegels,

but I have to wrap this episode up when we're done. I swear it's not because I'm too big. I think it's because i'm too small like i literally are you putting it in the front are you putting in the back i'm putting it what like okay this is a trick question but what do you mean back you know that when you get your period you're supposed to put your tampon in your asshole i'm not putting in my pee pee hole what do you think i'm not i'm not bird brained i have yeah obviously i'm putting in in where where you're getting scorched that's where i'm putting you're putting your tampon in And it falls out no matter what size you use. Yes.

Like, yeah, it's just always halfway hanging out. You know what I don't understand about tampons? And this sounds really stupid at my age, but I am stupid about a lot of things. So I'm just going to say it because my old assistant, Karen Wacker, told me, she's like, you know, your tampon isn't going into your pee hole. It's going into your vagina hole where you have sex out of. And I was like, OK, but then why when I pee does the tampon get wet? get wet yeah I do have that question too maybe because it's like falling out a little bit already like especially if it's already a little bit soaked it can fall out a little bit and then

you're like oh no this is it's got pee on it it shouldn't be getting it does though it does every time I take a tampon out even if it hasn't come out a little and I've peed with it in like if you because for me I'm always like oh I just thought you always had to take your tampon out when you peed because it was coming out of the same hole and this was until I was in my 30s and someone explained to me it's a different hole. And I was like, oh, shit. Shitsky doodle again. Way to come late to the party. And then I was like, but wait, why does it always get wet? And it comes out a little when you pee. Sometimes the tampon can come out. Oh, that's what I'm saying.

Maybe because you're bearing down. Are you bearing down a little bit? I mean, I'm always bearing down. At all times. There's always something in there and I have to hold on to whatever is in there. Even when I'm driving, sometimes there's a stick shift. Sometimes it's a tampon. Right, just like don't come out, right? That's what I'm saying. That's why I'm a pad girl.

That's why I walk around like a baby every month. And one day soon, I will do the ablation too. Ablation? Ablation. Yeah. Atsuko's another person that isn't looking to have children. So you could get an ablation, right? Are you still there?

Do you still feel that way? Yeah, I'm still there. I don't think that's going to change. People always say, oh, you know that clock, it's going to hit, right? And I'm like, what clock? I know that much about myself where I don't think I'll change. I know. I know.

It's so annoying. People still ask me that. I'm 47 years old. I'm like, when are you going to get the fucking message that I can't have a baby anymore? Yeah, like little things change, like maybe my favorite color. But like, you know what I mean? Like, I'm not going to a whole life change. Okay, let's go talk a little bit.

Tell everybody about your history and how you moved over here, the circumstances about how you moved over to the United States, because it's a fascinating story. Yeah. So I came to the States when I was 10. My grandma said we were coming for a two-month vacation, and then she had us overstay our tourist visas, and then we became undocumented, and then we were stuck here, and then I made the best of it by doing stand-up comedy. But you lived in a garage, right? Right, yeah. I lived in my uncle's garage, yeah, for seven years. With your mother and your grandmother.

With my mother and grandmother. It's like, if you've seen Grey Gardens, it's kind of like that. But less room to move around, probably, in a garage. That's true. But yeah, great gardens, but poor. And one more person. Uh-huh. If you follow Atsuko on social media, she posts videos all the time of her and her grandmother, who's adorable.

And her grandmother gets down to business. So tell us about that experience, though. What was that like going to school? I mean, you had to learn the language when you got here, right? Yeah. And so it's kind of like immersion, what Mabel's doing to you right now, right? It's part-time immersion. What that was doing to you.

Yeah, part-time, you know, pretty much, yeah, where, you know, everyone's speaking that language. And that is really the quickest way to learn a language is no forgiveness. You know what I mean? No room for, you know, explaining what's going on. No, just this is how I talk to you. Yeah, it was tough because also, like, you're a kid and you want to really fit in. And I feel like, yeah. And then I was also embarrassed about our circumstances.

So I didn't invite friends back to my place because, you know, even for birthdays or something, if it was my birthday, you know, I would just not have a party because I didn't want them being like, oh, you live here. You know what I mean? Yeah. And my mom and grandma, they're just like elbow to elbow. A garage is, it's a lot to hold three generations of people. You know what I mean? And our whole ass personalities and baggage, it's not enough space for, my mom has schizophrenia and then I developed an eating disorder too.

And I remember like thinking back being like, God, a garage is not enough space for an eating disorder and schizophrenia. You need a lot of space. Well, you need privacy for an eating disorder. You do. Yeah. And so we were just so on top of each other. And so I'm kind of, you know, I joke that I'm sort of delayed and stunted as an adult

because I feel like it wasn't until I got out of that situation that I was able to finally have, like, the confidence to be like, hey, you know, do you want to hang out? Do you want to be friends? So I'm kind of late in the game with socializing. Yeah. Yeah. I met Atsuko at Largo.

Yes. Yeah. Largo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that was the first time we met. That's true, yeah. Yeah, because I was following her on social media, and she's so funny. And she also did that drop-down challenge where everybody,

what's that song called again yeah beyonce's partition give me some yeah and then you dropped your ass down which is basically the only dance move i can do and i can't even really nail that one it's so slow motion that i thought maybe this is one for me that's such a you're like one of the most athletic people i know well athletic but i don't have rhythm but it's like a squat yeah it's a squat yeah that's why i could do it and then otsuko slid into my dms asking if she could open me open for me open me she wanted to open me yeah and i said sure yes uh open for me on a couple of stand-up dates and i was like yeah absolutely i love that you asked me and then i met your husband who's also just a sweetheart and you just taped your hbo special which is going to come out in

december i did which you gave me so much advice about and so i super appreciate it because i called you to be like i had this opportunity to maybe do it off broadway first which would mean more dates running it you know maybe a hundred more times or more than that before taping it and you're like you know just tape it because and that's how I work too and so that was really great advice and that's why it's coming out already you know that's exciting do you know the date it's coming out yet December 10th is oh exciting we're going for yeah December 10th so your special comes out December 10th my special comes out December 27th oh my gosh hers is on HBO mine it's on netflix amazing oh yes yeah december baby december is a good time people are at home they

want to watch stuff yeah with family maybe they're sad yeah i love that oh how nice is that yeah that's great and how did the taping go tell us the taping went well it was in new york i kind of wish i did it in la now but everyone's always like don't do it in la la people are jaded with cameras so they're not going to show as much excitement you know but I'm an LA baby I've been here since I was 10 and so it's just one thing I would for my next special for your next special yeah it's a good experience nonetheless I mean for your next special you'll tape that in LA yeah and so New York was great brought grandma flew grandma I saw you guys I saw you posting her on for her in first class oh my gosh she was she she was like this lays down flat you know oh

and I could just keep bugging the people for food and snacks. And I found, Chelsea, that when I was in first class, because I had never flown first class too, I could not sleep because I was like, oh, I think I need to be a little uncomfortable to be able to sleep because that's what I'm used to. Isn't that wild? Isn't that sad? Well, no, it's not sad, but it's like, I could see that being true. Yeah. Where it's like, oh, like, you know, I need to be sitting up straight and my neck crooked and I need to have a kink in my neck when I wake up. You know what I mean? For me to truly be comfortable. It's so wild. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. And be totally exhausted, feeling awful. Right. That's how you fall asleep on a plane. You don't ever win is what I'm saying. It's,

yeah, it's the grass is always greener. And then even when you get there, the grass stopped being green and it turns yellow. Oh yeah. We got to Willie was burned. Because somebody urinated on it or had their period who didn't have an ablation. In that order, everybody, if you're having trouble following this conversation, and you're not alone. Yeah, go back, listen to what we just talked about. Catch yourself up 100%. And talk about how you met your husband. We met through a mutual friend. And, you know, we had, gosh, like third day in, we were at this patio, you know, it was a nice day in LA. And there was somebody who was sort of talking to themselves. And people at the restaurant were sort of afraid

and didn't know what to do and ryan my husband knew how to handle the person and sort of calm them down and it kind of surprised me because i was like wait how do you know to do that because it was like signs of schizophrenia which is one my mom has so i recognized it and i was like how do you know how to deal with someone with that and he's like oh my mom has it too and so that was yeah so it was kind of cool where i was like well i was already feeling you and liking you a lot But but this really like turned you on. Yeah. And a connection. Yeah. A connection and the empathy. You know, everyone was scared to deal with this unhoused person who was talking to themselves. But this guy that I was ready to fuck. But I was like, yeah, we'll fuck now. You know, definitely. Right. Where he was like so kind to this person and knew how to calm them down. You know, so that's. It's always surprising when men surprise us with just regular things that women would do. And when we see a man do it, we're like, that's so hot and so sexy.

When men show empathy, compassion. Oh, yeah. That's why there's waves of, like, women, I don't think, will have the fandom of, like, Keanu Reeves or, you know, oh, his mystery. You know, he's worked with mostly women directors, and that's supposed to be mind-blowing. You know, like, wherever it's like, oh, my God, he is so hot. God. And he's just, you know, he just lives in hotels and, you know, he works with mostly women directors. And it's like, you know what I mean? Like when women do that, it's like not as much of an allure. I think so. It's not hot. It's more like, oh, they're starting a movement.

I'm going to Disneyland after this. Oh, actually, actually, Catherine just came from Disneyland. Oh, you did? I just went this weekend. Oh, my gosh. Yes. I got a Mickey tumbler. I bought all the Christmas merch. I haven't even told my husband about it yet.

I got bowls with Christmas Mickey. I got a platter with Christmas Mickey. It was too much. It's too much. Catherine and I have nothing in common. No, I mean, I was going to... I mentioned this because I was like, I mean, how does it feel to have two Disney adult friends? Not great.

Right next to you in such close proximity. I feel like I'm being attacked right now. On election day, when our bodies are at stake, I'm going to be on a roller coaster because that's how I deal with chaos. You're going to go to Disneyland. Have you done this before during a chaotic day? No, but this year it felt right. I was like, you know, if I find out what happens with the elections, I want to at least be upside down on a roller coaster screaming, you know? I know. I don't even know if we're going to find out everything today. People are like already filing lawsuits for things that haven't even happened yet. It's just like, oh, great. This could carry on for weeks.

I hope not. I mean, I hope most of them get called. But yeah, I'm not that optimistic. I hope we have some surprises. But I just, I'm so sick and tired of this nonsense, you know? No, for sure. Yeah. For this.

You can always move to Spain. Yeah, I can. I can move to Spain or I can move to Canada. Yeah, that's closer. But you're learning Spanish. I know, but I'm also learning Canadian. It's so cool. What have you learned?

What have you learned? I'll talk to you about that later. Okay. All you have to learn in Canada is how to ski. Mm-hmm. No big deal. Opsco's never been skiing, though, right? No, I'm not like an outdoors athletics person like that.

Extreme sports, I like to watch. Yeah, I got it. Do you like to watch it, though? Like, if my friend is doing it, I'll stand there and watch. Oh, okay. Yeah, it's very horny energy. Like, would you like to watch the Olympics when that happens? Oh, not really.

Yeah. Yeah, I watch the performance. Oh, the Spice Girls are back together, you know, that kind of thing. Yeah, well, that's the Super Bowl. The Olympics, they twice girls don't fucking perform, so. They did one time in London a long time ago. For the Olympics? Yeah, yes.

Oh, 2012. I was at the Olympics. At those Olympics. Yeah, I went to the London Olympics. Were you competing? Yes, I actually was. I was doing the curl. It's called curling, but I call it the curl.

The curl. And it's men's. I was competing with the men's team. So on this podcast, we give advice, life advice to people. Sorry, I just molested you. No, it's okay. We give life advice. We have real people calling in, writing in, calling in.

Katherine, you can break down for us what we have in store for today. Oh, yes. We actually have a couple of really big questions. And, Asko, you're so open about so much of the stuff that you've been through. I was able to pull some really great questions for you that are right in your wheelhouse. Oh, great. Even better. Oh, the stakes are high.

Yeah. We can take a quick break, and then we'll be right back for callers. Okay. We're going to take a quick break. behind every night spent making the kids lunches there's a lot of suspense will they finally eat the veggies will the pesto survive the first bite will the lunchbox come home empty half full or come home at all and will you finish episode 8 before you're done slicing the cucumbers get bell pure fiber internet with crave netflix and disney plus from 94 a month price guaranteed

for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell. Connection is everything. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files.

I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive.

Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table.

It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages.

On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first.

I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits,

change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. We're back. And we're back. We're back. So our first question comes from Kalina.

She's in Romania. I was just going to say, where the fuck is Kalina from? Because I have never heard that name. Where am I when I say Kalina? Kalina. Romania? Romania. Dear Chelsea, my name is Kalina.

I'm a 30-year-old girl from Romania. I really enjoy your podcast. It opens my mind while making me laugh. Great combo. I struggle with anxiety with depression sprinkles. I'm also neurodivergent, which makes life even more interesting. I'm an only child, and the only family I have close by are my parents. So all my life, I relied on making strong connections with friends, which come easy.

I'm currently going to therapy, but it's a long process, as you know. Based on your experience as a human on this planet, I would love your input. I tend to rely on other people to feel safe, to feel loved, and to feel worthy. Which is funny, because I really enjoy being alone, but I just need to know that there's someone there just in case. Because of this, I sacrifice my knees and self-sabotage sometimes, spending time with people who don't treat me well because of that fear of being alone, even though I'm well aware that what people do is out of my control. My question is, how do I become enough for myself?

How do I become secure enough to make decisions and be clear about what I want? How do I feel worthy? Thank you for sharing your joy, Kalina. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, Kalina. I think that one of the ways in which you can make yourself feel more full without relying on somebody to fill you up, because that's not really a great recipe, you know, like, I mean, you can get that from a spouse or a partner in the best, most ideal situation. But ideally for you even to find that person or best friend, you really have to be full on your own because you kind of attract what you are. So if you are healthy and you are alone and you're happy doing that, which is an exercise, not everybody feels comfortable being alone.

And there was a long period of time in my life where I was never alone. I always had a group of people around me. I always had lots of, you know, action, chaos. Even when I grew up, I was in a family of six kids. So there was always commotion and there was always action. And I took that through my adulthood because I thought that's the way things were supposed to be. And it wasn't until I went to therapy where I learned how to be by myself.

and through therapy. And this is something that I learned even before therapy is like, what do you do when you are alone? What are the things and activities that fill you up? Like for me, it's reading books and watching TV and exercising. Like I love to do all of those three things. And I do that always alone. I don't like to exercise with other people. I obviously don't like to read books with other people because that doesn't make any sense. And I like watching TV with people, but it's like my alone activities. So what I would say on a very basic fundamental level is to pick three things that you really love to do and then start doing that in your alone time by yourself to just kind of recharge and regenerate your own relationship

with yourself because that's really all that is ever going to matter in your life when you can depend on you that is going to get you through every difficult time and every happy time and the more secure you become the more secure that the people you attract in your life are going to be. What do you think? Wow, that was really, you know, as a person who's never alone. I'm so opposite, you know, because I'm like, gosh, I'm just always with at least my husband. Yeah. And so I will say I was working out to somebody and I that is a time I do it myself. Besides, you know, I like to work out by myself to the workout teacher said, you know, she had gone through a divorce, I get very heavily invested in my fitness instructors. But she

just went through a divorce and she was saying you know it was hard to get through the divorce and having to wake up alone because she hadn't been alone in a long time but once he was gone you know from her life she was instead of waking up and loving someone else she was forced to love herself and I was like oh wow that's so true and so you know it's just that switch of a mindset where it's like when people aren't around take that as an opportunity to be like oh I can invest in me right now what am I thinking what am I feeling I love myself instead of being like what do you need right now what do you know what do I need right now and so I think it's just a switch of a mindset kind of like instead of I'm nervous to go on stage it's I'm excited to go on stage

kind of yes or nerves mean I'm excited you know right or nerves are a good thing that's what I remember someone telling me like when you're nervous it means you care I'm like oh okay now if I can think about it that way, this means I care, which is much better than not caring at all. And I think one of the things that you said that stood out, Kalina, is it Kalina? Yeah. Am I saying that right? Okay. You did great. Is that your friends are like, sometimes you're not hanging around with the best people that you could choose to hang out with. And that's a telltale sign that you have work to do on yourself because a healthy person just doesn't need that in their lives. So don't settle just for whoever you can hang out with. Actually be discerning about the people

you choose to hang out with. And I think that will yield a much better quality of person. These questions are the big questions in life. Like, how do I make myself feel worthy and feel like I am enough by myself? And while those are huge questions that we can't necessarily answer on this show, I think those specific things are also where things like affirmations can come in. just like Atsuko said, our brains are very malleable. Just reframing what you're thinking, spending time with yourself, telling yourself how great you are, you know, that you're smart, whatever your qualities that you love the most, finding some affirmations that really feel good to you can help reframe just the thoughts that come up in your brain on a routine basis.

Yeah. You know, we mentioned Laurelyn Jackson earlier, that famous Long Island medium. She's not the Long Island medium because there's another Long Island medium. But anyway, Laura Lynn Jackson, who's a good friend of mine, I go, I just want to be positive towards everybody. Even the people that I don't like, I want to have good vibes. I want to throw good vibes at them. I want them to succeed. I don't want to wish for anyone to have bad luck or bad fortune or whatever. And she gave me this exercise where you get up every morning and you write, you know, for one minute, the first thing before you do anything, before you even brush your teeth, you write down for one minute, just everything you're grateful for. And there is scientific data that proves

said after 21 days you're changing your energetic field which is the field of energy that you give off and so I already shared that with like two of my girlfriends because my girlfriend said to me three days later she said the same thing to me she goes I am so fucking mad at this woman I'm so pissed I hate her and I'm like you don't hate her don't even put your energy towards that and I gave her the exercise that I have been doing it's been like nine or ten days since I've been doing it and it's so easy to wake up and just write all down the write down all the things that you're grateful for. It could be your dogs. It could be your bed. It could be your job. It could be the weather. It could be someone, you know, your mother's health, all of those things. And you

can change your vibe. And I think by having a higher vibration, which is a definite scientific thing, it's not woo-woo talk. It's true. Like, are you a positive or are you a negative? Everyone knows a negative. And I'm sure, I'm not saying that you are, Kalina, but I think that would be a great exercise for you to do. You do it for 21 days and you will feel it immediately. I promise you i love that well our next caller is ryan and um just as an aside yeah what if he's just like oh my gosh what i do my wife is always going to disneyland i hope not because this one's about a breakup so okay god can you imagine if he broke up with you on my podcast oh gosh you know god talk about a gratitude list really good tv so he's 23 years old he says dear chelsea he's gay

Right? He's gay. He is gay, indeed. We don't have straight men call in. Okay. No. Got it. We have a block.

Maybe that's why he's leaving you, Otsko. He's gay. I'm currently in a long-term relationship and desperate to get out. My boyfriend and I have been together for four years, and last year decided it was time to move in together. I had just graduated college, and he was planning on transferring to a school in the big city. Things were going great for a while. I landed my dream job and love life in the city. The issue is, I've realized, we're each in very different places in our lives,

and I don't know that we're still compatible as a result. My entire life, I've been told that I was very mature for my age, and I could feel this was true for myself. I feel that I'm at a threshold of an exciting new chapter in life. The transition into adulthood is one I've waited my entire life for, and for the first time ever, I feel as if I have all my ducks in a row. My boyfriend, however, seems to be feeling the opposite. it. As a 20-something in college, he exhibits all of the behaviors one would expect, and I don't

blame him for any of this. I want him to do all the fun things that you're supposed to do at that time, but I can't help but feel as though we're holding each other back. I've essentially made up my mind about leaving him, but there are two major issues. The first is that he is completely financially dependent on me. When we moved to the city, I was the one with the big boy job, so it was clear that I would be the one paying for our new lives. He lives with me here, and if we were to break up, he wouldn't have anywhere to go. The other issue is that I know he's still head over heels in love with me, and if I were to end things, I know it would destroy him, and I don't know that I have the heart to do it. I have so much love and respect for him,

but just feel that we're operating in different phases of life. In the recent episodes of the podcast I've listened to, you talk so much about showing up for yourself, and I think in order to show up for myself, I need to exit this relationship. I just don't know how. Thanks for your help, Ryan. Hi, Ryan. Hi. Hi. Hi. This is our special guest, Otsuko. Nice to meet you. Wow. Just like so heartfelt and honest, honest words. I'm glad you're so like self-aware to know that you need to exit though. Thank you. Yeah. In Chelsea's episode with Ross Matthews, she said it's undignified to pretend that things are okay when they're not. And I'd never heard somebody phrase it like that and it is so undignified and I don't consider myself an undignified person

which has brought me to this decision the thing is I made the decision and now I just don't know how to execute it uh-huh okay so how long have you guys lived together only a couple months about six months okay well that's great news because it hasn't been like you know years so that's to unravel the relationship I know you've been dating for longer than six months but you've been living together for six months, right? Correct. And does he work? Yes, he does. And he pays a fraction of the rent. But as I said in the letter, he is completely financially dependent on me. Okay. Well, that's also not your problem. You know what I mean? You can unravel this relationship in a nice, dignified way by just setting up a boundary. Like, okay, listen, I know this is hard.

I mean, obviously you're going to have to break up with him. You know that already. So however you want to manage that. The financial aspect and the codependent aspect is something that you can just show grace in. You can say, hey, I'm going to help you. I'm going to give you three more months. Why don't you start saving your money so you don't have to pay me rent? You're going to live alone anyway, right? You can afford to pay your rent for yourself. Correct. Right. And give them three months or whatever time frame feels right to you. Don't let it go, though, six more months. That's really unhealthy. Yeah. The one other caveat that I forgot to mention in the letter is he's about to go on this giant vacation

for the holidays to Germany. And I don't know if I should do it before that and potentially ruin his big trip or wait until after and just prolong this pretending. That's tricky. That is hard. My instinct would say to wait till he gets back. I don't know.

What do you girls think about that? How long is he in Germany for? He's going to go for a couple of weeks. He'll leave around the 19th of December and he'll get back around New Year's. OK, so that's still like about five, six weeks away before he leaves. I think if you have a month before he goes. If you have that much time before he goes, I think you should because that could be an opportunity for him to actually grow a little bit and be out and about in the world, knowing that his relationship isn't there when he gets back. It's not him going on the assumption that he's coming back to you.

if you have that amount of time, I would say definitely do it before. Do it as soon as possible. And you know that you want to do this before he goes on that trip. So you know he's going to have some time to think about things and you definitely don't want to ruin anything,

but you just can't be this dishonest with each other at this point. You're being dishonest with yourself and him. Yeah. Yeah, agreed. I think you can't do it like the week before he leaves, like do it, do it this week. So he's got a month to adjust

and then he'll have a few weeks where he can go like have fun, but you also don't have to be playing the game of like miss you sweetie on the phone and you know that sort of thing right yeah yeah and has he left the country like this before on a trip like this no not really yeah so i think giving him the space to acclimate to the idea before he goes away i think major things happen when people go on their first trips overseas you know what i mean it's a major wake-up call and it's a major growth spurt so i think the timing if you can do it sooner than later give him some you know room

to like you know you don't want him to cancel the trip obviously and if you did it right before there's a chance he could do that but you want to give him some space to think about it and some space when he's away from you when there's distance and time that's the best time to contemplate and reflect on things and by the time he comes back you know what I mean you're almost kind of like if you say from now I'll give you two months or three months don't pay rent to me anymore I want you to start saving your money I'm going to pay the rent whatever is comfortable for you financially obviously don't bend over backwards because he's not your responsibility You can be generous, but you don't have to be his, you know, sugar daddy.

That's just not necessary for anyone when you're breaking up. That's just the way it goes. And just remember, people break up all the time. Like people get heartbroken a lot. You're not the first person to break his heart. And I know that will be difficult for you. But what will be more difficult is living like a lie. Yeah, I agree.

And I think you're definitely right. I think that giving him some time to go on this trip and heal himself, I think is the better is the better option. And like I talked to my best friend about this and she had said that I had like involuntarily taken on this sort of caretaker role, not even in the there is the financial aspect, but there's also like I said, the biggest thing for me is the emotional aspect that I just wasn't really prepared for before all of this. So I think you're definitely right.

And I think I need to do it sooner rather than later. And these are also really honest conversations that you can have while they may seem challenging. You're going to give him tools for his movement forward by being honest with him that it's too much of an emotional burden for you and that, you know, you didn't expect this and your feelings have changed so that when he goes into his next relationship, he has a different dynamic instead of him repeating the same patterns. patterns. You know, he may do that anyway, but at least if you're truthful with somebody, as hurtful as it may be, there's always a softer way to say everything. And if you're truthful with somebody, then they can really take that information and do something different in their next relationship. Yeah, I totally agree. Do you think there's a way to offer that like financial support for a moment of like, you can live here for a couple more months, you don't have to pay me rent. That doesn't come off as condescending. It sounds like you have a lot of respect and love

for this person, but it's just not working out anymore. So I would just say, you know, I want to be there for you as this transition happens. And, you know, we'll continue to have the situation where I'm paying for the rent for the next however much time you think that he needs to get on his feet. But like, let's aim for this date for you to be finding somewhere else to be. And I don't think you offering to pay the rent is condescending you know like it's not like you I mean only if you said in a really condescending way the act of it is very generous and it's sweet and you love him you know as a person you're just not in love with him anymore and it's not an arguable thing you know giving him plenty of time before his trip is generous giving him plenty of leeway and when

he moves out is also generous then you can feel good about this down the road I mean he's going to have a whole roller coaster of emotions about this. Definitely. Yeah, I agree. That was my biggest fear coming into this is that you guys would say, you know, you just have to do it. But I think, you know, when that's, I think you just know that, that that's what's right. If that's what's, you know, making. Okay, I'll be the devil's advocate. You say with him. No, it's the loving thing, I think, to to leave before it turns into resentment. And then it's going to be worse for both of you yeah absolutely i agree and there's also a a dynamic that can start when someone doesn't leave when they know they're ready to leave which is that

you're wasting his time to go and find out what's next for him meet somebody else make out with a german on his trip you know whatever whatever it might be don't say that to him don't tell him to make out with a german on his trip nobody likes that when they're being broken up with yeah maybe Go find somebody in Germany. Totally. Let it be his idea. Yeah, I completely agree. And just act with dignity.

Like that sentence struck you. Remember that. Be dignified, you know, to be dignified with your generosity, be dignified with your attention that he needs while you're breaking up. But don't sell yourself. Don't say, OK, fine, I'll stay in the relationship because you're so upset. Being dignified means like you have to give people bad news. Absolutely.

And that's why, I mean, that was part of my decision to write into this podcast. I think you being so candid about all of this has helped me be a more candid and honest person. And the candid, honest person that listens to Dear Chelsea would be honest in this relationship, say that it's time for things to end and do it, like you said, in a dignified way. Yeah, definitely. So you put on that seatbelt, turn that car on and go straight to talk to him right now. No, I'm just kidding.

I honestly might just do that. OK, well, great. Keep us posted, will you? Like check in with us in a few weeks and let us know what happened. I will. Thank you. OK. Thanks so much, Ryan. Call us back when Otzko's not here, OK? I'm bad at this. I'm bad at this. You are good, though. You there's so much love for him there and you could see it. And that's why this is the decision you're making. Thank you. I appreciate that, guys. Thanks for your help. OK. Bye, Ryan. Thanks, Ryan. Bye. Bye. Am I fired? Can you imagine if that was Ryan wearing a disguise and he was really talking about you?

Oh, my gosh. Can you imagine? That's our RAV4. That's our SUV he's in right now. He shows up to the studio. He's like, hey, so I bought you a ticket to go to Germany. He's like, I don't know if you knew this, but you're going to Germany. Look, there's a lot of men out there in Germany.

You can make out with a German. Catherine said so. the jonas brothers are running it back we live the burning up tour and celebrate the biggest jonas brother hits that have defined a generation one incredible celebration one unforgettable night see the jonas brothers live at rbc amphitheater september 28th get tickets now at ticketmaster.ca Jonas Brothers, the Burn It Up Tour, all over again. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them.

I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, Shut up. Don't say anything. every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable i knew if he woke up without a doubt he was going to hurt me i started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed and i just started screaming they are abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced but these aren't stories about what's taken from them they're stories about what it takes to make it out alive Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters,

then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita,

we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita,

trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself.

So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, our next caller is Ana. The subject line is shame, regret, and dental bills. Dear Chelsea, I'm a 34-year-old woman who's fought hard for the life I live today. As a young teen living in a trauma-filled household, I developed an eating disorder that followed me through many eras of my life. At one point in my 20s, I was hospitalized multiple times for major dehydration and electrolyte imbalance due to bulimia.

After a final near-death experience, I finally decided that recovery was my only option. Since then, a lot has happened. A divorce, graduate school, major career changes, lots of self-discovery. Now I'm healthy, happy, and proud of the person I am today. I have a job that allows me to be creative while helping others, a wonderful partner of four years, a dog I'm obsessed with, and a life of adventures big and small. For the last several years, I've worked primarily low-paying jobs in education and the non-profit space.

While I don't make much, I've worked hard to save a humble amount of money, and I'm in a better place than ever financially. My new job has afforded me with dental insurance, and this summer I went to a dentist for the first time in a couple of years since I didn't have dental insurance prior to that. But because of my years of bulimia, my teeth are very damaged.

After a thorough exam with my new dentist, I learned that dental work I had done years ago needed to be replaced ASAP to avoid losing multiple teeth. The total cost of the essential procedures is well over $10,000. There are also additional things would be really good for me to have done to avoid problems down the line, but those total an

additional $18,000. My dental insurance will only pay for $1,000 worth of work annually, so the rest of that tab is on me. When my dentist went over this information with me, I couldn't help but crumble into tears. The overwhelm, the shame, and hopelessness took over. My dentist was lovely and kind and explained how we could break the treatment into chunks to lessen the financial blow. Still, I currently work for a nonprofit making $40,000 a year, and I have two side hustles that pull in about $5,000 a year. I have student debts, rent, a car payment, and I still manage to put a little into savings every month, but it would take me years to pay this off. I've looked into personal medical dental loans, but the interest rates on those are astronomical, so that option is off the table. I've booked the first set of procedures with my dentist, totaling $2,500, and I'll be using that savings money to pay for that.

but I know I need a plan for how to get the rest of the care I need. Moreover, this experience has thrust me into a familiar spiral of shame, self-disgust, and sadness similar to what I dealt with early in my recovery from trying to heal from health issues resulting from my eating disorder. I worked so hard to overcome those issues while also trying to heal from the trauma that caused my eating disorder. I know that I need to think creatively, ask for help, maybe start a GoFundMe campaign, but the shame and feelings of self-discussed have me frozen in that regard. How can I find a creative solution to this problem, which at its heart is just a financial issue but feels so much bigger than that?

How can I view myself with kindness despite the shame and regret I feel over harming myself so many years ago? I know your ingenuity and positivity can illuminate resolutions I may not be able to see right now. Thank you, Anna. Hi, Anna. Hi, Anna. Hi, how are y'all? This is Otsuko Okotsuka. Hi, nice to meet you. She's our special guest. She's a very funny comedian who also had an eating disorder at one point. I've also had an eating disorder at one point.

So, I mean, most women have. Katherine, did you ever have an eating disorder? Oh, yeah. I mean, eating disorders take a lot of different forms. But basically, as soon as I learned about calories growing up, I immediately developed an eating disorder. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So sorry that you feel such shame. I mean, that's the first thing that you have to flip around. You know, you're healed now. You're better. And like that's something that's very positive. And to like sit there and and berate yourself and self immolate about something that's in the past is pointless. That's just pointless. So you can either start by like writing down daily affirmations for yourself. Meditation, I think, is a good way to start putting some more positivity back into you from you. the financial aspect of this, I'm really not worried about this. You can do this segmented, like you're going to do your first treatment for $2,500. Yeah, you could start a GoFundMe or you could get an, do you have time to get a waitressing job for a short period of time that you work like two shifts a week? Is that a possibility? I have three part-time side hustles right now. So I'm definitely doing that kind of a thing. The financial aspect of it is obviously

kind of the simpler thing in a lot of ways, right? That it is just money. There's a little bit of a time crunch with a couple of the procedures because they are like, we need to do this yesterday. We need to do this last year, basically. I did just get the first set of things done. I actually had a crown put on for one of the procedures like two hours ago. So I just left the dentist a little while ago. And so, you know, the plan as of right now is to do it in segments like you were saying the shame thing is something that I've had times where I'm like I feel good I feel confident in the person I am I feel like the people who love me understand my story and accept me and then things like this will happen where you're like oh my gosh I'm

such a fuck up like nobody get nobody's gonna get this everyone's gonna judge me and then and then it's just such a process to dig out from that for sure yeah but a real fuck up would never be we're sitting where you are. Yeah. That's not a fuck up by the nature, very nature of you addressing the issue and having recovered from your eating disorder. You've recovered from your eating disorder. Yes. So you're not a fuck up. You're not. You're the opposite. You're somebody who's going and handling a situation. Do you know how many people would never want to deal with the truth of what they have to do and get the work done because they don't want to? They're so scared of the cost or they're scared of what the doctor is going to or the dentist is going to tell them.

You've been brave. You are brave and you're recovered. You are on your way. This is all positive and you're, there's no reason to make it negative. So you need to have like some deep conversations with yourself and you need to start meditating and you need to start writing daily affirmations down every single morning when you wake up going, I am brave. I am strong. I am handling my life independently. All of these amazing things that you're doing all by yourself. you have three side hustles going that's fucking badass too yeah it's it's so positive to be wanting to take care of something you know my husband just had 10 dental procedures done because he was always afraid of it he grew up with very little money and he was just always insecure about

his teeth and he was also ashamed that like oh god i have so many cavities and these root canals that i never got to how could i get it to this point you know but it's the positive of like no okay, now I'm going to find a pathway forward to fixing it. Some of them were emergency, like we got to do it today. And then the financials we figured out. But the shame of it is like all of us are really just trying our best, you know, like my mom, to be honest, just to go out there with it. My mom hasn't showered in 20 years because of mental health issues. And she has OCD. She's scared of soap and stuff. So talk to people who are supportive about it. Because you know, when I talk to my mom, I'm never shaming her. It's not coming from a place of like reprimanding.

How could you let this come this far, whatever, because her toenails are really long, there's infections and stuff. But it's really just about being like, so proud, like so being so proud that you, you were like, I'm gonna start handling it, you know, because that's really a big first step. Honestly, it is a big first step. And you know what, you should find a support group online, like for people who are recovering, that's going to be free. There's tons of support groups. for people who have eating disorders and are recovering from that. And I guarantee you're going to find so many people that are in the same position that are going to help build you up and may also have ideas of how you can actually afford all of these treatments. You know, you're not the

only person that this is happening to. So remember that you're not alone. And I think that would actually be really helpful to you because your shame spiral is just because you don't have anybody else who's going through the same thing sitting around you going, Oh God, I did that. I did that, you know, and that would be a good step for you to take as well. I think you're going to be fine with paying this off in a slower way. I think that's totally reasonable and you're going to feel so empowered as soon as you start. I'm sure you already feel a little bit of that after going to the dentist, you know, and getting your first crown put on. Yeah. The dentist that I've been seeing too is just so caring and thorough that I also just feel really happy and confident that

I'm making the right investment. It's not kind of going to be another thing that's an issue in a few years. So that helps also. But yeah, you guys are helping me kind of see too that I think that I have focused on the financial aspect of it. And that's really just been a little bit of a cover for this deeper feeling of overwhelm and shame. Years ago, I had tried to kind of do the support group thing and just never invested in it. But one thing I do know about myself, which is probably evident from having all these side hustles and things like that is that if I set an intention to really do something, I will do it. That's why I'm in recovery. And so exactly that. Yeah. You took the step to recover from this. You're capable of everything that comes after. That was the

hardest part. Yeah. And I think what you're doing now, seeing that as an extension of the self-care that you've already done, you know, taken the steps to, you know, go to therapy, go to recovery, Get yourself to the point where you no longer are in an active state of self-harm. You're in a state of healing. And this is just the next step in your healing journey. But the other thing that I loved in your email was about asking for help. Anybody who hears this story is not going to feel like, man, she did that to herself. That's not what's going through anybody's mind.

And so, you know, you never know who in your life, and maybe you won't know, it might be anonymous. If you do set up a GoFundMe, you don't know who is going to step up and donate to the cause or help you out with that. But the first step there is not being alone in this and not keeping it hidden, which is probably the scariest part. Yeah. Yeah. I've really only talked to my two very closest friends who also have an eating disorder history and my partner in detail about this. And they've all been so wonderful and supportive. But yeah, I feel like maybe talking more openly to trusted people would be healing in its own way. You live in the States, right? Yeah. Yeah. For a system that works so hard to keep us down, you're crushing it. Like for a

system where every American girl, the system is made so that we're all supposed to get eating disorders. I think the average American is supposed to get a stroke and a heart disease, maybe diabetes too. These are things we're actually supposed to have, get as Americans. You're crushing it. My enamel is all messed up from the throwing up that I used to do too. And like, and so when you set up something like, you know, a GoFundMe, other Americans will understand because it's a system that keeps us down. And so we, you know, if anyone will understand it's fellow people who've gone through it, you know, and yeah. Yeah. And I would think, I would also offer up to say like, stop treating it as some big dark secret, you know, have a little levity

about it. We all have had eating every four out of four of the women that are talking right now have had an eating disorder. Like, it's it's better to be like, Oh, God, yeah, I was I was just, you know, a product of my culture. I was a product of society. Now I've taken my own life into my own hands. And I'm driving the wheel instead of letting somebody else drive the wheel for me. That's empowering. That is powerful. You're a powerful I can tell that by looking at you, you know, your teeth are just a reminder, and you're never going to go back there. And now you are fixing the situation. And it might take a little bit longer than you would ideally like. But the actual pivot points, like if you're looking at a graph or a chart of where you are

in your life, you're headed in the absolute right direction. Yeah, thank you. Well, and I think that it's it's interesting. I'm 34. I'll be 35 in a couple of months. And when I was like 27 was kind of when I was really newly in recovery. And I really embraced being very open about it and talking to it almost to the point that it was like my whole identity which was healing in its own way like and I did connect with a lot of people but I also felt like probably around 30 I was like okay I need to do some investing in like I don't want to just be like the recovered girl I wanted to invest in the woman version of myself and that identity and I have been doing that and now I do need to do a little bit of this reconciliation in some way of okay you're a woman

who's grown in all these different ways and you're still a person in recovery and there's still stuff that's gonna come up and some of it might be health problems. And so it's kind of this reintegration again, which will continue through all of life. Absolutely, and here's a thing that I can totally relate to about what you said.

I went to therapy and I made so many over-corrections. Like I became so self-aware that I was like, okay, maybe you shouldn't talk at all because you talk too much. You insert yourself too much. You have too many opinions. You tell everybody too much of the truth. And I over-corrected.

And there is a period of overcorrection that we do when we're recovering from something. And then we have to kind of balance it out and integrate what we've learned with the new person that we've become. So it's like, that's totally normal what you're describing also. Like, yeah, that was became kind of your identity. Therapy became my identity for a period of time, you know, and now I get to talk to all these people that call in and help them. So that's also something that would really help you helping other people that have survived

eating disorders and are in recovery. instead of looking at it like you're getting the counseling i think you get a lot of counseling out of counseling others yeah yeah and another resource we've talked about quite a bit on this show that may be a possibility for you is pandemic of love they help people out with different situations that they run into and they pair donors with somebody who has a financial issue in order to help get that solved so i would say definitely reach out to them and see if they can help with some of the financials yeah thank you but you're going to be fine everything's going to be great i appreciate y'all so much this you really have helped me kind of see things from a

different perspective and it's simple and complicated but that's kind of everything right yeah yeah totally yeah so proud of you taking the steps thank you yeah all right well follow up with us let us know how everything goes okay anna absolutely yeah thank you guys so much chelsea I love you. This is so exciting. I've been breathing this whole time to be calm, but oh, you're incredible. I'm excited for you. Thanks. Okay. Take care. Bye. Bye. Chelsea, I did have one idea. So, you know, I know Ana's talked about setting up a GoFundMe. What if we could have listeners of the show head over to her GoFundMe? I mean, we can put the name in right here and have people head over and help with some of those, even if they have five bucks.

Yeah, I think that's a great idea. Anyone who wants to help somebody who's recovering from an eating disorder, anyone who heard this and who wants to help another person. Yeah, I think that's a great idea, Catherine. Okay, great. If you'd like to donate to Anna's GoFundMe, take a look at the episode description. It'll be right there in the show notes. Good thinking. Well, let's head to a quick break and we'll be right back to wrap up with Otsuko and Chelsea. behind every night spent making the kids lunches there's a lot of suspense will they finally eat the veggies will the pesto survive the first bite will the lunchbox come home empty half full or come home at all and will you finish episode 8 before you're done slicing the cucumbers get bell pure fiber internet with crave netflix and disney plus from 94 a month price guaranteed

for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell. Connection is everything. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files.

I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive.

Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table.

It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages.

Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network. Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners. Each week, we talk to someone in show business, a.k.a. the biz, and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, not that great.

Actually, can you help me shape this? How about we flip it on its head, right? How about we flip the script, okay? What if the surprise woman, who actually you think is the straight man, is actually the one who's acting weird? Adam Scott, bleh. This entire time, you've been expecting Adam Sandler to come to visit the show. I would never expect.

Let go of that. I would never set expectations for something like that to happen. It seems like you did. If the universe allows for something like that to happen, I'm open to it. I'm always going to accept. You know, Danny McBride, fine. Yeah. It's all this fragile masculinity exuding.

I could smell it walking down the hallway, to be honest with you. i was like is that weed nope it's fragile masculinity ben stiller no because a lot of times in out of context people don't get it or even know what a circle is you know what i mean like you're like oh what's the state everyone's so dumb and fake right fake and and also not interested or just like oh i've got my life i don't care about your life and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us oh and by the way will ferrell told us personally He loves the show, and he wants to be a guest on every episode, but he's just so busy. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

And we're back. Hi. Hi. Hi. Oh, that was so deep, and I learned so much, and yeah, I got so emotional, and wow, what a day. That was uplifting. Even though those were sad things to be talking about, they're all uplifting because it's like seeing somebody on the other side of something is really empowering. And I'm sure there are plenty of people that are listening to this who are experiencing disorders, eating disorders at this moment, and plenty of people that are on the other side of eating disorders. So feel free to write in or call in about any of this stuff, you guys, because everybody just needs somebody to just kind of be there for them. And we understand that. And there's something about hearing someone else's story. You know, while that's not exactly my story, I found it so moving. And it's exciting to hear about her healing journey. And it's tough. There's tough steps in the middle of that. Yeah, I was hoping that, you know, one of you, you're more well-traveled than I am, would know something about like Mexico. But I didn't want to be like, because maybe you could get dental work in Mexico. Don't some people do that?

No, I don't think that's a good idea. Oh, okay. Dental work in Mexico? So this is how I would do it, but I still have my tag on on my shirt that I'm going to return later. No, my housekeeper went to Mexico for dental work, and it was a shit show. Her teeth were—not that every dentist in Mexico is bad, but wherever she was going— Right, it was just too quick. We had to redirect her to, yeah, our doctor here.

But, yeah, so I wouldn't recommend that. Got it. If you could get dental work done in the United States, that's the place to do it. Got it. We're good for something, and it's good dental work. Even though it's cash. Wasn't it so good that I didn't bring it up, though? Yeah.

Like, I just, I want a little prop here for not being like, Mexico, go to Mexico. Good for you for holding your tongue. Because that's totally, yeah, I thought about it. Well, Atsuko, did you have any advice that you'd like to ask from Chelsea? Oh, gosh. I feel like, again, like, I feel like you've already given me so much with, you know, even figuring out the title to my special. Which is called The Intruder. It's called the intruder because there was another option and she was like, intruder, go with your gut instinct. And that's such a great piece of advice.

Intruder, which airs December 10th on HBO. You guys, you're going to fucking love this woman. She's so funny. You are going to love this special. I cannot wait to see it. Thank you, Chelsea. And December 27th, go check out your girl, Chelsea Okatsuka on Netflix. On Netflix. That's right. Double duty. Chelsea's like, oh, how benevolent can I be to one person over and over? She almost sent a person to Mexico.

And we're going to go. We should give Micah Birbiglio's show a shout out because we're about to go see that together. She and I are going to go see that in New York together. And I'm going to come to your show on Tuesday. What's the name? The Old Man? The Old Man and the Pool. The Old Man and the Pool is Mike Birbiglia's show, which just launched on Broadway.

Yeah. And it's getting rave reviews. Yeah. And if you get a chance to see it, you should definitely go see it. And we're going to be there. And Chelsea will probably have better seats than I will, but we will both see the same show. Fabulous. Thank you, Otsko.

Thank you. I love you, honey. I love you, too. Always. Check out Atsuko's new special, The Intruder, on HBO. And if you'd like to donate to Anna's dental work, take a look at the episode description. A link to her GoFundMe will be right there in the show notes. So I am winding up my stand-up tour.

Vaccinated and Horny is coming to a screeching halt at the end of the year. I have my last dates. And these are the last opportunities you have to also buy merch from the website, ChelseaHandler.com, if you want vaccinated and horny captain's hats that say we're the captains now for women only or t-shirts for men in your family that say I'm sorry because they should be. I only have a few dates left, Baltimore, Maryland.

And then my very last date is December 16th in Redding, Pennsylvania. If you are enjoying what you're hearing, you can subscribe to Dear Chelsea. That is our podcast. And you can rate us if you want. Yeah, that's a great idea. It actually makes a huge difference

for this podcast, for any podcast that you like, subscribing, giving it a rating, actually make a huge difference in who all it gets served to and helping spread the word. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Subscribe and comment. Yeah. And follow.

So if you'd like advice from Chelsea, just send us an email at dearchelseepodcast at gmail.com. Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeartRadio, executive produced by Nick Stuff, produced by katherine law and edited and engineered by brad dickert i survived nine months in captivity and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced these are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart

on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. You know, I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. A podcast about what happens when a small town becomes the site of a social experiment and fights back.

Guess you didn't move in on a bunch of dumb hillbillies now, did you? Listen to Our Town on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.