Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - Kinky Bottoms with Ross Mathews

Episode Date: September 15, 2022

Ross Mathews joins Chelsea this week to discuss being a newlywed, what he’s learned from loss, and how a rock changed his life.  Then: A bestie discovers that her friend has unfollowed her over a guy.  A Minneapolitan swears he’s run out of gay men to date. And a burgeoning stand-up comic struggles with a decision about going through with weight loss surgery. * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Nick Stumpf Produced by Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human. Behind every night spent making the kids' lunches, there's a lot of suspense. Will they finally eat the veggies? Will the pesto survive the first bite? Will the lunchbox come home empty, half full, or come home at all?

And will you finish episode eight before you're done slicing the cucumbers? Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus from $94 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability.

Bell. Connection is everything. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who lived through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Dillard, and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say

yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. each week we're connecting the dots between books the internet and pop culture with your favorite writers book talk creators and plenty of overthought opinions yeah i'm obsessed i'm obsessed listen to pro society on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts

hi everybody while i'm taking um the month of september off of doing stand-up i return on october 1st to complete my vaccinated and horny tour october november and december i have new dates up. I kick it off in Saratoga, California, and I'm coming to all parts of California, Long Beach, Bakersfield. I'm coming to Niagara Falls, Tucson, Arizona, Colorado, Minneapolis, San Diego, Reading, Pennsylvania, and Baltimore, Maryland, just to name a few. There's also some Floridian dates in there since this will be my last year that I'm able to go inside the state of Florida. So check out chelseahandler.com for more stand-up dates for my Vaccinated and Horny tour. These are my last dates. Okay. Hi, Catherine. Oh, hi, Chelsea. Oh my God. Hello.

Welcome to the studio. We're in studio together in Los Angeles. Los Angeles. I love when we get to be together. I know. I know. It's so nice. Yes. And now that we sit on the same side of the window, especially. Especially, not expecially, guys. I did an announcement on my Instagram, a PSA as I like to call them, about the words especially and expresso, that they do not have x's in them that they are s's actually you know there were a couple comments about it's like oh that's being really racist thinking about how different cultures use language and different educational systems and it's a socioeconomic classes thing to say i'm like not at all that's that is a thing that like white college educated people are abusing that word expect when they say

especially i don't think i get it wrong i got it wrong did you say especially honestly don't remember well exhibit a then i mean it's just you can tell anyway oh fuck i liked your regime regimen correction because i mean man i hear it all the time and it drives me nuts yeah so and then why is that not racist regime and regimen and or classist if it's like it's like no you're correcting grammar grammar should be used correctly and uniformly yeah anyway i love language And that's my passion. Chelsea, we did have a little bit of an interesting snafu over the last couple of days with our Dear Chelsea podcast email. Oh, God, I know.

I'm such an idiot. She's like, Ben Bruno's going to be on the podcast. And Catherine's like texted me and said, hey, would you get some questions about fitness for Ben Bruno? Because he's too, let's not talk about anything else. And then I was like, oh, Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail.com. And it's Dear Chelsea Project at Gmail, which actually makes no sense. No, it doesn't. Because this was like just like a secret project at the beginning.

So that was the email. Secret project. But then, you know, of course, people are saying in your DMs like, oh, my God, we can't get through. It says unavailable. So what Brad did, he is just a lifesaver. He went and set up Dear Chelsea Podcast at Gmail. OK, guys, thank you, Brad, for doing that, for picking up the pieces of my messy Saturday mornings. But my favorite thing, Chelsea, I did not tell you this before,

But you did a correction, and I had a picture, and you had the correction on there, and it was the same wrong email address. I just was like, well, it's set up now. My attention to detail is unparalleled. Oh, my God. So I just thought I'd let you in on that. But you know what? I think now we're going to just change it. So now, guys, you can write in to Dear Chelsea Podcast.

And now I'll start calling it Dear Chelsea Project at gmail.com. I'll go back. Don't worry. They'll both work now. So send away. And then Ben Bruno and I did like an Instagram story when I was at his gym the other morning. And I did it wrong too. I said Dear Chelsea podcast or Dear Chelsea podcast.

Amazing. Just don't send it to DearChelsea at gmail.com because that's a different person. If you heard it from me, don't use that email address. Just check with me, guys. Just, yeah. Get in my DMs. I'll let you know where to send it. My guest today is an old friend from Chelsea Lately Days who everyone will know and he's on

RuPaul's Drag Race. He is the co-host of the Drew Barrymore Show which has just been picked up for season three so congratulations on that and he has his own new podcast which premiered mid-September and it is called Hello Ross and I will be on the very first episode. Ross Matthews everybody. Hi hi hi. Look who's there. I'm so happy to see you. Hi cutie patootie fresh and fruity. extra fruity what's up where are you in la i am where are you palm springs no no no we bought a house in uh long island so we're here because we're starting drew up again i thought you bought a place in palm springs so i have a house in palm springs and then when i came here for drew and then married welly he's based in long island because that's where he works here okay so we

bought a house here and i love it out here oh that's great and so are you going to keep your place in Palm Springs. We're back and forth. My brother lives there. It's like a compound. You know, my brother lives there with the dogs. He watches them. Oh, cute. Oh, I love it. Congratulations. Thank you. There's so much to catch up on. And hi, by the way. Hi, this is my producer, Catherine. Hi, Catherine. Everybody. Ross Matthews is here today. Hello. Hello, Ross Matthews. It is so good to see you. It has been too long. I mean, even though we did get to get together and have like a happy hour thing not that long ago yeah it was you remember yeah i was there you were there yeah yeah new york city i what bar were we at uh the famous the ritz st

regis st regis that's right what's that bar called i never remember but they have the popcorn of my life there remember that truffle popcorn that i have since emulated i figured out how to make it so good we had a little reunion it was fortune and jacks and welly uh ross's now husband and Joe Coy and myself. And we all went and it was so much fun. And it was like a little, yeah, that was a really fun night. I saw those pictures on the Instagram. Uh-huh. They were on the gram. Well, Joe Coy and I have broken up, Ross. I'm sure that you've heard. I know. I did hear. I texted you. I know. I love you both. And that would hurt, I have to say. Did it hurt me as much as it hurt you? Did it hurt me more?

Maybe. I don't know. No, it hurt me. It was painful. It was, you know, it's hard to break up anytime especially when you you know thought you were gonna be with somebody for a long time it's hard to like go wait a second this isn't what i thought it was gonna be that sucks it's not and also i think so many people invested in you guys you know i think it was it was something we needed after the pandemic and you know what it was still it was beautiful it was beautiful for what it was and when it was and i hope your heart is good yeah it is i'm good now i feel a lot of uh i've healed a lot in the last couple of months. It's only been a couple of months, but I feel a lot. I think now we were talking about this on another podcast earlier this week. I have to say like

having the skills from going to therapy about how to deal with grieving and the end of a relationship and to act like an adult instead of like a kid is the best gift ever too. Like I love the way that I have behaved. And I can't say that about many times in my life. I've been there for some of those times. I can, I can believe you. going to attest to my bad behavior, but like, especially with breakups when there's drama or there's hurt feelings or there's egos involved, it's so easy to lower your vibration and to fight nasty instead of taking the high road and always just being like, it's okay. It's okay. It didn't work out. Can we go deep for a second? Cause I had a thought. Sure. I think grief, grief, and I'm

someone who's dealt with grief, right? I lost both my parents. It's been, it was, it's tough. You you have to learn to do that you've done that as well i think grief is grief whether it's a breakup or a death or a loss it is it is what it is and i feel like the first time you really experience grief is how you approach it for the rest of forever you know what i mean until you do the work to change it and so if you first experience grief as a young kid maybe you you went back there even in adulthood until you learned how to navigate it correctly and i and you did as the young kid i think about that all the time that you went through that when you're so yeah that's true Glennon Doyle said something like that

she had heard something like sometimes you recreate all of your childhood trauma to try and correct it and correct your reaction to it and the ending to things and yeah I agree with that I mean the only thing you can ever hope for in this lifetime is to become more evolved I mean for me I always just want to get more informed

more evolved and become a better version of myself right yeah and you fuck it up the first time and the second time and the third time and by like the fourth time let's get our shit together right and that's kind of life if you can by the fourth time kind of figure it out, then you're on the right track. And also, I think something that's really valid is having an interest. We were just talking to somebody who thought, you know, therapy was

self-indulgent or navel gazing or unnecessary. It's like, it is so important to be with somebody who has the capacity and the knowledge to be smart enough to understand that there are things inside of us that need to be examined, that there are, you have to self-examine, you have to understand why you do things so that you don't hurt people and that you don't behave in a childish way when you're an adult, you know, like that's no fun. You have to do that. But I think if you want to be in any sort of elevated relationship with yourself or with anybody else that really can go anywhere, then you have to do the work. I mean, some people are fine just sitting there, not examining things, not working it out, but I promise you and you're, you know, I look at your growth

just in terms of like your heart and just knowing you for how many years has it been now? Almost 20 years probably yeah probably you know I see it in you and not that you needed to but I see a different version of you now an evolved version I think we all do you know and I love that you're so open about that dream well I mean it's like it is a compliment it is I know you've been through some difficult breakups and now you're in a real happy relationship how did that work for you that kind of arc I think you have to be grateful and sort of make such peace with whatever you've been through because it does sort of form who you are and i have been able you know i met my husband which is so weird to say but my husband i met almost three years ago and if i hadn't met him

when i met him as a human i was when i met him i wouldn't have been ready for what he has done for me in terms of holding a mirror up to me and holding a mirror up to the world you know as a person of color a gay immigrant person of color who's worked his way up in this life to become a doctor of education and he just showed me what that journey was like and it made me understand what being a white man here was like and what being a flawed human is like. And he's just made me so much better. And I wouldn't have been ready for it if I hadn't gone through all of it, you know, and here I am. I think I'm ready. Oh, I love that. His husband's name is Wellington, which I love. I love a name like Wellington. It sounds like he should be on. Oh, what's that

stupid teenage? Downton Abbey. Well, that, but the other, the updated child, Bridget, Bridgerton, Wellington. Oh, I watch that show too. Yeah, Bridgerton. You know, the best thing about Well, he's, you know, he's a very important educational thinker and all that. But every time I go, what do you want for dinner? He goes, you want beef Wellington? And then he shakes it. He goes, you like your beef Wellington? Well done.

Oh, yeah. So Ross is on the Drew Barrymore show. They're a delightful combo platter, I must say. And you guys are going back. What season are you going back to? Yeah, season three, we're starting. And, you know, Chelsea, you've known me for a long time. And when I grew up in a little farm town, I used to watch Regis and Kathy Lee just like

talk and think like oh my god they get to like talk to each other and then interview celebrities that's what I want to do and and it's been the goal forever and I I can't believe I get to do it every day with Drew Barrymore it's crazy you came on the show right and it was so nice to have you on and she's just a dream yeah Drew's a very special unique individual Drew has gone through her sets of trauma and yeah all of the stuff but she always manages to be sunny side up is how I would describe her. She's always, I mean, she can, you know, she's not perfect in terms of like being in a happy mood all the time, but her genuine spirit is that. Her like neutral vibrates above happy. You know what I mean? She's in that gear. And I kind of do that too. But you know, she's

somebody who, again, has put in the work. You think about where she's been. Sometimes I'll bring it up, you know, what were you doing when you were 13? And she'll be like, I was in the mental institution. Oh, okay. Well, I understood. So, but she's really like been through it and come out on this place just full of gratitude. I'm not a Pollyanna, not cheesy. She really comes by honestly, but she's the real deal. You know, I didn't know her before doing the show. I just sort of popped in one day and we like clicked. How long did, how long did it take you guys to click? About, about three and a half minutes, I think. And then she was like, can you come back tomorrow? And I was like, sure. And then they said, can you come back next week? Okay. And

then I just never left Chelsea. It's like, when I did your show, I just showed up. Same thing on RuPaul, same thing on Jay Leno. I just sort of show up and then people are like, I guess we'll keep them. I'm like a rescue dog. You know, they're like, I like him. I guess I'm used to him. That's cute. That's cute. So what goes on on Long Island? What part of Long Island are you on? So we're on the North Shore. I don't know anything about all I knew about Long Island is that it was far away from California. But we just bought a house here because my husband, like I said, he works out here and then it's a quick train ride into the city. But I love it. I thought it was sort of like cheesy. And then I realized, oh, this is where the barefoot Contessa lives.

And then it all started making sense to me. I was like, I can have burrata and caprese and, you know i could flip my denim collar up and life is going to be great so i love it here and you know what can i tell you a quick story yeah but i'm going to tell you anyway so i had a dream i've always been scared of cats because there's this terrible neighbor cat that was so mean to me growing up so i just scared and then about 15 years ago i had a dream about a gray cat i've thought about this gray cat for 15 years you know thinking about one day a gray cat's going to show up i bought this house in long island the morning after we moved in i walk into the backyard And a gray cat walks up to me and starts nuzzling me.

And I named her Joy until I found out that she's a boy. So now it's Joy Boy. And Joy Boy is here every single day. And it means to me, I'm on the right track, right? I'm here for a reason. I'm supposed to be here. That's such a cute story. I'm into all of that shit.

I'm all into symbolism and signs. Catherine and I just started reading this book about this neuroscientist who basically discovers mysticism and spirituality and the meaning of the universe and and which scientists are like no nothing never nothing ever happens because it's supposed to everything's an accident everything's an accident unless it's proven by science and she just had her you know switch flipped yeah either way i think it works either way i don't know well for you it does i'll take what i can get she had her switch flipped and she's like oh no there's like a cosmic element to everything and there's

symbolism and there's premonition, premonitionary, premonitionary dreams. I think it's just missionary, missionary, premonitionary dreams. Like my friend Wendy always has premonitionary dreams. She dreams something and then it happens. And it's like, what's that about? You know what I mean? Cause we all have a, like a psychic ability. And I just, I love that stuff. I think that the more open-minded you are, the more you see. It's so well put. I used to roll my eyes at like crystals and bullshit. I always called it that until I went through my big breakup. And And then a friend brought me to a crystal store and literally a piece of stone changed my life. It's Moldavite.

And I just have hung on to it. And I thought to myself, you know, if the moon can pull the tide, there's something going on with energy. So if you can just accept it as opposed to try to explain it to yourself. I like what you said. You see things other people can't see. Yeah. If you are to walk into a room where like two people have just been arguing, you feel it. That's energy.

That's all that is. When they say you can cut it with a knife, it's true. Well, it's also like when somebody fakes their energy, when they come in and they try to be happy, but you can tell something's gone on and they're not in a good spot. That's energy. And it's completely transferable. And well, and it's transparent. Like, you can totally see right through it. So yeah, the people who don't take that seriously or think my beliefs are my beliefs, and it's intransigent, and I'm not willing to change my opinion. It's like, well, then you're wrong. Definitely. If you're not willing to have your mind change, then you're wrong. yeah yeah and if you just can accept the fact that even your instinct is energy then there you go yeah that's right there we've all felt that thing you know yeah yeah yeah absolutely so ross on our podcast we take callers and we give advice and these are real life situations and serious problems so you better fucking have a shot of tequila and get ready okay okay i'm just all i have here is water but I'm gonna be hydrated that's my breast milk that I sent to you that's yeah yeah it's

utterly delicious thank you it's almond milk actually I pump fresh almond milk every morning that's nuts well let's take a quick break and we'll be right back for some questions okay Ross and I are gonna give each other a little rubber ducky massage now we'll be right back We'll be right back. and to check availability. Bell. Connection is everything. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months.

I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me.

I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books,

the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much,

you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle.

I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us.

Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. If you know me, you know I'm always

searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. So this podcast lets us uncover those things together through meaningful conversations with fascinating people. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. You have something in your guts. You go with it. And Shawn Johnson recalled the moment she realized her now husband, Andrew, was the one. He was just so unapologetically himself and knew nothing of Hollywood.

He hadn't been on a plane before without his family. It was so pure. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. and we're back that was fast i so fast all right well our first i just want to mention before you start that there is a neon sign behind ross with his name written in cursive in pink neon and i would expect nothing fucking less thank you it all i have a remote control and i can change that to blue if you want boom look at that oh wow i got this on at a little boutique called amazon oh

i've never heard of amazon it's cute and i also had no idea it was pronounced like that so look at me learning. I think it's French. Well, our first question comes from Sad Friend. Dear Chelsea, one of my good friends, someone who I considered my best friend in college, just unfollowed me on Instagram. She didn't tell me about this and I just figured it out three months later. I confronted her about it and she said she doesn't like my boyfriend. She told me that she didn't want to see him on my stories and my posts. The problem is this is not a new boyfriend. We've been dating for eight years all throughout college. I didn't realize she disliked my boyfriend this much, and it's not a sentiment I've received from any of my other friends. She mentioned once in passing

that she didn't want to hang around him, and I thought, okay, whatever. But I just think it's so weird that she unfollowed me. It also makes me think that her hatred of him matters more than our friendship. I don't even hang out with them together, so I'm not sure what the problem is. Do you think it's a sign that she no longer wants to be friends, and this was her way of saying it. I'm not sure I even want to continue the friendship. If she couldn't have an open conversation with me about this before, she resorted to unfollowing me and not telling me about it. Sincerely, a sad friend. Oh, that hurts your feelings. That is sad. I have a very strong opinion about this, though. Good. Tell us. Okay. Goodbye. Thank you so much. If you're going to

unfollow me after knowing me, instead of picking up the phone and saying, hey, I have a real problem with your boyfriend. There's things about him I don't like about his character or his qualities as a human. And I think maybe you can do better. You're not going to have that grown up conversation, but you're going to unfollow me. You're not capable of being my friend anymore. Thank you so much. Next. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, fuck that person. Unfollowing somebody as a friend is really aggressive. I don't even want to unfollow other celebrities that annoy me that I'm not friends with because I know they're going to see it. So you can easily mute somebody when you don't want to see anything that they're doing. That's an option, everybody. But yeah,

your friend is an asshole that's not a real reason how could she dislike your boyfriend after eight years and then not say anything and that's how she tells you so I'm glad that you're open to not being friends with her again because that's probably the route I would take not probably that is the route I would take yeah I would also look at the boyfriend though just in case maybe the friend had a point you know what I mean like examine just let that sink in too but goodbye to the friend she's not a grown-up yeah and also you can take a survey from your other friends and if there's an issue with your boyfriend that anybody else has. You know, if you're interested in learning about that

or you think that there might be something up with your boyfriend or your boyfriend might be an asshole, then you should ask your other friends and whose opinions you trust. And when you're asking for honesty, that gives a person a lot more license and a bigger avenue to be honest rather than them giving you unsolicited opinions. Can you imagine being a grown-up? Like these people are probably almost 30

because eight years ago they were in college, right? So they're almost 30. being a grownup and your biggest move is to unfollow. I don't even like when Instagram comes up in regular conversations and somebody says like when any adult says something about somebody being followed or following someone on Instagram, I'm like, excuse me, sir, how old are you? Yeah. Here's a sentence I've never said to my life. Oh, she didn't like my photo. I've never once. Who would say that? It's like Instagram is our touchstone for like being alive. I don't like that to be the barometer for anything. Yeah. Ever. I have to say I kind of have a little bit

of a different opinion on this. I honestly feel like if you're following me, if you're not following me, like who cares? I'm sort of like do your thing. I have friends that I love in real life and I cannot follow them online because they're frankly just obnoxious online. But at the same time, I do think that a lot of people believe that Instagram or TikTok is a proxy for friendship. It's like if you're not sending me memes, if you're not following me, you're not my friend. But at the same time, I think the mute button can be your very best friend and spare everybody's feelings. But I don't know. What do you guys think about this? A lot of people take it so seriously. I don't know. It's kind of sad to be that to care that much about it. Don't you

think? I mean, am I just old? Do we miss the window of like we didn't grow up with Instagram, so maybe we don't get the value of it. We're just sort of like I get the value of it, but I don't like the relationship with it when it becomes a little bit too interdependent I mean yes I'm on Instagram all the time I'm checking things I'm writing to people I'm answering things and I'm looking at my good commenter you're always in there yeah I'd like to give people support and do that but I also don't like it to run me like if I if I notice that I've been on or my screen time says oh you've been up five hours you've added this week or day or whatever I'm like oh fuck yeah and then I if I'm on vacation I put my phone down I don't touch it you know usually all

day so I it is a very tricky relationship and we know it's addictive it's addicting and you become an addict and I mean I already have enough addiction so so I don't need that to be one of another one you know I get it well our next question comes from Noah and he's on the phone with us here oh is it Noah from the affair of course it is okay I love that character Dear Chelsea, I've been single for a few years now and haven't gotten past two-ish dates with anyone since that time. I'm pretty independent, but nevertheless a bit of a romantic. I wouldn't say I'm in a rush because I have very close friends who I spend a good deal of time with. And during the height of the pandemic, I was quite content being alone, reading, watching TV, taking long walks without the expectation to interact with society.

But things are changing now and I'm wanting more. I live in Minneapolis, and the population of gay men here isn't what it is in, say, Chicago, NYC, or San Francisco. It's a big, small town, and you can expect that if you start to date someone, you probably know their ex. Plus, everyone here settles down, further limiting available men. To complicate it even more, I'm a kinky bottom, and finding men that complement that part of me or that are open to open relationships is even harder. If they exist here, I already know who they are. Despite having the best friends I've ever had in my life and the fact that the quality of life here is so nice, I live blocks away from four different lakes,

multiple parks, and pay less than $700 for my rent, I want to move eventually. But I'm a historian and museum professional, and believe it or not, there isn't a huge job market for historians these days. I'm willing to date long distance, but how do you even meet someone to begin a long distance relationship? How do I make moves towards what I want when I seem stuck where I am? Noah. Hi, Noah. Hi. Hi. Noah. I didn't know Noah was going to actually be here. Of course. Noah, hi. We were just going to talk about you like you weren't here. Oh my gosh. Well, I'm glad to be here with both of you, all of you. Yeah, yeah. Well, we have our gay man is here today, so he can really, I'm going to let you jump off on this, Ross. You take the lead first. Well, listen,

you're in lucky little kinky bottom because uncle ross is here other kinky bottoms on the zoom listen i love that you put that out there and that is the number one thing you can do when you're looking for love and you're i should say when you're ready for love is to put it out there now do not poo poo on minneapolis it is a great gay city you know i every time i'm in minneapolis i go to the saloon and order the what the tater tots because they are crisp they are perfect minneapolis is uh it is very gay there but i also understand when you say it's a little big city and so if you meet someone you do probably know their ex have you found that when you put it out there are you on the apps like putting it out there what you're into in terms of sexually oh yeah

i'm on the ops and i don't have a hard time finding what i need sexually it's finding that component of like the romantic with the sexual because there are folks that are in relationships here and open and so i can usually find folks that are into what i'm into it just so happens that they're not available to date i wonder if simultaneously if you could be like on the the grind or the hookup apps to be getting your kinky bottom insatiable needs fed and simultaneously on a different kind of app right like maybe the tinder where it's not all butthole pictures right I have a variety of them yeah you do and are you finding and then Chelsea I'll let you speak on your own show but are you finding that on these apps where you're like it's about finding love

that there's just the well is dry yeah so I've got the hinge tinder scruff and grinder so like those four and I do definitely that's a nice buffet of dating apps I like your I like your your choices. I use Hinge and Tinder, yeah, more for dates. But like I said, I've had a handful of first dates and we never get past the second. And I don't really know why that is. Sometimes the kinky stuff comes up on those dates. Sometimes it doesn't. But I've only had like a handful in the past two years and that's just not a lot of prospects. Now, Chelsea, it seems to me though that no is just kind of dating. I mean, isn't that it? That you have some sex on the side, You have some dates and hope that they get to a number three and a four and that and they won't until like that's the right guy.

But isn't this kind of just the game? Well, first of all, no, you said something that is pretty negative. And I you there's no way that, you know, everybody in Minneapolis and that you've experienced every gay person there and that everyone that's available has you've already met. That's just not true. So that kind of thinking has like a negative pattern in your brain when you shut things down and you're like, well, what's the point here? So you have to kind of wash that out. You haven't met everybody in Minneapolis and you never will. And you haven't met every gay bottom or top. Sorry, you're looking for a top probably. And you want to have an open relationship, right? That's what you're interested in? Yeah, that would be preferred. I'm open to monogamy. It's just one of those things that I know that I am needy. And so it's unreasonable for me to expect one person to be able to fulfill all those things. But if they think that they could or would be willing to do that, I would be open to monogamy as well.

Wow. Look at that. That's a great answer. I love that. You're being flexible. You're actually being selfless about it because you don't want to put that onus on another person to constantly have to be penetrating you. I get that. That's very nice of you. Sweet. But there are other. OK, so all the dating apps you've got covered, I would say continue on that. You're doing the Lord's work and that's fun. And you're going to meet people. It might not be on the timeline that you want, but somebody is going to come along. That's also going to be wanting a relationship and you're going to find that person. But I think you should also cast a wider net. I mean, I know you're casting a pretty wide net. But in terms of not being on dating sites, like what kind of stuff do you like to do? There's like all sorts of gym shit you could get into where you're going to meet people, gym activities, whether you're into like volleyball or what do you like to do? So I'm actually heavily involved in the gay kickball and gay dodgeball scene. There we go. So I'm a captain of my team.

Oh, you're the captain. Yeah, it's so hot. I also like teach the rules to all the newbies. So every time we have a beginning of the season, all of these new gays or like new people that are playing the sports are coming to me and I'm teaching the rules. So I get to see and meet a lot of people that way as well. So it's actually how I met my last boyfriend, which we broke up in 2019. So, OK, well, it sounds like you're doing everything you need to be doing. When was the last time that you were in a relationship?

Twenty nineteen. Yeah, we broke up in December of 2019. OK, and you're ready to get into another one. Yeah, I think so. I needed a while after that one and that was my first long-term relationship and after that was the first time I realized that I could like actually have a relationship prior to that I wasn't really looking for something long-term because I didn't realize that I was capable of it and then it happened and I was like you know what I really liked that and it ended for other

reasons but I was like I enjoyed that and I would like to get something like that again how old are you again remind me Noah I'm 27 oh good so you're right you're right in where you should be doing exactly what you should be doing. Don't rush it, Noah. Okay. If you keep on this path, you're going to be just fine. Finding somebody, somebody, something, and you've got a lot of living to do, honey. Okay. A lot of bottoming for you to do. Got it? Don't bottom out. Don't bottom out. And also, you know, like if this is what you desire, a loving, compassionate relationship, write that down, write that down on and put it on your refrigerator and every single morning, write it down again write it down to start your day i am capable and deserving of a loving

healthy relationship with another man and and and just that is your mantra say it to yourself like manifestation is everything it fucking works people talk about stuff all the time by putting that in your brain activity not only are you changing your own energy you're changing your thought process and instead of looking at it as a negative you have to start going i can't wait to meet the people in Minneapolis I haven't met yet. I can't wait to meet those guys. You know, there's a new kickball season starting. Guess what's going to happen? There's a whole new crop for you. So, and anything you can add to that. I mean, it sounds like you're pretty busy with all of it, but I mean, these are great qualities to have. These are great activities to be doing.

You know, captaining a kickball team is a great way to meet people. But if there's any other sports out there that you feel like you're into, do that too if you have time. You're only just going to meet more people and make your life broader healthier and more well balanced yeah you're right i'm not worried about you no one not worried yeah i'm not worried about you know either you're 27 years old be patient don't be in a rush there's no rush there's no rush this is going to come you'd rather get the right person in time than to get the wrong person quickly right yep correct yeah that's the thing that i need to work on is the patience because i i think that way too it's just like i i know what i want and there's no reason to compromise on that for right

now because I'm not in a rush. And I want to say thank you for your AIDS poster in the background so that the first words I see behind your head are AIDS. Thank you for that. I am a queer historian, so I've got it all over my apartment. So yeah. So beautiful. Just to sort of put a cap on that, Chelsea kind of mentioned this earlier, but also like putting that out there that, you know, you're ready for a relationship. That's kind of what you're interested in next. Like putting that out to your friends as well putting it out there to yourself every day but also like drop that into conversation because you never know who's like oh my gosh i was just talking to this other person the other day about this i gotta connect these two sure sure well keep us posted let us know how it

goes good luck you're gonna be just fine i have a date saturday so we'll see oh great you and your eager butthole okay bye noah i love noah i want only gay questions for ross i know i was like is this too on the nose i don't know no never right on the nose behind every night spent making the kids lunches there's a lot of suspense will they finally eat the veggies will the pesto survive the first bite will the lunchbox come home empty half full or come home at all. And will you finish episode eight before you're done slicing the cucumbers?

Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus from $94 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell, connection is everything. When I was 14 years old,

I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me.

I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm gonna have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite

BookTok creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B.

I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself.

So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. If you know me, you know I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. So this podcast lets us uncover those things together through meaningful conversations with fascinating people. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you.

You have something in your guts. You go with it. And Shawn Johnson recalled the moment she realized her now husband, Andrew, was the one. He was just so unapologetically himself and knew nothing of Hollywood. He hadn't been on a plane before without his family. It was so pure. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, we have another caller. This is Chloe.

Chloe says, Dear Chelsea, I'm 28 and recently moved to New York to pursue stand-up. In 2021, I ended a bad relationship, and two weeks later, I lost my grandmother, who was more like a mom to me. and shit really hit the fan in a way that I'm now profoundly grateful for. I gained a lot of weight in the months immediately after the breakup and losing my grandmother. My weight is a part of my story, though, forever. I've been thin, I've been fat, I've been in between. I've made the decision to pursue weight loss surgery, not because it's an easy way out, but because I'm finally living my dream and just logistically don't have time for major weight loss if I also want to pursue stand-up and work full-time.

I feel so grateful for my life not going the way I really clung to because I would never have started doing stand-up, which makes me feel more alive and in love than any person, place, or thing outside of myself ever has. But the thought of any surgery makes me feel anxious. I've done a ton of research and know that this is a safe and routine surgery, but I'm scared of being that 0.01% of fatalities. You know how hard the grind is trying to make it in stand-up when you're just beginning, and in the little time I have to myself, I'd like to start dating again as well, but I'm too scared to do so in a larger body. The world is just a lot kinder to you in a smaller frame. Weight loss surgery seems like a step that will let me have my cake and eat it too,

figuratively speaking. I'd love to know your thoughts on my predicament and maybe what decision you would make if you were in my shoes. Chloe. Hi, Chloe. Hi. Hi. Hi, cutie. How are you? I'm good. How are you guys? Well, you're in luck. We have a very special guest here today, ross matthews is here hi hi okay you are so cute we just listened to your letter girl i feel you in so many different ways i get it thank you yeah i this is great that you're here i feel like you would understand i know a lot about your story and everything well i i get it in so many ways in terms of like what it's like to be a person of size trying to be funny you know what i mean trying to get into show business i understand about putting on weight when you're grieving

the loss of somebody you love so much and i understand the journey of wanting to try to be the best version of yourself you can be so you can be in the fight right yeah yeah but i would tell you chloe that just by like having this conversation with yourself and having with us you're already in the fight there's no right way or wrong way to do this so whatever you need to do to get you where you want to be so you are ready to take on whatever is going to come your way do it and when you think about being the one percent or the small chance of something terrible could happen to you if you went ahead with the weight loss surgery okay but i mean something terrible could be happen tomorrow but i i wouldn't be afraid don't go to the negative place do

whatever you need to to get to where you want to go and be who you want to be i didn't do weight loss surgery it wasn't for me because i mostly i was scared i mean i only had my back teeth taken out where they called your um wisdom teeth that's like my most hardcore surgery so it wasn't for me but i understand it's unique for every weight loss is so personal for people there's no shame in anything, but I'm so proud of you for showing up for yourself. Thank you. Yeah. I really wanted advice from people who aren't family members because I feel like their opinions are informed by their love for me and wanting me to be safe and not take that risk. But I know myself and it's just something that I've been struggling with truly since fourth grade. Roberta Morales

calls me fat and it's like okay that's I know Roberta yeah so I just want to like take this thing away that has been torturing me for so long and I really I want to live you know and in so many ways I am I moved to New York and I'm pursuing stand-up and I am like living in a lot of ways and I feel brave and I love myself in those ways I feel like if I can do this thing that can just also help me feel like cute and sexy and cool then like why not and proud proud of yourself right that's part of it too yeah I get it um but I also want you know just as is you are just fabulous as is too you know what I mean and you you gotta love yourself right now here today too yeah I think it's a tricky endeavor to like think of one thing that's

going to fix everything. People do that with relationships a lot. They think if they get married, they'll fix the relationship. Or if they have a baby, they'll fix the relationship. And that works the opposite way. Whatever problems you have are going to be exasperated by thinking that there's a one solution. So what I would say to you is to not look at that as the end-all be-all. I think it's fine if you want to get that surgery done, but you should also work towards that surgery and get yourself into a really healthy place so that you're not just trying to remove whatever you want to remove, that you're actually actively pursuing the path that you want to go down, which is one where you feel a little bit more healthy and a little bit

more fit, right? And you want to be attractive. And that to you means weight loss surgery. But on the way to that surgery, you should actually start taking really good care of yourself, you know, incorporating exercise, incorporating healthier foods, and actually mindfully working towards that goal because it's kind of like going in to get an operation without doing it with the right intention is something that can easily backfire. You know, you can gain that weight back if you're not mindful. You can go in and feel great for two months and then just let it all go to shit. I've seen people do that. I've seen people get lipo or lap band surgery and then they end up right back where they started. So it's a very intentional thing that you have to be

mindful of. These are your goals. You want to feel good about yourself. There's nothing wrong with that. There is no shame in that. But you have to be on your own team in pursuit of this. You know, you have to get yourself to a place that is ready for the surgery. And you might even start to lose weight and go, wait a second, this isn't as hard as I thought it was going to be. And you might not want the surgery. Do you have the surgery set yet? Yeah, so I actually I had a date. And then just in the past few days, I pushed it back a little bit, just to give myself more time. Like I'm I quit smoking good girl just to like prepare get my body as healthy as I can be and then I also pushed it back because I was like I do want to get to a place of more acceptance

and self-love before I make that move and like spend more time in this body but also like you said be more conscientious of what I'm what I put in my body get into an exercise routine and it's hard like I was telling Catherine I work full-time I'm an assistant and then I work a few nights at a comedy club and then when I'm not doing those things I'm trying to be at Mike's so like my life feels really chaotic and but still still just trying to be intentional up to that point yeah do you get any exercise in like are you walking around the city yeah I'm always walking those subway steps get me i do like soul cycle and i can but like yeah i think just leading up to when do you have the surgery set for now it's the second week of january oh you have plenty of time

you have plenty of time i think that you should really try to get you know you can download one of those apps like noom i did that a couple weeks ago when i had to prepare for a photo shoot it doesn't matter how busy you are the busier i am the easier it is to eat healthy for me because I have less time to fuck around and like, oh, I want to actually taco from Taco Bell. It's like, no, I don't. I'm going to have this Epix bar or this protein bar. I'm going to make a shake. So take advantage of the fact that you're busy and use this time to get ready for the surgery and really start to develop some healthy habits that will be with you post-surgery as well. You want to get in the habit of walking everywhere. You want to get in the habit of eating

healthy, not eating shit. Don't eat shit that just makes you feel shit. It's not good for your brain and it's not good for your body and develop all these healthy habits that will take you through the surgery and not drinking and smoking, excellent. Do not drink or smoke before surgery. I speak from experience. I would also say to just make it a choice by choice,

meal by meal thing. Eventually it all adds up and it becomes a habit. You know, those choices start become the new normal and you'll be so shocked how in between now and January, just by your actions and your choices, you're gonna see results. Things will happen for you and you may decide you don't need the surgery.

but if you want it down the line, get it. I'm just saying the way that you're showing up for yourself now having these conversations is impressive and keep it up. Yeah. I feel like honestly, once I set the date and paid the deposit, I got a second job just to save for it. Those decisions actually did empower me to start making healthier decisions now because it felt like more real. As you're kind of going on this journey and sort of figuring out what's right for you. I have a couple of podcasts that I think would be really helpful for you to listen to. First is Half Size Me with Coach Heather. She's one of those people who like fits in one pant leg of her old pants and lost a lot of weight and kept it off for a decade or more. She takes the

approach of slow and steady is the only thing that wins the race. It's nonjudgmental. It's really, really helpful. And I just think it's a really great podcast to be listening to. The second one is called Maintenance Phase, and the two hosts of this are incredible journalists, but they go about debunking a lot of wellness and diet culture stuff. They talk a lot about anti-fat bias. They talk a lot about being healthy no matter your size and why an individual's health markers are much more important than their weight in a lot of cases. so yeah check out maintenance phase take a listen to both of those they're sort of two different

perspectives on the same topic and that's why i think they'd be really helpful for you to listen to sort of at the same time yeah thank you i'm always listening to a podcast awesome perfect i'm so happy to meet you chloe and good luck okay and if i'm ever seeing your headlining somewhere i'm gonna come see you uh-huh yeah okay i'm like uh five months in so great good for you that's so fucking brave thanks yeah um okay this has been crazy and i love all of you we love you too chloe thank you chloe all right we'll talk to you soon chloe bye i still get that i so get just being like confused with the weight loss and health and just thinking like where do you even start it's like a big pile of laundry like which fucking piece do i fold i

don't even know where to start that's what it feels like it's just so confusing and daunting I used to be so obsessed, obsessed with my weight, obsessed. And I'm still not better. I mean, I'm less obsessed, but I still have it. You know what I mean? Like I'm getting ready for, I have a shoot on Saturday and for me to do a shoot, I can't even socialize. But it's so, I mean, I have so much education in what is good for you that I know exactly what to do. I know to space my meals apart three and a half hours I know to eat proteins a little bit fat and a little bit of healthy carbs and I know not to drink and I know not you know I get that I can look at any picture from any decade and know exactly what I weighed that day oh my god do you weigh yourself every day too every day every day when I when I put on I don't that's when it's when I'm I haven't looked you know what I mean when I because you know me I call myself a weight detective if I lose it I can always find it again this time has been different like because it's

been it's about accountability you know what i mean you know at a certain age you kind of figure out what behavior is going to fuck you up in the long run you know yeah right well you've been looking good for a while though you haven't put on weight in a while right no i haven't it took you long enough to mention it thank you so much yeah i do look great and no i really am feeling i can't wait to do a reboot of chelsea later so we can all just hang out and make fun of each other on the round table are we going to do that are we in we're talking about it we're talking we're in Official discussions. Yes. And we'll see what if the right thing. I don't know. I don't know where to put this or where the right place is for that. You know, if it's a streamer, it feels like network television is over in terms of late night shows. So I don't really want to put myself in that category. I want to. I don't know. I have to figure out if there's a if there's a right fit. But yeah, we're definitely talking about it. All right. Let's discuss it. Happy hour. We'll solve it.

Okay. We'll solve the world's crisis in a happy hour. And then I can give you all the dish. Excellent. Well, we're going to take another quick break and then we'll be right back with Chelsea and Ross. Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell. Connection is everything. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files.

I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. but these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart

on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse.

I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place.

Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people, and they were like, you smiled at us.

Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. If you know me, you know I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. So this podcast lets us uncover those things together through meaningful conversations with fascinating people. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to

aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. You have something in your guts. You go with it. And Shawn Johnson recalled the moment she realized her now husband, Andrew, was the one. He was just so unapologetically himself and knew nothing of Hollywood. He hadn't been on a plane before without his family. It was so pure.

Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. and we're back you know what oh my god speaking of terrible voices like when i try to sing i was doing a peloton abs class yesterday morning and the girl who ran it i don't know what her name was but she started singing and i looked at my phone it was on my phone i'm on a mat in my i'm in this rental house in beverly hills and i looked at the phone going are you fucking kidding me you cannot she's singing she just tried to sing along to the song but her voice was worse than mine and I looked at her like she was standing next to me and I was like excuse me

you can't sing ever again on this app and then she did it again and this morning I got up and I was like all right which abs class am I gonna do and I I was like all right she's out like she it's over for her she tried to say that's the difference between you and me I'd be like what time are you singing this again tomorrow I need to be here well Roz this is the part of our show where we ask if you have any advice you'd like from Chelsea. You know, I actually do. One thing I revere about Chelsea, I just respect so much about you,

is that you have no problem with letting it get uncomfortable with people. You know what I mean? Like if somebody's acting a fool, you'll tell them. If somebody is a dick, you'll alert them. If somebody's in your space, you'll tell them. I feel like I constantly have to be human lubricant. I'm always just kind of like,

okay, this is going to be fine. Everything's going to be fine. I'm trying to make everything okay, even if it's not real. Like, how do we become more comfortable with the uncomfortable? Honestly, I believe that there is a lot of dignity in being truthful and direct. It's undignified to pretend that something's okay when it's not. I feel that way. I feel like if somebody's acting in a weird way, like, there's nice ways to say it and

nicer ways to say it. As I've learned over the years, it's not like, hey, fucking moron. it's like hey is everything okay what's going on or this makes me uncomfortable or you seem like you're a little bit out of whack or this dynamic isn't working like it's good to set boundaries people respect that and I've become much more gentle about my confrontations you know what I mean because I have heard you say what what's wrong with you fucking more I've heard you say that of course I've yeah yeah so even you have like sort of reformed how you do it yeah because that doesn't feel good to the person you know if somebody's acting weird or somebody's encroaching

on your physical space or your personal, you know, however they're infringing on you or that you don't like the way that you feel. There's no shame in saying, hey, I just need you to back up a little bit or I actually need a minute by myself or I'm feeling overwhelmed. You know, it depends if somebody is a really sensitive person, it's always better to put it on yourself and act like it's your problem, not theirs. But if somebody is consistently, you know, causing a problem or you don't like the way they're behaving like there is a lot of dignity in being up front and saying hey this is how this makes me feel not you are an asshole you behave badly it's like this is not comfortable for me at this point you know I had to learn that a lot especially if

somebody is throwing daggers at you and you're in a fight it is very hard to regain composure because you're in defense mode and nothing in that area ever gets resolved. If two people are going at it, there's no, there's not going to be any come to Jesus moment. But I would say putting up guardrails, not to be overly guarded, but putting up guardrails when people have overstepped is a very dignified thing to do. And the person that you do it with will most likely respect you more if it's handled correctly. That actually is a big aha thing for me right now. When you're saying that it's like respectful and dignified to be more honest with another person to sort of say hey this is the reality this makes me uncomfortable or this needs to stop or this as opposed to just

like and you move on it's that's almost like undignified and disrespectful to them I just find myself as I'm getting older and and you know becoming an adult and things I find myself needing to have those kind of confrontational moments more often and I'm tired of like wimping out and and just not doing it like a grown-up you know so I'm really trying to force myself to have those. Wellington quotes, Brene Brown calls them courageous conversations. You know, that's what they call them. So yeah, I'm trying to force myself to do that. Yeah, because there's it is undignified to be fake. That's it. That's the word. Fake, right? Yeah. If we're not addressing it, we're faking it. Yeah. That's so lame. Yeah. Faking is lame. Faking is lame. Thank you. Thank

you, Chelsea. I know you're unqualified to give advice at all, but you're very good at it. Oh, I love you, Ross. I love you. I can't wait to see you. You know what? We should go to that boat place that I love. I don't know it. I'd go there. Okay. We're going to figure it out. Wednesday night. Happy hour. All right. Okay. Let's keep that boat place afloat. Okay. We will. Love you. If you'd like to ask Chelsea for advice, please write into dearchelseapodcast at gmail.com. We have a special call for submissions this week. If you've done any sort of genetic testing and maybe made a discovery about a new family member or found out that your uncle maybe has a secret family somewhere, or you found some health markers

related to your DNA that have led you to take certain steps and investigate further. And especially if you'd like advice about what you found out in your DNA analysis, please write in to DearChelseaPodcast at gmail.com. Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeartRadio, executive produced by Nick Stumpf, produced by Catherine Law, and edited and engineered by Brad Dickert. And don't forget to check out Hello Ross, a brand new podcast from Ross Matthews, coming September 29th. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable,

abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the Internet and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators and plenty of overthought opinions.

Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. hey this is Hayes Davenport and Sean Clements we host the podcast Hollywood Handbook each week we talk to someone in show business and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show we've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman Adam Scott Danny McBride Ben Stiller and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes

without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Nick Turturro. You probably know me from NYPD Blue, The Longest Yard, or Spike Lee's Black Klansman.

And on my new podcast, Delivering Happiness with Nick Turturro, I deliver pizza to a new guest. I've shared a slice with everyone, from Seth Rollins... What are you doing with my belt? ...to Bill Burr. I don't think I've ever met somebody So exactly out of their mind as I am. And now we even have more great guests coming up,

including the great John Turturro. It's called happiness. Delivering happiness. And many, many more. Open your free iHeartRadio app, search delivering happiness with Nick Turturro. And listen now. This is an iHeart podcast.

Guaranteed human.