Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - Let’s Get Down to Business with Vanessa Gonzalez

Episode Date: July 21, 2022

Vaccinated and Horny tour opener Vanessa Gonzalez joins Chelsea this week to talk about nude men approaching the stage, life on the road, and why it’s vital to ensure a variety of meats are present at every performance.  Then: At 23-year-old debates whether or not to tie her tubes.  A lesbian wonders if her bestie is secretly into her.  And a new bride is devastated when her beloved cousin ghosts her on her wedding day. * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Nick Stumpf Produced by Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human. There's no shortcut for saving time, but saving money is simple. Just combine your car and home insurance with Bel Air Direct and save. Get a quote at BelAirDirect.com. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive.

Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Did you hear the new episode of the Hey Jonas podcast? We are at D23, so we'll see who stops by. The cast of Frozen stopped by. Kristen Bell, Josh Gad, and Idina Menzel. I auditioned for Frozen. What? For Kristoff.

They said, okay, what are you going to be singing today? I said, I don't know. That must have been why you didn't get it. Oh, you probably won. Plus, John Stamos, Hayden Christensen from Star Wars, and more. And I guess I can share that, uh... No way. Listen to the latest episode of Hey Jonas on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

if your bookshelf and your for you page are equally important to your personality welcome home pro society is a weekly podcast that's part book club part group chat for anyone who thinks pride and prejudice and love island deserve the same level of discourse each week we're connecting the dots between books the internet and pop culture with your favorite writers book talk creators and plenty of overthought opinions yeah i'm obsessed i'm us. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, everybody. Good afternoon. It's Thursday. Hello. Hi. Chelsea, you've had a big week this week. I did. I made an announcement that Joe Coy and I

are no longer together. So I announced that on my Instagram page, as one does. I figured since have been such a public couple that it was only appropriate to publicly break up or let everybody know because people were so invested in our relationship and so supportive, which was so moving to me. And it was really heartfelt to always hear how, you know, everybody loved it and was so inspired and how I just wanted to let everyone know that it is, you know, an ending, but it's a beginning and it's not something that is going to break either one of us. And that I have more hope than I ever have about love and finding love. And I now know that it's possible in the least, in the places you least expect it. I believe that. I believe that for

everyone for me and for everyone else and that my heart is open and it's not gonna shut you know it's now I'm open to the idea of spending my life with someone and I hadn't been for a really long time your post was so beautiful and you know I can tell that you both learned so much from each other and I think that's really all we can ask from a relationship is like not necessarily till death do us part but like what how did you become more yourself and how what did you learn about yourself when you were in that relationship for the good parts of yourself and the bad parts of yourself you two are wonderful together and I know you know you said you'll you'll still be friends and yeah yeah you know I mean it's hard to go through a breakup obviously but it's important

to go through it and not avoid it and not distract and deflect and like I I'm very against that I'm very much about sitting in my pain and understanding that something I you know that I hoped was going to work out did not work out and he changed me in so many wonderful ways you know he really fired up my work ethic again and my ambition again and I my desire to do things and be productive and have a voice and use my voice instead of you know there's so many times where I fantasize about like moving to Mallorca well mostly because this country's going to hell in a handbasket or moving know Canada and all the stuff and and I think you know Joe was a like a big beacon of light in my life that I he's unforgettable and I like will take a lot of that with me into my next phase of

life and I I just I don't want people to be heartbroken like on our behalf like it's a beautiful thing to be loved like that you know and to love someone like that it's really beautiful and I'll never let go of that because I know that it's out there now and it's possible and I want everyone else to know that it's possible too and the only work you can do is on yourself and you know and and get through it and understand that you know nothing in life is really that permanent and I did my best and and that wasn't enough yeah and like they say when you're going through something keep going that's such a shift from where you were several years ago where you're I mean just look at how you're experiencing this loss like you are experiencing it you're not

closing your mind to it and like that's done that's over I'm not going to think about it anymore like you said so many times on this show how you know when a relationship friendship or otherwise was over it was just like that door is closed I don't even think about them anymore and what I can't imagine a healthier way to be processing this than you are right now oh thank you thank you I'm definitely this is my first adult breakup even though it's public it's like I've handled this with as much adult technique and skill as I've been taught through therapy thank you Dan Siegel um you know like I know that I've acted with dignity and with grace and I am giving nothing but love putting love out there because I know that he needs that and everyone needs it and I

need it and I now know that that's the way to break up with love not with anger yeah thank you so much for sharing that I know anytime you go through a breakup it's incredibly hard and it's really brave of you to share all of that I think I speak for all of the listeners out there when I say we're rooting for you both and really can't wait to see what the next chapter is oh thank you thank you so as we transition into our episode how would you feel if i tell you about something totally ridiculous that happened to me this week yeah let's do a light thing a light thing so i just got back from wisconsin oh i was there for a memorial but it's for an aunt who passed away several years ago she was one of our favorite aunts but you know nice it was really wonderful

to be with all my like my favorite cousins like the OG like yes the the fun cousins yeah I have a line in one of my books where I say like sisters are great but like your cousin will help you like order vodka in an omelet you know like your sisters are slightly protective whereas cousins are down for the same party you were down yes they are and uh yeah I love I love cousins I have so many cousins too I'll bet it's nice that you went back for a memorial that's a really nice way to honor your aunt. Yeah, she, well, my aunts and uncles had had a cabin up in like the Northwoods of Wisconsin, Manitowish Waters, if we have any listeners there. And I used to go up there with them. But this one aunt, she had emphysema. And so it was always easier for her to be up there,

especially during the summers and loved it up there. So she asked for her ashes to be spread there. And we finally all got it together. And we're, you know, we went up and it was just a beautiful time this side of the family my uncle is Nigerian and so we all just like are loud and eat spicy food together and we just like try to make each other scream laugh as loud as possible it is the most fun it's just a really great time that is fun yeah that means everyone's in the right age range yes yeah we're all kind of like we grew up together nearby each other and also kind of have kind of similar age ranges as well cute cute love that but so we're up in the north woods of wisconsin the place we stayed at i think has not been touched since like the 70s like green

carpet on all the floors there's like animal heads on all the walls a beautiful area on the lake so we had a great time but we stayed in this lodge that was like built in 1909 and it definitely looked and felt it, but we had a great time together, all drinking out on the porch and getting bitten by mosquitoes and that sort of thing. People talk about like when a loved one visits them and it's like they see a bird and it reminds them of their mother or, you know, a butterfly and it reminds them of their grandfather or whatever. And so we went to this really special place on a lake and I kept thinking like, I wonder if Deb is going to visit us. You know we had some tears we had some laughs we really remembered her and um so sweet it was it

was really beautiful we were up on what an honor like to honor someone like that is so honorable yeah i'm just thinking of different ways i can use the word honor honoree she was our honorary so you know we decided we would all take a picture of this beautiful lake that she loved and so there was a small dock there because it was sort of a boat launch and several of my cousins and I we went out on the dock and it was a little rickety but you know we didn't think too much of it so we got there we take a few pictures then we decide well let's get everybody up on this dock and take a beautiful picture with this vista while everybody gets on the dock my nephew sort of says oh hey like is this going to be safe for us all because it's a little bendy my sister's like it's

got bolts and stuff it's fine so we all get up there brad my husband is setting up the picture on the shore all of a sudden somebody goes it's moving it's moving and this whole dog oh my god i love it it was the most ridiculous thing like my like everyone is fine like no one was hurt at all but like there was a moment where like my my nephew's leg got kind of like trapped in one of the boards and so we all like bailed off I bailed off the side in the most inelegant way possible I got wet up to my collarbones in one foot of water somehow like soaking wet anyway everyone was totally fine no one was hurt and I was like that was how Aunt Deb showed up yeah exactly she was like enough of this crying so everyone was in the water everyone

was in the water like we were sopping wet and sorry Papoose Lake you needed a new dog okay I have a water falling in story as well from this weekend yes so I was with my cousins also up in Malibu or Topanga we had like a cookout on the beach and I had some friends and all my cousins were there and then my two little cousins Ella and Gray who are my cousins babies well they're not babies they're 11 and 13 so whatever well that's not 30 babies too anyway I was on pylons you know how the pylons go into the water yes I was obviously intoxicated and I was taking Ella as her guardian across the pylons and she was like you know we're walking and it was the waves were crashing and coming in and I was like okay I'm like oh it's fine I'm so good with balance

so you know I and I'm walking along walking along and then she's like oh I'm getting scared I'm getting scared I go okay let's sit down so I go to sit down and as I sit down I lose my balance and just fucking dive right into the sand head first into the water was crashing but the sand was not, you know, it wasn't high. So I face first into the sand, white shirt, my nipples completely exposed. I was in jeans, completely soaked. And I look

up at my niece, or she's my cousin, but she feels like my niece. And I look up at my cousin and she's like, I didn't do that! I didn't push you! I was like, no, I know you didn't. I was like, I'm drunk. I'm a fucking drunk. Now I'm a drunk aunt. Like I'm a drunk elderly aunt

walking around the pylons to my whole family. And all they all looking and go put a fucking shirt over your nipples like i had one on like what happened i was like i was me too by the pylons it was really humiliating but totally classic me but yeah two water incidents oh my goodness we should focus on water excursions for this episode we absolutely should we have a uh one of my favorite peoples here today she's the opener on my vaccinated and horny tour and if you haven't seen me on my vaccinated and horny tour i am coming to the Just for Laughs, Montreal Comedy Festival, July 28th.

I am coming to Vancouver, August 12th, and Calgary, August 13th and August 14th. So I have two shows in Vancouver on the 12th and then two shows in Calgary. And then after that, I have a whole new slew of dates starting in Saratoga in October. I'm coming to all parts of Florida, so you're welcome. Tampa, Tampa, Tampa.

I have two shows in Tampa. And then a bunch of other places, Colorado Springs, Colorado. Just go to Chelsea Handler The Jonas Brothers are running it back We live the burning up tour And celebrate the biggest Jonas Brothers hits That have defined a generation

One incredible celebration One unforgettable night See the Jonas Brothers Live at RBC Amphitheater September 28 get tickets now at ticketmaster.ca jonas brothers the burning up tour all over again when i was 14 years old i was kidnapped and held captive for nine months i survived and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart

and these are the survivor files i just remember this low taunting voice next to my ear saying Shut up. Don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. There's stories about what it takes to make it out alive.

Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club,

part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island to deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story.

I'm obsessed, I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite BookTok creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much,

you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle, I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone

that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. If you know me, you know I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. So this podcast lets us uncover those things together through meaningful conversations with fascinating people. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to

stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. You have something in your guts, you go with it. And Shawn Johnson recalled the moment she realized her now-husband, Andrew, was the one. He was just so unapologetically himself and knew nothing of Hollywood. He hadn't been on a plane before without his family. It was so pure.

Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Let me introduce my opener. She opens for me on the road for my Vaccinated and Horny tour. She is fucking hilarious. She resides in Austin, Texas. Please welcome Vanessa Gonzalez. Hi, Vanessa. Hello. Oh, hello. You look like you're about to start a job interview. Oh, yes. I hope I get the job. You guys, this is Vanessa Gonzalez. Have you met Vanessa yet? We talked on the phone and she's a delight.

Well, you probably saw her open for me at the Wiltern, too. I did. I did. It was so much fun. Yeah, those were great shows. We've been having a lot of great shows. Vanessa has been on the road with me for the most part, for most of my vaccinated and horny tour. Every once in a while, we have to replace her because of her attitude or she has an improper sexual relationship with one of our representatives from Live Nation. So that's been a big thorn in our side because she doesn't understand the moment we're living in. And he reported her because he's a white male and he was being sexually harassed by her. You know, it's hard to navigate the entertainment business.

His name is Brandon Bucar, in case anyone needs to look him up. We have a guy that runs our tour for us. And I say run in very loose terms because he's not running fucking anything. And there are more mistakes than there are victory laps. but he loves the good the greatest thing about brandon is well a we love brandon but he's such a good sport about us making so much fun of him oh god you know because he is just kind of a middle-aged white guy and he thinks he's with it and he's not with it he spelled mess's last name wrong for the better part of six months excellent excellent it's pretty common yeah he's figuring it

out it's it's hard it's his job's hard yeah if for him it is right okay i would like to also mention that vanessa was recently named one of variety's top 10 comics to watch out for so big congratulations on that vanessa well deserved oh thank you so much yeah that's it's been wild it's been a wild ride this year so fun so vanessa's based out of austin and uh I found her through the woman who runs my production company named Jackie Sosa. She knew of Vanessa and I was looking for women to open for me. And so she sent me Vanessa's info and then I started stalking her online. And then we've had some pretty exciting times.

We've had some long journeys. You know how much I love the word journey. We have different modes of transportation at all times. Sometimes we take a scooter bus. Sometimes we take a, what are they called? Vans or no, like a sprinter van. van sometimes these sprinter vans can be really nice actually they have they have when they have a configuration i'm like oh this is nice so we've taken a tour bus we've taken planes we've taken

commercial planes we've taken private planes we've taken helicopter oh no we haven't taken a helicopter well you missed out we took a helicopter last weekend in new york city and rosebud almost climaxed although i did too i gotta say you guys that helicopter ride flying into new york city at night in Manhattan. We got back at like, you know, midnight and the moon was this beautiful orange burst. And we were just flying into that city is like one of the most spectacular things ever. It's like flying into Paris. Yeah. That's incredible. Because it's so low enough that you can see all the streets and the movement and what's going on, you know, on all the avenues and the city lit up at night with the moon was just so beautiful. We were all just like, oh,

that's super cool i'd be too scared yeah i think so too about a helicopter i don't know yeah guess who was scared vanessa brandon that's right brandon was scared me and brandon get scared of the the planes and flying things yeah the heights uh-huh so vanessa is from a family of three she has two brothers right and she has a boyfriend who's adorable and yeah his name is daniel and she's based out of austin so tell us a little bit about because you were in la and then you moved to austin during the pandemic and what's it been like to be in austin during this time it's different now i feel like austin is very much mini la now and it's changed so much depressing I know I know it's huge people are moving here to do comedy now oh it changed so much like I was in

LA 2018 to 2020 and just in those two years Austin changed and during the pandemic when there was a pandemic there was no pandemic really in Texas so shows kept going theaters were closing opening clubs were closing opening and yeah it's like the scene got bigger during a pandemic somehow yeah i know a lot of people that moved either to nashville or to austin like half of la went just mostly to avoid taxes right isn't that them everyone's primary goal yeah we don't pay taxes here i'm just like that's her story i don't pay him but how do you I want you to talk a little bit about like you also just got voted Austin's number one comedian of the year didn't you oh hell yeah which is great for this burgeoning

comedy mecca you know this is becoming like the new it comedy place next to LA or New York well New York is probably number one right I don't know what's the number one yeah probably but yeah I was voted uh through the Austin Chronicle that caught me off guard I I didn't even know people knew that I you know was back here but they know I have stalkers and yeah it's that that was really special because you know going to LA and making that jump and then coming back and it was hard it's been hard to kind of navigate like am I you know still in the business staying connected and all that after making such a big move and coming back home so it's it meant a lot that even moving back stuff still yeah stuff is still happening for you and she also has she has her own rider

at the shows because i i told brandon the person we're talking about you know i have a rider in mind which is basically like a cheese board and somehow a charcuterie board got on there too but i don't really eat that much meat anymore so i told him to ixnay the charcuterie board and then he just put it in vanessa's room so now she gets a charcuterie board so this past weekend the last weekend when we had rosebud vanessa rosebud's like holy shit i can't believe you get a charcuterie board every single night she's like i've got to put that in my rider i'm like listen bitch if you can fucking take this charcuterie board and stretch it out for over the next two years because that's how long it will last what a waste of meat i know they're huge i know but vanessa likes her snack

packs she likes to travel with a little like like you know those ladies at dodger stadium that come up with little trays of candy that's how vanessa leaves every theater she takes her tray what's in her green room and sometimes what's in my green room and then we get on our little transportation bus and depending on how long the ride is and how high i am at that point we also share edibles because vanessa has motion sickness i don't but i take them anyway for her yeah for me they always come in handy when we're super high after the show there's no food it's like yeah just have three packs of chips right just have them and if i ask her for chips she will sometimes be annoyed with me she will sometimes say how many are you gonna have and i mean this is the second bag and

are you gonna reimburse me for these so she's pretty tough stuff to deal with well because you're you're shitting on my snack bag the whole time i know and you're like well let me let me see what you got yeah and then i'm a hypocrite what's been your what some of your favorite places to go on tour like what have been the most surprising cities or your favorites well I we had so much fun in Kansas City those were great shows and just the fact that we were there for two nights which is rare we got to like really have fun and and yeah it's the back-to-back shows is hard but those are fun Nashville was a blast yeah Nashville was fun Kansas City was fun because also we we stayed in the same hotel for two nights like she said which is always just such a nice break like

because you're always traveling and going either you leave right after the show or in the first thing in the morning and it's always exhausting no matter how you slice it yeah but in Kansas City we were there for two nights and I had one of these ridiculous hotel rooms that had about 18 different boardrooms in it and we ordered late night food my assistant Carla ordered us this huge spread so we all went upstairs and ate after the show yeah that was so fun our pizza party was great. Yeah. Nashville was fun. Anytime we have like an after party or we're able to have an after party after shows has been really fun. And she has friends. You have friends all around the country that have been able to kind of come like San Jose, L.A. and different shows. New Orleans.

Yeah. Her friends show up, which is always really fun because it's really nice to see your friends get to see you, you know. Yeah. Perform. I love that. Yeah. It has been just a nice way for me to visit all my friends while I work yeah and you get to like be like be fabulous and hilarious and they get to come see you I was curious if there's anything unexpected that's happened on tour well the wildest thing is when I forget was it Salt Lake City or one show where two people drunk people like stop the show oh no and i had never seen anything like that before i mean you know i've had drunk audience members but it's always like one um but this was very like two separate times and that that was bizarre yeah somebody approached the stage they were

obviously both really really wasted yeah and for some reason our security was not beefed up at that show that's exactly what the problem was and they this woman just came out they were both harmless but it was just like one was wasted talking about you know something and another guy was naked took his shirt off and came up he's like Chelsea I love you so much I'm like well that's great but you're fucking interrupting everybody else's time right now right yeah you handled them like a pro everything was fine but I had never seen like people be like um this is my shot I gotta I gotta talk to her while she's mid-sentence yeah it was wild don't do that if you're listening it we don't like it and when i was at the la show we were we were upstairs in the mezzanine and

there was a woman in front of me i always get like a little scared of heights on a mezzanine it's high this woman who was not drunk like i'm pretty sure she was stone cold sober or mostly sober she came back in the middle of the show with a drink and she like lost her footing she was kind of in front of us but she like slipped on a stair and like went like boom boom boom boom like down several stairs which for me just from the heights perspective was like it's my worst fear like she did not spill her drink which is why I think she was not super drunk but I like I like the term mostly sober and I'm gonna start incorporating that into my repertoire are what i also would like to add is i don't know if i said this on this podcast yet but

there was a woman i forget which city we're in where they went to stand up and then just rolled down oh yeah they rolled down the center aisle so they were so wasted that they fell over and then started their person started rolling and i was in the middle of it and at this point i think there were already had i think it might have been the same show you were talking about it definitely wasn't salt lake because that's a dry venue so nobody could drink oh yeah yeah you're right it was it was maybe cedar rapids or something and and i saw a person rolling down the aisle and i thought am i gonna draw attention to this right now or fucking finish my set because if i draw attention to this woman that is rolling down the aisle it's going to be mayhem

yeah and then we're setting ourselves back 15 minutes and then you know and then we're embarrassing the shit out of her on top of it and i've after rolling down an aisle do you really need to be called out by the comedian you're there to see it was it was me i haven't told you but that that was me no i i will say something that has also been surprising in a good way is like how awesome chelsea's like audience have been towards me like super welcoming super warm great and you know it's intimidating like they don't know who i am or i don't you know they're just like where's chelsea but they'll say my name, announce me, and everyone's like, woo. I'm like, you didn't even know. Oh, yeah. They love her. Yeah. They love you. They've been so great. And that's been great.

Well, Chelsea, you have such a track record of supporting other women, but also picking really cool women to be around. There are so many people who maybe earlier on in your career you worked with who maybe you gave a hand to but like now they're superstars and you know I said I think you have a good track record of having a good picker thank you well I think it's pretty obvious to spot talent like or you know when somebody's funny all you want to do is make somebody make you laugh if they make you laugh you know they're going to make a million other people laugh too so I mean Vanessa's easy to spot that's very obvious talent oh no it's thank you and I every every time I like people ask me like what's it like on tour I'm just like it's one fun two it's

just been so inspiring to be around you and the way you lift people up and me and I've opened for men and mostly men and it doesn't feel like they want to support or you know root for you or even if you kill right before them it feels weird there's a vibe I'm like oh no they're upset And with Chelsea, it's like, you know, she's there to high five me every time I get off stage and hug me. And it's just I feel like it's helped me just become more confident and more just like a badass, a badass bitch. It's contagious. Oh, that's awesome. I love that. Well, that's good because we're roping you in to give advice, too, because I feel like you'd be good at giving advice to strangers as well. And I was like, wait, why the fuck hasn't Vanessa been on this podcast?

Yeah, I'm ready. Yes. Well, we have some very exciting ones for you today, but we're going to take a quick break and we'll be right back with Vanessa Gonzalez and Chelsea. There's no shortcut for saving time, but saving money is simple. Just combine your car and home insurance with Bel Air Direct and save. Get a quote at BelAirDirect.com. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them.

I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. but these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive.

Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club,

part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table.

It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B.

I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people, and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. If you know me, you know I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. So this podcast lets us uncover those things together through meaningful conversations with fascinating people. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. You have something in your guts, you go with it. And Shawn Johnson recalled the moment she realized her now-husband, Andrew, was the one.

He was just so unapologetically himself and knew nothing of Hollywood. He hadn't been on a plane before without his family. It was so pure. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back with Vanessa Gonzalez and Catherine. Hi. Yay.

Well, our first question, and this is an email, comes from Heidi. Heidi says, Dear Chelsea, I'm 23 years old and I've been seriously considering getting my tubes tied. I have no desire to. Do it. Yes. You don't even have to finish the email. You're doing the world a favor. You're not contributing to mass population.

Well, there you go. Let's go. She says, I have no desire to birth a child, and I know I would like to foster children when I'm stable enough to do so. I'm still young, and this is a big decision. Am I too young to decide I never want to birth children? Should I wait until I'm older? If so, when is a good age?

I have four years left on this IUD, so I can wait until it expires, but I like making decisions and acting on them. What are your thoughts? I also considered donating my eggs first, but got denied for having too high of a BMI, so that really isn't an option for me. Thanks, Heidi. Too high of a body mass index? Which is really dated technology.

But what is it? Does that mean you're too heavy? Yeah. To give eggs? To donate, yeah. Oh, God, they're picky, huh? Like, right. Who has the right to be picky?

That's good eggs. Yeah, I know. Good eggs are good eggs. The 23-year-old eggs are good eggs. I would say if you have, what's her name? Heidi. Heidi. If you have an IUD in and you have a couple of years left on it,

there's no reason to rush into getting your tubes tied. I mean, I know that is reversed. Is it reversible? So, yeah, I look this up. It is technically reversible, but the reversal doesn't always take. Yeah, like you don't need to jump into that. Like, I appreciate your I'm like that, too. I'm impulsive and I'd like to make decisions and get moving into the next thing and also cancel out possibilities that are not real possibilities in my mind, which would be having children.

And I support that fully. But there's no reason to, like, expedite the process. Why don't you wait till your IUD is done and then get your tubes tied if you feel the same way? Yeah. Yeah, I think that's smart. I mean, I feel like I've always known also that I don't want to birth a child or be pregnant. But I feel the same way as her. Like, yeah, maybe I'd like to foster kids or adopt later on.

And that's always going to be open to you. So whenever you do it, it's I think, you know, when you know you don't want to go through being pregnant. Yeah. They should come up with a phrase for it. Like, you know how they say your clock is ticking, which is, you know, passe and old school, but like they should come up with a new phrase for how, you know, when you know that you don't want to have a child. Yeah.

Like I've never been on the fence about that. I've known in, you know, in my gut and my soul that that is not what is meant for me. Yeah. I think, yeah, I think most people know. I feel like I knew early on. And then as I got older, I was like, oh, maybe, you know, everyone's telling you, you should have a baby. when are you gonna have a baby so then that fucks with you but your your heart always knows i don't

think it's for me and now i'm 36 and i'm like yeah i don't want to do that yeah please no i would say if you're gonna pick an age in the future beyond just letting this run out when i was younger and i was like i never want kids i never want kids i had a couple of friends tell me wait until you're 29. The second I turned 29, I had like raging hormones of like, I want a baby. But I also knew that I didn't actually. So I got a dog and used my like mothering instincts that way. And it was perfect. But just wait until you're 30. If you don't get that by 29, I don't think you're going to get it. Yeah. If it costs a lot. Yeah. Go on a trip. Use it for something else for now. But Vanessa, I have a question for you. If Daniel really, really had his heart set on having a child, would you reconsider your stance?

And I would say let's adopt or let's figure out where we can put your sperm, because I don't want it. I don't want a person inside me with their whole body. No. And what particularly about. So it sounds like it's more of a physical thing for you, though. yeah like what is it about it that turns you off so much somebody's like living off of your food yeah i don't like i don't want to share no i i've always had really bad periods on my life like super painful and motion sickness and all and i'm like if this if it's bad now i can't imagine what a pregnancy would do to my body and how awful i would be as a human so So I think everything in my heart and soul is just like, don't do that to us, please.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, Heidi, let us know what you decide. Yeah, Heidi, let us know what you decide and just take a minute. You're only 23 years old. You don't even know your ass from your elbow yet. Yeah. Yeah.

Also, Vanessa, I will say I always had really, really terrible periods as well. well still do but was finally after like seven or eight years of investigating this and talking to doctors finally someone was like yes you have endometriosis that's what this is that's what's going on and they also were just like if you're not trying to have a kid like we'll just keep you on birth control the entire time so you don't have your week off so that might be something to investigate for you too oh yes I just went and they told me that as well and I started a new birth control, but I didn't like it. So now I'm in the process of finding the one, which takes a while. You know what you can also get done, Vanessa? I mean, I don't know if you can get

this done in Texas because it seems like a lot of things are restricted there, but you can get an ablation, which is what my sister Simone got because she had really heavy periods. And so it basically blanches your uterus. They go in with hot water or the other option is, I forget, there's hot water. There's one way to do it. It's hot water. I'm actually scheduled to get one. I'm going to right after this podcast today to go see me on my OB. My period isn't that bad, but it would just be elective because I'd rather not have a period anymore. But for people who have really heavy periods, my sister Simone did it and it's called an ablation. And you should ask your doctor about it because anybody who has endometriosis or has a heavy period is a candidate

for it. Wow. And it's not for like when you are like ready to be done having periods or. Well, no, you can basically stop. So it just stops the bleeding, you know, so you don't you get the hormones continue, but you don't have the bleeding, which goes with the cramping and with all of that stuff. So it just stops your period. And most 90% of women, it stops their period altogether. And then 10% of women, your period is just much lighter for the rest of your life. But it's something that a lot of women are doing because I've talked to a few people about it now. Yeah, I'll look into that. That sounds nice. And if Texas won't even let me torch my uterus, then I got to get out of here. I know. Well, yeah, they're in control of your uterus. What I'll do is I'll videotape my doctor's appointment today with my OBGYN, and I will

just, well, I'll live stream it. And then that way you'll have access to it. Yes. Fantastic. Thank you. Of course. Well, our next question comes from Mary. She says, Dear Chelsea,

I'm newly recovered from a severe depressive episode that lasted for over a year, primarily due to the passing of my dad in December 2020. He died from contracting COVID-19 while he was in the hospital for a separate injury. His death broke my heart, and once my shock wore off, I fell into a deep depression. I finally realized I needed professional help when I confessed to my mom I was having passive thoughts of suicide. I took a leave of absence from my job and focused only on my well-being. I began talk therapy sessions multiple times a week and saw a psychiatrist to manage my medications. I only did things that I wanted to do and practiced a lot of self-care during that time, and now I'm at a place where I have hope and excitement for the future again.

I learned that my sensitivity isn't a weakness, nor is my capability to feel for others one. That, in fact, my intuition and ability to understand others is a gift. I also began to explore spirituality and started to meditate. I have since returned to my job, and while I'm so grateful for my coworkers and their support, I haven't been happy since I've been back. I feel a pulling to a new career, and I'm thinking about going back to school to be a counselor or therapist. Even my own therapist told me I would make a great one. However, I grew up in a low-income household, and the thought of increasing my debt by tens of thousands of dollars makes me ill. Chelsea, my question for you is, should I go back to school and take on thousands of dollars more debt for a career that doesn't quite pay out?

Is there another way I could use my gifts that I'm not thinking of? Any suggestions are welcome. Mary. Hi, Mary. Hi, Mary. Hi, Kelsey. Hi, Vanessa. Okay, so you're not into your job anymore.

After everything you've been through, you're back and you're not feeling it? Yeah, pretty much. I was in a pretty dark, deep, severe depression for most of 2020 into 2021. And I took some time off of work, was able to really work on myself. do therapy, really just like get my prescription meds all set. And I came back to my job and like, I'm so thankful for my company and my coworkers. Everyone's been so great, but like, I just don't care anymore. And I, it's like, you know, I'm getting pressured because like our company only made like $8 billion last year instead of nine and all this other stuff happening in the world.

And I really feel like I'm being called or like that I need to like do something more, but I don't know if that's just because I'm new out of depression and feeling great about life or or you know what I really could do to move forward yeah I would say first and foremost I think your mental health is paramount to everything else that's you're talking about even your job and even debt and I think that there are a lot of avenues to pursue none that I actually know of and can speak to because I haven't gone back to school but I we have had this conversation with scholars before and there are so many ways to get financial aid to receive grants to get help with tuition so first and foremost you have to know like you don't have to be tens of thousands of

dollars in debt like you don't have to equate that with an education there are ways around that like would it be possible for you to start going to school while you're still working to kind of support yourself to a degree while you're figuring everything out is that a possibility yeah that is a possibility and like something i've worked or i've thought about i think was the like growing up with in a lower income family situation debt and like taking on more of it is like really scary to think about so that's kind of what holds me back to be honest but I think I'm supposed to just trust and not worry about the financial aspects but that's just so hard when it's like well I grew up with no money and that did suck so that's where I'm at yeah that's hard especially

you said you wanted to look into being a therapist or counselor now yeah yeah and i'm i'm like i just watched this documentary of this woman who just puts out videos on youtube about like spirituality or whatever it turns out she's running a cult but wait but that's the one on hulu yeah yeah you could just you know if that's your passion like giving people advice and helping people There is a way, I think, now with social media and getting yourself out there, but I think, yeah, the education part costs money, unless you're just educated on YouTube like me. I wasn't even going to bring this up, but it's interesting, Vanessa, that you say that because I actually had a tarot card reading last week, and the reader kind of gave me the same message. She said that there are ways to reach people, even just like sharing your story. She's like, there's so many media outlets or like revenues to use.

So you're kind of like confirming what she's already said. Yeah. And I think if it is a social media thing, a YouTube thing, TikTok thing, I think that also connects you with people that can teach you and interview and all that stuff. Yeah, for sure. And so you said there is a way, though, also that you could go to school while still working at your job, right? Yeah, I could.

I mean, I'm single. I don't have children. So like I do have the free time. School would be OK. I do take writing classes for fun because I like to be creative. And that's, you know, my outlet. So like I could take a break on the classes. There is a school that's really close by that I could go to in person.

So, you know, that is an option as far as viability. Yeah. I think you should pursue that. I think that like, you came out of this depression in this really hard time. And like, you have to be in tune with yourself and in touch with what makes you happy. And identifying that your workplace isn't bringing that joy for you anymore is major, like so many people are in denial of their own feelings. So it's so important that you're in touch with yourself enough to know that. And just start by doing those switch out those writing classes for these counseling classes or pursuing something that equates to what you see yourself

doing in the therapy or counseling world. And when you get far enough along, you know, if you're still working, you can supplement that you're not going to go into huge debt. I understand fear of debt. I get that. I mean, I didn't grow up poor, but I didn't grow up with any extra money. You know, it was just kind of like, let's see what we have this week. But I get it. And I understand that it's a big fear. But like, don't let your fear drive your future. You know, your happiness is so important to you and what you can do with that and share with other people and light up other people is just, you just have to keep your eye on that prize. You know, you're going to be able to help other people and whether that's through YouTube or social media or whether you

do it formally, it's never going to hurt for you to just get closer to your goals and learn more about, you know, what it is you want to achieve and then figure out how you're going to implement all of that right okay also like volunteering you know at you know women's shelters or things like that that keeps you connecting with people which seems like that's what you love yeah I do I love making that connection that's sweet that's so sweet of you what a generous soul yeah oh thank you it wasn't always like that it I feel like I was like this when I was a child like I was super kind and sweet and loving and then you know life happens and I you know went through the couple hard years and like now I feel like I'm back I almost feel like a child again like I feel like

no I want to connect to people I want to show them like hey we can we can be we can do positive things like it can start with one person so yeah I do I I love it I love connecting with people so and I think what Vanessa said too about volunteering with a group might give you a way to sort of dip your toe into the water and see if sort of being surrounded by other people's whether that's grief or other issues that they're going through is something that you do want to take on full time or whether that's something that is best you know as a volunteer position or that sort of thing but also since you're a writer you're probably going to be good at writing applications for grants and things like that like Chelsea said so yeah one book I would recommend

for you too is called what color is your parachute there's a zillion editions so they're always coming out with new additions I believe they speak somewhat to like how to pay for school but it's mostly about career transitions figuring out where your skill set lies and what's right for you and like do you really want to do that do you want to do something else so that is a good recommendation for you I'm gonna read that yeah yeah what color is your parachute what color is your parachute okay I'm gonna look into that for sure I love reading yeah oh good well you sound like an awesome person so I'm so happy for you that you're in a better healthy place yeah like The world is ahead. You have the whole world at your fingertips. Like, look at it that way.

I really do. Like, I was at a spot where I just didn't want to live anymore. And I was like, making plans to exit this life. And something made me just like, I actually reached to my mom and was like, I don't think this is normal. And so I got the help. And now I feel like I got almost like a second chance. I'm like, we can all do it. And being able to relate to other people that you've gone through that dark place is huge it's huge yeah yeah yeah and that's what I would want to do like that's what I really think is important too because like I thought I was still alone then like when I was in that dark deep depression I listened to so many like audiobooks and like boy I just wanted to hear voices and like Chelsea your podcast was one of them and like

I don't know just a thank you like just having that like content out there was something that I was like okay just listen to Chelsea's book right now and then you can make your next decision about life. So thank you. Right. And think about that. You can be that person to somebody else. You can be that. You can. Yeah. Yeah. No, I guess I can. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think finding, yeah, other people that have the same passion as you, community, and that's how you network and get to where you want to be. And remember, the most important thing in life is to know what your purpose is, right? To know what your passion is, what you care about the most, and you've discovered that you're ahead of the game.

Debt is not going to be your issue. Right. Yeah. Thank you. I needed that reminder. Thank you guys all. Cause it's just so hard to get that off of your shoulder or whatever, but you're right.

When you know your purpose, you just got to go for it. Yeah. Well, Mary, thank you so much for calling in. Yeah. Keep us posted,

Mary. Let us know what happens. Okay. And how you're progressing. Okay. I will. Thank you guys so much. It's so nice meeting everyone.

You too. Oh, what a feel good call don't you just that was great oh that was so sweet what a positive person we need more people like that you know yeah we have had a lot of callers lately though vanessa that have wanted to become therapists right that has been a recurring theme yeah and we're very pro therapy here well obviously we're trying to fucking be therapists ourselves so we're not i mean that's where you attract like-minded people yes yeah the jonas brothers are running it back We live the Burning Up Tour and celebrate the biggest Jonas Brothers hits that have defined a generation.

One incredible celebration. One unforgettable night. See the Jonas Brothers live at RBC Amphitheater, September 28th. Get tickets now at Ticketmaster.ca. Jonas Brothers, the Burning Up Tour, all over again. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files.

I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters,

then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita,

we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita,

trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran

or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. If you know me, you know I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. So this podcast lets us uncover those things together through meaningful conversations with fascinating people. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. You have something in your guts.

You go with it. And Shawn Johnson recalled the moment she realized her now husband, Andrew, was the one. He was just so unapologetically himself and knew nothing of Hollywood. He hadn't been on a plane before without his family. It was so pure. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, our next email comes from Lane. She says, Dear Chelsea, I have a quote unquote straight

friend that I've always had a giant crush on. In the friend group, I'm the only lesbian in the bunch, the other four being straight girls. Recently, my crush has been talking to the group, myself included, about how she doesn't see herself dating a man anytime soon and has been more interested in dating girls, which she's never done before. She asked if any of us know any good lesbian TV shows, so naturally I began word vomiting all the good shows and movies that I know. Since this conversation, she's texted me separately from the group to give me updates on the show I suggested, The L Word. This past weekend, the group went out to a pub crawl to celebrate my birthday. I got super drunk and basically hung out with my crush the entire time.

A couple of my friends told me how obvious it is that we like each other. After we all left the bar, I decided, fuck it. I'm going to tell her how I feel, so I texted her. Basically, she responded by telling me, I'm not saying I'm not interested, but perhaps a rain check for the future if the timing is right because currently I don't want to date anyone. My question is, how do I tell if she or anyone really likes me? I really put myself out there and got a pretty neutral response. I'm not sure if I should read it as she's just letting me down easily or truly just doesn't know how she feels and isn't ready to date a girl. Thanks for your help, Lane. Okay, Lane, first of all that is good that feedback was good I feel like there's hope in that situation

right Vanessa do you feel that oh yeah it's whatever that pause or you know rain check she offered that's her shit and maybe yeah maybe she's not ready maybe she wants to be single maybe she likes you so much that she sees you as oh yeah if we get together it's gonna be a thing And she maybe she just wants to play around for now. But I think for sure, if the whole group sees that y'all are vibing, there's a vibe. Yeah, there's a vibe. And keep in mind, she's brand new to this. Like she's not ready to get down to business, maybe, you know, let's get down. Let's get down to business. That's our favorite song because we're forced to listen to it day in and day out. But keep in mind, first of all, what you did is bold and cool. Like, that is cool that you reached out to her, not in a gross way. You didn't attack her or, you know, in a bathroom while you were drunk.

You did it respectfully over text after you guys left each other, which is the most respectful way you can ever approach someone. She gave you her answer. So completely respect it and let, you know, let the chips fall where they may. Maybe she'll come back. I bet you she will. I bet you down the road she's going to come back because like Vanessa said, if the whole group saw it, it's happening. And not everybody was wrong. And there's a flirtation going.

But, you know, you'll know when someone likes you when they respond in kind. Don't get waylaid by someone's lack of response or lack of initiative. Don't. That was good what you did. That's good to let people know how you feel and give them the opportunity to reciprocate. You know, it doesn't matter if you get rejected. And I don't even consider that as a rejection. But it doesn't matter.

It just matters that you're honest about your feelings and you're never gross or too forward about it. But, yes, I think that's good practice. and to continue putting your feelings out there when you have them for somebody. With this experience, you already did it. Let's see what happens. But I do not take that as a rejection. Yeah, I think it's so refreshing.

You know, I think people that are dating, all my single friends, they play that game where you have to hide how you feel about the other person until they figure it out and it's all codes. And it's like, just say, I like you. Do you like me? No, yes, let's move on, you know?

Yeah. And that's how I knew the whole time I dated, it was, I would always tell guys, I like you. And then they would play that game of like, I like you too. But you know, and I finally knew my boyfriend liked me when he made moves to like, hang out with me, see me again, talk to me more. And I'm like, Oh, I guess this is what it is when someone likes you. They make an effort. Yeah. Yeah. And you're not wrangling them all the time, right? Like when you get somebody, it's worth all of the frogs to get to the prince it is yeah so just count and if you have to think of it in your head like okay here i'm putting myself out one more time putting myself out there

in order to get to the real person you could think of it like that because then it's like almost a means to an end you know yeah and the hottest energy is like cool not right now sounds good and then you go do your own thing it's the hottest meatiness is the least hot thing so if you're just like cool and then you just like go buzz off she's gonna be crawling back oh yeah yes oh yeah and it's yeah i think it's different when there's a friendship established you don't want to be like okay we're dating uh-huh it's gonna yeah i she's gonna come around for sure and she knows you're around so to keep in mind keep that in mind too she knows you're around you guys are part of a big group so well keep us posted lane yeah well our next email comes from carly carly is in her

20s. Dear Chelsea, my cousin is like my sister. In April of 2022, my now husband and I eloped in his hometown of Los Angeles, California. His family is not as close as ours, and I was unsure if anyone from his side of the family would even attend. It made me so sad to think of our wedding with only my side of the family, so instead we kept it simple and eloped in a beautiful garden, live streaming it for family and friends to watch from afar. On the day, my cousin was working and I knew not everyone would be able to watch it live but she didn't even text me congratulations despite being in family group chats where everyone else was chiming in. She quote-unquote liked one of my texts that day and that was it. Time went by and I was already so hurt by the lack of

acknowledgement on my big day. I was half expecting her to get us a gift off our registry to make up for it but she never did. I get it it wasn't a traditional wedding and she's never been a gift giver, but it was a milestone in my life that was important to me, and I feel like she just doesn't seem to realize that or care. It's not about the gift, but the gesture, and it makes me want to not get her anything on her wedding day, even though I would never actually go through with that. Do I bring it up and risk losing someone I've considered a sister and a role model for 27 years, or sweep it under the rug and live with it? Carly. Vanessa, do you want I start that one? Yeah, I feel like if your sisters, cousins, and if you're bringing up

to your close friend, best friend, whatever this relationship is, that something they're doing was upsetting to you, if that's going to risk the whole relationship. Yes. I don't think that's a strong relationship. I feel very secure in my close friends with my family. If they did something, I can say, hey, that hurt my feelings, but I'm not worried that this is going to end our relationship. It's just going to be a conversation that we work through. Because right now you're just assuming what she's thinking. Is she mad at you? Is she not? And you're trying to figure it out when you can just ask, hey, I was expecting a little more on my big day and it was kind of hurtful what what was going on yeah I think that's true and I think you should definitely

say something because it really is meaningful to you I mean I don't think you should have expectations about somebody getting you a gift or anything like that but it's about her presence and her acknowledgement of that day and she may have just thought that since you guys were eloping and live streaming it that it was like you were playing it down and it wasn't as important as as it is to you so she may have misread the signs and misread the circumstances so give her the opportunity to explain that. And I think when you come from a place of hurt and you're just like, listen, you're somebody I've looked up to for 20 plus years that I've considered a sister. I did want you there with me on that day, maybe not physically in person, but maybe I wasn't clear.

Like I want you there in support of, you know, this is the biggest moment in my life or one of the biggest moments for sure. So I don't think anything you could say would be wrong as long as you're not attacking her and, you know, you're just coming from a place of love and like hurt. and I will say I looked up the wedding etiquette rules on this and really I mean it's not required if someone elopes it's not required to buy a gift according to etiquette rules but you know what you said here about like it's a milestone in my life I think just like Chelsea said that's the language to use like this was hurtful that like maybe you could have sent a card but the other thing is like your cousin was probably just wrapped up in her own shit that day or that yeah you know we all

are like doing our own thing and like we're so close she won't even mind you know it probably was not intentional to hurt you yeah that's what I've learned over the pandemic where everyone was freaking out in their own way no one's thinking about you or your shit everyone's dealing with their own stuff and we're just taking everything personal yeah for sure everybody's taking everything way more personally during this time that's for sure right yeah and it's all just been a little weird you know we haven't been able to go to weddings or funerals or get togethers or fourth of july or any of that stuff so well carly let us know how it goes yeah good luck carly let us know yeah well our next email comes from thomas thomas says dear chelsea i'm a non-binary queer

person i recently came to a decision with my ex to rekindle our relationship we were together for two years and have been separated for a little over three years now. My partner is a therapist and is possibly the most amazing human being I have ever met. He makes me smile, laugh, and feel like I can fully be myself around him. We haven't made it official at all that we're monogamous but are letting things progress naturally. Recently we went out together and I experienced a few instances where he was approached by guys that fit a specific mold of conventionality and regards to looks, muscles, tall, etc. I'm sort of insecure because I don't have motivation to hit the gym regularly and be that type of person. I don't think I'm less than. I just find it hard not

to compare myself to these people that my partner finds attractive. My question to you is, how do I combat the urge to doubt myself and own my attributes with my partner so I can become a better partner for him? Thomas. Oh, good question, Thomas. That's very common, as so many people feel that way. And I think you have to, like, you just said so many beautiful things about your partner. They're with you for a reason. You know, he loves you for the reason that he loves you. Like the compare and contrast game never results in any positive good feelings about yourself. Comparing yourself to what you think your boyfriend or partner likes or what he said he likes doesn't matter because he's chosen to be with you. And you need to focus on that and remember that, you know,

I'm sure you're interested in other people that you're not with also physically that you're attracted to those people. That doesn't mean that you want to be with them. So you have to remember that your place is with your person. And you know, unless they give you a real substantial reason to feel like they're not into you, then those feelings and misgivings are just in your head. And you just have to exercise that, that ability to deprogram yourself of that thinking. You have to always just say, this is in my head. This is not real. I'm with him and we're together. We're a couple. And, and eventually that won't matter to you, him looking around or you looking at what he finds attractive. He has the ability to go off and be with another person if he wants to.

Yeah. I feel like at the beginning of my relationship, because it was my first real relationship, I was so jealous, so insecure. And I, I thought that, you know, because he was thought other things or people were attractive, that meant something about me, but it took a while to learn. It means that has nothing to do with who you love, who you're attracted to. Yeah. I'm also attracted to, you know, the rock and JLo and all that. So, but yeah, it's hard when I would always be hard on myself. Like, why am I so insecure? Why can't, why am I so jealous? And it is because you know shitty guys before would lie to me and tell me no when shit was happening and all that so there's a reason why we're insecure and past relationships and all that but once you

find someone that's actually with you choosing you makes you happy you kind of have to like Chelsea said deprogram yourself find a way to find that love within yourself and that's what being in a relationship has taught me is I thought, oh, having a boyfriend is going to make me feel so great and be confident. But I actually had to start working on myself because he he didn't fix all my shit like I thought he was. Yeah, exactly. And that's work that you have to do. That's yeah, that's an inside job, not an outside job. So you have to figure that out. But as long as you know that you identify the issue it's easy to fix the issue you know I mean it's easier said than done but as long as

you're being honest with yourself and understand like okay this is an issue this is not real this is what's in my head and have a dialogue and remember like the thoughts you're having you're aware of those thoughts you're having and so you're aware of reminding yourself that these aren't real thoughts if that makes sense yeah should if anyone who's listening to this podcast it should make sense to them. Well, let's take a quick break and we'll be right back with Vanessa and Chelsea. There's no shortcut for saving time, but saving money is simple. Just combine your car and home insurance with Bel Air Direct and save. Get a quote at BelAirDirect.com. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived and

I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying shut up, don't say anything.

Every week I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that There was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced.

But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home this is prose society the weekly podcast that's part book club part group chat for thought daughters pop culture obsessives and anyone who thinks pride and prejudice and love island deserve the same level of discourse i'm eli rallo and every week we're connecting

the dots between books the internet and the conversations everyone can't stop having i'm gonna have to look up this story i'm obsessed i'm obsessed from best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments nothing is off the table it's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters and that is the trojan horse whether you're looking for literary deep dives smart pop culture conversations or a community of readers who love to think a little too much you're in the right place listen to pro society on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts see you between the pages on the new podcast solita we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman i can wait

four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle i chose option b i'm julie pinero and i travel by myself because it's a rare space where i can say yes without asking anyone else first i'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita

on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. If you know me, you know I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. So this podcast lets us uncover those things together through meaningful conversations with fascinating people. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. You have something in your guts.

You go with it. And Shawn Johnson recalled the moment she realized her now husband, Andrew, was the one. He was just so unapologetically himself and knew nothing of Hollywood. He hadn't been on a plane before without his family. It was so pure. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. Well, Vanessa, we like to ask if our guests have any advice they'd like to get from Chelsea.

Is there anything you'd like to ask? yeah you know i was thinking about it and i know when we're on the road i i ask you for advice you give me a lot of helpful tips but i know you're a dog owner i'm a dog owner is there a good song to sing to your dogs to put them to sleep oh do you have one do you not sing to your dogs don't accuse me of anything vanessa and you know you know i don't fucking sing to my dog No, that's not true. I sing It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood to them all the time, but not to put them to sleep.

I sing, I make up lots of songs, but I sing It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood, a beautiful day in the neighborhood. Would you be mine? And then I suck on Bert's nose. Could you be mine? But no. That's a good one. Yeah, that is a good one.

It's sweet. And also, if you're like me and you can't sing, which I'm sure you don't have that problem because you're Latina and you have rhythm and can sing. You should have seen Vanessa trying to teach me to do a TikTok dance once. Oh my God. She was like, what is wrong with you? I'm like, I told you I don't have any rhythm. She's like, no, seriously, like, just move your arm.

Like, I'm showing you. It was like this simple. And I was like, what? I like head butted myself. But yeah, I think that's always a soothing song. Whenever I hear that song, I always just melt. I like that. I'm going to try that one.

I always sing Hopelessly Devoted to my dog. Oh, that's cute. And sexual. So there you go. And sexual. Oh, that's lovely. Well, we want to thank you, Vanessa, for being on the podcast today. Please follow Vanessa at Vanessa Comedy.

Vanessa G. What is it? Vanessa G. Vanessa G. Comedy. Vanessa Gynecological. I'm Vanessa's gynecologist, first of all. You are. Yeah, I'm her pharmacologist and her gynecologist.

Although she doesn't always believe that I'm a gynecologist. But it's Vanessa G. Comedy. Comedy on Instagram. Yeah. And vanessacomedy.com website. And yeah, you could find me on tour with Chelsea. We're going to keep this party going all year. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Thank you, Vanessa. Thank y'all. That was fun. Have a great day. You too. And if you'd like to get advice from Chelsea and one of her guests, please write in to dearchelseaproject at gmail.com.

i survived nine months in captivity and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced these are stories about what it takes to make it out alive listen to the survivor files with elizabeth smart on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts did you hear the new episode of the hey jonas podcast we are at d23 so we'll see who stops by the cast of frozen stopped by kristin bell josh gad and adina menzel i auditioned for frozen what for kristoff they said okay what are you going to be singing today i said i don't know that must

have been why you didn't get it oh you probably want it plus john stamos hayden christiansen from Star Wars and more. And I guess I can share that. Listen to the latest episode of Hey Jonas on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators,

and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle.

I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast, Hollywood Handbook. Each week, we talk to someone in show business and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us.

Everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, Adam Scott, Danny McBride, Ben Stiller, and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.