Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - Life on the PTSD List with Kathy Griffin

Episode Date: August 28, 2025

The iconic Kathy Griffin joins Chelsea to have a frank talk about facelifts, spontaneous combustion, and the photo that got her canceled.  Then: A busy professional is ready to build new relationships after friends’ passing. And a 34-year-old is ready to retire… or maybe marry Kathy?  * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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We are at D23, so we'll see who stops by. The cast of Frozen stopped by. Kristen Bell, Josh Gad, and Idina Menzel. I auditioned for Frozen. What? For Kristoff. They said, okay, what are you going to be singing today? I said, I don't know.

That must have been why you didn't get it. Oh, you probably won. Plus, John Stamos, Hayden Christensen from Star Wars, and more. And I guess I can share that, uh... No way. Listen to the latest episode of Hey Jonas on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, Katherine.

Hi, Chelsea. It's Thursday. Does anyone want to know if I moved into my house? I do. Not yet. Nope. It's delayed, delayed, delayed, delayed. Is that why we're not at your house recording right now?

That's why we're not at my house recording right now. I can't wait until I sell this house and give somebody our brand new podcast room that we never have gotten to use. They're going to love it. We've used it a couple of times. So I am still staying with my friend. Yes. And just— Planning your next move?

I'm just— You're going to Mallorca soon. I am going to Mallorca. Yes, I'm going to Mallorca. I'm doing—I have the month of September in L.A. They say they are almost finished. this is what they tell me every week every time

every time now we're waiting for the power to be turned back on so that I can go in and live in my house through the final stages of the construction just to get out of my friend's house

so that she doesn't have to deal with me sleeping in her fucking bed with her because her nephew moved in and now I'm in her bed and I have Doug and honestly my friend Kat who I'm staying with shout out to Kat Samick

actually I don't even know if that's how you say her last name because someone the other day said Kat Samick and I was like wait Is it Samick or Samick? And then I don't remember what she said after that. But she has been the most accommodating, hospitable host ever.

Like she has made me food. She has given me things to ice when I had my foot surgery. So she has these ice packs at her house that like I've never seen contraptions like this where she has a contraption that ices your big toe and the arch of your foot or the ball of your foot, but not the other four toes. So you put it on the big toe. she has an ice contraption for like the back of if you want to ice the bottom of your chin and and then strap it to your head like a facelift ice meth she has one of those she has like uh

like one of those knee sleeves but for your shoulder she has every wow and like the other day i said because my feet or my foot is finally healing from my foot surgery and it's just it's a little bit still swollen still it's going to be for a couple months i think they said but i'm able to do stuff and she came home the other night with this paraffin wax foot But footholders, I, of course, put them on and then got up to try and get dug and went flying. But that's on me. But she's like a lover, like Kat. So shout out to my friend Kat for having me and being the best host and putting up with all of my shenanigans.

My bell's there every morning fucking chiding up my bullshit and my side of the bed. Well, maybe as a thank you, you can learn how to pronounce her last name. I don't know what's wrong with me. I mean, honestly, I have nothing left to give. Do you know that, you know, when I was using the analogy with my friend, I said, you know what the problem with this house is? I love to be involved in people's lives. Like, I love to be the friend that's going to go the extra mile, that's going to make the extra phone call, that's going to be honest and tell you the truth and really show up. When you have such a fucking weight of coal on you, my ability and bandwidth has shrunk.

Totally. I don't have any time for any bullshit or anyone else's problems, which is a selfish thing to say. And it's not entirely true because I have, you know, but my bandwidth is diminished by a large margin. I mean, it's that Maslow's hierarchy of needs, right? It's like your actual place where you're living is nonexistent. You know, you don't have the safety of somewhere to go home at night, well, your own place to go home at night and, like, unload and unpack and unwind. And so, like, you don't have that extra to be giving. That makes total sense to me.

Okay, well, then that explains, yes. You're off the hook. Yeah, everybody, that's my deal. That's my deal. Suck it up. Well, I'm really excited about our guest today. Oh, yeah, she's awesome. Okay, so our guest today has a new special.

It's called Life on the PTSD List. It's now available on YouTube. Please welcome Kathy Griffin. Kathy Griffin is here, and I'm very excited, A, to have an open conversation about plastic surgery. Five weeks ago, I had a facelift. So fresh off a facelift. Yes.

Okay, because I'm about to do a little nip and tucking myself. I need my neck a little bit. I got the neck pull. Yeah, that's what I'm not liking. Have you had it? No. It's painful. So you will have to turn your entire upper body for a while,

which is kind of comical. Okay. But just don't kid yourself. It is someone cutting the back of your neck open. Back of your neck. Pulling it as hard as they can. I thought they go through right here. Yes, here.

I have a little left over here, but I also have one back there. And so it's a yank. Okay. There's no other way to put it. And how do you get them to make sure that you don't look pulled and that you look just fresh rather than that? I think I've had three. Or does it take a while to settle in? The first one I had, I was only 38, which was dumb.

It was too young. 38? Nobody even knew. I didn't even need it. I just talked into it. And the second one, I think I looked pulled because that was the style of the day. Right. And now they started at, like, the top of my ear.

So they didn't start up, like, in my forehead. So the pull was more lateral. Uh-huh. And I think that's why it doesn't look—I don't have, like, the—I'm not dissing Joe Biden, but I don't have the Joe Biden, like, eyes are going up. How did Joe Biden have time to get a facelift while he was the president? Okay, here's what he didn't have time for. He didn't have time to recover. Yeah.

I mean, you can get the facelift. It takes five hours. But it does take a period of time to settle in. Yes, it takes a lot of time. What is that period of time? Okay, so my guy told me that it would be three months till I could go on camera. Well, here I am.

It's five weeks. No one does, and you won't need three months. Yeah. I did do the hyperbaric chamber every day. Yeah, okay, great. But then you just told me that two people exploded in hyperbaric chambers. Two people have passed away in hyperbaric chambers. And one was a child in a hospital and one was a grown man last week.

And what the hyperbaric chamber place that I go to told me was that it was related to whatever batteries the person had taken into the chamber. So, for example, I would put my phone, they would put my phone on top of the chamber on the outside. then I would have the battery operated speaker like right next to my ear and I'd be listening to audiobooks during the 90 minutes but I'll be honest now I'm spooked and I'm afraid to go back at all because when I've used that hyperbaric chamber center the one on Beverly yeah have you ever been there no okay well I've used that before when I had shoulder surgery I went in there a few

times and did it help I mean I don't know you can't there's not I mean everyone says it's great I have one at home but it's a low pressure one it's like called hyperbaric chamber pressure like low like low doxy health or something oxy health yeah and that's it's like um you zip yourself in so clearly like you you need an attendant for the ones you're going into the one i went to they said you can't take your speaker in anymore so you just have to lay there for 90 minutes and i said no no that's too boring i can't do it no no exactly who why am i gonna lie there for i need a book or a tv show i need a book i want to talk about books too because i've never read so much in my life since this facelift oh see isn't that the best part of the recovery that's

exactly what I'm looking forward to too, is the recovery. It's fantastic. And really play the pity card. I mean, really play up the pain and the pity and the, oh my God, I can't move. And then of course blame society. And then, but also take tons of pills because I love drugs. Of course. I mean, it's just another excuse to get pills. Don't go with Tylenol. I know. Anyone who says to me, I have acetaminophen at 800, I'm like, don't talk to me like that. You might as well talking about melatonin. I want hardcore pills. Thank you. And I don't want anything over the counter. I'm not interested. You want to be fighting with your pharmacist. So this is your, so this is amazing. So this is your third. Wait, hold on. So facelift, neck pull and upper eyes.

But isn't a bottom, like doesn't a neck, a neck pull goes with a lower facelift? Well, yes, but I had them both because I got to say he really did give me my jawline back. Right. Not that I had like big jowls, but look, I'm 64 and a half. And so just regular skin happens. And so I just, I'm not trying to look, you know, 40, but I just thought if he can do it in a way where I don't look crazy done, then I'm going to do it. And the, I hope you think this is funny and she's openly talked about this, but I went to Sia's doctor. And the reason I think that's funny is because Sia, the chandelier songstress, is known for wearing a backwards wig, and we don't even know what her face looks like.

Exactly. I mean, you and I know because we know her. But I still think it's funny that she even got a facelift, and no one knows what she looks like. Sia has also adopted some grown men, right? She's adopted two grown men. Two 18-year-old men. Yes.

So another unusual fact about Sia. And has a baby, has an 18-month-old. Did she have a baby or did she adopt a baby? She did surrogate. Okay. Yeah. And you're the surrogate? Of course.

Obviously. She wanted as many of my genes as possible. How many babies have you been a surrogate to? 17. And I am sore. So I will, by the way, I will not get the downstairs rejuvenation, no matter how sexy it's supposed to make you feel. I don't believe in it.

I think a woman-hating man must have come up with that idea. But I will tell you this. During my facelift, I believe they may have taken my entire ears off and put them on a side table and then just had lunch. And then reattached them. And then reattached them. Let me show you something that's going on with my ears. You can see the scars.

Well, it looks also like your hairline was shaved. I'm now doing Rogaine, which says nothing on the bottle except this is not for women. If you're a woman, don't use this. And he was like, ignore that. So I'm almost blowing up in hyperbaric chambers, reading a lot and using men's Rogaine. Yeah. And who knows if that's flammable or if that's a component into what- What if I get a bush again? Let me show you something that is happening to my ears. Do you see my ears, how they're a little bit flappy? They look like labia, right? They look like a little bit like they've been stretched out

like a labia so I'm getting my when I do whatever we're talking about now when I do my next thing I'm gonna get my ears trimmed this is a surgical procedure where they cut them a little bit and reattach because they only get longer as you get older I mean you just brought up your ears that reminded me and listen I've asked some friends most people will be like you don't need to do anything age naturally blah blah blah or as naturally as I'm going to obviously I'm not gonna do it bad actually I mean that's already out of the conversation and also the truck has already left the station. Thank you. But the ear thing is not very common for people to do. But the people that I've asked, including a plastic surgeon, he goes, you should definitely take care

of that. I mean, first of all, it's not an issue, but I didn't even know that existed. It's kind of genius. So let me tell you about the mouth part, which is weird. My version of the ear thing, because I didn't know it existed. But by the way, I think the doctor I went to might have invented this. And his name is Dr. Talley. I recommend him, whatever. Does he give you free surgery because you promote him? Not at all. Well, that's bullshit. He should totally do that.

In fact, he is incredibly expensive. Now, he's not the Kris Jenner guy who's a million. Dr. Levine in New York. I believe, I may be wrong, allegedly Dr. Levine is a million. Is he? A million dollars for a facelift. And when I mentioned that,

That's a lot of money. someone said to me, oh, there's like six guys in LA that are now up to a million and these dames are paying it. And some guys, I'm sure, too. Well, that's ridiculous, first of all, because it doesn't cost a million dollars to get a facelift. That's just taking advantage of people.

Right. But no, I am in no way a paid spokesperson. This is the first time I've even said his name because so far the results are good and that's that. But there's a thing with the corners of my mouth where as you get older, the very end corners start to go down a little teeny bit. And you start to drool on yourself. Yeah, a little bit of drooling. I'm already doing a lot of drooling and nose running and tearing for no reason. I'm sobbing right now.

Yeah, yeah. She's an emotional wreck, you guys. A wreck, a wreck. And so anyway, he sews just a little bit of the outside of your mouth. And so I'm just owning that as a hardcore feminist, I paid a man to sew my mouth shut. is it hard to acclimate to having a smaller mouth like can you physically does it physically feel different i noticed it in an out burger because when i got sprung from the rich lady healing place which is its own situation comedy is that the recovery center yes recovery center yes i don't

want to get in any trouble as i've been sued seven times since my trump head photo so i won't say the real name but in my act I call it immortal right because that's how they want you to feel did you just take your hand and just move your face a little while I'm watching your face actually I'm giving myself a real manual facelift a bit of a face watching your face and everything that you're talking about I mean I can't be enjoying a conversation more than this one about plastic surgery that I'm just like where else can I pinch and it's like shopping but I wonder if because you got a facelift at 38 if that was too early do you think that was too early yes because you said you've gotten three facelifts like that seems like too many okay it's too many because I my

forehead is so high that he actually said and I'm quoting you have too much real estate up there so I can't give you the very trendy ponytail facelift which is the one everyone's getting where I believe, I may be wrong, they cut a circular, basically a hole at the crown of your head, yank all the skin evenly, then sew it up. So it's like if you're wearing

the tightest ponytail you've ever worn. Right, which we all know makes, is already a facelift. Getting a tight, high ponytail is like anytime I do anything on filming like that. You should have prescription drugs that go with it as well. Yeah, because it hurts.

Just for one day. Yeah. And so I have too much real estate. I'm doing air quotes, to have gotten the ponytail. But that's really, if you want like the trendiest of the trend, it's the million-dollar ponytail. Okay. We have so much to talk about, Kathy, because so much has happened. You mentioned the Trump thing, which made me so irate that you—

Oh, thank you. And this is years ago, but like, you know— Oh, it still lives. I know, and it's so unfair to you because I just—I feel like you have been treated so unfairly in your career. And I know you've gone through so much personal bullshit, too, with all these fucking men that you've married that are such losers. I know. Like, where do we even begin? I don't want to harp on the Trump stuff because you've moved past that.

But I did get a death threat to my personal email last week. And I was like, how did they get my—like, even in eight years, that's never happened. But that's easy to get. I've gotten tons of death threats. I wouldn't take—don't be too flattered by that. You know what I mean? Well, I call the FBI anyway, and I know them. I know them from all the times they've come to my house.

Seriously. Call Kash Patel because I'm sure he'll be interested in helping and defending you. I have been, Chelsea, I've been in Twitter fights with all these people that are now in the cabinet. Like during the first term, I was like, it's go time, you know, before Elon bought Twitter. And now it's a Nazi playground. But I've been in fights with half the fucking cabinet. I just, I am not even a political comic. I just tell stories about celebrities.

And now I'm in fights with Kash Patel. So tell me when that whole Trump backlash, and for those of you who aren't familiar, Kathy posted a photo, or was it a photo? It was a photo of me holding a Trump Halloween mask that I had put one of my wig heads behind because it kept folding. And I put ketchup on it to look like blood. and I was holding it like Perseus and Medusa. So I was holding it up.

I'm not familiar with those two, but okay. Greek mythology. I got it. And so I thought it was sort of a statement, a very tongue-in-cheek, obviously not a legitimate threat, but the reaction to it was so seismic that to this day, eight years later, number one, it's the thing I'm asked about more than anything,

But people are still in MAGA world as pissed as if it was yesterday. And they keep reposting the picture. Nobody reposts that picture more than MAGA people. So I was then put on the no-fly list, the Interpol list, which is the international version of the no-fly list, the Five Eyes list, which is the ISIS terror watch list. I was out of work for six and a half years. Are you saying no one would hire you for six and a half years? No one. And my agents even said the word they're using is squeamish.

They're squeamish, and especially now that he's back in office. And then I did have one network be honest and say, we know you can do the job. We know you're an earner. We know you've made a lot of money for a lot of companies over the years. But we have Middle America viewers also, and they just wouldn't have it. And that is the part that I still am in kind of in shock about. Like it was a photo of a Halloween mask, but he tweeted about it. Then the wife tweeted about it.

And then all of MAGA world got very involved and everyone turned on me like left, right and center. It wasn't just MAGA people like Al Franken called me and I was supposed to do a book event for him. And he broke my heart because he was like, what were you thinking? I can't be seen with you. And I was just sobbing and like handed the phone off to my assistant. It was dark.

And then I got fired on the ticker from CNN New Year's Eve. I used to do New Year's Eve on CNN with Anderson Cooper. And then he made a statement like everybody felt compelled to make a statement and call me a terrorist and say that American service members were going to be beheaded in my name. and that I was a recruiting tool for ISIS. And this went on and goes on to this day. Well, I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. Thank you.

I mean, six years is an incredibly long time not to work, and it's just another testament to your resiliency. So talk about that a little bit. Like, talk about how you pull yourself out of something like that. Well, first of all, I didn't do very well. I became addicted to pills to the point where I tried to overdose and take my life. I was on a 51-50 psych hold for three days, which ended up being a good thing for me because it got me into AA and that's great. I went through a very, very painful divorce because I truly

thought I was going to be with this guy forever. And I got lung cancer, even though I've never smoked. And I have half a lung on my left side. I was injured during the lung cancer surgery and permanently paralyzed my left vocal cord. So I was the comedian that couldn't talk. And I had a voice like Minnie Mouse for three years. And then Sia said, you know, there's a doctor in LA, Dr. Anka Barbu, a woman of color, and she can do an implant. And I was like, what?

None of the old white guy doctors. And I went to every fancy doctor in L.A. going, there has to be a way you can fix my voice. And I went to this woman and she was like, I can fix your voice. And she goes, I can give you at least 30% more of your speaking voice. And she gave me 80% more. And then I finally got a call from the Mirage in Vegas. even though they had made a statement about me during the Trump stuff saying she's a terrorist, she'll never be welcome here again. And they called me for the first job offer in six and a

half years and said, do you want to come back and do a show? And I was like crying going, yes, of course. And then I go, but wait, what happened to the guy that made that statement about me? And she goes, oh, he's dead. So now I've decided to just wait them out. And I think a lot of the resilience is just not quitting. Well, first of all, the irony and the fact that a woman was able to give you your voice back and then a man tried to sew your mouth shut. Yes. Notable. Yes. Yes. Second of all, I would like to say, first of all, I love you. I hope you feel loved because I would hate, I can't imagine the loneliness that you must've felt during that time. Chelsea, Everybody dumped me. Like 75% of my friends just headed for the hills, just didn't return calls or would go out of their way to be, what were you thinking? And once again, you're going to get people killed. Like it was, and by the way, they never came back. Like when people are like, it's gotta be so gratifying when people call you and say they're sorry. I'm like, no, not one. Nobody's been like, oh, sorry. That was kind of an overreaction.

And now it's so clear because we see Trump and his machine do this to Rosie O'Donnell last weekend. Like, when my incident happened, it was three days after Robert Mueller was appointed. I think that's why he used me as that deflection. I think he went after Rosie last weekend because he's on videotape with Jeffrey Epstein dancing at a party with minors. The whole Epstein thing is so cartoonish. He has been demanding to see these Epstein files for years. He has been the one demanding, and now he's like, shut up about him. It's like, can we please just put a video of him saying where are these files in front of his face?

Yes. The style of interview that they're doing is not cutting the mustard. It's not interview. Our press is letting us down. Now, I know the good press has been excluded, and they've lost their press passes. I get it. But there's got to be some way for our press to push back harder because he is on video with Epstein at a party with minors.

It'd be so ridiculous if this was the straw that broke the camel's back because MAGA isn't letting this Epstein tape go. And he's already a rapist. It's like, so what's different? Because this is young girls? Like, that's their baseline. That's their line that you can't cross. You can rape, but you can't rape young girls.

Remember, what they've been feeding off is that they were so sure that Hillary Clinton and me were in the basement of a pizza parlor harvesting baby parts that if you knew how many people sent me pizza emojis and are convinced— Oh, me too. Apparently, I was on Epstein Island, too. Oh, are you on the flight log? Yes, apparently. I mean, I've never been there, obviously. No, of course not. As fucking if.

and I even made a video basically saying as if and they're like that's an admission and I'm like no no I don't know where the island is as if I would be stupid enough A as if I would ever subscribe to that kind of behavior

where people are taking advantage of young women ever ever ever look at our body of work it speaks for itself look at our outside behavior it speaks for itself and so I think the MAGA people are still obsessed. And I think they paid attention more to the Epstein news than things like the E. Jean Carroll trials, like the 34 counts he was convicted of. Because I know a lot of MAGA people.

And I know friends that have lost a cousin to MAGA, or I have a girlfriend who lost her son to MAGA and she can't even talk to him. And they are very invested in Epstein, but it's because they thought Hillary was going to be caught red-handed molesting girls with Jeffrey Epstein. And also, why can't he just alter the list? Like, he lies about it. He can. It's an Excel spreadsheet. They put Oprah's name on there, for God's sake.

But he can just edit his name off of it. I know, but maybe the cat's out of the bag. Like, maybe this is the thing that could cause a fissure. Maybe. Yeah, I mean, that's what it's seeming like. I hope. But I just don't understand why he didn't handle this differently. Why not release a list that's fake?

He lies about everything anyway, like polls aren't real, this isn't real, the economy's doing great, blah, blah, blah. So just make up a fake list and put it out there with Dan Bondi's signature and Brugnino or whoever these other idiots are. I know. Okay, we're going to take a break and we're going to be right back. The Jonas Brothers are running it back. We live the Burning Up Tour and celebrate the biggest Jonas Brothers hits that have defined a generation. One incredible celebration. One unforgettable night.

See the Jonas Brothers live at RBC Amphitheater, September 28th. Get tickets now at Ticketmaster.ca. Jonas Brothers, the Burning Up Tour, all over again. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable.

I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse.

I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations,

or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network.

Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners. Each week, we talk to someone in show business, a.k.a. the biz, and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time, and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, not that great. Actually, can you help me shape this? How about we flip it on its head? How about we flip the script?

What if the surprise woman, who actually you think is the straight man, is actually the one who's acting weird? Adam Scott. This entire time, you've been expecting Adam Sandler to come to visit the show. I would never expect. Let go of that. I have. I would never set expectations for something like that to happen. It seems like you did.

If the universe allows for something like that to happen, I am open to it. I'm always going to accept. You know, Danny McBride, fine. Yeah. It's all this fragile masculinity exuding. I could smell it walking down the hallway, to be honest with you. mm-hmm i was like is that weed nope it's fragile masculinity yeah ben stiller no because a lot of times in out of context people don't get it or even know what a circle is you know what i mean

like they're like oh what's this everyone's so dumb and fake right fake and and also not interested or just like oh i've got my life i don't care about your life and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us oh and by the way will ferrell told us Personally, he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode, but he's just so busy. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back with Kathy Griffin.

Okay, so let's keep talking about resiliency because you've been through a lot, as you just stated, and now you went through another divorce. How many divorces is this? Two. Two. So three facelifts, two divorces, one cancellation, right? By the way, let's just call it what it is, the cancellation. The cancellation.

Like, as far as showbiz, kind of the ultimate, and it really stuck. How do you feel about your life? Like, what do you think your purpose has been? I think that this ultimately is my calling because, like I mentioned, I've been in, I've been sued seven times since the Trump photo. I think I'm the most sued comedian. I don't know about Lenny Bruce if he was sued because I know it was local police that harassed him and local police harassed George Carlin, but I had the feds coming after me. And so I've had many MAGA people sue me for things I tweeted. And did, did I have any of them won these lawsuits?

Not one. I'm betting a thousand. My legal bills are insane, but I love my lawyers. They're brilliant. And I have big news, which is last Thursday, my last case was dismissed. So knocking on wood, and I kind of doubt a lot of MAGA people are listening to this, but hopefully no one's listening to this thinking, oh, wait a minute. I want Kathy to have a lawsuit at all times. So when you say, back to that question, when I asked you what your purpose is and your purpose is this, when you say this, what do you mean this? To deal with lawsuits? No. I think it's, I'm wearing my First Amendment t-shirt. I think it's, if I have a purpose, my number one purpose hopefully is to make people laugh. That's always my goal. Like I said, I'm not a political comic. I'm not Bill Maher. I never was. I tell stories about the freaking Kardashians. progressions, and yet I think now my purpose is to be able to tell people what the First

Amendment really is, and it's not when a private company accuses you of defamation. It's when the government, and I had the federal government, I was investigated by the Department of Justice, two agencies within the DOJ, the U.S. Attorney's Office and the Secret Service, and I was interrogated under oath for the crime of conspiracy to assassinate the president of the United States oh my god and if I had failed that interrogation I could have gone to prison so now you're working now I can't believe it I did a 75 city tour I got to play Carnegie Hall again I got to play Boston Symphony Hall again I got to play the Wiltern here in Los Angeles like every show is a gift and now i'm going back on the road in november i'll be at planet

hollywood november 8th i've added more dates and i just can't wait every show is special and i while i lost a large part of my audience because i can't play the riverboats in the south anymore and those did pay well but i think i gained some like social justice warrior types And when I was taping my special, which no one bought, so I'm just going to put it on YouTube. So fine, that's the story of my life. But when I even mentioned the Trump photo as a reference point, the audience spontaneously burst into applause. applause and i almost welled up because it was such a shock after all of the adverse to to put it lightly adverse reaction it was amazing to me to hear people clapping at the mention of that photo which is not a threat i just want to reiterate that photo is not a threat i have no desire to kill the president no we've already cleared that up has no desire to kill the president

hating anybody. She's not a murderer. She has no murderous aspirations. Nope. I want to ask you a question for us from like a female standpoint. Do you feel respected as a standup comedian? No, I don't. I feel like a lot of the guys don't think I'm a real comic because I don't tell traditional jokes with like a setup, a punchline. I tell stories and sometimes the story goes for two minutes. That's just a setup. And then there's seven jokes in a row. And sometimes it has a joke every 30 seconds. I don't know, but you know, I've never been on the comedians and cars getting coffee or whatever. I, I think there's a lot of, you know, I, I have a YouTube show now that I'm, it's a money losing business proposition, but I'm having a blast doing it. It's called Kathy

Griffin, talk your head off. Get it? But I told a story on there about the one time I went on the Stephen Colbert show because I'm such a fan of his. And he really came at me hard about the Trump head picture and tried to convince me that I had violated the First Amendment. And I walked off stage and I really did burst into tears the minute I was in the wings. And it was a pre-tape and the executive producer said, I'll give you a beautiful edit. I'll give you a beautiful. And I just said to him, what was that? And he said, Steven just couldn't get beyond the picture. Like that shocked me because I feel like, especially the Colbert report, maybe more so than his current show was all about the first amendment. And I said to him, but Steven, you

know, that that's our commodity is the first amendment. You know, that picture was covered By the way, I did call my lawyer before I posted it. So people think I just posted it because I'm so stupid. No, I called my lawyer and he said, yes, it's covered by the First Amendment. Any person who's not a well-known comedian could recreate that picture tomorrow and it's covered by the First Amendment. Now, in today's environment, I don't recommend it, but it is definitely covered by the First Amendment. But also, like, on TikTok, it's not, like, obviously an easy visual, but people are having that conversation every single day. You were just an early, you know, early on that.

Do you think that – are you open to having another – taking another lover, husband, boyfriend? Are you done with men? What's your stance on that? I'm trying to get to the done with men stage because the women that you and I know, Jane Fonda, Sharon Stone, the women that are like, you know what? I think women are leveling up right now. I think that we're in a phase with guys with the Joe Roganization of America and the Andrew Tate and the Curtis Yarvins going around. I'm not there yet because I was a serial monogamist and I was with this guy for 12 years. But I'm getting there and that's where I want to be.

What about you? I'm not interested in men right now at all. I find the idea preposterous. Okay, what is it about being without a guy that you like? Everything. I like to be alone. I want to sleep alone. I don't want to hear you breathing.

I don't want to smell you. And I don't want breath coming towards me. And I don't want sweating body parts on me. I haven't met a man in the last six months that I have felt like I want to fuck this guy. Like I was in Glastonbury a few weeks ago, and I was talking to this guy, and he was French. And I've known this guy for many years. And my girlfriends were like, oh, look, look, look, look. Like, what about him?

What about him? And I was like, yeah, he's not gross. And then I was talking to him. I had a couple drinks with him. We smoked a cigarette. And then afterward, I was like, oh, I'm looking at him and I'm thinking, I could fuck this guy. And then I thought, no, I can't because you're fucking disgusting. And he breathes.

There is something innately that is like, there's like, I'm having an allergic reaction to men right now. And I know that it's because of, you know, the backdrop politically, the fact that I know like most of the men that I'm dealing with aren't Trump supporters, but it's a bigger, larger, broader picture. It's because we're in this situation to begin with that makes me angry at men. And I'm not a man hater. I do want, I want to love men. I don't want, I want to want to be with you, but I don't want to be with you. And I am so fiercely independent. And when I travel, since I, I mean, I know you travel as much as I do, I'm sure.

I just don't want to do that with the same person. Yeah. I want a variety. You know, it's funny. My last tour, because I was diagnosed with complex PTSD and you can make fun of it. Well, I can't imagine why. I mean, you try to. Because I'm a drama queen.

I'm a hysterical woman. And I'm on the rag. I'm on the rag right now at 64. Well, yeah, you're still getting your period. Everyone knows that. Why do you think your hair is so red? Because I haven't stitched up my vagina yet. And that's the only thing I haven't done.

So on the last tour of 75 cities, what I did that was life-changing, you know, I don't have an opener. I do two hours. And I brought a friend with me. Who are you, Joe Coy? Yeah. I'm surprised. I wouldn't be a Joe Coy.

Face off. Face off. You take your face off. I'm just looking at our time to make sure we don't. Now, would you sleep with him tonight? No. No. Once I'm done with someone.

No, not any night ever again. There's no circumstance. There is not one ex-boyfriend of mine that I would ever be able to fuck again. Once I'm done, it's a wrap. Same. No revisitation. Even if you think about the honeymoon phase and how the sex was super hot at the beginning. The information I have about all of my ex-boyfriends is enough to not make me want to have sex with them again.

I'm friends with most of them, but that took a long time too. I need like a 10-year break off. And then when I see you, I could be like, oh, hey, and it could be cool. Yeah, I'm friends with one, but not, well, there was one boyfriend in between the two husbands, and I'm friendly with him, but the two husbands, no. Okay, so I take a babysitter with me every pod. So you know how, like, I go out, like, three cities, then I come home for five days. Then I go out and do four cities, and I come home for six days.

So every time I would bring, and I called them a babysitter, and it would be a homosexual man or one of my girlfriends or a gay woman or whatever but they would just have a coffee clutch with me in the morning maybe do a walk hang out backstage and just laugh and it just helped tremendously because my this is so bad both of my husbands I made them my tour manager. Yeah. Well, hello. I know. And everybody told me at the time and I went, and then you didn't learn the first time you did it again. No. What about financially? How are you financially? I'm really good. I'm good at two things. I'm funny and I'm good with money. Cause you've, it feels like you've given a lot of money away. I have given a lot of money away.

And like I said, my legal bills and your legal fees and then not working for six years. Correct. But I also was raised by depression parents, use it up, wear it out, make it do. And I also was raised by Susie Orman, the financial advisor. And so all those years of touring and being on TV shows, I just socked it away, socked it away, socked it away. And do you invest in things or do you just save your money? No, I have very conservative investments. Like, sure, I'll invest in Berkshire Hathaway and I just let it sit there. I don't day trade.

I don't week trade. I don't take tips from people. I have my money in a third real estate, a third stocks, a third bonds. Well, I should say quarters and then a quarter cash. Rosie was there for you when you went through your thing, right? Yes. Have you spoken to her since her thing? Yes. Have you reached out to her?

She gave me a statement to put out. Oh, okay. When that happened? Yes, immediately. Uh-huh. And she wrote the perfect statement. It was funny. It was honest. And it hit him where he lived. and of course he lost his mind. Remember, she went after him first, 18 years ago when she sat on The View and said he was broke and had gone bankrupt and that ticked him off. Then you combine that with the Seth Meyers hosting the amazing White House Correspondents Dinner and then

former President Obama doing that hilarious monologue, which also, I sort of blame those two guys in a way too, because they didn't mean to. But when I picture Trump sitting there at that table, watching Obama get those monstrously huge laughs, making fun of him, and also saying stuff that's true, I just, and I know Donald fairly well. I don't know if you know him. No, he came up and introduced himself to me once at one of these restaurants on Sunset Boulevard. He said, hello, Chelsea, I'm Donald Trump. I want to introduce myself. This was before he was the president before he ran. And I was disgusted at that moment as well. Like the same reaction I've always had to him, which is disgust. And he loves celebrities. So it doesn't surprise me at all

that he would just go up and just say as if he knows you already. Hi, Chelsea. You should know me. Yes. I've known him since the nineties. He hired me one time to roast him. I'm not a classic roaster, but as part of a challenge on The Apprentice, one of the challenges was put on a show. And he called me and he said, will you be the host? And I said, where is it? And he said, my club at Bedminster in Jersey. And I said, Donald, I don't want to fly all the way across the country. And I said, but if you want me to emcee, and I think he offered me $10,000. And I said, I'll do it for 50. And he did. He paid me 50. And I said, but wait, if I emcee, who's like the main act and it was Liza Minnelli so I was like I'm in so I will say I did get to spend the

day with Liza Minnelli at Bedminster which was an amazing experience what was that like well first of all I love her unconditionally and if she enjoys a doll then you know what girl you earned it wow it's kind of like a man with legos women with dolls yeah yeah right yeah no i mean a pill valley of the dolls oh my god i don't mean like a do me more like a Barbie doll no not an american girl doll right i'm so sorry that was stupid you know what it is because of my close relationship with pills i just immediately disassociated from what you said you don't even I know the other names. Yeah, a doll, you're right, but that's a 60s term, a doll.

That's a valley of the dolls, exactly. But point taken, and I also would like to say on the record for anybody who's just tuning in for the first episode, I love dolls. She loves dolls, and you know what? Liza deserves a doll, and I can't confirm she was on dolls that day, but she was delightful,

and maybe the highlight of the day was watching her take a Sharpie and put on her beauty mark. Anyway, this podcast is about love and joy and happiness. Loving and positivity and resilience. We're going to take a break and facelifts and divorces and getting canceled. We're going to take a break and come back with Kathy Griffin and take a call or two. This week, we'd like to hear from actors or people who work in entertainment. If you have questions about your career, life, artistic expression,

write into us at DearChelseaPodcast at gmail.com. We live the Burning Up Tour and celebrate the biggest Jonas Brothers hits that have defined a generation. One incredible celebration. One unforgettable night. See the Jonas Brothers live at RBC Amphitheater, September 28th. Get tickets now at Ticketmaster.ca. Jonas Brothers, the Burning Up Tour, all over again. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months.

I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them.

They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments,

nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes

without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it.

It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind or wake up to a new version of yourself so whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip i hope you listen to solita on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts and we're back with kathy we are it's great speaking with you i'm really happy to catch up with you yes always i'm always excited to get a call or a text from you yeah well sometimes i to check in on you. I love that. I really appreciate it. Of course. Thank you. Of course. I just, I feel bad that I don't check in more and that you didn't have more support during that

time. You know, it's really, it's just such bullshit because I've done things like that and not gotten the heat that you've gotten. I've done things like that. Like I thought that that picture was going to be on a gay blog for two days. I never thought. And also I think the photographer sold it to TMZ. And Harvey Levin, in my humble opinion, is very much in bed with Trump and a MAGA. And he's a gay man, so I can't figure that part out. But anyway, that didn't help. So it was seismic. I know. It doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense. But you're here with us now. Here we are. I am back on tour and I'm loving my YouTube show and I have a Patreon and a sub stack and I'm just being as productive as possible. Are you on OnlyFans? I should be.

You definitely should be. I have a bucket list goal. I would like to win Beaver Hunt. Which is about a beaver? Beaver Hunt is a column in Hustler magazine. Or is this a euphemism for pills again? It's no euphemism. It's the beaver as in shoot the beave. And it's where ladies send in a picture spreading their pussy and it's a contest. And then every month someone is chosen from the beaver hunt to have the best beave and I have a bucket list and I would like to be a beaver hunt champion

and do you think you have a great beaver I think I have a shot at it is it a redhead beaver yeah you know there's a kink for that there's a whole kink for that that's why I'm asking basically do the curtain match the drapes yeah do the curtains match the drapes

my syntax is a little bit off lately I think it's because of the pain pills that I'm taking from my foot Your dolls. Yeah, the dolls I'm taking from my foot. Okay, Catherine, what do we have? What do we have that's going to be fun for Kathy? So Diego will be joining us here, and he says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a 34-year-old male who's a bit bored with life.

I enjoy sitting around playing games on my phone and hanging out with people over 50 as I seem to connect with them more so than peers my age. I interned as an assistant in the entertainment industry during college for a few names you'd know and dropped out of too many law schools to count. I'm really content not working and being lazy, but it turns out I need the minimum wage to survive. My family is well off, and I grew up in the country club scene, so now I feel retired and content, which really seems to piss off people my age, as well as my family. Do you have any advice for what I should do vocationally, or do any of your fun friends need a lazy assistant? I enjoy dogs, vaping, going to lunch, and taking Xanax. Cheers to you, Diego. First of all, Diego, we have a ton in common.

We have a ton in common, except I fucking hustle my ass off so that I could do those things. I don't sit around on my lazy ass and just wait for Xanax and vape pens and what other fun treats I have. And people over 50 to pop in and out of my life. I mean, you really are a lazy fuck. How old are you? Well, I'm 34. And yes, I admit I'm a lazy fuck. I'm the laziest fuck.

This is Kathy, by the way. Say hi to Kathy Griffin. I have a second question for you. Oh, I don't know, Kathy. Hi, Kathy. My question is very simply, will you marry me? Because he's my type. I will marry you.

I will go down on you. I'll do whatever you need. Well, thank you. Okay. That's not lazy. Going down on someone is actually not lazy. It's active. Active.

Yeah. No, no. I mean, I'm not lazy in the bedroom. I'm lazy in the workplace. So if you chose not to work for the rest of your life, would that be a possibility with your family's money? God, no. So now I'm totally bugged because I know both of you are Trump supporters.

How do you look like it? I don't know. But he's garnishing our wages for student loans. And I owe about 200 grand. So I can't call mommy and daddy and say, hey, I need 200K. Can you wire it over? So I have to get my shit together. I have to pull it together and get a job quickly.

And that's why I'm reaching out. Now, why did you keep dropping out of law school? And can you go back and become a lawyer? So I think I would rather die than be a lawyer after five law schools. I did hustle in law school, but it was just awful. It was just not for me. And I learned, you know, I learned a lot. And now I'm sort of content.

I'm really content and happy. I was miserable in law school. And now I'm happy. Well, of course you're content and happy. You're not doing anything. You're vaping all day. You're vaping and taking Xanax. And taking the Xanax.

I know. Exactly. And I think might be on one now. Yeah, you're on a Xanax now. I'm just going to say. I'm actually not, but I have one left. I have a refill soon. I'll bet you know exactly when that refill is due.

I know when my refill's due. My refill's due in a day. But I'm reaching out for advice. That's why I'm here. Well, I mean, it's, that's a long, like a long, um, reel to what is the word? I'm like, my word retrieval is off. I'm actually, I had some foot surgery. You can see my little foot thing here.

So I'm not as sharp as I normally am because I couldn't take all my supplements and all my, you know, brain, brain juice and all my shit. I had to get off all my supplements. So my word retrieval the last couple of weeks, I'm pretty disappointed in my level of mental acuity. But anyway, we're here and we're going to talk about it. Well, can you follow your bliss? What makes you happy in life?

So the retirement thing, I like sitting around. I don't like to do shit. That's the problem. But I don't have motivation. Yeah, we can tell that. But like you want us to give you a prescription to do something with your life and you're giving us nothing to work with. You're telling us that you want to be retired, but you also need to find a job.

Well, OK, I did entertainment like assistant work during college. so that's my that's my background but nobody wants a lazy assistant we've all had them and nobody wants awful it's like the worst person to be lazy for is a celebrity because they're so high maintenance and they used to say that like who's that dick that just answered the phone so that's not your gig oh boy oh boy i think you need to get to some soul searching first of all before you make any move because you're clearly not going to make one anyway you need to like maybe lay off the Xanax and lay off the vaping, kind of titrate off of it. I know that doesn't sound like fun to you. I can see by the disgust on your face at me even recommending this.

The titrate was a good word. So your retrieval is getting there. It's getting there. Okay, good. I just have to practice. I know. But you have to get like your shit together. Like this is not something that we can help you with. You're in a deficit and you need to get out, pull yourself out of this. You're in a malaise. like you're not really functioning on a real level that you have the capability of functioning on like i would almost say you have to go back to law school you owe it to yourself to be a productive member of society but clearly you can't do that so why can't you go get a job in the interim at

fucking starbucks and get yourself in the that's what i do i hop around but the people there they don't like me and i get annoyed extremely easily i get i have very bad irritable issues with people. So I have to work autonomously. I need an autonomous job where I can be by myself. But you don't have the motivation to be a self-starter. That's the thing. You got to have the motivation to get your ass up every day and do it. I've never even heard anything like this. You sound like one of my nephews who wants like a get rich quick scheme, but isn't willing to put in any of the work. Well, I did hustle for so many years in school and it just. Yeah, But then you didn't graduate.

So like what? No. Yeah. So that doesn't matter because you didn't get anything from that hustle. So you now are left with nothing and you need money and you need a job. So you kind of have to do, you kind of have to take your attitude of wanting to be autonomous and throw it out the fucking window and actually put a whole new personality on your, in your And get along with others.

Yeah. You have to like. Well. Well what? I try. I do try hard, but they can see through it. You know, they can see, you know, I'm not meant to be working. This isn't a real phone call.

This is not a real phone call. I do have a suggestion for like an avenue for you to explore. After you do some soul searching, I have found that people I know who are successful in business, there are some people I know who are very successful who are the most lazy people I know. And it's because they figure out workarounds to not have to work that hard. I'm not saying all business people are lazy. But there are a few I know who are, like, very successful. And I feel like you have personality.

You don't want to do a lot of prep work before you go back into a job. Find something in sales. Find something in sales. Find the, like, most expensive thing that you can sell, whether that's cars, whether that's houses, whatever. And, like, go explore that. And get yourself an assistant to actually do all the work. You know what would be good for sales? Air conditioning in Europe.

They're going to need it soon. Because it's fucking hot over there. Well, I'm trying to get the fuck out of the country anyway. Great. Work on your dual citizenship. You need to go to Europe and start selling air conditioning units. Is that like legitimate? Are you being real?

No, they really need it. I mean, think about it. The entire country is crumbled. I just came from Europe for two months and nobody has air conditioning. And they don't know what to do. Except for hotels. And so all they're going to be doing, because to actually install air conditioning into a house is a major undertaking. It's like hundreds of thousands of dollars.

So in the interim, people are going to be buying these little units and having those units installed into their windows. So you could either sell those or you could choose to install those. And I don't know how you're going to get your European visa because you're too lazy to wait in line at the embassy. And there is a line. Yeah. Yeah. But food for thought. I mean, look, I'm open to it all.

I'm open to it all. And I do like the sales idea. I mean, I don't know if I have the personality for it. Well, you do have a kind of funny personality. So like maybe you should augment that. Like you do have some good qualities in your personality. So I think you have to stop talking about how lazy you are. Like that's not going to bring-

I'm being honest. I know, I know. For the purpose of this phone call, it's very helpful. But for the purpose of you living your life, it's going to have a deleterious impact on everything you do. Nobody wants to be around people that are lazy. People want to be, you know,

we live in an ambitious society. People want money. They want success. You are sitting here telling us you want money. You don't really care about the success. You just want the money. Yeah. Yeah. He loves retiring. He wants to retire. I want to retire.

What about working in a retirement community? Yeah. You know what? I've thought of that, and I think you might be right. Yep. And I hang out with the old people all day. I make minimum wage, which is fine. And then slowly transition into moving into the retirement community. Change a couple diapers, won't kill you. Do I have to wipe ass? I mean, I don't know if you have to wipe ass.

Yeah, you have to wipe ass. I think in the beginning, you're going to have to wipe ass. But the other thing is, listen to this. This is a great idea, actually. You start working at a retirement community, and then slowly you enter that retirement community because you want to be retired. That's the lifestyle you want, right?

You want to like play. Do you play video games? What do you do with your downtime? I play video games. Okay. Absolutely. Right. Do you golf?

No, that's too much energy for you. A little bit, yeah. He said he's a country club guy. But he's probably online at a country club. You know what I mean? Is he physically actually going to golf? Oh, I grew up on the course, so. Oh, okay.

Well, excuse me. Okay, well, okay, these are your two options. You are either going to start working in a retirement community or moving to Europe and selling air conditioning units. I like the latter. It's very specific. I think you've just nailed it.

I think I need to work at a retirement home. There you go. There you go. I mean, I'm not even joking. You can be the entertainment activities director. I can't believe the air conditioning idea is, I mean, you worked out every detail. I know, but except for the visa, though.

We don't have the visa. I mean, she was gesturing the size of the unit and everything. And she said you could install them for more money. You could sell them or you could install them. I would believe selling them would yield a better profit margin than installing them. Don't you think so? Well, you should find out. It's like blue collar to white collar.

But you should definitely find out. You could even talk about, I mean, you could even do the air conditioning idea here because there are plenty of regions of this country that probably need air conditioning, too. And there's retirement homes that probably have faulty air conditioning that need a fix. This is even better. You can install air conditioning units in the retirement homes. Win-win. There you go.

You just got it. You're welcome. But if that doesn't work, if it doesn't work, I'm marrying Kathy. Yep. Which always works. Kathy will marry you. She's proven herself to marry one idiot after another. So she is open.

Well, you got a big idiot right here. As long as you're willing to take her money when you guys, when she divorces you. Yeah, promise. Give the promise. I don't care about the money. I just want a peaceful life. That's what I want. But it sounds like you also want the money.

Well, I need to pay back that loan, that student loan. Student loan that you didn't get a diploma from or a degree. I would probably do that during the ceremony. Like, that's how bad I am. That you would get him his diploma? I would, like, during the vows, I would just pay off the 200K. Okay, right. So there's three options here now.

Yeah. Okay, so we have- just really upped her game. I just want to- That's actually, yes. And that's kind of amalgamating all three. Well, it's not. It's a new idea.

Because him marrying you, then he doesn't have to move into the retirement community and he doesn't have to do the air conditioning. Okay, I'm happy to move into a retirement community. Like, and I'll have a baller one.

Like, I'll redo it. I'll have 17 air conditioning units. All the ideas can be one. Are you 55 yet? I don't know if you're up there or not. I'm 64 and a half. Oh, well, fuck. There you go.

Let's move in together. I can wipe your butt. She doesn't need that yet. Do you feel chemistry with him, Kathy? Be honest. Okay, technically, to be honest, I don't feel chemistry, but he does fit my pattern. Once you get to the point where you need someone to wipe your butt,

I can be that guy. You just said 10 minutes ago that you don't want to wipe anyone's ass. You're a flipsy doodle. He's growing. Well, if I'm marrying her, then it's part of what happens in life. She's my wife. Yeah, as a newlywed. Yeah.

Are you going to be faithful to me? Yes, I am. Yeah, very faithful. He's too lazy to cheat on you. I mean, honestly. Yeah, that takes time. Where's he going? Yeah, I won't get off my ass.

Yeah. Well, I guess we've sorted your life out for you, right? I mean, it feels like that was a— Honestly, I genuinely think you did. I'm going to start applying, and I'm not joking. Okay, great. That was a solid call-in, solid, rounded advice that we gave you. And I like how you're mimicking a fake tie.

Like, almost like you're manifesting yourself in a suit. The interview. Yep. What are you going to do when we hang up this phone call? I'm going to play video games. And what time will you take the Xanax? I'm trying to ration because I only have one love. Okay.

Maybe you can help me out. Yeah, save that one. I got a whole bunch when I went to Europe because I was traveling. so I'm set for the next six months because I just like have a full supply that has nothing to do with you because I'm definitely

not sharing my Xanax with you because you need more I need you to show some gusto you know what I mean he needs propofol does he? it feels like he already took some I mean

I think he's got a little stash yeah are you taking propofol? I'm not but I would be down to I'm open to other girls see? he's a

what do you say flipsy doodle? he's a whoopsie doodle okay He's a flip it and reverse it, whoopsie doodle, flipsie doodle. Okay. All right, well, this was very entertaining and mind-blowing. Thanks, Diego.

It was great talking to you, Diego. I'll see you at the wedding. Bye. Bye. I'll see you there. Bye. Bye. Wow.

Okay, that was a lot. Wow. Is that a real person? And I'm not convinced it wasn't a prank. It could have been a— No, I don't think it was. No, I think he was— He had a lot of detail.

I think he's so far removed from reality that he— He couldn't even put together a prank. That was a serious phone call for him. You know what I mean? He covered many bases. Many bases. Okay. Although I will say he's—

But while not covering any at all. No, and being lazy and really doubling down on the, like, you guys are not hearing me. I don't like people. I'm irritable. I have a fake tie, and I am lazy. He sold himself a little short. He was helping his grandma move this week. Oh, well, that would have been helpful.

I mean, maybe into a retirement home. Anything like that would have been helpful. He needs to move in with his grandmother into that retirement community. Behind every night spent making the kids' lunches, there's a lot of suspense. Will they finally eat the veggies? Will the pesto survive the first bite? Will the lunchbox come home empty, half full, or come home at all? And will you finish episode eight before you're done slicing the cucumbers?

Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus from $94 a month, price guaranteed for two years on Internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell. Connection is everything. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them.

I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced.

But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters,

pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table it's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters and that is a trojan horse whether you're looking for literary deep dives smart pop culture conversations or a community of readers who love to think a little too much you're in the right

place listen to pro society on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies

you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip. I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Do you have time for one more call? Yes. We're at an hour, but I'd love to do one more. Okay. This one is a little more sedate. I know you have said that you've made a lot of new friends recently, and of course, Chelsea's always making friends, so I thought this could be a good question. So we've got Dina calling in. She's 63. Dear Chelsea, I'm writing in because your books and comedic storytelling put me in mind of a true sage, well-versed in

books and letters, crossed with Joan Rivers. Hope you can help me. I'm a 63-year-old married woman who, over the last five years, lost all my close female friends, either to moving away or, like my two sisters-in-law, to death. Life without these anchors feels turbulent and lonely. For the past year, I've been actively trying to make new friends, doing things that interest me and hoping to connect. I'm discouraged that it takes a long time to move past the small talk. According to Mel Robbins, it takes 200 hours to make a close friend, and anecdotally, that tracks. I'm daunted, Chelsea. What would you do? Dina. Hi, Dina. Hi, Dina. This is Kathy. Say hi to Kathy, our special guest. It's your new friend, Kathy. Oh my God, Kathy Griffin, I love you.

We're friends now. That's your newest friend. Yep. Thank you very much. I think you have to listen. There is no prescription to making friends. I think you have to remain open-hearted, open-minded. And also the pattern of people that have been in our lives

doesn't necessarily resemble the pattern of people that are going to be in our lives. So like you should always look at, you know, like what types of people haven't you been friends with? You know what I mean? Think about like opening your spirit more and opening your kind of the way that you look at friendships in a different way

because you're at a different stage in your life and you really never know who is going to come into your life. But I don't believe your friendship making years are over and I'm sorry that both of your sisters-in-law have passed away, but that's okay. You're still here and you're still vibrant and you're still alive

and you have an ability to have fun and have things that are in common and whatever your hobbies are, I would just double down on those things that are gonna allow you to meet people that are like-minded. but also be open to people. Like if you're in a coffee shop

or if you're at a wine tasting or whatever it is, like what do you do for a good time? What do you do when you want to go out? All of those things, wine tasting, book club. I think go up to people that you normally wouldn't go up to also in those situations. Go up to men.

It doesn't have to be romantic. Like at your age, you can have a regular relationship with a man that doesn't have to be sexual. You should think outside of the box of what you typically expect your friendships to look like and think like, oh, this would be a nice time to have a relationship like this.

And who knows what's going to happen in any of those situations. But it sounds like you have all of the things set up for meeting more friends. I think the structure is there. And that's why I wrote to you because I was starting to feel a little daunted. And sometimes I feel like I'm dating.

I'm dating women. Have you considered trying to win Beaver Hunt? Have you? To do what? Trying to win Beaver Hunt. This is a contest or a competition, actually. In Hustler Magazine. Hustler Magazine that Kathy is interested in winning.

You sent in a picture of your beaver. Anyway, sorry, it was a bucket list. Now, I'm a big reach-your-outer, so I will cold call people. I will guilt them. I've done stuff like, and this is going to maybe not the most sound advice, but I've actually met people on TikTok or the old Twitter prior to Elon. I would DM somebody and then end up meeting them in real life after, you know, you vet them and correspond with them and FaceTime with them and you're not being catfished. But how are you at

reaching out? So-so. I'm a little on the shy side. I'll admit it. I'm not outgoing like Chelsea is. Are you on social media and stuff? I'm very active on LinkedIn. Okay. Well, that's a great place to also meet people and reach out. You don't have to be super aggressive. You can just say, hi, I love your profile or whatever people say on LinkedIn. I I don't know what LinkedIn really is. Isn't that for business? Like for resumes and stuff? For business to business.

Yeah. But that's also a great way to just be casual with something and be like, oh, hi, I liked your profile. What do you do in this area? Or do you live, you know, people that live in your area also, but just broaden the horizons a little bit more than they are. And I think that that will yield a bigger, you know, kind of field of options. I like that idea.

one of the things I've found is I'm 63 and people my age aren't like me. So I do think I need to broaden my horizons because I'm not a mom. I'm not a grandmom and I'm not. Right. Yeah, exactly. So you need to find exactly Kathy, 64, same thing. So I think, and also you can be friends with people that are younger. You know what I mean? Like approach people that are younger, that kind of have that sensibility. And I think that's a good point. You're not a mom. You're not, you know, you're not all you're not a grandmother you're not all of these things so but but don't lose hope be positive and be optimistic because there's a magnetism just by being those things that brings things into your life so like don't forget about that it's positive like positive and happy energy

and actually being present with people yields good things it brings good things into your life actually consider hopping on like blue sky or threads or even tiktok or instagram because Sometimes you get to see someone's life so much that if you're comfortable DMing them, sometimes it can actually get you a friend that doesn't take 200 hours. Yeah. What is the beaver thing you mentioned?

Oh, beaver hunting. She wants to show her beaver and win a contest because it's red. It's in Hustler Magazine and it's a monthly competition. And I have what I think is a- She wants to win a monthly competition is her goal. And I believe I'm a real competitor. I believe so.

I'm sure yours is beautiful, and I wish you the best of luck. Thank you. She's not going to join. On behalf of Kathy, I thank you for that compliment. I thank you as well. Okay, you have your marching orders. You're going to be fine. You've already made three new friends today, so we're your friends.

Be positive. Put yourself out there. If somebody's not interested in a friendship with you, don't take it personally. Nothing's personal. And if you can, go to a place or an event where you are going to be surrounded by people that you wouldn't normally meet. For example, like if you're even if you're not a foodie, go to like a big food festival and you'll just sort of be around people that maybe you wouldn't cross paths with. That's a great idea. Thank you very much.

I appreciate it. That's a great idea. That's a great idea, Kathy. That is a great idea. You're doing a great job with this advice show, Chelsea. Oh, well, we just want to help people. We want people to be happy. We want people to be happy and live their best lives, right?

Yeah. Thank you very much. That's why I called in. Okay. Give me a big hug. Love you. Thanks so much, Dina. Bye.

Bye, Dina. Oh, she's going to make friends. Oh, yeah, for sure. She's so nice. And I liked what you said about going back to the well of people you already know and And like, you know, DMing people or, you know, texting people. Sometimes people come back into our lives when we thought maybe that friendship has run its course. But people circle back around.

Yep. Yeah. Okay. Well, that wraps up another episode of Dear Chelsea, everybody. Kathy, you were an incredible guest as usual. Thank you for sharing. I'm glad to see you in person. Same.

I never see you. So I love you. I love you too. And thanks for being here. And I love you too, my new friend. And what about your YouTube special? Where can people watch your new special? My new special is called My Life on the PTSD List.

I'm in editing now, and it'll be on YouTube. And I have a weekly YouTube show called Kathy Griffin Talk Your Head Off. Okay, great. Love it. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Okay, my remaining dates for Vegas. There are remaining dates for this year. Summertime is coming, and I will be in Vegas at the Cosmo doing my residency on August 30th.

And then November 1st and 29th. November 1st and November 29th. I will be in Las Vegas at the Cosmo performing Inside Myself at the Chelsea. It's called Chelsea at the Chelsea for a reason. Okay. Thank you. Do you want advice from Chelsea? Write into DearChelseaPodcast at gmail.com.

Find full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea Pod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert. executive producer katherine law and be sure to check out our merch at chelseahandler.com i survived nine months in captivity and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable abducted stalked controlled and merely silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever

you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. each week we're connecting the dots between books the internet and pop culture with your favorite writers book talk creators and plenty of overthought opinions listen to pro society on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts did you hear the new episode of the hey jonas podcast we are at d23 so we'll see who stops by the cast of frozen stopped by Like Kristen Bell, Josh Gad, and Idina Menzel.

I auditioned for Frozen. What? For Kristoff. They said, okay, what are you going to be singing today? I said, I don't know. That must have been why you didn't get it. Well, you probably won. Plus, John Stamos, Hayden Christensen from Star Wars, and more.

And I guess I can share that, uh... No way. Listen to the latest episode of Hey Jonas on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B.

I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.