Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - Living in Separate Houses with Hannah Berner

Episode Date: November 30, 2023

Comedian Hannah Berner joins Chelsea to talk about beating old men at tennis, living next door to your spouse, and not having a driver’s license.  Then: An instance of Grindr-gone-wrong has one Southerner ready to spill the beans.  A Floridian tries to date, but comes up empty-handed.  And Chelsea decides that it’s finally time for us to pay men back for all those dinner dates. * Get tickets to see Hannah here * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Oh, hello, Chelsea. Okay, so we are at the end of November, which means it's almost December. Has this year gone so fast for you? Yeah, when I'm touring, things go by pretty quickly. I'm sure. Do you just, like, blink and you are home again after months? Yeah, I mean, it's just been so crazy. Vanessa, the woman who opens for me, I mean, I say woman, but she's more of a baby.

I consider her to be my baby. She's so sweetie. She says she's 38, but whatever. I don't believe it. That means I had her when I was 12. No, 38. I had her when I was 10. Oh, my.

That must have been rough. Anyway, she's become ridiculous on tour, and her behavior is astonishing. So, I mean, I just don't even. Do you have receipts? Do you have examples? I have a lot of video footage of her shoplifting out of the green room. She takes stuff from the green room. She goes grocery shopping.

I mean, it's not really shoplifting, but it's just helping herself. She goes through the green room and literally does her grocery shopping through the green room. Like, she's like, oh, here's an orange, an apple, here's like a brick of cheddar. and then she just puts it in her purse and then like I'll be like hey do you have an edible and she's like takes out an orange, an apple, a banana she had like bags of nuts

I'm like are you treating this like a United flight? I mean I don't know I kind of approve she is ridiculous we have had a really ridiculous time and she's very hard not to like cuddle and tickle I bet because she's just so adorable but I have to keep my hands off of her

because she's going to claim allegations against me. Workplace. Workplace Chelsea. Yeah, I know. I know. I'm not good at that stuff. I'm just too affectionate. So our guest today does stand up, but she didn't always do stand up. And she talked about like the first time she did stand up, she was like, oh, wait, this is totally for me. Did you feel that way when you started? No, no. I was just like, oh, my God, this is going to give me so much diarrhea. Like it was so nerve wracking. And just I just couldn't. Yeah. Stand up is scary yeah I mean I'm so grateful I'm at a place where I feel so in control of what I'm doing and I know how to handle myself but stand up in the beginning is very scary when people like people

are addicted there are stand-ups who are addicted to being on stage and then and that cannot get off stage and then there are stand-ups who just like you know I'm not like that I'm not like I have to be on stage for two hours or I have to go do five sets when I have a week off I feel nothing like that yeah but when I am on stage I love it and I love you know telling a story from beginning to end which is basically what my stand-up is storytelling yeah I mean I loved it but I was it was so scary that the scary kind of was commensurate to the joy when I feel like especially for people who are starting out like you go into a room where stand-up is being performed and like it's almost like the audience is like daring you to fail you know in small rooms or with starting

comedians I feel like it must be so difficult to start it is but a good thing for everyone to remember is if you're if you're doing that and this applies to anything like when you have a fucking great attitude and you get on stage and you're beaming it is infectious to the audience so if you have a great attitude and you're feeling positive and you're happy you're gonna do great everything's gonna go great because even if you tell a joke that bombs your disposition will be so fun and happy that it doesn't matter you know what I mean you can laugh with the audience about not getting laughs yeah yeah Chelsea should we get to our guest you can find our guest today on her podcast burner phone and giggly squad tickets for her comedy tour are available at

hannahburner.com please welcome comedian podcast host and digital creator Hannah Burner okay Hannah we both have the same publicist so we have like three publicists that are on yeah and they're like don't say anything so we're not allowed to say anything today and I told them like I mean they must just be listening to this to just you know not have to do anything for the hour because Even though they like us. Well, they do. They do. I love, this is my, first of all, my PR team and your PR team are the best PR teams.

No, they're for the girls. I have never been, I've been through so many publicists in this town and, you know, I do have a difficult personality, but this is the best publicity team I've ever worked with. But you're a self-aware queen. Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They said good things about you because I wanted the tea.

I was like, Chelsea, is she a monster? What's, and they were like, we're obsessed with her. Yeah, I know. I'm a good girl. Yeah, she's good. Yeah, I take care of my people and my people take care of me, so. I also have to tell you, we've met before. Oh, shit.

This happens all the time. No, but it's not an embarrassing thing. Like, you missed me. Oh. Right after college, years ago. How old are you? I'm 32. Okay.

So 10 years ago. So I was on the tennis team. Oh, you're a tennis player. Yeah, they didn't let you take too many classes. So after college, I was teaching tennis that summer in Shelter Island. Oh, oh my God, I took a tennis class with you. We played doubles together, babe. With Andre Balazs.

So he wasn't there. No. your ex-boy toy I was getting paid by my sugar grandpa to play doubles with these older men sugar grandpa I call my sugar grandpa does that mean you were dating him no but he was giving me too much money to play tennis like for a young 22 year old it was like 200 for an hour oh yeah that was like lawyer money no I know because they didn't pay but anyway so I had to play doubles with these old men and he goes oh Chelsea's coming today and I didn't know who you who Chelsea was And you show up and I'm like, oh, as a Chelsea Lately fan, I was like, this is an awesome morning that I didn't anticipate.

And you turn to me and you go, let's fucking beat these boys. And I got so nervous. I like double faulted. And you were like, no, it's OK. And then we just demolished them. And then I never saw you again. And I was like, Chelsea and I kicked ass. So that was 10 years ago.

Oh, tennis sounds so good right now. I know. Tennis is like cool now. It wasn't cool when I was a kid. No, tennis is cool now. You know, well, pickleball is trying to be cool, but I wish pickleball would just shut the fuck up for two seconds. I say pickleball's a cult. Everyone wants to talk about pickleball all the time.

It is. It's cult-like. It's cult that you stop talking to your family. You only dress in pickleball outfits. Any talk of sports right now, guys, you have to know that I had knee surgery. And any talk of sports is like it hurts my knee because I'm so excited. No, I got my knee fixed so that I can ski this week. This week.

This winter, I'm an avid skier. So I got my knee scoped out, and then I went home, and I was all hopped up on medication and anesthesiology. And I was feeling great, but then you wake up, and you're like, fuck, I can't take all this Medicaid. You feel like your body is so polluted. Yeah, you just want weed. And bloated, bloated, like from all of the fluids they put you. I'm like, cool it with the fluid IV. Like, I don't need that much fluid.

No, you're like an Olympic athlete that needs to be ready for her gold season. So I had to limp in here like Limp Bizkit to meet with you. But I'm happy that you're here in person in New York City. No, thank you. This is, like, such an honor. But I also, my husband, who I brought up earlier. I can't believe you're married. I know, it's very off-brand.

Oh, yeah, it is. He's an older, like— Don't strike me as someone who would be married when I watch your videos online, which are very funny, by the way. Thank you. You're really funny. Thank you. I like your attitude and your shtick. I think you paved the way for me.

Oh, well, that's— Yeah, getting married was not a plan. It happened during the pandemic. I met an older man. He's very tired. How old is he? 47. Oh, oh.

And he likes to golf. He likes to ski. He likes to chill. How did you meet him during the pandemic when you're supposed to stay six feet apart from people? He DM'd me because I was in Shelter Island and he was in, like, West Hampton. He was like, do you want to get coffee? How did he know you? Through the comedy world.

But he lived in Ireland. He actually, small world, he's friends with Ursula Carlson. and they were working on a script once. Oh, yeah. I know Ursula. Of course, she's fucking hilarious. She's the fucking best. Oh, she's from New Zealand, right?

Yes, and anyone from New Zealand makes me laugh. Yeah, well, she's ridiculous. Next level. Yeah, yeah. I can't wait till the States discovers her. I know. We tried to do a show with her, I think. I don't remember what happened.

So he was on the show with her. He was like the co-writer. Oh, that's funny. Wow, we have all these little... So you dated my husband before. Oh, okay. So, yeah, we got engaged in like six months and it was kind of like I decenter men for my life.

You what? De-center men. De-center men. As in, like, you don't make any decisions based on men. Right. I see. Well, I like that phrasing. I've never heard that before.

De-center men. I think the Gen Z girlies are saying it, but I think you really live by that. Like, you do what makes you happy, brings you joy. And if people come, great. And if they don't, who gives a fuck? But you're not going to force or change things. Or be, the word desperate is very, you know, when people, I find things to be very desperate it sometimes when people talk when people are searching so hard to find someone yeah there's

a desperation to it and it's like if you really were happy with yourself and you can get to a place where you are really really happy it's totally fine to want to meet somebody but to have that be like your main objective feels like you're missing a piece of the pie like you betray who you are to make someone like you are you know when you have a full plan of like how to run into somebody like I have a full chart yeah okay he's gonna you know have to go to the bathroom at this time and I'm going to run into him and sometimes you do get the guy and then you're like fuck like this isn't me I forced this and I don't like who I am with him well also well that of course but that's you know listen in our 20s we act like idiots because that's what we're supposed to be

doing and you can obsess and crave and I mean even sometimes in your 30s yeah and a lot of my 30s it wasn't until my 40s that I had enough self-confidence and I'm like wait I don't care if you like me first that's not enough for me to like you back I know the second you hear someone liked you I'm like he's like cool like yeah he could be a little gremlin and I'm like he's funny I have an experiment that I've been trying out with myself for a while now where I don't even if it's non-sexual you know like just a person like or another celebrity or or a regular person just because they dislike me doesn't mean I don't like them you know what I mean like that's fucking I'm like well your opinion of me has nothing to do with me anyway so i could still like you if you don't like me it's like a

troll comments and you go i love your sweater i love your sweater and your profile picture you're gorgeous you're stunning but sometimes it also doesn't have to do with you they're projecting their shit so anyway this guy came along and it was at a time in my life i was very focused on myself and i was like this is nice it's nice to have a husband in a way like obviously all not all husbands are the same different ratings per husband but he i don't have to stress about dating It's kind of like, okay, check, I have this, like, partner in crime, and now I can focus on myself. And he's very, like—I'm very—I'm on the road all the time. Like, I've never seen him.

That's right, you're on tour. I haven't seen him forever. Do you like being on the road? I like being on the road because my apartment's a mess, so I walk into a hotel room and I'm, like, a monster. I'm like, why did no one clean these towels? Yeah. And I'm, like, I love living that simple life. I also like saying I'm on the road and people leave me alone.

Uh-huh. It's a great way to get out of shit. I'm just napping. Like, I'm napping from 2 to 5, and then I go on stage. I wish I could nap. I can't nap. It's a gift. It is. I don't know why I don't have that gene, but if I take a nap, first of all, if I took a three-hour nap, I would be dead when I woke up. I get up early, and even when I'm tired, I just cannot sleep during the day. It doesn't matter what is going on.

Well, I was telling our PR team, I was like, don't put me on anything before like 10 a.m. because I'm a big sleeper. I also, I think I deal with some depression where like, I mean, I could fall asleep anywhere. and so it's almost nice for me to rest but then yeah I don't know what state I'm in I don't know where I am but the adrenaline hits me when I get on stage yeah but I enjoy the road

but I'm also lucky now that I'm like I'm doing theaters now where women I mean we could talk forever about this but like being a woman on the road is difficult it's difficult being alone especially if you're like can't afford Ubers or you're just you're put in a lot of awkward situations that aren't ideal

can you not afford Ubers? now I can yeah I mean if you're playing theaters no yeah but I'm saying back in the day like girls starting in comedy it's like unsafe a lot of the time no it is unsafe it is unsafe I never did I bet we didn't even have ubers when I started we I just drove myself everywhere so I'm from New York City so I don't even have a license I couldn't have made it in comedy 10

years ago because I don't have a license I would have like walked on the highway to my gigs oh what yeah well can't you take the train or the subway oh gosh yeah that's like difficult a lot of admin planning oh listen all I do is admin all day long that's what I do in my hotel that I stay in New York. They have a club lounge. And I always tell my assistant from five to seven, which is happy hour. I'm like, I have to go upstairs and do admin. No, the amount of planes and hotels and you mess up one thing. It's your name on the bill. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's a miracle we made it here today.

It is a miracle. Thank God. Especially with your janky knee. For small miracles or big ones. Yeah, my janky knee that I'm rubbing right now. It looks like I'm masturbating under the table, but I'm just soothing myself. I'm self-soothing. But I want to say with this, I love that with this older man, he loves skiing. And I'm an athlete but I never skied before you never skied I never I wasn't allowed to because of tennis oh my parents would be like god forbid you get injured you can't whatever it is I've never tennis Renee Stubbs you mentioned Renee Stubbs when we came in yes okay let's talk about Renee

Stubbs because she's a friend of mine is she a friend of yours she makes her way around Manhattan in a way I've never seen I have had more people come up to me going I know you're friends with Renee Stubbs I'm like what is Renee Stubbs walking around with a fucking sign that says I'm friends with Chelsea Handler? Renee Stubbs is part of, I call it the power lesbian community of New York City.

Oh, yes. And I'm trying to rub shoulders with that. I think the lesbians, I think they push the door down for the straights because they don't give a fuck what most,

what men think. Right. And they just do it. So I was talking to her on a tennis show and she's like, oh, a comedian, I know Chelsea Handler.

And I was like, oh, yeah, I've heard of her as a comic. And I messaged her this morning. I was like, any advice?

And she's like, you know, in her Australian accent over text, just be yourself you know treat her like your sister and I was like okay I don't know what that means thank you I don't know what that means I'm seeing that I'm seeing Renee that big lesbian tomorrow night for dinner there's drama in the lesbian world oh no no there's listen the lesbians are taking me they are trying to capture me are you on it no no what's going

on on lesbian tiktok all sorts of drama I can't go online right now it's too upsetting I can't look at social media right now I know it's difficult time I'm pretending the lesbian drama is like is your world an epicenter that's the only thing that's going on right you have to distract yourself so you how long into dating your husband did you realize that you were going to marry him you were like i'm in love with you good question do you think you would have married him had it not been for covid great question all valid questions yeah questions you should be asking questions and now i'm regretting not thinking about no i my parents got engaged in four months so i had this like fake love story in my head that like that's how it's gonna be like if i was with a

guy for a year i'm like this isn't magical he's not the one right so during honestly early on he kind of was like yeah i want to marry you i think he was and at first i'm like classic he's a comedian so i was like oh he's probably a comedian narcissist and is he irish or he grew up in queens and then he lived in ireland since he was 14 oh okay so he became a big comedian in ireland oh but now he's back because of covid and it was kind of this like we'll see i've never date an older guy could be like a creepy uncle like you never know uh-huh uncle gary that's every creepy uncle's name is gary yeah you change it to gary even if it's not gary's not not a hot name i named a dog gary and i had to return him so yeah we we hit it off and i got engaged in

six months but it was covet time so i say it's dog years you time seven and to be perfectly blunt you know he was at a time in his life where like he wasn't touring anymore but now like he just enables me he literally said like i want to chill i don't care about the fame or the money like i'm tired i just you can go work and i was like that's a dream well yeah like yeah it's better than sex tell me that every night and do you guys have a lot of sex we do that's good because i think we're not we're not roommates we don't see each other that often yeah i think that's the key ingredient for all relationships is you can't see each other i have to i just had to inject myself in my thigh this morning was something that is going to help with my sex drive because

I have like no desire to fuck anyone and I've been keeping going I keep going on these kind of quasi dates or like going out with guys trying to drum up some business and then I'm like looking at them going I just want to be in my bed like I don't even want to fuck you and I'm like something's wrong with me and I can't take testosterone because my hair thinned the last time I took that and I it's not like I'm going to be bald and horny you know what I mean like what's the point of that so i was like forget it so i went to my yeah and get back knee so i went to my anti-aging doctor and i was like listen you got to give me something for sex drive because i don't think i have it i'm like i've tried to have sex like three times because you were really horny when you were

younger well no not horny but like i could get excited i'm not i've never been boy crazy that's not my personality but i do want to love that about you but also it's like wait why do we have so much pressure like you know if i go a few months without having sex i'm like oh shit i better have sex and it's like why why do I need to have sex but apparently I think I do so anyway I injected myself this morning with some thiamosin or I don't know what the fuck it's called and we'll see if that drums up any sexual feelings for me because well people don't talk about how sex is oftentimes a bad experience especially when it's like a new guy or something it's awkward it's weird and I'm like I my night would have been better without it right I think it's for us

and I always said I didn't want to be with a comic because I've been with a comic before and it wasn't great but with him i was we really like he i respect him mentally which is crazy to think but like it's like you need to find someone that their love language is laughter with you and you feel excited about like riffing with them and that's like your foreplay that's the hotness like we talk on the phone a lot that's like our thing yeah it's not like oh i need to fuck you now it's like right talking we just talk we don't we don't shut up and does he work now at all he's work he's still doing comedy and stuff we have podcasts together burner phone oh that's together with yeah so he's good but i just i just want him to like be confident enough to like let me do my

thing and support me and he's he is yeah that's important because a lot of men come across as like they are confident or they see are seemingly confident and then when it comes down to it they're fucking paranoid they're jealous they're not confident yeah and then you're like i just want to love you and they're acting weird towards you and then you realize you have to baby them and be like i'm so proud of you yeah the distance is very important for any independent woman because it is so annoying to have to spend every single second with somebody and i also don't appreciate having to facetime with people oh we don't facetime when you're in a relationship because holding up the fucking phone while you're talking it's like wait a second this is like two exercises

you're gonna get arthritis i can talk to you but i need the lights off and i want to be in bed lying down you know with my airpods in or whatever i don't need to be looking at your face also i'm staring at myself the whole time. Exactly. I want to be able to scroll Instagram while talking to you. Exactly. Exactly. I had a friend once, not a boyfriend. This is a friend friend. And anytime I would be on the phone reading an email or on social media or anything while I was on the phone, he could be talking and he'd go, what are you reading? And I'm like, why do you know that I'm reading something? Like, how can you tell? He's like, I can tell by the way you're breathing. I'm like, your eyes are going left to right. I'm like, well, that would be really

annoying if we were fucking FaceTiming because then you'd fucking know for sure. Do you want know something wild he had an apartment and the person older woman passed away next door and i bought the apartment next door so i have my own apartment next to his oh god that's solid it's kind of hot yeah it's kind of hot and where do you guys live in brooklyn we live in the lower east side oh okay yeah i'm thinking about moving to new york i'm going to look at a bunch of apartments tomorrow you're such a new yorker i know it's ridiculous that i've never lived here i'm like almost i'm 48 years old so i've never lived in your city and you're jewish what i know so i'm gonna open arms i know i know i know well you'd have to accept me because i'm from new

Jersey, yeah. I'm from New Jersey, but same thing. Sorry, I didn't mean to call you out. It's a tri-state area. Yes, yes, it's a tri-state area. Are you familiar with the tri-state area? As long as you're not from, like, upstate, you know? No, no, no, I'm not from upstate.

Okay, what else do you want to tell me about yourself? Oh, but I did want to talk about skiing with you. Oh, yeah, because you had a ski injury. That's our biggest issue. Oh, I like your little furry arms. You're cute. I'm very sweaty right now. I'm sorry.

But look how much I like your hairy. I'm half Italian. Oh, yeah, I can see it. It's cute. I like it. that i want to like skiing and what did you say you you had a ski accident i had a ski accident because i really wanted to be good at skiing and it's it's a weird thing because i'm competitive but like you just get to the bottom of the mountain so i'm like bored and scared and then i

cry all the time why well i'm like new to it so i'm like in a bush i will always find a find a bush i'm crying but then i'll be like oh no it's really cold i'm not crying which i think is i want to know why you love skiing because i i want to get the bug because all he wants to do a ski but I can't we can't change ourselves for men why do you love it because it's freeing like I love well you are topless too when you do it yeah but not all the time I even love it when I'm wearing clothes I love it even more when I'm fucking naked because there's just something so freeing about skiing down a mountain naked so good I know they're the best my best feature I can't believe my tits I just I'm like oh my god anytime anyone sees them for the first time they're

like oh my god are those real I'm like yeah they're real look at them bounce up and down If you've got a font, then they're, like, athletic tits, too. Like, you can do stuff with them. I'm not against plastic surgery because I'll do that, but I wouldn't get fake boobs. You know what I mean? If anything, I would prefer smaller boobs because I've had them my whole life, so I'm used to them. So they're not that fun for me anymore. But it feels—that's the other reason why I want to up my sex drive because it feels shameful to waste this body.

My body is so smoking that it's, like, I feel like I need to share it, you know? But I do feel like the best part of sex is, like, the foreplay before of, like, the teasing. Like, will we, will we not? Then once you do it, you're always just like, okay. Yeah. Well, it's always good when you do it. Yeah. But back to skiing.

There is a freedom. There's a freedom in skiing down a mountain and being just like, and just ripping down a mountain. Like, I love it. I love the sense of like strength, the strength of like the sense of freedom. I love being outside in that cold weather. Like, it's very invigorating to me, that feeling. It's not for everybody because a lot of people don't like the cold.

You definitely get out of your own head when you're there because you have to be in the moment. You have to focus. What do you think about the douchey snowboarders, though? Like, they're like... Yeah, I mean, snowboarders aren't my favorite. The only time I've ever been hit has been by a snowboarder. Right? I almost...

They've snowboarded into me several times, or my friends. The only boards I want is the charcuterie board. Like, that's all I want. I don't even like charcuterie anymore, I've decided. I'm over charcuterie. Hot take. Yeah, hot take is right. Charcuterie feels passe to me.

Well, I've never finished one, and then I always feel guilty because I had, like, two pepperonis. I'm back on the cheese. Cheese and jamon, because jamon is what they have in Spain, and I spent a lot of time in Spain, and i fucking love jamon but that's the only kind of like meat dish i want at that i'm over charcuterie i do like the food associated with skiing though because hot chocolate you could drink at any time and no one judges you margaritas i go in for 11 o'clock margarita break at 11 a.m

i go in for my first margarita then i go back for at one and that actually gives me a more sense of like i even am more fearless once i have a little alcohol in my system you know for skiing because my ski buddies in Canada, where I ski, are hardcore. They're fucking, are not fucking around. Yeah, they're doing blacks. So that's why I have to get knee surgery to get, so I can ski and keep up with my friends. I love how your ski season, like everything revolves around your ski season. Oh, everything, everything. But having a, like you have a legit hobby and I feel like so many people don't have hobbies and it's so beautiful that you love anything as much as you love skiing. Well, thank you. I was dating this guy a few years ago, right before I went away to

Whistler for like three months. Yes. I go, now I'm going to Whistler. And he's like, okay, so how how long are you to be there? And I was like, three months. And he was like, am I going to visit you there? And I was like, do you ski? Can you keep up? And he's like, well, I mean, I haven't skied. I was like, no, then you're not visiting me. Like, it's over. I'm not babysitting you on the ski slope. The relationship is over now. We're not doing pizza skis together. That's not hot. It gives you the ick. No, no, no. A guy doing pizza skiing? No. So I just don't even, like, that's how committed to skiing I am, that even if I'm in the throes of a romance, I will prefer to go and leave that person to go skiing. I love that. But I was actually in

whistler when I got injured but what was your injury so I was on a green it was called like easy out I know exactly what you're talking about yeah easy out and it was like early in the morning so it was very choppy and I was a little cocky like Des my husband would make me do three hour lessons get lunch then show him what I learned like it was very intense but I our lesson I want to be like loved and my dad was my tennis coach so it's like some deep therapy thing and I'm just like I will be great for this man so I'm showing off I'm like I'm getting my you know rhythm and i hit an edge and i fell onto my hand so like my whole body fell on my hand and then like my hand kind of got crushed and i had to call the the what's it called sheboygan

sheboygan what's the place in wisconsin is that part of the charcuterie board the toboggan is the poggin toboggan sheboygan so new york i have no idea anything outside new york the toboggan came so dramatic because it's just my pinky and so when you broke your pinky i i basically crushed like all my knuckles oh it was bad and i'm getting frostbite because it's like out and i'm just lying there and there's a video of me going down the sheboygan and it was so traumatizing and how did your boyfriend react to that he was he sympathetic to your injury he was but he thinks that i manifested it which i think i did because i didn't really want to go skiing that day you know when you're just like what if i just you know yeah yeah yeah chucked myself down

the mountain because i was tired i i was doing like tons of shows and i was like i don't want to go skiing this morning right and he's really good have you been skiing since then so i have some shows coming up in like denver and aspen and we're seeing he bought me the like pass so he's trying to get me back out there yeah yeah yeah so he's pressuring me yeah i had a boyfriend once who didn't care I had a torn ACL from skiing again this is years ago all I do is hurt myself so I had a torn ACL years ago in Switzerland in Zermatt I was also on ecstasy when I got into that accident so I just want to be very honest about that and they medevaced me into a helicopter off the mountain my friends were all like you're a fucking loser and then I went to Rome and like

Florence and some parts of Italy and half your leg is like hanging and I'm just well basically I was like i'll wait to get the surgery because i was already on vacation and i was like oh i'll just tape it every day or wrap it wrap it and but my boyfriend just had no regard for my health like at all like i'd get home every night my knee would be like the size of a water balloon and i'd have to elevate it ice it for like three hours and he was just like all right tomorrow we're going to the coliseum i'm like fuck off and so that so it's very important when people care about your well-being you learn about people well i learned about right hand but i also look so what does that mean so like like oh because you're a righty so i couldn't jerk my husband no i don't know

you know when you put your hair in a ponytail yeah who knew how important that was i couldn't do it and he was trying to do it and i'm like that's the ugly ponytail babe and then i couldn't text fast because i couldn't use my hand so that was a nightmare oh so doing voice messages all my friends were annoyed at me yeah i've never ever once recorded a voice message but i received them You know, they disappear, too. They vanish. Yeah, that's sketchy. Why is that?

It's so unnecessary. Yeah, I know. It's like, what do you think I'm going to do, forward your message to someone else? Meanwhile, that's how I found out they vanished because I was trying to do that very thing. Okay, we have to take a break, and we'll be right back. Catherine, we're taking a break. Amazing. There's no shortcut for saving time, but saving money is simple.

Just combine your car and home insurance with Bel Air Direct and save. Get a quote at belairdirect.com. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, Shut up. Don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable.

I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse.

I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations,

or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. And? And we're back. We're back. It's so fast.

Okay, Katherine, what's going on today, Katherine? We've barely heard a peep out of you. I know. So we've got a bunch of very fun questions for Hannah, But I think let's start with a little wedding question, a little marriage question. Sounds like your wheelhouse. Bianca says, Dear Chelsea, my best friend of 13 years is getting married. She's my sister and my lifelong soulmate.

I'm her maid of honor and will, of course, have to give a speech at the wedding. The speech will most likely be during the ceremony, and I believe the best man will go the funny route, so I want to keep it classy, sentimental, and sweet. However, I don't see the spark with her fiancé, and I'm feeling so uninspired in writing this speech. Break up the wedding. She loves him dearly, and they're building a life together, and I trust her decision in choosing him as a partner for her life. But sometimes I'm like, really? This guy? Nothing is wrong with him necessarily, other than having the personality of a rock. How do I find inspiration? Sincerely,

Bianca. I think that's your speech right there. Well, I would focus your speech on your friend and just make it about all of the incredible things you can say about her and how lucky he is to be marrying her. And you don't have to vouch for him necessarily or talk about their connection. Obviously, at the end, you want to say, like, I'm so glad that you found someone who appreciates all these things, you know, to really drive it home. But you not getting the spark between them is really not important information for your speech yeah you have to be a good friend right now and she loves him and she's getting married and he's not an asshole or abusive or anything like that that you've mentioned so there's no reason to take a stand other than

just trying to make a great speech about what an incredible person she is and list just some of your favorite memories of her that's good i mean you don't have to put together yeah like a whole thesis statement essay i like i love a quick speech i love a three four minute solid to the point and also i don't know her personality but like you can be funny too girl yeah we did speeches and my husband was like killing in his speech like laughs per minute you guys were making speeches at your own wedding that's funny i think it's an irish tradition oh that's funny good for him since he's not fucking irish i mean it's irish tradition i guess because he's lived there the last like 30 years so that's he's like this is what we do and i was like okay now i have

to perform my own fucking wedding and he's killing and then i'm realizing i have to follow him so i'm not listening to his speech i'm going through my notes and my set you know yeah yeah yeah so i slowed like slow it down after the best man crushes slow it down you know get the audience calm again yeah and and i i was like sweet and then i made a joke like i wish i met you earlier like when you were in your 20s but i would have been in kindergarten and then we got like a little applause break and i was like fuck you i win and then i danced the night away so don't be afraid to be funny just because the best man's gonna be funny like you can crush it too yeah that i agree with that too. I've been in this situation before too, where like one of my best girlfriends, like

she dated this really fun guy and he was awesome. They traveled, they did all this stuff. And then the guy she wound up marrying was just like this very kind of boring guy, plain vanilla. And you know what? They are now like 15 years later, like so happy, three kids living in the suburbs. And I'm like, who knew? She's like thrilled with her life. They're deeply in love, even though he's still very boring, but that's what she wanted. Yeah. Well, a lot of people want boring men. Exactly. I remember talking to my dad about this exact friend and I'm like, you know, this guy, he's just like so vanilla. And my dad goes, you know what? A lot of people love vanilla ice cream. It's not exciting. It's not rocky road, but vanilla ice cream is still vanilla ice cream.

What kind of wedding did you have? So we honestly, if I'm being open with people, elope like just elope we had a beautiful we had a beautiful wedding in West Hampton it was great we brought the families together but it it adds up it gets so expensive and also as a comedian like I always make everything about me so the day was I don't like wedding attention it's like happy birthday attention where you're like oh these people are forced to like clap for me because it's my birthday or my wedding day I like to earn people's affection so it was very I didn't love that attention on wedding day but I think for someone who like never makes things about themselves the wedding day is the most beautiful day yes but for a comic it wasn't exactly it was the last

thing i would ever want for myself as a wedding i was like and also the whole like your dad giving you away i'm like yeah my dad's like my dad's dead so he's not giving me away shout out shout out to my dad if you're listening to this podcast actually both of des's parents are dead are dead Which is quite nice. With that, let's go to Grindr. Tyler lives in the South, and he is in a bit of a predicament. I just want to preface, too. So this is a bit of a two-part question.

I would love for us to sort of answer the question in the email a little bit, and then he's going to join us and give us a little bit of an update. So Tyler says, Dear Chelsea, I find myself in a rather delicate situation, and I would greatly appreciate your insight and guidance. The other night, during a sleepless bout at 3 a.m., I found myself mindlessly scrolling through Grindr. I have two different accounts, one with my face that I use regularly and another anonymous account for mere curiosity. To my surprise, I received a message from a nearby anonymous profile expressing interest in a late-night encounter and including explicit photos. Curiosity got the better of me, and I asked this person for a face picture, thinking they wouldn't comply since I don't share face pictures on that account. However, they did send a photo, and to my astonishment, it turned out to be my aunt's husband. I was taken aback, to say the least.

Now I find myself at a crossroads, unsure of how to proceed. Should I inform my aunt about my discovery? Should I confront her husband directly? I understand that staying silent is an option, but it goes against my nature and my personal values. My intention is to handle the situation with care and thoughtfulness, taking into consideration my aunt's feelings, our family dynamics, and the potential impact on their relationship. I don't know whether they have a specific open arrangement or an understanding within their marriage, and I don't want to make assumptions or create unnecessary discomfort for anyone involved. But I also don't want my aunt to be in a position without informed consent if she's unaware of his actions. Tyler.

Hi, Tyler. Hi. Hi, Tyler. By the way, this is Hannah Berner, our special guest today. Hi, Hannah. So about a week after I wrote in, my aunt went on a two-week vacation to Florida with her husband. Her husband, your boyfriend? Yeah. No. And so I was like, okay, I'm not going to ruin their vacation. This is not a time to like blow it up so I decided to like hold off well what do you know when they're in Florida

my aunt finds out on her own about this she found Grindr on his phone and so my sister messages me and she's like our aunt found out about this they're gonna get a divorce and she wants you to block his number I'm like me like what okay so of course I just played I'm like I was like okay well, I guess this is kind of off of my chest now without me having to do or say anything or implicate myself. But now there's no separation. I think they've kind of swept it under the rug and I feel it's still a little yucky about it. And so I think my question now is, well, do I share with her what I know? I mean, I receive pictures. Yeah, I think you do. I think you do. That's your aunt and your loyalty should be to your family.

and she should know because now they're not getting divorced now they're staying together while he's grinding on other men and like trying to hook up i mean it's shocking and which if she's fine with it then fine but he probably convinced her that it was like a one-time thing or blah blah blah and i think you should tell her the truth absolutely also yeah i feel like it's the kind of thing that after like four drinks at a family function you're gonna spill anyway so you might as well do it in like an organized correct fashion because I know myself and I would it would be like on the tip of my tongue all the time and I'd drop it at the worst point and that would be real drama yeah so luckily we don't have that sort of family dynamic where we're all

doodling together but yeah I just you know I hesitated because I'm like well do I reopen this wound maybe cashed it out does she know the depth of it and do I get involved yeah I know it's probably, I mean, listen, I always err on the side of telling people the truth, even if it's inconvenient and it's hard to hear. Like, I do it out of respect for people. Like, I think people deserve to know the full truth. And it's actually seems like it's present, this opportunity has presented itself to you in a way that you should, you should be telling the truth. You know, like it came up and you can easily say, like, listen, I know you guys, I heard from my sister that you guys were separating and then you were getting divorced. Or if you had, did you spoken to your

aunt directly about it yet i mean has she mentioned that the divorce to you or no she's not mentioned anything to me the only thing i've heard was from my sister and then that was it it's almost as if it never happened well and can i also clarify do any of them know that you got these pictures from him because or was it just like you know and they don't know you know they know now though they all listen to Chelsea everyone no they they haven't and I you know what five years ago I probably would have been like oh my god guess what everyone I've like learned empathy and learned but if you were her what would you want that's a really great question I feel like I would want someone to tell me and without knowing what she knows now or how much she knows i think i would

still want it but it also i feel bad for her it is an uncomfortable situation and i don't want to embarrass her i don't want to make her feel any worse about it and yeah maybe they're having fun threesomes now like maybe it's enhanced their relationship yeah and that's what and at first I was like, well, I don't know their situation. Maybe they're open and it's totally cool. But then I'm like, no, it's not. I live in Kentucky. That's not probably what my. No, because if she was going to divorce him right away, she obviously convinced her that it wasn't a thing or that he didn't do it or that it was a one time thing. I think you should tell her. I think you should just say, listen, in light of everything that's happened, I know you and I haven't spoken directly,

but I have to be honest with you because my loyalty is to you. This happened. This happened a couple weeks before you went on your vacation. I wrestled with telling you or not. And then I heard you were getting a divorce and i figured okay that's there's no reason to tell you and i no judgment whatsoever if you know about it and you're okay with it but i wanted you to know from me this is what happened yeah no judgment i love you he probably was like grinder i thought it was like a car appliance app yeah i know i mean any woman can be convinced of anything when they want to be you know like powerful you know and part of me too like i get i get the the piece where, you know, however old he is having those feelings or being gay or being bisexual is just

like out of the norm, I guess, or not right for, for people of his age. And, and so I get his perspective of like being, trying to be secretive and not share. And that, that part's wrong. The lying part is wrong, but I wanted to protect almost like the person, you know, prevent outing him and creating a situation where he can't be his authentic self. And that's work he has to do, I know. But I've also been on the side of where someone's outing me or talking bad about me or calling me names. And so I'm trying to proceed with caution, I guess. I just don't want anyone to be in a situation, my aunt or him, in terms of his sexuality, if that's what it is. If it was experimenting. I don't know. I get it. It's a sensitive issue. And listen, you're not outing

him because she first of all, now she already knows something's up. And I respect what you're saying. You don't want to out somebody. But this is a family member. The reason to do it is to be honest with her. You know what I mean? You don't want to keep a secret on behalf of this guy when it's your aunt. You know, it's not like you're outing someone into the world and saying, oh, this person's a homosexual, you're saying to your aunt, this is what happened. This is what I know. I don't know that he's a homosexual, but I mean, clearly he sent me pictures. This happened.

Like you deserve to know this and that's it. And if she doesn't, you know, and if she's fine with it, then fine, then great. Then they can carry on. But I think the truth is important. Yeah. It is hard to be the catalyst though of drama, like feeling like it's your fault. But like, what if she ends up finding the love of her life after this and he ends up find the love of his life and they live more authentic lives and then you're the savior

and then you go to heaven and then hannah yeah and then hannah comes and makes a speech at your wedding yeah i've been thinking about heaven a lot lately so god is like i changed the rules yeah i agree i feel like heaven's kind of gay but anyway that's another point yeah heaven does seem like it's definitely like there's a lot of gay people there yeah after everything they've after everything they've gone through on earth i mean it makes sense the aesthetic is gay like sparkly and light it looks good the colors are good yeah yeah a lot of angel wings i i agree i i think the right thing to do is to share and and say like you said no judgment i just want you to know the whole story and do what you want yeah i think you know you have to prioritize like

her bodily autonomy and being able to make choices for herself over you know as Chelsea said you're not outing him to the world but over like basically outing him as like no he is actively seeking hookups in person to your aunt but also like I think maybe that conversation is not like showing her what he sent you but like just maybe verbal and saying like hey he did send explicit photos etc yeah keep us posted yeah yeah definitely keep us posted i want to i want to hear about this one after this is all after the dust settles yeah i'll keep you updated i i i will be very patient with her because i know it's a lot yeah chelsea do you think this is like a letter do you think this is a phone call in person what do you think where does she live right and can you see her in

person? I can. I can see her in person just about any time. Yeah, I think you should do it in person. Not a voice note. Not a voice memo. No, definitely not. Definitely not. Or you could just DM her on Instagram. That's intimate. Just message her husband on Grindr. There you go. Message them both together and just resend the pictures that he sent you on Grindr. Oh, God. Does this look familiar? Does this dick look familiar? And she's like, we don't have sex, so I wouldn't know. He didn't know he was sending it to you though right he didn't see your picture he only oh i see no sloppy very sloppy behavior yeah he has a lot to learn but how can you hook up with someone on grinder without seeing their photo of their face you just send dick pics back and forth and that's

it not me i have to have a face like i want to see teeth i want to see but other people but you said you don't send your face right i don't send my face on that so i have two grinders one's just for me being nosy that's just a blank profile i know it's like a finsta like a finsta yeah but what's the point of a fake grinder like for me it's just like who's around i don't like actively really message people but just to know who's finding out if your aunt's husbands are on it that's that's a good enough reason i wonder how many ants i wonder how many of your aunt's husbands are on it one so far how many ants do you have every ant is shaking right now i will call in another episode and we'll go through my whole family if you want

kentucky's crazy oh my god grinder by the way it's like the wild west so you don't know the half of what happens there or why i don't you need a little bit of the sex of grinder like a little bit of testosterone yeah yeah yeah i do it sounds like i do yeah maybe i can get it from your uncle yeah it's funny though because i feel like a lesbian dating app would not just be sending like labia lips no that wouldn't work it would be like poetry or cat photos it's like nesting i don't know if you've ever heard of the term nesting but when a bunch of gays get together it's i mean it's it's fun and interesting i'm not gonna say i hate it but i think chelsea needs like a fake Grindr account so she can

explore. I think you should. I'll do it. That actually would amuse me, I think. I'm not sure. I don't really like dick pics, though. Out of context, they're aggressive. I don't really like to see pictures of penises, you know what I mean? Like, I would rather just, yeah, not to see that.

She goes, I'd love it minus all the dicks. You're like, that's not gonna work. Yeah, so that's not gonna work for me. Well, Tyler, let us know what happens. I know you've got a couple of tough conversations out of you. Yeah, I will. I'll keep you posted.

And I'm sure all will go just as smoothly as we hope. Thank you, Tyler. Bye, Tyler. Thank you. Bye. Good to see you. Bye. Oh, I'm stressed.

That was a juicy one. Yeah, that was good. A lot of layers. A lot of layers. How cute. There's no shortcut for saving time, but saving money is simple. Just combine your car and home insurance with Bel Air Direct and save. Get a quote at BelAirDirect.com.

When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced.

but these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home.

This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed.

From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. Our next caller is Cecilia.

Dear Chelsea, I'm 25 years old, and I would say I'm a late bloomer in the romantic realm. I've never had a boyfriend. I went to a small high school where none of my friends really dated. Then for college, I majored in theater, so no straight men there. Then COVID hit my senior year, and I also have a life full of loving friends and family, so I think this has also caused me to not seek a romantic partner. I moved to a new city two years ago for a fabulous job and haven't quite found a circle of friends that give me the support I need.

I started online dating about a year ago, and after maybe half a dozen first dates, I decided it wasn't for me. I have had two other situationships, as the Gen Z would say, in recent months, and they both happened similarly. Both were guys at work who I had a foundation with of sorts, and they pursued me. We'd go on fun dates, and they were obsessed with me, as they should be, and then once I really liked them and tried to define their relationship, they'd get all distant. It's frustrating that both of these guys pursued me and then let things fizzle once

I had strong feelings for them. Needless to say, I need to stop dating men in the workplace, but it's also teaching me that being upfront with my feelings scares men away, which feels like the wrong takeaway. My therapist said I should let them initiate how they're feeling, but that feels like a cop-out. I feel like I have no skills in dating or handling a breakup, and I feel like I'm so late to the game I don't even know where to start. Cecilia. She's 25. Hi, Cecilia. You're only 25 years old. You mean late to the game. Some people don't even have sex until they're 30 okay I mean I guess that's fair I guess I don't know it's something that I feel

like I've done other parts of my life that I'm like oh let's delve into finding a partner especially like in the city I live in I feel like I don't have a base so like I feel like having a partner would be nice what city do you live in Orlando okay water parks I like to say as an elder your early 20s is all just researching it's not even dating call it researching you're figuring out what you like what you don't like what makes you uncomfy because there's no you're not getting you're not trying to find a husband you know you're just learning about yourself and you don't really know that much about yourself in your early 20s either yeah and you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself why do you have put so much pressure on yourself to be in a relationship

I guess maybe like a part of me puts pressure on myself like when I was writing in I was putting pressure on myself but like it's not like I'm actively focusing on that all the time I think just a part of me like puts pressure on myself but I put pressure on myself career-wise and like other parts of my life for sure but it's not like every day I'm waking up like how do I solve this problem I'm single I'm like I'm not it's like not an intense problem it's just like I don't want to like be dirty and be like oh I forgot again to ever pursue anyone romantically like I just feel like I have to make that a part of my life if I ever want that I mean relationships are hard and it could seem with social media that like everyone's in a loving relationship but I think

it's like the hardest thing and you know how when you make a friend it's so easy and quick that's kind of like what you're looking for in a guy where it's like we're not forcing it I mess with you there's not like oh I have to it's not like homework like I have to study to be good at this it's kind of like what we're talking about is don't worry about the men worry about you and then you'll be doing something you love like skiing or something and they'll find you but you don't have to force it or research or like try too hard. Yeah. I've picked up bouldering recently. That's been cool. But like, I don't know, I guess I feel like I should be actively trying at least a little bit.

But I think an oversight that many of us make is, or we are a miscalculation is like, don't underestimate the value of your relationship with yourself. When you are a whole person and you really invest in getting to know yourself and being with yourself and finding out what you do enjoy like okay bouldering great you like that right all of those things are good like it's very natural not everybody has boyfriends in their 20s you know like I I had two boyfriends in my 20s and in the span in a decade I'm not a relationship person I have relationships and then I have to take long breaks in between those relationships because they fucking wear the shit out of me and then in those times when I'm single are the best times in my life so like honestly like you

have to really build that relationship with yourself and get to know who you are and what because sometimes in our 20s like there's a lot of us looking around and not sometimes this is like a society now we're always looking at what other people are doing we're looking at social media we're looking at other people they're in relationships I should do that I should do that why who you know what I mean like it's you can make an effort and I you know you can make an effort you're going to meet people naturally in your life as you go through your job as you go through your social stuff and your hobbies, you are naturally going to meet people. If you want to put an effort in beyond that, then absolutely. Then you do kind of have to do that dating thing

or you have to put yourself in situations where you're going to constantly be meeting new people. And there are other ways to do that without dating sites. And you can join, you know, like a bouldering club or you can join a tennis club or you can join a pickleball club or whatever the fuck you're into, you know, and you can meet people that way and use that as like, okay, at least I'm putting I'm actively putting myself out there but I have to tell you when I actively put myself out there is when it yields the least results that is so I meet people when I'm not looking that's always what has happened to me and I don't consider any of my relationships unsuccessful because they didn't work out they were just parts of the things that built me up

into who I am today and makes me understand myself even more now I know like I have zero tolerance for any bullshit I have to be completely attracted or into someone to give you the time of day. Like, you know, I just don't have that kind of like young attitude about it anymore because my time with myself is so valuable. Anthropocene, or that was a word of the day. It was called the pleasure of being alone, the pleasure of enjoying your solitude. Anthropony. Anthropony, I think, is what it was. Anyway, I was like, oh, that's how I feel. Like, I love my alone time. So listen, it doesn't really, I'm not, we're not giving you like a concrete answer here, but I would say just lay off of it for a little bit. Don't even think about it for a couple months and revisit it.

So you can just kind of get refocused and recalibrate on yourself and then come at it and with a fresher perspective. If you're done with the dating sites for now, then give it a break and come back to it in a couple of months or whatever you feel like it. You know, I wouldn't put so much pressure on yourself to meet somebody. That was amazing. Take fucking notes. That was heavy. But it's also I feel like we're trying to say like we're kind of proud of you that you've invest in yourself because sometimes you'll only try to date people and you're just like doing whatever they like and yeah do some apps throw yourself on some dates but we're being honest you're not missing that much early 20s guys are confused they don't even know how to finger you

like you're confused you so like you're not missing anything crazy and by the time you're like 30 and you're that bitch then you're gonna level up and meet someone at that level with you but that comes in investing in yourself yeah yeah then you really have something to offer somebody up, when you really have put the work into yourself and you are comfortable in your own skin and know who you are, then you really are a catch, you know, not to say you're not one now, but it's only going to get better for you. So the more time you can spend by yourself getting to realize who you are, becoming a self-actualized person is going to yield much better results and much better people that

are complimentary to you and that are that are well suited for you. Because sometimes when we come from a place of like, oh, well, I guess I should be doing this, you're not really looking for the right things in a person. And if you get married one day, you have the whole rest of your life that you're going to be like, oh, I miss when I was early 20s and I could just hang out with the girls. Yeah. Yeah. And I would say too, like you moved to this new city two years ago. You know, you're kind of established there, but you haven't developed that friend group. And that's one of the best ways to like meet a romantic interest is through friends. So if you're going to pour effort into anything, maybe pour your effort into

like building a base of friendships and dating to find a group of friends you know and I love bouldering that's cool I mean I've never done it but I want to it sounds fun it's just easy to pick up if that's something you're interested in like what do you what is bouldering rock climbing yeah but it's like rock climbing but it's strategic so there's like different colors and like you're not like strapped into anything it's not that kind of rock climbing it's only like 10 feet off like a spider monkey. Yeah, sure. I'm going to Google spider monkey later. It sounds like some sort of semen applicant, something to do with semen. Was that helpful to you at all? Yeah, I guess I just kind of have spent the past couple years building on myself and working on myself and

not being invested in finding a romantic partner. So I kind of thought maybe now that I like I'm so established here in my career, and I'm my friends here are like, okay, but like my friends and family back home. Like I'm so secure in that, that like I thought this would be like a good time in my life to kind of like branch out. But we're saying like, no, keep focusing on like myself and like kind of go from there. No, I mean, you can branch out. You can do both things. But I'm just saying in the in the interim time where like if you don't want to put the effort into the dating sites, then don't then that you don't have to do that. There's no limit or time frame where you have to be with somebody. I understand the desire, but nothing bad is going to come from

you spending time alone and getting to know yourself even more you know two years is great so maybe it's another six months you'll know when you have like a real hankering and you'll definitely know when you meet someone and there's a spark and that could happen also just randomly yeah it takes one person yeah are you on the apps no she's over them oh you're over that's what i'm saying is i'm not really trying so that's like kind of where i'm at right now We're kind of saying don't feel bad about where you are. It's great. And I would re-download the app. So you're like doing your own thing and force yourself to go on like a date every couple of weeks and see what happens. So I don't really go on the apps because I like I've done that before and I've never had a dating app where I've been like, that was so fun, even though we didn't have a connection. That was great. So I'm like, go to the movies by myself, like take myself out to dinner. Like I'd rather do that than do that with somebody. also like let the friends that you do have know like hey do you know anybody put it out there

that you're interested in meeting someone and like people will start things will percolate people will start thinking about who they know and who they might hook you up with well cecilia keep us posted on what you do decide to do if you decide to like work on friendships if you decide to try out the apps again yeah for sure and who knows maybe we'll run into somebody on this podcast and we can set you up with them we just have to find someone who lives in orlando so perfect yes kiwi post have you heard of ron desantis would you like to go on a date with him oh tell us you know please zaddy too soon all right cecilia good luck bye thank you we didn't really help cecilia i know she's bummed yeah i mean she didn't but she didn't really want

to do anything about it so it's like i don't know what are we supposed to just bring someone out of in air and place her in his custody finding a friend group and like solidifying those relationships i think is number one for her because she's been there for two years like she hasn't been there for two months and doesn't have friends she's been there for two years don't you feel like that's that's the next move making friends as an adult could be so hard though but she did say she in her letter she said she didn't have a friend group but then when we were talking she said she had some friends but she was saying from oh okay yeah yeah yeah orlando it just sounds It's so bleak.

As soon as she said Orlando, it's like, well, first you have to leave Florida, and then we can talk about what's going to happen. You know? Orlando. Like, ugh. I know. It's tricky. Oh, God. That's why I said water parks.

I was trying to be positive. I know. But are those positive? No, everyone pees in it. Talk about semen. Yeah, semen. What's that word that you guys just said? The monkey?

Spider monkey. Spider monkey sounds like you would find that at a water park. That's like once he comes, that's what it looks like on my body. Oh, no. Oh, Vanessa Gonzalez, who opens for me on my tour, she talks about men coming, and it's so disenchanting. Yeah, it's always more of just like a dribble. Yeah, I'm embarrassed for them. Men's faces when they come is embarrassing.

You have to look away or just shut your eyes. How did we get here? I don't know, spider monkeys. Okay, we are going to take a quick break. There's no shortcut for saving time, but saving money is simple. Just combine your car and home insurance with Bel Air Direct and save. Get a quote at BelAirDirect.com. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months.

I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. but these aren't stories about what's taken from them.

They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society,

the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments,

nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. We're back. We are.

We're back with Hannah Berner. We're back. I do have a little quickie. This is from Caitlin. Dear Chelsea, I think I seriously need my ass kicked, ladies, and I figured you'd be the best ones to do it. I've been with my boyfriend for about 15 months, and we're absolutely in love. He's amazing.

Everything I've always wanted. I've waited a long time for him. She's 55. Oh. However, I find myself being hung up on the fact that I make more money than him. Like, substantially more. I've never been in this situation before, but I'm not so sure how to handle what I'm feeling. When we go out, he drives and pays, etc.

But when we take it to the next level and live together, I fear there will be resentment on my part because I'll surely be covering more of our living expenses. Chelsea, I'm sure you've been in relationships with men that make less money than you. How did you handle it? Please help me get over myself. Caitlin. First of all, men have been paying for us for fucking years. So get over yourself, Caitlin. Who gives a shit about money?

Be happy that you're in a happy relationship with somebody that you're attracted to, that you want to fuck, and that you want to live with. Who cares about who makes more money? I don't care. I don't have any resentment. It's sometimes not hot if someone's broke, but as long as someone can like pay their fair share of something and you make more money, then you help out a little bit more. That's what a relationship is. Rich guys sometimes are the worst. Oh God. Yeah. You don't want, first of all, no, this is very sexist, you know, to think that. Protect men, Chelsea. No, I would never, I hardly ever, I know I hardly ever defend men, but I have to say

in defense of men in this one, like you have everything you want and you're hung up on how much money you make what if every man who supported every woman said that that's just silly that's silliness and that's old thinking and you've been shaped by your society and if he i'd rather be with a guy who loves his job and loves life it makes me feel good about myself than a guy who's what you want him a stockbroker that's like gone all the time and his boyfriend sits on the couch he doesn't even want to work anymore and she loves him she married him i love because i want to create a good life for us and if that involves like me living my dream and me making money yeah We're all happy.

You don't need finances from him. That's the way you work. Yeah. And he can never control you with finances. Yeah, exactly. Thank your lucky stars. Thank you. You're welcome.

Problem solved. Good night. Kicked her ass. Hannah, this was a delight. You're a delight. Oh, my God. This was so much fun. You guys want to go see Hannah on tour?

You can go to her website, hannahburner.com. She's touring all over the country. Is that correct? Yeah. And you can listen to her podcast, Burner Phone and Giggly Squad. Thank you, Hannah Burner. Thank you, Chelsea Handler. Thank you for being here.

Okay. Chelsea, do you have some new dates for us? Oh, you know I do. You know I do. I have a lot of, we added lots of Canadian cities, Canadians, I'm coming. We added about 15 new tour dates. I'm coming to Denver again, Salt Lake City, Vancouver, Richmond, Virginia, Santa Rosa, of California, Gary, Indiana, Baltimore, Verona, New York, and about seven dates in Canada. So go

to ChelseaHandler.com. I am performing everywhere. I will be on tour all for the rest of the year through December. And then next year, I'm going to be touring all year. So come and get it, you guys. It's good times and it's a very much needed reprieve from all the fucking madness that's going on in this world. So I'm here to bring joy and sunshine. Do you have a holiday-themed question for Chelsea? Please send us all the questions you need answered about crazy family get-togethers, arguing over which cranberry sauce recipe to use, and all your holiday drama. Just send your questions to DearChelseaPodcast at gmail.com. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert, executive producer Catherine Law. And be sure to check out our merch at ChelseaHandler.com.

i survived nine months in captivity and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced these are stories about what it takes to make it out alive listen to the Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse.

Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. You know, I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space.

You're hired to fill the space with you. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.