Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - Loud Women Talking with Chelsea + Catherine

Episode Date: June 29, 2023

Chelsea + Catherine are in-studio today to talk about the allure of awesomely bad movies, summer getaways, and why Chelsea’s mom keeps stealing her earrings in her sleep.  Then: A schoolteacher gets fired from her 6th school, and wonders what’s next.  A mom is at her whit’s end when her kindergartener won’t stop self-stimulating. And a Palm Springs transplant finds he can no longer tolerate women.  * Thanks to Betterhelp for sponsoring our new segment, Calling In Backup, and to Courtney Cope, Licensed Marriage Family Therapist and Principal Clinical Operations Manager at BetterHelp. * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Bell. Connection is everything. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who lived through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

And I guess I can share that, uh, no way. Listen to the latest episode of Hey Jonas on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Ben Stiller, and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, everybody. Hi, it's Chelsea and Catherine. Hi.

Hi, we're here podcasting. Here in Los Angeles. It's finally almost summer. Yes, it is summer, even though it's going to be summer all year round from now on because our planet is dying. Unfortunately, that is correct. And welcome to the show. Just a little uplifting positivity for your week. Oh, you know who's special I watched?

Hannah Gadsby. Yes. Not that. Her new one. No, I watched both of her. I watched her second. I had seen her first one. I didn't realize I had missed one.

So there was a second one, which is fucking awesome. And then I watched her third one, which is also awesome. But the second one, she has the best closing line. It's so good. The second one is really good. I would really recommend everyone see it. It's called Douglas. I am just looking at this.

I saw something about it a couple days ago. I'm going to have to check it out. Yeah, when we're on the road, we just have, like, these transport vans. They have TVs in them that we all, you know, it's kind of like a mini tour bus for if it's, like, a two- or three-hour drive. So we watch all sorts of stuff. And we watched Jennifer Lopez's Mother. That was absolutely ridiculous. I mean, like, what?

It's the same movie that Eric Bana did when he was stuck in the woods with his daughter, but now it's Jennifer Lopez. And it's just ridiculous. First of all, she's too beautiful to pay attention to any storyline. It doesn't, I mean, I guess that's why they do these movies, because it doesn't matter. She's just, like, sparkly and glowy and gorgeous. But it was just, yeah, so, anyway. I love a fun, silly movie. We watched, a girlfriend of mine came over, and we love to watch horror movies and thrillers.

We watched this movie called Fall, which is the entire movie is these two girls stuck at the top of, like, a TV tower, and they have to, like, figure out how to get down. And we're like, how do you set an hour-and-a-half movie up there? But it actually had a surprising fun twist and was pretty good. I like a good bad movie sometimes. You know what the best show that I've seen recently? Obviously, Succession is in the top five of all time. Is Elizabeth Olsen.

Love and Death. Love and Death. Yes. That girl is so fucking talented and such a good actress. Nuanced. Everyone in that is so good. Yeah, that was great, great television. Have you seen, did you watch Jury Duty?

No. Oh, my goodness. It's on Amazon. It's like sort of documentary style. It's about like they do a documentary of going to jury duty in L.A. and everyone is an actor except for one guy who doesn't know everybody else's actors. And it is one of my favorite things that I've watched in a long time. It is so fun. James Marsden is in it as sort of like the actor who got hauled into jury duty. And it's it's really, really fun. Everyone else is not a famous actor? No. Yeah. Like, a couple people are from Parks and Rec or this, that, and the other thing. Oh, that's funny. That's an original idea.

Right? Yeah. And it just is the most charming, wonderful thing. The guy who doesn't know that it's all a ruse is, like, such a sweet, angelic kid who just, like, wants the best for everybody and just is, like, everything is, so many weird things keep happening. It's really, really cute. I had something very strange happen, and it was on Mother's Day.

My mother is always fucking with me from wherever she is hanging out, which is, I think, right over my head. But I have these earrings, these light earrings that I wear. And I woke up in New York. I was in New York last week. I woke up. My earring was gone out of one ear and the other one was in one ear. And I was like, I lost that one. I get home that night.

I don't see it anywhere. I wake up in the morning and the earrings in my ear. No. And I was like, OK, well, I was either stoned or drunk or something. and I messed that up. The next night, I go to bed, I wake up, the earring's out of the other ear. I go in the bed, I'm looking for my earring,

I don't find it. And I'm like, okay, I come home and I wake up in the morning and my earring's back in my ear. That's wild. The second time, I said to my security, I said to my assistant, I said to my crew, I was like, guys, I just want you to know

I had no earring in. It happened a third time. I go, oh, my earring's missing again. And I said to Carla, I'm like, I'm telling you, this has happened two nights in a row. I didn't say anything because it sounds so psycho. So I kept it to myself because I'm like, only I need to know about these things. And I said, I just want you to know this earring's gone, right, guys?

Look at my earring. It's gone. And they're all like, yeah, you idiot, whatever. And the next morning, guess whose earring was back in? Shut up. Three times it happened to me. What? What do you think it means?

Well, it's missing again. Look. This one is in and this one's out. I woke up this morning and it's missing again. What? And so I'm just like waiting for my mother to put it back in my earring. It's so crazy. Maybe she really likes that pair of earrings.

But that's something my mom would totally do. I just didn't think they could touch you. But who knows? I mean, why not? Do you ever have those like, oh, you do like those little like stones and crystals and things? Yeah, I meditate with crystals like a real hot mess. So Brad and I have a Reiki lady back in Oswego, Illinois. And she's like, yeah, when you don't need them anymore, they'll wander off.

And it's absolutely true. They do. And then sometimes they wander right back into your life. It's the weirdest thing. The people from. No, the little rocks. Oh. The little crystals.

Oh. It's like when you don't need them, they like disappear and then sometimes they'll reappear. Like I keep some in my purse and like sometimes one of them will wander away, maybe never come back, and then maybe they'll come back like a year later. It's the weirdest thing. It's weird. That is weird. Yeah.

um even brad has a little what do you call it your love rock your uh it's my adventure stone his adventure stone it's a good reminder of good things to come uh chelsea i have some very fun updates oh okay this email is from julia she says i was the private chef considering moving to the pacific northwest on the psychic medium episode i made the move still getting my footing and figuring out a new routine on my own but I just listened to the Dylan Mulvaney episode with Dane who's trans and doesn't have a big community in Portland. I'm a cis woman but I thought I'd see if he wanted to be connected just to have a friend especially since I'm new since February and don't know too many people. I live in Vancouver so just across the bridge. Thank you

again Julia. And I got so many emails from people being like I'm in Portland I'm trans or I'm in Portland. I'd love to reach out to Dane. And so I passed him along all of those. Isn't that amazing? Yeah, yeah. Nice listeners, you guys. Way to build a community. I know. I love it. And I love it was just a caller from recently who's going to get connected. Another update from Meg, who had the new baby. She was Mormon, divorcing her husband on our Heather Gay episode. So she says, Dear Chelsea, Heather, and Catherine, I got to listen back to your advice when the Bad Mormon episode was released, and I needed to reach out to thank you. Your advice remains as grounding and centering as the day we met, even more so now that my ex has a new girlfriend.

Chelsea was so right. The fear of it was far worse than the reality. We found a place for my soon-to-be ex-husband to live. To fuck his new girlfriend. Yes, outside of their house. Thank you. It's walking distance from my house, and we'll continue to co-parent from a safer emotional distance starting next week. In watching my ex be free and date, I think it's safe to say that, as Heather predicted, my whore phase has definitely begun.

I've found myself a talented, super hot hookup for now who has graciously accepted the challenge of scheduling casual sex around a mom's shared custody agreement. I'm not ready for anything serious, but when I am, I'll be sure to use your incredibly kind remarks about my cuteness to hype me up before each date. Please know I was sitting in front of a seasonal depression lamp that would make anyone look super hot. Also, my principal from a school I worked in years ago called me up out of the blue and is working with me to design a position at the school in which I will be a social-emotional behavioral coach for students as I apply for counseling psychology programs in the fall. Which is awesome because that was like one of her concerns, bringing in money. And that guy just contacted her? Out of the blue. That is called when you get your ducks in a row, the good things come your way, listeners.

Raising your frequency. Yes, yes. When you raise your frequency, people with raised frequencies come your way and opportunity arises and then abundance. And this next line I love. She goes, very little is settled for sure, but so much is taking shape. I'm so grateful for your wonderful advice that helped and is still helping me to stay patient and strong in so many moments of uncertainty. Chelsea, you mentioned in a recent podcast you'd like to hop off the karmic wheel for a while and be a lightworker or something. Did I?

Sounds like I was pretty stoned. I know what you meant and hope you're granted a much-deserved reprieve next lifetime. But I also hope you know the work you're doing here on Earth now is lightwork on a grand scale. The ripples go farther than you'll ever get to see. thank you all for your kindness authenticity and light in the world with love and gratitude meg that's nice very sweet wonderful good good i'm hoping this podcast absolves me of going straight to fucking hell i think so well chelsea we're gonna head into our calling in backup segment with better help who is sponsoring this segment and today courtney cope is joining us

licensed marriage family therapist and principal clinical operations manager at BetterHelp. Hi, Courtney. Hi, Courtney. Hi, great to see you both. Hi. Well, Angela writes, Dear Chelsea, before I go any further, I just want to point out that I love my mother-in-law dearly, but I really could use some advice on how to deal with her in certain situations. I need to rewind a bit before I was in the picture. My partner, who's now 37, lost his sister to cancer when she was just 15 and he was 10. As anyone can imagine, this completely broke them as a family and changed them completely. We have a one-year-old little boy, and since having him, I have so much more empathy for what they all went through.

However, every time we're together, his mom breaks down in tears. The crying isn't always about her late daughter. Of course, I will always comfort and listen when she speaks about her. This will never be an issue for me. But it can be over anything. It can be over casual conversation about the weather, about what books we're reading, even what we may be having for tea that evening. A lot of the conversations we have, I find she often puts a negative Debbie Downer spin on it. She'll cry and get emotional at other people's problems, too, even people she barely knows. But lately, I just feel like every time we're due to see her, I instantly start to feel miserable. It's like I'm anticipating the emotions that are about to come, and I feel like the life and happiness has been drained from me when I leave her.

She also has a tendency to make everything about her, which is extremely annoying. I completely understand why she has this dark side to her, given everything that's happened in the past. I'd never want her to feel like she can't talk about her daughter to me. I'll hold her hand and cry and laugh on the odd occasion, but I can't deal with the constant downing of everything else. So, do you have any advice on how I can handle this going forward? I always try and make light of the situations, but it rarely works.

Thanks for taking the time to read this, Angela. Well, Angela, I can't tell you how many therapy sessions I've had that started off with. First of all, I want to point out that I love my mother-in-law dearly, but so again, super common. I want to say, I don't think this is a question about grief. This is really a question about this woman is feeling trapped and not like she can do anything about the situation or that her efforts to change it in the past have been

unsuccessful. And ideally in a situation like this, I would love to see husband and wife sit down together, discuss this as a unit and perhaps even take two to three sessions with a couples therapist to explore some solutions. Because this is really about the husband, the wife, and now their new one-year-old child as a unit deciding how they want to move forward with the relationship with his parents in a way that works for their family unit. Yeah, I think that's good advice because you do need like a team member because she does feel so trapped. Like the idea of having to hang out with somebody that's such a Debbie Downer and knowing that it's an obligation of yours

by way of marriage isn't fair. It's just not. Only to a degree. And you've reached your limit, it sounds like. Right. And the general consensus among most couples therapy experts is that it's really important that an adult child, when they're now engaging in an intimate adult relationship, like a marriage, a domestic partnership, they have to choose their partner over their parent. And what I mean by that is if something isn't working for their partner or something's affecting their partner, they have to prioritize their partner's feelings over their parents in order to be able to move forward and have a healthy, well, not only a healthy relationship, but a healthy adult experience. Because no adult should be under the thumb of their mother or father's will in perpetuity, right? That would just hinder them as an adult for the rest of their life. So that would be what I would say about that. But also, I just, of course, have to say losing a child is, of course, considered one of the most ultimate tragedies and, of course, is going to impact somebody for the rest of their life in some way or another.

That being said, it is not this person's job to be their mother-in-law's therapist, to sit down and find solutions specific for their mother-in-law. So this is really, I think, about the husband and wife having constructive conversations here. Yeah, absolutely. Because it is his responsibility to get the situation started. You know, it's his mom. When that moment comes and you're like sitting around the table talking about literally the weather and she breaks down in tears, what's the move? I mean, my instinct is to be like, I'm going to give you a couple minutes, like ver, ver, I'm going to give you a couple minutes and walk away. But like that also feels a little icy cold from me. What's the move to like sort of break the cycle that she knows is coming multiple times in every visit? Right. In an ideal world, we would have husband and wife ahead of time deciding like, hey, if mom starts crying or mother-in-law starts crying at this visit, husband is going to step in and he's going to take over or say something. Wife can excuse herself, whatever it is. But let's just say it's just her and mother-in-law, right? I don't think there's anything wrong with deciding ahead of time, what do I have capacity for? If I

don't want to go down this road for more than 15 seconds or 35 seconds, doing exactly what you said, Catherine, is totally appropriate. I hear you and I'm going to step outside and get some fresh air. I'm going to go pour another cup of tea. Anything to pattern interrupt would be really useful. But the other thing I would also encourage is to have husband and wife ahead of time, maybe start looking at the ways they're spending time with mother-in-law and if there's ways they can redirect that quality time together into avenues that maybe won't bring it about as much now i want to acknowledge they might be limited they have a one-year-old so it's not like they can take the one-year-old and just like go to theater or movies with the mother yeah have you tried

thought about taking your mother skiing yeah i hear chelsea's good at that um so they definitely want to do things that are not just sitting and staring at each other across from their cup of tea, right? Because that's going to invite probably conversations that they don't want to have. So thinking ahead of time of what they could do, having a plan with her husband that if it does come up, what's he going to do to step in? And then the last thing I'll say is if someone is going to speak directly to the mother-in-law about her behavior or her grief or how anything she's doing is impacting anyone. It has to be from the husband. I would say it would be very difficult for that conversation to go well if it came from the wife. And if it comes from the husband,

him and his mom have a shared experience of grief. They both lost a loved one. And so I think even for him to be able to say, you know, I get it. It's so hard. We lost this person that we love. And I'm working to be more in the moment. And I'd love for you to be more in the moment with me. just something that relates to her instead of shaming her, blaming her, I think will be really important here. I really love that. Well, Courtney, thank you. Courtney Cope is a licensed marriage and family therapist and principal clinical operations manager at BetterHelp. And of course, thank you again to BetterHelp for sponsoring Calling and Backup. Thanks so much for having me. Thanks, Courtney. Thanks. So let's take a quick break and we'll be right back to take some

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survivors who lived through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books,

the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much,

you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle.

I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us.

Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind or wake up to a new version of yourself so whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip i hope you listen to solita on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts and we're back we are all right our first two questions are kind of two sides of the same coin

so I was really curious what you'll have to say about this, Chelsea. Our first question comes from Michael. He's in Palm Springs. Dear Chelsea, I've been a sex researcher for the past 20 years. In my field, I've worked closely with some of the smartest women possible. I've studied women and men my entire career, from their sexual practices to their relationships to their use of vibrators and other toys. My research partners have largely been women, and most of my true best friends are women. However, I'm starting to develop a sense of anger at some women. Loud, straight women, and I can't seem to shake it.

A few years ago, I left my academic career to move to Palm Springs with my husband, who got a job offer we couldn't refuse. You know what that means. Literally everyone I interact with is a gay man in this city, and I'm rarely around women unless a friend comes to visit. My husband and I go hiking several times per week in the local mountains. Almost every time we run into a group of young women, loud, screaming women who literally never shut up during the entire hike. They're always screaming about some randomness, and you can just hear their voices regardless of how far ahead we get past them.

They are pushing me over the edge. If it's a woman with a man, the woman is always talking. I don't understand why they can't just enjoy the beauty of the desert and shut the fuck up every now and then. And it's not just hiking. For some reason, every group of women that comes to Palm Springs thinks that they are just what gay men are waiting for to make their day. They come into gay bars and packs and literally scream the entire time, acting like they're doing something original, and that we should appreciate that they came to a gay bar. On a recent podcast, you said you have a friend who never shuts the fuck up. So I know you can relate, but I do need some advice.

Am I just being a prick and becoming sexist? Or is it really the case that some women just don't ever stop talking? I don't want to confront these women. What could I possibly say? So I'm just carrying around this anger and anxiety about them instead. Any advice you can offer would be much appreciated. Michael. Hi, Michael.

First of all, this is a you problem. These women, they're out in public spaces. I understand that you want your bar to yourself without these loud, obnoxious women. but you cannot that's too discriminatory to say you can't come in here i don't want you here on my hike i don't want you here in my gay bar like this reminds me of an article i read over the weekend about they were making in south korea they have public spaces that are child free zones where you're not allowed to have children but it's a public space and even i don't agree with that like children are a part of our human family like you don't have to have them but you can't

outlaw them like if i mean and this is me everybody like we all know how i feel so like i i was just like south korea what the you're in a park and they're like no children in this area i don't i'm not like a non-smoking it's not a private business if you have a business fine you know and and you want to do that that's that's one thing but public areas are for everybody whether you agree with them or you disagree with them now why you're so irritated by these women is an inside question for you that you need to figure out because sometimes you can tolerate people that are annoying and sometimes people can't tolerate people that are annoying. And I understand, believe me, I'm a highly irritable person, but you can't let people that have nothing to do with

your life impact you that way because they're in hearing distance of what you're doing. So you have to figure out a way to cultivate more patience because if I know anything, it is that patience is a virtue. I have no natural patience. I've had to work on it my, well, I wouldn't say my entire life because I only came to like grips with the fact that I had no patience until, you know, later in life. But I do exercise patience and it is a practice. So you have to figure out a way to let yourself not be so impacted by other people's actions, behaviors, or sounds. You might also have, you know, what's called hyperacusis, which is when you have very strong sensitivity to sound. I think that's what hyperacusis means. I'm pretty sure I have that

towards smell. And I also don't like loud, loud sounds, which is ironic since I'm the loudest one in the room. I probably don't like the competition, but yes, I think you need to figure out a way to work on your patients, whether that's through meditation or a mantra or going to therapy, but you have to be tolerant of other people. That's just the way this world is. Yeah. And I do think, you know, while he thinks that it's women, I think, Michael, you have to realize, like, what you actually hate are bachelorette parties. Like, that feels like what this issue is. Yeah. And in that case, you need to leave Palm Springs. You need to find a completely different place to live because that's where they're all headed. I had a little bit of this going on where I was like, sometimes young people would be being loud or whatever. And I realized, like, I'm getting a little older. And I had to reframe a little bit and be like, oh, remember when I was young and dumb and fun and loud and I was just having a great time. And now it weirdly makes me smile. Like when I see teenagers and they're just sort of being obnoxious or silly. I'm like, you know what? Good for them. Like, good for them. And if you can't outrun them on your hike, just stop and look at some beautiful cacti and let them walk on ahead because that way you'll definitely like have a better chance of not being able to hear them.

But I do love that he wrote into two very loud women up with this question. So our next question is a little bit of the flip side of that. This comes from Jolene. Dear Chelsea, I was at your Spokane show and it was great. However, at the show, I was on the first level of the balcony, and there was a group of women behind and in front who were talking throughout the whole show. I tried really hard to ignore it, but my ADHD self couldn't. It was very distracting and disappointing. I love going to stand-up, and for the most part, this doesn't seem to be a big issue.

But when it does, it really gets to me. It feels disrespectful. Maybe I'm too sensitive. How do you suggest dealing with this? Do I suck it up, as I did? I know they paid for their tickets, too, so I don't get any special privilege. Should I say something in the future? And how would you recommend saying something?

The group of women behind me was clearly intoxicated, and I didn't want to say something that would end up causing further disruption. I know that people can be totally unaware of how they're impacting others, and I'm sure that there were people around me that weren't as bothered as I was. Any thoughts would be appreciated. Jolene. Well, I would say in that circumstance that it's okay to say something to someone because you're at a performance that you paid money for. And just because they paid money for their tickets doesn't mean that they get to impede your being able to enjoy the show. Right. And if they were being really loud, yes, you can go and just very nicely say, hey, ladies, I'm so sorry.

Can you please? I can't hear anything. And you can try and do it in a nice way. And if they don't listen, then I would just go get security and be like, I can't hear. Like, that's what security's for. Listen, there are a lot of drunk people at my show and a lot of people get removed when they can't control themselves because, you know, they can't. They're ruining the show for other people. Do you think that happens, like, every show or, like, just sometimes?

No, but certain shows, like, I've heard this before where people are like, I couldn't, I was sitting by this, these group of women that were so obnoxious. I mean, no one goes to a stand-up comedy show to hear somebody else talk. So, like, just, and that's, you couldn't say that. Well, and I love this question, too, because I had an experience like this a couple years ago, pre-pandemic. Brad and I had traveled to San Diego. We'd driven for hours. We had a hotel room for the weekend. And we went to see My Favorite Murder live. And like, it's a podcast. They're literally just talking. There's no spectacle. It's two people talking, sitting in chairs. And the gals next to us, they weren't drunk, but there were three or four gals. And they just were talking at full volume the entire time. and I eventually like nicely asked them to be quiet and they were so pissed at me like they were really upset who cares if they're pissed at you you don't know them I know and when I hear anyone at my show like if it's disrupting my performance I always call them out like shut the fuck up you're nobody there's thousands of people here that want to listen to me yeah like

you're not you can't get to talk right now that's not what this is about it's not interactive So there's a time and a place, I think, when you say something to people. And absolutely, that is a time to say something to someone. And in a nice, gentle way. And if they don't hear you the first time, then go get security and say, I can't, you know, I don't, I'm not enjoying myself. I can't hear anything, these women. I mean, people get removed from my shows all the time for doing that. And I would say also, Jolene, you know, you thought you were probably the only one having that issue with them.

Like, probably everyone else around you was also annoyed, I would say. Yeah. Yeah. As long as you don't start everything at, like, a 90, you know, out of 100 and, like, start coming up going, yeah, yeah, yeah, I need you to quiet, you know, like, as long as you're not approaching them like that and it's in a careful way, like, and in a thoughtful way, then the reaction should be commensurate. And if it isn't, then, you know, you have to tell on them. A little tattling never hurt anybody. Well, our first caller today is Lee. Lee says, dear Chelsea, help me decide which direction I should take.

as I approached this fork in the road yet again. I graduated with a BA in psychology, but after just a couple years and a cross-country road trip, I decided to get my teaching certification. I was looking for a dependable, respectable, and stable job. Unfortunately, nine years later, this job has been anything but. I have officially been laid off due to budget cuts four times now in nine years. I thought I finally found a great school, but after only one year, I found out I was being let go again, along with 40 other teachers. I always had the same old lines. You're great.

It's not you. We'll help you find another position. But I've heard it all before and feel so rejected and defeated. Is it stupid to return to the classroom at another school? This would be my seventh school. Or is it a sign from the universe to move on to something bigger and better? Maybe the universe keeps sending me this sign that I keep ignoring. Lee.

Hi, Lee. Hi, how are you? I'm good. How are you? good good nice to see you i can understand why you're so frustrated yeah it's a big hit to to the self-esteem as well yeah i i selfishly i don't think we can afford to lose any more teachers so part of me is just like please just stick with it but talk to me about your life i mean you say you think it might be a sign that you're in the wrong you're doing the wrong thing i i don't know

about that. I think that sometimes things get really tough before you get to the place where you're supposed to be. Right. And that's what I'm starting to wonder now. But it's just like you get jealous of the people who, you know, been able to stay at one school for since their whole career when I've been at like probably six in the past nine years because there's just so many budget cuts, surprisingly, in education. What state are you in? In New Jersey. And is there anything else that you're thinking about or contemplating doing for a living? I thought about going back for guidance counseling. So then it's like still in the school or just counseling in general. I think that'd be cool, but I don't know. I look at my husband and like my parents

have these cushy like office jobs and I'm like, well, that seems kind of nice. They haven't been let go ever and I'm let go all the time. Yeah, I understand that. I wouldn't give up on teaching because you're doing such a major contribution to society. And if you really can, what grade do you teach? I've been teaching middle school, but I actually just accepted a position in an elementary school, so. Okay, so you're starting a new job?

Yeah, so I got let go right when I wrote that letter. And then, you know, I need a job. I have two small kids. So I started applying right away. And of course the teaching jobs are easy for me to get because that's what, you know, my resume is. So yeah, I got something right away. OK. And is there any way you can do that while you're also pursuing getting what would you what kind of credentials do you need to become a guidance counselor?

It's a master's degree, which, yeah, I could. But I would love for the school to pay. And usually they won't pay till you've worked there a couple of years. I would say try and see. Have you started this new job yet? No, it starts in September. Oh, well, that's exciting. I think take this new job, really set an intention about where you want this to go, how you want to impact the children, how you want to be of use within this school and what you want to contribute. Right. I think you should start from that really like set your intention so that you're really mindful every day going in and really putting your best foot forward and see what happens. And if this happens again, then I would say, yeah, then you can start talking about

getting your master's degree. I think you can still start pursuing that anyway to become a guidance counselor. I think that's a really helpful, you know, position for people to be in. I remember my guidance counselor from middle school. She saved my ass so many times. So I have very fond memories of that relationship, but I wouldn't take like a product of what our society is dealing with in the education sector as a sign that you're not in the right position. And I think sometimes when you stick it out, right when you think you're supposed to quit, it's the next thing that comes your way. That's the best one. yeah that's I guess what I'm hoping because I feel like I can't make the decision to leave

education kind of like you're saying unless it's on my terms like maybe I get to stay and I work three more years and I realize oh I'm the one who wants to yeah absolutely and how much I mean you're willing to make a go of this one yes yes yeah I would say just really go into this so wholeheartedly as wholeheartedly as you've ever gone into anything in your life and really Because I think, I'm not blaming your being, you know, these cost cuts or you being let go on you, but I'm saying when you bring that energy into something and it's consistent and it's really mindful, it works for you. And you'll start to see the effect that you're having on the children, on the other staff,

on the school as a whole. That's true. That's a good point. It is. It's just hard. We don't give enough credit to like spirituality and to energy and to like our vibrations and what we're bringing and what we're taking away, you know? You have the ability to impact so many little people's brains.

I mean, that is a privilege. That is a privilege. And that's my favorite part of teaching. I just, more than teaching, I love being like their guidance counselor almost, you know? Yeah, yeah. So don't give up yet. Don't conflate you losing your job with you being a teacher. You know what I mean?

Right, yeah. I know it's hard to see those as two separate things. And I get you. Like, it is like, yeah, if it happens again, then I would say, okay. But since we're talking, I think you should give it one more go. Okay. I think also if you have the expectation of like, this might be for one year and that's okay. And then it might be for 10 years or 20 years.

You just don't know. But if you have the expectation of like, this is what's happened for the last nine years in a row. And then you'll be pleasantly surprised if it goes beyond that. Yeah, that's true. I had told myself that this was it. And now I'm like, oh, I got one more, I guess one more shot. Yeah, one more shot. We all agree, one more shot.

And then, and then from there, if that happens again, call us back and then we'll reroute. Yes, please do. Please do. Okay. Okay. Okay. Good luck to you. Thanks, Lee.

Thank you. Bye. Bye. Oh, she was so cute. She was like, it's my daughter's field day today. I'm like, I remember field day. Do you remember that? Yeah.

When my mom would forget to pack me anything for lunch and all the other kids had their shit. I remember field days. I hated field trips so much. Oh, mom. I mean, it was nice to not be in the classroom, but it was, I mean, my mom would never come on those field trips you know how mothers sign up i'd be like mom would you come on a field trip she's like oh honey no she's like i've already been to the zoo i'm like what i don't need to

see those i'm like what about the liberty bell we could ride to philadelphia together i heard that the liberty bell is very underwhelming um well it's pretty big bell yeah i mean we there have a little museum i don't think it's underwhelming no it's fun and historic I mean, all that shit is underwhelming. Are you a museum person? I prefer museum over art. Yeah. I love museums.

I like history over art. I don't know what I'm looking at when I look at art. You know, I just, I may as well be looking at a duvet cover. You know, I just know, like, what, I don't know how to interpret it. I don't know the language of art. I appreciate that it's there, but I'm a Philistine when it comes to art. I like art, but, like, for a little bit. Like, I love to look at something beautiful, but then I'm like, yeah, I'm, like, ready to move on to the next thing.

Yeah, like, I want an hour in an, you know, I'll look at art for an hour, and then that's it. Yeah. With museums, I want to read, if I'm interested in the subject, I want to read every single plaque. Like, everything. I love it. You know what a great museum is? Is the Broad Museum in downtown L.A. Oh, I have not been yet.

That is a beautiful art museum, because they have different collections there and different viewings, and it's just so well done. They have a huge art collection, the Broad family. And they have a little restaurant next door that's really, it's just the perfect day. It's called OTIUM, O-T-I-U-M. And it's the perfect day to go down there to the Broad Museum. That's one museum I like. Behind every night spent making the kids' lunches, there's a lot of suspense. Will they finally eat the veggies?

Will the pesto survive the first bite? Will the lunchbox come home empty, half full, or come home at all? And will you finish episode eight before you're done slicing the cucumbers? Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus from $94 a month, price guaranteed for two years on Internet with a two-year term and auto-pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell. Connection is everything.

When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me.

I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality,

welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments,

nothing is off the table it's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters and that is a trojan horse whether you're looking for literary deep dives smart pop culture conversations or a community of readers who love to think a little too much you're in the right place listen to pro society on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B.

I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

All right. Our next caller is Celeste. Celeste is 43. She says, Dear Chelsea, My five-year-old daughter masturbates with abandon. We've had many talks about it, and she knows it's totally normal and fine, but that it's a private activity. She usually respects the boundaries we give her, but with this, she does not give a fuck. She finds creative ways to do it at preschool, at restaurants, around her older brother and his friends. I don't know what else to do without shaming her about her masturbation and sexuality. Thank you for being honest about your childhood masturbation.

What advice would you give to your family who knew what you were up to back then? Celeste. Hi, Celeste. Hi. How are you? I'm good. How are you? Amazing. Tell Chelsea what you told us about the particular implement that your daughter has been using. Well, it's not just one, I guess, for stuff like this, but we have a massage gun for post-workout recovery and what have you.

And she likes to take that into corners of the living room under the blanket during family movie time and just. That's I listen, you're not alone. I did that for about two years straight when we called it the feeling. And I was I took whatever utensils or rulers or ladles I could. I once sat at my Thanksgiving dinner with a ladle in between my legs, like basically jerking myself off for like three hours straight during a Thanksgiving dinner when I was nine years old. So, I mean, you know, not for just so everyone's clear, child masturbation is not inserting anything into your vagina. You're playing with your little fiddle bean. Outdoors only.

And it's also usually over clothing. But I don't know. I don't know. Because when my mom called me out, I believe nobody understood what I was doing. Right. I thought the longer no one says anything to me, I'm getting away with it. Like, obviously no one could see what I'm doing, but my discretion was, became less and less.

Like I, I started to get bolder and bolder. And so everyone knew what I was doing, but once somebody said something to me once I was done, but that was in a much different era. So I understand not wanting to shame your daughter, but it sounds like she really needs to understand that that behavior is fine, but she's got to be in her room when she does it because I think you have to have a larger conversation with her about what it means. You know what I mean? Like that's a private moment and you're totally allowed it, but it's just not for family and it's not for strangers. Yeah. And I guess, so the reason I wrote in is because I read

your book and read that part of it. We have had that conversation a lot of times. And so if I ask her and I say, hey, what are you doing? She just kind of like, and I say, are you allowed to do that in private in my room? She doesn't do that. So I don't know how to explain to her at that age the possible dangers of doing that. How old is she again? Five. Yeah, that's pretty young. You know, so I did a little research on this. Basically, what they say is, like, this isn't even really about sex for kids that age. It's about, like, oh, like, I don't wear a diaper anymore. And I've discovered these feelings. And, like, this part of my body feels different than other parts of my body. And it's just sort of, like, it can be self-soothing, which, like, I know I did as a, like, little four or five-year-old. It can be, you know, just like, oh, this is fun and exciting. but one of the best recommendations I saw was distraction. So like she knows she's supposed to do it in her room and there maybe is like okay like maybe it's time for some private time in your room or in the bathroom and like having her go do that then. But also just distraction like hey you

know what let's go bake some cookies or something less time consuming than baking cookies. Like hey should we go grab a snack? Hey should we go for a walk right now? So it's sort of like redirecting where it's not like doesn't you know not even saying anything about it just like you know, let's go over here and do this right now. So sort of like disrupting that pattern when she's in public. But the other nice thing that I read is that as she gets closer to like six, seven, eight, nine, she will naturally start to phase that out. That's obviously like in cases like this where it's a normal kid, she will start to phase that out and be like, oh, wait, I shouldn't be doing this in front of my nine-year-old brother. Do you, have you put, have you done

that with her? Like when she is masturbating or whatever, fiddling her bean, do you say, do you like say, okay, now we're going to go in your room. You can do that in your room. I don't know if I've necessarily tried that approach. Like I've taken the massage gun away and just been like, hey, this is not a toy. This is for mom and dad. And like went and put it on the shelf, but she finds her ways. And she, I told Catherine this, that recently she put on, she got dressed for school, put on a pair of pants and said, oh, there's a hole in my pocket. And I said, okay, well, don't put anything important in there. And she was like, now I can touch my vagina and no one will know.

Well, also the way that you said to me when you said to her that you said, what are you doing? Like, that's very playful. So her response saying, ooh, like that's also playful. So maybe you need to be a little bit firmer instead without being shameful or shaming her. it's not a shameful thing but a little bit firmer like i told you honey that's not appropriate you know what i mean you can you can do that but there are room this is the zone where you can do it and you can't do it outside anymore and if she does you can just say okay if you if that's what you want to do then you have to be in your room right and each time be consistent don't let her

masturbate on the couch don't let her fiddle or bean wherever she feels like it anytime you catch her go honey i'm so sorry but we're gonna if you want to do that we can you can go to your room and do it. And if you don't want to go to your room, then you have to stop doing that. Right. That's a good point. I didn't think about that. She's following my tone. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And that way, what Chelsea said, like the boundary is not masturbating or not masturbating. The boundary is, you know what? Looks like you need some private time. Why don't you go spend a few minutes in your room? It's just like saying I have to urinate. You can't just do that wherever you want. I mean, you can, but somebody's going to say you need to go in the

bathroom like that's where you do that just like she goes to the bathroom to pee and potty and whatever else and brush her teeth there's a room for her you know like you have to make it that clear yeah right and be firm and be consistent and I bet you if you're consistent like the next 10 times it's not going to be a problem anymore yeah I think that makes sense yeah I've just been nervous about her feeling like it's a bad thing but I do think that I've been probably too lenient about it. Been too careful. Yeah. It sounds like maybe you have. But yeah, exactly what Chelsea said. Minus the shame, but like redirecting, like either to bedroom or, you know, distraction, distraction. Like let's go do something else. Yeah. All right. Well, will you let us know how

it goes and clean off your Theragun, please? Yeah. Keep that Theragun away from her also, because those things are dangerous. The thing is like punching. Oh my God. Yeah. You're not supposed to use those on your neck either, because I've heard some stories about people saying they really hurt themselves with that. Yeah, like on your spine and your shoulders, like you can do it. And it gets really violent if you put it on that high setting

and it can hurt you. So yeah, keep that away from her anyway. Yeah, yeah, agreed. Yeah, treat it like a real gun and put it in a lock drawer. Fair enough. Okay, well, good luck. Let us know how it goes.

Thanks, Celeste. Okay, yeah. Okay, thank you. Bye. Bye. I was the queen of masturbation when I was a little kid. Well, our next caller is Janelle. Janelle says, dear Chelsea, the past few years have been tough. I know, I know. Who hasn't it been tough for? I worked a good amount

of issues out through therapy, but I felt as though I had reached my limit. I was given a note from my therapist for an emotional support animal, but I live in a non-pet friendly building. My puppy Toulouse, has there ever been a better dog name than Toulouse? No. Toulouse. Toulouse, two words or Toulouse? Toulouse. Like Toulouse-La-Trec. Oh. Has made a world of difference. I can get out of bed in the morning with purpose. She gets me out and about and meeting new people. She's been such a joy and I love her so much, but my neighbor hasn't felt the same. Occasionally, she lets out a bark or two when she hears certain people in the hall. Not everyone and not all the time. I immediately run over to quiet her down so there really is only five to ten seconds of a bark.

Not excessive in my opinion, but the walls are thin and my neighbor still complains. Over the past few months, she left a nasty note under the door and has since complained to management twice, which has now prompted them to fine me. Fine her? Fine her. She had to have like a meeting in front of the board and everything. Because of this, my anxiety and depression has increased tenfold. I had to start medication.

I even had my first panic attack, which mimicked a heart attack. I feel so on edge and uncomfortable in my own home. This is a condo building, and I own a unit, and I'm starting the moving process because of this. I felt bullied enough to move out. In the meantime, do you have any advice for how to deal with cruel people? What should I do? Janelle. Hi, Janelle. Hi, how are you?

Oh, we're good. How are you? This is Catherine. Hi, nice to see you, Catherine. So you're moving out? I am, yeah. my place will probably go up for sale this week. And then it's just kind of like the summer to look for a new spot. Okay, well, that's, that's good. And what's the barking situation? How would you rate it on a scale of barking when you're gone? Right? No, it's when I'm there. So I mean, and I'm working, you know, the same business hours as this woman, my neighbor, and she'll hear

to lose will like hear something in the hall, it'll set her off. She barks once or twice, and I immediately run over to calm her down and then that's it. This is not like excessive barking when I'm gone. This is just once or twice, like less than 30 seconds. That's so annoying that your neighbor did that. Yeah. That's so annoying. I mean, I mean, listen, barking is very annoying, especially excessive barking. So I, the fact that you're talking to me, I believe you. And when you say it's one or two barks, like that's not the end of the world and anybody can work around that. And you have to have tolerance for that sort of thing, especially when you're living in a building with other people on top of each

other, literally. Right. Right. I mean, and like this is a building I'm in Chicago. And so this is a building that was like built in the 70s. The walls are very thin. I have heard this neighbor cough through the wall. I'm sure she's heard me, you know, make a smoothie with my blender or vacuum or anything. So like this thing and, you know, Toulouse letting out one or two barks is, I don't know, like you said, not the end of the world. And when you said they fined you, how much money was that? So I have a meeting with the board to be determined when they haven't decided when. But essentially, I will like go plead my case to them and then they'll choose what my fine is.

So this is what I said to Janelle as well. I was like, is there a way that you can discuss with the board? Like, is this actually a problem? Because number one, you have rights under the Americans with Disabilities Act because she is an ESA. She's an emotional support animal. This is not a pet. This is a dog that is helping you with a mental health issue.

And in addition, I think you need to be very clear with them. She is not barking all day long. Like it's five to 10 barks or five to 10 seconds of a bark, like you mentioned, and then she's quieted down. And I think you should work with them on like, what is a good solution to this issue? And should I advise someone when this issue is happening so that they can come and actually see like she's not barking all day long? I think you need to make it very clear to them that like one person's word is not what is

necessarily happening. We used to live above some neighbors who would complain that we were so loud and we walked with really heavy footfalls and whatever, whatever, whatever. Footfalls? What the fuck is a footfall? Like, I know Brad's really tall and big, but like, can you ask him to like step quieter? Like in our apartment. And finally, one day our building manager asked us to like hang out in their apartment while they were gone because there was like a service person coming. I went down to check out their apartment just to see how loud it was. These people, who were in their 20s, by the way, had their entire apartment covered in antique China dishes with teacups.

So every time we would walk, it would rattle the teacups all around their apartment. Was that an us problem? No, but they still complained about us. So, you know, I think you need to make it really clear to them, like, this is actually not an issue. I know so-and-so feels that it is, but I would be very happy to provide proof that this is not an ongoing or persistent issue. I have a question. Well, I mean, what's the point if she's moving out? Well, I mean, for the purpose of this interaction.

But what happens when your dog – do you ever leave your dog at home without you? I have once or twice. You know, I don't think she's allowed in the grocery store, so I don't bring her grocery shopping with me. And I've gone on a date or two and I've left her behind. But I have a camera on her. So I can check in like live feed on her and she's always just sleeping and I've taken screenshots of it. So I know that she's not barking when I'm not there. It's just that when I'm there, she hears something in the hallway and is confused at like who it could be. Right. And when you come home from those instances, does she bark when she hears you coming in? No, never.

Yeah. But so for this hearing, first of all, there should be no fucking fine. You're moving out. Like what? Right. I mean, you're you've already decided that. Or are you for sure you want to do this? I mean, I get it. It's like shitty to come home and be like, oh, my gosh, am I being too loud here and there and everywhere? But at the same time, like to move and sell your condo because of a complaint to one of from one other person. this was like the straw that broke the camel's back there's just like a couple things that i've like wanted in a new place you know just chicago old outdated kind of unit so looking to upgrade anyways but this was just kind of like the final straw and it's not so much that her barking gives me anxiety because like i'm not set off by loud noises it's like the fact that i might see this neighbor in the hallway and she's already you know under the door and i just like i just don't It got so bad last week that like I actually had a panic attack where I had to go to the urgent care because I thought I was having a heart attack.

So just like the fact that I might run into her just really, really gives me so much panic and anxiety. Yeah. Well, you should move. A, go move to a building where you see other dogs also so that people have an understanding. Make sure it's a dog friendly building moving in. And if you're dealing with this already, it's older. This isn't the only reason.

There are more reasons. I always think change is good. You know, you want to be around different energy and different people. And for the purposes of this stupid hearing, make sure you bring up the Disabilities Act. Americans with Disabilities Act. Yeah, that you're that they have no right and that you're moving. You're selling your place because of the stress of this woman. Because of the harassment.

And you can fucking counter sue her ass or, you know, counter complain. Yeah. I mean, obviously, you're not going to file a lawsuit, but it's like you're uprooting your life, basically. Yes. So you're not going to pay a fine on top of that. Right. The other thing too, I have a magic bullet here also for your next place, because I do think it's a good thing to be like, okay, I don't have to deal with this crazy person anymore. I know we've moved because of crazy neighbors before. One thing that my brother-in-law did in Chicago, he's in Wicker Park, he had an issue, a sound issue with a neighbor who was complaining about like, they were not being very loud. They were complaining about the loudness of the music and whatnot. Well, after a few complaints from his board, he decided to join the HOA board. So now he is part

of the decision-making process, and he's a respected member of the community. So I would very much recommend that the next place you go, if there is a board, condo association board, whatever, join it first off. And also, it's very easy to get Toulouse registered as an actual legitimate service animal. So if the ESA thing, emotional support animal thing, is not quite enough for them go service animal and then you're covered and you're covered for tsa too oh that's true that's a good recommendation thank you yeah yeah i appreciate that yeah well keep us posted i would really like to hear what happens after this meeting but i think very much advocate for yourself like don't just take this all lying down i think you should say i am uprooting my entire

life like chelsea said i'm not going to pay this fine it's actually not an issue you know she's She's making a mountain out of a molehill, but it's enough that I'm, you know, changing my life. So let's let bygones be bygones that I'm leaving. Right. Yeah. No, that makes sense. Thank you.

I appreciate it. And I will definitely let you know. I haven't I haven't heard yet when I'm supposed to chat with them, but I will keep you posted for sure. Yeah. And also one person's version isn't like what Catherine said earlier. One person's account of something isn't necessarily accurate. You should show them some video footage or collect the video footage from whatever app

you use to record your dog so you can prove that toulouse isn't barking when you're not there also yeah yeah i've definitely logged enough screenshots of her of her snoozing in her crate yeah very good great perfect okay well good luck with everything thank you so much thanks janelle thanks for calling thank you nice meeting you bye bye okay we're gonna take a quick break and we'll be right back to wrap things up the jonas brothers are running it back We live the Burning Up Tour and celebrate the biggest Jonas Brothers hits that have defined a generation. One incredible celebration. One unforgettable night.

See the Jonas Brothers live at RBC Amphitheater, September 28th. Get tickets now at Ticketmaster.ca. Jonas Brothers, the Burning Up Tour, all over again. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable.

I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse.

I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations,

or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus

or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people

and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

And we're back. Okay, everybody, we're back. Toulouse. Toulouse, I know, isn't Toulouse just the absolute best name for a dog? I don't know about that. I don't know. Confusing. What is Toulouse? It's a French name, I'm assuming? Yeah, it's French. I told Brad, I was like, man, if Wendell wasn't already Wendell,

he might be Toulouse. Wendell's a better name than Toulouse. Douglas is a good name for a dog. That's Hannah Gadsby's dog's name that she talks about in her special. Oh, is that why it's called Douglas? Douglas, yeah. Douglas is a good name. Bert and Douglas. I can't wait to get my new batch of dogs. I wonder what I'll name all my dogs. People have been sending you some chows. I've been sending them along. All I do is watch chow videos on Instagram. I can't not stop watching chows. I just fucking love those dogs.

I was talking to this guy the other day, and he was like, you got to get a pug. And I'm like, no, I don't. I'm like, that's not my type. You can visit mine. I have a type. Yeah. And everyone has a type. You have to follow your heart.

Exactly. Some people love a weenie. Some people, I love a pug. I love, half of my Instagram these days is like singing dogs or like dogs that are kind of howling. and people will like write songs alongside them and it's hysterical. I like when dogs cuddle each other. Like when you see a little sibling action and they are just on top of each other. I know.

And especially dogs with other animals that cuddle, that are sweet. Like there was this video of a horse and a dog the other day rubbing heads together. I almost climaxed. I love it. Okay. Have you been on safari before? Yes. And is it just the most magical?

The most magical trip I've ever been on. You don't even have to care about animals. I mean, I'm an animal lover, but not like crazy. You know, I like my animals pretty much. I like watching animals, but I'm not like some crazy animal person. And it's just it feels like you're in a different time in a different world. Yeah. Like Africa is the only place I've ever traveled to where I felt I was I was on another continent.

Yeah. Even when you're in Europe or even you're in South America, like it's a little it's it's just feels like there's always access to Americanism. You know what I mean? Africa is Africa, and there's nothing American about it. Are you going several places, or are you going to be in one spot? Yeah, we're going to like three, four different camps. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, my sister and myself and all of our, you know, troops, all the girls.

And, yeah, my sister's been, too, a few times. I've been on safari twice before. Yeah. And it is the trip of a lifetime, and I want to see my nieces and, well, not nephews because they're not coming. I want to see, I was like, I want to see my nieces and nephews. Just the nieces. I saw my nephews last weekend. They came to my show in Catskills, and they are so big and tall.

It's just so fucking funny. You posted that one picture. I'm like, I look like a little itty-bitty thing next to them. I mean, it's just so funny. I'm like, my Russian sister-in-law feeds them goulash, and I guess it works because I've never seen boys this big. Oh, my goodness. It is true. Like, they grow up so fast.

I mean, my one nephew's 6'5". Oh, my God. I know. And the other one, like, is so ridiculous. He works out so hard. So his chest is, like, he looks like, I'm like, you do not have the body type for that. I'm like, you look like you're from New Jersey. Like, cool it with the working out.

It's too much. My nephew, Evan, he started going to military school. His choice. His choice. And he's, like, opening doors for his grandma now and, like, just being very respectful. From military school? From military school. Oh, good.

It's like learning all these, you know, very old school but kind of nice things. It's like we women, we can open the doors ourselves, but like it's nice. I don't feel like opening a door for myself. I love it when somebody opens one for me. And I like to also open doors for other people, too. Like once the door's open, keep it open until the flow is done. Yes. And if you're a man, don't step in front of a woman when the door is open, okay?

Just that's the least you can do. That is something, that is a phenomenon that I never experienced in the Midwest. And we moved here, Chelsea. and like the first few weeks we were like what is happening like Brad would open the door for me and men would walk through it ahead of me and one time Brad was like hey I wasn't opening that for you bro like I was opening it for my wife and the guy like did a double take because he truly didn't even notice he was like oh I'm sorry yeah like they don't even notice I go ah ladies first please ladies first okay well that was our episode for today it was a Catherine and Chelsea special it

sure was. I mean, I think we learned a lot. We gave some very pointed advice. And I learned that Toulouse is a very French name. Toulouse-Lautrec Monbar. Who's Toulouse-Lautrec Monbar? He was an artist of the

Bohemian Persuasion as shown in the movie Moulin Rouge. You'll see him played by Jean-Luc Guzamo. Ah, okay. That's, I think, where my generation knows of Toulouse-Lautrec is from Moulin Rouge. Well, thanks for listening, everybody.

We'll catch you next week. Bye. Bye. Okay, guys. Also, I have added more second shows to my Little Big Bitch tour. I added second shows in Hollywood at the Pantages. I am going to be there two nights, October 12th and 13th. I added another show at the Chicago Theater, October 27th and October 28th,

one of my favorite places to perform. I added another show in Portland. So I'll be there November 2nd and 3rd. And I added a second show in Boston at the Wang Center. So I will be there November 16th and 17th. I also have two shows in Seattle, San Francisco, New York at the Beacon, and Washington, D.C. I will be there October 5th and 6th. And a special shout out to Phoenix, Arizona, where I'm coming Saturday, October 14th.

And then I'm coming to Cleveland, Columbus, and Pittsburgh. So suck on that, you guys. I can't wait to see everybody. Oh, and I'm coming to Eugene, Oregon, too, everybody. That's November 9th, 2023. And I will be at the Clubhouse in East Hampton, which is going to be a very intimate show on Saturday, August 26th. So if you are in the Long Island area, that's where I'll be, the Clubhouse.

Courtney Cope's input is general psychological information based on research and clinical experience. It's intended to be general and informational in nature. It does not represent or indicate an established clinical or professional relationship with those inquiring for guidance. Courtney's feedback is in response to a written question, and therefore, there are likely unknown considerations given the limited context. Also, just because you might hear something on the show that sounds similar to what you're

experiencing, beware of self-diagnosis. Diagnosis is not required to find relief, and you'll want to find a qualified professional to assess and explore diagnoses, if that's important to you. If you or your partner are in crisis and uncertain of whether you can maintain safety, reach out for support, like crisis hotlines and local authorities. Have a safety plan? That can be done with a therapist, too. If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at DearChelseaPodcast at gmail.com. And be sure to include your phone number.

Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert, executive producer Catherine Law. and be sure to check out our merch at chelseahandler.com i survived nine months in captivity and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable abducted stalked controlled and Merely Silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Did you hear the new episode of the Hey Jonas podcast? We are at D23, so we'll see who stops by. The cast of Frozen stopped by. Kristen Bell, Josh Gad, and Idina Menzel. I auditioned for Frozen. What? For Kristoff.

They said, okay, what are you going to be singing today? I said, I don't know. That must have been why you didn't get it. Oh, you probably won. Plus, John Stamos, Hayden Christensen from Star Wars, and more. And I guess I can share that, uh... No way. Listen to the latest episode of Hey Jonas on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility.

Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast, Hollywood Handbook. Each week, we talk to someone in show business and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, Adam Scott, Danny McBride, Ben Stiller, and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us.

Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.