Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - Love in the Locker Room with Jesse Tyler Ferguson

Episode Date: July 18, 2024

Jesse Tyler Ferguson joins Chelsea in-studio to talk about setting up your ex with your best friend, taking breaks from fatherhood, and meddling in their mutual friends’ love lives.  Then: A Seattle Daddy wonders if he’s only hot on vacation. A gym rat wants to hook up with a tasty man.  And a closeted couple struggles with labels - and their tiny hometown.     * Check out Jesse’s new podcast Dinner’s on Me!   * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Bell. Connection is everything. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who lived through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Good morning. Good afternoon. Buenos tardes. Buenos dias. Buenos, I don't know. Is it buenos tardes? Buenos tardes. I guess we're saying that you left Spain a couple of weeks ago.

I know. And guess where I just landed? In Hawaii. So I don't even know what language I'm speaking. Aloha. I did the same thing last year when we went to Hawaii. Everyone kept saying aloha and I kept responding with hola. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So Molly and I flew in before my shows on Maui and then Honolulu and all of our cousins and their babies are here. So we're about to go to the beach and get down to business. Amazing. I'm so pleased for you. Well, I just came from your house. Oh, what was going on there? Well, we got to meet Gus, who's charming and delightful. Oh, Gustavaria. Gustavaria. That's what I've named him. Well, Gus, his name is Gus,

and he's one of my new assistants, and he speaks Spanish. So I'm like, Gus, we are only speaking Spanish. And so I call him Gustavaria. In my mind, that means I would like Gus. So we'll see. Was Doug there at the house? Yes, he was a totally well coiffed good boy. Was he? Yeah, I asked Gus if he had been sassy at all. And he said no, he's been a perfectly well behaved good boy. He just got back from two weeks of training. Two weeks. He had five weeks of training. He went to training camp for five weeks. They sent me videos of him at the store where they would go Doug sit, he'd sit and then they'd go lie down and he lies down. And then they get a toy treat and they shake it like 10 feet away from him and he stays and i'm like oh

my god if this dog training company worked i can't wait to tell everyone about it oh my gosh yeah well you'll have to tell me about it because wendell has decided that if we're in the pool we're in grave danger so now he wants to bark at us when we're in the pool and it's all it's just a mess so well i i got even better news i found out that that dog is flying with me i'm gonna go see a concert at red rocks and there's this new airline a bark airlines that you can travel with your dog on and then jet suite also allows you to bring your dogs so i'm like oh my god i'm gonna bring doug with me everywhere it's over for every other airline doug is flying first class i wanted to a special shout out also to australia and new zealand because we had such an epic time there

we had so much fun sydney is one of the most beautiful cities in the world that harbor we went whale watching on the last day and we were we went out of the harbor and went into these 10 to 15 feet swells on this like whale watching boat and the woman came around and started passing out like vomit bags to everyone oh no all of these people were throwing up i've never been in sea that high it was epic and i molly and i of course love that so we didn't get sick but we saw so many pods of whales and it was really really beautiful and i just can't get enough of the food in sydney and like the way they the way the beaches are this harbor that like they do all of this like beautiful stuff and they create all these stone steps so everybody can sit on the harbor and have

lunch. They have all these parks right on the harbor. I'm like, why don't we do that in all of our beach towns in California? You know, sand is boring after a while. We need more action. Some like rocky beaches. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So that was great. I always have a good time when we go to Australia, but this was especially great traveling with my cousin. Yeah. Well, on to our guest today. Today we have, I mean, this is going to be, this is one of the funniest episodes ever. He's the host of a podcast called Dinners on Me, but you probably know him from many

other, a bevy of other things. So please welcome one of my favorite people, Jesse Tyler Ferguson. I'm sitting here with my friend, Jesse Tyler Ferguson. When was the last time I saw you? Do you remember? It's been a while. I feel like I might've seen you at like the Hollywood Bowl or something. Hollywood Bowl?

I don't know. Were you performing or was I? Neither of us. maybe with like Hilary Swank's house oh remember that there was like a gathering

that was a long time ago that was a really long time ago right she's had twins since then she's had like four different husbands husbands

and now twins well we should say she's happily married now but she has been through she's been through a few of them I was with her with like

three different I know I mean I think I was I haven't seen her for like since like two husbands ago yeah yeah

every time I would speak to her she's like You have to meet so-and-so. It's like, well, what happened to, you know, what's his face? There's always someone new. But I'm glad she's happy. Yeah. Can you imagine if we just made a whole podcast about Hilary Swank's love life?

I mean, we could film more than an hour. She would probably be fine with it, knowing her. Anyway, okay. Jesse Tyler Ferguson is here in studio. I'm so happy to see you. I haven't seen you in many years, but here we are reunited with Doug in studio. I love Doug. I'm obsessed.

How are you, my friend? I'm really good. What is happening in your life besides coming on to promote a new podcast, which everybody is going to be very eager about? Everyone has a podcast. There's hardly any podcast, Jesse. I don't know what you're talking about. Hardly any of them. I have actually been very… Prolific? Prolific recently, yeah. No, I was doing theater for a while, and then the strikes all happened, and now I'm just doing this podcast.

But hopefully things are going to start happening soon. I don't know. I'm happy to have the podcast to focus on. What is the podcast about? it's called dinners on me and i basically take a my guests out to a dinner and we have alcohol alcohol sometimes included well it should be it should be i mean whatever you guys want to order at dinner for sure yeah but sometimes it's like a breakfast but it's oh well yeah well even then it's just better if i always believe a little alcohol during an interview setting is helpful for people for sure who get nervous being interviewed although i would go on watch what happens live and i would have a little bit of alcohol and there's been a few times where i was

like i shouldn't have done that yeah right i know what you mean i mean it because you yeah you get it should be a sip or like a half a drink before you're on television not more than that yeah yeah because then that shows it shows up yeah yeah for sure you can tell you can tell but yeah it's just a meal i love that it sort of takes the podcast out of the studio we're in a restaurant you hear the waiter come over the table you hear his order sorry to interrupt but brad can you fix jesse's mic it's kind of falling down it's yeah move it closer move it closer put it in his mouth my mouth put it in my mouth do you have any other receptacles

that we can use to put that microphone in the time that my first husband literally put his dick in my mouth I was like oh hi what's your name that's what he has a girlfriend

who he's always setting up with her with like different guys who does who has a girlfriend Justin my husband has a girlfriend and we're always setting her up

with these different guys and he's like I literally put a dick in a girl's mouth last night and it's true I set someone up recently my friend was like having a relationship with a woman her first relationship with a woman for about nine months

and she's like i'm ready to try men again and i was like i think i have someone that i used to have sex with who i'm no longer having sex with that is available and great in bed and he's a friend of mine so i'm highly recommended and i comes i'm like i can vouch for him and she's like i don't want to have sex with anyone you you did i go why yeah we're all having sex who cares if you have to i want to know who all the players are in the story it's over the sex with me and him is over. So like, go for it when there's no, that attraction is over. Anyway, she goes out with him. I'm sure, you know, both of these people, she goes out with him and the next morning she's like, Oh my God, it was a total, we had such a great time. You know? Yeah. I would be like

interested in seeing him again. He said, thank you so much for setting us up. It was a great time. Like I would be so interested. And I was like, Oh, I've successfully set up two people just off the top of my head an ex-lesbian and an ex-lover and an ex-lover i mean so i feel like it made me feel very good about myself yeah your instincts are great well also in that you had good taste and you know your previous lovers i mean did i i don't know i don't know who this person is right i do have good taste he has he's good i feel like every time i've seen you with someone i was like oh that makes sense who are you with now i'm not sure okay i don't know where i am I don't know who I'm with.

I don't know what I'm doing. Okay. All right. You've been in a relationship for a long time. It's been a really long time. You have two children. We just sold two children now. Yeah.

I don't think I've seen you since I had kids. Not twins. No. I usually cut off relationships with people when they have children. So that makes sense. That does make, that's tracks. That's all tracks. Yeah.

I have, I've been married. I'll be 11 years in July that I've been married and we have a four year old and like 18 month old. And how is that? It's fine. No, it's good. It's good. It's good. Yeah. Yeah. My husband just looked at a school today. Like we're at that place where we're looking for schools. Yeah. I mean, oh my God. You really have to think about everything when you're having a kid. It's not just about having a kid. It's

about the next 20 years of getting raped by every school system. I mean, it's so ridiculous. The stories I hear. I know. I know. I know. And Justin's, you know, he's on like group chats with all the other moms and like, he's the only like, we're the only same sex couple at the preschool right now so he's like all the he's on this group chat with all these moms and then he's like and then me justin and they're all talking about schools because they're all you know trying to figure out where to place their kids as well and they're just really working him up he gets worked up very easily and he's really stressing out about things so i'm glad he finally looked at a school so we could have something like feasible you know like actually like concrete

to look at yeah how do you feel about how would you grade yourself as a parent i think i'm doing okay we have i think i'm doing okay i i benefit from a lot of help we have my mother-in-law's really helpful i i'm pretty good but i definitely need like breaks so it's good to have and when you say breaks like what do you mean like like going away for like 20 21 days 28 days every six months i like to go away for 28 days i'll leave a photo of myself by the crib and then re-enter that's right that's right that's actually a great plan for me that's what i need like when i work two months I need a month off I'm like I you go go go go go and then you know like you when your slow times are slow they're super slow and then when you're busy you're like I don't even know I feel

like I'm in the middle of a nervous breakdown totally no but I get you know I get built-in breaks because I I get to go away for work sometimes so that's nice yeah no it's fine it's fine I mean my my husband doesn't love being left left alone with the kids I did I was doing a play in New York for like four months and right after my second was born and I I was like papa was a rolling stone like he had no idea who I was you know just not present right right that's I've had that kind of relationship but only with my one of my dogs and not an actual person which would be more yeah so you're actually worse a worse person than I am in that comparison right how did you like that schedule for the theater it's hard it is it's hard because also people think

that you know you only work like a few hours in the evening I'm like you have your whole day free I'm like you're a monster yeah you have your whole day to stress out about performing that night Is what you have. Yeah. I don't think I could do that schedule. Yes, you could. No, I don't. I couldn't.

First of all, seven days or six days a week, right? Or is it seven days? Six days a week, eight performances. Yeah. Six days a week. Yeah. I need more than one day wake off. And I understand that, what that goes into that because I do stand up.

I mean, I don't do theater, so I'm not, you know, it's me just being myself. So it's probably in a sense, much easier, but knowing all day long that you have to do what you have to do, it affects everything you do all day, all day. Yeah. You're thinking about it all day. I prefer to just do stand-up in the morning, record myself, and be done with it and send it out that night. You know what I mean? Totally.

So that I have a day free. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can do what you want at night. Totally. I know. I'm not great. That's the other thing that's changed with kids. I really am starting to shut down at like 6.30 p.m.

If we're not in the process of eating dinner, I'm kind of screwed because I want to be sleeping by the time my kids go down, which is 8.05. I go to sleep pretty early. last night i was in bed at 7 30 and i mean i because i get shit done between like 5 a.m and 8 a.m or like or six to nine i can get a lot done yeah and then i'm much more productive but around that's how i feel like every anytime i have plans at night and i don't have kids so i don't know if this is an age thing and it must be because anytime i have plans at night i'm like is it gonna happen like am i gonna be able to truly truck on through but i find la to be such a sleepier town when i'm in new york i'm capable of many many more things absolutely you can fill

a night but also if i know i have to do something like it anytime after 8 p.m if i'm not out of my house i won't make it like i need to be taken out of my house i need to like be entertained off the premises until whatever this event is it's like actually like a kid yeah yeah you have to keep me entertained until i have to go perform that's right that's exactly right because every every engagement is there's a level of performance which is also fucking annoying i was like to take anything to help you sleep do you take weed oh yeah i take all sorts of shit i take gummies sometimes i take xanax if i'm traveling and there's a time difference i've decided most recently to ignore time zones i've decided they don't have to australia new zealand hawaii i have

like this whole like international loop i'm doing and i'm like i'm just gonna have to get ahead of this because that's all I have. That's the only defense I have, but I will take like Xanax for that. I love Xanax. Xanax is my favorite. And then I, but I try not to take that, you know, multiple nights. Do you need it for anxiety as well or just to help you sleep? I recently started to use it. Like I tried it for anxiety during the day. Cause I had, I went through like a stressful couple of months recently with my house and all this stuff that was going on. I just felt very stressed out and I was taking it during the day. I was also smoking multiple joints a day during the day. And then I was like, I've got to get through this period of time. And then

of course those periods of time always come to an end, right? Like you're out of the cycle of the level of stress you felt. It doesn't ever, that's the great thing about being stressed out. It doesn't last forever. Yeah. Yeah. So that feels good. I feel much better this week. I feel much better. Like, you know, higher vibes. Yeah. Less, less like I'm in the afternoon, like where's xanax like i'm okay now mommy needs her yeah mommy needs a joint and a xanax i just but i love joints do you like smoking weed i like eat i do um gummies yeah much better for you to take gummies yes one of my favorite things that you you did i miss it i don't know if you had a good experience doing it but was it the chelsea does series yes i loved that thank you loved and the

chelsea does drugs yes where you had the weed meal yeah and then you went on ayahuasca as well yes fucking fantastic oh thanks fantastic i just love watching that that dinner too and you and like fortune right like that group of people just getting so ridiculous we were high for seven days after that you don't understand what was like because it was in the food so yeah yeah you know you drugged yourself for like but you can't overdose on weed that's the thing you can just get super super hot no you could just act like a moron for a week afterward you could do that for your podcast but it's better with the visuals i guess are you gonna have visuals on your podcast We haven't done that yet because people don't like eating in front of a camera.

Oh, yeah. That is a problem. And also we're in restaurants, you know, and there's, you know, real people having meals around us. But David Chang is doing that show on Netflix. Yeah, but it's more like his is more produced. I mean, that's a TV show. They have a budget. Oh, right, right.

And no one, moreover, nobody wants to hear people eating. No, no. So I forget. I want to cancel what I retracted my earlier statement. Okay, we're going to take a break and we'll be right back with Jesse Tyler Ferguson. the jonas brothers are running it back we live the burning up tour and celebrate the biggest jonas brother hits that have defined a generation one incredible celebration one unforgettable night see the jonas brothers live at rbc amphitheater september 28th get tickets now at ticketmaster.ca

Jonas Brothers, the Burn It Up Tour, all over again. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, Shut up. Don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me.

I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books,

the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place.

Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. This week, we'd love for you to write in about your secrets. If you'd like advice about a secret that you're keeping for yourself or someone else, write into DearChelseaPodcast at gmail.com. And we're back with Jesse Tyler Ferguson, who is an absolute delight. We're just sitting here gossiping in the back about our lives, basically. I don't know if you can gossip about yourself. I guess that's not gossiping.

You can. Oh, yeah, you can. So apparently. Apparently I was. We're going to have people call in and write in and you put your good L.A. therapy to work. Oh, gosh. I'm assuming you've been to therapy at some point. Oh, have I ever.

Currently in it. Well, that L.A. therapy will come in handy because our first email comes from M. And the subject line is WeHoGayNeedsHelp. Oh, it's a local. It's a local. I probably know this person. Hey, Kyle. I love to give back to the community.

So let's go. I just sat up so erectly. I know. You were ready for it. I was ready. You didn't want to disappoint them. So M. says, Dear Chelsea, I'm going to keep this as concise as possible because as an avid listener, I know you hate lengthy write-ins. Thank you.

I'm a 32-year-old gay man in West Hollywood. I've been best friends with a guy for going on nine years. Moving to L.A. from a red state, he brought me out of my bubble. I've always been outgoing, a down-low, straight-passing guy, but he made me feel comfortable being gay. I love him, he's integrated into my life, and truly is someone I care about and don't want to lose. Here's the issue. He almost consistently goes after any guy I show interest in. Usually after I've hooked up with them or we've dated.

I found out recently through mutual friends he hooked up with a guy I had intense feelings for and had a bad falling out with. I told him about those feelings and yet, a month later, he's diving in. I don't think this guy is worth ruining a friendship over, but I think the pattern of my friend is troubling. I called him out, put some distance between us, and I don't know how to move forward. What's going on here? Please help me work through how to move on and keep this friendship going, hopefully with better boundaries. Well, Jesse, it sounds like you're up. Well, let me just tell you, I've been this guy in this situation.

When I first moved to LA, I would go out with my, he's a famous actor, I'll tell you later. You have such a very euphonious voice. It's going to be great on a podcast. Seriously. Thank you. It's just very nice to hear and to listen. Thank you. Yeah.

But every time we went out, he would hook up with the person I showed interest in. Every time. Yeah, it's someone I'm sure you know. And we remained friends. And I just had to sort of decide whether or not, like, his friendship was meaningful enough for me to, you know, overlook that. I mean, every time I went out, he was at my side. Like, there was moments that I went out with other people and then I didn't have to worry about him. But, like, I did make fun of him.

I was like, I can't believe everyone I show interest in you, like, immediately go after. Yeah, that just sounds like sabotage, right? Blatant sabotage or jealousy. A little bit, but it's also like— Like, trying to sabotage you, get in your way. The entire gay community is trying to sabotage each other. They're all trying to sleep with each other. That's a thing.

I mean, men are dogs. And then you put a whole bunch of men who are interested in other men in the same room. What are you expecting to happen? Exactly right. It almost gives you permission to do whatever the fuck you want. Why has there not been an all-gay bachelor? Because everyone would just be fucking each other in the bachelor house. Like, it hasn't happened.

Because it wouldn't happen. Because the rules, they don't apply. Yeah. So, I don't know. I kind of feel like it is sort of just the way of, yeah, it sucks that your friend's doing that to you. But I don't know. I don't know. I really, I think you just kind of have to lean into it.

Or, yeah, absolutely. You could lean into it. Or, like, do you need to be friends with this person? Like, did I miss, is he just in the general group of everybody? No, they're like besties. It's like his important person. He helped her come out of the closet, sort of his support system. Okay.

So, well, then you're going to have to really work just to get past it and accept the behavior. And, I mean, not, what am I saying? just take it no you're gonna have to talk like don't you think they have to have a conversation like because you have to be called out for that don't you but i think he said he did have a conversation about like how that guy like really hurt him and the guy went after him anyways right i yeah and i do i do like the making fun of him for it that you mentioned earlier like like he's got to be yeah like you can't ignore it right it is very obnoxious behavior from your friend like yeah i mean like next time he's showing interest and so i'm like but i better

step aside because you're probably gonna roll right on over there aren't you i mean i don't know listen i'm always up for like being super up front with someone letting them know when you're you know annoyed with their behavior but at the end of the day you gotta realize there's a whole bunch of gay men in a room and they're all just gonna try and sleep with poor maybe you're not being active enough maybe our writer maybe m's not being active enough and like being aggressive enough maybe it's just a an opportunity to up up the game i don't know i don't like to like i wouldn't be friends with somebody that was doing that all the time you know what i mean like i there's too many there's too many other people to hang out with that is true maybe fine i just

wouldn't be friends with somebody who was like openly trying to sabotage me after i called them out about it and continue to do it it's like is that friendship actually worth it for you if it is then yeah get over it so there we go problem solved and done and i'm done for the day okay Clocking out. Clocking out. You're welcome. Well, our next question comes from Cameron. Cameron says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a 50-year-old gay man.

I had lots of sex in the past living in Mexico, Spain, Argentina, and Brazil. I think I'm stuck thinking. Sounds like you have a type. I think I'm stuck thinking that I'm only, quote, interesting while being a foreigner living abroad and domestic relationships seem out of reach since I feel like I am a dime a dozen average homo. What is your secret to cultivating exciting relationships while globetrotting? And is my love of adventure abroad a sign that I'm unable to have a long-term relationship,

or is it just fun? Loving you, Cameron. There is something about being a vagabond. And Catherine, we had someone call in the other day where this was kind of analogous, where there is something about being very peripatetic around the world. Peripatetic? And also, yeah, yeah. Tell me what that means.

Try and keep up, like somebody who's constantly on the move. Okay. Okay. Now spell it. Spell it. P-A-R-I-T-E-P-E-T-I-C. Very pathetic. So there is something about when you're a vagabond or a globetrotter or however you want to like it.

When you bounce around a lot, you're not very, yeah, you're not very anchored anywhere. So it kind of is prohibitive to actually finding a long-term love. But what I'm hearing from him is that he just wants adventure love in all these different ports in the storm, correct? Like that's also what I'm about. I like that. Yeah, and Cameron, do we have you with us here? Oh, he's on the phone. Oh, yeah, he's on the phone.

Great. Let's get down to business. I mean, we have Jesse Tyler Ferguson here. Who better to guide us through this storm? We have the same taste in men. All those countries, I was like, yep, I get it. Brazil, Mexico, like, yeah. It feels like every gay guy loves those countries.

Oh, yeah, it's true, it's true, it's true, we do. So there's also something so mysterious about being, you know, the stranger in a new land. But it's what I was also getting from him is that he was frustrated that that sense of he's more enticing in other countries. Like he's not as exciting here. Well, I can relate to this because I travel so much. I love to be on the move. Like I get very bored if I'm in L.A. for too long and I have no reason to be other than Doug, who, you know. Oh, there he is.

Oh, hi. Good to see you. Hi. we have Jesse Tyler Ferguson here today as our special guest. Hello. Hi, Chelsea. Hey, how's it going? Good. Okay. So elaborate a little bit on your letter. Like, are you looking for a long-term relationship or are you looking for just more lovers in different places? Well, I would take either one of those but you know i love a relationship that is distant but close and how do you mean i would like to feel like i have access to a relationship but i don't want

in my place all the time right i'm with you i relate to you completely i feel the same way i I like to have little fun actions, but repeated customers. It's nice to have the same guy like somebody in Spain that I see when I go there and somebody I see when I go there and there. So I understand what you're saying. But I would say that attitude in it of itself, it doesn't have to be prohibitive, but it can be. Like for me, I had to really change the way that I looked at it.

I had to really kind of energetically be more open-minded about being open about what I was looking for with other people. but like saying very honestly and upfront in the beginning, like making it very clear, this is fun. This is not going to be long-term. If it is, that wouldn't be the plan. Everything is going to be happening naturally and there's no pressure on anything. And I will also be dating other people. I feel like when you are very honest with yourself about being that way, it attracts more people that are interested in what you're doing and are like-minded. Yeah, I just think that your situation is ideal for me because I would love to have that kind of opportunity to jump around a little bit.

Didn't you say that that's what you were doing is going to Argentina and Brazil and all these different places? Yeah, I lived in all of those places and really had a lot of success because I kind of had a built-in narrative about how I'm interesting because I'm living in these different countries or I am a foreigner who has a little bit of extra sparkle because of that. Are you thinking that you don't have that shine and sparkle here? Yeah. Yeah, okay. Here in America? Yeah, it just doesn't feel like I have the same amount of allure. I think that's just you being down on yourself because I think you're very alluring.

I hear an accent. Where are you from? Oh, Minnesota. Oh, really? Oh, okay. It all of a sudden like Dutch or something. Just say you're Dutch. Just go in like, be like, I'm here from Switzerland.

London is coming to pick up the strategy. First of all, like inhibit this aura that you want. Like when you're feeling like you're down on yourself, that kind of shows up in your physicality. And I can kind of see it as you're talking about it. I mean, if you believe that, then that is kind of your truth. If you choose to believe you are from, you have had all these experiences. I'm sorry, I thought you meant you were currently going to all these places. So I misread that, but or misheard it. but I think you need to just like build yourself back up and whether that's like every day being like, all right, here's a new day. Here's a new day for me to have like positive energy about myself. All of those things that you're talking about are part of your history that makes you a unique person and a unique human being who has something to offer people that nobody else has to offer them. Don't you think? 100%. Yeah. Also, where are you living right now? In Seattle.

Okay. Do you tend to go to the same places over and over and over like your same haunts if you go out no i'm not going out a lot well that's part of the problem too you got to get out there you got to go to things go to events go to concerts do you like music yeah yeah go to concerts go to like low-key concerts you know where you're going to be mingling with people and standing around talking to people and and go to bars and get yourself out in the world a little bit more nothing's going to come and knock on your door if you're not out there you know yeah i mean i guess It's a way of like treating your own hometown like you would treat a city you were visiting like in Argentina or something and looking for those fun places where you would meet people. Yeah, that is, I think, hard to do because it seems like, oh, I know what I'm going to see when I go out or I know who I'm going to meet.

But you don't. You don't. You're like stabbing yourself in the foot before you get out the door. You don't know who you're going to see or who you're going to meet. And you should turn that, whatever that phrase, every phrase of yours, do the opposite and start thinking the opposite. Just say, I don't know who I'm going to meet. I don't know what I'm going to see. So you have to just do a complete dipsy doodle and flip around. Flip it and reverse it. Flip it and reverse it.

But yeah, like find the local museums, like all the things you would do when you were traveling. I mean, Seattle's an incredible city. There's so much to do there. Yeah. And you just have to get outside of your comfort zone. Go to some like events or like they have public readings of things. You can go to book events where they have authors, you know, those kind of intimate settings where you're going to have something in common with the other people that are there and you're going to have a natural spark of conversation. But get off of your ass and get out of your house is the bottom line.

You're a well-traveled, distinguished, good looking guy. Like who wouldn't want to come talk to you? But I think, you know, Chelsea, you're hitting the nail on the head, too. It's not like you don't have to go be in the club. go somewhere where you can strike up a conversation with someone yeah that's really good advice i was like what's the club the club i was like what don't go there sir do not go there the club's no good yeah it's a weird age you know 50 because it's not though i'm 49 it's not 48 i'll be 49 in a few months it's not that we're fine he always says whatever age i am he does that

He does go just a little lower. Yeah, it's bullshit, by the way. He's way older than me. Yeah, it's not a weird age. It's a weird age. That's exact. There's another sentence. 50 is a great age.

Opposites. Everything you're saying, do the opposite of. 50's awesome. This is a new adventure. It's a new chapter. Get excited about your life because no one is going to get excited about your life until you do.

Yeah. And I think also find some like cute polyamorous person who like doesn't want to be in your space all of the time, but can give you those wonderful cuddles that you deserve and the intimacy. Also, you know, you can go on these dating websites or apps, all of them, and be very clear about what you're looking for, like a casual lover or whatever, you know, the terminology that you're supposed to use. I don't think that's it.

No, a casual lover is not it. I can definitely attest to that as a 48 and 11-month-old. But you can go and be very clear about what your intentions are. You know, I know a lot of women probably want more or you think that they want more, but you'll be surprised to find out that there are a lot more people on your wavelength than you think. Oh, no. Cameron dates fellows. Yeah. Well, everything so far about this call, I've gotten wrong.

So there's no reason to stop now. I mean, I can't even keep track of what's going on. Maybe I am in a midlife. I mean, I'm in a breakdown. You know what? I'm actually in. I'm in my mental breakdown now. You know what they say.

50 is a weird year. Yeah. hard to decide what life prices you want to have but yeah it's good advice to just get over myself and get out oh yeah definitely get out and gay men are definitely not going to care that you want to have casual relationships at all okay i just appreciate the advice and i think i don't i don't think you should be thank me thank jesse but i don't obviously i'm on another podcast right now he's like i called into dear chelsea it was so weird everything was wrong it's like going to a psychic or medium and they're like i see you have a son they're like i don't like i

see him though i see him yeah all right well anyway good luck and and keep us posted when you find your um part-time lover or all of your part-time lovers but also listen when i'm when Before you go, I do want to be serious about saying that you have to talk to yourself in a positive way. It actually makes a difference. You may think I don't know what I'm talking about, but I do. I do know. I do it all the time. If you get into a negative headspace, it's your job to get yourself out of it.

And you have to do that by being positive, putting yourself out in nature, going out and doing things that you normally wouldn't do. It really builds your self-esteem and it builds your self-worth. So stop poo-pooing on everything and saying, oh, this isn't going to be fun and say, this is going to be fun. i'm gonna go out and have a good time and i promise you you're gonna start having a better time in life okay i will stop poo-pooing okay all right peace out thank you thanks cameron wow that was a real doozy mostly for me but mostly for me oh my god it looked like he was in the hamptons like it reminded me of like shelter island have you ever been to shelter island i was like oh that looks so nice cold

wet rainy I love that everyone in LA hates the rain I love the rain I love that east coast like damp where you don't really moody weather yeah where you don't want to go out you know I do like not having to go out yeah like watching just getting a bed watching tv at like two in the afternoon I love that to Seattle yeah well you go to Seattle you go to bed at two because it's dark out at three what's next Catherine well our next caller is Genevieve and Jesse I think this is like a perfect call for you. So I'm really excited that this worked out timing wise. Let me sit up a little straighter. From what I have read, this is part of your truth. So Genevieve says, Dear Chelsea, I grew up laughing at your comedy on Chelsea Lately, and you definitely shaped my

sense of humor into what it is today. I was excited to learn you not only had a podcast, but were offering your solicited advice. You're welcome. I'm a regular at my local gym and I self-identify as a total baddie. I love feeling strong and sexy during my workouts, but nothing ruins my workout harder than unwanted, thirsty gym boys hitting on me during my session. When I'm at the gym, I tend to avoid eye contact, stay focused on my workout, and never, ever smile at anyone. I'm here for myself and not to socialize. However... Right, calm down. Jesus, it's like, fuck, we get it. She should wear one of those signs, no molesting.

No molestar. However, lately, this new boy has started working out at the same time as me, And I have to admit, I cannot not notice him. He is sexy and delicious, 100% my type, and I want to know who he is. I feel stumped. How do I approach this sexy man at a place where I so strongly hate being hit on myself? I can tell that he, too, is focused on his own workout, and I understand how annoying it can be when someone interrupts. Genevieve. Wow, this is a very pressing matter.

Hi, Genevieve. Hi, Genevieve. Hi, guys. Okay, so you're trying to just figure out how to basically go up and hit on this guy or introduce yourself, not hit on him. Yeah, in a space where, like, I don't want people to approach me in that area. And I can tell he's focused on his workout. We're doing different things.

Like, how do I go up and, like, just even— Can't you find him on Instagram? Like, it would be better to DM him, I think, in that scenario. How to find out his name, you mean? Yeah, like, how do you find someone on Instagram? Well, first you have to find out what their name is. Yeah, go to the girls at the front and be like, listen, I think that guy is cute.

Tell me his name. Oh. That's a good idea. Get them on your team. Yeah, that's a good idea. But then she's talking to people she doesn't want to talk to. They work here. They work there.

This is very difficult. Jenevieve's in quite a predicament. She's like, look, I want this to go down, but I want it to go down on my terms. Well, I want this to go down, but I'm not willing to break the rules that I put in place to make this go down. so it's very yes it is quite a predicament i mean i would just put myself in line of fire with him

be like whatever he's doing be like oh are you using this thing so it doesn't look like you're like like hi my name is jenny with charity okay but you're like just it's a casual thing so that you could start a conversation like even if he's like oh no i'm done with that 20 pound like whatever like at least you've started some sort of a conversation you know i met my husband at at the gym in the locker room so way to bury the lead I know I know well that's why I feel like this is why I was being teed up I discovered this on the internet I was hoping it was true yeah so I'm not I'm not I'm not suggesting you follow him into the locker room although that would strike up conversation I mean he definitely be like um what what's going on that's all to say

you never know where you're going to meet your your your person and I didn't think I'd meet mine in the locker room of the Equinox in West Hollywood, calm down. Yeah, it's a pretty popular gym for gay men. I mean, we were also fully clothed. We were fully clothed. But that's where it happened. And so I would just, and you know what? Justin did not want to approach me because he recognized me from television.

And he'd grown up in LA and he's like, I don't want to bother him. He probably gets bothered all the time. And he's like, you know what? Fuck it. I'm going to say something. He had just started working on marriage equality. that were trying to pass it here in California with Proposition 8 was happening.

And so he's like, I'm just going to talk to this guy and say, I think that this show that you're on is going to really help that fight for marriage equality. So it came from actually a very connected place. So I think it's, you know, as long as you're not coming in in a creepy way, I don't think there's anything wrong with putting yourself in the line of fire

and be like, are you done with this set? Or I've seen you a lot here. You look like you're really focused and you're looking good or whatever. I mean, I don't know. I'm also terrible with, like, one-liners. But, no, I don't think it needs to be a one-liner. I think that's true.

Like, the spirit of it just has to be, like, natural and organic. You know, I mean, intentional. Like, you want to go over there and, you know, brush past him or whatever or have an interaction with him. So, if you keep in mind that that's what you're doing, like, in a fun way, like, it doesn't have to be awkward. You can just go, oh, wow, like, you're super focused. You like how focused he is at the gym. I'm breaking my own rule right now and saying hello to someone at the gym. I hate when people say hello to me.

but I can't help it. That's cute. That's a good one. Look at you. Look at you. Yeah. Would you ask him to teach you something?

Would you ever walk over and ask to be finger blasted? Also a conversation starter. That is definitely a conversation starter. Or an ender. It depends who you're talking to. Finger blasted.

Oh, no. What if I ask that and then he's like, I have a girlfriend? Well, then you know. And that's okay, too. There will be more cute guys at the gym.

Who cares? I met Justin when he had a boyfriend. I asked him out and he's like, I'm actually seeing someone, but we can go out as friends. I was like, oh, no, I have enough friends. And it was fine. And then he came back around. He broke up with his boyfriend and I was like, okay, now let's go. But yeah, so he has a girlfriend.

You're not asking him out. You're just saying hi. Yeah, exactly. And also, who cares? So if he has a girlfriend and that's the end of it, then great. More information for you to move on. Or you could just keep your mind open. Yeah, because people break up all the time.

It's not a big deal. so don't make it one yeah yeah and you are not creepy so he will not be creeped out yeah just just remember when you're doing it like this is going to be fun and light like have a good time doing it you know when i was younger people always used to be like when i started like performing live people would always be like just have a good time and you're like i can fucking have a good time yeah i'm fucking nervous and i have to go out there and i have to perform and it's like once you realize that it is really about having a good time and that your good time is going to infect every other person you're coming into contact with, then you're fine. And then you

can have a good time. So just think of it that way. Like you're about to go spread good vibes and good joy. And who doesn't like that? Who doesn't like being encountered with good vibes and good joy? Yeah. I mean, even if he's like, oh, she's might've been hitting on me, but I'd be flattered if someone came up to me at the gym and just like struck up conversations like, oh, maybe they think I'm cute. Like it makes me feel good. Okay. You're pumping me up. That's good to hear. Yeah. Okay, good. Yeah. And I don't think you have to like ask him to marry you like the first time you talk to him. I like a build of sexual tension per my friend, Wendy. It's nice to build a flirtation because really a flirtation, the beginning of the relationship is the most fun

part. And you can, as long as like, if you can stretch that out and have a fun flirt, imagine how much fun you're going to have going to the gym. Just knowing that you're going to bump into him like every time. That's fun. I like that. Yeah, that's exciting. I like that idea too. Okay. Well, good luck. Thank you. I appreciate your guys' insight. Bye. That didn't feel like a real problem. I mean. It was a real problem to poor Genevieve.

Yeah, I guess. She must take her own rules at the gym pretty seriously. Very seriously. Like, it's like, all right. I made rock. No, I can't say hello. I have a strict no talking policy. She does.

But I thought that Jessie would be the perfect person to encourage her since. Because of Justin. Oh, I love that. I didn't know that story about you meeting your lover. there. Yeah. I do love the added element of in the locker room. Oh, gosh. Let's take a quick break and we'll wrap up with one other little question. OK, we're going to be right back with Jesse. He has to take a bath. I'm going to give him a bath. Behind every night spent making the kids lunches, there's a lot of suspense. Will they finally eat the veggies? Will the pesto survive the first

bite? Will the lunchbox come home empty, half full or come home at all? And will you finish episode eight before you're done slicing the cucumbers get bell pure fiber internet with crave netflix and disney plus from 94 a month price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit visit bell.ca for details and to check availability bell connection is everything when i was 14 years old i was kidnapped and held captive for nine months i survived and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files i just remember this low taunting voice next to my ear saying shut up don't say anything every week i'm with survivors who live

through the unthinkable i knew if he woke up without a doubt he was going to hurt me i started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed and i just started screaming they are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home this is prose society the weekly podcast that's part book club part group chat for thought daughters pop culture obsessives and anyone who thinks pride and prejudice and

love island deserve the same level of discourse i'm eli rallo and every week we're connecting the dots between books the internet and the conversations everyone can't stop having i'm gonna have to look up this story i'm obsessed i'm obsessed from best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments nothing is off the table it's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters and that is a trojan horse whether you're looking for literary deep dives smart pop culture conversations or a community of readers who love to think a little too much you're in the right place listen to pro society on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts see you between the pages

and we're back I'm so clean I know I've recently gotten I've recently gotten into candles I didn't know about those earlier

thank you for getting my back I can never reach it no no no problem I'm really good I actually have very strong hands from being a mountain woman

all winter long Catherine before we have to part ways with my lover Jesse Tyler Ferguson this is a very fun episode this is very fun it's about to get

a little more fun because C has is in a bit of a pickle Sia? No, just C. Let's call her Sia. She's Sia. She's using a pseudonym, so she's Sia now. Sia is just writing in, so she's not joining us. Dear Chelsea and crew, I'm in a bit of a pickle.

I'm 24 years old, and I've always thought myself to be straight until a little over a year ago when my best friend and I found ourselves, after a night of drinking, to be making out, later leading to sex. It all felt right, and we haven't stopped to this day, although we are both quote-unquote straight, And I have still had sex with other men throughout this, but nothing more than just casual hookups. I don't feel attracted to other women, and neither does she. And we both have no plans of coming out about our, quote, relationship anytime soon. But there's definitely more jealousy when we're with other people or don't spend almost every day together. We act like we're in a relationship to each other, even admitting that we're in love with each other, but remain friends to the outside world.

And for added context that makes this harder, there's a 15-year age gap between us and we live in a small town where everybody knows who we are. I'm just seeking advice to navigate the situation. Do I stop completely to save ourselves from getting hurt further as this all gets deeper or do I just keep going and see what happens? See ya. She, her. So what she's described to us, she's described to us a relationship that's in the closet. That's like exactly what that is. So let's just identify it first.

You're in a closeted relationship with your friend. Yeah. Which, you know, that's something I can definitely relate to. Listen, I mean, if you have feelings for one another, I think, you know, it's worth talking about. I'm wondering where she's from. Is it a small town that she doesn't feel safe being out? I don't think she actually says where, but that's kind of the sense I got. I don't know.

I mean, I'm all about, like, if you're in love, be in love and then figure out your way, you know, to make it happen together. Yeah. I mean, it sounds like if there's like jealousy about, you know, you being with other people and they don't want to spend time apart. I mean, that's that's what the best relationships are. I mean, the jealousy part is probably not great, but like, you know, but you should want to spend a lot of time with the person. Exactly. That's all that's all good stuff. So I don't know.

I think there's got to you have to figure out a way to be comfortable in this relationship. I agree. I think that and I wish she did say something about where she was from, because I would say, A, maybe you guys should move together somewhere else where you're going to feel more secure being out in the open or be out in the open where you are. Give people some room to like accept it and and talk to your like if you really care and you're in love with each other, then you should be talking about what your immediate future is going to look like. Yeah. And I would encourage you to talk to like if you want to talk to another party like about how you go about doing that in a more comfortable way with both of your families, you should talk to a therapist about it. But I don't see like this isn't going to end well as a secret. Right. Also, there's something that's interesting is that there's a 15-year age gap. I'm assuming she's 15 years older because our writer's 24. Correct. Yeah. So she's 39-ish.

Or nine. Or nine. Which is a really different question to be asking. um yeah i mean she's she's lived a life you know i bet she's almost 40 years old like i don't know part of me also kind of feels like your friend needs to be like okay like take take the reins a little bit help us out like is this a thing are we in love is this happening help me out mommy yeah i think you gotta yeah somebody somebody's got to step up to the plate like it's just there's no good story ending you guys if you love each other get together figure out a plan

forward and do something about it no but i think that's good advice and i think that's the advice she's kind of looking for. It's not like just ignore this. And it doesn't matter that you're not attracted to other women. You're attracted to this woman. Right. So she's this woman's like 39 and she's 24. So she's worried about like judgment about that. Again, I would say that you're 24 years old in the 39. That's not disgusting. No. And, you know, kind of thinking about that, like age gap to like your best friend would have grown up in a time where it was still like, Ooh, are people going to come out or not? Maybe it's for the younger person to take the lead of like, let's do that. Yeah. No, you got a good point there. Yeah. Right. I mean, I've always

dated men that are, I mean, I dated men that were 20 years older than me for like 20 years until they got too old, you know, and then I had to dial it back. But yeah, there's no like 15, 20 years is fine. It's I think when, I mean, 20 years is a lot, but 15 years is okay. I think that's okay. Yeah. And also, yes, you take the lead as the younger person who's more with it and, you know, understands the way society and culture are working these days i would always like to i always as a personal rule like to get ahead of a problem not behind one and you should get ahead of this problem because it doesn't have to be a problem yeah stop dating other people because you're not interested in them and let us know what happens yeah i'm so yeah stop dating other people you

guys are obviously together yeah and let us know what town you move to we're assuming it's the town but like i mean maybe it's not the town she says everyone there knows who they are everyone knows it just sounds like a very small town so of course my brain goes to a not very accepting place yeah but that's just me yeah well you're a gay person so you would know that better than me i was just thinking why my mind wouldn't think that and it's like oh because i'm not discriminated against right right right well problem solved with that i'll discriminate against you though i feel like i was gonna ask you about being discriminated against about something else that you were saying earlier i wanted to say did you feel discriminated against but now i forgot what that was i don't remember

What could it have been? This has been a blur. I don't even remember coming in this room. I feel like I've been here for days. He woke up here this morning. Oh, my goodness. Oh, so funny. Thank you.

People are really going to enjoy this. Jesse, you are so fun. I love being with you. Oh, me too. This was so fun. And what's your podcast called? It's called Dinners on Me. Dinners on Me.

And invite me anytime and I'll be there. Oh, my God. Would you do it? Absolutely. I think you're on the schedule, actually. Oh, okay. Well, then that was a trick. What was that?

Was that a, like, you pushed, you threw? Are you, like, throwing a carrot against the wall over there so I turn my head? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Basically, that's exactly what happened. I think you were on the schedule, but maybe we had to reschedule. I don't know. No, we'll definitely do it. It'll be fun.

You're on the list. Yeah. Add a little alcohol to this, and who knows what could happen. Okay, thank you. Bye, guys. We'll see you next week. Bye. Okay, so upcoming shows that I have, you guys.

I'm going to be in Hawaii on Maui, Kahului, and Honolulu. I will be there in July. Also in July, I'm coming to Niagara Falls on July 27th. I'm coming to Hollywood, Florida for my only show in Florida on July 28th. I'll be in Auburn, Washington on August 1st. And then Santa Rosa, California for my second show, August 2nd. August 17th is the Santa Barbara Bowl. You do not want to miss that.

And then I will be all over Maine, Charlotte, North Carolina, Charleston, South Carolina. I'm coming to Texas. I'm coming to St. Louis and Kansas City. And then I will be in Las Vegas performing at the Chelsea Theater inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel. My first three dates in Vegas are September 1st, Labor Day weekend, and then November 2nd and November 30th. I'm coming to Brooklyn, New York at the King's Theater on November 8th. And I have tickets on sale throughout the end of the year in December. so if you're in a city like philadelphia or bethlehem or san diego or new orleans or omaha

check chelsea handler.com for tickets okay if you'd like advice from chelsea shoot us an email at dear chelsea podcast at gmail.com and be sure to include your phone number dear chelsea is edited and engineered by brad dickert executive producer katherine law and be sure to check out our merch at chelseahandler.com i survived nine months in captivity and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced these are stories about what it takes to make it out alive listen to the survivor files with elizabeth smart on the iheart radio app apple

podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts if your bookshelf and your for you page are equally important to your personality welcome home pro society is a weekly podcast that's part book club part group chat for anyone who thinks pride and prejudice and love island deserve the same level of discourse each week we're connecting the dots between books the internet and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman.

I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart Podcast.

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