Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - Low Hanging Fruit

Episode Date: May 13, 2021

Chelsea and Brandon open by discussing a compromising A-Rod photo, the Bennifer situation, and how Chelsea may have dodged a bullet with Andrew Cuomo. Then they take some calls: A night nurse is bullied by a coworker. A twenty-something isn’t sure how to date in a small city where dating apps just regurgitate the same guys. An older brother wonders if he’s over-sharing about his sex life with his siblings. And a young Californian deals with being kicked out by his mom for being gay. The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees. This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all. Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. You know, I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy.

Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello, and welcome to Dear Chelsea, featuring Chelsea Handler and Brandon. Hello. Hi. Hi, sweetheart. Hi, sweetheart.

How's your day going? Not great. Pretty annoyed today, actually. That's okay. You have a lot of reasons to be annoyed. There's a lot going on. There is a lot going on, Brandon. There's been a lot happening to you recently, so it's okay to be in a bad mood. Just accept it. I'm acknowledging it. acknowledging it, know that it will pass. You're going to have a rough day and it will be gone tomorrow, most likely. And you've had a rough week. You know who else is having a rough time?

Who? Alex Rodriguez. Did you hear about somebody took a picture of him taking a shadooby in his apartment and then decided to post it all over the internet? I was not aware, but I'm sure that's a welcome distraction from his Jennifer Lopez news. I would say that that is a terrible thing to do to another person. Like who took that photo and then posted it? Like, honestly, you know, our society is so fucked up. But I would say that if that were to happen to somebody, if it had to happen to somebody, I think it should be Alex Rodriguez. He's probably thrilled that this is the new headline and not him and Jennifer Lopez or Jennifer Lopez hanging out with Ben Affleck. Yeah, well, I'm sure he's not thrilled about that, but I'm sure he's not thrilled

about hearing rumors about his ex-girl. What were they married? No, they were engaged. They were engaged. Yes. Yeah. I just don't care for him. I feel the same way about Alex Rodriguez. I find him very off-putting and I don't know why so many women are so into him. I don't like his body shape. I don't like his demeanor. I'm glad you said that about his body shape because I also don't like it and I don't know why, but I've met him once and I was icked out when I met him and I'm still icked out by him. I just don't understand a lot of Jennifer Lopez's choices romantically though they never make sense to me really her and mark anthony you know what i mean it's like there's a trend here that she's dating people that are

one not in her league and two obviously not a romantic match yeah i don't understand the rebounding i don't understand like when you break up having sex with your ex-boyfriend like i don't get that like why you can't wait two weeks without having sex and then contact your ex-boyfriend Ben Affleck have both said individually in interviews that they are the ones that got away. And sometimes I think that can't happen, that you're just going through a life circumstance where it's not going to work out. And maybe it can down the road. I hope they work out, actually. I would like to see them get back together.

Ben Affleck and J-Lo? Yeah. Oh, okay. Well, I hope that comes true for you then. I don't know what I think about that. You don't have a preference or an opinion on that situation? Not today. I often think of which male celebrity I would like to see you end up with.

Do you have any thoughts on this? I'd like your opinion. No, I don't actually. I haven't thought about that. There's someone that we've talked about a couple of times that I would have liked to see you with. Who? Gerard Butler. Gerard Butler is, we would cancel each other out because he's a little bit wild.

Like I'm a little bit wild. I would actually venture to say that Gerard Butler is more wild than I am. Really? But he's a really nice guy. Jon Hamm? Jon Hamm's a really nice guy too. Jon Hamm has a girlfriend right now, I think. I did have a crush on Jon Hamm, though, for a long, long time.

Those are the two that come to my mind most often. Yeah, and I had a crush on him, and then... I have another one. Who? I don't know why, but you did Justin Long's podcast a while ago, and I just find him very attractive, and I've seen him out and about a few times, and he just has this air to him where he seems very confident,

and I would love to see that happen. Okay, well... I feel like you guys could have a good time together. Well, I did his podcast and we did have a great time together. I really, really like him, but he's not really my type. What is your type? Let's get into that for a bit. We talked about that. I like a more masculine. I like a guy that's, first of all, physically bigger than I am. Okay. I want to feel like a girl.

Like a dainty little lady. Yeah. I've had sex with a couple of guys that were smaller than me and I didn't really like that. Wasn't Ted small? Ted was short, but stout. Corpulent. So he was wide? He wasn't tall. My sisters always say that I like short guys And I'm like, I do not

And then they go and list all the men I've dated And like half of them are like 5'9 or 5'10 But that's not really short Chewy was short All right, well, if we were going to build a guy for you Like a Build-A-Bear? Yeah, I think that people should know So they know what to keep an eye out for

You like a British guy, actually I do, I love British guys I like foreigners You like black guys What about a black British guy? What about your driver? Oh, God, that would be a home run In any of your outings this last week, did you ever go out and start a conversation?

I did not. You went to Hotel Bel Air. I forgot about that. This was your homework assignment. I know, but there were no men around. And the men that were around— Was it a lesbian convention? No, it was just I was with a girlfriend.

It's hard to look and check out other guys when you're with somebody. I like to be focused on what I'm doing. She and I had a great time without men, so I did not approach a man. I'm going to do it. It's a good challenge for me. I'll find somebody to hit on. Stay tuned for that, you guys. Let's take a quick break.

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I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse.

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I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. If you know me, you know I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. So this podcast lets us uncover those things together through meaningful conversations with fascinating people. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. You have something in your guts. You go with it. And Shawn Johnson recalled the moment she realized her now husband, Andrew, was the one.

He was just so unapologetically himself and knew nothing of Hollywood. He hadn't been on a plane before without his family. It was so pure. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. sweetheart have you ever felt like there's a time where your advice was invasive or unwanted uh yeah all the time that happens to me all the time i give unsolicited advice that's my problem but are there certain people in your life you know even if they aren't asking for it need it or want it unknowingly well maybe that's how you can justify it but yeah some people are receptive

to it and they go oh thank you like you always say oh thank you for telling me yeah because i think it's important to people in your life that you care about normally if they're giving you their opinion or advice on something it's coming from a good place like no one I don't know advice with malice yeah I think I used to do that probably be a little bit malicious well the reason I ask is because a lot of the submissions today are people kind of either overstepping or perfect well that's your area of expertise overbearing overstepping yeah or shockingly in one of them that they're disinterested in the feedback at all so I think we should just get right into it And our first submission comes from a woman named Kimberly.

She's a night nurse at a nursing home. And she writes, Dear Chelsea, myself and several co-workers are being bullied at work. With COVID restricting so much employment, we feel stuck in our jobs. Management excuses the bad behavior as personality conflicts. It's like us around the house. Our co-worker comes on the floor and we feel it's her mission to belittle us, degrade us, and shame us.

We are frontline workers in a nursing home and it is affecting our ability to care and support for our residents with dignity and love. What do you advise? That they all need to get together. All of you guys need to join forces and stand up to the bully together, saying that this is unacceptable behavior in the middle of a pandemic, no less. Don't feed the beast. Well, I mean, it's just unacceptable that a colleague is coming on the floor belittling them and that they have to even put up with that. What do you think of the bosses disregarding? Well, not surprising. I mean, who wants to deal with it? No boss, you know, especially at a nursing home. It's probably like really, really low-hanging fruit.

Yeah, I agree. You just need to address it. Did I just use low-hanging fruit the right way? I don't know. I don't either. That doesn't seem like I did. I'm confused. I would say it probably wasn't used the right way.

But at a nursing home, I couldn't tell you what is... Well, there is definitely low-hanging fruit at a nursing home. Right, what's appropriate or not. Right, yeah. Yeah, so I think that this is one of those situations where you just kind of have to confront it head on. Like if it's not going away, you're going to need to address it. It reminds me of Andrew Cuomo, the bullying, you know, because I just read that article.

There was a big piece on him that I just read recently. And, you know, it was just talking about the pathology of his behavior, you know, of like him being a bully to so many people for so many years in New York. Because it's going to be interesting to see what happens with Andrew Cuomo. Aren't you glad you dodged that bullet? Well, I don't think I dodged the bullet as much as he dodged me because I had a crush on him. And then I talked to him on the phone a few times and we texted a couple of times and it was very flirtatious. And I thought for sure there was going to be penetration. Well, now we know why it didn't work out, because he wouldn't be able to bully you.

He was like, oh, no. Well, apparently he doesn't like women that throw themselves at him. He prefers to take it. Like all of the stories of sexual harassment. I mean, the sexual harassment stories are him like grabbing somebody. Nobody's accusing him of sexual assault. But I did dodge a bullet. You know, when you find out all of that, you're like, oh, my God, thank God I didn't end up dating him or have sex with him even.

Well, I told you from the beginning that was not going to be a good idea. because he's 62, and I'm 46, and that's just, like... His body looks like a melting candle. You can't... Well, he looks like he's transitioning into a woman, because, like, a lot of men that age start to look like women, right? But a very butch woman. A lesbian woman. Well, his mother, basically. If you've seen pictures of his mom, he looks a lot like his mom.

And so it was already, like, was I going to be able to go down that road and, like, be able to see the things that I was going to see on his body and not... I zoomed in on so many Instagram posts and pictures to see exactly where his nipples were on his body, right? Because there was a lot of questions about his nipples and then where were they, you know, down or up? And then there are a lot of questions about, you know, the background of that mansion he lives in in Albany also and the decor. That was going to be a hard pill to swallow. But luckily that didn't happen. I don't know how this relates at all to the nursing home.

I think you brought up nursing homes and bullying and I immediately went to Andrew Cuomo so sorry I'm so sorry well Kimberly I think to wrap this up is you just need to address it head on yourself if the admin and the office isn't going to do anything about it then it takes the bully's power away you just address it

get your little gang of girls together guys whomever yeah you guys have to join forces and stand up to the bully fuck that as an adult being bullied it's like no thanks it's these people who just want a sense of power so if they don't have it it's this is the exact way i think of middle school receptionists it's like they just love and they're always like sausage finger like sharon's like they

just i would yeah like that principal's reception yeah they just feel like adjacent to the power so they like to flex that muscle i see what you're saying it's like a crossing guard basically yes a crossing guard somebody gets way out of control with their responsibility it's like a police officer when they're directing traffic that happens on Martha's Vineyard a lot and it's like okay everybody calm down guys people love to be able to put someone else in a place like anytime you go to you have never experienced this I can guarantee but like going to do a return if you're a day over or use a coupon on something and they don't want to do I'm like is this the fucking issue you want to take up yeah right now like is this really worth it expiration date on a coupon

oh my god it's so fucking annoying are you using coupons yes I use coupons for you and you don't even know it. Oh, that's sweet, sweetheart. Yes. I'm thrifty. I told you. I know you're thrifty. We have to be economically responsible. Well, you can be. It doesn't matter how much you have. It's how much you save. And that's where I come in. Uh-huh. Yeah. Well, anyway. So that's also advice for everyone listening. It's not how much you have. It's how much you save. Is it how much you save? Yes. Because you need to save. Oh, girl. Please. Please. Unbelievable. I'm still using the coupons our next submission comes from nicole tran she's 25 we have her on the line but her submission says hi chelsea i'm a big fan of you since chelsea lately that's nice thank you

for being such a good role model as i've gotten older i've realized that dating men my age has gotten worse and worse especially with the me too movement and bro culture i realize i can't hate them more any dating advice that you would give yourself at 25 so nicole i mean i'm on the line I'm oh, you are. Yeah. Look at look at Nicole. Hi, Nicole. I mean, it's so, so disappointing what men have taken the last couple of years with men have been so disappointing. Like, I totally feel your pain because I'm 46. I'm 21 years older than you. And I feel exactly the way that you fucking feel. I'm like, are you fucking serious? You guys like are you guys going to be this disappointing for us for the rest of our lives? we're telling you that you need to start behaving in a different way we're trying to help you win and they still won't fucking listen yeah it can't be easier than that and that's the funny thing like you're literally giving them the advice that they need and it it's still more disappointing like these are the tools that you need to be better and then they make it about themselves

again yes yes women have quite literally given men a roadmap to get laid and they still get lost I don't understand what you want to be like. I actually just told you. It's like, I want to fuck all you guys and you're ruining it. You're blowing it. All of you guys are blowing it because we, it's like women want you to succeed yet. Like straight white men do not understand what the fuck is going on. They like are so resistant. Like this one guy in Canada, I was talking to this one guy in Canada and we were skiing and he said, he goes, it does feel like a little bit like reverse discrimination on the subject of white male patriarchy, blah, blah. He goes, it does feel like I understand everything needs to be equal, but it does feel like reverse discrimination.

And I just looked at him and thought, like, well, I didn't think I said, you know, first of all, you're OK with discrimination as long as it's not reverse. You know, just saying it like that's the problem. It's like, yeah, that's what needs to happen is reverse discrimination for a period of time until things become equitable, like in a real way. Like, you know, anyway, don't get me fucking started. obviously. Oh, my God. So anyway, who was the last person you dated? I at this point, I'm just like not dating. Yeah, I've been just like trying to date people and just like on dating apps. But then it would, I would go and get drinks with people. And then it just gets weird. Like people will just say really stalker ish stuff. And I feel like they

would lock me in their basement and I just get out of there. In your submission, you mentioned that you live in a college town yeah to me that speaks volumes about the type of men who are going to be lingering around your area so it's a lot of like guys in arrested development who are clinging to their college days if they've graduated or it's guys in college in which case like you can't you can't be bothered with that younger guys at 25 because they're too stupid and i'm in columbus ohio so like everything is just like everything is just a huge campus so everyone's either extremely young, or everyone is completely like a frat for life. So they just hire everyone who will never grow up. And it's disappointing. Can I ask for because you're both on dating

apps? I'm obviously not on a dating app. But should be is there? Yeah, I'll see how that goes. Do people not meet through friends anymore? Is it only like the accessibility that you and whoever else is on the dating app know that you're both looking? So is it the convenience? I just don't understand why no one is hooked up with through mutual friends who kind of understand what you might be into. I think the hardest part with that is like if something goes wrong and then it doesn't work out, then it's just awkward for the rest of your life. And like you're just asking like, oh, was that so-and-so going to be there? And then you just have to like dodge out of a party or like dodge out of a... Yeah. And I think people have to have a knack for setting people up.

It's not as like... None of your friends do. No, my friends don't set me up, which I think speaks more about my personality than it does. Well, they try. Well, and the guys are, yeah, there have been a few, Alison, there've been a few and they're just not quite right. They think I'm like, listen, guys, this is my friends will try and set me up. I'm like, ah, this is a little too middle age. If you know what I'm talking about. And they're like, you are middle age. I'm like, ah, no, I'm fucking not. Okay. Not in my head. But you know what? Just take a break because I think a lot of women feel the way you feel about men and you just need to like take a break and wait for like a crush to develop naturally you know what i mean so that you can be reintroduced

to the idea of flirtation dating apps are just like it's like covid it's like fatigue you know you have like they become so boring and rote and it just adds to the day-to-day mundaneness that everyone kind of is feeling psychologically because of quarantining and etc so i would say take a break and you know just try and focus on yourself actually because that's never bad when you take some time and just like try and get like healthy, you know what I mean? Get grounded, read books and stuff. You always get a prize at the end of that, which will hopefully come in the package of a man that you want to have sex with. That's true. Absolutely. And if not, then you're not out any of that energy that you would have invested into the man because

you've invested in it to yourself. That's true. So it's a real win either way. Exactly. It's a win-win. That's very accurate. When in doubt, invest in yourself. That's going to be our the hashtag for this podcast if I believed in hashtags. Maybe you could keep us posted on your next few dates. Yeah. Yeah. And circle back. Tell us what happens. I just told her to take a break though. And you're giving me conflicting advice now. When it does happen. Okay. Right. Yeah. Keep us posted. We want all of our callers to keep us posted as to their progress. That's a good idea. Perfect. All right. Well, it was nice talking to you, Nicole. Thanks, guys. Have a great day. Bye. Again, a totally really normal, reasonable person. I just really am interested. Like,

I like these callers. Everyone has the same issues. And this is what I don't understand with people. I don't think everyone has the same issues. I think they're common that everyone is facing some of the same hurdles with especially dating. Well, you're not having that problem because you're in a relationship. Yes. But everyone who's on these apps, it's like everyone wants to be in a relationship or find someone yet they spend all their time texting on it and they never set anything up. I talked to a friend recently who had said the same thing that he had been talking to this guy for like weeks on a dating app. I said, well, have you tried to set a date and he's like yeah well here and there you know we'll talk about it i'm like i

would exchange two messages before i said like hey let's meet here i'm available like this time these weeks do you want to get together if the whole point is to date you can't fucking do that through a phone so you're gonna have to get out and do something you're actually very good with that you normally if you're into someone you meet them right away for a drink or dinner or something i'm sorry i was just reading a text from my brother who said he was on the way his way to get his birth certificate. Did you see that text from Roy? No. He said, hi, guys. Sorry for the late reply. I was playing basketball and then I'm on my way to Elizabeth to get my birth certificate. Ask him if he can find your parents' marriage certificate. That would be really handy.

Can you find? Just so you know, we need the marriage certificate because we've been trying to get Chelsea's German citizenship. Any citizenship from any country. I want it. She'll go anywhere. An additional passport is always welcome. And we can't find her parents' marriage certificate i don't know if they did it off the books or what but we've searched basically every county in new jersey considering that they're my parents they probably aren't even fucking married and we're lying to us about that also you know i have a brother i found out about right that i didn't know i just found out about that recently i'm always learning new things about you sweetheart yeah i'll focus on the brothers i do have oh great well why don't you

see if this brother that you do have can find the marriage certificate oh right right because my brother roy my brother roy can't he doesn't even know where his own birth certificate or driver's licenses. He's never going to be able to find something that may not even exist. We're going to have Roy call into the show because I want you to hear my brother, Roy. He's the oldest by default because my other brother, you know, died. So Roy became the oldest when my other brother died. And at my brother's funeral, my grandfather came over and was like, Roy, you're the oldest now. You're in charge. And all of the rest of the siblings were like, uh, no, he's fucking not. He's stoned all the time this is when he was a teenager and so we were like he's so not the oldest and he's

not in our family dynamic he's like basically the baby even though i'm the baby he's the baby so i want him to tell you his story because he's been in palau living in palau for like the last few years yeah i've never met him he has a very interesting shaped head and he's really sweet and adorable and very funny in his really quiet funny way i want you to give him advice because i don't give my brother advice anymore they're all like you know we're all done they just check out we just want to support him and we want him to be happy okay that's i mean that's a good stance to take i don't even know if he wants advice but he likes to talk so unsolicited he'll get it so hopefully i'll be able to call in one of these days well until roy calls we have sergio on the

phone. He is in his 30s. He's from New York. And he writes, oh, this is perfect. Sibling complexities. Dear Chelsea, how do you make sure to not overburden your siblings? I want to find balance between being a mentor to them and just being an older gay brother. Sergio. Hi. Hi, Chelsea. Hi. How are you? Good. Good. Here in the city, enjoying the weather. Well, Sergio, what's going on with your siblings? How many do you have? What's the deal? I have way too many siblings.

So I have six sisters, two are younger and one older brother. So I'm trying to find the balance between like being that gay older brother for my two younger sisters, but not too out there for them, you know, talking about my sex life or anything like that. Right. Okay. So you have six sisters. Yes.

And then you have two younger. Yes. So how many all together? Eight. My parents didn't know about birth control, unfortunately. Okay. Yeah. And a lot of people didn't seem to know about birth control. Guess who does know about it? I do. Well, you're gay, Brandon. You probably have more to say on this topic before I mansplain it. Well, I mean, it's all going to be about your dynamic with your individual

siblings. I think a lot of times you just adjust to the different personalities and the dynamic you have with that sibling. Like I have three sisters, all with very different personalities. So what I give them of myself is different. My one sister is very sensitive, Kasia, and we don't... How do you spell Kasia? K-A-S-Y-A. K-A-S-Y-A. Kasia.

Yeah. Okay. And she is just the softest, sweetest little thing. But she gets very bogged down with anything too emotional. So I keep it very light with her. And my sister Kayla, I can talk to about anything. Like she gets the very gay side of me. she will get my unfiltered opinion on her life and I know she's good with that my sister Brooke

she's older so I'm the one normally like giving her advice actually for the first time we had like a really personal conversation about my life recently and she's like oh this is such a strange conversation because normally we're talking about my stuff and not yours so I think that it really just depends on your relationship with each of those siblings yeah that's actually good advice yeah I can definitely see that with my younger sister Jenny I have a close relationship with her But I would just never want to hear from her, like about her dating life, like her telling me if she's having, you know, intimate relationships or something like that. That'd just be really weird. Your family's very open with things.

Yeah, are we? Yeah, I guess we are with like sex talk and stuff. But only like the girls with the girls. Like we're not talking to my brothers about hooking up. Yeah, you're not calling Glenn after a hookup. Like I just had the best sex. But I also, just to the point, since this was kind of your last note on the gay aspect, I mean, that's just such a minor part of those interactions. And so I wouldn't let that be what dictates your relationship or interaction with your sisters. Like, you have to be authentically who you are. And that's one area I wouldn't want you to, like, temper or play down just to appease someone else. Like, if that's you, you need to just be you in those relationships. And they'll love you for that. I would say you don't have to worry about that in those interactions. Yeah, I think the most difficult part would be, like, I can't really share my Grindr profile or something like that.

You know, I can't exactly. Right. I mean, maybe that's something you keep to yourself, though. Not everyone needs to see, like, the dick pics and messages. I think your question, really at the root of your question, Sergio, is the sexual stuff. Are you supposed to share that? And the answer is no. Let's not.

Let's go with not sharing with your siblings your sexual encounters. The explicit sexual. Explicit. Exactly, Brandon. But, like, the meeting someone on Grindr or those, like, interactions, like, oh, I've met someone on this app, Grindr, whatever it is. You just don't need to say, like, that you got penetrated in a back alley. Like, you can keep those things to yourself. Yeah, you can say I met a guy, I'm dating a guy, or I'm going on a date, right?

Or going out with a guy, right? Agreed, agreed, agreed. It's a wrap on that, Sergio. Case closed, Sergio. All right, fantastic. Problem solved. Good luck to you. All right, thanks.

Words today are hard for us. Are they? Well, low-hanging fruit. I still don't know what we— That's a phrase, not really a word, though. Well, it's a combination of words. Yeah. Well, it means a couple of different things. There's a literal translation and then there's the metaphorical. Yeah, that's right.

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Visit plazaautogroup.com. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me.

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welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments,

nothing is off the table it's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters and that is a trojan horse whether you're looking for literary deep dives smart pop culture conversations or a community of readers who love to think a little too much you're in the right place listen to pro society on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to

reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip. I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. If you know me, you know I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. So this podcast

lets us uncover those things together through meaningful conversations with fascinating people. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. You have something in your guts. You go with it. And Shawn Johnson recalled the moment she realized her now husband, Andrew, was the one. He was just so unapologetically himself and knew nothing of Hollywood. He hadn't been on a plane before without his family. It was so pure.

Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, our next submission is from Jonathan. He's 26. He lives in California, and he has some issues with his mom. His submission says, Dear Chelsea, I came out in 2014. My mom tried giving me an ultimatum to change or get kicked out, so I tried to change. I actually went to conversion therapy. My mom tried to get me to go into the military.

She made me quit work and stay at home for 24-7. After I'd had enough, I told her that I cannot change for her. She got all my stuff and threw it out into the garage port. My dad had to come pick me up and help me out. About a year later, me and my mom kind of got close again. Then someone told her about me being too quote-unquote out there with my sexuality, and she stopped talking to me again. Should I ever forgive her if she asks for another chance?

And he includes a photo of her throwing all of his stuff out into the garage port. So, Jonathan, are you there? I am here. How are you guys? Hi, Jonathan. How do you guys day go in? Well, I'm so glad that Brandon's here because this seems like another question that you should take the lead on, Brandon, because... We've had a couple of submissions that lean gay, so I've been fielding those. You have beautiful teeth, by the way.

Oh, thank you. I appreciate it. The reason why, yeah, I don't want to jump in because that's what a man would do. A white man would jump in, a white straight man would jump in and say, oh, why don't I answer this question about being gay and Puerto Rican? And they would go, this is what you should do. Well, I'm not Puerto Rican, but I am gay. Well, right. But if you were Puerto Rican.

And I don't want to act like a white man. You know what I mean? It's bad enough what's going on. But we do work in cahoots. So her perspective will also be important. But, I mean, I'm so sorry that this is the type of advice that you need. I have a very complicated relationship with my mother. So I fully understand how difficult that dynamic can be.

He's had to call the police on his mother before. And he has. It's very tricky. And I understand also with the gay aspect and their reception of that and how that can also burden the relationship, even though it shouldn't. So now you're responsible for trying to get that relationship back on course for something that's, you know, natural. In regard to everything that you went through after you're coming out, I think you really

need to let go of. So like you included the photo. I understand that it was a painful situation and to be treated that way and go through the conversion therapy and try to fix something that is inherent to you. But holding on to that just takes up space and it doesn't do anything positive for you. So the longer you hold on to it, and this is just very consistent when people are writing in with things that have happened in the past, you have to let go of it for yourself, not for your mom. She is irrelevant in this scenario. But if you harbor those feelings, negative feelings toward the circumstances

you went through, like Chelsea always says, you have to spin it and you have to make that a positive thing. Like you went through all this to hopefully help someone else, you know, these circumstances and situations you're writing in someone else's experiencing this and hopefully we'll take something of it. Who's listening and say like, Oh, I'm not going to do this. I'm not going to try and change who I am for someone else. Exactly. Exactly. And I think some of the hardest things, like my mom would even say some of the worst things she told me straight to my face, I'd rather have to be a drug addict and be gay. She told one of her friends that this is the worst things that happens is my brother died of cancer so all these comparisons it's just like

what is honestly going through your own head you know like that you have such a mental but you can see how damaged that person is if they would really want you to be a drug addict rather than just be happy like who you fuck does not affect her exactly and that's just like the fact of the matter and that's something we all have to deal with in the lgbtqia community that y is our personal life so i a what wait q2 what yeah lgbtqia lesbian gay transgender asexual intersect i see i'm bad with it too and now and they're not a crossroad intersex intersex and then you said another letter lgbtqi asexual what did i miss in there i missed something john i would say lgbtqia plus because there's so many different i thought you said ai and i was like i thought you

meant artificial there could be we don't know but we just need to include everyone i know a i could be thinking in the future you never know yeah you know that's something also to hop on jonathan is that like when somebody i also want to ask you about conversion therapy when somebody is really can't give you love or demonstrate love like that's about them that's more of a reflection of them than it has anything to do with you and then what goes on at conversion therapy at Mike Pence Conversion Therapy. Oh God, I can't even deal with that guy. But so with my mom.

Luckily, we don't fucking have to anymore. My mom would actually send me to our local church and I was raised in Tachpe, which is a small town east of Bakersfield, California. And pretty much they just read me scriptures from the Bible over and over and over again, saying, this is wrong what you're doing. You know, you need to change your ways.

You're going to go to hell, like all this stuff. Oh my God, that sounds like a fucking nightmare. Literally two hours a day, my mom sent me to go do that. and listening to people, somebody reading the Bible. Can you think of anything more unpleasant? No, but it is so damaging to these. I mean, again, they're just trying to recondition

something that can't be reconditioned because it's not a learned habit. Exactly. So it's not like a behavior, like, you know, being kind to someone that hopefully you can teach. Accomplish. Yeah, through certain exercises.

Like this is really just, it's a mental breakdown that they're trying to kind of reduce you to. your smallest part but the other aspect of this was your relationship with your mom and if you should give her another chance and that's something that no one can answer it's something i go through with my sisters on a daily basis because we all have a very complicated relationship with my mom and my response to them is always when they call and ask what i should do or what they should do in a certain situation is you have to do what feels right to you in that moment because i don't want to give you my opinion because it's not how i'm feeling or what i'm going through with her

So that's very personal to you, but I would say you have to safeguard yourself and that's what I do. So you only give her so much, so she can't habitually hurt you. And you also don't want someone like that to be able to leverage your insecurity or your, what they perceive as your weaknesses to get what they want. So it's all about how you enter those interactions and the circumstances you set. So for me, like if I was in your position, what I would say is until you can verbally accept who i am and who i'm going to be with there is no relationship definitely like that is that is the basis like that's the least you could do and once you could do that then we can move forward exactly and it's not going to be easy but at least then you are on level footing

with your sexuality if that's the catalyst for all these issues she either needs to accept it or don't definitely and i think the hard part is now because so she moved from california all the way to wyoming so she's living her best life there but her my stepdad my sister all converted to mormonism so they're okay so boring i have mormons in my family my mom was mormon and my sister was mormon she's slowly snapping out of it but my best girlfriend is mormon oh right yeah but she lives in park and she's very yeah she lives in a suburb and she's not park city no but she flies a rainbow flag every year for me and my partner like she's very progressive so it seems like your mom was like off her rocker before the mormonism so i mean it seems like it's probably

not going to help yeah but that's something personal to her that like no religion should impact her feelings toward her son exactly exactly so mormon or not she's dealing with some shit of her own yeah yeah and it's like you know growing up to listen to sean hannity every day like and i think it was hard because she would always you know use the word faggot and stuff and like me sitting there next to her in the car just knowing what her feelings are i'm like she's talking about me and so i never brought it up to her attention growing up and stuff or you know i always had it even had like to hide my voice because I always felt it was too feminine

and things like that. So now that I'm out though, I'm like so happy and proud. Like I've never been happier. I've been healthier. I have never been healthier. And yeah, you look healthy and you look like you have like

a good amount of self-confidence. So like go with that. Yeah. Don't let her bad state of affairs affect your positivity and your vibe, you know, because all you can control is your reaction. And so let her do her thing.

And when she earns the right to probably be around you, you'll know. Exactly. And, um, you know, I remember some of the things she would tell me, she's like, you know, you're not going to be successful in life. I just graduated last year with my bachelor's. I'm doing my master's right now. So it's like, you know what?

Congratulations guys. And I'm like, you know, proving it to myself also, you know, in a way it's kind of like in my back burner proving her wrong too. So it's like, you know, we'll step out of time doing things for myself and making myself better. Yeah. Well, good for you. That's so unfortunate that you have to go prove your mother wrong, but you know what?

Sometimes it's just the motivation you need. Exactly. I love it. All right. Well, Shabbat Shalom. It was great talking to you. It was a pleasure talking to you guys. Thank you guys so much for your time.

I appreciate it. Thank you, Jonathan. You guys are awesome. Yeah. Bye, Jonathan. I feel like we're saving the world, Brandon, one gay man at a time. Hopefully. I mean, there are just so many issues in the gay community.

That could be an entire episode. Well, obviously. I mean, yeah. It's a lot to unpack. I mean, I still deal with it on a daily basis. What kind of issues are you dealing with on a daily basis? I mean, like body issues. I think that's a huge one in the gay community.

just the expectation of what you should look like because most gay men are under armor mannequins brought to life right right well it's the same thing for girls you know who's not suffering from that body dysmorphia and body image problems white males andrew cuomo white men white men over 50 they're not suffering from that there's nothing more upsetting to me than when i see this beautiful woman who you know takes the time to maintain herself sweetheart it's you and they have to fuck these men who they married 20 years ago who are probably in like fine shape but then just let themselves go like oh it's not my it's a woman's responsibility to uphold herself but i can look like a fucking garbage bag fucking pig it's so gross with my legs splayed open on a

sofa you know like men should do whatever they can to avoid women from ever seeing the outline of their balls yeah and that means sitting in a way that no one will see your balls and when men disrespect that silent rule that we thought we had an agreement but we don't as usual which is just another thing that men don't seem to be understanding that's why you can't have a lazy boy in your house i mean as soon as you incorporate a fucking recliner yeah then things get real dicey real fast i bet your dad had a recliner oh he did my dad had a recliner of course he did oh yeah i could just see him sitting in that right now that is the furniture embodiment of men he would sit there on a sunday morning with like a bagel you know my mom would make him a

bagel with like lox and cream cheese and he would put it on the armchair have the new york times splayed out and just be like sitting there like a fucking king you know while my mom did everything and we had a nice lazy sunday but just eating you know putting the plate on his stomach and then reading the paper all at the same time oh you know what i just thought of so gross but these men who like in the gym in the locker room these older men who walk around you know they're doing it at their house too is they put these boxers on and they're like balls or can you not please i don't i don't want to even have this kind of imagery right now i mean i just said i don't want to talk about balls at all and now you're making me think but look at this right this is

this is the way they walk around as soon as you say old men and lockers i think of balls and i don't want to so let's steer this in a different direction well it's actually a wrap on the show for today so it is oh okay well that's perfect timing so let's go out on that no balls thursday for anyone who does want to write in they can do that at dear chelsea project d-e-a-r-c-h-e-l-s-e-a p-r-o-j-e-c-t at gmail.com dear chelsea project at gmail.com that's wonderful i survived nine months in captivity and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files.

Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality,

welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the Internet and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B.

I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. fill the space with you. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. of a social experiment and fights back. Guess you didn't move in on a bunch of dumb hillbillies now, did you? Listen to Our Town on the iHeartRadio app,

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