Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - Meditation with Deepak Chopra

Episode Date: June 3, 2021

Chelsea and Brandon are joined by Deepak Chopra to discuss psychedelics, radical mindset shifts, and the healing power of meditation. A Philly rowhome resident deals with a noisy neighbor. A happily married man worries about how good-looking women perceive him. And an ex-girlfriend shame-spirals about her shortcomings.  The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees. This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all. Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human. Behind every night spent making the kids' lunches, there's a lot of suspense. Will they finally eat the veggies? Will the pesto survive the first bite? Will the lunchbox come home empty, half full, or come home at all?

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Bell. Connection is everything. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who lived through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements.

We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook. Each week, we talk to someone in show business and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, Adam Scott, Danny McBride, Ben Stiller, and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle.

I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello. Hello, guys. Hello, everybody. Hi. oh god what to cover what to cover this is week three of my uh no smoking pot with my boyfriend shane and now i really don't even care about ever smoking a joint again quite frankly like now i'm just like what was that are you partaking in any other sort of drugs are you taking your

chocolate mushrooms just no i haven't had the chocolate mushrooms no not in a while i thought i would take a break i've been writing a lot so i've had to be sober for that because i'm writing a lot of my standup, which I started. So, you know, I've had to focus on that. So yeah, it's a good time. It's a good time for me to take a break. And if Shane had not come into my life in the moment he did, God, where would I be now? I would be lost without him. Well, I wonder if he feels the same. I wonder if he's just elevated right now, just on a different plane, cognitively, very aware of his surroundings and what he needs to be taking on the job site. Yeah. I feel like when you have a connection like that, it can't just be one way. It's got

be a two-way connection although we did speak to somebody who had no connection with somebody and didn't understand that it was broken so i could also be playing that role in this scenario anywho what else is new brandon what do you have to say for yourself not much you're going on trips you have stand-up dates that you're doing all through the fall now stand-up dates looking for a house trying to plan vacations but you know now that things feel like they're opening up again and and people are vaccinated and getting out. You see people without a mask and it's very jarring. I just did this podcast with these two girls

and they were saying that it's so different here than in New York. Like New York has wrapped COVID up so much more than we have here that they're not used to wearing masks, walking out to outdoor restaurants and stuff. And they were saying it was so strange. They're like, oh, New York has been over it for so long.

But I did a podcast where they asked me lots of really personal sexual questions. And I just thought, who talks about that stuff? You know, I don't love talking about personal sexual proclivities or people like, what are you into? What kind of games and role playing that makes my vagina clench tight? It shuts. Yeah, I get that. And I think that that's like a societal change that people are really adamant.

Like there's so much body empowerment that it's like all about masturbation. And yes, I watch porn. And yes, I finger boss myself. And yes. And it's almost like, oh. I know the number of vibrators that you're sent is really staggering. Oh my God, I get a dildo in the mail like every other. It looks like you're an addict.

It looks like you have a problem. My brother sent me this text this morning, my brother Glenn, and he was like, hey, my friend sent you one of these water bottles and I need you to post it on Instagram. His son is starting a business. I was like, Glenn, do you know how much fucking shit I get every single day? Like, give me a minute. And I went to go look for the bottle and I found two dildos while I was looking for this water bottle that my brother wants me to post about.

So if you're my brother or if you're this person with a company, hold your fucking horses. I'll do it when I find it. And if you're a person selling a vibrator, she's got enough. Yes, please. No more vibrators for me, okay? I've lost them all. I'm reading this book called Set Boundaries, Find Peace, A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself. I mean, I'm not really reading it.

I'm skimming through it. I'm going to read it. But I just came upon this. Here's a reminder for adults who experienced emotional neglect in childhood. It was never your job to be the man of the house. That applies to you. Mm-hmm. To be a confidant for your parent also applies to you.

Mm-hmm. Neither of those apply to me. To take care of your siblings. That applies to both of us. Well, not when I was growing up, though. I didn't have to take care of them. They took care of me. To learn things without parental guidance, definitely for me.

I mean, that's why, yeah, no one ever said a thing to me about sex. You were like Matilda. You were on your own. No one said anything. All I did was know that my parents were having sex and that I wanted to start having sex also. to keep the peace within a chaotic home does that apply to you a little bit yeah that doesn't apply to me i was the chaos to figure things out without emotional support yep that applies to me that applies to you and to be responsible for bills when you were a kid oh god that's so terrible

luckily my mom worked like three jobs at a time to take care of us but we were always concerned about the bills like that is something i don't wish on any child to have that sort of awareness of what's going on I do think it probably helped me have appreciation for money and things now but yeah I mean stressful I was annoyed by my parents lack of savings account and like acumen towards like future plans like they had no business acumen or financial acumen about like oh eventually these children are gonna have to grow up and go to college luckily I didn't have to because I didn't apply anywhere i like to think of you asking your parents about their business investments as a little i remember being like do i have a dowry i was like three and i i mean maybe i wasn't three

because i knew what a dowry was so i must have been like six and i said and my dad goes can you believe the chutzpah he always used to say that i had so much chutzpah he's like can you believe the chutzpah on this girl he would say to my mother like i wasn't in the room and she'd be like she's it's a good question seymour where is the money and he'd be like please are you a vault we don't have any don't worry about it but yeah i was always questioning because i started a babysitting ring on martha's vineyard when i was like 12 you know and i was babysitting for older children sometimes because i lied and said i was 15 but i was i was 12 and i was babysitting for a 14 year old boy once i think we talked about this and i would come home and i would count my

money because i made so much money like stripper yeah i called all the hotels in martha's vineyard and i babysat and i made thousands of dollars that summer and i had a little cigar box and my dad would come up and be like, I see you counting your money. I'm like, back the fuck up. I saw what you did. Well, I didn't because I was 12 at the time. But when I had my bat mitzvah, they threw me a party. Like bat mitzvah is when you cash out as a Jewish person. Like that is when you go cha-ching, cha-ching. For my bat mitzvah, all the money that was given to me by my relatives, my parents took and I never saw a dime of it. My dad was like, we'll hold this for you. I'm like, oh, please. I was like, kiss that goodbye. Yeah. My dad was terrible with his finances. There were

there were weeks where like if he hadn't sold a car it was very very tense at my house because there was no money coming in because he was always working in cash right and I remember once it was like two months he hadn't sold a car and then he finally sold one and he walked into the living room and handed my sister Shoshana and I each ten dollars okay this really is just like Matilda have you ever seen the movie no then you're gonna need to watch it it stars Danny DeVito ray perlman i love danny devito i love his shape his body type oh that is my type of guy he's but her dad's a used car salesman she's left her own devices she literally has to admit herself into kindergarten it sounds just like oh that's what i did i had to do that you went to school and just

like i think i need to be educated i don't know but well no i noticed that all the other kids started disappearing after summer and i was like where did they go and then on the weekend i ran into one and i was like hey where were you all week and he's like i went to kindergarten i was like kindergarten i was like is everybody doing that and then when i went to my parents she's like don't worry about it you know things don't really take off until first grade you don't have to go to kindergarten i'm like i do have to go to kindergarten you fucking idiots i like to think of your mom is watching like soaps during the day yeah and just eating in a recliner yeah yeah yeah as the world turns general hospital was good one days of our lives days of our lives but santa

Barbara was for me you know the one the one I loved Kelly Capwell who is Robin Wright I loved her and I just wanted to come home and watch her swing her blonde hair around on the television and she was so beautiful and I tried to call her I called information and I asked for Kelly Capwell in Santa Barbara and I called someone named Kelly Capwell I told Robin that story she thinks I'm making it up and she doesn't realize what could we get her on the podcast for i don't know what she's not a big talker like she doesn't love being interviewed i did interview her on ellen actually she was one of the people that i interviewed on my episode of ellen i just love her they told me to pick who i wanted and i gave them a list of names and it ended up being

robin wright wiz khalifa kristin bell and then a nice cute human interest story because this woman was doing an awesome that's a nice lineup act of kindness that we wanted to highlight yeah it was a nice lineup wait i heard something so this guy jason baldoni i think his name is he's an author you actually bought me his book recently man enough or something okay i was on the phone with my friend yesterday and she was telling me that he was describing the time before you're born you're in a womb right you're in like a sack and you that is your reality and that is technically a different dimension than when you are born into the world and then you are part of something so you're in that little womb you don't know anything you're just developing growing

sleeping eating getting nutrients and turning into a human and then the human experience of being born when you're in the world okay so like you can look at those two things and you're like okay i get that delineation and then he was saying how you have to think of death the way you think of birth that then when you leave the world it's similar to the way you came into the world that you're not gone you're just not here that's interesting and i thought that was so yeah i liked that i was trying to explain it to my sister shana last night and she's not on the same page as i am with you know the physics of it all because i have a hard time understanding physics but i understand what energy means but when the math gets involved and the dimensions get involved i'm

like uh but i i know that it's true because it's science but that analogy seems very easy to digest yes and it makes sense right i thought so too i was like this is an easy way to explain it there was an instagram post it was a guy who had lost his brother three years earlier was shot and his brother did this ad campaign a print ad when he was like six years old and it was on the side of this truck and his brother took a picture of the ad that he had done himself when he was six and right before he died and sent it to his brother and on his birthday which would have been his 30th birthday his brother was driving along the freeway and the truck there's only one truck with that ad on it drove right past him that's fucking crazy and when you hear stuff like

that you're like okay there's something else at play here that we can't identify and that we can't see because that's not just a coincidence well i think that's why people have a hard time accepting things like this because upon death like the physical material of our persons is no longer present so they think like at conception as soon as those cells merge they can understand oh a baby is being formed and then a person is born but then when you die and you remove that factor like that is what's hard for people i think to yeah reconcile or understand that you continue on even though that material is gone because like when you ask for signs from a loved one who's died some people get them right away and some people don't so you're like well what does that mean

Why can some people get them? And why are they available? You know, sometimes I'm like, I say to my mom, like, I need you right now. Can you whatever? And I don't feel her presence. And other times I feel her presence all the time. So I guess maybe it's not up to us to be summoning the people. But yeah, when you think about it, like, okay, that person's in another dimension now, but they still exist in some realm, you know, dimension, a matrix. I don't know. I mean, you can use whatever word makes the most sense to you. But yeah, I did think that was an easy way to understand it. And it makes death so much more palatable. I feel like we're a little bit behind the eight ball when it comes to death in this country. Like, it should be a little bit more of a celebration of life when people are taken from us. I mean, it's hard to look at it like that in all circumstances, especially when, you know, innocent people are gunned down by the police force that is meant to protect us. That's hard to be like, oh, this should be a celebration instead of a huge miscarriage of justice. Have you watched Surviving Death on Netflix? No.

People should watch that. it's a really interesting take on what you experience after death or people's experiences with it there was a woman who knew she was going to die while giving birth and no one would listen to her and she did and then she came back and she knew exactly who was operating on her how they were trying to resuscitate her it was fucking weird but laura lynn jackson is in it and laura lynn jackson wrote the book signs and that's you know about like asking for signs from your loved ones who have passed away right not passed on yeah and so i started doing that and my grandmother's is dragonflies which i never see anywhere but something will happen i'm like where the fuck

did that guy come from like i literally had one fly through the house the other day yeah you never where the fuck do you ever see a dragonfly right right right right well no because there's mosquitoes everywhere because the fucking world is melting that's true so ask for signs i think my mom is a bird and i think of her as one of my dogs because she's definitely she's fucking with me all right well before we dive in why don't we take a quick break okay behind every night spent making the kids lunches there's a lot of suspense will they finally eat the veggies will the pesto survive the first bite will the lunchbox come home empty half full or come home at all and will you finish episode eight before you're done slicing the cucumbers

get bell pure fiber internet with crave netflix and disney plus from 94 a month price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell. Connection is everything. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them.

I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who lived through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me.

I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive.

Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having.

I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters,

then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app Apple Podcasts

Or wherever you get your podcasts See you between the pages Hey this is Hayes Davenport And Sean Clements We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook On the Big Money Players Network Our show is extremely accessible to first time listeners Each week we talk to someone in show business

A.K.A. The Biz And try to help them with their careers And see what they have to offer us Everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist For letting them do our show We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman. Not that great. Actually, can you help me?

Can you help me shape this? How about we flip it on its head? How about we flip the script? What if the surprise woman who actually you think is the straight man is actually the one who's acting weird? Adam Scott. This entire time, you've been expecting Adam Sandler to come to visit the show. I would never expect. Let go of that.

I would never set expectations for something like that to happen. It seems like you did. If the universe allows for something like that to happen, I am open to it. I'm always going to accept. You know, Danny McBride, fine. Yeah, it's all this fragile masculinity exuding. I could smell it walking down the hallway, to be honest with you. I was like, is that weed?

Nope, it's fragile masculinity. Ben Stiller, no. Because a lot of times, out of context, people don't get it or even know what a circle is. You know what I mean? Like, they're like, oh, what's a circle? Everyone's so dumb except for you. And fake.

Right, fake and also not interested or just like, oh, I've got my life. I don't care about your life. And a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Oh, and by the way, Will Ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode, but he's just so busy. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman.

I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people, and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is

and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. an air on the side of South American, especially when I'm in North America.

Well, for me, oddly enough, it comes from a German side, so. Oh, a Sprechen Sie Deutsch? Mein bisschen. Oh, well, that's one more word than I know. I know how to say. Meet the little. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I figured.

My mom was German. Oh, really? What about you? Who's German on your side? Yeah, my mom. Her last name's Hummel, which is bumblebee. Oh, is it? I guess.

That's what she told me. no it is actually i took three years of german in high school i also took three years of german in high school but i i took four years i know nothing besides i cleave a dick which means i love you not i love dick oh i think it means i love dick well i can say well it depends on how you pronounce it i guess so do you pronounce it cock or how do you pronounce it in german dick or you dick i couldn't tell you eek is i i know that and sloth is sleep Well, now that everybody's gotten there. This is very educational.

Yeah. Well, it's always been my intent to educate the masses. So, okay. So, Claudia. Yes. Tell us why you're calling in today. Nice to meet you. Oh, well, nice to meet you too.

Yeah. So I was telling your producer when I wrote the letter, I must have been very angry and it must have been happening at the time. So my neighbor's been redoing his home. We share a wall. It's a row home in Philadelphia. There's no firewall. There's no insulation.

and it's just basically, you know, some wood slats and some horse hair from a hundred years ago. And that's it. Right. And then some plaster and I can hear him sneeze. I can hear everything. And I've lived there for 10 years, or I lived here for 10 years, transplant from New Jersey. And, um, you had to get out of there, right? Well, I mean, thank God that's a lateral move though. Jersey to Philly is a lateral move. Totally. It's like, I'm saving on my property taxes, but everything else sucks. So right. I've been here 10 years. They had three adult children living with them when we first moved in and I always considered them to be quiet neighbors when I thought we were the loud ones we would have dinner parties and friends over but nothing

ever really crazy you know we're adults it's and everybody's got to work so it's like not a big deal well slowly over the past few years he's been redoing the house and little things here and there but once the pandemic hit it was like all day from eight in the morning to six o'clock in the evening banging hammering like floor shaking crap right you know and it's like is he going to come through the wall because either he's going to come through the wall or I'm going to go through the wall. Like what the fuck are you doing? So based on the sounds we hear, we can guess what is he doing now? Like doing his own electric is the one thing that we came to that got a little scary. Right. So we were like, okay, well, houses are notorious for burning down in

Philly. So then we try to move. Right. And then it's like, no, you can't, not unless you have like several hundred thousand dollars cash in your pocket. Are you even able to get out of your home at this point. So I'm like, okay. So now we try to like play music, turn up the television. I don't know. We just try to like offset it, but it's always not so easy. So what have the conversations been like up to now? My husband will say things like, Hey, so it's pretty loud today. And he'd be like, yeah, we're almost done. We're doing the loud parts now, but we should be done soon. And he'd be like, okay. And he comes inside and then he tells me, and then I'm like, okay, that's great. And then three months later, it's like, I guess we're going to have to leave again

today because it's pretty loud. I know they can't afford to pay for somebody to do the work and get it done sooner. So there's that, right? I don't want to be like totally insensitive. But how many months has this been going on for? Well, I mean, how long has the pandemic been on since like, what, a year ago? Yeah. So that's over a year. Yeah. It was here and there up to that point and we could handle it, I guess, but it was on. We got locked down and they were like, OK, well, we're doing this now then. And we were like, OK, well, it would have been nice if we had a conversation. I think this guy deserves you

need to start playing hardball with this asshole. Like he's gotten away with this for a year. I mean, if he was giving you an honest timeline, then that would be one thing. But you're living with a connecting wall. It's a much different issue. You can't just start construction without letting your neighbors know. And that's clearly what he's doing. If you can hear all of that, it is construction. Do you have any lawyer friends? I would put together a letter that scared the shit out of him what do you think brandon like i'm going through construction in my house right now your rental has construction next to it so i totally understand your frustration that it's at all hours a year that's like abuse that's like you know chronic abuse a year it's

not to the point yeah if he especially if he says we're going to be done soon we're going to be done soon that guy's never going to be done with anything it sounds like so you know that's disrespectful to the neighbor so it's one thing like our house the rental house i'm staying in next door, they're building a huge monstrosity. There's nothing I could do about that. They own that land. They can do whatever they want. But this, if you're sharing a wall with somebody, it's basic common decency to be a little bit more forthcoming with the actual facts of the matter and when he will be done, because it feels like there's no end date. You've been playing softball with him and it's not getting you any results. So I would start playing hardball. And even if

that means you having a fucking meltdown, running outside and just like throwing shit at his house like he needs to see that he needs to see that this is the last straw you know like it's at the end and you're not going to be playing mr nice guy anymore okay totally totally understand like a perfect assignment for me though to walk in and fucking talk to your neighbor i may just fly her there because she will do it now it's still as intense all day every day like for me if this were my neighbor i would go over i'd be like hey we need a schedule of when this is happening because now it's such an inconvenience for me you need to work around my schedule and what I have going on and so these are the times where you can make noise these are times when

I'll leave the house so we're not in this constant conflict also she's on zooms I mean you're all in a pandemic you have to make you have to do zooms all day don't you are you in a job that does that I am and you know my work is they they're so good you know they don't care they've got kids and animals crawling all over them too so they're cool yeah but he doesn't know that he doesn't know if that's the case, you could say to him, buddy, I'm about to get fired from my job because of this noise. I do know many times I've had to hang up on a zoom because of the noise coming from your house. Like he has to feel your pain. Yeah. And I think that's a good point. He doesn't know that you have nice colleagues and that they're accepting of this. He doesn't need to know that it's a shit

show as far as he's concerned. Asking him for a schedule would be really interesting because I think you guys are right. Like we have this conversation, my husband and I, like, it's almost like, does he have a mental problem? Like, is he one of those people that's like really literally going fucking crazy because he can't do anything else well i think people who play with lots of tools do have you know a little something this is something's a little bit loose right and that's what they're trying to tighten but guess what fucking asshole we're all in a pandemic we're all about to lose it so that's not a good excuse either and you know you definitely having a good job or good work environment that's accepting of it is of no relevance he doesn't need to know

that but yeah asking for a schedule or presenting your schedule being like this is when based on my schedule you can do this audible no I think it should be the other way around because he's the one causing the problem she that's bending over backwards for him why is she presenting her schedule then that gives him all these pockets to do construction and but well because she can set that like if she only wants him to do it from x time to x time she can be like these are the times that you can work within that are convenient for me something like give me your schedule and then I'll take a look at it and if I have something going on I'll tell you you can't be working yeah just say you've had a couple of tricky zooms let's say like you're a professional

I understand you're doing work on your house, but we've been pretty understanding for a year because that's how long it's been going on. Right. You're not exaggerating. No. Right. OK. So it's been going on for a year and I've had some issues with work and I need your schedule because I now need to schedule around your construction. He doesn't have a construction schedule, it sounds like. So that's going to throw him for a real loop de loop. Something you should also check, because it's something I had to deal with, is you should check with the city, because there are working hours for construction of when he can do something like the decibel of how loud it can be with people around.

So I'm sure that there is some sort of city guideline or regulation that you should look into. Yeah, we have an agency called 311, and they definitely keep the work within the hours. It's like between 8 and 8. Like, he's always really good about that. But I will say every once in a while. He's able to do construction until 8 p.m.? Mm-hmm. 8 to 8?

Mm-hmm. Remind me never to move to fucking Philadelphia. What is that? That's why we're so angry here. Claudia, just remember, though, like there is a light at the end of the tunnel now, because if this is COVID or pandemic related, like everyone's going to be coming out of it. Summer's starting. People are getting vaccinated. He's going to want to not be in the house.

His daughter just found out she's pregnant. So the mother said that they'll be going to visit more often and that they won't be home as much. So that'll be good. So there's a bright spot on the horizon. You wanted the adult children that was living with him when he when you moved in? Yeah, I have a feeling that they're going to move. Like I actually heard him on the phone asking how much he had left on his loan.

But asking him for a schedule is a great first step, especially for the rest of those. Maybe everyone would appreciate that. Yeah, I think that's the most civilized way to go about it. I have some other ideas, but it seems like that's the one we should stick to for now. Why don't you get back to us and we can circle back with another option.

And if I need to call him, I'm also open to doing that. And what would you say? Oh, I have a way with men. They don't like to talk to me. So they want the conversation to be over as quickly as possible. So I have a way with like really making my voice be heard and them ensuring that they will not hear from me again. No one wants a second call.

No, no. I believe that. I've had it up to here with men. You know what I mean? I have no patience for it anymore. And that is something. I do know what you mean. But I absolutely know.

Are you fucking sitting there wasting space or are you contributing something right now? I just had an incident with a guy this pilot and he was just wasting so much time and I looked at him like buddy why are you wasting so much time why not be pushing the ball forward instead of holding us all back and he's like oh is that what you think I'm doing and I'm like yeah that's exactly what you are doing and then he's like well thank you for telling me but it's like there's a lot of people that are not doing much and are taking up room I agree well maybe he's also fixing the house up to sell it that's the other thing right so that makes sense yeah I mean I don't want to stop him from progressing in his life right you're very nice a little too sympathetic

like if you go out every day and get bitten by the same dog you need to go make a left and then avoid that dog so you need a different framework from here on out i agree so keep us posted i will okay claudia i will chelsea thank you okay don't be a stranger i won't likewise goodbye claudia bye guys she said likewise how are we supposed to keep in touch with her brandon did you get her digits i'm gonna hit her on the hip don't worry about it does she have a beeper i hope so well i wish we all had beepers i want a beeper that would be so great for my drug deals that would be really nice for both of us just be able to page each other well but that's why you have your friends on me so you see where i am when i am lost always got an eye on you i feel like you

know she seemed very normal and reasonable she was rational she's gonna be just fine because she's gonna go yeah she's gonna go into this with an empathy yeah maybe it was an overabundance for this man but i think that's going to put her on much better footing than going out and just being a total cunt yeah no no no don't call me a cunt always say it off air who taught you the word cunt i use it probably too much and i think that it's like now i've taken it on because it's more appropriate for a woman to use that word and i feel like i can because i'm a gay man but i should probably rein it in because it's pretty aggressive calling each other cunts like they kind of but i would never call a woman in the street a cunt no like i would never call her a bitch of course not

No. But, like, to you, I would refer to one of your girlfriends as a cunt. And you have. And she is. And her name is... Anyway. Two, three syllables. Should we get the next caller on the line?

Well, I feel like we're rocking and rolling here. All right. I mean, it feels really good to be listening to people's problems. Well, let me read you his submission, and then we can get right into it with him. Okay, great. His name is Amir. He says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a 52-year-old married man who looks like Mr. Potato Head, yet I find

myself obsessing over looking good to younger women. I know that there's no chance of scoring at all with them, and I don't try, but how do I get past this? Tale as old as time. Oh, my God. Where's Amir? Amir? Hi. What a cool surprise this is. Who would have thought? Well, you did, apparently, when you wrote in your request for advice, Amir. Yeah, well, if you could see my face, you'd realize I only look smart. Okay, well, that's a bad outlook on yourself, but we can get to that in a minute. Brandon just read me your submission. And it talks about why you want to attract younger women or be attractive to younger women and that you look like Mr. Potato Head. Is that correct? Yeah, that's pretty

accurate. OK, well, I would like to start by saying, A, why are you concerned with attracting younger women when you are married? I don't know. And I'm happily married, too. And I would never consider cheating on my wife. But that's what just goes through my head. I'm going through a weird midlife crisis. Right. You just want their approval. You want them to think you're attractive and that's all you need. Right. Right. So that's your own insecurity coming to the surface. And why do you think you're insecure? I don't know. Probably because I'm just an average looking guy and all my life I've seen all the other guys I know get all the attention. So I think that might have something to do with it. This is very interesting to me because so infrequently do

We hear a man talk about his comparison to other men in relation to how they look. So for Amir to write in and wanting to look good to younger women, when really it's probably him internalizing like these handsome men that he's seen his entire life, like this is something that men also deal with. And, you know, I deal with personally to try and adhere to, I guess, a societal expectation of what we should look like. So Amir, like to your point, you're constantly under a state of comparison to who's around you.

You're pouring out my heart right now. But Amir, I think the thing, and I'm going to take the lead on this one since I'm a man. I'm manly. Well. Thank you, Amir. What I've realized for myself, Amir, is that you can only provide this to yourself. So when you feel good and attractive and you have to find a way to make yourself feel that way, you won't care about what someone, an onlooker, thinks.

But no one else has that responsibility besides you. And for me, it was changing my diet because I ate like a 12-year-old. I mean, Pop-Tarts for every meal. And donuts. He would eat like six to seven donuts in one sitting. Yeah, he had some bad habits. And Brandon's a really good looking guy. But I felt so bad about myself.

So typically people who feel that way, what you're seeing is not a representation of what the world sees. So like when I look at myself, sometimes it's like I have to take a quick little glance and walk away because as long as I know I'm put together to go to a meeting or wherever, I know that I'm seeing something much different than what Chelsea sees. You have to be able to recalibrate your brain and reassure yourself that you have something worth to provide. Not everyone looks like Daniel Craig. I always say I want to look like Ryan Reynolds. Never going to wake up one morning and look like him. But there are other things that

you have that someone else doesn't. So like my attentiveness, like what I know I can do, and I don't have a skill or a talent. Truthfully, I tell people that all the time, but what I can do is take care of people. And I'm good at that. And I like to do it. You have comedy, like you have a cooking skill, like some, everyone has something that they can provide. What are your best qualities and attributes? Wow. I don't know. Well, forget about the exterior. Let's talk about like interior. What are, what's your personality? Like what do people love about you? What's your wife's favorite thing about you? Well, I'm, I like to think of myself as a generally easygoing kind of guy. I think that so many things in life aren't worth making an issue over. I see people

getting upset for the silliest things and I just don't understand why they expend that kind of energy i try to be non-judgmental i am open-minded i'm open to new experiences because i think life is all about experience and that adds to one's personality and breadth of knowledge but you know how many people don't have those things like those are traits that one are very hard to teach or to be learned and you have that in you already i'm someone who takes issue with everything and i wish my partner wishes he tells me all the time he goes i wish that you were lazier like i wish that you are not as observant as you are that thinks not everything was life or death. And let me tell you just one thing aesthetically, not everyone can pull off a chunky glass and you're wearing glasses

and you look great. Yeah, you do look cute. I couldn't wear those. I think you have a negative narrative going, you know, and I think a lot of people feel that way. They have a negative narrative going in their head. Like you're holding on to this one ideal that, you know, that's impossible to reach. You're not going to look like Daniel Craig, but you have all these other attributes about yourself that you're underplaying where those should be in the forefront yeah you need to leverage those yeah leverage those like all of the things about being open-minded being non-judgmental do you know how badly i wish i didn't judge people i fucking judge everybody and it's a constant exercise to try and dismantle that you know to not look at somebody's

shoes and go oh my god how does anybody fuck that guy you know like so that's a huge advantage you already have and you know who are the people in your life like the closest people do you have kids No, no kids. It's just my wife, basically. Another reason to celebrate. You have no children. I mean, how fucking awesome is that? That you went through COVID and didn't have to homeschool anybody?

That's a victory dance right there. Yeah, I suppose you're right. I didn't think of it that way. Yeah, so I think you need to flip the narrative that's going on. It feels like you're stuck with this idea of something that's unattainable. So that's useless. And you need to focus on what is attainable for you and what you are good at. And then start bringing those qualities, like really focusing on that.

Going like thinking about your open mindedness and how you can apply that to your life in terms of if you want to make more friends or if you want a bigger social life, you know, you want to be more outdoorsy. No one's ever like, you know, as far as your body and your weight and exercise goes, like no one's ever gotten in shape. Excuse me. I just vomited. No one's ever gotten in shape. And I have that effect on women. No, no. See that narrative. Just extinguish that. that's self-loathing and it's it's not that makes me feel sorry for you not go oh that's a fun guy that i want to hang out with well you just you just made a good point how do i get people to think that rather than think that i'm pathetic i mean when when these feelings of inadequacy creep

up can you suggest anything i should do to try to get around you have to overdo it i was made fun of my entire life when i walk into a room if people are laughing it doesn't matter if i know them or not they're my best friends i will automatically assume they're laughing at me Yeah, me too. It has nothing to do with me. You have to like, in those moments, I hold my head up a little bit higher. It's like you're putting on a character. But I also just want, sorry, I want to jump in.

I love to interrupt people. I want to jump in because you're saying like, how do I get these people to like me? By applying your thought patterns to the things that you do have. Yes, I'm outgoing. I'm open-minded. I'm not judgmental. You know, I'm easygoing. All of those things are great qualities.

So amplify them. And that's how you get people attracted to you. You have to make yourself believe those things too. Like, you know, it's there because you were able to vocalize it. And I think that, again, going back to the physical part, so many women from Chelsea and I's conversation, Chelsea and my Chelsea and my conversation, not my Chelsea and my God grammar. Sorry that you had to hear that family. Our conversation. OK, there you go. Great. Thank you.

Look at you. You're great at grammar, too. So there you go. Put that in your bonnet and smoke it. But being that outgoing and leveraging those other things that you do have, like the physical part for most women is not at the forefront. Like, yes, there has to be a basis of attraction. But those other things like making someone laugh or giving someone knowledge on something can be equally as attractive in engagement. Yeah. And like you got to start believing it. You know, you've got to whether it's affirmations is like lame as that sounds. You know, think about it.

You've got to change the pattern in your brain. Yeah. You're not high on yourself. You've got to be high on yourself. you're alive you're not dying you have your whole life ahead of you so why not get after it i agree and that and that's the reason i wrote in i want to learn how to seize the day well do you feel like we've given you some ideas that are tangible enough for you to start putting into practice yeah yeah some really good really good advice and what about your exercise routine because

i think that always puts people in a good mood what i was saying earlier is that no one ever does makes that change in their life like starts eating more healthy and starts exercising and feels worse. Like that is a definite recipe for feeling better. Well, I recently, I bought, I bought a bike and I usually go for an hour long bike ride every day now. And I have changed my diet. So I am losing weight. Great. Well, that's awesome. It already sounds like you're on your way. I have faith in you. You just need to hear from a strong woman that you're valuable and you are valuable to the male race and to the human race. That makes all the difference in the world to me, especially coming from you. Yeah. Okay. As long as you're not a sexual assaulter, we've

got no problems no no couldn't get laid in a morgue okay well we're gonna stop that we're gonna stop those jokes couldn't get laid in a morgue isn't a funny joke and it's not worth repeating okay okay okay what you know what a funny joke would be is i could get laid in a morgue no i've tried okay well let's just leave the morgue out of it but you know check back in with us okay in a few months i'd like to see how your progress is going or write us or whatever, keep in touch because yeah, you just need a little bit of a pep talk. And if you need another one, we're happy to give it to you. We'll do. And I can't thank you enough for your time. It's really appreciated. And I've got a lot of good takeaways from the call. Great.

And don't forget to have sex with your wife consensually. Okay. Oh, okay. Consensually. That will help you feel good too. We'll do. Thanks, Amir. And try and make her feel good while you're at it. Okay. What is next on the docket? Well, I mean, we are covering a lot of Are those our cases of this episode? No, we have more. Oh, oh, God. I thought, okay, great. So we better just keep plugging away.

Yeah, I feel very motivated right now is the word. Well, let's just keep it going then. The next caller is Kit from Southern California, age 32, in tech sales, writes, Dear Chelsea, can you speak to your experience with shame? And do you have any advice for deprogramming it within oneself? Let's have you explain your backstory, Kit. Hi, Kit. Hi.

Hi, thanks. It's nice to meet you both. Nice to meet you. yeah my backstory so I have had a couple I didn't start dating until I was in my late 20s and I had a couple of failed relationships and realized that I kind of internalized the responsibility for those failed relationships and so I started to see a counselor and a therapist who's been really great and it's been really helpful and as I've been kind of confronting things that have prevented me from self-actualizing I suppose I've been realizing

realizing how shame has kind of had this deep insidious hold on my subconscious and has been kind of at the wheel of a lot of my decision making. And I'm hoping to combat that. I recently was driving and listening to Justin Long's podcast. He was talking to Kristen Bell and she was talking about aging and being okay with aging because, you know, she got to be young and feel confident in a bikini. And I kind of had to pull over and cry because I feel like I'm kind of approaching the sunset of my youth and I've never been comfortable in a swimsuit. And that's like body shame, but there's lots of other shame. And so I'm really in awe of a lot of the choices that you make and the things that you do, because it seems like shame does not play a role in that

at all. And I'm hoping to maybe get some guidance from you and kind of deprogramming the shame to live a little bit more carefree. Well, the first thing I noticed is that you said you had a couple of failed relationships. Like there's no reason to look at any relationship as a failure. That's what relationships are there for a period of time. I mean, did you want the first relationship you had to be a success by way of marriage? I mean, then you would have no life experience. So they're not failed. That's the first mistake. You're looking at that as like, it's a negative, like the whole purpose of life is to evolve, to have experiences, to become wiser, to become more confident, to become less self-conscious right to have less shame so without plentiful experience you can't

move on and experience the world in that way you're looking for like a home run in your first relationship that's not normal you shouldn't have those expectations you have to allow room for things to lead in your view of a success and failure like so we have to get those words out of your vocabulary because some relationships are neither a success nor failure I've had I don't know, a few long-term relationships and I don't view them as failures. I view them as incredible life experiences. They all gave me something I didn't have before. So that's the first thing. I know shame plays a very big role in a lot of people's lives, especially a lot of gay people's lives. I, yeah, you're right. I don't have a lot of shame. So it's not like I have a lot

to unearth of it, but I have been witness to a lot of it. And it is really about the narrative that you're telling yourself about the way you want your life to go. And you have to be open to not planning, executing and succeeding in every single thing that you think you should do because of what society tells you to do. You have to explore what makes you happy. Like what does make you happy? What are the things that make you happy in a relationship? Like what would make you happy? Do you want to get married and have kids and have a family? Is that what your goal is? Maybe marriage, maybe some dogs, a lot of plants, probably. So what would a successful relationship look like to you then?

I guess one in which there's a lot of challenge for that kind of like mindfulness and intention and growth. I did a meditation this morning and it was with Deepak Chopra's meditation with Oprah. And it said something. He said, every day is part of your path to get where you're going. like every single day whether you see it or not or it feels like oh that happened why did i have this setback nothing is a setback everything is moving you forward right as long as you have the attitude that this is part of your journey i can't avoid using that word because it's just too

everyone fucking uses i know we need a replacement i hate it so much it reminds me of the band journey which i also wasn't a big fan of but you know your journey it's so important for women especially to be okay with your current circumstances and to not put all this pressure on yourself about what you think you should be doing you have to really find out what brings you joy what brings you happiness because there are plenty of things that are going to bring you joy and happiness that you don't even know about yet because you're 30 right like I didn't find out about my own interests and like hobbies until I was older I was just sitting there like running that kind of bicycle of life for a long time until I was like 37 38 I didn't slow down and think wait

what do I want what am I looking for what do I want to get out of life and it's not saying that you have to wait until you're 38 or 39 to find that out but you do have to take the pressure off of your shoulders like that's no way for you to enjoy life you can't put all of this pressure on and that's where I think shame comes from is when you're not meeting the expectations of what you think people expect from you? Yeah, 100%. I know that you're pretty familiar with the Enneagram and I'm like a textbook one, the perfectionist. So that all makes a lot of sense. Right, right. So there you go. So you're a perfectionist and you, yeah, and you want everything probably wrapped up in a nice little bow. And I would say like, you know, do you have a dog right now?

Yeah, I do. Okay. Well that must keep you busy and that makes you happy, right? I know dogs make me so fucking happy yeah fat dogs do you have a fat dog i do he's a hundred pound mastiff named abner and there's just drool everywhere yeah everything about that visual is very exciting for me oh yeah we have a massive name abner i love the drooling i love when dogs are like that when you get them off a sofa and the whole sofa is just wet because of their big most people are grossed out by that but we just get our couches cleaned yep so anyway back to you the moral of the stories how are we going to diminish her shame Brandon what's a good exercise well Kit I really feel for you because I am a perfectionist in a way that my boyfriend basically says it makes life

unenjoyable that I have a certain expectation of how things should be at all times which makes me very good at my job but really miserable in my personal life so it could be anything I won't go to an event if I don't look or feel exactly how I thought I should leaving the house like it's overwhelming at times. But what I've realized is that feeling keeps me from doing so much that life has to offer. And as soon as I started to retrain how I approach situations and not feel a pressure of moving forward, but being present and being mentally engaged with what's going on today, like all I can control is what's going on around me right now. I would think so far ahead of the future and just trying to construct these ideals of what my life should look like or be in

that moment I remember turning 30 and feeling really fucking good about where I was at I was working for Chelsea the only person I wanted to work for went from an internship to working for her I make great money we own a house I have a boyfriend like all these things I thought like I'm in a great place I literally got out of the shower to go to my birthday dinner and was crying because in the shower all I could think of was how many people had said like are you where you thought you would be at 30. Like, oh, you're an assistant right now. Like, you know, it was what other people were putting on me. I'm like, I'm an assistant who makes incredible money and does what I want to do. Like you're in a miserable job sitting at a desk that you fucking hate. So not

you, Kit. He's talking. Yes. In a broader scope. But I started to remind myself that the pressures I was feeling were those being placed on me, not what I actually was concerned about. And so I guess my suggestion for you was what helped me through this was I don't know if it's a lifestyle per se or a thought process but it's called wabi-sabi it's a Japanese thing and it's basically embracing the imperfection and allowing that to be perfect for you so I literally got it tattooed on me I never thought that I would get a tattoo and it's my little daily reminder and mind you the tattoo is fucked up and it's like the universe it's it's the universe's way of reminding me when I look down at it it's all faded like some of the letters you can't even see I'm like this is

this is exactly what it should have been because I would have gone to get it lasered off like if If it wasn't exactly perfect and it was hand done and very thin print, you have to create a new mindset for yourself and basically allowing yourself to feel imperfect and it being okay. Like, I'll look at things and I'll just be like, wabi-sabi, that didn't turn out how I wanted. It doesn't matter because there's tomorrow. Like, what the fuck does most of this matter that we are so worked up about? It doesn't. Yeah. Getting a mantra in your head or like, do you meditate ever?

I have done it a couple of times. Yeah. My therapist is pretty on board with me doing it more. Yeah. You should do guided meditation. download like Deepak Chopra's app or Headspace or Calm or any of these apps guided meditation that it's specific to your perfectionism right there are all of those and it's about just being in your life if there's one about shame like there will be one about shame there will be one about

perfectionism there'll be there are all sorts of things but it's really about accepting your life for what it is in this moment and if there are changes that need to be made knowing that you're capable enough to make them. And knowing that that voice in your head is most likely like that little girl version of you that's been taught to be, that's kind of stuck in this certain kind of pattern of thinking. And it's almost like, you know, my therapist gave this to me. He's like, my little girl version of me is like nine years old. And when I get scared or I get nervous or I get competitive, it's that nine-year-old girl thinking, are we going to be okay? Are we going to be okay? And he goes, you need to talk to that little version of you. You need to name her.

I'm like little Chelsea he's like well whatever but name her and so when those feelings come up that you're not comfortable with you know that to soothe her it's like no I'm here now this is adult me I've got this under control this is your life and you're in control I mean you've got your shit together enough to be calling in here I can see you you have your shit together you know so you're not a hot mess and there's power in that and being able to acknowledge how you're feeling and that you know it's not how you want to feel you can literally pull yourself out of that and that is power knowing that right now I'm feeling shameful I'm not feeling happy where I want to be in that moment you you have the power to change that say like oh I'm going to acknowledge this but I'm

going to make an adjustment like some people never have that sense of self or awareness and so they just sink like you're you're on the horizon like you there's so much ahead of you because you've been able to acknowledge that you're not where you want to be but every day you can make the choice to put yourself in a different position and every day will get easier to not feel that way to not feel the shame to not feel the pressure and to embrace where you're at and and how you're going to move forward are you crying yeah yeah why i'm pretty emotive i think just naturally i'm curious if you have experience with like or advice for how to keep the faith uh-huh it yeah yeah it's daily practice you need to write down there is no shame in my game on your refrigerator right you

need to write that down so you fucking look at it first thing in the morning and you're like and say it out loud there is no shame in my game make it fun make it cool you are going to be fine the very fact that you're here is proof that it's right you know you are unique and you have qualities that nobody else in the world will have so you have to always celebrate yourself you have to always say like, oh, look what I did there. Look what I did there, you know, and challenge yourself and be brave when you need to be a little brave so that you can even boost that confidence even more. Because I know when I do something that scares me, I always come out the other side. I'm like, okay, yeah, yeah, you're still brave. Like, that's good. That's good. You're a badass,

you know, and that helps me always. I think it's about Chelsea talks about this a lot. It's about retraining, like flip the script on the story that you're writing for yourself and not allowing it to be like what I don't have from those past relationships that didn't work. Like, look, what's available to me because they did not work. Like look at how many potential suitors are out there. Like if you're holding onto that baggage, you're not going to be able to pick anything new up. So you have to drop all that shit from the past. You have to let that go. Give yourself the space to allow new things in. It's like a hoarder, like your house is packed. So you're going to start tossing some shit out, cleaning that space and allowing new people to come in to occupy

your mind, your heart, whatever that looks like for you. Because it's not about what you've missed out on it's about what you have available to you now yeah you're 30 years old you have your whole life ahead of you you have your entire life ahead of you seriously like 30 is nothing people by the time you're 70 people are going to be living till they're 150 so with science we're all going to be here for a lot fucking longer than i want it to be and this is for sure this is we've talked to a lot of people about this sadly and it's something that chelsea and i both struggle with everyone has their insecurities and things that seem overwhelming in certain moments and I had a list wrote in my notes of everything I hated about myself and just to like physically see it written

down like do you realize like someone would kill to have any aspect of what you have like you're offering things that you don't even know that you embody or that you have to offer and so as soon as you start thinking about what makes you different it will help you think of why you have value Not what you don't have, what you do have. Yeah. What are some of the things that you like about yourself? Like, what's your favorite thing about yourself? I'm a pretty solid shit talker.

That's fun. That's the best. You know what that means? That means you're good at happy hour. And who doesn't love that? Oh, I don't drink. Well, you can eat. There's happy hour food, which is basically what gets me there in the first place.

I mean, do you feel like any of this advice has been helpful to you? I do. And I think that using that hoarder analogy was really helpful. this has been one of the hardest things is when we've had women calling and i have all sisters so i just feel such sorrow for the way that we have conditioned women to believe like how their life should look and you can cast a fucking really wide net and if one day doesn't work out there's always another guy it's not like these five are all that's available to you like you are a beautiful woman you have great hair you have a beautiful smile like there again you have to look at the

things that you do have I'm sure you see yourself differently in a mirror and I hate to make it physical but I'm looking at you so this one that did not work there is always another one and it's not about men it's about jobs it's about opportunities it's about friends like you can't hold on to the things that did not work right right and stop saying failures nothing's a failure you know who cares it's it's a redirection it's like thank god that's over next next next you know everything is a stepping stone to get where you're going and you have to have faith in that and you have to and I think meditation would help you just to be in the present moment you know it helps you to kind of get that noise out of your head and get that kind

of negative thinking out of your head so you might want to try one of those and try and do it for like 10 days make a commitment and see how you feel at the end of 10 days and go huh my therapist made me commit to meditating for three months every single day for three months and it I saw the difference right away in my pattern of thinking so I'm not easily influenced so I think that it will help you. And going to counseling is going to be helping you. And yeah, I think you just needed a pep talk. Probably. Thank you. And thank you for an action item. That's helpful to you as a perfectionist. Yeah, right. Right. You'll love to put that in place with a little calendar and some check marks, I'm sure. And go write that. Go write that message. No shame in my game on

your fridge. I'm going to. I'm going to request a really bad tattoo of it also now. Great. We'll match. Thank you so much, Kate. Keep us posted. Let us know how it's going. I will. Thank you very much why don't you give us a 10-day check-in on your meditation okay I can do that thank you for keeping me accountable yeah well we'll be checking in so if we don't hear from you you'll hear from us so you better do it bye kit thank you thanks well we have a very special guest today his name is Deepak Chopra and he is going to talk to us about meditation about his own probably personal experience I do his meditation app all the time he has a new one with Alicia Keys called Activating the Divine Feminine, the Path to Wholeness.

I feel very whole as a woman. Do you feel whole as a gay male? Well, I feel like this is going to be the perfect meditation for me because I think it's going to cover a lot of bases. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I didn't even think about that. It's like all, yes, it's intersectional. Well, as it should be. I did one yesterday and I did another this morning to familiarize myself,

but I listen to Deepak almost daily when I meditate. Do you feel less masculine now? Do I feel less masculine? Well, right now my breasts are the size of cantaloupes and they are erect. Like when I got out of the shower, they almost hit me in the chin because when I get my period, they turn into water balloons. So do I feel less masculine today? I feel very feminine because of those two basketballs. But when they deflate, I will go back to my more masculine form. Well, then you'll have, what, 19 or 20 days left of the challenge. So that'll help. So that'll be perfect through my cycle. It feels like we talk about my period a lot on this podcast, but... I keep it on my calendar just to know what's coming.

Well, you know what, Brandon? When you were in Hawaii, I got my period and I had no idea it was coming. That must have been very shocking for you. It was shocking. I was like, what? What is this? Especially, you know, how forward leaning I am towards wrapping this little area up. Yeah, you're ready to...

I am pro-menopause all the way. Bring it on, please. Periods are for the birds. Such a pain in the ass to be a woman. Such a pain in the ass. Well, this seems like the perfect time to bring on Deepak Chopra. Exactly. Hi, Deepak.

Hi. How are you? I'm good. Sorry for being a little late here. Were you meditating? I like the bling all over your glasses. Cute look. Oh, yeah.

That's like ancient now, 35 years. 35 years you've had those glasses? Yeah, they're fake, just like everything else about me. Right, right, of course. We were very excited because I do your meditations all the time. Yeah, thank you. And meditation for me has become a great tool in my life to get my day off on the right foot, to calm myself down,

you know, all the good things that come from meditation. And I was hoping maybe that you could give us a personal story about either you or someone that you've worked with that had a huge transformation with meditation, somebody whose life changed for the better, obviously. Okay, so the year is 1980, and the date is October 1. And I am a resident in medicine

in a teaching hospital in Boston, Harvard, associated, Harvard University Associated Medical School. And I've just resuscitated a patient who had a heart attack and put him on a ventilator and put a pacemaker and then walked outside the hospital to smoke a cigarette. And there's a moment there where I asked myself, what am I doing? At that time, I had 30 patients outpatient, 30 patients inpatient, 15 patients in the ICU, and totally burnt out. And that moment was, what am I doing? I'm trying to help my patients, and I'm burnt out. So I threw away my cigarette at that moment.

And those days, I was also every weekend, you know, on Fridays, if I was not on call, I was getting smashed with alcohol. So that was one moment where everything shifted. And I took up meditation very seriously. Now, I'd grown up in India where it was a tradition. But when you go to medical school and you go through all the internship and residency and all the crisis, I was very poorly paid. I was making $200 a month in 1970s, moonlighting in an emergency room after working in the hospital, going without sleep for days on end. and then I started meditation. And then, you know, that led me into what we today call mind-body medicine. That led me into what today we call integrative medicine and ultimately led me to

spirituality. So that's my journey. Wow. Wow. That's a great story. I didn't know that about you. I've read many of your books, but I didn't know that personal story about you. That's probably something so many people can relate to. You know, I certainly can. Being in that position under so much pressure and then not ever, ever allowing yourself the rest to be practicing it in a mindful way, right? Or in a more mindful way. A question I have for you is, by the way, I did your new Alicia Keys meditation about the feminine. Yeah, yeah, I loved it. Very spiritual. Yeah, I did it yesterday and this morning. I love your 21 day challenges with Oprah. I do them all the time, how to get unstuck. I did that. So I love, I love listening to your voice. It's so helpful

for people who don't think that they know how to meditate to do a guided meditation. It kind of takes the thinking out of it for you. So it's really good for anyone listening to download that app and find a series that applies to you or something that strikes your fancy. And they can download the Chopra app on iPhone or Android and they can register online through the website as well. Talk to us a little bit about the things that I hear all the time, and I'm not a medical doctor, even though I pretend to be. The things I hear all the time are people asking, when are you doing it right? When are you meditating right? And how do you get yourself to stop thinking? What do you have to say to that? So Chelsea, it's the wrong question. If you're doing it,

then you're doing it right, period. And how do you stop thinking? That's a thought. So to stop thinking is also a thought you know so you don't try to stop thinking because when you try to stop thinking you have more thoughts and all you do is follow the process and whatever happens is appropriate for you at that moment so some people say i fall asleep well that means they need more sleep some people say i get lots of thoughts and lots of stress actually all these demons start coming out? Well, they're releasing stress. In fact, thoughts are a release of stress. Think of meditation as having an upward stroke and a downward stroke. So the downward stroke is the practice of meditation, whether it's a mantra meditation or it's reflection or mindfulness,

whatever. That's the downward stroke. The upward stroke is thought. So you have both. You can't have one without the other. It's like a wave that rises and then it subsides. And in between the rising and the subsiding of the wave is a little bit of flat line. That flat line is when you're in touch with your spirit. And you don't even know it because when you're in touch with your spirit, time flies. And that's the only sign that there was no time. You say, I wonder where I went. you know it's like and then there's an aha experience and as you ground yourself in the experience it becomes very delightful and very joyous so that's the spiritual component of meditation but there's a biological component the biological component is your mind starts to settle

and then your body starts to settle and then goes into what we call homeostasis or self-regulation inflammatory markers come down now recently we published a lot of research that has been replicated by others but our research originally through our foundation was with harvard and ucsd with the nobel laureate from ucsf elizabeth blackburn who discovered the enzyme telomerase which is the anti-aging enzyme right at the level of the genetic of our genes what we found is all All the genes that cause self-regulation or homeostasis or healing, they went up some 17-fold. All the genes associated with chronic illness and inflammation went down. And the level of the enzyme telomerase went up 40%.

Elizabeth Blackbird, who won the Nobel Prize for discovering the enzyme, she was shocked. She actually published a book after that called The Telomere Effect. Now, similar studies have been replicated by others. So meditation has very profound biological consequences, but then also creates emotional resilience, emotional flexibility, more empathy, more compassion, more joy, more peace. So the benefits are biological, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Yeah, that's helpful for people to know because I always tell people it doesn't matter if you're doing it right.

It matters that you're setting aside the time to give to yourself. And when it clicks, it will click, but it may not click each time, right? And when it does, and all of a sudden the little bell goes off and you've forgotten that you're even meditating is when you feel, I've done it. I did it. So tell us about this new exciting partnership you have with MindMed about psychedelics. This is so exciting. Okay, so MindMed came about because I was looking of a way to de-stigmatize both mental

illness and psychedelics. There's a lot of literature on psychedelics also creating a decreased activity in a part of our brain that's called the default mode network. So you might want to read about it. It's on the internet, but also Michael Pollan's recent book talks about it and many scientists talk about it. So this is a part of our brain, which is the neural correlate of our ego drive. So when we are very aggressive, very predatory, very hostile, the default mode network gets activated. When you meditate, it goes down. But when you take psychedelics, it also goes down. It cools down, which means your ego goes down. You have access to a broader awareness, which spiritual people call the spiritual domain. We don't have to call that.

It's expanded awareness. And when there's expanded awareness, there's also self-regulation also because you're not editing information out based on your habitual patterns of behavior and belief. So when I saw MindMed is engaged in both increasing the awareness and education on the research on both mental depression, the stigma around mental disease and the stigma around psychedelics, I thought this was a good opportunity to partner with them. It's not about selling recreational drugs or anything like that. It's about bringing awareness, education and research to remove the stigma and then go the FDA route to get approval for psychedelics for assisted therapy in not only depression and suicidal tendencies, but also in chronic illness. only 5% of disease-related gene mutations are fully penetrant, which means there's 5% of genetic errors that guarantee the disease. You know, Angelina Jolie is the example I cite. She had the Baraka gene that predicts breast cancer, so she had to have a preventive mastectomy. For that, now there are new techniques that are being developed, like CRISPR and gene editing.

So I think in a few years, you'll be able to cut and paste genes the same way you cut and paste your email. You'll be able to read the barcode of a gene, delete the defective gene, insert the healthy gene, and voila, the disease is cured. But that applies only to 5% of people, whether it's cancer or chronic illness or heart disease or diabetes, less than 5% are genetically determined completely. So when you actually introduce things like good sleep, stress management, movement, yoga, breathing, emotional intelligence, nutrition, restoring biological rhythms, spiritual practice, and then you add in selective cases, psychedelic therapy, that's a pretty good promise for the future of well-being. And that's why we partnered with

Okay. And what's your experience with psychedelics? I had my first experience when I was 17 years old in medical school. And I was in India at that time. And we had some students from Harvard who had some LSD with them. And so one day they invited us, the Indians, to join them. And it was a very interesting experience because, you know, I remember still I was looking at a poster of Mother Teresa and she was hugging and licking the wounds of children with leprosy. And we were told that when she did that, people got healed. I mean, that was the gossip on the street. But I had immense feeling of compassion. I mean, I sat there for the entire session, just feeling the deep, deep longing to alleviate suffering in the world. And that was my first experience.

And then thereafter, actually, I had a few other experiences while in medical school. Then I didn't think about it at all. But recently, I've been assisting with people who are experts, you know, people at NYU and other experts, I've been assisting people go through the last phases of their life and their terminal and they're confronting death. And so far, my experience, I'm not taking the stuff myself. I'm just sitting there during assisted therapy. And I've been amazed at how people lose their fear of death, how they feel at peace, and how they become so calm that they lose their pain, they lose their suffering. So that's been a very interesting

recent insight for me. But if you look at the literature of pain management, treatment of addictions, treatment of severe anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation, PTSD, all the evidence is coming out right now. Yeah, I've read a lot of that stuff. And I read Michael Pollan's book. And I yeah, I go to this conference annually called the Wisdom 2.0 conference, where there's a lot of neuroscientists, doctors, therapists, you know, psychiatrists of that sort talking about the benefits. And there was some crazy statistic about something like 78% of people suffer from PTSD after taking micro doses guided of LSD that like 75% of them after one year were cured of their PTSD. Yeah, a lot of that research is on veterans and you know, people who are

suffered PTSD because of the trauma of war. Yeah, yeah. Well, this is all awesome information. Thank you so much for calling in. I was very excited to talk to you. I hope to talk to you some more in the future. And I just want to personally thank you for your meditations. They've really helped me. Your voice really is soothing and wonderful to listen to first thing in the morning. Thank you, Chelsea.

Delighted. And I don't like men. I don't like men first thing in the morning. So that's a big compliment. Okay. Thank you. Thank you, Deepak. Sweetheart, we didn't get you to say anything for that.

I just wanted to hear your experience with meditation, and you have done it for years now. And then to hear someone who is so enlightened, I can't imagine. It must be a burden, honestly, to have that level of responsibility. I mean, he's kind of the face of meditation. Well, there are a couple of faces. Yeah, he is definitely one of the biggest ones. You know, Eckhart Tolle is another one who I think is incredible to listen to. They both put it in a scientific way.

And when you hear about the body and the mind getting on board with it, you know, So even the practice of meditation helps your body physically calm down is a big thing. Something that he said, which is always important to remind everybody of, is that when you are acting in anger or frustration at any time, that is operating out of ego. Anytime you're angry or yelling, it's your ego. Because there's no reason to yell unless you're in a war. I found that very interesting as well, his reference to the ego

and how it really affects your intake of the things around you because when it's filtered through that very personal lens like you don't have awareness to your surroundings right and it's like if you're driving in traffic you know i have friends who have like severe road rage if you're driving in traffic and you're getting that upset during traffic like that's not normal either no that's operating out of ego like that even though it doesn't feel like it is your anger towards other drivers is almost like they're taking something away from you and it's really not personal. I think everyone has had that or experienced it to some degree where you're trying to merge onto a lane and people are taking it personal like sir I have

to get over this lane ends it's not about you I'm not trying to take anything from you or to prove a point to you but they take it as like the cause they're going to take up. Or also like somebody beeps at you or yells at you through the window and you react like no fuck you asshole it's like No, no. That's that's your ego. If somebody is an asshole to you out of nowhere or beeps at you, it's like there's no reason to react that way. The response is, oh, I'm sorry, I didn't see you. Or, oh, that person's having a really bad day. Like, you know, don't be a cunt. Don't give them the finger. Don't be a bitch. And don't yell at strangers in traffic is the bottom line. That's the moral of this episode is please stop yelling at people in public. I don't know who I'm talking to. Everyone.

I've stopped doing it. So if I could stop doing it, almost anybody can stop doing it. Because I think I am the prime example of somebody that is not easily susceptible to changing their patterns of behavior. So anybody who thinks that they can't do something, please use me as your bounce house. Did you get an erection when I said that? I was going to say something about your breasts, but we talked about this. I'm trying to rein it in. We can't have any more comments about my breasts, I don't think.

Unless I'm talking about them. One other thing I did want to add on that we didn't get to during discussion is that Deepak also has an organization called Never Alone, which focuses on mental health and suicide prevention. So anyone who needs any sort of assistance or, you know, someone who might need some assistance, please go check out Never Alone. It's curated information available 24 hours a day. Also, let me just go over the meditations that I've been doing on his app for people so that they have a reference point. If you're kind of looking, there's one called journey to you, which is really good. It's like, it's just about talking about how to meditate. It kind of gives you, there's an emotional SOS, there's a mental revival, there's a balanced

body, spiritual activation, which is a good intro. Like I've done all these courses and the ones with Oprah are really good too. Cause her voice is also like silk. And it's also 21 days. Cause that's how long they say it takes to make or break a habit. Oh really? i thought it was three three days well three days of a consistent habit usually sets the tone but yeah 21 i don't know i looked that up at one point because i was like why 21 days seems like a strange

number and 28 days is a cycle a menstrual cycle yeah and it takes nine months to make a baby it's also a movie starring sandy bullock i think she goes to rehab in that movie in 28 days 28 days yes that is a sandy bullock movie go watch it i love i love stories about rehab i love movies about rehab too anyway yeah go rent that movie and rent that movie like people what what fucking century are you living in go to cockbuster and rent that movie okay well it sounds like it's time to take a quick break and i just can't wait to get back to you behind every night spent making the kids lunches there's a lot of suspense will they finally eat the veggies will the pesto survive the first bite will the lunchbox come home empty half full or come home at all and will you finish

episode eight before you're done slicing the cucumbers? Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus for $94 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell, connection is everything. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files i just remember this low taunting voice next to my ear saying shut up don't say anything every week i'm with survivors who lived through the unthinkable i knew if he woke up without a doubt he was going

to hurt me i started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed and i just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo,

and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport.

And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network. Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners. Each week, we talk to someone in show business, a.k.a. the biz, and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time, and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman.

Not that great. Actually, can you help me shape this? how about we flip it on its head how about we flip the script what if the surprise woman who actually you think is the straight man is actually the one who's acting weird

Adam Scott this entire time you've been expecting Adam Sandler to come to visit the show I would never expect I would never set expectations for something like that to happen

if the universe allows for something like that to happen i am open to it i'm always going to accept you know danny mcbride fine yeah it's all this fragile masculinity exuding i could smell it walking down the hallway to be honest with you i was like is that weed nope it's fragile masculinity ben stiller no because a lot of times in out of context people don't get it or even know what a circle is you know what i mean like you're like oh what's this Everyone's so dumb except for you. And fake. Right, fake and also not interested or just like, oh, I've got my life.

I don't care about your life. And a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Oh, and by the way, Will Ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode, but he's just so busy. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle.

I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind,

or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I remember growing up and just looking at my parents and thinking they do not have their shit together and childhood is going to be a waste of my time. And I was not interested in being a child. I thought other children were also annoying. And I just wanted to sprout up and get my own apartment. All I could think about was getting my own place from the time I was like

three i like to think of uh child chelsea in her own apartment just running that shit smoking cigarettes yeah you know what i mean like yeah tv dinners on like a tv dinner tray as you watch like the nightly news my feet up and i'm on a like a bark a lounger yeah yeah that makes the most sense that was exactly why i probably didn't feel right when i was born i was like something is off with this scenario like it just doesn't seem right like it didn't seem like it felt like we were trying to fit a triangle into a round hole and the round hole being my family me being the triangle in case you weren't able to follow that i'm not good with shapes okay i don't know if you remember nicole tran she was the woman that we spoke with who lived in the college town

and was basically just surrounded by douchey guys and your advice was to reapply that energy into herself well she wrote in to do a follow-up and she says she's pregnant oh my god what sad news well it could be happy for her she says dear chelsea i've taken your advice and i've been focusing on myself i feel so much better not having to worry about anyone but me nicole tran short and sweet oh wow look at that but great i think that's a wise piece of advice for everyone if you feel like you're watering a dead plant whether that be dating or friendship like reapply that take time for yourself do things for yourself you're never going to lose when you do that right Just don't become a narcissist.

Oh, that too. Okay, well, I think the moral of the story here is that meditation is helpful for many different things, many different struggles that you might be experiencing in your life. It's not going to hurt you. No one's ever meditated and been like, oh, well, that fucking ruined my life.

It's just like therapy. You know, nobody ever comes out of therapy and was like, oh, my life is ruined. That therapist ruined my life. I mean, there are bad therapists, but obviously you have to find somebody that understands you and is coming from a good place, which shouldn't be too hard because they have to get a degree to do it.

But I do understand chemistry is a thing for a lot of people. And I know a lot of people go to a therapist or they go to two therapists and they give up because there's not the right match. Well, like Deepak said, there is no bad meditation. You can't be doing it wrong. And any meditation is a good meditation because you're doing it. So that's a great starting place for people. Yeah, agreed.

And of course, you can always email your issues, your questions, your thoughts to DearChelseaProject at gmail.com. Again, DearChelseaProject at gmail.com. Problem solved. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who lived through the unthinkable,

abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed.

Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport.

And Sean Clements. We host the podcast, Hollywood Handbook. Each week, we talk to someone in show business and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, Adam Scott, Danny McBride, Ben Stiller, and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast, Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb.

You know, I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart Podcast.

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