Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - Megalomaniacs with Low Self-Esteem w/ Dax Shepard

Episode Date: December 2, 2021

Dax Shepard joins Chelsea in the studio to talk about sobriety, settling down, and what makes his marriage work. Then: A bartender wants to change tactics after years of one-night stands. A newlywed wonders if she’s to blame when her husband’s family disapproves of her. And a mom seeks advice about how to rein in a headstrong 7-year-old. *Executive Producer Nick StumpfProduced by Catherine LawEdited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert*****The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees. This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all. Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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How are you doing today? Oh, I'm just fantastic today. I'm really excited for our guest today. I'm excited for our guest too because he's one of the only straight white men that I really love and adore in this moment in time that isn't related to me. He is fucking awesome and he has a very successful podcast, Empire of His Own. You know him from Armchair Expert and then he has a bunch of podcasts underneath the armchair expert umbrella and he is an actor he's comedian he's host of Top Gear America

and he is the person people contact when they want to get a hold of Kristen Bell his name is Dax Shepard welcome to the show Dax Shepard what an what an honor what an honor I'm gonna try to keep my hands off you but we're so close it just feels ridiculous that I want it thank you it's an honor to be here number one number two can what can I ask you why you hate hearing introductions of yourself because i'm assuming you do as well i just you know it's just a bunch of horse shit it's a yeah it's it's just it falls in line with the same exercise as hearing people tell you why they're big fans of yours yeah but don't do you also suffer from the paradox of like clearly all i want is for people to love me i wouldn't have moved here otherwise

and yet when they do love me if i can't take it it's such a weird yeah it is very it's confusing because we want the adulation, but I'd rather read about it. There we go. Or hear about it. Oh, that's the sweet spot if someone's gossiping about you in a positive way. Yes, I'd rather hear about it instead of someone say it to my face because this is what I have a hard time with, my reaction to seem sincere when you're saying, thank you.

Yes, it's the opening presence on Christmas syndrome. Yes. Like I'm nervous I'm not going to give you a response that feels like I heard it or it meant something to me and now I'm panicked that I'm going to let you down. And I think another thing is like I do meet and greets backstage after my shows in COVID safe states, so I didn't do them in Florida. Shout out to Florida. You know, when people, when you mean a lot to someone,

it feels bad to not have it register, right? Yeah, exactly. Some people get emotional or they say this, what you did here changed my life or helped me through this difficult time. I feel when you think about it in that framework, or frame of mind it feels very you feel like a cunt you do well I feel like a fraud like I can't possibly have helped a stranger in any way unless I've gone to their house and changed a tire or something like it's very abstract and it's it's again it's so weird because I'm both a megalomaniac

and I have super low self-esteem so it's like I don't believe I could have helped them and yet I'm a megalomaniac it's yeah it's quite a dichotomy that you have because most recently you dm'd me and said something along the lines of what size venues are you performing in oh yeah and i told you i said like 2,500 to 3,500 seats i'm so glad you're outing me for this on average and he he writes back you write thanks i'm just actually being really competitive and making sure that i'm performing at the same size venue well i'm so glad i'm here to make sure this is told correctly because there is a lot of puke worthy of actions on my part but that wasn't one of them So I said, what size venues are you performing?

Because I saw the list of how many shows you had added. And then you said like 2,500. And I said, oh, that's rad. And then you said, why do you ask? Which is a very legitimate response. And then I said, I'm just counting your money. Like I'm curious how much you're making because I'm nosy about people's money. Yeah.

But it wasn't competitive at all. Like in no way was I like, I want to make sure I'm selling the same size venues. Oh, okay. Sorry, I read that wrong. Yeah, yeah. I liked your honesty about it. Listen, all I care about in life is honesty. We both want to know each other's intentions, and then we can proceed accordingly, right?

And I also, yeah, and if people are competitive or like that, that's also fine, too. But I like when people are upfront and not cagey or are a little bit, like, Machiavellian about things. I find that to be a very off-putting quality in people. I agree. Right? Yes, yes, I agree. And I think coming from similar childhoods, it's why we. It's like, just fucking tell me.

What's your hustle? And then I'll decide whether I want to participate or not. But I just, I need, I'm not a fool, so you're not going to con me into getting what you want. I might, like, acquiesce and give you what you want, but I just need to know what the intention is. And so mine truly, and I'm curious how you feel, A, I haven't generally, and this is probably sexist, been competitive with women. I just, like, when Chris and I go to a movie, I'm staring at the dudes in the movie, and I'm thinking about whether they deserve to be in this movie or not. And she is looking at the women and deciding if they deserve to be in the movie or not. I'm almost never looking at the female to decide.

So I am competitive with dudes, or I have been in the past, but not with women. Sometimes you're competitive with your wife, though, don't you think? How so? Well, I feel like sometimes you feel like she steals your thunder. Not sometimes I feel like. I feel like you definitely feel that way. I don't feel that way. That she sometimes steals your thunder.

No. The challenges I've had in being with her is there have been stretches, years, where she's made more money than me. and that has in the past affected me where I start I feel emasculated by it like oh I'm the guy I'm supposed to be making more I'm a fucking loser my wife makes more money than me like you know old old hardware that was installed in Detroit that it's taken me 40 odd years to to ditch but I've had that if she's outshining me awesome I've been getting a lot of attention for 20 years I'm so fine with her outshining me. I'm like, we were at a formula one race recently and we were getting some heat. And then all of a sudden Shaquille O'Neal showed up and I was like, Oh, here we go.

Hey, you can't miss them. Like anywhere on the grid, you can see Shaquille, he's seven feet tall. So now all eyes are on Shaquille. I'm, I love that. I don't have a desire to be stared at more. Oh yeah. I hear what you're saying. I hear what you're saying. I think, you know what, I think when I think about your relationship, cause you guys are both very, I've, Kristen's been on the podcast as well, on both of ours, actually. I think that you really have come into a lot of success since you got, since you were married, right? I mean, especially with your podcast, especially, I mean, you're blown up. I mean, the only podcast that's bigger than yours, unfortunately, is Joe Rogan's, but you really kind of define the podcast space in a huge way.

So that must instill a ton of confidence in you for someone who claims that they have a lack of self-confidence, which I believe you do because we've spoken. Yeah. I mean, again, I'm not saying i'm not also arrogant i am like i often think i'm the smartest person in the room and then also i think i'm a piece of shit and i'm unattractive and all these things so you know i'm not claiming i walk around feeling bad for myself i just yeah i think all human i well you do i interview so many people that have they've won sexiest person of the year on people magazine and they hate how they look so i i think it's a human condition i don't think or a hollywood condition well it seems to be a human condition i think you are right yeah because because there's always a brad pitt like

even if you're at the top of the heap you're gonna look at brad pitt take your shirt off and once upon a time in mexico or once upon a time in hollywood and go my god that guy is 55 and his body looks better than mine ever did in this my 20s you're gonna compare yourself mike tyson got beat up eventually like there's always someone better than you so if you're playing the comparison game it doesn't take much to find someone you know i don't think i'm outing bradley bradley cooper fucking i've never had a friend where women text me so often just saying like hey if he's ever interested no strings attached don't need a dinner i just want to sleep with him that's a unique quality i have many famous friends i don't get those texts about anybody but him and he doesn't

think he's a 10 i think he thinks he's a 7 right which is weird what number do you think you are a six a six yeah but i do think and here's where the arrogance will come in i think my personality is at 10 so i think lucky for me women see an eight i think they subconsciously are are creating an average between my personality and my looks and they're actually seeing an eight and they would be on a witness stand and they would claim what is he he's an eight and they would be telling the truth from their perspective it sounds like you thought about this before for years um i was What do you think you are? I think I'm a 10.

Okay. Yeah. I have a lot of confidence in, A, my personality, B, the way that I look. I'm into aging. I'm also, you know, into taking care of myself. Yeah. So the physicality part of it, I'm pretty confident with it. I think I'm really, like, I've really grown up and, like, I'm, like, a very good version of myself.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm pretty happy with myself these days. I used to, like, you know, have a lot of self-loathing and, like, body issues and all that shit. Yeah, yeah. But I kind of just, you know, tried to really shake that shit out in therapy and read a lot of fucking shit about it and learned about myself. And I feel like I'm a great student at therapy. The more information I get, the more confident I become. Yeah.

And I bet there's someone in the audience thinking in their mind, of course you feel confident. You're a fucking bombshell, which is true. But I think you'd be missing the point, which is you were an even younger version of the bombshell in the past and didn't think you were all that. Isn't that the real point of that? Yes. Yeah. I think you grow into. Because I would look at you and go like, well, you should feel confident.

Right. Very, very few. We're the same age, right? Yeah, 46. Yeah, yeah. Very few 46-year-olds look like you. Yeah, right. Yeah.

Right. Exactly. I'm heading for my facialist right after we're done with the podcast today. Oh, okay. So that's one of the reasons. No need. It's glowing. Well, that's why it's glowing.

You know what I mean? Okay. I have an outstanding question I want to ask you. I follow you on Instagram. I also follow you on Instagram. Clearly, we DM each other. We don't have each other's phone number, which I think is probably best. I have Kristen's phone number.

Yeah, that's exactly right. And I think that serves its purpose, yeah. That's right. That's right. If there's ever an emergency, you can get a hold of me through that number. But here's what happens. I have a lot of male friends who are very fit. They post pictures.

I write underneath of it, you know, flame signs, boners. I'm so happy for how they look. And then you, I think I have a relationship with, a friendship. him so often your body looks so fucking rocking and i want to write like how great it looks it's so impressive and then i go you can't you can't do that and i want you from your opinion am i writing that i i can't do that i shouldn't i should not do that or what do you think about i think that's a great question and i think it's a great time to bring up a question like that and i think as long as you know i think men are confused right now but what they can say and

what they can't say and as long as it's not predatory and harassing like then of course you're my friend you can say wow you look great i have no problem saying you your body looks great like it doesn't have to be that's because i'm in the dominant structure yes absolutely you are in the dominant you're um you're complimenting up but i think that's i think that's where men are lost right now it's like no you can say nice things to women it just doesn't have to sound like you want to fuck them lascivious and even though I know that you have told me that you wanted to fuck me before or that I would be your you know free card with Kristen one of your free cards who are the other ones by the way

you get out of jail Zoe Kravitz Zazie Beetz oh my god you know her I don't know oh my god she was did you watch Atlanta yes the the baby mama of oh yeah yeah yeah she's so special her face there's something about her face yeah you're right about that so pleasing to look at like it's so symmetrical something about it is just very soothing to stare at and she's as i stalk her on instagram i've come to find out also very interesting like half german grew up in that weird german town in in georgia i don't know if you've ever been there helena or something i've heard yeah there was an episode where they went there well she literally that that wasn't a stretch she she was from there went there all the time oh yeah so i'm intrigued uh-huh yeah that's probably rounds out my year

I have a question about your marriage. What would you say the happiest time of your marriage has been thus far? Well, we've been together 15 years. Yeah, that's a really long time. It is, I think. In Hollywood years, that's like a 35-year relationship, maybe. I would say there's been little sweet spots, right? There's been like once we got engaged, there was some new level of security that I hadn't anticipated that kind of changed the dynamic of our relationship dramatically because, as you know, I'm a pervert.

So every joke I make is perverted and sexual, and that's very off-putting if you don't feel safe. And so I really had to curb that side of myself. And then when we got engaged, I just started noticing like all of a sudden that didn't bother her at all anymore, and I got to be more of me. And I was like, oh, I would not have predicted any of that. That was a very nice, sweet stretch and growth. Having kids is lovely and it's very bonding in this weird way. You know, my issues with her making more than me, the kids were the antidote to that where I was like, oh, this isn't about she or I or what I'm making or what she's making. This is all about what we are bringing to these two kids now. And I detached my ego from the whole thing. And then I became at peace with it.

And then I would say right now we're, what do they call it, bipolars, when they're ramping up? We're ramping up. Because our kids are getting now self-sufficient enough that the load on us has gone down a lot. Like we can sleep in on a Saturday. It's been years since we could do that. We can hire babysitters. They don't crazy. We can go on a date.

So things are starting to like, we're starting to find some more autonomy away from our kids now, which is good. Yeah. So that's going to be a nice new adventure. I think so. I'm optimistic that it will. Yeah, because it's post rearing your children, right? Not post completely over, but this is-

The exhausting phase. Yeah. Yeah. How old are the girls now? Six and eight. Six and eight. Okay. So they're still little.

I'm reading this book. I just started reading this book that somebody handed to me at an airport the other day called Attachment. I don't know if you've read this book. Is it about attachment theory in your childhood? It talks about, well, not even in childhood. It's about adulthood, too. Oh.

It talks about there's three different types. One is anxious. One is secure. And the other one is, what is it? Anxious. Avoidance. Secure and avoidant. Yes, Catherine.

Avoidant. So, and then it talks about how you can be a combo of the two. Because I was reading it and I was like, oh, I'm secure. And then I was like, oh, no, I'm kind of anxious because my brother died. And, like, when people don't, if I don't hear from somebody, you know, I get that little. But since therapy, I have a much healthier outlook about it. But it still is like a feeling that I have to go, oh, that's your little person talking. That's not your adult self.

Like, don't act on that. Right, right. So an avoidance is somebody who just doesn't, who fears intimacy. And then avoidance and anxious can kind of work in concert together. I would imagine that. Yeah, like very up and down and big swings. yeah like yeah like intense feelings of intimacy and closeness felt by intense rejection and all those things right yeah I think that's a cycle I've found myself in which one what do you think

would define you most aptly in general or with Kristen so okay here's back to my the duality of my self-esteem so I I'm like very insecure so often and yet I'm I'm overly confident relationships like grotesquely like arrogantly I don't worry that Kristen's going to go find someone with she'll find someone more attractive than me for sure she might find someone who's more philanthropic than me that's likely but then there's nine other slices of the pie that she has to fill and I just think my average is really high for all the many things so I'm weirdly too confident in relationships I'm not a jealous person I don't really care no and for a couple different reasons one if you're afraid your partner is going to become attracted to someone

else and leave you for them the fast pass to that is go ahead and be jealous make yourself as unattractive and and it's the least amount of fun to be around as humanly possible and then go ahead and manifest that outcome I think that's what a ton of people do like they're so afraid of it that they, they will it to happen because they're not fun to date. People like to be trusted and, and it's just very unattractive. I mean, there's, there are sick people that get off on that. Like, oh, my partner is so jealous. They must really love me that. But you know, unless you're in that weird niche, I just think in general, you have to recognize it as a non-starter. It can't be done. Right. Cause you're actually going to create this outcome you fear. Right. And when

you give somebody the trust you'd be surprised by the outcome of just that yes and and again i i say this a lot and then i think it leads people to believe that we have an open relationship i want to be clear we don't have an open relationship but i have also said to her of the 10 things that i value about you and that i need from you as a partner fidelity's 10th for me it's just not it's it's not has nothing to do with my day-to-day life If she's in fucking Alaska in 10 years. Fucking an Eskimo? Yeah, an Inuit.

Let's be right about it. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You're right. An Inuit. Or an Inupiaq. It's just low on the things I need from her. So that wouldn't bother you?

No. I mean, I prefer not to know about it because that info is not useful for me. Would you qualify yourself as needy in any way? So when you say you're insecure, you're talking about your professional life. Are you talking about your value, your self-worth? Yeah, we want to parse out some specifics. Yeah, I want to know what and why that hasn't changed over time or has it? It has. It has. It has.

Yeah, I should be clear to say I'm often referencing me 10 years ago, 15 years ago. It has gotten better and better and better, but it's gotten better and better not in the – by pursuing the route I thought would end in self-esteem. So I thought if I could find people I had assessed as being more attractive than me, higher status than me, just all around better than me, and I could get them to fall in love with me, it would elevate who I was. And I did that pathologically and selfishly for a huge chunk of my life until I got to an apex where I was dating someone I thought would be impossible to date this person. And then I looked in the mirror. I was like, yeah, same dude, same piece of shit. It had no impact whatsoever.

If it would have worked, I would have done it. Like, if it worked, I'd be fine with it. But it didn't work. And all these lame things are what make me feel confident and have a lot of self-esteem, which is, like, being of service to people I don't want to be of service to. Fucking picking up the phone for an alcoholic who's struggling, who I don't even want to talk to. Being of service to my kids nonstop from the second I wake up until I go to bed. I'm, like, at their disposal.

Those things make me feel—I look in the mirror, I'm like, you're a bad motherfucker, dude. You're working and you're dadding it in a way that you prayed you'd do it. And, and I love the dude in the mirror now. And what do you think it's, what are you most surprised about yourself learning about yourself as a father? Like, what is the biggest, like, uh, great surprise that you've realized or learned about yourself? I guess the thing I'm most grateful for is I'm in general, the, the most, uh, impatient

person. It's terrible. It's like the apex of my entitlement. Like I shouldn't have to sit in traffic, so I ride a motorcycle. I shouldn't have to circle the block 10 times. I'll pay a parking ticket. You know, like I just, I'm so entitled with my time. And again, I don't think I could have been this way in my 20s or 30s with kids at all.

But I'm shocked with how patient I am. Like I can just listen to the racket come in, come in, come in. None of it makes any sense. It's hysterical. Everyone's in a fucking uproar. and i can just like let it all happen for a long long time and then when everyone's all calmed back down i'll start talking and that i'm i'm shocked i can do that yeah and i'm like really proud of myself when i can just not engage in the hysterical part of the thing yeah and wait till it's there's

a rational zone for me to enter right isn't that interesting because you that's not your personality altogether right i am uh you inconvenience me which means you don't love me and i'm out the fucking door because that's how i show you you can't take me for granted i'm a big i could write you off in one second and i could just keep walking and i employed that grotesquely for a lot of my life yeah me too i have that in common with you definitely watch me shut this door yeah it's like get the fuck out of my face forever and i know i never will think about that person again There's no like there's no thinking about it. Did I do the right thing? I never second guessed it. I'm done. The door is shut. And I rarely ever contemplate that person again. Yeah. And I think the reason I have done that is that I didn't trust the people I was talking to if I actually shared what was going on with me and was vulnerable, that they would adjust to me.

My conclusion was you've shown who you are. That's not simpatico with who I am. So sayo fucking ara. And what do you think the most surprising thing you've learned about Kristen since she's become a parent? Oh, I got a great one. Well, first I was just going to say, not a lot because I have a really high opinion of her. Again, back to that list of reasons I'm with her. We started dating when I was 32. She was 27. And at 32, I was like, okay, the next person I date, I have to be working towards having kids.

I really, really want to have kids. So for me, number one attraction to her was, I was like, that's, she'll be a fucking amazing mom. I just know she will. She has 86 dogs and they all get fed and they all go to the vet and the whole thing. She's never lazy when it comes to them. So, and she has qualities I would want my daughters to have. She's a hard worker. She's generous. She's forgiving, all these things. So her being a great mom isn't a shocker to me, but in our own relationship, she and I are both very, for lack of a better word, alpha. We like to do what we want to do. So compromise between us is hard as hell. And I have found with the kids, I've been shocked with how often she's been like, please tell me what to do here. Like, I obviously can't get them in bed in under an hour and a half without tons of crying. What should I do?

And that's just a whole new lane for her. She's not ever asking me what she should do, nor am I asking her what I should do. So your favorite thing about Kristen is her asking you for advice. Is that she cares enough about our kids to do something she would not want to do. Right. Like that's it. That's her sacrificing what she would want for the sake of our children. Uh-huh.

I see. Yeah. Yeah, that's hot. Yeah. Yeah. And likewise, I like to say I meet her halfway, which is like, early on I was like, you know, I'll fight to the death over where we're eating. I'll fight to the death over what show we're going to watch. I was like, if you make a decision with the kids, I will step back.

Like, I'm telling you, you have veto power at all times. You're the mom. I will ultimately, after you hear my opinion, I will defer to anything you decide. That's rare for me. Yeah, right. Right. So in some way, I think, yeah, those kids have brought out a side of us that we're not maybe capable of with each other just for each other's sake. Yeah. I think it's great that you guys have been together for 15 years and you have this great little family and that you never show pictures of your children. I never know where I stand on that side of things, you know.

Let's talk it out. Well, because I have friends who are like, you know, show their friends or their babies on camera and I never think anything about it. And then I think, oh, and then I see parents that do what you guys do. And I'm like, oh, that's appropriate, too, because what kid those kids aren't asking to be on camera. But at the same time, it's an unavoidable thing when you're the children of celebrities to ever be photographed. Right. Yeah. And in this media age and digital age that we're in, that's not going to go away anytime in the next couple of generations. And what we could just start with the simplest thing, which is the names of my children are known. my name is known and now if you know exactly what she looks like you can go to her playground she

didn't go to fort knox to school she goes to regular school and you could go hey lincoln i was just with your dad he's at the hospital blah blah blah blah blah like there's a very obvious safety issue which i don't want people knowing what my children look like right so is that your rule or is it both of your roles oh both of us yeah yeah we're in lockstep on that and then additionally yeah i'm not judgmental of any parents that do it i could care i don't give a fuck what people are doing whether they're potty training their kids or sleep training or i don't i don't are you potty trained for 16 years i've been potty trained since i quit drinking yes i'm potty trained did you just get a new tattoo i did yeah wow i've

never seen it i've never seen a fresh tattoo like that wrapped up i know it comes off tonight dax just tried to hold my hand he tried to do it under the table but it was on camera Because I've been given permission to compliment your physique on Instagram, so now I'm going to see if I can touch you inappropriately. I think this is a perfect time. So our setup here is we give advice to people. Okay. And so we try and curtail it to our guests. Well, we do curtail it to our guests, right, Catherine?

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, we basically, I mean, you have a lot of experience with everything. And I feel like your IQ has probably really grown since you started doing your podcast from all the interesting neuroscientists, you know, psychiatric, psychological people that you talk to. It's not the right word to describe what I meant to say, but you catch my gist. People in the social sciences. Yeah, social sciences. You speak to a lot. I mean, I love, yeah, you have some great guests on there.

So I know that you've gotten a lot of information and I'm sure that you've retained it because you're very curious and you like that. And I'm dyslexic, which has turned out to be a superpower. Has it? Oh, yeah. So when you're a kid and you're dyslexic, everything that's happening on the chalkboard, it's blank. I mean, it's like looking into a void. So the only thing you're getting is what the teacher is saying verbally. So I think dyslexics in general develop a really, really good memory for oral stuff they receive.

It's like if you can't hear, you're going to see sharply. Yeah. I just find that often people are like, wow, I can't believe you remember that. Enough times where I'm like, oh yeah, I think this is a unique ability I have to remember what people tell me as opposed to what I, you know. Right. So your memory to absorb, I mean, your ability to absorb information. Yeah, and kind of retain it. It's superior. And I think just from being dyslexic. Okay. Well, that's good. That's good for all those dyslexics out there to know that you have that superpower. So fucking pay attention when you're talking. Some dyslexic just drove their car off an interpass because they were like, I'm dyslexic and I don't have that.

Okay, well, they can call into the podcast next week. Do you take callers? We take live callers. Wait, are we going to get to talk to some? Yeah, that's what we're doing. I mean, talk about listening skills. I just fucking said that to you. Well, what I thought, hold on, can I be clear?

Before you fucking load up your gun, I thought we were going to go to the part of your podcast where you ask, you encourage me to ask you for advice, which feels like the end of the show. That's the end of the show. So I was already panicking that. No, no, no, no, no, no, don't worry. We're still together.

We're still together. Catherine, are we taking a caller? Are we taking a write-in? What's going on? You tell us. Well, first, we have to take a quick break, so we'll do that, and then we'll take some emails and some callers. We have two callers today.

Oh, excellent. I'm sad the listeners can't see your hair, Catherine. It's pink. It's as fun and playful as hair can be. Thank you. Well, they will if they call in. Oh, they will. Okay, great.

Yeah, they'll get to see it. Well, thank you. Yeah. Thank you. Okay, we're going to take a break, and we'll be right back. Behind every night spent making the kids' lunches, there's a lot of suspense. Will they finally eat the veggies? Will the pesto survive the first bite?

Will the lunchbox come home empty, half full, or come home at all? And will you finish episode eight before you're done slicing the cucumbers? Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus from $94 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell. Connection is everything. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them.

I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, Shut up. Don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them.

They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table.

It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network. Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners.

Each week, we talk to someone in show business, a.k.a. the biz, and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time, and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman. Not that great. Actually, can you help me shape this? how about we flip it on its head

how about we flip the script what if the surprise woman who actually you think is the straight man is actually the one who's acting weird Adam Scott this entire time you've been expecting Adam Sandler to come

to visit the show I would never expect I would never set expectations for something like that to happen if the universe allows for something like that to happen i'm open to it i'm always going to accept you know danny mcbride fine yeah it's all this fragile masculinity exuding i could smell it walking down the hallway to be honest with you i was like is

that weed nope it's fragile masculinity ben stiller no because a lot of times in out of context people don't get it or even know what a circle is you know what i mean like you're like oh what's this So everyone's so dumb and fake, right? Fake and also not interested or just like, oh, I've got my life. I don't care about your life. And a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Oh, and by the way, Will Ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode, but he's just so busy.

Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like,

you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

And we're back. Oh, my God, that was quick. And we're back. We're trying to stretch this out as long as possible. So when you brought up your sobriety, you actually helped us segue right into our first email. It comes from Michael. He says, Dear Chelsea, and just so you know, Dax,

Chelsea and I both just took 30 days off of drinking just to sort of do a cleanse, see how that felt, and make some adjustments. Well, I did 30 days off of cannabis. You don't do cannabis at all. You don't do anything, right? No, correct. Right. So I took 30 days off of cannabis, and then we did a separate 30-day alcohol cleanse.

Which one do you think was more challenging, Catherine? You know what? So I am not a regular cannabis user, so I didn't do that one. And there were some hard parts of the 30-day alcohol break for me specifically, like two weeks in weirdly was when it kind of got difficult. But I think noticing the changes in you since you did both of them, I noticed a more pronounced change in your level of clarity after the break from cannabis. Yeah, yeah, I agree with that. Thank you for saying that. I realized after taking a 30 day cleanse of marijuana, I was like, wow, I was really stoned all the time.

I mean, you're like, fuck. So now, well, now I don't smoke weed anymore. I only take edibles because I do not like what the damage that that does to my throat. Sure. And I don't need to sound like I have emphysema when I go to sleep at night. So I'm no longer smoking weed, but I will take edibles. But not like I was before. Yeah, I was really, I think that was a COVID, a byproduct of COVID.

I got a little bit carried away with my cannabis use. I would guess that one's tricky in the same way that, like, when I relapsed on opiates was super tricky because my association with powerlessness and unmanageability are Coke and Jack Daniels. Like, that's unmanageable. I'm gone for a few days. All bets are off. I do crazy stuff. I'm dangerous. When I was on the opiates, I was like, yeah, I do everything I normally do.

No one knows. There's no obvious wreckage or unmanageability or anything. And I would argue weeds similarly, you pretty much do your shit without anyone really going like, hey, I'm I'm worried or this is impacting me in some way. And I think those are those are trickier ones to evaluate. Yeah. Yeah, I think so. But, you know, when you do abuse anything, it shows up on you, you know, like your eyes, the redness, the stoned look, the kind of not being together in a way that i'm smart enough to be together yeah yeah right so when you're constantly just like forgetting shit you're like wait this isn't me this doesn't really

add up but but like if you're drunk at work every day uh you know you'd probably hear from some people well there are people or if you're microdosing cocaine like that guy from oh yeah microdosing cocaine i was just gonna say cocaine is so much fun who microdoses oh we had a caller once call in and he's like, Hey, I've been microdosing cocaine at work. I've been super productive. I've been really, you know, everyone's weights down. He's like my, everyone's been complimenting me on my job performance. He goes, everything's going great. So do I just keep doing it? I'm like, first of all, there's no such thing as microdosing cocaine. You're a coke head. There's no way around that. And that is going to be a good window for about, you know,

five weeks and then everything is going to crash and burn. So yeah. And by the way, Anyone who's listening, please don't do cocaine anymore because everyone, this fentanyl shit is in everything and you don't know when you're going to get it. I don't understand why drug dealers are putting fentanyl in cocaine. No, listen. We got to have a sidebar about this. Okay. Because you and I are both drug experts.

I'm not a conspiracy theory person. I just am not. Okay? But this occurred to me the other day because, yes, a ton of people are having fentanyl overdoses doing cocaine. And what I know is that, talk about incentive, no drug dealer who's selling coke wants to just add another expense of fentanyl and throw it in there. It has an opposite effect. People who are buying coke don't want fentanyl.

Or if they want to do a speedball, they're getting that separately. So the drug dealer has no incentive to add fentanyl to cocaine. It makes zero sense. That's what I'm thinking. The customers are going to occasionally die, which no one's going to buy from you anymore. so since it hurts everyone the user the the seller how the fuck is there fentanyl and coke it it needs an explanation i'm like i'm not saying that this is the case but wouldn't it be genius if the cia or somebody was putting fentanyl and coke because they're gonna kind of cure the war on drugs

because everyone's gonna be too fucking afraid to try any drugs yeah who's benefiting from fentanyl and cocaine it doesn't make any sense i've had this conversation repeatedly and putting it in fake oxy makes a ton of sense putting it in even xanax which i think is weird but the people who've gotten fentanyl and xanax at least it is a depressive drug putting it in cocaine really to me they tip their hand interesting yeah okay all right all right well i'm glad you said something so if anyone knows anything about that write in yeah who's benefiting or at least just tell me who's benefiting but they i do i don't believe the government wants to cure the war on drugs why do they it helps them put black people behind bars it helps that there's a whole money industry yeah

there's a whole industry that they i mean i think they like that the fact that there's drugs they like that there's that element because they can blame so many other things on that so i don't know but there's that but then i got i have to imagine that it also enriches people they don't like having money right cartel people yeah who are putting then people in office i don't know what i just saw an article that was like is the leader of some south american country a narco trafficker and i was like probably oh wow that's likely yeah i mean pablo escobar he ran a pretty successful bid to be the president of columbia i mean it almost happened and half the country loved him so yeah maybe in that case they're like okay we gotta we gotta we gotta prevent this i don't know i just

What I do know is that nobody benefits from putting fentanyl on cocaine. So why the fuck is it happening? Yeah. That needs answering. Yeah, you're right. It does need an answer. Hopefully we'll get that. I mean, hopefully we'll get it during this hour.

Yeah. Hopefully someone will call in who's been putting the fentanyl on the cocaine and tell us why they're doing it. Hopefully a government official will call in during this episode. Brent. Hi, this is Brent Chasen. Yes. Let's move on to our first email. Now, before Dax has another cup of coffee, he has a great...

What's in your smoothie? What's in that smoothie? It's a vegan protein. Are you vegan? No, but I do love this protein powder. And if I do the casein or the whey, stomach issues. Diarrhea? My stomach doesn't like it.

Honest Rias. That is code for diarrhea. So on that note, our first email comes from Michael. Okay, great. He says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a 29-year-old gay man living in the Midwest. I've been so inspired by your experience with therapy that I started going to a therapist as well. You're right. It's much more impactful to pay an expert to listen to my problems.

I was also inspired by listening to you talk about taking breaks from substance use. I smoke weed occasionally, but alcohol is my true love. I'm a bartender, and I always say it's part of my job to know what I'm selling. Lately, I noticed you've talked about knowing the difference between taking a break from a substance and knowing when it's time to quit. That struck a chord, but I reassured myself that I'm fine, of course. However, coming out of Halloween weekend, which was mostly a foggy blackout, I've been faced with the reality that this is actually ruining my life. Nine out of ten times when I drink, I black out. But even then, I keep going on autopilot.

Over the last few years, I've been charged with two DWIs, broken my leg, lost a job, and so much more. The common denominator is always the way I consume alcohol. Now, after almost getting arrested on Halloween, I realize that my life is truly unmanageable. I had an emergency meeting with my therapist, and he advised me to try AA. I've always looked down at the 12-step program, to be honest, but after hearing Rosebud Baker's story, I felt like she was also telling my story. I immediately paused the podcast and went to a meeting. For the first time, I'm feeling pretty hopeful and finally getting my shit together. You guys were the push I needed to wake up and wrap up this behavior.

Thanks for everything you do, Michael. So this is mostly a thank you, but I thought, Dax, you could talk to us a little bit about advice you have for him as a newly sober person as well. And the difference between the feeling of taking a break versus permanently changing your lifestyle, right? Yeah. I'm going to go in order. you said this letter is from Michael. And the first thought I had was, I just interviewed David Sedaris. He said, gay men always use the long version of their name. And so my first thought was, oh, I wonder if Michael's gay. And then you said, Michael's a gay man. So that's just first

what happened in my head. That's funny. Second, yeah, I'm listening to this. And of course, I have a perspective on it all. And what I just say, it all ended where I would hope it would end. But Just, I think people have to ask themselves what a normal person does versus what they're doing. If you have in the bank reasons for why you drink, that's a flag. Normal people, my wife doesn't have a fucking reason she drinks. If she wants a drink, she drinks. If she only drinks half the glass, it doesn't consume her that she's leaving half a glass. It's not, she has no deeper relationship with it other than what it is.

So I think just out of the gates, if you've got a bunch of stories about your drinking, that's generally something to think about. And I am curious. I get it. I don't like joining clubs. I'm suspicious of all clubs. But the hatred of AA is still a little bit confusing to me in that it's the only group in the world without a leader, without a hierarchy, without a bank account. Like if you're ever going to join a group, there's nobody there who's profiting. No one's getting elevated status from it. No one's getting empowered by it. Like, if there was ever an organization to model other organizations after, it would be that one. So I don't entirely understand the – but maybe it's because I grew up with a parent in AA and I have a different relationship with it. What are your thoughts on AA?

Well, I think that a lot of people – I have a good friend that got sober a few years ago, and he had a real drinking problem. You know, very sloppy, very blackout, all the stuff. And blackouts obviously are a huge red flag. If you're blacking out, that's not – Especially nine out of ten times. Yeah. That's pretty high. Yeah, that's a pretty high ratio.

But I think people's apprehension towards AA is the religious component. Oh, sure. You know, because some people don't believe in God and they don't want to have it related to God. And so I think that's the 12 steps and all of that, you know. But I do agree, like, I think you make a great point. You know, that is great that there's no big profiteer from AA. There's not some, you know, messiah. So that is it. And it's a safe place where you're going to meet people who are experiencing what you're experiencing. So for the sake of the matter, until you are stable, it's a great resource. If you don't want to stay going to meetings and you can stabilize yourself with without that kind of routine and pattern of behavior. Sure.

But there's nothing wrong with going to an AA meeting and dipping your toe in that for just some just for the purposes to tell yourself of stability, to get yourself to the next step and to get yourself a little bit stronger. Again, though, you know, structure. Yeah, the structure of it and the and the group think like, you know, to be around people that are saying similar things to you and you're hearing their stories and you realize, oh, this isn't only I'm not the only person in the world going through this struggle. And not only am I not the only person, there's a lot of comfort in hearing other people's plights. I would also argue, like, even if you want to write the entire thing off as placebo, I'm fine with that. But an axiom I believe in so much is you cannot think your way into acting different, but you can act your way into thinking different. So if you wake up that next morning, you're so fucking humiliated by your behavior, your lack of memory, you have blood in your rectum, whatever's happening to you. And you tell yourself, this is strong enough that I decided now that I'm going to think differently. And I'm not going to change anything else in my life.

If I'm betting in Vegas, I'm going to bet against you. But if you say, I'm going to this place at 8 o'clock. And when I get there, this person says, why don't you read this step when you get home? And then the other person says in the morning, how about maybe you journal, just remind yourself, hey, I'm always going to be this when I wake up. I'm not going to wake up one morning, not have this. That's a step. Like, it's all actions that then slowly over time do change how you think. Or they changed how I think.

Yeah. And then the God thing, I get it, man. I'm an atheist. Yet I've been in that program for 17 years. So how do you divorce the two? Or not divorce the two, but how do you reconcile the two if you are? I had a sponsor one time who's smarter than me say, look, this is how I think about it. It's a power greater than myself.

So something's making the sun come up in the morning. it's not Dax Shepard. Something is making the oceans have a tide. It's not Dax Shepard. There's a whole bunch of forces happening in this universe. There's a symmetry to how we're spinning around the sun and all nine planets are held together. I'm not the force that's doing any of that. There's something much greater than me. And the way I make peace with it is like, I recognize the symmetry of everything. And I know when I'm out of step with the symmetry of everything i know it i can feel it i'm smart enough to recognize oh i'm swimming in the wrong direction of this river and so what i aspire to do is to be in harmony and in symmetry the way

this fucking planet we're on is yeah and i think that you know god is just a lack of a better term in many respects you know i think it's really a call to humility and that i do believe in like first recognize you're not the fucking director of planet earth you're not the director of your family and your friends and everything you're you're just another piece of shit you're one of seven billion pieces of shit and you're trying your best like so the god thing to me just represents like get humble which i agree with because through humility you can actually take advice from other people which is impossible for me to do we'll get into that at the end of the show um so any act of humility i think it's important to look at what the broader point of

it is. Unless you want to be basic about it and go like, oh, I heard the word God, which I don't even know if it's in there, but yeah, it's in there. But regardless, Michael, you're on the right track. You've recognized there's an issue. You need to stick with this. And it sounds very much like you need to be sober. So I really commend you on that choice that you made and the decision that you made to put one step in front of the other in a direction to take your life into a better place. And yeah, all the signs are there that you have a serious problem. So it's not about taking a break. It's about making yourself like, you know, understand that life can be a lot better and a lot more bountiful to be in symmetry with the universe and with your

energy and all of the things that that brings. Can I now attempt to get you defensive? Sure. Okay. You want to tell me that I have a drinking problem? I don't know that. I don't have an opinion of whether or not you have a drinking problem, but do you think your average person has to take breaks no no no i think someone said to me once a guy i was dating said i never want to get out of control with my drinking because i never want to have to give it up completely yeah yeah yeah i love that and i liked that and so i always think if there's a period of time like i came back from mallorca where i was with my girlfriends for two weeks and we had a lot to drink and i just came back and i felt gross and i thought this is one of those times where i really

need to like clear my head and clean out my system because my drinking has changed, especially as I've gotten older. It's not the same. Like I don't want to drink like that. It hurts more, right? It hurts more and it shows up on your face more. And, um, you know, I like the way I look. I want, I want to look fresh and I, yeah. So I think, so that was one of the things, you know, cannabis brought into my life when I started to like pivot to cannabis. I was like, Oh, I started drinking less because of the cannabis. And then I, I definitely have one of those personalities where I overdo things. And then I have to say, OK, now you have to stop that for a little bit before you get too carried away. Yeah, I want to be ultra clear. I'm so pro drugs. I'm so

pro drinking. I truly am those things. But I know for myself, I deeply desire to know exactly how I'm going to feel like it's not even per se the high of the drug. It's just, oh, I know if I eat this edible in one hour. I'm going to feel this way. And that's so comforting to me. Just knowing what's ahead. Oh, really? Yeah. I don't have that. You don't have that. I like surprises. Well, yeah, I also like novelty and surprises, but I guess I'll give you the simplest example of what I'm saying. My best childhood friend who just got, he's going to have two years this month. And when we were kids, he huffed gas to the point where he took a gas can. There was a gas can in his locker in ninth grade and he got kicked out now i don't know if you've ever huffed

gas have you no it is the worst feeling imaginable of all the highs on planet earth it's the worst one what how does one do that you just huff the fumes gasoline yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah like actual gasoline yeah oh um and he carried around a little gas can and and since he's gotten sober and he and i've been talking about it so much and he had the most traumatic childhood of any human i've ever met and so what i concluded was and it led to me being a little more compassionate towards myself which is his resting emotional feeling was so fucking bad that a gas huffing high was better yeah the worst high in the world that was preferred to his just resting emotional state which breaks my heart and i think a lot of addicts because you'll talk to people i'll tell

you oh i don't like cocaine how could you not like cocaine i'm so perplexed by it oh you kind to like them dma what do you mean you don't like opiates what and what i actually conclude is like their resting emotional state is good enough that going to that other level isn't a huge relief yeah and so i'm compassionate towards myself it's like i clearly had a different resting emotional state where that was a huge relief to me no that's a very salient point that you make all right and that's the show thanks everybody for tuning in yeah see you tomorrow so our first caller today is aaron he's in his 30s and he is a bartender in a resort town you got a lot of bartenders in the audience yep yeah it's very thematic i guess when you write a book

called vodka are you there vodka i always wonder why there's so many drunk women at my shows i'm like it's like well i do i have a i do have a um reputation that precedes me you have a brand Yeah, I do. And that brand is Lucy Goosey. Aaron says, Dear Chelsea, just discovered your podcast and I figure you might be able to give me some advice. So he's a new listener. I'm a man in his late 30s who bartends in a resort in a mountain town. I've been doing it for quite a while, 15 years, and I'm a fairly attractive and confident guy.

As a result, I get my fair share of attention from women, both local and visitors. It's been a great ride, no pun intended. Here's the problem. I'm a romantic guy, and now I'm worried I have a reputation for taking women home. Don't get me wrong. I've had girlfriends that last a year or so thrown in there. My number is high, not in the hundreds or anything, and I don't regret any of them. But now that I'm thinking of settling down, I'm worried my past is going to catch up with me.

Is there any way you can think that I can change my reputation, given that I've been here for so long? keep kicking ass and good luck on the tour aaron and he's here with us oh let's see him okay oh we're gonna get to visually oh yeah yeah yeah oh my god it's a very high tech oh yeah we've got zooms going and everything microphones headphones the whole shebang curtain behind us oh we have yes carson's curtain wasn't his gold hi aaron you know dax shepherd right yeah i want to thank you I listened to a lot of that when I was on the farm, when the, uh, when the world shut down, I went from bartending to working a farm. So I, uh, I probably went through four episodes a day. So thanks very much for that. Oh, wow. You are as advertised handsome. Thank you. I was nervous

when you self self-diagnosed. Yeah. As handsome. I was like, could this hold up? And by God it has. Yeah, you are handsome. So I second that emotion. So we've got that out of the way. That's a confirmation. Catherine, can you make a third confirmation on that? Absolutely. Very handsome. I'm also, I'm going to go a step further, which is it's handsome in a deceptive way. I think you're a wolf in sheep's clothing. There's a kindness to your face. That's probably disarming to these women, which is why you're able to bed them down. Do you, would you agree? He does not look like a, like a predator. No, you don't know. No. And nor, nor do I think you are a predator. I think if you're a bartender in a mountain town, I'm assuming you mean a ski town, right? Yeah. Yeah.

So, I mean, why wouldn't you be having sex with as many people as possible? I mean, that's what everyone's doing in those towns. And especially in the service industry, that's kind of the way of life, you know, for a lot of service people who aren't married. If you're single, that's how you meet people at work. So I wouldn't like I'll let Dax speak to it as a man. But as a woman, I wouldn't let your past indicate your future so much. You know what I mean? It's a phase of your life.

And I don't think you should have too much guilt about it. and people are going to change their perception of you when you change your own perception of yourself. And if you are serious, which I'm sure you are, because you wouldn't be calling into this podcast if you weren't, if you are serious about settling down and finding someone that's going to become clear to everybody very quickly by your own behavior, you know, and, and the first person it needs to become clear to is yourself. Okay, yeah, that makes sense. And yeah, you know, we kind of focus on like what we've done and what we've done. And that just kind of drags us through our present life there's no point in looking at what you've done you can acknowledge it not be in

denial of it but as you move forward you want to curb your behavior then you know don't bring as many girls at home you know what i mean be more practical about what you're putting out there and and what you're what you're looking for and people will start to pick up on that and your reputation will become a thing of the past they'll be like oh that used to be a guy who did this all the time and he's more mature he's older now he's not like that anymore you know what i mean it just kind of works in in step with your feelings about yourself and your behavior with yourself yeah okay i like that what do you think dax oh man there's so much to it i agree with everything you said if you want to fuck fuck that's great but there's a few things i'm curious about one is

the notion that others are going to use your reputation seems like your concern on the issue is other people which i just don't know is your issue in life i don't know you worrying about what other people are are interpreting you as i think more it's it's an internal job so maybe you just like fucking and that that's great as long as you just like fucking that that's great yeah there's definitely something to that well that's what i'm saying are you an approval junkie do you crave validation i do and i'm in this situation you or my wife met me and i just i had been a fucking drug addict for 10 years and i fucked anyone that would let me fuck them so she had to come to terms with the fact that we came from opposite backgrounds and I'm now telling her, well,

now I'm different. I've been sober for two years and I'm not going to do that and blah, blah, blah. But I will say, I could have never promised her I wasn't going to do that if it was for her, because she's not always going to be everywhere. I came to terms with my own sex addiction, which is, oh wow, when I'm in a really bad mood, I get almost reactively horny. That's suspicious. Could my brain be that complicated that it's protecting me from feeling bad by making me horny, by giving me this distraction, by picking up a phone and texting someone, and now going in this one-hour wormhole of looking at asses and tits and all this stuff? If that's what's happening, that's worth exploring. If you are regulating in any way your internal self-esteem or your internal value with sex and other people, all I can say is that well is never dry. It'll go on forever because ultimately you've got to be in charge of regulating everything inside.

And if you get to a point where you're regulating everything inside and you're horny in a good way and everyone's honest, then fuck yeah. but I guess my question to you is how much of it do you think is just your horny and how much of it do you think you are well let me let me back up one thing I want to say I was not an athlete I wasn't the captain of the football team I wasn't a jock I wasn't all these things the thing I could do since I was 12 was talk to women I could talk to them for hours and hours and hours that yielded to me having sex more often than other people and I will say I leaned on that a ton oh I didn't I'm not in college now but i'm still fucking the hot girl in my town i'm not doing this but i'm still i used that to shore up almost all of my identity forever yeah i definitely have a lot more female

friends now you mentioned that that that uh that hits yeah and i just think intentionally you know like change your intention moving forward like your intention now is to meet somebody of value to be in a relationship that's meaningful to you and you know when you're thinking about that or you're having a conversation with some girl that doesn't bring to the table the things that you would want to go long-term with don't go home and fuck her just change your behavior like yeah you know what i'm not doing that anymore i'm going to actually focus on meeting somebody that i want to date for possibly long term or get to know a little bit changing behavior is so much easier than people think it is you know rehabituating yourself to different kinds of like habits and

mindsets it doesn't take as long as people think it does it's just making the decision to do it is usually half the battle and then following through with it is just the second part. I think you also have to flip your top three. Like, I think you've looked for women in a way that I'm sure you could list the top three. I'm sure how they looked has got to be number one was for me, you know, and so on down the list. But if your true goal is to have a long-term girlfriend, perhaps have kids, you have to identify what qualities those are. And you have to, you have to write number one. Number one is this woman is a good communicator. It seems to be pretty honest with herself i don't know what your thing would be but let's just say

and minimally if you just force yourself to identify what that list would be as you're talking to the gal at the bar some part of your brain is going to be like this this isn't this isn't the number one on my list she's got a really huge ass which is exciting that's i've elevated that to number one on my list you know i think that's we prefer to call it a badonkabonk i think we've got over this or dad ass maybe you're just saying she's got dad ass but you know or a dad's ass that's always hot on a woman also hot yeah a dad's ass was that helpful to you did that help yeah it was you know it's it's to hear that it's i won't say normal but definitely like a uh it does i don't know how to explain it but it does make a lot of sense okay well why don't you hit

us back when you're uh when you found your girl and you can call in with her i for sure will and it's nice to hear that a guy wants to change his behavior good for you i mean you are a straight white man so you should fucking step it up a little especially in the time of living there's that uh that patrick stewart lies as you know i i grew up seeing all the old white straight guys make the decisions well i'm an old white guy i want to make some decisions now so that's kind of how i yeah that's how i play things so okay can i ask one tough question yeah hit me who are you if you're not fucking at all let's say that you have this same job you live in the same town and you don't get laid for a year do you know what's funny you mentioned that i have a really

good friend who used he's in uh he's in another town but really good buddy of mine and uh he did a year of celibacy and he told him a lot about himself and i've kind of been thinking about that too just trying to be better at it you know living by my living as myself yeah i i just when i fucked a lot and drank a lot and partied a lot it helped me deal with the fact that i was 10 years of auditioning couldn't book a fucking diarrhea commercial and so in the absence of all that the other things i think get a little more clear of like how much do i enjoy this how much am i happy i'm here how much am i using all this other stuff as a diversion so i don't have to confront this i don't know maybe maybe you have the dream set up and i but it is an interesting thing that

i think can also happen when you take away all the comforts surrounding something yeah yeah that's yeah that's a good i like that question i don't have an answer for you i do find a lot of like i live by myself and it's uh great except for the fact that when i want to be social it's like well let's go to the bar and start start down that road and you know um so yeah no it's definitely a more of uh you know make sure i'm comfortable with who i am and then kind of figure out where someone can fit into that i guess how old are you 38 yeah girl that's when i had a baby yeah 38 you start going like yeah man i i skin this cat i'm fucking loosey-goosey i got and all of a sudden you're like oh wait i'm gonna be loosey-goosey by myself at 78

and that's not gonna be a good look at the bar yeah exactly that's what i thought was gonna happen to me too i was like fuck very similar very similar but aaron that is a great question dax i knew you were gonna be good at this yeah thank you thank you yeah he might be the MVP guest host I've ever had so far, Catherine. Very astute question. Yes. Yes, Dax. Yes. Oh, wow. I should come every day. All right, Aaron. Thank you so much for calling in. I appreciate it. Thanks for your time. And we wish you well and we wish you luck and keep us posted. I'll keep you updated. I've got Catherine's number now, so I'll let her know if anything goes great. Excellent. Great. Thanks, Aaron. Thanks a lot. Have a good one. Bye. So cute. You really

did have a cute like inviting warm smile and he's just kind of like your ultimate bartender you know what i mean that's the kind of face you want your bartender to have absolutely not judgmental right when you're on your seventh jack and diet in under 90 minutes you don't feel too judged by that face somebody who's just like when you order your eighth they're gonna be like sure no problem instead of acting like you're sober to the bartender who served you seven drinks Bukowski had this thing where he had like five liquor stores he kind of circulated through because he felt so judged by all the people yeah yeah that's so funny so there's only like once a week he was there at 9 a.m to buy six bottles of wine

our next caller she's going by Maeve so Maeve says dear Chelsea I'm writing in because everyone on my husband's side of our lives fucking hates me. We've been together for six years and married for about a year. I met him when I was doing a brief stint in living in Trump country. I met him and fell in love right as I was planning to get the hell out of there. We felt like soulmates from the moment we met. Ultimately, he decided that he wanted to join me on the move and we moved to a liberal coastal city about five years ago. Since we moved together, we have grown up and glowed up in so many ways. I feel like we're both self-actualizing individually and together. Problem is, everyone in his life seems to disapprove. His parents and a good handful

of his friends seem to feel the same. They seem to act like I kidnapped him from his family against his will and brainwashed him into being some liberal vegetarian, everything they're against. They're not very nice to me and it makes me feel like shit and I know it upsets my husband too. He's worked to create boundaries over the years, which has helped, but I still feel so unwanted by almost everyone in his life i already struggle with self-worth and feeling like i don't deserve someone as great as him and everyone on my side seems to love and genuinely approve of him i'd love to hear what you have to say because it makes me really sad and angry and i think i need to channel my inner chelsea handler mave hi mave hello hi how are you i'm great how are you we're

good do you know dax i do hi hi we're together now yeah we um we have an announcement to make every one of my wife's friends hated me too so now i'm with chelsea uh do his friends so gave me more intel about why his friends do his friends not like you because you're liberal and they're all what trump supporters is that what you're kind of alluding to so that's more like his family and like the older people in his lives and then his friends are seem to be more upset about the fact that he moved he moved and he doesn't live near them anymore and I don't know like what like his uh the dad of one of his friends entered entered my personal space at a get together recently to say that you know I'm glad you're happy and all but

we wish we could check up on him more to make sure he's eating enough meat and doing all right and what does your boyfriend feel how does he feel about this it upsets him because he's always been like really close with his family and friends and he like luckily is is completely like seeing what i'm seeing he's not like gaslighting me or any anything but he's upset by the circumstances certainly were you vegetarian first no we discovered this together we we discovered it totally together slowly started incorporating it in our lives and now i'm like the big bad vegetarian well what if there are many worse things to be but okay but sincere question um what if he wanted to eat meat what would that be he does he does he's like 80 i'm 100 oh then

what's their problem they're just he's not eating enough meat because all i was going to say is on the surface, I could say, well, I think what's useful is like, what are they saying? Right. So the guy who pulled you aside, what is he saying? What do you think he's saying when he, when he tells you that? Yeah. Well, it's the way he said, uh, we, we need to make sure he's around so we can check up on him. Makes me feel like I'm a danger to him in some way. And I, that's not how I see myself and that's not how he sees me either. But I guess if I, if I hear that guy say that question. What I'm hearing is that person is really afraid that your boyfriend's leaving his in-group. This is one of his people. He loves this person. And he is afraid that these decisions are

going to take him out of their shared in-group. We can't have a barbecue anymore. You live in blah, blah, blah. So first and foremost, I just think what is coming across as crass and shitty does have a kernel of the inside, which is like fear and love. And so it's helpful to me to try to start there. Like, what are these people truly afraid of? And can I, can I relate to a friend that went away to college and we're shitheads back in Michigan? I'm probably never going to see that. Like I can relate. There's a lot of people that make decisions that I'm fearful is going to change their identity and take them out of my group. And I'm compassionate towards that. I'm sympathetic to that. And instead of defending yourself in those situations, it might

be useful to try to comfort that person and say, I'm sure it seems like he's becoming a totally different person, but I just want you to know he talks about you all the time and he loves you so much and he misses you. Because if you start trying to win a debate about whether what you guys are doing is healthy, sustainable, the right decision, the wrong decision, you're not addressing seeing what's really happening here, which this person's really afraid they're going to lose someone they love. And unfortunately, it's on us to be the bigger human being that can offer that comfort and love, or we can engage in the same kind and just nothing will ever happen productively. Because I can see where this is going. There's going to be five more parties. You and your

boyfriend are going to continue to do things that make that person, not make, that person feels alienated by, that person feels less than by. My stepdad was so furious at one point that we were considering how much pesticides were on apples it drove him crazy oh my god now we can't eat apples and and at first i'm like shut the fuck up what are you talking like get over yourself but but the more i thought about i was like he feels less than he feels like he's not putting any effort into himself being healthy and now here's another fucking thing and i guess i'm that much more big of a piece of shit so i don't know that's just my first responsible for other people's feelings in that way like she's not responsible for her boyfriend's friends and their parents feelings

about their relationship and about him being a vegetarian she isn't really responsible for that that's their own bullshit you know like you can be supportive of their relationships absolutely as you should be you shouldn't ever be i mean you don't want to you know encourage any sort of bifurcation with his past you know and his old life but like that's what people do they they get they hook up with a partner and they sometimes move away and it's just a passage into adulthood for many people. And is she responsible to take care of everybody else's feelings because they don't like that? She's not. She's not responsible. And what I'm what I'm proposing to her is actually a very selfish act on her part, which is I love this human being. I can see that my partner has

these stressors in his life. All these people feel like he's abandoning them. That makes my partner unhappy, which then makes me unhappy. How can I stop this whole cycle? Well, maybe I tell bill he loves you so much he's not going anywhere and then bill stops driving her partner crazy i don't know and then she benefits like it's ultimately a selfish act yeah but it's one that may yield a result i just don't think extolling the benefits of a vegetarian lifestyle to this person is going to solve in any way i agree with you on that absolutely i do i think i mean there's no purpose in trying to convert anybody. Right. That's not a good use of your time. But it is also it's what he's saying. Yes, absolutely. Be supportive of their friendship. Be encouraging

to those people. You don't want to make enemies out of his old life. You know, they're not important enough to you really at all to make that kind of and have that kind of negative back and forth with them. Right. All you can do is support them in order to support him, in order to support yourself so it's a circular thing that which is what dax is referring to let me be honest i would tell that guy to suck my dick so i'm not saying i'm capable of what i'm advising you to do i'm very defensive and i'm very like then get the fuck out of my house you hate you know you must have meat cooking so much whatever it is i'm not saying it's easy and i'm not saying i do it i'm just saying from the outside i bet those people feel scared they're losing someone they love

looking at them with more empathy is something that I think would be helpful here because clearly they have a lot of fears it seems and I don't think that that's all on me I think I'm like a boogeyman for all of their fears yeah I mean even coming up to you and saying we'd like him to check in more that's something that would have been better directed at him not you you're not in control of him checking in with them but you know say you know that that's an opportunity for you to go hey you know what mike's father or whatever the hell his name was wants you to check in with him a little bit more and that's a way to be supportive you you come out looking good and there's no harm done no foul right and you facilitated exactly the exchange that happened

and by by remaining the bigger person so and i'm telling you to do exactly what you guys are doing live the exact life you want to live but i just wouldn't spend any time defending that life i I would more spend time trying to figure out what fear is happening in the other person. And if there's any way you can be truthful to yourself and also comfort that person, it might be easiest. Or you guys can just go hunting, you know, and take a bunch of pictures of animals that you've killed and post them on Facebook and Instagram. And that will satiate everybody's needs. Wear a MAGA hat. Yeah, exactly.

Get out your rifle. Get in your truck. I'll give you an example from my own life, which is my wife was ostensibly Christian when we met. And her mother often thinks I'm Lucifer and has led her away from the church. And I get very defensive in those situations. And I want to yell at her and debate with her about what I've done or haven't done. uh in fact on my best days i recognize this woman believes in heaven and she believes she's going to heaven and she believes her favorite thing in the whole world her daughter will not be with her there

for eternity that's fucking terrifying i don't believe in any of that but if i did think my daughters and i could be somewhere forever and they were not going to join me because of someone else I'd be panicked it's hard for me to give her that extra 10 minutes of thinking about it but I do best with her when I remember I represent her not being with her daughter for eternity that's fucking huge yeah yeah and when I put it back on myself to like defend the choices that I made with my husband we like that's a very that sucks but thinking about like oh what are they so scared of uh that's making this so hard that's making them want to be like well minimally what you immediately recognize in that exercise is it is them they have a thing going on and you are

somehow a symbol of that but of course you aren't the thing and i just feel better when i recognize oh this is this person's problem and not it's not actually an attack on me it's it's their lack of being able to be vulnerable and say they're scared they're losing them because if they came up to you and said i'm i'm so afraid i'm losing mike that i'm not evolving quick enough with him and that he's becoming a person then he won't respect me you'd fucking hug that person but unfortunately people aren't trained to do that so instead you know you end up explaining why you live the life you live which is none of their business totally that's very helpful well i think you hit that one out of the park dax once again oh there's been a change in tone i think you did a really good job

Maeve, do you feel like you got some good advice? I feel like you did. I definitely do, yeah. And I told Mike that I was going to be having this conversation, so I'm really excited to share with him. Oh, good, good. And I'm sorry, I missed that you said you were married. I was obviously just taken by my new lover.

And so I apologize when I called him your boyfriend. We still think we're great in bed together. We haven't found out that we're not. So, like, we're riding pretty high right now. But thank you for your call, Maeve, and good luck with everything. Yeah, practice empathy. Empathy is going to return the favor to you. Thank you.

Okay, take care. Bye, Maeve. Bye. Another very kind face. I know. I'm waiting for you to have like a Muppet. We only get really, really sincere, sweet people here. It's surprising to me as well.

Yeah. What's the story, Catherine? So our last question today comes from Sarah. She lives in Canada. Dear Chelsea, would love to hear your take on parenting a very, very headstrong seven-year-old female human. I've tried every tactic, a firm but kind approach, a loving approach, and of course, pure bribery. Nothing works. She's motivated by money, so I'm hopeful for her future, but I'm not sure I'm doing this right. She yells at me a lot, and she's only seven. How do I raise

this kid so she's kind but also kicks ass? How do we achieve the balance of letting them be fierce but also go to bed on time. Sarah in Ottawa. Okay, well, I'm going to give this over to Dak since he has a six and eight-year-old girls. This is his wheelhouse. And why don't you take it from here, sweetheart? Well, what I'll first say is that

so our first daughter at 21 months, I took her to Toys R Us. I said, pick out a potty. She picked one out. We got home a couple of days later. Chris and I said like, hey, you ever want to use that thing? It's there.

And she said, potty. And then that bitch was potty trained. We did nothing else. I was like, we need to write a book. Second kid came along, Delta, the now six-year-old, opposite, just opposite person. So I just want to start by saying there isn't, you should never believe in parenting advice because to what kid is this advice going to be applicable to? Because we do things almost opposite with the eight-year-old as we do the six-year-old. It sounds to me like your seven-year-old is kind of similar to my six-year-old. And I guess the main hack I figured out is it's as simple as giving her the last word. So I say, look, we got to go to bed at eight. It's their school tomorrow.

And she says, no, because blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. if i don't engage and then i i let her have that she got the last word some time goes on 20 minutes passes and we're good and and this is one of those one things i brought up earlier where kristen said like what are you doing with delta that she does what you want and i'm like i don't fight with her because she's just she's living to fight she's a fucking prosecutor and it's all about the fight it's not actually about the substance of what you're fighting about. It's way more. I want the last word. I'm the baby of this family. Everyone else is bigger than me. Everyone else has a louder voice. I want the fucking last word. So when I'm

able to just give her that last word, I find that everything else just goes swimmingly. I think also when you have that personality type, fighting is their oxygen. That's how they breathe. Like they want, that's their engagement. That's their engagement. And if you're not interacting with them, you're diffusing the situation. I have that personality type where I don't like to be told what to do. And I have no respect for authority figures, but as long as you're engaging with me, I will argue with you. But if you're not arguing with me, there's nothing to argue about. So, I mean, I think it's about as a parent, putting your foot down and leaving it there, taking Dax's advice, but like you are in charge. So get in charge. Your kid is not in charge of

you. And I know that's easier said than done. And I'm not a parent. So I'm just going to let you take Dax's advice on that. But remember that, you know, that is your child and whatever you're doing isn't working. So then you have to change your approach. I'm also going to add in there, there's a big distinction to be made between abandoning your child and ignoring your child. There is a huge difference there. Abandoning your child is you're not there when they need you. They're hurt and you're not coming. They're hungry. You're not addressing that. They're crying from something that happened with their sister and you have no time for that. That's abandonment. Positively rewarding everything they do with your attention is not healthy.

they're little monkeys trying to escape the zoo and the escape is to get your undivided attention so i believe it is fine to ignore them when it's past the point of being productive so i give d money the last word and if she wants to carry on beyond that that's gonna she's gonna be doing that solo this is no longer a need she has i'm not abandoning her but i'm not participating in it because i have boundaries as a human i also i'm trying to model those for her i don't need to join you on a 30 minute fucking vortex of emotion you can do you know you're free to do that I'm encouraging you to have all your emotions but I don't need to be a part of it I can ignore it and I cannot be affected by it and it's shocking how quickly when they recognize it doesn't have an

effect on you how quickly they change their strategy to get out of the enclosure another home run another home run you guys you must be exhausted I'm gonna shit the bed on this last one you must be exhausted no that was the last that was the last one we got it you guys we got it Those are all our callers and write-ins for this episode, right? Yeah, so we'll just take a quick break, and we'll be back shortly. Behind every night spent making the kids' lunches, there's a lot of suspense. Will they finally eat the veggies? Will the pesto survive the first bite?

Will the lunchbox come home empty, half full, or come home at all? And will you finish episode 8 before you're done slicing the cucumbers? Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney+, from $94 a month price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit visit bell.ca for details and to check availability bell connection is everything when i was 14 years old i was kidnapped and held captive for nine months i survived and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart And these are the survivor files.

I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

See you between the pages. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network. Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners. Each week, we talk to someone in show business, a.k.a. the biz, and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time, and no one gets mad at their publicist

for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman. Not that great. Actually, can you help me shape this? how about we flip it on its head how about we flip the script what if the surprise woman who actually you think is the straight man

is actually the one who's acting weird Adam Scott this entire time you've been expecting Adam Sandler to come to visit the show I would never expect I would never set

expectations for something like that to happen if the universe allows for something like that to happen I am open to it. I'm always going to accept. You know, Danny McBride, fine. Yeah, it's all this fragile masculinity exuding. I could smell it walking down the hallway, to be honest with you.

I was like, is that weed? Nope, it's fragile masculinity. Ben Stiller, no. Because a lot of times, out of context, people don't get it or even know what a circle is. You know what I mean? Like, they're like, oh, what's a circle? Everyone's so dumb except for you.

And fake. Right, fake. And also not interested or just like, oh, I've got my life. I don't care about your life. And a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Oh, and by the way, Will Ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode, but he's just so busy. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us.

Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. you're really gonna have to avoid your bladder when you walk out of here i have so many liquids so frequently me too humiliating all the time like it actually governs like where i can go what i'm gonna do on a plane i can never ever sit by the window i have

to sit in the aisle on the aisle seat always because i know i'm gonna have to climb over somebody three times and i get also i took a small plane recently that only had i've never even fucking heard of this that only had a bathroom in the back so i was in the front because obviously yeah and i was i'm like oh it was waiting for us to be at 20 000 feet so they unlocked the bathroom and i went up she's like oh i'm sorry there's no bathroom here because it was like an hour flight somewhere and so it was in the back of the plane and i'm like are you fucking and then i was like oh no i'm gonna have to go to the back of the plane three times in one hour watch and everyone's gonna see me walking back walking forth and then don't you also like get

hyper focused on every sensation in your bladder the second I know there's a hurdle I immediately have to take my hands away from my bladder

because I'm like oh if I press on it or touch it which is basically what I do oh my seatbelt I'll be like oh my seatbelt's

making me have to pee more totally my fucking pants are making me have to pee I'm unbuttoning shit no seatbelt

it looks like I'm about to go freaknik in the front of the airplane okay so we're going to close this episode

with Dax who has been a joy and a pleasure I'm so glad you came in person I love you so much me too

Love spending time with you. Dax, before we let you go, I need to ask you, do you need some advice from Chelsea? Okay, so I got to say, like, no part of me wasn't excited to come here and do this. Other than knowing I had to ask you for advice. So, I guess what I decided to make my question was, how do you take advice? Because I think you and I, and I don't want to flatter myself, but I think you and I are very similar. And I actually fucking hate advice. I hate authority figures. I hate people who think they got it figured out I personally I mean I was forced to in this situation, but I don't really give advice. I'll tell you what I did for me

But I I just hate get it. I can't receive it I can't I guess i'd be acknowledging i'm deficient in some way by asking for it Like this is my biggest hurdle in a is like asking for help. So my curiosity is knowing that we're so similar how on earth do you get yourself to a position where you want advice and you're genuinely asking for it yeah i think we do have similar personalities definitely and i definitely have an allergic my instinctual reaction to somebody giving me advice is an allergic reaction where i want them to shut the fuck up and get away from me but i have learned and i that's something that i picked up in therapy too that my initial reaction is invalid to most things right like

my initial reaction is usually ego-based or whatever so as long as i can take a minute before i think about it for instance uh my boyfriend was seeing my show my my stand-up show he came with me for my florida dates and he was giving me touch-ups like our punch-ups for things and then he wanted me to rearrange the section of something and i immediately was like No, don't tell me how to do my own material. But I didn't say that. I thought about it. I'm like, he's a fucking comedian, too.

Obviously, this is valid. Let me try it that way. I tried it the first show, his suggestion. I wasn't sold on it. I got off stage. He goes, oh, my God, that was exactly right. That adjustment. Now you have the joke over there.

It's different. And I go, I'm not 100%. He goes, OK, well, I go, but I'm going to try it one more time and see. And then I tried it the second time, and he was right. And then I tried it again, and he was right. So I think my feeling about that is to know that your initial reaction to things isn't always the right reaction and to give yourself the space of understanding that some people actually do have some, you know, some advice is meritorious. Oh, God, yes. Clearly.

So many people do so many things better than I do. Right. So I guess it's how it's being delivered is important, obviously. It's also huge. I would assume you trust your boyfriend. Yeah. Right? But not more than I trust myself.

Of course not. You know what I mean? But you don't believe that your boyfriend has any ulterior motive in this scenario. Like, he's not trying to demonstrate to you that he's actually the genius comedian in the relationship. Right. You have that trust with him. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because, yeah, I guess I have a hard time trusting people is what it is. I have a hard time thinking anyone's doing anything in a way that would not be bettering their own position. Right. I guess it's a limited, it's a limited amount of people that you can trust and value what they have to say because you're not going to take a blind advice. But I mean, you know, conversely, I have many agents over the years that have given me advice that I was like, get the fuck out of my face. Like I, you don't even know what you're talking about. You're not a creative. You don't get it.

Yeah. And you know, so I, I have that feeling, but yeah. I trust you. Like I, I, I, you couldn't gain anything from me. Well, I'm certainly not competitive with you. I don't think you're competitive with me. So like I'm inclined to believe what you tell me I would say that too

So I guess the thing Let's start with what I've admired about you In the last 20 years That I aspired to Is your confidence to quit things Oh Is pretty unique Oh

I admire it And I guess I strive for that belief in myself Where you can walk away from things that are minimally financially beneficial. Yeah. Yeah. Would you agree with that assessment? Yeah. Yeah. I've definitely done that. And I think it's, it's quite rare. I think this podcast thing for me has put me in a position where I can behave that way, but I could only behave that way with this crazy safety net. And so I admire that about you. Thank you. Thank you. I love that. That's so nice to hear. It's for real. Well, I appreciate that. So what, where are you getting that from?

um I just have always had a lot of misplaced confidence ever since I was a little girl like I I really believe I'm betting on myself and you know I've had ups and downs but I always know that I'm gonna figure it out a I always just want to be true I don't want to be faking or lying you know I don't want to be I don't want to be pretending I don't like that I want to be true and upfront and if something's not if I'm not feeling something it's like staying in a relationship that I wasn't into I'm not good at that either yeah yeah so anytime I've walked away from something it was just because it was no longer interesting to me and and I do believe in myself I think also what you have which I didn't become aware of in myself until the podcast I think

you've known for a long time that you have a point of view and like once you have that when you have a point of view and people have heard it people follow it and they respond to it I would at least hope it gives you confidence that like, yeah, I'm going to bring this point of view to whatever I do in this. I've figured that aspect of it out so I can plop it here and plop it there. And it's going to work everywhere because I know what it is and it's authentic and I believe in it. You think that's any part of it? Yeah. I think having a strong point of view is part of it. And I think it's also like, you know, you get a lot of confidence from having success. Like you've gotten a lot of confidence from the success of your podcasts and everything that you've built

And you've built an empire with everything you've done. So you feel differently now than you did before. But specifically what happened is I had some level of success in playing other characters. So it's not necessarily my point of view. Like, I'm trying to put the dark shade on everything. Yeah, but you do have a point of view with your podcast. Right. Well, that's where I got to.

And that's where you have some of your biggest success, I would argue, right? Without question, it's the biggest success I've ever had. Yeah. And then I guess I found out through that process, like, oh, wow, my point of view is valuable, which I don't know that you can discover as an actor. You can discover it as a standup. Yeah, right. Sketch comedy, you can't even really discover it.

Like I had 20 characters I played at the Groundlings. I'm not sure which one of those was my point of view that I could bet on the rest of my life. Right. But isn't that interesting that when you have such a strong point of view and you're in touch with your point of view, that's where you're aligning with everything. And all of a sudden everything starts working for you instead of against you. Yeah. Yeah. It's been a very awesome experience.

And it's fun to watch you succeed. And a lot of, you know, and everyone feels that way about you. People like watching you succeed because it does feel like it did feel like a long time, like you were an underdog. Oh, good. So it's nice to see you on top. Good. It'll stop soon. We're going to go. It's not. Don't say that. Don't have that kind of attitude. That's also. No, I'm only referencing that we love the story of we just as humans, we love the story of the underdog. And then as soon as you're doing well, you're like, okay, we'll let this ride for a minute.

But yeah, right. Of course. Of course. I'm still cynical about human nature. How about that? Yeah. Well, that's fair. That's a fair assessment.

Part of my point of view. On that note, I want to thank Dax for being here today. We are going to take a shower now together and we are in Sherman Oaks at the podcast studio and I had them run a small bath. Oh, great. So you'll be in the tub. I'll be in the shower or? Well, you're going to urinate in the tub and then I'm going to take a bath.

Oh my God. It's like a weird new version of blood, brothers and sisters. I'm just going to make sure. Yeah, I'll take a couple of pictures for Kristen. It's a love story. It's a love story. You know, she might be one of the only people she'd be threatened by, to be honest. I admire her confidence.

She's very confident as well. Yeah, yeah. She's pretty confident. Yeah, yeah. She's a gangster. It's good to be around confident people. Don't you fucking love it? I couldn't do it the other way.

And on that note, we want to say amen. Amen, Dax. We love you. Dax Shepard, everybody. I love you. shepherd can't wait to do it again with regard to my stand-up you guys i have added 27 or 30 cities i'm not sure but 27 30 cities we've added des moines we've added your request people people who requested louisville kentucky guess fucking what i'm coming we've added montclair new jersey

we've added a whole slew of cities so if you have not gotten your tickets yet do it chelsea handler.com. We just announced 30 more cities, 27 or 30 Niagara Falls. I'm talking to you too. So suck on that. I'll see everybody on tour. Loving it. Vaccinated and horny. I survived nine months in captivity and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth smart. And these are the survivor files. Every week, I'm with survivors who lived through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. if your bookshelf and your for you page are equally important to your personality welcome home pro society is a weekly podcast that's part book club part group chat for anyone

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