Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - Minisode: A Magic Sprinkle with Chelsea + Catherine

Episode Date: March 21, 2025

On today’s episode of Couples Counseling with Chelsea, a husband and wife call in to deal with a passive aggressive sister-in-law. * Order a signed copy of Chelsea’s new book HERE! * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human. There's no shortcut for saving time, but saving money is simple. Just combine your car and home insurance with Bel Air Direct and save. Get a quote at BelAirDirect.com. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive.

Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Nick Turturro. You probably know me from NYPD Blue, The Longest Yard, or Spike Lee's Black Klansman.

And on my new podcast, Delivering Happiness with Nick Turturro, I deliver pizza to a new guest. I've shared a slice with everyone, from Seth Rollins. What are you doing with my belt? To Bill Burr. I don't think I've ever met somebody so exactly out of their mind as I am. And now, we even have more great guests coming up, including the great John Turturro. It's called happiness. Delivering happiness.

And many, many more. Open your free iHeartRadio app, search Delivering Happiness with Nick Turturro, and listen now. Welcome to Couples Counseling with Chelsea Handjob, where we do couples counseling on all sorts of variations of friends, lovers, families. Welcome to my office. Okay. Hi. Hi, Catherine.

We are doing, welcome to our mini-sode. Hello, Chelsea. You know I like everything nugget-sized. You do indeed. Chelsea, should we just jump right into it? Of course. I have a couple of fun emails today. One follow-up and one just that I got that I thought was good to share.

Gretchen says, Hi, Chelsea. I loved your new book. So fun and entertaining. Sometimes audiobook narration cannot do justice to its content, but I must say you nailed it. Congratulations, Gretchen. That's so nice.

Yeah, and that's a good reminder too. I feel like with personal stories and especially for comedians, always go audiobook. you know yeah I got a couple notes that I talk too fast on this audible most of the notes say that people love it and and it's also on all the lists so thank you for that all the best-selling lists audio lists but I do want to say that's how I fucking talk so like I'm sorry that I talk fast but if I were talking slowly that wouldn't really be authentically who I am and also guess what people can play it on 0.75 so that's up to them oh they can slow it down yeah yeah so if you think

I talk too fast. Welcome to my world. It's called I'll Have What She's Having, in case you haven't heard. Yes. And then our next follow-up comes from Aspen. She had called in. She was a hairdresser who called in on our Lo Bosworth episode. She was in a career funk. And so she let us know, I've actually been meaning to follow up with y'all. It was kind of crazy, actually. I had been in that career slum for about a year when I emailed in. I really love where I work, but I needed a new challenge. Lo and Chelsea really encouraged me to just settle in and enjoy my success. And I did just that for a few weeks. I shit you not, a few weeks after the chat, the women who own my salon offered me a 20% ownership of the company with a whole new set

of responsibilities. Oh my God. Yes. I'll profit share with the rest of the ownership team as well. So it's safe to say my question was answered and the universe worked its magic. And now my next 10 years are fully planned and booked. Thanks again, Aspen. Look at that. And see, if she had left, she would have never gotten that. Exactly. And that's not usual that I tell people to sit where they are and enjoy it.

Right. Usually I'm like, get the fuck out of there. No, but it's like, sometimes there's a little magic in the air happening on this show. I do think so. Sometimes there's just magic in the air happening, so you gotta really fucking look up and don't miss the rainbows, people. Well, our question today

for our mini-sode comes from Gemma and Cameron. They're a husband and wife. Oh, good. I love couples counseling. Gemma writes, Dear Chelsea, My relationship with my sister-in-law has always been complicated.

For context, we're both in our early 30s and my husband is in his late 30s. Before we met, she said I wasn't pretty enough for her brother. When we met, she acted like she liked me and then went back to not liking me. I asked her if I had done anything wrong and she said she was just protective of her brother

and apologized. That was 10 years ago. Since then, we've gone back and forth between having a good relationship and not speaking at all. Sometimes she's cool and fun to be around, and sometimes she's passive aggressive, moody, and self-centered. I've tried to do everything right, but I've always had to walk on eggshells with her. Last year, when we both got pregnant at the same time, she started reaching out to me regularly, and we finally had a great relationship for the first time. I was so excited that we were on good terms and our babies could grow up together. We hung out multiple times, and I thought her issues with me were finally in the past.

Then we spent a weekend with my husband's family, and things went south again. She told my husband that everyone in her family doesn't like me or how I treat him. I admit I can have an attitude, but nothing crazy. Nevertheless, I texted her a long apology and assured her it wouldn't happen again. She was understanding and seemed to forgive me. But since then, her passive-aggressive behavior has made it obvious that she didn't forgive me. My husband had a serious conversation with her about it, and she admitted that she just doesn't like me and never has. I feel like she's been waiting for 10 years for me to do something wrong, and I finally did,

and she's never going to let it go. Where do I go from here? What would Chelsea do? Hi, Gemma and Cameron. Hi. Okay, so Gemma, what was the last infraction that you apologized for where she kind of got what she was looking for from your version of things? So I didn't even know that I had done anything wrong. This was news to me, but I'm a very straightforward and blunt person. And if my husband is irritating me, I'm going to tell him that he's irritating me. And so it was, I feel like a situation like that, but it was just in front of her. And I had a little bit of an attitude with him and she didn't like it. And so I apologized. I was like, you're right. Like if I made you uncomfortable, I'm very sorry. Like I did not

mean to speak badly to my husband. I'll try to be more aware of what I'm doing and saying kind of thing. And I thought that everything was good after that. Yeah, right. Well, it sounds like this has been like an ongoing thing, right? So she's touch and go hot and cold. And then so Cameron, what was your conversation with her after that? After that, it was my sister. Well, my mom brought it to my attention first. And then in what way? She was just like, you know, your your sister is really uncomfortable with basically how you were treated that weekend she tends to blow everything up like way out of proportion like i didn't even think it was i didn't realize there was a problem to be honest with you nothing offended me so i don't know why

she was so offended she tends to be a little bit over protective of me uh just given how we grew up you know our my mom was a flight attendant and there was it was really just her and i around a lot. So she's pretty protective, but it goes too far oftentimes. And so it does get frustrating and I've had serious conversations with her about it, but she seems just unwilling to change. And so it's, it's making it hard to have a relationship. And I get caught in the middle because I want to have a relationship with her and we want our daughters to have a relationship, but when she's not willing to forgive or makes all these passive aggressive comments constantly, it just makes it really hard and she told you in this last conversation that her your whole family doesn't

like jemma yeah which is not true it's just her trying to be hurtful of course it sounds very immature like somebody who's very i mean it sounds like first of all it's her problem a how old are your kids now they're toddlers okay and do they have a relationship with each other your kids and your sister's kids i mean not at the moment because we don't see them we're not gonna make effort to visit him. Okay. And what's your sister's husband's situation? Does he just fall in line with what she thinks or what's that? Yeah, he stays out of it. Yeah. There's no shortcut for saving time, but saving money is simple. Just combine your car and home insurance with Bel Air Direct and save. Get a quote at

fellerdirect.com When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, Shut up. Don't say anything. every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable i knew if he woke up without a doubt he was going to hurt me i started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed and i just

started screaming they are abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced but these aren't stories about what's taken from them they're stories about what it takes to make it out alive Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed.

From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself

because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive

to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind or wake up to a new version of yourself so whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip i hope you listen to solita on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts well i think it's kind of going to require a little bit of you guys being tough you specifically cameron because of your relationship with your sister you really have to kind of put your foot down and like lay it out. Like, okay, I'm not leaving my wife. This

is my family. We have a child. So this is the way it's going to be. If you don't want to be in our lives, then that's something that we're going to have to have a conversation about because I'm not leaving my wife. I don't want to have to choose between my sister and my wife. And I don't think you want me to have to choose between my sister and my wife either. So this seems more like a you problem. Gemma doesn't have an issue with you. She has been trying for, did you say 10 years? Yeah, 10 years, on and

off, going in and out of this relationship, kind of basically being manipulated by this woman. When she feels friendly, she's friendly, and when she doesn't, she's not. Like, it's not fair to you either, Gemma, at all. And you telling your husband that he's irritating you is very healthy, in my

opinion, regardless of who it's in front of. Like, that is very healthy. rather than being passive aggressive. You know what I mean? That's a very direct, you're annoying me, please stop. So I think that it's a matter, and I don't think you should double team her in that sense. Like I think, Gemma, you should just stay out of it.

You've tried hard enough. You have to kind of let her do her thing and you're not going to ingratiate yourself towards her anymore. You've done it. You've done it. You've done it. You've done it.

And now she wants to come back and say, everyone in my family doesn't like you. So that's her strikeout. she has struck out with you guys as a couple so I think Cameron it's really up to you to be like listen I've done a lot of soul searching I've thought about this a lot I've talked you know if you guys want to talk to a professional therapist about it you can but I would intimate that you have spoken to like an outside party about it and be like this is just so immature we don't want to deal with this anymore we're trying to have a beautiful life and we want

you to be a part of that life but if you're gonna tell me you don't like my wife and that you can't make efforts then then i don't know where we go from here you know you kind of have to lay it on the line that like she might lose you as a brother whether you know whether you mean it or not like it is kind of something you have to think about because and you both have young children that could be like spending time together and hanging out together and developing their cousinly bond she's missing out on all of these opportunities by holding onto something from 10 years ago or however long she doesn't like you. It's just, it's, it's, it's not relevant. Right. You know, thank you for validating that because that's where I've been at for a long time

where I'm like, I just feel like I'm done. Like there's nothing else that I can say or do. And I haven't wanted to put him in the middle of it, but I also feel like that's really the only solution at this point and I also just wonder like what am I supposed to do after the fact you know what I mean like how am I supposed to be into the same spaces with this person am I supposed to just keep eating shit and be friendly and pretend everything's all good or should I just ignore like I just don't know because I'm I know myself and I'm just like I'm a girl's girl like once we're sitting around drinking wine together, I'm going to pretend that it all never happened and just be cool about it again, because I don't want to deal with drama. I don't care about that.

So I feel like I never know how to address it because it's hard to address a passive aggressive person in the first place. Absolutely. Absolutely. Because it's dishonest. No, I can't have an honest conversation about it. And I think that's where I just have to do it. Yeah. We've had this before with different callers where most of the time, if it is your family member, that's kind of acting up toward your partner. It is sort of like your role to go in. You understand the family dynamic better because you grew up in it. And like you, your family member will forgive a multitude of quote unquote sins, whereas they might not for your partner, you know? So yeah, I do think when that next conversation happens, it's on you. And I

think like Chelsea was saying, it's very immature, right? It's like, I feel like your sister's in time out right now. Treat her like the toddler she's acting like. And then when it's time to maybe come out of time out, you can have that conversation. We want you in our life, but the boundary is you're not allowed to say mean shit to my wife. Yeah, you're not allowed to say mean shit and be passive aggressive to my wife. This is the partner I've chosen. This is my wife. We're not getting a divorce. I have a child with her. We are a family. Do you want to be part of that or do you not want to be part of that? This is a choice on you. You get to decide. You're not saying, you're not excommunicating her. You're telling her to make the decision. And when she

does make the decision, these are the boundaries that are now in place because of her ongoing 10 year behavior. So it's now pathological. She's done this over and over again. And because she's a baby and you can have this in a conversation, you could say it in an email, you know, you don't have to do it immediately, but you do have to stand up for Gemma. And in a way that's like not threatening, but like, we're just not interested in communicating like this anymore and dealing with this. We don't want to have every family gathering, Gemma leaving and wondering what she did wrong or having to apologize for something. I'm fine with the way she treats me. I love her. I appreciate her directness. I don't see it the way that you see it. I don't feel like I'm being

abused in my marriage. You know, all of those things. Like, it's just silly. Like, what's her end game here? To get you guys to get divorced? I don't know. You know, you should ask her that. Yeah, but you should ask her that, Cameron. You should go, I'm sorry, what are you trying to do? do you think you're going to get me to get divorced? That's not going to happen. So there's either you can move in to accept it. Maybe she should talk to someone. I mean, that usually sounds a little bit patronizing when you tell someone to talk to someone, but I think you can say that all without being patronizing, just like we've kind of had enough. And I also think it wouldn't be wrong to share it with your family. This is how we're feeling. And it doesn't feel

good when we leave a family gathering, it doesn't feel good. Like we're, you know, and reminding them of your togetherness so that they realize, and then they can talk amongst each other and be like, okay, we're just going to have to do better, you know, hopefully is the outcome. And I think with your parents' influence, if they're kind of normal, are your parents pretty even keeled? Are they cool? Are they going to side with her? Like, is that what the vibe is? Well, my mom probably will, but I mean, she also listens to me. So if I bring it to her attention in a non-emotional manner, I think that she'll actually hear what I'm saying. Yeah. And I think maybe it's an email that you, or a conversation that you have with your mom

and your sister so that they have some, that they can have a conversation about it after and where they could come to an agreement. You're not making my life easier. You're making my life harder. Is that what you want? Like you're making my life more difficult because now I have to think about, do I want to see you guys? Like, this is not fun. You guys are steering me away from you. You know what I mean? Don't put any of the blame on her. Put the blame on the people that are acting that way towards her like it's not their job to decide whether or not you're being respected in your relationship you're not being abused your child you're not in danger your child is not in danger someone's saying that you're annoying or you know the way get over it I'm with her like

yeah it's not a problem for you so why is it a problem for them yeah and lay it down so that they feel like they have to make a decision about this and like come together and end it in love you know, like, I really love you guys. I really hope that this conversation will change the dynamic between us. And you can reiterate, she's just like, take it or leave it. She's like, I can see your family or not see your family. It's you that has the problem with it so that they can't put in anything more on her. Yep. Yeah. I agree. I think that's great advice. Make him do all the work. Yeah. Well, I mean, I have a situation like this with my family, my sister-in-law. She's not passive aggressive, but she's annoying. She's not passive aggressive,

but her belief system is not like my own. And I've come to the end of my rope. I have extended my generosity. I have done everything that I could to be a good sister-in-law. And I'm wrapped. I'm done. So like, I can relate to the situation.

It's completely different circumstances. But yeah, it's not your problem. It's not your family. You know what I mean? I mean, it is your family, but it's not your family. You know, you married into this family and you don't deserve to be treated that way,

especially when you love your husband. And especially when you are the chill girl who's like, I'll just get over it. you don't even yes exactly like you can take this and move on you don't need to come to Jesus with them just act normal and be normal and consistent like not hot and cold it's not fair that's abusive being hot and cold is manipulative and abusive yeah so what do you do Chelsea when you're around your sister-in-law now because I ignore her you ignore you ignore her you don't have to do anything you don't have to play nice you just she's in a room and you guys are all in a conversation

that's great. You don't have to engage with her one-on-one. You don't have to do anything. Don't go out of your way. You're done doing that. If she wants to come to you and actually make moves to be friendly and do then great reciprocate, but don't bend over backwards for her anymore. That's what she wants. And she knows she's got the upper hand because she's the sister. Okay. Agreed. So let her be whatever she wants to be. You don't have to be involved with her anymore until she comes around and has a more sensible intention with you and actually a sincere one. You know, anyone who gets offended by people who are direct, they're not direct. That's not a threat.

That's actually a shortcut. You know what I mean? Being direct is a real shortcut in life. So anyone who's threatened by that is like, okay, then you've got your own problems. Yeah. I mean, I've always told myself that, that I'm like, this is her own issue. It's not me. It's just a reflection of, you know, all of that. My problem is that, like I said in the letter, like when she's being cool, she is really cool, but then stuff like this happens.

And I'm like, were you just being fake that whole time? So you're saying like, if she's coming and being sincere, I'm like, I don't know how to know when it, but now, you know, now you've had 10 years of data to explain so that even when she comes around and she is nice, you just stay five feet back. You don't have to be mean. Yeah. Okay. That's great. And just see how consistent she can be in that, you know? And then when she's earned your trust again and she's earned your respect, then I hope you guys do have a great relationship and your kids grow up together. But she's got the work to do, not you. Your husband is willing to come on here and sit here with you and be told that it's his problem now.

So, I mean, that's a sign of a strong marriage. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I like to hear. Yeah, that's a good husband. Mm-hmm. He is. Will you guys follow up with us

whenever the next sort of iteration of this comes to fruition? Yes, we will. Yeah, let us know how it goes, you guys. Yeah, that's a way easier way to say that. All right. Thanks, Gemma. Thanks, Cameron.

Have a great day, you guys. Bye. Bye. Bye. drumroll Catherine please Chelsea Handler Abroad Abroad is my European tour so

I'm coming to obviously find a husband abroad I need to get the hell out of this fucking country and it's not as easy as you think so I'm coming to Reykjavik, I'm coming to Dublin, I'm coming to the UK, I'm coming to

Brussels, Paris, Belfast in May and June I'm coming to Oslo, Stockholm, Copenhagen, Manchester, London, Glasgow, New Zurich, Vienna. I've never, ever been to Vienna, Berlin, Barcelona, Lisbon. I'm coming. Abroad is abroad. That sounds like fun. I'm going to go see you abroad.

I know. I want to go see me abroad. And there I'll be. There I'll be. Upcoming Vegas dates. It's March 21st, April 18th, July 5th, August 30th, November 1st, and 29th at the Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas. If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at DearChelseaPodcast at gmail.com

and be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert, executive producer, Catherine Law. And be sure to check out our merch at ChelseaHandler.com. i survived nine months in captivity and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced these are stories about what it takes to make it out alive listen to the survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your

podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Nick Turturro. You probably know me from NYPD Blue, The Longest Yard,

or Spike Lee's Black Klansman. And on my new podcast, Delivering Happiness with Nick Turturro, I deliver pizza to a new guest. I've shared a slice with everyone, from Seth Rollins. What are you doing with my belt? To Bill Burr. I don't think I've ever met somebody so exactly out of their mind as I am. And now, we even have more great guests coming up, including the great John Turturro. It's called happiness. Delivering happiness.

And many, many more. Open your free iHeartRadio app, search Delivering Happiness with Nick Turturro, and listen now. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. You know, I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.