Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - Minisode: Both Ends with Chelsea + Catherine

Episode Date: May 16, 2025

Chelsea recounts a sordid tale of bad sushi.   * Order a signed copy of Chelsea’s new book HERE! * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Bell. Connection is everything. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who lived through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. You know, I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy.

Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, Katherine. Hi, Chelsea. How are you? Well, I almost died this weekend. Oh, my God.

A couple of times. What happened? Well, I had a whirlwind weekend, a whirlwind week. I went to New York. I shot an ad campaign that I'm pretty excited about. Had a couple of fun nights out. Very innocent, as usual. Always innocent with me.

Yeah, of course. I saw lots of friends. It was really joyful. Then I flew to Vegas. I had a show, my show at the Cosmo. I had about 17, 20 friends that came out for that, all randos. some from Martha's Vineyard, some from LA, some from Vermont, some from Portland, some from England. We all went out. That was not an innocent night. We went out. That's in Vegas, of course. It

was one of my favorite shows so far in Vegas. I love this residency. It's been so joyful. And you know, I'm not that big of a fan of Vegas. I have to be honest, but when they offered it, he said it was the Chelsea Theater at the, you know, I just had to say yes. Yeah. And it's turned into such a fun thing because so many of my friends come out and we gambled after. And you know, when I gamble, I give everyone money because I don't want anyone to think that they have to gamble. I just want them, I want them to know they do have to gamble, but they're going to gamble with my money. We all won. We all won money. I walked away with $1,100 of my own money. Fabulous. And then I, we went out dancing. This was a mistake. We went out dancing till four

o'clock in the morning. And then I got home at four. My friend Sophie got into my bed with me And at around 5.45 a.m., my cousin Molly walked in and said, it's time to get in the car. Your flight back to Vancouver is at 7.40. And I said, yes, I was aware of this, but of course had, you know, I was asleep. So I got up. I went in the car. I flew to Vegas. I mean, sorry, I flew from Vegas to Vancouver.

Luckily, no one was on the plane because Canadians don't want to come to America anymore. So there's no one going back since they're all getting fucking detained. and I flew and I got in the car I had to go pick up Doug from my friend Cynthia's house then I drove from Vancouver to Whistler which is like a two-hour drive I got my first Canadian speeding ticket nope because that's how quickly I was just dying trying to make it an hour and a dying to get back into my bed just dying to go to sleep yeah begging I got home the woman with the police officer was very nice she gave me a reduction for absolutely no reason I don't know you think she knew who I was. And I got home. I fell asleep. I was like, let me, my friends were

staying at my house that live in Vancouver. Sometimes friends come up for the weekend and stay here when I'm not here. And I said, they said, okay, well, we'll leave you alone. You're tired. I said, no, no, I just need a couple of hours of sleep and then we can all go to dinner and sushi. I had a couple hours of sleep. I woke up. I didn't feel great, obviously, but I felt like, okay. Like jet laggy, tired. Just not jet laggy, just hung over. But like I could rally. it's just dinner yeah i got home from sushi probably one of the best meals i've ever had at two o'clock in the morning i was like something's off and you know when you're feeling nauseated and you go to your right and then you go to your left anything but your back

right yep and then from 2 a.m to 9 a.m no i vomited probably 16 times had explosive diarrhea not only in the toilet I was so sick and my friend Yannica was in my bedroom and her son Calvin was there too Calvin you can check out on my Instagram he's always represented

he's 14 and I was I was so sick I haven't had food poisoning in years and I haven't thrown up in years I mean the cramps, the fever the chills, the diarrhea the vomiting, I thought I was going to have to go to the hospital

And then I'm like, what's at the Whistler Hospital? Like, it's like a clinic. I'm like, they're not going to be able to even save me. They're there for like ankle breaks and stuff. Exactly. And I couldn't even bring myself to call for Yannica. That's how weak I was. Yeah.

So finally, like, I was up from 2 to 9 a.m. Finally, when I heard her, I was like, Yannica! And she came and she's like, oh, my God, oh, my God. I'm like, oh, my God, I need an IV. I need an IV. My kidneys were like throbbing, throbbing, throbbing. Yikes. This was yesterday morning, and I was in such, finally, I would take a sip of ginger ale

and just throw it up 30 seconds later, but I was so thirsty that I was like, I have to just swish it around my mouth at least, like something, and then finally, I was like, can you guys just, are there any Cokes upstairs, are there any Cokes, and she brought me a Coke, and then everything changed, I stopped throwing up. It brought you back to life? It just made me, no, not to life, I'm still not back to life. I mean, I feel like somebody took two slingshots and shot them right into my kidneys. Oh, my God.

I got a liter IV last night in bed. The nurse came over. My friends in Whistler, my doctor friend got me an IV bag. And, I mean, I couldn't move. I can't even stand up straight yet because my kidneys are so shot. Oh, my God. And this was like two days ago. This was Saturday?

This was Saturday night. Oh, my God. And we're recording on Monday. That is nuts. Oh, my gosh. I honestly, that really threw me, I've never been that sick. Oh my God. Do you think it was the sushi or was it something marinating from before?

No, it was the sushi because I looked up, I go, they didn't get sick. And I was like, how do you know the difference between a 24-hour virus and food poisoning? And when I looked it up on the internet, they're like, there is no such thing as a 24-hour food virus, like 24-hour virus. Like no virus goes in and out of your body in 24 hours. Right, right, right. It's food poisoning. I mean, I felt like I was being attacked.

Truly, it's like that moment where you're laying on the floor of the bathroom just to feel something cool against your face. I don't know about you, but when I'm that sick and it's coming out of both ends, I'm just usually naked because you're sweating, but you're shivering. Oh, yeah. My bra was over my boobs. The under part of my boobs was completely out, and my bra had slipped up from throwing up so much in the toilet

and then having to turn around when it was coming out of my butt and then going into the wastebasket. I had a wastebasket filled with vomit next to my bed. I mean, it was the most disgusting night of my life. You know what? You actually bring up one of the major disagreements in my marriage, which is I say that when you're sick and you have to vomit or whatever. Leave us alone.

See, I actually want someone to pat my back, but it's the wastebasket of it all because Brad is like, we'll just make it to the toilet. I'm like, you can't always make it to the toilet. No, you can't always make it to the toilet. I just gave up at some point and brought the wastebasket out towards my bed, which is actually something I've never done because I used to subscribe to that too wearing it like bringing it to the uh getting to the toilet like I've never not made it to the toilet but this one was like I was too weak to keep getting up and going to the toilet I had to have my bad my thing but the

muscles that you use to contract to vomit when you're throwing up bile I mean this is just getting everyone off to a great week I just hopefully this is on a Monday or whenever we drop our minisodes, but I want, this is a journal entry. Oh my God. I'm so sorry. You got so sick. So have you even like eaten anything since then? I had a bagel this morning with some butter, but I hadn't eaten anything yesterday. I got my IV. I'm getting another IV as soon as I get home tonight. And my life is insane. I mean, obviously if I hadn't been out till four o'clock in the morning, I doubt that food poisoning would have been as bad as it was. Like it had the choke hold it did on you. I wouldn't have been so already in a state of dehydration and like, you know, weakness, but

you know, I'll never learn. My life is constantly just one big shit show. Oh my God. I'm so glad you're on the mend and I'm so sorry. That absolutely sucks. Thank you. Behind every night spent making the kids' lunches, there's a lot of suspense. Will they finally eat the veggies? Will the pesto survive the first bite? Will the lunchbox come home empty, half full, or come home at all. And will you finish episode eight before you're done slicing the cucumbers? Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet

with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus from $94 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell, connection is everything. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months.

I survived and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me. I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed,

and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page

are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments nothing is off the table it's like if you can

hide some real messages inside compelling characters and that is a trojan horse whether you're looking for literary deep dives smart pop culture conversations or a community of readers who love to think a little too much you're in the right place listen to pro society on the iHeart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts see you between the pages on the new podcast solita we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman i can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle i chose option b i'm julie pinero and i travel by myself because it's a rare space where i can say yes without asking anyone else first i'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita trading the pity for possibility

Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. An update, I decided to leave Doug in Canada because he's so happy here. Everyone who sends me these pictures, my friend Cynthia has them. She goes on runs through the woods and the forest and bike rides through the woods and forest. And Doug just follows her.

And I was like, you know what? It's nicer to leave him here than to bring him back to Ma Bell's apartment where she doesn't have air conditioning. And he's going to be when I go to Europe on all of my tours. So I was like, is there any way you would want to keep Doug until I get back from Europe and she was like

absolutely we love him. Oh so he's gonna stay like for a little bit of the summer while you're while you're gone. Yeah he's gonna stay for the month of June. Yeah. May and June. Well I mean Whistler's your happy place turns out it's your son's happy place as well. I know I love my baby so much. Yeah. He's such a good boy. And you know what was cute

he was coming up on the bed trying to check on me yesterday when my friend Yannica came in but I didn't even have the strength to pet him you know what I mean. Oh yeah. And he was like sniffing around because he was like, why does it smell like vomit and diarrhea in here? Why does she smell so bad? And I was just like, I can't. She's like, Doug, come on, come on. And he was trying to check on me. It was really cute. But yes, anyway, I'll be in Vegas. The next date will be July 5th. That'll be 4th of July

weekend. Yamanika will be opening for me. So that's very exciting. And yeah, you can check my dates for Vegas coming up and all my dates in Europe. I'm coming. Go to ChelseaHendler.com for all other dates in Europe. Yeah, and for that July 5th date, Yamanika, we just recorded with her. That won't be out yet by the time this comes out, but she's so hysterical. You two have a hilarious rapport, so

it's going to be a super, super good time. Yeah, yeah. She's pretty ridiculous. Yeah, and we'll hopefully have her on some upcoming minisodes, too. Yeah. Okay, thanks for listening, guys. We'll see you later. Do-do-do-do-do-do. Drum roll, Catherine,

please and abroad broad is my european tour so i'm coming to obviously find a husband abroad i need to get the hell out of this fucking country and it's not as easy as you think so i'm coming to the uk i'm coming to brussels paris belfast in may and june i'm coming to Oslo, Stockholm, Copenhagen, Manchester, London, Glasgow, New Zurich, Vienna. I've never, ever been to Vienna. Berlin, Barcelona, and Lisbon. I'm coming. Abroad is abroad.

That sounds like fun. I'm going to go see you abroad. I know. I want to go see me abroad. And there I'll be. There I'll be. Excellent. Okay, my remaining dates for Vegas.

There are remaining dates for this year. Summertime is coming, and I will be in Vegas at the Cosmo doing my residency on July 5th. It will be the next date that I'm there. July 5th, August 30th, and then November 1st and 29th. November 1st and November 29th, I will be in Las Vegas at the Cosmo performing Inside Myself at the Chelsea. It's called Chelsea at the Chelsea for a reason. Okay? Thank you.

Do you want advice from Chelsea? Write into DearChelseaPodcast at gmail.com. Find full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea Pod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert, executive producer Catherine Law. And be sure to check out our merch at ChelseaHandler.com. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files.

Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse.

Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the Internet and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. You know, I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you.

Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Our hometown is not a test tube. 90 miles northeast of Nashville, a battle for the future of America plays out in one small town. Developers with right-wing ties have purchased hundreds of acres of land. We need cities on a shining hill. This is Our Town, a podcast about what happens when a small town becomes the site of a social experiment and fights back. Guess you didn't move in on a bunch of dumb hillbillies now, did you? Listen to Our Town on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.