Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - Minisode: Couples Counseling with Jenny Mollen + Jason Biggs

Episode Date: May 31, 2024

In the first of our new series of minisodes, Chelsea is joined by Jenny Mollen and Jason Biggs to tackle the marital conundrums of pillow placement, tolerable temperatures, and night sex.    * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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We need cities on a shining hill. This is Our Town, a podcast about what happens when a small town becomes the site of a social experiment and fights back. Guess you didn't move in on a bunch of dumb hillbillies now, did you? Listen to Our Town on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You're listening to a new segment of Dear Chelsea called Couples Counseling with Chelsea, where we do couples counseling on all sorts of variations of friends, lovers, families. I'm here with my friends Jenny Mullen and Jason Biggs, and we are going to do some couples counseling.

Welcome to my office. Welcome to Chelsea's Couples Counseling, or Where's the Beef? Where's Your Beef with Chelsea? Where's Chelsea's Beef with You? I don't know what we're calling the segment yet, but these are mini episodes, and I'm very delighted to sit with two of my very old friends. Jason Biggs and his wife, Jenny, which name are we using these days? Mullen, Biggs, Handler. Okay, Jenny and Jason, if you're familiar with them online, Jenny is one hot mess.

And she loves, loves to get into it with her husband, who also really loves to get into it with his wife. I mean, you guys are very, I would call you codependent fighters. A real couples therapist would say that too. Yep. That you're codependent? Yep. Very. And does that have anything to do with your disagreements?

Yes. Okay. Let's start with one. This is one that I actually, as I was reading this, I thought, wow, this sounds a lot like me. So maybe I should be lovemaking to Jason every night. Jason, you sleep with a lot of pillows, right? And you use pillows between your legs like a pregnant woman?

I do, yes. And how many pillows does that leave you with, Jenny? A single pillow. Okay. That's false. And how many pillows are in the bed total? well 26 i can actually count this up for real and give you a real answer here so i have three pillows that are propped up that my legs go on like that because are you do you have a back issue

or a hip lower back so this kind of gets me in a nice position you know like in the movies the 80s when somebody's like in a full body cast and they're hanging in a hospital i'll tell you what if i could if i could mount a like a wire from the ceiling like a gurney a gurney type situation to put my strap my feet into to alleviate the lower back issue i would and arms need to be up too though here's the other yes exactly so i have those taking care of my legs my lower back i also have shoulder issues so so on either side of my arms i have both arms do you have shoulder issues from eating so much pussy it's it that's my doctor says that's one reason okay of many okay also sucking a lot of dick okay oh so that how's that how does that work on your shoulders because i'll

show you later i'll show you later okay i didn't bring my dick today but i have it so two two arm pillows and then i've got two pillows behind like an airplane pillow like no no to cradle you no but i've i've i've used an airplane pillow in bed before sometimes but ultimately i abandoned that idea i just go with two but like i have one of the pillows is like kind of a soft down his penis like one of those airplane props my dick like a cock ring cock ring and then the second pillow is a Tempur-Pedic pillow. It's a whole situation. Wow, this sounds a lot like my situation.

It's, yeah, and it's the only way. How would you have sex with him? Well, how do you have sex with him? You don't. No, I don't. That's the thing. It's like a chastity wall. So how do you, if you are in the mood,

are you in the mood? Well, I don't have sex with him at night. Oh. There's no way in. It's a fortress. Well, but hold on. Our love is a battlefield. You're going to point fingers at the pillows

for the reason that we're not having night sex. It's also the fact. night sex it's also the fact it's like night sweats and night sex it's the fact that you fall asleep

at 7pm like after the kids or 8pm when the kids go down first of all I also love that bedtime for myself by the way

me too I'm not mad at this just don't put don't make false accusations as to why we're not having night sex we are both in agreement that after 8 o'clock

how could any person who wanted to have sex with you have sex with you when you're in that contraption well you could if you Jenny in his defense

if you really wanted to get after that body you would make your way through those pillows if you guys had just started dating and he was pulling that kind of chicanery you would figure out a way around it you would get in there and be like hey I want to wake you up with another blowjob

love of my life soulmate interesting fact, Jenny puts me to sleep with her blowjobs that's how I lull him to sleep that's nice, before a climax before you even climax no, just everything falls asleep she just puts her lips around my penis

I fall asleep first, then my penis falls asleep And then, I don't know, I wake up and Jenny's there somewhere underneath the pillow. Sleeping. Sleeping. No, it's a conversation that can happen. I'm wearing the neck pillow. You're wearing the neck pillow. How does this work on a plane, Jason, when you need all of these accoutrements?

Yeah, it's a whole situation. What do you do on a plane? Do you travel with a pillow? I will often do the neck pillow, even if I'm flying flat, neck pillow helps. But, you know, I generally ask for an extra pillow or I'm using a jacket. I mean, it's a thing. When did this start? Like, what age when you started?

It was definitely... I feel like when I introduced the pregnancy pillow, it changed Jason's life. Oh, that was amazing. I mean, who wouldn't want one of those? I want one of those. The pregnancy pillow was incredible because it's interesting.

So I start my night with arms propped up, legs propped up. Like a paralyzed person or someone who's recovering from a massive injury. A massive... A whole body cast. Yes, a motorcycle accident. Yes.

In an 80s movie. In an 80s movie. In an 80s comedy. in an 80s comedy over my head everything is covered do you have a straight jacket at the house

that would be fun only my eyes are showing and a hole for my penis so she can put me to bed but eventually at some point in the night I want to sleep on my side it's very strange

I understand this I was just about to ask you what happened so at some point in the night and by the way this is when I'm in that position I'm above

there's nothing covering me so I have the air on as low as I can get it because she wants it on 100 degrees and I want it on 50 degrees and so we try to compromise but generally that involves me being very hot at night and having to sleep above the covers at a above ground it's an above ground pool and Jenny's swimming in the deep end of a nice in-ground beauty at a certain point I do get a little chilly finally when I can she falls asleep I'll turn the air down I relax whatever

my body cools down I will need to go under the covers but here's the move I go on my side and one leg goes under the covers this leg comes above the covers so the covers are coming between my legs with the pillows the aforementioned pillows that were for my legs here and then i'm on my side here one of my arm pillows comes over because if i sleep like this my shoulder is like all right so i'm like this it's a good thing you're taping this episode it's just amazing that you're not jewish you know what i mean it is amazing because okay because so when i'm skiing i always have back pain when i ski so when i'm skiing i sleep with my legs under up on a pillow because i always want my knee to like de-swell throughout from the night and then when i turn over it's the

same thing and what i really i put the pillows in between my legs and i turn over and i have one leg up but what i realized was when you're on your side like that that's not helpful for your back that can irritate your back even more so i stopped doing that now i only have pillows only when i'm on my back when i turn over it's flat yeah and but you're so your knees are hitting well no i put one knee like i do like a little like this like that like this yeah yeah yeah yeah it's sexy yeah especially it's a hot position no it's a sexy position i think it could be a hot position for you as well yeah i mean maybe yeah it's not going to change our sex life but it could be fun to just do it you don't know i mean if you guys what's curious to me is if you guys aren't having sex

at night when are you having sex and here's the thing sex for us generally needs to be a conversation and a plan it's generally not spontaneous occasionally it is what about when the kids go to school and it usually takes a few days of talking about it for it to happen by the way it's not like it's not like hey babe should we um you know what are you doing in an hour are you free it's like it's like whoa whoa whoa it is not like we need to do it on plan for it on friday it's more like come out of the shower with just an erection yeah i'll be like baby you know what do you think she's like no no no and then that so that's so that's tuesday she's like i can't i'm not you're just gonna whip this out i'm just not i have to go to a thing i have in two

hours i'm like so two hours no it's just i can't i'm not in the okay and then no but don't act like you always want to have sex no but then hold on baby i'm not done and then that's tuesday wednesday she's like remember yesterday when you uh well i've got you know do you want to jason's like i need to poop i sorry i have to take a shit what an aphrodisiac yeah exactly so then i go shit and then you know and then that day's done well the worst is when like we'll have sex and then he's like I need to poop

and I'm like you were holding poop in the whole time we were having sex that was really disgusting to me well maybe if you didn't stick your thumb up my asshole while we were having sex

yeah you know that you know that makes somebody go to the bathroom I don't know if anyone here has done anal but if you have you understand that you get diarrhea

for about three days afterward I heard that from a very close friend really? wait I never get diarrhea after anal I mean I never have

yeah it's better than a you haven't? it's better than a oh maybe you're doing it in a different way I have to talk to my friend ask your friend p.s who are you having anal sex with i mean when i've had anal sex okay so there's no hand holding in bed there's nothing like that you guys are both going to your separate camps

essentially every night when you go to bed right and do you ever go to bed angry yes yeah yeah more than you go to but like what's the ratio of like when you're having an issue do you normally resolve it or do you go to bed angry like which which one is more prominent we will go to bed sometimes like exhausted by each other but do you ever sleep in separate rooms no no well i mean if i fall asleep in sid's bed or something like that but i don't think we're ever like i'm going to another room our 10 year old that she sleeps with that she sleeps with listen i had a friend i have a friend she'll go she'll remain nameless who slept with her daughter in and her husband in their bed they had their daughter until she was 16 years old and they're divorced

so that doesn't work at all they did not have sex for 12 years a couple that was staying together that was married yes 12 but again i this hold on i just go back to the sex part of this because nighttime i like i hear that and i don't go well their sex life is ruined because maybe it's because we don't have nine to fives it's different but like well like it'll be like we have sex more often like it's daylight where like in the in the afternoon in the afternoon um yeah you know she's home i'm home yeah the nanny took the kids somewhere and it's like hey you know and it finally aligns yes i don't have to shit and she's not doing something and then we'll like do it we're just like worked over yeah and by the time yeah i understand because when you know i'm always in

the beginning of relationships now like so it's always sex because i don't see them very often so when I see them it's non-stop sex and it's night time because you probably can't keep things that way you know what I mean I don't want it to get

to a point where I'm like not tonight I'm too tired I want it to be like it to be a sex-a-thon and then you leave and I don't see you for two weeks to two months

you know whatever but what about when you've been in relationships like do you guys ever like does the sex ever migrate towards the day absolutely day, night, sex

morning, all time they're there to fuck me like that's what we're doing the priority is sex For us, it's a bonus at this point. Yeah, well, you have a family now. We have too many balls in the air. It's just like, yeah.

Okay, well. Too many balls in the air, not enough balls in her mouth. Okay, well, thank you for sharing your intimacy with us and our listeners. You're welcome. I hope that turned everybody on. Yes. Okay, so you can check out Jenny Mullen's sub stack, The Best Friend Experience, and her new side hustle, The Shirts Off My Back, where you can buy fabulous vintage clothes.

And you can also check out Jenny and Jason co-hosting Dinner and a Movie on TBS, premiering tomorrow, June 1st. I survived nine months in captivity and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart and these are the Survivor Files. Every week I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home.

Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. each week we're connecting the dots between books the internet and pop culture with your favorite writers book talk creators and plenty of overthought opinions yeah i'm obsessed i'm obsessed listen to pro society on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts i'm hoda kotb host of the podcast joy 101 with hoda kotb you know i'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy like when my friend henry winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out you're not hired just to fill time and space you're hired to fill the space with you listen to joy 101 with hoda kotb on the iheart radio app

apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts our hometown is not a test tube 90 miles northeast of nashville a battle for the future of america plays out in one small town developers with right-wing ties have purchased hundreds of acres of land. We need cities on a shining hill. This is Our Town, a podcast about what happens when a small town becomes the site of a social experiment and fights back. I guess you didn't move in on a bunch of dumb hillbillies now, did you? Listen to Our Town on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Did you hear the new episode of the Hey Jonas podcast? We are at D23, So we'll see who stops by.

The cast of Frozen stopped by. Kristen Bell, Josh Gad, and Idina Menzel. I auditioned for Frozen. What? For Kristoff. They said, okay, what are you going to be singing today? I said, I don't know. That must have been why you didn't get it.

Oh, you probably won. Plus, John Stamos, Hayden Christensen from Star Wars, and more. And I guess I can share that, uh... No way. Listen to the latest episode of Hey Jonas on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.