Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - Minisode: Couples Counseling with Sam Jay & Yanise Monét

Episode Date: June 14, 2024

Sam Jay and Yaya join Chelsea to discuss how to get people to leave your house, rate Chelsea as a therapist, and decide once and for all whether they were on a break.     * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human. Behind every night spent making the kids' lunches, there's a lot of suspense. Will they finally eat the veggies? Will the pesto survive the first bite? Will the lunchbox come home empty, half full, or come home at all?

And will you finish episode eight before you're done slicing the cucumbers? Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus from $94 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability.

Bell. Connection is everything. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who lived through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. You know, I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy.

Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Our hometown is not a test tube. 90 miles northeast of Nashville, a battle for the future of America plays out in one small town. Developers with right-wing ties have purchased hundreds of acres of land. We need cities on a shining hill.

This is Our Town, a podcast about what happens when a small town becomes the site of a social experiment and fights back. Guess you didn't move in on a bunch of dumb hillbillies now, did you? Listen to Our Town on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Couples Counseling with Chelsea Handjob. I'm here with my friends Yaya and Sam. Okay, hi. Guess what? Oh, my God.

Guess we have a special treat. We created a new segment for the podcast, and they're mini-sodes, where we have different couples come on, and we talk to you guys. We go through some of the things that I know are problems between the relationship because of the time that I've spent with them, and some other things that you guys provided us with, which might be recurring problems. Okay. Now, we're with Sam and Yaya finally in one room. And both Sam and Yaya have been on the podcast individually. And now they are sitting across from me with a bottle of Patron Reposado. Yeah, that was supposed to be Don Julio.

But anyway. Yeah, I was kind of disappointed. Yeah, sorry. At least I called for alcohol. I knew you were going to want alcohol. No, that's fair. Okay, so girls, we're going to start with my favorite topic. Sam fucking hates when I do this shit because I riles Yaya up.

And for those of you who may have missed Yaya's episode, she's a fucking piece of work, okay? You have to know her. You can hear her. Once you hear her talk for five minutes, you're going to know what I'm talking about. But she is tricky. She is tricky, and she is all woman, and she is wearing the pants at the same time. And, I mean, Sam— You think I'm wearing the pants?

Yeah, you are. I don't think I'm wearing the pants. No, Sam seems like she's wearing the pants, but really through your psychodrama and the way you are, you are wearing the pants. Wow, thank you, Chelsea. Do you agree with that? I do. Yeah. I absolutely do.

You agree with that? Yes, wholeheartedly, 100%. You're very manipulative. Oh, wow. We're using those type of words? Well, I don't mean that in a negative sense. Well, how am I supposed to fucking take that? No, manipulative is not a good term.

That's not the right word. She knows how to wield her power. Yeah, manipulative. Wow. Y'all are ganging up on me. I wouldn't say you're manipulative at all, baby. I would just say you're aware of your feminine wiles. Yes.

That's a great way to put it. Well, then in that case, then you're manipulative, too, because you are aware of your feminine wiles. I don't know if I'm as aware of my feminine wiles as you are. Mine's a different thing. Mine's more of a masculine energy. Yours is a very feminine energy. And I think that's good because that makes you like a real, you're like very womanly, I would say. Okay.

I like that she did titties. I like that, too. Yeah. Like, yeah. I mean, I was looking at her titties. so I was like wow you too I like that too but one of my favorite parts of your relationship is that you guys have broken up and gotten back together so many times because I think that's a sign of a real you're tried and true you've run the gamut of time and Sam doesn't like this

subject matter because she's guilty of a lot of chicanery bad things right right yeah yeah bad things and they're past that part of their relationship but I think it's always fun to go back and really kind of relive the trauma cool all right let's go okay well but you you have to tell me your perspective of from that like how it was you don't have to get into details but how you've grown and how your relationship has evolved from then to now and like your trust level and your love level all of it okay would you like to start oh no she doesn't ever she doesn't even want to finish she doesn't want to start or finish i think that we had to we had to grow back trust but there are different times where i've lost samaria's trust as well so

i think it was a mutual thing just at different times hers happened later on in our relationship and mine happened in the beginning of our relationship and did you learn your lessons so to speak when you got caught oh no because I didn't get caught because I'm smart though I didn't do anything we weren't together technically in my what we weren't together technically once we were dating we weren't in an exclusive relationship right okay I disagree but okay but well tell us your version of things because I like to hear it my version of things is I came to Atlanta we said that we were going to be together that's what we said and then I left to go home under that understanding and in two weeks you were dating somebody else and lying to

me about it and hiding it and I had to find out about it through a friend of ours so I mean that's what happened yeah but see it doesn't really that it kind of happened but it didn't really happen that way okay well no respond to what she's saying well my version is that we were waving around like Stevie Wonder. You're like, what? What's up? My version is we weren't together. Like, we were dating,

but we weren't. But why when we said that we were going to be together? You wasn't there. And we were like 20. But you can't agree to something and then go, well, the bitch ain't here,

so what I agreed to doesn't matter and I don't have to address what I agreed to. I could just go on and do whatever the fuck I want and lie about it. Hey, hey, hey. We've already been down that road.

See, see, look. I've already apologized. We're past this. Okay, well, we're just... we're just revisiting trauma you just gotta say what you did and stop saying it like that's not what you did yeah because you know what you could say yeah yeah it's like yeah I'm totally guilty of that I said that I wasn't a good person the beginning of our relationship okay well so not when we weren't together because that is that is skirting some of what you did okay Sam feels like

we were together and so we were together at that time in my head I don't feel like we was really together. I don't feel like that. But, you know, I did probably tell her we were together. I can admit that. Okay, great. That's progress. Now it's over. Forever. Yes.

Behind every night spent making the kids lunches, there's a lot of suspense. Will they finally eat the veggies? Will the pesto survive the first bite? Will the lunchbox come home empty, half full or come home at all and will you finish episode eight before you're done slicing the cucumbers get bell pure fiber internet with crave netflix and disney plus from 94 a month price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit visit bell.ca

for details and to check availability bell connection is everything when i was 14 years old i was kidnapped and held captive for nine months i survived and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files i just remember this low taunting voice next to my ear saying shut up don't say anything every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable i knew if he woke up without a doubt he was going to hurt me i started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it

takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm Someone says, someone says.

From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. Our town is small taters by most standards, right? But to the people who grew up here, it's everything. What happens when a quiet Tennessee town becomes the front line in a battle over the future of America?

Developers with right-wing ties have purchased hundreds of acres of land in the area. The first thing you see when it pops up is pioneers in Appalachia. But they weren't just planning houses. We need cities on a shining hill that exemplify and embody the Christian way of life. Stop right there. Is that normal? A podcast about what happens when a small town becomes the site of a social experiment. God need men to rule. Great. And decides to fight back.

Do not use my hard work to sell your bulls**t. They're not just opposing what's being planned for here. Our hometown is not a test tube. They feel like they're standing in opposition to an entire administration. Guess you didn't move in on a bunch of dumb hillbillies now, did you? Listen to Our Town on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. to offer us everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show we've had a lot of great guests like sarah sherman not that great actually can you

help me can you help me shape this yeah how about we flip it on his head right how about we flip this around okay what if the surprise woman who actually you think is the straight man is actually the one who's acting weird adam scott this entire time you've been expecting adam sandler to come to visit the show i i would never let go of that i have i would never set expectations for something like that seems like if the universe allows for something like that to happen i'm open to it i'm always going to accept you know danny mcbride fine yeah it's all this fragile masculinity exuding i could smell it walking down the hallway to be honest with you i was like is I was like, is that weed?

Nope. It's fragile masculinity. Ben Stiller, no. Because a lot of times, out of context, people don't get it or even know what a circle is. You know what I mean? They're so stupid. Everyone's so dumb except for you. And fake.

Right, fake and also not interested or just like, oh, I've got my life. I don't care about your life. And a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Oh, and by the way, Will Ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode, but he's just so busy. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And how did you regain your trust for Yaya after that happened, Sam? She never did anything like that again? No, that's not true either.

Oh my God. Well, it's not. Are you just finding out about this too? Mm-hmm. I don't think you're a good therapist. You feel like after that, that was the only time you ever did anything shady like? On that level, yeah. Or you do.

You are. But the thing is, Yaya, even if you weren't up to something, it seems like you're up to something. But I'm not. I know. You might not be, but it seems like you are. I'm not. Because you have that flirtatious way of going through life where you're like, there's like a twinkle in your eye, like you've got a secret. Oh, I'm just happy.

Oh, my gosh. that's just happiness I don't and I don't intentionally flirt I may just be like hey I don't flirt like that well if you feel like

you didn't ever do anything ever again not on that level you were flirting with Daniel Vanessa's boyfriend oh my god Daniel

I'm gonna she said I'm gonna fuck Daniel I was kidding I really was not gonna fuck Daniel I was just fucking with Vanessa

to piss her off she flirts she's a flirt I was playing you said you were gonna fuck Daniel too I did that would have been funny

that would have been really something that I would have like to see okay with this kind of relationship you've managed to get through all of that shit right you've circled back to each other how many times two minutes to count and four what was the longest time apart you spend when you broke up when you got married sam yeah but i think yeah is that the longest time well no because we weren't we weren't together before that see so see and that's what i feel like i feel like we was together you was just tripping we were together

before I got married. In my head, we were always together. No, when I called you and said, be with, when I called you and said,

be with me, and you said, no. But in my head, we knew we was always together. So we was not together. I literally formally said, hey, I'm tired of playing games

and I just want to be with you. And you said, I'm still having my fun, girl. I've definitely heard this version before, so it must be true. It is true. That is true.

So then we weren't together. But we knew that we had an understanding that we was going to be together eventually. No, we did not. yes we did I did not have that well I did I do it yeah but it sounds like you had an understanding with yourself and I feel like you probably do that a lot you have had a whole conversation

with yourself and you're like this is what's gonna happen oh I have an update for you that reminds me of asking people to leave saying thank you remember how we were practicing how to get people out of your house at a dinner party and whose idea was it was it yours to stand up and say well that was oh no we were telling you how y'all were telling me to do it it was fortune right she was like yes well did you do it you tried it i have done it a couple times and what happened they got up and left i mean but i'm it's pretty clear what i mean anyway it's not like i had to work on that like telling people it's a wrap for the night i don't think i've had to do that since we got back i don't know i've had to do that we haven't had a dinner party so why because

you're too busy buying new furniture i mean that and also we've just been busy so i just haven't had time like to plan it out and cook and stuff and invite people we haven't had people over that's actually a good thing to discuss because you both have different very different viewpoints about having company over which I'll break down for you what happens Sam has friends over comics probably and then they stay over to like two three six in the morning and yeah yeah and then Sam goes to the comedy cellar or whatever comedy club to run her set and leaves me with the company that I do not want to entertain anymore but I don't leave you I tell them I'm the one who said that's a wrap I tell people it's done

no she just gets up and be like alright y'all I got a show and it's like no I be like alright y'all I got a show

like is this done yeah but people are still drinking and eating and kiki-ing but you keep feeding them and giving them drinks you don't go

because I think it's rude to be like get up and get the fuck out well then that's why I think that's rude well they gonna stay there cause see I'm from the south I have southern hospitality

unlike some people in this room I don't know that it's southern hospitality I think that you don't want to be perceived a certain way so you do things

that work against what you actually want. Whereas I don't care about how I'm perceived because I know who I am so it doesn't really matter to me. Oh, so I don't know

who I am. So I do things that make sense for me and I don't put myself in precarious situations that I don't want to be in. That sounded like a dig. It did.

It did sound like a dig. Again, I don't think you're a good therapist. I think you're doing worse work. I know. I don't think I'm, no. I think when you leave here

you're going to be closer because you survived it together. Okay, okay. I'll look at it on that it's not a dig like I'm just saying it is a dig

you said I know who I am so I'm saying I think you know who you are too but I don't think you assert that I'm saying

I know who I am so I know I'm not rude I know I'm not this to people but if it's time for this to be over it's time to be over and if your perception of that is

oh Sam is rude then that's on you that really has nothing to do with me but I'm not gonna have you just sitting around my house when I don't want you there so that you don't think something

no it's not that I just don't have him sitting there it's just like I just don't want to be rude and be like, get out. It is hard to say to someone, get out. Especially when they're having a good time. It's not right.

I mean, yeah, exactly, if you're having a good time. But it's also really like, I wish I was more like Sam. Like, you would think I am, but I'm not. It's like, it's hard for me to, like, not want to hurt. Because I feel like I'm like, oh, they're going to think I don't want to hang. Like, I always think I have to hang out. I have to hang out. Even when I don't want to fucking hang out, I want to go home.

So I can relate to why it's hard to say. But it is better to just not give a fuck. that's hard to do too but I'm gonna try I'm gonna try that way Fortune told us to do and just well Fortune was like almost like someone impersonating a person trying to teach us how to say goodbye remember

it was very Mr. Rogers it was like and now you're gonna say stand up and puff your chest out and say okay well that was a good night yeah yeah yeah it was definitely something like that but I learned I learned a lot

and you learned a lot apparently because it worked when you tried it yeah I did and I I'm in between the two of you I usually you know I don't give a fuck about a lot but I don't like to hurt people's feelings when they're hanging out with me I and it's really fucking annoying because you know as a comic you sometimes you feel like you have to fucking be funny and I'm like yeah I just want to smoke a joint and walk down the street and like last night my friend was like let's I'll walk you home from dinner I'm like please don't like I just want to fucking walk down the street by yourself listening to my music and not talking to a single person.

And that's okay. Yeah. There's nothing wrong with that. Okay. Well, thanks for listening to This Week with Sam and Yaya. You can check out Sam Jay

who is on tour now in cities all over the country and she's fucking funny. If you haven't seen her on The Roast or on her own special, then go watch both of those. Her special's on HBO Max,

now known as Max. And then you can follow Yaya at Vanity.Vixen on Instagram and TikTok. And it is worth the follow because she's up to some, Well, shenanigans. I mean, you'll understand what I'm talking about. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive

what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced these are stories about what it takes to make it out alive listen to the survivor files with elizabeth smart on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts if your bookshelf and your for you page are equally important to your personality welcome home pro society is a weekly podcast that's part book club part group chat for anyone who thinks pride and prejudice and love island deserve the same level of discourse each week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk

creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. You know, I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Our hometown is not a test tube.

90 miles northeast of Nashville, a battle for the future of America plays out in one small town. Developers with right-wing ties have purchased hundreds of acres of land. We need cities on a shining hill. This is Our Town, a podcast about what happens when a small town becomes the site of a social experiment and fights back. Guess you didn't move in on a bunch of dumb hillbillies now, did you? Listen to Our Town on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Did you hear the new episode of the Hey Jonas podcast? We are at D23, so we'll see who stops by.

The cast of Frozen stopped by. Kristen Bell, Josh Gad, and Idina Menzel. I auditioned for Frozen. What? For Kristoff. They said, okay, what are you going to be singing today? I said, I don't know. That must have been why you didn't get in.

Oh, you probably won. Plus, John Stamos, Hayden Christensen from Star Wars, and more. And I guess I can share that, uh... No way. Listen to the latest episode of Hey Jonas on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.