Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - Minisode: Secrets in German with Jenny Mollen + Jason Biggs

Episode Date: August 16, 2024

In this minisode, Chelsea is joined by Jenny Mollen and Jason Biggs to tackle the marital conundrums of having a secret language with your kids, why taking out the garbage doesn’t stop at the chute, and stress-packing for a trip.    * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human. There's no shortcut for saving time, but saving money is simple. Just combine your car and home insurance with Bel Air Direct and save. Get a quote at BelAirDirect.com. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive.

Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You're listening to a new segment of Dear Chelsea called Couples Counseling with Chelsea, where we do couples counseling on all sorts of variations of friends, lovers, families.

I'm here with my friends, Jenny Mullen and Jason Biggs, and we are going to do some couples counseling. Welcome to my office. Okay, Jason, I want to talk to you about your packing and your neurosis. So you guys travel a lot. You travel a lot with the kids. yes which is great the kids speak german yes jenny speaks german that's also great jason are you speaking german yet nine okay so a little he understands a lot it's creepy you would understand

a lot you guys have been there a lot yeah he understands way too much it's no longer the secret thing i had with the boys now he understands when we're talking about him but also the context is still kid conversations i mean obviously they they are fluent and so it has gotten more advanced over the years they can understand pretty much everything but sometimes i'll say to sid like Like, stop asking him. Like, I need to go take him aside and bring it up so that it's his idea. Like, stop asking him right now. You know, I'll say that in front to Sid, and Jason will understand.

What are you, triangulating your whole family? Thank you. Well, if Sid wants to get something from you. You're supposed to be a unified front. You, Chelsea, you just touched on one of the most important issues in our relationship. Sometimes if Sid wants something back from Jason, I'm like, you can't keep bringing it up right now. I need to talk to Daddy. we'll decide if you can have fortnight first and then we can present it in a different way like if

you're gonna keep asking him right now you're not gonna get a different answer yeah right and so i will kind of say that to sid just kind of nudge him like shut the fuck up right now you're digging a hole right okay but that means you're all you're playing both sides you're playing a little his you want to be friends with sid and you want to be the one that he trusts sometimes and then you're and then you're making him into the bad guy and i would expect nothing less from you jenny thank you that does not come as a surprise oh my god and yeah i would watch your back jason if you aren't already watching your back watch believe me this comes up in real couples therapy i don't know why you're intimating that this is not real sorry sorry our other real couples okay thank you

it's um all i have to say is last night jason i'm sorry i'm cutting you off but i just you have to hear this because you don't know this i mean you might have heard this last night well it probably It was covered underneath a bunch of pillows. He didn't want to hear a thing. Okay, Jason came in because he's like mother hen, like again, neurotic, fixing everything. And he comes in to turn on the air purifier in our room. And Sid-

Because I lower it during the day to a low level. And then at night before they go to bed, I knock it up one as white noise slash purification. So Sid was about to go to sleep and he was literally just like almost out. And Jason comes in his little- Not frantic. It was very quiet.

No, he was frustrated. Okay. And Jason's like, well, I'm just turning up the air so that it drowns out all the sound. And he turns to me, he goes, Mom, are we okay with this? I did hear him. I died.

I did hear him. Did he say that in English or in German? English. And I died. So, Jason, back to your packing. What do you think is wrong with you? Do you have to pack, what, two weeks in advance because otherwise you'll flip your lid

if you're not ready to go? Not that far. I've shortened the window, to be sure. But I need to be prepared, certainly, minimum the day before. I mean, everything needs to be, because also it's not just myself that I'm packing. It's the boys. And it's basically repacking Jenny when she's, and by the way, she's not even packing now

at this point. She's kind of given it up. And now the nanny packs her. Like smoking, given it up. But still, if the nanny hasn't packed her. I've given up. I also have given up packing, so I'm with you. I'm sure it's control issue.

It's OCD. It's all, it's all the things that track for me and my personality, but it's like, I can't, first of all, I need to take advantage of the space and I need to, so it needs to be. The suitcase space is a military role, like rolling full roll. And it's very true that you can fit a lot more in your suitcase when you roll up your clothes. Unless it's a sweater, don't roll your sweaters. That actually takes up more space. Exactly. You fold your sweaters. That's exactly right. And sweatshirts. Sweatshirts, otherwise known as sudaderas in Espanol.

Now, so that's controlling or OCD, right? Is that OCD? It's a touch of all of that. I think it's control issue. I think it's OCD. I don't know what else that would fall under. But it's also like there is that mother hen. It's not just about me.

There is a sort of need to make sure the family is... Everything needs to go... Like whatever I can control in terms of travel, because so much can go wrong and does go wrong and is out of your control, that whatever is possibly in my control, I want to make sure it goes smoothly. And so that means-

And so that means- Yeah, we'd like to say one more time that Jason is not Jewish. So that means I'm not walking around with a checklist, but I am in my mind, I've got a checklist. Like, are the boys medicines? Kids Tylenol, kids this, kids toothbrushes. Are the boys medicated?

You know, are they drugged? Yes. Or traveling? You know, do we- iPhones charged, everything downloaded. iPhones charged. Are the movies downloaded on their iPads? Are they iPhone charged?

You make the best personal assistant. Because this is also, but also I'll say this, I'll say that not only, and Jenny might have a counterpoint to this, which I'm curious to hear, but I think it's not just that I feel I need to do it because of my own personal impulses and my own personal deficiencies mentally. But I also feel like it's a reaction to the fact that I'm getting no help on this side. There is zero, like if I had a partner who was also like there's not room

for two of us I've actually like he's enabled me to become more of a disaster we don't know that do you treat Jason like he's your assistant we'll never know that

because there aren't two of us because during the pandemic he's like I've never seen you use a broom I've never seen you do these I've never seen you load a dishwasher and I said to him

when I lived alone who do you think did all this stuff but now when I when we paired up it's like he's enabled me to like not like put a paper towel

back on the rack to not put toilet paper back on backs up i my belief there was never that you were always looking for someone to offload your packing isn't that true you were always looking for some sort of dynamic whether it was jason or a nanny or maybe even your own children like if someone else could do it for you a hundred percent delegate things i mean when i first got sid from the store from the store and i had and i had a nanny i realized whoa this is ideal this is what i've always needed yeah of

course but i think before before i was with you i mean i did all these things i mean sometimes yes like instead of washing the dishes i just throw them away exactly exactly most of the time i had and you had roommates that took the trash out like no i lived alone jason i lived alone all right she did take the trash out the other night first time i've ever seen her do it where did you take the trash downstairs no of course not no we have a trash chute in the hallway right across from us but hold on but here's the best there's it couldn't be an easier task given our building and the trash you being across the hall like it is so so easy you're really getting on me now and i come back in the apartment we're here for the one thing that i i did something great and you're

gonna talk about this is funny hold on you did not do something great yeah exactly throwing trash out into a shoot is like what i would say to someone if they ask me did you do anything today i'm like you bet i did you fucking bet i did but that's her she's like what do you mean i took out the trash today don't even get on me about this this this and this it's like uh okay anyway but she didn't even complete the task because i came back in i like had some trash and i go i open the trash can and i throw it in the trash and i realize i go there's a fucking bag in the trash i go jenny you know when you take the trash out there is another step in the process you have to put a new bag in the can oh okay she was already lost gone into space something else she was thinking

there's no shortcut for saving time but saving money is simple just combine your car and home insurance with bel-air direct and save get a quote at bel-air direct.com when i was 14 years old i was kidnapped and held captive for nine months i survived and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart And these are the survivor files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, shut up, don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me.

I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home.

This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling

characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. what about the cooking at your house who's in charge of that i do a lot of cooking yeah because you do your dictator lunches and what about you cook too though jason don't you yeah who's who's holding the fort down on that i usually do the cooking for the kids and then jason will do like a weekend pasta and roasted chicken right because you can only eat like two things right because of

your situation or have you been able to eat more now i i mean i don't yeah i eat i eat more things I guess but I'm still neurotic you really just love nuts I love a fucking nut yeah I've never seen anyone eat nuts

you actually turn into a squirrel when you eat nuts I squirrel out Sophie my friend also who you guys know she fucking loves nuts too what kind of nuts what's your favorite

both of you guys have made me so turned off by nuts that I can't even eat them anymore but like it's not even like good nuts like a roasted peanut

it's like a fucking tiger nut and then Jenny eats it and she can somehow take like 14 bites out of one peanut yeah and then

because this isn't I take the whole shell and I open it in my mouth. Yeah. And then, yeah. And then because this is healthy, she'll leave like a half a bite and then put that aside

and be like, okay, that's, I didn't eat the whole thing. So, and then who cleans up after you guys? Oh my God, are you kidding me?

You do, yeah. This is fucking, this is. That I knew the answer to before I asked it. This is truly, for me. I can't wait for Jason

to listen to this back and be like, whoa, I really. It really was hard on her. No, I don't think so. I think he's just exposing you. You know what? For what we all know to be true.

I mean, some people are very good at a certain group of things i'm with you i can't do anything my dog peed in the house the other day and i waited for someone to arrive because i didn't know what what i was like these are wood floors i don't know what to use is it's just regular and i was like you know what it's better just someone's on their way back away someone's on back away slowly i'm making this worse i will make this worse yeah Molly's like you know you can just use paper towel and I'm like I don't think that's right so you're doing all the cleaning and then when you guys argue do you have is it okay for you

to argue in front of the kids or do you try to keep it away from the kids I feel like you guys probably just argue in front of the kids we bicker in front of the kids I don't know do we argue in front of the kids some Sid would be like oh my parents are always fighting you know it's But he has no idea. He's so fucking like privileged. And like, you know, I said to him one night, I was like, I'm putting you in your room and you're going to sleep by yourself. And he screams into the hallway.

You would do that to an innocent child? You know, so it's like his version of reality is just so far off. Like he doesn't understand. When we bicker, even, you know, he'll be like, oh, here they go again. It's like, you've no idea. But it lands. I mean, I guess it's a good sign because we don't. I mean, the house I grew up in was constant fighting,

operatic, loud, always screaming and stuff. So that was the one. And Jenny grew up in a house where they just didn't, they ran, right? Which is also not great. Well, there's always new people. Always new people. Yeah, exactly.

They flee and start a new thing. Like there wasn't fighting because they wasn't around long enough to fight, which is also not healthy. We grew up in the opposite end. The healthy thing is like, yeah, couples that love each other get into disagreements. There is bickering.

There are fights sometimes. We do our best. We do. maybe and maybe i can do better maybe we can do better i know i can do better because i of the two of us i will be the one that will get louder quicker for sure and i have a harder time jenny because of her family of origin can be like all right i'm out like can leave and just be like we're not doing this now whereas i'm like what no i need resolution this feels like abandonment i can't i need to fix this he'll like follow me i'll stay in a fight still fighting i'll stay in

a fight ironically in the hopes of ending the fight whereas jenny will just leave the fight in the hopes of ending the fight but that actually triggers me more it's a it's that's part of our many dances that we do where we do trigger each other but we do our best to not do it in front of the kids jenny for a long time even the bickering because again she did not grow up with bickering or any any type of fighting was like we you know we'd be in couples therapy and she'd be like and he just we we were fighting screaming in front and i was like well jenny hold on we have done that but the fight you're referring to was literally us just disagreeing if like her definition of what a fight was in front of the kids has changed as her as like she's i believe am i

speaking out of turn you've realized like oh yeah this happens this is okay and some of it is okay to happen in front of the kids yeah i think you're right i think that's right like who doesn't have disagreement it's scarier if there isn't anything well then yeah then it's like you're describing your childhood right your family dynamic but the good thing is is that jason has been through so much therapy so that he's a willing participant in actually resolution and conflict like dealing with conflict not conflict avoidant because conflict avoiding doesn't get anybody anywhere and um we'll be back with the story about when jenny and jason went scuba diving and she left jason for dead you can check out jenny mullen's sub stack the best friend experience and her new

side hustle the shirts off my back where you can buy fabulous vintage clothes and you can also check out jenny and jason co-hosting dinner in a movie on tbs i survived nine months in captivity and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced these are stories about what it takes to make it out alive listen to the survivor files with elizabeth smart on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts if your bookshelf and your for you page are equally important to your personality welcome home

pro society is a weekly podcast that's part book club part group chat for anyone who thinks pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle, I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say

yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.