Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - Minisode: Underwater Murder with Jenny Mollen and Jason Biggs

Episode Date: July 26, 2024

In this Minisode, Jason and Jenny chat with Chelsea about giving your partner space to deal with their emotional baggage, why that fight with your spouse had nothing to do with them, and what to do when a diving instructor tries to murder you.   * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human. Behind every night spent making the kids' lunches, there's a lot of suspense. Will they finally eat the veggies? Will the pesto survive the first bite? Will the lunchbox come home empty, half full, or come home at all?

And will you finish episode eight before you're done slicing the cucumbers? Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus from $94 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability.

Bell. Connection is everything. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who lived through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions. Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You're listening to a new segment of Dear Chelsea called Couples Counseling with Chelsea, where we do couples counseling on all sorts of variations of friends, lovers, families.

I'm here with my friends Jenny Mullen and Jason Biggs, and we are going to do some couples counseling. Welcome to my office. Okay, we're back this week with Jenny Mullen and Jason Biggs. I would love for you guys, this is week three, okay, of our therapy session. I would like you to regale us with the story about when you guys went scuba diving and you thought Jason was getting murdered underwater. water okay so we were getting our advanced certification our open water advanced diving

certification and we were in Maui and I noticed the instructor we were we were on a dive a beach dive and I noticed the instructor getting like dangerously like close to Jason like almost like crawling on his back and he starts to like screw something and I am convinced that this guy is turning off Jason's air so why wouldn't you think he was helping him it looked sus it really did not look normal okay and the guy already was like shady to me so like I already had questions about him going in and when I saw him mount Jason was it a mount or did it become a mount over time it was like a full mount onto Jason's back it's not unusual for your scuba guide or dive master to be adjusting things on your tank it's not unusual no this was like a full mount and i i don't know

i just like survival instinct kicked in and i instead of like going towards jason your survival instinct not mine my survival instinct kicked in instead of going towards jason and like really sussing out the situation or kind of checking out like what exactly was being pulled on i did a u-turn in the water and swam as fast as I could to shore. Because you thought you were murder victim number two. And that after he kills Jason, he was- It was me. I mean, I've seen that dateline where the couple goes to Hawaii and like, you know-

And one person comes back. One comes back. Only the instructor comes back. And so instead of helping your husband, were you guys married at the time or were you just- You were married. Yeah. Because you guys got married pretty quickly. Yes.

Right? How many months were you dating? Nine. Nine months. And then, yeah, and then I swam back to shore. And Jason was like, where are you going? When we surfaced, he was like, where were you going? And I said, well, it's just swimming for my life.

I thought he was killing you. I thought that you were done. At which point it dawned on me, if you thought that, why didn't you come and help me? What would I have done? To be honest, if let's just say the guy was murdering Jason, what would I have really done? What was the time frame that you saw this and that you were out of the water? I turned pretty quick. The minute he mounted Jason, I was like, full breaststroke back to shore.

Full Michael Phelps-ing it back to the beach. And what was your reaction, Jason, when you got back? Because I know you also, when scuba diving, you're more in charge. You're very organized. It's a lot like you're packing, right? Sure. He's helping everyone. He's adjusting my goggles.

I'm like, I'm fine. Get off of me. I'm fine. Stop touching me. Let me put it this way. I would say nine out of 10 people who scuba dive with me want me to be their dive buddy. One out of 10 is Jenny. Yeah.

Like, get off of me. Let me live my life. Do you guys ever scuba dive holding hands? We have. Like I did with the dive master from French Polynesia. We have. We're very competitive. So it's like if, you know, we hold hands, but like I need to be like on the deeper side.

You're very competitive with him. Or he's competitive as well. Or who had more air left at the end. Yeah, we like to look. We like to look. But he always sucks his tank down. It's not even a competition for me anymore. It's more, by the way, when we say we're competitive,

it's more, it goes this way. He always says that. But our couple's therapist thinks you're just as competitive. Does she? Yes. Because I'm going to actually counsel with her after this. The Jonas Brothers are running it back. we live the burning up tour and celebrate the biggest jonas brother hits that have defined a

generation one incredible celebration one unforgettable night see the jonas brothers live at rbc amphitheater september 28th get tickets now at ticketmaster.ca Jonas Brothers, the Burn It Up Tour, all over again. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ear saying, Shut up. Don't say anything.

every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable i knew if he woke up without a doubt he was going to hurt me i started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed and i just started screaming they are abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced but these aren't stories about what's taken from them they're stories about what it takes to make it out alive Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books,

the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much,

you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. How do you see that he's competitive with you? In a parenting way, for sure. Okay, but in scuba? In scuba, in tennis.

It's just he's a bit of a know-it-all. So, for instance, I'll give you a great example the other day. but if I'm better at certain things that doesn't mean I'm competitive it just means I'm better at them he likes like I play tennis with you and I'm better she's like it's interesting that you're choosing tennis or things that like I was talking about sports but now I'll do another one okay parenting or he likes to point out when I've like not done something correct so for instance I think we were in LA and I ordered something on Postmates and you know you get that notification on your phone that says like your order whatever you think it says your order's been delivered so

a notification comes up. I don't see it. It's not like scrolling at the top and the phone's kind of locked. The next morning I go downstairs. I'm like, oh, I saw that I have an order down here. Something came up on my phone. And the guy's like, no, nothing was delivered. So I was like, that's so weird. I got a notification from Postmates. I look and it said, actually, your order's been canceled. So it's not there. So we get into the elevator and Jason's like, so I guess you never got a notification saying that it was delivered. It's like, Why the fuck did you have to say that to me now when we're alone?

Like a little bit of like a finger wag in my face. There's a lot of that that goes on. And that was in the middle of a fight already. No, it wasn't a fight. You're not wrong. Actually, it wasn't because I said, babe, you don't say that. And you're like, okay, you're sorry.

I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. But you can't help yourself is what I'm saying. You have this like inability. But I don't know that that's competitive. It's this idea that like you need to be like the good kid. You need to be the one who's always right. There is a element of that.

But you have a very competitive nature with your husband. That doesn't apply to every couple. I mean, do you meet any other couples with your same dynamic? No, but I don't know that I was. I think it's something about the two of us because we both want to be right. We both want to be the good kid. We both want to be the best parent. We both want to get it right.

We want to be the A student. Yeah. And I don't know that like I was ever with somebody that had that same trait. So this really brings that out, you know, because we're both trying so hard. It's why I think we'll always be married because we both want to get it right. And we're committed to getting it right. I like that. That's nice for couples to hear. Yeah. You're not wrong. I agree. There is that when it comes to life stuff, parenting, etc. You're right, Jenny. I will say, though, on the professional front, it's different because I came into the relationship having already had achieved a certain level of success that you hadn't yet achieved. And you came into the relationship with a family

of origin situation, meaning your dad being this larger-than-life guy that you were and still are competitive with so it tracks more on no really I'm not saying that in like a negative this is stuff she talks about as well like I don't come with that say like when it comes to work stuff I don't have the need to get the validation or to sort of show or like like I don't present it in the same way that Jenny presents it or in my opinion needs it to land in the same way like i think there is a resentment that jenny has towards me simply because we've talked about this simply because of the position that i had coming into the relationship you know and it's not a coincidence i think that she found somebody who you know she went you're psychoanalyzing me which

wasn't really even we're talking about the competitive nature of but you're going to the easy place of it okay well i think it's well where would you prefer though where would you prefer he went well I think that there's also an element of like it's like his mom's learning Italian and I think that it bothers him there's something that triggers him about like he thinks whenever anyone wants to like show off or do something in a certain way he has a need to like put you in your place a little yeah that's how you feel it's historical I don't think it's necessarily about me but I do think that it plays out with me uh-huh so I do think that when he sees me being competitive or activated by something it triggers a family of origin issue for him that really

isn't I oftentimes I think that our stuff gets enmeshed in a way that really isn't about the other person and that's true of all couples I think that when you're smart when you're fighting it's like you're in your shit and they're in their shit and it just looks it looks the same but it's not that's not actually you know I'm not his mom he's not my dad what do you think about that, Jason. She's right that obviously I have a reaction to that. That was the part I hadn't gotten to. I think there is one of us brings something to the table. In this case, Jenny brings her competitiveness with her dad, but it does bring up a reaction to me that probably has nothing to do with Jenny. She's right. And vice versa. I'll bring something to the table

that triggers jenny and it's not about my actions so much as it is about oh it feels like it's her dad you know it looks the same right and actually that's the that's exactly i mean it's all couples that's all couples and that's the thing it's like i am not your dad but like when you know we got married it felt in a lot of ways that dynamic of being in my shadow if you will jason biggs's wife all of the things that, you know, my plus one, all of that stuff, it goes, you can take that shit that she was dealing with in the early stages of our relationship and still deals with and just go and go back a couple of years and see that it's a similar thing to how she was dealing with her dad. When I'm triggered, it's like I'm reacting the same way for sure that I

reacted when my mom said something when I was living at home. And I'm like, what the fuck is that it's the same feeling for sure and we're having a hard time like we we've been with the same therapist for 17 years since before we got married and we were married at nine months so to tell you you know what i mean like she has been with us before we even knew each other and now it goes like this in terms of our abilities to recognize these triggers and take a step back before we get into a fight like seeing that we're being triggered and go oh okay and we're like in a place right now where we need we just happen to like we're getting caught up in our triggers more than usual we're both very busy i think we're parenting is fucking hard it's the hardest thing

we've ever done and all of these sort of external factors have now made it harder for us to all the work that we've done and all the tools that we've paid for quite a lot of money for yeah 17 years worth of therapy you know expensive is are like we're forgetting them we're forgetting them or we're just not accessing them or we don't want to access them because we're back to wanting to be right again for some reason right now it's not even that we want to be right we want to be considered because i think that there's a thing with jason and i where we were both like codependents to like a narcissistic parent right and so we want to be heard and we want like to be prioritized and and so it's hard for us to like it's like you can go first it's your dime you go first right and

it's so hard to like allow that other person to go first because it feels like we're giving ourselves up to our narcissistic parent where you go i'm gonna let you go first and i'm not going to bring up my shit right now. I'm going to hold it. And I don't need to say, but what about me? And that's the discipline that you like have to learn in a relationship to not say, but what about me right now? It's like, save it for later. Let them have it. Be generous enough to like, let them make it, make it about them to sort of like help them heal that shit and then get your own needs met later. When you both want to go at the same time, it never works. But even when we're able to do that we're not always able to do it with empathy like we're like okay fine you know

what you go you go you go i'll but when you're ready i'll go my stuff it's like that's also not how to do it it's like but like props to me i stopped okay you go you're a dime but it's all in tone it's all in how you do it we're not doing it with empathy then it's like fuck you i don't know i don't want to go now too right exactly because that can become competitive too exactly okay well on that note that's the uh we're going to wrap up this episode of jenny and jason and then we'll be back for episode four. Okay, so you can check out Jenny Mullen's sub stack, The Best Friend Experience, and her new side hustle, The Shirts Off My Back, where you can buy fabulous vintage clothes. And you can also check out Jenny and Jason co-hosting Dinner and

a Movie on TBS. I survived nine months in captivity, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are The Survivor Files. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable, abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. These are stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, We share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

if your bookshelf and your for you page are equally important to your personality welcome home pro society is a weekly podcast that's part book club part group chat for anyone who thinks pride and prejudice and love island deserve the same level of discourse each week we're connecting the dots between books the internet and pop culture with your favorite writers book talk creators and plenty of overthought opinions yeah i'm obsessed i'm Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.