Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler - Minisode: You Can’t Babysit Your Own Kids with Sam Jay and Yanise Monét

Episode Date: September 6, 2024

Chelsea is joined by Sam and Yaya to discuss working out finances when one spouse keeps the home, Louis Vuitton slides, and why Yaya makes Sam feel the funniest she ever feels.  * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human. The Jonas Brothers are running it back. We live the burning up tour and celebrate the biggest Jonas Brother hits that have defined a generation. One incredible celebration. One unforgettable night.

See the Jonas Brothers live at RBC Amphitheater September 28th. get tickets now at ticketmaster.ca jonas brothers the burning up tour all over again if your bookshelf and your for you page are equally important to your personality welcome home pro society is a weekly podcast that's part book club part group chat for anyone who thinks pride and prejudice and love island deserve the same level of discourse each week we're connecting the dots between books the internet and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators, and plenty of overthought opinions.

Yeah, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

i survived nine months in captivity and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced these are stories about what it takes to make it out alive listen to the survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. You know, I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired

just to fill time and space you're hired to fill the space with you listen to joy 101 with hoda kotb on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts welcome to couples counseling with chelsea handjob i'm here with my friends yaya and sam and we're back with sam and yaya for couples counseling so i have to pee again you guys i fucking did it yes um yeah no me and Amina, we're talking about that because she was just like, yeah, you know, like, you're mean. And I was like, when have I ever been mean to you? She's like, well, you know, you come in the room and it's like, you don't know what you want. You might just come in the room and say what up and just keep it moving.

I'm like, because I'm not in the mood to do more than that that day. I'm here to do my job sometimes. You know what I'm saying? It's just like, good to see you, but I'm in my own little zone. I just want to do my little one Tuesday. I'm tired. I'm whatever. I'm out.

But I say what up. It's like, I'm like, why do niggas need that? What are you, what are you? I think it may be because y'all are in entertainment too, that people just expect you to always be on. I can't speak for you, but I know for me, because I'm always like, ah, people always expect me to be on. So I'm not all here like you said.

And it's like, no. I feel that way. I feel like a lot of times when we're around each other, people are like, aren't you supposed to be the comment? Aren't you supposed to be the one that's like jovial and trying to make me laugh and trying. And my lack of interest in doing that makes them think that I'm like a bitch. And it's like, no, I'm just, why do I need to do that?

I don't know, girl. Thanks, boo. I don't know, but you need to make me laugh, motherfucker. I do make you laugh all the time. I ain't laughing right now. You're actually my favorite person to entertain. Oh, okay. Well, go ahead, Bojangles.

Do your thing. That's funny. I'm happiest when I'm in the house alone and you're cackling your ass off. I feel the funniest. Why so? I don't know. I've always liked being silly for you. I like it when you're silly for me, too.

I always enjoy being silly for you. I like being silly for you, too. Look at you two bonding while I'm gone, while the counselor's in the bathroom. We do better without you. I know. Most couples do. Thank you guys for being so open and sharing so much. I think our listeners are really going to enjoy it.

By the way, thank you for my slides, my Louis Vuitton slides that I called Gucci or Fendi or whatever. You're welcome. I want you to know that I wear those whenever I get a pedicure and around my house. And every time someone sees me in these Louis Vuitton slides, they're like, are you fucking wearing Louis Vuitton slides? They're like, Chelsea, that couldn't be less you. I'm like, I fucking love these slides. And then I left them in L.A. and realized yesterday I didn't have them in my suitcase. So they sent them and FedExed them and I got them today to take to Mallorca.

Yes. I fucking love them. Best gift. I'm glad. And I still have the video of you walking in with the DHL bomb. at the dinner. Okay, let's talk, speaking of Louis Vuitton,

let's talk who's in charge of the finances and who spends the most money. Now, you already know Sam is in charge of the finances. In charge, or does she make the money

and then you oversee the money? No, I do not oversee the money. Sam has a business manager who oversees the money. And how does that work for you two? I also oversee the money. I'd just like to put that out there.

Oh, yeah, I'm not saying that you don't. I'm not saying that. I'm also overseeing the money. I'm not just letting this guy. Unlike me, who's not overseeing any of my money. I don't know what the fuck is going on. I'm just like, tell me when I need to work and when I cannot work.

Okay, so is it an area of discord between you two? Absolutely. Yes, it is. What is it for you, Yaya? We're supposed to lie? I mean, it's not for me. I would say we just had a whole therapy session about it. So I think it's a thing.

Okay. I think it's fair to say it's a thing. For you. Okay. Not for me. Okay. Tell us what you're saying. I'm saying I think there is a power imbalance that plays out,

and I think it mostly stems from the fact that I am the sole provider financially. And I think that power imbalance bothers you as well. Sometimes. Yeah, so I can say I think it is an issue for both of us. I think it's an issue in your relationship. Yeah, but it's not like a come-all, be-all thing to me. But I think it is different because when we first met, I had the money and Sam did not. And I was the business owner.

And then when we got back together this last round, I sold my business. So I'm totally dependent on Sam. So the dynamics are totally different. Yeah, that must be strange. But I mean, the dynamics are also totally, they're just totally different, right? Because at the time when we first met, I wasn't living with you. You weren't living with me. You just made more money than me.

And I was too broke to take you on dates. so we would just hang out and fuck in your house and like that was the the extent to which we dealt with money whereas now

we're like living together paying bills together that's like a whole nother you know kick yeah so it's just different and do you give her

an allowance do you have something I'm on payroll girl I work for my my allowance what you're not gonna do is minimize whoa whoa whoa

isn't that a sex worker yeah you do get an allowance I'm a prostitute I said that oh yeah I said that but I said I work for it

You don't. I do. You're lying. I do. The only reason you're on payroll is for taxes and you know it. You don't work for it. But I work for it. I don't support you.

I don't cook. I don't clean. I don't do all the things. You don't cook or clean or anything? She does all that. Oh, I thought, yeah. I thought you said you don't. I'm a good housewife.

No, bitch. I thought you said, I don't cook. I don't clean. No, I'm asking her, like, I don't. I know you do. Yeah, I do. I work for my allowance. You think that that's working for your allowance?

Yes, girl. I work hard. Yeah, I mean, are you cooking and cleaning? That's just like taking care of the house. Yeah, but that's what— She lives there. I know, but she's also— So you can't—like, if I clean my own room, I worked.

Well, then go ahead and do it. Go clean and cook. We also have maids, so, well, so, come on, man. How many? How many do you have? Well, they just come clean once a month now, really. It's once every two weeks. She bumped it up. She had to bump it up.

She's like, listen, I'm fucking getting sick of this cleaning bullshit. I don't think cleaning your own house and cooking food in your own house is work. I'm sorry. I just don't. All right. I beg to defer. That's not work. You're not working.

You're, like, maintaining where you live. I'm maintaining our life. I'm maintaining you. Yeah, where we live. That's not working. That is work. She's making your house nice and cozy and comfy so you can come home and relax. That's not, like, working.

That is work. That's maintaining. You're minimizing. Partnering. You're minimizing a whole segment of people. What about the moms of the world that are home and doing stuff? That's work. You're not a mom.

We don't have no child. You have a cat. I have to take care of your cat when you're gone. It's just one. That's your friend. That's what I'm saying. You're just hanging out with your friend. You like fancy.

That's your child now, too. You like fancy. You like hanging out with him. You don't go to bed without calling him and making him come to bed. But that's your cat. No, that's our cat. You rock with him. Yes, but I'm still taking care of him.

So hanging out with your cat is not, you can't babysit your own kid. All I'm saying is I work hard. Like, you know what I'm saying? All I'm saying is I work hard. Don't minimize what I do. I work hard. I'm not minimizing it. I think what you do is absolutely amazing.

And I really appreciate how it contributes to our household and our life. And I'm not minimizing it. I'm just saying it's not work. You're just maintaining your life. It's an interesting debate, I'm sure. I really can't weigh in because I don't have a spouse or a child, and I don't do anything for myself. So I can't really weigh in on this. What a statement.

Behind every night spent making the kids' lunches, there's a lot of suspense. Will they finally eat the veggies? Will the pesto survive the first bite? Will the lunchbox come home empty, half full, or come home at all? And will you finish episode 8 before you're done slicing the cucumbers? Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus from $94 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability.

Bell. Connection is everything. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them I'm Elizabeth Smart and these are the Survivor Files I just remember this low taunting voice next to my ear saying shut up don't say anything Every week I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable I knew if he woke up without a doubt he was going to hurt me I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming.

They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. They're stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island

deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From bestselling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts

See you between the pages Hey, this is Hayes Davenport And Sean Clements We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook on the Big Money Players Network Our show is extremely accessible to first-time listeners Each week we talk to someone in show business, aka The Biz And try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us Everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show

we've had a lot of great guests like sarah sherman not that great actually can you help me can can you help me shape this yeah how about we flip it on his head right how about we flip the script okay what is the surprise woman who actually you think is the straight man is actually the one who's acting weird adam scott this entire time you've been expecting adam sandler to come to visit the show i i would never let go of that i have i would never set expectations for something like that if the universe allows for something like that to happen i'm open to it i'm always going to accept you know danny mcbride fine yeah it's all this fragile masculinity exuding i could smell it walking down the hallway to be honest with you i was like is that weed nope it's fragile

masculinity ben stiller no because a lot of times in out of context people don't get it or even know what a circle is you know what i mean like you're like oh what's this everyone's so dumb and fake right fake and and also not interested or just like oh i've got my life i don't care about your life and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us oh and by the way will ferrell told us personally he loves the show and he wants to be a guest on every episode but He's just so busy. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

I'm Nick Turturro. You probably know me from NYPD Blue, The Longest Yard, or Spike Lee's Black Klansman. But I'm also from Queens, which means I know pizza. And on my new podcast, Delivering Happiness with Nick Turturro, I deliver pizza from Prince Street Pizza to a new guest. You deliver pizza now? Then we sit down for a real conversation.

I've shared a slice with everyone, from Seth Rollins. What are you doing with my belt? To Alex Rodriguez. Just to let you people know, we're talking to one of the GOATs here. To Bill Burr. I don't think I've ever met somebody so exactly out of their mind as I am. And now, we even have more great guests coming up, including the great John Turturro. It's called happiness.

Delivering happiness. Mariano Rivera. Oh, my God. And many, many more. Open your free iHeartRadio app, search Delivering Happiness with Nick Turturro, and listen now. I think it would be nice, since we're closing our sessions together, to hear your advice for people who are getting into relationships, what you think it takes to maintain a long-term, healthy relationship. Like, what is the most important ingredient? I would say the most important ingredient is communication and being vulnerable with your partner because you have to expose yourself.

And it's hard to do that long term because when you first meet somebody or you're first dating, y'all aren't really being your authentic selves. You're being a version of the person that you think that they want. And then once you get to know the person and you're your most authentic self, you have to let all the shit go that you came with, all the baggage. You got to let that go. And just be there for your partner and communicate to your partner. What? I'm trying to think. No, you're saying it right. I mean, you're saying so dope, but you just like, just be there, bitch.

Yeah, because that's what it is. You have to communicate and you have to let all the other shit go. You can't bring in all the stuff that you went through in your life because everybody has traumas and experiences that they bring into a relationship. But if you want to have a healthy relationship, you have to get to the root of all of your traumas and all the things that fucked you up as a person. So you don't bring that into relationship. You can just be the best version of yourself for that person. And do you think you can get rid of that and your trauma? Without therapy?

Absolutely not. I know I couldn't, so. I couldn't. I couldn't, so I can't speak for anybody else. I know I couldn't. What about you? No, there was definitely places I wouldn't have gotten to without therapy. And I think I do a lot of my own work really well.

Like, I'm one of those people who maybe three years ago would have been like, you don't need therapy. Spend some time with yourself. You dig in deep enough. You could probably, you know, excavate most of this shit because I've done it. but once I did do therapy because of what we were going through in our relationship, I don't think I ever would have went otherwise.

I never would have went for myself, but you saying like, we have to go if we're going to keep doing this is the only reason I even ended up there. But once I was there, I have to say things that I landed on with my brother and all that. I would have never, it never,

I never would have went there. I don't think my brain would have allowed me to go there. So yeah. And what do you think the most important thing to have a long, sustainable relationship is? Patience. Patience. Just patience. It's like if you're going to really be with someone, then you have to accept you're going to be multiple versions of them.

And that time span, who they are when you first get together is not who they're going to be later. They're going to go through things. They're going to change as a result of the things that they go through. They're going to need different things. and it's like giving people space to change like a chance to change or space to change space like if you're really going to be with someone forever and say they hit a slump say they hit a depression say something happens in their life and now you're with somebody and it's like that ain't who you started out with and this might not even be a person that you like that much if you're gonna

to be with them it's supporting them and being patient to that so that they can get to the the other person that's on the other side of whatever that is and that's like giving them space it's like not requiring them to hurry up and figure it out not requiring them to just go back to what they were not requiring them to tell you what the fuck is wrong because maybe they don't even all the way no but just like allowing them the space and being supportive and sometimes you have to do that shit from a distance to get there whatever it is that they're getting you know which might be a whole nother person most likely than the person they were before the person they are in the shit and then it's like patience with that yeah because sometimes people can change so

drastically within a relationship that they're not even recognizable to as the person that they were in the beginning and in that case there could be an argument for like when you're not even the same person it's not like you're there's this evolution it's you're a completely different person absolutely you know because of whatever circumstances yeah absolutely absolutely and what do you think yeah yeah like if you had to name something that you've learned through your relationship about yourself the most powerful thing you've learned about yourself to adjust your own behavior or something that you didn't know you had what is that adhd i'm so serious adhd i was diagnosed with adhd i think that was the most transformative thing for me in this

relationship and if she didn't like i would see things and be like oh i think i got that shit and she'd be like no no maybe but when shit hit the fan her saying hey i think you may you may really have that, you may want to go talk to someone. And me going to see, well, talking to my therapist and then seeing a psychologist and getting clinically diagnosed with ADHD, I think was the biggest game changer for me because it made me see why I was doing things, how I was doing things, why it just everything aligned once I understood that because I understood myself more. And what were the things that you were able to identify that you were doing as a result of having undiagnosed ADHD?

Well, first they misdiagnosed me saying that it was depression or anxiety and this, that, and the third when it was really just untreated ADHD. So it was kind of like the same symptoms but just in different ways. So even with our house, trying to complete our house and design our house, I would start tasks, like start wallpapering and then do one room and then not finish the other room. But it was just because I got bored because I had already started that. So then I would just start another task in the house.

So there was like a whole bunch of different tasks that weren't completed. So then me finding out that I have ADHD, I figured out why I wasn't completing the task. I was getting bored quickly. So I moved on to something else. So now I just make a list and now all the things are completed. So it works now. And are you on medication for ADHD? Oh, you're not?

No, I'm not on medication. Oh, okay. So you can combat ADHD without taking medication. Yes, you can. You don't have to be on medication. How? Well, that's just what works for me and what my psychologist and what my therapist felt was best for me that I didn't need to be medicated. I'm not saying all people. They call them like workarounds. Yeah, you just workarounds. They're like some people are able to develop workarounds. So what she'll do is just like implement systems around the house that structure her where the structure doesn't exist. which is why I have to clean up after Sam where I don't see my mess but I see her mess because I have to clean it up because I know that it'll pile up if I don't get it out the way right have

you noticed a big difference between yeah she finishes things like before there would just be like you know wallpaper just hanging off of different walls all over the house and then I'll know in my heart like by the time she gets back to this room she gonna want it to be a whole another wallpaper because she done dallyed on so like constantly we weren't having a complete experience it was just like everything's gonna change which is wild for me because I grew up fucked up so I like consistency because I did not have consistency so like the constant change for me was like basically like sowing the feeling of instability like I don't even have a place because everything just changes and then my stuff usually is in this closet and I was happy there

and now I'm in a closet up in the third floor so it's like damn so now I get used to that now I'm in a closet downstairs so I'm like is this really my house or do I just get put wherever I get put and I'm not allowed to get acclimated with anything and like I was taking that so personally but I had to realize like it's not even nothing to do with me like she's just well that's what my If Jenny and Jason, who are doing this too, Jenny said something which I thought was very profound. She was saying, like, whatever your partner is upset about usually has nothing to do with you. Like, even when they think it's about you, it's really not. And that's something important to remember because it's so fucking true.

The whole reason we have any discord is because people take things personally. And if everyone was like, yeah, whatever, he's in a bad mood, he's a fucking asshole, fine, who cares? was like everyone would just be kind of gliding around a little more easily yeah because it's super not personal at all you know it isn't personal and that's why i think it's important to like tell your person like your trauma because the truth is you're not gonna get rid of it like i'm not ever gonna just be over the shit that happened to me when i was younger but if i could tell you like hey the reason i react like this over socks isn't like just because i'm crazy over It's like some fuck up shit happened to me, da-da-da.

So when you do that, it makes me feel like that. It really puts me right back in that mental space, and then I become reactionary from that place. And that's why it's coming off irrational. But she also is crazy over socks. Let's be clear. But that does sound like a deeper issue. You're wild and reckless over socks.

You mismatch them. You'll put any socks together. Yeah, you saw me put the socks together. You'll wear any socks. you don't care if the socks match you don't care nothing about that you don't care

they'll put a medium like length sock with a low sock socks don't match it's nuts I'm not tripping that's no way to handle socks we don't have time

for this bullshit we're not going to fucking sit here and talk about socks we're going to wrap it up and thank you Yaya and Sam Yaya I still think

you need your own podcast are you ready to do something like that I am I think I am ready and what would you do it about let's brainstorm I don't know

let's think about it I think maybe you should be And giving advice to people, too. Think so? Maybe. Okay, I'm down. I mean, I feel like we need to think about it and brainstorm. Well, you know what?

I was doing counseling when I had a salon, so it's kind of like the same thing. Well, that is fucking counseling. That's also why I don't go to a salon, because I don't want to fucking have to talk to somebody in a hair salon. Okay, we'll be introducing a new set of triplets next week. You can check out Sam Jay, who is on tour now in cities all over the country, and she's fucking funny. if you haven't seen her on the roast or on her own special then go watch both of those her specials on hbo max now known as max and then you can follow yaya at vanity dot vixen on instagram and tiktok and it is worth the follow because she's up to some

well shenanigans i mean you'll understand what i'm talking about if your bookshelf and your for you page are equally important to your personality welcome home pro society is a weekly podcast that's part book club part group chat for anyone who thinks pride and prejudice and love island deserve the same level of discourse each week we're connecting the dots between books the internet and pop culture with your favorite writers book talk creators and plenty of overthought opinions listen to pro society on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts i survived nine months in captivity and i've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed

them i'm elizabeth smart and these are the survivor files every week i'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable abducted stalked controlled and nearly silenced these are stories about what it takes to make it out alive listen to the survivor files with elizabeth smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the

pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hoda Kotb, host of the podcast Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb. You know, I'm always searching for inspiration and useful tools to maximize joy. Like when my friend Henry Winkler offered advice to aspiring actors and really anybody hoping to stand out. You're not hired just to fill time and space. You're hired to fill the space with you. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotb on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport and Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook. Each week, we talk to someone in show business and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us.

Everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, Adam Scott, Danny McBride, Ben Stiller, and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.